#neil ‘i can see his point’ perry versus thomas ‘is it more of this acting business? because you can forget that’ perry

[toddtakefive]

Realistically I know it’s because he didn’t have a choice, but now that I’m in college getting my degree (and constantly on the verge of death because of it) it’s really starting to sink in that Neil was a straight A student, and how much more tragic that makes the way everything turned out.

Quite literally he was as perfect as he could have been for them. Obedient, charismatic, intelligent, committed. He had straight As. He had straight As. As in As in every class. As in passing everything. As in not falling behind in any regard. As in keeping up with an insane amount of course work every day, on top of three school mandated clubs, a secret society that usually met in the middle of the night, and a secret play with rehearsals that were held off campus.

It makes his father saying he thinks he was taking ‘too many extra cirriculars’ at the beginning of the film feel like an even bigger slap in the face, because it’s incredibly obvious that Neil could have balanced all of it with ease. Considering how their spat goes when Neil expresses discontent with the decision to be taken out of the annual, I can’t even give him the benefit of the doubt by saying he just didn’t want to chance it. Neil liked it, that much is obvious, but Thomas saw no long-term benefit to him being involved, so it had to go. Anything not directly contributing to his plan for Neil couldn’t stay, no matter if it brought Neil joy.

All paired with the grace Neil still gives his father in between his frustration with him, and the fact that Neil isn’t afforded the same. Neil is always backing down, always rationalizing, always falling back in line, and Thomas is always pushing and disregarding and coercing until he gets his desired result—Neil’s resolve breaking. Their relationship is such a constant show of domination, and that fact is always passively in my head, but every time I think about it too long my chest starts to hurt.

And the thing that really gets me is the kindness Neil still shows to others despite it all—the fact that he inherited his father’s quickness to anger, and his stubbornness, and his tunnel vision, but not his cruelty. Neil is so spirited, and gentle, and open-minded. He goes through life desperate to be listened to and desperate for control and still remembers to be good instead of spiteful. And he has his moments, because he’s human and a teenager on top of it, but he never loses himself to it. He’s never rude, he never belittles others for struggling, he never lets his standing as one of ‘Welton’s finest’, as Nolan said, get to his head. Even with all the odds stacked against him, he stayed good.

He was a supportive friend. He was an amazing actor. He was an understanding son. He was a sensitive person.

He was a straight A student.

It’s literally sickening.