#my writing style was a lil different back in wattpad days

[oatmealdaydreams]

Panic & Cuddles

Another old work... oh boy. Let me know if ya wanna be added to or taken off the taglist!

Pairing: Moxiety

Trigger/Content Warning: panic attack (descriptive)

Description: Virgil finds Patton in the midst of emotional distress, and he doesn't hesitate before going to comfort him.

Extra: another old oneshot from Wattpad! Y'all wanted the Patton hurt/comfort first, so here it is. The other one should come out sometime soon. You decide if it's romo or platonic, idk anymore.

[Masterlist] | ao3 link

[read under the cut]

Patton was so confused, rocking himself as he curled into a ball on his bed.

He'd been in his room for a while. Hiding. He didn't remember what started it exactly, something about the near future and not wanting to deal with it. His heart pounded in his chest. His lungs felt tight, his chest felt like bricks were weighing it down. He couldn't breath, and tears were freely flowing down his face. He whimpered and cried quietly, trying to hide his struggles. His body shook.

Patton felt out of control. He felt like he was spiralling down, down, down. He felt dizzy. Was the room spinning? It was spinning, right?

He placed his forehead on his knees, bringing himself closer in on himself. He kept rocking, trying to regulate whatever was happening to him.

Was he dying?

He didn't want to die.

He had to protect Thomas!

What about Logan, the twins, Janus?

Virgil?

Please, he didn't want to die!

Oh god, he was going to die.

He couldn't breathe.

He couldn't breathe.

He couldn't breathe.

He squeezed his eyes shut as more tears poured down his face. He cried out a little louder as he gasped for breath. It did nothing. Nothing could help him. He was left alone to suffer, to rot.

To die.

A soft knock on his door made him flinch. He hugged himself tighter. He cried and whimpered again, only getting louder. Another knock as his door. He felt paralyzed. He couldn't move. He was drowning, gasping for air.

"Patton?" a familiar voice asked, laced with worry as another knock rang out.

Patton gasped sharply, his lungs on fire and his body's shaking worsening.

"Popstar?" it was Virgil, knocking at the door.

Patton was trying his best to hold in a sob. He didn't want Virgil to see him so sad and broken and terrified. He didn't want any of his kiddos to see him like that.

Against Patton's hopes, Virgil opened the door and came in. As it shut behind him, he froze at the sight of a panicking Morality. He quickly overcame it, however, in favour of helping the poor dad character. He calmly walked to Patton's side and sat down in front of him on the bed.

He noticed how bad Patton was shaking, how quickly and irregularly he was breathing. He heard how Patton cried and whimpered. How he whined.

"Pat, can you hear me?" Virgil asked gently.

Patton nodded weakly.

"Okay, it's gonna be okay. I'm going to touch your hands now. Is that alright?" Virgil kept his voice steady and clear.

Another nod from Patton and Virgil held Patton's hands in his own. He rubbed soft circles on his knuckles, trying to ground him. Patton let out a strangled sob, unable to keep it in anymore. Virgil squeezed his hands, and he squeezed lightly back.

"I'm here, Popstar. It's okay," Virgil reassured the shaking ball of Dad in front of him.

Patton only whimpered and whined in response. Virgil squeezed his hand again and got another light squeeze back.

"Breathe. Try to breathe," Virgil said gently.

Patton tried taking deep breaths, trying to comply, but his breaths came in shakily. He couldn't breathe.

Oh god--

"Hey, hey. Popstar, you got this. Just follow what I do, okay?" Virgil's voice kept Patton grounded in reality. "In for four, hold for seven, out for eight."

Virgil lightly squeezed Patton's hand, the pattern being 4, 7, 8. Patton kept trying his best to follow Virgil's guidence. He kept trying as Virgil encouraged him.

After a bit of breathing, Patton was starting to feel better. Once his breathing was close enough to normal, Virgil took one of his hands from Patton's and put it in his hair. He gently stroked his hair, feeling Patton relax more into his touch. Patton closed his eyes, leaning into Virgil's touch. It felt nice, calming. He was less shaky, only shaking slightly instead of violently.

"Good job, Pat. You're doing so good," Virgil whispered to him.

Patton hummed. He lifted his head to look at Virgil, his eyes red and puffy from the panicked crying. He rested his cheek on his knees, his face squishing. He sniffled, a look of shame etched on his face.

"I'm sorry…" he muttered, looking away from Virgil.

Virgil looked down at him, concern flooding his senses.

"Nothing to apologize for, Pat. It's okay," Virgil spoke softly, knowing how draining panic attacks could be.

"But… I don't even know what happened. I just, I freaked out for no reason," Patton argued, his voice a little shaky.

"Patton, it was a panic attack. There's always a reason, and any reason is a valid reason."

"Oh. I, uh. I didn't know that, that's what it was."

"Yeah."

"And I just… I don't want you guys to see me so sad and stuff. You're all my kiddos, I-- I don't like you seeing me hurt."

Virgil nodded and hummed. He still stroked Patton's hair, keeping him calm and aware that someone was there for him. That Virgil was there. That he cared and wouldn't just leave him when he was hurt.

"Patton. It's okay if you aren't okay. It's okay to reach out when you're feeling bad. Isn't that what you tell us? To reach out and get help if we need it?" Virgil said.

"Yeah, because you guys can't control when-- oh. I get it now," Patton realized what his emo friend meant.

"You should practice what you preach, Popstar."

Patton hummed. He looked back to Virgil, thinking for a moment. He sniffled, still a little embarrassed about his overflow of emotions.

"Can… can I have a hug?" Patton asked softly.

Virgil smiled at him, and nodded. He removed his hands from Patton's hair and his own hand before engulfing him in a tight embrace. Patton gripped Virgil's jacket, holding on tighter. He nuzzled his head in Virgil's shoulder and leaned into Virgil's touch. He closed his eyes, breathing in for a moment and sighed. He liked it when he could get moments like this with Virgil. Just them two, being able to take a minute and relax.

He moved his head, placing it on Virgil's chest. He listened to his heartbeat, feeling a wave of calm wash over him. He felt so tired from the panic attack, and he almost fell asleep then and there. Virgil slowly layed down, Patton now laying on top of him. He rubbed Morality's back, drawing circles on his shoulder blades.

Before Patton could drift off to sleep, Virgil kissed the top of his head.

"Do you wanna talk about why you were upset? Or do you want a distraction?" his voice was a little quiet and low, attempting to make the nice moment last longer.

"Mm. I guess… when we were all talking about--" Patton yawned, interrupting himself. "About the future and what we'd have to deal with soon, it kinda just… overwhelmed me? Thomas has been going through a lot lately, and the reality of it came crashing down. I just… it's a lot, not just for me. I guess I kinda… overreacted… a bit."

"Hey, you didn't overreact. You're right, Thomas has been going through a lot of shit recently--"

Patton muttered a half-hearted "language".

"--and it's been rough on everyone. You may be more affected, though, since you're literally Thomas' heart. You're all his emotions, good and bad. Your reaction is normal. You were overwhelmed. You didn't overreact," Virgil finished explaining.

Virgil looked down at Patton, who's lips were parted and who's chest slowly rose and fell. He smiled fondly as Patton slept soundly, wiping the tear streaks from his face. He kissed the top of Patton's head again, holding him close. Patton smiled sleepily, snuggling deeper into Virgil.

Virgil whispered a sweet, "Goodnight, Popstar."

He pulled out a phone and began scrolling through Tumblr. He felt proud of himself for being able to calm Patton down and ease him into sleep. He knew he wasn't always helpful, so when he was? It was one of the best feelings in the world.

Especially when it came to Patton, who'd always helped him. He was glad he got to show his love for his friend.

And whenever Patton needed it, he'd always be there.

Taglist: @lost-in-thought-20 @thegoldenduckie

[theroadtosomewhere]

Writer Interview Game!

Tagged by @azapofinspiration yippeeeeeeee

When did you start writing?

Mmmmm.... first story I wrote properly was in 2014, little primary school lad who got marked well on a story in class and it ended up on a lil notice board which little me was like oH. It was a 10 year old's excuse for a horror story but it does make me laugh to think that I went from that to wattpad within months, back when it wasnt behind a paywall. My first original was on wattpad in maybe 2016 and after that I was really into LoZ and BBC Sherlock so there was some fanfics there. My longest (unfinished) original story was built off a plot that I created for a LoZ fanfic and I was still very active in writing it up until three years ago, so there was a solid 6-7 years spent with that lol.

End of 2022 I started reading abt skk on ao3 without ever having watched the show (shoutout athena and moxie p sure i read some of yours first lmfao every skker ever) and started writing my first few skk fics without ever having watched the show OR read the manga. Before that though the thing that got me onto writing for/on ao3 was Narumitsu!!! my babes one day i will finish that first fic (blackmadhi yesssssssss if you wanna see my cringe from pre bsd thats it lol).

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

god..... too many..... its been a long time since ive sat down to read properly, and even during school i would not have considered myself a book nerd by any means (mostly because i was juggling time between school and extra-curriculars.)

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

When I was in highschool, my writing style (based on the original mentioned above) was compared to Marcus Zusac before I'd even read a book of his. That was pretty nice. Same with Neil Gaiman but that is too high praise for me to accept considering i now write either about gay lawyers or gay mafioso x ex-mafioso soooooooooooo. not sure any of that would come through in my writing these days.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

Literally write wherever I can. In my room, at my desk, on the bus or train, during breaks at work and in class at uni (responsible i know). Wind, rain or shine, if i have an idea (or not even) i'll jot down an idea or vaguely edit something. The process is process-ing!!!!

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Hehehehehehehe......maladaptive daydreaming..........

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

I LOVE THIS OKAY. SO. typical projection stuff incoming. I feel like most if not everyone has a highschool horror story and up until like a year or so ago i was like!!! it wasnt that bad!!!! (it was, emotionally at least). The aforementioned original story and its characters changed a LOT overtime lol. when I hit my last year of highschool, i'd had some time away from writing and when i read over it, it was crazy to see not only what my mental state had been through my writing, but to see my own coping mechanisms written between the lines before i even knew what they were/that i did them! Won't go into too much detail about that but I did experience dissociation and anxiety etc which I only began to address in my last year of school, so going back and reading it with a clearer head was like wow okay. that was real!

That being said! Hurt/comfort my beloved. The unloved being loved. Second chances. Do with that what you will.

What is your reason for writing?

Initially i started writing for fun, but during highschool as things got a little worse, i fell into the characters i created and i can look back now fondly and think...thank you. i still dont know if i want to touch the story because its one of the last things i have left from a time past that may not have been positive, but the experience of writing and developing the characters alongside myself back then is just sighs :') sometimes i miss that girl.

First for enjoyment, second as a way of staying sane, and now i'd say its a mixture of both. My writing is my love letter to whatever I'm writing about. I do love sharing too. Right audience and all that :)

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I've been told that I can write particular characters' inner voices quite well, which is always a compliment :')

I think my own strength as a writer is also the weakness, which is to say that a project is never finished. Even when there's something out there and up on the interwebs for people to see, there's a good chance that if you check back months later, something has been edited or changed. I do have issues with perfectionism at times, but weirdly enough its not a negative thing when i apply it to my writing. I enjoy the process of seeing the stories i write change.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Good most days. I experiment quite a bit with ideas and writing styles/formatting so I will leave it at that lol.

Tagging @calmlb and @samtheboyfailure if y'all want :)

[hollyhomburg]

That really nice ask made me think about how you could like print it out, if u have other asks that were of that sort u could print it out as well and then u could frame them in like… a collage style? Or oooohhh… there’s these yearly calendars that u can decorate and they don’t have the weekdays on them so they can be used every year and u could glue them on there to have a reminder every month, about how appreciated u are and how much we all love ur writing!

(Scrolling thru ur last few asks also made me contemplate going all the way back on ur account to search for every bily ask cause 🥺)

OH AND ANOTHER THING i think it was in that really sweet ask… about like physical copies, i would cry if i had a physical copy of bily, i think I’ve heard about a website that lets u do that but I’d also feel bad for just… taking ur work and making myself a copy…? But just the thought of whipping out that one program i learned to use in school for like formatting books and magazines and making a diy out of it 🥺 i would male sure to print it it colour so i could incorporate all of the beautiful moodboards u made and then at the end I’d put all of the story relevant asks in and it’d take me months probably cause I’d wanna make sure I’d do the best job i could bc that’s what bily deserves and… ugh I’d want it to have a really nice cover 🥺 it’d be such a big book it’d be intimidating😂

ANYWAYS SORRY FOR RAMBLING ABOUT MY DAYDREAMof making a physical copy i just… idk i just had the thought when i read about it in this other ask

So… hope u have a good day, have a forehead kiss and a warm hug and i can’t wait for more bily content! (Especially after the sextoy-collar-m/c-jin-awkward moment-maybe lil angsty-cliffhanger)

Okay, so I've actually been thinking about publishing Bily on wattpad, in 4 different 'books' each with a different title and cover (and I have ideas about the covers like- book one being dark and scary, book two being a dark maron, book three being bright red, and book four being bright pink for aesthetic!! kinda showing how the m/c gets happier as the story goes on and heals- because bily is primarily a story about healing it makes sense that the covers would someway mirror that.

that's probably gonna be my next step, because I've looked in to doing a limited run of Bily as a whole and like- it's unfortunately out of reach for me. I would probably cost me about 1200$ to do a run of about 400 books total, 100 of each book because most on-demand publishing services do minimum batches with a limit of about 300 pages per book. not to mention pricing for you guys or shipping or anything like that. a full set would cost me about 40$ to make 😭

you sound like you have a fair amount of experience in it thought and what you describe is so beautiful- I imagine a book- like a fifth one that was a very light pastel pink on the spine with all the extras printed out and organized along with mood boards and specific pictures of what I picture the characters wearing on specific page numbers.

ahhh- i can just imagine that the cover would have a little train ticket inside it- a replica of the one that hobi has in his wallet from the m/c, maybe i could even do like- a random draw or something? like if you get a white ticket you're an alpha, and a pink one means that you're an omega. and a special few will get red tickets meaning they're assigned beta in the universe 😭

it's a good daydream 💔if i had infinite money i would print them and make them a reality not even for a profit just to make people happy

[souyaf]

idk if ur on this acc (since the last time i checked, u were moving but keeping it lowkey. although i hope all is well and ur doing well too), but if u r 🧍 i need some advice or whatever words u can offer. i’m a writer myself, but took the biggest hiatus bc i felt burned out writing for hq :/ i really want to get back into the flow of writing bc of u and others inspire me, but obviously for other animes. however, there’s just two *tiny* problems. my writing style isn’t the same anymore (aka giving lowkey wattpad vibes whenever i broke the fantasy to add something stupid) and how to start back up without using hq to put me back out there… ive thought about starting a new blog but i can’t bare myself to leave bc my og blog is what i started with— my lil baby, you know? ig in a way, if u were in my position… what would u do?

also u don’t have to answer this if u don’t want to. i basically just vented without permission but do as u plz with this ask. if u answer then i truly appreciate u taking the time out to do so. again, hope ur doing well too btw and staying safe during these times.

hi babie !!!! i am still very much on this blog i was just taking a break for a couple days !!!

anyway, hiatuses are tricky. a lot of the times when a writer goes on hiatus they lose the traction they once had. so even if you have 3k followers, chances are a lot of them moved on to other writers. unfortunately, consumers are always moving on to the writers who are giving them the content to consume and leave behind writers they once enjoyed simply bc they're not getting their fill out of u anymore /: so i guess it depends how active your followers actually still are

you also have to consider your fan base on your blog will be predominantly compromised of hq fans and those who want hq content....and probably won't entirely be into the new content you post. different fandom and all. altho there are lots of readers who read just about anything....i am one of them

i personally would start a new blog, but i really like starting new blogs so that's an easy decision for me to make.

i guess it just depends what ur willing to do. i suppose you could test it out and see how see content goes down with your current followers ?

[threeletterslife]

Chana! What are some stories that have stayed with you through the years, and writing that has impacted your own?

ooh nice question! i wasn’t sure if you meant some of mY stories or others’ stories, so i’ll answer it both ways! (this post is crazily long i’m so so sorry)

some of my own stories that have stayed with me through the years: you & me both, over the moon and insurrection/the exam

y&mb was the first full-on angst story i’ve ever published. (before publishing that, i was actually known for being a fluff writer 🤡 i know, crazy, right??) but y&mb sits in a very special place in my heart. when i was writing it, i was happy with where my life was going (i’d finally gotten out of the slumps) and the topics showcased in the story actually really hit close to home so i was also seriously invested in the characters too. overall, it was my best work for a while. but looking back, i feel like i could’ve written it so much better. it was only like what? less than a year ago? but idk i love it but hate it at the same time. the kind of thing where i laugh and cry at the memories from it, but also would HATE to read it again. still, the plot of y&mb was something i developed for YEARS before i even attempted to write it, so yes, it did stay with me through the years. and i know for a fact it’ll stay with me for longer in the future

otm is an interesting one. i finished the series this year i think (which sounds so crazy,, it feels so long ago). but the plot i planned for years! i always save my *special* plots until i think i’m capable of writing them. i still think i should’ve waited a lil longer when i wrote otm because i’m not 100% sure that was my best work ever. but otm just makes me reflect back on the crazy times. like the characters in the story, i also felt so confused and unsure and NUMB when i was writing otm—mostly because the pandemic had just gotten serious in my country and things had started to become like a mf SHITSHOW :(( i connect so much with the characters in otm... (i mean, who doesn’t love an intj mc qUEEN??) so yeah. i also LOVE oc and yoongi’s relationship in otm. their romance is actually something i want with my future s.o. LOL (something subtle, something steadfast and most importantly—STEADY). i wish i could rewrite it now fsjfjj but that goes for all of my stories

insurrection/the exam kinda go together. i’ve had the idea for insurrection the longest out of ALL of these stories lol. i think i mentioned it before but i always felt so intrigued by a ‘school revolt’ kind of idea. so i always kinda wanted to write a lowkey satirical(?) story full of morally ambiguous characters and questionable academic organizations. that turned out to be insurrection, which i waited for (i think? three to four years?) before i finally wrote it. AGAIN, it could’ve been better, but at this point, let’s just accept the fact that i’ll never be satisfied LOL. insurrection’s welton high school is based on my own high school,,, so you can tell how shitty my experience with education was in my high school years 🥳anyways, that’s why insurrection is so important to me. i feel like, in a way, it tells my story (and my friends’ stories too). the exam is a less optimistic (more satirical) view on the education system. while insurrection focused more on the students (their passions, their will to rebel and ‘cheat’ the shitty system), the exam focused more on the unfairness that students’ intelligence could be scored with fucking TESTS. one test that determines your whole future. utopia and dystopia respectively represented privileged children (who were more likely to succeed in the exam) and the lesser privileged children (who would inevitably fail the exam because they were never given the resources). yeah, i think the exam could’ve been executed better, but i think the overarching theme was there, which i’m pretty satisfied with. i’m passionate about screaming that the american education system sucks (as you can tell by this painfully long paragraph) lol i’m thinking of writing a fic in the future about an education system that actually works!!

ANYWAYS I’M SO SORRY I WROTE SO MUCH FUCK. BUT THERE’S MORE,,, HANG ON

others’ stories and writings that have impacted my own!!

starting with published authors! i’m a huge HUGEJFLKDJFLSDJ fan of louis sachar (i’m convinced this man is a genius lol). i LOVED holes, i LOVED small steps, i LOVED fuzzy mud, i LOVEDDD the whole wayside school series. he’s so witty? and creative??? like i owe all my outrageous ideas to him because he probably single-handedly taught me creativity when i was a kid LOL another author i LOVE is fredrik backman. he writes the best slice of life/coming of age stories. i’m particularly fond of a man called ove and my grandmother asked me to tell you she’s sorry (which inspired nothing a lil green can’t fix!!). honorable mentions go to ishiguro’s never let me go, faulkner’s as i lay dying, juster’s the phantom tollbooth. omfg i also had a HUGE shannon hale phase (the goose girl, enna burning, rapunzel’s revenge)—very fairy tale-esque but so magical and charming and CAPTIVATING!! i owe all of these authors a huge motherfucking THANK YOU. because they built me up this far 😭😭😭i love authors who are able to fully develop their characters or have the most amazing world-building ever. i think that’s why i put so much emphasis on my characters too. i rlly learned from the best 😭😭

as for internet authors!! i actually IDOLIZED this one author from wattpad (she was SERIOUSLY underrated). and i know there’s a stigma around wattpad authors (lowkey rightfully so; there’s some nasty stuff on there) but chloe was so SO talented. she wrote like a poet. it was insane. i never saw anyone who had a way with words like her. we were actually pretty close for a while but lost touch over the years. anyways, she wrote this beautiful, heartbreaking story called chrysanthemum,,, she deleted her account though so it’s not there anymore. (i know. i agonized over this for hours). she also wrote a horror fic (creatures) that STILL chills me to the bones. she inspired me to try writing horror too (in the future, i will!) 

other than that, i love all of @inktae​’s fics! she’s also an AMAZING writer. (her writing style is so eloquent and elegant and ugh! perfection!) her stories will make you feel nostalgic and lowkey heartbroken. she also writes a lot about nature/being around nature—it’s such a nice, beautiful, serene feeling. (she’s also the master of bittersweet endings!) i think i became obsessed with bittersweet endings because of her LOL some of her works that literally breathed LIFE into me: the blue notebooks, below thunder showers, written on the sky, first light (all of them are worth reading. her fics make you want to become a novelist—the inspiration i get from them is amazing!)

another legend is @jimlingss​!! i still keep up with literally all of her works because istg she never disappoints. she has such a simple but fluent writing style, which i LOVE! it’s engaging through and through. and man, she has a talent for storytelling! but the one thing no other internet author can top is kina’s characters. some published authors can’t even develop a single protagonist in the 456 book pages they wrote yikes. (but just saying, kina can do it in like 9k words.) i have no idea how she does it but her characters just feel human—even if they're not, they STILL FEEL REAL??? (sorry i’m just fangirling) but like i’m serious, she really did inspire me to start putting more depth to my characters. after all, why would the reader be invested in a story if they don’t give two shits about the bland-ass characters?? her pivotal works that made ME wanna pIVOT my whole writing career: tears of a villain, flames and floe, game of temptation, head over heels to hell, a voyage to liberation, ghost in the machine, the weekend massacre, love pages, moirai, a piece of the moonlight

i mean look, i’d put down way more fics of kina’s that inspired me to become the writer that i am now,,, but i don’t wanna make this long ass ask even longer so ummm i’ll have to stop 😭😭but i am literally in love with all of these published and internet authors. i just don’t understand how they are so talented. i really DO learn from the best. and i learned different things from each author too!! 

all of these stories (mine and others) have impacted my writing in some way or another. from my own, i learned from my mistakes lol. from others, i learned how to be a better writer. you can only write as much as you read. i stand by that fact to this day

anyways i’m so sorry you had to read this whole fucking essay 😭😭😭😭

[roman-reigns-princess]

Sugar and Spice (Roman Reigns): Chapter 1

Chapter 2 Read it on Wattpad Writing Masterlist

Summary: Aasha and Leati lives are intertwined; it began with a simple contract six years ago that led to love and romance. Although they now live together, they lead busy lives that ten to keep them apart for weeks on end.They finally get a week to themselves in one of their favourite cities, Rome, Italy. Aasha has a couple surprises prepared for Leati, but little does she know, he has a couple of huge surprises for her as well.

Warnings (for the fic over all, not specifically this chapter): cis-female OC, 18+, definitely smutty, daddy kink, schoolgirl kink(?), anal play, choking, age difference,  unprotected sex (wrap it up yall), maybe a lil bit of a breeding kink (dont @ me), possibly semi-public sex, idk if this needs a warning but I use his first name in this fic just cause i really love it?

Aasha (OFC) Face Claim: Alia Bhatt (but like thiccer, and w longer hair)

Word Count: 2813

A/N: I wanna thank @reignwithflair​ and @macfizzle​ for helpin me out w this fic, and giving me some bomb ass ideas. Legit had this fic in my drafts since like June, but thanks to them i finally got it started properly. I originally wanted it to be more focused on their sugar relationship, but i added too much romance so like idk what to even call this fic anymore im sorry yall

Tag List: @macfizzle @reignwithflair @hoodgirl163 @vivalavonvon @imagines–assemble @spidermans-l-o-v-e-r@lavitabella87 @queenreignsempire @ziasaph @vanity1385@itsnethbellins @itsilovelukehemmings@randomfandompenguin @mrsamberlopezgoodanoai @harrystacowwe@hoshithehotspur @flawlessglamazon@inkedirishbbydoll-blog-blog @miss-limited-edition @kakakatey@moneypowergloryfameliquorlove@romanxreignz @firered82 @southernbelle91@reigningxo @littledeadrottinghood @cute-face-chubby-waist @arrowtothecrown@roman-reigns-truth @romansambrose @it-is-reigning-men @fictionalabyss @cool-snowball-22-blog

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Tucking her phone and room key into her purse, Aasha made her way to the elevator to go down to the bar in the hotel. Leati's flight wouldn't land for at least another half hour, meaning he'd probably get to the hotel in an hour.

She had arrived earlier in the day, and spent most of it preparing a surprise for him, going through the internet, and asking friends who had experience; she figured she'd treat herself a little before he got here.

She'd known for a while now that Leati had a thing for the whole school girl outfit, and Aasha had  been getting more and more curious about trying anal, though she hadn't said anything about it to Leati.

Over the past month or so she had been working her way up from the smallest anal plug, looking up how to do enemas properly, and talking to experienced friends. She'd also been putting together the perfect outfit for him, choosing each article of clothing separately to fit the idea she had in mind.

However, both their schedules had been too busy and they'd barely seen each other for the past 3 weeks. They were finally getting a whole week to themselves, and Leati suggested that they spend it in Rome at the renowned Westin Excelsior.

The Westin Excelsior was a stunning hotel that stood right in the middle of Rome; the architecture reminiscent of Ancient Roman palaces. The building itself was six stories tall, with a dome on top of one corner. Leati had, as usual, booked the biggest, most luxurious suite; the Villa La Cupola took up a good portion of the fifth and sixth floor of the hotel, including the dome.

Aasha's eyes nearly popped out of her head when she first walked into their villa. The living room was huge, decorated with a beautiful fresco; the velvety red curtains hanging from the floor to ceiling windows were drawn, allowing the sun to brighten up the room and warm up the marble floors.

It had its own kitchen, dining room, studio, and even a private gym, but her favourite feature was the Roman bath style Jacuzzi on the sixth floor that led to a terrace over looking the city, with St. Peter's Basilica in the distance.

The bedroom was another work of art; the floors covered with a beige and brown carpet that had red and peach designs curling across, matching the furniture, and heavy curtains.

There was a king sized bed pushed back against the wall, positioned so that the sun lit up the pristine white sheets; it was high enough that she needed to hop up onto it. The four posts around the bed were painted a bright gold that was offset by the gold patterned red drapes hanging off of them.

The rest of the hotel was just as beautiful, with its marble flooring, and artwork. She wandered around a little, admiring the beautiful paintings, and statues that decorated the different hallways before asking one of the staff to point her in the direction of the bar.

The bar was fairly empty, with only a small group of people occupying a corner of the room. Aasha hopped up onto one of the leather clad bar stools and ordered a cherry martini from the bartender. She thanked the bartender and gave him the room number to open a tab.

As she sat at the bar enjoying her drink, her mind began to wander back a few years to when she was in a similar place, waiting to meet Leati for the first time.

Aasha sat at the table of a fancy restaurant, her delicate fingers running up and down the stem of her glass as she waited for him. She had never been this nervous before, especially since she'd never done anything like this before either.

She was barely into her first year of college, and she was switching her major to photography, something her parents were not willing to financially support. Aasha didn't want to take student loans, but fortunately, her friend had told her about the arrangement she had with her sugar daddy, and Aasha had decided to give it a shot.

She had made it explicitly clear that she wasn't willing to do anything sexual for money; coming from a religious, Indian family, she had done barely anything more than kissing. She didn't really care about waiting till marriage to have sex, but she wasn't comfortable with the idea of having her first time be with some random guy who payed her for it.

It came as quite a surprise to her when Leati contacted her. She'd expected him to be less attractive, and much older than he was; granted he was about 10 years older than her, but he was only in his late 20s.

He had given her basic information about himself, and what he would want out of an arrangement, and they had agreed to meet face to face before finalizing anything. He was one of the founders of a major security company that often provided bodyguards to the highest ranking people, and he simply wanted someone to attend work functions with him without the hassle or drama of courting someone.

She was so lost in her thoughts that when a large hand gently gripped her shoulder she jumped, nearly knocking her virgin strawberry daiquiri over in the process; she looked up at the owner to find Leati Anoa'i looking down at her.

"Hi, you must be Aasha, I'm Leati," he said, flashing her a smile.

Her lips parted a little as her eyes drank him in, he was even more beautiful in real life, and certainly more intimidating if he wasn't smiling. He wore a grey suit with a red tie, his hair was slicked back into a bun, and he was clean shaven except for his mustache and goatee.

She blinked a couple times before realizing she was staring at him, she hurriedly stood up and held out her hand, a blush spread across her face as it finally occurred to her that she had no idea what she was supposed to do.

"I-um, yeah-it's good to meet you," she stuttered, biting the inside of her cheek for that. Her face turned redder as he chuckled and gently wrapped his hand around her fingers and pressed a light kiss on her knuckles.

"Pleasure's all mine, babygirl," he replied, letting go of her hand so they could both take a seat. "So, what would you like to eat?"

They spent the rest of the evening talking, and getting to know each other. He was one of three of the major owners of the company, he lived in Tampa about 45 minutes away from her, and he traveled a lot. By the end of the night, Aasha was relaxed, and comfortable enough around him to explain what she wanted, and what she was willing to do.

They didn't have any clashing needs, and he was more than happy to tell her that he'd draw up an agreement as soon as possible for the both of them to sign. He didn't seem to care that she wanted to keep their relationship platonic, but he did say once that if she wanted to go further he wouldn't be opposed to it.

Setting down her empty glass, she left a generous tip for the bartender, and slowly began to make her way back up to the room.

Over time her and Leati's relationship had evolved. They had become good friends, and she stuck with him through two attempted hostile takeovers by his partners even when he tried telling her he didn't want her caught up in that. He started bringing her to family gatherings, stating that he wanted his mother to stop bugging him about settling down. She got to know his family, his twin cousins who became his new partners, and even became close friends with his sister-in-laws, Trinity and Kecia.

As they spent more time together, she started to develop feelings for Leati, but her fear of rejection kept her silent, until one day she got a little too tipsy at an event and ended up confessing to him in the car.

Leati had a firm grip on Aasha's waist as they made their way down the steps of the hotel; he was glowering from the incident moments ago, one hand clenched into a fist at his side. Aasha couldn't help the shiver of fear that ran through her when she looked up at him, the only other time she'd seen him this angry was when Colby tried to wrest the company from Leati.

She'd known that this conference was a bad idea, she tried telling Leati that the McMahons would probably send Lopez as their representative to hopefully throw him off or simply to sew discord, but Leati's stubborn Italian pride wouldn't let him back down from this. To his credit, he managed to keep a lid on his emotions for most of the conference, that is until the farewell dinner.

Leati had left her alone momentarily to go to the restroom, which gave Colby the opportunity to slink up to her with that typical half smirk etched into his face. She gave him a polite smile and took a large sip of her champagne, not wanting to stir up any shit when they were so close to leaving.

"It's been too long, Aasha, you're looking good," she cringed as Colby's eyes took their time looking her over. "We never talk anymore, not even a Happy New Year text?"

"That's your own fault, Lopez," she glared at him, she wanted to get up and leave but there were people standing around the table, blocking her off; the only exit was past the man leering at her. "No one forced you to stab us-him in the back."

"Us? Did you guys finally hook up? Or is it still purely platonic?" he scoffed, not even bothering to acknowledge everything else she'd said.

"N-no, we're just good friends, something you obviously know nothing about," she bit back, taking another gulp of her drink.

"So you're not off the market? Cause I assure you, I can be a very good friend," Colby's smirk widened into a malicious smile as he leaned in, a hand coming to rest on her bare knee. She recoiled with disgust, ready to throw her drink in his face when she felt a  larger hand grab her arm, pulling her up and away from him.

She looked up to see Leati glaring at his former partner; Colby had the good sense to look somewhat scared as he stood up and subtly tried to back away. For each step he took back, the large Samoan took two forward.

"Hey, hey, listen, he's not worth it, let's just leave," Aasha pleaded, tugging at his arm. She tried not to shiver as he looked at her, his infamous volcanic rage simmering in his eyes. "Please."

"Fine," he said, giving Lopez one last scathing look before turning on his heel to march off with his arm around Aasha's waist. She texted the driver to meet them at the front as they made their way through the halls of the hotel.

They came to a stop at the entrance, waiting for the driver to pull up with their limo. Aasha turned to Leati, unbuttoning his jacket to slide her arms around him as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. A startled sound bubbled in his throat, but he hugged her back, kissing the top of her head. They stayed like that until the car drove up.

"I'm sorry," Leati said as he settled in next to her; she looked up at him in surprise. "I know you hate it when I get mad, I just couldn't stand the fact that he put his hands on you, I didn't mean to scare you."

"No, it's okay, you could never scare me, it was actually kinda hot," she mumbled the last part, her face heating up at the confession. She buried her face in his shoulder when his serious expression turned into a smirk. She arched into him as he slid a hand up her spine to grab her hair and pull her head back.

"You think it's hot?" he asked, a dangerous gleam in his eyes as he leaned in closer so that his face was inches from hers. "I-"

She cut him off with a kiss, her hands grabbing his shoulders to pull him closer. His arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her onto him so that she was straddling his lap. She teasingly bit his lip, eliciting a deep growl from him. She pulled away to look up at him, the both of them panting a little as they stared at each other wide eyed.

"I think I love you," she blurted.

Aasha chuckled at the memory as she walked into the VIlla; back then she had been mortified, but thinking back to it now it seemed rather funny.

Glancing at her phone she saw that she had 40 more minutes till Leati got there. It would be just enough time to shower, and finish the final steps for her surprise. She took a quick 15 minute shower, then hopped out to grab the lube and one of her plugs. She decided to go with one of the smaller ones with a pink diamond on the top because she didn't want to deal with any discomfort.

After working it in, she left the lube in the drawer of a nightstand by the bed, slipped on a shorter baby pink silk robe, and went back to the bathroom to dry off her hair. She finished just in time to hear the door to the Villa opening and closing.

"Aasha?" Her face lit up as she heard Leati's deep voice. She let out a shriek of happiness, rushing out of the bathroom to find him setting his bags down in the bedroom. She practically jumped into his arms, making him laugh as he picked her up with one arm; much to her delight he had grown his beard out, but it also tickled her skin as he buried his face in her neck. "I missed you too, babe."

"God you look so good, it feels like it's been forever, I hate being apart for that long, promise me we won't have to spend more than a week apart again, Lea," she mumbled, giving him a deep kiss to show him just how much she missed him; his chest rumbled against her as he chuckled at the nickname she'd used.

"I dunno if I can promise that, but I'm sure if you gave the Board a good talkin to, they'll see things your way," he joked, walking to the bed to set her down. She pulled back to give him a mock glare before grabbing the front of his shirt to bring him in for another kiss.

His large hands roamed over her thighs, pushing up her robe as he massaged her soft skin; her own hands were busy rediscovering his strong chest, enjoying the warmth that she had desperately missed over the past few weeks, when he pushed her back with a quick shove before dropping to his knees to push her legs apart. She was about to let him when she remembered that she'd prepared surprises for him.

"Wait! No, I, uh," she said, hurriedly sitting up and clamping her legs shut. Leati gave her the cutest pout as he stood up. "I'm sorry, its just I got you a couple surprises but I haven't finished putting them together. Why don't you go take a shower, I'll be done by then."

"I GUESS I can wait a little while longer," he sighed dramatically, giving her a kiss and a grin. "You better be done by the time I'm out, cause I'll fuck you right where you stand, got it?"

"Yes, Daddy," she said with a cheeky smirk as she pushed him towards the bathroom. He gave her one last kiss, and landed a smack on her ass before walking into the shower.

Aasha dug through her bag, pulling on the outfit she had put together; a white button up shirt tucked into a flow-y black skirt that barely covered her ass, white thigh high socks held up by black thigh garters, and a loosely tied black tie. She could hear her boyfriend getting out of the shower and turning on the hair dryer which gave her just enough time to brush her own hair out and pull it up into two ponytails.

She just finished tucking her brush away, and unbuttoning the top 3 buttons of her shirt when the bathroom door opened and out stepped Leati in nothing but a towel.

[mhagnolia]

avpd asks by @acevoidant

i thought this might be a good (?) activity to better understand myself. i’m definitely on the road to recovery but i had a sad episode today and found avoidant tags on tumblr. 

1. how did you find out about avpd? on my fifteenth birthday, i knew i should be happy, but, the whole day i couldn’t stop thinking about my mental space. i think this is one of my symptoms, constantly trying to rationalize and fix my mental state rather than confront the pressing behaviors that cause this (my avoidance). i got ready for bed but i wanted to know what was so wrong that i could never have a normal day. i stopped assuming it was depression, anxiety, ocd, schizophrenia, etc. and considered the next thing i had heard of but never checked: personality disorders. after reading about the criteria for avpd, i found it was strikingly similar to my experience in a way no other disorder has. in short, i guess i just tried searching for an answer for the umpteenth time and found it.

2. are you professionally diagnosed? nope. i don’t know if i really need to be; for me, right now, it’s best if i figure this all out on my own.

3. what age do you think you started having avpd symptoms? my first memories of avpd like symptoms are from second grade when i was about 8 years old. we were let out of the classroom to go to the bathroom and i didn’t want my friends to walk before me (lil meanie) and my teacher called me back into the classroom. i don’t really know what the proper reaction to this is but i went back to my seat, muttered to myself how i was such a bad student, and pulled my hair tie onto my wrist to hurt myself.

4. do you have other mental illnesses? Does avpd complicate these illnesses? If so, in what way? in truth, in truth, in truth, i’m not that sure. i feel anxious often like when i wash dishes or share an opinion but i don’t think its too debilitating. my anxiety is usually just fuzzy chest feelings i get every so often. depression is questionable, but right now, i’m definitely facing a dysfunction that i so often associated with depression (slipping grades, losing sleep, not eating). i believe that my avpd sort of trumps any other mental issues i face and makes my relationship with them much more complex i.e., “i don’t deserve a community/a common place”; “i deserve less than depression”.

5. what do you do to deal with loneliness? i guess busy myself. i never find myself actually reaching out to others.

6. what do you do to deal with depression? if i knew i wouldn’t be writing this.

7. what do you do to deal with anxiety? hmm, i guess try to reason myself out of it? my anxieties usually deal with forces outside of myself, so, it’s much easier to rationalize it. i try to think of my blossoming self growth, my goals, my dreams, and the trust i have in others.

8. if you experience dissociation, what is that like for you personally? i don’t believe i’ve ever experienced dissociation. i think i sometimes do experience depersonalization, though.

9. were you ever misdiagnosed? if so, which mental illness were you misdiagnosed with? how did that affect your treatment? never been diagnosed

10. do you have a safe person? i’ve told my mom i believe i have avpd but we don’t do much about it and i’ve only talked to her about on maybe three occasions. i find a lot of solace in my mom’s side of the family and when i’m with certain cousins i find that my minds quiets and i become a bit of a different person :).

11. have you ever been hospitalized? Ii you have been hospitalized, what was it like and did it help you in any way? never been hospitalized

12. what is your advice to someone who is considering hospitalization or is about to be hospitalized? i don’t think i would really recommend it for anyone dealing with a mental disorder if you don’t pose to a danger to yourself or others. however, honestly, i’m not really versed on what actually occurs in a psychiatric hospitalization. it just doesn’t seem like a positive or pleasant experience that would help,

13. have you ever been in residential treatment? if so, what was it like and did it help? never received treatment

14. what is your advice to someone who is considering residential treatment or is about to start residential treatment? same as above

15. what is your advice to someone who has just been diagnosed with avpd? not sure, i don’t think i could allow myself to muster anything. i guess just find help, whether in a medical respect or in a social respect.

16. who do you look up to that influences your personality/way of thinking? what personality traits/ways of thinking have you taken on because of them? anyone who is materially or emotionally successful, definitely. i find myself often trying to internalize others’ kindness, helpfulness, work ethic, passion, etc. it’s a culmination of different books characters, movie characters, online “personalities,” friends, relatives.

17. who did you look up to when you were young (real or fictional)? i don’t really know, no one really comes to mind in particular.

18. how have you changed since you were first diagnosed? never been diagnosed, however, since i somewhat found my “answer,” i’ve certainly been a lot better than before. whether that has to do with my initial discoveries isn’t clear to me but i am surely better than before.

19. what are some things related to your avpd that you still want to work on? ahaha, everything? the disorder still affects me in the same way than it did at my peak, just to lowered degrees.

20. how are you feeling right now? What is currently influencing your mood? i’m alright rn, we just went to a few parks and walked around different vistas. i had hoji cha bubble tea and i’m feeling ok.

21. do you have any friends with avpd? Ii so, how is that friendship different than friendships with people who do not have avpd? i don’t believe i have any friends with avpd.

22. favorite songs to listen to when you’re in a bad mood? right now it’s ribs by lorde, streetcar by daniel caesar, less and less by maltese, and a story playlist i made for a wattpad fanfic. if i’m in a bad mood and i want to feel better i listen to adam melchor.

23. what do you do to get yourself through a breakdown? i listen to music, watch particular youtube videos, read!!!, or journal.

24. what are your top 3 healthy coping skills? i’m not really sure, i guess breathing, taking a break, and preventing anger/blaming.

25. do you channel your pain into any art forms such as drawing, singing, poetry, etc? “channel pain” lol. i guess i do.

26. are you more of the type to isolate and avoid others or need to be with people all the time because you’re afraid to be alone? isolate

27. are you more of the type to overshare too much personal information or keep too much of yourself a secret out of fear of rejection? definitely keep to myself

28. does avpd affect your appearance? for example, do you change your hair or clothing style frequently? ah, no way. i’ve been 200% better about this recently but a few years ago, i was afraid to wear new clothes and change hairstyles.

29. what keeps you alive? everything and everyone. i love the world, a lot.

30. how open are you about having avpd? maximum security >:( unless you’re my mom. but then again, i think talking about a daily dysfunction-ing disorder twice in about five years isn’t all that much haha.

31. when starting a new relationship, when do you usually think it’s the right time to tell your partner you have avpd? i don’t know if i could start an honest and genuine relationship with someone if i didn’t let them know beforehand. but this could change.

32. do you listen to any songs that perfectly describe how you feel as a person who has avpd? not perfectly but i love first love, late spring by mitski, eartfquake by tyler, the creator, sense by tom odell, if i’m being honest by dodie, why by bazzi, cursive by billie marten, and listen before i go by billie eilish. music wise (not really lyrically) is the entire submarine ep by alex turner, only ones who know by arctic monkeys, singularity by bts, bad religion by frank ocean, and here’s an obscure one: bran-new lovesong by the pillows.

33. were you more of an innocent quiet child or a trouble maker growing up? innocent! i always followed rules.

34. are there any coping skills you want to try that you haven’t yet? coping skills are not really things apart of my routine. sounds like it would be good but i’m just trying to get to college.

35. are you currently in recovery? if so, how is that going for you? i would say yes! it’s going alright, some more lows than highs, but i’m insurmountably grateful for all of my highs.

36. what keeps you motivated? my dreams of becoming a writer/creative/academic and my personal responsibility to stay true to my identity.

37. name five qualities you like about yourself. sorry, this isn’t really a question i’m comfortable answering.

38. do you journal? if so, does it help you cope? yes! though it does help me in a stoic way, like meditation, it also helps because i’m really passionate about all forms of writing.

39. list some of your favorite avpd blogs. i have none; probably won’t ever have one.

40. how do you handle social interaction? i’m pretty good at leveled social interaction and i’ve gotten over my awkward quirky stage of adolescence (i think) lol. anything super deep is difficult for me, though. i almost never have heart to heart’s with anyone anymore.

41. are there any quotes/lyrics/etc that resonate with you? i already have a list of my favorite lyrics so here: “I leave you broken and shaking / but you still call me baby” “Please hurry leave me / I can't breathe / Please don't say you love me / 胸がはち切れそうで / One word from you and I would  / Jump off of this / Ledge I'm on / Baby” “You're the sun, you've never seen the night / But you hear its song from the morning birds / Well I'm not the moon, I'm not even a star / But awake at night I'll be singing to the birds” “She said: He might just be a big story / But there's more to life than truth” “in a foreign place / the saving grace was the feeling / what it was the heart he was stealing” “some people think its supposed to hurt / like it couldnt be real / if its putting you first” “its a hail mary / i bet it all that you dont want to see me now / but ill take my shot in the dark / for you” “Don't leave, it's my fault“ concerning quotes, i have none, but aza holmes’ monologue toward the end of turtles all the way down by john green when she’s hospitalized made me sob, really cry. i’ll always remember it as when one of the first times i’ve really felt seen and completely understood. i considered ocd for a bit because of this monologue.