#narrator (mateo)

[drageverywhere]

I C O N ✨

[ephemaera]

sam's past is a far cry from mateo's. what she remembers is a life she's lucky to have had. her adoptive parents had given her the world, but it couldn't take away the grief for the family she lost, even if they didn't want her. being chosen by her parents meant a lot, but it did little to heal the fact that she'd been abandoned, maybe left for dead. while mateo's trauma may force its way out, sam's sinks in, in, always in. she makes herself small, has to be perfect, doesn't talk if she doesn't have to. and it may not always be like that, but it's a battle to come out from behind her shell. it's a risk. and against whatever odds, it's a risk she's safe to take when it comes to mateo. there's a part of her that almost admires his anger. she figures she could benefit from feeling something like that for once. but right now, it's biting him in the ass. she sighs, knowing what he means. maybe he's even right. 'well,' she says, weighing her words for a moment before she says them, 'fuck 'em. i know that's, like, trite, but... fuck 'em. you're here. you deserve to be here.' a clank sounds in the otherwise empty room as sam grabs the kit she keeps in her locker and goes to gently remove the paper towel from mateo's hand. carefully, she starts to wrap his knuckles. 'i wouldn't,' she murmurs. 'george wouldn't. i don't think mer or izzie would be happy either. and besides, you can't leave me alone with the rest of these assholes.'

most people don't understand how difficult it was to shake off a past like mateo's. all that violence and survival and anger. the vigilance he had to have when he was working street corners, even more so when he went to prison for a crime he hadn't committed. the loss of his girlfriend had left mateo plagued with grief, which also turned into rage. for a long time, that was the only thing he knew how to feel, and though he's gotten better at regulating, that didn't mean he was good at it. far from it. in fact, he was bad. which is why he had punched a man in the middle of his workplace. mateo should be glad he doesn't get his internship taken away from him. he wouldn't have been surprised if they tried to take it all away. 'is it? doesn't seem like that's enough for anyone around here,' if anyone else was trying to touch him, or tell him what to do, mateo would have something to say. since this was sam, he let her look over his knuckles with mild annoyance before he rolled his eyes and strode toward the sink to rinse off the scrapes there. when he comes back, his hand is wrapped in a damp paper towel. 'should just leave, at this point. i'm sure everyone would throw a fucking party,'

[bog-mob]

Hellow BogMob Community, art dump time!

Ft. Mateo's, Visil's (+narrator by accident), and Authur's 432s!!

And an art trade with Shy :]]

[tellmegoodbye]

Welcome back everyone! This week's themes are Disasters and Nancy & Mateo. I'll admit, this theme was a tough one! I have two songs that reflect on two very disastrous moments in the show. It's a loose interpretation of the word, I know, but the result is now probably my angstiest music monday submission yet. You're welcome. Or I'm sorry.

Thank you as always to @lonestar-s5countdown!

---

Walked Through Hell - Anson Seabra

I guess all the mountains that I moved just weren't enough And all those nights I walked you home From crowded bars when you were drunk Well they meant nothing 'cause you up and walked away And I just wonder what it'd take to make you stay

Cause when you said jump I said how high But when I jumped you said goodbye

I would've walked through hell To find another way I would've laid me down If I knew that you would stay I would've crossed the stars To keep you in my life But now I'm falling hard Without you here tonight

I'm kicking things off with a breakup song. TK and Carlos were both broken in their own ways, but these lyrics are a reflection on Carlos' state of mind in the immediate aftermath. There's a touch of unreliable narrator involved here because obviously TK loves Carlos, but from the perspective of the person whose heart has just been broken, he doesn't. This song really digs into just how much pain something like this causes, and how much healing they had to go through. Much like a recovery from a physical injury, such as Grace hurting her leg or TK taking a bullet to his chest, Carlos' love and trust needed a lot of mending.

Atlantic - Sleep Token

(cw: reference to a suicide attempt)

I woke up surrounded, eyes like frozen planets Just orbiting the vacuum I am And they talk me through the damage, consequence And how it's a pain they know they don't understand

Sobbing as they turn to statues at the bedside I'm trying not to crush into sand So flood me like Atlantic, weather me to nothing Wash away the blood on my hands

This is TK in the aftermath of his overdose. The narrator describes themselves as a vaccum, surrounded by people who love them but can't understand the pain that they're in. TK feels so broken and empty at this point, and even though he lies to Owen and puts on a stoic face. We know he's hurting so much more than he said. We know that this overdose was no accident, that TK felt so lost and unlovable that he had tried to take his own life. He'll go through the motions. He'll move to Austin with his dad and rebuild a firehouse. He'll go back to work and seek out physical comfort from Carlos, but he doesn't heal from something like this overnight. He still feels like he'll never have the kind of future he wants. Love and happiness feel so distant for him right now, nearly an impossiblity. He can't see a way out of the darkness.

Tags!

@strandnreyes @lemonlyman-dotcom @heartstringsduet @herefortarlos @bonheur-cafe

@ironheartwriter @emsprovisions @sapphic--kiwi @literateowl @carlos-tk

@paperstorm @guardian-angle22 @lightningboltreader @eclectic-sassycoweyes @thisbuildinghasfeelings

@whatsintheboxmh @firstprince-history-huh @toomanycupsoftea @reeeallygood @butchreyes

@nancys-braids @captain-gillian @alrightbuckaroo @theghostofashton @reyesstrand + open tag!

[ephemaeraltouch]

from the moment he'd seen it, george had been awed by mateo's fire. george had never had that, had never really challenged others when they looked down on him. you could chalk it up to any number of things: his family, his nature, just being kicked down one too many times. he figures it's probably a mixture of a lot of things. he was always easy to pick on, and now he doesn't bother wasting his breath fighting back. but it's not a waste, the way mateo does it. he knows his worth–– or at least, in some ways he does. george doesn't think mateo quite sees himself how george sees him. then again, george knows he probably doesn't see himself the way mateo does.

either way, he isn't used to things like this. he's had partners, sure. he'd had a girlfriend during med school who was really sweet, and they'd had a good time in bed together. but this feels... it's far more than that, somehow. george feels taken care of. this is different than someone sucking his dick. he can't explain why, but there's something about this that feels far more intimate than anything else he's experienced. maybe it's just the logistics of it–– this is a little outside the realm of his encounters with oral sex thus far. and maybe it's the potential drawbacks for mateo; genitals aren't necessarily the most clean things in the world, but your anus–– and thank god that mateo is back there doing what he's doing because it's enough to distract george from this embarrassingly clinical breakdown of what is decidedly a big deal–– and something he wants to be present for.

he sucks in a breath at the shallow press of mateo's tongue, and his cock jumps a little at the term pretty boy. well, he thinks distantly, that's new. noted. every new sensation is unexpected, drawing out the slightest sounds–– a hah in surprise, or a half-choked noise of pleasure. george is trying to just go with it, but it's like he's being swept up by the ocean, buffeted back under every time he gets his head above water. ( he never thought he'd be so content to drown. ) mateo teases him, and through waves of pleasure, he manages a little laugh. 'yeah, i'm not exactly known for my timing––' but his last words bleed into a moan as mateo's tongue pushes into him again. 'i–– it's––' he takes a ragged breath. 'it feels good. strange, but–– you feel... god.'

where george seemed to overthink these types of situations, and who he may be attracted to, mateo took an opposite approach, often repelling labels and just doing whatever he wanted to do. disregarding judgement ( though not entirely unaffected by it ). there were plenty of differences between him and george, but one of them was confidence. mateo often dared others to speak back to him, call him names, bully him in some way, and few stepped up to the challenge. george was simply a nice guy who didn't know how to fight back against those that decided he was an easy target. his softness had been one of the things that ultimately drew mateo so close to george. it wasn't something he was used to having - no one was gentle with the ex convict, knowing that the dog's bite was worse than his bark. but george stuck around. despite mateo's previously harsh words. despite his lack of experience with this type of thing. despite, despite, despite.

in a way, mateo saw this as a way of giving back everything that george had already given him. it's not something mateo thought he could admit aloud, but he appreciated, not just the other man's openness, but his patience, as well. it would have been easy for george to give up on mateo after the first few times mateo had snapped at him. but he didn't. he stuck around. mateo couldn't name anyone else who had done the same. so making george feel good was mateo saying thanks, somewhat. but it was also for him. it had been so long since he'd actually enjoyed having sex with someone - being intimate ( vulnerable ) with someone - and why shouldn't he get to enjoy it, too? mateo is nervous in his own way, but he's better at hiding it than george is.

mateo can't help the smirk that touches his lips, tongue pressing slightly into george before he pulls away, kissing along george's ass as the other man begins to ramble. 'nah - keep talkin', pretty boy,' mateo murmurs. where once he couldn't wait for george to shut up, now he wanted to hear what george had to say. he wanted to know how george thought this felt. teeth bare and he gently nips at the tender skin below george's tailbone, hand working against george's length, a bit faster, but not enough to rush. 'out've all the times you could've chosen to shut up, now's not th'right one,' mateo chuckles before sinking back down, tongue once again licking george's rim, tip of tastebuds pressing inside.

[murkystarlight]

DREAMZZZ season2 (part 2) spoilers

(It's really just me making random comments on the episodes)

Episode 17

Yes, Izzie. We're going to the beast realm-

Dizzy apparently is still here- what. Are they buddies now? Or what

Wildoria- ooh

Z! Don't eat that-

Nova jumping behind Iz. (Nice to see Nova and Sneak more often)

Toss it our of the rift?? Ohh- I can already see this is a bad idea.

And Z spit it out. Good. And it's also something really important. Of course it is.

Beast master. Sounds like he would have the crown of control- cause he's the master. Y'know?

Make Nova dream about Wildoria? Wow- and she specifically said "I'm glad I'm.not going"

Ooh! So they didn't forget about the birthday. Good. And I guess Mateo isn't completely avoiding Jasmine of Jasmine chose to call Mateo instead of Izzie. Or maybe Izzie just didn't pick up-

Montage!!

Woah- okay Izzie. No more rad radioactive. Please- you had enough already

She's crafty too, isn't she

Mateo doesn't like change- he's accepting it. But he's taking his time... oh... this just like the Never Witch

It's Sneak's drink. Oh my god- you can't just steal other people's stuff

Zoey narrating. And does it well?? Really well-

Okay- what is that temple-(and yes. The animals definitely do look like they are under control

He came in through the rift! He isn't dreaming! Oh gos- I have so many questions now

Okay Claudius. He is wearing the crown as suspected-

Living the dream! (But literally)

I kind of like this Claudius guy

He seems lonely. And.. a freak kinda

...Izzie? Is.. is she okay? I don't think she is-

Wow. Sneak is great at voice acting

She won't be able to fall asleep. No sir. Definitely not

Now she's pissed. It's your own fault

At least the food is edible. I thought it be like.. bugs- but then again. They have bugs among them. So I guess that would be like.. cannibalism-

Why did you tell him that there's more powerful artifacts! No! He's the kind that's crazy for power isn't he!

Animal abuse-

Hm. Nevermind I hate this guy.

Good thinking Zoey

The tickling vines

"Inspiring him to take a shower"

Apparently he showers with his clothes on. Question. Do you need to shower in the dream realm?

Jumping rope?

Cooper keeps trying to do stuff- which.. is good. Yeah. And he's getting creative. Thinking outside the box and all that

Oh- you okay?...

Okay- the fly trap looks creepy. And how is Nova so peaceful- cute

Does he have that crown glued on his head?! The heck??

Ooh. Mind control??

Also- really? Scaring your friend in a dream? Really?? That's the plan?

Sack him? Oh gosh. Well it worked. But Zoey isn't being controlled. Welp- better luck next time(she dodged the darn thing?? How??)

Izzie- no- no oh my god.

C-rex looks amazing with all that lighting

Also, is Cooper holding a guy in a sack. Over his shoulder. With one hand- it's a dream but still

"WHERE IS THE RIFT"

Cooper!

Apparently controlling people isn't the only thing he can do. Or were they controlled to wake up

And the rift clised- and they got doom domed! And Logan is... really good at falling asleep (so sweet how he stays with her)

And Clause is really dumb

Episode 18

Power hungry dude. (With good hearing)

He is real trouble.

Oh no- Logans a giant panda! (...Izzie likes it?) Oh no- he isn't good.

Look at the four of them together- watching that tiny dome-

Suffering for Izzie

"Izzie's gone!"

"Logan isn't answering his phone, Mateo's freaking out, and Mr. Oz well.... he's not helping"

"Izzie's gone!!"

"I was such a jerk to Izzie last night! I'm her brother! I'm supposed to take care of her!"

"Izzie's gone-!"

The amount of stuff going on here- chaos. I love the chaos. And also, Mateo being a sweet brother-🥺

Mateo blaming himself😭😭 oh my goddd

Supportive friends

Omg! The party-!

"Izzie's gone?!"

Wait- aren't we in the waking world? How is Dizzy here?? (Also, my theory was- kind of right?? Yay!!)

I really wanted to see the clones out in the waking world. But working together... that's not what I expected. Still good though

Oh- the nightmare thing at school-

"Izzie's gone?"

"Oh Izzie's gone??"

Izzie's new outfit! So that's why it's animal themed...

"Maybe this will knock some sense into you!" *attempts to smash her friends head*

Mrs. Castillo notices that Dizzy looks different

"Are you crazy? I don't eat cobras! Some of my best friends are cobras!!"

Wow-

Cooper's a great actor (and Mateo's staring at him like he's crazy)

Ooh the gems are pretty

Oh- and she lost Bunchu

Logan! (His hair looks like Lance-)

"Oh Izzie! I'm so sorry-"

How did he wake up??

Dizzy... you're not even trying

And.. logan is a wolf now. Okay. Sure... makes... sense

"Oh, it's, uh, a new online challenge?"

He's great at lying now

"Uh.. not sure Logan's in control anymore"

"Was he ever?"

Mrs. Putnam- wow. He really fell asleep fast

The griffen is... sorta helping? Zinnia is a nice name

Oh- no she's not

She really has a lot of talents

Wow. She changes so darn much and people are just going "Oh. Okay. Well anyways-"

Middle-schoolers. Haha.

Karaoke~

"Dizzy! You're a genius"

"Wow-! I've never gotten a compliment before"

Ohhh I see it coming now~~

Oh- they still have resistance(way with animals)

Uh- what did she put in the punch? Pickle?? Oh-

Dizzy is really good at bad-

"Spicy! Hot! Hot!" (Her voice- unique)

Izzie is being smart

The party.. is going to shit

Mateo likes it. Well- of course. I mean this kind of stuff is fun-

She's motivational- dang..

The cake-

Can't feel my tongue no more- how bad is it?!

Food fight!!

Logan! Noooo

The nice conversation between Dizzy and Mateo

"Oh dang- uh, they're totally gonna eat him, arent they" Ohhh he's in for it now

"No one should use this crown!"

Yes ma'am! Yes! Good good. Very inspiring. She's good

And- the Never Witch is here now. Wait- she's taking it that easily??

She helping the dishes?

Chants in Latin?? Latin?!

So much stuff going on-

Episode 19

Their dad is so sweet-

Um- what the heck??

Cooper!

What is going on-

Alright- um.. let's go boys

Oh- look at that! Beautiful picture! I love how it looks-- all the dopples positioned

Ah- they... they're gone- they're good. And... coming together? Um... I'm kind of worried

Astrid! She's disappeared after getting her new clothes. Good to see ya!

How is she rolling up the stairs like th-

Logan is still a bit frenzy- I guess since the crown of control is with the Never Witch?

Oh- no. He's just racing with Iz

Oh! Never Witch backstory

Zoey really doesn't like bugs

Ooh- yeah the Never Witch didn't even try to design it well

King Albert! Yes operate him again

"Deja vu!"

"You- can say that again"

"Deja vu."

Yo- king Albert is amazing(while . He lasted)

Cooper is good at tech. Isn't he

Zoey! Cooper!! (The blast was beautiful tho)

Logan- be patient, and nice (the panda voice is so- cu)

"Greaat. Now the space car blows up on my watch too. Hah hah- Mr. Oz is never gonna let me drive his ships again"

(Oh right. I forgot to say this.

Sorry Mr. Oz-)

And um.. technically, he isn't allowed to drive. I know it's a dream. But still-

"What ships? Grab my hand!"

....my brain is hopeless (Cooper× Zoey?)

O0O

Pyewacket!!

"Then what are we waiting for?"

"Nothing"

"Let's rock and roll"

Okay- but the giant monstrosity of a thing is like... super creepy

The sand effects look so prettttyyyy

"Be careful Zoey! You can't miss"

"Ugh- no pressure"

Love these two.

Mateo! Good job- Astrid!(oh- she's gone)

"Pyewacket, do the cat thing and hassle the birds. But quietly!"

Cat on his head!

Eugh that does look gross- I'm so sorry for you Zoey

"Uh- sorry Mr. Oz. We're working on it"

He sounds.. really unenthusiastic- loo

Oh dear- Cooper....

And- you lost it. Good job Zoey. Now you have to get up close to the bugs!

Wow. Cooper really needs a prize for actjng- like.. try out for a school play. Sure you'll do well lol

"There were more. Two girls, another boy, and the green one" (Well- you just blasted the other boy)

...this is actually kind of creepy. Does good with the visual effects

Well- that was one heck of an episode. Also, what happened to Cooper? Did he get sucked in? Or..

Episode 20

Twentieth!! Last one!

"The way it was always meant to be"

Oh no- wait what? Oh- the green one!!

Oh... was not expecting that! The writers are good at writing twists-

Yes! Protect your sister!! (And logan of course-)

Zoey is having the worst nightmare ever. Like- I would scream myself awake

The spider does have pretty eyes tho-

The Never Witch made a really cool speech

Zoey is scared- like a lot. Which is reasonable

Woah- awesome

Question. How does the memory help with stopping the witch??

Hug

Jesus- how many pets does she have(a lot)

Cooperrrrr! Ahhhhhh (was he hanging there this whole time? What the-)

"Maybe she got tied up?"

Uh.. correct! 10/10 (what is this dude-)

Pye glowing! Glowing!what's gonna happen now~

"Can you figure out how to release the doom-domes?"

"Hm.. tricky.."

What- can he really do everything? Like- dude! What the-

Playing catch (going to be real dizzy for Izzie and Logan)

Cooper! (Again? Really? What is- What- huh?)

Oh no- he's fine

And now Z

Oh' what the- sound waves? Pye?

Pye!! Oh my god- music! Speakers oh~

Now we get to see the memory! Yess

Oh- the yellow flowers died. Crying. Oh

Ahhhh

"You can hate me. But I'll never hate you. I love you, sister. I want you to remember that"

Well. I heard that line a few times before-

Uh... bonding with the Never Witch?

Wow- cooper. You get into a lot of things

Oh... she- she wanted to- she didn't want her sister to think that she hated her- Oh my god- this lego show has no right to be this- this-! Ugh

......goodbye-

Hold hands! Yes. Wait what- hold on. No like seriously- is it necessary? And- Well- in..

"They're in the wrong places. This isn't right"

"But it's great. I mean, look at it. It doesn't have to be exactly the same as it was before. I learned a lot of new stuff. I'm better"

"How do we know it'll be better?"

Yes you are! YES YOU SO VERY ARE- AHHRGGRGHH

And Mateo? Please don't do that- you keep leaving trails of *I kind of agree with the villain. But you know, in a slightly different way*

"We don't. But we can hope for the best. You can't control everything. And that's okay"

Okay. Now, kiss.(no but seriously- come on! Ahhh-) (do they really have to do it together? Like that? Really? Oh my God- ahhhahahah)

She accepted it. Oh- this is... such a nice ending-

Sandman!! Burzerker! Camelion! Phil!!!

They're all back! Yesss ahhhhh

Awww-

Bye Dizzy

Woah- I feel

Oh it's not over yet-

Logan talking about his moms, date with Astrid-

Mateo's more open to Jasmine too it seems!

"Can we skip school today?!" (Worth a shot-)

Mr. Oz... that's so sweet of you to say... ....but did you say gift from Lunia?

And Zoey's binding with her dad more too-

I- oh god-

.......wait. is this the end of DREAMZZZ??

I mean... it would be like- a great ending. But... ....

[marrowhyena]

Mateo asked: Hi, I am going through your Echo playthrough right now (loving it) and it made me wonder: Do you have a favorite genre of game to play for lets-plays? Is there a type of game you avoid?

Probably well-paced, dangerous games with interesting systems. In a game like Bloodborne or Resident Evil 2 Remake there's just always something happening, but I'm also constantly making decisions so it's not just a linear corridor. I think it just makes for a better show because I always have stuff to talk about, mistakes to make etc.

Open world games are pretty awful because 30 minutes in you've already seen the bulk of the experience, so now you just engage in repetitive tasks for the next 20 hours and hope that the story carries it I guess. Crunchy strategy games can involve so much tutorial reading that the whole thing gets bogged down just trying to understand anything, but in the boring way. People like to watch a player learn, but through stuff happening, not them reading a technical manual. 

 That's probably why Fear and Hunger is kinda the ultimate Let's Play game. You have no idea what's happening or how the game works, and it's frustrating, but you're invested and everything you do teaches you something. The game is full of bosses and traps that have surprise reveals, which gets a reaction. It's just more fun for everyone. 

 Visual novels are also fun for the fucking around hangout vibes. You just read a story with a friend and joke about what's happening. It's easy to understand why people like "watching" them so much since they don't have to look at the screen, but we're always saying something interesting: either the literal text of the game, or podcasting. It's much less interesting to hear a let's player saying "okay so I guess I'll check over here...." and other narration as they explore an area and have to do their 500th lockpicking minigame, etc. [Smile or comment on the answer here](https://retrospring.net/@Boring_Keith/a/112820055189793912)

[ephemaera]

george was not one to look a gift invitation to joe's in the mouth. if mateo looked unenthused about asking him, george could manage just fine. his fellow intern wasn't really one to wear his heart on his sleeve, and george couldn't blame him. people give mateo enough flack as it is–– he can only imagine how much worse it would be if his feelings showed the way george's do. but little bits peek through now that they're at the bar. he tries to play it cool, not wanting to scare mateo off, but george likes it, getting to know him. mateo's a cool guy. it's just nice.

but it's all out the window when he cracks that smirk. at first, the words take a moment to sink in. george doesn't like to consider himself a lightweight. he is one, but he doesn't like to consider himself that. so at two and a half beers in, he's definitely feeling a little tipsy. a small smile graces his features, but a bigger one breaks through when mateo continues. 'yeah, maybe i do,' he says, lifting his beer to clink against mateo's fresh one. 'consider myself lucky, i mean.' he takes a swig of his beer and reaches out to playfully push mateo's arm. 'you're a cool guy, man.'

it turns out, george is an alright guy, once you have a couple beers in you. truth be told, mateo was feeling a little more loose than he normally did. less uptight, less mad at the world. when he asked george to get a drink with him, he had still done so with an emotionless face, looking as if he didn't care whether the other man joined him or not. now that they were both at joe's bar, mateo's shoulders sagged a bit. his brows uncreased. he even had the tiniest bit of a smirk that sat comfortably at one side of his mouth. 'you're th'first person i've even thought about hanging out with outside of th'hospital,' mateo downs his third beer and calls for another one, with no intention of stopping. not when he was just starting to have a good time. smirk grows slightly as he glances at george. 'consider yourself lucky,' @ephemaera.

[paperstorm]

Agreed that it's interesting how they're approaching the different "begins" episodes. Judd&Grace are a straightforward, solid couple, so they get a straightforward linear narration of how they got together. TK is our NDE MVP, so his past/patterns reveals are usually connected to NDEs. Carlos has such a barrier within himself about thinking about or dealing with his past, that we don't actually get to see the scenes, we only learn the impact his past has on his present/future and it's only revealed when he's forced by circumstances to reveal it. Marjan is someone who's always had a firm sense of identity, and she was going through a bit of an identity-crisis, so she hallucinates about events in her life that helped build that part of her identity originally. Mateo is a movie/tv buff, so his past is revealed Wandavision-sitcom-telenovela style. I love this show so much!!

Yesssss it’s so good!! This is a great breakdown, I have nothing to add

[haloburns]

when i was writing the early relationship between danny and mateo I was like "are they moving too fast??? what if someonenthinks six months is too soon to say i love you????" bc i always thought i was a "take it slow" kinda person

(narrator voice: they were very very wrong(

bc now here i am, four-ish months into my very own brand new relationship, dropping i love yous every hour on the hour (only a slight exaggeration), dreaming abt when we can finally move in together and what our house might look like and other grossly (affectionate) coupley shit like that and im like

huh

guess i shoulda seen that one comin from a mile away, huh?

[lire-casander]

as the world shifts off its axis

[1,280 words] [teen and up audiences] [beta'ed by the always wonderful @morganaspendragonss. special thanks to @moviegeek03 for her constant support and her hand-holding.] [tk strand] [angst, tk is an unreliable narrator, little to no dialogue, spoilers for s04e01 the new hotness, religious discussion, mentions of recovery]

it seems i'm back for the time being! this story has been written in bits and pieces throughout the day, in between work meetings and arguments with my boss. all in all, i don't think it's taken me over an hour and half to put it together, which is a record for me. religious discussion comes from pope francis' interview to associated press, recovered from the cbs news webpage. i think it could be used to understand where carlos is coming from and his reasons. it's also a way for me to sort through the feelings of being a catholic bisexual woman within this twenty-first-century church.

His fiancé is already married. To a woman — to his best friend. As much as he tries to wrap his head around the fact, he can't.

as the world shifts off its axis

part 8 of as the world whirls

catch up on the series on ao3 | read on ao3

He leans into the wall once he's left on his own. A sigh escapes his lips, a puff of air finding its way into existence. He rubs a hand against his eyes as he tries to make sense of what he's just learned.

There's no way he would have believed it if anyone had told him three years ago.

His fiancé is already married. To a woman — to his best friend. As much as he tries to wrap his head around the fact, he can't.

Carlos Reyes is married to Iris Blake. They've been married for years. They've been married for longer than he's known Carlos. They go way back — back to high school, back to when Carlos needed a mirage of normalcy to get through his days.

As much as he understands the reasons behind Carlos' decision to tie the knot with Iris, it's still a hard pill to swallow. His mind is racing ten miles a second as he thinks about the implications that Carlos' confession has — how their whole life, his whole life in Austin since he decided to take a leap of faith and grab Carlos' hand on top of the Camaro, everything they've built together is now a lie. Has been a lie all this time.

Their love is built on an omission of truth that Carlos has been keeping close to his chest for years.

He can feel anxiety and dread pooling in equal measure in his gut. He takes a deep breath, then another one, but the feeling isn't budging. He can't shake it.

Carlos hadn't told him because he never thought they'd reach a moment when he'd need to come clean. Carlos never thought they'd get past the fun stage of their relationship, they'd never make it to serious stuff like living together or getting engaged.

Carlos never thought a New York firefighter turned paramedic transplant with an opioid problem would be his forever.

There's a staccato tapping grilling his nerves. He looks up from where his eyes have been inspecting the floor to tell Mateo to stop it — because it's always Mateo — only to find out that he's all alone in the dormitory. The bunk beds are aligned in perfect rows, the pillows glaring at him as he searches the room.

His own fingers are abusing the wall behind his back, playing a hard tune to the turmoil that dominates his soul. When he lifts his hand to assess the damage, he can see he's drawn blood from knocking too hard on the wall. He sighs again.

The thoughts keep piling up in heaps of heat and dread in his mind. His soul is torn between the need to understand why Carlos hadn't trusted him with this secret before and the sheer belief that Carlos loves him dearly. But there are underlying issues, things unsaid, that press against everything he's ever known to be true. There's the fear of being left behind; the knowledge that he isn't good enough to be put first, a belief that's tattooed in his soul. But Carlos has proven, once and again, that he doesn't care about anything but their happiness. Sure, there's been a few bumps along the way.

But love has trumped them all.

Still, he's married. To a woman. A small, tiny detail that Carlos could have disclosed before — when they first moved in together, when he bought a loft and put both their names in the deed, when he said yes at 3:18 in the morning. He chose not to.

Carlos purposefully kept him in the dark about his past.

He isn’t sure how they’ll be able to come back from that. If there’s a way back from a lie like this one.

The television is on when he reaches the open common room. Mateo is tinkering with the remote until he settles for a news channel, where the anchorwoman is unveiling a recent interview with Pope Francis, who apparently has something to say about gays.

Paul watches him as he enters the space and flops himself down on the couch. “Pope Francis has called laws criminalizing homosexuality fundamentally unfair, since being homosexual is not a crime,” the blond woman is reading from the cue in front of her. “However, he remains unmoving in the fact that engaging in homosexual activities is sinful, and same-sex unions are still out of the question in the Catholic Church because God cannot bless sin.”

“Nonsense,” Judd mutters under his breath. His voice is thick with disbelief. “How come homosexuality is not a crime, but is it a sin?”

And then, in just seven words, his world is upended.

Homosexuality is not a crime, but it is a sin.

There's a finality in those words, a sense of supremacy that fills all the spaces in his soul that could have been open to listening. He's Jewish — albeit not really observing, not anymore even though he's been trying to do better since his mom passed away — so he doesn't have to fold into what some old man at the Vatican preaches to his Catholic followers. But Carlos does.

Carlos has been listening to what Catholic Popes have been preaching his whole life. And those Catholic priests and religious minds have repeatedly told him, in no uncertain terms, that the way he was — the way he is — is a sin. There's nothing worse than going to Hell, he knows that. He closes his eyes, his knuckles white around the chip he's recently earned during his group therapy, as he searches for calmness.

No doubt Carlos thought there wasn't any other way around to normalcy. His parents hadn't acknowledged his identity when he'd come out to them. His Church considered — still considers — him to be unworthy of Heaven because of who he loves. Iris Blake had been his only option at having a somewhat normal life; she'd been someone Carlos had cared deeply for, his best friend in his own words. His fiancé had been lost and had felt unsafe for most of his life; he'd thought he'd had a chance at happiness that way.

And then Iris had disappeared. And, with her, Carlos' opportunity to be deserving of salvation according to his upbringing.

"You okay?" he hears Judd asking, voice muffled by the hammering of his own heart against his ribcage. "Brother?"

He manages to nod slightly. He opens his eyes to a different show on the screen, to Mateo flirting unashamedly with Nancy, to Paul and Marjan teasing them endlessly.

"I am," he whispers, smiling softly at Judd.

He will be, he's sure of that.

Because, despite everything, Carlos chose him. Despite the struggles, despite him always running away, despite Carlos' fear of rejection from his own family, they've remained strong. Even through the worst breakup of his whole life — and he's had a few, including the one that led him to Austin and eventually to Carlos — their love has been the beacon guiding him through the darkness.

He can't shake his own pain and his abandonment issues that have flared up in the span of a few minutes. He isn't supposed to.

That's why he picks up his phone and shoots a quick text to Cooper, a simple convo after meeting tonight?

And that's why he swipes at the screen until he finds the dream venue contact info and presses the dial button. Once the call is picked up, he says in the steadiest voice he can muster, "This is TK Strand. You called my fiancé earlier today. I'm calling to confirm that we're taking the date. Eight weeks from now."

There should be enough time, he hopes. After all, love should conquer everything, in the end.

[foreveryoungadult]

Jane the Virgin S2.E18 "Chapter Forty"

Narrator: "And, friends, that's when Mateo said his first word."

Mateo: "Dah-dy."

Narrator: "Unfortunately, he said it to the wrong man."

GIFs from jtvdaily

[a-lilacsong]

A fanfiction in which Armando saves Avalor

  “Armando! Marlena! You have to help us!” exclaimed Luisa as she and Francisco ran into the room.   “Huh? What’s wrong!?” Marlena replied, almost dropping the Danaus plexippus she was holding.   “Oh, sorry to interrupt you two from your caterpillar counting, but we have an emergency at the palace!”   “That’s alright,” replied Armando “there’s still a few days until the next caterpillar race, we have time, what’s wrong?”   “Well, I was looking out the telescope at the observatory earlier today,” Francisco explained “when at exactly 4:44 in the morning, on this day on the 4 months of the year, on the 4 year of the decade-”   “I think they get the point about the date, how it lines up with the prophecy.”   “You’re right mi amor, I just never thought I’d live to see this day…the day a giant meteor that shown bright as a star fall from the sky, gently bounced off several clouds, and landed directly on the palace.”  Armando stiffened, out of all the legends he’d ever heard it his life this one inspired the most fear and awe in him. Marlena noticed his anxiety and took his hand in hers; it made them both feel mildly more at ease.   “And we don’t know what to do, I’m from a chocolate making family, I don’t know much about this. But with your family’s background you are the expert on this kind of thing. So, we need your help” said Luisa “or else according to the prophecy…”   “…It would vaguely become a big nuisance.”   “Si.”  Armando nodded “Then I’ll give it my best shot!”

Clippity-clop Clippity-clop Clippity-clop Clippity-clop (they rode on horses to the palace)  Now the universe is vast and unfathomable, everything we see is but a fraction of its majesty. There is so much out there beyond human understanding, even within the understandable, from the forces which dictate the movements of electrons, to what truly happens to matter inside a blackhole. Humans have not yet discovered the answer to these mysteries, and maybe they never will. But one thing is certain, when confronted by the answer to one of these great mysteries, everyone will have a different reaction. When our heroes arrived at the palace, a spectrum of reactions is what they saw.

 Cheese was everywhere, people were running around screaming, casually chatting with each other, twirling around, touching the cheese, not touching the cheese, and doing ever more noticeable things as well.   “Who needs sea shanties when we can sing cheese shanties!” yelled Naomi, who proceeded to sing nothing, for she did not know any cheese shanties.  Victor was standing with one hand over his heart, the other in a fist he shook at the sky “Way must the sky tempt me so? It knows that cheese is the best thing of all to steal, and yet, if I were to steal it I would rid myself of everything I hold dear! And yet, temptation remains, way cruel fate, WHY?!”  Carla was facing the wall, with the air of a teacher educating the masses “Did you know that on the planet Skelecki, they put their cheese into orbit so it can become fluffy from zero gravity?” she said.  Gabe was standing beside her also looking at the wall, “I did not, did you know that in the delta quadrant, a creature called a grakel produces a milk was called schplict, which can be used to make a green colored cheese?”   “I did not, did you know that did you know that-” this conversation had probably done on like that for a while.  Mateo was on the floor, touching the cheese. He was constructing a terrible effigy into the cheese, it looked reminiscent of a cartoon electric mouse, but it the shape on a man. It was unsetting.  Ixlan was just standing there, expressionless “As you can see, I am filled with a sense of awe in the universe.”   (Anyone I, the narrator, have not specifically mentioned has ether yet to be mentioned, or just wasn’t there at the palace that day, it was a pretty slow Saturday after all, minus this main problem.)   “Wow,” said Marlena “I never knew people could have such strong reactions over cheese from outer space.”   “They where here when it collided with the palace, so it’s probably one of these ‘you had to be there’ situations.”   “That makes sense.”  Dr. Crabington, the palace’s beloved doctor was walking in a straight line past them. Their eight tiny, exoskeleton covered legs moving them straight forward instead of sideways!   “Oh no!” exclaimed Francisco, “Even Dr. Crabington, the palace’s beloved doctor is affected! Will no one be able to escape the influence of the majestic space cheese!?”   “How did this cheese even get here, where did it come from?” asked Marlena.  Armando put his hand on his chin, “If I remember correctly, its because our galaxy…”  She nodded “The milky way galaxy…”   “Is made of mostly milk, and when there’s milk there’s often…”   “Cheese!”   “Yes, and when the stars and calendars are in alignment, the celestial cheese will intersect with planets and cause glitches with reality.”   “And who better to fix those glitches than the royal glitch fixer.” Said Francisco.  Armando smiled.

  “Hay where are our nietos?” asked Luisa “normally they are in the middle of problems of this magnitude.”   “Oh I know where they are” said the ghost of Lucia “Hi mom, hi dad.”   “Hola mija,” replied Luisa “it’s good to see you aren’t affected by the cheese power.”  She nodded “Well ghosts are immune to the effects of galactic cheese, so it makes sense, but both my hijas and sobrino certainty are not.” She pointed at Elena, Isabel, and Esteban, who where in the corner.  Elena was doing stand up comedy “What do you call a cheese made out of cheese? A cheese!” Then she laughed at her own joke.   “Oh Elenita, what has happened to you?” said her concerned mother.  Isabel looked up, “Hi mom, I’m testing how much cheese can be put in a sock before it explodes, for science!” she was throwing socks at the cheese.   “Isa you’re supposed to use your science powers for good, not this!” she told her, “But I do have to say I am very proud of you for getting that science degree, and you always making such brilliant inventions, and for always being your wonderful self. I love you.”   “Thanks mom, that’s always good to hear, I love you too.” Said Isa, as she through a purple argyle sock onto the cheese.  Meanwhile, Esteban was gazing at the cheese in awe “Cheese-chan you are so amazing; I feel inspired enough to maybe do a traditional Satu fan dance for you!” he exclaimed.   “I’ll help you find them Ex-Chancellor!” exclaimed Higgins, who was also there.  Luisa shook Armando’s shoulders “Oh no, Armando, you have to do something before he finds where I hid all his fans!”   “Right, this is pretty serious, but I have a plan, but we need one more thing to complete it, and there’s a special sale on at the store for it, vanilla extract!”   “Vanilla extract? Are you sure?” she asked.  Yes, in ancient times the Maruians gathered together a counsel of their most trusted wizards, and rowdiest citizens, to vote on what would be most likely to safely get rid of space cheese, and Vanilla extract won the vote in an overwhelming majority.”   “Then it must be true!”   “What are we waiting for? Let’s save the world!” said Marlena.  

Sparkly-Clippity-clop Clippity-clop Clippity-clop Clippity-clop (they rode on unicorns to the store and back to the palace, because they are faster then just running there)   “It’s time, are you ready, should I go over the lyrics again?” said Armond as he stood in front of the palace.  Marlena held her guitar in her hands, “No, you explained them really well on the unicorn ride back here.”   “Okay great, are you both ready?”   “Guitar!” yelled Francisco, summoning a guitar out of thin air because his guitar servant was on vacation.   “He’s ready and I am too.” Said Luisa.   “Great, then we start in three, two…” he poured the bottle of vanilla extract on the space cheese to make the song effective. “One…NOW!”   “Cheese, cheese, go away on the moon is where you’ll stay.” They all sang, with guitar accompaniment.  It began to float upwards.   “Cheese, cheese, go away on the moon is where you’ll stay.” They sang ever louder, and it lifted completely off the palace.  Even you, the reader, sang it in your head “Cheese, cheese, go away on the moon is where you’ll stay!”  It was going, it zoomed off the palace, into the sky, and landed on the moon, where it would live the rest of its days in peace and tranquillity.  After that everything at the place returned to normal.   “Let’s make cookies for a celebration party!” exclaimed Isabel five minutes later.   “How many?” asked Lusia.   “More than you can shake a click at-I mean stick at!” she replied. Everyone had a good time at the party, Armando was given a medal of problem solving, but the biggest reward of all for him was the felling on a job well done.

(Author’s note: Raul was not at the palace because he was being the dungeon master at his ghost table-top roleplay group, and cancelling would have been a let down for everyone, but he arrived for the cookie party afterwards.)

[paladin-n-cleric]

reminder that mateo aka latin lover narrator is gay 👍

[anti-eluvians]

Supplemental media characters who might appear in Veilguard:

Ser Aaron & Vaea & Autumn, Tessa & Marius, Francesca, and Calix traveled with Fenris during Wraiths of Tevinter (Deception + Blue Wraith comic omnibus). Vaea also has a cameo in Harold Has the Plan (Tevinter Nights).

Wardens Evka Ivo and Antoine appear in The Missing (comic) as well as Never Know When (short story) and Hunger (Tevinter Nights). Evka herself is saved in The Next One (short story) by Warden Lawrence on his Calling. She is also related to several DA:O characters met in Orzammar.

Apprentice mage Valya and Warden Caronel (Last Flight novel) who found the griffons

Nadia Carcosa and/or Drayden Kiel, from the Vows & Vengeance podcast

Neve appears in The Missing (comic) and The Streets of Minrathous (Tevinter Nights)

the Crows Viago and Teia appear in The Missing & Deception/Wraiths of Tevinter (comics), Eight Little Talons (Tevinter Nights), as well as The Wake (short story) which introduced Illario Dellamorte, Lucanis' cousin

Strife and Irelin are two elves appearing in Ruin of Reality (short story), The Missing (comic), and Tevinter Nights

From Tevinter Nights anthology:

Myrion may travel with Strife or Irelin

Myrna and Audric

Senior Warden Ramesh

Mizzy and/or the narrator of Luck in the Gardens

Antonia or Sidony

Knight-Templar Rana Savas or Knight-Captain Jahvis or Templar Bron (and the Lamplighter tavern)

Magister Zara Renata

Rasaan, and separately (I hope) Lord of Fortune Mateo

[el-oh-her]

Who are all the characters in Our Wives Under the Sea

*This was listened to on audiobook so spellings may be inaccurate

Leah (Narrator): Deep See Marine Biologist

Miri (Narrator): Leah's wife

Yelka (sp?): Marine Biologist, works with Leah

Mateo: Marine Biologist, works with Leah

Carmen(?): Miri's Friend

Tom: Carmen's dead husband

Sam and Toby = Queer couple and friends of both Leah and Miri

Poppy: Leah's friend

Dan: Leah's friend

Allegra: Leah's friend

Yuna: Yelka's Sister

Mom: Miri's mother

Notes

(Sp?) denotes the spelling might be incorrect

(?) denotes that the name might be wrong

If you know of any corrections feel free to post them so that it can be updated