#myself and i feel like i am just so deeply angry at myself that self-flaggulance is more motivating than anything else anymore | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

angelstrawbabie420 · 4 months ago

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i love how ive deluded myself into believing that the only path forward to a semi happy/peaceful life for me involves essentially beating myself into submission emotionally and physically to the point the endeavor might kill me before i even reach the finish line and experience said happiness and peace. who said that

#like i feel as though my choice are to either just actually give up and die #or ‘pull myself up by the bootstraps’/‘whip myself into shape’ in ways i realistically deep down know are impossible or will at very least #destroy my very essence at the end of it #i feel like ive tried everything i have access to and i have been so pushed past my boundaries so severely and so repeatedly #that maybe if i just push them some more i will get to the point i either break and actually dgaf anymore or Get Over It.#bc i know i don’t have it in me to keep being kind to myself anymore. i’m so sick of the way i am and life is that i’ve become disgusted by #myself and i feel like i am just so deeply angry at myself that self-flaggulance is more motivating than anything else anymore #idk what im saying i took a hit off my brkthers joint and i feel like im not real LMAO

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