#nd by that she means shes autistic and they were either gross nd ableist or just didnt like her bc she didnt talk nd has flat affect

[soloh]

Right, so here's an elaboration of what I was feeling last night re: Neurodivergency. Long story short, I used to be a right prick about things like self diagnosis, to the point where as a teenager I made an incredibly ableist anti-self dx post on here using an awful slur (and instead of just saying, omg I didn't know it was a slur I just thought it was a run of the mill insult akin to calling someone a walnut brain when they're being ignorant, I doubled down and tried to argue it wasn't a slur 🤦‍♀️ It is. I'm not even going to hint at what it was, just know it was bad) and it's been years and I still feel horribly guilty about it, and the people who called me out on it, unfollowed and/or blocked me were 100% correct in doing so, because while I was a teenager, I was still old enough to know better.

But anyway, as I've gotten older and realised the diagnoses I was given as a teen don't quite explain everything, and accepted that I most likely am autistic (possibly AuDHD, but I'm not quite as confident about the adhd part), and tried to seek official assessment and diagnosis, obviously I've discovered that as an adult in Aotearoa, that's a shit show. Every qualified professional in my region is booked out to a point they're not even accepting waitlist additions, and assessment costs range from about $1000-$2000. I've pretty much given up on getting a dx at this point, at least for the interim.

But after talking to my friend last night and his diagnostic process and what he and his other ND friends have found regarding getting that little official report... it doesn't necessarily mean shit beyond not having people accuse you of lying. There is no real "treatment" for being autistic (I don't count ABA, that's gross and doesn't actually "fix" shit), so unless you're really just seeking to have your life validated with a label, it's not inherently necessary. You know your lived experiences and feelings (and consistently high RAADS-R score 👀😂).

This is a friend who I've always gotten along with, and shared some interests with, but never really had an "omg here's a thing we both really click on" moment, but boy howdy when this conversation started and we started talking about it, that was the click moment.

And my best friend, who was sitting across from me, did that thing where people go, "you're not autistic are you?" then paused and clearly had a moment of "oh wait holy shit", because her face changed so quick when she thought about it for like 10 seconds 😂 And both her brothers are autistic but have very different levels of masking, stimming etc., so she's not totally ignorant to the various ways autism can present either 😅

But yeah idk, I'm still mad at my younger self for being a c-word, and I do wish I had access to an official diagnosis, but fuck it, my partner and my ex think I'm autistic, autistic people around me think I'm autistic, I'm probably autistic, and I'm going to treat myself with the kindness and patience and understanding that I deserve. (And also probably do even more research on autism than I already have hahahaha)