#neil gaiman you like owe me money rn

[leviolo]

How deeply, fundamentally unlovable do you think Crowley must feel?

Like, you’re created for a specific purpose. one big grand purpose and belief that you are told makes up essentially, your entire being, no questions asked. And for the most part, quite nearly everyone around you manages to do it with ease. But for some ungodly (lol.) reason, you simply cannot. Something about who and what you are doesn’t fit the puzzle you’re told you were designed specifically for, and you’re cast out for it. And then, once you’re already cast out, you’re given a new purpose, a new belief, a new mold to fit. And once again, everyone around you falls into place. Each and every being like you manages to choose either side, to find a place for who they are. Once again, you simply, fundamentally, can’t. No matter how hard you might try. Once again, you’re condemned for it.

But then one day, you find someone, and they’re incredible, and not only do they not cast you out or condemn you, but it almost seems as though the more they get to know you the closer you two are. The more you might love them. The more you might even, maybe, be loved back. It takes a lot out of anyone to be rejected from every institution, every belief, every community you have ever known only for being who you are. That’s painful. Even worse, that’s lonely. And for so, so long, it utterly terrifies you, that thought of turning over the last corner of your heart, for fear it will happen again. That it will happen for the last time, and you will finally have to reckon with the thought that maybe there truly is not a single place in this universe for you.

And then you do. You turn over your heart. And it happens again.

To be known is, supposedly, to be loved. But what if it has only ever meant to be abandoned?