#my wife (sam) hasn't left my mind once

[carpentersghost]

Hey, just wanted to say we miss you and hope that you're feeling better!

hi! i miss being on here; i'm aiming to be on here more this week along with the things i've slowly been working on <3

[i-already-know-im-going-2-hell]

hiiii cass it's ciel :) all right, i have to admit i personally don't headcanon sam as transfem, but in the spirit of wincest wednesday i want to participate lol. i like the idea of a very east of eden-like confrontation early in sam's life, where (s)he asks john how to become a girl and he tells him that he's a boy, and boys can't become girls. it's something sam internalizes for a long time because what dad says is absolute and dad always knows everything. none of them have any access to anything different; they're cut off from the world and in those days queerness is still shoved out of the public eye anyway—so without information to tell him otherwise sam grows up as a boy and eventually stops questioning it, shoving it deep down and ignoring the little niggling in his brain that tries to remind him something isn't right.

it's not until stanford that those questions unbury themselves. now we're in the new millennium, the world is changing rapidly, and for the first time in his life, sam is part of a society. and in this society he finds people of all sorts. maybe one of his classmates works as a drag queen on the weekends; maybe he sneaks into one of the shows. it would leave an impression and spark questions, but sam has gone his whole life shoving those questions down, and so he finds a pretty girl and plans to make her his wife. his goal here was normal, and so he'll be normal.

and then those questions are stifled again until dean picks him up again, and all hopes of normal fly right out the window. suddenly there's no goal but revenge, and when they've got their revenge he has nothing left but dean. normal is just a distant memory—and without normal, without dad, there's no dirt left to bury sam's questions.

so maybe his eyes linger a little too long on a few plain-looking girls at the bars they visit. and dean will nudge his arm and raise his eyebrows, goading him on, but sam never acts on it because that's not what he wants. he can't figure out exactly what he does want, but it's definitely not sex.

when they're at a gas station one day, sam finds a hair scrunchie forgotten on the ground, a cute polka-dotted pattern on it. and even though it's stained with grime and oil, he picks it up and shoves it in his pocket before dean can see. and he doesn't know why, but it feels important somehow. he takes it out later and just stares at it before shoving it into the deep recesses of his duffel bag.

when sam saves dean's ass during a hunt, he tells him: "that's my boy." and though sam doesn't work any less quickly, his hands fumble on the ropes and he frowns, and dean picks up on something there. sam doesn't talk about it and dean doesn't ask. there's a gravity in that frown.

and then one night when they're in between hunts, when things are quiet, when they're not fighting for once, sam asks dean to braid his hair. he can't, or won't, articulate why he wants this, but dean agrees anyway. it's not like he's never done it before, but this feels different, somehow, like he can't mess this up. so sam sits between dean's legs and lets dean run his fingers through his hair, and sam takes a deep breath and relaxes into it and pretends—what is it he pretends? he hasn't figured it out, not yet. he wears the braid as long as he can, until the hair pulls out and gets knotted and ratty and he has to take a shower. dean makes fun of him for it and sam rolls his eyes, and they keep looking for new hunts.

it's not until they've had sex on four different occasions that sam, between breathless kisses down dean's neck, finally asks if dean will call him a girl. dean doesn't think much of anything of it, and that's exactly what sam was banking on. the night is filled with good girl and pretty girl and sweet girl and all sorts of embarrassing monikers, but despite how cringe dean is with his performances sam revels in it, and something that had been long-buried finally surfaces and clicks in his—her—mind.

but she keeps it to the bedroom (and the impala, and the gas station bathroom, and the graveyard on one memorable occasion) for the longest time because she doesn't know how to approach the topic, doesn't know how dean will react, doesn't know if this is even something she's allowed to have. boys can't be girls, dad had said all those years ago, and maybe he was right about that. girl is something so foreign to sam anyway, and she doesn't really know the first thing about them. except that, maybe, she wants to defy her father one last time.

(when she finally tells dean, he blames himself thinking it was their fucked-up dirty talk that got his little brother all confused. and sam reassures him that no, that's not how it works, and dean doesn't quite believe her, and sam takes advantage of that chink in his armor to weasel her—her—way back into dean's heart. and the first time he calls sam his sister, she feels something right, for the first time in her life.)

Oh my god Ciel I'm platonically giving you so many forehead kisses!!!!!

Okok so, I agree, I think honestly based on the canon representation of Sam, I think (she)he just wouldn't really have access to the idea much, and it would just shuffle in with the rest of the "I'm different/wrong/not right" that he would have for his whole life.

I think honestly Sam could go about her whole life without it really sticking what this different/not right/wrong feeling was, and keeps it shoved down or just accepts that it's always gonna be there amid the other different/wrong/not rights, and I think following canon as closely as possible, it always was that way.

Sam settled into the hunting life, he settled into his existence with Dean, and he settled into the not right feeling as just a part of existence, and he(she) never fully figured it out.

But I adore the idea that she did figure it out!!!!! And that Dean was there to help her, in his own honestly bumbling ways!!!!!!

And Dean braiding her haaaaiiiiiiiir (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠) I love it, so much

[itspdameronthings]

Here is a preview of the next chapter of my mini series, never letting you go.

Some say leave the past in the past. Some just moved past it. Some just can't. When it comes to seeing the very person that brings so much pain. Pain that won't heal. To this person she is a  bringer of pain. Gemma. The very person who brings so much pain. She doesn't care who she hurts. Even her own daughter. Only thing on her mind were drugs, sex,and motorcycles. Now she is returning to the town that she once called home. Goal? No goal. Maybe to stir up trouble, or to make amends. 

Gemma arrived into town. Hasn't changed much. Same small town vibe. Same people doing the same thing when she left. Parking at the very diner she loved so much. Thinking about the happy times with her family.Until things start to unravel. Her being drinking so much a neighbor had to take her young daughter home. Diane Miller. Person who always took care of Sunshine. She loves her as if she were her own. Sunshine. How she missed you. Wonder if you are happy. Prayers were answered when she see Diane Miller with her husband Jack leaving the diner laughing ,and eating an ice cream cone. Taking a breath she gets out," Hello love birds. See both of you are still so hung up on each other. So fucking sweet." Remark like that would rile anyone up. Diane rolls her eyes," See you never lost sense of humor,and your sense of fashion. Tats ,and tight clothes that would tip if you breath." Gemma wasn't having that. Got in her face. After blowing smoke in her face," Oh really? Says who? By looks of you? Still dressed like a fruppy lady. Least I have any man. Hi Jack." Jack rolls his eyes . Stepped between the ladies," Now see here ! There will be no fighting near my diner! One more remark against my wife. I'll make a call to the sheriff. Gemma, I don't know why you are here. So God help me.." After lighting a cigarette," I'm looking for Sunshine. By the look on your faces. You know where she is. " 

Sounds of punching bags ,and gloves hitting other gloves filled the Miller/Garcia gym. Business is booming. Fighters new ,and old training. On certain days MMA fights were held here. Upstairs you are busy with massages. Nothing erotic. Mainly helping others who suffer from pains,and others need to relax. That feeling made you feel good. To help people. Resting on the office couch. Exhausted from being on your feet for the last few hours. Eyes started to close till a famiar voice filled the room," Care for a nice snack little one?" William. Your big brother to the rescue. One person other than Benny who was always there growing up. Took good care of you when things got tough. Since your father passed away in a young age. Mother who left you alone most of the time. Till one day she left,and never came back. Diane and Jack took you in. Gave you a safe place to stay,and feel loved. For the first time.You felt like you belong in a loving family. Now you are officially married to your soulmates. Never thought you ever be well protected like you are now. 

Taking a bite of your blackberry muffin smiling," Thanks big brother. Always know what I need. How is it going downstairs? Hope the boys aren't getting hurt." Will smiles as he sits next to you. Arm around your shoulder," Oh the usual. Lots of instructions being yelled across the room. Benny is trying to impress the young teenagers. Pope sits him straight." That made you laugh. Knocks at the door filled the room. Will looks up to see his beautiful wife, Sam . Gets up to hug her husband," See you missed me handsome. " Rubbing her lower back as he continues to kiss her," Oh I missed you lady bug. Missed you when you left this morning. Miss you when you leave again." Giggling at this lovely display. Newlyweds. Oh how it brought back memories. Thoughts were distracted by the sounds of your phone. Looking at the phone caused you to scream! Will rushes over to see what happened. Shacking like a leaf. Hand him your phone. Will runs downstairs to fetch the boys. Sam pulls you close," What's wrong. Tell me." Chocking back a sob," My.. mom.. she is looking for me!" 

[politemagic]

@the-dragon-mizu you said coherency was optional so here is a rambly-ish outline of my ghostly ocs (i plan to make an actual introduction post w photos and such at some point but that day is not today. also putting a read more because. A Lot. also most of their backstories are incredibly sad 😬)

Charlotte Langley-Smythe

Original lady of the manor. She died of typhoid fever on November 1, 1827 and left behind her husband Thomas and their two children Elizabeth and Thomas Jr. She lived in despair, watching her children grow up without her, watched them cry over her, unable to dry their tears. She watched her husband remarry and have more children, she heard him utter a peep about his first wife, which hurt her in ways she didn't know possible. As she watched herself fade from her family's life, her anguish transformed itself into a spiritual ability to speak into the minds of the living if she focuses her energy. She used the ability to reach out to her children, but when they told their father, he whisked the family away, never to return. She still hasn't forgiven him, especially as she watched a revolving door of satanists, murderers, and overbearing journalists investigate her once-great manor.

Joseph Lyons

Son of a wealthy family who moved in to Langley Manor in the early 20th century. He died by suicide on January 23, 1916 after his partner Edward was killed in WWI. Joseph was unable to be open with his relationship because he knew how his family would view him afterwards, but Edward's family had discovered his secret years ago. When Edward died in battle, his sister Lillian wrote to Joseph and told him the news, but also told him that he was not welcome at his funeral. While she claimed to have no qualms with their love, she knew if the greater public knew of her brother's secret, that his memory would be tarnished. Unable to bear the silent grief for his lover, he hoped to join him, and left a note telling his family so.

Trish & Samantha Anderson

Mother and daughter. Trish's husband (Samantha's step-father) rented Langley Manor for a special holiday. They had been married 3 years, Samantha had turned four a few weeks prior and Charles insisted that a special getaway was in order. On paper, they were truly a picture-perfect family. However, on February 17, 1983 Trish called the police to report that her husband was acting violent towards her and her daughter and that she was afraid. By the time that the authorities arrived, though, Trish and Sam were dead and Charles was long gone, huffing it through the woods, never to be seen again.

Mickey Smith

Mickey was a founding member of the punk band Wasp Johnson. He and his bandmates had ventured out to the now-abandoned Langley Manor for a video shoot in June of 1992. In true rockstar fashion, they found themselves they were all high out of their mind while they rocked around the old house. Mickey took a bad step and tumbled down the stairs, cracking his skull open on the floor. His fellow bandmates panicked, they didn't want to get in trouble with the law-- they were technically trespassing, they were in possession of copious amounts of illegal substances, and now they had a dead body on their hands. They buried him in a shallow grave (they swore it was the best they could do at the time) beneath a tree out back and left immediately. They never spoke of the incident to anyone, the band dissolved, and to this day nobody knows what happened to Mickey Smith.

Max Edwards

Max was a former investigative journalist trying his hand at paranormal investigation after losing his job at the newspaper. His blog had been successful thus far, and he was ecstatic about his upcoming investigation of the mysterious Langley Manor. A brutal double murder, last known location of a missing person, not to mention the various satanist rituals rumored to have happened on the grounds. On March 5, 2003 Max was standing on one of the balconies when it gave way, sending him falling into the garden below. Had he fallen a foot to the left or right, he likely would have survived, but the police who came looking for him found him impaled on the iron garden fence.

They've all got special ghost powers, but I'm keeping some of those close to my chest🫣

also just going to say it now that mickey is my most beloved original character i have ever created he lives in my head rent free and i love him with my whole heart. spoiler: i'm going to do right by my boy even if his boys didn't do right by him.

i need someone to talk about my haunted house au with good lord. i have this whole chapter planned out in my head but the words have just not been wording recently and i think i just need to talk out my ideas to get them flowing

[robert-de-niro-only-fans]

"You're All Wet"

Sam "Ace" Rothstein x Reader

Um, I made the decision to call him Ace in this fic, not entirely sure why! Reader and Ace knew each other before he went to Las Vegas and Reader stops in to visit, enjoy!!!

TW: implied smut, cheating, mentions of gang activity

Word Count: 1.7k

Just like any other night at The Tangiers, Ace Rothstein stalks the casino floor, like a predator waiting to pounce at the sight of a cheater in his beloved establishment. As his eyes scan the crowd, carefully watching everyone's body language for anything odd, there's a hitch when he swears he sees someone familiar. His eyes quickly double back and they land on you. In that moment, he feels like he's travelled back to the past and in another world simultaneously.

"(Y/N)?" he blinks in disbelief, "(Y/N), is that you?" He hasn't seen you in years! That face is all too familiar to him, but that body? Well... Let's just say you've grown up a bit.

"I gotta say, you're not looking so sharp right now, Ace, not with that dumbfounded look on your face," you giggle, holding your arms out for a hug, "You look like you've seen a ghost or something!"

He holds you tightly to him, nuzzling into the crook of your neck for a moment before pulling back and getting a better look at your face, "God... I feel like I have! Fuck, where are my manners, how have you been, darlin'?"

As you catch up, wandering away from the pits to somewhere more private, Ace finds his mind wandering back to old times in the Midwest, to when he knew you best. You're Remo Gaggi's only niece; you grew up with nothing but guys around you, guys who are all involved in the family business, so it only made sense that you were so interested in it too. But it was different with you, Gaggi wanted you to wait until you were an adult before getting into anything, so by the time you were allowed to know anything, you took it seriously because you knew you had something to prove being the only girl in the business.

Ace always admired how you came out swinging the minute you turned 18, ready to prove all your cousins and uncles wrong about you. But he really didn't get to see too much of it, before him and Nicky got sent to Las Vegas.

He even remembers their going away party, everyone getting together one last time before moving to the desert to make the bosses more cash than they could dream of. He remembers how you started to tear-up telling him goodbye, but you had a lot of pride and didn't want any of the guys to see you cry. However, you did cry when you finally got a moment alone with him, and Ace wiped your tears, promising you'd see each other again. And now, here you are in, halfway across the country, making sure that promise is kept.

"Where are ya stayin' tonight, doll?"

"Oh, just at some plaza hotel or something," you shrug.

"By yourself?" Sam inquires.

"Yeah, I'm grown now, ya know!"

"Oh no, no, that won't do. A girl like you shouldn't stay by herself in a city like this," he takes your hand across the table your both seated at, "Come stay with me."

"Ace, I don't wanna be a burden..."

"You're not a burden. I'm so happy to see you, it'd be an honor to have you in my home." His grip on your hand tightens reassuringly.

"You sure your wife will be okay with it?" It was the only defense you have left.

"My wife, eh?" He looks left then right slyly, "You know who pays for the place, right? I'll have a guest over if I like."

• • •

The next few days felt like old times but in a whole new place, a much richer and more luxurious place. Your first morning at Sam's house, you woke up early from jet lag, so you took the liberty of making breakfast for everyone. To which you were met with a "You didnt have to do that," when Ace caught you, but it was followed up by him hugging you from behind and laying his head on you, practically sleeping while standing up.

Of course, you hung out with Nicky too! They showed you all around their new stomping grounds out west. However, you can tell that Ace is making an effort to get alone time with you; you'd always had a special bond back home. Hell, you cried over the man when he left! You'd be lying if you said you didn't miss that closeness.

One night, as you're having a relaxing bubble bath in Ace's luxurious guest bathroom, you ponder on how much longer you should stay in Vegas. You bought a one way ticket because you weren't sure how things would go and you didn't want to be stuck here if things got hairy, but now... You feel like you want to stay for a while, but you don't want to take advantage of your friend's kindness either.

Your thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the doorknob wiggling before Ace lets himself in. "What? So you just walk in on girls in the bathroom now? I guess with all these Vegas dancers throwin' themselves at you, you must think you're hot shit or something."

"Oh, hush," he cracks a smile, strolling across the tiled floor before sitting down on the toilet lid.

As he sits back and looks you over, your head and bare shoulders being the only thing exposed, you taunt, "Like the view?"

He lightly snorts and shakes his head at you, "You look good, but I just wanted to spend some time with you before the wife gets home. God knows when that'll be." He rolls his eyes at the thought of his wife.

"You don't think it'll look suspicious, uh, hanging out with me while I'm in the bath?"

His eyes wander as if he's deep in thought, then he shrugs and returns his attention to you. "What did you do today?"

"Nothing too crazy. You and Nicky have had me so busy that I just went out for a mani-pedi," you relax back against the wall of the tub.

"Ooh, let me see," he says, leaning forward towards you. You slide a hand and a foot out from under the mountain of bubbles and hook them on the edge of the tub.

He inspects them before taking his hand in yours and holding it closer to him, "Very pretty, I like the color," he says quietly, then he presses a soft kiss to your knuckles.

"Thank you," you giggle at him.

He returns your chuckle and places a few more kisses to the back of your hand and wrist.

"Ace, what are you doing?!" You squeal!

He simply let's out a hum and continues kissing up your arm, his kisses slowly turning from funny to passionate as he passes your elbow. Ace scoots away from his seat on the toilet and kneels beside your bath, lips never leaving your arm.

You feel that fire creeping up in your belly as he rounds your shoulder, lips and tongue working the soft skin of your clavicle. Your other hand rises up out of the bath water, and you cup the back of the man's head.

Feeling a bit of hesitation, Ace slowly moves his lips towards your neck, receiving a small but pleased exhale from you. As your eyes flutter closed, you tilt your head back, giving him access to your sensitive skin. He suckles and nibbles there for what feels like eternity but also only a second, eliciting a series of breathy moans from your lips.

After placing a few kisses to the spot, he pulls away from you slightly, just enough to see your face. You stare at each other in a haze, familiar eyes locked onto yours, and his better judgement leaves him as he graces his lips across yours. Your lips dance with one another's, eyelashes brushing the other's face, in such a soft gentle moment, before he claims your mouth with his. Your emotions are on high from the passionate kiss, until you remember this isn't old times and this man before you is no longer yours to take.

Your lips part from his, "Sam..." It's just above a whisper.

The use of his first name makes the severity of the situation hang in the air like wind chimes waiting for a breeze, the sound of silence deafening to your ear drums. You'd only ever called him that once before, also in a serious moment: a moment when your confession of your feelings for him hung on the tip of your tongue, but you didn't want him to carry that weight to Vegas with him.

His eyes glance over your visage, that beautiful face filled with worry. You should never feel anything but happiness, Ace thinks to himself. The rough pad of his thumb gently strokes your cheek, while the rest of his fingers nestle just behind your ear. Your eyes are cast down, trying not to look at him, so you don't see it coming when he leans forward and kisses you again.

Your lips move together once again, and your hands find his shoulders, gripping onto him as if he might slip away. You sit up on your knees in the bathtub, and immediately Ace's arms are around your waist, pulling your soaking wet body close to his. His hands tangle in your damp locks, and he fumbles around before throwing a leg over the wall of the bath tub and sliding into the water with you. He settles down onto his knees and pulls you across his lap, never breaking your kiss.

Your fingertips comb through his hair, as your making out slows to a halt. Gently cupping his cheek, you take a look at him, "You're all wet," you state quietly.

Slowly, this elicits laughter from both of you. You both stay like that for a moment before he takes you in his arms and lifts you from your bath, carefully stepping out and leaving a hefty trail of water leading right to the guest bedroom where you've been staying.

That night as he makes love to you with his clothes piled in a wet heap on the floor all around the bed, the only thing on his mind is you. He's waited what feels like a lifetime to have you, so nothing would keep him from you, not even the sound of his wife coming home somewhere between rounds 3 and 4.

[softsebnbuckystan]

Soul ties - Part 10 (Bucky Barnes au)

“And when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone's bed,

You put me on  and said I was your favourite”

Word count : 1712

Going back to everyone wasn't even as awkward as you'd predicted ; what had just happened with Bucky was pretty obvious. Yet, all the guests decided to cheer you up and spend their night telling you jokes or just talking to you about random memories. When you went back to your  room for good, you made sure Bucky walked you there : you were silently thanking Steve for giving you a room this far away from the others, since it gave you the opportunity to speak freely.

"So, about earlier,"  you started, "I think..."

"Hum,  yeah. I get it must be complicated for you." He scratched the back of his head as you stopped in front of your bedroom door.

"It's not, actually." You looked him in the eyes. "I know exactly what I want."

Something gleamed in his eyes – a hint of hope, maybe.

"You do?" he asked. "I don't want you to be in this situation, so..."

"I swear," — you gently grabbed the front of his shirt  – "I promise I know you're who I want." You lowered your gaze. "I'd be a fool to pretend otherwise."

Bucky tilted his head down to see you better, breathing on the tip of your nose. "This makes me...really happy." He kissed your nose, making you feel an instant warmth in your chest. "Now go get some rest. You've had an eventful night."

"You're right." You let go of him to grab the doorknob and turned around. "Wait, before I go..." You span and placed your hands on his shoulders to help you reach his height and planted a kiss on his lips again. "I really wanted to do this again."

You chuckled and left him at the door, quickly closing it behind you so that he wouldn't see you smiling like a teenager. Changing into your pyjamas, you were still unable to think about anything else than the  first kiss you'd shared and the emotion it'd gifted you with. You chose not to go to sleep right away : you knew a knock on your door would come. Around twenty minutes afterwards, you were ready to open the door to your sister right after hearing her.

"So, that happened," she said when she sat on your bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Don't you already know that?" you teased. "I thought you were supposed to be a mind-reading enchantress or something. Your skills are getting rusty, sis."

Wanda couldn't help but laugh before asking her question  again. "Seriously, I want to hear it from you, not  from your thought process. It's too much of a mess anyway."

You rolled your eyes at the skies  before sitting next to her. "It was... I don't know how to describe it." You shrugged. "It felt right."

"And what are you going to do about Darren? I heard you saying you were over, but are you actually doing it?"

You stopped to think for a moment. What would divorcing Darren concretely mean? You'd have to go through a divorce procedure, and you didn't know how those were  supposed to go. Maybe you could  ask Tony if he knew any good lawyers who might you out. But there was another thing you'd need to do.

"I'll  go get my stuff tomorrow. I'm thinking  of asking Tony if I can stay here...permanently."

You wrapped your hands around your legs and rested your chin on your knees.

"I'll go with you. I don't trust him."

"Thanks, Wanda."

Your sister hugged you tight before lying down next to you.

"I'm here for you. We're family," she noted. "Now get some sleep ; you need it."

You lay next to her and as it turned out, you fell asleep pretty fast. Maybe soulmates had that effect on people.

---

"He's not even here," you remarked. "Even after our fight last night, he doesn't bother showing up at his own apartment."

Darren's behaviour was already heating up your anger, and you were once  again patting yourself on the shoulder for refusing both Steve and  Sam's help that day. They would not have handled this by calming you down. Maybe Steve would've tried, but well, even he had his limits. Messing with his family was one of them.

Your sister followed you to your bedroom, where you dragged a suitcase from under your bed. When you opened it, Wanda's eyes lingered for a second : it wasn't empty.

"Were you packing for a trip?" she asked.

You looked away and shrugged. "I don't know if I was planning for a honeymoon or a bad fight," you admitted. "Turns out it's the latter." You kept running around the place, packing everything from your most random flannel shirt to your favourite coffee mug.

"I think I'm ready to go," you ended up saying as you closed your suitcase. "I'm- wait. Did you hear the door too?"

"Y/n?"

"Fuck." You looked at Wanda, who'd recognised Darren's voice as well. You walked out of the bedroom, your suitcase rolling behind you. Your husband's eyes fell on your luggage before going back to you. You tried searching for any trace of sadness on his face ; all you found was anger and disappointment.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked. "And what is she doing here?"

"Wanda's here because she wanted to help me get as far away from you as possible," you replied. "My whereabouts are none of your business anymore."

"You can't just leave like that. You're still my wife, as far as I know."

"Not for long."

Darren's face got bright red as he went in the kitchen. You knew he was about to start yelling, so you went for the door. His arm stopped you ; you hadn't seen him turn around. He grabbed your wrist, causing you to let out a faint scream. Wanda didn't need any more excuses to use her abilities.  She pinned him against the wall with a slight gesture of her hand.

"Don't you touch her again," she breathed. "You don't want me to use my full strength."

You could see Darren's nostrils flaring with anger and his fist clenching. You hated seeing him like this : some part of you still remembered the guy you'd fallen for several years earlier and you wished you could've made him stay like that.

"Don't blame  yourself for his behaviour, y/n," Wanda told you, not looking away from Darren. "Trust me, this man can't be changed. He'll always be a douchebag."

Your sister let go of him and opened the apartment's door for you. You were finally stepping out of that place, walking away from Darren.

"So what?" you heard him yell. "You're just gonna go back to that weird staring guy?"

You turned around and stared at him. You were done looking down and letting him hurt you. "Stop."

"What is it, huh?" – He walked closer to you and you gestured towards Wanda to let her know you were okay. "Is he better in better in bed than I am? Because I highly doubt that any man could make a good one out of you."

"Wow, you got to this level of insults. I shouldn't be surprised, coming from you." You paused, unsure of what his reaction would be to your next words. "I'll have divorce papers sent to you."

His jaw dropped, your words leaving him speechless. HIs insults still left a bitter taste in your mouth as you did your best to hide your pain. You didn't think such a long relationship could end like this, in a heartbeat, in the drop of a coffee cup.

Going back to the compound seemed to take less time than it took going to Darren's place. You were looking out of the window in silence, even though you knew your sister was holding back her remarks about Darren : you didn't need mind-reading powers to know that.

"Go ahead. Tell me I should've seen it coming."

"I'm not going to tell you that. Believe it or not, I wish I'd been wrong about him."

You gave Wanda a side glance : her grip on the stirring wheel was stern but her eyes were filled with sympathy.

"But I should've seen it coming. Damn, I despised his friends the moment I met them and he's just like them."

Wanda chuckled, which seemed inappropriate at first. "You didn't see that coming."

These words forced a smile out of you. "He would kick his ass, wouldn't he?"

"Absolutely. And he wouldn't be gentle about it."

You fiddled with your fingers. "Moments like these... I miss him the most."

"I know." Your sister's hand grabbed yours for a second before going back to the wheel. Her voice had gotten a little shaky from the emotion. "I also know he would've liked Bucky for you."

"Maybe. I shouldn't rush into this, though."

"Wait, what?" Wanda was confused, it seemed. How could she not be?

"Wanda, I just got out of a long relationship. I'm not even divorced yet. Bucky deserves better than this mess of a situation."

"Oh c'mon, he won't care about that. Have you seen how the man looks at you?"

A grin made its way to your lips as you remembered the numerous occasions Bucky  had laid his blue eyes on you, and yesterday, on your lips.

"I feel like I can't do this to him, you know? There are so many things I like about him, from the way he bothers pronouncing my name correctly, not the bland American way, to the habit he has of scratching his neck... You  know, dumb stuff. But what do I have to offer him? I'm not..."

"Stop. That's Darren speaking, not you," your sister softly reprimanded you. "You're worth so much more than you think you are. I also know that the guy who's going to rush to you to make sure you're okay is falling in love with you, if he hasn't already. His mind is almost as big a mess as yours."

"Wow, that's a first," you joked, the mention of love making you anxious. "The mess thing, I mean."

"Yeah, sure," — she snickered – "the mess thing."

--- They're getting serious, guys! I hope this part was good and that you liked it. Part 11 will come soon. :)

Tag list :

@ginger-swag-rapunzel @joscelyn02 @writehistorynotthegrocerylist @bluemoon-icecream @lady-loki-ren @simplybombshell @lizajane3

[socalwriterbee]

The Hardest Part

Book: The Nanny Affair

Characters: Samuel (Sam) Dalton

Song Inspiration: Don't Wanna Write This Song By Brett Young

Don't Wanna Write This Song

Rating/Warning: Tear Jerker

Word Count: 983

A/N: One of many one shots that have been inspired by songs. I stumbled upon this song one day and then Chapter 3 of Book 2 was released. PB finally gave us a name for Sam's wife and well this story came to be. I've included a link for the song 🥺 Parts of the song that were used are bold.

Characters belong to Pixelberry

***********

The cool breeze sways the branches of the weeping willows, the sun shining as it did everyday. As if it didn't know that Sam’s whole world had crumbled before him. It has been nineteen days and he hasn’t missed a single day of coming to see her, since they lowered the casket into the ground. Their boys crying and missing their mommy.

The three of them sleeping in the bed Sam and Addison had shared. Unable to come to terms that she won't be walking through their home anymore. He gets on bended knee, removing the wilted flowers off the headstone and replacing them with fresh, vibrant ones.

"I'm sorry Addi." Tears streaming down his face, blurring the name of his wife. Wishing this away as a bad dream. "I wasn't there when you needed me." Talking to the headstone.

Images of her flooding his mind, Addison sitting here with him as the wind blows her dark brown hair around her face. Her full lips spreading into a smile that makes his heart skip a beat. A heart that will never be the same, a heart that is half full, is still a heart half gone. And the other half was six feet down.

Those beautiful brown eyes staring back at him full of life and love. He can still smell her favorite perfume, one that still consumes their home. Her clothes, jewelry and everything else that made home, Theirs, hasn't moved.

"I've become the shell of the man you fell in love with. You wouldn't even recognize me. I'm not strong enough without you.”

Running his hand through his growing hair. Unsure of the last time he had it cut or the last time he trimmed his beard, unsure of anything that involves him.

"The only thing you would recognize is me getting lost in work." Sam chuckles humorlessly. Addison would say that never changed, while they were dating, after they exchanged wedding vows, when they found out they were going to become parents. After the boys were born it become Sam’s goal in life to make sure that they were set for their future. And that meant more work.

"I should have answered your call that day. We would be sitting on the grass, at the park, with the boys running around. Instead of here." He tells her, the what if’s haven’t stopped, they may never stop. That is something Sam will have to live with for the rest of his days. Sitting down on the patch of grass that was slowly starting to turn its bright vibrant green again.

Sam had been replaying the night before and that morning over and over in his head. Did he say I love you? Shaking his head, he doesn’t remember.

After another fight, Sam had walked out of Mason and Mickey's room without saying a word. When the boys became fussy, as she put it dealing with two kids was enough,

'Just go Sam, I don't need another child to care for. As you can see I have my hands full.'

He heard her soft sobs as she comforted Mason and Mickey. He should have walked right back into that room and taken the three of them in his arms, but he didn't. Instead, he walked straight into his home office and got lost in work. As he always did.

That fateful morning, Sam had woken up before her and the boys. Seeing her chest raise and fall as she slept. Addison always looked so peaceful and beautiful. He should have stayed in bed, taken her into his arms and made sure everything was going to be ok. Instead he kissed her on the cheek and whispered to his sleeping wife that he would see her later that night. Memories of her telling him, one night as they laid in bed with her arms wrapped around him

'You would think after so many times apologizing, you'd be better at it.' Addison would be laughing in his arms, once her anger subsided. But the day when he would apologize will never come.

“I miss you so much, baby." His fingertips running over the words Beloved Mother, Wife and Daughter “ Sam keeps replaying the last day they had together.

“We didn't get to say goodbye, I lost you and I, we didn't get to say goodbye."

It should have been Sam who answered that call from the hospital, not his secretary, it should have been him. But just like he missed her calls that day, he missed the multiple calls from the hospital. Running through the hospital doors like a mad man, asking every nurse and doctor if they knew anything about her.

"I was too late. I don't want to admit that you're gone. You were gone before I got there. Now, now I have nothing! You've left me with nothing!" Sam’s voice cracks with anger. "It should have been me."

He realizes, he is never upset with her but angry and mad at himself. Slumping his shoulders, the tears come again. "I love you Addison Dalton."

'They need you.'

Sam’s head snaps up at the sound of her voice. 'If I know you and I do know you Sam, they need to come first. Not work, not anyone or anything else. It's Mason and Mickey.'

Looking around the cemetery, thinking someone must be playing a cruel joke him. His attention goes back to her headstone.

'I didn't leave you with nothing.You have the best part of me, of us. Just look.'

The tenderness of her voice comes and goes with the sweeping breeze of the wind.

Turning to see Mason and Mickey running towards him with open arms. Sam takes them into his waiting arms as they come crashing into his chest.

"Mommy!" Mickey points out.

Kissing and holding on to the last thing he has from the love of his life.

[sardonicnihilism]

A Biography of the Woman Who Never Was

Part 5 The Older Woman

Chapter 5

The rest of 2018 and 2019 passed in fairly unremarkable fashion. The kids kept seeing the counselor, Jerry's behavior and grades improved until he was one of his grades top students. Tabatha, likewise, did extremely well academically. Jerry joined the school soccer team and took up violin, and Tabatha took up piano, guitar, and drums. While life continued with its normal ups and downs, it really did seem like the worst was behind them.

Even when 2020 hit like a meteor, it still didn't affect Shannon and her family that much. Both Sam and Shannon were deemed essential workers, and therefore kept their jobs. The schools shut down, but Shannon did home lessons over the summer and the kids did remote learning in the fall. Jerry struggled, having a hard time staying focused, but Tabatha did exceptionally well.

It was November when things started to go to Hell for them personally. Shannon started noticing a pain in her right chest and shoulder. It would constantly ache, and if she moved too fast, bolts of sharp, white hot pain would shoot through her body. At first she thought it was just muscle strain from lifting too much (she had gotten back into weight training to lose weight), but when she had taken a week off and there was no improvement, she knew she had to see a doctor.

Here appointment was in December, the week after Christmas. The doctor checked her out and then chewed her out. She was 47 years old and had never had a mammogram. Shannon reluctantly agreed to have one and her doctor made the appointment.

Shannon got her mammogram the second week of January at 8:50 AM. By 3:30 PM, she had three messages saying she should contact them immediately. Shannon had breast cancer. More than that, it had already spread to other parts of her body. After a consultation with the entire family, they decided on an aggressive treatment plan. Unfortunately, it was too late.

Shannon's health declined rapidly. Most of her hair fell out and she shrank from 252 pounds to 110. She was week and tired all the time. She mostly laid in bed, only getting up to use the bathroom; usually to vomit. It was decided that she would enter the hospital for her final days.

Sam would visit everyday. At first he brought the kids with him every time, then every other day, and then they would only come once a week on Sundays. By the end of April, it was clear it was only a matter of days.

Sam's last visit was on a Sunday. It was a perfect spring day. It was so warm and sunny that it made Sam angry. It seemed like a cosmic insult to everything he and Shannon were going through. However, he had managed to purge himself of his bitterness by the time he had gotten to Shannon's room.

She was staring out the window, a contemplative smile gracing her gaunt face. Her hands were folded in her lap and she looked almost transcendent.

"How's the most beautiful woman in the world doing today?" he asked with forced happiness as he entered her room.

Shannon turned to him and smiled as happy a smile as she could. "I don't know. I haven't seen her today," she joked back in her weak, hoarse voice.

Sam grabbed a chair and sat beside her. "How're you sweetie?" he asked with a hushed sadness.

"I'm ok. Best as possible I suppose. I was just thinking I beat mom by a month. She passed in April, I made it all the way to May. Of course she beats me on years though." Shannon's sense of gallows humor was not only still there, but had become stronger than ever.

"I tried to get the kids to come out, but they just couldn't," Sam said apologetically.

Shannon just waved her hand. "It's ok, my family never did do death well."

She turned back to the window and started talking as much to herself as to Sam. "I was going to ask you to make a recording of me saying my farewells to the kids, but then I thought if I really wanted this to be the last and forever image of me; a sad, shriveled up husk of a human being - an image of sadness and loss? That just seems too cruel. I'd rather be forgotten if that is the case."

"You'll never be forgotten," Sam tried to reassure her.

She turned back to him, smiling even more. "We're all forgotten eventually darling." She then reached out and took his hand. "It's been a life, hasn't it?"

"It sure has," he said, trying to smile, but tears were already starting to run down his cheek. "And I thank you for being the love of mine."

"As you are with mine," she said in a peaceful voice.

"No, you don't have to say that. You don't have to pretend." He shook his head as he spoke. He didn't want their potentially last moments to be filled with lies.

"Who's pretending?" Shannon said, sounding almost happy, like he had just told her a joke. "What? You think because I'm not romantically or sexualy attracted to you, that means you're not the love of my life? People put so much emphasis on romantic love. Darling, you were far more than a lover. Being a lover is easy. You were a friend." She then brought his hand to her mouth and kissed it.

Sam was now weeping heavily. "The first time I met you in the library, I knew I loved you," he choked out.

"When I was a little girl, I asked my grandfather why he kept the dogs outside. He said because animals don't belong in the house. That night, my biological mother, left me in her car while she went into the bar. I was alone, freezing. I wondered if maybe I was an animal and that's why I was being left alone.

"My entire life I felt alone, unloved, unlovable. I was angry and bitter and I hurt anyone or thing I could so they would feel what I felt. I caused so much pain.

"Then I met Jen and I thought I found love. I loved her and I thought she loved me, but she only loved what she thought I was. When I turned out not to be that, she turned her back on me and I went off the deep end.

"And then there was you. You made me laugh. I could talk to you about anything. I felt safe around you; not physically, but emotionally. I became a better person because of you.

"Even when I came out to you, you didn't turn me away, throw me out, which I would have understood if you did. You never stopped being my rock, my shoulder to cry on, the clown to make me laugh when I was crying. You never stopped being my friend."

"And I never will," Sam barely choked out.

"And that is why you're the love of my life."

Sam got up and they embraced. He gave her a kiss on the forehead and she gave him one the cheek. They spent the next five hours just reminiscening and joking.

"I better get going, I suppose," Sam said reluctantly. "I can't leave the kids alone all day, but I don't want to leave you alone either. Not to die at least."

"We all die alone honey, even if we're surrounded by people," she said with a smile. "Go. You're a father and your kids need you. I'm already dead. The only thing the dead need is rest. Just, just tell the kids I love them."

"Always," he said tearfully.

A couple hours after he left, she began to feel really tired, her fingers and toes started going numb. She knew the time had come.

She started thinking about tombstones. A name, a dash, and another date. Everything she was, everything she had been, reduced to a small line, carved in a stone that would survive long after she had been forgotten. It seemed unfair, cruel even.

She then thought about something else, something she had learned back in college. She thought about quantum entanglement, how two atoms can become entangled, linked forever across time and space, eternal mirrors to each other.

Her mind then darted to the concept of the multiverse. How there might be infinite universes out, each with their own version of her. What if two versions could be linked somehow? Entangled? What if her mirror was out there? Could she reach her? Could her mind link across dimensions to one of her other selves to share her story?

*Please, please, if can hear me, please tell my story. Please don't let me be forgotten!*, she thought over and over to herself, trying to reach out to anyone who might hear until her brain ceased to function and she passed away.

**************************************

Shannon Brown was born on November 22, 1975 to a single, alcoholic mother. He was taken in by his grandparents and his aunt Mary who raised him as her own. It is Mary who he considers to be his real mother. His biological mother, Kathy, would have two other children, a girl named Tracy (1977) and Paul Jr. (1979).

By about 4 or 5, Shannon knew that he wasn't a he, but a she, but having no language to express this, she kept this to herself. Shannon grew up alone, morbidly obese for most of her life, she never really had any friends and was constantly bullied and picked on. This made her angry and she would often act out in horrible and usually, self destructive ways.

She did manage to lose weight and was thin from 19 to 24. It was at this time she met her future wife, Samantha Hopwood online. Samantha, an Australian citizen, eventually moved to the United States and they got married in 2001. In 2009, their first child, Joshua was born.

It was after that, Shannon came out to Samantha as transgender. It caused a lot of pain and anger in their marriage, but they were able to work through some of it so that they had their second child, Tara, in 2011. In 2020, after years of being partially closeted, Shannon came out to everyone on Facebook (much to the horror of her wife).

It was about this time that Shannon discovered an app called FaceApp. It could change your photo to look like a child, old person, even the opposite physical gender. Shannon took a picture of herself, femininized it, and then took that new picture and reaged it from a little girl to an old woman. As Shannon stared at the pictures, she couldn't help but marvel over how real they looked! These looked like real pictures of an actual person.

"Who are you?" she said to herself. "Who are you, what is your story?" The more she stared at the pictures, the more she could almost hear this stranger call out, "Please, please, tell my story." It was then Shannon knew what she had to do. She opened her Tumblr app, hit the write symbol, and began-

A Biography of the Woman Who Never Was

Part 1: The Girl

Chapter 1

*This story is dedicated to the memory of H.P. Lovecraft; a horrible man, but great world builder. This wouldn't exist without him.*