#neffi really went (zooms in on his fear of abandonment+separation anxiety) that one

[trailblczed]

✦ solysium: the unhinged delirium of being alone for an extended period of time.

obscure sorrows drabble prompts ( 1 + 2 ) | Accepting.

While he has a relatively short list of actual fears, it is surprising how often they are present in his life. Caelus just wanted to go on a little trip in Jarilo's mountains, experience what "camping outside" was like ( if he likes it enough he might even consider trying to get the family to go with him next time, or bring the camping on board ). He just wanted.. to learn something new.. how did it come to this? Thinking on it, the Nameless supposes it makes sense that, due to the planet's slowly rising temperature, that would mean the snow and ice would get displaced- so it isn't that big a shock that he finds himself rushing out of the way of a moderately sized avalanche. In his haste to out run it, he ends up sliding down several different hills and going in whatever direction will take him away from the catastrophe's route. But in doing so- Caelus has managed to get himself lost- in unfamiliar territory. To make things worse, he has no signal- so even if he wanted to navigate his way back, or simply call in a rescue, he can't. Then to top if off, it seems a storm is making it's way over to where he's at. Great. Just- great!

The lad remembers whatever survival training he read in books and finds a small cave carved out of a smaller mountain, staying just barely inside to keep away from the worst of the storm. Now.. he's stuck here. Trying to go out into the blizzard is a stupid idea, and while he may be a guy with plenty of stupid ideas, he isn't that idiotic. With no reception, no way to leave, Caelus.. is stuck here until it passes. There is no one coming to save him. There is no calling for help. He will remain in this damp cave- alone..

The first day he's camped out isn't too bad- annoying or frustrating at most. He had intended to go out camping, so he has supplies to last him a good while, so he is not concerned in the slightest about that. Though if he thinks he hears something in the wind outside, he's ignoring it- just his imagination.

The second day.. is not as good. The sounds he thought he heard are clearer, though still quiet. He feels antsy, not desperate, but Caelus knows he shouldn't attempt to explore the cave he's using as an emergency shelter- he's already lost as it it, let's not make it worse. The silver can't help squeezing his finger with his other hand, nervousness gradually winning out over being of sound-mind.

The third day... the third day.... is unbearable. Maybe it's just that, now that Joanne ( the doctor he sees on Herta's Station ) made him aware of his separation anxiety, he's ridiculously conscious of how panicked and alone he feels ( hyper-focused on it, even )- how he can't stop thinking about his family- wondering how they're doing, if they're safe, if they're even looking for him.. are they worried about him? w̵h̸y̸ ̵w̷o̴u̶l̶d̷ ̷t̴h̸e̶y̴ ̵w̷o̶r̵r̴y̷ ̷a̴b̵o̷u̸t̶ ̸a̶ ̵S̸t̶e̸l̸l̷a̵r̴o̸n̴?̵ Surely they are.. they are family.. yeah- they just can't brave the storm either. It's alright. The storm-- yeah that's all he's hearing. It isn't the same voice as when he tapped into Cocolia talking to the Stellaron that was once on Jarilo-- nope. t̷h̵e̶y̸ ̴a̷r̸e̷ ̸l̴e̴a̶v̶i̸n̴g̴ ̶y̴o̸u̶ ̷b̸e̶h̷i̸n̴d̵ ̵j̵u̶s̶t̶ ̸l̴i̷k̶e̸ ̴K̴a̸f̷k̶a̵ ̴d̴i̴d̴ He's hearing things. Ahaha!

Caelus thinks he can sense Xipe and Quilpoth trying to make contact with him, but everything just sounds like blaring static. Or that voice- T̴h̶e̵y̷ ̶d̸o̸n̶'̴t̶ ̶n̷e̵e̴d̶ ̶y̶o̸u̶ ̴C̸a̵e̴l̸u̶s̶,̷ ̷i̶f̶ ̸t̵h̴a̴t̵'̵s̷ ̵e̷v̴e̴n̸ ̵y̴o̸u̷r̵ ̶real n̶a̴m̷e̵.̴ Boy sits with his back resting against the rocky wall, knees folded up to his chest. Shaky hands come to cover his ears, a useless attempt to try and silence.. well, everything. No- he is Caelus. A member of the Astral Express. t̷h̴e̷ ̷E̵x̴p̶r̴e̶s̷s̷'̷ ̵N̷a̵m̸e̴l̴e̵s̸s̴ ̶w̸i̸l̸l̸ ̵r̵e̵p̶l̷a̶c̵e̷ ̸y̵o̴u̶ Hero of Belobog and the Underground. B̸e̸l̶o̵b̷o̸g̶ ̵l̸a̸b̷e̴l̸e̷d̶ ̴y̴o̷u̸ ̵a̵ ̷c̴r̴i̷m̵i̵n̷a̶l̷ Ally of the Xianzhou t̵h̶e̵ ̷X̴i̸a̶n̵z̶h̸o̵u̵ ̸h̵a̴t̷e̵s̵ ̴y̸o̸u̷.̵ ̸t̸h̴e̵y̵ ̴a̵r̷e̴ ̴t̴e̸r̶r̶i̷f̴i̵e̴d̵ ̷o̸f̴ ̶y̶o̴u̴.̸ Shareholder and Protector of Penacony P̴r̶o̵t̴e̶c̸t̸o̷r̸ ̵o̶f̶ ̸w̷h̷a̸t̷?̸ ̴Y̴o̶u̵ ̷l̷e̶t̶ ̵s̵o̶ ̵m̸a̸n̵y̷ ̵i̶n̷n̸o̷c̵e̷n̸t̸s̴ ̷d̶i̷e̷ ̸u̵n̷d̶e̶r̴ ̴y̵o̶u̷r̶ ̸s̶o̵ ̴c̶a̵l̸l̶e̵d̸ ̷p̵r̸o̷t̵e̴c̸t̷i̶o̵n̸---

Face lowers, hiding his pain from ( no one ) against his knees- pants wet, but not from the snow, as his eyes start to sting at the edges. He hates this. He hates being alone. He can't stand being by himself. Why? Why would they leave him alone? Why aren't they here yet? Where's their smiling faces, scolding him for going on an adventure by himself-- yeah.. by himself. He has no one to blame but himself. If anyone were to see his shoulders shaking, Caelus would blame it on the cold ( everyone knows a burning stellaron host can't get cold ). If anyone were to hear how broken his voice sounded, he'd blame it on his supplies having gone bad. If anyone were to see his tears, he'd blame it on the condensation. But everything else- he takes full blame for.

❛ ....... I want---- home....... pl...eas..e.. ❜