#name: Cayde-6 (sus)

[destiny2-names]

[the-light-finds-its-way]

So I want to explain the significance of my Destiny 2 sleeve I'm getting.

TW: su*c*de, mental health talk

Before I was diagnosed with PTSD, I struggled. A lot. During the pandemic especially. I had nightmares every single night, multiple times a night, for years on end, and oftentimes avoided sleep as a whole to avoid the nightmares. They'd be followed by sleep paralysis at worst, and a night terror at best.

When I had those nightmares, I often thought of ways to escape them beyond sleep. Including ending everything once and for all. I was such a depressed mess, so fucked over, that I thought death was the only escape at that point.

But when I felt this way, since no doctors were available since it was the pandemic, I always fought back with a distraction: Destiny 2.

Blind Well runs. Menagerie runs. Strikes. Power level grinding. You name it, it gave me a distraction, and therefore, a reason to live. And so I kept living.

I put on 40lbs, playing D2 and eating shit for months upon months, but I was alive. I could lose the weight, but I could NEVER lose my life. I had a reason, a purpose, with this one videogame, to keep going. And so I did. And I kept playing it. And I never stopped.

And then, one day, when doctor's offices opened again, I immediately got help. I started seeing doctors weekly, and started new medication, and finally, things started looking better for myself. The nightmares went away, I got my official diagnosis from 2 different doctors, and I began working out again. But I never did find myself staying away from Destiny 2 for that long. I always came back to it. It was a comfort, and I always found the seasonal activities to be a great distraction. Especially during Season of the Splicer.

And then, I recognized, I wanted to memorialize my favorite game on myself forever.

So I went ahead and did just that.

And I began working at getting a sleeve. With Cayde-6, Mithrax, Saint-14. The House Light symbol, the tricorn, the Titan symbol, the Ghost. And two quotes combined. "Eyes up, Guardian. The light always finds its way." A reminder to myself that I carry the three strongest men with myself, and a motivation, as well as the will of a Guardian, and my people, the Titans, and House Light.

I plan to extend the sleeve to my upper thigh, featuring my Titan, my Hunter, and my Warlock. But I need to save the money and get the first half of the sleeve done first.

I'm alive today, going strong, still getting help, and getting better. But I'll never forget my past, whether for better or worse. Sometimes I wish I were really a Guardian, with a clean slate and everything, but I know I'm just me. But that's enough. :) Being me is all I could ask for in life. Stay true to myself, and never stop fighting. Remember, don't give up, always get help. Giving up is cowardice, getting help is strength. Take care, Guardians. Eyes up. :)