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#my stomach no longer literally goes concave when I'm hungry
nexus-nebulae
·
3 months
Text
cannot express enough how happy having visible fat makes me
#i have rolls and folds and they actually make me so goddamn happy it's unbelievable
#my stomach no longer literally goes concave when I'm hungry
#i have more energy and strength bc my body isn't literally eating my muscles to survive
#I HAVE THE ABILITY TO GAIN STRENGTH BACK. like i genuinely thought that was off the table permanently
#like i thought I'd never get the opportunity to build muscles bc of how often my body had to eat them all to survive
#my bones hurt less!!!!!!!! I'm not slamming my skeleton against things!!!!!!! i have cushioning!!!!!!!
#i can get injections in my arms again!!!! my arms aren't too fucking small for vaccinations!!!
#i feel so much better about my body and about myself
#ok mild side tangent but. when i was young i was told twink and bear were exclusively gay MAN terms so i couldn't use them
#(fuck that idea. use whatever labels make you joyful)
#but i DESPERATELY wanted to be a twink so bad. i called myself a butch for a while bc i was a skinny masc 'girl' but ive always been a twink
#and back then i kept thinking 'i wish i could be a twink that grows into a bear by age 40'
#but i always thought bear was off the table because of course i could never get fat what am i thinking
#but like.
#holy shit. i might actually be able to be a whole ass bear. i have facial and chest hair now. I'm not Fat but I'm getting fatter
#i have another 20 or so years to get there. i could do it.
#i think noticing that I'm getting fatter gave me the same type of joy that noticing my voice dropping or getting my first wheelchair did
#it also oddly makes the 'coping with the fact that whoever we called the core/original of this system is long gone' a bit easier. lmao
#the fact that we've looked so different over the course of our life
#Bee (the 'core' i guess) doesn't even have the same natural hair colour as the rest of us
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