#need him to use me as a fleshlight im so serious

[poppy-metal]

need patrick to call me a good girl!! even though he’d be so condescending i need to hear him say it :(((

need it said in my ear whil hew got my hair wrapped in his fist and hes controlling the bob of my throat up and down his thick throbbing cock

[rodolfoparras]

ERM HI SORRY I WAS AT WORK

NOIR MOSTER FUCKING MY GOD

, imagine tying him up with his own webbing, fully aware that he can feel every bit of it while you fuck him like there's no tomorrow,,,,, Have him suspended in the air so that whenever you thrust into his hole the web strains and bounces, make him feel you all over

He'd probably cum just from you weaving the web between your fingers, it feels like you're stroking his cock but up the sensitivity by 10x

Use it as a gag so that he can feel his own tongue dragging across it, or when he cries out and bites down it sends a jolt of pain through his already overstimulated body

Or or or

While he's out on duty, mess around with the "nest" you had him make

Have him come crawling back to you, dick already leaking and skin already drenched in sweat from trying not to collapse on the job and mindlessly fuck himself into release right then in there while you're just casually messing with the stuff

Wrap it around your dick like his own little fleshlight, make him sit on the bed, hands tied up while you thrust into the makeshift toy- he can feel every bit of it, loudly vocalizing that even though he knows you won't listen to his begs

🧟‍♂️🧟‍♂️🧟‍♂️💥

-🚹

MY FUCKING GOD IM GOING TO MARRY YOU IDEC

The one where’s he’s suspended in the air?? Or the one where you have him weave web between your fingers? I’m being serious rn I could kiss you on the mouth because imagine having him weave his web between your fingers before you jerk him off and everything so much more intensified because he’s feeling your hands on his cock but he’s also feeling the way the webs being tugged and yanked on as your hand strokes him imagine when he cums licking that up from web between your fingers watching the way he cries out from sheer over stimulation

OR HAVINF HIM FEL PAIN BY BITING DOWN ON IT GOOD GOD LEF ME MARRY U RN bc I cant help but imagine his web snapping apart and it’s just another jolt of pain and pleasure coursing through his body

MESSING AROUNDHIS NEST YES YES YES rubbing your cock head up on the solid wall of web watching the way the thread eagerly sucks in every droplet and glistening so prettily

THE FUCKIMG FLESH LIGJT COMMENT there are tears prickling my eyes bc this is so hot idc?? Like what the fuck I need this I’m going insane idc

[shannonsfanfics]

SOOBIN NSFW ALPHABET

Cutieeeee, i have decided to expand my writings, so the first person i wanna write is soobin☺️

A=AFTERCARE

Soob's is giving me subby vibes. So i feel like you have to take care of him on most occasions. I also watched a tiktok about a guy say that men love when you take care of them after sex, and he probably is really cute when he is fucked out.He seems like a cleansy person so maybe a shower or a bath after, but it depends on how tired he is.

B=BODY PART

On himself i feel maybe his hands, idk. But he has gigantic hands. So his hands on your booty or something spicy.

On you, your boobs or booty. Whether it's small or big he loves it. If non sexual, then your smile, cos your cute.

C=CUM

Men love to cum inside right? He is a man too so maybe inside too? But honestly i don't think he cares as long as he cums.

D=DIRTY SECRET

Loves when you use toys on him. Loves being your experiment doll? Idk how to phrase that. But he gets so whiny when you use a fleshlight on him or vibrator on his tip

E=EXPERIENCE

I mean he is 21 this year, so if he does have experience it's probably a handful of one night stands if not he is a virgin but i doubt it.

F=FAVOURITE POSITION

You on top of him. Loves the view of your titties in his face. He grabs them, sucks them anything you or he wants. Or missionary if he is ontop, but you are contronlling him, on a rare occasion if he is mad or needs to let out some stress and you let him, he blows your back out😉

G=GOOFY

You might crack a joke and he might giggle, but idk if its just me who would prefer serious sex(even tho ima VirGin) but depends on you ig, but he is a goofy person in general.

H=HAIR

Since majority of the time i see his legs, it's smooth and shaved, i feel like he is either well trimmed or smooth no in between, but he'll probably do with it how ever you like(like maybe you want him hairy or something)

I=INTIMACY

He loves being your baby boy, so he is so kind and vice versa. Loves the wonderful moments. He thinks your so beautiful and he tries to show it with his whines and moans just how you like(idk about you but men moaning✨🙌especially if its whines)

J=JACK OFF

If he does do it, its to your nudes or memories of your intimite moments.No porn or anything, only you. And with the fleshlight you use on him

K=KINKS

Idk how explain this one, but you babying him. Praise is a must. Doesnt really like degradation. Public is a no-no, he is shy. But at home anytime.

Thank you for reading if i left something out, im so sorry

[orindasfinest]

Critical Theory is a Disease and I Ain’t Got the Cure (versus the People on GWH)

Hello,

Interesting that a semi-serious post could arise on this platform at such a time of internal strife. I considered posting on Medium instead but then I heard something about George Soros and got scared.

Anyway, engaging in good faith with just about anything produced by Barstool is a fucking fool’s errand. I’m talking sending your court jester to go pick up a carton of eggs - level fool’s errand. He’s just gonna come back with yet another box of decorative scarves!

But as wave after wave of disaffected former college students combine their half-baked critical reasoning skills and desperate need for online attention into “hot takes” that really just serve as Rorschach tests for the mistakes your parents made when they were raising you, it was an inevitability that one of these Bad Posts would come into my orbit and irritate me enough so that I’d make my own dumb emission and accidentally invalidate the sentient ziploc bag filled with swamp ass that fell zip-seal first onto their keyboard enough times to churn out a thing like this.

What sort of thing am I talking about? Hah, well, a thing like this thing right here: https://www.barstoolsports.com/barstoolu/the-ponytail-harvard-guy-from-good-will-hunting-won-that-argument (go ahead, I already gave them my pageview, and you won’t even recognize your elementary school if you go back because the passage of time doesn’t give a fuck about your existence). I don’t mean to spoil your dessert, but: it’s a bad take! And as stated, debating this it at face value, especially when it comes from a company like Barstool Sample (really sure no-one has done that before), is just setting yourself up for a raft of meaninglessness.

Unfortunately, I can’t let this Bad Post slide. It features the sort of willful textual misreading that’s allowed narratives such as “Ryan Gosling is a cornerback in Remember the Titans” to become embedded in the cultural consciousness. So I’m gonna embrace Francis’ debate or whatever and tell you why this cute little bit of contrarianism is actually a sign of fourth-degree brain rot. And, as always, it’ll likely be very mean, as I am a big baby.

-OF

Title: The Ponytail Harvard Guy From Good Will Hunting Won That Argument

Already off to a bad start. I think much of Francis’ confusion here -- aside from the general problem he faces of not knowing his ass from his elbow -- is that he thinks Will and Clark (yeah, the guy has a name, which you would know if you watched the scene, but wouldn’t know if you just so happened to be the physical embodiment of an old-looking anthill in the outfield of a shitty little league diamond) are having some kind of university roundtable on the evolution of the market economy in the Southern colonies. They’re not. Clark is forced by Will to pivot from a broad display of learned knowledge into a broader ideological discussion about methods of information acquisition and the general value of academia. That is another thing you would notice if your head wasn’t filled with dyslexic cat food.

Interregnum: [EMPTY BARSTOOL PLOT POINT SYNOPSIS DONE WITH ROSEART CRAYONS]

Point one: Will only jumps in because he’s trying to impress a girl

Aaaaaand WELCOME to another broadcast of Major League Projecting! Francis, m’boy over here, strides to the plate, currently batting a crisp .482 at unwittingly copping to the fact that he sees all conversations held in the vicinity of a woman as an opportunity to weasel into her pants. He eagerly points to Will’s “thirsty smile” at Skylar’s -- rebuke of a universally acknowledged douchebag? -- and that’ll be another trip around the missing-the-point bases by our mainest man!!!

Dear god. Yes, Will displays his relentless horniness by not introducing himself to Skylar in any way, barely looking at her during the confrontation, and then capitalizing on his victory by ignoring Skylar for the rest of the night to the point where she has to come over and chastise him for not following up on his finishing maneuver. IT’S SO CLEAR WHY DIDN’T I SEE IT BEFORE, ALL I HAD TO DO WAS REPLACE MY EYEBALLS WITH PUDDLES OF JIZZ

In fact, the only thing that may be more off-base is Will’s claim that Clark’s out to impress some girls. The familiarity and exasperation with which Skylar says Clark’s name indicates that they have a long history with nary a positive note. Clark is not going to “win over” Skylar by bodyslamming a wayward townie. This is a classic macho pissing contest. Chuckie is trespassing in Clark’s yard by entering a college bar and passing himself off as a student, and it’s an insult to Clark’s tenuous sense of identity that such a thing would occur without some sort of consequence.

Will’s fierce sense of loyalty is what drives him to enter the discussion and bail out his overmatched friend. To be fair, though, it’s easy to miss that character trait which is absolutely integral to understanding Will as a person provided that during every other scene in the movie you shove forks in your ears and then shove that new apparatus into the nearest electrical socket.

Point two: Will also plagiarizes the works of authors.

The dictionary defines plagiarism as (emphasis mine) “an act or instance of using or closely imitating the language and thoughts of another author without authorization and the representation of that author's work as one's own, as by not crediting the original author.” The dictionary goes on to say, “Oh, Francis? Don’t even fucking talk to me about that dude. He tried to tell me that rigatoni was a fleshlight.”

Plagiarism involves passing off someone else’s work as your own, which is why any researched assignment ever requires a works cited page so your professor can see whose ideas you decided sounded the smartest when you were slamming 99c shooters and yelling through your bedroom door that you’d be out for the pregame in a minute. If you’d like to learn the difference between plagiarism and not plagiarism, I’d recommend examining an instance where one person pretends that they’re having original thoughts but are really just wholesale quoting more reputable sources, while another spouts direct lines from textbooks and then immediately attributes the author, book title, and page number. If only there was a way to witness such a dichotomy...

Point three: Will threatens to fight him.

Here’s where that pesky misunderstanding from earlier really rears its ugly, looking-surprisingly-like-Francis head: we are not witnessing an intellectual debate, no matter how much Francis would like to pretend we are and would also like to pretend that his “friends” don’t just feel bad for him every time they let him pick where they’re going to go out to dinner.

The only statement made to the given topic is made by Clark in his opening salvo. After that, Will and Clark are not having an honest discussion about the economic modalities of the colonies, but are having an argument about the value of academia first through the surrogates of researched theories and then outright through class-and-value-based accusations. There is no point to be won in this scenario. Clark places value in his education because he knows it will lead him directly to a financially stable future; Will ridicules spending an exorbitant amount of money on something he can learn for free because he was raised in a blue-collar environment and has been conditioned to disdain such frivolous expenditures. Neither is going to leave this confrontation with their viewpoint changed in any appreciable fashion. Will understands this, and digs in further to his rough-and-tumble roots by inviting Clark to take it outside. He’s made his point and is now transitioning to the earlier issue: Clark was fucking with Chuckie, and if that’s going to continue, then there’s going to be a problem. Wow, I just went like a whole paragraph without taking a cruel potshot! Sheesh, that was maybe five or six sentences. Shame that Francis can only read two per day or his itsy witsy peanut brainy brain has to power down completely and he dookies right into his pants in feeaaarrrrr

In conclusion, I am everything I hate, and perhaps Francis and I share the same central consciousness, leading me to shame him for his traumatically bad comprehension skills in the hopes that he decides to stop watching movies while upside down and spooning Frosted Mini-Wheats up his nose until they blow out with such force that they crack whatever screen is displaying the motion picture. Will did not lose the argument, because there was never going to be a winner in the broader scope of the debate that was actually taking place; he did not enter the arena to impress a girl, but to help his friend, who was in danger or being embarrassed, being thrown out after caving in Clark’s face, or both; he did not plagiarize, because he cited his sources while only using them as a cudgel to belabor Clark’s phony intellectualism; and he lost no credibility for issuing the challenge to fight at the end, because he demonstrated his intelligence and then displayed the nature of his violent upbringing, which makes him uhhhh a three-dimensional character that can’t be qualified by reductive maxims like “That’s thuggish behavior” ya fucking dafty.

By all means, though, go the fuck in on the “How Do You Like Them Apples” scene because that has been and will always be one of the cringiest sequences committed to film. It’s right up there with a clip of Francis going around the office holding a red Swingline he bought off Amazon using a Kinja Deals code and asking people if they’ve seen his stapler while doing a reprehensible Milton Waddams impression.

Anyway im gonna go jerk off for twelve days or whatever’s left lol whole foods is putting RFID chips in your celery because they know you won’t even notice with all the $35 hummus you’re slathering on that bitch