#n_n i know exactly how u feel! I only turned 18 last year n finally got some help and it can be really difficult

[pathologising]

Hey, I'm the person who asked the question about lying (the one you then answered with a link) and I'm sorry if I came off rude... This is just really hard for me.

I can't get a therapist, because I'm a minor, don't have money, and my parents wouldn't want me to get one, so I can't actually get help. I'm trying this whole """recovery""' thing by myself with no help because I don't have anyone....

I've always made self deprecating jokes, because for me it's like taking my serious bad problems, and making them into a joke so they don't hurt me as much. I've seen people say it's bad before, and I want to listen, but at the same time, even when I tried (even for a long time once) it never worked. Trying to replace bad things to good things never made me feel better because I ALWAYS knew I wasn't telling the truth about how I felt. Saying/joking that I love myself never helped because ei knew I didn't. I hate myself. I always have, and When I've tried to say "I love myself!" And joke about myself in a good way, it has never helped.

It's all I've had for so long, and idk how I could even possibly change it when it's become something I do automatically, and it has become something that I barley even control anymore, and it's just something I just do.

Sorry for this rant, I guess the main point of this ask was to apologize if I sounded rude, and explain why I felt the way I did.

ur not rude <3 I've been exactly where you are so I know how hard it can be! I'm proud of you for trying on your own, because sometimes thats all we CAN do in the time being. Recovery and practicing coping mechanisms can be really really hard, especially when you feel isolated from everyone, but theyre possible! It just takes work and continuously trying.

Something that help me is constantly questioning myself after I make a negative joke or before I go to make a joke about myself. Like is this truly okay to say about me? Would it hurt me if someone else said it to me? So why should I hurt myself? U know! It feels familiar and it feels like protection because its what youre used to and what you've done to cope with your surroundings, but at some point you have to replace that with something healthy! You don't have to outright lie to yourself and be like "I love myself" but you can start by saying "well Im feeling a lot of negative thoghts towards myself, but just because im feeling them doesnt mean they're accurate to me!" It'll feel super silly at first but eventually you get the hang of it !!

Also, I recommend just like as an aside to take up an artistic hobby as a new coping mechanism! Drawing or knitting or even just journaling ! I used to think journalling was so so stupid but then I started doing it bc my therapist asked me to and i realised it really does help you process and get out all of ur emotions in the moment!