#my treat for not flipping my lid today and actually talking about my feelings is slightly toxic yuri. i fucking earned it

[bruhlesbian]

got told something fucking INSANE at work today, my friends were real nice but i still feel like a big baby about it 😭😭

anyway love the fusion shit, the next one will probably be bellringer/witchunter so get hashtag hype for Hearsay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[loquaciousferret]

I could totally see Javi using his handcuffs on you and getting rough with you when you get mouthy with him because he’s gone a lot for work and you’re lonely 🤭

Ugh dude this thought sent me fucking feral… I had to write something about it immediately. I want him to be my slutty cop boyfriend so bad.

I tried to keep my response to this short and safe to say that didn’t happen so here we go lol I took this and ran with it

All Work, No Play

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader

Warnings: 18+ for smut. Unprotected sex, rough sex, use of handcuffs/restraints, pet names, angry(ish) sex, roleplay. Spanking. Maybe more so read at your own risk!

Word Count: 1.5k

Taglist: @silkiers @tightjeansjavi

You heard the key turning in the lock and then Javier’s distinct footsteps as he entered the apartment.

You checked the clock in the corner of your laptop as you continued typing away. 11:14PM.

He called your name and you ignored him, your attention remaining on what you were working on. He found his way to you quickly anyway where you sat at the kitchen table that doubles as your office space in your small apartment.

“s’there any dinner?” He grunts, pouring himself a whisky.

You don’t look up as you respond, flatly. “There was. Three hours ago.”

You can feel his eyes burning into you, but you don’t meet them. The only sounds in the room are of him sipping at his drink and you typing.

“Well, sweetheart, I’m sorry that Escobar didn’t consider your dinner plans when he decided to kill some of my men today. I’ll make sure he consults you first next time.” You hate when his tone drips with sarcasm like this. You knew what you signed up for with Javi and his work, but it shouldn’t mean that you were never allowed to be disappointed about how little time you got with your fiancé.

“Funny, Peña.” You finally flick your gaze up to take him in. His eyes are dark.

“Don’t call me that.” He says through gritted teeth.

You slam the lid of your laptop closed, knowing you won’t be able to concentrate again with you and Javier at each others throats.

“Or what?” You defy.

“Listen cariño,” He begins. He smiles and it seems warm at first but you notice it doesn’t reach his eyes. He has finished off his first whisky already and is pouring a second. “You only know Javi. You wouldn’t want to get to know Agent Peña.”

“Actually, if this Agent Peña knows how to treat a woman, I think you ought to introduce me.”

Before you can decide whether this last comment was a terrible idea and a step too far, he has finished his drink in one swift gulp, closed the distance between you with two confident strides, and is ripping you out of your chair, lifting you and placing you down again so you are perched on the kitchen table.

“He doesn’t really deal with women unless they are suspects or whores. Which are you?” He growls in your ear.

You clench your thighs together. You curse whatever faulty part of your brain is making you extremely horny instead of jarred by hearing your fiancée talk like this.

“Well I’m certainly not a whore.” You whisper.

“Hm.” He murmurs, nodding, his face still so close to you that the motion tickles.

In a swift and clearly practiced motion, he has flipped you round and is pressing you into the edge of the table. Then, cool metal slips around both of your wrists, tighter and tighter until you can barely wriggle your hands.

You briefly wonder what has gotten into Javi. This is not something you have ever done together. He doesn’t mix work and pleasure anymore, not with you. It had lost all appeal for him. Or so you thought.

His rock-hard erection straining in his jeans against you snaps you quickly out of these thoughts and back into the moment.

You wiggle your ass, rubbing against him and he grabs the handcuffs and pulls, making them dig into your wrists. You whine at the not entirely unpleasant pain.

“Don’t fucking move.” He hisses into your ear. “Try anything funny and you’ll regret it.”

You are surprised at how much this turns you on. Javi does a good job separating his work persona from the side of himself he gives you. The man in command of you now couldn’t be further from your doting partner. But you like it.

“I think,” he says, “this arrangement will work for us both. Maybe teach you not to get caught up in the wrong crowd again.”

He maintains a tight grip on the handcuffs with one hand and is unbuckling his belt and freeing his cock from his jeans with the other. He roughly grabs at the tight yoga pants you are wearing and tears them down your legs until they bunch around your ankles. He spreads your thighs as much as possible in this position with one strong hand, before sliding a finger through your dripping wet folds.

“You dirty girl. You wanted this, didn’t you?” He teases, rubbing at your wetness with more force.

“Mmhmm.” You agree, the affirmation coming out as a breathy moan.

“If you take my cock well enough, I won’t tell anyone about what you’ve done. How does that sound?”

“Yes, please Javi.” You moan. This earns you a harsh slap to your ass cheek and you yelp.

“Who do you think you are talking to?”

“I’m sorry, Agent Peña. Yes. I can take it.”

“That’s it.” He praises, his tone low and husky. He slips a couple of fingers inside you, working them in and out, curling them to reach the most pleasurable spots. “Show me some respect. It will make this easier on you.”

He lets go of the handcuffs and you relax onto the cold wood beneath you, laying your chest flat against the surface of the table. He removes his fingers but the sensation is quickly replaced with his large tip nudging at your entrance.

He stills for a second. You go to turn round to look at him, wondering why he has hesitated and you find him taking his shirt off. Then, suddenly he plunges into you right to the hilt at full force.

You cry out at the feeling.

“You told me you could take it.” He grunts, piercing you with full force thrusts.

“Y-Yes.” You moan out. “I can take it, Agent. Please don’t stop.”

The table creaks as he continues to plow into you. You strain against the handcuffs. He enjoys watching you like this and he regrets not having tried it with you sooner.

The sounds of skin slapping and your moans and cries fill the apartment, probably audible from the hallway and the neighbouring properties. Neither of you care. It was the first sex you had had all week. His schedule made it hard to ever get enough of each other.

He pulls out and turns you onto your back, you wrap your legs around his waist. He gropes at your tits roughly, slapping, pinching and squeezing them as he fucks you into the table. It moves across the tiled floor slightly due to the force. With your arms pinned behind you, the handcuffs dig into you, and you arch your back to get away from them.

“Does it hurt?” He grumbles.

“Yes, Sir.” You whine.

“Good.” He says back. He moves one hand to play with your clit, rubbing it in gentle circles. This sensation distracts you from the pain of the metal biting into your skin.

It doesn’t take long before you can feel yourself getting closer to orgasm. You had been touch-starved all week and that only made it easier for him to pleasure you.

“Tell me who makes you feel this good?” He demands.

“Ah-“ You try to speak and only a cry of pleasure escapes you.

“Answer me.” He snaps, lightly slapping your clit. The sensation sends tingles rushing through your whole body. He sees your reaction and does it again.

“Y-You, Agent.” You struggle to get out. “Only you, Agent Peña.”

“That’s right.” He rubs your clit again, faster and with more force. The friction is close to sending you over the edge.

“Don’t cum yet.” He warns. “Together.”

You bite your lip and nod. His hands move to your hips and he slams you down onto his cock, each thrust hits the deepest part of you and you struggle to hold back, clenching around him, becoming impossibly tight as you concentrate on withholding your release.

His thrusts falter and he grunts loudly, then demands “Cum for me. Now, baby.”

You focus on your pleasure and you let go, your legs tensing up around him, holding him closer inside you. He spills into you with a string of curses falling from his lips.

“Jesus.” He says, and pulls out with a hiss.

He lifts you up towards him by his shoulders, holding you close. He searches in his jacket pocket which is strewn over a nearby chair, retrieving the key and unlocking the handcuffs, tossing them aside. They clatter loudly where they land.

You know the moment is over and your Javi is back when he tenderly strokes your hair with one hand, presses a kiss to your forehead, and rubs your wrists with his other large, warm palm. “I have the rest of the weekend off. I’ll take you out to dinner tomorrow, hm?”

You smile and nuzzle closer into his bare chest, tightening your arms around him into a hug. “Thank you, Agent Peña”

He tuts at you and pulls away, grinning. “Don’t get me going again, girl.”

[episodes-ff]

Family Man

Diamonté

Waking up, I looked over and admired Armando as he peacefully slept in bed. Things have been going quite smoothly for our newfound family. Armando has been building a bond with his son and nobody could be happier than Lil Papi. They play together, he helps him with his learning, and they even make time to annoy me throughout the day unless I’m doing my schoolwork. My relationship with my parents on the other hand has been a different story. They won’t talk to me unless it’s to check in with their grandbaby and they want nothing to do with Armando and his past, so I’m super devastated. He says they’ll come around eventually but I think that’s more so to ease my mind. Just thinking about how he’s been so supportive of me has my heart and pussy fluttering, but we have been taking our relationship pretty slowly. We are together, but we don’t want to move too fast and wind up hurt so while he does spend time here, he isn’t moved in and he still has his place.

Leaning up, I stretched and yawned before turning to use the restroom when I felt something tugging me. “Baby, what’s wrong?” I giggled seeing Armando cuddling up to my side. “Where you going, bebita?” He frowned in his sleep. “I have to pee, baby. I’ll just be a second, okay?” “Okay. Hurry back, baby.” He yawned rolling over. Blushing at how cute he was being, I got up and headed to the bathroom. Taking a look at myself in the mirror, I examined my face and body before sighing and going into my cabinets under the sink. Staring long and hard at the pregnancy test in my hand, I swallowed the lump in my throat as I contemplated taking it. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been more sensitive and irritable so rather than question my body, I decided to get a pregnancy to be sure. The only issue I have now is actually taking it and telling Armando. I know how much he adores our child, but I don’t know if he is mentally prepared for possibly another one.

Sucking up my fears, I took a much needed piss and I used the opportunity to take the test as well. Flipping the lid down, I stood and flushed before washing my hands. Setting the test on the counter, I nervously stood and waited for the results. Trying not to bite my nails as I anxiously stared in the mirror, I pictured our lives with another baby. Armando hand in hand with our baby boy as I pushed a stroller down the street; it brought so much joy to my heart. Hearing my phone vibrate, I quickly silenced my timer and took a deep breath before taking a glance at the test: NEGATIVE.

Feeling my body sink, I wiped a stray tear as I threw away the test and box and left the room. Getting back into the bed, I silently swerved Armando’s attempt at cuddling before going back to sleep.

LATER THAT DAY…

Armando

“Baby? The table’s ready.” “Ok…” She mumbled sadly as she got up with Papi in tow and walked inside. Sighing, I rubbed my chin as I held the door and followed them in. Diamonté has been in a mood all day and I can’t put my finger on what it is that I did wrong. I quickly picked up on the shift in attitude this morning and I figured it was due to my busy schedule, so I decided to treat her to a nice family day; shopping at her and Papi’s favorite stores, treating our baby boy to a fresh haircut, and now we’re at her favorite restaurant and the attitude has yet to leave. I’ve never been more confused and it’s honestly hurting my soul to see her so upset.

Pulling her chair out for her, she quietly thanked me before looking at the menu. “Do you know what you want to eat, baby?” She asked Papi as I admired her appearance for today. “You look beautiful today, Cariña.” I smiled reaching for her hand. Thanking me, she shied away from my advances making my smile fade. “Bab-“ “Hi! I’m Terrence and I’ll be your server for the evening. Can I start with your drink orders?” The waiter smiled as I tried to control my anger at his rude interruption. “Yes, can I get a fruit punch for him and a coke for myself?” “Sure thing! And you, sir?” “Water with lemon.” I gritted eyeing her. “No problem, would you like to order any appetizers or do you need some time?” “We need more time, Terrence.” I spat plainly as she looked up at me weirdly. “Uh, no problem! I’ll be back to check on you all.” “You do that.” Quickly leaving, I looked over to see her folding her arms as Papi played games on her phone. “What was that, Armando? You didn’t have to be rude to him.” “The same way you’ve been rude to me all day and barely saying two words without explanation?” Scoffing, she rolled her eyes and went back to reading her menu as I clenched my jaw and tried to remain calm. Thank you God for prison anger management.

Watching the waiter warily return to the table, I apologized to him for my behavior earlier before ordering an appetizer for the table. Silently mulling over the options on the menu as we waited on the appetizer, I took this as an opportunity to pick Diamonté’s brain. “Bebita, have I done something wrong? You’ve been distant all day towards me.” “No, Armando, it’s fine.” “Clearly it’s not fine. What’s wrong, baby?” I asked gently taking hold of her hand. “I’m fine.” She replied staring up at me softly but I could tell she was anything but.

Arriving back at the house, I got my sleeping AJ from his car seat and carried him inside before placing him in bed and removing his shoes and outside clothes. Putting on his pajamas, night light and placing his blanket on him, I removed my jacket and headed to the bedroom. Walking toward the light emitting from the bathroom, I watched her with worry as she removed her makeup for the day. “Do you wanna talk now, baby?” I asked leaning against the doorway. Looking at me in the mirror’s reflection, she started tearing up before walking over and crying in my arms. “Bebita, what’s wrong??? You’re breaking my heart right now.” I cooed wiping her tears and staring into her eyes. Sighing, she walked over to the trash bin and retrieved something before coming back over to me. Revealing the box for an at-home pregnancy test, I froze as she pulled out the test and showed me. Seeing the negative test, I shook my head before pulling her into a deep hug as she cried. “I was really excited, Armando.” She sobbed as I held her close. “Hey hey, don’t worry baby. We have plenty of time to make another baby. I’m not going anywhere, mi amor.” I soothed in her ear as she sniffled and nodded. Calming her down, I pulled her into a deep, loving kiss before lifting her onto the bathroom counter and starting a nice hot bubble bath to relax her while we talked about our future.

[doubledgesword-2]

Breeding Kink

I’m taking this as a kink instead so I hope that’s alright for the request! I apologize if it isn’t! I treated them like drabbles and if I’m honest I’m a bit disappointed in my work ;-; this rose tea is not my best.

Illumi

You opened your door to your pitch-black apartment with the same sluggishness and tiredness you had walking all the way from your work to here. Today had been one of those days, and those were fine once in a while...but the entire week? No, that was not normal. You had been on edge and stressed to the point of burning out. So the plans for this evening consisted of showering, eating something quick, and just dying on your bed. That was until you noticed the figure sitting on your sofa.

Illumi's back was to you; he was so still and quiet, you might as well think he fell asleep while sitting.

"You're late," his voice cut through the silence.

"I didn't know I was expected," you replied, and it was the truth; Illumi had left for a week on a job and didn't even called you. You weren't feeling particularly forgiving this evening, and the edge of your tone contrasted the calm and monotony in his

"It's been a long day, Illumi, is there anything I can do for you?"

Your relationship wasn't the best when it came to normal; there was a lot of miscommunication or lack of it. But Illumi did his best, he was interested in you, and that didn't happen often.

"As my love interest, you should always expect me is a quality that every wife should have. It's their job to wait for their husbands no matter how long they take" Illumi turned slightly to look into your eyes as he talked.

You perked up at the word wife; he had never made allusions to marriage, at least not directly like this. You knew his goals when it came to relationships. Still, you always expected him to leave you in the end for someone more suitable, almost royalty. After all, his parents were very demanding, and you knew you didn't fit the role of the perfect wife, starting with the fact that you worked a regular job and haven't found your nen if you even had one.

"But we're not married, Illumi. Besides, I don't think your parents would approve of someone as vain as me. I'm not strong, and I don't meet the qualifications. So..." you shrugged in the end, dropping your keys on the counter and your bag nearby.

Your hand went to flip the switch; all this talk in the darkness was unnerving you, especially when you took into consideration Illumi was an assassin. Right when you flipped the switch, Illumi's hand was on your wrist, turning off the lights once more. You could feel his toned chest as he pulled you close to him. For a second, you struggled in a fight or flight response, and Illumi's face went to the crook of your neck. His breath on your neck sent chills down your spine as he planted a feather-like kiss on your pulse. The action almost threatening, and it made you swallow. The fear and desire burned equally in your veins as he stretched your clothes, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses all the way to your shoulder.

"I think I've given you too much freedom. Do you think you're in control in this relationship?" He whispered to your shoulder, his other hand holding you tightly to him. "Do you think you can talk back to me just because you're tired? If you're going to be my wife, you need to learn how to behave properly."

Illumi slammed you down on the island counter, both of your hands twisted on your back held with one hand. You gasped and yelped as he did so. Whether it was from desire or fear, you didn't know. He bent over you, leaning close to the side of your head, nibbling your earlobe and whispering.

"Don't worry, I'll teach you" Illumi's free hand caressed your side, going down and squeezing everything he could. "The first lesson is to obey my every command. Can you do that?"

You nodded frantically, and he tilted his head innocently as if he wasn't holding you down or grinding into your hips slowly.

"Good girl" Illumi turned your body so you'd be laying on your back facing him. His hands went to your shirt, ripping it open, sending the buttons flying all around.

"Second, we have to continue the Zoldyck Legacy..." Illumi caressed a trail down your stomach and undid his pants, his eyes never leaving yours.

"I'll ensure you're filled to the brim, just to be sure it takes. We still have all night to try."

Hisoka

Hisoka had managed to find you where you were staying. You were on a short business trip. After he had disappeared to go on another gig, you didn't think it would matter if you actually did the same for the same reason. But Hisoka didn't like that. Like the petulant child he is, he was expecting to arrive home and be received and welcomed with a nice meal and some more relaxing activities afterward. But all he got was a nicely written note on the counter explaining your absence.

P.S feed your cat dummy :)

"Hmm," the cat meow made him look down to the fluff currently sitting at his feet, "She left you too, huh? Well, at least you welcomed me." He said in a bitterly playful tone.

After feeding the adorable and fearsome beast that guarded your apartment, he went on to look for you. He wanted your attention, and he wanted it now.

You had been staying at a company-paid hotel near the station. It was a relatively short trip, three days max, counting on everything going according to the agenda. After you had finished your last reports, you were set for a nice shower and sleep. Your stomach growling said otherwise, though. So you ordered some room service and went to shower quickly just in case the food came. When you were out in your robes, there was a knock on the door.

"Coming"

You opened the door, still drying your hair, when you looked up at the man serving you. It was Hisoka. Somewhere along the way, after he figured where you were, he had seen the boy coming up with your food, and once that was temporarily disposed of, he went on to serve you.

"Mmm, hello (Y/N)-Chan, how lovely to see you" he rolled the cart inside the room and closed the door by slamming you into it.

"Hisoka, w-what are you doing here?"

"I was lonely and bored. You left me all alone" He licked a trip up your neck all the way to your cheek.

"You leave alone all the time; what's the difference?" You were angry at that statement, 'how dare he?'

Hisoka's eyes widened for a split second, but not in shock, more in amusement.

"Oh," he chuckled, the tone dangerous, "my bad, little pet, I didn't realize this was such a sensitive topic" his tone was whimsical and mocking.

"Here, let's eat, and maybe you'll feel better" without giving you a chance, Hisoka grabbed your arms and flung you into the bed.

After your first release, you felt tired. You had been working nonstop for these two days. Your eyes closed, and his half-lidded ones are the last thing you remember.

"You actually passed out, doll. Was our sexy time too much to handle, or have I been mistreating you all these weeks I wasn't there, hmm~?"

You let out a breath at his playful look. He was rubbing circles on your exposed stomach while straddling you.

"Mmm, I think you're not relaxed enough; we might as well try again. After all, you let all my efforts slip out; I'll have to work hard to fill you up again~" he pouted playfully, looking over your tired form. "Don't worry, you can sleep while I'm at it, little fruit."

Chrollo

You were currently perched on your island counter chair like a vulture looking down at its prey. The entire week had been a mess of deadlines, due dates, and unhelpful people. To say you were stressed was an understatement. You were so stressed you no longer felt stressed.

That's how Chrollo found you when he entered your house. He could've used the front door, but he wanted to surprise you, and now he was worried about your confused face staring down the laptop screen.

You were so concentrated that when his hand laid on your shoulder, you jumped with a yelp.

"Argh, don't scare me like that," you chuckled, giving him a quick peck on the cheek but immediately turned to the computer screen once more.

Chrollo pouted slightly. He had been gone for an entirety of two weeks because of a small job; the least he expected was to be received with kisses, praise, and hugs like it was a kings parade.

He understood the stress, but he wasn't having it.

"Have you eaten anything?" He casually asked.

"Not really, but I can make you something if you want?" Chrollo gave a small smiled at the fact that you'd roll were willing to attend to him. You just needed to relax.

"Don't worry, love, I'll go shower" you nodded, and he turned, making his way down the hall and disappearing. You heard the water turn on muffled because of the closed door.

While you were concentrated on your work Chrollo slipped out of the bathroom, he grabbed you by the waist, spinning you and slamming you against the wall. His lips were possessive and angry as he kissed you. Sandwiched between his toned chest and the wall, you tried to push him back but eventually gave in to the way his fingers caressed your sides, his tongue forced yours into submission, and how he grinds his hips suggestively.

"Chrollo," you gasped when he finally let go of your swollen lips to suck on the skin of your neck. "I have to w-work."

At the mention of it, he bit down hard on your shoulder, making you Yelp.

"No more work" he licked the bite, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses. "I just returned, expecting my little darling to receive me with kisses and at least one hug. But instead," his free hand grabbed your hips tightly enough to bruise, "you've overworked to the bone" your hands held his head close to your chest, ruffling his hair in the process and making him look even hotter.

"I-I"

"It's alright, I know how you can make it better" kiss on your shoulder.

"for both of us" kiss on your jaw.

"I'm going to shower, and you're coming with me; after getting on your knees for me, you can let me fill you up nicely."

"But-t" a moan slipped your lips as his knee went between your legs.

"And if you keep protesting, I'll just keep stuffing you until you can't think straight. See if you can work after that"

I hope this was good! I’m sorry if I butchered this 😭

[babiesdreams]

Can you do something with yuta and virgin inexperienced reader who is a couple years younger than him? With lots of details please 😏Thank you 😘

My first and last +18 Nakamoto Yuta

Warnings: It’s looong, but it’s gold. Virgin reader, oral (r and g)

The hotel room felt so cold suddenly. It wasn’t what you expected at all. You were determined to finally lose your virginity, and this tinder guy seemed nice and all. But why wasn’t he talking? Why was he so silent? His eyes were studying your body like it was the most interesting piece of art in a museum.

There’s a slight shine inside his eyes that makes your brain wander around, thinking on the situation maybe more than needed. But his gaze is just so... It’s like he saw you after a long time waiting. Like he just reencountered with the love of his life.

You light up a cigarette, trying to light up the mood a little bit. Your fingers travel all the way to your lips, placing the lighten cigarette on your red lips. You feel the smoke entering your lungs through your throat. Slowly filling you in with a relaxing sensation, calming your thoughts a little. Your feet walk towards the bedroom’s window. 

You let the air out through your nose and mouth, slowly intoxicating the fresh air in front of your face. Your back is all Yuta can see now, making him anxious as to what your expression was at the moment. “I never imagined you would be so shy in person” You say before taking the cigarette back to your lips. Footsteps can be heard coming your way.

The feel of Yuta’s fingers around your cigarette makes you turn around, watching how his long fingers throw the cigarette out the window. “You’re too young to smoke” He whispers, before sitting down on the bed, again contemplating your body, studying every inch of it. 

“Stop doing that” You say looking down, unable to keep the eye contact. He chuckles at your reaction. “You know” He starts saying with a serious tone, letting his body fall onto the soft mattress. “I’m not shy. I just... I can’t believe how beautiful you look in person” 

You chuckle ironically. “Do you say that to every girl?” He sits back up. “There will be no other girl” His serious and low tone gets you even more nervous than before. “W-what do you mean?” You ask him, as serious as you possibly can, though keeping your thoughts in place becomes such a difficult task suddenly. 

“I mean” His figure stands up, in front of you, not allowing your eyes to look away from his facial features, that reflect the light through the tiny drops of sweat visible in his forehead as he walks towards you. His fingertips caress your cheek softly, driving you to places you’ve never been before. “After today, I’m not letting you go” He whispers placing a kiss on your forehead.

His words make you feel uneasy, not really knowing if it’s cute or words a psycho would say. But you somehow feel like he’s right. Like his words hold such a true and deep feeling. His fingertips brush your body, following the lines of your curves.

You panic for a second, at the sudden move that takes you out of guard. Your hands push him away fastly, making his soft expression turn into a confused one. He looks down for a second, questioning his actions and trying to calm down to make the situation less awkward. 

“It’s fine if you’re not ready” He says slowly, trying to comfort you. His body lays down in the bed again, his weight makes the bedsheets shake, as his figure gets marked onto the soft fabric. His hair bounces as he falls against the mattress. The view is pretty enough to be called a masterpiece.

“I’m ready” You say angrily, while your hands start pulling your clothes off. The boy sighs, turning around so that his body is supported on his forearms. His head turns to look in your direction, analyzing your rushed movements. “Do you know the 20 minutes rule?” He asks, lettng himself fall back down.

You shake your head, and even if he’s unable to see you, he understands your answer. “You need to wait twenty minutes from the moment you get an idea ‘till the moment you do it, to make sure you’re completely fine with it. So... give yourself twenty minutes from now” His voice sounds so calmed and relaxed, that those feelings get to you as well, letting your anxious self disappear.

“I have already thought about this, all these days, all my life. I’m just so tired of being the only virgin friend. I’m not a baby you know? I know how to make decisions” You scream angrily before getting on top of his lying body, placing your knees on both sides of his waist. 

His hands grab your arms, while his body turns, placing its weight against your body and switching positions with you. “Are you sure?” He asks teasingly and you nod, still convinced about it, but when his tongue licks your neck, your cheeks blush like crazy, leaving you with a weird sensation inside. 

He gets off of you chuckling. “Let’s do something else” He says calmly. You follow his steps with your eyes, wondering just what he was thinking about. He gets some poker cards out of his jeans’ pocket. 

“So I’ll take a card and you take another one, we both put it on the bed at the same time and the highest wins. The winner asks the loser whether they prefer truth or dare” He explains mixing the cards and spreading him on the bed. You look at him with a judging look. “So it’s just truth or dare” You say teasingly. 

He rolls his eyes back into his head and stays with that expression for a while, hinting you on how done he was. “Okay, okay, let’s play” You say, making his expression come back to normal. You pick up a card and he repeats right after, sitting down next to your lying body.

You both show your cards, revealing how Yuta’s card was higher than yours. “Truth or dare?” He quickly asks. You hum for a while, thinking hard about what you should answer. “Dare” You say unsure and he giggles. His hands grab your top, that was lying on the groud. 

“Put this on” He says without looking. Your expression gets angrier at his words. “You’re supposed to undress me” You protest but he doesn’t listen to your words “We had an agreement. Only five minutes have passed, so put on your clothes, you’re gonna get cold” His voice sounds so good that you cannot protest his explanation.

You get your clothes back on and pick another card you both flip them up and again, they reveal Yuta’s win. “Truth or dare?” He asks again. “Truth” You say furrowing your brows.

“Why are you so obsessed with losing your virginity?” His question makes yourhead hurts “Dare” You try to change it, but the boy seems to be prepared for your attack. “I dare you to tell me why you are so obs-” 

“Okay, fine I’ll tell you” You stop him from repeating every word. “Look, people just put a lot of pressure with this stuff okay? If you are my age, and you are still a virgin, everyone makes fun of you” You explain slowly.

“So it’s because of social pressure?” He asks. “No, I also want to lose it” You reply angrily. “Do you?” His eyes get fixed in yours, reading you like an open book as your mouth opens up again, to keep speaking.

“Yes, Okay? Stop treating me like a child. You’re just five years older than me” You say slightly pissed off at his parental like words. “I just wanna make sure you want it. That’s not something you say to a child, is quite mature actually” He replies, also angrily before he picks up another card.

You repeat the whole card thing, and this time your card is higher than this. “Truth or dare?” You ask him. “Dare” He spits out fastly. A smirk appears in your face.

“Kiss me” You say like it’s something so hard to do. He rolls his eyes again, for a second and gets closer to your lips. His soft and plump lips caress yours softly. His hand holds your cheek while his tongue enters inside your mouth, playing along with yours.

The kiss stops your mind from thinking, leaving it empty. A couple of minutes pass, and your lips are still connected, moving in different ways, letting the other in. There’s this slow motion that drives you crazy somehow. 

His lips slowly get away from yours. His lids open following the same slow pace, just like yours. His hand is still on your cheek, though his other hand ppicks up another card. You pick up one as well. Not looking away from his eyes for a single second. 

His eyes though look at the cards, seeing how you won. “I won” He lies. “Truth or dare?” You smile lightly. “Dare” He copies your expression, smiling widely at the thought. “Continue the kiss” He says without moving an inch. This time you’re the one who gets closer to him.

Your arms get around his neck, helping you get closer to him. This time the kiss starts off more heated, involving his hands into some actions around your body, like slight caresses your hair, playing with it a little, and then going down your neck, marking its path with his fingertips.

You feel goosebumps all along, which mix with a weird sensation growing on your stomach. His fingertips get to your belly, getting your shirt up slightly and caressing the bare sking underneath it. His body falls over yours, trapping you in between his figure and the mattress. 

His hand moves get faster as you notice his bulge growing inside his pants. A loud sound stops both of you, making you turn towards his phone, ringing. He sets the alarm off and returns to the bed, standing right at the bottom of it. “Twenty minutes passed. What do you think?” He ask and you simply raise your arms, hugging the air while saying “Come here”

He obeys, getting closer on top of your body again. His lips press against your neck, sucking on it softly. You can feel how hickeys are being formed over your sensitive skin. His hands start rubbing your clothed clit, making you feel the friction as if the fabric wasn’t there.

You try to control you whimpers and moans as much as you can, but it’s impossible due to the given situation. Yuta smirks at your sounds though. Focusing on his movements around your clit. He gets your pants and your panties off slowly, making you blush at the sudden exposure.

You cover your face with your hands, wanting to hide your embarassment away. But his hands get yours out of the way. “I wanna see how those cheeks get redder” He says teasingly, You give him a deadly glare but you cannot hold it for long as his fingers enter into you, making you moan loudly. 

“God you’re so wet baby. Did my kiss do this to you?” his teasy tone makes you mad as hell, but you’re not able to since he curls his fingertips, brushing parts of your walls that you didn’t know felt so good. “Or is it just because it’s your first time?” He chuckles at your angry expression. “You look cute like that” he says with a smile.

The action itself is cute but what follows, is not even near the term. His tongue licks out your dripping folds all the way up to your clit, where he stays for a while, sucking on it, moving his tongue around it and even slightly biting, without making it painful.

You are a moaning mess just by that. You always pictured in your mind how receiving oral sex  would feel like, but you never pictured it like that. It feels somehow soft, but at the same time better than just a simple touch. 

His tongue gets off of your skin, making you miss the feeling of it. And when his fingers get out of you, you just feel empty, as if something you needed was taken away from you.

Yuta gets his pants and boxers off, before getting closer to your face again. “You’re delicious, You knew that?” You giggle at his words in disbelief. And his comment distracts your attention from his hand, as they roll a condom along his length.

His tips hits your entrance, stopping your giggling inmediately. “Now, breathe slowly, this might hurt” He says softly and you do as instructed. His length slowly gets into you, stretching your walls painfully slow.

You can feel every inch of his dick through the sloopy texture of the condom. You let out some whimpers due to the pain. “ I’m gonna take it slow okay?” He says and you nod. His length never stops moving, though it moves sooo slowly that it almost doesn’t hurt. 

You can see how he’s suffering from it tho. His expression hints pain and his dick twitches inside of you, as he’s really is needy at this point. “It’s fine, Yuta, go faster” You manage to say, fooling the guy.

At first it just hurts so much that you can’t even feel anything else, but then pleasure starts getting over pain. Loud moans start leaving your lips soonly after. “God I missed this” He whispers under his breath. You would have asked if you weren’t completely driven away by the different sensations.

You feel an overwhelming sensation brushing ove your whole body and just listen to his voice as he says “Let it go”, and like that you obey, cumming right away. Your whole body shakes behind his.

He gets his length out of you, not wanting to overwork you in any way. After you calm down you let your hands grab his dick, moving among it slowly and firmly. He makes little sounds under his breath and when your lips get into action, they turn into growls.

It doesn’t get long before he cums inside your mouth, leaving a weird and unknown taste on your mouth. “I fucking loved that” He says getting you up to kiss you deeply. 

“I’m not gonna let you go” He says in between soft kisses. 

-------------------------------------------------

If you didn’t fall for Yuta after this... Girlll

Masterlist –requests open– How to request?  Check out your score.

[fayeimara]

Sakusa Kiyoomi || Quiet Corners of Our World

SUMMARY. A busy Sunday becomes something else entirely when your typically routine-loving boyfriend has some unexpected surprises in store.

PAIRING. You x Sakusa Kiyoomi

GENRE. Fluff <3

WARNINGS. Suggestive

Reader Request Part Two | This is a continuation of the story in Small Moments.

It's a small kiss behind your ear that wakes you up, along with a whispered, "Good morning, love." You turn towards the deep baritone, seeking its owner even though you've barely roused. Sliding one hand forward to squeeze in between the cool pillow and cooler sheets, enhanced by the press of Sakusa's head still lying atop it, your other hand finds his cheek even before you've opened your eyes. When you do briefly flicker them open, it's to meet his amused gaze for just a moment before the bright rays streaming in from your windows compel your lids to flutter shut again. There's an enticing aroma in the air and it's not just your boyfriend's aftershave.

Tilting your head up in a silent plea for his soft lips to meet yours, you hear a low chuckle instead before you feel something light brush the tip of your nose back and forth. A butterfly kiss. A smile tugs at the corners of your mouth but quickly turns into a pout when he his teasing tone breaks the silence again.

"I'd like a proper kiss, love, wouldn't you?"

You nod with an assenting hum and it seems he'd anticipated your non-verbal answer because he's already continuing. "Then you'll come brush your teeth, won't you? I have a surprise for my little butterfly."

The words are still soft with temptation and your eyes peek open again, this one longer than your first attempt. This time, when you meet Kiyo's deep gaze, it anchors you to him as you fight off the last hazy remnants of your sleep. If only you didn't feel like you could lay there falling into the dark, mesmerizing pools of his eyes instead.

You're tempted to close your eyes again just to regain your equilibrium but it would be quite futile. That, and you're realizing it's Sunday, which means both you and Sakusa have your respective engagements for the day. Your mind wanders back to the previous day, an improvised but perfect lazy date indoors, which already seems so far from reach.

What if the two of you canceled your plans to pursue a whole, lazy weekend? Would the world stop turning? You smirk, tempted to be a little bad and see if you can convince Kiyo to join your sudden scheme.

"What's that little smile about, sweetheart?" You startle, realizing your thoughts have wandered while he continued to study you, holding your unfocused gaze. He has his own little smirk on his face, as though he's actually able to peer right through your eyes and view your most intimate daydreams.

A blush works its way onto your cheeks, you can feel the warmth even if you can't see it but you're definitely aware of his eyes tracking every miniscule change with that beguiling smile still curving his lips. You pretend to stretch out in order to hide your clearly telling expression, hoping to compose yourself again quickly. With your arms hovering over your face you miss his movement, only feeling the slightest shift before his fingers caress the now exposed skin at your stomach and waist.

"Kiyo!" You're jackknifing so fast in order to jump out of the bed as you reach for his wrist to pull his arm away but he's not done with flustering you when you're in your sleepy state because his other arm catches you mid lunge and you're drawn back against his hard body before you can even register that you're trapped.

Kiyoomi's long legs stretch out alongside yours, shepherding them with light pressure so that he can form a cage around you, finally complete when the hand with the wandering fingers enters your line of sight before dropping to your shoulder. Arms criss-crossed around you, one across your waist and the other crossing that space just below your collarbone, he finally leans in with a brush of his lips to the shell of your ear and whispers, "Didn't you want to stay in bed longer? Isn't that what you were just thinking... How you might convince me to stay?"

Even as your stomach flips at his seductive tenor, your face burns as you're caught at your own game before you could even begin to truly consider it. What a dangerously perceptive man you've chosen to call your own. And how like him to torment you when you're caught unaware. He had better be prepared for some payback. Much later.

"Ah..no."

"No?"

"No." You shrug as much as you can in his hold, thankful you're at least facing away as you boldly lie, "I was... thinking about you brushing my teeth."

You might have actually thrown him for a loop as he pauses and then, his flirtatious game forgotten, warily repeats, "Me brushing your teeth?"

Oh no. You can't laugh. But it's difficult as you can quite literally imagine the exact look of distaste on his face at this very moment. He might end up thinking it's an amusing or even cute concept some day but this reaction is pretty typical when he processes new actions that go against his natural instincts. Exactly why you chose this very visual.

"Mhm. You withheld my rightful kisses because you wanted me to brush my teeth first, didn't you?" Okay, so maybe there's a little payback for him sooner than you'd planned. Three birds, one stone. What a feat.

"So... you think I want to brush them for you...?" He trails off, completely unsure where you're going with this.

You shake your head, tone quite glib when you elaborate on your lie, "Not quite. I just imagined you might force me, like a bad puppy or something you apparently think you can order around. That why I was smiling. The imagery and all."

"You were smirking." He corrects with authoritative tone completely ignoring your subtle admonishment. Is that humour seeping back in, as well? "But if you want me to treat you like a pet..."

You jerk forward again, trying to slip his hold as he manipulates the conversation to regain the upper hand. This isn't where the conversation was supposed to flow.

"Not a pet, Kiyoomi."

"Really? If you like that stuff, I guess I can give it a tr-"

"It was a joke!"

"You sure, pet?" His amusement is back full force and you have to roll your eyes at your now failed attempt to regain your composure because, well, maybe you walked into that one by being impulsive.

"It was actually a lie, wasn't it?"

You stay silent, debating if it's better to just refuse to talk until you're completely awake with a cup or two of coffee to fortify yourself from your boyfriend's unexpectedly bold banter today. It seems like Sakusa is in a playful mood but you have no idea why, given that you each will be going separate ways for your respective commitments in less than two hours.

You find yourself suddenly lifted up in his arms, as he effortlessly carries you off the bed before swinging you up like a ragdoll, in a maneuver that ends with his arms cradling you bridal style as he walks you both to the adjoining bathroom. Now you're actually speechless, without deliberate intention, as you find yourself staring up at the elegant lines of his face, hands having wildly grabbed his shirt at the chest and behind his neck when he moved.

His dark eyes are filled with mirth as they connect with yours, "Your silence is incriminating, love. I may just have to follow through with your request in retaliation for ever uttering such a suggestion."

"I didn't ask-" You start of indignant but end up cutting yourself off as a thought occurs to you, "Wait. Do you actually like the idea?"

His eyes narrow down at you, face falling into his classic inconvenienced expression as if you've somehow disrupted his rhythm. Isn't it the other way around? Hey, you should be the one giving him that look!

"Of course not." His voice is clipped and slightly unconvincing.

When he finally sets you down on your feet, you lean on the counter to watch him as he reaches for your toothbrush, neatly squeezing out the perfect amount of paste on its bristles before letting it swing quickly under a soft, brief stream from the tap.

It's when he turns back to you, holding it up holding the instrument up to your mouth and going, "Say ahhh." as if trying to feed a toddler, that you realize he's actually going to try to brush your teeth. You suppose neither of you have been good at backing down from the others' challenge and it's placed you in odder scenarios than this. A giggle spills from your lips at how silly this one is and it's his small answering smile, with a mix of self-deprecation and good humour, that prompts you to obediently follow his instructions.

It's... intimate, to say the least. He's very methodical, probably too gentle, as he makes sure to count out the strokes at each and every side. You find yourself with rare minutes of being able to study him completely unfettered, starting with the tiny dent between his brows from the intense concentration to his task at hand. The way his head tilts and mouth purses between instructions to you is quite endearing.

But as his eyes wander up to yours, the bristles begin to tickle your gums, as if he's applying exactly the wrong amount of pressure, enough to make it unbearable so you're pulling your toothbrush from his fingers to finish the job with ingrained, thorough efficiency.

You notice he doesn't move for his own brush, watching you instead with a silly smile that no one else would believe Sakusa Kiyoomi could produce. When you finish, mouth clean and minty fresh, he leans down to present another butterfly kiss but this time you finally feel the soft melt of his lips onto yours before he pulls away again. Hm.. he's already brushed his teeth before you woke?

You can't help but tease, "So that's it, huh? I suppose my kisses were denied on account of morning breath."

"Not quite." He mimics your own words from just earlier and it has you arching an eyebrow in challenge.

"Mhm.. convenient timing to receive my first kiss of the day, then."

"Love, I would kiss you any time of day or night. There's nothing about you that could push me away."

The absolute certainty with which he says that makes it feel like your heart could beat its way out of your chest just to go claim its space in the undeniable warmth of his.

But.. "Then why use it as a bribe?"

Instead of answering, Kiyo curls his fingers around yours to draw you back into the bedroom as he throws over his shoulder, "It's probably cool by now, so it might be a little late but..."

And with a little gesture, he reveals the source of the heady aroma that you couldn't place earlier, the savoury scents of grilled fish, rice, and miso soup permeating your room, scents which now feel quite familiar and easily placed once you see the prepared breakfast tray perched on his side table.

"Oh Kiyo.. breakfast in bed?"

"We missed it yesterday and I was up early so I wanted to surprise you." He sounds a little disheartened but you've never been one to shirk food even if it's not piping hot.

It couldn't have been sitting too long either, it hasn't been more than ten minutes since he tried to wake you, maybe fifteen. You move back to the bed, careful to fold the soft down duvet to the lower half of the bed. It's a pretty big step for him to bring such spillable and worse, stainable, meals into your room, let alone on the bed.

You look him over carefully but truly can't find a single tell that it's bothering him, so you accept your tray gracefully, seating it on the bed between you both as you notice two pairs of chopsticks. A shared breakfast in bed. While he's long since gotten over his aversion of sharing food, at least with you, it's definitely a monumental milestone and an incredibly romantic gesture in his special way.

It's over this new shared moment that you're tucking away in your memories, that Sakusa give you his biggest surprise yet.

"I've canceled our plans for today." "You ca- our- what?" You're at a loss for words, wondering what's prompted these sudden impulses in your typically steadfast boyfriend.

"I've canceled out plans for today and made us new ones."

You're speechless again, in the calm face of Sakusa Kiyoomi, who has managed to spend the little time you've been awake completely blindsiding you with new experiences and developments. Why is he pushing himself so?

"Baby-"

"Love. Don't question it. Just follow my lead, yes?" His question is so openly trusting, as if the only answer you can give is an affirmative yes, that it takes your breath away. This man..

"...yes."

The first place Sakusa takes you on what you've now realized is a second attempt at your much anticipated but canceled date from yesterday is far more extravagant than the simple park picnic you'd planned. The two of you spent about an hour's car ride before finally arriving at your destination - the breathtaking botanical gardens you're now strolling through.

It's everything you imagined and more, having never had the chance to visit previously, and it's the perfect time to see almost all the flowers at their very peak, in full, resplendent bloom. The air is heavy with the natural fragrance of the vast gardens, the scents tantalizing without becoming overwhelming, possibly due to the natural paths that divert from extremely aromatic sections at just the right pace and lead into refreshing contrast of scents as you weave through each of the different environmental hotspots.

Even Kiyo has his mask tucked down under his chin, the clean air and lack of crowds enabling an easy freedom from his usual concerns. You trail through most of the flower gardens in the southeast portion up to the northeast corner of the sprawling land before spying a maze of many tangled trees, all twisting and twining together in various formations.

As you approach, letting��go of your boyfriend's hand to pull slightly ahead, you realize it's actually been cultured to grow as a real, living maze. There are arched entrances made from the same twisting bark, strands about the size of your wrist or smaller twining to cover more surface area in specific spots. You duck through one of the entrances to explore, marvelling at being able to hear Kiyoomi so clearly as he calls to you in exasperation to wait for him.

You don't intend to, of course, because you're delighted to discover this little marvel and that excitement only heightens your urge to tease and play with him a little. You're certain he's picked up his pace, hot on your trail as you duck through many different types of 'doorways' and 'windows', sacrificing your sense of direction to barely keep ahead.

He remains mostly quiet, calling your name softly every now and then, but you're undeniably attuned to his fall of his steps and continue to choose the direction that will take you most opposite him so as to avoid sudden junctions where the gnarled maze might allow him to cross your path in his pursuit.

As the sounds of nature start to dull around you, as if soaking into the depths of the maze, you realize that you too have already traversed further than you intended. It becomes more difficult to identify Kiyo's steps around you, lush grass growing steadily the farther in you seem to progress, even the curled branches seem to soften but you soon catch on to the reason why.

Soft buds are now visible and as you go deeper still, you encounter their full blooms, sprouting in a light pink blush. The path is more linear now, with almost no more forks or diversions to choose from, and before you realize it, you've arrived at the center of the maze. Directly in front, at its very heart, stands an elegant marble gazebo adorned with the same pink flowers yet with a complimentary mix of pale white and even dark red flowers threaded through, their striking petals peeking out as if from behind a latticed shield.

You've stopped entirely, taking a deep breath in as your eyes land first on the layered fountain, also gleaming marble, beyond the gazebo and then quickly shift to what's in between the two structures. Two wrought iron benches sit facing each other so that one only has to turn their head to each side to admire a different view and on one of the benches is what seems to be an abandoned picnic basket. Between the two benches sits a pastel picnic blanket, spread out with more than enough room for two.

You feel Sakusa's quiet presence behind you a second before his arm loops your waist and his smug whisper reaches your ear, "Caught you, little butterfly."

Your mouth drops open as you realized how deftly and thoroughly you were enticed into and maneuvered through this seemingly random maze. He really does know you too well, this beautiful man.

"You planned this?"

"You wanted a picnic, didn't you, love?" You don't have to see that small, satisfied smile of his to hear it in his tone. He's practically glowing with the success of achieving his goal.

You suppose, since you had to cancel the reservation at that special restaurant yesterday, he might have felt compelled to make it up in some way. At this point, however, everything starts to overwhelm you and the light sting at your eyes warns you that one of your rare, emotional moments might just intrude on this small moment.

It's Sakusa, grasping your chin to turn and tilt your face up to his, who answers your unspoken question, the one you need answered.

"Not a single moment for this day was planned from guilt. I just.. wanted to make you as happy as you make me."

"But Kiyo.. are you happy?"

He pauses as if to contemplate his current state but when he answers, he's clear and unhesitant, "I'm so incredibly happy, love. I get you all to myself in our own little corner of the world."

There's something about his words that sparks a memory of a thought you had yesterday, when you made what could have been considered sacrifices for him but was really an incredible, restful day you thoroughly enjoyed yourself from the very moment you'd committed to it. Fair enough then, you trust Sakusa to be unfailingly honest with you and can do nothing more than accept his genuine words. It would be a waste of his careful, meticulous plans to let any doubt ruin the day.

He leads you forward through the beautiful gazebo, moving slowly so you can admire the dedication that has gone into cultivating such a striking space, before helping you down onto the blanket. Once he retrieves the basket sitting idly by on the bench, because it was not in fact an abandoned item but a planned one, he rejoins you on the blanket so that you can examine the contents as you help him lay out the spread.

Incredible, he's somehow got your favourite food and drinks together, from substantial meals for you both, to delicious dessert, and even the drinks have remained chilled in the heat of a midsummer afternoon peak.

Hm.. "How exactly did this get here? You were with me the entire hour it took us to make our way up here and I would definitely have noticed you carrying this."

"I had some help."

"Not going to elaborate?" You give him your most pleading look, you actually think you have an idea but your curiosity is more focused on confirming your guess between several most likely possibilities.

But he just smiles and it's almost maddening when he replies, "No. I'd rather talk about what portions of the gardens you still want to visit. I definitely don't want to rush you but I was hoping to leave before it gets completely dark out."

"That's about three hours, right? "

"Yes, love."

You consider what you know of the gardens for a moment and then with certainty, you answer, "There are only two spots I'd like to see before dark. The butterfly garden and the pools, the ones they say make you feel like you're on some other, magical world."

"That's perfect," Sakusa reviews his mental map of the gardens, "They're both on our way through the loop that'll take us completely through the rest of the gardens. It shouldn't take us more than maybe an hour and a half to finish our tour here once we're done lunch."

You hesitate, something on your mind from his earlier statement about leaving before it's too dark, but decide to say, "There's also a whole section fitted with beautiful lights that turn with the sunset, it's been described to be mystical, like finding fairies playing in the gardens..."

"We'll be able to enjoy that on the way out, love, I've already checked."

"Oh." You pause for a moment in both surprise and appreciation, "You're just so well prepared today, aren't you?"

He arches an eyebrow with indignation, "When am I not?"

"Hm," you let out a chuckle at his expression before clarifying, "I mean, with the finer details of the date, Kiyo. You usually leave that to me?"

"Are you disappointed so far?"

"I'm as far from disappointed as I can be, baby." Without knowing, you answer Sakusa with a smile he's seen countless times today.

It's a stunning one but that's not what's so special about it - it's the very smile he loves to see adorn your face, this expression of complete joy and abandonment. A testament to your free spirit thriving even anchored to his grounded beast, the two of having met in the middle to ruin each other in the best way possible.

The remainder of the afternoon flutters by as you and Kiyo finish your meal before following the plan of action you discussed. The butterfly conservatory and oasis of pools are as breathtaking as expected, creating a multitude of small, precious moments for your memories. The fairy lights quite literally seem to be out of this world, almost as if you've been transported into a beautiful fantasy that's really just another perfect little corner of your shared world.

When you finish up at the gardens with the sun having set, you find out that Sakusa has yet another surprise in store for the day as you both first head home to change into semi-formal outfits. He looks decadent in his black silk button up and you finally get to wear the stunning cocktail dress he gifted to you on your last birthday.

You're moved to tears for the second time that day when you realize where he's taking you for dinner, the very restaurant you had to cancel the reservation for the day before. The same restaurant you both shared your very first date together, back when it was still a little known but elegant spot, long before becoming as popular as it today.

It's there, as you sit on the towering balcony, so unnervingly close to the skies and under a carpet of twinkling stars that you feel you could almost reach out and brush, that Sakusa finds his breath becoming shorter and hands shiver with nerves, as one slips into the pocket of his slacks to brush against the small velvet box that he's carried with him since your third month together.

There have been many small, perfect moments today, ones where his hand slipped in and out of his pocket as he debated if it was the right moment. This weekend has been an unexpected whirlwind of worthwhile compromises but the best example of why he knew, that very day he was drawn to step into the jewelry store, that there would never be anyone else he wanted by his side more than you.

It's at this small moment, in this quiet corner of his world with you, that your eyes meet his with your brilliant, perfect smile painting your lips, and Sakusa's hands suddenly still. His breath evens out, certainty calming his thoughts as his answering smile curves at his mouth. There's no doubt that with you, every moment is exactly the right moment.

A/N: Surprise! It's your date with Sakusa (adorably planned by Sakusa) <3 :D This is partially why completing your request took a little longer - I'm honestly so happy to be able to explore writing a request (so excited that I made it two oop-) and as I've mentioned by now, you were my first lol so I really wanted to make sure it was commemorated with something special. Also, how could I give you only just one or the other with the love of your life? He's literally perfect and has a piece of my heart too so once I thought about how to fulfill your request and landed on the first part, the second just kind of bloomed from it. An expected date turning into a lazy day and now a day that begins lazy but is really the most thoughtful of surprise date days planned by the man who treasures your love... I really hope this was along the lines of what you were looking for and that you enjoyed reading <3

Vibe. Oh, and in case you're curious, I had Daydream in Blue by I Monster on repeat for these :)

© 2021 fayeimara. All rights reserved. Please do not repost, modify, or claim as yours.

[littlefreya]

Good Girl

gif credit amancanfly

Synopsis: Henry is at the gym testing the new Glute Drive while his longing wife drops by to visit and decides to play a little wicked game of teasing. 

Pairing: Henry Cavill x OFC

Word count: 4.2K

Warnings: Explicit, this is basically ALL smut. Slight SubMale / DomFem then a lot of DomMale / SubFem, dry humping, cock teasing, dangerous driving, fingering, dirty talk, daddy kink, slight size kink (I am all the kinks today), unprotected sex and bodily fluids!

A/N: Okay so this fic was born out of the UNHOLY union between this thread and the video of Henry going “good boy” at Kal. Many thanks to my darling @agniavateira​ for helping me proofread this!

Title: Good Girl

There he is, my bear of a man. His sculpted, wide body plastered to some medieval-looking torture device. Strong, large arms hang onto the handles, muscles flexing. Slick with sweet sweat, he thrusts his hips up and down while grunting with effort.

Who the hell came up with this air-fucking machine?

I walk through the deserted mirrored room, my black painted nails scratching the glass as I draw closer toward Henry. Gyms tend to be freezing, and I’m not properly dressed for a workout session with my mini plaid skirt and a dark grey t-shirt. But his arduous gasps fill the chilled space enough to make things a little warmer. 

“What are you doing here, little one?” Henry finally asks, pausing his thrusts for a moment as he spots my cattish moves toward him.

I observe silently as I inch closer. he has his waist strapped to a bench, heavy weights of 80kg are on each side of his body while he lifts upward and presses his behind back down. A sheer layer of sweat covers him entirely, his skin glistening in the fluorescent’s light. His favourite blue top is soaked.

“I came home from the studio and my hubby wasn’t there.” I pout, standing right at the edge of the bench where his feet are pressed for support.

He pouts back at me, genuine care on his face. My darling bear might have the endurance of a large predator, but his heart is all strawberry marshmallow when it comes to his lady. He hates to spend time apart. Whenever our schedules collide it’s all about Face-timing and sending nudes. 

Honestly? I care less than he does about this shit ever getting leaked. I even keep some steamy under-the-cover selfies so I’ll have something to work with when either of us is away.

But what I hate the most, is having him here yet he’s absent. The Pre-production shenanigans have him preparing for his next role, which usually means working himself at the gym to the point of collapsing, just so he could look like some demi-god. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind him having a little body fat. That’s why I bake him pizza every weekend. What his gym coach doesn’t know, can’t hurt him.  

“I’ll be done in 10 minutes, darling.” he answers and continues to slowly push down and up again, releasing a pained grunt and clenching his teeth. “Just…  two… more… sets.”

“I don’t want to wait.” I alert him, circling the machine carefully to not get in his way. I appreciate the hard work and stamina, but I am quite tired of having the downside of the deal. Every day for the last 2 weeks I received an exhausted Cavill with aching, strained muscles. The most action I got was massaging his muscles in the bathtub which might sound romantic if not for him snoring 3 minutes in.   

“Ten minutes,” he mentions again. He’s out of breath as he ascends and then lowers once more, the weights pressuring his body down while the bands create a resistance. 

No way in hell someone came up with this device and didn’t think this is a sex thing. I see my bear thrusting his hips upward like this and only one thing goes through my mind. 

Oh, how I need to be on top of this mountain of a man.

I cannot help myself, nor can I hide the malicious grin forming on my mouth. I lift my leg carefully, hovering it in the air above him. I cage him between my straddled legs whilst giving him my best dominatrix glare. Henry raises his eyes to meet mine, looking dumbfounded. 

“What are you doing, darling? You’ll hurt yourself.”

Oh, sweet summer child. 

I sway my hips in a slow dance, with the thrust of his body and his heavy breaths as the music I’m dancing to. The arousal in his eyes is evident within seconds. His lips part away slowly, his beautiful blue eyes begin to cloud, and his adam’s apple slides upward in his throat as he swallows.

“At home.”

“Here.” I ignore his request lowering myself slowly and carefully to squat over his groin. He’s not hard, yet.

Henry releases a deep loud grunt. Usually, I am weightless for him, but right now I’m adding to already 160kg of weights. Well, he is the type of guy who likes to push his limits and I am the type of girl who likes to test boundaries. 

“Don’t,” Henry protests, another grunt escaping his lips. I stretch myself, my ass pressing back, my groin rubbing against the tender muscle that begins hardening between my legs. I can feel the rush of blood, making him throb and grow vast between my legs.

“Don’t do what?” I press my teeth against the lushness of my lower lip viciously, beginning to grind against the hardness in slow circular motions. “Don’t you have two more sets?”

He clenches his teeth, his hands tightening around the handles so harshly his knuckles whiten. With great effort he lifts up, succumbing to my wickedness. His erected cock is concealed underneath his clothes, yet I press and dance onto it, making blissful moans as the friction has me singing that sweet familiar tune.

When he pulls down I dive with him, feeling the exhale of his body and the dancing twitch of muscles. I greatly anticipate the next push upward, my hands reaching to squeeze my breasts together. My panties are now soaked with moisture as I press and rub, bringing myself closer.

When he lifts again, his thrust is a wee bit faster. He’s either getting used to my weight on his groin, or the adrenaline of the beast that I’ve been teasing allows him to push higher. He angles his hips into mine, serving my need, and gives me the friction I demand. His eyes meet mine and pure darkness devours me within them. 

I am in so much fucking trouble, but it’s so worth it. 

“Oh Henry, you’re making me so wet.” 

I moan his name, rubbing myself on his cock at a demanding speed while he lifts up and down. My clit tingles, swollen against his enormous bulge as that familiar wave begins to spread. He’s so hard, so painfully swollen, and so incapable of getting any release while I ride him into a powerful orgasm.

I clutch his thighs, desperate gasps spiralling out my mouth as the pleasure continues to hit my core. My nails dig deep into the hardened flesh but I can’t be bothered.

“Oh god…” I throw my head backwards, trying to adjust my breath while my legs are shaking around his wide waist. There’s still a throbbing hardness against my burning core, the angry drumming of blood pulsating against my opening. 

I’m tempted to take my phone and capture his looks in my camera. But I’m in too much trouble as it is. Henry is drenched in sweat, upset in ways I’ve never seen in my life. He's done with his workout for today,  no doubt about that.

“Are you done?” he asks me with a frown. 

I lick my lips and lift myself up, knees nearly giving up as my legs are still numb from the intensity of pleasure. I let out a provoking giggle, putting my finger between my teeth, knowing he likes that gesture. This is my favourite battle, control. He enjoys superiority with his physical power, but every now and then I sweep the rug beneath his feet. And though he loves it when I am his good girl, sprawling and letting him take what he wants, when I am bad, the beast is willing to split my ass in half.

Guess I won this round. 

Henry unbuckles the harness from his waist as I step back. He takes the towel from the bench and wipes his face. My eyes fixate on the still hard swelling in his nether area. I could offer to take care of it for him, but I am not feeling this generous right now. Better keep his stamina for home, so I can actually get me a proper shag in a nice, clean bed with a nice, clean husband that doesn’t smell like an entire rugby team.

“Go wait in the reception.” he demands, his tone anything but sweet right now. 

“Don’t take too long.” I demand in return as I turn around, flipping back my hair and letting it slide down my ass. I can hear his frustrated groan behind me, just before I leave the room. It makes me lose myself in a burst of chuckles. 

~*~

Henry meets me downstairs, a serious expression on his face. His gaze doesn’t meet mine, letting me know that unlike myself, he is vastly unamused. He takes my wrist in his big hand and leads me outside while smiling to bid bored receptionist goodbye. 

I am forced to follow his large strides. Being a tall man, every step of his is equal to three small ones of mine. Even though it seems like his “problem” subsided, he’s not exactly interested in waiting.

He’d always be tender in his behaviour towards me, a respectful gentleman who knows how to treat women. Sure, he can rearrange a guy’s skull, but he never raised his voice at me. He’d take a walk outside the house and then return to so we can have a talk like adults. 

But this is not a fight. This is but our favourite little war. Ongoing from the day we met.

I notice that we are not going to the car. Instead, he leads me to a narrow, dark space between two buildings. I can smell the damp sidewalk, the scent of earlier rain filling my nose. This spot is anything but romantic or erotic, with street cats screeching at the back and the sounds of trash cans being hit as they bounce on top of the lids.

Finally, he towers above me. His hand lets go of mine and hold it open in front of me with a demanding look in his eyes.

“Take off your panties.” 

I let out a bemused laugh, dry and short as I am uncertain of his odd demand. But he holds out his hand at the stern request, motioning for me to do as I’m told. 

“Here?!” I ask, looking around to see if there is anyone who might be a voyeur on our little engagement. The last thing I need is our agents scolding us again for photos of us being inappropriate in public places. Gretchen swears we make these mess on purpose. We kinda do, because we can’t keep away from one another.

“You want another one of your fancy pairs turned into rubbish?” he threatens.

I comply, breathing out like a brat and leaning down to take off my underwear for him. I place it in his hand and move back against the wall, anticipating his next move. I guess “Cavill and wife caught doing cardio after the gym!” could be a funny headline, better than the one at the hotel at the Academy Awards.

Henry folds the small material in his hand, holding it in his fist as if it’s something he can actually squeeze, before shoving it into his pocket. He grabs something else in exchange. I hear the chink of his car keys, dangling between his fingers as he offers them to me.

“You drive.”

There are no explanations, nor can I make anything of his behaviour. My man is willed with the control of his emotions. To outburst is to be weak, I am keen on that, my own terrible flaw. It only pisses me off more to see him keeping himself so relaxed while I am always the one who sees fire. 

I follow his order, walking after him silently as he leads me to where he parked the car. Having no underwear beneath my short skirt is anything but convenient right now, especially when I have to enter the vehicle and crouch down. 

I try fixing my skirt to cover myself, feeling the leather of the seat beneath my ass and other regions while Henry begins messing with the music player. I can see the small smirk at the corner of his lip, it’s evident that he’s having himself a good time knowing how uncomfortable I am at this very moment.

I roll my eyes at him and try closing my knees together as much as I can while stepping my foot on the gas.

He puts on Queens of the Stone Age and takes the passenger seat back, remembering he needs more legroom than I usually require. His head turns to face me, his lips sucked into his mouth in a cunning gesture.

“Had yourself a good time?” 

His hand reaches toward my knee, grazing at the bone with featherlike movements. It tickles, I am forced to move my knee from him involuntarily, but he keeps it in place, resting his entire large hand on my kneecap.

“I’m driving…” I warn him, keeping my hands on the wheel and my eyes on the road.  

I can tell he is smirking wickedly, his eyes staring at the road ahead of us carefully and then back at me. His fingers make their way up my thigh, snakelike on my bare skin. His palm is large and warm, pressing onto my inner thigh while his thumb draws invisible circles on my skin.

“Henry…” I warn again, feeling cool air blowing against my lips as he forces my legs to part wider for him. “You’ll get us killed!”

“Then focus on the road.” he commands, licking his lips. His fingers meet my wetness in a touch so tender it’s almost a phantasm, yet still there, undoubtedly making me swallow a sigh and squirm slightly in my seat. It’s as if he is testing the water first, a slight brush before plunging in and damn if he doesn’t push into me with his fingers, pressing three of his large digits to massage my heat. 

“Fuck!” 

I am fighting to keep my eyes open, my hands clutching at the steering wheel while my left foot kicks at the floor. 

“Maybe we should stop.” I suggest, nearly pleading. 

“Keep driving, we’re almost home.” he answers, sounding relaxed. The amused grin has vanished from his face, replaced with the severeness of pride and triumph.

He strokes my cunt between his fingers in a tight grip, his fingers running up and down, playing with my wetness, smearing it across his hand before plunging two of his knuckles inside me as we stop at a red light. I am very much aware that other drivers might see us, so does he, but he seems to care very little if anyone spots him pleasing his wife. 

“Aww…” he mocks me, hearing the helpless cry that pushes out of my throat. “You shouldn’t have been such a bad little girl.” he teases some more, his fingers now plunging in and out with excitement. I allow myself to grind at the surface of his palm to achieve more friction at the base of my clit so maybe we can finish this quickly before the light is green.

But he’s the one in charge of my satisfaction now. He holds his hand further, so I will have none of it and keeps the stimulation only at the rim of my cunt, his fingers circling my entrance. 

“Too bad you had to tease me like that.” he murmurs in his low voice, his fingers slowly withdrawing and only his thumb grants my clit with a small tender brush.

 “Now you’ll have to wait, and be a good girl for daddy.”     

I let out another cry, arching toward the wheel and biting on my lips. It's not out of pleasure, but out of torturous frustration as he withdraws completely. I give him a quick, infuriated stare, seeing how he sucks his fingers victoriously, enjoying every single drop of his sweet win.

Feeling slick between my thighs, I press slightly harder on the gas pedal, trying to get us home faster. Henry pumps the volume of the music player higher.

Watch you come from above

I'm so needy for love, I'm desperate,

Greedy in slavery I sneak around from behind I got a one track mind We got a skin on skin thing baby I want to lick you too much I hear you comin ooh aaaah baby 

~*~

The moment we enter the house I lock the door and try to make my move but he has his hand on my throat in less than a second, squeezing not too tight, but tight enough to make a point. His blue eyes scan my face, his soft tongue slithering across the freckle of his lower lip with arousal. 

“Get on your knees, little one. You’re not off the hook yet.” 

I gasp at his fierceness, weak against his charisma and beauty. I stroke his face, still sticky with sweat from earlier, my fingers are gently smoothing against the stubbles on his high cheekbones and at the dimple of his chin. 

“Please, daddy, just fuck me already,” I bargain. 

“I’m wet and ready for you.”

“On your knees.” he repeats himself, his lips twitching to a small grin as he sees my defeat. His hand slightly releases my neck, his fingers pet my chin and jaw and finally entangle in my hair as I fall to my knees slowly, levelling myself at the height of his groin. His hand strokes my head lovingly, pressing my chin against his growing arousal as I look up to him with fake innocence.  

“Are you gonna be good now?” he asks, his fingers twirling around my long hair lovingly. 

“Yes, daddy.” I nod, waiting to have his cock in me, in any part of me. I want to touch myself so badly, my pussy throbs with desperate eagerness to be stuffed by his huge cock. . 

“I want to see you crawl on fours and wait for me in the living room, babygirl.” he growls at me while discarding his blue top on the wooden floor, exposing his thick hairy chest. 

“I want to look at your cunt as you move for me before I’ll destroy it. You’ve been such a nasty girl today.” 

I shiver at his words, a shrill of air kicks out of my lungs at once. My toughness is down to non-existing. I let him have it, I let him have it all. I crawl on my knees and palms like a cat in heat, my ass exposed for him. My cunt drips with primal desire to be conquered by this menacing alpha. I stop for a moment and then look behind me. I see him kicking off his shoes, his sweats slipping down his thick thighs along with his briefs before he continues to follow me, holding his erection in his hand, massaging the base of his cock while looking at me to open wide for him.

I reach the furry white IKEA carpet in our living room and wait for him, still on all fours. His heavy footsteps make the wood creak beneath his weight which alerts me that he’s close. The heat of his body is near. I feel the aura of his body as he falls down to his knees carefully behind me. 

His hands smooth against the curve of my ass, appreciating my shape to the point of worshipping my flesh. He takes the time to study again what he knows better than I do, trailing up to lift my skirt until it’s hiked around my belly. He then pushes my shirt, prompting me to take it off. Not an easy task to perform on all four limbs.

For one lingering moment, his hands roam across my body, massaging my muscles, pinching my nipples between his fingers. I moan beneath his large hands as he coaxes me into being his little plaything, succumbing to his will. Possessive fingers grip my shoulder and in a sudden movement, I’m pressed with my back down while Henry pushes my legs apart with his knees. 

“I just love to look at your face when I fuck you, babygirl.” he explains, his hands pulling my legs violently against his hips to position me as he desires. That way, we can both enjoy the show of his cock slipping in and out of my slit.

I squirm beneath him, my hands reaching for his chest to stroke at the thick dark hair and hardened pecs. “Please, fuck me.” I beg to the point of whining as I look at his sturdy cock, admiring every vein and ridge that decorates his impressive size. Henry takes himself and begins to tease my entrance, making teasing groaning voices while I plea so weakly. 

But that’s only to prepare me for his brutal invasion. He lets out a loud husky shout as he pushes in, penetrating me with such vulgarness, it takes the air out of my lungs. I am split in half, feeling how my body stretches immediately to bind itself to him. 

My narrow slit tries to remain resilient while Henry keeps himself nested between my lush folds, a groan of pure pleasure vibrates through his glorious chest before he takes my jaw in his great hand and makes me look at him to see the sin in his eyes.

“Good girl…”  he calls out in his deep low voice, pulling himself out slowly and then slamming back inside me in with a slippery wet slap. I gasp, my entire body shuddering in his veiny arms. 

“Good girl.” He speaks again, letting the words roll and linger on his tongue.

His rhythm is somewhere between torturous to divine. When he pulls away he does it ever so slowly, watching with perverse fascination his own cock as it slides out my narrow entrance just before he slams back in. Henry promised that he will destroy me; he never breaks a promise. I already feel how my muscles are thrown into a paradox, trying to resist him yet have him deeper and deeper with each one of his amazing thrusts.  

“Look at how you take me,” he calls in a guttural voice, urging me to look at our union. “You have such a tight succulent cunt, baby.” 

It feels almost too sinful to stare, my entire existence shivers at the sight. His big beautiful cock enters me, slick with my juices as he increases the pace. I’m petite but with him inside I’m forced to expand, my body stealing his shape, embracing him with devotion, wanting him to be like this forever.

His wide thighs are placed right beneath my legs, his right hand silks its way down my hip and grips me roughly as he pounds me in increasing speed. With one hand still on my jaw, he presses his fingers to my mouth where I suck and bite at him. He always wants me to look at him, loves it when I’m hopeless beneath him when my mouth cries for him while he stuffs me with his cock, over and over again. 

I squirm to meet his pelvis. He fucks me so raw that no actual words come out of my mouth but the mewls of a small, helpless animal instead. Being hunted for sport rather than eating. I grind my clit against his pubic bone to elicit more delightful friction, getting me closer and closer. But I’m stealing control and he’ll have none of that right now. 

He shoves us down, pinning my hands against each side of my head while his groin is holding me down to the surface in complete captivity. I am hurting for a mere moment as he shoves too forcefully. His apology is a deep passionate kiss which he is forced to break as we both gasp for air with every merciless push of his loins into mine. 

“Fuck babygirl!” He leans his forehead against mine, a feral gaze in his eyes. I lock my legs around his waist, my body losing every grip it ever had on control as the warmth begins to throb at the base of my cunt, spreading from my womb towards every nerve until I feel nothing but love flowing through my body.

I pant in awe, my voice adding to his deep growls and husky gasps which only become louder as his orgasm looms closer with the tightness of my cunt around his swelling cock. It sucks him harder, demanding his release, milking him of his offering until he shudders through me and yells out my name. 

The gush of warmth that spills inside me is my second favorite thing in the world. I moan with sweet delight as his cream coats me inside.

“I love you so much.” he whispers, holding me in his protective embrace as if to apologize for fucking me so hard.

I’d imagine that after such a long time together he’d already figure it out that I’m the one provoking it.

“What’s the name of that device again?.. the one I was…”

“Glute drive.”

“Glute drive, yeah, we’ll do that again soon…” I suggest, nibbling at his ear playfully while he remains on top of me.

~*~

Song lyrics are by Queens of the Stone Age - Skin on Skin

[twomanyideas]

The Grill Next Door

A collaboration by @mdelpin​​​​ and @oryu404​​​​

Gratsu Week 2021 Prompt(s): Impress, Smile, Smokey Pairing: Gray x Natsu

AO3

Summary: Natsu had to repress a loud snort when he caught his first glimpse of his neighbor. The guy was dressed in only a pair of black boxers, his fair skin slick and shiny from the thick layer of sunblock he had applied. His back had white streaks and missed spots all over it from where he hadn’t been able to distribute it evenly, and some of the lotion was sticking to the dark hairs on his neck.

But the absolute worst thing of all was that he obviously had no idea how to use a barbeque properly.

0-0 Summer was arguably the worst time to be moving. Who in their right mind would want to spend all day inside unpacking boxes when it was 90 degrees outside? Definitely not Natsu, and yet here he was, dragging another box full of stuff up the stairs in his new home. He was grateful for his friends, who had been there when he’d gotten the key and helped him clean the house, paint some walls, and install the larger pieces of furniture. But now that there was only the smaller clutter left, he was on his own, and he was missing out on all the summer fun. His friends were all enjoying themselves without him; spending their free time at the beach or the pool, barbecuing in their yards, raiding the ice cream parlor… “Soon…” Natsu sighed to himself. Soon, he could join them again. He just had a few more boxes filled with necessary items to go.

He’d already unpacked the ones filled with kitchen utensils and Happy’s stuff. All that was left were his toiletries and a few clothes. He’d sort through the rest of his crap bit by bit, one or two boxes every night until he was done. That way, he could still get the most out of the vacation days he'd pulled out for moving. He opened the box he’d brought upstairs with him and groaned; of course, he’d grabbed the wrong one. Instead of towels and shower products, he was looking at some of the housewarming gifts he’d gotten. A key hanger from Lucy, because he was always losing his keys. A baking set from Erza, which Natsu had to admit was the most optimistic gift he’d ever gotten, and a cute houseplant from Wendy, carefully wrapped up in brown paper, with wet paper towels to keep the soil moist.

There were a few more small gifts, but Natsu’s attention was drawn to the flat package at the bottom. More specifically, to the image that was on it, giving away what was inside: a bright pink flamingo kiddie pool. “So you can have a pool in your backyard!” Sting had grinned when Natsu unwrapped the gift. It was obviously a gag gift, and at the time, Natsu had seen the humor in it. He’d even joked that he’d call Sting for a pool party once he was all settled in, but right now, it only fueled his longing to do something fun. Actually… Screw unpacking, he’d do that later. One look through the window, at the bright blue sky and the burning sun, was all it took to finalize his decision. He picked up the box and took it downstairs again, quickly watering the plant before it could die in the summer heat, and putting it on a windowsill. Leaving the rest of the box’s contents for now, he took out the inflatable pool and started digging through one of the other boxes in search of his swim trunks.

He’d done enough for today. He was going to sit in his backyard and enjoy his stupid pool, damn it. Once he’d changed into his swimwear, he applied a thin layer of sunblock he’d found during his search for a towel. He went outside with the pool under his arm, sticking his foot out when he slipped through the sliding door to keep Happy from sneaking outside.

“Sorry buddy, you can’t go out yet,” he apologized, knowing that it was for the best.

They'd only moved in a few days ago, and Happy needed to get used to his new home. If he were to run away, he'd get lost trying to find his way back to their old apartment, and the last thing Natsu wanted was to end up like Rogue, who had spent all night frantically searching for Frosch when he had just moved in with Sting and failed to shut the front door behind him fast enough. Still, Natsu couldn’t help but feel guilty at the sight of Happy pawing at him from behind the glass. Maybe he could get him a cat leash tomorrow, so he could at least explore the backyard safely. One thing was for sure, he’d definitely give him some of his favorite fish treats to make up for a few hours of sitting alone inside. With that in mind, he smiled and took a deep breath, inhaling the fresh summer air and the delicious smell that came along with it. It was one of his favorites, and he instantly recognized it. One of his neighbors was grilling in his backyard. Too curious for his own good, Natsu followed the scent. His nose told him it was coming from the house to his left, from the backyard that was only separated from his by a tall wooden fence. Tall, but not tall enough to keep Natsu away. He was just able to peek over the top if he stood on his tippy toes.

He wanted to get an idea of who was living next to him, that’s all. Okay, and maybe he wanted to live through them a little as they indulged in one of his all-time favorite summer activities. \

Natsu had to repress a loud snort when he caught his first glimpse of his neighbor. The guy was dressed in only a pair of black boxers, his fair skin slick and shiny from the thick layer of sunblock he had applied. His back had white streaks and missed spots all over it from where he hadn’t been able to distribute it evenly, and some of the lotion was sticking to the dark hairs on his neck. But the absolute worst thing of all was that he obviously had no idea how to use a barbeque properly. “You know, your food is going to cook more evenly and taste a lot better if you close the lid,” Natsu suggested, bursting out in laughter when the guy jumped and almost dropped his tongs. “Idiot!” He whirled around and glared at Natsu, waving the tongs in the air as he stomped closer. Damn! This guy was actually pretty cute when he was mad.

"I almost burned myself. What were you thinking?!"

"That you weren't doing those ribs the justice they deserve," Natsu retorted, frustration rising within him once he managed to tear his eyes away from his half-naked neighbor and focus back on the grill. All that delicious aroma-filled smoke that would've added so much flavor to that gorgeous meat was getting away!

It was a fucking crime.

"Pay attention to what you were doing, you jackass! You gotta flip them over!"

The guy quickly returned to his grill to tend to his ribs, cursing as he fumbled with the tongs while trying to keep a safe distance between the searing heat of the barbecue and his own bare ribs.

"Man, you really suck at this," Natsu couldn't resist pointing out.

"Oh, and I suppose _you _could do better?"

In all honesty, Natsu was a terrible cook. He lacked the ability to multitask in the kitchen, always made an enormous mess, and often combined ingredients that his friends insisted should never be combined.

However, cooking and grilling were two completely different things to him. His dad had taught him how to cook meat on an open fire or a makeshift grill during camping trips since he was little, and he had it down to a fine art by now.

"You're damn right I can," he scoffed, taking the question as a challenge and being kind enough to climb over the fence and invite himself to his neighbor's backyard so he could show him how it was done.

"What are you doing?!"

"Saving your meat, of course! Move over."

Too stunned by what was happening, the guy didn't protest when Natsu snatched away the tongs. He just watched with his mouth open as Natsu flipped the ribs and set the grate to a higher level, making sure they'd cook slower. And much to Natsu’s amusement, it wasn't just the grill he was staring at.

Satisfied with his intervention, Natsu closed the lid and stepped back. "There, that should do it!" he grinned, putting the tongs down on a plate on the nearby table so he could hold out his hand in greeting. "I'm Natsu, by the way. I just moved here last Wednesday."

"... Gray," his neighbor replied, frowning warily but still accepting Natsu's hand and shaking it briefly. "Do you always stick your nose into other people's business like that?"

“Just wait, you’ll be thanking me soon enough.” Natsu said, amused by his neighbor's grumpy tone. “Anyway, you should be fine as long as you leave the lid closed for about an hour.”

“An hour?” Gray complained, “I thought grilling was supposed to be faster.”

“I mean, do you want fast, or do you want good?” Natsu drawled suggestively. He wasn’t sure if it was the beautiful weather or just the high he felt from having had a hot guy so obviously checking him out because normally he wasn’t much of a flirt, but he felt the urge to test the waters. “Cause I could show you both.”

Gray surprised him by laughing heartily at his innuendo. “There is seriously nothing subtle about you, is there?”

“Nope.” Natsu agreed and laughed along. “Well, it was nice to meet you. I’ll leave you to your grilling, gotta go set up my pool.”

He climbed the fence to get back into his yard, hearing Gray yell behind him. “You’re going to get yourself killed. Just use the gate next time.”

“But then, how could I show you my best asset?” Natsu retorted once he was safely over, chuckling as Gray muttered something he couldn’t quite make out. He wasn’t too worried, though. After all Gray had said next time.

0-0

Gray looked back at the grill, already tempted to open the lid and check on the ribs. What was he supposed to do for an hour? He’d mowed the grass earlier, and he didn’t feel comfortable staying inside while the grill was going.

The sun felt overly hot on his skin and he found shelter under a tree in his backyard. Playing on his phone had netted him ten minutes of entertainment and two group conversations he wasn’t all that interested in.

Maybe Natsu did know what he was talking about because the smell of the ribs cooking was making his mouth water in ravenous anticipation. Thinking about his new neighbor brought a smile to his face, especially since he heard odd noises coming from the other side of the fence. Didn’t he say something about a pool?

With all this time to kill, maybe he should go return the favor and see what he was up to.

With that in mind, Gray walked over to the fence and peered over it, unable to hold back a snort when he saw Natsu sitting on the ground and puffing air into a pink flamingo-shaped pool.

"Wow, I guess you really are full of hot air."

Natsu looked up at him, flashing that grin Gray was quickly developing a weak spot for. "So you think I'm hot?"

Yes, he sure as hell did, but he wasn’t about to give Natsu the satisfaction of saying so. At least... not yet.

“I think you’re having an awfully hard time blowing, which is… disappointing.”

"Huh. Never had any complaints before." Natsu shrugged, returning his attention to blowing air into the flamingo.

“Why don’t you let me show you how it’s done?” Gray said, feeling confident.

God knows he’d blown up a ton of these things for his brother’s kid. He’d quickly learned there was a little trick to it. You had to squeeze the valve as you blew into it or the air wouldn’t get in properly. Clearly, his hot dumbass of a neighbor didn't get that.

“You want to show me how well you blow?” Natsu tilted his head, looking amused by Gray’s suggestion. “How can I say no to that?”

Gray let himself into Natsu’s backyard, using the gate that connected their properties, like a normal person, and grabbed the pool away from Natsu. Using his trick, he quickly filled both rings of the pool.

“Color me impressed.” Natsu whistled in appreciation once Gray set the pool down on the grass. He filled it with water from the hose, which he oh so charmingly put between his legs, giggling to himself as he swung it around.

How the guy could go from flirting to acting like a five-year-old within the blink of an eye was beyond Gray, but he had to admit that it was oddly endearing.

Natsu jumped in with both feet as soon as the pool was filled, watching with glee as water sloshed out onto the grass from his efforts. He sat down, stretching his legs out in front of him, and immediately propped his arms around the pool’s rim.

“That feels so much better!” Natsu moaned happily.

Now that Natsu was inside it, Gray couldn't help but notice that the pool could fit two people, albeit a little snugly considering their size. And though normally he wouldn't be caught dead in one of these things- especially a pink flamingo one- it was a very hot day, and Natsu’s yard was a lot shadier than his.

"You want in?" Natsu asked, his lips stretching into a mischievous smile.

Gray’s eyes were drawn to the slightly pointy canines, finding them incredibly sexy, and he immediately wondered what kissing that mouth would feel like as Natsu patted the empty spot next to him invitingly.

What had gotten into him? He’d just met the guy, knew next to nothing about him, yet here he was acting like a hormone driven teenager. It wasn’t like him at all, but he couldn’t deny the chemistry that sizzled between them, so palpable he could almost touch it.

Besides, what was wrong with having a little fun? It was summer, and he had been in a bit of a dry spell for months.

That thought decided him.

“I suppose I could join you for a bit.”

He had just stepped one foot inside the pool when, to his surprise, Natsu stopped him. “Hang on a minute. I didn’t say you could come in. I only asked if you wanted to.”

“If you want in-” Natsu winked at him. “It’s gonna cost ya.”

“Cost me?” Gray sputtered in protest. “You can’t be serious.”

“Dead serious. I will be more than happy to share my pool with you on this incredibly hot day, but only if you share some of those ribs with me.”

Gray had already been planning on doing that, but it was infinitely more fun to make Natsu work for it.

“I don’t know,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck, which only netted him greasy fingers from the sunblock he’d slathered on earlier. “It seems to me like you’re getting the better end of the deal here. This is just a kiddie pool after all.”

“Alright, you drive a hard bargain, but I can respect that. How about this then? I’ll throw in some of my world famous special sauce.”

“World famous?” Gray scoffed, “It’s probably just something you picked up at the grocery store, but… okay, I’ll bite.”

“You promise?” Natsu gave him a cheeky smirk, one that ignited a need in Gray to get in that damn pool right the hell now and show him what he intended to do.

“You’ve got yourself a deal,” Gray said. “Just don’t complain if it ends up being more than you bargained for.”

Gray was so determined to get in there that he completely forgot he was already partly in the pool, and tripped over the edge when he tried to step in. He caught himself with his hands but still ended up splashing Natsu, not to mention had the wind yanked out of his sails.

He looked up to see the damage. The water had darkened Natsu’s pink hair and flattened it against his face, softening his features and somehow making the bastard look even more attractive. Gray watched in rapt fascination as a drop of water traveled from Natsu’s cheek, joining others on its way down his neck and over his chest until rejoining the rest of the water at waist level.

“You’re right,” Natsu laughed loudly, slicking his hair back and away from his face. “That was definitely more than I bargained for. Nice entrance, by the way.”

Gray was utterly mortified, and he scrambled to sit down, desperately trying to come up with a witty comeback, but before he could say a word, Natsu had already splashed him. 

“There you go. No need to make that face. It’s a pool. We were going to get wet, eventually.” Natsu shrugged, his expression gradually changing to distaste as he looked at the water.

“Dude, what did you use for sunblock, SPF lard?”

“I burn easily!” Gray protested, smoothing out the bits of sunblock he could see on his skin.

“Yeah? Then maybe you should actually get it on all of your skin. Turn around.”

“It’s hard to reach back there! Besides, you just want an excuse to get your hands on me,” he argued, but did as he was told anyway, turning his back to Natsu.

“Yeah, that’s the idea. Are you complaining?”

Gray pouted but remained silent.

“That’s what I thought.”

It was hard to miss the smug tone in his voice.

Natsu’s hands spread the globs of lotion evenly across his back, occasionally stopping to knead on one of his muscles and then concentrating on his shoulders. Gray closed his eyes, biting his lip so as not to let on how much he was enjoying it. If this was what he got in exchange for some barbecued ribs, he'd love to know what other types of food Natsu liked.

“There you go.” Natsu said, giving his shoulders one last squeeze. “You can turn around now. It should be safe for you to walk in daylight again.”

Gray turned just in time to see Natsu lean back into his previous position.

“Are you implying I'm some sort of vampire? Cause I’m not the one with the pointy teeth.”

“No, but you are the one who offered to bite me.”

“True.” Gray laughed, and not wanting to lose the mood, he made his move, adjusting from a sitting position to a half straddle. He leaned in, close enough that he could feel the slight puff of Natsu’s breaths on his face as he murmured, “I can still make that happen.”

“You talk too much.” Natsu said just as quietly, peering into his eyes for a split second before closing his eyes and bridging the distance between them.

Gray hadn’t expected Natsu’s body to feel so warm against his, especially considering they were both wet from the pool water, and he instinctively pulled him closer. As arousing as the kiss was, and Natsu sucking on his tongue was definitely doing things to him, he realized he had no urge to push for more.

That should have been his first warning.

But he wasn’t really thinking about anything. His world had narrowed down to sensations. The torrid heat of Natsu’s mouth, the sharp sting of teeth nibbling on his lips, and the tingling pleasure of his hair being tugged, coupled with the sounds they were both making. Needy moans that would have embarrassed him if Natsu hadn’t sounded the same.

Gray liked it all a little too much. Already, the thought of separating filled him with a sense of dread. And perhaps that should have been his second warning.

He was busy running his hands up and down Natsu’s back when he felt him let go of his hair. His hands trailed down to his chest, but no lower, and he pulled away, leaving Gray to chase after him. Confused and more than a little disappointed, Gray opened his eyes. Natsu sat perfectly still, his eyes slightly widening as he sniffed the air. “THE RIBS!!!” Oh crap! He’d forgotten all about the ribs!

“Go open the lid,” Natsu urged, scrambling to get up and out of the pool. “I’ll be there in a few minutes with the sauce.”

Gray watched Natsu enter his house and then hurried over to his yard. The food smelled even better than before and when he opened the lid and poked the ribs with the tongs; he saw they were indeed done, the meat tender and ready to fall off the bone. Rather than stand around waiting awkwardly, he grabbed two beers from his fridge along with plates, napkins and utensils to bring outside.

He opened the sliding door that led to his backyard and found Natsu brushing sauce onto the ribs from an unmarked blue bottle. There was a content smile on his face as he worked away, and Gray felt a flutter in his stomach at the sight.

Shit!

He’d never been one for one-night stands, so why had he thought he’d just be able to go along this time? Because Natsu was hot and seemed willing?

Gray wanted to know more about him, but he wasn’t sure if Natsu felt the same way or if this was just a game he liked to play. What would happen if he played along to its inevitable conclusion? Would that be the end of it? The two of them- probably awkwardly- moving on as just neighbors who happened to have hooked up?

Was it wrong of him to want more?

Natsu looked up then, waving at him and gesturing him over. His smile widened when he noticed the beer bottles Gray was holding.

“Ooh, beer wasn’t part of the deal! I must have kissed you real good!” Natsu teased, accepting the bottle and easing some of the uncertainty Gray had felt about whether things would turn awkward after their make-out session in the pool.

“You’ll notice this is only domestic beer, so I wouldn’t get too full of myself if I were you.” Gray retorted, still playing along.

“Meh, beer is beer, and it goes great with ribs.”

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that.”

The back and forth was nice, but Gray was itching to ask what was really on his mind.

Can I keep you? Or will you run off after the next pretty face that strikes your fancy?

The lid of the barbecue closed again, and Natsu walked over. “They should be ready in about five more minutes.”

He clinked bottles with him and took a swig. Gray followed suit and decided to just go for it. He’d rather know what to expect than hope for something that wasn’t meant to be.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” he blurted out, sounding a bit more eager than he would have liked.

“Sure, shoot.”

Natsu gave no sign he knew what was coming, or at least that’s what his relaxed posture seemed to broadcast.

“Do you do this kind of thing often?”

“Moving? God, no, I hate it with a passion. Might as well bury me here cause I’m never doing it again.”

“No,” Gray frowned. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I know.” Natsu mock sighed, “I’m just trying to think of an answer that won’t go to your head.”

“What?” Gray didn’t know what to make of that answer. Was he trying to find a way to let him down gently?

“No, I don’t do this type of thing often.” Natsu admitted, meeting Gray’s eyes and holding his gaze. “Look, you’re hot and turned out to be fun to mess with, so I figured there was no harm in seeing where that led. But I’m not expecting anything if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Gray wanted to ask if that meant that he’d like to date, but to his chagrin, all that came out of his mouth was, “You think I’m hot?”

“See?” Natsu said, sounding amused. “What’d I tell you? Right to your head!”

He put his beer bottle down on the table and traded it in for the tongs and the plates before hurrying back to the grill to check on their food. Satisfied, he turned it off and heaped a large serving of ribs onto each plate.

Gray followed him to the table, only then noticing the sliced watermelon Natsu must have brought with him from his house. He bit into one to buy himself some time to organize his thoughts.

Next to him, Natsu had already begun to dig in, messily devouring the ribs, stopping only long enough to take a sip from his beer. Gray shrugged and did the same. It wasn’t like his table manners were anything to write home about, either. The moment the meat from the ribs touched his tongue, his taste buds were assaulted with flavor. Sweet, salty, spicy… all blending together in perfect harmony. It was by far the best ribs Gray had ever tasted. He could hardly believe they’d come off his grill. He glanced at Natsu admiringly. Not that he noticed, focused as he was on his plate.

“So, what other things can you make?”

Natsu looked up at his question. There was a glob of sauce at the corner of his mouth, driving Gray all sorts of crazy with the urge to kiss it off him, but he held strong.

For now.

“Sorry to disappoint you, but this is it. I can’t cook worth a damn.”

“That’s too bad.” Gray tried but failed to suppress a smile. “Guess I’ll just have to show you all the best places to eat around here, then. You busy tomorrow night?”

Natsu shook his head, breaking into a smile so blinding it wiped every single thought out of Gray’s head. Save one.

"Nope, I'm all yours," Natsu answered after what looked like a brief moment of contemplation.

Gray sure as hell liked the sound of that.

“There’s just one thing…”

Natsu tilted his head and scrunched up his nose in silent question, which was just perfect.

“You’ve got a little something there,” Gray said, leaning in and licking the sauce off before claiming Natsu’s lips hungrily.

The kiss tasted like sauce and beer, but most of all, it tasted like more. And more was definitely bound to follow soon, tomorrow night, and many more days after.

Gray could feel it.

[hockeyboysiguess]

dear winter | c. parakyo

a/n: this one was entirely inspired by and written to dear winter by ajr. highly recommend listening to this while you read. this is your reminder that vince dunn isn’t the only player on the blues. enjoy!

warnings: a little swearing. otherwise, alllllll fluff. 

word count: 6K

You sighed as you felt a firm kick to your bladder. You had to give it to her, your baby had great aim, something she’s definitely inherited from her dad since you couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn with a baseball even if you were being coached through each movement. You rubbed your growing bump softly, a vain attempt to get her to relax, before you grabbed the full file box. Colton would be upset if he knew you were moving boxes without him. You loved Colton, god, did you ever love your husband, but he was treating you like you were going to break any second. He had as soon as you’d told him you were pregnant. You tried to fight him on it, but if Colton wanted something to go a specific way, there was pretty much nothing you could physically do about it. He was a physical immovable force. You settled for doing things when he wasn’t home.

You huffed out a loud breath as you sat down on the couch with what would be your fourth box of the day. You had been trying to go through everything in the room that was going to become “Little P’s” nursery, as Colton called her. You were also using it as an excuse to actually clean out your catch-all spare bedroom instead of just moving the problem of having too much stuff from the bedroom to the attic.

You sucked in a deep breath before blowing off the layer of dust from the top of the box. You lifted the lid and sighed. It was absolutely packed with papers and notebooks, Colton’s notebooks. He religiously kept notebooks, not a diary, not a journal. He rolled his eyes whenever you called them that, telling you that they weren’t diaries or journals because he wrote anything in them, from grocery lists, to hockey plays he thought of, gift ideas for you, anything. He also refused to get rid of a single one, much to your chagrin, but the least you could do was label them with the dates they contained to organize them. Thank god you’d pulled the label maker out for the last box so you didn’t have to get up. Getting up wasn’t your specialty anymore, thanks to Little P being a little less little since her father was a large human being.

You cracked open the first notebook after shaking off more dust, flipping to the first page to grab the date and the last page for the final one. Colton’s notebooks had never been any of your business. You thought he had every right to his private thoughts, something that had absolutely floored him when you started dating. Every other girl had tried to read over his shoulders, sneak a peak when he wasn’t around, but you trusted Colton, which is what you’d told him then and still told him now every time he picked up another notebook. The next notebook opened with a silly drawing, it made you giggle, but you didn’t pry further, simply adding your label and moving on to the next one.

Your brows furrowed when you came to a notebook toward the bottom. Unlike the rest, which were heavily worn in, the pages wrinkled and fanning out, making them appear thicker, this one was only partially started. The wear stopped about three-quarters of the way through it. You found it odd. Colton always finished everything he started, even if it was virtually impossible for him to do so. He was the least wasteful person you’d ever met. You shook off your thoughts. His notebooks were his business, not yours.

Still, regardless of you trying otherwise, your eyes flitted to the first entry in this notebook. The start of it pulled your eyes in unwillingly. It was a letter, a letter to someone else. Your heart sank and you slammed the notebook shut. No, you thought. Colton would never, but then who was he writing to? Your heart was aching in your chest. You trusted and loved your husband more than you ever thought possible for yourself, but your mind was running through possibilities and you needed to know. When your eyed scanned the first words, the tears started to slip out even though you willed them not to.

Dear Winter, I hope you like your name I hope they don't make fun of you When you grow up and go to school, okay? 'Cause Winter is a badass name

Colton’s words continued and your tears kept flowing.

Sorry if you don’t love it, baby girl, but I do and unfortunately for you, one me and one other person get to vote on it and I’m all in for it. Also, I’m not really sure where I got the idea to start this, but I’m two sentences in and I hope one day you think this is as cool as I do right now.

Anyway, I wanted to start by telling you what made me think of your name. I was walking through Forest Park (I’m playing for the Blues right now, in case that ever changes, so I’m in St. Louis) because I was having a pretty terrible day. I botched something at practice, couldn’t get the play right, and coach got angry at me. You probably know I don’t handle people being angry with me well because I doubt that’s ever going to go away. I found out the woman I was seeing actually cheated on me (I know, weird to read from me, but I hope you stick through this one) and I’m missing my family a lot today. (Side note: please come home more, Winter. I love you.)

So I was having a terrible day and decided to take a walk. It was chilly, but sort of comforting. It smelled like it was about to snow. I really hope you know that smell too, sort of like Christmas Eve, my favorite day of the year, as I also assume you know. Then, it started to snow. It was that beautiful, promising fluffy snow that makes me think of hot chocolate and peppermint and family. That’s when I really thought about you for the first time, Winter. I thought about us outside in our front yard, your mom on the front steps, and you catching snowflakes on your tongue. I thought about how you’d ask me to build a snowman with you, even though the snow wasn’t even sticking to the ground. I thought about you, Win. Winter. Some people hate winter. Some people love it. That’s also why it’s your name, Win. You might not be everyone’s cup of tea, Winnie, but that’s okay. You’re not meant to be for everyone. You’re meant to be exactly who are you as you’re reading this. 

I'm hoping that some day, I can meet you on this Earth But shit, I gotta meet your mom first

Love, Dad :) 

You placed your hand gingerly on your swollen stomach as the tears flowed freely. Colton wrote the first letter in the notebook seven and a half years before today. He’d been writing to her, the little girl still growing in your belly, for years, before you’d even moved to St. Louis let alone met Colton for the first time. Of course Winter would take that moment to kick you in the stomach. Winter. You loved her name too. You’d been racking your brain all day since you’d found out that Little P was a girl, not the boy you were convinced you were having based on your apparently flawed mother’s intuition, so when you found out Little P was a girl, you’d be wracking your brain all day for both a way to tell Colton and what you might name her. Somehow, even though he didn’t know yet, Colton had already taken care of another worry of yours, a man who didn’t know how to love you wrong. 

You couldn’t stop yourself from turning to the next page to read the next entry. Unlike his notebook he used every day, the next entry picked up a few weeks later.

Dear Winter, I hope you talk to girls Or boys or anyone you like

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve written to you, but I heard something out a bar that made me come home and immediately grab this notebook. Sorry if this is a little unclear. Dad’s just a little drunk right now, but I want you to know how important this is and I wanted to tell you as soon as possible.

This guy at the bar was being... absolutely awful, Win. This girl was just trying to have a good time with her friends. She was wearing a pin on her jacket with the pride flag on it. This guy started asking her about it. She shrugged, said she was bi, and she moved on. Except he didn’t move on. I heard him talking to his friends, talking terribly about her. He was talking about her sexuality and what it could do for him, how good it would be for him that she was bi. It didn’t sit with me right, so I warned her what he said and she said something that stuck with me so I wanted to tell it to you. She said, “God, thank you for telling me. I’m so fucking tired of guys sexualizing my sexuality for their own sexual gratification. It has nothing to do with them, you know? It’s my sexuality. It’s for me and me alone. I thought it got through all of the bad stuff when my parents kicked me out for it. It just keeps on coming, you know? Fucking sucks.”

Winnie, whoever you like, boys, girls, both, neither, people who don’t identify any particular way, if you know deep down you’re not my little girl, but you’re my son, I’m always, always, always, always going to love you. I will always be in your corner, Win. My love for you will never change. My support for you with never waiver. I will stand with you a pride parades. I will advocate for you. I will do anything I can to make sure you know you are loved and supported and that you can always come to me. I will always protect you, Winter. I will always love you.

If you’re reading this and you haven’t come out yet, the door is open, Win. And I’m standing right there, arms wide open, ready to love the truest version of you, the version of you that makes you feel like your most authentic, happy self. Whenever you’re ready, I’m ready.

Love, Dad

You felt your heart pound hard in your chest. Colton had never wavered on loving whoever your baby was going to be, but this, this was something special. You took a deep breath and looked down at your bump again.

“He loves you so much,” you told her softly as you gently rubbed your bump. “You have the best dad in the entire world. I just hope my genes don’t screw you up too much.”

You flipped to the next entry, laughing to yourself at how it was filled with entirely with car buying advice. Apparently, Colton has just bought a car the day he wrote it and he was keen on sharing his newfound wisdom with Winter. He also talked about how he was going to help Winter buy her first car and exactly what that would entail. It was such dad advice, but somehow it was perfect and it was Colton.

You kept reading, an entry an unknown amount of dates deep, caught your eye. You weren’t sure how deep into this you really were. You were flying through entries, Colton’s loving words pulling you through each page at a lightening pace. This one caught you eye though.

It really doesn't seem like there's anyone for me But dear Winter, I hope you like your name You know I cannot wait to teach you how to curse But shit, I gotta meet your mom first

You think your mom is going to like that I’m cursing in these letters? Probably not. But hopefully she’ll deal. I mean, I play hockey. Cursing is part of the game basically. I hope I teach you well. :)

You know, Win, I saw a couple out at a restaurant today and they were so in love. I, on the other hand, got stood up on a date today. Super fun, right? And super weird to hear from your dad, but it’s the truth. As smooth as I’ve tried to make myself look your whole life, Dad’s not really all that fucking smooth, Winnie.

But anyway, I wanted to tell you that it doesn’t matter if you ever find someone, Win. I wanted to tell you this because I need to hear it right now and even if when you first read this, you don’t need to hear it, I’m betting at some point in your life you will need it. You can achieve every single dream you have without a partner. You can have the life you want. You can have a family. You can make a beautiful life for yourself all on your own. Because you aren’t looking for your other half. You’re a goddamn full, beautiful, powerful person all by yourself. You are complete just as you are and that’s fucking amazing, Winnie.

Am I writing this for you in the future or me now? That’s debatable, but someday you’re going to need a reminder that you are a galaxy of beautiful, stunning possibilities. You are the sun, moon, stars, planets, and everything in between. A galaxy doesn’t need anyone or anything else. Always remember that anyone you let into your life should be in wonder at the galaxy that is you.

Sorry, Dad’s going to get off his weird soapbox now and go to bed. I’ll write you soon. Pinky promise :)

Love always, Dad

You gripped the notebook tightly in your hands, careful not to wrinkle the pages. You briefly thought about how you’d never read one of his notebooks before so maybe pregnancy hormones weren’t the best time to start, but this notebook was for someone. It was for the baby in your belly, so you kept reading. 

Dear Winter, 

I met someone today. I don’t want to say too much, in case it doesn’t work out. It never really works out for me, does it, Winnie? I hope a) that your mom has much better luck with men than I do with women and b) that you inherit her luck. At least I got her phone number, right? Maybe I can figure out how to sounds less like a guy that really like writing in notebooks and puzzles and more like a guy who is all about parties and adventure?

Actually, no, Win. No. Don’t listen to that. Be whoever you want to be, whatever that looks like. If some guy doesn’t like you because you’re a homebody, reject him and toss him out in the street. He’s clearly no good. Be whoever you want to be, Win. A homebody, a busy body, whoever that is, I’ve got your back for the rest of my life. 

(Side note: this girl is super, super pretty and she’s wicked smart with an incredible sense of humor. Kind of hoping this one works out? If not, then I guess on to the next one, right? If not, I’ve got to meet your mom one day, Win. We’ll see when it happens, I guess.)

Love, Dad

Your eyes scanned back up the page to the date. You breath hitched it your throat when you saw it and your hand came over your mouth as your eyes started to fill with tears again. It was about you. That was the day you met Colton for the first time. That memory was burned into your brain forever because it was honestly one of the worst days of your life, until Colton walked in.

You were about to give up. Four cups of coffee at varying degrees of strength had done nothing to stimulate an idea in your brain. Well, it would have been five cups of coffee if you hadn’t spilled the third cup down yourself and stained your favorite sweatshirt that was now a crumpled mess in your backpack. Despite that, you were still face to face with a blank Word document that needed to be six pages long by midnight tonight, which was less than twelve hours away. Procrastination always got the better of you. Today was no exception.

You had opened your day with a trip to the dentist and of course, you had a cavity. You didn’t realize until you got back to your car that your house key wasn’t on your key ring, so you couldn’t go home and your roommate was going to be out all day, so you’d had to post up in your fourth favorite local coffee shop as shops one through three were completely packed. You’d had to park six blocks over because you couldn’t find a spot. All of this chaos had wasted almost two hours you were supposed to be working. Then there was the spilled coffee, which you spilled because your terrible ex-boyfriend had shown up and tried to talk to you. In an effect to escape, the coffee had gotten spilled. To boot, after actually drank coffee number three, your mom had called you and told you your childhood dog had cancer. It was just one of those days. She was fifteen, so you couldn’t say she didn’t live a good, long life. Still, it was a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day.

Your music was blaring in your eyes. You were rapidly flipping through Spotify trying to find something that might provide some inspiration. You sighed and rested against the back of the chair as your head fell back. You let out a long sigh and carded your fingers through your hair. Ideas or not, you needed to get started. That went out the window when you saw a large man standing next to your table when you lifted your head. He gave you a sweet smile and a small wave. Your eyes rolled up and down him quickly. He was massive, broader and taller than most people you knew. His size could make him intimidating, but there was something cautious and nervous about the way he moved. One of his large hands was shifting around his iced coffee. The other was fidgeting in his pocket. His smile was kind and inviting. His shoulder were low, hunkering down as if to try and look smaller than he was. It was his eyes that took your breath away for a second, a pair of beautiful baby blues framed by dark glasses.

You yanked one of your headphones out of your ears and raised your eyebrows at him.

“Hi,” he said softly. “Um, all the other tables are full. Do you mind if it sit? I’ve got an appointment in half an hour, so I won’t be in your hair for too long.”

You almost stuttered, but pulled yourself together in time to say, “Oh, yeah, sure.”

He thanked you with a sweeter, wider smile as he dropped down into the chair opposite you. He dwarfed it, and the small table you had stationed yourself at. He was just slightly too big for everything around him, but he didn’t seem to mind much. 

“I’m Colton, by the way,” he told you as he opened up a book you hadn’t realized he’d been carrying. 

You told him your name softly before you tried to get back to work. Every minute you had was precious at this point to meeting your deadline. Beautiful man or not, you had to get this done. Except he seemed to have other ideas. 

“What are you working on?” he asked you after a few minutes. You’d caught him eyeing you as you finally got some sort of an idea, so your fingers were blazing across your keyboard.

“Oh, just this project for work,” you answered flatly, not even looking up from your screen or pausing your furious typing to answer. “I got into this fight with my boss about it because I think her premise is wrong, so I’ve been having some issues trying to write this condensed summary of her position considering I disagree with it. But, hey, a job’s a job, right? At least I’m employed enough to keep my cat fed, the hungry bastard, and support my own coffee habits without a sugar daddy.” 

Colton laughed and like your life had sudden become a movie, the sound took your breath away. You couldn’t stop a smile from pulling up the corners of your lips as he laughed. His laugh sort of made you forget how embarrassing what you’d just said was. 

“Is he fat?” Colton asked before quickly adding. “Your hungry cat, is he a fat bastard as well as a hungry one?” 

“The fattest bastard of them all,” you laughed as grabbed your phone from next to your laptop to show him a photo. 

Colton whistled when he saw the photo and nodded softly. 

“Put a ribbon on him and you could enter him as a prized heifer in the county fair,” Colton joked, making you smile widely, your first genuinely thrilled smile all day. 

“I got him fat from the shelter,” you tried to explain. “I’m trying to put him on a diet, but he’s just not having it. Honestly can’t blame him. Diets are dumb. But the fatso won’t exercise. I got him one of those cat wheels, like a giant hamster wheel but for cats. He barely fits on it and even on the days he finds his balance enough to fit on it, he won’t use it. I’ve sort of thrown in the towel.” 

“I think he’s decided how he wants to be in life and you might just have to accept it,” Colton told you. “I’ll stop bugging you, sorry. I said I wouldn’t.” 

With that, he turned his attention to his book and you went back to your paper. You sat across from him for the next thirty minutes, occasionally taking glances over at him. You found out later on that he keep looking up at you over the top edge of his book the whole time. You somehow just never caught each other.  

As Colton got up to leave, he paused for a second with his phone in his hand, spinning it nervously. 

“Um, I know this is probably sort of random and you’re probably not interested, but would you maybe want to get coffee again sometime you don’t have to do work?” Colton asked you, stumbling over practically ever other word on his way to asking you on a date.

You smiled softly as the memory faded out. You placed your hand on your bump again. Thank god the first three coffee shops had been full that day. You gently turned to the next page then the next one and the next one, stopping when the start of another grabbed you. 

Dear Winter, don't move too far away And please don't say I'm hovering When I text you to ask about your day I wanna hear about your day Will we still hang out and talk when I'm no longer in charge?

I’m sorry if you ever think I’m hovering, Win, but I promise you, I just want to hear about your day, every single day. Sorry if you move far away for some incredible opportunity and I don’t handle it super well. You know me, your old man, I just want you to be able to catch up with you whenever I want to. I’m a little selfish that way, I guess. 

Who knows? Maybe by the time you move, teleportation will be real :)

But if you can, Winter, try and stay close to home. I miss my parents a lot, more than I can properly explain. I know you’re going to be so cool and smart and amazing and you won’t need me someday, but I hope you want me around anyway, even though I’m a lot sometimes. 

(Side note: That girl I talked about a while ago, she’s the one who made me think of this letter. I told her I was scared I was hovering too much, that I was smothering her, and she told me she wanted me around even more. I think you’d like her, Win.)

Hold on for someone who cares about you exactly as you are and loves the way you care about people. You shouldn’t have to change the way you care for someone. They should just feel it. 

Love, Dad

(P.S. Whenever you read this, please come home for a visit, even if you were here yesterday. I’ve definitely missed you since then.)

Your mind flashed back to Colton’s first road trip a few months after you started dating. You had a busy day, absolutely packed with meetings and work, so you’d barely had any time to glance at your phone all day. When you finally had a second to glance at it on the way to your car, you groaned. Two missed calls and four texts from Colton. Of course, the day he managed to find some time away from the guys to call you when you were supposed to be done with work, you had been kept late and missed him. 

You were already dialing his number as you dropped into your driver’s seat to begin the traffic-filled journey home. Colton answered on the second ring. 

“Hey.”

Your brows furrowed at his tone. He was trying hard to sound calm, but you could hear the nerves edging at each letter. He swallowed hard, hard enough you could hear it over the phone. 

“What’s up, babe?” you asked him as you slowly backed out of your parking space. “Is something wrong?” 

“No, nothing,” he said too quickly. He knew he’d said it too quickly the second it had left his mouth. He sighed and you heard some rustling on his end of the phone, following by a door being shut. “I’m sorry I bugged you today.”

“What?” you asked, even more confused than you had been previously as you turned on your right blinker. “You didn’t bug me, Colt. I asked you to call if you were free anytime outside my work hours. I just ended up working late today, that’s all.” 

“Oh, okay.” 

You could tell there was still something bothering him. His pitch was too high, responses too short. He was still on edge, something bigger dancing on the tip of his tongue. He knew you knew. You could read him like an open book even through the phone and he knew better than to not tell you when he was upset. “Relationships thrive with windows and doors open,” was what you always told him, and it takes two people to keep them open all the time.

“Am I hovering?” he blurted out. “Am I bothering you? I just, when I called you again, the guys started-”

“Those idiots that couldn’t keep a girl if they had a carefully curated list of instructions from the girl they liked to tell them how to keep her? They don’t know anything,” you jumped in. “You’re not bothering me, Colt. You never bother me. I want as much of you as I can get. If my life was you just and me, having our favorite lazy Saturday where we go to the farmer’s market, play Scrabble, make bad cocktails, and cook unnecessarily complex dinners before we watch some niche movie practically no one else on the planet has ever seen, I’d be so unbelievably happy. I want as much of you as I can have, Colt, and sometimes I feel like I’m asking for too much. You’re not hovering. I want you right here.”

“You’re not asking for too much,” he replied. Of course, Colton would ignore everything you had said to comfort him in favor of comforting you. “You’re sure I’m not too much? I can do less, if that would be better for you. I can, fuck, I don’t know, whatever you need.” 

“Colton, I love you,” you sighed. “That’s the easiest thing in the world to say to you. I love you, Colton. I love loving you. I love being loved by you. At least, god, I hope you love me back because now I’m realizing we’ve never actually said that and I’m sort of freaking out, but I love learning to love you better and I love finding new ways to show you I love you. Today’s way is actually telling you I do, I guess.” 

“Of course I love you too.”

Colton’s words had reminded you of a prayer, a prayer of a grateful man whose longing, desperate words to something out there that he’d whispered ages ago had finally been answered. You didn’t know how long he’d felt it, definitely longer than you, but love wasn’t a competition. There wasn’t a yardstick, a to-do list, or a formula. Love was whatever you made it to be. You loved Colton, and finally told him, and he loved you, and finally told you. That day, that was all either of you needed.

That day was so clear in your mind. It was the day that set your life on the path it was on, the day that really had started the path that ended up with little Winter being more than a figment in Colton’s mind when he wrote these letters. She was real and you were going to meet her in just a few short months. Your mind wandered forward, seeing Winter’s wide baby blue eyes, you imagined she’d look like Colton as well, hoping your genes didn’t taint his too much to ruin her, as Colton had her sitting on his broad shoulders, securing her safely to him with hands around her ankles as you walked through the zoo. She would be pointing at each animal, tugging on his hair, making sure he saw each and every one. He would be patient, kind, and caring, matching Winter’s excitement in kind with each animal. You would catch him on Google the night before, making sure he knew at least one random, uncommon fact about each one for her, just to make her day. That was the kind of thing Colton said he would do for her to you when you’d shown him the positive pregnancy test, and one of an ever-expanding, never finished lists of reason you wanted to have kids with him. 

You sighed as you felt her flip over in your stomach. She was constantly in motion, something that brought you peace because it told you she was healthy, but as much comfort as it brought you, it brought you more discomfort at the very feeling. You shifted on the couch as you turned to the next entry.

Dear Winter, I hope you like your name I hope you let me take a shot with you on your twenty-first But shit, you gotta ask your mom first

I really hope you let me take a shot with you on your birthday. I’m asking because I was at a restaurant early today and saw the dad order two shots of tequila at a five star restaurant for him and his daughter, who had to be about twenty-one when her birthday dessert came out. She thought it was hilarious and you could tell she she did the shot with him that she loved her dad a ton. So naturally I thought of doing it with you. I know you’re definitely not going to think I’m cool by then, and you could be living in Canada instead where the drinking age is lower, but either way, I hope you don’t mind taking a shot with your old man. 

But, even if you don’t think I’m cool, even if we have to do the shot together over Facetime, even if Facetime doesn’t exist and you have to text me to ask me what it means when you read this, I hope we do one together. I promise, your old man could drink once, Win!

So, go ask your mom and I’ll break out the good tequila for you! :)

Love, Dad

You would definitely have to approve of the aforementioned tequila shot now that he’d been planning it for almost twenty-five years based on when this was written and when Winter would be twenty-one base on her estimated birthday. You laughed lightly and shook your head. Colton was already winning parenting debates with you and he didn’t even know it. Actually, maybe he did. It would be Colton to have planned this all out just so. You smiled as you flipped to the next entry. 

Dear Winter, I'm looking for your mom I gotta find a girl that doesn't mind that I'm inside my head a lot Winter, it won't be too long First, I just gotta find your mom

This whole writing to you as I’ve looked for your mom is how this whole notebook started. 

And Winter, boy do I have some good news about your existence for you. 

That girl I mentioned a while back? I asked her to marry me today. And somehow, she said yes. 

I found her, Win. I found your mom. She’s the most incredible person I’ve ever met in my entire like, that is, until I meet you. And, Winnie, she’s so excited to meet you too someday. 

Here’s hoping she likes your name :) 

Love, Dad

Your eyes were filled with tears again and you were so caught up in the moment, you missed the sound of Colton fusing with the lock on the front door as he entered the house.

“Baby? Why are you crying? Is everything okay? Is Little P okay? How was the appointment?”

Colton’s questions were flying out of his mouth almost faster than you could understand. You heard his gym bag hit the floor and his feet hit heavy on the hardwood as he rushed over to you. Colton rounded the back of the couch and stopped when he saw what was in your hands. You closed the notebook gently in your hands, careful with the soft leather binding, before pulling the elastic over to keep it closed. You turned your head toward your husband. He was white as a sheet, nervousness coating his features. His baby blue eyes were jumping between your puffy eyes, your stomach, and the notebook in your hands impossibly fast. He swallowed hard, waiting for you to say something because his mind was running too fast toward the brick wall of having to ask you what you thought about what was in your hands to actually speak. 

“Colt,” you breathed out softly before placing a hand on your stomach again, “Little P is a girl.” 

“A girl? Really? I’m going to be a girl dad? Really?” 

Colton’s voice cracked with each word and tears began to spill over almost instantly as he sank onto the couch beside you. Hesitantly, as if he didn’t know if he was still allowed to, he reached a hand out toward your stomach. You grabbed his large hand with both of yours and placed it on your swollen belly. 

“Do you want to tell her what her name is?” you asked him softly. 

His eyes snapped up to meet yours. He took his bottom lip between his teeth and looked at with cautious, hesitant joy. 

“You like it?” Colton asked you, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“I love her name, Colton, and since you came up with it, I think she should hear her for the first time from her incredible dad who already loves her more than she can possibly understand.” 

You reached a hand out to cup Colton’s face as you spoke. He leaned softly into your hand, his free hand cupping over yours, completely dwarfing it. He smiled at you softly before he placed a gentle kiss onto your palm, a silent way of telling you he loved you. His fingers wrapped around your hand, pulling it down to your belly along with his as his eyes shifted to it. 

“Hey, Winter, it’s me, your dad.”

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

When the Weight Comes Down - 2

Warnings: non-consent sex (series); nothing for this chapter

This is dark! (biker) Steve and explicit. 18+ only.

Series Synopsis: Your father’s a drunk, your mother a recluse, and you’re just another small town girl in Birch.

Sister series to Smalltown Bringdown

Note: Alright, I’ll spoil my boos and my bees. Hope you enjoy part two; it’s probably my fave chapter tbh honest. So fun to write! Thanks to everyone for their patience and feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

Chapter Two: Ultra Mundane

Feel the ultra mundane Of another life A poet in the service

💀💀

You liked opening shifts, especially as the days got warmer. Spring wore on with as many sunny days as rainy days. That morning, you woke to a thick fog and the threat of rain floated in the air. You pulled on the crinkly raincoat and headed out. You were still yawning from the hectic night; you hadn’t gotten much sleep as your mind flitted back to the bar; the man and his intent blue eyes.

You unlocked the door, certain to turn the latch behind you. You had an hour to get everything in the oven and push yesterday’s remnants to the front of the display. You hung your coat in the back room and pulled on your apron and hairnet. Babs would be in at noon but the high school girl, Marcia, was due at opening.

The spatter of rain tapped on the window as you started your opening routine. It was peaceful. Despite your innate shyness, it was one of the few times you were completely alone. No customers, no neurotic mother, no drunken father, just you and the ovens.

That day’s special was cinnamon buns. They’d be placed in the cover glass platter just beside the till with a little card you’d made yourself. Uneven roses along thorny vines bordered the edge and displayed the one-day price. 

The buns were cool enough for you to start icing as you flipped the sign to open and let Marcia in. You went about your task as Marcia stood at the till. She was part-time; only worked on the weekends. She was bubbly and giggly. She told you stories about her classmates and the drama which seemed fit to a midday soap opera. In a way, you envied her. Well, in all ways, you did.

The Sunday rush began at ten, just after church service. The few tables in the bakery quickly filled as you set out the carafes with coffee and tea. Despite the downpour, the elderly crowd ventured the half-block from the steepled church and waited in line for their treats.

After noon, the flow of customers lulled as it usually did. Babs relieved Marcia of her half-shift and helped you mark down what was left of the older batches to half-off. The tinny bell over the door rang as Babs worked at cleaning pans in the back room. You looked up and your mouth fell open at the startlingly familiar face.

The man, Steve, ducked through the door. His hair was darkened by the rain and little droplets clung to his thick beard. He smoothed back his hair as his eyes glimmered and he smiled at you. You snapped your mouth shut and placed the last loaf of discount bread on the shelf.

“Hello,” You greeted him as you went to the till. “Can I get you something today?”

He neared the other side and his fingers tapped on the counter.

“It’s ugly out there,” He glanced over his shoulder.

“Heh, yeah,” You said awkwardly and ran your thumbs along the aged till. “Our cinnamon buns are on special. Just a few left.”

He tilted his head and leaned on the counter.

“You didn’t forget me already,” He raised his brows.

“No, no, I… remember,” You looked down at the faded numbers.

“How’s your pa?” He asked.

“He’s… fine, I’m sure.” You said quietly. 

“You make it yourself?” He tapped the glass lid of the platter. You nodded.

“It’s Babs’ recipe,” You muttered. “I just put it in the oven.”

“I’ll take it,” He reached for his wallet. “And coffee?”

“I’ll have to put a pot on if you don’t mind the wait,” You said.

“I’m in no rush to go back out,” He assured you as the windows shook at the rising winds outside. “Thunderstorms tonight.”

“Mmhmm,” You punched in his order. “Anything else?”

“Cinnamon raisin bread?” He read the board above the loaves. “Is it any good?”

“If you like sweet stuff,” You looked over at the shelf.

“I love sweet stuff,” He said. “I’ll take a loaf.”

“Sliced?” You asked.

“Please,” He answered and you grabbed him a bag.

You returned to the counter and read out his total. He handed you a bill and your fingers brushed against his palm as he took his change. He dropped it in the tip cup and winked. You bit your cheek and grabbed a plate for his bun. You took it out with the tongs and slid it across to him with a knife and fork. 

He thanked you and you told him to sit and you’d bring him coffee when it was ready. He reluctantly backed away and sat at the table closest to the counter. You turned to load a fresh filter into the machine and scooped the grinds in carefully. You grabbed the little tray of creamers and sugar packets and rounded the counter to bring it to him.

“I forgot to ask if you wanted decaf,” You set it down. “I’m sorry.”

“Regular’s fine,” He leaned back in his chair. “You like working here?”

“Um, sure,” You shrugged and made to turn away. 

“Hey, wait,” He said and glanced around the empty bakery. “What’s the rush? Not very busy in here.”

“Your coffee,” You uttered as the grind of the machine sounded behind you.

“I’m patient,” He assured you. “I just wanna talk.”

“Well, I’m working and I shouldn’t--”

“I’ll take the blame, doll,” He said. “Your ma seems like a nice lady.”

You looked away as you rubbed your arm. You shrugged again.

“What? You don’t think she’s nice?”

“She is…” You picked at your sleeve. “But… she doesn’t like bikers.”

He chuckled and cut into his bun. You tried to walk away again.

“She’s a smart lady then,” He said. “I don’t like them much myself.”

You hovered awkwardly at the other side of his table. He chewed and wiped the corner of his mouth.

“And you? You hate bikers, too?”

“Well, I…” You licked your dry lips and his eyes followed the movement. “I never thought much about it, I guess.”

“What time you done, doll?”

You blinked and frowned. You glanced over at the swinging door to the back room. The clink and clank of pans continued as Babs went about her work.

“Why?” You asked.

“I’ll drive you home,” He said as he looked through the window. “It’s a bit wild out there.”

“No, you really-- I can get home.” You slowly inched away. “But thank you.”

“I got the truck.” He insisted. “ Don’t like taking the bike out much in this weather.”

“Really, I’m okay,” You backed up. “I should get your coffee.”

“What time?” He asked again. 

You stopped at the corner of the counter. You stared at him as he dropped his fork and took a bite out of the bun. He watched you closely.

“Two o’clock,” You peeked at the clock; it was already after one. “But you don’t need to--”

“I’ll take my time then,” He said. “And you take yours, doll.”

💀

You were fifteen minutes over time when Babs finally assured you she could close on her own. You were hoping she’d ask you to stay so you had an excuse to send Steve away. You’d stay even if she didn’t pay. 

The thought of being alone with the man was terrifying. You’d only ever been alone with your father and he barely acknowledged you outside of asking for another beer, berating you, or worse.

You untied your apron and hung it on the hook and took your coat. You pulled it on and grabbed your bag before you pushed through into the cafe. Babs followed but drew you back into the kitchen as she saw Steve standing by the window.

“How long has he been here?” She asked as the door swung back into place.

“Almost an hour,” You said evasively. “He’s leaving now.”

She was silent as she stared at you. Her rosy cheeks paled.

“With you?”

You looked down. She tutted and touched your elbow.

“I tried to say no but… it’s just a ride. He’s being nice.” You squeaked.

“Nice? Those men aren’t nice.” She hissed. “You be careful.”

“He has no reason to hurt me,” You argued.

“No reason? He doesn’t need one.”

“Babs, look at me,” You frowned. “Come on.”

“Don’t sell yourself short,” She warned. “He definitely will.”

“I don’t… know what to do,” You said quietly. “To make him go.”

“You call me when you get home,” She drew you into a hug. “Twenty minutes our I’m closing early and coming to find you.”

“You don’t really think--”

“I don’t know what to think, sweets,” She said. “But I know his type are up to no good.”

You hugged your bag and nodded. “I’ll call.”

“Your ma wouldn’t want you hanging ‘round that man,” She tisked.

“I know,” You put your hand on the door. “I’m not too keen on it either.”

You pushed through once more and hesitantly rounded the counter. Steve turned away from his vigil at the window; the rain had slowed but the sky was getting darker. He had his loaf of bread in hand. You kept your bag in your arms as you squeezed it tighter and tighter.

“Sorry, I forgot… to tidy the racks,” You lied. “And my ma will be waiting for me.”

“I’m sure she will,” He went to the door. “Good thing you’re not walking.”

“Thank you, again.” You neared as he opened the door with a dull chime. “You don’t--”

“You act like I’m the first person to do you a favour,” He quipped as you pulled up your hood, your other arm still wrapped around your bag.

“My pa will be in a state too,” You stepped out ahead of him as he zipped up his leather jacket. 

You turned towards your house but he caught your arm. He pulled you back and guided you down to the large truck double-parked in front of Lloyd’s bookshop. It was a lot newer than your father’s and it actually ran. He opened the door as he turned his chin down as the rain slaked over his head and you climbed up quickly.

He closed the door and rushed around the front of the truck. He got in and shoved his keys in the slot as he tossed the bread behind his seat. He turned the engine and let the car idle as he reached into his jacket. He pulled out his phone and wiped the stray droplet off the screen with the thigh of his jeans. He dropped it in the cupholder and shifted gears before he pulled out.

“You work tomorrow?” He asked.

“Yeah,” You answered as you watched the rivulets streaming down the window. The steady beat of the windshield wipers interspersed the patter of rain. 

“You ever get a day off?”

“Wednesdays and Thursdays,” You regretted answering. You should have lied but you were never very good at that.

He slowed at the sign and you felt him looking at you. You were too scared to look back. He slowly hit the gas and you leaned against the door as you clung to your page.

“Wednesday night,” He said. “How about you come down to the bar for a drink?”

You glanced over at him but quickly turned your eyes ahead of you. Your lips parted. You were silent.

“Hey?” He prodded.

“I don’t drink,” You said.

“Jeez, I’m not asking you to pick up a habit, just one drink.” He urged.

“My ma--”

“How old are you?” He asked as he came in sight of your house. “What are we? Couple years apart? You’re an adult. Let your ma enjoy an empty nest for the night.”

You inhaled and sucked your lip in nervously. As he came closer to your house, your stomach flipped.

“I don’t know.” You muttered.

“I’ll be by at nine to get you. Plenty of time to get yourself sorted.” He said.

“I didn’t say yes,” You replied as he stopped behind your father’s busted Ford.

His eyes flashed as he turned to you and you looked back shyly.

“Wednesday. Nine.” He stated as his arm stretched between your seats, his hand on your headrest. “Tell your ma I’ll have you home by midnight. She doesn’t need to worry so much.”

Your lashes fluttered and you bent your head. You stared at the wet spots on your canvas bag. You unbuckled your seatbelt and reached for the door handle. His hand fell to your shoulder to stop you.

“Wait,” He grabbed his phone. “You’re number?”

“I don’t--” You stared at his cell and pursed your lips. “I don’t have a cell phone. I can give you my house number.”

“No phone?” He repeated. “No, it’s okay.” He fixed the string of your raincoat. “I’ll see you ‘round.”

You pulled the handle and tumbled out onto your feet. The mud squelched around your shoes. You should’ve worn your boots but you had only the sense to bring your coat. You didn’t look back as you closed the door and rushed up to your porch. The curtains along the front room moved as you opened the screen door. The tires squelched behind you and you rushed inside. Your mother greeted you from the living room doorway.

“I told you not to talk to that man,” She said.

“Ma,” You hung your bag and undid your coat. “I tried. Okay? I’m tired. I worked--”

“And I’ve been cleaning this mess all day,” She huffed. “Your pa made a hell of a mess when he finally woke up.”

“Ma, please,” You kicked your shoes off. “Just-- I just got home.”

“I don’t want him around here,” She crossed her arms.

You dragged your feet down the hall and stopped in front of her. 

“Neither do I,” You said. “Maybe next time, you can try telling him.”

You turned and went to your room. You closed yourself in and felt your heart racing. Wednesday wasn’t very far at all. Three days. Barely a wink in a small town like this.

[bmwiid]

This is going to be a very weird and neiche post about disability and advice and... like, probably not great for some people cause... I dunno. general warnings and angst in my real life warnings?

Also... like... I'm very, very aware of how much I sound like a bitch and an abuser. I'm trying to be honest and I'm not good at it, but I have to vent this or I'll... I dunno. I feel like if I don't get this shit out of me I'll go to bed and just not wake up. so... warnings?

Today I got a call around 12pm from mums carers. She's split her juice over herself in bed and they've stripped the bed, but she's sitting in her wheel chair and she's 'bouncing'.

I don't know what the medical term is cause no one ever bothered to look into it other than: it's not a seizure it's more like narcolepsy but it's not quite that either so meh?

To describe: mum twitches. enough to throw things. she also has mini blackouts, where she'll just... go unconscious for a few seconds. put those two together with a high level of confusion and sometimes 'dreams' (I don't think they are dreams, I think they are hallucinations, because she thinks they are real sometimes, but mum calls them dreams) and you get what we call: Bounces.

Because she looks like she... bounces? in her chair.

So she's real bouncy today, and they are worried, but they also have other people on the run and they don't know what to do, so I leave work and go to mums.

She's bad today. She asks for a drink, which I pour her, and she twitches and explodes a glass over the floor, and herself. I clean her up, she's in a wheelchair so I'm not worried about glass on her feet or anything, but she's taken her pills and needs water to swallow. Another glass hits the floor, legit explodes (I don't know if anyone has ever dropped an Ikea glass on tile but it shatters like Pyrex, it's pretty cool)

I manage to 'feed' her water by holding a glass and lifting it to her lips. during this she almost drowns because she 'bounces' while swallowing.

I move her into the livingroom and give her a cup with a lid and straw (plastic) and start to clean the kitchen of lemonade and glass.

I go back through after 5/10 mins, and shes... bounced again, and now her plastic cup is upside down and juice is pouring out of the straw and...

I'm kinda done. I don't want to make this about me. But also, it IS about me.

This is the third day in a row I've had to talk to carers and nurses and I've got a headache that will not quit and now I have what is essentially a toddler - she's not talking other than garbled words but she understands what I'm saying. She's twice my weight (and I'm not a small enby, people) and I can't do SHIT.

I leave her, bouncing, with the tv on so she's not 'alone' and when I go she's laughing along to Stephen Colbert and I'm over it.

I go to ASDA, I buy three sippy cups. One is like a flask with a straw that flips, one is a weird cup with a silicone top and I have no idea how it works, and one is a straight up sippy cup. With hooked handles and an elephant on it. I know she'd rather DIE than use it.

My plan is: I want her to use the flask and the 'non drip, non spill' blue cup with the weird silicone lid. She will not use this, because she's a fully grown woman, and she's got standards. However, if the other option is an actual BABY BOTTLE... she'll concede that the cup thing is better. If you want someone to pick option B, make sure option A is the fuckin worst.

I also swing by the local greggs because I need to feed her, and she's pickier than I am able to describe, so legit nothing else will work.

I get back to mums, and she's watching tv still, kinda. She asks me if I can get her something to eat when I go to the shops. It takes her about 10 minutes to ask.

I am now magic, as I produce the greggs bags. I hand her the food, and go to wash the new cups (and figure out how this blue one works). When I go back through, she's got the chicken bake all over her hands and face, but she seems to be eating it, mostly. kinda. She's happier though, as she mushes it around.

I show her the new cups I bought, and, as planned, her face is a fuckin picture when she sees the baby sippy cup. She actually recoiled. I show her how the blue cup works (it's actually really cool! I like it a lot! if you have kids who drop stuff, or adults this is the link, I got the one without handles so it looks like a blue plastic cup with lid) and it takes a couple of minutes, but she finally gets how to use a cup designed specifically for toddlers, but whatever. She bounces and the cup lands on her lap but doesn't spill. I'm already impressed, but it hit the floor a few seconds later and it's just the tiniest splash so... I highly recommend. I use a wet wipe to clean her face and hands, but whats the point, really? She squeezes the cheese and onion bake and it bursts over her hands, but she's fine, it's cold now - it won't burn her or anything. I sit on the floor and watch her smush food into her mouth. She forgets I'm still here, laughs along with the tv. she's already forgotten how to use the blue cup, and struggles to drink. I offer help and scare her. She forgot I was here.

Now, I know, if you are disabled, and you read this, I sound like the WORST fucking person you'll ever meet. I'm sorry. I'm at the end of my rope and I can't keep this up. She's my MUM. I love her more than I've ever loved anyone in this world and she's... a toddler.

She's a toddler twice my size. She's a toddler I have no training to manage. I'm not a nurse. I'm not a carer. There is a REASON we have carers, people who have that ability to look after others.

And this is my mum. I love her. I really, honestly, love her.

But she's also NOT a toddler. In a couple of days, she'll be a 63 year old who can talk and look after herself (mostly) and no amount of 'difficult conversations' will make her understand just how bad she gets. How no one on the care team is able to stay with her all day while she is bouncing. I can't do it, not if I want to keep my job, my house. She'll understand, to a certain level. She'll be upset and ashamed and embarrassed... but she won't do anything.

She won't go into a home. She won't move into assisted living. I can't afford a full time carer and the council doesn't have that option. She'll promise she'll 'try harder' which is... not possible. It's not like she wants to be like this, so how will she be ABLE to try harder?

She's not a toddler. She's an adult who I love and respect. I cannot force my mum into a care home. She'd never forgive me. Never.

I just don't know what to do. I'm tired. I'm stressed. I'm upset and I don't have anyone other than my mum, and 50% of the time now, I don't even have her.

my guilt legit feels like it's EATING me.

And I have to go back to work. I've missed 3 hours.

I log back in, take a call. The angry, upset and crying woman on the other side tells me I don't understand. asks me "how I can work for a company that treats people like this" asks me if my mother is proud.

I take a breath. I remember my mum braggin about my good job and my bought house and my paid off car.

I left her smushing food over her hands and drinking out of a sippy cup.

I do my job.

[astralaffairs]

How do you think Phillip would handle an anxiety attack/depressive episode? As someone with depression, I experience these a lot and having someone there with me is nice

hey honey!! i empathize w u 100% — I've struggled w/ depression for years. that said, i kinda struggled w this, since having ppl with me when i go thru depressive episodes can be difficult for me, so i'm super sorry if this doesn't 100% reflect your experiences!!! as much as ik where you're coming from, i think my own perspective n experiences kinda colored how this turned out (also it got v long n self indulgent oops)

-----

"Hey, princess, you around?" Your eyes widened at the words, echoing down the hall of your apartment from your living room. "Y/N?"

You didn't respond at first, weren't sure what to say. You liked hearing the sound of his voice; it was a comfort in itself, but you also weren't sure whether you wanted him to find you in your room, still in bed in your pajamas, your now-empty bag of Fritos perched on the pillow beside you. You almost regretted giving him a key. You were exhausted — it was no secret for anyone who caught a glance of your half-lidded stare, the bags under your eyes. You were propped up against a pillow at the headboard, but you were still slouched over into your bent knees, curled into yourself.

You could see that he'd flipped the kitchen light on, its furthest reaches flooding the hall toward your bedroom. You wondered whether that'd mask the light coming from your room.

Your phone lit up beside you, but you couldn't see what the message you'd received actually said. It was instead filed under the notification, 'Pip 🥺💞: 7 unread messages.'

You reached over to put your phone on your bedside table, but when you did, your bed creaked loudly. You winced at the noise. Apparently, it also catalyzed the footsteps that'd stalled in your front room to kick back into action, now headed in your direction.

"Baby?" His voice was laced with concern, now. "You back here?"

When he reached your room, he raised an eyebrow, knocked lightly on the doorframe, and you sighed. "Hey, is everything okay? Can I come in?"

You didn't respond immediately, hesitant to speak for fear of him hearing the apathy that you knew had taken root deep in your voice. Eventually, after a long moment of apprehensive silence, you said, "Yeah. Yeah, of course you can."

How quiet, tired your words sounded only heightened the worry in his knit brow. His actions were tentative as he approached you. Your body was tense as he took a seat at the foot of your bed. "What're you doing in bed? It's almost 6 PM."

"What, I'm not allowed to be in bed in my own apartment?" Your voice was unnecessarily combative, and his eyebrows shot up at the sudden hostility.

"I didn't say that. Of course you are," he replied, and how gentle his tone was had you immediately struck with a pang of guilt. "But your laptop's off, and I know you've been silencing your phone. I just mean... genuinely, what have you been doing in here?"

You shrugged halfheartedly, not meeting his eyes. "I dunno. It's my day off; I don't have to be productive all the time, Philip." Again, when you spoke, it was accusatory, and Philip pursed his lips.

"Did I do something? Are you angry with me?"

Being branded as 'angry' usually would've multiplied your frustration tenfold — no, you weren't angry, but he'd showed up at your apartment unannounced and proceeded to question your lazy evening in; didn't you at least have a right to be annoyed? — but his searching gaze looked so troubled when it met yours that you couldn't bring yourself to be. Ultimately, you shook your head.

"No, you didn't. I just..." When you trailed off, you'd intended to finish the sentence, but you realized you didn't have a decent explanation to offer him. He sighed.

"Something's wrong. Talk to me; c'mon." You didn't say anything, and he scooted across your mattress to sit beside you, discarding your empty, crinkled snack bag to the floor. "Y/N?"

"Nothing's wrong. I'm fine," you murmured, and though you offered him a tired smile, he frowned.

"Hey, no you're not." When he reached for your hand, you flinched, more due to instinct born of the tension in your bloodstream than to any real intention. Nonetheless, it took him aback. He was about to pull away, but when you relaxed, he laced his fingers tentatively into yours. You didn't rebuke him. "Y'know I'm here for you, right?"

The smile you managed to contrive at that was, in your opinion, more convincing than your previous one. "I know, baby. I love you. But really, I'm doing alright. I've just been tired today; I wanted to come take a nap. Sorry if I'm being grumpy."

You thought your words would've assuaged his concerns; they had with everyone who'd heard them before. However, Philip let out a heavy breath, shaking his head. "Please, don't bullshit me. I know you too well for that."

Your light laugh in response felt like an adequate supplement, and you squeezed his hand. "Relax. I'm not bullshitting, okay?"

You held firm on your smile as he eyed you warily, and when he leaned over to kiss you, you relished in the touch, eyes fluttering shut as his nose skimmed your skin. He didn't pull all the way away, though, resting his forehead against yours.

His lips met your cheek, and against your skin, he whispered, "Stop hiding. I love you, and you're only worrying me more."

He took your chin in his free hand as he pulled just inches away, watching carefully when your eyes widened. "C'mon, what makes you think—?"

"I know you." He cut you off firmly, the words leaving little room for protest or contradiction. You didn't like how exposed you felt. "And I can tell that something's seriously wrong."

A moment passed in silence; your eyes darted across his expression, searching for any degree of uncertainty, but he was set fully in his convictions. You bit your lip. "Okay," you finally said, voice tiny. "I... I'm sorry, Philip."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I just want you to be honest with me." He reached up to smooth his hand over your hair, it eventually coming to rest at the nape of your neck. You nodded.

"I know." You ran your thumb over his knuckles, staring down at where your hands were interlinked. "But... I don't know what to tell you. Nothing happened, and there's nothing you can fix."

"Then what isn't okay?" he asked. "What can you talk to me about? What's weighing on you?"

How earnest his voice was only left you frustrated, sitting beside him with no answer to give. "I don't know what to tell you. I'm what's been ruining my day."

"What d'you mean?"

You huffed, tried to pull your hand away as you turned your head, struggling to articulate anything. You felt stupid; you knew whatever would come out of your mouth would sound stupid. But he didn't let your hand go, and you found yourself easing back toward his body.

"This whole day has just... it's been so fucking hard. And I haven't even done anything. I'm still in bed, for god's sake; I've been useless." Your own words made your skin crawl. You sounded so whiny; why couldn't you form a thought without coming off as pathetic?

"It's your day off, right? Why should you be productive?" he echoed your own words back to you with a kind smile, and your involuntary resentment eased in the slightest.

"Thanks, Pip. But..." You swallowed. "I'm so tired. Everything I try to do feels so exhausting. The reason my laptop's still off is because trying to find something to watch was just... making me feel worse."

He nodded. "I'm sorry." You were momentarily disappointed when he released your hand, but that same arm then snaked around your waist, and he paused, not yet trying to pull you into him. "This okay?"

How gently, how tenderly he was treating you your fatigued gaze slowly softening. "Yeah." You shut your eyes when he held you close, leaning you into his body. He was so warm, and he was so good to you. "Love you," you murmured.

"I love you, too." The small, weak smile you gave was all but imperceptible when he kissed the top of your head. "So, what d'you think's going on, then? Are you getting sick? Do I need to take you to the doctor? Pick up some antibiotics?"

The concern in his eyes had returned when you glanced up to him once more, and you pursed your lips. "No, no, it's not... I don't need the doctor, or any ibuprofen, or whatever," you murmured, and your tone sounded more hopeless than you realized. You'd burrowed your face into Philip's side, by then, and you couldn't see it when he pursed his lips. The despair in his eyes was heavier than you'd have guessed.

"Alright, princess," he said quietly. When a beat passed, you thought he was going to leave it at that, but his voice was apprehensive when he continued. "Is there... something else you know that has you so spent?"

The noise of discontent you let out into his t-shirt was almost a groan. You weren't overly pleased with his hitting the mark, but after a long pause, you gave a small, weak nod. "Yeah," you whispered. "But it isn't something you can fix."

He didn't hesitate, then, to pull you into his lap, though the action caught you by surprise. Both his hands were holding you to him by the waist; you shifted in his grasp, turning to rest against his chest, your arms looped around his neck. "Then it's a good thing you aren't broken." You lifted your head from his chest, turning it to look up at him curiously, and one of his hands left your waist, instead coming to cup your cheek. "My sister's been dealing with depression for most of her life. I get that I'll never know what it's like, but if you're willing to talk to me, trust me when I say I won't take it lightly."

His thumb sweeped across your cheekbone as you stared up at him in surprise. He furrowed his eyebrows. "What's up? Was my assumption off-base?

At that, you let out a huff, surprised but no longer bitter. "No. You're just too perceptive for your own good sometimes; you know that?" you murmured, and he laughed. You could feel it reverberate in his chest against your body.

"Not too perceptive for your own good, though, apparently." He raised an eyebrow at you, expectant, and you rolled your eyes. When you didn't respond, he continued, "How come you never told me?"

"I don't know." You sniffed. "Depression's just so fucking stupid. Like, sorry, your brain chemicals are fucked up, so you're going to spend the next week rotting in bed. What kind of deal is that?"

The droll annoyance in your words made him smile. Anything was better than the apathy. "Really, princess, who comes up with this stuff?" he replied, mirth laced into his tone as he plastered on a look of annoyance. You cracked a small smile.

"I dunno, but I'd like to have a talk with them sometime. Give 'em a piece of my mind."

He laughed, absentmindedly rubbing circles into your lower back. "You should. Stick it to the man." The way he nodded decisively made you purse your lips, small smile threatening to widen into a watery grin. "But until then, is there anything I can do for you right now? What have you done today?"

You let out a heavy sigh against his body, with that, once again fully present in your wreck of a bedroom. "I showered, and I ate a family-size bag of chips."

"Hey, so you got out of bed." He nudged you with his shoulder, wearing an encouraging smile. "That's something, right?"

"Mmhmm. And then I got right back into bed," you huffed.

"Alright. What have you eaten today? Anything?"

You raised an eyebrow. "We just covered this. Family-sized bag of chips."

"That's not exactly a meal, baby," he said, and his furrowed brow made you scowl. "Hey, I don't mean to downplay that; I'm really glad you ate. I just wanna know if I can get you anything else."

You shrugged. "I'm not hungry."

"Is there any food that you'd eat right now if you had it in front of you?"

There was a pause; you didn't move, gaze blank as you considered it, but again, you shrugged. "I dunno. Chocolate sounds nice. But I don't need anything."

"You need to eat."

"That's so unhealthy," you said quietly. Just your single day's worth of poor eating habits had you feeling beyond lousy about your body; you had no desire to see a mirror until at least the next day.

"What's unhealthy is letting yourself starve, princess." You rested the side of your head against his chest once more, having no desire to meet his eyes. You didn't want his stare to be judgmental.

"'M not starving," you mumbled, and one of his hands rose to the back of your head, holding you close as you leaned into him.

"I'm not accusing you of anything," he whispered, and his thumb brushed across the skin of your neck. "Relax. I love you. I can go and get you anything you want to eat."

"No, no, don't leave. Don't leave me," you murmured, and your hold on him tightened. "Just stay with me. Please. I'll deal with everything I've been neglecting in the morning."

He sighed. "Baby, you know I want to, but I'm worried about you. Someone's gotta take care of you if you aren't gonna take care of yourself."

"Later." You looked up at him, and he could see your distress in your gaze. "I promise, Philip. I'm just so tired. Just wanna stay in bed. Want you here with me."

"Okay." He kissed your forehead. "Okay, I'm not going anywhere."

"You promise?"

"I promise, princess."

[theawkwardterrier]

When in the Depth of Winter

Summary: Peggy notices how the cold troubles Steve and tries to fix it. 

The first part of my Steggy Secret Santa outtakes posting. This one was rejected because it refused to stay as light as I wanted, so take that as you will.

Read on AO3

Something happens to Steve as the temperature begins to drop below freezing. Peggy doesn’t think that anyone else has noticed - when asked if he seems different to her, Angie declares, “Nah, swell - and gorgeous! - as always,” and Bucky points out that just because the current war is a cold one, doesn’t mean that Steve feels he’s through with his responsibilities - but it’s terribly obvious to her. Or perhaps it’s only that no one else is around to see him walk through the house in his warmest socks or take an extra quilt from the linen closet to add to their bed. No one else thinks to notice how odd it is for him to bundle in gloves and a scarf and a hat, even though his core temperature stays consistently high regardless. She seems to be the only one who sees him turn from cheery window displays and tuck himself even quieter and farther inside at the parties they’re invited to.

She asks him about it, of course she does. They’ve been married for a year and had been seeing each other nearly daily for months before then, ever since he’d been recovered from the Valkyrie. There’s no one she trusts as much as she does Steve and she doesn’t think it flattery but mere fact that she holds similar esteem to him. Still, he only frowns and shrugs in response to her questions, says he’s feeling the same as usual, kissing her gently on the temple or crown or mouth and thanking her for worrying about him. And she doesn’t think he’s intentionally lying; sometimes, however, your feelings are buried so deeply that you don’t even recognize them. That doesn’t mean that they aren’t there. That doesn’t mean that there isn’t anything to be done.

Somehow, as if knowing that Peggy has other things to think about and can’t stay in the office until all hours or pop in for emergency sessions on weekends (or perhaps because she isn’t the only one whose family has her focus just now), her agents are closing cases at a top clip and the criminal underworld seems to have settled into some sort of hibernation.

And so Peggy is able to stop at the delicatessen on a Friday and still be home by suppertime.

“It’s the absolute perfect evening,” she says as soon as she comes through the door. “Come for a walk with me.” There’s an excitement to the declaration rather than any martial strictness; after an assessing look at her - this isn’t precisely normal for the two of them - he stands and dons his coat to join her outside.

They live away from the main street and most of their neighbors are already tucked away inside their homes. When they do encounter someone, they exchange nods, but for the most part there is only the soft sound of their boots atop the leftover snow, their exhalations of breath which fog in the air.

Through the larger front windows they can see families eating and couples reading side by side, silhouettes of Christmas trees, and once, a couple sharing a kiss in a dim sitting room. One or the other of them will point out some particularly pretty decorations. It is not late but the winter darkness is so complete that when they step through a streetlight the reality of the brightness is nearly a surprise, a brief dawning which reminds them of how lovely the velvet night can be too.

Pressed close as they are, she feels him shiver as a breeze blows past them. Leaning up, she touches her chilled cheek to his warmer one, both their eyes closed. And without speaking, they turn around and start for home.

Their fireplace has never been used before now, but they light it tonight, sit in front of its bathing warmth to eat the chicken soup that she had brought home, reheated piping hot. They don’t speak much but it is enough, unhurried and peaceful. She can feel him watching her, trying to figure through her intentions, but in the end he seems simply to accept it, leaning back and allowing himself to be thawed.

“What do you think of ice skating?” she asks him as they finish washing the breakfast dishes one Saturday morning.

He gives her an odd glance. “Walking but on ice and with knives strapped to your feet?” he tries.

“Well, I’m sure there’s nothing we have to do today which can’t keep until tomorrow, and I’ve bought you a pair of skates which should fit.”

Steve is her husband, and before that he was her friend, and he is above all her partner. She doesn’t often use with him the tone of voice she does for stubborn politicians or agency heads who disagree with her, the one which is simultaneously so firm as not to brook complaint and a bit blithe, as though whatever is being discussed has already been decided in Peggy’s favor and aren’t they silly for having forgotten. By the way his eyebrows furrow even deeper, she knows he recognizes it and he even opens his mouth to say so, but in the end he instead goes to get his coat.

Their house is a ten minute walk from the skating pond - not even that if you’re Steve - but they’re usually too busy to even contemplate availing themselves of it. It’s already midmorning by the time they arrive and the day is perfect, sunny but frigid, so no one has to worry about softening ice. They are far enough into the season, however, that the novelty has worn off and only a few other groups are taking advantage.

Steve has, through mutual effort, become a passable dancer beyond back and forth swaying and turning in circles (not that the style doesn’t have its own charms). That skill doesn’t seem to translate to the ice, however, and he spends their first turns around the pond clutching her hands with the trembling ankles of a newborn deer taking its first steps. But he picks it up more quickly than she had expected, his serum-induced athleticism activating as he continues to practice, and soon his hand in hers has nothing to do with balance or security anymore.

They get competitive, they can’t help it, laughing as they race, taking care to swerve around the others with whom they are sharing the ice. Steve tries a couple of jumps - daring and occasionally reckless as he might be, he’s smart enough not to attempt flips just yet - and even when he falls, he just laughs and shakes himself off as he stands again.

It doesn’t escape Peggy’s eyes as they switch back over into their street shoes that Steve has stuffed his gloves into his pocket, that he drapes his coat over his arm deference to the sweat they’ve worked up. But she doesn’t mention anything, merely takes his hand once again for the walk home.

They go to watch Angie playing Martha Cratchit in A Christmas Carol the next week, and treat her to supper and hot apple cider afterward. (Steve crinkles his nose but keeps taking baffled sips from his mug, as if a preference for it might sneak up on him if he only keeps trying.) The week after that, it snows again and they spend Sunday in Prospect Park with Bucky so Peggy can experience the site of their youthful sledding exploits.

“Well, we didn’t exactly have a sled then,” Steve points out as they climb Lookout Hill. “But there’s plenty you can do with a garbage can lid or the old instrument trays that the hospital was getting rid of.” It’s the sort of statement which would have Peggy’s mother making faces like she had just sniffed sour milk, but Peggy herself actually smiles at the picture of her husband small enough to curl himself up for a trip down the hill and brash enough to try it.

“Can’t believe you’re forgetting my masterpiece,” Bucky jokes. “Weeks of collecting scrap wood and old nails, borrowing my dad’s hammer to put it all together, and you don’t even mention it.”

Steve shakes his head. “My mother was certain I’d get tetanus just from being near that thing when she saw what you’d made.”

“I think my ears are still ringing from her shouting - and don’t think I’ve forgotten that it was mostly at me.”

“You were the one stupid enough to build it!”

“You’re the one who was stupid enough to ride it.” With a grin, Bucky adds, “I didn’t think anyone could shout louder than my ma, so I guess I learned a lesson in more than woodworking that day.”

“Now I’m even more disappointed that I was never given a chance to meet her,” Peggy says as they reach the top before Bucky can play any further with the word woodworking. He had been discovered in Russia by a SHIELD spy and extracted a year before they found Steve; he is quiet about the professional help he has been getting to manage the pain of the things that happened to him during the war and after, but it’s clearly making a difference: his terrible sense of humor is returning in fuller force even than she knew it could. Steve’s hip nudges against hers, and she knows that it is not by accident. She looks up at him and catches his smile.

After a morning of racing down the hill until the crowds arrive, after they’d handed over their sleds to a group of kids without their own and, picking up food on the way, gone back to Bucky’s apartment to eat and talk and laugh together, Peggy and Steve take the train back home. His cheeks are still somewhat rosy when she looks at him, and the remnants of laughter still dance about his mouth. Halfway there, a pair of seats opens up and they sit side by side, leaning into each other a bit, watching absently through the steamed window as the city passes them by.

“I can tell what you’re doing, you know,” Steve says as they climb the porch stairs, returning from helping out at the Red Cross rummage sale. Steve has plenty of volunteer projects he’s associated with around the neighborhood - the soup kitchen, the community center - but she had been the one to suggest this; she remembers how welcome that bright symbol had been on the battlefield, in the same way as Steve’s shield.

“Unlocking the door?” she asks as she plucks her keys from her bag.

He is so near to her that she can feel his heat and practically his narrowed eyes as well as he says, “Not—Well, sure, but what I meant was that I know that you don’t just suddenly find winter outings appealing.”

She lets them through the door, unbuttoning her coat with her other hand. “Perhaps I’m only just becoming comfortable enough with you to share my love for them.” Until he comes out with what he is thinking, she isn’t going to simply believe the jig to be up.

“Peggy,” he says, and to anyone else listening it would just be her name, but she hears the real sharpness to the word. She turns to him, coat still draped around her shoulders. He’s shut the door with his foot and they haven’t had a chance to switch on the lights; his face is shadowed, difficult to make out in the muted light of the late afternoon.

“When you asked,” he says, and then makes himself take in more air. “When you asked if something was wrong, I didn’t know that there was. But it’s just that—” He ducks his head, then lifts it again, making himself look toward her. “I keep thinking of all those winters of never being quite warm enough, never having a good coat or shoes to keep out the damp, the way I knew that I was getting sick by the way my breath would catch when I laughed or when there was a certain taste in the back of my throat. I can’t forget the smell of trench foot from guys who’d been walking in wet boots for days, or the times I had to be the one to keep digging the graves because the ground was so frozen no one else could get through it. There are nights I close my eyes and see Buck falling, that jacket of his all dark against the snow, even though he survived, he’s back now and safe. And sometimes, when the wind is really bad, I feel like I remember—” He cuts himself off, shaking his head, though his shoulders shake as well, broad as they are.

They have talked about their time apart, as they call it, but he has always wanted to keep the focus on her end, on the things she had done and the way she had felt and all that had happened to her, pushing off talk of his end of things with reminders that there wasn’t anything to tell about what was essentially a prolonged sleep. They both know that he shouldn’t be able to recall any of it - he swears he was knocked out by the impact of the crash and he only woke up again long after he had been removed from the shell of the Valkyrie and completely warmed - but even the thought that he might remember a moment of his time frozen beneath the ice stabs at her.

“I could see that this time of year was difficult for you,” she says, and she doesn’t look away from him even as she folds herself inward. Typically her bulling forward has worked in her favor; the idea that it might have backfired and hurt the person she least wants to is intolerable. “I thought we might try to cloud some of the associations for you, to give you some new memories for the season. But perhaps it was a bit too much to overcome.”

He ducks his head and steps toward her; he is very near in the darkened front hall. “You weren’t wrong to try. The thing is that you did give me good new memories: helping people get through the worst of the cold, spending time with our friends, all those new moments with you. Those memories have to fit inside my head along with the old ones; you just made sure that sometimes when it’s cold what I’ll remember instead is kissing you with snowflakes on your eyelashes. I’m just never sure which is going to be the one my brain’ll bring up.”

“I know as well as you do that it’s impossible to erase the other memories,” she says. “But it’s terribly important to me to make sure that you have an entire lifetime’s worth of happy ones too.”

“You’ve given me a million wonderful ones, even when you weren’t trying,” he says staunchly. Captain America isn’t just a persona or a symbol, it’s who he is, the bolsterer, strong and entirely reliable, she’s always known that. But it is so clearly Steve Rogers who, after a pausing moment, asks, low and a bit worried, “But what about—I don’t want you to feel guilty if sometimes the good memories aren’t always enough. It’s only that the bad ones are still in there too.”

She closes her eyes; how particularly privileged she feels for him to allow himself to say such a thing when he spends so much time considering himself last, trying to make sure no one thinks of having to extend a hand on his behalf.

“Well,” she says, stepping forward and tucking herself beneath his coat with him, wrapping arms around his back to hold him tightly to herself. “In those moments, we just stand together and wait for spring.”

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

First Day

Summary- 1.7k Detective Paul Diskant x Y/N. Paul passed his detective exams and first day on the job. Although he's been an officer since you've two been dating, your nerves still get the best of you. Soft and Some Smut. Written for @jtargaryen18​ 30 Days of Chris

Fresh youthful face stared back at Paul in the mirror as he buttoned up his shirt, his fingers shaking slightly until you peeked around his arm, and tugged to turn him away from the mirror, smiling up at him as you took over for him, sure to make sure each side lined up correctly. “Diskant, you know everything is going to be fine.” You say with pride, stepping back so he could stuff the tail ends of his shirt in his pants, to zip up the fly and button them shut. 

“I feel like my heart's going to just beat out of my chest.” He said as a confession while you moved to your shared closet and opened the door, going through his ties. You pulled out a blue one with a pattern to it, moving back over to hold it against his chest while he flipped up his collar so he could put it on. You hum to him in agreement as you draped it over his shoulders. 

You ducked back around so you could stand in front of him and fix the length, and start to twist and fold it with nimble fingers, having done this for him a few times now over the years you two have been together. His blue eyes slid appreciative over your concentrating face, the tip of your tongue caught between your teeth. “And it will go smooth. Remember you earned this Handsome. They don't just give out Detective status to anyone. You studied hard and passed all the exams.” Your fingers clasped around the knot of his tie and wriggled it up. “Besides, I thought I worked all the nerves out of you last night.” You bit your lip in a grin, and his pupils widened in excitement, recalling last night. 

You pushing him onto the bed with a purr, your lips tasting sweet after a few wine coolers that you had enjoyed around the small fire pit you two sat around before deciding to retire.You straddle his lean hips and his hand fisted in your hair with an urgency, and you giggled against his lips. knees gripping against his waist, your tugging his shirt over his head, and he's doing the same to yours, tossing them aside. You fall forward to place kisses all along his chest, sure to give a bit of tiny love bites, and his hands are cupping your breasts through your bra, teasing your nipples through the fabric. “Get it off Paul.” You whine, and he reaches behind, and snaps it loose. “Sit back Y/N.” He said, pushing you back so he can draw it off your body, topless, you were fucking stunning, running your hands over your breasts, your own fingers pulling at your nipples. It was just to much and Paul, wrapped and arm around your waist to roll you two over, taking over with his mouth where your fingers just were. 

Grasping the back of your neck, he pulled you in against him to take a deep claiming kiss, tongue trailing over teeth and claiming your tongue, you grasped his belt buckle giving a jerk at it and moan into the kiss, looking up at him slightly dazed. “You did, fucking went from my Kitten to a Wildcat last night.” His thumb slid across your bottom lip to clean off the residue, and winked. “You always know how to treat me good Kitten.” 

Letting go of his belt buckle and patting his chest with a wink. “Wonder where I learned that Diskant. You can just figure that out for yourself Detective.” You teased and twisted away to leave the room, Paul right behind you with a playful swat to your ass, grabbing his wallet and badge off the dresser as he left the room, to finish getting ready for the day. Now he was bubbling with a good mood, you easily had that effect on him. And when you gave him a kiss goodbye, tilting to your tip toes telling him how fucking turned on you were by him with that badge on his hip, he walked out of the house a confident man. 

You watched from the door frame, wiggling your fingers as you watched him straighten his tie and slip into his car. You couldn't help but worry your lip, turning away when he was gone and going to get yourself ready, pouring your coffee, you carried the mug up the stairs and into your bedroom to actually get dressed for work. 9 to 5 at the bank. You and Paul didn't have a bad life. The little house with the bit of back yard just outside the city. Both of you had good jobs, you just couldn't help but worry about his. Maybe now it would be better, he wouldn't be on patrol anymore, but working actual cases of crimes that already happened. Staring at yourself in the mirror, you couldn't help but grin at some of the darker marks he left scattered across your breasts, his love bites, just as you managed to leave some on his. 

He lavished his tongue around your erected nipples, your hands shoving through the short crisp hairs on his head you had just cleaned up for him earlier to dig into the bunches muscles of his shoulders, arching yourself into his mouth. “Impatient Kitten?” He growled out and you nodded while rolling your body against his, reaching down to tug at his jeans. “When am I not impatient Paul?” He laughed as he continued down your body, your stomach fluttering under his teeth while he tugged your pants open and pulled back further to yank them off. Quick to get off his own, he fell over you, settling in between spread thighs and mid kiss, he plunged fingers in you, pumping you open and having you clenching around him, gasping against his lips. “All wet and fucking hot Kitten, your right, you are ready.” With a easy glide, he stretched you around him, leaving you pushing your head back with a hissing and he took advantage, sucking on your neck. 

A tug over your blouse covered your body, and you pinned your hair up at the nape of your neck, placing on a gold chain Paul had given you a while ago, as well as a bracelet. It was easy to put on this look, hiding some of your worries, and as you left that day, locking your door on the way out, and started your day. At your lunch time, you had messaged him, telling him you hoped his first day was good, and walking the mall your bank was located in with your co-worker friend Cat, you two discussed a bit of your worries. It was good to be able to talk to a friend. 

“Well you said so yourself, that Paul wasn't going to be chasing down crimes in progress.” 

You picked at your soft pretzel and shrugged. “No, but it's still a dangerous job, and it's not like Boston is exactly the safest city of cities.” You wrinkle your nose and pause at a jewelers window, studying the display. 

Cat paused to, looking at the pendants, when she pointed one out. “Why don't you get him a St.Micheals Pendant? His is supposed to protect the police officers from harm.” And you ditched your soft pretzel to enter the shop and look. Soon you were walking out with a black box being tucked into your purse. Cat looped her arm through yours and already your mood was a bit better as you two entered the bank, when five o clock rolled around, you were quick to get home, wanting to be home to welcome Paul home on his first day as Detective. You were just getting dinner in the oven when you heard the front door open and Paul call out your name. “In here Babe" you call back and quickly dry your hands off. 

When he came in, he found you drying your hands, looking him up and down now in a more relaxed look, tie loosened, sleeves half rolled up his arms, suit jacket he was quick to drape over his chair. “Smells good Kitten, what you got cookin'?” He teased as he went to you, wrapping arms around your waist. You smirked up at him, and loped your arms around his neck. “Pizza, with that crust you like. But it JUST went in the oven, so what are you smelling?” 

“Must be you Kitten.” He dropped his head and kissed your neck with a bit of tenderness that wasn't there last night, traveling to your lips. “And you taste good to.” You laugh as your swaying a bit around the kitchen, a slow dance without any music, just a natural body movement for you two in this moment. “Arnt you a charmer Diskant. I got something for you today to congratulate you on your new job.” You grinned and reached into your pocket. 

He backs the two of you up so he can sit down in the kitchen chair, kissing your shoulder. “You didn't have to give me anything, you’ve done more then enough sticking with me all these years.” 

“I didn't have to, but I wanted to.” You pick up his hand resting on your thigh, and put the box in it. “Your girlfriend is allowed to give you gifts whenever she wants.” Paul knew better then to argue with her about it, and he pried open the lid to see the silver St Micheal’s charm. Well aware of the significance, he set the box aside and drew you into him and handed him the necklace, which you slipped over his head and then tucked into his shirt so it wouldn't get caught on something. “Perfect” you say as your cuddling into his chest and rested your forehead against his, his blue eyes studying yours, and placing a gentle loving kiss on your lips. “Its perfect Kitten, Thank you for this.” 

You smiled back and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. “Your welcome, I love you Detective.” You grinned getting to use his new title. “By the way, did you ever solve that case I gave you this morning?” 

He furrowed his brow and danced his fingers up your back. “Why no, in fact I have to question the witness, how much time do we have?” 

You check the timer on the stove and bite your lip looking back at him. “30 minutes Detective.” 

“Oh, plenty of time.” Scooping you up bridal style, he carried you off to the couch, and that night you two ate slightly burnt pizza.    

Tags- @jtargaryen18​   @what-is-your-plan-today​ @stardancerluv​ @what-just-happened-bro​ @princess-evans-addict​ @patzammit​ @onetwo3000​

[todoshotoki]

𝙋𝘼𝙄𝙍𝙄𝙉𝙂: todoroki shoto x reader

𝙏𝙍𝙄𝙂𝙂𝙀𝙍 𝙒𝘼𝙍𝙉𝙄𝙉𝙂: mentions of anxiety, anxiety attacks, mentions of past abuse, thoughts of suicide

𝙎𝙐𝙈𝙈𝘼𝙍𝙔: where your sweet sixteen isn’t as sweet as you thought it’d be

𝙒𝙊𝙍𝘿 𝘾𝙊𝙐𝙉𝙏: 2.6K

𝘼𝙐𝙏𝙃𝙊𝙍'𝙎 𝙉𝙊𝙏𝙀: these are my raw emotions from last night and i wrote this to cope. these situations are very much real to me and what happened to me the day before posting this so please be kind about it. i’m still trying to recover.

you were turning sixteen. the day you had been anticipating had finally come and you could barely sleep the night before.

your parents had offered your boyfriend, shoto todoroki, to accompany you for breakfast to celebrate your birthday. he, of course, accepted and pushed everything else that he had to attend to on that morning for you.

you got up early, dancing and skipping around your dorm room while picking out clothes. you had clothes you had never worn since you bought them and you were ready to show the world that you had been confident enough to wear them. you were humming while doing your makeup when three knocks were heard from your door.

you stop contouring your cheeks to get the door. your lover was standing at your door with a small bag in hand, presumably a gift. “happy birthday, (y/n),” he pecks you on the cheek and pulls you into a hug.

“thank you, sho, you’re so sweet,” this makes the boy’s eyes light up as he had passed the gift onto you. you had known how much he was trying to be more openly emotional so little phrases like that were sure to make him happy. “should i open it now or later?” you ask him, sitting back down at your vanity.

“you can open it now if you want. i personally think it would go well with what you’re wearing.” he says, giving you a hint as to what it could possibly be. you spare him a smile before unraveling the decorative paper to take out a black small box with a red and white bow on it.

you grinned at the little detail and untied the bow. you lifted the lid of the box with a gasp and took out the expensive earrings you and shoto had seen while window shopping in shibuya a few weeks back. he remembered you looking at it and wanting to buy it but taking a glance at the price and turning away almost immediately.

“you didn’t!” you swoon over the accessory, holding it up in the air. a subtle smile curled up on shoto’s lips as he saw you try them on. and they did in fact match what you wearing. you turn to him and give him yet another hug which was just as warm as the first, “thank you so much!”

“anything for you, baby,” his grin becoming wider, completely feeding off the praise you were giving him. “i’ll finish my makeup and we’ll be out of here, hold on,” you spin back around to look at the mirror.

the two of you soon head out the door to the common room. it was still rather early so only the early birds were up. “(y/n)-chan, hey! happy birthday!” izuku waves to you from his place on the couch next to tenya. “yes, happy birthday, (y/n)! i hope you two have fun and stay safe!” tenya calls right afterward. “thanks, you guys!” you call back before stepping into the elevator with your boyfriend.

“are you as excited as i am?” you ask shoto, rocking your body from your toes to your heels as the doors close. “more like nervous,” he sighs, scratching the back of his neck. “don’t worry, you’ll be fine! they loved you the first time and they’ll definitely still like you this time.”

you two walk out to the more populated areas in musutafu. you were meeting up at an american style diner and shouto had a bad of picky eating so you had chosen here on purpose. at first, he wanted whine and protest but you had brought up the point that “if you two were going to be dating then he couldn’t just live off of soba.”

once you had spotted your parents, you caught on quickly to the fact that they didn’t bring anything as a present. you ignored it, maybe it would show up later...

“(y/n)! shoto-kun! you’re finally here.” your mother clasped her hands in excitement. your parents were seated at a booth and the waiter must have did her round and asked if they wanted any drinks so there were two glasses of water in front of you.

“hi, mom! hi, dad!” you sat down closest to the window while shoo bowed in greetings to your parents before sitting down.

your parents continued to make small talk varying between the food and your school life. the whole time you were smiling, this year was so much different from the others.

your parents weren’t huge fans of celebrating birthdays and often treated them like normal days besides a gift so going out today was definitely a change of atmosphere.

“americans eat a lot, no wonder, (y/n) picked this place.” this remark from your mother made your smile falter a little bit but not too noticeably as you fiddled with your straw. shoto had scowled at the woman, but calmed down and started a conversation just between you and him.

once you all had finished eating, your dad got up and said, “well, i’m going back to work,” your raise an eyebrow, “already?” your smile almost faded this time. “i have to go run errands as well,” your mother says trailing behind your dad to head to her car.

“but-” you cut yourself short, sighing a bit to yourself, you were planning to take pictures with all three of them but your parents just rushed to disappear from this event completely. they hadn’t even thought to buy you a birthday present.

“don’t be upset, i’m here,” shoto caresses your cheeks knowingly, “we can go shopping if you’d like?” you shake your head at this. “it’s okay, sho,” your eyes dart away from his gaze of white and blue, “i’m not going to let it get to me. plus you have spent way too much money.” you say referring to the earrings that were dangling at the side of your cheeks.

“well, i could always use my dad’s card,” he wiggles his eyebrows uncharacteristically making you chuckle and hit him playfully. “pfft- no! let’s go back to the dorms.” he caved in, muttering some nonsense about wanting to make his father bankrupt which you just shake your head to.

you walked to the train station and took the first train back to u.a. amidst the train ride, you had gotten a message. it was one of many. it was an unsaved number and you assumed that it was was one of your old friends from middle school or something. you opened up the chat log.

the texts and calls all day had made you happy. people actually cared about you?

you checked the suggested name and your heart sunk so low in your stomach that you swore you were suddenly falling. you felt your blood begin to pump in your ears.

you felt a hand on your’s to which you flinched to. “hey, what is it?” shoto whispers, massaging your hand with his thumb, he didn’t want to peer at your phone for the sake of privacy. you just shook your head and shut off your phone. with trembling fingers and jagged breathing, you had put the phone in your bag.

you were not okay.

you were definitely not okay.

how could they do that to you? how could they do that so easily?

“i’ll be fine shoto, there’s nothing to worry about,” the use of his full name and the harshness in it made him looked like he had been kicked. his gaze almost made you want to crumble. it made your heart sink further and further and your nerves started to flare up again.

how could you possibly explain this to shoto?

oh, my abusive ex, just wished me happy birthday so i’m flipping out even though i haven’t seen them in two years and i still haven't recovered cause i haven't been treated or medicated for the trauma because my parents refuse to???

yeah right.

you became nauseous as the train movement was pushing you to the edge. everything they had done to you was manifesting once again and the shock was slowly spreading and decaying each and every one of your abilities to function. 

your muscles in your face felt heavy. you were aware every ounce in your body and how much effort it took to lug it around.

you were supposed to be happy today. it was your day.

what seemed to be something had just turned into nothing in the matter of moments. who knew a two letter phrase could fuck you up so easily.

you talked a lot with shoto for the remainder of the time left. you held his hand but you couldn’t feel your fingers, the buzzing of disassociating completely was crawling up on you and you wanted nothing but to scream.

it’s okay. you still got the cake, right? everyone in class 1a would love to share cake with you and shoto. you haven’t had a celebration with cake in so long that it became your only hope at this point.

but a part of you knew that this was another way of your brain coping with the stress. nobody had bought the cake for you. nobody had bough the candles for you. nobody had noticed it was your birthday until you took the initiative to tell them the day before. you were all doing this because nobody actually ca-

don’t think about that.

it was your birthday.

you were happy. you were happy.

your forced a smile on your lips as you trudged along the sidewalk to the dorms. everything was so heavy. you set it aside as the lack of sleep you were getting. you had to put more concealer under your eyelids this morning to cover up the dark circles.

it was that it was definitely that.

...

as the day drew to a close, you were still in your room from when you arrived at noon. you sat in your bed alone. you couldn’t bring the courage to ask your classmates to join you anymore.

you had kicked your sheets off your bed, blasting the air conditioning and sat upright to just feel something. 

you wanted to tear your skin a part, you wanted to shred every emotion you felt right now into shreds. the pulsating agony of the thoughts that nobody cared just triggered tears to well up in your eyes.

the stupid birthday cake.

you had built a realty that you wanted to come true but it was always to good to be true for you, wasn't it?

yes, you had gotten birthday wishes but your parents seemed like everything to you. they criticized and nagged you for things you took pride and joy in. they told you over and over that you were eating too much, too little, talking too loud, too much.

everything was wrong with you and if everything was wrong with you then they were all pretending.

they didn’t care. they never cared.

that’s why you sat there lighting your own dumb ass store bought cake with cheap ass flavorless frosting and spongy cake batter.

what were you trying to prove to yourself?

were you trying to prove that you were mentally stable? that you had people in your corner? let me tell you that was delusional thinking.

crying yourself to sleep on your birthday wasn’t something that you had thought would happen. it was supposed to be special. it was supposed to be different.

it was the first year where you thought you had friends and you weren’t being yelled at and hurt but even then nothing had changed. the ghost of trauma still loomed over your head.

nobody believed you, nobody would ever believe you, you had no bruises to show for it, no broken bones, just a twisted up mentality.

“sho...,” you whimper as the shivering wouldn’t ever stop. you felt your eyes well up in tears and just let them silently cascade down your face.

they looked so disinterested. they all could care less.

a few knocks at your door. “hey, (y/n)?” you heard softly at your door. it was izuku.

you didn’t want to answer. you bit down on your lip so the sobs wouldn’t start up again. it soon became almost too much as your chest tightened.

you covered your mouth as more and more tears streamed down your face and your body failed to take oxygen into your lungs.

maybe dying wasn’t that bad?

fuck, you were being so overdramatic.

“(y/n), we know you’re there...” another voice calls from your door. this time it was ochako. you still didn’t want to answer.

“just leave me alone,” you gasp out to yourself since you highly doubted that they would be able to hear you.

it hurt so bad being so alone. 

no matter how much time you spent. no matter how much love and affection was thrown your way it all seemed so fake.

another voice, “c’mon, (y/n), if you won’t answer them. can you answer me?” it couldn’t be other than your boyfriend’s. this made you feel torn between just sitting here and going to the door.

your feet carried you to the door. only shoto stood there now looking at the ruined makeup on your cheeks. “baby...” his soft voice was all it took for you to start ugly crying.

sobs and wails escape your lips and he close the door behind him, hushing you as he takes you into his arms. “you’re okay, it’s going to be okay.” he leads you to your bed and helps you lay down next to him.

between the combing through your hair with his fingers and the kisses that he left on your forehead, your anxiety soon slowed.

“listen to me, okay? whatever you’re thinking right now and whatever you’re doubting right now is all untrue. everyone loves you and even if some things didn’t work out, there’s always a next time, remember?” he hums, transferring some of his quirk to his fingertips to ground you a little bit more than just the sheets underneath you two.

“i’ll be okay, right?” you mumble, moving your ear to his beating heart.

“yes, of course, you will. we all have got you.” he hugs you a bit tighter for a moment, “it’s okay to cry. you’ve been through a lot. those feelings are valid and you will be able to conquer them eventually with one step at a time.”

you both laid their in silence intertwined. you inhaled the smell of peppermint from his shirt and finally said something.

“can i tell you something?” you ask him lowly. you could already feel the burning in your throat. “anything you want, sweetheart,” he nods. “well- um- i was mistreated... badly in the past.” you felt your voice start to fade with the words. you cleared your throat and punched your chest to get that choking feeling out.

“i don’t like saying it was this bad out loud because it sounds so stupid but i was manipulated and...” you trailed off into tears as your crying started up again. you felt his body run cold for a moment but he quickly recovered. “it’s okay, it’s okay, don’t worry... you don’t have to explain anything to me right now.”

you nod and sniffle, “okay... then i would like to tell you later,”

“alright, remember, i’m right here and i’ll never leave,” he hums, wiping away your tears, “rikido made a cake for you, do you still want to celebrate?”

this made a smile manifest on your lips, “of course!”

[anime-alyssa]

one of our own

breeding kink. also on ao3. please consider donating to my ko-fi if you like this. also, this is only my second kink fic so please be nice. smut below cut.

You didn’t intend to wind up with a Mandalorian partner. You had accepted that at this stage in your life you were fine being alone and that a partner was probably not in your future. You were fine with that, you had your food stall anyway, your boss would literally kill you if you ever stopped selling for him.

That was until you turned around in your shop and saw a little green creature sitting in your chair, smiling at you and giggling. It made you jump out of your skin, even though it was absolutely adorable.

“Oh gosh - hey little… little friend?” you spoke to it softly. It gargled in response and reached its arms out to you. “Where are your parents? How did you even get in here?” you received no response as you picked it up, sighing and looking around the market. It was nearly deserted, almost time to close up anyway. You reached into what you had brought for dinner - some fish you had managed to sneak out from the stock room - and held it out. “You hungry?”

The thing swallowed the whole fish in one bite, surprising you but also causing you to laugh. It was something you had needed today - you had been treated like garbage by your boss cause sales were down after he raised the prices. Maybe this little thing was the small pick-me-up you needed. But you needed to find its parents - where ever they may be.

“Hey! You - put him down!” you nearly jumped out of your skin at the yelling from across the stall. A Mandalorian came running out of the shadows and over to you.

“I’m sorry - what?” you asked. The little green creature looked over to the Mandalorian and started to laugh, but excitedly tried to get itself out of your arms and over to the Mandalorian. “Hey - watch yourself - be careful!” It had already jumped out of your arms and to the Mandalorian by the time you managed to get that out.

“Where did you find him?” the Mandalorian asked, a lot calmer than before.

“He was sitting on my chair behind me - wait is he yours?” you asked him. The Mandalorian said nothing as something on his hip was beeping, in the direction behind you. So he was a bounty hunter, here looking for something. That didn’t answer your question about the kid though. “Taking a kid on a hunt isn’t exactly a good idea, you know - ”

“He likes you. Can you watch him?” he asked, holding the child back out to you.

“Uh, sure I guess but we close soon and you don’t know where to find me - ” By the time you looked back up after taking the kid again he was gone.

He found you in record time afterwards. Turns out the quarry that he was after was your boss who owed a big deal of money to someone on Tattooine and they had enough of him not paying them. Of course, this left you jobless but thankfully, the Mandalorian had an idea: you work for him and help take care of the kid.

You didn’t have much of a choice but to accept his offer. He had taken your former boss back to Tattooine which left you without another option, honestly. You didn’t mind it either, it got you off this planet and helped you start a new life. The Child was absolutely enamored by you, and you discovered a couple months later that so was the Mandalorian. You would have been lying if you said you weren’t feeling the same way back.

It sort of happened and you swear that it’s all the kid’s fault, with his freaky powers that you didn’t understand. You swear that the little green monster knew all along that you two would be together. It was probably why he showed up in your shop in particular - you believed in fate and you swear that was fate.

Din slowly opened up to you after a month or two, fully explaining how he got the Child in his care. You learned The Creed of the Mandalorians and what it meant, he even started to teach you how to fight, just incase. You pestered him to learn some Mando’a as well, just basic phrases and he taught you that too. You don’t know exactly what it was that flipped a switch in his head, but all you know is one night you fell asleep in the co-pilot’s chair with the kid nestled into your chest and the next day he was confessing his feelings to you.

You got comfortable around another. He felt comfortable enough to take off everything (minus the helmet) around you when you were in flight, to sleep with you next to him, to actually talk to you and not just say two sentences at a time. The sex was great too - he was the biggest person you had ever been with and probably would ever be with. After not letting himself have it for so long due to the kid and not being able to get away, he went wild and you were actually shocked that you didn’t wind up pregnant.

A few more months after that he asked you to be his riduur. Your stomach fluttered as he asked you and immediately you both managed to say the vows, where he took his helmet off in front of you for the first time. He was incredibly nervous, shaking the entire time but so were you. This was a huge fucking deal and the fact that you of all people he picked - it made you feel so incredibly lucky.

Din enjoyed the newfound freedom of being able to have his helmet off whenever he was in the ship now, and you got used to seeing him without it. Even the kid got used to it. You and the kid were nearly inseparable and it sparked something in Din he never thought he would feel.

Every time he saw you with the kid, Din got a strong urge to have children of his own with you. Which is something he never thought he would want - bounty hunting is no place for a child and he wouldn’t want to raise one on a ship all the time. But the way you interacted with him - you were so caring, gentle, and understanding. He can’t help but picture what it would be like if in your other arm there was a little you, or a little Din.

You started to notice, and you weren’t even sure he knew what he was doing. Or he might, you had no clue. Din talking about his feelings was not something he did easily - you knew that. But the way he would stay inside you longer after he came, propping your hips up to meet his; there was no doubt about it what he wanted. You weren’t stopping him either, but also it was something that needed to be talked about. You already had enough full hands with your little green child, another one would be a lot more work and he would certainly need to change things up in terms of his work. It was difficult for you to think about, his work brought in credits which in turned brought you all food.

You were still thinking about it when he came down from the cockpit, sitting on a crate and watching the kid run back and forth for no good reason. You were letting him get his energy out before putting him down for the night, since he still had a lot of it. Din stood behind you, hand on your shoulder. It was going to take three days to bring the quarries he had collected back to Karga, and you had just left the planet. Three days trapped in a ship with your husband and the baby. You’d survive, right?

“What’s he chasing?” Din asked you, watching the little green bean running in circles now, laughing like a mad man.

“Absolutely nothing.” you replied back with a laugh. You didn’t need to look up at Din to know he probably rolled his eyes at the sight of him. You sat in a comfortable silence, eventually Din taking a seat behind you. “You ever sometimes just… imagine what it would be like - maybe if there was one more? But ours?” You swear you could hear Din’s breath catch in the back of his throat as you proposed the idea, thus confirming your thoughts earlier. It was more of a choke, a cough.

“That’s - that’s a loaded question. Why?” he asked, regaining his composure. You turned around on your crate to face him sitting behind you, and looked at him. Din was absolute shit at hiding his emotions on his face - because normally he at least had a mask on to do the hiding for him. He was trying his hardest to hide the surprise on his face.

“Just a thought.” you shrugged. The kid then, as the force would will it, tripped and started crying, prompting you to jump up and go to his aid. Din let go of the breath he didn’t know that he was holding and groaned quietly when he felt a tightness in between his legs. God dammit. He was really fucked. “You’re fine. Let’s go to sleep now.” you cooed to the kid. Din’s eyes followed you over to the cradle as you set the kid down inside of it, settled him, and shut the lid once he fell asleep.

You could tell something was up with Din when you turned around. He was staring at you intently as you walked back over to him, setting yourself in his lap this time rather than next to him. Immediately you felt the problem - it was hard not to, he was so big that there wasn’t much he could do to hide it.

“You drive me crazy.” he said to you. You smiled down at him as his hands made their way to your hips and his lips hovered over your neck and up to your jawline slowly. God you loved that he didn’t have to keep his mask on now. It made moments like this way hotter than before, though sometimes you have him put it on. “What am I gonna do with you?” he asked.

“I think the real question is what would you do without me?” you whispered to him, hand just so happening to fall over his clothed erection. He let out a groan and slowly ground his hips up towards yours. “You seem to have a problem. Let me fix it.” You got up and took his arm, dragging the pair of you over to the bunk.

He was on you in seconds, turning you to face him and bringing his lips down to yours. Your hands went into his hair immediately as his found your ass, pushing you back further and further until your legs hit the bunk. Your hands left his hair to work on his tunic and he got the message, helping you take off the garment and throw it to the side. You licked your lips as he did the same with your sweater, helping you lay back onto the bed afterwards and immediately bringing his mouth onto one of your nipples.

“Shit Din!” you breathed out. While his mouth was working at your nipple, biting and sucking away, his other hand was trying to get your pants off. You lifted your hips to give him a little help and he got them off the rest of the way. He started to kiss his way down your body and you moaned in excitement as he got down lower and lower.

“You want me to do this or do you want me to fuck you?” he asked, pressing his lips to your bud and letting his tongue drag over your folds. A moan escaped your lips as he did this for a few seconds before he pulled back, waiting for his answer.

“Is both an acceptable answer?” you asked him. He rose his eyebrow up as if to say ‘what do you think?’ before he licked another stripe up your core. He came back up to your nub and sucked on that gently some more before his tongue went in between your folds again, having you a moaning, desperate mess for him. “Fucking - fuck me Din - oh god I need you - ”

He was up on his feet to get his own pants off before you could even finish. His cock sprung out of his pants the second he got them down and then was back on top of you in a flash. He spread your legs out for him and lined his cock up with your throbbing wet core, waiting for him to enter you. He sunk into you slowly and you moaned, the size of him never something you could get used to.

He moaned in relief, head hanging by your neck. He put his lips onto your neck and began sucking on a sensitive spot for you as he began to thrust into you. He didn’t start out slow, he started out at a moderate pace (for him), one of his hands taking a fistful of your hair into it and the other palming your breast. He moaned into your neck with every thrust, tightening his grip on you as his pace quickened.

You moaned as the hand that was in your hair went down and under your hips angling them up towards his, giving him an opportunity to fill you more. You started to see stars as your core grew warmer and warmer and your high built inside you, the walls inside you barely holding yourself together as he plowed into you. Din was thrusting into you completely and slamming back in after almost taking his entire cock out with every thrust. He was rough, his groans and your moans echoing off the walls.

“Feel so - fuck you feel so good - gonna fill you - fuck I’m gonna fill you up.” he groaned out into your neck as he continued to hit your g-spot. He had a steady rough pace, his hips snapping into you quickly as you could hear the sounds of sex around you. “Fuck, shit, fuck - ” Din moaned out to you, the hand on your breast squeezing it making you cry out. You were so close, so so close -

“I’m so - so close Din - don’t stop, keep going - ” you breathed out as he did just that. The pace he set after that was unlike anything he had done before. You were bouncing back on the bunk as he pounded into you, Din muffling his own moans into your neck as the hand on your breast left its position to help him steady himself above you. You screamed as he fucked you faster now, your walls starting to tighten and you felt your orgasm coming up quickly to take over your body. “Gonnacomegonnacomegonnacome - Fuck Din!”

In a white hot flash your orgasm took over your body, your walls closing in on his cock and screams erupting from your mouth. Your back arched against the bunk and into him and the only thing you could grab onto was him, your hands on his shoulders leaving indents and scratches as you came. Din fucked you as you came undone around him, feeling his own high about to come on as your cunt convulsed around his cock.

“I’m gonna - gonna come - fill you baby - so good - fuck - ” He said as his own high took over him, his seed spilling inside of you and cock twitching as he came. You were still trembling when he was coming in you, panting for breath as you came down from your high. You were covered in sweat as he was moaning above you, hoisting your hips up and gluing them to his own. He began to pant to catch his breath too, high long over and cock beginning to soften inside of you, when he finally pulled out. His arm was still under your hips as he collapsed next to you, as if maybe that would make everything stay inside you. You waited a few minutes before speaking up again, trying to form your thoughts into words.

“I want one too.” you said to him, still laying on your back. He perked up to look at you. “One of our own. I want one too.” you said to him. Redness creeped up on his face as he tried to form a thought to fight back with. “You’re not one for subtlety without the mask, Din.” you said with a laugh.

“Need to work on that.” he mumbled, pulling you close to his chest. You gave him a laugh as he held you while you fell asleep.

Nine months later, Din Djarin got his wish with a beautiful little girl. It only made him want more.