#narutobeingstrong

[realkyuhoney]

Barely Holding On to You

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"I'm fallin' apart, I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart that's still beating..."

Sasuke is heartbroken and can't sleep after Naruto breaks up with him. So he takes this time to reflect.

Based on a meme and heavily influenced by the song Broken by Lifehouse because it was on repeat while I wrote this.

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"If you take one more step, Naruto, that's it. This is the end."

Sasuke opened his eyes and stared at the broken clock on the wall. Somehow the lack of ticking was helping him sleep, but then he'd hear the words again and wake up. Why? Why had he said it?

"Sasuke, I'm breaking up with you."

The words wouldn't stop echoing through his memory. Yet, he still couldn't believe it had happened.

"Yeah, right."

He'd been so smug… Of course he had been. He always was when it came to Naruto. When they were kids and he thought he was the better ninja, more advanced in every way. And then even as they grew, he still behaved as though Naruto would never catch up to him. And then when he realized that he loved him and Naruto kissed him. Even then, he considered his time more valuable than Naruto’s. Always showing up late to their dates. Always leaving when he felt like it, finding pleasure in the way Naruto would pout and say that he wasn't ready for Sasuke to go.

He liked making Naruto beg for his attention. He didn't know why.

He loved Naruto so much, but he couldn't stop pretending as though he didn't.

"I can't keep letting you do this to me. I'm sorry."

Even then, he was waiting for Naruto to start laughing and say that he was joking. He stood there smirking at him, waiting for a playful kiss. But Naruto cried instead.

Soft. Heartbroken. Full of sorrow as he turned away from him.

"Naruto…"

In that moment, the look in his eyes had completely broken Sasuke. He wanted so much to run to him and scoop him up and pepper his beautiful face with the softest kisses. Apologize genuinely and profusely. Beg for his forgiveness and ask how he can do better.

But then his pride took over and stopped him. Changed him from regretful to offended. And all he could think was how dare he? Naruto, break up with him? Naruto?! With his big blue eyes and cute little whiskers… That… warm, tanned skin and perfectly toned body…

He couldn't bear the thought. He didn't want to lose him, but he couldn't make himself do the thing he had originally wanted to do. So instead of softening his facial expression and falling to his knees, he scowled. He balled his fists and clenched his jaw as he stared at Naruto’s back moving farther away from him. And he yelled after him.

"You think I care? I never really loved you, you know that?"

He had been so sure Naruto would turn around and look at him angrily. That he'd march over to him and call him a jerk, inches from his face. And then he'd be putty in Sasuke's hands again. Sasuke had every intention of telling him that he knew he'd never go through with it. Never quit Sasuke… but… he didn't look at him. He didn't even stop.

Even then, he'd wanted to soften. He'd wanted to reach out and say something, anything other than what he was saying. Please. I'm sorry, Naruto. But he couldn't do it. His mind and his body betrayed what was in his heart. And he couldn't stop himself from reacting.

"If you take one more step, Naruto, that's it. This is the end."

Tears were streaming down his face, but his voice refused to show even the slightest inkling of weakness as it stayed perfectly even. And the words were not at all what he had wanted to say. But he said them and they were so final.

And Naruto stayed strong. For once. Believing so much that Sasuke didn't care. Because… that's what he had wanted him to believe. He couldn't show Naruto how weak he actually was for him.

And give him the upperhand?

Though, what was so wrong with that?

Sasuke looked back over at the clock. He could've put a new battery in so many times in the last six months. But he almost preferred to leave it broken. Then he could tell himself that he didn't have any obligations. Especially when Naruto slept over. He knew what time it was. But he could pretend he didn't and get lost in kissing Naruto. Touching him. Cuddling with him after. And then he could look at his watch suddenly and tell Naruto that he had somewhere to be. Training to do. A mission to go on. Something. Anything to keep Naruto wanting more.

Keep him guessing.

Not letting Naruto see that the only thing Sasuke really had to offer him were his lips and his body. Not letting him see how truly damaged he was.

Sasuke sat up suddenly as the realization hit him. He'd been so scared to let Naruto see him in that way. Naruto had always admired him and thought him strong. But to know he was damaged in a way that may never truly be fixed? He would've lost him much sooner.

Tears poured down Sasuke's face as his chest heaved. He felt as though he were falling completely apart and he could barely breathe as he sobbed through the heartbreak. He'd held happiness and sunshine in the palm of his hand and he had taken it so much for granted.

"What's wrong with me?" he asked himself through his tears as he clenched fistfuls of his own hair. He could barely breathe at this point. Memories of Naruto flashing through his mind. Smiling, laughing… Looking at Sasuke with more affection than Sasuke was used to. Naruto's love for him had always been so selfless. And all Sasuke had ever done was take advantage of that.

As Sasuke sat in bed falling apart, he couldn't help but wonder if Naruto was half as broken as him. Though, he was sure he wasn't. He was probably relieved, free. Finally.

And Sasuke couldn't blame him. He couldn't blame Naruto if he moved on quickly. If he fell in love with some girl, maybe Sakura. They'd make a great couple. He couldn't blame Naruto if he never spoke to Sasuke again. If he never even so much as looked in Sasuke's direction. No. Sasuke couldn't blame him.

He would pine for him always. No matter what. And Naruto deserved to be pined for. To be loved, to be longed for. From near and afar. Sasuke probably always was best suited to love someone from afar anyway. Even if it hurt him. Naruto would find someone to be close to. Easily. Hinata had always had a thing for him.

Sasuke couldn't help but feel jealous as he tried to consider a new partner for Naruto. Sakura? Hinata? With Naruto?

"Over my dead body," he said as he tossed his blankets aside and got out of his bed. He was in pajamas, but he didn't care to find normal clothes, it was still the middle of the night anyway. He didn't even bother to put shoes on or lock his door when he left.

Naruto needed to know how he felt. His true heart. Or nevermind… Naruto already knew. He always had. What he needed was to hear it. From Sasuke's mouth. Sasuke had to tell him. Tell him about his pain, his struggles, his weaknesses. Tell him how despite all of that, his love for Naruto was what kept him going. What brought him home. What kept him here.

And even after he told him. If he still didn't want Sasuke back, then that would be alright. At least Sasuke tried. He communicated. He opened his heart, and he said it was open, and he told Naruto it was his forever. No matter what, at least Naruto would know for a fact that Sasuke was his and his alone.

Always.

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