#my uncle took me to the beach start of the new year for like dunking your head under water to wash off 2024 and y'all the way I Dove lmao

[aceyanaheim]

tbh my grandparents are the only people I'll really never come out to

to be fair they're the only people in my family that make me feel I'm easy to love tho

So like I think I'm allowed.

[neon-in-the-night-time]

oh god memorial day weekend was so chaotic this year, everything was a clusterfuck. friday and saturday were so chaotic but i barely remember what happened then bc everything sunday overshadowed it wtf

family drama and rants after the cut… also a content warning for mentions of blood

my sister and i woke up at 7 am on friday in order to beat the traffic (we couldn’t go down thursday night like our parents and my mom’s older younger brother did bc my sister had a concert). i decided to take advantage of the house being empty of my parents to look in the “witchcraft shed” to see if my mother had hidden any of my possessions i didn’t know about (my mom in the last year has gone on a crusade against “witchcraft” and after i left for college she took anything she deemed witchcraft and shoved it in this shed so that the witchcraft wouldn’t be “tainting” her home) and a few things that i knew i didn’t take with me to college but were missing when i came home weren’t in the shed (most notably the giant 6 foot wide 4 foot long spider me and two of my friends built in high school that was meant to be aragog from h*rry potter that i keep not bc i like harry potter (🤢) anymore but because he’s a giant spider and i always take him with me to sleepaway camp to decorate the unit bc he adds ambiance and also the matching smaller spiders that i made that i hung from the rafters are gone too). but what i’m most mad that she hid in the shed is this little canvas painting of a corn snake that a camper made for me 3 years ago… that goes on my camper fanart wall! that was a gift! how dare she!

anyways me and my sister rescued the shit we wanted to rescue (including the cd of the live action little mermaid soundtrack) and we went on our merry way down to the shore. all was well, we didn’t run into any traffic on the way and we got dunks for breakfast. my mom’s youngest brother was also supposed to come down on friday, and he was supposed to drop off his 13yo daughter (my cousin) at his ex-wife’s house bc it’s supposed to be her weekend. my cousin is not happy with this seeing as she has spent the first 12 memorial day weekends of her life down the shore at our beachhouse with her dad’s side of the family and the last 3-4 years since the divorce it was always her dad’s turn during mdw. my cousin had been trying to convince her mom to come down so that she can come down too and spend the day with her cousins (mainly me my sister and our two cousins who are our age (19-21)) (there’s no one her age on our side of her family). this is unlikely as her mom has not been to our beachhouse in 7 years. my uncle is trying to communicate with my aunt (ik they’re divorced but she’s still my aunt in my head idk) and trying to coordinate dropping off my cousin with her but she is not responding. he ends up taking my cousin with him down the shore. my cousin keeps complaining to me and my sister that her mom would rather go do yoga that spend time with her. the gist we are getting from the cousin is that her mom does not want to have her that weekend for whatever reason and our cousin is not happy about it. she eventually comes down saturday afternoon (without telling any of the other adults apparently. just her daughter. which my uncle (her ex-husband) and my mom were not happy about). it was extremely awkward for everyone

i don’t remember if anything happened saturday. i’m almost positive something happened but i don’t remember after the chaos of sunday

so of course the day starts at 8 am to wake up and go to my parents’ new church that’s totally not a cult… it was whatever. i’ve been zoning out during church sermons since i was like 12 so i was a pro at this. i think up gay fanfiction during the entire time. on the way back to the beach house from church i sat in the backseat of the van (a spot that i have had claimed since middle school for whole-family car rides bc not only can i zone out whatever my parents and brother are arguing about this time but i get praise for how “selfless” i am for taking the backseat, which i suppose technically has a little less legroom than the other seats). we’re on the exit ramp from the garden state parkway to get back to [town redacted]. my parents are arguing, my brother is loudly complaining about something i guess, idk, i was reading fanfiction on my phone. i was not paying attention. i am, however, paying attention when my dad rear-ends the big pickup truck in front of us on the exit ramp, which is very crowded because it’s memorial day weekend. my mom starts to yell at my dad for being reckless. my dad steps out to talk to the guy in the pickup truck. luckily for us the truck isn’t damaged, just a small gash on the front of my mom’s minivan. my dad and the guy in the pickup dap each other up (or at least i am told that’s what the gesture was after trying to explain it to my cousin). my dad gets back in the car and we start driving back to the house. my brother starts yelling about something. i don’t remember what. my mom’s still chastising my dad for driving recklessly (the pickup stopped very suddenly it would’ve been hard for my dad to stop on time). my brother continues screaming as my parents ignore him. my mom declares that we’re having “quiet time”. k-love is playing faintly in the background. my brother is not happy that we’re still playing music during quiet time. my mom wins.

also on sunday my mom’s older sister and their dad (my poppop) are supposed to come for a day trip. now the thing you need to know about my poppop is he is very old. he has dementia and he has a large number of health problems. the backs of his hands and forearms (which are normally the color of a very tan italian-american) are speckled with black. i don’t actually know why this is. he has difficulty with walking, but refuses to use mobility aids. he also isn’t allowed to drive anymore, which is why he came with my aunt. his skin is apparently really really thin (this is relevant). the plan was initially for everyone to go out to lunch at this one seafood restaurant we always go to. usually we go saturday night when the most people are here, but poppop wanted to go, and because he has been going there for decades and is friends (?) with the owner, his kids were willing to indulge him. my aunt and my poppop get there while my mom’s older younger brother, his wife, and their two sons (the aforementioned cousins who are me and my sister’s age) are down at the beach. my sister and i text our cousins saying “hey pop’s here you guys wanna come back so we can go to [seafood restaurant]?” but no. apparently poppop and my aunt want to go to the beach first. also poppop wants to go to the restaurant for dinner. everyone except me and my mom seem fine with this. before he leaves for the beach, however, poppop asks my mom if there’s any beers. she’s trying to get out of getting him a beer. i’m not sure if she was genuinely concerned for his health or doing her weird “i am in this world but i am not of this world” judgey thing again. she asks if i can look in the outside fridges for pop. i do not pick up that she does not actually want me to get him a beer, however, i thought that my uncle’s beers that he had were in bottles and not cans so when i saw the beer can on it’s side i thought it was a soda can. “sorry pop, there’s no beers in there” “uncle [redacted] must have took them with him to the beach”. my dad gets him the beer, as he also did not pick up on the fact that my mom really did not want him having that beer (she ended up being right on this one tho given what happened)

it is agreed among poppop’s kids that we are going to show up at the restaurant exactly as it opens at 4 to put our names in so that we can get poppop back home to pennsylvania at a reasonable time bc he’s old and they’re worried about his health. there are 9 people going to the restaurant: me, my sister, my mom, my mom’s older younger brother and his family, my mom’s sister, and my poppop. my dad and brother are staying back bc my brother has a ton of allergies and is eating on his own, my mom’s youngest brother and his kid left in the morning. me, my sister, and the cousin that’s my sister’s age are sent on foot to put our name in and the other six come a little later in two cars. we put our name in, we get our table, all is well. we’re waiting for about 5-10 minutes and then our aunt (my mom’s sister) comes in. she tells us that poppop fell coming out of the car and he’s bleeding heavily from his head and also his knee. she says that poppop is insisting we don’t call an ambulance. my sister and i, who are first aid/for trained and certified, say abso-fucking-lutely not, especially at his age. we tell the server we’re forfeiting our table and we walk outside to see what’s happening. when we walk out we see my mom had the same idea as us bc she’s on the phone with 911. her siblings think she’s overreacting (she’s correct to do this). my older cousin (my age) and his dad are pressing paper towels against poppop’s head to stop the bleeding. the restaurant owner (who is friends/familiar with my poppop and is also very old) and his daughter and granddaughter (who run the restaurant) are outside too (this is where they got the paper towels) (they also got a large bag of ice but it wouldn’t help much in the situation). the police arrive, ems not long after. at some point my mom has me call my dad to update him on the situation. ems gets pop bandaged up and on a stretcher in the ambulance. my mom goes with him in the ambulance, and the adultier adults (my mom’s brother, sister, and her brother’s wife) follow in one of the cars. once my older cousin has washed his hands of the blood (biohazard), my mom has the four of us drive her van back home. our cousins’ mom gives us $40 for dinner.

we drive hack home, we give my dad another update, we eventually get dinner at this italian place on the boardwalk that used to have really good really cheap pizza but has kinda fell to the wayside recently and is hella expensive now but it’s possible for me to eat there with my gluten thing which is what really matters. poppop is in the hospital until 9ish at night, the adults are arguing whether he should stay the night in the hospital, stay the night at our beach house, or drive back to pennsylvania and spend the night at home. staying at the hospital would probably be best but he really doesnt want to and the hospital discharges him. by now the other adultier adults have agreed that my mom was right to call 911. it’s decided that poppop is going to stay the night at the shore, which is an issue because the fog is really thick and we’re on the second floor of the house so he’d have to go up the wet, outdoor stairs to get up here. also because with him and my aunt staying over, we are slightly over capacity when it comes to beds. when he gets there there is a team of about 5 people surrounding him making sure he doesn’t fall again coming up the steps. nobody can agree on the bed situation, nobody is happy, at some point somebody tries to convince my sister to sleep on the trundle bed. it’s a mess.

also the whole time all this is happening my parents and sister are arguing about my sister’s birthday/her birthday gifts and my mom is being all uppitty about the fact that she doesn’t drink alcohol

[getreadytosmash]

Honey, it ain’t home

Note:PLEASE be aware that this fic contains child abuse/neglect and death as well as implied transphobia and know that I do not regret hurting my kids feel free to toss fish and squid at me UwU

“(Wake up, scum)!”

The voice range into Skaar’s cage and eventually a small grey child sat up and stared back to the cage master. Green on black eyes almost seemed to light up the darkest corner of his cage. Shrinking back from the yelling was never a good thing, so the slave was sure to crawl forwards until he was enough in the light that made the cage master nod with satisfaction.

“(You have a fight later),” They knocked a hand against the cage, red skin pulling back into a smirk when Skaar flinched back and bore his fangs without thinking. The stone of his skin stood out far more than any other slave here. “(Make sure you’re in top condition, the King will be watching).”

No one knew where he came from. No one cared. 

The mention of a king got a flinch from him then and Skaar was careful to not say anything that could have potentially set the master off. The last time he had been too loud and the electrified whip across his back - bright flashes he had barely had the time to comprehend before something flew across - left Skaar screaming as wrong coloured blood dripped out of his back. 

Greyskin and wrong eyes with wrong blood. He looked every bit like the monster that they all said he was. 

The cage was going to open soon. Skaar could see his sword being brought out, the shocking prods with dazzling and painful light as well as a bucket of water to dunk his head into and to wash away the old blood from the before fights. He was kept away from the smooth feeling of Earth and solid cold metal was all he could live and sleep on until he was forced out into the ring. Skaar didn’t know why they were so certain on this, but any idea of asking was immediately followed by the fear of what could come for such a thought. 

He would fight and he would kill and then Skaar would scream when he was hurt over and over. It was a hellish life and the only time the grey-skinned monster felt better was when he was asleep and the planet felt like it rocked him to sleep. 

The rattling of his cage startled Skaar and he looked up to see the Cage Master banging the pain stick, a smirk on their face as they leaned against the door, water splashing from the bucket in their free hand. Fear cradled his heart and if he wished that someone would save him, please. 

“(Let’s get this over with, killer of killers. The less I have to touch a monster, the better.)”

~~~~

Rick screamed, and he hated the fact that it took only eight hits of the cane to do this to him. Sure, he had grown past six, but it still stung his pride far worst than it did physically to know that he was giving Sister Maude what she wanted. He didn’t want to scream for her, listen to the lecture she always gave or the way his back pulled and stretched around his caning injuries later on.

He didn’t know what he had done wrong this time, but it always seemed to be something. Sometimes he was too messy, too loud, just too much for anyone and that was why he was alone. Sister Maude said these things and Rick had nowhere to go so he was stuck here, grunting in pain as cold words were the only thing to soothe him.

“Time after time I warn you about this happening, Richard.” Sister Maude’s scowl could be heard clearly, even though Rick couldn’t see her at the moment, or at least didn’t want to. “You start these fights for, what? Attention? To cause more problems for the poor sisters? Answer me!”

The cane came down much lower than it usually did, and the fourteen year old shrieked when the cane hit much lower than it usually did. Pain rushed up his back and Rick fought to not scramble away. Trying to run would only mean that a worse punishment would follow. “N-no!” 

When it finally ended, Rick bit back any last noises, not wanting to give the nun anything else to tell him off over. Besides, it was better that it was Rick on the receiving end of these punishments instead of anyone else. Usually he had it coming, whether it was because he was too loud when trying to learn a new song on the guitar his father had left for him or when he was trying to take away any attention from the younger kids here. No one deserved to be yelled at or made to feel like nothing and Rick had been here long enough that he was used to it.

Besides, it was like Sister Maude always said, Rick had nowhere to go and no one wanted a fourteen year old anymore, he had to keep the younger kids safe so it was up to him to make sure that they got adopted or at least taken to a better place than this. God knew he would want that. 

“You won’t be given dinner tonight.” Sister Maude spoke and Rick felt a roll of nausea when he heard that. He already hadn’t eaten for most of the day. “You’ll go straight to your room and if I or any other Sister, must hear that horrific strumming, your guitar will be removed. Am I clear, Richard Jr?” 

He wanted to run. Run away and never come back, sink into the ground where his parents were and never come back up.

“Yes Sister Maude.”

~~~~

“Brian, please.”

Aunt Rebecca’s voice is hushed, like she doesn’t want Jennifer to hear her and Uncle Brian arguing. Or at least, her aunt arguing. Uncle Brian doesn’t seem to really wanting to argue back, which was odd and silly since Jennifer always liked to debate stuff, like when her and Dad would have a mock argument over the pros and cons of eating sugary pancakes for breakfast vs the gross healthy oatmeal Dad always wanted her to eat. 

“No Rebecca!” Uncle Brian’s voice was much more harsher and Jennifer was in bed, safe and sound, but she still tensed up and tried to not flinch. Bruce was sleeping on the floor in his own makeshift bed and she didn’t know if he was secretly awake too. “Every time we come here, I have to stand around and see what the hell Elaine lets her kid do, it’s disgusting, she should be ashamed of herself along with Morris.”

“Brian-” 

“We only come here because I want you to be happy and apparently what makes you happy is coming to see my family, bringing that wretched monster-” Jennifer’s heart clenched and she fought to look at Bruce. “And to remind me of everything I’ve been through? Isn’t that inconsiderate of you?”

She wants to tell Uncle Brian that he’s wrong. That Jennifer is a really good dancer and she can argue well and her hair is finally long enough to go into those pretty long braided ponytails. Aunt Rebecca was the best aunt, who took her and Bruce to the cool museum and one time that beach and aquarium, but Jennifer knew she wasn’t allowed to talk about that part to Uncle Brian ‘cause she knew that he wasn’t going to be happy about them going to such a cool place without him. 

Jennifer secretly thought that everything should have been done without Uncle Brian and they would all be for the better. Aunt Rebecca and Bruce wouldn’t have those awful bruises anymore and Bruce wouldn’t think that he was a monster. But Dad always got this weird look on his face and would glance at Mom and she would just turn away, scowling into the window and not smiling for the rest of the morning or afternoon. 

“We aren’t going to come here anymore.” Her uncle’s hushed voice drew Jennifer’s attention away form her thoughts again. “I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to see all of these reminders of being a fucking child again.” 

Aunt Rebecca must have tried to say something, because there was an odd noise before he kept on talking. “It’s sick. I feel sick looking at Elaine’s kid in those dresses. Everything here is sick and I have half a mind to know what’s causing it-”

His voice came closer then, like Uncle Brian was reaching for the door handle and wanting to come into her room. Jennifer pulled her covers up higher and she didn’t miss the hitching noise that came from the floor. The only thing that stopped her from calling out to her parents was when Aunt Rebecca’s voice rose somewhat. Not a lot. She never yelled as a choice. 

“Okay, okay.” Her voice sounded soothing now. “We’ll leave first thing tomorrow and- and you won’t have to come back here. I’ll make something up to Elaine and Morris.”

“Or you. I don’t want you coming here either, Rebecca. I need you with me.”

“...Okay.”

The voices faded away more from her door and Jennifer blinked in the dark. She didn’t feel tired anymore though, instead, Jennifer felt wide awake and like she had just missed a step of the stairs or like she was standing on a tall bridge, ready to fall at any moment. She wanted to say something, but Bruce had curled up further into his bed and Jennifer didn’t want to wake him up just in case he had been able to fall asleep. 

She didn’t think either of them would be able to sleep again if one of them said something. 

~~~~

The plumes of smoke rose into the air, forming from such intensive heat that Thad was shocked that it didn’t go anywhere further. The summer day was hot, the kind where you wanted to sit with some ice cold lemonade or to run as fast as you can through New Hampshire trails with friends laughing and chasing you, eager to win the game. 

Momma- Mom was waiting back at the farm where Mr Thomas was gonna show Thad those frogs by the river after he had helped her out with some chores Mom had shooed him away from, claiming that he was young enough to not have to worry about helping out so much. Thad wished that she would let him help, let him be useful enough around the house, especially now.

He had always liked red and orange and yellow. Warm colours, colours of war that Dad had always said fit Ross men. Aunt Betsy would always smile at these colours falling from the trees before threading her fingers with Uncle Jeff’s hands. 

These warm colours blended and danced together, threading into the sky in a swirling blaze that could bring tears to anyone’s eyes, even a man’s. 

The heat caught Thad strongly and even though he was standing far away enough for it to be safe, the heat still made it hard to breathe, like the air itself wanted to take everything away. 

But it already had done that, just not to Thaddeus. 

The roaring of the flames mixed with the odd ringing in his ears and while Thad couldn’t feel the energy to rub at them, he still winced slightly at the sound. The ringing was joined by a horrible screaming, the kind of screaming that you only heard once and never wanted to hear again ever. 

Henry was nearby, screaming and tearing at the ground and himself. He was strong for a ten year old, only a year older than Thad, due to the boxing lessons he took up. Thad would watch him sometimes and the sun on his face would only flush him further as he laughed and watched Henry hit the heavy sandbag. Henry offered to teach him some stuff and Thad found himself eager for it. 

Only now though, Henry didn’t seem to have any of that same easy-going assurance. His voice was raw from screaming for the past hour, struggling from where Mr Thomas has rushed over when the explosion hit and had immediately taken Henry into his arms, holding tight to ensure that the ten year old couldn’t run into the flames.

Henry wouldn’t look at Thad. Green eyes were glassy with terror and tears and he screamed harder towards the flame, directing Thad’s attention over to it.

He didn’t want to look. But Henry’s father was in the plane, the centre of fire, and he had finally stopped screaming himself. Thad looked and felt his chest clench with..something. He didn’t want to know what, didn’t want to give it a name as he stared into bloodshot and burning as his previously white skin went all sorts of hues of red and black, charring and burning and rotting away.

He stopped struggling and he stared and he gaped and Thad thought he would have screamed if he could. 

Mr Thomas screamed at Thad to get away and later on, his aunt and uncle and mother and Mr Thomas would fuss over him. Dad would slap him on the back and tell Thad that this was a lesson in shirking his duties for personal reasons. Thad would be sick and he would dream of burning red hues and charred skin for the rest of his life. He would look into a mirror one day and see the same horrible hues and blackened eyes staring back at himself.

For now, Thad stared.

~~~~

“God dammit, Robert,” Daddy’s voice was high and dizzy and Bruce maybe would have sounded the same way if he could talk right now. “What did you make me do?”

Mommy was on the floor and red coated the ground around her and tinted the top of her dress and Bruce wasn’t anywhere near her because Daddy was too close and Daddy would do the same to Robbie and he felt sick and he felt that feeling where he got angry and something made him want to scream and run but his legs felt too buzzy like the tv static and he couldn’t run there was nowhere-

“Look at me!”

The voice sounded like a monster now and Robbie stared up with wide eyes, glassy and wet and his chest heaved with everything bad in the world. Daddy had blood on his hands. 

He looked like he wanted to have Robbie’s blood on his hands too.

He felt sick. 

Robbie’s head didn’t feel like it was working right now and that was never a good thing when Daddy was staring and looking so angry. His green jacket was tainted now and Robbie was only glad that he didn’t have the same rushing feeling of the monster in his head - the other monster that wasn’t him - wanting to scream and hit Daddy back. 

“You made me do this. You made me into this.” Daddy snarled and he stunk of his drinks and Robbie couldn’t even flinch back without his head hitting into the car. “I could have been better, Robert. Rebecca was going to fix me. She was making me better and then you came along and it was all just a giant fucking reminder that I can never have anything good.” 

He stepped forward and this time Robbie’s head did smack into the car. He didn’t wince though, he had been hit harder.  

Daddy’s chest heaved and Robbie wished that a sorry could fix this all. He was sorry he was born and made Mommy feel like she had run away, sorry that he made Daddy so unhappy. But his head felt like it was full of cotton and thoughts slid away and feelings took their place of screaming grey static. 

Robbie’s eyes fell onto the green jacket Daddy wore, right where green was tinted with the red and they stayed there. 

He wished Daddy could say sorry for taking Mommy away though. 

Daddy loved Mommy, but he didn’t seem to care about the fact that Robbie loved her too. 

Mommy didn’t move from the ground. She must have been cold there and Daddy didn’t seem to know what to do about that. He stepped away, covered his mouth and paced for a little while. Robbie heard sirens and Daddy screamed into his hands, a muffled and agony filled noise that made Robbie flinch back again, a hollow bang following it easily. 

“You...” Daddy sounds hoarse now. The bad scary when he came into Robbie’s room sometimes, standing near the big monster and he would stare for an hour before leaving again. “You aren’t going to let them know it was me because it wasn’t, okay? It was you, it was always you!”

Stepping closer, Daddy seems to loom over him, the same way the scaled monster in Robbie’s room does. 

“You made me into this because that’s what monsters do. Rebecca...Rebecca loved you for some deluded reason and she wanted you to live so-” Daddy laughs wetly and Robbie wonders what’s so funny. “So you’re going to live. Live with what you did to me and her and you will never forget this, no matter what-” 

And then he leans down and Robbie stares into brown eyes that are dilated and he notices a smear of blood on Daddy’s cheek. “You’re heartless Robert. You kill everything near you, monster, but I won’t let you kill me.”

He stepped away then and the sirens were closer and Robbie felt like static grey and blood tinted green were all that he could feel and see. A small sob finally slipped out of him.

Robbie wished that he wasn’t the only monster, that maybe Jen or the monster in his head was real so they could be here and share a hug or try and help him take away some of that awful feeling in his chest.

He reached out a finger and caught it in the stiff pinkie of Mommy. She was still warm and even though Robbie wanted to hug her, he resisted that urge.

This was good enough for a monster like him.

~~~~

“No! Put it down, Phil!” Sam stared in horror and horror was the correct word right now because his brother was currently holding his most important book, the one that Mommy had given him before she left. 

She was going to be back soon, it had only been a week, but until then Sam had thought it would be good to keep the book she had given him safe, especially since she would want to read it with him when she got back. It was all about sharks and their different habitats and Mommy liked it when she could have fun talks with Sam afterwards and even about who would win in a shark fight to the death. 

But now, in his big brother’s hands, Sam feels his worrying problems push themselves to the front of his mind and he feels like it’s harder to breathe when he doesn’t have the book.

His brother wasn’t nice at times, the bruises up his chest and arms and the missing tooth proved that, Although Mommy and Dad said a lot that it was an accident, right? And Phil was nicer when Sam agreed that it was an accident. Phil didn’t mean to play so roughly, or to push Sam about hard enough for him to get hurt, but it still sent thrums of panic up his back to see his book in Phil’s hands. 

“Why should I?” Phil was already taller than him by lots, despite being thirteen. He grew a lot over the summer and that only served to make him so much more scary when Sam was still eight and waiting for his own growth spurt. Sam tried to keep it to himself, but maybe Phil knew, especially when he got this weird smile on his face when he stepped closer and Sam had to look up. 

“Mommy gave me-”

“Mommy gave me!” Phil copies him and he makes his voice so much higher than it needed to be and Sam’s face feels hot and awful at it. “Do you hear yourself? All this talk of being some sort of big boy now and you’re still too stupid to know that Mom isn’t coming back.”

“She is!” Sam argues back and he feels his chest clench already, panic and bad ideas forming at the words. 

What if she wasn’t coming back? What if she got hurt and couldn’t and-

What if she didn’t want to come back?

Phil seems to catch some sort of look on Sam’s face and his smile turns ugly and Sam wants to back away and run but Phil still has his book and the last time he did that, his brother had grabbed him by his then-long hair and had yanked hard enough that Sam had a headache for hours. It was part of the reason why Sam had gotten Momm- Mom to cut it all off. 

“She doesn’t want to come back and why would she?” Phil stepped closer and jabbed a finger into Sam’s chest, ignoring the small cry of pain. “Dad just sits on his ass all day and only gets up to yell at us now, nothing I do ever seems to be good enough for him or her and don’t even get me started on you!”

Maybe he shouldn’t ask, but Sam’s chest feels so tight now and he knows he should try the breathing exercises Mom tried to show him, but he can’t right now. Everything is piling up more and more, like the dishes in the kitchen that are starting to smell. 

“What about me?”

“You, Sam Sterns, are a freak.” Phil practically spits the word and Sam tries to not flinch. “You’re annoying and talk so goddamn much so no wonder Mom wanted to leave when you’re always causing problems over being scared of everything or wanting to look different and I’m so fucking sick of sharks!”

He swore and Sam stared with wide eyes, but a wail escaped him when Phil seemed to reach the height of his anger and ripped out pages of the book. Sam reached over for it but Phil shoved his hand into Sam’s face and roughly shoved him away, ripping more pages out and chucking them into the mud.

His book was ruined. The pages were too torn up now and dirty to read and nothing would fix it. Tears rose to Sam’s face and he shoved a hand into his mouth to bite down on the oncoming sob from his book being ruined. The hurt in his chest grew and he felt like screaming and he was shaking now, hands reaching down to touched the ruin pages and his fingers shook as he touched muddy ruined words. 

He didn’t want to say anything else, not when breathing was so hard right now and his face felt flushed. Phil just stood over him and he knew that he was going to have worse. 

Later that night, after a trip to the medial room, Dad didn’t even bother asking how Sam broke his wrist. The mud and tears and ruined book seemed to be enough for him.

[unfortunate-stranger-losers]

Six Baudelaires AU, Part Three {AO3} {Masterlist} {Part One} {Part Two}

Chapter Thirty-Three → in which the Baudelaires begin to heal

“Wait.” Friday narrowed her eyes. “Bears don’t live on beaches.” 

“I know!” Klaus laughed. “Shakespeare had no geographical knowledge whatsoever.” 

“Neither do I!” Friday giggled. “I’m the next Shakespeare!” 

Lilac laughed and tossed her a coconut. “Here, Shakespeare, make yourself useful while Klaus infodumps.” 

It had been several days, but the Baudelaires were starting to feel more comfortable in their little corner of the island. They had made their tent much larger, so all six of them could fit without squishing. Friday snuck them enough food that they didn’t quickly grow sick of Sunny’s coconut dishes, and it had rained the night before during a light storm, so they finally had water instead of- thankfully non-fermented- coconut milk. Violet had gathered some materials from the beach, and was working on a water filter, but until then, it was mostly the milk for the time being. 

But the good news was, Friday was, for the first time in what must have been forever, drinking non-fermented milk, whenever she visited, and it was showing. She was laughing and smiling much more, and she was even more curious than she’d been before she started dropping by. She’d been sneaking away more and more with each passing day, listening intently to all of their stories, or paying with Solitude and Babbitt, or helping Sunny with the cooking. 

She’d also managed to sneak them some extra robes, and while the Baudelaires were not fond of them, they also knew they couldn’t stay in one outfit for too long, so every now and again they’d switch into the robes while Lilac and Klaus washed the clothes in the water and then hung them up on a string they tied between two trees. Today was thankfully a ‘clothes day’, and after Klaus spent another few minutes describing the play about the jealous King and lost princess, Friday asked, “Hey, guys?” 

“Ye?” Solitude looked up from the tiny tent she’d set up so Babbitt could have a place to chill by themself. 

“If more clothes or fabric wash up on the beach, can I have a dress?” Friday asked hesitantly. 

“If you want one,” Violet said, sitting beside her and bouncing Sunny on her lap, “We can definitely make you one. Lilac and Nick are very good at sewing.” 

“So am I!” Sunny cheered.  

Friday’s eyes lit up. “Could you teach me?” 

“Of course!” Lilac nodded, beaming. She pushed her braids back, and then said, “How was the storm last night?” 

“Real pretty!” Friday said. “I love thunder!” 

“You know,” Lilac sat in front of her, smiling, “So do I!” 

“It was a bit loud,” Klaus said, waving at Nick as he came out of the trees with a handful of leaves, “But it was nice to get some rain.” 

“Should we go storm-scavenging,” Violet asked, “Or wait until your colony’s finished? We don’t want to cause trouble.” 

“We could go to the Coastal Shelf.” Friday said. “Usually people don’t go until later. If they do, you can just ignore them. Or pretend you’ve kidnapped me or something so they leave you alone.” 

“If we don’t find anything, we’ll at least get some walking in.” Nick said. “Being stuck in one place is a bit frustrating.” 

“I like exploring, I think.” Friday admitted, twirling the spyglass in her hands. “Lilac, Violet said you were going to go to the dangerous side of the island soon. Can I go, too?” 

Lilac glared at Violet, who shrugged. “She asked.” 

“Only if you want to.” Lilac said carefully. “I’ve been walking alright, so we should probably go soon and see if there’s a boat we can use for decision day.” 

“You could probably use the outrigger.” Friday said, very hesitantly, as she stared down at the ground. 

“I doubt Bitchmael would let us.” Nick shrugged. “We kinda yelled at him for a while.” 

“Maybe he’d let us, just to get us the hell out.” Violet suggested. 

“That can be our worst-case scenario, if we don’t find a proper boat.” Lilac said. “But first, let’s go check the beach. Violet, I think I can walk on my own.”

“You should at least have a crutch or something. Maybe a walking stick.” Violet said. “We can probably find some driftwood.” 

“Stop worrying,” Lilac smiled, holding out a palm to help Friday to her feet, and taking the small girl’s hand, “That’s my job as biggest sister.”

Her smile faltered slightly, as she glanced at Nick. Nick then quickly said, “Yeah, Vi, it’s her job. Worry about me and Klaus, we’re going to throw ourselves into the sea.” 

“Don’t do that, we might need you as sharkbait.” Violet said. 

“That’s what Olaf’s for.” Solitude said, holding out her hands for Babbitt to leap onto. 

“Sharkbait!” Sunny agreed. 

“Speaking of sharkbait,” Violet grabbed the knife from their sack of supplies, “We better take this in case he shows up.” 

“Good plan, V.” Klaus said. 

They all stood, and Friday and Lilac moved to the front, where Friday could point the way. As she did, she said, “Why would you need sharkbait?” 

“To catch a shark.” Nick said. “They’re endangered, so we don’t want to kill any, but if we’re desperate for food…” 

“We’ve never eaten shark.” Friday said. “There’s lots of things I’ve never eaten. Sherman says that there’s this thing on the mainland called ‘cake,’ but we don’t have desserts here.” 

“You’d love cake.” Violet said, as Klaus took Sunny, so Violet could be ready to stab at any opportunity. “You seem to like sweet things.” 

“What other sweet things are on land?” Friday asked, jumping over a fallen tree. 

“Chocolate.” Nick said. “And other candy.” 

“Strawberries.” Sunny said. “Jelly.” 

“You.” Violet pocketed her knife and grabbed Friday from behind, causing the girl to burst into laughter. “You’re too sweet and we’re gonna have to eat you!” 

“Nooo!” Friday couldn’t stop laughing, “Vi, put me down!” 

Lilac laughed and pulled her hair back; her ribbon had been too bloodied to use anymore, so she was using her hands until they could find a replacement. It was getting a bit frustrating, but she didn’t want to complain. They were all doing the best they could. 

Friday looked up at Violet as she kicked the air, and she said, “What else is on the mainland?” 

“Tons of inventing materials.” Violet said. 

“Cars and stoves and boilers and other things to fix.” Lilac said. 

“And things to build.” 

“I miss the libraries.” Klaus sighed. “We haven’t had a decent library in a while.” 

“I miss the roof of Prufrock.” Nick said. “It was fun to drop things on people.” 

“I miss Uncle Monty’s snakes.” Solitude sighed, placing Babbitt on her shoulder. 

“Fountain.” Sunny said. 

“The Fowl Fountain?” Nick shivered. “Why the hell would you miss that?”

Sunny shook her head. “Fountain of Finance. In city.” 

The Baudelaires stopped, and stared at her. “You can’t remember that.” Lilac said.

“You weren’t even a year old.” Violet said. 

Sunny shook her head. “I remember.” 

Friday cocked her head, still held by Violet. “What’s the fountain?” 

“The… Fountain of Victorious Finance.” Lilac said. “It was hot and we were waiting for our Mom outside the bank.” 

“And then Sunny started crying, so Father dunked her in the fountain.” Violet said. “And she laughed, so he kept splashing her.” 

“And then we threw off our shoes and socks and jumped in, too.” Nick sighed. 

“And everyone was staring at us.” Klaus laughed. “And Mother came out of the bank, took one look at us, and then ran to join in.” 

“We walked home all wet.” Solitude remembered. 

They glanced at each other, each feeling a cloud of sadness descending upon them. “That sounds beautiful.” Friday said. 

“It was.” Lilac said. 

They paused, and then Violet said, “We’re gonna have to dunk you in a fountain someday, Fri-girl. So you know how great it is.” 

Friday laughed, and Violet spun a little. Lilac smiled and straightened up again, and said, “Which way, Fri?” 

“Jus’ keep goin’ straight.” Friday giggled as Violet swung her around. “We’ll get there in a few minutes- Vi, put me down!” 

“Alright.” Violet said, and then she tossed Friday at Nick, who caught her and spun her again. Friday let out a delighted shriek, as Solitude clapped and Sunny leaned against Klaus, asking him to do the same. 

Nick managed to lift the little girl onto his shoulders, and she wrapped her hands around his neck and flung back. “Sneak attack!” she said, and Nick let out a mock gasp as he fell. He twirled so that Friday landed on his back, and they burst into laughter again. 

“Okay, guys, but we should get to the beach.” Klaus said, smiling as Solitude decided now was a good time to throw herself on top of Nick and Friday to join the pile. 

“Join us!” Nick said, looking up at him. “We’re becoming one with the sand!” 

“No, no, we-” Friday reached over and pulled on Klaus’s leg, dragging him down with them, and Sunny cheered as they hit the ground. 

“Yeet!” Violet shouted, as she threw herself beside her siblings, and after a second, Lilac flopped over, too. 

“You know what?” Friday said, as Sunny pushed Klaus’s head into the sand, and he retaliated by dunking her in almost completely, “You guys are cool.” 

“Oh, are we?” Lilac rolled onto her stomach, smirking. “Then I guess we won’t shove sand in your hair.” 

“No, no, do that!” Friday said. “That sounds like fun!” 

“You asked for it, Fri-girl.” Violet said, and she grabbed a handful of sand and dumped it onto her head. 

Friday laughed and clapped. “You’re so much more fun than the other kids! They keep telling me-” She sat up straighter, and imitated a deep voice. “‘Don’t rock the boat, Friday, we don’t play school here. School is discouraged.’” 

“Well, Prufrock Prep sucked.” Nick said. “But I bet there’s good schools.” 

“Didn’t you go to other schools?” Friday asked. 

Violet shook her head. “We were homeschooled before the fire.” 

“That means our parents taught us, or we taught ourselves.” Klaus said. 

Friday sighed. “I wish my mother would teach me things. All she shows me how to do are my chores for the colony, and how to do my hair. She didn’t want me to learn how to read, and she always gets mad when I ask too many questions.” 

The Baudelaires shared a cautious look. “That sucks.” Solitude said, sitting beside her. “You should learn everything.” 

“Isn’t it dangerous?” Friday asked, glancing over with a frown on her face. “To know everything?” 

Nick shuddered. “Yes.” he said. “There are some things you… you don’t want to learn. But that shouldn’t stop you. It shouldn’t keep you from being curious.” He scooted over to her, and poked her stomach, which caused her to giggle again. “Listen to me, Friday… what’s your last name, sweetie?” 

“Caliban!” 

“Alright. You listen to me, Friday Caliban. You never stop being curious. There’s so much in this world to learn, you hear me?” 

“I hear ya, Nicknack.” Friday smiled. 

“And,” Nick said, “Also promise me you won’t drink that coconut drug shit anymore.” 

Friday grinned. “Keep a secret? I haven’t since I started visiting you, and you gave me actual milk. It tastes better.” 

“Okay, but we just wanna make sure you’re not drowsy and forgetful and in danger.” Klaus said. “We don’t want you getting hurt.” 

“Poppy,” Sunny said, which meant, “And it’s probably not a good idea for a seven-year-old to be high.” 

Friday smiled, and hugged her knees. “Gotcha.” she glanced at Lilac. “And you can promise me a dress?” 

“First chance we get.” Lilac ruffled the girl’s hair fondly. “But first, we have to get to the beach. Maybe if we’re lucky, we’ll find fabric first thing.” 

“I hope so.” Friday beamed. “I hope we find a ton of interesting stuff.” 

“I hope we find books.” Klaus said. 

“Or a boat.” said Solitude, practically. 

“I hope we find Olaf, dead in a ditch.” Violet said. 

“I hope he’s alive so we can stab him.” Nick said. 

“Well,” Lilac stood. “We won’t know until we get there. Friday, you’re still our navigator.” 

“Okee!” Friday leapt to her feet, happy that she was important in this. “Follow me, Baudelaires!” 

[suneatersupportsquad]

something wonderful

summary :: you and colby move into an apartment together an you reflect on your relationship

song :: seaway - something wonderful

pairing :: domestic!Colby Brock x reader

WARNINGS :: slight alcoholism, swearing (probably)

notes :: the reader’s gonna be wearing a dress in this buT THAT DOESN’T AUTOMATICALLY MEAN THAT THE READER IS A GIRL I’M SORRY IF YOU DON’T LIKE DRESSES

find more fics at my new blog @trapboysbunny

I like the way that you dress up And wear your Martens for me

“You ready babe?” Colby called from the living room. He had been sitting on the couch, checking his notifications and fiddling with random apps for about ten minutes. The new couch was still extremely firm, but had yet to be broken in.

“Yeah!” you replied, smoothing out your dress in the mirror. It was new and you thought you’d try wearing it out. Not bad. You slipped on your shoes and ventured out to the living room, smiling sweetly at him. “Whadya think?”

“You look cute.” He smiled widely from his spot on the couch.

“Since you’re already sitting, would you mind lacing up my Docs for me?” you asked innocently, holding your foot out towards him.

“Sure thing, babe.”

I like that when I grab your hand You tend to smile in your sleep

You had always had trouble sleeping, but when you actually got a solid sleep it was when you were with your boyfriend. This night in particular, summer was ending and your back was pressed against Colby’s chest, his arm draped over your waist. You had fallen asleep on the couch, a blanket that you had gotten as a house warming gift draped over the both of you as the TV played I Love Lucy quietly in the background. It was dorky, you had hear it a thousand times, but you loved it. Colby loved watching it with you because it made you laugh, and your laugh was definitely one of his favorite things about you.

The summer breeze blew in through an open window, carrying with it the sounds of the busy streets below. It raised goosebumps across your skin, and Colby rubbed your arm, warming it with his palm. You hummed, eyes shut, shifting slightly under his touch. His hand trailed down your arm and entwined your fingers, squeezing softly. You turned your head in your sleep, smiling softly. “I love you,” you mumbled, eyes shut.

He knew you weren’t conscious and that you probably wouldn’t remember saying it in the morning, but he smiled anyways. He loved hearing you say it. “I love you too.”

I like the way you sprinkle Bourbon in your morning coffee. It kind of tastes bad, I’m not mad

It was a habit that you had yet to break. You had been doing it since you were 16. If you were stressed, you would make a giant cup of coffee with your breakfast and spike it with a shot of bourbon. One particular morning, Colby decided to ask about it. “Baby, I see you do that all the time. It can’t taste good.” He paused. “How is it?”

“It’s okay.” You shrugged, taking a sip from your yellow mug. “You wanna try it?”

Colby shrugged, setting his spoon in his cereal bowl. “Sure. Why not?”

So you handed him the mug, careful not to spill as you placed it in his eager hands. He looked at it suspiciously before finally deciding to take a sip. He tried to tough it out but ended up coughing and wheezing. You chuckled in amusement, some hair falling into your eyes. “Not for you?”

Colby shook his head, coughing in attempt to soothe the burning in his throat. “No, not at all.”

I like how you put up with me And all my friends ‘cause we’re jerks And bring me places Like your beach house or a Jimmy concert

You and Colby decided to take a vacation from the chaos of city life by taking a weekend down at your parents’ lake house. It wasn’t like you had asked to borrow the house for the weekend, your parents simply offered since they apparently got tired of such beautiful scenery. The point of the weekend had been to relax. Well, that was until you and Colby were on your way there. You were driving and Colby was whining at you from the passenger seat about how you both should’ve invited the guys. “Please, baby? Can we ask them to meet us there? It’ll be so much fun,” he whined, basically leaning over the center console to rest his head on your shoulder.

You simply laughed, shaking your head at him as you focused on the road in front of you. “Fine. But they all have to bring their own shit.”

Colby smiled widely, pecking you on the cheek and replying sweetly, “Thank you, Y/N.”

I like how it’s been days now Since you washed that yellow t-shirt It kind of smells now, but I’m down

You laid in your shared bed, face buried in the comforter with the hood of your sweater pulled over your head. You felt the bed dip beside you as Colby sat next to you, resting a hand on your back. “Y/N, I know you really like that yellow shirt, but you gotta wash it,” he said softly, trying not to laugh as he rubbed circles into your back with his palm.

You groaned dramatically, the sound of it muffled by the sheets against your face. “I don’t wanna do laundry,” you whined childishly.

“But you have to...”

“Ya know what would make this easier?” you asked, lifting your head and smiling cheekily at him.

“What?”

“If you did it for me...” you trailed off, still smiling and wiggling your eyebrows, kicking your feet lightly against a pillow at the head of the bed.

Colby shook his head playfully but leaned down to plant a light kiss on your forehead. “I got it, baby. Take a nap.”

“Thanks, babe!”

So baby, let’s go to the lake And have a party for two Come on let’s get drunk, go adventure Flip my uncle’s canoe And we’ll sing pop hits by the fire from 2002 We’re on our own now We kind of smell now, but I’m down

Another vacation with your boyfriend and his ex-roommates at your parents’ lake house and the boys were preoccupied. Well, all the boys except for your own. Sam, Jake, Corey, and Aaron were all playing video games and it was getting kind of late but, somehow, the sun was still up. You and Colby were chillin’ in your room when he suddenly looked to you. “You wanna get some alone time?”

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Are we not having alone time right now?”

“We are, but I meant like away from the guys. Out of the house...”

You chuckled softly, resting your cheek against his shoulder. “I have no idea what you have in mind, but I’m intrigued. Whisk me away, country boy.”

Colby laughed at that. “Put your swimsuit on, we’re going swimming.”

While you got dressed, he snuck off to get some snacks and drinks together. As soon as he got back, he threw on some swim trunks and got you both the hell out of there. You walked for a bit before you found the perfect spot on the shore of the lake to set up your blanket. It wasn’t anything special or anything, it was just a moving blanket and a backpack full of dollar store snacks and cheap drinks. As soon as you had set all your stuff down, you stripped yourself of your shorts and tee shirt and walked into the water, wading when you got in to your hips. Colby watched you in amusement as you waited for him to follow suit. “Come on!” you urged impatiently as you gestured for him to come in.

“I’m coming! I’m coming,” he assured you as he pulled his shirt over his head and threw it haphazardly onto the blanket.

Goosebumps spread across your skin and you took a step to that the water reached up to your belly button. Colby waded in as if it wasn’t cold at all, which it wasn’t actually that cold but it was cooler than the hot air on the shore so it would take you some adjusting. He pulled you against his chest, kissing your forehead gently. “You having a good time?” he asked.

You smiled, feeling the rumble of his voice in his chest against your cheek. “Yeah. I love the boys, but they stress me out sometimes.”

“I get that.” You both stood like that for a long while before Colby abruptly spoke up again. “You ready?”

“For what?” you asked, confused by the lack of context but, before you got an answer, he heaved you over his shoulder and threw you into the water. You sprung out and pointed an accusing finger at him. “Colby Brock, I can’t believe you did that to me!” you exclaimed, launching yourself at him and toppling him over, successfully dunking his head underwater.

You both laughed and messed around a while longer until the sun began to set and you both decided it would be best if you started a bonfire and cracked open your cheap, shitty wine. You exchanged jokes and old stories over solo cups full of the dark liquid, after the first sip of which you had both coughed and agreed that it wasn’t very good but it also wasn’t bad enough to stop drinking. Sooner or later you found yourselves singing Avril Lavigne extremely badly and chasing each other around the fire. It was honestly the most fun you had the whole trip.

We look good together, always down whenever We are weird and painful, just like Ross and Rachel Let’s take a shot at something wonderful

Colby was asleep on the bed next to you, sheets pulled up to his chin as he slept. He had a long day and had crashed hard as soon as his head hit the pillow. For whatever reason, you couldn’t fall asleep. You tossed and turned but, to no avail. Then, you had an idea. You turned to Colby, observing the way his hair fell into his eyes or the steady rhythm of his chest rising and falling. And you realized that you couldn’t have loved this boy more. He was the only one you had met who could make your stomach twist into nervous knots or make the blood rush to your cheeks. Your thoughts spiraled to every detail of the past year and a half of your relationship. With one final thought, you let your eyes close. I love you.

[gwynne-fics]

Silver Lining

chapter 28

“Ahjussi! Ahjussi!”

Eun-Sang smiled as Chan-Young had to tell Eun-Hee to slow down as she ran up to Young-Do holding the book and vibrating with pure energy to talk to him. The adults laughed as Young-Do crouched down and started talking to her. He gave her the model car engine he bought for her and they ended up on one of the lounge chairs taking it apart, Eun-Hee naming all the pieces proudly, and Young-Do helping her put it back together.

Was it possible to be aroused by his teaching skills? He let Eun-Hee struggle just the right amount before encouraging her to the right answer. She just wanted to do him once he was done making a little girl feel like she was on top of the world and normal.

Or was this just what a woman felt when she looked at her husband?

Chan-Young came up to her and handed her a drink. “She’s been excited all day. I’m glad he came or we might have a meltdown. Bo-Na might have preferred that but the fewer meltdowns the better. Eun-Hee will never admit it and Bo-Na can’t see it right now but they are very alike.”

That made Eun-Sang laugh slightly. “Where is Sung-Hee?”

Her question caused Chan-Young to duck his head and look away. “The girls are in a competition right now about having the best uncle. Sung-Hee is attached to Hyo-Shin’s leg inside. I suspect Jae-Hee will have to be the tie breaker.”

Eun-Sang pulled out her phone and took a picture of Young-Do sitting with Eun-Hee. “My ovaries are exploding right now,” she joked. “I have a picture of my father sitting with me like that, playing with my toys with me. This is so familiar and it…looks so normal.”

“Have you talked to him yet? What about your mother?”

She shook her head and tried to hide how upset she was by turning away from Young-Do and walking closer to where Bo-Na had set up food so she could get a drink. Bo-Na’s pool party always replicated the experience many of the attendees had during their time in the United States. She grilled hamburgers and hotdogs with international chefs and as far as Eun-Sang could tell, it was very authentic to her experiences during college. There were just enough familiar Korean BBQ choices that those who hadn’t been to a beach or pool party in the U.S. could feel comfortable.

Eun-Sang liked it. It had everything she associated with BBQ.

“Company funds. I can’t forgive it.” Chan-Young briefly hugged her shoulders before Bo-Na could catch them. He didn’t tell her that she needed to go home at least once. She knew that. She just wasn’t ready to pretend to be a good daughter and ignore what he’d done.

Eun-Sang tried to work the guests like she usually did. It was different now that she was a company president. Eventually, she just gave up, put together a plate with enough food to feed three people and went back to where Young-Do was still interacting with Eun-Hee.

She sat down on the pool chair next to them and just listened after offering Young-Do some of the food from her plate. He looked at it skeptically and she wondered if he was one of those people who couldn’t eat with their hands.

Then he snatched one of the pieces of grilled Korean beef and she smiled at him. She offered the plate to Eun-Hee but she shook her head. “No, thank you, imo.”

Eventually, Eun-Hee released Young-Do when adults started coming up to talk business with him but Eun-Sang’s ovaries continued to explode as he stayed next to the little girl, ready to answer her questions. At one point, he stood up and stretched his legs, and Eun-Sang seized the moment. “Come sit with me in the pool.”

She shimmied out of her shorts and top. If she secretly enjoyed the way he swallowed as he looked at her white bikini, that was her business. She felt a little wanton as she watched him take off his shirt but she was glad when he took her hand.

They sat together on the shallow ends steps and she enjoyed how the water cooled her down. “Are you making good connections?”

“I think we’re both avoiding those. I noticed you didn’t talk to anyone too long. And you avoided all the prosecutors.”

She avoided Hyo-Shin. It seemed Bo-Na had him invite some of his coworkers so he wouldn’t feel ostracized. It was the right call. Maybe one of the girls attempting to flirt with Hyo-Shin would get through. It stung, of course, but it was the right thing. And it was cute the way that Sung-Hee sat on his shoulders.

“I know them. This is awkward for a lot of people.”

“Yeah,” he agreed quietly. “I know I should feel bad using a little girl as my shield today but it was kind of fun. I think I want one. I know it takes time for kids to grow that much—“

“Only seven and a half years,” she teased. She was glad she got a laugh out of him. She lightly splashed him and was delighted when he splashed her back. It escalated playfully and they ended up dunking each other a few times before someone called his name.

“I actually do have to talk to him,” Young-Do apologized and then frowned. “Why is your suit see-through?” Eun-Sang looked down and almost laughed at her nipples. She shrugged and he bent down. At first she thought it was to hide her from the view the other men at the party but when his lips caressed her ear, she shivered and briefly closed her eyes. “I am enamored with your body, wife, you don’t need to do this.”

“I would believe you if you got home in time for dinner and left yourself time for dessert. This is your fault. I’m not used to such regular, good sex. I’m addicted to you.” She realized her mistake when Young-Do paused in helping her out of the pool and his eyebrows went up as he started to smirk. “That is not what I meant,” she hissed. “Do not think that!”

“Too late. I’m better at it than he is. That’s what you said.” He gave her a hard, short kiss before throwing a towel at her. She stuck her tongue out at him and wrapped the towel around herself because she didn’t like the idea of men looking at her breasts either. She watched Young-Do walk to a small group of business men that included Hyo-Shin just as Bo-Na came up to her with Jae-Hee.

“Did he goose you in the pool? You can’t do that in front of the children.”

Eun-Sang shook her head. “He thinks he’s a better lover than Hyo-Shin because I said something stupid. His swagger is impossible now.”

“Is he?” Bo-Na asked lightly. “I’ve only been with one man and I very much enjoy it. I can still be curious about the differences.”

She couldn’t explain those differences to Bo-Na. Young-Do made love like he had something to prove. It was hard and fast and efficient. He knew how to make a woman come quickly. He knew how to arouse her quickly. And he was a fantastic kisser.

But Hyo-Shin knew who he was and was confident in his love for her. It came out in the slow, lazy way he made love to her. He didn’t rush. There might be fewer orgasms but the ones she had were long and powerful. He left her trembling and exhausted. Hyo-Shin took his time like it might be the last and he wanted to have no regrets.

“I’m not talking to you about my marriage bed,” Eun-Sang said instead. “Did Eun-Hee have a good time with her new toy?”

“We’ve put it up in a safe place. It’s a choking hazard. Don’t give me that look. Eun-Hee will be allowed to play with it whenever she wants.”

“Omma,” Jae-Hee interrupted. “Down.”

Bo-Na set her down. “No running by the pool.”

“Yes, omma.” Eun-Sang expected her to demand to be held but instead, Jae-Hee toddled over to the group of men. Hyo-Shin stood across from Young-Do with Sung-Hee still on his shoulders. From what she could tell, Young-Do was handling it much better than the ambush at their home.

Then Jae-Hee tugged on Young-Do’s trunks. He looked down at her and she held up her arms and Eun-Sang could imagine the little Ahjussi. Up. Young-Do picked her up and fumbled a bit as she climbed up on his shoulders and fisted his damp hair in her hands.

“Oh my god,” Bo-Na whispered as Jae-Hee’s happy cackle echoed through the party. Eun-Sang scrambled for her phone so she could take a picture. “He’s the tallest man here. She wants to be taller than Sung-Hee.”

“It looks like she broke the tie,” Eun-Sang said proudly.

[shadowbanki]

I wrote this a long time ago but it's still vacation-themed

It's unfinished but I’ll try to finish it soon lol

Rated T for slightly lewd implications but nothing graphic lol

------

Neru was meowing in her sleep again.

"Meow... chirp..." Neru made noises amidst her snoring.

Haku got caught in the moment and used this as an invitation to lick Neru on the cheek like a mama cat. Neru's eyes instantly shot open.

"Yowl!" She exclaimed. "Stop it, puppy! Wait... oh... it's just Haku."

Haku rolled closer to Neru and gave her an intimate snuggly hug. Both of them were newly refreshed from their midday nap, wearing only their bra and underwear.

"Neru-chan..." She squeaked.

"Yes, Haku?" Neru gently pushed Haku off of her. A light blush spread across her cheeks.

"Neru-chan, let's play?" Haku begged.

Neru sat up sleepily and sighed.

"You're hopeless, Haku..." Neru said. "You're acting all childish again. What is it about me that makes you act like this?"

It was true, Haku only acted this way around Neru. Before she met Neru, she was extremely shy. She would always look gloomy and outcast. It was Neru that brought out Haku's courage to be her true self.

"But Neru-chan, we love each other..." Haku whispered.

"True." Neru said. She smiled sweetly and pulled Haku's face in closer for a kiss. Haku closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around Neru, falling gently on the mattress.

They parted from the kiss and still had their eyes locked on each other. The hotel room suddenly felt a little bit hotter...

"Well... Haku, if you want to play..." Neru coyly pulled the neck of her shirt down, trying her hardest to be seductive, "I'll let you."

Haku stared at Neru for about two seconds, turning red.

"Ah, N-Neru!" She suddenly gasped. "I-I didn't mean THAT kind of 'play'!"

Haku hit Neru lightly on the head.

"Haku!" Neru shouted, face becoming red. "H-how was I supposed to know what you meant!? Dummy!"

"Weirdo!" Haku shouted. A laugh started bubbling up inside of her.

Neru had so much pride, she refused to laugh. Rather, she smiled reluctantly and took a deep breath.

"I still love you, dummy..." Neru said quietly.

"I love Neru-chan too!" Haku beamed. Without warning, she took her bra off.

"Eeyaah!" It took Neru by surprise. "S-so you did want to 'play' after all...!?"

"N-no!" Haku blushed. "I-I'm just changing... into my swimsuit..."

Neru turned red again.

"W-well than, at least warn me first!" Neru growled.

"B-but why?" Haku asked, "We've already seen each other... all of each other..."

Neru's eyes grew twice their size. She hit Haku on the head.

"D-don't mention that!" She said, embarrassed.

--------------

"Geh, it's so bright outside!" Neru groaned. The sunlight was attacking their eyes.

"Y-yeah..." Haku felt uncomfortable as well. It showed in her voice.

The two already couldn't wait to arrive at the pool. Sweat was already dripping down their bodies and a nice dive in the pool would instantly revitalize them.

"Look, Neru..." Haku panted. "Water! We've arrived!"

As if the two were desert travelers who stumbled upon a lucky oasis, the pair dashed towards the pool. Immediately they threw off their bags and shoes and jumped right in the clear water.

The pure cooling sensation was magical, transforming their temperature from head to toe. The two girls rejoiced when they surfaced.

"I guess you're not used to the Dominican Republic yet." A soft voice said. It was a girl, shorter than Haku yet taller than Neru, with dark skin and hair tied in a neat bun. She had a slightly round physique. Her eyes were pure black.

"It's so hot here..." Haku told her. "I can't believe it's November."

"You should try going here in the summer then!" The girl said.

"Aaah!" Haku and Neru screamed imagining it.

"Haha, I'm Ora." The girl said. "I live in this country. We're close to the Equator, so it's hot all year long."

Ora spoke with gestures, in a tour guide kind of voice.

"Ora-chan!" Haku said. She felt like she made a new friend.

"Haku, she's not Japanese." Neru said. "We should call her 'Señorita Ora' instead."

"You can call me both, Señorita Haku!" Ora smiled.

"'Señorita?" Haku blushed. "Oh, sorry... I'm already married..."

Neru's face turned red like a tomato. She splashed Haku.

"N-no you're not!" Neru stammered. "W-well, not yet at least!"

"B-but we're practically married to each other already, Neru!" Haku said playfully, splashing Neru back.

"You two are engaged?" Ora asked.

"Yes!" Haku smiled.

"Something like that..." Neru said, eyes half-closed.

"I thought you guys looked pretty big to be children!" Ora laughed. She had such a bright smile, it was clear she didn't intend to hurt.

"You thought we were acting like children!?" Neru hid her face.

"How old is Ora-chan?" Haku asked her.

"Twenty-two." Ora said.

"You look so cute though-"

Haku was cut off by Neru.

"You've been acting strange ever since we got engaged, Haku." Neru mentioned, her hand on Haku's mouth. Haku stuck her tongue out and licked Neru's palm.

"Gyahaa!" She shouted. "Haku, that felt so weird!"

Neru dunked her hand back in the water and splashed Haku.

"You may not believe it, but Haku and I are both twenty-three. Physically, at least. Haku's birthday was a few days ago."

Haku took Neru's hand in hers and Ora watched them interact.

"I wish I had someone lovely in my life too..." Ora's expression turned into a bashful, yearning gaze.

"U-um, of course you will find someone!" Haku said, feeling sympathy. "I felt like you, before I met Neru..."

Haku smiled sweetly and encouragingly. She was turning into her sensitive self again.

"Gracias, Haku." Ora said, giving her a pat on the shoulder.

Haku and Neru spent a few minutes throwing a beach ball around in the water.

"I'm thirsty, Neru." Haku suddenly said, once she was panting and couldn't catch the ball anymore. "Let's drink a martini!"

"How about water?" Neru suggested.

"Martini!" Haku pouted.

"Just one." Neru said.

"Okay." Haku agreed.

After their drinks, Neru's stomach started growling.

"Now I'm hungry." She said. "Alcohol isn't good on an empty stomach."

The couple then went to the beach-side café in their swimsuits and settled down.

Haku's plate was filled with different types of interesting-looking island rice. She was a rice eccentric. Neru went with pasta, her comfort food.

"Señoritas!" They heard someone call.

Haku and Neru looked around and saw Ora. She was eating dessert and seemed quite fond of crème brûlée. With her dry clothes on, hey saw that Ora wore glasses. Haku and Neru sat at a table nearby to her.

"Ora-chan!" Haku greeted. Neru immediately started stuffing her face with pasta without a word.

"I love it here!" Ora said, "Even though I live here in Dominicana, I rarely get to go to this resort. But my uncle works here. He works hard tending the gardens in the resort. That's why it always looks so nice here!"

Neru burped aloud. Haku and Ora began staring at her.

"Hmph? Oh, excuse me."

Neru wiped the sauce of her mouth and took a sip of soda. She dove right back into her pasta, when...

"That's a strange way to eat pasta." An unfamiliar voice said. Neru abruptly stopped chewing.

"What did you just say?" Neru spoke aggressively with food in her mouth. She looked up and saw a tall girl, about Haku's height, with a thin physique and long wavy brown hair.

"Um, ew." The girl said, sitting down with her spaghetti. "Don't talk with food in your mouth. Also, you're supposed to twirl it on your fork and eat it slowly. You don't slurp all of it in your mouth at once like that. See?"

The girl began to twirl her fork and show Neru an example.

"And why would I care?" Neru said.

"Because pasta-eating is an art." The girl smugly flipped her hair back and crossed her legs.

"Oh yeah, try eating with chopsticks then!" Neru said, "I dare you!"

"Stop fighting!" Haku and Ora broke in. Haku grabbed Neru's shoulders and Ora patted the head of the brunette girl.

"Tonight, meet me at the Japanese restaurant." Neru said, fire coming from her eyes. "We'll settle it there."

"Chopsticks, oh please. Anyone can do that! It's not an art!" The girl said, fire coming from her amber eyes as well.

"Then pick up twenty things in one minute using chopsticks." Neru declared. "If you win, I'll start eating pasta like you do. And if you lose... you have to eat pasta with chopsticks with the rest of your life. And slurp them!"

"Challenge accepted." The brunette said, putting her hand in Neru's and firmly shaking it. "I'm Iona from Italy, where pasta is an art."

"I'm Neru from Japan, where eating with chopsticks is an art. Tonight, we will see which art is superior."

Neru and Iona shook hands for a few more seconds. All of a sudden they yanked their hands away and turned away from each other, both with a "Hmph!"

"Neru, haven't I told you to stop picking fights with people?" Haku said, concernedly.

"We're not fighting," Neru said, "We're dueling."

"It's too late now..." Haku thought to herself. "Neru made another rival... and a bet with her too!"

[flauntpage]

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Randos in the Sun

Ah, deep August. The bulk of the big-ticket vacations taken, memories fading to a minimum three-line scroll down an Instagram profile, jean shorts folded tenderly and tucked away in exchange for high performance gym clothes. If there's any All-Star that's yet to make a summer getaway (looking at you, Jimmy Butler) it'll likely be in the next couple weeks but this, now, is the deep lull season for the starting rotations, heck even the bench.

But fear not, for in times of summer scarcity there can always be a half-deflated beach ball to be found. I'm talking randos, folks. The guys who when you do deep roster dives you maaaaaybe remember their face from a mid-season surprise trade—or was it an endorsement deal for a local, highly specific restaurant chain? Who can keep track? Wherever you know them from, they take vacations too.

Sheldon McClellan

This little Wizard rode a jet ski hands free but at the same time looked pretty nervous about it.

Rating: Effort Attire Red No hands Eeeek Salt water Truth is he's going about 3mph

Lou Williams

I will let you in on a secret. If you are ever unsure if a player is a rando, just observe if they create truthers wherever they go. Truthers are fans who blame the demise of their team—forever—on the player they probably never would have heard of in the first place if they weren't signed for half a season. Lou Williams has a high truther following who will probably say the dismal conditions for migrant workers tasked to building Dubai's ever-expanding skyline is because Lou left. I'm a vacation truther though, and we never actually see Williams on a camel of his own, do we?

Rating: A lot to digest.

Mason Plumlee

One of 25 active Plumlees in the league tried to distinguish himself from the others by taking in some culture. It didn't work because we all know I'm Googling "which Plumlee is not a replicant?"

Rating: Blade Runner 2049 out in theaters this fall.

Jarrett Allen

Have you looked at Jarrett Allen's smile this summer? Can you imagine if you were the sun and the first thing you saw when you came to from being dunked on by the moon was a smile of such singularity squinting up at you? If any of you felt weird after this week's solar eclipse it's probably because the sun fainted when Jarrett Allen smiled at it.

Rating: Total eclipse of my heart!

Tyus Jones

Miiiiiister Jones and me, met some kangaroos at the Minnesota Zoo.

Rating: They're lookin' at you, man there's got to be a marsupial for me.

JJ Reddick

Some people might argue that J.J. Reddick isn't a rando, but to those people I would say: please call J.J.'s family and let them know he appears to be trapped in a restaurant or bodega vestibule.

Rating: The Chronicles of Reddick continue with this sort of shitty interlude.

Spencer Hawes

Spence got his Kate Winslet and cheeseburger swim shorts on in the choppy waters of Lake Washington, exploding trade and time travel rumors when he wore his uncle Steve Hawes's old Hawks jersey.

Rating: This lineage lovin', burger wearing combo is just missing a cold one, could somebody crack one for him?

Meyers Leonard

Would Meyers Leonard be more interesting to you if you found out he was the son of a Meyers lemon mogul, and he was set to inherit the world of big lemon? How about if you found out he was a Meyers lemon? Same. Unfortunately he's just a tall man who is spending his summer blocking the view of people who paid good money for these tickets to see Hamilton.

Rating: Please contact me if you have any interest backing my new musical about the orphan Meyers Leonard growing up to learn he is actually a lemon set to have it all.

Courtney Lee

Courtney Lee, a Libra currently playing for franchise number seven of his jet settin' career, met some lion cubs in my ideal outfit. Is he headed on an archeological dig or just to the movies later? The summer mysteries of a rando.

Rating: If you can't go on safari, let the safari come to you.

Danilo Gallinari

I'm just including this because even though Gallinari's 'gram bio is "Professional Basketball Athlete," he is basically as Rando Calrissian as they come and even he climbed Machu Picchu this summer!

Rating: Look, I hate to break it to you but if you haven't climbed anything bigger than a drainage ditch, do you even summer?

DeAndre Bembry

My summer instincts (the season might be fading but they are always tuned in) tell me Bembry was eating a banana popsicle and it was way too cold for him.

Rating: Five seconds of brain freeze on behalf of the superior popsicle flav—worth it!

DeAndre Liggins

Another DeAndre ate another, bigger frozen dessert but seemed to have a better time navigating the whole thing.

Rating: Seven seconds of brain freeze with a main squeeze—worth it!

Dario Saric

Meeting animals was almost as big this summer as summiting giant mountains! Dario met some bored deer and had a tough time getting any of them interested in a cob of corn. Don't worry Dario, we've all been there.

Rating: Good news for my enemy Jason Kidd, Šarić really seems to fear the deer.

Shelvin Mack

Shelvin took his whole family to the Bahamas and dabbed on his way down into a swimming pool. Out of all the randos he is doing it right.

Rating: Plato and Shelvin have at least one thing in common, they loved the vacation destination of the Cove Atlantis Luxury Resort.

Klay Thompson

The NBA is adding a new, third team to the All-Star game this year called the Rando Commandos and Klay is the captain. They will primarily be on the court dressed as debilitating injuries, like mascots, and the players on the East and West teams will have to avoid being tagged by them as they play. Anyway, Klay flew around on a jet ski and actually looked like he was having a pretty good time.

Rating: This ball of Klay's heating up!

Follow Katie Heindl on Twitter @wtevs

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Randos in the Sun published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[amtushinfosolutionspage]

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Randos in the Sun

Ah, deep August. The bulk of the big-ticket vacations taken, memories fading to a minimum three-line scroll down an Instagram profile, jean shorts folded tenderly and tucked away in exchange for high performance gym clothes. If there’s any All-Star that’s yet to make a summer getaway (looking at you, Jimmy Butler) it’ll likely be in the next couple weeks but this, now, is the deep lull season for the starting rotations, heck even the bench.

But fear not, for in times of summer scarcity there can always be a half-deflated beach ball to be found. I’m talking randos, folks. The guys who when you do deep roster dives you maaaaaybe remember their face from a mid-season surprise trade—or was it an endorsement deal for a local, highly specific restaurant chain? Who can keep track? Wherever you know them from, they take vacations too.

Sheldon McClellan

This little Wizard rode a jet ski hands free but at the same time looked pretty nervous about it.

Rating: Effort Attire Red No hands Eeeek Salt water Truth is he’s going about 3mph

Lou Williams

I will let you in on a secret. If you are ever unsure if a player is a rando, just observe if they create truthers wherever they go. Truthers are fans who blame the demise of their team—forever—on the player they probably never would have heard of in the first place if they weren’t signed for half a season. Lou Williams has a high truther following who will probably say the dismal conditions for migrant workers tasked to building Dubai’s ever-expanding skyline is because Lou left. I’m a vacation truther though, and we never actually see Williams on a camel of his own, do we?

Rating: A lot to digest.

Mason Plumlee

One of 25 active Plumlees in the league tried to distinguish himself from the others by taking in some culture. It didn’t work because we all know I’m Googling “which Plumlee is not a replicant?”

Rating: Blade Runner 2049 out in theaters this fall.

Jarrett Allen

Have you looked at Jarrett Allen’s smile this summer? Can you imagine if you were the sun and the first thing you saw when you came to from being dunked on by the moon was a smile of such singularity squinting up at you? If any of you felt weird after this week’s solar eclipse it’s probably because the sun fainted when Jarrett Allen smiled at it.

Rating: Total eclipse of my heart!

Tyus Jones

Miiiiiister Jones and me, met some kangaroos at the Minnesota Zoo.

Rating: They’re lookin’ at you, man there’s got to be a marsupial for me.

JJ Reddick

Some people might argue that J.J. Reddick isn’t a rando, but to those people I would say: please call J.J.’s family and let them know he appears to be trapped in a restaurant or bodega vestibule.

Rating: The Chronicles of Reddick continue with this sort of shitty interlude.

Spencer Hawes

Spence got his Kate Winslet and cheeseburger swim shorts on in the choppy waters of Lake Washington, exploding trade and time travel rumors when he wore his uncle Steve Hawes’s old Hawks jersey.

Rating: This lineage lovin’, burger wearing combo is just missing a cold one, could somebody crack one for him?

Meyers Leonard

Would Meyers Leonard be more interesting to you if you found out he was the son of a Meyers lemon mogul, and he was set to inherit the world of big lemon? How about if you found out he was a Meyers lemon? Same. Unfortunately he’s just a tall man who is spending his summer blocking the view of people who paid good money for these tickets to see Hamilton.

Rating: Please contact me if you have any interest backing my new musical about the orphan Meyers Leonard growing up to learn he is actually a lemon set to have it all.

Courtney Lee

Courtney Lee, a Libra currently playing for franchise number seven of his jet settin’ career, met some lion cubs in my ideal outfit. Is he headed on an archeological dig or just to the movies later? The summer mysteries of a rando.

Rating: If you can’t go on safari, let the safari come to you.

Danilo Gallinari

I’m just including this because even though Gallinari’s ‘gram bio is “Professional Basketball Athlete,” he is basically as Rando Calrissian as they come and even he climbed Machu Picchu this summer!

Rating: Look, I hate to break it to you but if you haven’t climbed anything bigger than a drainage ditch, do you even summer?

DeAndre Bembry

My summer instincts (the season might be fading but they are always tuned in) tell me Bembry was eating a banana popsicle and it was way too cold for him.

Rating: Five seconds of brain freeze on behalf of the superior popsicle flav—worth it!

DeAndre Liggins

Another DeAndre ate another, bigger frozen dessert but seemed to have a better time navigating the whole thing.

Rating: Seven seconds of brain freeze with a main squeeze—worth it!

Dario Saric

Meeting animals was almost as big this summer as summiting giant mountains! Dario met some bored deer and had a tough time getting any of them interested in a cob of corn. Don’t worry Dario, we’ve all been there.

Rating: Good news for my enemy Jason Kidd, Šarić really seems to fear the deer.

Shelvin Mack

Shelvin took his whole family to the Bahamas and dabbed on his way down into a swimming pool. Out of all the randos he is doing it right.

Rating: Plato and Shelvin have at least one thing in common, they loved the vacation destination of the Cove Atlantis Luxury Resort.

Klay Thompson

The NBA is adding a new, third team to the All-Star game this year called the Rando Commandos and Klay is the captain. They will primarily be on the court dressed as debilitating injuries, like mascots, and the players on the East and West teams will have to avoid being tagged by them as they play. Anyway, Klay flew around on a jet ski and actually looked like he was having a pretty good time.

Rating: This ball of Klay’s heating up!

Follow Katie Heindl on Twitter @wtevs

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Randos in the Sun syndicated from http://ift.tt/2ug2Ns6

[flauntpage]

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Randos in the Sun

Ah, deep August. The bulk of the big-ticket vacations taken, memories fading to a minimum three-line scroll down an Instagram profile, jean shorts folded tenderly and tucked away in exchange for high performance gym clothes. If there's any All-Star that's yet to make a summer getaway (looking at you, Jimmy Butler) it'll likely be in the next couple weeks but this, now, is the deep lull season for the starting rotations, heck even the bench.

But fear not, for in times of summer scarcity there can always be a half-deflated beach ball to be found. I'm talking randos, folks. The guys who when you do deep roster dives you maaaaaybe remember their face from a mid-season surprise trade—or was it an endorsement deal for a local, highly specific restaurant chain? Who can keep track? Wherever you know them from, they take vacations too.

Sheldon McClellan

This little Wizard rode a jet ski hands free but at the same time looked pretty nervous about it.

Rating: Effort Attire Red No hands Eeeek Salt water Truth is he's going about 3mph

Lou Williams

I will let you in on a secret. If you are ever unsure if a player is a rando, just observe if they create truthers wherever they go. Truthers are fans who blame the demise of their team—forever—on the player they probably never would have heard of in the first place if they weren't signed for half a season. Lou Williams has a high truther following who will probably say the dismal conditions for migrant workers tasked to building Dubai's ever-expanding skyline is because Lou left. I'm a vacation truther though, and we never actually see Williams on a camel of his own, do we?

Rating: A lot to digest.

Mason Plumlee

One of 25 active Plumlees in the league tried to distinguish himself from the others by taking in some culture. It didn't work because we all know I'm Googling "which Plumlee is not a replicant?"

Rating: Blade Runner 2049 out in theaters this fall.

Jarrett Allen

Have you looked at Jarrett Allen's smile this summer? Can you imagine if you were the sun and the first thing you saw when you came to from being dunked on by the moon was a smile of such singularity squinting up at you? If any of you felt weird after this week's solar eclipse it's probably because the sun fainted when Jarrett Allen smiled at it.

Rating: Total eclipse of my heart!

Tyus Jones

Miiiiiister Jones and me, met some kangaroos at the Minnesota Zoo.

Rating: They're lookin' at you, man there's got to be a marsupial for me.

JJ Reddick

Some people might argue that J.J. Reddick isn't a rando, but to those people I would say: please call J.J.'s family and let them know he appears to be trapped in a restaurant or bodega vestibule.

Rating: The Chronicles of Reddick continue with this sort of shitty interlude.

Spencer Hawes

Spence got his Kate Winslet and cheeseburger swim shorts on in the choppy waters of Lake Washington, exploding trade and time travel rumors when he wore his uncle Steve Hawes's old Hawks jersey.

Rating: This lineage lovin', burger wearing combo is just missing a cold one, could somebody crack one for him?

Meyers Leonard

Would Meyers Leonard be more interesting to you if you found out he was the son of a Meyers lemon mogul, and he was set to inherit the world of big lemon? How about if you found out he was a Meyers lemon? Same. Unfortunately he's just a tall man who is spending his summer blocking the view of people who paid good money for these tickets to see Hamilton.

Rating: Please contact me if you have any interest backing my new musical about the orphan Meyers Leonard growing up to learn he is actually a lemon set to have it all.

Courtney Lee

Courtney Lee, a Libra currently playing for franchise number seven of his jet settin' career, met some lion cubs in my ideal outfit. Is he headed on an archeological dig or just to the movies later? The summer mysteries of a rando.

Rating: If you can't go on safari, let the safari come to you.

Danilo Gallinari

I'm just including this because even though Gallinari's 'gram bio is "Professional Basketball Athlete," he is basically as Rando Calrissian as they come and even he climbed Machu Picchu this summer!

Rating: Look, I hate to break it to you but if you haven't climbed anything bigger than a drainage ditch, do you even summer?

DeAndre Bembry

My summer instincts (the season might be fading but they are always tuned in) tell me Bembry was eating a banana popsicle and it was way too cold for him.

Rating: Five seconds of brain freeze on behalf of the superior popsicle flav—worth it!

DeAndre Liggins

Another DeAndre ate another, bigger frozen dessert but seemed to have a better time navigating the whole thing.

Rating: Seven seconds of brain freeze with a main squeeze—worth it!

Dario Saric

Meeting animals was almost as big this summer as summiting giant mountains! Dario met some bored deer and had a tough time getting any of them interested in a cob of corn. Don't worry Dario, we've all been there.

Rating: Good news for my enemy Jason Kidd, Šarić really seems to fear the deer.

Shelvin Mack

Shelvin took his whole family to the Bahamas and dabbed on his way down into a swimming pool. Out of all the randos he is doing it right.

Rating: Plato and Shelvin have at least one thing in common, they loved the vacation destination of the Cove Atlantis Luxury Resort.

Klay Thompson

The NBA is adding a new, third team to the All-Star game this year called the Rando Commandos and Klay is the captain. They will primarily be on the court dressed as debilitating injuries, like mascots, and the players on the East and West teams will have to avoid being tagged by them as they play. Anyway, Klay flew around on a jet ski and actually looked like he was having a pretty good time.

Rating: This ball of Klay's heating up!

Follow Katie Heindl on Twitter @wtevs

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Randos in the Sun published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[flauntpage]

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Randos in the Sun

Ah, deep August. The bulk of the big-ticket vacations taken, memories fading to a minimum three-line scroll down an Instagram profile, jean shorts folded tenderly and tucked away in exchange for high performance gym clothes. If there's any All-Star that's yet to make a summer getaway (looking at you, Jimmy Butler) it'll likely be in the next couple weeks but this, now, is the deep lull season for the starting rotations, heck even the bench.

But fear not, for in times of summer scarcity there can always be a half-deflated beach ball to be found. I'm talking randos, folks. The guys who when you do deep roster dives you maaaaaybe remember their face from a mid-season surprise trade—or was it an endorsement deal for a local, highly specific restaurant chain? Who can keep track? Wherever you know them from, they take vacations too.

Sheldon McClellan

This little Wizard rode a jet ski hands free but at the same time looked pretty nervous about it.

Rating: Effort Attire Red No hands Eeeek Salt water Truth is he's going about 3mph

Lou Williams

I will let you in on a secret. If you are ever unsure if a player is a rando, just observe if they create truthers wherever they go. Truthers are fans who blame the demise of their team—forever—on the player they probably never would have heard of in the first place if they weren't signed for half a season. Lou Williams has a high truther following who will probably say the dismal conditions for migrant workers tasked to building Dubai's ever-expanding skyline is because Lou left. I'm a vacation truther though, and we never actually see Williams on a camel of his own, do we?

Rating: A lot to digest.

Mason Plumlee

One of 25 active Plumlees in the league tried to distinguish himself from the others by taking in some culture. It didn't work because we all know I'm Googling "which Plumlee is not a replicant?"

Rating: Blade Runner 2049 out in theaters this fall.

Jarrett Allen

Have you looked at Jarrett Allen's smile this summer? Can you imagine if you were the sun and the first thing you saw when you came to from being dunked on by the moon was a smile of such singularity squinting up at you? If any of you felt weird after this week's solar eclipse it's probably because the sun fainted when Jarrett Allen smiled at it.

Rating: Total eclipse of my heart!

Tyus Jones

Miiiiiister Jones and me, met some kangaroos at the Minnesota Zoo.

Rating: They're lookin' at you, man there's got to be a marsupial for me.

JJ Reddick

Some people might argue that J.J. Reddick isn't a rando, but to those people I would say: please call J.J.'s family and let them know he appears to be trapped in a restaurant or bodega vestibule.

Rating: The Chronicles of Reddick continue with this sort of shitty interlude.

Spencer Hawes

Spence got his Kate Winslet and cheeseburger swim shorts on in the choppy waters of Lake Washington, exploding trade and time travel rumors when he wore his uncle Steve Hawes's old Hawks jersey.

Rating: This lineage lovin', burger wearing combo is just missing a cold one, could somebody crack one for him?

Meyers Leonard

Would Meyers Leonard be more interesting to you if you found out he was the son of a Meyers lemon mogul, and he was set to inherit the world of big lemon? How about if you found out he was a Meyers lemon? Same. Unfortunately he's just a tall man who is spending his summer blocking the view of people who paid good money for these tickets to see Hamilton.

Rating: Please contact me if you have any interest backing my new musical about the orphan Meyers Leonard growing up to learn he is actually a lemon set to have it all.

Courtney Lee

Courtney Lee, a Libra currently playing for franchise number seven of his jet settin' career, met some lion cubs in my ideal outfit. Is he headed on an archeological dig or just to the movies later? The summer mysteries of a rando.

Rating: If you can't go on safari, let the safari come to you.

Danilo Gallinari

I'm just including this because even though Gallinari's 'gram bio is "Professional Basketball Athlete," he is basically as Rando Calrissian as they come and even he climbed Machu Picchu this summer!

Rating: Look, I hate to break it to you but if you haven't climbed anything bigger than a drainage ditch, do you even summer?

DeAndre Bembry

My summer instincts (the season might be fading but they are always tuned in) tell me Bembry was eating a banana popsicle and it was way too cold for him.

Rating: Five seconds of brain freeze on behalf of the superior popsicle flav—worth it!

DeAndre Liggins

Another DeAndre ate another, bigger frozen dessert but seemed to have a better time navigating the whole thing.

Rating: Seven seconds of brain freeze with a main squeeze—worth it!

Dario Saric

Meeting animals was almost as big this summer as summiting giant mountains! Dario met some bored deer and had a tough time getting any of them interested in a cob of corn. Don't worry Dario, we've all been there.

Rating: Good news for my enemy Jason Kidd, Šarić really seems to fear the deer.

Shelvin Mack

Shelvin took his whole family to the Bahamas and dabbed on his way down into a swimming pool. Out of all the randos he is doing it right.

Rating: Plato and Shelvin have at least one thing in common, they loved the vacation destination of the Cove Atlantis Luxury Resort.

Klay Thompson

The NBA is adding a new, third team to the All-Star game this year called the Rando Commandos and Klay is the captain. They will primarily be on the court dressed as debilitating injuries, like mascots, and the players on the East and West teams will have to avoid being tagged by them as they play. Anyway, Klay flew around on a jet ski and actually looked like he was having a pretty good time.

Rating: This ball of Klay's heating up!

Follow Katie Heindl on Twitter @wtevs

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Randos in the Sun published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[flauntpage]

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Randos in the Sun

Ah, deep August. The bulk of the big-ticket vacations taken, memories fading to a minimum three-line scroll down an Instagram profile, jean shorts folded tenderly and tucked away in exchange for high performance gym clothes. If there's any All-Star that's yet to make a summer getaway (looking at you, Jimmy Butler) it'll likely be in the next couple weeks but this, now, is the deep lull season for the starting rotations, heck even the bench.

But fear not, for in times of summer scarcity there can always be a half-deflated beach ball to be found. I'm talking randos, folks. The guys who when you do deep roster dives you maaaaaybe remember their face from a mid-season surprise trade—or was it an endorsement deal for a local, highly specific restaurant chain? Who can keep track? Wherever you know them from, they take vacations too.

Sheldon McClellan

This little Wizard rode a jet ski hands free but at the same time looked pretty nervous about it.

Rating: Effort Attire Red No hands Eeeek Salt water Truth is he's going about 3mph

Lou Williams

I will let you in on a secret. If you are ever unsure if a player is a rando, just observe if they create truthers wherever they go. Truthers are fans who blame the demise of their team—forever—on the player they probably never would have heard of in the first place if they weren't signed for half a season. Lou Williams has a high truther following who will probably say the dismal conditions for migrant workers tasked to building Dubai's ever-expanding skyline is because Lou left. I'm a vacation truther though, and we never actually see Williams on a camel of his own, do we?

Rating: A lot to digest.

Mason Plumlee

One of 25 active Plumlees in the league tried to distinguish himself from the others by taking in some culture. It didn't work because we all know I'm Googling "which Plumlee is not a replicant?"

Rating: Blade Runner 2049 out in theaters this fall.

Jarrett Allen

Have you looked at Jarrett Allen's smile this summer? Can you imagine if you were the sun and the first thing you saw when you came to from being dunked on by the moon was a smile of such singularity squinting up at you? If any of you felt weird after this week's solar eclipse it's probably because the sun fainted when Jarrett Allen smiled at it.

Rating: Total eclipse of my heart!

Tyus Jones

Miiiiiister Jones and me, met some kangaroos at the Minnesota Zoo.

Rating: They're lookin' at you, man there's got to be a marsupial for me.

JJ Reddick

Some people might argue that J.J. Reddick isn't a rando, but to those people I would say: please call J.J.'s family and let them know he appears to be trapped in a restaurant or bodega vestibule.

Rating: The Chronicles of Reddick continue with this sort of shitty interlude.

Spencer Hawes

Spence got his Kate Winslet and cheeseburger swim shorts on in the choppy waters of Lake Washington, exploding trade and time travel rumors when he wore his uncle Steve Hawes's old Hawks jersey.

Rating: This lineage lovin', burger wearing combo is just missing a cold one, could somebody crack one for him?

Meyers Leonard

Would Meyers Leonard be more interesting to you if you found out he was the son of a Meyers lemon mogul, and he was set to inherit the world of big lemon? How about if you found out he was a Meyers lemon? Same. Unfortunately he's just a tall man who is spending his summer blocking the view of people who paid good money for these tickets to see Hamilton.

Rating: Please contact me if you have any interest backing my new musical about the orphan Meyers Leonard growing up to learn he is actually a lemon set to have it all.

Courtney Lee

Courtney Lee, a Libra currently playing for franchise number seven of his jet settin' career, met some lion cubs in my ideal outfit. Is he headed on an archeological dig or just to the movies later? The summer mysteries of a rando.

Rating: If you can't go on safari, let the safari come to you.

Danilo Gallinari

I'm just including this because even though Gallinari's 'gram bio is "Professional Basketball Athlete," he is basically as Rando Calrissian as they come and even he climbed Machu Picchu this summer!

Rating: Look, I hate to break it to you but if you haven't climbed anything bigger than a drainage ditch, do you even summer?

DeAndre Bembry

My summer instincts (the season might be fading but they are always tuned in) tell me Bembry was eating a banana popsicle and it was way too cold for him.

Rating: Five seconds of brain freeze on behalf of the superior popsicle flav—worth it!

DeAndre Liggins

Another DeAndre ate another, bigger frozen dessert but seemed to have a better time navigating the whole thing.

Rating: Seven seconds of brain freeze with a main squeeze—worth it!

Dario Saric

Meeting animals was almost as big this summer as summiting giant mountains! Dario met some bored deer and had a tough time getting any of them interested in a cob of corn. Don't worry Dario, we've all been there.

Rating: Good news for my enemy Jason Kidd, Šarić really seems to fear the deer.

Shelvin Mack

Shelvin took his whole family to the Bahamas and dabbed on his way down into a swimming pool. Out of all the randos he is doing it right.

Rating: Plato and Shelvin have at least one thing in common, they loved the vacation destination of the Cove Atlantis Luxury Resort.

Klay Thompson

The NBA is adding a new, third team to the All-Star game this year called the Rando Commandos and Klay is the captain. They will primarily be on the court dressed as debilitating injuries, like mascots, and the players on the East and West teams will have to avoid being tagged by them as they play. Anyway, Klay flew around on a jet ski and actually looked like he was having a pretty good time.

Rating: This ball of Klay's heating up!

Follow Katie Heindl on Twitter @wtevs

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Randos in the Sun published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[flauntpage]

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Randos in the Sun

Ah, deep August. The bulk of the big-ticket vacations taken, memories fading to a minimum three-line scroll down an Instagram profile, jean shorts folded tenderly and tucked away in exchange for high performance gym clothes. If there's any All-Star that's yet to make a summer getaway (looking at you, Jimmy Butler) it'll likely be in the next couple weeks but this, now, is the deep lull season for the starting rotations, heck even the bench.

But fear not, for in times of summer scarcity there can always be a half-deflated beach ball to be found. I'm talking randos, folks. The guys who when you do deep roster dives you maaaaaybe remember their face from a mid-season surprise trade—or was it an endorsement deal for a local, highly specific restaurant chain? Who can keep track? Wherever you know them from, they take vacations too.

Sheldon McClellan

This little Wizard rode a jet ski hands free but at the same time looked pretty nervous about it.

Rating: Effort Attire Red No hands Eeeek Salt water Truth is he's going about 3mph

Lou Williams

I will let you in on a secret. If you are ever unsure if a player is a rando, just observe if they create truthers wherever they go. Truthers are fans who blame the demise of their team—forever—on the player they probably never would have heard of in the first place if they weren't signed for half a season. Lou Williams has a high truther following who will probably say the dismal conditions for migrant workers tasked to building Dubai's ever-expanding skyline is because Lou left. I'm a vacation truther though, and we never actually see Williams on a camel of his own, do we?

Rating: A lot to digest.

Mason Plumlee

One of 25 active Plumlees in the league tried to distinguish himself from the others by taking in some culture. It didn't work because we all know I'm Googling "which Plumlee is not a replicant?"

Rating: Blade Runner 2049 out in theaters this fall.

Jarrett Allen

Have you looked at Jarrett Allen's smile this summer? Can you imagine if you were the sun and the first thing you saw when you came to from being dunked on by the moon was a smile of such singularity squinting up at you? If any of you felt weird after this week's solar eclipse it's probably because the sun fainted when Jarrett Allen smiled at it.

Rating: Total eclipse of my heart!

Tyus Jones

Miiiiiister Jones and me, met some kangaroos at the Minnesota Zoo.

Rating: They're lookin' at you, man there's got to be a marsupial for me.

JJ Reddick

Some people might argue that J.J. Reddick isn't a rando, but to those people I would say: please call J.J.'s family and let them know he appears to be trapped in a restaurant or bodega vestibule.

Rating: The Chronicles of Reddick continue with this sort of shitty interlude.

Spencer Hawes

Spence got his Kate Winslet and cheeseburger swim shorts on in the choppy waters of Lake Washington, exploding trade and time travel rumors when he wore his uncle Steve Hawes's old Hawks jersey.

Rating: This lineage lovin', burger wearing combo is just missing a cold one, could somebody crack one for him?

Meyers Leonard

Would Meyers Leonard be more interesting to you if you found out he was the son of a Meyers lemon mogul, and he was set to inherit the world of big lemon? How about if you found out he was a Meyers lemon? Same. Unfortunately he's just a tall man who is spending his summer blocking the view of people who paid good money for these tickets to see Hamilton.

Rating: Please contact me if you have any interest backing my new musical about the orphan Meyers Leonard growing up to learn he is actually a lemon set to have it all.

Courtney Lee

Courtney Lee, a Libra currently playing for franchise number seven of his jet settin' career, met some lion cubs in my ideal outfit. Is he headed on an archeological dig or just to the movies later? The summer mysteries of a rando.

Rating: If you can't go on safari, let the safari come to you.

Danilo Gallinari

I'm just including this because even though Gallinari's 'gram bio is "Professional Basketball Athlete," he is basically as Rando Calrissian as they come and even he climbed Machu Picchu this summer!

Rating: Look, I hate to break it to you but if you haven't climbed anything bigger than a drainage ditch, do you even summer?

DeAndre Bembry

My summer instincts (the season might be fading but they are always tuned in) tell me Bembry was eating a banana popsicle and it was way too cold for him.

Rating: Five seconds of brain freeze on behalf of the superior popsicle flav—worth it!

DeAndre Liggins

Another DeAndre ate another, bigger frozen dessert but seemed to have a better time navigating the whole thing.

Rating: Seven seconds of brain freeze with a main squeeze—worth it!

Dario Saric

Meeting animals was almost as big this summer as summiting giant mountains! Dario met some bored deer and had a tough time getting any of them interested in a cob of corn. Don't worry Dario, we've all been there.

Rating: Good news for my enemy Jason Kidd, Šarić really seems to fear the deer.

Shelvin Mack

Shelvin took his whole family to the Bahamas and dabbed on his way down into a swimming pool. Out of all the randos he is doing it right.

Rating: Plato and Shelvin have at least one thing in common, they loved the vacation destination of the Cove Atlantis Luxury Resort.

Klay Thompson

The NBA is adding a new, third team to the All-Star game this year called the Rando Commandos and Klay is the captain. They will primarily be on the court dressed as debilitating injuries, like mascots, and the players on the East and West teams will have to avoid being tagged by them as they play. Anyway, Klay flew around on a jet ski and actually looked like he was having a pretty good time.

Rating: This ball of Klay's heating up!

Follow Katie Heindl on Twitter @wtevs

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Randos in the Sun published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[flauntpage]

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Randos in the Sun

Ah, deep August. The bulk of the big-ticket vacations taken, memories fading to a minimum three-line scroll down an Instagram profile, jean shorts folded tenderly and tucked away in exchange for high performance gym clothes. If there's any All-Star that's yet to make a summer getaway (looking at you, Jimmy Butler) it'll likely be in the next couple weeks but this, now, is the deep lull season for the starting rotations, heck even the bench.

But fear not, for in times of summer scarcity there can always be a half-deflated beach ball to be found. I'm talking randos, folks. The guys who when you do deep roster dives you maaaaaybe remember their face from a mid-season surprise trade—or was it an endorsement deal for a local, highly specific restaurant chain? Who can keep track? Wherever you know them from, they take vacations too.

Sheldon McClellan

This little Wizard rode a jet ski hands free but at the same time looked pretty nervous about it.

Rating: Effort Attire Red No hands Eeeek Salt water Truth is he's going about 3mph

Lou Williams

I will let you in on a secret. If you are ever unsure if a player is a rando, just observe if they create truthers wherever they go. Truthers are fans who blame the demise of their team—forever—on the player they probably never would have heard of in the first place if they weren't signed for half a season. Lou Williams has a high truther following who will probably say the dismal conditions for migrant workers tasked to building Dubai's ever-expanding skyline is because Lou left. I'm a vacation truther though, and we never actually see Williams on a camel of his own, do we?

Rating: A lot to digest.

Mason Plumlee

One of 25 active Plumlees in the league tried to distinguish himself from the others by taking in some culture. It didn't work because we all know I'm Googling "which Plumlee is not a replicant?"

Rating: Blade Runner 2049 out in theaters this fall.

Jarrett Allen

Have you looked at Jarrett Allen's smile this summer? Can you imagine if you were the sun and the first thing you saw when you came to from being dunked on by the moon was a smile of such singularity squinting up at you? If any of you felt weird after this week's solar eclipse it's probably because the sun fainted when Jarrett Allen smiled at it.

Rating: Total eclipse of my heart!

Tyus Jones

Miiiiiister Jones and me, met some kangaroos at the Minnesota Zoo.

Rating: They're lookin' at you, man there's got to be a marsupial for me.

JJ Reddick

Some people might argue that J.J. Reddick isn't a rando, but to those people I would say: please call J.J.'s family and let them know he appears to be trapped in a restaurant or bodega vestibule.

Rating: The Chronicles of Reddick continue with this sort of shitty interlude.

Spencer Hawes

Spence got his Kate Winslet and cheeseburger swim shorts on in the choppy waters of Lake Washington, exploding trade and time travel rumors when he wore his uncle Steve Hawes's old Hawks jersey.

Rating: This lineage lovin', burger wearing combo is just missing a cold one, could somebody crack one for him?

Meyers Leonard

Would Meyers Leonard be more interesting to you if you found out he was the son of a Meyers lemon mogul, and he was set to inherit the world of big lemon? How about if you found out he was a Meyers lemon? Same. Unfortunately he's just a tall man who is spending his summer blocking the view of people who paid good money for these tickets to see Hamilton.

Rating: Please contact me if you have any interest backing my new musical about the orphan Meyers Leonard growing up to learn he is actually a lemon set to have it all.

Courtney Lee

Courtney Lee, a Libra currently playing for franchise number seven of his jet settin' career, met some lion cubs in my ideal outfit. Is he headed on an archeological dig or just to the movies later? The summer mysteries of a rando.

Rating: If you can't go on safari, let the safari come to you.

Danilo Gallinari

I'm just including this because even though Gallinari's 'gram bio is "Professional Basketball Athlete," he is basically as Rando Calrissian as they come and even he climbed Machu Picchu this summer!

Rating: Look, I hate to break it to you but if you haven't climbed anything bigger than a drainage ditch, do you even summer?

DeAndre Bembry

My summer instincts (the season might be fading but they are always tuned in) tell me Bembry was eating a banana popsicle and it was way too cold for him.

Rating: Five seconds of brain freeze on behalf of the superior popsicle flav—worth it!

DeAndre Liggins

Another DeAndre ate another, bigger frozen dessert but seemed to have a better time navigating the whole thing.

Rating: Seven seconds of brain freeze with a main squeeze—worth it!

Dario Saric

Meeting animals was almost as big this summer as summiting giant mountains! Dario met some bored deer and had a tough time getting any of them interested in a cob of corn. Don't worry Dario, we've all been there.

Rating: Good news for my enemy Jason Kidd, Šarić really seems to fear the deer.

Shelvin Mack

Shelvin took his whole family to the Bahamas and dabbed on his way down into a swimming pool. Out of all the randos he is doing it right.

Rating: Plato and Shelvin have at least one thing in common, they loved the vacation destination of the Cove Atlantis Luxury Resort.

Klay Thompson

The NBA is adding a new, third team to the All-Star game this year called the Rando Commandos and Klay is the captain. They will primarily be on the court dressed as debilitating injuries, like mascots, and the players on the East and West teams will have to avoid being tagged by them as they play. Anyway, Klay flew around on a jet ski and actually looked like he was having a pretty good time.

Rating: This ball of Klay's heating up!

Follow Katie Heindl on Twitter @wtevs

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Randos in the Sun published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[flauntpage]

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Randos in the Sun

Ah, deep August. The bulk of the big-ticket vacations taken, memories fading to a minimum three-line scroll down an Instagram profile, jean shorts folded tenderly and tucked away in exchange for high performance gym clothes. If there's any All-Star that's yet to make a summer getaway (looking at you, Jimmy Butler) it'll likely be in the next couple weeks but this, now, is the deep lull season for the starting rotations, heck even the bench.

But fear not, for in times of summer scarcity there can always be a half-deflated beach ball to be found. I'm talking randos, folks. The guys who when you do deep roster dives you maaaaaybe remember their face from a mid-season surprise trade—or was it an endorsement deal for a local, highly specific restaurant chain? Who can keep track? Wherever you know them from, they take vacations too.

Sheldon McClellan

This little Wizard rode a jet ski hands free but at the same time looked pretty nervous about it.

Rating: Effort Attire Red No hands Eeeek Salt water Truth is he's going about 3mph

Lou Williams

I will let you in on a secret. If you are ever unsure if a player is a rando, just observe if they create truthers wherever they go. Truthers are fans who blame the demise of their team—forever—on the player they probably never would have heard of in the first place if they weren't signed for half a season. Lou Williams has a high truther following who will probably say the dismal conditions for migrant workers tasked to building Dubai's ever-expanding skyline is because Lou left. I'm a vacation truther though, and we never actually see Williams on a camel of his own, do we?

Rating: A lot to digest.

Mason Plumlee

One of 25 active Plumlees in the league tried to distinguish himself from the others by taking in some culture. It didn't work because we all know I'm Googling "which Plumlee is not a replicant?"

Rating: Blade Runner 2049 out in theaters this fall.

Jarrett Allen

Have you looked at Jarrett Allen's smile this summer? Can you imagine if you were the sun and the first thing you saw when you came to from being dunked on by the moon was a smile of such singularity squinting up at you? If any of you felt weird after this week's solar eclipse it's probably because the sun fainted when Jarrett Allen smiled at it.

Rating: Total eclipse of my heart!

Tyus Jones

Miiiiiister Jones and me, met some kangaroos at the Minnesota Zoo.

Rating: They're lookin' at you, man there's got to be a marsupial for me.

JJ Reddick

Some people might argue that J.J. Reddick isn't a rando, but to those people I would say: please call J.J.'s family and let them know he appears to be trapped in a restaurant or bodega vestibule.

Rating: The Chronicles of Reddick continue with this sort of shitty interlude.

Spencer Hawes

Spence got his Kate Winslet and cheeseburger swim shorts on in the choppy waters of Lake Washington, exploding trade and time travel rumors when he wore his uncle Steve Hawes's old Hawks jersey.

Rating: This lineage lovin', burger wearing combo is just missing a cold one, could somebody crack one for him?

Meyers Leonard

Would Meyers Leonard be more interesting to you if you found out he was the son of a Meyers lemon mogul, and he was set to inherit the world of big lemon? How about if you found out he was a Meyers lemon? Same. Unfortunately he's just a tall man who is spending his summer blocking the view of people who paid good money for these tickets to see Hamilton.

Rating: Please contact me if you have any interest backing my new musical about the orphan Meyers Leonard growing up to learn he is actually a lemon set to have it all.

Courtney Lee

Courtney Lee, a Libra currently playing for franchise number seven of his jet settin' career, met some lion cubs in my ideal outfit. Is he headed on an archeological dig or just to the movies later? The summer mysteries of a rando.

Rating: If you can't go on safari, let the safari come to you.

Danilo Gallinari

I'm just including this because even though Gallinari's 'gram bio is "Professional Basketball Athlete," he is basically as Rando Calrissian as they come and even he climbed Machu Picchu this summer!

Rating: Look, I hate to break it to you but if you haven't climbed anything bigger than a drainage ditch, do you even summer?

DeAndre Bembry

My summer instincts (the season might be fading but they are always tuned in) tell me Bembry was eating a banana popsicle and it was way too cold for him.

Rating: Five seconds of brain freeze on behalf of the superior popsicle flav—worth it!

DeAndre Liggins

Another DeAndre ate another, bigger frozen dessert but seemed to have a better time navigating the whole thing.

Rating: Seven seconds of brain freeze with a main squeeze—worth it!

Dario Saric

Meeting animals was almost as big this summer as summiting giant mountains! Dario met some bored deer and had a tough time getting any of them interested in a cob of corn. Don't worry Dario, we've all been there.

Rating: Good news for my enemy Jason Kidd, Šarić really seems to fear the deer.

Shelvin Mack

Shelvin took his whole family to the Bahamas and dabbed on his way down into a swimming pool. Out of all the randos he is doing it right.

Rating: Plato and Shelvin have at least one thing in common, they loved the vacation destination of the Cove Atlantis Luxury Resort.

Klay Thompson

The NBA is adding a new, third team to the All-Star game this year called the Rando Commandos and Klay is the captain. They will primarily be on the court dressed as debilitating injuries, like mascots, and the players on the East and West teams will have to avoid being tagged by them as they play. Anyway, Klay flew around on a jet ski and actually looked like he was having a pretty good time.

Rating: This ball of Klay's heating up!

Follow Katie Heindl on Twitter @wtevs

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Randos in the Sun published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv