#my sister even got me a shirt one year that says 'THIS IS AN EX-PARROT' so

[hballegro]

ill be chillin and then my brain will start goin IT'S NOT PININ', IT'S PASSED ON! THIS PARROT IS NO MORE! IT HAS CEASED TO BE! IT'S EXPIRED AND GONE TO MEET ITS MAKER! THIS IS A LATE PARROT! IT'S A STIFF! BEREFT OF LIFE, IT RESTS IN PEACE- IF YOU HADN'T NAILED IT TO THE PERCH, IT WOULD BE PUSHING UP THE DAISIES- ITS RUN DOWN THE CURTAIN AND JOINED THE CHOIR INVISIBLE! THIS. IS AN EX-PARROT.

[thelastspeecher]

Best Revenge AU - Finally, Some Ford Content

Ford has been suspiciously absent from all of the ficlets I’ve posted thus far in this AU, and while I’ve talked a bit about his role, I haven’t gone too in depth.  So, here, for everyone craving some Best Revenge AU Ford, I’m here to satisfy that craving.  Finally, some Ford content.  Enjoy.

—————————————————————————————— 

              Ford slowly woke up.

              Shit.  I stayed the night, didn’t I?  He sat up. The man he’d slept with the night before was already up and getting dressed.

              “Mornin’.”

              “Good morning,” Ford said hesitantly, realizing to his horror that he couldn’t remember the man’s name.  “Um…”

              “I can make ya some breakfast ‘fore I send ya on yer way,” his one-night-stand said.  “I’ve got to check in on my sister first; she’s startin’ a new job today. You can find yer way to the kitchen and make yourself some coffee while I’m talkin’ to her.”

              “…Okay,” Ford mumbled.  The man finished dressing and left the room.  Ford hesitated for a moment before dressing as well.  He exited the bedroom.

              Which way is the kitchen?  Ford chewed on the inside of his cheek and turned left. He followed the hallway down to a living room.  One corner of the room had a colored rug, baby toys, and a playpen.  He said that he lived with his sister, right? Maybe she has a child.  Ford wandered into the adjacent kitchen.  His jaw dropped.  There was someone sitting at the kitchen table.  Someone he recognized.

              “Holy shit, Stan?!” Ford said.  Stan looked up with a frown.

              “Hey, keep it down around Junior.”  His eyes widened.  “Ford?!”

              “I- you-”  Ford’s gaze landed on the infant in Stan’s arms, greedily drinking from a bottle of milk.  “Is- is that your child?”

              “Yeah.”  Stan rubbed the back of his neck.  “…Sorta.”

              “What do you mean by-” Ford started.  He was interrupted by the arrival of his one-night-stand.

              “Oh, I see ya met my sister’s boyfriend,” he said. Stan groaned loudly.

              “Lute.  How dark was the nightclub where you found last night’s lay?”

              “Didn’t pick him up at a nightclub.  Found him at the library when I dropped off books fer Angie,” Lute said cheerfully.

              “Look at his face.”

              “Hmm?”  Lute looked at Ford.  He paled. “…Oh.”

              “You managed to hook up with my no-good twin,” Stan said.  The infant in his arms began to fuss.  “Aw, it’s okay Junior,” Stan cooed.  “I know, Uncle Ford is scary, especially his face.”  Ford crossed his arms.

              “We have the same face, Stanley.”

              “Since Lute didn’t realize we were related when he picked you up, I don’t agree,” Stan said tartly.  Ford sighed.  “You better get going before you make Junior even more upset.”

              “I’m not going anywhere until I find out what you’ve been up to and why you’re holding an infant that you said is ‘sort of’ yours,” Ford said firmly.  Stan scowled.

              “Lute, kick him out, will ya?”

              “No.”

              “Lute-”

              “I think it might be good fer the two of ya to reconnect,” Lute said.  “Don’t you think the lil bean would like an uncle from yer side?”

              “He won’t know what he’s missing.”

              “Okay, fine.”  Lute smirked.  “How do ya think Angie would want ya to act under this circumstance?”  Stan glared at him.  “You know full well that Angie would want ya to use this opportunity to reunite with yer twin.”

              “…Fine.”  Stan adjusted his hold on the infant.  “Why didn’t you come to the kitchen with Ford, Lute?”

              “I wanted to check in on Angie, but she’s still sleepin’.”

              “Yeah.  Since she’s starting her new job, I figured I’d feed Junior.”  Stan grinned down at the infant.  “He can’t be happy he’s getting his breakfast from a bottle instead of a boob.”  Lute rolled his eyes.

              “Crass, Stanley.”

              “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

              “You catch up with yer twin while I whip up some eggs,” Lute instructed, already opening the fridge.  Ford walked over to the table and sat in the chair next to Stan. He peered closely at the infant.

              “So…”

              “So…” Stan parroted.

              “What’s his name?”

              “Stanley Junior,” Stan said.  He frowned.  “Well, he’s not really a Junior, since he’s got his mom’s last name instead of mine. But he’s named after me, so we call him Junior.”

              “Ah.  And, um, how old is he?”

              “Four months.”

              “Four months?  Are babies supposed to be that small at four months?”

              “Doc says he’s definitely smaller than average, but that he can probably catch up pretty quick,” Stan answered.  He removed the now empty bottle from Junior’s mouth, then burped him.  “He’s a good kid.”

              “Is he yours?” Ford asked.  Stan set the empty bottle on the table.  “You said he ‘sort of’ was.”

              “If you were anyone else, I woulda left that part out,” Stan muttered.  “I hate your guts, but I’m not used to lying to you.”

              “Pardon?”

              “Biologically, he’s not mine.  He’s my girlfriend’s ex-husband’s.  But with how bad things got between Angie and Max, she decided not to tell him about Junior.”

              That’s a strange coincidence.  Didn’t Max Hillcrest at work recently go through a divorce?  What was his wife’s name again?

              “I was dating Angie, so I stepped up,” Stan continued with a shrug.  “And Angie named her kid after me.  I’m the only dad this little bean’s ever known.  If things go well, I’ll be the only dad he ever knows.”

              “Little bean?”

              “That’s what Angie called him while she was pregnant with him.  It stuck.” Stan smiled fondly at Junior. “Isn’t that right, bud?”  Junior giggled.

              “You’re raising another man’s child as your own?” Ford asked, his brain desperately trying to catch up with all he’d been told.

              “Yep.”

              “Why?”

              “I love Angie.  I love Junior.  Why wouldn’t I?” Stan asked, a hint of a bite to his tone.  Junior settled in his arms, smacking his lips happily.

              “Fair enough,” Ford said, deciding to back off. Some tension left Stan’s shoulders. “Other than dating pregnant women and taking in their children, what have you been doing since we last spoke?”

              “You mean, since Pops kicked me outta the house and you didn’t say anything or use your power to summon me in secret at any point for years,” Stan said flatly.  Ford opened and closed his mouth a few times.

              “…Yes.”  Ford cleared his throat.  “When we were younger, I remember you wanting to follow in Mom’s footsteps.  I haven’t seen any pyro heroes around here, though.”

              “Hold up, what?” Lute asked.  The brothers looked over.  Lute stared at Stan in shock.  “Stanley, you wanted to be a hero when you were a kid?”

              “Most supers do.  And like Ford said, our mom was a hero.  I looked up to her.”  Lute was still staring at Stan.  Stan sighed. “Obviously I didn’t do that, Gucket.”

              “Yer mom is a hero?”

              “Retired.  What’s with the third degree?”

              “You understand why that information is important in our line of work, right?” Lute prompted.  “Does Angie know?”

              “Duh.”

              “Why don’t I?”

              “‘Cause I’m not sleeping with you,” Stan snapped. “Even though I’m apparently your type.” Lute turned red.

              “Wait.”  Ford held up his hands.  “Wait. Stanley, am I reading between the lines properly?  Are you- are you a villain?”

              “Maybe I am.  Maybe I’m not,” Stan said.  He met Ford’s eyes.  “But whether I am or not, you know better than to snitch.”  Footsteps sounded.  Stan looked over.  An exuberant smile broke across his face.  “Look who it is!  The hot new professor!”  Ford looked as well.  A young woman stood in the doorway, wearing athletic shorts and a T-shirt she was practically swimming in.

              Presumably, it’s one of Stan’s.  The woman smiled at Stan.

              “I don’t mind it much when ya say it, but I sure hope no one at work calls me that.”

              “If any creepy coworkers do, let me know,” Stan said.  “I’ll handle it.”  The woman grinned viciously.

              “Oh, darlin’, ya know I’m fully capable of handlin’ it myself.”  Stan grinned back.

              “Good point.”  He held up Junior.  “Junior, say hi to your mama.”

              “Aw, he’s too young to talk yet,” the woman cooed. She walked over to Stan, took Junior from him, and sat at the table.  “And I don’t know if his first word ‘ll be ‘hi’.”  She began to lift her T-shirt.

              “Whoa, hey, uh, Ang, you don’t need to whip your boobs out,” Stan said quickly, glancing at Ford in distress.  “I fed him while you were sleeping.”

              “Oh.”

              “Also, we have a guest.”

              “Hmm?”  The woman lowered her shirt and looked up.  “Oh, my apologies.”  She smiled at Ford.  “My name is Angie McGucket.”  Ford felt himself pale.

              McGucket?

              “Dr. Angie McGucket,” Stan corrected.  Angie chuckled.

              “Yes, I have a doctorate,” she said.  She cocked her head, her eyes boring into Ford. “I’m guessin’ yer Stan’s no-good twin I’ve heard so much about.”

              “I- uh-” Ford stammered, still reeling from hearing his ex’s last name dropped so casually.

              “Geez, you make it sound like all I do is talk about Ford,” Stan said, rolling his eyes.  “That’s wrong.  All I do is talk about you and Junior.”  Angie laughed.

              Angie and Lute do appear to have the same nose as Fiddleford.  How could I have been so blind?

              “So, Stanford, what brings ya here?” Angie asked.

              “I brought him home last night,” Lute said.

              “Hmm, that seems out of character fer ya,” Angie said to Ford.  She shrugged. “Just goin’ off the stick-in-the-mud that Stan described to me.”

              “Why do you keep insulting me?” Ford asked. “This is the first time we’ve met.”

              “Maybe, but I also feel like I know ya pretty well,” Angie replied.  She bounced Junior in her arms.  “Stan took a while to start tellin’ me ‘bout ya, but once he did, he had a lot to say.” She smiled.  “Most of it was negative, sure, but some of it was positive.”

              “Angie, shouldn’t ya be gettin’ ready fer work?” Lute asked.  Angie groaned.  “I’ll make ya some nice breakfast while ya dress ‘n whatnot.”

              “Ugh.  Fine.” Angie handed Junior back to Stan, kissed his cheek, and left the room.  Ford coughed politely.

              “I, um, I should probably leave,” he said. Lute looked over.

              “Ya don’t want to stay fer breakfast?”

              “Your sister isn’t the only one who has a shift starting soon.”

              “Shift, huh?” Stan said, raising an eyebrow.  “Where’s the big shot genius working?”

              “Well, uh…”  Ford rubbed the back of his neck.  “I have been working on my own personal research, but to pay the bills, I’m currently employed as an executive assistant.”  Stan snickered.

              “Isn’t ‘executive assistant’ just a fancy word for ‘secretary’?” he asked.  Ford flushed. “You better get going, then.  Whatever doctor’s office you work for definitely needs you manning the front desk.”

              “Stanley,” Lute scolded.  Ford swallowed his retort.

              He’s been remarkably civil, let him be childish for one moment.

              “…See you later?” he suggested.  Stan froze.  “I mean, the fact that we were able to talk without fighting is, I think, a good sign that we can bury the hatchet.”

              “Ford.”  Stan met Ford’s eyes.  “Junior was here the whole time.  That’s why I didn’t shout or knock your block off.”

              “…Oh,” Ford said softly.

              “But…”  Stan sighed. “I’m not against making up.  Just know that the next time you and I are in the same room, it’s open season if Junior’s not there.”

              “Fair enough.”  Ford managed a smirk.  “I think you’d be surprised by how well I can hold my own now.”  Stan rolled his eyes.  “Goodbye, Stanley.”  Ford leaned over to smile at Junior.  Junior stared at him with wide eyes.  “Goodbye, Junior.”  Junior giggled.

              “Bye,” Stan grunted.  Ford waved goodbye to Lute and walked out of the house.  Beeping sounded from his pager.  He pulled it out of his pocket with a sigh.  The message made him sigh again.

              I swear, I’m the only person who can fix the wifi at work.  Everyone else either doesn’t know how or isn’t willing to do one of the secretary’s responsibilities.  Ford shook his head.  He put his pager away and began the long walk to work.  A building full of superheroes and not one of them can unplug a router.

[superwolfiestar]

I’d would like you to meet (Gravesbeaks one shot fanfics)

In the town of Windsor, a black vehicle was driven and drove through a street of Windsor. Two male birds are inside, one is a parrot while the other is a hawk.

One is a tall, lanky parrot with gray feathers and dark stripes, yellow eyes surrounded by light gray feathers, thick eyebrows, combed hair. He wears a yellow shirt, tan pants and a grey cardigan.

Another is a muscular hawk, with dark and light gray hair and black eyebrows. He has a yellow and black beak and a light cream colored neck with dark spots. He is wearing a black suit with a black tie and a tie pin. He has yellow feet with black talons.

The hawk drove as they are on their way to their destination.

“So where did you live?” The parrot ask him.

“We live not quite far from the Windsor Castle Mark and it not actually that far.” The hawk reply to him back. “I live right between South field and Eton College.”

They keep driving as the grey parrot whose name is Mark stare at the outside the window. Watching the people of Windsor and Eton as they walk on the sidewalk, enter a shops or restaurants.

They turn left as they drove past Eton College and then keep driving. Then turn right as the hawk keep driving straight.

Mark boyfriend Falcon ask him if he would like to meet his family and staying at his childhood home for two weeks. Of course, Mark say yes. Mark haven’t met or seen Falcon family before. He amuse Falcon live in Duckburg but when he told him that he actually live in Windsor Eton. He was quite surprised to hear that his boyfriend live in United Kingdom. Although he remembers seeing a photo of his beloved beefy boyfriend when he was little hawk boy but that photo was taken in the years of the 1990s. So he didn’t know what they look like right now today.

He was quite nervous to meet them for the first time of his life. What if they didn’t like him? Should he greet them in the British accent? When he’s drinking tea, should he let out a pinkie like how British people does? What if they hate the way he wears? Should he wears something nice and elegant?

“We’re here” Falcon announced. They then turn right and drove past the black gate that was automatically open up by itself and close once they enter the ground. Mark look through the window and saw a beautiful mansion, the mansion designed in the high-medieval Gothic and Medieval style. And plus, the mansion itself is giving him a Windsor Castle vibe.

Falcon drove around the mini water fountain. And Mark couldn’t believe his eyes of this sight he witnessed. When they both step out of the vehicle, a woman standing of the door entrance of the mansion. A golden retriever dog dressed in the butler suit walk up to them.

“Welcome home Master Falcon,” he smiled at him and spoke in the british accent. “It's good to see you again.”

“Roland! Nice to see you again, how is my mother and sister?” Mark can see the look on Falcon face, if seen that she was happy to see him again.

“They are very healthy and lovely ladies Master Falcon.” The butler reply.

A hawk woman whose is probably the same height like Mark, she wore a bright green shirt dress - an incredible offering from collar to circle skirt. Cuffed sleeves, textured brown buttons, a self belt, and pockets contribute both to the retro vibe of this stunning. Her dark gray hair style was short right above her shoulder, she wore a pearl necklace and pearl earring, on her feet was a soft pink heels.

A woman who’s possibly his mother stepped down and greet Falcon. “Hello sweetie, welcome back my little Gravesy!!!” His mother kissed him on both sides the cheeks.

“Gravesy?” Mark snore at the funny nickname his mother gave him.

“Mother,” Falcon groan. “must you call me that?”

“Why of course my dear little Gravesy, and I will call you whatever I want. Anyway, have you been eating lately since you came here? Are you healthy? You look a little bit fat since I last saw you…”

“Mother!” Falcon exclaimed in embarrassment. His face goes red like tomatoes.

Mark chuckle, he never seen him so embarrassed of his life.

“Ahh, so you must be Mark beaks.” The Mother turns her head to look at him. “The one who captures my dearest Gravesy heart.” Like she did to Falcon, she smooch both sides of his cheek.

“Come, let go inside and have a nice cup of tea and biscuits. Your sister will join us later after she get dressed.”

They walk inside the mansion as the butlers take all of their suitcases out of the vehicle.

They step inside the beautiful victorian style foyer. The floor tiles was a beautiful cream marble design, a red carpet that lead to the empty room what could be a ballroom. On their right was a brown historical Victorian staircase that lead to the second floor. On their left was another open room that have two sofa sitting across to each other and a wooden round table in the center of the room.

“You boys wait in the green drawing room, I will prepare a nice cup of tea and biscuits for us to eat. And Falcon dear, will you be so kind to lead your boyfriend in the green room? you two must be hungry from that long plane ride.” The mother of Falcon began heading to the kitchen as Falcon lead his parrot boyfriend to the green drawing room.

“Oh! And boys.” The mother turned her head around and face them. “Please don’t do something naughty when I gone.” She let out a laugh as she left the room.

“Mother!!!!” Falcon blush red in embarrassment as he exclaimed.

The butler carry all their suitcases and heading up the room where they are going to sleep in as the couple head to the green room. Falcon lead him where he is, they turn their left and head straight until Falcon turn left and open the brown door.

Inside the room was decor in green and the decoration and furnishing of the rooms and the entire floor in this room is covered with deep red carpet. The interiors were decorated with a selection of green and gold furnishings, fittings and some of the finest 18th and early-19th century French works. A single beautiful chandelier dangling on the top of the ceiling where two green sofas and the brown table in the middle between the sofas. About four 18th and 19th century painting that was painted in historical time.

Mark was overwhelmed by the dazzling splendor. Never in his life has he seen just majesty. The room is so wonderful and very royalty. They enter the green drawing room, Mark Beaks gently touch the furniture of the room, and feel the texture. The feel of the deep red carpet that his feet are touching are so smooth and comfortable.

“This is my favorite part of rooms in the mansion.” Falcon began to speak. “Whatever my parents hosted a parties or other special event, I use to come here alone(sometimes with my siblings and cousins) and spend time here in the green drawing room. My father is a big fan of the Windsor Castle growing up. When he is older, have enough money and became rich, he will build an amazing mansion inspired by the Windsor Castle and everything and then live there.” He explains.

Mark sat down on the green sofa, the comfortable and soft cushions he felt. “Can’t believe you live here,” Mark exclaimed then chuckle. “Why go to that old castle when your home is literally a castle!”

They both laugh together as the door was heard open gently. They turn and face to the open.

They see another hawk woman who is almost taller than Mark, wore ruched V-neck and shorts sleeves, an exclusive, hand-drawn print of butterflies and flowers with bright pops of color, and a comfortable gathered waist, this bright red A-line. Her dark gray hair was beautiful curl and one of the curls is sitting on her left shoulder, on her feet was a red heel.

Mark have no idea who she is, but when he looked at Falcon, a smile appear on his face, it is seen that he knows who that girl is.

"Little Lotte, let her mind wonder." Falcon spoke out, got up from the sofa. “Little Lotte thought: Am I fonder of dolls or of goblins or shoes?" he said.

“Falcon…” A girl let out a small giggle. Mark was surprised that she know his boyfriend's name.

“Or of riddles of frocks?” Falcon continues as he smiles walking toward her.

"Those picnics in the attic." A girl walk down the few steps and began to speak.

“Or chocolate.” Falcon chuckle.

“Father playing the violin.” The girl smiled at him.

“As we read to each other dark story of the North." Falcon said.

"No, what I love best, Lotte said. Is when I'm asleep in my bed. And the Angel of Music sings songs in my head!" A girl began to sing as Falcon sing too created a beautiful harmony.

“The Angel of Music sings songs in my head!” They both sung.

"You sang like an angel today." Falcon complimented.

"Oh, Falcon," A girl voiced as she gave Falcon a big hug. "It's so good to see you big bro, I thought you won’t recognize me again." The girl stopped hugging Falcon.

"Recognize you? Melanie. How could I forget the girl who sang like an angel? Your voice is like the sound of an angel." Falcon complimented his little sister.

“Um excuse me, I hate to disturb this happy reunion. Um Falcon, bae.” Mark look at him with a sweet smile then a death glare at this mysterious girl. “Who is SHE!?”

“Oh right, Mark. This is my little sister. Melanie Elizabeth Graves.” Falcon greet him while Mark and Melanie shake hands with each other. Mark was relief, he’s glad that this girl is not his ex.

“It’s very nice to meet you Mark.” Melanie smile at him. “My dear big brother has told me all about you through his letters he sent me and mother.”

“Really?” Mark raised his eyebrows as he laughed.

“I hope you enjoy staying at our humble home for two weeks. Mother is hosting a welcome party in your honor you two.” Melanie informed the couple.

“Oh dear, it is seen that even I came back for a visit. I can’t escape the party.” Falcon joked.

“Don’t be so cynical.” The mother of Falcon walk in the green drawing room holding a tray of tea and biscuits, gently place them in the table. The mother and daughter sat next to each other right across from them.

“So where is Augustine anyway?” Falcon ask his sister.

“He’s at the Hospital working but he will come back before sunset.” Melanie reply, slipping a nice cup of tea.

“Mmm, nice biscuits you made Madam.” Mark took a bite of the biscuits. He didn’t call her “Mrs.” or “Miss”, wondering whether Falcon mother was in the married, widowed, or divorce state. An undefinable something about the room seemed to suggest that she’s a married woman, suggesting that her husband must be very wealthy and rich man afford this very expensive stuff.

“Oh oh oh, call me Martha sweetie.” Martha Graves reply with the giggle. “There’s no need to be formal.”

During their time, Falcon mother told stories about Falcon's childhood, and his little sister chimed in whenever possible to add humorous details she'd forgotten. Then the mother of the hawk got the baby photo album of Falcon from the bookshelf and was showing Mark Beaks pictures of a smaller, cute, and adorable Falcon in a cute british boy cloth riding on the wooden pony swing.

And the other that show little Falcon wearing what appears to be a school uniform sticking his tongue out while his older brother stand beside him on the left side of the photo rolling his eyes at him. Even though Falcon was easily and really embarrassed by these stories and pictures being shared with his boyfriend by his mother and sister, it was obvious to Mark that they loved him and were proud of him.

“That’s just adorable.” Mark said then he bust out of laughter when he saw a picture of baby Falcon laying on his tummy in the bed(probably his parents bed) bare naked.

“Oh gosh…” Falcon groan as his face went completely red as he buried his face with his hands.

“Excuse me to disturb madam but your older son Master Augustine Edward Graves have arrive from work Lady Martha.” The butler announces to her as another hawk man walk in wearing a suit with cream shirt inside and orange tie inside, he is almost taller than Falcon, he also have a 1980s hairstyle as well and his body is kinda beefy than Falcon as well.

“Well, well, well… why it isn’t my baby brother Falcon.” A man chuckle as Falcon also got up from his seat and walk over them.

“Hey there Gus, along time so see brother.” Falcon smile at his big bro, they both shake their hand and then hug each other.

“Gus?” Mark raise his eyebrows.

“Short for Augustine.” Melanie inform him, Mark now know why he call him Gus.

“And you must be my little brother boyfriend.” Gus walk over to Mark, he got up from the sofa and shook his hand.

“Hello, it’s nice to meet you.” Mark let out a smile.

“It’s very nice to meet you too. How is my brother? I hope he is treating you well?”

“He’s great and he treat me so nicely Gus.” Mark told him as the older brother sat between his mother and sister as the couple sat down together and continued chatting.

Mark Beaks smiled as his family goes on about Falcon from the past years and describe how he was back in when he was a little hawk. And later chat about their life and what they are doing.

Falcon family were very kind and welcome to him, but the only one he hasn’t met was his father. Where is he anyway? Why didn’t they talk about him? Mark began to wonder whether the father of Falcon is dead. But he didn’t hesitate to ask about him. Worry that he will brought that bad memory of him.

“I think I will get along with them just fine.” Mark Beak thought to himself as he turned to face Falcon and Falcon look at him and kiss him on his top beak and Mark return with a giggle.

Mark rest his head on his boyfriend shoulder.

“My handsome Gravesy.”