#naruto x inglorious bastards

[elterremotochileno]

Inglorious Rookies

This came to me in a fever dream. It's the crossover one asked for but I needed and so here I proudly present: Naruto x Inglorious Basterds.

AU! Alternative Universe / Cannon Divergence - where Konoha decides to invade the Village of the Sound after Orochimaru's attack and murder of the Third Hokage. The new Hokage assigns Shikamaru Nara a vital mission: gather the rookies of his generation, infiltrate de Country of Rice and kill every soundling they can get their hands on.

Words: 1.272

It's my first time posting a fic and I'm not a native English speaker, so I'm sorry in advance if some typos eluded me jajaj

It came to me in a flash of shitposting inspiration. If there is interest - or if I'm once again hit with inspiration - I could continue this project.

After the attack on Honoha and the murder of the Third Hokage, a war council was summoned with the heads of Konohagakure’s Clans. They argued for a while before deciding that the best course of action was to unleash a massive shinobi attack on the Hidden Village of the Sound in a combined strike with the forces of the Hidden Village among the Sands - their clan heads were also pissed off by the former’s Kazekage's Souplantation. The objective was to destroy Orochimaru’s labs and headquarters when the former Sannin was still weak from his fight with the Third.

The Jonin forces received orders to begin the preparations for the incoming invasion but, after Konoha’s attack, the village was in need of ninja soldiers. A war - unfortunately - needs soldiers to fight it.

The newly elected Hokage had that in mind when she charged Shikamaru Nara, the only chunin of his generation, with a very delicate mission.

The “Rookie 11”, as one day they will be remembered, gathered a couple of minutes before the break of dawn. Team 10 was the first to arrive, followed closely by Team Guy. Team 8 came almost last, followed by Sakura - the only other member of Team 8 remaining. Kiba and Akamaru were yawning, seemingly having stepped out of his bed not very long ago. Others, meanwhile, looked like they hadn’t slept at all.

They line up in front of Shikamaru, whose flashy new chunin’s flak jacket is only overshadowed by his thousand yards stare. Behind him was the “No. 1 Unpredictable Ninja” himself, Naruto Uzumaki, who appeared weirdly cheered up.

ー I can’t believe I’m actually doing this ー Shikamaru confesses to his unofficial second-in-command.

ー Come on! It’s going to be great. Believe it!

Naruto’s confident smile somehow made Shikamaru feel worst. He knew that the orange ninja wasn’t excited about the message of his speech, but they needed to give it nonetheless. There were tough times ahead.

ー If it makes you feel better… ー Shikamaru sighed before marching towards the line.

He cleared his throat and the little murmur in the crow died. All eyes were on him.

ー My name is Chūnin Nara Shikamaru and I'm putting together a special team ー he began to say loudly. ー And I need me ten shinobi.

» Ten - Hot-Blooded - Leaf - Shinobi!

Among the young genin, Kiba couldn’t hold a laugh.

ー We all know who you are, Shikamaru. You don’t have to…

ー Now y'all might of heard rumors about the attack happening soon ー Nara continued once there was silence once again. ー Well, we'll be leaving a little earlier. We're gonna infiltrate the Country of Rice, dressed as civilians. And once we're in enemy territory, as a bushwacking, shinobi army, we’re gonna be doing one thing, and thing only…

A slight jab in his ribs by Shino got his attention. The shinobi of Clan Aburame slowly lift up his finger to his mouth, telling him to shut up. Annoyed at first, he soon looked around an noticed that all his former classmates were dead quiet. Even Naruto, the class clown, couldn’t hide his fear behind his smile.

» Killing Soundlings.

The word made echoes through the formation. ‘Soundlings’ was how the village had begun to call the ninjas of the sound after the battle. A deep hatred had invaded Konoha’s heart, a hatred that filled the war cries.

ー The Village Hidden in the Sound orchestrated an attack on our village and convinced one of our own to leave through murder, torture, intimidation, and terror ー Sakura couldn’t keep his eyes up as Shikamaru’s mentioned Sasuke. He abandoned the village just two days before this gathering and the chances of getting him back were really slim. Shikamaru felt her sadness and caught her gaze. ー And that's exactly why our job is to pay them in kind.

They couldn’t be surprised. This was what they were trained to do after all: fight as ninjas against the enemies of the Village.

ー Now, I don't know about y'all… But I sure as hell didn't survive the goddamn Chunin Exam, cross five thousand miles of deadly forest, fight my way through half the Land of Fire, and then infiltrate the snake’s den to teach the soundlings lessons in humanity.

» Soundlings ain't got no humanity! They’re the foot soldiers of a snake-faced, mass-murdering maniac, and they need to be destroyed.

The way he said it, so matter of fact, startled the genin. But at the same time, he was speaking out loud the feelings most of them kept in their heart.

ー That's why any and every son-of-a-bitch we find wearing a sound headband, they're gonna die. ー The headbands on their foreheads grew heavy. Wearing them was an oath: you became a shinobi of the Leaf; your priorities were placed first in the village, then your Clan, and finally in your friends.

» Now, I’m a member of Clan Nara. It means I have an affinity with shadows. And our battle plan will be that of an unseen shinobi.

Shikamaru’s voice dropped lower, his tone darker.

ー We will be cruel to the Soundlings, and through our cruelty, they will know who we are. They will find the evidence of our cruelty, in the disembowed, dismembered, and disfigured bodies of their brothers we leave behind us. And the Soundlings will not be able to help themselves from imagining the cruelty their brothers endured at our hands, and our boot heels, and the edge of our knives.

» And the Soundlings will be sickened by us.

» And the Soundlings will talk about us.

» And the Soundlings will fear us.

» And when the Soundlings close their eyes at night, and their subconscious tortures them for the evil they’ve done, it will be with thoughts of us, that it tortures them with.

Shikamaru stopped pacing and looked at everybody. The time of truth came.

ー Sound good?

There was only a brief moment of doubt before the place was filled with a roaring reply;

ー YES, SIR!

The truth was, they had reasons to be angry. Most of them lost people in the invasion or had encounters with them themselves. They saw the destruction, the cruelty of Orochimaru, and the corruption of their friend. It was too much even for a gentle heart.

ー That's what I like to hear ー Nara began to pace again, a small smile curled on his lipsー But I got a word of warning to all would-be shinobi. When you join my command, you take on debit. A debt you owe me, personally.

» Each and every man and woman under my command owes me one hundred soundlings headbands. And I want my headbands. And all y'all will get me one hundred soundlings headbands taken from the heads of one hundred dead soundlings…

Shikamaru stopped and briefly scanned the look of determination on their faces before finally adding;

» Or you will die trying.

Shikamaru finally understood his Sensei’s desire to smoke. It was a real bother to lead. But he was the only one that could. He understood his companions’ anger, maybe better than anyone else. Beyond their specific Team mission, most of them were inexperienced and untested on the battlefield. If they were going to war, they couldn’t view the enemy as a human being, but as less than.

It’s the only way to make sure most of them survive.

[admrlthundrbolt]

Masterlist

Stranger Things

Straight Through The Heart (Eddie Munson x Chubby Reader)

Jojo's Bizzare Adventure

The Most Beautiful Girl In The World (Okuyasu x Chubby Reader)

One Way Or Another (Selkie N'Doul x Chubby Reader

Voices In My Head (Secco x Chubby Reader)

How Did You Love (Polnareff x Chubby Reader)

Heal The Pain (Dragon Wamuu x Chubby Reader)

Black Magic Woman (Werewolf Santana x Chubby Reader)

Evil Walks (Poltergeist Esidisi x Chubby Reader)

Just What I Needed (Gorgon Kars x Chubby Reader)

Believer (Gargoyle Risotto x Chubby Reader)

Resident Alien

Warm Heart Pastry (Harry x Chubby Reader)

One-Punch Man

Love is a Battlefield (Garou x Chubby Reader)

Holding Out For A Hero (Mumen Rider x Chubby Reader)

Elevate (King x Chubby Reader)

Bullet Train

Apple Blossom (Lemon x Chubby Reader x Tangerine)

Stayin' Alive (Ladybug x Chubby Reader

Resident Evil

Your Love Could Start a War (Lady Dimitrescu x Cubby Reader)

New Future Weapon (Mutant Wesker x Chubby Reader)

Encanto

Dance Macabre (Bruno x Chubby Reader)

Harley Quinn

Have Faith In Me (Bane x Chubby Reader)

Overwatch

You Dropped A Bomb On Me (Junkrat x Chubby Reader)

The Road to El Dorado

I Put A Spell On You (Tzekel-Kan x Chubby Reader)

Camp Camp

Perfect World (David x Cubby Reader)

Spider-Man

Ashes (Norman Osborn x Chubby Reader)

Emperor's New Clothes (Doc Ock x Chubby Reader)

Firefly

Wait A Minute My Girl (Jayne x Chubby Reader)

Scream

You Spin Me Round (Billy x Chubby Reader x Stu)

Naruto

Sweet Tooth (Iruka x Chubby Reader)

Batman

Leather and Lace (Killer Croc x Chubby Reader)

Friday the 13th

Die To Live (Jason Vorhees x Chubby Reader)

Hunter X Hunter

Do It All The Time (Hisoka x Chubby Reader x Illumi)

Drag Me Down(Minotaur Uvogin x Chubby Reader)

Guardians of the Galaxy

Edge Of Midnight (Nebula x Chubby Reader)

What We Do in the Shadows

Under The Graveyard (Petyr x Chubby Reader)

Alone Together (Nandor the Relentless x Chubby Reader)

Inglorious Bastards

Some Nights (Hugo Stiglitz x Chubby Reader)

Halloween

Popular Monster (Demon Michael Myers x Chubby Reader)

Pokemon

Electric Love (Guzma x Chubby Reader)

Arcane

Reckless Paradise (Silco x Chubby Reader)

Terminator

One Of Those Days (Sarah Conner x Chubby Reader)

Mad Max

Radioactive (Furiosa x Chubby Reader)

Mario Bros

Love From The Other Side (Bowser x Chubby Reader)

Jeepers Creepers

Centuries (Jeepers Creepers x Chubby Reader)

Halloweentown

Tongue Tied (Luke x Chubby Reader)

Venom

Run Run Run (Eddie x Chubby Reader x Venom)

Stardew Valley

Therapy (Harvey x Chubby Reader)