#n my health ! i will take proper care of my hygiene n eat properly. sob. hopefully π
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IT'S WEEKEND TIME BABY TIME TO REST π«ΆπΌ
#π.rambles#i have a lot to do as usual but#not really academics since i've done most of mine for next week :>#then it's break.... n my birthday oh my god#c: i can really only properly let myself rest when i don't have any impending task due in the very near future. like within 3 days#like being overwhelmed sctually is sob smth i kind of relish in . admittedly i do admit i like in part how the pain makes me feel more alive#BUT ! ok in academics where if i let that negatively affect me it'll impact my work. fuck noooo#but being overwhelmed with . like rn all my gadgets. all these games. all these misc things to do#i live in them. i goddamn really do. i love the weekends bcs i actually genuinely set them apart as a time for rest#probably bcs i actually get enough sleep;;;; even if i sleep at 5 and wake up at like 2 pm then that's all good#i will catch up on the many things i wna do regarding social media. one at a time yk wtvr i can do each n every time#i want to watch. n read. animanga n non-fiction etc etc#n my health ! i will take proper care of my hygiene n eat properly. sob. hopefully π#fuck i don't want to look at the date bcs it gives me anxiety π time goes by too fast n it leaves me lost n confused#not really sure what to believe in. real or fake?#nyways my night is ruined /pos bcs i downloaded the sims 4 earlier n i ended up afking in ffxiv for 8 hours i think#not consistently but . HDJFJKSJDA π«£#ALSO IM CRYING INSIDE MY LUCK.... i have won Twice. for literally all the quizizz games we have held#in the gaming org of my school π₯Ή bestie i'm just guessing . n i have fast fingers . oh my god i got so shy#talked a bit earlier w an online friend i haven't checked up on for like a month i think n#bro it makes me so happy when. like statements like '() is always listening to either ff osts or nier automata osts' π₯Ίπ₯Ίπ₯Ίπ₯Ί YES#goddamn i am thinking again but that's precisely why i'll cope right now my drowning n losing myself in all. of this#in the end maybe the feeling of success n pride i gain from these small yet. essentially worthless achievements made of fiction#no it still matters to me. even if it's worthless in the end it still means so much to me#i have all the time i have. i am free to do as i wish. n i'll accomplish as much as i can#but there's the pressure of time. of how fleeting and inconstant it is in a way. n that weighs me down.#of the prospect that right now i could already be doing so much better but ffs life is a journey#n there. there's just not enough time for me to be enough in a given moment.#but i know i'm still trapped in a way w those overly idealistic n perfectionist thoughts. those destroy me#help i didn't mean to ramble but everytime i address n write it down it's as though. it's really just always laying there dormant or smth ππ
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