#need him stirring up my guts 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

[touyaz]

h he when you aaandbthe Yeah.👍👍👍

[gingersnaptaff]

❤️ for bedikay!!!!

Ohhhhh, anon, I was foaming at the mouth to do this so thank you so much for suggesting Bedikay!!! I really hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it! 😊☺️

❤️ first kiss / realization

Bedwyr shut the door as quietly as he could. Cai's pants filled the room. Each was awash with agony. Moonlight crept through the velvet curtains, limned his slumped shoulders, his crooked posture with silver as he sat on the bed.

Bedwyr took a step forward and inwardly rued his luck as the floorboards shrieked beneath his boots. “Cachu.”

Cai sniffled but did not turn his head. “Wyr?”

“Ay.” He sighed tremulously, crossed the room, and rounded the bed before he dropped to his knees in front of his foster brother, his first and fiercest friend, and took one of his calloused, sword-roughed hands in, squeezing it tightly. “Arth wasn’t thinking.”

A flicker of a smile crossed Cai’s face. His amber eyes were dull, red-rimmed. Bedwyr couldn't help but stare at them though, admiring the flecks of gold and green that glimmered within them. Cai squeezed his hand in response, stroking the back of it.

A coil of heat stirred in Bedwyr's gut as he shuddered a little.

The fire crackled merrily in the grate. Muffled shouts and laughter from the guards changing shifts seeped through one of the open windows. Through the wall he could hear Gwynhwyfar rebuking her husband for his “superbly stupid lambasting” although her voice had taken on the strained, raw quality of somebody on the edge of losing their voice. Neither of them spoke. They didn't need to. A weight settled between them, a blanket of snowfall that soothed Bedwyr's concern a little even though he kept on clasping Cai's hand.

“He never does,” Cai said bitterly at last, the spell between the breaking. He gently tugged his hand out of Bedwyr's grip and wiped it on his dirtied tunic. Sweat and soil smeared the fine blue brocade although he paid it no heed.

With an uneven breath Bedwyr replied, “Gwyn's had it out with him. She's not happy. That's what you can hear in case you were wondering.”

Cai's lips quivered into a half smile although the wounded look in his eyes still remained. “Good.” He rubbed at his throat and sighed, his gaze flicking downwards to the stripped mats that lined the floor.

Bedwyr swallowed harshly. He could still feel the brand of Cai's touch on his skin, the flame of his body heat rippling through his veins. ‘It - He - He was an idiot. I should've said something. I shouldn't have let him say that. I shouldn't!”

Cai's head snapped up. He held Bedwyr's gaze unflinchingly. “Don't blame yourself. You didn't know he'd come out with that anymore then I.”

But Bedwyr shook his head frantically, a breath catching in his throat. “It wasn't right! And his smug smile after he'd brayed like an ass! I could've beaten him the way you used to when we were teenagers, or flung him over my shoulder and tossed him in the river.”

Cai snorted, the tightness in his shoulders loosening a little. “Gods, I would've paid to see that. Bedwyr Bedrydant hurling our most noble Brenin Mawr into the Afon Ystwyth all because he had the temerity to declare an utterly atrocious englyn.” He chuckled richly, his cheeks dimpling a little as he tried to bite back a smile.

“Wouldn't you?” Bedwyr said at once, raising an eyebrow. "Or do you mean to tell me that Cai Hir would simply let his reputation be tarnished by a simple poem with some of the worst cynghanedd arrangements I've ever had the misfortune to listen to?”

Cai waved a hand dismissively. “Oh, I've been privy to them before. Once you've heard him jabber away about where best to place a stress or whatever you get sort of used to it.” Pinching the bridge of his nose, he exhaled deeply before continuing, “He never did that with you then?”

“No. Never.”

“Huh. Guess he just wanted to make my ears bleed then.”

Bedwyr nodded. “S'pose.”

“Coc o gath,” Cai cursed, reverting back to their old adolescent swear, the one that had filled them with a giddy lightness whenever they spoke it in hushed, cautious whispers around his father's table. His voice blazed the heat of flame to such a degree that it singed the edges off his Gododdin accent.

Bedwyr sniggered. “Cat's cock? Such inelegant language! Don't let Arth hear you, eh, or he'll have steam billowing out of his ears.”

Cai winked, his laughter bouncing off the walls, bright and cheerful. His face glowed with amusement, his veins flickering with copper of flame, while his smile widened, becoming that same boyish uptick as it had when he’d been fourteen and raring to be in the thick of battle.

At that Bedwyr's chest tightened. His heart spasmed wildly.

“For that alone I'd batter him to death, dragon-blooded king or no,” Cai carried on, paying no attention to his friend's far away expression. “Provided Gwyn allowed me to, of course.”

“Of course,” Bedwyr quickly agreed as he shifted a little to get some feeling back into his leaden limbs, holding Cai's gaze again.

Cai tugged him upright, lightly resting his hands around Bedwyr's waist so that he didn't lose his balance. His hands blazed with warmth, positively sweltered with it, and Bedwyr gulped as he caught his eye.

“Do you remember when we were smaller and played at being Bendigeidfran and Matholwch atop the mountains? And Arthur always insisted that he was Efnisien come to cause more harm than good?”

Bedwyr nodded. His throat tightened around a cry, a wail. Something hot and heavy crushed his chest. “He skulked about muttering about his horses and you and he would always fight.”

Cai smiled wryly. “He was lucky it didn't devolve into real blows half the time.” He fiddled with the torc around his neck, the metal throwing golden sparks across the tapestried walls.

“Uh huh.” Bedwyr hums. And he always insisted we ‘quest’ for the most asinine things. Just roam around your father's caer as though we were magpies searching for gold. All we found were half-tarnished firedogs and your sister's old hairbrush.”

Cai's face crumpled and, for a brief moment, Bedwyr thought he'd said the wrong thing. But then his shoulders started to shake and a burst of raspy laughter left him. “Wyr,” he breathed, his breath ghosting over Bedwyr's skin in a hot, fennel-scented cloud. “If I didn't know any better I'd say you were rather annoyed at our dearest High King and Battle Lord. That's my job.”

Bedwyr scrubbed a hand through his hair, his cheeks flushing hotly. “I just… Even now he forgets how important you are.”

“Then let him do so.” Cai said, his hands cupping Bedwyr’s cheeks. His thumbs stroked the greying stubble that peppered his jaw and Bedwyr found the sensation oddly pleasurable. “I only need one person's acknowledgement in this court, you know.”

Bedwyr frowned. His chest thumped wildly against his ribcage. Blood pounded in his ears as loud as a carnyx and he blinked bewilderedly.

And all the while Cai was staring.

Waiting.

His voice cracked, “I don’t-”

“Don't what?” Cai murmured, staring at him intently. “It's you, Wyr. Always. Ever since you first came to my father's court it was you. I looked at this lanky streak of piss-”

Bedwyr threw back his head and cackled.

“What?” Cai said, his brow furrowed in befuddlement. “I'm serious! I did! And you were lanky, you can't deny that! Why else d'you think you were Rhiannon whenever we played out her run-ins with Pwyll and Gwawl?”

“I wasn't lanky,” he replied through his tears. “I was gangly. There's a difference. I had twig limbs, alright. I was growing into my frame, as Lady Eigyr might've said.”

Cai smacked the stump of his right arm. Bedwyr reached over with his left and whacked him back. “Course you were. That's as good as an excuse and I've heard plenty from Arth over the years. His one for the englyn-”

“Now you'll have steam coming out of your ears.” Bedwyr interjected quickly before Cai went on a rant about Arthur's lack of decency.

And then, without thinking, he pressed his lips to Cai's.

He stiffened up instantly, his eyes bulging. His hands flexed by his side, his veins flaming amber. Bedwyr's heart stuttered in his chest as he pulled away, a frantic apology bubbling on the tip of his tongue.

Yet… Cai laughed.

It crackled through the air, nestled deep in Bedwyr’s chest, eased the violent clamour of blood in his head. A bonfire of relief.

“Oh,” Cai said in an odd voice, his dark eyes smouldering. “I never thought you'd do that!”

Bedwyr chuckled half-hysterically. “I - I -”

Cai's lips quirked into an ecstatic grin. He leaned forward, pressing his lips to Bedsyr's again in a kiss that was as sure and as certain as he was. Fire lingered on his lips. His hands slid to cup the back of Bedwyr's head, gently stroking through his dark curls in such a way that Bedwyr hummed happily, his eyes fluttering shut.

And oh, this felt nice.

The tightness in his chest receded a little. Bedwyr melted when Cai deepened the kiss, cupping his friend’s - no, his… cariad's - burning cheek with his one good hand. His head whirled. The sweetness of mountain air muddled his senses, and something warmer, smokier, intrinsically Cai.

They stayed like that for a few moments longer, exchanging sweeter, lazier kisses while Cai's fierce warmth eddied into Bedwyr's very bones before gently pulling apart, a string of spit connecting them. With a start - and through the lightheaded fogginess of his thoughts - Bedwyr realised Cai's hands were still cupping his head, his fingers stroking through his hair until Bedwyr purred. Their breathing came in fast, frantic pants.

Their eyes met and Bedwyr laughed. “Come to bed?”

Cai's throat bobbed. He uttered a little high-pitched giggle, the flush on his cheeks deepening to match the blood beneath his fingernails. “I-”

“If Arthur says anything I'll deal with him.” Bedwyr hurriedly said. “But… please?”

“I'm not worried about that. I just…” Cai took a deep breath. “When did you know?”

“Eh?”

“When did you know?” He repeated, his voice scratchy. “That you loved me?”

“I… When you stalked away after the englyn. That's when I truly knew. Flames were licking at your feet, setting the undergrowth alight, and I thought, ‘Oh.’”

Cai grinned, showing a flash of teeth. “‘Oh?’ Is that all?”

“Cai, paid y geg. I knew then because I could've punched Arth and felt no remorse if I lost his friendship, but - but I didn’t want to lose you.”

“My friendship?” Cai arched one dark eye eyebrow, waiting for him to continue.

“No,” Bedwyr burst out. “I mean, uh, yes, but - but just you. Everything about you.”

Cai said, “Oh.” And then gently took Bedwyr’s hand in his and kissed it, brushing his lips over the faded scar etched into his palm, before he gently dropped a kiss on the stump of his arm. “And then you hared it back here -”

“Had to, lest you try and murder our King where he slept. But I heard you crying instead and I-” Bedwyr took a shaky breath, tears pricking his eyes. “I didn’t like it. You were like a lamed animal.”

“I’m grateful. I think I would've at that moment, regicide be damned.” Cai said, nibbling his lip, the tips of his ears flushing with embarrassment. He sighed softly, tangling their fingers together.

Bedwyr squeezed back.