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hot-wiings · 4 years ago

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The One Where [Y/N] [L/N] Can't Show Up To Her Toxic Family Dinner Alone, So She Turns To Her College Peer For Help.

Edited: 12-4-2020

Once your college professor dismissed the class as over you were quick to open your phone and check your messages. Once unmuted, it vibrated and chimed a dozen times bombarding you. Messages from your mother overflowed your notification bar. You just didn't have the energy to deal with it right now. With a scowl, you set your phone back to mute mode and harshly shoved it into your backpack.

"Everything all right?"

Your chemistry partner was pilling books back into his backpack when he asked you the imposing question. He zipped the bag close, stood up, and turned to you, giving you a concerned look as he slung his backpack on his shoulder.

"I'm fine."

"We've been partners for nearly a year, I think I know you enough to know when you're not fine."

Your eyes glanced up at the white-haired man before glancing back at your lap. Your chemistry partner, Natsuo Todoroki, was a nice young man. Natsuo was funny and kind, he noticed when you were having a bad day, and he'd try to ease your troubles. Maybe that was why you often found yourself studying your partner more than your notes. Normally you'd relish under the gaze and attention of your charming, pretty partner, but today wasn't just one of those days.

"It's stupid. Like, really stupid, and unimportant."

"If it's bothering you then it's not stupid. C'mon, I'll buy you lunch and you can tell me all about your problem."

You huffed as you stood up and pulled your bag over your shoulder. You followed Natsuo to the cafeteria, while he walked off to get and pay for your lunches, you found some empty seats. Your leg bounced as you waited for him to come back. The idea of opening up about something so personal made you anxious.

"It's Soba Saturday."

"Thanks."

Natsuo took a seat across from you and smiled as you took a bite out of the food. Happy that you were happy with your food, Natsou digs into his own.

"So partner' what's up?"

"As I said, it's really, really, stupid."

"You're obviously worked up over it, it can't be that stupid."

You let out a ragged sigh as you took a delicate bite out of your food. Embarrassed, your eyes avoided him once you swallowed and set the fork down. Natsuo had shared so much with you as a friend and confidant, you knew about his family, every nitty-gritty detail, but you opened so little in return.

"My mom texted me asking if I was bringing a date home for Christmas. My parents... They're pretentious and rich, you know? Marrying, and settling down, becoming a house mouse while my husband takes over the family business. That's the future they want for me."

You clenched your fists just getting aggravated thinking about it. The toxicity was hard and you were trying your best to escape it, but you could only flee so much when you were poor without your parents. Natsuo reached across the table and grabbed your hands, pulling them into his cold ones.

"I know if I show up alone my mom's gonna get in my business, then she'll try setting me up with rich men she thinks are suitable. I just- I can't do another family Christmas alone."

"I understand what you mean. I told you how my dad's a bastard, he's tried setting me and my sister up with suitable people before, never works out, just makes us hate him. I don't even wanna go home for Christmas this year, so... I have a proposition."

"I'd love to hear it."

"I'll go with you."

His voice came out quick and fast, almost making him sound nervous, but Natsuo didn't get nervous, it wasn't a Todoroki trait. You look up from your lap to his eyes. A small smile formed on your face as he proposed the statement. You let out a chuckle as a light blush brushed your face.

"You wanna be my date?"

"We don't have to go like that, we can fake date. Think about it, you need a rich, suitable guy to show up with you. You need me. Someone to convince your pretentious parents you're ready to settle down, and, I, can get out of my own family Christmas and obligations to see the bastard man."

"Fake dating... Fake dating and convincing my parents that we're in love. That's a lot to deal with, you're sure your up for it?"

"Yeah, you might say... We already have some chemistry together."

You laughed as that feeling bubbled up in your chest. That feeling you got whenever you were around your partner, your lab partner. It was stupid, so stupid. The idea of fake dating him bubbled you, even if it was fake, the idea that he got to be your boyfriend for an evening or two excited you.

"Okay, you dork, it's settled. You're my fake boyfriend."

Your leg bounced rigorously as the car drove on the road. You watched the road signs, anxiously noting how far away from your home you were each time a new one appeared. You lived a couple of hours out from the city you and Natsuo attended college in. Coming from a rich family, you and Natsuo probably would've attended the same social circles and school had you not grew up so far away.

Your thumb tapped away at your leg as Christmas music blared through the radio. Your whole body screamed anxious and distressed. Now that you've had time to brew and process the deal you and Natsuo made you regretted it. What were you thinking, taking your lab partner, who was also your crush, on an overnight trip as your fake boyfriend? It was just going to cause you trouble.

You had feelings for him and your family was toxic. The idea of letting him in was disturbing. It was your home where you grew up, the place you learned to hate yourself, the place that taught you to be closed off, and mean. He'll meet your mom, your dad, and your godawful siblings. He'll see how horrible your family is, and the idea of letting him see the environment you grew up in was so daunting.

What if he decided you were awful too? What if he changes lab partners?

"We're here."

"Great."

Your voice came out placid and tight. Your nervousness and exhaustion could be heard in your voice. Emotions brought out every time you saw your family, he mistook it as nerves brought on by the fear of fake dating.

"We should probably lie down some rules."

"Yeah, I've never fake dated before. I don’t know what you're uncomfortable with, but no kissing on the lips."

Natsuo pulled his keys out of the engine ignition and pocketed them while he lightly laughed at your proposed rule. Heat rose to your cheeks as his voice met your ears.

"We're supposed to convince them we're in love, but I can't kiss your lips?"

"I know it's silly, but to me it's romantic and I’d like to keep this professional. Besides, you still have my cheek, hand, nose, and forehead."

“I see your points, if it makes you feel more comfortable then lips are off-limits.”

You let out a relieved sigh. You weren't sure you'd handle kissing Natsuo. It was too personal, too romantic. The more you progressed on this endeavor the more you worried. Your parents were gonna know, they were gonna know.

"No kissing your lips, what about hand-holding?"

"We can hold hands, hug, anything a couple would do, just no sex or kissing."

"Two days, as a handholding loving boyfriend. Let's do this."

Natsuo got out of the car and while you zipped up your coat and fixed your scarf he rushed to the other side of the car and opened your door before you got the chance. His cold hand was on your hand pulling you out of the car, he smiled softly at you as he helped you out.

“Thanks, you didn't have to do that.”

“I wanted to, I'm your boyfriend after all.”

You pushed a piece of hair behind your ear as a light blush spread across your skin. Never had you been more thankful for the cold air for you had been able to play your pink cheeks off as an effect of the cold weather and not his words.

“You go in, I’ll get our bag.”

“You sure?”

You nibbled on your lip as Natsuo walked away from you. He turned to you with an ever-growing smile present as he winked.

“Yeah, I'm a good boyfriend aren't I?”

“The sweetest ever. See you inside.”

You made your way to the door and gave the heavy wooden door a hard knock. It wasn't long until one of the servants opened the door. The head butler, Godwin, opened the door and threw you a gracious smile before pulling you into a hug.

“Welcome back, [Y/N].”

In your time living here as a child, Godwin spent a lot of time with you. It was his job to watch over you and your siblings along with the other staff members when your parents were gone, which was often. He was the one who taught you to be kinder and nicer, more humble than your other siblings. He was the one who encouraged you to go to college despite your parents raising you to live in a world with their racist, sexist ideals.

“It’s good to see you, Godwin.”

Your mother came down the stairs with her overly expensive Christmas dress flowing with her. She looked like the average rich person trying to show off her money. Pearls, diamonds, and obvious plastic surgery. Your father followed behind her, adorning an expensive tailored suit and a matching tie, no doubt your mother's idea to make it seem like they had a perfect marriage to their guests when it, in fact, was not.

“Oh, [F/N], you're here!”

She walked up to you and awkwardly wrapped her arms around your body. It was weird and awkward. Your mother didn't like giving affection out to her children, or really anyone. Now that you were older, you didn't crave the attention from her. Your father didn't even attempt to greet you.

“I thought you said you were bringing a guest, Oh I knew you were lying. Lucky for you I thought ahead and arranged for one of your father's friends to come over as your date for the evening.”

“Mother, anyone friends with father is going to be way too old to be a date for me, besides that fact, I did bring a date.”

“Oh, don’t be embarrassed to ask your mother for help, I did give birth to you after all.”

She sneered her words at you. This was a classical move of your mothers because she gave birth to you then that must mean she knows you better than anyone else, she also used it in the stance that you owed it to her to do what she wanted.

“You’ll love him. He's the owner of a multimillion-dollar company, he's rich, and his wife just died! You’ve been single for so long, you need a man to take care of you”-

Your mother is cut off by the sound of Natsuo walking in with your bag and slamming the door shut, trying to keep the cold out. Considering it was an overnight trip, you thought sharing a bag might make you look more intimate and close.

“Sorry I took so long babe, I didn't zip the bag all the way closed and it opened on the ride here, I had to put everything back in it.”

“Mother, father, this is my boyfriend.”

Natsuo dropped your bag on the floor and shook your parent's hands starting with your father, and then your mother next, respectfully the way you shook hands with the rich. You supposed growing up as a Todoroki he had to learn these tricks and rules the same way you did.

“Natsuo Todoroki, nice to meet you, sir, ma’am.”

“Oh wow, Todoroki? Like the hero family Todoroki?”

“Yes, ma’am... Endeavor is my father.”

You could tell by Natsuo's stance that he was uncomfortable with the way your mother was asking about his social status and checking him out with a tight fake smile on her face.

“Yes, I remember now, I saw your family on the news. How did you snag this one [Y/N]? A Todoroki, I'm impressed, then again... He is the brother who chose not to follow the life of a hero.”

You both ignored your mother's catty comment as Natsuo grabbed your hand and pulled you against his side. He kissed your cheek, eliciting a light blush for the second time that day, however, your mother's focus was on your 'boyfriend', and his focus was on your mother.

“Feels more like I'm the one who snagged her.”

“Well, you must tell us how you met. Goodwin! Take their bag up to [Y/N]'s room!”

You rolled your eyes as she yells at the butler. You'd think after years of working for her she would've remembered his name, but she didn't.

“Godwin, we can take our bag up, we need to change into our dress clothes anyway. Mother, you really should remember the names of your staff.”

“They're just the help, details like their names don't matter. Ever since you went off to that school it's put silly ideas in your head. Natsuo don't be afraid to remind her who's boss, she might try to force those ridiculous relationship norms on you.”

The comment comes from your father who had been mostly silent throughout the whole conversation. The comment comes from your father and it didn't sit well with Natsuo. As your father laughs at what he said, Natsuo picks your bag up and chuckles at him.

“Oh, [Y/N] and I both know who the boss of this relationship is. [Y/N] attends more classes than me, so I always make sure the apartment is clean, and food is ready on the table for her. It's only fair, I wouldn't want her to think these ridiculous relationship norms where the woman cooks and cleans and the man provides is right.”

Before your father gets another word in edgewise, Natsuo pulls you along with him to the staircase, letting you guide him to your bedroom with appeased smiles on your faces. You pushed the door open and let Natsuo in before closing it and locking it. You flopped over on the bed, and he followed suit before taking a look at your room. It was the same as always, the way you left it after high school, never changing except for when little things got moved around for dusting and vacuuming by Godwin.

“So... What'd you think of my parents?”

“They’re... interesting?”

There were a wide variety of choice words Natsuo wanted to use. He did not like your parents, and it bothered him knowing that you grew up being raised with such ideals. Natsuo might have had a bastard for a father, his father might have hurt his mom, and his family in more ways than one, but his father never once told Fuyumi that she couldn't pursue her dreams. He never once told Fuyumi that she had to follow old gender norms, never once was Fuyumi taught to layover for a man.

"It's okay, you can say it. They're good awful."

"I didn't want to upset you or offend, but my father literally drove my mom insane, he gave her a mental illness and he's nice compared to them."

"Just wait until you meet my siblings."

You let out a laugh as your fingers played with the blanket on the bed. Your hands were so close. It was sweet to him, the sound of your voice. He'd never admit out loud, but he was so in love with you. Ever since he first laid eyes on you in chemistry class. Ever since you sat down next to him and introduced yourself, ever since you accidentally blew up your first experiment. Ever since you kept apologising for catching him on fire, you hadn't a clue who he was, or who his father was. You were normal with him. Every little thing you did lead up to his feelings for you. Every little thing you did added to the strong feelings had had, like a brick house.

To the naked eye, Natsuo was a desirable man. He was rich, filthy rich, and he had that Todoroki charm. Everyone wanted him for his status or his looks. They didn't know him, the real him, him with an abusive father and fucked up family. For all those reasons, Natsuo always thought that you wouldn't want to be with a boy like him. Someone who came from such a broken background, someone so weak, unable to stand up to his father. Guys like him never got the girl, at least not the girl that he wanted but Natsuo also never imagined that you came from a background similar to his. It was so ethereal and special to be here with you, to be the one you were opening up to, even if it was a fake relationship, Natsuo was trying desperately to shoot his shot.

"You're so strong, you know that? Your parents raised you with these unrealistic standards on how you should act, but you're in college, you're pursuing your dreams. You're amazing."

Natsuo's hand reached out and grabbed yours, his cold one in yours soliciting goosebumps and a little shiver. You quickly tried to pull your and out of his and stood up to make it look like you weren't trying to avoid skin contact with him.

"Thanks, Natsuo... You're amazing too, I mean hello, they way you subtly told my father to shove his marriage ideals? It was hilarious, he was not expecting that."

You looked away from Natsou to hide the blush in your cheeks, you were thankful for the way he stood up to your father for you. You could never have done that in a million years.

"Anyway, we should probably get dressed, and go down before my mother thinks we've started having sex. You can get dressed in here and I'll go to the bathroom, just knock when it's safe for me to come out."

You grabbed your dress out of the bag and scurried into the bathroom. You started with makeup, then you reapplied your deodorant. You were so nervous that your family would see right through your lie. After taking a few deep breaths you heard Natsuo's knock so you quickly unzipped your silk, baby blue dress and pulled it up to your body. Nervously, you popped your head out the door and bit your lip.

"Can you... Can you zip me up?"

"Sure!"

You let the door open more and pulled the front of your dress tight against your body, worried and nervous to be partially naked in front of him. Natsuo sauntered into the bathroom and zipped the back of your dress up. His cold hands glide up your back and then fell down on your hips. It made you shiver again before throwing him a grateful smile.

"Thanks."

"No problem, you look beautiful."

You looked in the mirror at the two of you together. This time as the blush rose to your cheeks you didn't have the cold to blame or the ability to turn around and hide your face.

"Ready to meet the rest of the snake nest?"

"I survived your parents, I think I can handle your siblings."

Arm in arm looped together you made your way downstairs and into the entertainment room with Natsuo. Your siblings were sitting on the couch, but once you walked in their eyes struck you. They heard you brought a date and they wanted to check him out. Their eyes glazed over him some of them in interest, some in disinterest. All judging.

"I heard you brought a boy, didn't believe it."

The comment comes from your older sister. Her voice was full of disdain and disinterest, undoubtedly ready to leave.

"Yeah, mother said you brought a boy, didn't think he'd be so hot."

Natsou coughs uncomfortably as you showed a tight, fake smile to your sister. You couldn't lie, it hurt that your younger sister would so blatantly flirt with your boyfriend upon meeting him, whether he be fake or not.

"Don't be such a slut, [Sisters Name]. That's your sister's boyfriend."

Your older brother scolded his youngest sister for her lustful behavior and she rolls her eyes before she crosses her arms in a pout. Your brother was the nicest out of all your siblings. He was nice to you and your siblings in his own way, protective of his younger siblings, constantly scolding and trying to keep you all in place. That didn't mean he couldn't be a snake, he could just tolerate you and your siblings more.

"Besides, he's not all that hot."

"Oh he totally is, it's seriously a wonder how [Y/N] got him."

You brought Natsuo over to the couch and sat down next to him. You even made sure to sit close to him, close enough so you could lean into each other like a cute couple.

"I think I prefer your parents."

His words whispered in your ear earning a light chuckle from you. Your sister, the younger one, evidently didn't like how close you both were. With a harsh glare, she rolled her eyes again.

"How did you even meet? Seriously, I wanna know why he would downgrade to someone like you."

Natsuo scratched the back of his head awkwardly and nervously He didn't understand why your siblings were so mean to you. His father was a bastard, that closed you off, that he could get. Despite that, he and his siblings never put each other down like they were doing.

"More like she downgraded to me. We met in school, lab partners. She had all the boys chasing for her in school, but somehow she chose me."

Your sister scoffed and this time you rolled your eyes. She always gave you such shit over the littlest things. You didn't have the energy for this, at least not sober. You whispered into Natsuo's ear softly.

"I need a drink, you want one? We'll need it to get through the evening."

"If your alcohol mixing skills are anything like your chemistry mixing skills, then no."

"Meanie, I'm a great chemist, I practically carry our grade."

Natsuo chuckled against your cheek, before pulling back and kissing it. Again, a blush adorned your cheek with no way to hide it. It was brief and quick, but his cold lips ghosted against your cheek. All you could do was abruptly stand up with a smile on your face.

"I'm gonna go find an alcoholic beverage. I'll be right back, play nice with him."

Natsuo watched helplessly as you walked off into the distance. He sat there quietly, patiently waiting for you to come back. Natsuo was such a cool, calm collected guy, but alone with your siblings, he felt nervous. Seeing the way they acted with you gave him a bad impression of them, but he has to play nice because he was your boyfriend.

"You know, an alcoholic drink does sound great."

Your older sister stood up from the couch and walked off in the same direction as you did, the kitchen presumably, to make herself a drink as well. Soon, your brother left the room as well, your little sister bit her lip as she watched your brother walk off in the direction of the bathroom. She was quick to stand and in the place you once held occupied.

"My sister said play nice, but I'd rather play rough."

She slid her hand over his thigh and inched it closer to his crotch while she smiled up at him, nibbling on her lip.

"What are you doing? I'm here with your sister, I'm her boyfriend."

"Ugh, what do you even see in her? She's not even pretty."

Before Natsou could reply, before he could defend you, your sister climbed across his lip and planted her lips against his. He wasn't kissing her back, but with her on top of him, her pressing her face against his, and her fingers deeply gripping his clothes it was difficult to get her off of him. He wasn't kissing back, he was trying to push her off but as you walked up with two margaritas in hand all you saw was your fake boyfriend kissing your sister.

It hurt. It shouldn't have, but it hurt. He wasn't yours, not really. He was just your lap partner, your friend. He wasn't your boyfriend, you were just fake dating. He wasn't yours. He wasn't yours, but it hurt to see your sister all over him. He wasn't yours, but for the night he was supposed to be. He wasn't yours but for the sake of your lie you did what any girl would do after finding her boyfriend cheating on her: You dumped your margarita down the skank.

"[Brothers Name] is right, you are a slut! And you- you-"

As your sister pulled herself off of Natsuo she looked up at you shocked with alcohol dripping down her body, you ignored her and turned your attention to Natsou. Your eyes were blurry but you had to will yourself not to cry.

"I don't need you here. You can just leave."

You didn't wait for Natsou to get up and leaves nor did you want for him to talk and explain anything to you. You simply took off in the direction of your bedroom, slamming the door behind you. Natsuo quickly jumped up on his feet and took off in the direction of your bedroom. He didn't knock, he didn't wait for permission, he just busted in and ran over to you.

"If you want to make out with my sister, that's fine. I get it, she's pretty, she's hot, she's better than me. She's everything you'd want, but you were supposed to be here with me! You were supposed to be here as my boyfriend! My parents were supposed to think we're in love. You were supposed to be mine, I don't care if it's fake, you cheated with my sister!"

The tears were leaking down your cheeks as you yelled at him. No words could pass Natsuo's lips, no matter how hard he tried. They couldn't. Seeing your tears, a product of him hurt. It hurt. He hurt you. He was trying his best to shoot his shot, he was trying to subtly woo you.

"Your sister came on to me, I tried pushing her away. She's really is a snake, you said it yourself!"

You still sniffled as you nodded at him. He was right, you had said that. He was right, she is a snake and this is exactly what she would do just to screw with your life.

"I'm sorry, your right. I shouldn't have acted like that, you're not actually mine. Natsuo, I do need you, I need you here."

"What if I wanted you to really be mine?"

You sniffling stopped as Natsuo took closer steps to you. He placed his hands on your cheeks and pulled your lips against his. This was different from earlier. The kiss wasn't quick, it was long. It was long and passionate, yet cold. Despite your shivers, you found yourself leaning into him, into the kiss.

"You- You can't do that, it's against the rules."

"Screw the rules. I just- I wish you needed me every night of the year, not just Christmas."

Natsuo ran his hands through his hair nervously. He thought speaking against your father and defending you against your sister was enough to get his point across. This idea of verbally speaking it, it scared him. This was uncharted territory for him.

"I want you [Y/N]. I want you every day of the year. I want to kiss you on the lips, I want to hold hands, I want dates and hugs. I want more than chemistry class and Christmas gatherings."

"Then you can have me! Have me every day of the year. Be mine, every day of the year. Take me on a date, hold my hand, kiss my lips!"

Natsuo pulled you against him and your face collided with his chest. You buried your face in his chest as your arms wrapped around his body and a smile formed.

"Let's not fake date, be my actual girlfriend."

You leaned up and left a quick chaste kiss on Natsuo's lips with a smile.

"I don't want anyone else to be my actual boyfriend, I suppose you might say we chemistry."

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marvel-writer · 5 years ago

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Holding on, Letting go. - Steve Rogers. (Part 1)

Holding on, Letting go. - Steve Rogers.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader.

Summary: You were always close to the infamous Captain America, as being a member of the Avenger team since the alien attack in New York. So after defeating Thanos’, losing Tony and Natasha. You realize that you also were going to lose your first true love – Steve Rogers, to his only love – Peggy Carter.

Word Count: 1,228.

Warnings: Sadness, Screaming, Language, Fluff.

Note: This is my first writing piece in a year, please be kind I swear I’m improving. Also, maybe you want to listen to this song as you read.

ABBREVIATION: (Y/N/N) = Your Nick name. (H/L) = Your Hair length. (H/C) = Your hair color. (L/C) = The color on your lips.

https://youtu.be/_EU5La9uGFs

__________________________________________

Your life had always been hectic, nothing was easy. Hell, you lived in a world where Aliens, Gods, Superheroes, War Nazi’s and a man who is known as ‘The Hulk’ existed. So it was pretty safe to say that life was anything but dull, especially upon joining the “Avengers Initiative.” Of course, director Fury was looking for unique people, so when you showed up he assumed the worst.

He didn’t expect you to be combat material, yet you were. You picked up from Natasha the most when you trained, even managing to pin her on the training mat of the compound floor. It impressed Fury, making you a top recruit for missions with the Avengers.

You had became close with all of the team members, especially Bucky. It was quite a surprise and a lovely one at that, you had also gotten closer to one particularly – Blue-eyed, Gentleman-like Super Soldier.

Steve Rogers and you for the past eleven years have been nothing but true friends, at first you were strangers who really didn’t communicate due to your trait of being a lone wolf and only being 17 at the time of the Alien attack in New York. However, in due time you came to know him. By the time 2015 came, you were 20 and apart from the fight during the Age of Ultron you finally were close friends with the Captain.

From that point on, the two of you always listened to music from his era together. You shared movie nights, moved into the Avengers compound and as well as went on missions with the team. Steve was your guy who you went to with any relationship issues, and ultimately you began falling for him after Ultron.

Steve and you were always together, along with Bucky and the others. Oh, how the girls always teased you, about how close you and the first Avenger were. Needless to say, they always wondered if Steve and you could ever be a thing.

Steve felt like an open book when it came to you, telling you his story and about his ‘One True Love’ who went by the name of Peggy Carter. You would be lying if you said you were jealous, of course, that time had passed and your age number increased to 28 and it was the year 2023.

You didn’t think that you and Steve would make it through, losing 50% of the population thanks to Thanos. Then finally getting them back after the sacrifices of Tony and Natasha, it was a lot.

During the five years, It killed you not to tell Steve how you felt. Yet you thought it was never the right time to tell him, he always seemed so far out of reach after losing the others. One particular moment, however, made you swoon for the man entirely.

___________________________________________

*Flashback*

(Two weeks before the mission to retrieve the stones.)

___________________________________________

Steve and You had always been competitive, the two of you deciding a late-night jog would be best for entertainment and then, of course, the jog turned into a marathon.

Finally, it started to pour down rain, causing the two of you to make your way towards home. However - Just before reaching the doorway of the compound, Steve had pulled your arm gently, to keep you from opening the door.

In question, you arched an eyebrow at the male.

“We’re getting soaked Rogers!” You had mentioned over the loud drops of rain smashing into the pavement.

“I know, but I remembered you said that you always wanted to dance in the rain,” Steve responded, his lips turning into a smile.

You were shocked, because yes indeed that was on your romantic bucket list of '1940 fantasies' you had, but it’s been ages since you brought it up and it shocked you he had remembered such a small and silly little detail.

“Okay and your point?” You continued to egg on as he chuckled, holding out his hand.

“Dance with me (Y/N/N),” Steve mentioned, hoping you wouldn’t turn him down.

Let's be honest, why would you? You grabbed his hand and held it, his one arm snaking around your waist as he held you close to him.

There you were, the two of you dancing like it was the 1940’s in the pouring rain, your head on his shoulder as his arm held you close. You were thankful it was the dead of night, your face was probably more red than Tony’s suit and for once in the five shitty years, things seemed normal.

___________________________________________

*End of Flashback.*

___________________________________________

Oh, how that night you fell harder than you should have since after the mission it was hard to let go.

Natasha and Tony were gone, and the stones needed to be put back into their timelines. Steve was the man for the mission, one final mission in your impression since you knew he would use the opportunity to return to Peggy.

It broke your heart not being the woman Steve Rogers wanted, it destroyed you completely. However, you knew it was right of you to let go of your best friend of eleven years..

When the day came - Bruce, Bucky, Sam, and You had stood with Steve. Bucky and Sam knew what he was going to do, or so you thought. They all had talked to him for some time, you put it off to being the last person to talk to Steve.

Your (H/L) (H/C) hair had swayed with the breeze of the wind, as you walked up to Steve you had every last bit of courage holding back any tears that threatened to escape your eyes.

“Why the long face, (Y/N/N)?” Steve teased as you smiled, a small laugh escaping your (L/C) lips.

“Come here, Cap.” You said quietly, hugging him one last time as he returned the tight embrace. Your lips pressed against his ear, taking a deep breath.

“Do what you have to do Rogers, be happy.” Your voice spoke in a whisper as you kissed his cheek.

He froze for a moment but relaxed as he kissed the top of your head. You knew at that point there wasn’t use, Nat would be screaming at you right now for your stupidity. You didn’t care, holding on to Steve was toxic. Letting go was the best option, even if it meant it would hurt like hell.

You stepped back, standing beside Bucky as you let your body lean into him. Bucky could sense something was off with his female friend and would get into it after Banner had sent Steve through the portal.

Bruce started the process, Steve smiling as the group waved before he disappeared. Bruce and the others began to freak when Steve didn’t come back, until you quickly calmed him down, grabbing his hands to make him stop messing with the controls.

“Bruce, hey it’s okay. He stayed.” Your voice said as the three men began to make sense of the situation.

That’s when it clicked for Bucky and Sam who noticed on why you seemed so distraught, Bruce sighed in relief as the tears streamed freely down your face. He was probably in a grave next to Peggy at this point now, him being technically 105.

“Love Bug,” Bucky mumbled, he realized why you were upset and grabbed you, pulling you in for a tight hug as you fully embraced it.

You held on tight as the two of you along with Sam and Bruce had left the room that the machine was in, not knowing Bruce had left it open in case…

___________________________________________

Hi! I’m glad you decided to read this if you made it this far, like I said please keep in mind it’s been a year since I’ve written. So I promise to make improvements.

Other than that please leave me responses to this. Thanks!

#steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers imagine #captain america #captain america x reader #captain america imagine

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e-e-paradise · 5 years ago

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the last meeting

Peter and I crossed the threshold of an old run-down house on Frank Street. We did not know it at the time, but we were entering onto the stage of what would be a tragic spectacle. Neither of us had seen John in years and we both had jumped at the opportunity for a reunion. We wanted things to be as they were in our romanticized memories of youth. Days that were spent together on vacant lots of construction sites, derelict homes rented by punks and degenerates, and basements of our family homes. Uneasiness and excitement became danced in my belly and the overwhelming optimism I felt about us once again coming together dulled my senses to the tension that was already starting to build. These two men had once been as close as brothers, but now they appeared as distant as planets, both following the gravity of their own separate moons. I felt uncomfortable in my skin as soon as I saw John. I had imagined us meeting again many times, I imagined the way he might look at me, and what the look might tell me about just how far we had likely grown apart. John hugged me and dark nights of the soul I had spent wondering about our friendship melted away. Years of hurt and tension and guilt flowed out of my body like ice in the spring. Optimism filled my heart and guided me through introductions to his new friends that, before coming here, I had been so nervous to meet. Peter and I had promised each other in the bar before leaving that, if the evening were to sour or uncomfortable, we would just leave quickly and continue catching up without John. Oh, how I wish that we had kept this promise to each other!

John’s friends were nice. We played card games and teased each other like old friends instead of strangers. I confided in a girl, with a shaved head and a Monroe piercing, that I had been nervous about seeing John. I explained to her that we were estranged high-school sweethearts. She smiled and nodded and then continued her conversation with her other friend, a shorter woman with kind eyes and a soft build. I became hot in the face and I could feel shame ooze into my body like a toxic spill from the tar sands. Shortly after this she left, and I wondered if perhaps she and John were sleeping together. I hoped that I had not intruded, but reasoned with myself that, if they were, he probably would have prepared her for the situation, or perhaps she would not have cared either way. Still, the situation had set something in motion inside me that I chose to ignore for the sake of maintaining the buzz of a rekindled friendship. In the background of my thoughts, the idea that I had confided this in her precisely BECAUSE I suspected that her and John were sleeping together buzzed around in my brain like a gnat. This shadow-thought lurked in my mind and I remembered myself as the person I once was, so scared and damaged, so young and reckless. My blood became ice for a brief moment, and I hated myself. I sat with this feeling for a moment and then waved goodbye to it. I reminded myself of all the work I have put in, since being a teenager, to minimize the damage I cause others. A therapist once told me that hurt people can be like injured animals in the wild. When you approach them to try and assist, they lash out in fear and hurt their helpers. I am more healed now and I can recognize people’s kindness for what it is. This thought gave lightness to my heavy mood.

Around this time, Peter began to become surly. This trait often surfaced with his consumption of alcohol. We all went outside for a cigarette and I asked John about his job. Peter was becoming increasingly defensive. He had assumptions about John’s career that were rooted in insecurity. I could not hold this against him. Peter has always been somewhat of a lost soul; in some ways I am too. Whether it be from a complicated up-bringing, or a certain astrological proclivity, we have always connected over pain and discomfort with reality. John was much more neurotypical than us. He had the perfect balance capitalist ambition and artistic talent that neither Peter, nor I, have ever seemed to master. For better or worse. I think that, when Peter left Ottawa after caring for his parents and breaking up with Mary, he needed to get away from himself almost as much as he needed to get away from this government shithole. Seeing John again put him too close to that person that he had been trying to run away from. He began to take verbal jabs at John. I tried my best to quell the tension with quiet reminders to Peter under my breath like, “think clearly” and “let go”, he seemed to not have heard me as we went inside.

Peter and I sat on the couch in the living room in silence together. He was leaned back into the cushions, with pursed lips and his gamblers poker face fully intact. He was watching John as if from far away, observing him like a wolf might observe a distant caribou calf what was straying behind the herd. It seemed he was resisting the urge to pounce and he suggested we leave. I felt relief as I moved to the door and got my coat. Pulling my phone from the left pocket, and searching for my uber app, I ordered a car and approached John to say goodbye. He seemed for a moment to not want us to leave and then invited us into the basement to look at his new drum kit. Peter agreed and I cancelled the uber. Descending into the basement would be the final act of the evening.The smell of stale beer, sweat and mould overpowered my nostrils and made me feel nostalgic. John was talking but I could barely understand what he was saying. Something to do with the specification of the instruments that he was showing off to Peter. I sat at the drums and banged aimlessly on the skins. I never had any real talent for music, unlike the other two men in the room with me. Peter picked up a guitar and strummed a single note. A chugging reverberation made the stale air in the room electric. I watch his gaze meet John’s eyes. It struck me that I had not seen these two men make eye contact all evening All at once words spilled out of Peter.

“What the fuck is wrong with you man?”

“What are you talking about, man.” replied John, stunned, although he probably shouldn’t have been.

I froze and wildly tried to force Peter to look at me. I called to him with my mind and begged him not to continue.

“Where have you been? Here you are with all new friends, and all you’ll talk about is your shitty new job!”

John then suddenly seemed to once again find his voice.

“My job isn’t shitty, I love my new job. What the fuck are you even doing these days anyways?”

Peter flushed with anger as more, and more potent, venom began to shoot from his mouth. He had always struggled to find a career path that suited him. He had tried for years to live up to his incredibly successful family’s expectations of him.

“You’re a fucking bastard John. You talk all night about this stupid job, and it’s like, you have totally forgot who you are! You haven’t kept in contact with anyone. Where the fuck is Greg, man? Do you even fucking care?”

I looked down at the floor and began to feel dizzy. In the corners of my vision a hot-red glow began, and I looked at Peter with the fury of the culmination of this catastrophe.

“That’s not fucking fair, Peter” I said, though no one heard.

Greg had been a friend during youth. I was never particularly close to him but knew him to be a faithful and honest person who had difficulty feeling confident or expressing himself. No one had heard from him in a very long time and rumours that he had fallen into darkness and depression we rampant. I knew that Peter unfairly blamed John for not keeping close enough in contact with Greg, as if this could have somehow helped the young man out of his spiral, it was a ridiculous and cruel thing to say.

“I don’t know, shit. Why the fuck would you even bring that up, Peter? You know what, dude, you’re a fucking ass hole and you’ve always been a fucking ass hole. You’re a selfish piece of shit and I’m glad I’ve moved on with my life.” John barked.

I felt tears well up in my eyes and I began pleading with them to stop. I begged both of them to not end the evening in such an ugly manner, but all my pleas went unheard and ignored as my two old friends tore each other to pieces in front of me. John told us to get out of his house and I selfishly hated Peter for starting this fight that would ensure that my friendship with John was certainly over. Peter began to cry and ask John if he meant what he said, to which John replied that he did. That’s when Peter lost control and with one loud crack knocked John across the face with a blow that landed accurately and brought him to the floor. Men from the living room now began to thunder downstairs in steel-toed combat boots. They dragged Peter upstairs and threw him from the house. I bent over and touched John’s face. He looked up at me and asked me in a voice that I recognized from him; a voice of fear and heartache.

“What just happened?”

I began to cry and told him that I didn’t know, I then apologized and told him that it was nice to see him. His eyes became dark and he looked away from me. I knew in that moment that it was all over. All of my hopes of reconciliation were dead and there was nothing to do now but leave.

I ordered another uber outside and my phone died. I sobbed uncontrollably on the way home. My misery was mirrored as Peter joined me and collectively our broken hearts expressed themselves in a symphony of tears. I told him that his ego was a fucking problem and that, when he drinks, he can be a jackass. He told me he knew that that he was sorry. We went back to my house and curled together on my couch, holding hands, we licked our wounds over tea, and he apologized profusely. I forgave him as he left and promised to call him in the morning.

Peter and I still call each other to catch up every once in a while. He has since completed his red seal and is working as a carpenter. I am very proud of him. John, on the other hand, has only sent me a message once since that evening. It was the day that a close friend of ours died. He asked me if I was okay, to which I replied that I was even though I was terribly sad. He said the same. I no longer think about a reconciliation, all of my past attempts have been met with little to no enthusiasm. It’s funny because, when we broke up, he made me promise him that we would still be friends. For my part, I will always keep that promise and will silently wish him peace and happiness for the rest of my days on earth.

#poetry #prose #writing #ottawa #canada #emotional #love #friendship

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russellthornton · 8 years ago

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Toxic Masculinity: 20 “Toxic” Traits that are Actually Healthy

Can you imagine if someone told you your gender is toxic? Instead of toxic masculinity, here are 20 things that make men awesome.

When I was a kid I used to watch Leave It To Beaver reruns and watch Barbara *Beaver’s mom of course*, run around waiting on everyone in her apron. It used to make me laugh that a woman would do that. What it didn’t do was make me angry. Nowadays, it seems like everything makes people angry. Hence the phrase, toxic masculinity, has been born out of this angry time in our culture.

Toxic masculinity is a belief that being masculine, or even having masculine qualities, is toxic not just to society, but to the world over. It isn’t just that masculinity keeps women subordinate, according to feminists, but it is the reason for world hunger, war, and everything aggressive.

The problem with the notion that being masculine is in some way toxic to society doesn’t make sense. We were created with inherent qualities to keep the survival of the species alive and to ensure that the least of us is protected.

Hold off… I am NOT saying that women are the least of us. What I am saying is that there are those who are stronger and meant to defend, and others less strong. And, YES, in need of protecting. Go ahead, call me a sexist, I can take it.

Toxic masculinity and 20 things that aren’t toxic about being masculine!

So, where have all the men in shining armor gone? They have been told that they shouldn’t be aggressive or competitive, or really anything they are supposed to be. Can you imagine? What if there was such a thing as toxic femininity instead of just toxic masculinity?

I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to tell me that I am not supposed to behave the way that nature told me to. That might actually make someone aggressive to begin with.

I am not negating the fact that men cause some real problems behaving macho, but I love men for their entirety. Created to be protectors, get their dander up, and sleep closest to the door to protect their sleeping wives, I will take whatever toxic parts come with their gender roles.

For those of you out there who believe men are responsible for war, aggression, and poverty *along with the long list of other world ills*, I am just going to put it out there that these are the best things about being masculine, which certainly aren’t toxic. In fact, they are pretty fantastic! [Read: Defining true masculinity – What does it really mean to be a man?]

#1 Competition. When I was in grammar school we were allowed to keep score, and the point was to beat the other team. We didn’t care if someone’s feelings were hurt by losing, or if someone felt bad that they didn’t get a trophy.

The reason that competition is good, and we are losing out by eliminating it, is that there really isn’t any reason to work harder if you get the same if you work hard or not. Competition is a good thing. It challenges us and makes us all the best us we can be. So, stop knocking it!

#2 Chests. I am sorry to say that there really isn’t anything better than laying your head down on a man’s chest at night, while watching the stars, or, let’s be honest here, anytime. If men are toxic, their chests were created to soothe a woman’s heart and to find refuge and comfort even at the most uncomfortable times. [Read: Where are the studs? Feminizing men kills our society]

#3 Chivalry. Being masculine means being chivalrous. At least it used to. Opening doors, driving the car, pushing in chairs, and covering puddles are all awesome things that used to be the norm. No, I don’t think that it is belittling to show respect to the women in your lives. In fact, I think it is pretty incredible.

I am sure men don’t feel disrespected when you pick up their socks at the end of the day or when you fold their shorts just the way they like them. We each have jobs in this world, and chivalry is a man’s way of doing his to show the women in a society that they are respected and valued, not demeaned. It is all mixed up now. [Read: Chivalry is dead because men are lazy]

#4 Driver and guide. There is nothing toxic about a guy always taking the lead. I know that when I head out for an adventure there is a man to guide the way. That isn’t toxic; it was created that way so that we survive.

The same is true of being the driver versus the passenger. I am totally okay with him driving all the time. It allows me to send my stupid emojis and text while he watches the road.

#5 Building. How many women do you know that can build a camp or even a campfire? Traditionally a masculine thing for a reason, men have excellent spatial abilities, they are stronger typically, and have better upper body strength.

I don’t know about you, but if I was stranded on an island and wanted a fort to keep me safe, I am damn sure I would want a man around to construct it for me.

#6 Fixing. Do you want to know what I picture hell to be? Sitting in a room trying to get little screws out, putting together furniture, or figuring out electricity. There is nothing toxic about a man’s ability to fix all the things that I can’t. Sure, there is YouTube to show me, but what takes me ten hours takes my husband ten minutes… so, what is the point?

#7 Opening jars. I hate when I can’t get a jar open. After I have banged it with a spoon, on the counter, gotten out my little rubber tool to pry it open, what do I do? I find my husband who can open it in seconds. Not toxic at all. In fact, in my house, if my husband isn’t around, we don’t typically have spaghetti ‘cause I can’t get the jar open. [Read: The damsel in distress and why evolution has made them irresistible]

#8 Taking out the trash. Yep, hate it. That is just awesome about masculinity; they like the time outside when they take it out.

#9 Mowing lawns. No toxic masculinity around about the way a man creates patterns and straight lines on the lawn. When I am left to do our lawn care, it looks unkempt, and there are tire marks everywhere. If men weren’t around, all we would have is horrible looking lawns.

#10 Being the protector. When something goes bump in the night there is nothing toxic about the fact that a guy jumps out of bed ready for action. Whether it is grabbing the lamp post or a baseball bat, he is the first person out the door while I await his return patiently, safe and sound. [Read: Hegemonic masculinity: A perspective missed by sociologists]

#11 Hunter and gatherer. If there aren’t any grocery stores around, I for one, will pray that there is a man around. I am not comfortable with killing anything. When I take a bite of meat, I never want to know that I had a part in its being in front of me. Ignorance is bliss. I don’t think feeding the population is toxic at all.

#12 Being quiet. Guys don’t over talk. They are very good at calming a situation down and letting things cool off before it gets out of control. Do I like that my husband is always quiet? No. Do I appreciate it when it calms things down for me? Yes.

#13 Being non-emotional. Being able to separate yourself from your emotions is not a feminine quality. There are many times when being non-emotional is not only desirable but critical. If we are ever attacked, I want a man who separates his feelings and lets his brain take over instead of his heart.

Hearts are awesome, but sometimes when you go with your heart, everyone ends up getting hurt or killed. Although one of the reasons that people think there is a such a thing as toxic masculinity, it is the very thing most critical for us and our survival. [Read: Feminine men – 50 typical characteristics that make you one]

#14 Having patience. My patience is very limited. It isn’t just me, women are overly concerned and continually anticipating everything that will happen. That leaves us overloaded and on edge.

When it comes to patience and taking the time to do something, I take a man over a woman any day. They hold it together longer because their emotions don’t get the best of them and there is nothing toxic about that. [Read: How to understand the differences between men and women]

#15 Not caring about the small things. Women worry about everything. That is the way that we were created. Our job is to anticipate and plan for things that might happen.

Guys don’t think about the small things, which may seem cold and aloof, but it is very necessary for us all to function. If both genders were to sit around and care way too much about everything, we wouldn’t ever get anything done.

#16 Focusing on a single task. Okay, it might be irritating that when I give my husband a list of five things to do he only does one and comes back pretending it is all done, but being able to focus primarily on one thing at a time, is a good thing.

The way that guys block things out to get things done is an amazing quality. It isn’t so nice when the house is on fire, and my husband doesn’t seem to notice. When I give him something important to do, I know he won’t give up until it is done. [Read: 14 things women say or do that completely emasculates a man]

#17 The way that they smell. Need I say more?

#18 Being the disciplinarian. If my husband were not around my children would own me. I was not born to be the disciplinarian. I am the comfort, softy, hug ‘em-type. If it weren’t for guys and their ability to provide discipline, then we would all be running around doing whatever we want *like my children do when I am solo*.

#19 Working to provide. If men are so toxic then how come they work so hard to provide a roof over their family’s head and to give them the things that they not only need but desire? There is nothing toxic about the masculinity that drives a man to want the best for his family and work hard to get it for them. [Read: Avoid them like the plague: 16 guys not to date]

#20 Having a hard shell but a soft inside. The best quality about a man is that as tough as he is on the outside, he has a soft inner shell. From the most masculine man to the least, we are all the same on the inside with feelings, concerns, and cares. We just all display them differently and rise to the occasion in different ways.

If you believe in toxic masculinity, then this feature would be your superhero’s nemesis. I, however, believe that we are created equal, but not the same. There is nothing toxic about the position that men take in society, how they show respect, or the way that they protect what is theirs.

[Read: Male privilege: What it is and what it looks like in real life]

If we continue to brand men’s behavior and instincts as toxic masculinity and take away all the things that make men, men, what we will be left with is a very sad version of what we were created for.

The post Toxic Masculinity: 20 “Toxic” Traits that are Actually Healthy is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

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