#nearly 3k words.. oogh

[nottoonedin]

The Night Before

(Long Post Warning)

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She got the note wrong.

Isla had practiced this song countless times. She had hidden herself in her room, staring at the sheet music for hours, she knew the song like the back of her hand. She could probably sing it in her sleep, if she wanted to.

But it was that one note, that she struggled to reach, that could make her whole performance- her facade of perfection that she'd strived for since she was a child- fall apart.

Isla could feel her hands shaking slightly, gripping the paper in her hand tighter. If she can't perform properly by herself, what would happen on stage, when she's singing in front of thousands? What if she forgets the lyrics? What if she gets the timing wrong? What if she's not good enough? What if.. what if-

Isla startles when she hears a sudden knock at her door.

She glanced at the clock on her bedside table. It was much too late for anyone to be visiting her, even Madame would have let her know beforehand about coming to her room. One of the guards, perhaps? But what would they have wanted at this hour? Besides, the knock was too quiet and gentle, almost unsure, not likely to have been made by something as large and robust as them.

She cautiously made her way towards the door, straining her ears to listen for any noise that would give Isla a clue as to who was on the other side of the door. After regaining her confidence, she cleared her throat.

"Who is it?" Isla finally asked.

A voice was quick to answer, "Oh! Isla, it's me, Monica!"

The next few seconds barely registered as Isla quickly opened the door, yanking a surprised Monica into her room by the front of her shirt, making sure to close the door behind her.

"What are you doing here?" Isla hissed, "It's passed curfew, what if someone saw you?"

Monica simply giggled in response. "Nice to see you too, Isla," she answered playfully. Isla huffed, though it was nothing more than a disguised sigh of relief. She couldn't say she was mad at being able to see Monica, not really. Actually, Monica's presence was quite calming, despite her energetic nature, at least to Isla.

"To answer your first question, I just wanted to see how you were doing," Monica continued, her eyes wandering Isla's room.

"Monica, we see each other nearly every day," Isla reminded her, "could you have not come to see me earlier, or waited until tomorrow?"

"Well, what if I wanted to see you now?" Monica frowned. Her eyes soon fell onto the notes that were scattered on the bed. She threw Isla a questioning look, "You're still learning the song? Haven't you memorised it by now?"

Isla lightly chewed on her bottom lip. "I.. I just want to make sure I know it properly. There's this one part that.. I'm struggling with."

The red-head tilted her head to the side. "You seem to do fine when we're practicing together. Amazing, even." Isla felt her cheeks heat up at the praise.

"You'll do great Isla, it's just night-before nerves, that's all," Monica smiled reassuringly, "anyways, I just came to be a good opponent and wish you good luck!"

Opponent. Right. That's what they were. That's what they would be tomorrow on stage. It's what they were trained for, since they were children. It's what is expected of them. But when it came to Monica, it sounded so wrong.

Isla didn't want Monica to be her opponent. Monica was her friend, her... whatever she was to Isla. Calling Monica her opponent left a sour- venomous- taste in her mouth, she wondered if it did the same to the other? Yet she seemed to say it so easily...

Isla nodded slightly, her lips a thin line, "same to you, Monica."

Monica seemed to hesitate for a moment, as if she wanted to say more (Isla hoped she would say more), but quickly returned Isla's nod, whispering a quick "good night" before walking towards the door to leave.

Isla realised she didn't want her to leave. Not yet.

"Wait-!" Isla whipped around, her hand clutching onto the back of Monica's shirt. The girl froze in surprise, no longer moving towards the door.

"..Stay. Please." Isla whispered, gently leaning her head against Monica's back, a hint of desperation in her small voice.

The room was silent for a few moments, the only sounds being their quiet breathing, before Monica quietly responded, "Okay."

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

That's how Monica found herself in Isla's bed, under Isla's duvet, fidgeting with Isla's sheets. She hadn't expected Isla to ask her to stay. Well, maybe she did. A little. But she hadn't expected Isla to invite her to stay the whole night in the same bed. Monica wondered if it was weird. Was it weird? Well, if Isla thought it was okay, then Monica was perfectly fine with it.

The only thing she wasn't fine with was Isla not being in her own bed. She wasn't going to give Monica the bed and sleep on the floor, surely? She looked over at the dark-haired girl across the room, who was currently engrossed in the notes that were scattered on the bed prior to Monica's visit. Her hair had fallen in front of her face, like a curtain that cut Monica off from knowing what Isla was thinking, which frustrated Monica to no end.

Isla was obviously upset about something, so why couldn't she just simply tell Monica instead of worrying herself sick before the competition?

What if it affects her performance..

Monica shook the thought from her mind. She was confident in Isla, she knew what she was capable of, she had no need to feel nervous. Still, Monica wanted to reassure her, to calm her down... to be at her side.

"Isla.." she called out to her.

"Hm? What is it, Monica?" Isla answered, still not looking up from the notes in front of her.

"You must've memorised the song by now, and it's already so late. You really should rest for tomorrow," the red-head hinted, looking at the other hopefully.

This time Isla turned her head to face her, yet she still hesitated. She glanced away from Monica, the papers crinkling in her hands. "I just.. want to make sure I'm prepared.."

Monica pouted, not unlike a child. "You invite me to stay in your room, and yet don't have the decency to show your guest some attention? Isla, you're so cruel.." She whined dramatically, feigning sadness.

She had expected a laugh, maybe a roll of the eyes before making her way towards Monica- like what usually happens- but Isla didn't move from her seat, worry still written on her face.

Oh. She really is nervous.

Monica studied Isla's face for a moment, contemplating, before gently sighing and patting the space on the bed beside her. "Come here, I'll help. What parts are you struggling with?"

Isla seemed to perk up slightly at that, and to Monica's relief, she finally walked towards the bed and sat in front of Monica, showing her the music sheets in her hands.

"Uhm, it's mainly just this part, I just can't hit the note," Isla admitted sheepishly, avoiding Monica's eyes.

Monica looked down to where Isla was pointing to on the sheet, her eyebrows furrowing. This doesn't seem right, Monica had thought while looking at the notes. The notes were pretty high, sure, but Isla should easily be able to hit them, going off how she performed when they practiced. Monica never saw any faults in how she sung. Isla's voice always sounded perfect.. gentle.. angelic... at least to Monica.

Suddenly, an idea popped into Monica's head.

"Here, we can sing it together, like we usually do," she looked up at Isla with a reassuring smile. Isla's eyes widened slightly at the suggestion, her cheeks reddening a little, to Monica's surprise. It was a cute expression on Isla, she decided to herself.

Isla quickly snapped out of her slight stupor, nodding before murmuring, "Alright.. but make sure not to be too loud, okay?"

Monica grinned even wider, nodding in agreement. She always liked a chance to sing with Isla. It always seemed to bring the other girl a special kind of joy when she sung, a gentle smile would grace her lips, and Monica swears she would see Isla's eyes sparkle from time to time. It always did funny things to Monica's stomach, but it wasn't a bad feeling, quite the opposite.

Monica cleared her throat, taking a deep breath, before beginning to sing.

She wanted to treat this like any normal practice between them, because it was, wasn't it? The same rinse and repeat, the same song they have sung over and over again. She wanted to be calm, to reassure Isla that if they could sing like this now, they would do fine- amazing- on stage.

But Monica couldn't help but feel slightly tense when Isla began to sing with her, her eyes watching the girl's every move, carefully listening to every note she sung, to every enunciated word.. and.. shamefully... any sign of fault.

She didn't want to doubt Isla, she was doing wonderfully, but seeing that look of worry on her face earlier, and her own doubt in herself, it had affected Monica, planting a small seed of unease in her mind.

However, after a while, Isla seemed to relax more, a small smile even appeared on her face. It only tugged at Monica's heartstrings even more, but it helped quieten her thoughts, even if for only a little while.

It also helped that Isla had not slipped up once during the song, even at the part she wasn't confident about. It made Monica smile, knowing that she was right about Isla's skill. That you doubted, a voice in her mind nagged.

Isla must have noticed her smiling, because her own smile grew bigger, and her eyes even seemed to sparkle, and Monica's nagging voice in her head was non-existent, because nothing mattered in this moment other than the fact that Isla was happy. She was alive and she was happy.

As the song ended, Monica couldn't help but giggle, causing Isla to raise an eyebrow.

"See? I told you could do it, so there's no need to be so worried!" Monica explained. Isla stayed silent, so Monica took this opportunity to gently rest her head on the other girl's shoulder.

"Stay, please.." Monica murmured, repeating Isla's earlier words back to her.

Isla made no response for a while, and Monica had started to worry she had said the wrong thing, until she heard Isla sigh softly, and she gently moved Monica's head off her shoulder before making her way to the top of the bed, patting the pillow next to her in invitation.

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Isla relaxed into her pillow, sighing with soft content. It was a good idea, she realised, to invite Monica to stay. She had really helped calm Isla's nerves, and she didn't realise how tired she was from practicing all day.

Isla liked the peace. It reminded her of their time in Anakt, when the two were alone, under one of the artificial trees. Monica would sit quietly beside her as Isla practiced a song, read a book, or worked on classwork. In turn, she would listen to Monica's stories, her long rambles about bugs or plants, about anything really. She would talk for hours, but Isla didn't mind, she quite enjoyed it, hearing Monica's enthusiastic voice, her passion about each subject.

Monica's presence always made her feel relaxed, free.. safe. Everything about her made Isla feel warm, the kindness in her voice, the way she laughed, always good-naturedly, the way she would trace Isla's knuckles gently with her thumb, much like she was doing right this moment.

Just as she felt she was about to succumb to her body's want of sleep, she heard Monica whisper in the darkness.

"Isla?"

Isla hummed, turning to face her, eyelids drooped, a small smile on her lips. "Yes, Monica?"

From what Isla could make out in the dark, Monica wasn't smiling, her eyebrows furrowed. She had stopped tracing Isla's knuckles, instead opting for interlocking their fingers. Monica looked up into Isla's eyes, swallowing before speaking.

"Promise me, no matter what happens on stage tomorrow.. You'll do your best, okay?"

Isla's breath caught in her throat.

She wasn't expecting Monica to ask such a question. A question she didn't know how to answer. One she didn't want to answer.

Isla looked to the side, avoiding Monica's piercing steel eyes. "I.. I can't control what happens on stage, Monica." You know that.

Monica wouldn't take that answer, it seemed, her voice growing stern. "I'm serious, Isla. Promise me. I know what you're capable of. Please.." Monica sighed, saying the next part quieter, "don't do something stupid."

Stupid. Suddenly, Isla's worry turned to muted anger. Monica thought she was going to do something stupid. Isla would have expected that word to come from anyone else, anyone other than Monica.

Do your best. I know what you're capable of.

Isla didn't like Monica's words. They reminded her of someone else. Someone she didn't want to be thinking of at this moment.

She felt slightly betrayed. Monica wasn't meant to expect these things of Isla, to put her on a pedestal, to expect her to do what she wants, to expect her best. Isla felt herself shaking slightly, from fear or anger, she couldn't tell.

Monica sounded irritated too, repeating her words. "Isla, promise-"

"I will!" Isla snapped, yanking her hand away from Monica's, turning her body away from the other. She very rarely snapped at Monica, the last time she did being when they were younger, so she could imagine the other girl's surprise, though Isla couldn't see her face.

Tears stung Isla's eyes. She hated fighting with Monica. A part of her worried that her sudden lashing out would make Monica want to leave. Isla wanted to apologise, she wanted to be able to promise Monica, but the words formed a lump in her throat, not being able to escape her.

Isla froze when she felt the covers move, and she prepared for the worst, for Monica to get out of bed and leave Isla by herself.

Instead, Isla felt arms wrap around her waist, and the other girl's head bury into the crook over her neck.

"I'm sorry," Monica whispered, "I shouldn't have put pressure on you like that. I'm.. nervous too."

Isla wanted to cry. She was terrified. She didn't want to think of what would happen tomorrow, what could happen to her, what could happen to Monica. She took in a shaky breath.

She would try. For Monica, she would try.

"I will.. only if you'll do your best, too," Isla said quietly, a plea.

Monica's arms gripped Isla tighter. "Of course, Isla. I promise," she answered.

Isla squeezed her eyes shut, willing the tears not to fall. How could she say those words so easily?

The two basked in the silence, the tension slowly dissipating, but never truly leaving. To distract from her thoughts, Isla focused on Monica's breathing, the gentle rhythm, the way her breath would tickle her skin. She noted the way Monica's arms fell around her waist, gentle yet secure at the same time.

It wasn't enough.

Slowly, Isla turned her body to face Monica. The other girl watched her silently.

"Monica?"

"Yes, Isla?"

"Could you.. talk?"

Monica tilted her head slightly. "About what?"

Isla swallowed, resting her head on Monica's chest.

"Anything," she whispered.

Monica moved one of her hands from Isla's waist, beginning to slowly comb her fingers through the other girl's hair. "Okay."

And so, Monica talked, about her day, about a book she had recently read, about new species of bugs she's found out about, about trying on her stage outfit, about how uncomfortable the material it was. About everything and anything.

Isla fought hard to stay awake, to listen to Monica, but it was difficult when her voice was gentle, soothing and comforting, as well as the slow, rhythmic feeling of her fingers in her hair.

Eventually, Isla fell into sleep, Monica's voice gradually fading away. The last she could remember was the rustle of sheets, a murmur of words, and a ginger press of lips to her forehead.

When morning came, Isla woke to an empty bed.

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Tagging: @billwasnot @bluemoonscape @apple8ees @rockwgooglyeyes (also Rock sorry for not mentioning Asuka 😭😭 I didn't really know where to put him, will make art to make up for it, eventually) @alien-til-i-stage @solei-eclipse @starry-skiez @aakaneeee @rosedeleca @cirrusoftheclouds @ivanttakethis @awaggaa