#my writing's been sucking recently
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right, didn't get much done on here today but i will be back later
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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venting like an idiot
the main reason i dont wanna go back to uni is that i feel like i've completely embarrassed myself last year. idk, i feel horrified at the thought of returning and looking these people in the eye. i didn't do anything, i was lazy and barely finished my projects and the only way to redeem myself somehow would be to come back with some new energy and work hard. i didn't even really get a job this summer because i really wanted to rest, cause i thought i would drop out. and i just feel worse, i feel even more tired
#ughhhh#im not going to drop out just yet#itd be a shame i think#theres many opportunities at my uni that i just dont take cause i cant commit to them or im too tired or im too scared#idk if doing any of this is worth it if i don't truly commit tho#i dont think ive learned anything these past 2 years tbh i feel like ive been wasting time and money#and i know my mental state is just my fault cause i cant get myself to do anything and i feel shame and spiral but goddd#idk i just feel like shit#the academic year starts so soon and i just dread everything thats to come#idk i dont even feel like im going to come out of this school with a portfolio. im literally nothing and ive done nothing#i have no idea how i could write a dissertation because ive literally learned nothing i have no desire to learn i just want to fucking chil#i cant get myself to care much for anything except silly shit thats just a distraction from uni work ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh#sucks sucks everything sucks#sorry for this stupid fucking essay im just having lots of thoughts and no one to tell them so.. um#vent#i know this is all my fault but also like. what am i supposed to do about it every solution sounds like literal hell to me -_-#i guess ive been feeling less suicidal recently which i guess is good but i feel like its bad cause like ykiyk ig#idk its all a huge contradiction
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Hi your sleeping in the same bed RWRB fic is the most in character that I’ve ever read and it was so lovely! You nailed that! Thanks for writing it :)
omg this is so kind of you to say!!! thank you so much, I really appreciate this!!!! thank you for reading 💛💛💛💛💛
the fic being referenced :)
#fic love#anon#asks#answered#you have no idea how absolutely garbage i have been feeling in recent weeks and frankly months about writing ajsdklfjalsdf#so this was really nice to hear thank you#just feeling low and awful in a lot of ways and it's really#sucking the joy out of this one thing that should be fun#and i think a lot about legacy and impact and i wonder what my place and space is sometimes in the grand scheme of my career/writing#and having so much ambiguity in other spaces of my life makes writing the ONE thing i have control over#so not feeling good about it means i have#literally nothing going for me at the moment jasdfkljalsdjflsadf#i never know how people perceive me or my work#i rely a lot on other people telling me explicitly how they feel about me or my writing#which is obviously dicey as fuck because#that's not a measure of self-worth#and i am the FIRST to tell people that words =/= worth#but right now i am working extra hard to remember this#the itchy feeling persists#but we continue to persevere#won't stop me from writing and posting#anyway sorry to DUMP in the TAGS like a FREAK but#thank you <3#this means a lot
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I wasn't kidding when I said I spent an hour just trying to sketch out the pose for this drawing! Sometimes you just gotta go through like 8 sketch layers to figure out what you're doing.
I also ended up looking at two references--this one from The Pose Archive, which I traced the legs from after struggling for a while to get proportions that looked right, and a photo of myself that I asked my roommate to take so I could figure out what to do with the arms. The process got significantly faster when I remembered I could use references and started working with them.
I think it's good to show some of the behind-the-scenes of your artwork every now and then, both because process is cool and because it removes some of the sheen of "whoa, i could never make that." I know I get discouraged at times by artists who "make it look easy," when really I can't see all the time and hard work that went into making something. I don't want to create that feeling for anyone else!
So, here's a glimpse into how much I struggled to get the pose right, and below is the timelapse where you can see how much I fiddled with the colors until I had something I was happy with. It was probably at least two hours of "i am spending way too much time on this" and "why does this still not look right" before I got to a point where I started thinking, "wow, this looks good." But I got there eventually, and I'm really happy I stuck it out!
#hmm what to tag this#stars wips#i've only used that for writing but it works#art process#i don't wanna be like 'obviously everyone must be comparing themselves to my amazing art' or anything lol#but i've been in that position and it sucks! i still compare myself to lots of artists who probably also feel insecure about their own art!#so it's important to me to stop every now and then and be clear about where I am#in terms of time and effort put in; in terms of materials; in terms of experience and education#so no one is trying to compare themselves to me and feeling that they come up short#when i spent five hours on something and they spent one; or when they're just starting out and i have multiple years of formal art educatio#because that is not a fair comparison! and at least for me it helps to know that#i'm so excited about how well this drawing turned out because i feel like it shows how much growth i've had recently#i do not think i could have made this (to the same level of quality) a year ago#let alone when i was younger and just starting out#anyway. i hope what i'm trying to do & say comes across here#and if you're just here cuz you like watching art timelapses i hope you enjoy it lol
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Hate having adhd went to go work on my fallout modpack, got distracted while going to disable the steam overlay, ended up in the points shop, went to go edit my profile, decided to change my pfp, found a buried folder I forgot existed, found some old Veneer art I forgot existed, spent 45 minutes looking at all the old photos, STILL HAVE NOT TOGGLED ONE SIMPLE OPTION THAT SHOULD'VE TAKEN 30 SECONDS AT MOST
#I'm shocked I have these drawings scanned on my pc I don't remember doing that I must've done it before I left in case my mom threw all my#Art out again#Anyway at age 12 I was writing a better '3 merpeople go on land to find a 4th one that has been disguised as a human all his life' story#Than Ma/ko Merm/aids EVER did so uh. Take that Jonathan#God it sucks so bad that kid me would've LOVED MM if it just DIDN'T HAVE THE STUPID GENDER WAR BULLSHIT#Literally the entire first and second season is just. So fucking stupid. I wrote a God damn essay about how they fumbled Erik's story SO BAD#I don't even LIKE Erik BUT THEY DID HIM SO DIRTY#THE CHARACTER POTENTIAL AND WRITING COULD'VE BEEN BETTER THAN ZANE B. S1 OF H2O BUT THEY THREW IT AWAY AND FOR WHAT!!!!!!!#Seriously you're telling me a kid who was abandoned his entire life for being male didn't have a bigger impact on the pod than FUCKING ZAK?#That plot twist of 'oh actually Zak was a merman all along' was 100% so they could guilt free write Erik out#Instead of like. Having him face his actions or redeem himself in like. Any way. He just fucks off. THEN the pod is like lol Zac were sorry#We're sorry for literally not doing anything to you because you were privledged enough to have a mother who was super ultra powerful#So you were never really affected by our actions until JUST now. Unlike that other fuckface Erik who suffered his whole life alone#Also then in s3 there are STILL no mermen in the pod. Not even little mermen babies. No kids and teens they've welcomed back n apologized to#NOTHING#God. Mm pisses me off dude#AND I STILL HAVENT TOGGLED THAT FUCKING OPTIONS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#Cruddy rambles#God I'm not done I'm sorry fallout can wait YOU ARE TELLING ME THE GUY WHO TELLS US HOW SHITTY MERMAN BABIES R TREATED BY THE POD. IS NOT#THE SAME ONE THE POD APOLOGIZES TO IN THE SEASON FINALE BECAUSE THEY WROTE IN A SHITTY PLOT TWIST?#AUUUUUUUHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG#It's so bad. It's so fucking bad. It's so needlessly gendered and for what. They could've just had 2 rival warring pods#What pisses me off the most is that s3 (4) completely pivots and never really follows thru with the s1 and 2 story arcs#The writers just kinda wash thsir hands of that because 'hey the pod said sorry to zac' BUT THEN NOTHING ACTUALLY CHANGES!!!!#Maybe instead of having a constantly rotating cast of characters s3 (4) could've instead focused on Ondina and Erik's relationship a bit#Maybe have Ondina tell him she wants to just stay friends because she can't trust him. Have him IDK grow and change as a character?#Maybe so you can show kids nobody is born evil and we all need support systems and healthy relationships to grow and become better people??#THAT would've been a GOOD FOLLOW THROUGH#But no instead u just write him out of the show and never show any OTHER mermen who were exiled being welcomed back#Like u had Ondina becoming a teacher... Why not have Zac become a teacher for all the new mermen who were just recently welcomed back??
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not 2 be obnoxious but i love sugar we're going down swinging (esp the latest chapter holy shit) and i was wondering if/when u were gonna update it?? thank u 4 ur service o7
Not obnoxious! I appreciate knowing people are waiting for more and thinking about it
There will definitely be many more chapters to come, but unfortunately I can't give you a timeframe on when the next one/subsequent chapters will be.
Since it's something I do for fun, I kinda prefer to let the motivation find me, I find that's the only way it works. Unfortunately, that means it could be a week or a few months between updates. I do get that's annoying as a reader, but I appreciate how many people understand and look forward to the next chapter, whenever it may come!
#ask#sugar daddy au#my motivation has been in the toilet recently#kinda sucks cos i WANT to write#ive tried a couple times but its just not happening rn
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i am so lost and insane for an angsty idea of navigating poly!stsg where you join their established rl!!!!! i love your poly fics so much and it's given me these bedtime daydreams!!!
the insecurities and doubt and fear and sadness you might feel from never having a bond strong enough between urself and them and the angst and tension it can create because u feel like ur never enough for satosugu oh gosh and the sadness they might feel if you leave or distance urself from them and idk how to verbalize my thoughts but i hope you feel the energy i am trying to show🥺🥺🥺
ANON!!!! I DO!!!!!!! I DO SEE THE VISION!!!!!!!!
wahhhhh this is a common daydream of mine too…….. stsg have such a unique bond and i don’t think you could really replicate it :((( but at the same time i think that for the relationship to work, they’d have to see you as an equal!!!! this is just a pet peeve of mine but i rlly Cannot Stand poly stsg fics where they see reader as being beneath them… first of all they would Never second of all!!! they should all be in love. and they should all respect each other more than anything. it’s just a matter of realizing that you’re special to them in your own way, and that it’s in no way lesser than what they feel for each other!!!! but obviously the road there might be kind of tough…..
and gosh, they would definitely be heartbroken if you distanced yourself from them!!! :((( they just don’t understand what they did wrong and you don’t know how to open up about it…. i think they’d eventually corner you and kinda force you to do so (cue lots of crying and their desperate attempts at soothing you) and after that it’d feel a lot easier. if you’re precious to them then i don’t think there’s anything they wouldn’t do to understand you properly!!! and love you properly. they’re sweethearts and i love them <3333
#they’re both so extremely tender at heart and i’ll die on that hill#can u tell i absolutely hate objectification and degradation in jjk fics …. my beloatheds#the Tropes not the Writers ofc!!#it just sucks that the poly stsg tag is 90% pure smut …. so much of which . includes stsg looking Down on reader or being generally toxic 😭#that’s just been bugging me recently phdkdj. sorry anon!!!! but yeah the hurt/comfort potential here is so appealing to me 🥺#i think they would try soso hard to understand you and hear you out#but on reader’s side they’d have to understand that stsg’s dynamic is very special and not something that can be imitated#the three of you love each other more than anything and that’s enough <333#but i can see stsg neglecting you on accident and feeling absolutely Awful when you tell them through tears#and after that they do so much better <3 esp after growing older!!! husbands!stsg are the perfect men actually#ALSO ANONNNN tysm for reading my stsg fics 🥺 or. Fic technically. i’ll definitely write more soon!!#ty for sending this in <333#ask tag ✩
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I am thinking about how Christa’s dynamic with clementine would shape her Dynamic with Kenny should you choose the Kenny path in season 2. Being torn away from one Angry and broken person and immediately being thrust into the custody of Another. Both of them having been survivors of the s1 group, the only living ties she had to Lee (until Lily). Christa’s anger and grief manifesting in silence and full emotional withdrawal and Kenny’s anger and grief manifesting in explosive and unpredictable outbursts. How Christa taught her how to survive, and how to navigate around him safely. And hey, at least he talks to us. Right?
#twdg#the walking dead game#clementine twdg#kenny twdg#christa twdg#look. look. I know this is based off of the assumption that Christa and Clem really did have a bad relationship post omid. but I’m working#with what we got here and what we saw fucking sucked.#I know it’s like maybe just a writing issue but I refuse to believe that clementine just never speaks of that time for no reason#and any Kenny defenders please save your breath Kenny has always been an abusive father#I think he’s a really good character I do not think he’s a really good person!!#imo leaving Kenny at Wellington is always the best most optimistic ending but I recently did a run where I just impulsively shot him after#he killed Jane and I was like wait someone cooked here#I have got to get this Christa comic out of my system#lots of Christa and Kenny parallels (I made them up in my head)
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In case it's hard to read/understand: "If I had a nickel for every time I had a story with a blonde girl named after a plant, who has a German father and a French mother but absolutely hates said mom, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice."
weird, extremely-specific tropes in my stories: pt 1
#oc liveblogging#ughhhhhhh i really CANNOT afford to be procrastinating rn but i know this happens when im extremelyyyyyy fucking stressed.#creative/art related classes always get me for this reason bc ill use 'wait but i need to find inspiration!' as an excuse to procrastinate.#fuckkkkkkkkkk. UGH IM NOT EVEN WRITING SOMETHING FROM SCRATCH ITS JUST A FINAL REVISION BUT IM CONVINCED IT SUCKS#the worst part is hkjhkjGHKJ I HAVE TO PRESENT SOME OF THIS SHIT AT AN. INTERNATIONAL FUCKING CONFERENCE GUYS. GUYSYSSSS#anyways this post is sadly not related to that. nothing im presenting is related to my ocs [un]fortunately lmao#ive just been thinking rotating various oc stories around in my head again ourgghhhh.#and i realized this LMAO. i mean maybe technically not 2 separate stories anymore because im recycling a lot from one for the other?#one of these was already established lowkey and the other was something i made for an assignment for a class like 2 years ago#i actually don't know if petunie will be blonde in her final incarnation?? ive always imagined her as silvery blonde ig but idk#if ill keep that. she doesnt have proper colors like colin but at least colin has his design set more straight somewhat.#and all the recent petunie development is lowkey really fucking funny to think abt. i girlbossed with her character development so#hard that she really replaced lucian as a protagonist HAHAJSDHKGJ. ok well not 100% kamille's story is a shoot-off#of lucian's technically? i guess? it started becoming that and now its solidified as that lowkey bc same town same place time period people#but man if im not careful i might accidentally make kamille/petunie's arc THE default one and lucian's main one the offshoot instead#a lot remains to be seen. but also yeah the other one who's story is mostly getting recycled (myrtille) actually ALSO HAD HER MOM#COME FROM THIS SAME FUCKING PLACE BASICALLY. a few decades later but still bruh given developments for lucian's story too its just like#at this point im noticing a pattern man wtf is wrong w/ women who come from this town specifically lol. 😔🥴#this town in general is just fucking cursed though i think ahkjshkg. i mean that jokingly and literally lolololl i gotta. work on it. but y#I HATE IT HERE WHY ARE WEIRD LITTLE FUCKING TOWNS WHERE BAD SHIT HAPPENS ALWAYS A CONSISTENT TROPE IN MY STORIES /silly#I DONT EVEN COME FROM A WEIRD LITTLE TOWN MY HOMETOWN IS LIKE. AVERAGE NORMALISH NOT SUPER LARGE??? IDFK?????#haaaaaaa fuck i need to finish this by the end of TODAY I S2G!!! SO I CAN MOVE ON TO ALL THE OTHER SHIT I OWE FUCKKKK
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tho u feel stuck and not good abt ur writing right now, i just wanted to remind u that u write beautifully. ur fics have moved me. AND many other people. maybe this a signal for u to take a break and try to detach urself from writing. it will come back eventually. maybe that will be tmrw. or maybe it will be in 2 weeks. try to be patient and focus on other things that bring u joy. or bitch abt it here. take care darling <3
thank you lovely!! maybe you're right it's just difficult bcs writing has been such a fun escape for me during the last year so the fact that i'm hitting a wall with it is. very frustrating </3 but i have spent the evening cross stitching and watching brooklyn 99 so i'm trying to put less pressure on myself <33
#ask#i think it also. really doesn't help that at work recently i've had a piece of writing i spent literal Months editing and refining#torn to pieces and really brutally commented upon in the past week by higher ups who genuinely have no business being involved in my report#for Political Reasons Outside Of My Control it's happened specifically only to me and nobody else#and a project that was specifically designed for people of my level to build their confidence leading projects#has basically just led to me having my sense of pride in my work and faith in my own ability unilaterally destroyed. lol#even though academic writing is something i've always been good at. now i can't even write basic sentences without seeking reassurance#so i think it's maybe spilling over into like. my creative writing#which really really sucks. i've been having a really bad time at work which is so sad because i genuinely loved my job until 2 months ago#so i guess all my feelings Make Sense. it just feels really unfair that something that's been making me so miserable#is now like. taking away something i really enjoy and get a lot of fulfilment from </3#anyway thank you so much sweetheart <333#personal
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I think about your ability to take the parts of canon that feel off or under-explored and flesh them out into something much more complex or authentic. From what you've posted about Oh God You're Gonna Get It this seems like an undercurrent through the whole fic, but especially the way you wrote Roy and Jamie's fight from 3x12 turned a moment that I'm ambivalent about at best in canon into something that I could actually see happening.
This is so nice to hear. You’ve legit made my day 💚
#the premise of this fic truly is LET’S FIX ALL THE THINGS#also just on a personal note#been having a bad one lately when it comes to my writing#which sucks because it means when i recently reread chapter one it wasn’t a good experience#(I am also in general just a person who struggles to reread their stuff and enjoy it)#so thank you very much for answering my silly ask game reblog anon!#you’ve restored some of my faith in myself#ask game#ask box is always open#fic testimonials
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one piece (literally just asl bros lmao) fics im currently working on
- fae au: mostly outlined, partially written. fae luffy & ace, (mostly) human sabo. covers from the trio's first meeting up to their reunion/sabo recovering his memories (possibly longer for an alternate marineford? idk im trying not to make it too long but we'll see)
- ghost/hallucination: mostly outlined. sabo starts seeing ace after eating the fruit. it's left intentionally ambiguous whether these are hallucinations like he believes, or is actually ace's ghost visiting him
- patricide au: partially outlined. sabo doesn't find out about the fire until after it happens, and instead of trying to escape he instead decides that his brothers will only be safe if he essentially takes over the goa kingdom. he then proceeds to subtly do that by killing his dad to take over the company and installing stelly as a puppet king, and then uses his connections to aid the revolutionaries (mostly i wanted sabo and stelly to have a bitchy coworker dynamic, but asl comes into the picture later)
- sabo kills a celestial dragon au: mostly outlined. and listen, i know. im aware of the consequences. but hear me out: it would be really funny and also they ruined his life i think he should get to do a little a politically motivated assassination. as a treat
#anyway. you can probably tell which character im most attached to DKBJD#in fairness. the trio are my favorites but it's pretty expected for me to latch onto one of them in particular and apparently here we are#i can't really help it lol. i wanna see that blond man covered in blood and committing ideologically motivated acts of violence#also im considering doing a rb with a snippet of each au if anyone wants to see that :3 idk how many of u are also into the show#but i have recently been sucked back in and somehow it's been super motivating for getting me to actually write again so!!#i'll take what i can get <3#also. it's just a really good show KDNFHDJD#pat.txt
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you could not pay me to watch a marvel movie again or ever come in close contact to the expanded fandom but still I gotta admit they really popped off with not easily conquered like i think it messed with my brain chemistry the first time I read it because the emotions I'm feeling are disproportionately intense. got me sobbing over an Ave Maria
#it's one of the ones that really holds up#like I've been feeling nostalgic recently and I'm going back to read the BIG fics for every fandom ive been in#or at least my big ones#and like. uhv is god tier yk but shes got her quirks and icks from time to time#casting moonshadows is so much worse than i remembered#the writing is so strange it really takes you out of the story#it's also aged terribly and most of the characters suck idk why i used to love it#not easily conquered though is insanely great#it's a bit crazy to think all the work it mustve taken to write it with the letters and the articles and the files and everything#super well written and makes me cry 10/10#not easily conquered
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Apparently it's Ben Franklin's fault* that electrons are negative. I can't really blame him, he had to make a random guess which side to call positive and which negative, but I'm still a little mad. It would make physics and chemistry significantly easier for my poor confused brain if he'd guessed the way that made electrons have the positive charge.
*based on an answer on quora. they seemed knowledgeable, but i didn't actually fact check anywhere else.
#I briefly pop back onto tumblr to complain about america's founding fathers#but not for the usual reasons#i haven't been posting much for a variety of reasons#mostly good - i've been busy with school and family#and am actually managing to keep up with classes#and even did a bunch of cleaning today!#and part of me is worried that if i start posting on tumblr again i will get sucked in and not finish the semester#also i haven't had the urge to watch bl recently#which is also good because it means i'm more focused on school#but it feels a little weird to post about other stuff#which would mostly be minutiae from my day#since people followed me for bl#and i do want to find a way to get back to watching eventually#i also still need to write my school about masks and feel a bit guilty about not using all the great info sent yet#but that's a whole other post#gillianthecat goes back to school#chemistry#science#gillianthecat's life#ben franklin
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well folks its been a good two months of denial but i am finally ready to admit that the reason everything sucks is because of major depression relapse. if i werent so depressed id make this everyone elses problem by projecting it on to blorbo but alas
#taylor.txt#incapable of making this not a joke but i do have to say it kinda sucks#like obviously ive never been 100% free of my depression probably on account of it developing when i was a Child and then not getting any#treatment or even really any sympathy for until i was in my late teens but. BUT. even my historic mental breakdown 2 years ago didnt really#feel like depression. like yeah i was sad and hopeless but this is very different. sad and lethargic more so. simply too tired to be lost i#despair. which is i guess a good thing because it means its easier for me to fix. its just that right now im kinda stuck in it#i dont know if id say ive experienced major depression since my first year of uni#thats why ive been denying it all this time despite it being pretty…glaringly obvious#anyway. good news is im meeting with the prof of one of the classes im currently failing this week#and now i guess i kind of have an idea of what to tell her because all this time ive been struggling and i havent understood why#the content makes sense. i understand whats going on. but my memory has gotten so bad recently and the energy required to do my assignments#has been way too much. and im past my limit on that at this point unfortunately. like yeah shes probably gonna tell me well that sucks but#theres nothing i can do to save your grade and thats fine but at least i know even if it was a Me Problem that i let myself get depressed#again in the first place being actively depressed is a major barrier that i at least know isnt 100% me being an idiot with a bad attitude#i will struggle to the finish line but i will make it there. even if i fail a class or two in the process#and regardless of if it gets better i will finally go see my therapist again in the new year </3 something obviously led to this so whos to#say it wouldnt happen again if i just let that fester. whatever it is#also writing has been tough for the same reason school has been tough but its still happening and i will do more of it when school is over#i PROMMY
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