#mybodyisnot

[hiddensecrets512]

I am pretty, my body is not

I know I am at my heaviest that I’ve ever been. I’ve struggled with eating disorders and body image all my life. I binge eat, but also on the flip side I’ll starve myself. It’s not a good balance. Recently, I’ve taken the time to really look at my body, something I’ve tried to avoid. I came to the conclusion that I am pretty, my body isn’t.

I have a cute round face, but a double chin from some angles. I hold my head out more. Skin tight clothes can hug my curves, but make my stomach protrude out. I suck in. I find clothes that suit me and my body, its difficult but doable. So when folks say I’m beautiful, yeah, I know I am, but that’s because I find the few things, the few angles and makeup that accentuates my beauty more.

I’ve never seen another person with my body type, which is probably why I suffer so much from body image issues. I see woman who have curves, who have fat rolls, who have cellulite, but none in the ways that I do. The way my extra skin and fat holds itself on my stomach, is bizarre to me and very unappealing. I don’t even know what to call it, a seam, a band around my belly button that makes my body shape odd. 

My body is holding back the beauty within.