#my take on avatrice first time

[nohasslecastle]

As much as I love spreading the "Sister Beatrice top agenda", I do not think Beatrice would behave anywhere near confident on her first time with Ava.

First of all, it's my headcanon that before Beatrice became a nun she didn't actually get to live or experience a lot, so everything she could have learned in her teenage years, she actually didn't, because her parents were too strict, and she was just too afraid to stand up against them.

Her parents sent her to that boarding school probably because at some point she admitted she had romantic feelings for one of her friends, but that was it, Beatrice is oblivious to love, and relationships, and, of course, to sex.

Add that to the fact that Beatrice is a perfectionist, with a great fear of failure, a control freak that gets overwhelmed when she feels she can't handle the results of any given situation she's involved with... Beatrice doesn't quite know how she should behave around Ava, and the not knowing... that terrifies her.

It's not that she's worried Ava would make fun of her, of course, she would never. But there's just something inherently annoying about not being able to BE good at something, specially when the only way to learn 'that something' is... actually doing it. But, will she be able to be good enough for her? Will she be able to be what she thinks Ava deserves?

When Ava comes back, Beatrice doesn't immediately kiss her, she doesn't jump into a relationship with Ava and certainly she doesn't jump straight to bed with her, simply because she has absolutely no idea how to do it without making it weird. So, of course, their comeback kiss is started by Ava, their "what are we?" conversation is started by Ava, and their first time... guess what? Also started by Ava.

I picture this: after the re-encounter they didn't have much time to talk about what had happened between them, they were once again in survival mode and it's only one day after a big fight that they finally and unintentionally find themselves alone. Everything that happened is weightening on Beatrice and she's pretty much gay panicking every time Ava gets too close to her.

It's not that she doesn't want her, on the contrary she wants her so much she's overwhelmed by a feeling she had never felt before, or at least, not in a very long time and certainly not with enough maturity to understand it. When they last kissed it was a life or death situation, now they are just staring into each other's eyes, something clearly in the air, but everytime she tries to say anything, something holds her back.

Ava tries to give her space. Ava is everything that Beatrice is not. She's reckless, and a risk taker, and if she fails so what? she tries again. However, Ava is aware she closed a line last time... not only on Beatrice's vows but on a restriction she had put on herself. Ava is trying to make things right and Beatrice knows it but at the same time she's begging, begging, Ava to push her, because that's how they work right?

At some point the silence becomes too unbearable and Beatrice is frustrated. She hates that she can't be as resolved as she is in most of her activities and Ava is... kind of having fun at it, looking at the perfect sister Beatrice losing her shit it's fun, it's so unlike her it's amusing.

Ava is laughing and that only makes Beatrice's frustration grow. At some point Beatrice apologizes to Ava "I'm sorry, I really don't know what I'm doing and I hate it" and that's Ava's cue to do what she always does... push her a bit, give her courage. Ava walks slowy towards her "I don't need you to be an expert at this, Bea" she takes Beatrice's hands into hers "remember what I told you before I left? You don't need to be so perfect all the time." She lifts her hand to Bea's cheek and Bea gulps. She watches Bea lean into her touch, close her eyes, she brings her other hand to her chest and she can feel how fast her heart is beating "I only need you to be yourself." She says. And Bea opens her eyes and looks at her.

Ava leans close to her, slowly, giving her time to adjust to the intrusion and when she's a breath from her lips she whispers "can I kiss you again?", looking at her eyes again waiting for an answer. Beatrice would simply nod because, let's be honest, that woman is incapable to form a simple thought when Ava is *that* close to her.

And when they kiss... it's shy, and it's tame, and honestly, Beatrice doesn't know what to do with her hands. Ava would guide them, maybe to her hips "you can touch me" she would state. Ava would open her mouth, begging for *more*, she would let Bea's hair down, touch her shoulders, then her chest, she would find that first button and unpop it. Bea would startle at that, only for a moment, only because she isn't used to it, but looking at Ava, with her lips swollen, panting, big eyes... she would push that thought aside. She would kiss her again and this time she would allow herself to touch Ava, gently, but more determined.

Ava would start walking backwards, as if saying "take me to bed" and Bea would walk slowly before her, with her eyes closed, trying to focus only on Ava's lips because maybe that way she would be able to shut up all the insecurities. They would stumble on their way to the bed and Bea would try to say "I'm sorry" while Ava would put a finger on her lips and just laugh, and say a terrible pun to her. Being there Bea would doubt until she doesn't anymore, until she stops thinking and Ava becomes the only thing she's worried at.

[birgittesilverbae]

avatrice + counter

Beatrice is calm. She is cool. She is collected.

She is absolutely not panicking in the hallway outside the apartment of a girl she'd matched with on a dating app less than two hours before. Definitely not. If anyone were to claim as much, they'd be lying through their teeth.

Nor does she jump almost out of her own skin when the door opens behind her, interrupting her pacing.

Absolutely not. She's very calm.

"Beatrice?"

She turns towards the voice, hands settling at the small of her back, and nods. Continues nodding as her gaze drifts up and down the girl in front of her, catching on the gape of her singlet at the arm holes, the outer curves of her breasts just revealed beneath. "Ava?" she asks finally, mentally shaking herself.

"That's me. Do you want to come in? Or would you rather keep wearing a hole in the carpet?" Ava's grin can only slightly lessen the rush of heat that sweeps up Beatrice's face.

"I was going to knock," she starts, words catching in her throat.

"Of course, of course." Ava nods towards the door. "Come on in, if you'd like."

Beatrice follows hesitantly, bends to unlace her boots at the door and uses the moment to take stock of the apartment. It's as though a glitter bomb has gone off, covering every surface in a dizzying blur of colour and shine. Not for the first time, she considers turning tail and- Well, not fleeing. Beatrice Jones doesn't flee. Making a strategic retreat.

Ava clears her throat, a note of amusement in it, and the heat climbs to Beatrice's ears. "My bedroom is much neater than this, I swear. Chanel and I just got stuck storing the overflow stage pieces from last term's production of The Prom."

"Chanel?"

"Best friend. Partner in crime. Roommate," Ava explains rapidfire, bustling around the open kitchen. Then she looks back at Beatrice with a grin and a bold wink. "And out of town this weekend."

Beatrice's mouth goes dry. "Right," she says, willing her voice to remain even. "Cool."

"Do you want something to drink?" She lifts a glass soda bottle, gestures towards the fridge. "Water, soda, beer? Are you a wine girl? There might be some tucked away in there."

"No, thank you, I'm not thirsty."

Ava's mouth curls into a smirk as she pops the bottle cap off using the lip of the counter for leverage. "You're not? That's a shame. You've certainly come off that way."

"Ah. I- Yes. Well." Beatrice catches her breath finally, enough to find her footing. "You may have gotten the impression that I'm more... experienced at this sort of thing than I actually am." She resists the urge to hide her face in her hands.

"And what sort of thing might that be?" Ava asks, taking a seat on the edge of her kitchen counter. Her lips wrap around the mouth of the bottle as she takes a swig. Beatrice can't tear her gaze away. "Well?" Ava prompts, and Beatrice startles.

"What I came here for."

Ava shakes her head. "You've gotta be able to say it, Beatrice."

"With..." She bites her lip, glances to the side then back to Ava. "With dating apps," she says lamely.

"We're past the dating app, babe. That's not what you came here for."

Beatrice bristles at the arrogance, the assumption, of the pet name. "With one night stands," she says sharply, proof for herself as much as for Ava that she can voice the thought out loud. "With hookups. With-" and she swallows hard, bolsters herself up. "With fucking girls I've only just met."

[kendrene]

oooOOOOOOH how's about avatrice with "You’re so warm.” ?? :)

The paper is thin under the pads of her fingers. 

Ava smooths it flat against the surface of the table, holding it there. Presses hard enough she can feel the ridges of the old wood through it, where age and neglect chipped the paint job away. Her thumb catches against a deep groove. Some past accident. The table meeting a knife. 

She pushes down harder. Her fingers, her hand, all the way to her elbow it’s just one big ache. She aches all over today. Then again, she hurts all over most days. Her free hand scrambles past a stack of unused paper for the pencil she’d let go to shake off a cramp. It skidded far across that sea of white and Ava is forced to stretch, bow over the table in order to grasp it. The motion tilts her halfway out the chair, which rolls back; Ava shifts her hips forward and sets herself back to her task. 

The book she's copying words from is the one Bea had gotten for her second-hand the first and last time they were here. The apartment is the same too, down to leaking pipe beneath the sink Beatrice still hasn't figured out how to fix.

It's Ava who's different. And everything else that has changed.

In the textbook, rows upon rows of German words and phrases march alongside their Portuguese counterparts. It had taken several tries for Beatrice to find it, days of scouring flea markets in the small towns nearby. Sometimes alone, most often with Hans. 

“It’ll be easier to learn if you build up from your native language.” She explained after Ava had pointed out an English to German book would have worked just as fine. It had been. Easy.

Except now it’s hard.

Today’s lesson is about the items used in the kitchen. Der Wasserkocher, Ava writes diligently, eyes flicking to the battered red tea kettle sitting on the stove. Der Ofen, she adds on a whim. Even though it isn’t in the book, she knows the German word for stove.

She’s about to write down the word for dishwashing detergent, which is long winded and sputtery both in letter count and in sound, when another cramp hits.

This is the worst one so far. It starts at her fingers, trailing up from her hand to the hinge of her wrist in increasingly powerful waves. Ava’s entire arm seizes. She watches her hand contract like it isn’t her own. Clench, release, tighten, release. The final shock has the pencil tear a hole through the last, half-written word, then snap against her palm.

Ava sucks in a breath at the sting. A sharp fragment of wood scores in her skin. She wills her hand to relax so she can take a look at the damage, but it’s an impossible ask, as though her internal wiring has been cut. Ava thinks about her fingers uncurling, face fixed in a frown. Thinks about it so hard she makes herself dizzy. Her hand stays exactly the same, and droplets vivid red, more viscous than ink, patter down on the page.

The rest starts while she watches the droplets expand. Ava knows, logically, that she’s not bleeding that much. Wherever she looks, though, she sees red. Red kettle, red microwave, old red radio on top of the fridge. 

Ava closes her eyes, or maybe it’s her vision that crawls dark at the edges. There is a shift, a tilt to her axis, and the next thing she is aware of is her cheek, bruised, pressing against linoleum warmed by the sun. 

“Ava?” Beatrice calls, voice uncertain, from what could be the opposite side of the world. “Ava I heard a noise. Are you —?” Ava blinks hard. Next to her, one of the chair’s rear wheels revolves slowly. “Ava?” Beatrice again. Closer. “Do you need me to — oh.” 

Strong hands cup beneath her armpits. Lifting, pushing, pulling away. Ava’s world spins with the faltering speed of a merry-go-round that’s finally come to a stop, and she finds herself propped against something that is, at once, solid and soft.

“Hey.” Beatrice’s lips are pressed to the shell of her ear, mouth half slanted in the hair behind it. “Ava, I think that you’re having a panic attack. I’m going to put my arms around you now. I don’t want you falling again. Is that okay?” 

Ava just nods. 

She feels as battered and old as this house, where some things are broken and others don’t work like they should. Her body isn’t even her own anymore; she’s along for the ride, but doesn’t control it. Walking and running — something as stupid as writing. She can’t seem to be able to consistently do any of it anymore. 

“Hey, hey, hey.” Beatrice’s arms wind around her middle and she’s rocking the two of them gently, back and forth, in time with the sobs Ava hadn’t even realized are shaking her shoulders. “It’s alright.” One of Beatrice’s hand worms its way under her shirt, to the spot where the Halo sits heavy and idle and so very cold. “Just breathe with me. Do you think you can do that?”

Beatrice takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly. “Like so. Now we do it together okay? On my count. One. Two —”

On three Ava opens her mouth. The first breath is torturous, like pulling in air through a straw. It doesn’t help that her nose is runny and clogged, and that the hand she lifts up to wipe it only makes it as far as her chest.  

“Here.” Beatrice’s fingers guide hers around a handkerchief she must have had in her pocket, then help Ava bring it to her nose. The fabric is the kind of soft that comes with a lot of washing and the pattern — Ava thinks it was once a herd of stylized galloping horses — is pretty much gone. She blows her nose, and the next breath she takes comes a bit easier.

“Better?” 

“I think so.” Her voice still feels off, as if she’s speaking a language she doesn’t quite know. Ava fights down another sob. “I don’t know.”

“Okay.” Beatrice scoots them backwards so that they’re further away from the table and fully sit in the sun. Ava watches her legs trail along; she’s starting to regain a measure of feeling, and with it comes the pain from her fall. It will be a while until they can move, longer until she can heave herself up on the wheelchair on her own. If she’s lucky, tomorrow will be a good day and she’ll be able to walk. If she’s lucky.

Lately, she’s not been very lucky at all.

“Have you heard of the 3-3-3 rule?” Beatrice asks, breath a warm wash against the side of Ava’s throat. Her hands have never stopped moving. One splays over the Halo, steady and grounding. The other covers Ava’s nerveless fingers, thumb tracing the network of veins at her wrist, that look bluish-black in the sun. 

“I know the 5 seconds one.”

Beatrice snorts. It tickles.

“That’ll do. Can you tell me three foods that you like then, Ava?”

Ava frowns. She’s starting to come back to herself, and with her mind clearing up and the fear wearing away it’s easy to see what Beatrice is doing.

“I know what you’re doing.”

“Then humor me, please?” The hand at her back pauses, and a hum rises from under Ava’s skin in response. It’s nothing. It’s nothing. The Halo has barely kept her alive as it is. Ava tries not to get her hopes up. She did at the start, after she came back through the Arc, and it was a big disappointment. 

She can’t afford to get hurt that way, not again. She wouldn’t survive. 

“Ugh, fine.” Afternoon sunlight, buttery smooth, streams in through the window, coating the entire world gold. “Mint chocolate chip ice cream.” 

“You have horrible taste, but go on.”

“Tacos al pastor.” 

“Okay, I can get behind those.” The hand on her back travels lower, following the ridges, the dips of her spine, and Ava feels it again. The tiniest hum, a buzzing. It’s almost a sigh. “What’s the third food?” 

“You.” 

The hand falls away. Beatrice’s arms around Ava tighten. Chin hooked over Ava’s shoulder , she rests her head there for a beat, face naturally tilting into the space between collarbone and jaw like a comet unable to resist a planet’s orbit.

“Ava.” A flash of heat spreads across Ava’s back, and she can’t tell whether it comes from the Halo or if Beatrice is blushing.

“What?”

“I just —” Bea smiles against her shoulder, plants a kiss there. “I’m not very nutritious, calories wise.”

“True.” Ava twists around in Bea’s arms, makes herself comfortable there. Given a choice, she’ll stay like this for the rest of the day. “But you’re tasty.” 

Beatrice clears her throat. “We should get you off the floor.” She suggests, deflecting. Her gaze cuts away to the floor, and she swallows. Ava will never tire of it, of how even the slightest flirting will have Beatrice in knots. Of how she’ll swallow, cheeks suffused red, pulse racing, near visible, under the cut of her jaw.

“Wait.” Ava digs in, hand gripping the front of Bea’s light pullover. She sways forward and in, and her lips brush on purpose right at Bea’s throat. Her heart pounds so fast Ava can taste it. Or maybe it’s her own. “Can we stay here a while longer? You’re so warm.”

Beatrice pulls back to look at her, mouth quirking into a bigger smile.

“We can stay here a while.”

//

“Die Schwester” Lilith has picked up Ava’s textbook after dinner and is making her way through some words, mangling them all. 

“Your German is terrible.”

“My German is perfect, thank you very much. It’s simply accented.”

“Whatever. Give me my book back.” Ava braces one elbow against the wheelchair’s armrest and stretches up, the other arm fully extended. Lilith puts the book down, just out of reach. 

“I’m so gonna run you over.”

Lilith scoffs. “And how do you plan to do that?” 

“We’re in the Alps. I’m going to wait until you’re on an incline, then let gravity do the rest.”

“Sure.”

Lilith phases. Reappears behind Ava a second later to help her closer to the table where Camila and Mary are setting the pizza they ordered for dinner on plates. 

“Why are you learning family vocabulary anyway? You and Bea are pretty fluent already.” 

“I’m not.” Ignoring the plates, Ava grabs for the box of pizzawitheverythingonit nobody else has the stomach to touch. The first bite is delicious but hot. Ava juggles the food in her mouth, speaking around it. “I have the best family ever already.”

Everything’s changed. 

Nothing is ever the same.

Ava will not walk today and she may not walk tomorrow. But as the sky fades to black and they crowd on the old couch, fighting over whose turn it is to pick a movie, Ava thinks change is alright. 

[possibilistfanfiction]

Hey there! Just wanted to let you know that I love your writing. I love the universe you've created for ava and beatrice. I could have said Avatrice but the thing is you write them so beautifully as individuals, all their triumphs and losses, that it doesn't feel right not to acknowledge them as they are on their own as much as they are as a couple. Anyway! I pretty much have bookmarked all your work and I keep suggesting your fics on Twitter, I'm pretty much your unofficial publicist at this point, proudly so 😆

I just finished the multitude of loving and once again you made me laugh and smile and cry and you made my heart warm and for a while, my depression didn't feel as debilitating. So thank you. I don't know what you're gonna write next whenever inspiration strikes, but if you ever do another outside pov, would you mind writing one from Diego's? I guess I'm biased because aside from your fics, I've been obsessed with do a flip by sunsafe and it warms my heart to see Diego in fics because well, I think it's safe to say that he was the one who loved ava first, he was there by her bedside and all and so it would be lovely, to know how he feels and thinks about ava and beatrice, after all the years of living his own life, after all the years wishing to see his sister, his best friend, his... Ava, because there's no traditional title that really fits them, after all the years wishing that ava is okay and... Alive, more than just surviving because even when he was a child he knew, ava was meant for such a bright and grand life, just because she was all that herself.

Anyway, just an idea, of course. My rambling is not in any way meant to pressure you into writing it 😆😅 I hope you're having a good day wherever you are. Cheers!

[first of all i love do a flip!!!! 100/10 recommend if anyone hasn't read it!!

anyway, here's a little diego pov in the butch bea universe. he's like 18 or 19? idk. yknow just roll w it :) ]

//

university is busy as hell, and it's cool that they pay for your doctor's appointments and, when you actually started getting the care you needed, you were able to do basically everything in the normal, big wide world with regular meds and check-ins — but mostly you just want to play rugby and flirt with girls (not well, but you're 18 and always kind, so who cares your success rate) and pass all of your classes. when you got adopted it had seemed like a miracle, and so you don't take any of this time for granted — not the bright sun or the grass stains on your knees or how rachel plays with your hair when you hang out in her dorm.

you don't think much of it when you get a random email from beatrice gu-knight, partially because emails are a pain in the ass and partially because nico brought over a six pack of stellas and his nintendo switch — you're the mario kart champion, undisputed — but, in the morning, when you open your phone, you think your heart might stop in your chest.

Hello Diego,

I hope you're well. I know it might seem strange to get an email like this from someone you don't know and have never even heard of, and, if you don't wish to follow up or connect, please just let me know, and that will be the end of it.

But, in the hopeful chance that you do: my name is Beatrice (she/her), and I'm reaching out to you because Ava Silva is my life partner. We've been together for a few years now and she talks of you often, and fondly; I know from her stories you were an extraordinarily joyful and sustaining part of her life at St. Michael's, and, if nothing else, I hope you understand my deep gratitude for that. I work in tech, so I was able to find this email address for you in the hopes that you might want to reconnect with Ava. We live in Los Angeles, and she's, as I'm sure you remember, wonderful. Maybe even more wonderful now, as I hope you are too.

Again, if you are at all uncomfortable, please feel no pressure to engage in any way; I won't let Ava know, so don't worry about that. If you would like to reconnect, though, you can respond to this email, or call or text me at my cell listed below. Thank you.

Warmest regards,

Beatrice

it takes you a few seconds to get it together, because, what the fuck, first of all. second of all, ava — one of your favorite people ever, and someone you miss every day. who apparently has a very proper and seemingly kind partner named beatrice, and lives in california. ava is alive, and probably really happy. the last time you saw her she was scared and upset and you had thought she died before that. you had thought you would never see her again.

Hey, this is Diego, you text the number on Beatrice's email. you think about the time difference, and, sorry if it's the middle of the night for you

it takes a minute or two, but then your phone vibrates. Diego, wonderful to hear from you! I'm glad my email wasn't too intense.

and, like, maybe it was a little, but your calc III professor is a fucking nutcase, so you kind of have a high bar.

Ava works late sometimes, so don't worry about the time difference right now

it's sweet, you think, that beatrice doesn't work late, or, whatever, maybe she does, but she's up because ava is awake. because ava will be coming home, or finishing up in an office. you wonder about their life, what their home looks like and if ava's laugh is still just as awesome. and, like, what is ava's job? is she still paralyzed, or can she walk like she had the last time you saw her? you're glad for her, honestly, that her partner is a girl, because ava thought boys were hot but also seemed to like girls more — so, like, how did they fall in love? it's funny to imagine ava as a grownup, with a partner and a home and a whole life, but it's also the best.

do you want to facetime tomorrow or something, you text, because you don't really know what else to say, but you want to find out: about your sister, and the life she's apparently built. you think — if ava is anything like how she had been when you were younger — you definitely want to be in it.

I would love that, beatrice responds immediately. you work out the details and, eventually, you go to class and try to have a normal day. but ava is out there, happy, in california, with a partner who clearly cares about her. it feels like a gift, even to know. it feels like a gift, to get to be in her warmth again.

/

beatrice, when you answer the facetime call at exactly the second the clock hits 7 pm your time, is beautiful. it doesn't surprise you, not really, because you remember ava being pretty, and, even more than that, fucking awesome. beatrice is younger than what you think someone with that formal a name would be, with short dark hair that flops into her eyes, which are kind of gold in the light through the window of whatever room she's in. 'hello, diego,' she says, and, yeah, ava probably loves that accent.

it makes you laugh, but, like, in a nice way, to know that ava has a whole partner. a whole entire person who shares a life with her, who helps her with stuff and — beatrice is a saint for this — laughs at her puns.

'hey,' you say, feel awkward and a little sloppy in the face of the chic big oil painting behind her, the hoodie you know is expensive because your friend artur had had it marked on his stockx for, like, months now. 'uh, i'm diego. nice to meet you.'

beatrice smiles, and you see her freckles, and you realize, in a flash, a truth you know implicitly — that ava loves this person. ava picked this person to spend her life with. the world is cruel, you know better than most, but the world is also so, so kind.

'i'm so happy you responded to my email,' she says, less formal and with a slight laugh, mostly with joy. 'ava is the best, and i know that — she misses you. she loves you, a lot. i've always wanted to meet you.' you kind of don't know what to say, and you're relieved when she shakes her head. 'sorry, i'm being a lot again. believe it or not, this is my first rodeo with something like this.'

first rodeo sounds foreign from her, and it inexplicably makes you laugh. 'you're doing fine.' you realize that beatrice is just as nervous as you are, maybe even more: she loves ava. she has a whole life with ava. 'i — does ava want to talk to me?'

'i haven't told her yet. i wanted to see how you felt first, without any pressure, and i didn't want her to feel disappointed. but i know she will be... overjoyed, to have you in her life again, if you want.'

'yeah.' you think of ava's jokes and how full of life she was, even when she didn't have access to much of it herself. you think about the clumsy drawings you had made her, and how happy she was every time she got to go outside in her wheelchair. 'i do, want that. a lot.'

beatrice's smile is relieved and grateful. 'i can talk to her, then, and then maybe you two can set up a video chat? i know she'll be beside herself with excitement.'

'yeah,' you say, and you can't help but smile looking forward to it. it doesn't sound like ava's changed much, in the good ways, which is super cool. 'i'm excited too.'

/

your palms are clammy and you feel like you might throw up, but beatrice had sent you a link to a zoom and asked if the evening worked for you; you're so thrilled but also, like, what if ava doesn't like you anymore? what if she's way way cooler than you, or too grown up, or just bored by your life? it had been one thing, to lose her when you were young and confused, to have to grieve her absence so obliquely — but it would be an entirely different thing now, to know she's alive and has a life of her own and just doesn't want you in it. you don't really know how you would handle that. ava was your friend and ava was your sister, in the ways that really matter.

but, you realize very quickly, all of your anxiety was for nothing, because ava's face pops on screen — older, and her hair is shorter, and there are slight laugh lines settling into the skin around her eyes, but she mostly looks the same — and her smile is so warm and then she starts to cry and laugh and, yeah. if you do too, it's fine. no one else is in your dorm room anyway.

'hey,' she says, the first to get any words out. she's sitting up, and she waves, and you feel like you're seeing a real life miracle, right there on your computer screen. 'you look so old. i really missed you.'

'you look so old too.' she grins. 'i really missed you.'

it's a little stilted at first, probably because you're both overwhelmed, but then it's just... the fucking best. ava is a bartender, 'mostly for fun,' she says, which, whatever that means, and she still loves the beach. they apparently have a house right by the water. she starts crying again when you tell her you got adopted, that you're not so sick anymore because you have good doctors and caring parents, that you're in school to become an accountant.

'the family business?' she says, choked up, after you tell her that your adoptive mom is one too, and that she wanted you to be able to take over one day if you were interested.

it's as unbelievable to you some days as it seems to her, on bright mornings or when you get to go skiing in the cold snow, when your friends pass around a joint or when you get to go to a museum, whenever you want. 'yeah,' you say —  a family; you learn ava has one too. 'it's pretty incredible.'

/

'holy shit, ava.'

she just laughs, letting you go in front of her into her house. well, her and beatrice's house, you guess. you'd facetimed and texted a bunch with ava in the past two months, so you had figured out they were kinda loaded, and they'd both picked you up from the airport in a very sleek, fancy volvo, but, like —

'this is nuts.'

you think you might immediately cry again when you notice, right away, how there's not a single part of the house you can see that isn't accessible for someone in a wheelchair. ava had told you that she can walk but some days has a lot of pain and a hard time with mobility, and that beatrice was awesome and she had a good chair and even a van and a service dog, but you never could've imagined this. their house is huge and beautiful, like something you'd see in an AD tour you like to watch when you're stoned. ava has a cane today, and beatrice trundles in with your bag — she had insisted, quietly, but with a look that told you it would be totally pointless to argue.

'your house is awesome,' you say, to both of them.

beatrice smiles gently. 'we redid it last year, for accessibility. i think it turned out great.'

'wanna see the best part?' ava says, using her cane to bounce a little on the balls of her feet and you have to clear your throat because you had known her for so long. you had loved her for so long, your best friend in the entire world, who was smart and funny and bursting at the seams to feel it all, to really get to live.

'dude,' you say, 'of course.'

'i'm going to put your bag in your room,' beatrice says. 'and then i have a work call. but i should be done after the hour, for whatever you'd like to do, if you want me to join.'

'of course we want you to join,' ava says, and beatrice blushes and then gathers herself and kisses the top of ava's head before she offers you a thumbs up — nerdy, and it makes ava snort — and then lifts your bag like it weighs two pounds or something. 'love of my life,' ava says. 'definitely doesn't have a work call, but she's been stressed all week about making sure she gives us time to ourselves but doesn't seem aloof. huge weirdo.'

'she's hot.'

'ew, diego.'

you shrug. 'all i'm saying is that, like, i get it. not for me, because she's, like, super gay, but you know. for you.' you take a breath. 'sorry, i'm just excited.'

ava laughs. 'bea is super gay, it's true.' she points to a button on the wall nearby and then floor to ceiling glass doors that separate the living space from the patio. 'now, check this out.'

it's pretty fucking wild that ava went from the horrible orphanage, and tons of abuse that you were too small and too weak and too scared to stop, to a whole house that opens up to a day bed and an outdoor kitchen and dining area and a hot tub, a small patch of grass, and then the sea behind — but in the best kind of way. the kind of way that makes you want to tell everyone you meet that things can get better. that good things will happen to good people, at least sometimes. at least ava, who is the best of all of them.

ava motions for you to come with and walks outside, and then it's, like, genuinely the best thing ever when a black and white dog — korra, who ava sends you pictures of all the time and has featured in multiple zoom calls — who was napping in the sun, perks her head up and you swear she, like, dog-smiles at ava. 'hi, good girl,' ava says, and then claps her hands once and korra obediently, and happily, comes to ava's right side and sits, leans her little head against ava's thigh.

'i can't spend this entire time crying,' you say, and ava laughs. 'can i say hi?'

'of course,' she says. 'she's not usually formally working at home, unless i'm having a really bad day. which, you know, i'm not, but they do happen sometimes.' she shrugs and you kneel down in the sun and pet korra's soft ears as she nuzzles your face.

'she's so cool,' you say, and then kiss the top of her head and her nose. 'hey korra! i'm your uncle, i guess?'

'yeah! uncle diego.'

it makes you beam, to sit on the patio with ava as she shows you some of the tasks korra has been trained to do, and tells you about her bar you'll go to later, and points toward their outdoor shower with a sly smile. you do her the courtesy of fake gagging, although you really are just mostly happy for her, with her partner and her dog and a house that was built just for her.

eventually, beatrice comes outside, carrying a very intense charcuterie board. she places it down on the day bed, between you and ava, korra happily snoozing at your feet.

‘hi baby,’ ava says and scoots closer to you, then tugs on beatrice’s hand until she sits. ava kisses her temple. ‘this is very extravagant.’

‘well, we have a guest,’ beatrice says. ‘there’s wine inside, if you’d like a glass.’

‘i know nothing about wine,’ you admit, ‘but if there’s one you think… pairs? well with, you know —‘ you gesture to the elegantly laid out spread of food in front of you — ‘then i’ll trust you and go with that.’

ava grins. ‘yes, beatrice. be our resident sommelier, please.’

beatrice rolls her eyes, again with a blush, but then stands, ignoring ava’s pout. ‘i’ll be right back.’

‘she’s, like, really nice.’

ava lays back with a grin. ‘well she’s on her i was raised by diplomats and nannies most proper behavior right now. i don’t get charcuterie boards like this… ever.’ she takes a bite of cheese. ‘but bea is wonderful. she’s brilliant and funny and so, so kind. she’ll loosen up. i’m really excited you get to spend time with her.’

‘i’m thankful she reached out. i — i’m so happy to be here, and to see you.’

‘me too, my dude.’

beatrice comes back out with fancy real crystal glasses and a bottle of wine she explains is a vintage napa chardonnay, which mostly just makes you think it’s expensive. it probably is, with the way she efficiently uncorks it — ava practically drools, annoying, and you elbow her in the ribs — but it’s, like, really good. at least compared to the cheap wine you sometimes have with your friends when you order greek food.

‘diego,’ beatrice says, measured and anxious and, if ava’s stupid expression is anything to go by, endearing, ‘as you know, i like to surf. although it’s quite early, i was wondering if you might like to join me tomorrow? one of my best friends is an excellent instructor and the wave report looks ideally calm. ava thought you might be interested, if you’d like to learn?’

‘yeah,’ you say. ‘of course. that sounds sick.’

beatrice grins, relaxing a little. ava squeezes her hand. ‘i find it quite fun. it can be hard at first, but it’s nice to be in the water.’

‘diego gets his astounding athletic ability from my side of the family,’ ava says, patting you on the knee.

‘your side of the family?’ beatrice arches a brow.

‘yeah, the orphan side,’ you say, an old joke coming back to you, and ava gives you a high five.

‘i —‘

‘don’t think about it too hard, beatrice. diego also gets his bisexuality from my side of the family too.’

‘now that i’m willing to believe.’

ava winks at you, and then settles back into beatrice’s side.

/

admittedly, you're exhausted, so the mezcal margarita — smoky and just the right amount of sour — is hitting harder than you thought.

'okay,' ava says, 'boys are easy to flirt with.'

beatrice rolls her eyes.

'they are, bea,' she insists, then looks to you. 'sorry, diego, but boys are just... simple. they see someone hot, especially me, and there's, like, no thoughts.'

you think of the way luis had kissed you one night at a party — with his strong hands and his strong jaw and the rough, delicious scratch of his beard — after you'd just offered him a drink politely, so. honestly, that tracks.

'girls, though, diego.'

you laugh.

'you know, people who aren't men.'

'yeah, of course.'

'difficult. i just — whew.'

'aren't you, like, basically married?'

'well, yes, we're domestic partners. but beatrice is horrible at flirting. she's just lucky she's brilliant, and beautiful, and handsome, and funny.'

beatrice rolls her eyes again, although a blush spreads across her cheeks. 'i think i have more women try to flirt with me than you.'

ava huffs. 'that's because you're just — ugh.' she turns toward you. 'bea has grown into being a lesbian magnet. i once was superior. plus, boys flirt with me too.' she claps you on the back. 'either way, between the two of us, we'll teach you everything you need to know.'

'they won't,' one of their friends says, sliding in next to beatrice, who smiles and kisses him on the cheek. he's maybe the hottest person you've ever seen, with tattoos down both arms and a neat fade, probably a few years older than beatrice. 'i'm keiko,' he says, and offers his hand. his handshake is so strong and you feel yourself blush. 'i own the dojo beatrice goes to.'

'my favorite sparring partner,' beatrice says. 'partially because i have never lost.'

keiko waves her off.

'uh, i'm diego.'

ava laughs, delightedly, at how flustered you clearly are.

'well, if you want advice on boys, i am quite successful.'

'i'm sure you are.'

ava gives you a high five, mortifyingly. 'that's my man.'

'i'm cutting both of you off,' beatrice says.

'one shot, bea, please. come on. all we have to do is walk home.'

beatrice sighs dramatically and runs a hand through her hair, and keiko nudges her in the shoulder. 'for once in your life, beatrice, have a little fun.'

it takes a moment, but she laughs. 'fine. one shot, and then home.'

/

you surf the next morning, early as fuck, but you’re kind of jetlagged anyway and it’s really beautiful to watch the sunrise while you rest on a board. you haven’t popped up and you got tired pretty fast, but beatrice’s friend, ray — and beatrice herself, obviously — are patient and relaxed and don’t seem to care at all.  ava wanders out eventually, setting out a towel and drinking a to-go cup of coffee. she waves happily and blows a kiss in beatrice’s direction, who blushes. it had made you laugh, quietly, when she had put a special bucket hat designed for surfing on after she situated her wetsuit.

‘i don’t want to get sunburned,’ she explained, and then handed you a bottle of spf 100 sunscreen and a zinc stick.

eventually you ride a wave in on your knees, laughing, and then go sit by ava while you watch ray and beatrice and the rest of their little crew surf the next set, bigger on the outer break. you can tell beatrice shows off, for ava and, maybe a bit, for you. it's still early, and ava's happy to sit back in the easy quiet.

'hey,' you say after a while, during a break in sets, 'so, beatrice introduced me this morning as "ava's little brother".'

she turns to you, studies your features carefully, just like she always would when you were in the orphanage, trying to pay close attention. 'did that feel okay?'

'other than the fact that i'm taller than you —'

'— hey —'

'— of course,' you say. 'i love being your brother.'

ava scoots closer to you and bumps your shoulder with hers; you have your wetsuit down around your waist and she has one of beatrice's hoodies on, but you've mostly dried off by this point so you put your arm around her shoulders and tug her to you.

'do you, uh. sister? sibling?'

ava smiles. 'either is great.'

'okay.'

'thanks, diego.'

'nothing to thank me for there. i should be thanking you, honestly. all expenses paid trip to a bougie beach house in california to see someone i've missed so much? the dream.'

she sniffles. you don't know all the details but you know ava has been through some real shit after she — came back to life, you guess? 'i missed you too, so so much.' she clears her throat and wipes under her eyes. 'in the spirit of being your cool older sibling, what mild to moderately wild things do you want to do here. i don't want your parents to be mad at me so consider wisely.'

'tattoo.'

'do you have anything planned that you would want?'

'well, no.'

ava laughs.

'what? beatrice has cool tattoos.'

'she is a staunch believer that you should plan your tattoos in advance. but think of something and then next time we'll get you all set up with her artist, if you want.'

there's a level of maturity and care that's a little unexpected but, like, really cool? really nice. it's kind of weird and makes you a bit emotional, because ava is grown up. she's still an idiot, and constantly annoying, and very funny — but she's gotten to get older, and so have you.

'we could dye our hair,' she says, shrugging. 'easy to rectify, if it's a disaster.'

'i'm so in, man.' your hair is darker than hers, and you have no idea if she knows what she's doing, but you trust beatrice — with her neat hair and neat house and neat clothes and seemingly undying love for ava — to monitor the situation.

'maybe we can do the bi flag.'

it makes you laugh, imagining how silly it would look. 'what about just purple? like, a light purple situation.'

'i've done that before,' she tells you excitedly. 'loved it. definitely time to return.'

'deal. also, i want to try california weed.'

ava grins. 'we would have let you last night, you know, but you were actively falling asleep at the bar after one cocktail.'

'it's the time difference, i swear.'

'sure it is.'

'well, bea loves her edibles. she's very particular about them. i'm... much less particular about joints, but we can start off chill. maybe this afternoon. and then we can have tacos.'

'that sounds like a perfect day.'

she smiles. 'yeah,' she says. 'even more perfect because i get to share it with you.'

'gross,' you say, although you might suddenly cry. 'sappy.'

'yeah, yeah. whatever.'

you keep your arm around ava's shoulders and watch beatrice and ray trade tricks the next set, and then they both call it and walk, laughing, toward you. ava struggles to stand with a frown, and you offer your arm for her to take if she wants. she does, smiles quickly in thanks and then, you know too, moves on without a word. she kisses beatrice soundly on the mouth, then pushes her goofy bucket hat off her head, fastened around her neck and resting on the back of her shoulders, and then gratuitously unzips her wetsuit while ray rolls her eyes.

it's a whole big world, you learn more and more every day. ray joins you for breakfast and then ava takes you shopping while you're pretty sure beatrice just naps. ava uses her chair and brings korra, which is mostly just the coolest thing in the world to you, because she has a whole van customized too, and she just — you had known, when you were younger, when ava would get to go outside in her chair, that nothing was limiting her other than care, and access. you had been limited too, and you ached with it. you ache differently now, because ava navigates her day fully and independently: a wheelchair lift for the stairs, and a huge, beautiful closet and kitchen where she can reach everything without having to stand, and korra, who can turn on lights and open doors and brings you a juice from the fridge when you sit down and mention you're thirsty; ava grins with the command and then praises korra, and you scratch her soft head and even softer ears.

beatrice does supervise when you and ava dye your hair, but ava mostly knows what she's doing, and really gets distracted the most when she looks over at beatrice in lowslung joggers and a cutoff tank and a beanie, leaning against the doorframe quietly, a fond expression on her face. ava wears crop tops and wideleg pants and expensive sneakers and you both end up laughing when you have your matching lavender hair.

you eat edibles that make everything feel lush and slow and perfect, and beatrice laughs softly at ava's ramble about her arms, and she orders a ton of her favorite chinese food that you eat on the patio at sunset. you take some pictures on your film camera, at sunset, and beatrice takes a few of you and ava. you wish you could go back in time and tell both of you, when you were small and sad and scared and abused, that things would be this beautiful one day. that things would be this good.

ava and beatrice eventually say goodnight before they head inside to their bedroom. there's too much light pollution in los angeles to see many of the stars, but you know they're there all the same.

[hypertic]

Avatrice - neighbors AU

[and Beatrice has 2 kids]

Ava knocked on the door, shifting her weight from one foot to the other while she waited. Hearing the steps from the other side becoming louder with each passing second was almost enough for her to turn around to leave.

Almost, had it not been for the door opening right before she could run back to her apartment, revealing her neighbor greeting her with a small, polite smile.

Beatrice Xin.

Her next door neighbor that, though she’d moved in a couple of months after Ava, she knew almost nothing about.

She knew that she left too early in the morning and came back too late in the evening, but somehow managed to have enough time to take care of two little girls that, if Ava had to guess, were between five and two years old. She didn’t know much about the girls either; she assumed they were her daughters, even if Beatrice seemed far too young and far too busy to have kids, it was not her place to judge.

She also knew, from the few times they’d crossed paths, that Beatrice always managed to offer her a small, but genuine smile, despite how tired she seemed. If Ava was being honest, Beatrice smile was disarming, and she vividly remembers her legs going weak the first time she saw it.

That was another thing she knew: Beatrice was painfully attractive.

However, that was as far as Ava’s knowledge on Beatrice Xin extended, hence why she felt so awkward standing there.

“Hi.” Ava greeted shyly, already unable to stop her hands from fidgeting with a lose thread of her shirt. Beatrice kept her eyes on her; unreadable. “I’m Ava Silva, your neighbor from the other side of the hall.” In her head, Ava was thanking every deity she knew for giving her enough confidence to introduce herself without stuttering.

“I’m Beatrice Xin.” She offered her a hand for Ava to shake, who took it immediately, giving her a bright smile as she squeezed it gently. Beatrice smiled back, wider this time but still small, and Ava could do nothing but stare.

Beatrice let her, her own eyes scanning over her neighbor’s features to commit them to memory. Suddenly, she became aware that she was still holding Ava’s hand, the smaller girl’s grip loose around her own firm hand. She let go, maybe too quickly and too awkwardly, but Ava didn’t seem to care.

“Right so….,” Ava trailed off, her nerves getting the best of her. “There’s no way I can say this without sounding weird or stupid or straight up crazy and I completely understand if you just shut the door in my face-“ Beatrice’s amused yet slightly threatening eyebrow raise was enough to get Ava to stop her rambling and take a deep breath. “Can I borrow your kids?”

Any trace of amusement was gone as soon as Beatrice heard the word ‘kids’.

“Excuse me?” Ava took notice of her british accent and wondered how someone could grow more attractive by the second. She quickly pushed those thoughts aside, feeling herself grow smaller in front of Beatrice’s threatening eyebrow raise and her suddenly closed off demeanor.

Ava fought the chills crawling up her spine, suddenly aware of the small height difference in Beatrice’s favor that made her all the more scary. Still, she took another deep breath, desperate to at least get her neighbor to hear her explanation and not think she’s completely insane.

“I… I kinda told my ex that I couldn’t go out with him today and meet his new girlfriend because I have to babysit, when I really just don’t want to go because even if we ended on ‘good terms’ and we’re friends, it’s going to be so awkward and I’m not sure I’m ready to put myself through that but I-“ She cut herself short to catch her breath, giving Beatrice a sheepish smile.

“What do you need the kids for then?” Beatrice asked before she could continue. “You said no, so why do you need my kids?” her voice was stern and demanding, like a high school principal, her face unreadable as ever.

“Well,“ Ava sighed, preparing herself to blurt out the second half of her explanation. “He said they could come to say hi while I babysit, because he lives in another city and wanted to stop by, since they’re only here for the weekend and it’s the only time he’s available. I couldn’t backtrack with the babysitting lie, because that would make it too obvious that I don’t want to meet them so…”

Ava looked up from her fidgety hands to the woman in front of her, who stared back at her with what Ava thought -hoped- was maybe a small glint of amusement in her dark, expressionless eyes.

“I know it sounds insane but you’re the only person I know that has kids and they really won’t stay for long; 30 minutes at most.” Beatrice frowned, and Ava couldn’t believe she actually seemed to be thinking about it. “I swear I’ll take good care of them, please!” Ava pushed, ready to beg on her knees if she had to. “I’ll owe you anything! I can clean your entire apartment!, or take down your trash for as long as you live here.” She decided to finalized with her offers, and Beatrice let out an annoyed sigh.

“Are you really willing to go this far to save yourself the embarrassment?” Beatrice questioned, and Ava wasn’t sure if she was making fun of her or if she was genuinely curious.

“Yes!” Ava answered, too sure of herself. Beatrice rolled her eyes at the answer, but couldn’t hide the small smile making its way to her lips.

Ava felt a spark of hope grow in her chest at the reaction, and decided to give her the best puppy eyes she could muster.

God.

At that moment, Beatrice genuinely felt like she couldn’t say no. For some reason, this complete stranger that seemed to put all her faith in her, hoping that Beatrice was just as insane as she was and would aid her in her stupid lie, was actually managing to convince her.

Beatrice took her time to study the girl, who seemed just a couple of years younger than her and knew nothing about. Just by their first interaction, she could tell the girl was like an open book, all of her emotions easy to label just by taking a look into her eyes. She didn’t seem like a real threat and, if she truly wanted to kidnap or harm her children in any way, Beatrice didn’t think she would be to borrow them like they were a cup of flour.

“Fine.” Beatrice stated, and Ava let out a relieved yelp, jumping around to celebrate her small victory.

It could be good to get to know her neighbors anyways.

“Really?” Ava asked, buzzing with energy.

“Yes, but with one condition.” Ava became serious all of a sudden, ready to obey whatever this woman said as long as it would spare her the embarrassment of being caught in a lie. “You have come to our apartment, and I get to stay.” Beatrice stated firmly.

“What?” Ava frowned, slightly confused. “What’s the point of babysitting if their mom is here?”

“I can just stay in Oli’s room.” Beatrice answered, getting a puzzled look from Ava. “The baby.” She clarified, regretting her decision already.

“Ok, yeah. Sounds fair.“ Ava nodded, and for the first time since she got there, she caught a glimpse of Beatrice’s apartment.

Unlike hers, it was spotless, furnished with simple furniture in white and grayish tones. Beatrice gestured for her to come in, allowing Ava a full few of the apartment. Despite most of it being grey and white, the place felt warm and homey, with the evening sunlight shining through the windows and a couple of scattered, colorful toys in the fluffy grey rug of the living room.

“When is your ex coming?”

“Shit.” Ava muttered, as she checked the time on her phone.

“Language.” Beatrice scolded, and Ava had to bite her tongue to keep herself from giggling.

“Sorry. He said they’ll be here in 20 minutes.” She answered sheepishly.

“That’s not a lot of time.” For some reason, Beatrice seemed to be worried about her, even if she clearly disapproved of the entire plan. “You should hurry and get my kid to like you if you want this to work.” Ava was momentarily shocked at how invested Beatrice sounded, but didn’t hesitate to follow her to the kitchen.

“Willow.” Beatrice called as they entered, and Ava was met by wide brown eyes staring at her with a mix of surprise and curiosity.

The little girl stood up, her pigtails swaying from side to side as she ran to meet them at the door, her bangs slightly disheveled. Her hair was a lot darker than Beatrice’s and her skin paler, but otherwise they looked quite alike.

“This is Ava, our neighbor.” Beatrice introduced, and Willow extended a hand for her to shake, just like her mother. Ava shook it gently, giving the girl a smile as she introduced herself.

“I’m Willow!” She replied with excitement that Ava didn’t hesitate to mirror.

“It’s such a pretty name! What were you doing there, Willow?” Ava said pointing at the kitchen table, and after some hesitation the girl dragged her by the hand she was still holding to show her.

“I was coloring the animal book auntie Cam got me.” She sat back down, and Ava stood next to her, appreciating Willow’s attempt at staying within the lines.

“Willow, “ Beatrice voice echoed from behind the pair, making them both turn around with wide, attentive eyes. “Would you like Ava to play with you for a little while?” The young girl furrowed her eyebrows, trying to push her bangs aside.

“Why?” She asked innocently. Beatrice knelt down in front of her daughter, fixing her messy bangs for her.

“Well, since Ava lives next door, I thought it would be nice if you get to know her, don’t you think?” Willow nodded, because everything her mom said made sense; most of the time. Beatrice gave her a smile and gestured for Ava to sit on the chair next to Willow, while she sat in the one across from them.

Though the little girl was quite shy and closed off at first, taking hesitant glances up to her mom after she spoke, it didn’t take long for her to warm up to Ava. She always thought it was a lot easier to talk to children rather than adults, and really enjoyed taking part on their own little world.

“You’re doing it wrong!” Willow giggled as Ava colored outside of the drawing instead of inside, which was absolutely on purpose, and not because she got distracted by her small talk with Willow.

Ava felt her phone buzz, and typed a quick reply to JC before making gestures to Beatrice that she needed to go.

“Willow,” Beatrice spoke, gentle as ever but still commanding all of the little girl’s attention. “Would you like to help Ava with a game?” Willows eyes went wide at the mention of a game, going from her mother to Ava as she nodded excitedly.

“What is it?”

“Ava is playing pretend with a couple of friends, and they’re coming to see her.” The girls mouth formed an ‘o’ that Ava couldn’t help but mirror. “She’s pretending to be taking care of you while I’m gone.”

“But… you’re here.” Willow frowned, her eyes going from Ava to Beatrice in search of an answer.

“That’s why we are pretending I’m not here.” Beatrice explained patiently.

“So you’re in the game too?” Beatrice nodded, and Willow copied her, seeming to understand. “What does the winner get?” She asked, a confident smile on her face.

“Do you like waffles?” Ava asked, and if she noticed the angry look Beatrice shot her, she chose to ignore it. Willow let out a happy yelp, standing from her chair and jumping up and down.

“Willow,” Beatrice called, and the girl jumped all the way to her. “Remember, to win the game, you have to stay with Ava and her friends, and pretend I’m not here, capisce?”

“Capisce.” The little girl replied, making a motion of taking off a hat.

Before Ava could comment on their vocabulary they heard the door bell ring, and Ava felt her heart shoot up to her throat. Beatrice just gave her a reassuring nod before disappearing into the small hallway.

“Let the games begin.” Ava said to Willow solemnly after hearing the door of the room click.

###

The game lasted a little over 20 minutes, seeing that JC had made a dinner reservation for them and was really just stopping by.

It was nice to see him, Ava admitted, even if it was awkward at first, the conversation managed to flow nicely just like before they dated. She even managed to make small talk with his new girlfriend, who was really sweet and allowed their conversation to go uninterrupted by engaging with Willow and her Lego tower.

As soon as the door behind them closed, Ava let out a sigh of relief, realizing it wasn’t as bad as she’d thought. It was nice, actually, and it gave her a weird sense of closure to see JC after so long and meet as friends.

“I win!” Willow chanted, jumping through the living room as Beatrice came out of the room, holding Olivia in her arms.

Ava gave Willow a triumphant high five and a bright grin to Beatrice, who seemed both surprised and relieved that it’d actually worked.

“You didn’t have to bribe her you know?” Beatrice whispered, seeing the little girl run to the kitchen in anticipation of her prize.

“I kinda did.” Ava giggled, cooing at the baby in Beatrice’s arms. “I had to bribe you too.” She added with a wink.

Beatrice rolled her eyes, walking ahead of Ava to hide the light blush creeping up her cheeks.

“You don’t have to do anything, by the way.” Beatrice said, after putting Olivia down on her chair. She opened the fridge to take out the ingredients for the waffles, while Willow searched for the largest pot she could find to make the mix. “You just… owe me one?” Beatrice said tentatively, feeling her heart warm at the sight of Ava’s bright smile.

So, Beatrice found herself spending the rest of the evening with this stranger, Ava, and her old waffle maker, far more entertained than she’ll ever admit.

Though she scolded Ava more than she ever did her own child —for not measuring the ingredients, for mixing the batter so energetically it got everywhere, including Beatrice’s shirt, among other things— she couldn’t help but smile all the same, seeing Willow laugh carelessly and enjoy her tower of waffles covered in syrup.

After Olivia had eaten all of the broccoli mush that wasn’t on her clothes, and Willow had long forgotten her waffles and devoted herself to watching her favorite show in the living room, Ava took it as her cue to leave.

Beatrice couldn’t hide her surprise when she came back from putting Olivia to bed, and found the kitchen as spotless as it had been.

“What? It was as only fair I cleaned up my own mess.” Ava said with a teasing smile.

“Thank you.” Beatrice said with the widest smile Ava had seen from her.

It was easy to smile around Ava, Beatrice noticed.

“Thank you.” Ava said, taking a step forward. “You really saved me from a lot of…”

“Explaining? Questions? Embarrassment?” Beatrice offered, and Ava gave her a shy nod, but her smile never seemed to leave her. Not like Beatrice wanted to.

“Yeah… thanks.” Ava said as she walked out the kitchen, waffle maker held firmly between her hands.

“Willow, say bye to Ava.” Beatrice called once they reached the door and, despite how entranced the little girl seemed by the colorful cartoons in front of her, she ran up to Ava and almost tackled her with a hug. Gently, Ava wrapped her arms around the little girl who mumbled something unintelligible.

“Can Ava come back to play?” Willow asked Beatrice after separating herself from Ava, her tiny hand still clutching Ava’s shirt.

“You should ask her, Lou.” Beatrice placed a gentle hand on the girls hair, staring down at her with so much love Ava felt her heart melt.

“Can you come back to play?” Willow asked her, lightly pulling Ava’s shirt.

“Of course!” Ava promised, shooting an anxious look at Beatrice to confirm she was actually ok with that that. “I’ll see you around, ok?” She said, messing up the little girl’s hair with endearment.

“Bye!” Willow waved, and Ava mirror her, but aimed her wave at the girl’s mother instead.

“Bye, Ava.” Beatrice said, offering her a final, polite smile before closing the door.

Ava let out a sigh, her chest filled with warmth and contempt and hope of seeing Beatrice, and her kids, again.

[wraithofwords]

My Warrior Nun fics

Currently primarily writing for Warrior Nun/Avatrice. Let me know if you have any prompt ideas!

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One-Shots:

This Touch Will Never Be Enough: Ava and Beatrice slowly fall for each other during their time in Switzerland. (Read on AO3) What Happens If We Name This Tension: Jealous Ava and Beatrice during some expanded canon scenes in Switzerland. (Read on AO3) Ruined: Character study of Beatrice working toward self-acceptance. (Read on AO3) Worthy: Evil!Ava fights her way through the OCS - set to the song 'Take Me To Church' by Hozier. (Read on AO3) Does This Still Burn for You: A semi-sentient Halo reacts to Beatrice without Ava's input. (Read on AO3) Ruffled Feathers: Ava and Beatrice take a post-canon trip to England where Beatrice confronts someone from her past. (Read on AO3) Undone: Beatrice explores a more masculine style in Switzerland with Ava's enthusiastic encouragement. (Read on AO3) Rain: Beatrice has spent her entire life slowly breaking down, and finally starts to heal after she meets Ava. (Based on this fanart - Read on AO3)

Mini-fics:

Wants: Beatrice knows what it’s like to want things she can’t have. (Read on AO3) Keepsakes: Ava shows Beatrice the box of keepsakes she's been saving from their first month in Switzerland. (Read on AO3)

Multi-chapter fics:

Are We Sacred Like Wildflowers: Ava is an event planner hired to plan a party to celebrate Beatrice's engagement - to someone else. (In progress - Read on AO3)

Drabbles:

All of my WN drabbles are posted to a series on AO3, which can be found here.

[wordsmith30]

I am once again fixating on Avatrice’s first scene in season two.

Beatrice tells Ava off for chatting with customers because they were talking about Adriel and what happened at the Vatican. They’re supposed to be keeping a low profile.

If anything, being incognito only makes things all the more stressful for Beatrice. Eternally in Mission Mode, she’s hyperaware of everything going on around her, from the conversation in the bar to Hans coming up the stairs and looking at her and Ava. There’s so much pressure on her.

At least when they were with the OCS, she had the others to rely on, but in Switzerland, she’s responsible for anything that goes wrong, including anything that might happen to Ava. While Ava jokingly calls her “Mother”, it is like being a single parent. She just wants to keep her safe.

And hearing about Adriel’s ever-increasing presence is just a painful reminder of how unsafe they are. How important this mission is.

Beatrice also tends to fidget a lot more this season with anything that’s in her hand (in this case, the pencil). She gestures with it after Hans leaves, asking Ava what that look meant.

“You and Hans shared a glance.”

(Cue back to Lilith’s line in 1×04: “Careful around this one, Camila. She’ll pry into all your business.”)

We can insinuate it as jealousy as she’s become super protective of Ava (or perhaps just the fear that something is going on that she’s not aware of), but in Ava’s mind, Hans is jealous of them. Ava laughs.

“What do you expect? Hans has been here for three years. We’ve been here a month and you already got promoted to manager.”

Beatrice fidgets some more and even straightens her back as she says, “Well ... it’s not my fault that I’m exceptionally well-organized.”

Did I mention how much I love proud Beatrice? It may come across as a bit defensive, but outside of her being a badass in the field, it’s so rare to see her stand tall in her abilities – to take pride in them, in spite of all her self-hatred. She’s good at what she does and she should say it.

And then Ava knocks back with: “Ah, as a matter of fact, it is. Discreet, remember?”

Touché.

Beatrice bows her head and nods. You can see the breath she releases. But before she even has the time to feel awkward or embarrassed, Ava says in that gentle voice, “You don’t have to be so perfect all the time.”

Once again, Ava demonstrates exactly why they work together. While Beatrice often works to keep Ava safe physically, Ava knows just how to keep Bea safe emotionally. Despite all the teasing, she knows how Beatrice worries and steps in to calm her racing mind.

She does it as easily as breathing, head angled to look into Beatrice’s face, eyes soft and posture relaxed. And Beatrice softens with her.

That line hits on some key insights, too: the idea that it’s possible to be too good at something, and that that might actually hinder them while undercover. But more than that, it’s a reminder that they’re not at the convent anymore. Beatrice can drop the tactical habit. She can be unsure, she can make mistakes, she doesn’t have to know what she’s doing all the time. She’s already doing enough.

“You don’t have to be so perfect all the time.”

Ava thinks she’s perfect. Her. Beatrice. Just as she is.

It seems too much for Beatrice to handle. She looks up at Ava and then looks down again. At a loss for how to respond, she changes the subject: “Well, I’m heading back to the apartment.”

It’s Ava’s turn to deflate a little as she nods, but her eyes hang on Beatrice’s face as Bea tells her that she’s going to check in with Camila.

“You don’t stay out too late,” Beatrice says, back in Mission Mode. “We train tomorrow.”

“Yes, Mother.” Ava laughs again, and even Beatrice drops her head in amusement or exasperation, still fiddling with her pencil.

She looks up just in time for Ava to give her a quick peck on the cheek, the Warrior Nun swinging her shoulders like a golden retriever puppy. “I’m just messing with you. See you at home!”

Beatrice can only watch her bounce away and has to take another breath to steady herself. Ava, meanwhile, knew exactly what she was doing and can only hope that the message sticks.

[spaceman-earthgirl]

@itistakingover and I wrote an avatrice Switzerland fake dating au which involves Beatrice coming to terms with her feelings for Ava through some fake dating fun. Here's the first chapter.

Excerpt:

“Don’t be mad.”

They’re the first words out of Ava’s mouth when she finds Beatrice in the back of the bar, and Beatrice already knows she’s going to be mad in about three seconds.

“What did you do?”

“Listen,” Ava says, hands up in a placating gesture. “First, it wasn’t my fault, it just happened and-“

“Ava,” Beatrice cuts in.

“He just wouldn’t stop and I didn’t know what else to do but I swear, I didn’t mean to, I-“

“Ava,” Beatrice cuts in, more forceful this time. She’s getting worried, now half expecting to go out to the bar and find some guy knocked out on the floor. They can’t afford the attention if that’s the case, they can’t afford to move anywhere else, not right now.

(The thought of leaving here, leaving the home they’ve made, saddens Beatrice in a way she can’t afford to think about).

“I…” Ava’s shoulder sag and she bites her lip. “Hans thinks we’re dating.”

Of all the things Beatrice thought could’ve happened, of all the scenarios that are running through her mind and contingency plans for them all, this was not one of them.

“Hans thinks we’re…” Beatrice clears her throat before she can say the next word. “Dating?” Even then, the word comes out slightly strangled. She has to clear her throat again. “Why does Hans think we’re dating?”

“You know, Simon, one of the regulars?”

Beatrice is not following this at all but nods anyway.

“Well, he would just not stop flirting with me, he wouldn’t take the hint,” Ava starts, and suddenly Beatrice is mad, not for whatever reason Ava thought she’d be mad in the first place, but because of Simon and his inability to treat people with respect. She’s seen the way he looks at Ava, seen the way he flirts with her. More than once she’s had to stop herself stepping in and saying something.

“You’ve seen him, the way he acts sometimes, I wanted it to stop and he wouldn’t take no for an answer. I knew you wouldn’t appreciate me punching him but I also wasn’t really thinking and I just blurted out that we were dating. And Hans heard, which is now why I’m telling you, because I’ve dug us into a hole I don’t know how to get out of.” Ava chews on her bottom lip. “Are you mad?”

Beatrice sighs, trying to take in all the information and figuring out their best course of action. “I’m not mad.”

She’s not, she’s just wondering why God is testing her like this. This is not what she expected when she signed up to be a sister warrior.

Ava winces. “You seem a little mad.”

“I’m not,” Beatrice repeats. “Well, I am, but at Simon, not at you. So Hans and Simon think we’re…together?”

She’s trying to piece it together in her mind, come up with the best way out of this.

Ava nods.

“Simon won’t matter, we probably won’t see too much of him.” Especially because she’s planning to have a few words with him about respect and consent. “But Hans is a different story.” Beatrice thinks for another moment, and comes up with a solution. “We can tell him you were just lying to the customer to get him to stop.”

Ava pulls a face, and Beatrice already knows she’s not going to like whatever she says next.

“Afterwards, Hans made a comment about how we make a cute couple and I didn’t deny it.”

“Ava.”

“And then I told him you were the best and asked him if he could man the bar for a few minutes so I could come and see you. And here we are. He probably thinks we’re making out back here or something.”

Beatrice lets out a sharp breath, this is too much.

[itscappyj]

Avatrice + playing the legend of zelda

Thank you for the prompt! Here is something silly:

"Bea!"

Beatrice's head whips round as a scream erupts from the next room. She flings her laptop - hoping it lands on the bed - and rushes out to the living room, her socks skidding on the hardwood floor.

Her heart is racing and it takes a moment to register what she's looking at because her brain is frantically trying to identify a threat and finding none. Ava is sitting on the sofa, controller in hand, looking at her with imploring eyes.

"Ava, you scared the life out of me!" She takes a steadying breath, trying to adjust to the apparently mundane situation. 

"I'm sorry," Ava whines, "but I need your help."

Beatrice narrows her eyes, "With?"

Ava holds the controller out towards her, her other hand flailing towards the TV screen. "The zombies, Bea!"

Beatrice takes a few steps into the room to look at the screen. It appears to be a town square with some ominous looking figures standing all around it. "There are zombies in Zelda?"

Ava pats the seat beside her and Beatrice sits. Immediately Ava latches onto her arm, curling into her. "I mean, they're not called that but basically. But the sound they make, Bea. It's horrifying."

Beatrice looks back at the pixelated picture before her. Certainly it looks unpleasant but she can't imagine it could be anything as serious as horrifying.

Still, she dutifully takes the controller as it is handed to her. "You know I'm not very good at this."

"You don't have to fight them. You just have to walk past them and not get caught."

Beatrice looks down at Ava and frowns. "You don't even have to engage with them?"

Ava scoffs and squints at the screen, "Oh they engage, trust me."

Beatrice is still a bit bewildered but she'll help anyway. Then she can get back to her own tasks.

She starts moving the joystick, Ava's grip tightening around her arm, and tries to manoeuvre past the strange humanoid creatures that are groaning unnervingly. 

Suddenly, there's a terrible, piecing screech and Beatrice feels herself jump as Ava sucks in a breath beside her.

Her heart leaps and adrenaline starts flooding in as she realises her character has frozen. The creature is slowly approaching. A dark menacing, blurry thing that is getting closer and closer whilst she is helpless to do anything about it. 

Beatrice finds herself mashing buttons, pulling the stick back and forth trying to make something happen. "What do I do?"

Finally the controls start working again and she runs as Ava shrieks, "Go, go!"

She gets caught one more time before making it to the exit and they both exhale in relief.

She hands the controller back and starts to get out of the seat but Ava is still clinging to her.  "Wait. Stay with me?"

"I was going to make dinner soon," Beatrice says, entirely in vain as she looks at Ava's big pleading eyes.

"Please? What if I need emergency kisses?"

Beatrice tries with all her might to keep a straight face but it doesn't take long for her to crack with a laugh. "What kind of emergency would that be?" 

"A very serious one. One that couldn't possibly be helped by anyone else but you."

"Well, I suppose I simply must stay close by then." Beatrice drawls, leaning her face in towards Ava, their mouths only centimetres apart. She feels Ava's hot breath against her lips but just as Ava moves to close the gap, she pulls back with a smirk.

Ava huffs and pouts and Beatrice has to hold back another laugh. 

"At least let me get my laptop first. We  can order food instead."

Ava's face lights up and she lets go of Beatrice's arm as a wiggle works its way through her body. "Yes! Okay, your pick this time. For being my brave Knight." 

Beatrice pecks her on the cheek before going to retrieve her laptop - which thankfully remains unharmed from her earlier panic - and they spend the rest of the night curled up together on the sofa.

[warriornunsgirlfriend]

avatrice + 11. “The sun isn’t even up yet and you want me to do what?”

Okay this isn't exactly about avatrice but I was excited to share anyway. A sneak peek of a future scene in my Childhood!AU from Lilith's POV! Please enjoy!

“The sun isn’t even up yet and you want me to do what?” 

It was a miracle really that Lilith had managed to even convince Beatrice to meet her here, the lights from the gym muted in their refuge under the bleachers. She’d woken up early and roused a very annoyed Beatrice out of the bed next to hers, begging her to meet her in the gym before classes. 

Now they sit, their knees pressed together in the small space. From here Lilith can see every weakness in Beatrice’s form. The tired lines just underneath her eyes, the way her shoulders tighten, sitting impossibly straight even in this cramped position. Beatrice’s voice is whispered, harsh against the quiet hum of the electricity in the fluorescent lights above them.

“Oh come on, Beatrice. It’s just practice. It doesn’t mean anything.” 

She watches as Beatrice’s eyes widen only minutely and a soft flush appears across the freckles scattered along her cheeks. She looks almost ridiculous, like a deer caught in a headlight and under any other circumstances, Lilith might have teased her for it. 

But right now, anxiety is coiling through her own chest and she tightens her fists at her side to stop her hands from giving away how nervous the request is actually making her feel. 

“But why do we have to practice kissing?” 

Lilith can feel the back of her neck prickle with heat as images of a certain sixth year girl with gorgeous skin and a teasing smile flash across her mind. It’s a fair question but she can’t bring herself to admit the truth, that she’s never kissed anyone. The thought of actually admitting that she’s bad at anything, let alone something so simple, is mortifying. So she just shrugs. 

“Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it, Beatrice. You’ll meet a man, or someone one day, and you’ll be grateful for the chance to practice.” 

The way Beatrice wrinkles her nose at the thought is almost enough to lighten the nervous weight on her own chest and she has to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling. She doubts very much it will be a man who steals Beatrice’s heart one day but it isn’t Lilith’s place to say so.  Instead she nudges Beatrice’s knee with her own. “Come on, I never ask you for anything. And if you help me with this I swear I’ll owe you. Whatever you want.” 

The nervous knot loosens ever so slightly when Beatrice rolls her eyes and finally gives in with an exasperated sigh. “Fine. But you have to stay with me during break next week?” 

Her voice falters at the end, as if she isn’t sure for a moment that Lilith will agree. Which is absurd, really, because it’s such an easy request. She’s no happier at home than Beatrice is. “Deal.” 

“Okay. How-how do we do it?” 

The question takes her off guard and for the first time Lilith’s resolve almost disappears. It had seemed easy before when she was imagining the scenario in her head. Practice with Beatrice had seemed a lot less daunting than asking Lucia straight up for a date. But now Lilith falters, considering Beatrice for a moment before finally huffing out an annoyed breath. 

“I think we just need to go for it.” 

Beatrice nods and then squeezes her eyes shut, her face scrunching up in concentration as she freezes. Lilith only rolls her eyes and leans forward, closing the small distance between them in a fluid motion. “Geez. I’m not going to bite you. Relax.” 

The words are murmured for just an instant before Lilith closes her eyes too and presses her mouth against Beatrice’s, lingering for one brief, chaste moment. 

Beatrice’s lips are chapped and the small touch tickles against her own before Beatrice is pulling away, her eyes flying open. 

“How was that?” Her words are rushed and another bright flush dusts across her face.  It occurs to Lilith that Beatrice must be as nervous as she is. 

She only rolls her eyes to hide the mirth just lying under the surface of her nervousness and shakes her head. “I think you have to stay still for longer than a second for it to really count.” 

The challenge does the trick. It’s enough for Beatrice to frown, her eyebrows drawing forward as she huffs in annoyance. “Fine. Try again, then.” 

Lilith only shakes her head, amusement loosening the nervous coil in her chest completely now. It really is too easy to rile Beatrice up. But underneath the humor a surge of warmth settles against her chest. Beatrice may be uptight, and even a little oblivious sometimes. But she’s a good friend and any anxiety Lilith might have had over the request eases as she leans forward to kiss Beatrice again. ______________________________________________________________

The afternoon sun slants across their two bodies, laid out against Beatrice’s bedroom floor. A song plays idly in the background on Beatrice’s record player, filling the room with soft noise that fades easily into the background around them. 

Lilith turns her head to watch her friend for a moment, the way the light trails down Beatrice’s face, her eyes closed and her lips parted as she breathes out evenly. It’s the most relaxed Lilith has ever seen her and she can’t help but smile at the image. Whatever Ava is doing, it’s obviously doing wonders for Beatrice. Even if she is an annoying shit. 

“What’s it like? Being with Ava?” 

The question is blurted out before she can stop herself. But she finds that she doesn’t quite regret it, even if the back of her neck does warm. She shifts and props herself up on her elbows so she can look at Beatrice, who only opens her eyes and turns her head toward Lilith, pondering the question for a moment. 

“It’s…. wonderful.” Beatrice breathes out the last word in a small exhale, a soft blush creeping along her ears and cheeks. Her lips tilt upward in a soft smile and she grins sheepishly, “I didn’t think it was possible to be this happy.” 

The sight sends a pleasant ache through Lilith’s chest. Even a few months ago it was obvious Beatrice wasn’t happy. Lilith very much doubted Beatrice would have known what happiness looked like even if it slammed right into her. Which Lilith supposed, it sort of had. 

It takes her a moment to place the odd fluttering emotion in her chest. Hope, she realizes with a jolt of surprise. If Beatrice of all people could find happiness, then maybe it wasn’t completely unattainable. Maybe it’s something Lilith can earn too. The image of Camila’s mischievous smile, the soft dimples at the corner of her lips, and the way her curled hair catches the light plays across Lilith’s mind, sending a pleasant swoop through her belly. 

“If I confess something to you, do you swear not to judge?” 

Beatrice’s eyebrows furrow ever so slightly and she shifts too until she’s propped up on one elbow, her head resting against her hand. “Do you have feelings for Ava, as well?” 

Her lips purse against a teasing smile at the question and Lilith barks out a surprised laugh. “Don’t be ridiculous, I wouldn’t date Ava even if she was the last person on this earth. You can have her. Besides, I have my sights on someone else.” 

Beatrice’s grin widens, a genuine smile with a flash of teeth. She nudges Lilith’s leg with her foot. “Are you going to tell me who it is?” 

It’s new, this sudden vulnerability and understanding between the two of them and Lilith clings to the warmth it brings even as she falters for a moment, anxiety tightening around her chest as she answers. “It’s Camila…” 

Beatrice’s eyes widen in surprise and Lilith is ready, an apology right on the tip of her tongue. She can feel the flush on her face as she opens her mouth to explain, to take it back maybe. But Beatrice only grins again, her eyes bright with delight. “That’s wonderful!”

“Really? You’re not mad?” Lilith had honestly expected more pushback. Considering that just a few weeks ago they weren’t even talking, she hadn’t expected Beatrice to be so supportive. She studies Beatrice’s face for any sign of hidden frustration, or annoyance, but she doesn’t find any. Beatrice’s smile is still relaxed, her eyes squinting against the sunlight streaming through the blinds covering the window. But her expression is sincere, open, and Lilith finds herself relaxing as Beatrice answers, 

“Why would I be? I think it’s great, truly.”

“I don’t know.” Lilith shrugs, her attention moving to the carpet underneath them. She tugs at a loose strand, wrapping it around her finger as she answers, “She’s your little. I know you feel responsible for her.” 

The memory of their argument is still raw between them, the lingering words heavy against Lilith’s chest. She can’t quite bring herself to meet Beatrice’s gaze. Silence settles over them, awkward and stifling for several long moments. 

“I’m sorry, Lilith. What I said before, it wasn’t fair—“ 

Lilith rolls her eyes to hide the uncomfortable prickle of nervous tears welling in her eyes. “You’ve already apologized. You don’t have to—“

“Let me finish.” Beatrice raises her hand and Lilith falls silent, swallowing against the stupid lump in her throat. 

“It wasn’t fair and I want you to know, I don’t really think you’re…what was it I said?” 

“Heartless.” Lilith almost whispers the words, her heart clenching painfully against them, a juxtaposition to the accusation. Beatrice was right, she hadn’t been fair to say it. But Lilith couldn’t deny there was truth in the perception she gave off to people. Her mother was heartless. Her grandmother even more so, and if Lilith was honest her biggest fear is that she would end up mean and bitter, just like them. Beatrice’s words, said in a righteous fury of the moment, had pierced Lilith’s weakest point. 

“I don’t think you’re heartless. And I think Camila would be really lucky.” Beatrice’s hand wraps around her own and it takes every ounce of willpower Lilith has to stop the sob threatening to choke out of her. She finally looks up, her eyes stinging with tears only to find Beatrice’s own tears reflected back at her. Despite her best efforts, her vision blurs and she feels a single wet drop escape down her cheek. She laughs, watery and weak, and Beatrice does too. 

Maybe this is what happiness really looks like. Or at least something similar. The warm sun heating her skin in the afternoon, shared tears and laughter between friends. She can feel all the cracks within her, frayed and ragged. It doesn’t heal, not even close. But Lilith thinks, here with Beatrice’s tear-filled laughter mixing with her own, maybe for now this is enough.  The promise of a new beginning. For both of them. 

[daisychainsandbowties]

Palmer AU when there’s a serious storm, though. Ava being all, “momma earth, call it off, I wanna go out and play,” and Suzanne is just, “no.” The storm is knocking out everybody’s special fancy equipment so Beatrice is, “I’m going to take a nap. Would you like to join me Ava?” and Ava’s brain melts so she just nods emphatically and drags Beatrice to Beatrice’s quarters. Lilith first checks all her aquariums, then has to search for Camila. Suzanne helps her out so she doesn’t disturb avatrice and says Camila is probably in the ‘boiler room,” a small space full of machines loud enough to drown out a storm. Camila sits wrapped in her favorite blanket with a mug of tea. “Everyone says I’m crazy, but it is warmer in here,” Camila says in greeting. “Everyone says I’m crazy, but it’s usually about diving in places they wouldn’t want to dive.” “Is there anywhere you wouldn’t want to dive?” “… maybe the Hudson?” “Eww, yeah. Good call. Anyway, I like to wait out storms here. Wanna cuddle?”

beatrice is 100% the guy who has at least a dozen tracks on her phone that are like ‘10 hours of [insert extreme weather here]’ so she greets the prospect of a huge storm by carrying a load of blankets up to her observatory and stocking the mini-fridge ava got her with snacks.

ava: bea… you want to sit in a room that’s 64% glass while the sky tries to eat us??

beatrice: 😐 of course i do. how many times in my life will i have the chance to observe an arctic storm?

ava follows her up there, footsteps tentative on the metal steps, still making a racket in her hobnail boots. drawn by the prospect of lazy sex under a ripped-up sky and staying for the way beatrice holds her hand the whole time, as they wend up through the building with the wind already sighing at them through the thickness of the walls.

bea at first wrapped in her ragged blue blanket with threadbare, tasseled edges. her comfiest hoodie and a space heater running off solar batteries.

noticing that ava’s a little spooked and telling her in her soothing lecture monotone about the exact composition of the glass windows; all the reasons why they won’t break.

‘mechanically, breakage is about the propagation of cracks, on an atomic level, then into our visual range. thinner cracks are usually worse, if you’re the thing that’s breaking.’

(and ava doesn’t tell her that she knows about breaking, actually. that’s she done it).

‘but this glass doesn’t let it happen in the profuse way of the glass you’re used to. it’s stable, probably sturdier than the walls.’

the sea turning dark as the clouds scatter over the horizon, bea explaining how storms work, research papers she’s read about the atmosphere on venus and what Sagan said about the runaway greenhouse effect, everything trapped beneath the sulfuric clouds that make it so difficult to even look at the planet's surface.

‘what must that have felt like? to be denied the image of a distant place even though you could peer right towards it.’

‘you see then how light can illuminate, but also obscure. how the universe has so much light in it, but that can make it hard to see what sits behind the light, beyond it.'

'do you know how we discovered the dark parts of the universe? how we learned about them? through their absence in the visual field.’

she talks about the development of radar and infrared, and when the storm hits ava’s just draped against her, lost in the curve of her voice and her waist because she’s stuck her cold hands under bea’s hoodie. lazily pressing her mouth into bea’s neck to feel the hum of her low voice as vibration.

ava: i think i get it now

bea: what?

ava: how you can know a place, or a person, even without any light.

[saunteringvaguelydownwards]

🐛 🐛 🐛 Talking about WiPs, here's some little guys

Yes, more love for the works in progress! 🐛 Great WIP (go comment)

MCU - F I R E F L Y by SheDreamsByDay (tumblr?) There is so much going on in this fic, but here's the super CliffNotes version: set right after the end of the Hawkeye series, Kate is lonely, Yelena is out on missions, but they start chatting over the phone and become each other's anchor. They get together when Yelena gets back to town, and start trying to take down Red Room 2.0 with the help of Clint and fam, Yelena's parents, Natasha, Wanda, and Shuri. This one is so fucking intense y'all, and has eaten my brain in the best way. I pretty much mainlined the first 24 chapters in 3 days. I mentioned in a comment there that this is a stunning example of the quote "You’re in love with her, here’s the best part: she loves you more than her own life. Here’s the worst part: she loves you so much more than her own life." The things these two are willing to do for each, how far they'll go... There's drama, there's action, there's so much angst and trauma, it can get really dark in places, but the author is very good about putting warnings at the beginning of each chapter about what comes next. Updates regularly every Sunday, and the author replies to pretty much every single comment.

~

SG - Evil by @thingsanddreamsandstuff Metallo!Lena from the Mxy episode decides that Kara is to blame for her pain and suffering in life, so she hops dimensions to try to kill her. Kara decides that the best way to deal with this (and also the fact that her Lena isn't talking to her) is to go to Other Lena's prison cell in the DEO and become talking buddies. Very angsty, lots of great conversations in various configurations of Kara, Lena, Other Lena, Lex, and Alex. Like, some truly eviscerating lines that make you wince by proxy. According to the stats there's only one chapter to go, was last updated in May, and in the notes of the latest chapter she said the next/last chapter was already partially written, so maybe some comment love will help.

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WN - can i get your house key? by @piratekane OMG THEY WERE ROOMMATES! Avatrice college AU where Ava comes crashing into Bea's life (literally) and decides to never leave. Bea's got serious issues thanks to her fucking parents, Ava is sweet but kinda oblivious, and once again these two have taken up residence in a pine forest. The chapters don't follow a strict linear progression, there's time jumps in between. It's more like a series of moments, until later when they're starting to get their shit together. Again, according to the stats there's only one chapter left, and was last updated a week ago, so very much an active WiP. Plus I think GK and I have been buddies since like LJ or something, so give my pal some love.

[kendrene]

for ur road-trip prompts! avatrice + downtime

I'm not sure this is what you had in mind, but I hope you like it.

***

“Do you relax, like, ever?” 

At first, Ava thinks that Beatrice hasn’t heard. She pushes the book First Enchanter Jillian has given her to read aside - some stuffy old treatise about the dangers of fire magic, no doubt written by an even stuffier mage, long dead - and focuses her entire attention on the Templar by the door.

“Did you hear what I said?” 

“I heard you.” There’s a slight change in her posture. Not something Ava would call loosening. She’s never seen Beatrice’s spine be anything less than ramrod-straight. “I’m not sure I understand.” 

“Oh, come on Bea.” The book thuds shut, and a small cloud of dust lifts from the yellowed pages. Ava blinks back tears. “Surely there are things you do in your free time?”

“It is my duty to ensure nothing happens to you, Ava.” Or that Ava doesn’t happen to somebody, but Beatrice is too polite to say. “Besides, I do not mind it.”

Ava lowers  her eyes, pretending to examine the grain of the table she’s sat at. She’s glad that it’s late evening, and the square of sky outside the stained-glass window is pitch dark. Glad that the reading alcove she chose - her favorite in the whole library - isn’t particularly well lit. 

The blush heating her face takes about a century to fade.

“I don’t mind that it’s you watching over me.” Ava breathes out, not meaning to, so close to the surface of the table she can picture the words like another layer of varnish upon the worn wood. There’s another shift, a creak of leather. An inhale so subtle Ava thinks she must have imagined it. She doesn’t look up.

“Anyway,” Beatrice resumes after some time, voice uncharacteristically unsteady, “of course I do things in my free time.” She falters a little over the word free, as though her tongue doesn’t quite know what to do with it. “I train.”

“Seriously.” Ava snorts. “That doesn’t count as a relaxing activity.” Her eyes flick up, just in time to catch Beatrice’s frown. It deepens as she watches, and Ava has to fight the urge to go to her. To reach out, and stroke a thumb between Beatrice’s knitted eyebrows gently, smooth whatever’s bothersome away. She cannot. Ava has no name for the things that flicker in her chest when Beatrice is near, but knows the desires that they elicit are forbidden. “You don’t have hobbies? Wait, are Templars actually allowed to have hobbies?” 

“Ava.” Somewhere at the far end of the library a door opens and they both go quiet. Templars and mages are allowed to talk, obviously, but what they’re doing skirts closer to fraternization. Itcould land them in a lot of trouble. 

They wait in complete silence until it’s clear nobody is coming. Ava slumps in her seat. 

“Fine.” She plucks at the left sleeve of her robe, tugging at a thread that’s coming loose. “Let me rephrase, because clearly we’re not getting anywhere. What do you do if you’re not on duty or training?” 

“I meditate.”

“Beatrice.” Ava says with the tone of someone about to break horrible news. “I’m sorry to tell you, but I don’t think you know how to unwind.”

“Meditation is the getaway to a steady heart and a calm mind.” 

“So, basically if you’re not standing guard or training, you’re falling asleep.”

“That’s not at all what-!” Beatrice sputters, indignant, and crosses her arms. “Alright. What about you, then? What do you do if you’re not-”

“-reading awfully boring books?” Stretching, Ava stands and walks over to the window. Her reflection stares right back, a blackened mirror-image distorted by the imperfections in the glass. “The gardens. I love walking barefoot on the grass right after it rains. And there’s fish in the pond, did you know? Sometimes the cooks let me have a heel of old bread to feed them.” 

It sounded grander in her mind than it does as she speaks of it to Beatrice, but Ava goes on undeterred. Maybe, to someone who could leave the Circle anytime the gardens don’t seem much. They’re everything to her. “Have you ever really walked through them? I don’t mean on your way to the barracks and back. Have you ever really paid attention to how much the trees shake when a storm wind comes in from the lake? Or to what kind of birds nest in the old oak depending on the season?”

“I can’t say that I have.” Beatrice answers slowly, like she’s trying to see the gardens as Ava does. “All of it sounds beautiful, though.”

“It is!” Ava turns around, seized by a wild thought. “Come on, I’ll show you.”

“Curfew-”

“The bell rang not too long ago. We have about an hour until compline.”

“Still-”

“We’ll be careful.” Beatrice’s expression is doubtful, but the moment Ava offers her hand she takes it without question. “I promise.”

//

“What do you think?” 

Ava had decided the moment they got out to leave the well tended gravel paths behind and plunge straight into the tangle of trees at the heart of the gardens. It was the only way, she’d reasoned, to show Beatrice what she meant. 

“It’s pretty, don’t you think?”

This clearing at the feet of the old oak is her favorite spot in the gardens. Even better than the pond, except perhaps early in the spring, when the mallards’ eggs hatch and ducklings bob back and forth across the tranquil waters. 

Beatrice steps under the shadow of the tree, free hand outstretched, reaching to press her palm against the weathered trunk. “I run past this place sometimes, during drills. I never stopped to take it in before, though.” She pulls back, staring down at her fingers as if the tree has left its mark there. “You were right, Ava. Thank you.”

Ava’s fingers, still curled loosely around Bea’s, twitch. She’s surprised Beatrice hasn’t tried to reclaim her hand yet, but is sure she would in a heartbeat should Ava allow her grip to grow too tight. She’s taken care to keep her hold as-barely-there, to trap Beatrice’s fingers the same as she would a fragile bird. Has held her breath whenever their hands bumped awkwardly together on their walk to this place, afraid a sudden jolt, some nervous movement may cause Bea to fly away from her.

“Thank you, Ava.” Beatrice says again, and flips their hands over, thumb stroking at the tender dip of Ava’s inner wrist, her fingers squeezing, Ava finds she cannot breathe.

‘There’s more.” Ava can hear her own pulse in her ears, can feel it reverberate like the aftermath of a spell down her spine and the rest of her. Down her arms, to where Bea’s thumb is idly rubbing, the one place of her body that’s become the axis of her world for the time being. She’s sure that Beatrice can sense it too as it thunders in her grasp and wonders what she may be thinking. Clouds roll in, wrapping around the moon. Darkness shrouds the two of them entire, making it impossible to tell. 

“More?” 

Beatrice is close enough her next exhale is unadulterated warmth on Ava’s cheek. 

She clears her throat. 

“Yeah. Uhm. Let’s sit.” 

They carefully lower themselves in the hollow dug up by the oak’s gnarled roots. Here the ground is soft and a bit spongy, a carpet of dead leaves and sticks and all manner of debris blown in by the breeze. 

“Look.’ Ava points, and Bea’s gaze tilts up, as though Ava’s finger is tied to an invisible string that goes straight to her heart. “I shouldn’t tell you this, since you’re a Templar and all, but sometimes I can’t sleep and I sneak out after curfew to look at the stars.” 

Beatrice bumps their shoulders together. 

“I have a feeling asking you not do that would equal wasted breath.” She lets go of Ava’s hand only to place hers higher up, around Ava's forearm. It’s cold enough that Ava is wearing another layer under her robes, and still it feels like Beatrice is touching her directly. Ava burns hotter than a thousand suns. “Will you try to be careful about it? If Shannon or Mary caught you, it wouldn’t not be too big a deal. But others will not be as kind.”

“I promise.” 

“Okay.” The clouds part, and stray moonlight spears down from above to show that Beatrice doesn’t quite believe her.

“I really do promise to be careful, Beatrice.” Ava repeats. It isn’t as convincing as she’d like and they both know it is a lie.

“Maybe we could make a deal.” Beatrice pauses, jaw working around whatever it is that she’s gonna suggest next. Her lower lip is caught between her teeth, and her dark eyes are pensive the same way they get when Knight-Commander Suzanne presents her with some complicated question about faith. 

Not that Ava has made a whole study of the countless expressions that flit across Beatrice’s face at any hour of the day, filing all of them inside her mind for reference. So that she knows what Beatrice thinks or feels even though to anyone else it seems that she gives nothing away. 

“A deal?” Ava squeezes her eyes shut, hating how badly her voice shakes.

“I could accompany you on these walks.” She opens her eyes. Beatrice looks deadly serious. "Before curfew.”

Ava swallows. 

“Of course.”

“I would need to ask for permission.”

“Uh. Uh,”

“But I don’t see why the Knight-Commander would say no. Exercise is important.”

“Totally, yeah.” Ava blinks, and the full import of what Beatrice is saying finally sinks in. “Wait, you’re really willing to do that for me?”

For the first time that night, Beatrice’s lips curve into a smile. Ava can count the instances this has happened on the fingers of one hand with room to spare. She clutches the fleeting sight to her chest, stores it in the same place in which she keeps the rest. Beatrice smiling broadly after Shannon had complimented her sword form. Beatrice laughing at one of Mary’s quips, a hand raised to cover the full extent of it. 

Beatrice smiling at her - for her - the day Ava had managed to light a candle through her magic without it melting away. 

“I will ask tomorrow.” A loon calls from across the lake, and Beatrice’s eyes track skyward, measuring time. “I can accompany you on your walks and you can teach me how to… unwind.” On the verge of a bigger smile, her mouth quivers. Beatrice swallows it down, and Ava vows to work it out of her somehow. 

Ava nods.

“That sounds fair.” She breathes in, filling her lungs to bursting with air and with courage, and adds. "A little earlier, I could show you the ducklings."

"You could." Beatrice's smile, much like the moon overhead, is in its waning phase. It lingers, however, a sliver of a reflection in her eyes. "I'd like that."

[snowandwolves]

tis i, lengthy ask anon! first, i am in fucking awe of your planning i can't outline for shit so i bow to your mastermindness

second on behalf of all your fans RELEASE THE BITS (only if you're comfortable of course but i for one will gladly eat whatever scraps from your writing table)(i'm not begging)(maybe i am)

more qs! if you choose, you never have to answer really truly madly:

re: your planning: did you create like character sheets for each of them..? what about outfits or location references?

every author seems to have an opinion about dialogue tags - do you actively try not to use "says"? (i love both approaches just curious your thoughts)

would Bea have given (I was going to write "custody of" lol) the bookstore to Lilith?

ok so we know Ava developed a ... sleeve? kink - what about Bea?

i'm slowly going thru other fics - what's been different about writing avatrice for you?

hello again, lengthy ask anon, i need you to know i’m about to develop a soft spot for you 😂 as for the bits, i’ll see which ones are mildly ok for public viewing and rb this ask with a screenshot if i find one 💀

on to the questions!

1. yes, i definitely had to have character sheets for them and the side characters too cos i thought that if i’m gonna write in ava’s pov alone, then i’m gonna need to make sure that everyone else has a clear perspective or purpose in the story that even ava doesn’t know. outfits nope 😂 but location yes! i have stared at v many photos and maps and weather forecasts of the location 😭 i may have a screw loose prolly

2. i’m not overly concerned about it, but i do try to space it out. also??? i didn’t actually know that there’s a thing about dialogue tags??? 😂 i was just actively trying not to make the prose too repetitive lmao

3. i think so, yes! lilith was already managing it while she was at the lighthouse and every other time she had to go away for it, so i thought it’d make sense for lilith to take over. with help from camila of course because lilith and customer service…

4. A SLEEVE KINK YES 😂 for bea, i think… ava and a hammer, ava and a saw, ava and just carpentry in general so an ava as jesus kink ig??? 💀 i’m of the opinion that ava can prolly make everything she does look silly-hot so RIP bea

5. definitely the depth of the characters. the show gave us so much material to work with for avatrice that i really couldn’t help but sink my teeth into everything. this is why sixth to the ninth hour exists 😂

hope that answers your questions this round! and again, thank you so much for this, anon 💙

[hypertic]

avatrice MMA AU (? idk just enjoy

“Ava?”

Beatrice’s voice echoes through the empty changing room, making Ava freeze in her spot. Beatrice had just come out of the gym shower, a towel in hand and tiny droplets falling from her hair. The simple sweatpants and white shirt made her look younger than she usually did, the soft glow on her skin softening her features.

“What are you doing here?” The light from the single old lightbulb was scarce, but Ava could still see different emotions flashing through her eyes. It was a rare sight on Beatrice, and Ava would’ve given herself time to appreciate it had they not landed on anger. “You went back?”

Ava’s grip tighten around the old gym bag as she opened her locker, taking a deep breath and biting her lip to keep herself from speaking.

“You went back to Vincent.” Beatrice stated in disbelief. She took a step closer, which forced Ava to hide behind the locker door and take another deep breath.

Ava was tired, she had bruises everywhere and her clothes were sticky with her sweat and someone else’s. The skin of her knuckles was most likely raw and bruised, and every breath she took in a poor attempt to keep her composure made her ribs hurt.

She didn’t need a fight with Beatrice, not now, but her mouth seemed to run faster than her brain.

“Got a problem with that?” She admitted sharply, turning to look at Beatrice just as a flash of hurt crossed her eyes.

“A couple, in fact.” Beatrice retorted, her expressionless mask back in place, if only with a hint of annoyance. “You made a deal with Superion, remember?”

“Vividly.” Ava’s voice was cold and dripping with rage. Beatrice didn’t move an inch, even as she loudly dropped her gym back inside the locker. “But she’s not the only one I’ve made deals with.” Ava added, busing herself with finding a towel inside her messy locker.

“What deal?” Beatrice asked, trying to mask her concern with anger. She failed, as her voice faltered when she spoke again. “What did he-?”

Beatrice was cut short by the locker door slamming shut, as Ava turned around to face her completely for the first time.

The sight of a furious Ava, with blood on her face and bruises starting to form around her lip cheek pained Beatrice in more ways than one. If she were to be honest, having that bitter anger directed at her hurt almost as much as seeing Ava that injured; almost.

“It’s none of your business.” Ava spat out, trying to walk pass Beatrice, who moves to block her way. “Move, so I can have a chance at training tomorrow.” She added bitterly, pushing pass Beatrice.

“Wait!”

Beatrice voice felt too loud in the stillness of the locker room, her hand wrapping around Ava’s wrist in a strong yet gentle grip. Ava instinctively tries to pull away but falters halfway. Still, Beatrice let’s her go.

“I’m sorry.” Beatrice let’s out, her voice softer. “You’re right, it’s none of my business. I just… Let me help?” she asks tentatively, as if afraid Ava would lash out again.

“What?” Ava turns around, now inches away from Beatrice. The smell of her shampoo still fresh on her hair is disarming, and Ava feels her shoulders drop at the sight of Beatrice’s worried frown.

“I know for a fact it’s not pleasant to patch up with broken ribs.” Beatrice states matter of factly, concern hidden beneath a small, amused smile, hoping to lighten the mood. Ava let’s out a snort that lets Beatrice know she succeeded.

“They’re just a little purple.” Her voice is still defensive, but much softer than it had been, and Beatrice takes it as a win.

“Let me help.” Beatrice insists, taking a step forward.

The smell of Beatrice’s soap and clean clothes, mixed with Ava’s own sweat and blood is nauseating.

They’re inches away, yet neither of them make an effort to move, eyes fixed on each other before Beatrice allows hers to flicker just a little further down, to the younger girls slightly parted, busted lips.

As if snapping out of a daze, Beatrice moved pass Ava, who’s suddenly hit by a wave of disappointment and fear.

“Why?” Ava all but yells across the locker room, her voice desperate and slightly aggressive, but stays rooted in her spot.

Beatrice doesn’t respond, her steps echoing in the silent, empty locker room before she comes back out with the massive first aid kit they keep in the common bathroom.

“Why?” Ava repeats a lot softer, smaller, once Beatrice makes her way back. Her eyes shine with something that Beatrice can quite name; a mix of confusion, exhaustion and hope and hurt, a look she doesn’t want to see again.

“Because l care and want to help you.” Beatrice replies as if it were obvious, her eyes fixed on Ava’s. Her reply comes so quick, so confident and so strong, without an ounce of hesitation, that Ava feels her eyes prickle a little.

She flops down on the bench in what almost looks like defeat, Beatrice’s words echoing in her mind as if trying to pierce a hole through her head.

Care.

“Can you take off your clothes?” Beatrice’s question brings Ava out of her thoughts, but shes too slow to answer —too flustered— causing a light blush to spread on the taller girls cheeks. “I need to check your injuries. I can help, if you need.” Beatrice kept her voice low and steady, ignoring the heat rising to her cheeks and Ava’s stunned expression.

“No, I- I can do it on my own.” Ava answers after a while, sounding much more confident than she felt.

“Great. I’ll go get the ice packs then.”

Beatrice leaves the first aid kit in the bench before quickly making her way out of the room. She takes her time with the ice packs and fills up a small basin with water and clean towels to help Ava clean up. Admittedly, Beatrice takes a lot longer than it was needed, hoping Ava had enough time to undress in privacy.

Beatrice makes sure to keep her eyes fully trained on Ava’s face as she makes her way back to the lockers. The smaller girl had slid down from the bench onto the floor, leaning her back comfortably against it with her legs spread out in front of her. Without the bloodied shirt and the old dirty sweatpants, Ava was left in a sports bra and the shorts she often wore for training, revealing the purplish bruises marring her rib cage.

“Where does it hurt?” Beatrice asks, taking hesitant steps towards the girl before kneeling down next to her left side, which seemed to be the one causing her the most pain.

From Ava’s point of view, it was a stupid question: it hurt everywhere. She had to bite her lip to keep herself from saying that out loud, taking a deep breath that she regretted immediately.

“It’s just my ribs.” Ava lies after a while.

“And your face.” Beatrice ads, and Ava feels her cheeks redden from embarrassment. “And you’ve been putting most of your weight in your left foot.”

Shit.

How did she even notice that?

Even Ava forgot the way her ankle had twisted painfully at some point, leaving her with a throbbing pain and an apparently noticeable limp.

“May I?” Beatrice asks, her hands hovering over her bruising ribs.

Maybe it’s because of their closeness, or because of the caring, almost pleading look on Beatrice’s eyes, but Ava felt her chest warming up despite the cool air of the room.

Ava gives her a firm nod, preparing herself for what was to come. Beatrice didn’t need to warn her that it would hurt, she knew that already, but that didn’t mean she didn’t appreciate her soft warnings and mumbled apologies as she poked around her ribs.

“They’re not broken, at least.” Beatrice stated after a while, taking one of the ice packs.

“Told ya.” Ava breathed out smugly.

“Hold it against your ribs.” Beatrice instructs, handing her the ice wrapped in a thin towel. She shuffles a little closer to Ava’s feet before looking back up at her. “It’s the right one, correct?”

“Correct.” Ava mirrors her way of speaking, and Beatrice has to divert her eyes back to Ava’s feet in a poor attempt to hide her smile.

“Is it alright if I-?”

Once again Beatrice’s hands hover over her bare skin and Ava wonders how she can be so gentle to her, after all of their yelling and fighting, both in an out of the ring. Ava gives her a small nod, switching her position to make it easier for her to examine the ankle.

“Does this hurt?” She asks after a couple of minutes of moving around Ava’s foot and pressing on different spots, none of which seemed to cause her much discomfort. Ava shakes her head, prompting Beatrice to switch the position. “What about this? Does it feel alright?” Beatrice inquires with a small, focused frown forming between her brows, to which Ava shakes her head again. “It’s probably just a light sprain, it should be fine with some ice.” She concludes, gently pressing a new ice pack against the inner side of her ankle.

Eventually Beatrice manages to balance the ice pack on the inner side of Ava’s ankle and finds enough courage to shuffle closer to Ava’s face.

Injury-wise it’s not too bad. At first glance it just looks like a busted, bruising lip and a shallow cut on her left cheek, but her face is covered in blood splatters that make it hard to tell the extent of the damage.

Ava watches her closely as she goes through the motions of opening the first aid kit and wetting a towel with cold water. Beatrice brings it up to her cheek, wiping away the traces of dry blood; always so gentle.

Ava’s eyes flutter close, maybe a little longer than they should, and gets lost on the feeling of Beatrice’s hand making her way down to her neck. She relishes on the small, fleeting moments where Beatrice’s warm fingers brush softly against her skin.

She opened her eyes as Beatrice’s hands made her way to the other cheek, eyes fully trained on the cloth as she works. When she rinses the rag and pats it against Ava’s nose, she can’t help the smile tugging at her lips at the sight of Ava wrinkling her nose at the contact.

When the only bloody spot left on Ava’s face is the one on her bottom lip, Beatrice snaps out of her trance like focus, hands hovering over the small cut before pressing the cloth against it. Ava let’s out a small hiss, but this time Beatrice doesn’t apologize, letting her thumb run over the smaller girls jaw and lip, as if merely touching the bruising flesh could make it better.

It doesn’t, not in the literal sense, but Ava feels her skin burning and momentarily forgets about the dozen wounds all over her body. She feels the heat pooling on her stomach at the sight of Beatrice dark, hard eyes with a hint of what Ava wishes is hunger.

“Your hands.” Beatrice demands suddenly, leaning back to put some distance between them. Ava is too caught up in the moment to question her words, extending her hands without a second thought.

Neither of them speak as Beatrice’s nimble fingers take off the bandages, revealing bloodied, raw skin that hurts just to look at. Beatrice wonders if Ava is sued to it, if Ava fights so often, so roughly and so desperately that her hands have grown used to that.

[stars-and-birds]

Inspired by my current obsession with collecting rings + my ever lingering avatrice brainrot + my headcanon that post season two Ava and Beatrice travel around the world

Not even a fic really just short drabble

Ava collects things.

It starts when they’re in Switzerland. Ava, new and discovering the world for the first time, brings home a fancy seltzer bottle and stashes it in their shared room. Beatrice doesn’t pay it much mind at first, but then Ava brings home another bottle — a different brand this time — and another, another, and eventually Beatrice has to tell her to stop because they have nowhere to put them in their tiny apartment, and Beatrice really doesn’t want to have to pack them all up if they need to leave in a hurry, because she knows they’ll break and Ava will be upset. Ava pouts, grumps, pleads, but in the end sadly throws them in the recycling.

And then Ava finds more trinkets to collect. Discarded pens, bottle caps, erasers. Beatrice has to inform her that these are all, in fact, trash, and no, for the last time, Ava cannot keep them in their house.

Ava collects rocks for a while, and Beatrice lets her, sorting them on lazy weekends while waiting for Ava to wake up, the smell of coffee drifting through the house. Other than that, Beatrice doesn’t think about it, content with their little, peaceful life, even if it was just for a fleeting moment.

And then suddenly, without — well, with a fair amount of, actually — warning, they’re fleeing from their cozy apartment to fight Adriel, leaving the box of rocks tucked under the bed, collecting dust.

And they fight, and god do they fight hard, and then it’s over. It’s over, and Beatrice is taking Ava’s hand, kissing her cheek, promising to spend the rest of their lives together. She’s just gotten Ava back, and she’s never letting her go. Beatrice will do anything for Ava. She’s never letting her go again.

So maybe that’s why Beatrice says yes when Ava spots the first ring. She doesn’t even think much of it. It’s a cheap thing, one that Ava finds on their trip to Paris, a shiny plastic Effiel Tower glued poorly to the band.

(Beatrice does, of course, think of the implications— she’s slipping a ring on the love of her life in Paris of all places — but she pushes the thought aside. Ava clearly doesn’t, smirking a little)

Beatrice expects Ava to lose it within the next few days, weeks maybe. Ava doesn’t lose it. She keeps it on her middle finger, fidgeting with it, chipping away at the shiny paint on the effel tower charm. She says it’s because it’s the first ring Beatrice bought her, she swears she’ll never get rid of it. Beatrice doubts that. (She doesn’t miss the first in Ava’s words.)

But then there are more rings. A heart-shaped mood ring, a simple silver band, a circle of colorful beads. Everywhere they go, Ava makes it her mission to get one ring to remember the place by.

Once, Beatrice asks, why rings?, and Ava replies, because they’ll last. Stamps lose color, snowglobes crack, and you can only have so many keychains. Beatrice supposes this is sound logic, but it’s not like rings particularly embody the traits of a city itself. Ava insists they smell like the city they’re from. Beatrice doesn’t believe her. Ava nudges her shoulder, chuckling, that’s not the point. It’s, like, sentimental value and shit.

At some point, early on, Ava can’t fit all the rings on her fingers, so Beatrice buys her a simple silver chain to string the rings on.

(Buying me a necklace? You must have a crush on me or something, Ava teases, and Beatrice rolls her eyes and kisses Ava’s cheek. Hilarious. Don’t make me take it back.)

Ava keeps buying rings (just cheap ones, always keeping it within a budget, though occasionally Beatrice thinks Ava could look at her with her big brown eyes and Beatrice might do just about anything for her), and Beatrice entertains the hobby, smiling whenever Ava finds a new one, eyes sparkling. Beatrice loves when Ava smiles like that. She loves Ava.

And so, when one day, Ava wanders out of their hotel room in Venice saying something about getting a new ring, Beatrice lets her.

And when Beatrice asks about the new ring later, and Ava says she’ll show her after dinner, Beatrice shrugs it off.

And when Ava begs to take a walk with her, over the cobblestone streets, to a boat, ready to take them across the river, Beatrice doesn't question it.

“Hey Bea, I have something for you.”

Beatrice looks up, eyes landing on Ava’s smiling face, bright as the sun in the fading evening light. Ava is grinning, her teeth tugging at her lips as she reaches across to place something in Beatrice’s hand, closing it. Beatrice opens her hand, and placed in it is a silver ring, a small rainbow charm in the center.

“What’s this” Beatrice glances back up to Ava.

“It’s a ring! It made me think of you. And you get me so many, I thought I should get you one too.”

Beatrice looks at the thing, slipping it on her finger. It’s not much. A cheap thing, easily the kind of thing lost. But it feels like something else. A whisper, a kiss, a promise. The promise for not yet, but one day, just ask, and I’ll say yes. One day.