#my sporadic posts and long tags and refusal to actually watch the show but keep up w my two loves hahahaha

[chasethesun18]

Guess who binged 89 episodes of The Rookie in 13 days? Meeeee 🙋‍♀️ My sleep schedule is WRECKED, and I'm paying the price. If I ever get such a crazy, hare-brained idea again, someone needs to stage an intervention. It was worth it, though. It's been a long while since a new (for me) show made me this happy and excited. This found family is awesome, and ofc, I've fallen deep into a Chenford rabbit hole. 🥰 I've not seen an exquisite grumpy x sunshine ship since S1A Skyeward. I expect a better ending for Chenford - ya feel me, writers?

STOP HAHAHA this is the best ask you’ve ever sent

was day of death not the epitome of television?? i was in shock when i first watched it and that wait til february for a new episode took foreverrrrr

skyeward UGH my loves yes they give similar vibes. i have a good feeling about a better ending for chenford

i’m in awe of this level of dedication. a little afraid - but mostly in awe. i hope your sleep schedule is getting back on track. i watched approx 16 episodes of veronica mars in one sitting once and i had to go outside and touch grass. quite literally.

[loving-all-for-loki]

Voiceless Love Chapter 7: Missing You

Loki x reader, Bucky x reader

Word count: 2166

Warnings: swearing, sad reader, Bucky fluff

A/N: Okay, so for anyone who’s reading this as their introduction to this series, Loki is not in this a ton. I have a little, but if you didn’t read chapter 6, this is going to be very confusing. As for the series, this is the last “base” chapter meaning there are going to be two different options: the Bucky route and the Loki route. There may be three to four more chapters on each route until the end, I’m not entirely sure, but the choose your own part of the series starts after this chapter. I will be posting the next chapter for each route at the same time so the schedule is still continuous. Also for my tag lists, I will be tagging you in both. If you’d rather not be tagged in both and just one, please let me know. <3 Other than that, thank you for all the support. Remember the tag list is still open if you want to get tagged in the upcoming chapters. Back to the heart wrenching story.

Tag List: @caffeineoverloadandstudying @zizzlekwum @daddysfavoritesexkitten @buckylokisimp @magicalpieex @lokiyoulittle

You’re not sure how long it’s been since Loki was taken back to Asgard. Someone could tell you it’s been an hour or two months, but it wouldn’t make a difference. The outside light has not seen your room since. Your heart has not felt joy. The Avengers have not been blessed with your presence. 

Bucky started to get really concerned for you days ago. They haven’t seen you come out of your room for food or even the bathroom. Tony teased the thought of you being dead, but nobody found it funny. Bucky even yelled at him for the insults about Loki still, knowing if you were to hear them by any chance, you’d go ape shit.

He’s tried to make contact with you, but he fails every time. Leaving food by your door, sliding notes underneath, even knocking and begging you to talk to him, but he’s always faced with deafening silence. His heart has not been the same since you locked yourself away. Steve complains about him no longer being a good spar partner and replacing him with Sam. He’s been left out of two missions for not being focused enough or being too chaotic. One time our of pure anger, Bucky ignored Cap’s orders and almost got himself killed.

“Bucky this isn’t the time to play around. We need you in the game. Don’t screw up again.”

“I’m sorry, Steve, but I-” “There are no buts in war and I think you’d know that. I understand your concern for Y/N, but you need to let it go. She’s not coming out. Leave her be. Focus on the missions or else I’m going to have to bench you.”

Bucky knows Steve is right, but there’s nothing he can do to stop his brain from thinking about you all day long. Every time he passes the library, he longs for the time where you would spend all day there reading stories about love and adventure. He longs for when you’d sneak into his room and spend all day in bed with him, asking him to read to you. He longs for your writings on his skin again. He feels so empty and boring without your scribbles all along his arm.

He sits around the living area ll day, drinking coffee and staring out of the window. The tower feels so quiet without you and Loki running around giggling, baking, reading, etc. It doesn’t feel like home even if home involves Bucky watching someone he loves love someone else. He misses your touches and glances. The way you’d offer for him to join you or taste the cookies you made. He even misses the occasional times Loki put too much salt in the cookies and made him eat them. 

Bucky walks over to the door to your bedroom solemnly. He slides down the door and sits there with his long legs blocking the whole floor of the hall. He slowly rolls his knuckles on the door, knocking and hoping to get your attention yet he gets no response.

You’ve been under your blankets crying for so long, you don’t know how time works. The only thing reminding you that you’re alive is the times when Bucky comes and tries to talk to you. You have no energy to get out of bed due to the consistent crying you’ve been doing. You feel like you’re getting weaker every day. It’s the same feeling as when you healed Bucky from almost dying. Moving becomes a chore and you can’t fathom doing anything. No one is really sure how you haven’t eaten or peed for this long, even you. Sometimes you like to think it’s Loki’s magic allowing you to mourn the loss of him working. There are moments where you feel him around you.

You miss his cold touches, sending chills down your spine. His bedroom has become a place of pain and you refuse to go near it. Because he isn’t around to pick you up, you haven’t drank or taken a bath either. You completely ignore taking care of yourself. There’s no point in taking care of yourself if there’s no one to admire you. 

Bucky comes up to your door again and starts knocking. You see his body block some of the light coming from under your door, showing that he’s sitting there. The sound surrounds you in the quiet room and drowns out your sobs. 

“Y/N, please talk to me. We’re all concerned for you and want to help you.”

You ignore his voice, turning over to look at the wall opposite of it. Pulling the blankets over your head, you try to fall asleep but Bucky keeps talking to you through the door.

“I remember when I fell off the train back in… actually, I don’t remember when, but I woke up and was surrounded by Hydra. For years, I felt alone. I would black out at times when they controlled me and I didn’t know what was happening. Then Steve found me and told me he knew me. I was confused and scared. I was a soldier with no memory. For months, I was with someone who knew me, but I felt so alone. There was so much I was missing and didn’t know. Everything terrified me and made me alarmed. I was on the edge of my seat all the time. What I’m trying to say is I know how you feel. You miss someone you care for and I missed a whole part of my life I longed for again. I felt the loneliness you’re going through and I isolated myself, too. It was a terrible time and I want to help you. I don’t want you to deal with the feelings because I remember how it felt. Please, let me help you.”

At the end of his long speech, you felt yourself get up off of bed, still covered in your blankets. You open the door and look down at Bucky sitting with his legs out. He looks up to you with a pity smile as you stare down, still with tears running down your face. Bucky stands up and pulls you into him, holding you in a tight embrace. 

“I know I said some… unkind things and I’m sorry. I’m also sorry you don’t have Loki here. We’ll get him back.”

You don’t believe him when he says they’ll get him back. You’re aware he’s only saying this to make you feel better, but your heart hopes his words are true and honest. The warmth of his body against yours makes you miss Loki even more, wishing it were his body. You squeeze tighter, imagining Loki in your head with his long hair, blue eyes, and strong hands. Bucky squeezes back, rubbing his hand up and down on your waist. 

“You’ll be okay, doll.”

You back up from Bucky’s hug and adjust your blanket. He takes your hand and leads you down the hallways to the living are where Nat, Sam, and Steve are sitting. They quiet down their conversation as you walk in. Nobody looks your way or makes any comment about you leaving your room. Bucky has you sit down at the kitchen counter as he scrummages through the fridge.

“I’m sure you’re hungry. Do want anything specific?”

You shake your head and the way you don’t speak doesn’t go unmissed. Bucky nods, knowing the progress with you talking has gone away and you’re back to square one. He pulls out some leftovers and give them to you. You pick up a spoon timidly and start eating, but Bucky thinks you look weak. Your hand is shaking as you bring it to your mouth. It’s as if you had healed him again. 

“Are you feeling okay?”

You shake your head no which alerts him. Bucky immediately takes the food from you and picks up you bridal style.

“Bucky, what ARE you doing?” Nat asks.

“She’s not well, I’m taking her to med bay.”

Steve gets up and follows Bucky and you. He watches as you keep dropping your head and waking up as if you can’t stay awake. Steve then looks up to his best friend and sees how tired he looks as well. Everyone’s aware of Bucky’s feelings about you and he knows nothing will change that, even your own love for Loki. Sometimes Bucky’s obsession and attachment to you scares him. He’s worried he’ll lose Buck in his pinning for you, his longing, his jealousy. He’s seen Buck in hard times, but sparring with him for the last two months while you were with Loki was rough to watch. Bucky was rough, sporadic. He was irresponsible during missions, reckless. It was like he had a death wish. 

“Buck,” Steve says once he sees you fall asleep, “we need to talk.”

“Not until she’s being taken care of.”

“That’s the thing. Your attachment to her is unhealthy.”

“Steve, I know you lost your love years ago and I’m sorry, but my love is here in my arms and she doesn’t even know who she is to me. If I can do something, I will.”

“I have nothing against you helping her, but you need to detach from her a little bit. I’m scared for you.

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. You’re going to get yourself killed if you stop stressing over her all the time.”

Bucky doesn’t say anything, knowing that Steve is right. He doesn’t dare to argue against him because a) he doesn’t want to wake you and b) he knows nothing he says will change Steve’s concern for him. He’s right, though. He had been reckless, almost dying even after the first time. He’s hid his injuries from the other teammates, but looking down at you, he can’t help but think how it’s worth it. If he doesn’t have you, he has nothing. As long as you’re around, even if you’re not his, he’s happy.

“She’s all that matter to me now.”

“I understand that.”

They arrive at the Medbay and keep you there. 

Weeks go by and you finally return to the team. Everyone welcomes you back with some drinks and games, trying to get you to warm back up to them. You appreciate the sweet gesture, give into their advances, and stay out there with them. Bucky’s heart jumps with joy seeing you smile and enjoy your time with the Avengers. A couple drinks in and Tony decides to play truth or dare with everyone which makes you roll your eyes.

“Really?” Clint complains.

“What? It’s fun!” “It’s childish, Tony.”

“Yeah, seriously, can’t we play something else?” Steve complains, too.

“How about drink or dare?” Nat offers.

“I like how you think, Ksenia Onatupp.”

Confused, Nat looks to Steve who is equally confused and shrugs. Tony grabs a large bottle of Vodka from the kitchen and sets it on the table.

“Alright, since he made fun of me, I say Legolas goes first.”

“This is so dumb.”

A couple rounds go by and everyone is a little tipsy. You end up sitting on Bucky's lap with your legs across him. He keeps a protective arm around your waist as his metal arm rests on your thigh, rubbing his thumb up and down. Steve keeps looking over to see you two cuddling, disapproving the way Bucky has been ignoring his advice and keeping some distance. He visited you every day while you were recovering from everything.

“Y/N, I dare you to dance.”

You furrow your eyebrows at the lack of music and direction. Tony looks incredibly proud, but as a more sober person, you know how dumb that dare is so you take a drink. Tony groans at you, but everyone else is just drunk enough (beside Thor who could chug three whole bottles of Vodka and feel nothing, lucky duck) to not care. You turn to Bucky and yawn, which is his signal to pick you up and carry you to your room.

You wander to the bathroom in your room to chance while Bucky waits in your room. He looks around at all the new things on your bookshelf. There’s a little stuffed snake which he’s sure Loki got for you as well as a lot of photos of you and him in frames. There’s one of you two during a movie night, you on his lap, and one of him kissing you while dancing. The smile on your face is wider than Bucky has ever seen. He knew you were happy with Loki, he just refused it.

Bucky walks back to your bed when you stroll in. You lay down as he tucks you in and kisses you on the forehead. Before he walks away, you grab his arm and dig through the table next to your bed. You grab your pen which you haven’t used in awhile and write ‘thank you’ on his arm.

“Of course, doll. I’ll see you in the morning.”