#nate isn’t a my fav but yeah he makes me feel a certain way

[azurethebassist]

ok here’s a Nathan. he makes me think gay thoughts

i surprisingly didn’t spend that long on this

[camille-marshall-blog]

Challenge #5.75

Alternately Titled: The Ice Breaker

a/n: Hey hey heyyyyyyyyy! Fun fact: the writing of this fic has resulted to me listening to My Heart Will Go On 36 times on loop- you guys better listen to that song while reading this lol. (I also had Titanic playing in the background) Before we find out what happens to Marshall as she prepares to leave the palace, let’s do another rewind and find out what brought out certain feelings of Ms. Conceal Don’t Feel for Natalie. This was supposed to be published before challenge 6- unfortunately, I’had to prioritize Challenge 6 cause.. yeah... challenge... HAHAHAHAHA (and I was/am swamped with school work... cause you know.. I’m graduating highschool in two months time lol) Get ready for a weekend full of me posting fics everyday guys (I didn’t procrastinate my school projects just to clear my entire weekend to write- it’s a miracle). ANYWAYS. Thank you so much to @nathaniel-schreave for the RP, and YAY FOR TITANIC (guys, Titanic is actually one of my fav movies so YEEEEEEET). Hope you guys enjoy this little fic~ See you soon HAHAHAHAHAHA

A memory

I still couldn’t believe that I had kissed Nate.

A.) because I didn’t think that he’d possibly like me in that way

B.) because I knew that he was still way out of my league

C.) because I knew that he was going to break my heart anyway

D.) because I FUCKING KISSED NATHANIEL SCHREAVE

I mean sure, after the initial shock things kinda died down, I got to think of things in a more rational manner- and my most rational side reminded me that the kiss only did happen as a spur of the moment. Curiosity.

Yeah, we were just caught in a moment.

That thought comforted me a little better than the thought of Nate returning any of the sentiments I was feeling for him.

Of course the universe really had to send me him.

I try to keep myself on the downlow for the next week after we had kissed, and to my surprise- yeah. It wasn’t spur of the moment, because lo and behold: feelings were still there. Hair fixing, hand holding, butterfly stomaching feelings.

Oh the butterflies were definitely there when Nate had approached me after dinner one night.

“Hey Marshall,” he greets just as everyone was leaving the dining hall, and my stomach just kinda turns when I realize that he’s talking to me- but in a good way, I suppose.

“Oh hey.. uh, Hi Nate.” My face starts to feel like it’s heating up- good lord I needed to stop acting like such a nerd.

He curls his lips in, he seemed to do that a lot… before he proceeds to ask me, “Do you want to go see a movie... or something?”

“A movie?” A smile tugs on my lips, “Yeah, I'd like that…”

Nate smiles back, “Then lets go.”

The two of us start walking with each other, catching up on each other’s lives. I’m pretty sure Nate would be sick of me telling him about etiquette lessons with Lady Collette, so I ended up sharing one of my usual target practices with the guards in the shooting range below. Nate tells me a little about his day, and I try to poke a little fun on his paperwork, knowing how boring that stuff would be. Unfortunately, he didn’t have anything on Area 51, but they did discuss the topic of how the Great Pyramids were built. Yes, definitely exciting top government secrets.

We laugh with each other until we reach the theater.

“What do you want to watch?” Nate asks as we walk in. It was an interesting little set up, like a shrunken version of the movie theaters- a little more luxurious since it was full of recliners.

“I'm not quite sure…” I say, turning back to Nate. “What would you want to watch?”

The two of us reach a case full of DVD cases, all labeled with their movie titles in Alphabetical order. My first choice would have been for the two of us to watch Top Gun, but previous experience has taught me that Top Gun was not everyone’s cup of tea.

Nate shrugs, “It's your date, you pick.”

Okay yeah, I wasn’t going to watch Top Gun for the nth time. I sigh as I search the titles, not really finding any of the movies interesting. So I decide to leave it to chance.

“You know what? I'm going to pick a random one.” My hand skims over the cases as I close my eyes. I hope I pick a good one.

Once I feel my hand brush over the right title, I reach out and take out the DVD case.

I hear Nate chuckle beside me. “You want that one?”

My eyes open, and I see what Nate means.

Titanic. Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet on the cover looking romantic as ever.

I let out a laugh, knowing already how cheesy this movie was.

“Sure,” I smirk at Nate. “I'm so in the mood to ugly cry over Leonardo DiCaprio.”

“I'm letting you know now, I will cry.” Nate shakes his head as he takes the case from my hand and starts setting up the movie.

“Don't worry, I won't judge you. Just give me a heads up so I'll have the box of tissues ready.” I flash him an amused smile. Nate? Crying over Titanic? Oh I’m so ready for that combination.

He finishes setting up the movie and stands, “Not like you won't.”

“I'm not saying that I wouldn't cry.” I shake my head. I got over emotional over books, how much more movies?

“How many times have you seen it?” Nate asks as he chooses one of the couch like recliners, good for two. Slick move, Schreave.

“I'm pretty sure I've seen it at least twice.” I take the seat next to him, giving us a comfortable distance between us- no matter how much I wanted to sit close to him. Personal space, Marshall. You may have been holding hands last time, that doesn’t mean that he still feels the same way.

Nate turns to look at me straight in the eye, “Five times.”

My jaw drops before I start laughing, “FIVE TIMES?”

“Everytime it was Mal's turn to pick a movie she'd always pick Titanic, every single time. Then we just stopped letting her pick.” Nate explains to me, and I try to control myself from laughing- but it was just too funny.

I cover my mouth in laughter, “Please tell me that you haven't memorized the dialogue by heart.”

“Oh yeah.” Nate nods.

“Oh my god... now I'm really excited to watch this movie.”

I try to imagine Nate quoting the most quotable lines from the movie, it’s probably going to be quite a sight to behold.

Nate simply replies by smirking and bumping my shoulder with his and I realize that we did end up moving closer to each other as we conversed.

“Come on, play the movie now.” I smirk back and Nate grabs the remote to press play.

For the next hour or so we watch the movie play out, the treasure hunters, Old Rose beginning her narration of the story, introductions for Rose and Jack. As shots of the Titanic pan out through the movie, a fact pops into my head and I end up saying out loud, breaking the silence between us.

I’ve never really had a movie date, but I could tell that it had its downsides: you had no idea if it was okay to talk with the person with you- and it was crazy, how I just wanted to talk to Nate. How easy it’s become for me to open up to him.

My eyes glance over to him, and I catch his eyes looking at me. Wait, was he staring?

Nate turns away quickly, and I laugh a little- a blush creeping up my face. “What is it?”

“Nothing.” he says as he looks straight towards the movie.

“Oh, okay..” I tilt my head and prop it on my arm on the top of my seat’s back.

We continue watching the movie, and I notice that Nate was holding out his hand, palm open to me- a hint.

I consider taking his hand, was he hinting for me to hold his hand? I look at his face, was he?

Another chance, I have to take it. I move a little closer to Nate, taking his hand in mine.

Nate gives out a small smile, looking at me. “You've changed a lot since I first met you.”

Have I really?

“Is it a bad thing?” I don’t think I have changed, maybe I just showed him parts of me I never really wanted people to see.

Nate flashes me a worried look.

“No, no, not at all. It's just I remember our first date you didn't want to even touch me,” he rubs the back of my hand with his thumb, “and now... you are more comfortable doing that kind of stuff.”

I furrow my brows, surprised by Nate’s concerned tone. “Nate... I have to be sorry about that for the most part…” I squeeze Nate’s hand back.

“It's not that I didn't want that... I was more scared…” I admit, the fear of actually having feelings for someone who wouldn’t reciprocate my own always lingered in me.

“You were scared of me?”

“More like getting scared of getting emotionally attached to someone... someone I can't exactly have.” I explain to him. This entire thing was masochistic in a way- being in a Selection… opening yourself to this kind of pain. Nate was someone I knew I liked, but I’ve always wondered… would I ever be good enough for him? He was a prince, I was just a soldier.The last time I checked, royals never ended up with their soldiers.

Nate nods and looks back to the movie, biting his lip. “I'm sorry about that... I get this isn't a normal situation.”

“You don't have to be sorry,” I shake my head and use my free hand to cup his cheek so he can look back at me. “You've been trying your hardest to make the best out of this situation.”

He gives me a small smile while he squeezes my hand again, “Thanks.”

I use my thumb to rub his cheek, smiling a little. He really was a good one, and a handsome one at that.

He was good looking, even more up close. I don’t want my hand to linger too long on his face, so I pull my hand away and let the two of us watch the movie.

We were already at the part when Jack and Rose were at the tip of the ship, Jack holding Rose up as she spread her arms. I’m flying, Jack. I’m flying.

Nate moves his hand away from holding mine, moving it to the back of my chair- smooth Nate, very smooth. I move a little closer to him, taking the hint.

He looks over at me, giving me a look. Just come here over already.

I let out a small laugh, what a dork he could be. This time, I move the closest I can be with him- leaning my head on him but feeling my heart beat wildly in my chest.

“I’m not that bad.” he says as he puts his arm around my shoulder, a joking tone in his voice.

“Of course you're not that bad. If you were, I would have split an hour ago.” I roll my eyes at him with a laugh. God, if it can be like this all the time….

I liked this, I liked having his arm around me, being this close with him- even with all the nervousness and uncertainty. It was finally nice to have someone to lean on, watch cheesy movies with- it was more than nice to have someone this close to me.

When Jack and Rose arrive at her sitting room, and Rose shows Jack the heart of the ocean. (Jack, I want you to draw me like one of your french girls- wearing this… wearing only this.) I realize how awkward this was going to get, and I was right when Rose drops her robe.

My first instinct gets me and I use my hands to cover my eyes and Nate’s- definitely one way to avoid an awkward situation.

Nate laughs as he moves my hand away from his eyes. “Come on. This is my favorite part.”

I lightly hit his arm, getting his joke. “Oh my god, you're so gross.”

“I was joking.” he smirks at me.

“Sure you were.” I return the smirk.

“I was. I promise.”

“Okay, I trust you.” I snort out a laugh.

Nate raises an eyebrow in a joking manner, “Do you?”

“You're way too decent to be that gross.” I reason out with him, snickering just a little

“Oh so I’m just decent?” he jokes.

“Okay, you're more than just decent. You're sweet... and thoughtful... and kind.. and…” I realize that I was getting away with describing him, then look away feeling myself blush.

Nate rubs my arm, asking in a curiously playful tone.“And what?”

And the most amazing person I’ve ever met.

“You're, in every way, charming.” I answer him with a smile.

“That’s better than decent.” he nods before turning to the screen again, this time to Jack and Rose running around the ship- away from Hockley’s croney, hiding out in an old car. Where to miss? To the stars.

I look away, feeling myself blush AGAIN as Jack and Rose proceed to make out in the car and well�� do more. Hand print on the misty glass in all it’s glory.

Nate looks over at me, and chuckles- which makes me nudge his shoulder. How could he not find this awkward?

He pulls me closer with the arm wrapped around me and places a kiss on the top of my head, giving me tingles all over my body. Sometimes I don’t get it, how Nate was one of the few people who could do this to me… make me feel this way… all light and giddy… guard down… how…

“You know the first time I watched this movie... I was with my parents... Heavens to Betsy, it was awkward.” I share with him the uncomfortable situation of my first Titanic experience.

Nate shares his, telling me that the first time he watched the movie was when Max was around- which to Nate was both awkward and hilarious.

We talk a little bit more about Max, if he ever was like him, just having another hilarious conversation to diffuse the awkwardness of what was unfolding in front of us.

“Oh here's my favorite part,” I joke as ship hits the iceberg.

Nate chuckles. “ Your favorite part is all the people dying?”

I decide to play along, adding some sarcasm into my tone. “Oh yeah... definitely.. gives it a whole realistic feel.”

“Whatever makes you happy,” one side of his mouth quirks up.

“I'm kidding.” I laugh.

“Wooo, good.” Nate lets out a fake sigh of relief.

I snort out, “But yeah... after a couple of intense scenes... maybe Jack and Rose really needed... an ice breaker.”

Nate looks at me incredulously, “Did you really just make a pun?”

“I saw the opportunity, I took it.” I laugh under my breath, pride swelling in myself. Nate rolls his eyes at me and I laugh one last time before going back to leaning on him and watching the disaster of the Titanic unfold before our eyes.

The panic and confusion on the screen makes it a serious moment for the two of us, leaving us in silence as the rest of the story unfolds. When Jack and Rose are at the edge of the ship, about to hit the water- I take a deep breath, being my reminded of my irrational fear of sinking ships. That happens when you live on a naval ship with your dad for two months.

Jack helps Rose onto a piece of the wreckage, and Nate makes a comment- breaking the silence.

“She needs to shoot over. He can fit.”

I tap my chin, considering Jack and Rose’s situation.“That may not be the case- that piece of wood might lose its buoyancy if Jack gets on…”

Then Jack starts giving out his speech to Rose while he’s in the water and dying of the cold.

(Listen Rose, you’re gonna get out of here. You’re gonna go on…)

I feel tears starting to form in my eyes, and I try to fan my eyes- trying not to cry- Oh my God, why did Leo have to be so good at acting? I didn’t want to be the first one between Nate and I to cry because of this movie, but Nate reaches over to get me a kleenex, and that’s when I notice him looking like he was holding back tears.

(Promise me now, Rose, and never let go of that promise.

I promise.

Never let go.

I’ll never let go, Jack.)

But dang it, Leo was just that poignant. I feel a tear slip from my eye and the rest of the waterworks follow. I take the kleenex Nate offers.

“This part gets me everytime.” I wipe my eyes.

Nate nods his head, “Me too.”

“I told you that I was in the mood to ugly cry over Leonardo DiCaprio…” I comment as Rose tries to wake Jack up, to no response. Good lord, why did this have to be so sad? Jack and Rose could have been together, they should have been- they made each other happy… even if they came from two different worlds… okay… they just met each other three days before… BUT STILL- I was emotionally invested into these characters.

Jack, come back.

More tears come down from my eyes as Rose lets Jack go to float down in the water- and I felt pissed.

“YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER LET GO, GOOD LORD, ROSE!” I yell, frustrated that she literally did the opposite of what she promised Jack.

Nate pulls me closer and rubs my arm trying to comfort me, “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

“No, don't worry... I'm just frustrated…” I give out a small laugh in the absurdity of all this, wiping the tears from my eyes.

Nate continues to rub my arm in a comforting way, the two of us watching the screen as Rose gets saved and manages to wrap up what had happened to the ship with her narration. I know what’s going to happen next- the little twist of Old Grandma Rose still having the necklace- the Heart of the Ocean- but I’m still a little frustrated with her intentionally dropping the million dollar necklace into the water. That could have fed millions of people, should have been in a museum.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s only a necklace…” Nate says, which makes me turn to him and realize that he’s got tears in his eyes.

“It's not okay.” I say as I turn away from the screen, knowing this is the part where Rose dies in her sleep… and somehow reunite with Jack in a resurrected Titanic- and shiiiiit, I think I’m crying. Why did this have to be so sad?

I could see that a tear or two were falling from Nate’s eyes, and I couldn’t blame him. This part literally pulled on my heartstrings, it probably did on Nate’s too. I reach for the box of tissues and grab some for me and him, offering him some tissues for his tears.

He takes it and wipes his face, and I move the arm between us to his own shoulder, giving him a one armed hug. He look like he needed a hug. Nate pulls me a little closer as Jack and Rose share another kiss before the screen goes black and fades into the credits.

I take a few glances up at Nate, seeing if he was okay… or if he needed anymore tissues… and he catches my eyes, smirking at me.

“What?”

“Oh.. hah... nothing.” I dimiss before curling my lips in. Just checking up on you.

Nate smirks a little more playfully as he repeats himself, “What?”

I laugh again, then realizing that his hair was a mess- how that happened, I have no idea. So I reach my hand up, starting to fix his hair- but I just end up playing with it. It was smooth for a head of curls.

“What are you doing?” he asks in the same playful tone, tilting his head.

“Just,” I smirk as I meet his eyes. “fixing your hair.”

Nate leans himself closer to me and my heart nearly jumps, “Did it look bad?”

“Please, you could never look bad…” I say as I move closer to him, our faces mere inches apart, and my eyes quickly flicker from focusing on his face to his lips then back to his face. Now would be a good time… maybe.. to kiss him..

“That’s a lie.” Nate says just above a whisper and for a split second I thought.. maybe he thought so too.. I mean… My Heart Will Go On was playing in the credits rolling on the screen… maybe he would be okay.. if I just…

“It’s not.” I whisper back before I lean in to kiss him and as if we could be any closer- Nate uses the arm wrapped around me to pull me closer to him as he kisses me back.

My hand moves to the back of Nate’s head, and I continue keeping my lips on his. We were slow with each other, letting our hands move as we press against each other on the recliner, adjusting ourselves to the space. I feel a bit of my confidence build as he again pulls me closer and well, he wasn’t pulling away. I hope I was doing this right… My hand instinctively drags itself down Nate’s back, tracing along his spine before I settle it on his lower back, drawing circles.

I press my lips against his a little harder when I feel his hands in my hair, feeling my face heat up before a chill shoots through my body. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way before… about a person.. and as much as I want to scream at myself, yell at myself, pull myself away from this situation- I only wanted more of this. I wanted more moments like this- moments with Nate, even if I knew they’d be limited, even if I knew that I could never have this permanently.

I’d take all of them if I felt like this whenever I was with him, no matter how little time I could be with him.  

No matter.

When I feel the kiss get a little more feverish, I move my hand to grip Nate’s arms and I could feel the muscles I first admired when I met him in the gym a long time ago.

“Holy hell, your arms…” I mumble in between kisses, slowing everything down until Nate pulls away with a raised eyebrow.

“What about them?” he asks looking at me.

“Oh.. I just..” I look away with a small smile, feeling embarrassed of what I had impulsively said. “I like them... a lot.”

Nate chuckles as he bites his lips with a blush, “Thanks.”

“Yeah sure.” I wish I could kiss him again, but maybe tonight.. maybe we’ve had more than enough of that… so I breathe out a laugh and run my hand through my own hair, hoping to fix it if Nate had messed up my hair- didn’t want to walk around looking like I had just made out with Nate… or did I..?

“It’s getting late, you should get back to your room.” Nate remarks and I check my watch.

I nod back at him, “Umm.. yeah.. I didn't realize how late it was getting…”

“Same.” he says as he stands and offers me his hand, and I take his hand and stand.

We leave the theater and walk hand in hand to my room, enjoying each other’s company. We reach my door and Nate turns to me. o

“I had fun, you got to see me cry, but I had fun.” he says.

A laugh escapes me, “I'll never forget your face when Rose dropped that necklace into the water... but..” I nod, feeling a smile creep up my lips,“Me too... I liked it…”

“Please don’t.” Nate shakes his head when I mention the necklace.

“Never gonna let you live it down, Natalie.”

I’d never let that memory go, never.

“Whatever.” Nate jokes as he leans to give me a small peck on my lips, making me blush. “Good night Michelle.”

“Good night, Nate.” I smile through my blush, opening my door from behind me, waving good bye.

I catch one last smile on Nate’s face before I see him walk away. I step into my room- closing my door behind me and pressing my back against the door still feeling the residual giddiness from being with Nate.

Moments. I was starting to live for moments like these.

I wipe a tear from my eye, pressing my back against the sitting room door.

If only memories like those could really convince me to stay in this palace.

To be continued