#my second ever environmental piece lol

[sehaniine]

the never ending grief persists, but so do i

[blackradandmad]

why blippi is rotting yr children's brains

preface: i literally expect no one to read this. it is an essay length, strong opinion piece critiquing a niche youtube-based children's show that i don't expect most of y'all to even have knowledge of lol. but like, i promise that even if you know nothing about what i'm talking about, in my incredibly, super humble opinion, it's a good piece of writing and interesting nonetheless. anyway if you read this whole thing for some reason yr really hot and we should kiss.

i thoroughly vet everything my child watches before he watches it, episode by episode. and we rarely watch youtube for entertainment; we usually just look up educational videos when he has a question about something and wants more detail than i can provide him. and that's mainly because children's content on youtube is so fucking troubling and distressing. i don't judge parents who give their children a tablet at a restaurant at all bc i've been there and sometimes it's easier on everyone to just put on a video and avoid a giant scene, but i do judge parents who just leave their children alone with youtube kids on autoplay.

take stevin john, a literal millionaire who got famous from dressing up as a silly character called blippi and going on tours of places like aquariums, zoos, construction sites, etc and posting it on youtube. this has branched into a whole empire of blippi videos, hulu shows and specials, live shows and tours (that he outsources to another character actor), merchandise and so on. this 30-something year old man cites his main influence as being mr. rogers, but i question if he's ever even seen an episode of that program.

mr. rogers had no background in early childhood development or media production, but he revolutionized the world of children's media, because he respected his audience and didn't shy away from real world situations, all while creating a show with an enormous heart. mr. rogers begins his episodes by inviting the viewer in, literally changing his attire to be more comfortable, and talking about/doing things he genuinely cares about. whereas mr. rogers calmly and maturely addresses the viewer, blippi puts on a high pitched, contrived voice, interjecting every other sentence with a forced exclamation such as, "teehee! we're having so much fun!"

i don't find it a coincidence that john (blippi) is a veteran, either. his videos are completely devoid of the absurd, abstract, childlike thinking that makes children's media fun, creative, and entertaining. his thinking and process is methodical, devoid of emotion, and very superficial. this line of thinking clearly shows the kind of creative sterilization and emphasis on sameness and conformity instilled in the military. blippi simply observes things and interacts with them in a stale, matter-of-fact way. "this ball is purple! this ball is pink! anyway... what's over there? teehee! a car! vroom, vroom!" objects are colors, toy cars don't do anything but drive, curiosity is simply not encouraged.

he uses the "it's educational!" excuse to hide the fact that his show lacks everything that makes media a valuable resource for children to consume in the first place. further than identifying colors, numbers, and the occasional letter or shape, there is just this total lack of children's need for social and emotional development. when mr. rogers breaks the fourth wall to address the viewer and let them know they're special, it feels authentic and natural, because we've spent the last half hour building whole worlds with diverse characters and unique stories in a pretend neighborhood, learning about and enjoying different musical instruments, being exposed to and making friends with (even if parasocially, it is still a real bond to children when done properly) children who are similar to us in character regardless of physical or environmental differences, feeding the fish, making art together, and so on. when blippi tells the viewer, "you are very special, and i enjoy spending time with you!" it falls completely flat and feels unearned, because the last half hour was spent running around a soft play center pointing at bright, colorful objects, visiting interesting locations like farms or fruit production factories while failing to acknowledge the humanity of the humans actually working there (everything is machine or product focused; the human workers are simply an extension of the machine), learning "fun facts" about elephants that just list attributes of elephants, not taking the opportunity to inform the viewers of elephants' intelligence, or diet, or matriarchal society. it is a loud, sensory overwhelming display of a man so disconnected from the social and emotional needs and desires of children that he assumes they're stupid, easily entertained idiots who only need some silly dances and fast-moving cartoon graphics to give their attention (meaning time and desire to purchase products meaning $$$). john clearly views his audience as a means to gaming the algorithm and ultimately a paycheck by the hollow way he addresses them.

the show is so narcissistic, so focused on all the fun blippi is supposedly having, but he lacks any of the character traits that make individual children's show hosts memorable, so much so that he was able to have someone else who doesn't even vaguely resemble him dress as blippi and impersonate him and host the show or appear at live shows, and it went unnoticed by most of his toddler and child audience. the show is so formulaic and the character of blippi is so unmemorable that instead of taking the blue's clues route of developing a story of the host leaving for college and his brother now stepping in, or making some sort of believable excuse for the change in actors, they can simply swap him out with some random guy and not acknowledge it at all. although a comedy show for older children, the amanda show in no way could or would try to replicate the show with the same name but swapping out amanda bynes with a random teenage girl who is clearly not amanda bynes. it's weird and nonsensical and shows that his character is so much of a farce put on for a paycheck that not even his dedicated audience is affected or even cares when he is replaced by a random, unknown person.

this is completely garbage content made by an opportunist with no experience with children who saw his nephew watching children's youtube content, took it at complete surface level and still hasn't realized that while children's content only looks and feels so easy, entertaining, and enriching because it is so hard to do well. even with outsourcing his music, that aspect of the show still sucks. famous and successful children's musician, raffi, is known for his song describing the life of a little white whale, called "baby beluga." it opens with a calm strumming of his guitar, followed by the lyrics, "baby beluga in the deep blue sea/swim so wild and you swim so free/heaven above/sea below/and a little white whale on the go." is it silly and kind of pointless? yes, but the point is that he is captivating children and showing them the fun of listening to music, dancing, singing, and appreciating art. the "excavator song" featured in an episode of blippi about construction vehicles opens with what sounds like a default garageband loop and the flatly sung lyrics, "i'm an excavator/i'm an excavator/hey dirt, see you later/i'm an excavator." i don't feel i have to meticulously analyze the aforementioned lyrics; the stark contrast should speak for itself.

i have a million more criticisms about both blippi specifically and youtube children's content as a whole, but this is already so long and i doubt many people will get this far anyway. it's an issue i was completely apathetic towards until i had my own child and had to wean him off these kinds of junk food shows because i realized the fast-paced visuals and bright colors and repetitive songs/lyrics were putting him in this spaced-out, fugue state, and he thought he could demand this show or that show whenever he wanted. the moment he started regularly yelling things like, "watch! cars!" or "no! click it!" i knew i had to be a lot more invested in the things he watched even if just for entertainment or as a soothing message. i showed him an episode of mr. rogers yesterday and feared it would be too slow to hold his attention, but he was mesmerized, greeting and interacting with mr. rogers verbally, asking me, "what's that?" to different objects on the screen. since purging this low-brow children's entertainment, he has had a noticeable increase in attention span and concentration, can focus on a task for longer amounts of times, is more likely to "read"/look through books without me initiating it, and doesn't throw a fit when the tv/my laptop is off.

i just know that for me, growing up with so much unsupervised internet access definitely led me to real-world pain and consequences, and it seems like now children are born with an iphone as an extension of their arm. if my child is going to be consuming videos, i'm definitely supervising every second and am going to be highly critical of the videos and the credentials (or lack thereof) of the creators and team behind it. but i also know, from pure observation admittedly, that parents letting youtube kids autoplay parent their children for hours at a time is not an uncommon occurrence. and it worries me that a generation of children are being raised on videos that rely on being as loud and bright and superficially enjoyable as possible. what's the use of a child knowing their colors and alphabet if they don't know how to treat people with kindness and empathy and respect? there is something wrong for a children's show host to plug the spelling of his name at the end of his videos ("well, that's the end of this video. but if you wanna watch more of my videos, just type in my name! can you spell my name with me? b-l-i-p-p-i!") after essentially rotting his audiences' brains for a half hour. there's something so insidious about the prioritization of naming different parts of construction vehicles over honest depictions of and conversations about dealing with feelings, or why someone with autism may act differently than you, or what to do when you feel lonely, or ways to make art and express yrself creatively. also, not to mention the blatant police propaganda and outright worship is seriously jarring; as a black mother to a visibly non-white child, i cannot sit there and watch blippi show kids how to be a bootlicker for the shittiest profession on earth, but that could be a whole essay in and of itself.

anyway, thanks for reading, if yr looking for quality children's content, i recommend, in no specific order: mr. rogers, sesame street, the electric company, molly of denali, daniel tiger, bluey!, blue's clues, the odd squad, word party, trash truck, puffin rock, uhh... that's definitely not an extensive list but that's just off the dome!!! ok bye y'all <333

[doppelnatur]

the ragnarok anon: oh yikes, I didn't notice it in the umbrella academy, one would think that people would talk about it more since it's that popular, but I haven't seen anything 😬 also I think that I'm just. more blind to this stuff because I never really thought about stereotypes, so thank you for pointing it out!

I still don't think that in ragnarok it was done with a malicious intent or anything and that it's supposed to be antisemitic, probably just a very unfortunate coincidence, most likely someone else who just doesn't know. which is not great, but I don't think they deserve to be cancelled. and I do agree that it's the whole system that is rotten and needs to be brought down but I also think that on television it's probably easier to portray with a concrete bunch of people.

and I absolutely agree with the fact that it'd be much more interesting if loki was the main character/the gods explicitly bad. but with the way it is rn, I do think it makes sense that thor is the main character and I think they Are going to make him go against the gods, or odin at the very least, I don't think they're going to make ragnarok play out the way it's written. I have a lot of thoughts about this djdjdj

thank you for talking to me, I think I understand things more now :)

Yeah you would think right??? Idk there's a few tumblr posts about it and an article. But it's not much. I'm super invested in finding critiques of shit i currently consume or writing them if i can't find any, so i have read those, and people are appearently saying that UA is worse in the second season???? Which makes me go insane, I've not seen it but s1 does not need to be topped on this? Like they could have amended it but i guess they didn't.

I don't think anything needs to be done with bad intentions to be bad ever. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Idk people are hardly ever aware that what they're doing is discriminatory to a specific group, which is why it's important to point out, to be aware of potential issues going in and to hire sensitivity editors. This is my super broad thing about like basically whenever fans or content creators get defensive about a piece of media or a tweet or whatever being discriminatory. No one is saying the intentions are bad or the ppl doing the thing are doing so in a way that's malicious, just please hire sensitivity editors lol. Cancel culture is not real and me criticizing a show mildly to my audience of like 5ppl who have not seen it is not gonna get it cancelled lol. Personally i think it's really revealing about what people think cancel culture is when it's always brought up when anything or anyone ever is even mildly critical of smth for sjw™ reasons aaaa. Idk this is not meant to be criticizing u u just got me going about this topic I'm invested in i guess.

I think I'm just annoyed about another thing centering Thor? Like not to be rude but he's not that central. Like he's kinda cool but Loki and Odin are both much more interesting and their conflict is super neat. I need the odin/loki blood brothers romance content 😩😩😩 Idk might as well focus on Freya which would be cool too? And she's a Vane which is the nature gods ppl so it would thematically make sense? And Frigga as a central character also makes a lot of sense as like a fertility godess... Idk so many choices, why's it the marvel approach again :( Thor makes sense as a super hero with the powers but less as a protagonist in a show trying clearly to be critical of power. Also it feels like he doesn't even care about the environmental issues he's just using those to harm the jutuls which is shit. Idk. Maybe I'm just not a fan of magne as a character.

[amphtaminedreams]

If We Can’t Have the Parties, At Least We Have the Coats: Lookbook no.13

Hi to anyone reading,

It’s been a weird winter, right?

A winter that I REALLY did not need to buy as many clothes for as I have. You WILL save loads of money during this lockdown, I told myself. You WILL. And yet here I am in December, in exactly the same financial position I was in March. You would think that making the switch to an environmentally friendly wardrobe would mean I own less but now I no longer have the guilt of supporting fast fashion to hold me back, I’ve accumulated more clothes than ever. Part of a sustainable wardrobe is also about reducing your consumption so now I’ve mostly made the move towards only supporting transparent companies/small businesses, I can move onto the buying less part. I haven’t thrown any clothes away but still, I am not the clothes rescuer I think I am-more just an overdraft abuser. To add to that, for those of us actually following the rules (half the people I went to secondary school with flaunting their apparently unaffected social lives on Instagram, I’m looking at you) there aren’t actually all that many opportunities to wear new outfits. Not to go too first world problems, but it is a little shit when getting dressed up and doing your makeup is one of the things that you do to help you feel a little better, especially when the seasonal (and situational in these times) depression kicks in.

So yes, I have been extra af recently and combatted this with the decision to start making an effort to outfit plan for the most basic of tasks. We’re talking a full face of makeup and accessories for going into town to get a coffee or to meet a friend for a walk. I mean, I still go to Tesco in my trackies but if I’m seeing somebody else, I am sure as hell going to treat it as a reason to wear something nice. See the winter outfits section of the lookbook as your inspiration to do the same because I can guarantee you the sense of normality forcing yourself to take makeup off at the end of the day brings will actually make you feel a lot better. Genuinely the mark of exceptional times. We’ve also got the few days relief period over Christmas in the UK where we’re allowed to mix with a maximum of 3 other households, and ignoring the fact that it doesn’t really make any sense given that the number of people you could end up mixing with depends on the size of the households and is realistically completely arbitrary (I have a lot of feelings about how fucking moronic half the decisions this government has been making are but then again, what’s new?), I’m sure those of you with big families are gonna be partying. I’m only spending Christmas with my immediate family but I thought I’d put some more festive outfits together anyway. I know, I know, it sounds like I’m just bullshitting an explanation as to why I put this lookbook together when in reality I’m trying to make myself feel better about the damage to my bank account buuuut it really is more a case of being inspired by my Depop finds and if you are trying to quit fast fashion, I can’t recommend the app enough (especially if you know what you’re looking for). As I did in the last lookbook, I will make sure to include the tags of all the people I bought these pieces from but I also thought it might be helpful to make a note of some of the descriptors I used to find them so you can get more of an idea how to find the things you’re looking for too, as well as prices. I did include the names of the shops I bought the few fast fashion items I styled from too, mostly earlier this year or at some point over the last couple of years, on the basis that they may be a useful search prompt if you’re looking for something similar or the exact item-the majority are no longer available (disclaimer: I haven’t bought anything from Boohoo in a longgg time) to buy but you might be able to find an account that’s selling a used version. Don’t be put off by that-I’ve had to wash a couple of pieces but for the most part, that hasn’t been necessary. Charity shops usually wash things before they put them out, so you have nothing to worry about there either-I expect that they’re particularly thorough at the moment considering the COVID crisis.

Enough rambling from me for now! Enjoy!

-(SOCIALLY DISTANCED) PARTY SZN LOOKS-

Powder Blue Wide Brim Felt Hat/Fedora: £16.99

Structured White Mesh Oh Polly Mini Dress w/Ruched Detail: £27

Black PVC Beret w/Red Flame Detail: £14

Red Fit and Flare Dress w/Satin Corset & Tulle Skirt: £12

Black PVC Vintage Platform Boots w/Red Flame Detail: £27

White Satin Corset w/Straps: £8

Pinstripe Cropped Blazer Co-ord Set: £12.50

Oh Mighty Strappy Contrast Corset: £27

Contrast Check Cigarette Trousers: £15

Pink Topshop Gingham Blazer Co-ord Set BNWT: £35

White Strappy Corset w/Suspender Detail: £10

White PVC Beret w/Black Flame Detail: £14

Reworked Strappy Patchwork Sports Cropped Tee: £10

Black Combat Cargo Trousers: £5

Strappy Tie-dye Pretty Little Thing Corset BNWT: £15

PVC/Vinyl Zip-up Mini Skirt w/Belt Detail: £9

White Satin Cowl Neck Mini Slip Dress: £8

Urban Outfitters ‘90s Style Celestial Print Mesh Babydoll Dress: £15

-(SOMETIMES PRACTICAL) COAT SZN LOOKS-

UNIF Colour Block Oversized Jumper/Sweater: £25

Topshop Dark Wash Denim Kick Flare Jeans w/Frayed Hem Detail: £16

Vintage ‘70s Style Brown Faux Suede Western Blazer/Jacket: £15

Black Velvet High Neck Bodysuit w/Keyhole Detail: £4

Topshop Paisley Print Chiffon Midi Dress: £15

Brandy Melville Cropped Motorcross Slogan Slogan Tee: £13.60

Ragged Priest Gingham Cargo/Combat Trousers w/Utility Style Buckle Detailing: £33

Black Kappa Logo Beanie: £12

White Platform FILA Disruptors in Good Condition: £55

Black Fur Bucket Hat: £8

Celestial Silver Moon Detail Chain Belt: £18

Black Satin Cowl Neck Detail Midi Slip Dress: £15

Floral Print Platform Boots: £10

Blue Denim ASOS High Rise Mom Jeans: £12

Brown Vintage ‘70s Style Afghan Coat w/Fur Trim: £25

Teal Wide Brim Felt Hat/Fedora: £10

Topshop Floral Print A-Line Jacquard Mini Skirt: £7

Lana Del Rey Screen Printed T-Shirt: £9.99

Vintage Corduroy Contrast Stripe Trousers w/Kick Flare: £28

Anyone that read to the end, thank you so much as always and I hope this shows just how many in-trend pieces you can find second hand! I know I'm SUPER far behind to the point where it’s closer to the F/W2021 shows now than it is since the S/S2021 collections were showcased but I decided I am going to do a full length fashion week review. I also have a few moodboards planned and my next is gonna be one focussing purely on plus sized fashion as the feedback that I got from my New Style Icons post was that I could have included more bigger girls; I am so, so, SO passionate about body positivity and fat acceptance, especially since I know my own relationship with my body would be so much better if this kind of movement was more prominent when I was younger, so I don’t for a minute want anyone to think it was my intention to be exclusionary in any way. It bears repeating that I genuinely appreciate feedback in any form (as long as it’s not too mean and presumptive, lol) and I hope the next post doesn’t disappoint! It hasn’t been a good year for cinema due to COVID having lead to theatre closures, however I still do want to do another film tier ranking in the new year as that is something I really enjoyed doing last time. Any more suggestions are welcome!

As always, my inbox is always open if you need someone to talk to or just wanna chat about a post:-) I am constantly on the look out for new blogs to follow and people to interact with so any communication is welcome. I’m not sure if I’ll get another post finished before we enter 2021, SO I wanna say that I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and that this shitshow of a year DOES come to an end at 11:59PM on the 31st because THOSE MEMES ABOUT IT TURNING DECEMBER THE 32ND ARE NOT FUNNY! Here’s to our second attempt at our first year of the roaring twenties (because this past year it feels like we skipped them and went straight to The Great Depression, the likely incoming recession denial is real) and to happier times and good health for everyone.

Lauren x

DISCLAIMER: Background in the first 2 images are mine, others are not. I found them on Pinterest so not sure of the artists but if you do know, drop me a message so I can credit them!

[scaredandbored]

the one with the sonic showers

for @julie-yard , (sorry it’s so ooc but it’s got DaForge in!)

word count (excluding the compulsory grouching i do in the brackets next because i ran out of space in the tags whoops) : 2233

(also this is my first ever piece of writing using solely other people’s characters so i apologise in advance lol)

(constructive criticism welcome just please be nice i cry really easily)

(hey so data is literally an android and geordie is CHEIF FRICKIN ENGINEER and i am Bad At Physics. so there are large gaps in dialogue which i would LOVE to do some more research on (not sarcasm i really would but i would get sucked into it and never actually write lol) but i’m more of a chemistry/biology Basic Bitch™️ so even though i’m supposed to know enough about sound waves to write that dialogue i don’t trust myself enough to do it)

(also, i’m a First Aid Responder, not a doctor, damnit! so all medical talk in this is me reading three (3) articles on chronic tension headaches and then seeming myself fit to write about it)

(sorry in advance, here you go!)

The alarm he had set for twenty minutes before the beginning of his shift made Geordie feel as though he was being hit repeatedly by a phaser. Wincing, he groped for his VISOR, slamming his other hand on the button that would stop the infernal shrieking. Logically, Geordie knew the noise was just barely above a soft trill, but as he rummaged around his drawer for his acetaminophen hypo, he was considering having a word with the senior medical staff about limiting the volume of the ships alarms in the interest of the crew’s wellbeing.

As usual, the hypo did very little for the inescapable pressure on his skull, and the activation of his visor did nothing but restore him to the state he was before the hypo. Grimacing, he dragged himself over to the replicator in the far corner of his room, toeing off the black regulation bottoms he’d slept in and tossing them into the laundry shoot as he walked by. “Coffee, black, sixty degrees Celsius.”. Hoping against hope the caffeine would keep the dull pain from spiking until he could administer her perscription later in the day. He rolled his head between sips of the slightly too bitter beverage, with the intention of loosening up in order to stave off neck and shoulder tension later in the day. “Computer, set a reminder to schedule a meeting with Dr.Crusher for me, will you?” The computer’s answering trill was, again, much too loud for his liking, so he gave a second order for all automated auditory responses to decrease intensity by 50%.

Sliding off his VISOR, Geordie decided to pick out his uniform and dress using muscle memory, the idea of putting his VISOR back on before absolutely necessary was enough to make his stomach turn, violently. “OK, so don’t put it back on, Geordie, it’s not rocket science.” he sighed to himself as he tugged the zip up, catching his thumb in his collar. Adequately annoyed at himself and already aching to take another shot of his hypo, Geordie lamented the fact he hadn’t decided to shower, the warm water would’ve done some good towards the inevitable spasms his upper back and neck would undoubtedly engage in later that evening. Sitting down, he pressed the heels of his almost-cool hands against his temples, rubbing around the terminals for his VISOR, where the ache was the worst. As he considered requesting sick leave and how to tell Riker he’d be missing poker tonight without raising suspicion, his communicator went off, the obnoxious trill sending a jolt of nausea through him as Barclay’s voice rang around his room.

“Barclay to Commander LaForge.”

Geordie winced and sighed before tapping his badge. “LaForge here.”

While Reg was relaying his message, Geordie reluctantly picked up his VISOR and clicked it into place. “There’s been several complaints shipwide about sonic shower malfunctions, the captain has asked us to assemble a team and look into it as soon as possible, sir.”

“Acknowledged. I’ll be in Engineering as soon as I can. Until then, Reg, you get a few ensigns and run a few tests on the basic functions in the malfunctioning units on the lower half of the affected decks. I want the results updated in real time so I can check them against the ones I’ll run. LaForge out.” Geordie considered popping into Sickbay on his way to see if he could get a muscle relaxer to avoid any serious cramping of his neck muscles, but the acetaminophen seemed to be kicking in, and he’d hoped this meant the worst was over.

He couldn’t have been more wrong.

After numerous hours of running several different sonic showers at increasingly higher frequencies, Geordie felt as though his head was going to burst. He’d missed the hour he was supposed to re-administer his painkiller by a good thirty minutes, and the ensign he had taken with him to the upper decks had noticed his smile was less a smile and more a pained grimace. When she’d suggested he let her run a few tests while he updated the logs, Geordie had politely declined with a small laugh and an even smaller smile. When she repeated the question ten minutes later, he complied without a word.

Lunchtime arrived what felt like years later, when Geordie finally caved and turned himself into sickbay.

“Hey, Alyssa, can I talk to you for a second?” Geordie held out his hand in a sort of rushed, half-thought out greeting that immediately told Alyssa what it was Geordie wanted to talk to her about.

“Geordie, maybe you should sit the rest of your shift out.” Was all she said in the way of sympathy as she administered several of his usual hypos. This was why Geordie came to her before any other nurse on the Enterprise. Her sympathy was just enough to get her job done and she kept her pity to herself for the most part.

“Well, you know what they say!” Geordie jumped to his feet, rubbing his hands together briefly before giving one sharp clap to test the rapidly receding pressure in his head. “No peace for the wicked. I’ll see you around, Alyssa, thanks for the help.”

As Geordie moved out from behind the thin curtain Alyssa had pulled for privacy, he found himself looking straight up at his best friend, and his heart skipped a beat. “Data!” He grinned.

“Geordie.” Data’s head nodded in acknowledgement. Geordie admired the halo his VISOR caused around Data’s head. “I fail to see the relevance between your chosen turn of phrase and Nurse Ogawa’s reccomendation. I also object to the comparison you have drawn between yourself and the afformentioned ‘wicked’.”

“Data, it was a joke.” Geordie smiled again, the combination of the slightly stronger meds and his closest friend reducing the pain to a tolerable level. The fact his crush on Data was all-consuming only meant he had something to distract himself from what pain remained. “And Alyssa was just being nice, you know how I’d love to take an evening off to fool around on the holodeck.” Geordie immediately regretted his choice of words, but Data remained oblivious, his concerned head tilt still in place.

“Nurse Ogawa is not known for the benevolent prescription of unnecessary sick leave, Geordie.” He opened his mouth as if to suggest something, before closing it again and taking a step forward, placing his hand on Geordie’s shoulder. Now, it was Geordie’s chest that was under considerable pressure. “Do not hesitate to contact me if necessary. I must return to duty.”

Geordie chuckled in order to hide his disappointment at the loss of Data’s hand on his shoulder, shaking his head fondly. “No problem, Data. I’ll do that.”

Geordie was nearly out the door of Sickbay when Data called after him. “I shall see you at poker tonight, Geordie.”

It didn’t sound like a question, but Geordie knew Data well enough to know he was hoping to prompt a response. “I dunno, buddy. I’m kinda tired, if I’m being honest. I’ll let you know later, ok?”

Data blinked once, then twice, then nodded, his head adjusting itself into a neuteral position. “That is satisfactory.”

This time, Geordie laughed, the pain in his shoulders creeping up on him slowly once again, despite Data’s adorable half-attempt at a wave as the doors slid shut behind him. “Computer, what time is it?”

The shrill chime that preceded the response didn’t particularly hurt his head, but Geordie could feel his shoulders tensing even further, and he knew beyond doubt there was no way he would make it to cards that evening.

That evening found Geordie still in one of those awful, shrieking showers. He’d been technically off-duty for an hour now, and desperately needed to take off his VISOR for ten minutes, but Barclay had taken one look at Gerodie’s drawn face and refused to leave him alone in the bathroom they were checking out. “Hey Reg, do me a favour?” Geordie needed to get him out of the room so he could slip off his VISOR and massage his temples. That, or he needed to stop working with the shower on; the high frequencies were really not helping his situation.

“Sir?” Barclay’s hands had stuttered to a sudden stop the minute his commanding officer had spoken.

“Could you run and grab a coffee? The Gamma Shift doesn’t start for another five minutes, we can take a break from this instantaneous reporting.” Geordie didn’t take his head out from the panelling they had removed half an hour ago, afraid Reg would see the pained twist he could feel in his lips and call Dr.Crusher. He knew he could handle it, it wasn’t the worst pain he’d ever had from his VISOR, and he’d managed to subtly administer another hypo when he’d gone to grab them both a water around twenty minutes ago.

“Yessir.” Was Barclay’s anxious reply, and there was a prolonged silence between his response and the sound of the doors opening and shutting. They’d had to shut down all replicator and environmental control activity while they worked, which meant Geordie had five minutes to give his head a well-deserved break. Clicking the VISOR out of its terminals and heaving a sigh of relief, Geordie felt his head swim. Taking a few steadying breaths, he fumbled blindly at the sonic shower’s controls, silently cursing himself for not having shut it off before removing the VISOR. Only succeeding in shifting the tuning to an impossibly more painful frequency, Geordie sat down on the floor of the shower, back pressed against the back wall, head falling back against the cool slate. He rubbed at his eyes. “Goddamn.” His sigh made his head swim once more, and his subsequent calming breaths only served to worsen the sensation. The constant drone pressed down on his head so much the pain from that morning seemed as intimidating as... Geordie couldnt think properly; he could only conjure up an image of Data as he worked at his desk in his quarters, resolutely ignoring Spot on his stack of PADDs, aside from his gentle, regular strokes. The image made him smile, which caused his tensed muscles in his neck and shoulders to spasm, violently. Again, the deep breathing Deanna had helped him with when he’d first arrived on the ship did nothing but worsen the sensation.

Geordie dragged his shaking hand down his face, which came away damp with what Geordie briefly considered to be sweat, before everything went black.

There was a hand on either side of his face, a comforting pressure being applied by what felt like a pair of thumbs around the terminals on his temples. “Do not be alarmed, Geordie.”

Data was whispering, Geordie noted, and his tender head thanked the android for it. “Data? What happened?”

The thumbs stopped rubbing briefly, but resumed without hesitation when Geordie accidentally, slightly whimpered at the loss. “You passed out while completing your tests on the malfunctioning sonic showers. Dr.Crusher administered a variety of medications which she noted in your medical log, if you would like for me to read them to you?”

Despite his hushed tones, Geordie’s head really wasn’t going to put up with any noise for very much longer. “No, no talking, please, Data.” he managed to get out, curling up a little, before starting, which caused his shoulders to spasm lightly. “Wait, my VISOR-” Data’s hands shifted to the problematic muscles immediately, massaging firmly.

“I have your VISOR on the arm of your couch to my left. However, given the negative effect it has had on your condition throughout the day, Dr.Crusher has requested you refrain from replacing it this evening.” There was a pause as a mildly confused but very tired and complacent Geordie allowed himself to be gently manoeuvred into a reclined position, his head in Data’s lap while the second officer returned his hands to Geordie’s head. “I am here to assist you in every way possible, and I have downloaded various massage techniques frequently used on those who suffer from long-term, extreme tension headaches.”

“Why?” Geordie mumbled, slowly drifting off despite the pressure slowly returning with a vengeance behind his eyes.

Another pause, the hands stilled. Geordie frowned and they started to move again, but the silence continued. Just as Geordie was about to fall asleep, Data spoke. “You are my friend.”

“Huh?”

“I am helping you because you are my friend, Geordie.”

Geordie smiled softly, shaking his head. “I know that Data.”

Another pause, much more brief, and the hands did not stop their gentle rubbing on his delicate head. “What was the purpose of your inquiry, Geordie?”

And Geordie, as much as he wanted Data to know, he couldn’t tell him. Couldn’t say he wanted Data to be there because he liked the domesticity of this situation, to be there not only to massage his knotted muscles and play nurse, but to hold his hand, to kiss his forehead, to... “No purpose, Data.” He sighed softly, settling further into his best friend. “None at all.”

His breathing had lengthened, he was almost fully asleep but not quite there yet, when he felt cool lips press against one of the terminals, then the skin right beside it.

“Hmmm, Data?”

A pause. “Yes, Geordie?”

A mumble, the beginnings of a snore.

Slightly more urgently, “Geordie?”

“Said, I l’ve ya,,,”

Several minutes of soft snores and gentle massages later, an almost unintelligible: “I believe... I am in love with you also.”

fin

i was going to put in a bit about Data finding Geordie because he hadn’t gotten back to him about the poker but then i felt like it took from the kind of,,, geordie pov vibe i had going idk

hope you enjoyed!

sorry for all the inevitable typos i did this on my ipad and i didnt proof read because i’m kinda using this one shot prompt thing as a warm up to writing as opposed to actually writing fic? idk if that makes sense but i enjoyed writing it and i hope you enjoy reading it!

[ninetalees]

Sufferance, chapter 3

Is finally here! Been working on this on and off for the last few weeks. Hope you enjoy! As always, feedback is appreciated. Also, let me know if any of you get the movie I’m referring to, lol.

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24019411/chapters/59125465

They didn’t speak about what had happened the next day.

Or the next, or the next. Before Hop knew it, it had been a week and the atmosphere of simmering tension had not eased. It was mind-numbingly frustrating and Hop wanted to understand, but how could he ask, where would he start? All he could do was watch.

He watched Bede smiling along with Sonia, on his knees in the dirt in the Weald, brow furrowed in concentration on the PC in the lab or with his head in a book. He especially watched him when he bade him farewell in the evenings, his pale skin and flowing hair set alight by the shimmering hues of the sunset. Hop watched, but he couldn’t understand; he couldn’t read the thoughts that flitted behind Bede’s eyes and hung unspoken between them.

“…you know you have talked about nothing but Bede for the whole of this conversation?” Gloria’s voice cut across him mid-sentence, as he was complaining how Bede was so mannerly around Sonia, all smiles and questions about her work. Hop was convinced it had to be a front; he had never known Bede to warm to anyone without a lot of graft on their part. More fool them.

“Well, I have a lot to say,” Hop replied, affronted. “It’s not like I care or anything, I just need to vent. He’s so…” he gestured with the hand not holding the phone – one that happened to be holding a piece of toast. From the corner of his eye he could see the spray of crumbs that littered the floor. A problem for later; the whole place could do with a clean. He had been so busy with work for the last week he’d hardly had time to even consider anything else.

“Uh-huh, sure sounds like you don’t care.” There was a wryness to Gloria’s tone that set Hop’s teeth on edge. “This happens every time you two hang out, you know. You don’t stop going on about him for ages.”

“Like I said, I have a lot to say about him,” Hop shot back. “He’s just so… I don’t understand what he’s trying to do, you know? Like I was saying, he’s so pally with Sonia – she actually likes him – always asking her questions about what she does and about the Weald and about science. As if he actually cares.” He snorted. “I get that he’s here to work – this project obviously is important to him, I’ll give him that, but as if he’s ever been nice to someone for no reason in his life. Like he actually gives a toss about anything Sonia or anyone in this town does.”

“Hop,” Gloria sighed, exasperated. “He’s not trying to do anything. I told you to give him a chance, didn’t I?”

“I have been,” Hop growled. “I’m just saying to you, best mate to best mate, that he’s a pain in the arse and no-one seems to be able to see past his weird, smarmy front. I mean, if he’s so interested in science and what we’re studying at the lab, why would he not ask me? We spend way more time together than him and Sonia do. It’s because he’s not trying to gain my favour because he knows I know what he’s like.”

“You may be my best mate but Bede is my friend too, you know,” Gloria replied with a yawn. “And maybe he’s not asking you questions because you’re being hostile as shit? I wasn’t going to tell you this, but the night I stayed after you left he said that it had been really nice to for the three of us to spend that time together. He’s making an effort Hop, you should too.”

Hop stood to begin getting his things together for the day ahead, cradling the phone between his shoulder and his cheek. “Don’t take his side,” he snapped. “And we all say sentimental shite when we’re drunk.”

“It’s not about sides, Hop. There are no sides.” He could hear the roll of her eyes in her tone. “Look, I’m not going to indulge you further about this. I have to go anyway – big press conference this morning.” She clicked her tongue with disapproval. “I hope you’re doing okay. I love you lots, y’know? Try not to overthink about Bede. I know you refuse to believe it, but he is a good guy. He’s changed.”

“I love you too,” Hop replied, weakening. He sighed. “I… maybe to you he’s changed. But I still… still think…” He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. You go – I need to get to work too. Talk soon.”

“Talk soon.” Gloria hung up. Hop took the phone away from his ear and stared aimlessly at the screen for a moment. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe Gloria – Bede had changed, for her. Because he respected her. But not Hop – as far as Bede was concerned Hop was a mere small-town professor who had thrown in the towel on battling because he had failed. And Hop couldn’t tolerate that. He hadn’t mentioned to Gloria what had happened with Amelia. Truthfully, he was a little ashamed of how he had reacted; his feelings had just been compounded in the moment. He was used to Gloria and her fans whenever they went anywhere together, and their fawning had never bothered him in the slightest. Never before had he been able to associate the word contrite with the shiny-haired, stuck-up footnote on his life that was the Ballonlea Gym Leader. But that day he had apologised – apologised for what? Offending Hop with his fame? For reminding him that he had everything Hop had once wanted? Did he not understand that Hop had moved on?

He pocketed his phone and piled his breakfast dishes into the sink before heading out. The weather that morning broke the sunny spell they had been enjoying for the past few weeks; the sky was grey, threatening rain, but the spring heat still hung heavy in the air. Hop had already slipped out of his coat by the time he arrived at the lab. Sonia, seated at the PC, raised her hand in a wave without turning around. “Morning Hop,” she greeted. Hop set his bag at the door and came to stand behind her, eyes alight with curiosity. “Morning,” he replied. “Whatcha looking at?”

“Just having a glance over some of the environmental comparisons yourself and Bede have made between the Tangle and the Weald so far.” Sonia gestured to the graphs on the screen. “Bede mentioned you hadn’t had much luck in scouring out anything notable yet, so asked for a second opinion.” She leaned forward, squinting in concentration as though looking more closely would uncover some as-of-yet unrevealed secret. “I haven’t caught anything either. But that’s what science is all about, right? Trial and error.”

“This whole excursion might prove to be useless,” Bede’s voice came from behind them, and Hop whirled to see him making his way down the stairs from the balcony, face obscured by the pile of books he was carrying. He set them on the countertop and came to stand by Hop. “But it was something Opal always talked about looking at again, so… I thought it might be nice to pick it up. In her honour.”

The three of them fell silent for a moment. Opal had passed away 3 years ago. It was an inevitability, of course, but not one that anyone who had ever known Opal had ever entertained. She had always seemed larger than life: a garish pink thread on the tapestry of the colourful characters of Galar’s elite. Hop couldn’t imagine how disconcerting it must have been to watch her grow frailer and frailer, culminating on that grey autumn day in Ballonlea. When he stole a glance at Bede his features were creased, the line of his shoulders rigid. The sight of him swallowed in the throes of his grief was a lightning flash of déja-vu, and for a moment the two of them were standing side by side at that graveside again, Hop’s throat thick with half-formed sentiments that couldn’t arrange themselves into words.

“She had a greatly inquisitive mind.” Sonia’s gentle voice wrenched Hop back to reality. She had turned in her seat to face Bede and laid a sympathetic hand on his arm. Hop noted how Bede tensed under her grip for an instant before rearranging his expression into its usual mask of neutrality. “Thanks, Sonia,” he murmured.

Sonia smiled encouragingly and squeezed his arm once more before getting to her feet and breezing past them to her desk. “That reminds me.”  She plucked a folder from among the swathes of papers scattered into disorganised piles on her desk. Hop had always thought it must be a physical extension of her mind: outwardly cluttered, but everything had a place and Sonia knew exactly where that was. She waved the folder in their faces, then slapped it into Hop’s hands. “This is for you to bring over to Gr- Professor Magnolia’s.” She flushed at the near slip-up. “She called this morning to inquire after your research; she helped Opal when she came to look into the Weald, a long time ago. I told her I would put together some notes and have you bring it over. Is that okay?” she grinned at Bede. “She was excited to see you – said it’s been too long.”

To Hop’s surprise, Bede’s expression brightened considerably. “Oh, really? One step ahead of me as usual – I had meant to get in touch with her to let her know I was around.” The more time Hop spent with Bede the more apparent were the gaping holes present in Hop’s image of him, a photograph over a flame. He’d had a peripheral awareness of Opal’s friendship with Magnolia but at no point had he thought to draw the conclusion that Bede must be close with her, too.

“Word travels fast around these parts, Bede,” Sonia replied with a laugh. “Unlike me, she didn’t forget you were coming. When I went round for tea yesterday that was the first thing she asked about – when you would be dropping by to show her what you had accomplished so far.” She nodded to the folder. “I put that together this morning, said I would send you both over today. Since it’s a joint effort.”

“Of course.” Bede’s tone was tinged with excitement. “I can’t thank you both enough for your help.” Hop bristled instinctively, but couldn’t locate anything in Bede’s expression but genuine warmth. He shook off the discomfort and smiled shakily back, and was glad when Sonia swooped in to respond for the two of them.

“Not at all! That’s what we’re here for: to answer questions about Pokémon and their world.” Hop mumbled something that could pass as agreement before slipping the folder under his arm. “Let’s be off then,” he said to Bede. He nodded at Sonia. “Be back in a tick.”

“Take your time! Magnolia will be thrilled to see you both.” She beamed. “You’ve been working hard, you deserve a break.”

Hop wasn’t sure he would classify this as a break – he would probably rather be working – but refrained from complaint in the face of Sonia’s palpable delight. He knew she often worried for her grandmother; after her husband had passed away she was all alone in that house and Sonia was often too busy to visit as much as she would like. Magnolia was independent and hard as nails, but at least with Hop and Bede there Sonia could relieve herself of the nagging concern for a few hours. Instead, Hop departed with a smile and a nod, the folder clutched to his chest.

Bede strode ahead, his gait hurried and purposeful. Hop trailed a few paces behind, not quite dragging his feet but making no effort to keep up, either. By the time he reached Magnolia’s house Bede was standing by the gate, tapping an impatient rhythm in the dust.

“You never told me you’d been around these parts before.” Hop remarked as he drew up beside him.

“You never asked.” Bede slid open the latch and motioned impatiently for Hop to follow as he trotted up the garden path. Hop scowled at his dismissiveness.

“Oh, right, because I’m supposed to ask you about every possible scenario that might have happened in the world in order for you to mention it. Because that’s how conversations work, is it?”

They were standing outside the door, now. Bede rolled his eyes and raised a hand to bang the Pyroar knocker against the peeling paintwork. “How would I know? You’re always the one insisting I don’t know how to talk to people when I tell you not to yell in the pub.”

Hop’s eyes narrowed. Indeed, there may have been one or two instances of that particular nature. He opened his mouth to snap back only for the door to be flung open to reveal a beaming Magnolia. She had taken to using a zimmerframe in her old age (after much coaxing from Sonia), her posture slightly hunched like a half-folded deckchair. But the smile on her face did more to brighten it than the wrinkles did to crease it. In that moment, with her white hair shining in the crack of sunlight between clouds and the glimmer of delight in her eyes, she appeared ten years younger.

“Bede, dear,” she greeted. “It’s been too long. Have you grown?”          

Bede grinned and skirted neatly around her zimmerframe to gather her into a careful hug. “No, I think you’ve shrunk.” Hop balked at his cheek, but Magnolia only laughed.

“Your tongue is sharp as ever I see.” She tutted affectionately and released him. Bede’s cheeks were pink, perfect ponytail ruffled from the embrace. Hop barely recognised him.

He only realised he had been staring when Magnolia touched his arm. “And lovely to see you too, Professor.” She nodded to the folder in his hands. “Is that for me?”

“Uh…” he blinked stupidly for a moment. The research. “Uh, yes. Yes it is.” He proffered the folder. “Sonia mentioned you were interested in our research?”

“Bring it through, I have the tea on.” Magnolia turned to shuffle back into the hallway. “And yes, very interested. As I’m sure Bede has told you myself and Opal started this project years ago. She was always interested in the Weald, but League life is so busy.” Magnolia let out a wistful sigh. “And life is so short. Before you know it, you’re an old crone like me, confined to days spent watering plants and endless cups of tea.”

“I don’t believe that for a second. Sonia is run off her feet trying to get you to stay indoors, I bet,” Bede replied with a laugh, following her inside. Hop was left standing in the doorway, reeling. How was it that he was the one out of sorts, here in the town of his birth? Bede had come and now nothing made sense. His life had been a clear, shallow lake: uncomplicated and safe. Bede had dropped in like a stone, the resounding ripples touching everything Hop had once known to be absolute – his friendships, his career, his past. Now he was left squinting into the pool, struggling to recognise the constantly shifting reflections.

“Hop?” Bede poked his head around the doorway of what must have been the living room. “You alright?”

Hop started. “Uh, yeah. Fine.” He met Bede’s gaze. There remained a dainty flush to his skin, strands of white-blond falling messily into his eyes. In that instant Hop had the bizarre urge to grab his shoulders and shake him, pull him real close and dig his nails into his skin. Maybe if he got close enough he could see what he was missing, could claw out the contents of his brain so well concealed by wry smiles and disparaging sniffs.

 Instead he shut the front door and made his way into the room from where Bede had appeared. It was indeed the living room. The lights were low, so much so Hop could mostly only make out the shape of things. The plush furniture, the oblong shadows of chests of drawers and dressers along the lengths of the walls. Every available surface was decorated with photo frames, even the dusty piano in the corner. Hop’s eyes were drawn immediately to flashes of red in several pictures, bright spots in the relative darkness. He wandered up to one in particular over the fireplace. A much younger Sonia stood with her arm thrown carelessly around Leon, under the shade of the trees in Magnolia’s back garden. They were laughing, faces alight with excitement and despite the stillness of the image Hop could envision so clearly their playful jostling it were as though they were standing there in front of him, brimming with joy and youthful exuberance. He stared until his eyes watered and the edges of his vision blurred. There was probably a photo like that of him and Gloria, somewhere.

“Cute picture.” Bede materialised behind Hop so suddenly he whipped around, arms flailing, and narrowly avoided hitting Bede in the cheek.

“Yeah,” Hop replied at last. He shoved his hands into his pockets so as to avoid any more near-accidents. They observed the photo, the silence sitting heavy on their shoulders. When Hop glanced at Bede his usual smooth expression had resettled into place, the hair that had been falling around his face pulled back. He found himself wondering in that moment what Bede had been like as a child: he hadn’t up until now ever entertained that fact there had been a time when the now-Gym Leader had been wide-eyed and top-full with hope for the future. Hop knew Bede had not had the easiest start in life, having spent some time in an orphanage, but his insight ended there. Bede had never spoken about his beginnings himself – all the information Hop had he had gleaned from his League Card as a Gym Challenger. He had never dwelled any further.

He opened his mouth to ask – he didn’t know what exactly – when Magnolia returned, slowly wheeling a drinks tray laden with a teapot and matching china. Bede flung himself across the room to help her and she laughed at his fussing as he carefully set about transferring the contents of the tray to the coffee table.

“I told you, I didn’t need help,” she scolded affectionately. As she spoke, however, she lowered herself carefully into an armchair, the seat a perfect indent of her shape, happy to let Bede take charge. Hop moved to assist Bede by pouring the tea into the cups. It annoyed him he had not jumped to help immediately: his reaction times were off, as though he were moving through cement. Somehow, Bede fit this scene moreso than he did. If this had been one of the photos on the walls Hop would have been the accidental thumbprint in the corner.

Once the tea was poured and the places set, Hop and Bede took their seats. Hop blew on the steaming cup in his hands, enjoying the damp heat on his skin and how the sensation distracted him from Bede and Magnolia’s murmured recounting of an old story about Opal. Eventually, Magnolia raised a slightly trembling hand to point at the folder sticking out of Hop’s coat.

“Anyway,” she began. “On the subject of Opal, I would be extremely interested to have a look at what work you’ve done on her project thus far.”

Hop snapped to attention and laid down his cup to draw the folder from his inner pocket and hand it to her. “Yes, of course,” he replied, business-like. “As you can see we haven’t made a great deal of progress yet. We’ve noted some similarities between the Tangle and the Weald on the basis of temperature and certain species of plant-life, but that’s about it as of yet.” He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “There’s far more differences than there are similarities, that’s for sure. In fact the differences are so vast I can’t help but wonder if the similarities are merely coincidental and we’re looking from the completely wrong angle. But I don’t know where else to start.”

Magolia’s eyes twinkled with interest, and her fingers leafed through the report with an ease unweighted by age. “Hmmm.” She clicked her tongue. “I would be inclined to agree with you. I was surprised when Opal came to me first – I told her, besides the fact that they are both forests, the two locations would have very little in common. But she was insistent, and her preliminary research was sound – according to all known literature Weezing did indeed first inherit its Fairy-typing in the Weald.”

Bede raised a finger. “If I may,” he cut in, glancing at Hop as though for permission. “It is interesting that it’s only Weezing. There are no other Fairy-types to be found in the Weald at all.” He titled his head. “There obviously is something about the environment that is attractive to Fairy-types in particular – that has to be true. Otherwise Weezing would have never developed the typing in the first place. But why only Weezing? Why have no others spawned there?” He sighed. “It’s perplexing indeed.”

Unthinkingly, Hop had lowered his hand to run a finger around the smooth metal of the Pokéball in his pocket. He wasn’t in the habit of carrying his entire party around with him anymore – the wild Pokémon that populated the areas surrounding Postwick and Wedgehurst were less than threatening. It was Zacian who accompanied him today, the legendary beast who had chosen Hop as its partner. Not no others. Zacian was the Fairy-type protector of the Weald. He sat up straighter in his seat with this sudden realisation, eyes widening. Could it be..?

Hop said nothing. This was something he wanted to look into himself first, to determine whether it was worth sharing with Bede. They were supposed to be conducting this study together, he knew that, but he couldn’t bear the thought of introducing Zacian to Bede, to opening up this part of his world to him quite yet. It was too precious, a thread that pulled taut together the lives of himself, Gloria and their hometown. No – he would look himself first; it was unlikely to be the answer, anyway.

Bede and Magnolia had moved back to talking about Opal, so Hop could allow himself to zone out of their conversation. He mostly watched Bede, enraptured. It were as though his usual cool exterior had quite literally thawed away: Hop had never seen him so animated, so uninhibited. He gestured and laughed – like laughed, head thrown back, teeth glinting in the low light – and was receptive to Magnolia’s affection, her gentle hand-pats and cooing smiles. Hop remembered seeing a movie, once, where the narrator talked about rude people only wanting to be loved, and if you were to show them that love they would open like a flower. How strange it was, to observe Bede bloom before his very eyes.

The afternoon was more pleasant that Hop had expected it would be. They talked a lot about Opal, her legacy and influence, about their shared pasts, about Sonia, about Gloria. They spent very little time, in fact, straying into conversation that could be labelled scientific. At one point Hop chanced a glance out the window, and all of a sudden the sun was low in the sky, shades of orange and pink streaked across greyish-blue. When he withdrew his phone from his pocket to check his phone, 5:34 blinked back at him in the encroaching darkness.

“Oh wow,” he stood. “Half-past five already! We should be getting back.” He grinned at Magnolia. “Sonia will be wondering where we’ve gotten to – today was supposed to be a working day.”

“Oh, wisht. She knew well what would happen.” Magnolia gave a dismissive wave of her hand, as though batting Hop’s words out of mid-air. “The moment I heard you were embarking on this project, I asked her to make sure you two came around at some point. It’s such a joy to see the youth delving into scientific study. It’s not a glamourous path, but such an important one.”

Hop’s smile became soft. He did not know if her words were for his benefit, but it left a lightness in his chest nonetheless. “Thank you,” he murmured, shaking her outstretched hand. “I think so too.” It steeled his resolve, knowing someone like Magnolia was behind him. He had seen Sonia, her own flesh and blood, have to fight for her approval – it wasn’t granted lightly.

Bede joined him on his feet. “I agree.” He nodded to Hop. “I wouldn’t have been able to do any of this without Sonia or Hop, and Opal would have been lost without you.”

Hop eyed him warily, expectant of a punchline. Bede’s gaze was unblinking, wide and sincere. It equally left him warm and made his skin crawl. “Is my job,” he replied, his tone breezy and reflecting none of the unease that had settled like a rock in his stomach. He was glad when Bede moved to lean forward and carefully hug Magolia goodbye; Gloria always said his expressions were an open book. He couldn’t account for what he was feeling now.

Bede and Magnolia said their farewells and Hop and himself headed out. They left Magnolia sitting in her chair with their research. She would have seen them out, she said, if she had been 10 years younger. “I’ll tell you a secret,” she had gripped Bede’s arm, her lips curling into a mischievous smirk. “Manners are a youngster’s game. Get old and you can do and say as you please.”

They had all laughed, then, and Hop was glad the visit had ended on a lighter note. He still felt out of sorts, his skin prickling with apprehension. The sensation persisted as they stepped out the front door and into the diminishing daylight. Hop paused to take a deep, calming breath through his nose. The familiar notes of woodsmoke, of earth and freshly-cut grass steadied him, kept him grounded. This was his home – his little corner. Nothing could change that. He caught Bede’s inquisitive sideways glance as they made their way out the gate and set off in the direction of Wedgehurst, but Hop pretended not to notice. He remained stubbornly silent, in fact; hands jammed into his pockets and posture hunched like that of a stubborn child’s.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that quiet at any social gathering.” Bede’s smooth remark broke the silence. Hop lifted his eyes from his shoes to examine his face. His gaze was fixed on the sky, shoulders thrown back in a more relaxed fashion than Hop had ever seen. Normally Bede’s teasing would have him bristling but now he could only laugh nervously, still uncertain.

“Yeah, well, was pretty difficult to get a word in edgeways.” Hop found his voice at last. “I didn’t realise you and Magnolia were that close.”

“She and Opal were close friends.” Bede turned to face him. “They saw each other when they could. And Magnolia isn’t difficult to grow to like.”

Hop pressed his lips together, searching his expression. Bede wore a small, aimless smile, awash with memories of better times. This was what he had wanted, a glimmer of an opening, fleeting as a fish darting out of sight of a shadow; he had to move now or it would be lost.

Instead, words spilled from his lips before he had a chance to register what he was saying. “I mean, old ladies always had a thing for you anyway, didn’t they?”

Hop had strolled a few paces ahead before he realised Bede’s pale figure was no longer in his line of sight. He stopped and turned around, to be faced with a Bede he was far more familiar with; jaw tensed, eyes steely, all rigid, straight lines down to his hands that were curled into fists.

“Could you stop?” the words escaped from between Bede’s clenched teeth in a hiss. Hop blinked warily at him, the unease that had sat in his stomach melting out to run ice-cold through his veins.

“Stop what?” he asked, proud his voice didn’t tremble. He looked so angry.

“I have tried with you.” Bede’s tone was terrifyingly even, at odds with the rage that creased his features. “I understand that you don’t like me, and that’s fine. I don’t need you to like me. I don’t need you to be my friend.” He took several steps towards Hop so their faces were mere inches apart, and Hop wondered for a spilt second if he should be prepared for Bede to punch him. “But I do need you to stop being a fucking child so we can work together. You need to get over the fact that I beat you and was nasty to you seven years ago. You need to move on.”

Hop flinched at his words, as though they had dealt a physical blow. The chill in his veins has been replaced by fury that burned white hot and itchy beneath his skin. “You think that I don’t like you because you beat me in a battle seven years ago?” he snarled. “You really think that’s the reason?”

Confusion flitted across Bede’s expression, momentarily displacing the mounting tension. “What other reason is there?” he asked. Hop wanted to curl his fingers into his stupid, perfect hair and drag him close to spit the words in his ear.

“I don’t like you because you’re a self-important, disparaging piece of shit who thinks they’re better than everyone.” Hop’s voice rose. “I don’t like you because you trampled my confidence in the mud and have the audacity to suggest that was just you being nasty. And I especially don’t like you because you think you’ve fooled everyone, but you haven’t fooled me.”

Bede’s eyes narrowed. “I respected you, you know,” he murmured. “You made a good life for yourself, on your own terms. I tried to show you that. I thought this would be different, I really did.” He took a step back. “I should have known better.”

Without another word Bede brushed past him, a spectre retreating rapidly into the dusk. Hop was left standing alone, blood drumming in his head. It was the adrenaline coursing through his system that had been holding him upright, and upon the passage of the perceived threat he collapsed to the ground like a newborn foal.

He wanted to call out, make him come back and insist they finish this, but when he opened his mouth the metallic tang overwhelmed him. He raised a tentative hand to his lip and realised he had bitten it so hard it was dripping crimson into the dust.

[blackcoffeeandblankpagess]

OMG YOU ARE BACK OMG I JUST SAW YOUR POST DID I ALREADY SAY OMG?!! Anywayy, kudos for getting through 2020!!! I don’t know if you’ve already answered this but what made you decide to pursue a law degree? My desire to pursue law only flourished recently and I’m doubting myself for making the wrong decision to apply for law school

Hi!!!! Sorry for just now getting to this! (also to the anon that messaged me right after I made my last post re: eugene, thank you! I appreciate you sharing your experience <3)

This message is so sweet and put the biggest smile on my face. I know I have answered this Q at some point so if you scroll through my #answered tag it should be there somewhere but I’ll try to give a little short and sweet answer now that I’m actually here in the thick of it. 

A combination of things made me want to pursue law: I like to argue (lmao), in my high school english class we had monthly debates and we were randomly assigned teams/sides each time and I was the only one in the class who never lost (although by the end of the year my best friend also in the class was convinced that everyone was just too afraid of me to vote against my side, I’m a pretty intense debater lol), I love to write (which is a lot of what law is - although legal writing is very different than creative writing)

But what kinda pushed me over the line was that my undergrad degree was in environmental studies and I felt like if I wanted to continue down that path in a career the legal side is what appealed to me most aka environmental law.

I took a year between undergrad/law school to make sure I was confident in my choice, but if I’m being totally honest with you it’s hard to ever be confident in that choice prior to starting school because there are just so many unexpected things

I think I flip flopped every day of the first semester between “I WAS MEANT TO DO THIS” and “oh no I have made a terrible mistake.” This has also been an entirely unprecedented year in so many respects AND a lot of things in my personal life/everyone’s lives have made this year much more difficult than it ~should~ have been which I think makes school seem more stressful even though school in and of itself is relatively fine.

Truly I really enjoy my classes and it is fascinating to learn so much of what is behind how this country runs. I think the thing that worries me (for lack of a better term) is the legal culture we are fed aka this idea that if you aren’t careful you will end up working 242352324 hours a day and everything needs to be Super Professional At All Times and tbh I hate that. But, I think this is where knowing yourself/your priorities/the type of law you want to do is valuable.

I have made a big effort to reach out to people in my field and the overwhelming consensus is that they love their jobs. That is really comforting to me. Plus, your 1L year is notoriously the most difficult. 2L/3L you get to take more of the classes/experiences catered to your preferences, and you just have a better grasp on things.

I would say if you are considering the idea to not rush into it. Sit on it for a second. I think law gets glamorized a lot especially with tv shows and movies we see in the media and tbh it is freaking hard. Maybe hard is the wrong word...challenging. 

If you are considering law school my #1 piece of advice is to talk to people who are actually in the field you are interested in to get a better look at it AND to talk to students at the schools you are interested in. A huge part of why I went with UO is because the culture seemed incredibly supportive. That was hugely important to me.

Good luck!! <3

[purplepatton]

farewell, sweet music

description: roman brings his guitar into school. things don’t end well

word count: 1,640

warnings: crying (i think that’s it?? if you need anything else tagged pls let me know!)

notes: so uh what happened in this fic actually happened to a kid at my school today and i felt so bad for him, he was so upset :(( and then i got to thinking about how i would have reacted and then this fic was born!! because i always love some good roman angst lol,,, hope you like it!

On one unimportant Thursday morning, Roman brought his guitar into school.

It was for a science project; he was tasked with creating a song about a certain environmental issue alongside a speech and slideshow presentation. Roman had, of course, volunteered to handle the creative side of the project while his partner - a nice girl in his class who he’d never really talked to regularly - took care of the rest. It didn’t take them too long to complete, thank god, and today was their turn to present it; Roman was glad to finally be done with the project.

He slipped into the classroom just as a bell rang, guitar in hand. He looked around, wondering where exactly he should store his guitar before he has to use it. There was no room by his desk; they were all so close together, it nearly impossible to navigate around them without knocking into someone else.

Roman finally decided to lean it up against the edge of his teacher’s desk. It would be out of the way there, not likely to trip anyone up. He caught his teacher’s eye and pointed at his guitar with a questioning look, asking for permission to leave it there. His teacher nodded before turning back to his computer. Roman gently placed his guitar down, patted it lightly and walked over to his desk.

He waved at Patton, who sat closer to the back, before sitting down in his seat near the front. He fished a battered copy of his project’s speech from his bookbag and placed it in front of him on his desk. He really should invest in some folders, but it was almost the end of the school year and he was already so accustomed to just shoving papers in his bag that he brushed away that thought quickly, instead focusing his attention on the paper in front of him.

He was so focused, in fact, that he didn’t notice his teacher get up from his computer and sit down at their desk. But he did hear the sickening clanging as his teacher knocked his guitar over and sent it flying to the floor.

Roman’s head shot up. The rest of the class paused in their conversations, all staring at their teacher, who was staring down at the guitar on the floor.

At first, Roman wasn’t too concerned. He’s knocked his guitar into several things before and nothing bad had ever happened. All he would have to do was retune it, and that wasn’t too much of an issue - an annoyance, sure, but Roman was more than capable of tuning his guitar.

All he expected is for his teacher to prop it back up and begin the class. But instead, his teacher continued to stare, mouth open wide. And then he turned and looked at Roman.

Roman didn’t like the expression on his teacher’s face.

“Roman,” his teacher said. “I’m so sorry, but - I just broke your guitar.”

And at first, Roman let out a short laugh. This teacher was known for his jokes, known for messing around with his students. There was no way he had actually broken his guitar. This was just a late April Fools Day joke, and that was all there was to it.

But his teacher’s expression doesn’t change, and then he picks up the guitar by the neck and Roman can see the way the headstock of the guitar has snapped off and was hanging by the strings. The only thing holding the strings in place is the cappo he had put on a few moments before he left for school.

The laugh dies in Roman’s throat.

“Roman, I am so sorry.” His teacher said. He looked so guilty, so terrible about breaking Roman’s guitar that any anger Roman might have felt faded away. Roman just stared at his guitar. His hands were shaking.

“I’ll buy you a new guitar.” His teacher continued, looking at the sad wreck of wood and strings in his hands. “It was an accident, I wasn’t paying attention.”

Roman pushed himself out of his chair, and it scraped along the ground with a shriek, echoing around the empty classroom. The whole class watched as Roman walked up to the teacher’s desk. He silently took the guitar with numb hands, cradling it like it was a child.

“It’s okay.” Roman said numbly. There’s a faint ringing in his ears. The rest of the class is silent, watching this exchange happen. Someone murmured something in the back. Roman couldn’t hear what they’re saying.

“What?” His teacher looked confused. “No, it’s not. I broke it. I need to replace it for you. I should have been more careful.”

Roman bit his lip. It took all of his self control to fight back against the tears that are threatening to overflow, to spill out and betray how heartbroken he is. He just shook his head. “I know you didn’t mean to.” He said, and it’s a miracle his voice doesn’t crack in half. “I should have chosen a better spot to put it.”

The teacher shook his head. “We’ll talk later, and make arrangements for me to replace the guitar.”

“Okay,” Roman said quietly, so quiet that his voice could barely be heard. He put the guitar back on the ground, slowly, gently, like it could feel every single scratch it got. And then he returned his seat, dragging his feet on the ground as he went.

“Are you okay?” Someone next to him whispered. Roman just nodded, not trusting himself to speak, knowing that as soon as he opened his mouth he would burst into tears.

His teacher stood up from the desk, awkwardly brushed his hands on his pants and, after sending one more apologetic look in Roman’s direction, began the class. He let another group present their project after giving his standard class lecture, stating that he wanted Roman and his partner to have a chance to present their full project.

Roman didn’t even hear him. He spent the rest of the period staring down at his desk, not hearing a word anyone said.

As soon as the bell rang to signal the end of the period, Roman shot out of his seat and fled to the door. He didn’t wait for Patton to follow him like he normally did. He wasn’t in the mood to talk, didn’t want to hear the apologies that was sure to come his way. He just scooped up his guitar gently and fled the classroom, ignoring Patton as he called out to him.

Roman’s next class was a free, and then there was lunch, which meant he was perfectly free to leave school for the next couple hours before returning to his other classes during the second half of the school day. He pushed past people, cradling his guitar into his chest, and walked as fast as he could out of the school and to his car.

After carefully placing the guitar in the seat next to him, Roman started the car up and drove out of the parking lot as fast as he could without getting pulled over by a school administrator or the cop that hung out around the school.

He sat in silence as he drove home, not bothering to turn on the radio or sing whatever song was stuck in his head like he normally did. It was just him, the silence and the broken guitar that lay pitifully in the passenger seat.

It only took him a few minutes to get to his house. There were no other cars in his driveway; no one else was home. Roman collected his guitar into his arms and walked inside. He didn’t stop walking until he reached his room, closed the door behind him - and broke.

Roman collapsed to the floor, hugging his guitar closely to his chest and burst into tears. Sobs shook his body and he curled in on himself, trying to control his breathing and ultimately failing.

He was being ridiculous. He knows he was being ridiculous. It was just a guitar, a lifeless piece of wood and he shouldn’t be getting so worked up about it. He could just as easily buy a new one with ease. But -

But Roman’s had this guitar for a long time now; nearly four years. It was a gif given to him by his parents, his first ever instrument and quite possibly the best present Roman had ever received. He played it everyday, brought it everywhere with him. The guitar was there for him though all the highs and the lows, through the worst and best days of his life. And now?

Now it was just a broken husk of itself. And nothing could ever replace it.

Roman continued to cry, mourning the guitar until his tears slowed and his breathing evened. He scrubbed a hand over his face roughly, knowing full well that his eyes would be bright red and tear tracks would be standing out clearly on his face. His grief had faded, leaving only numb acceptance. A glance at the clock showed that nearly forty-five minutes had passed. He had to get back to school.

Roman let out a heavy sigh, voice still thick with tears, and placed his guitar into the place of honor in the middle of his room. He stood up and looked down at it, broken and pathetic. It was hard to tear his gaze away, to fix himself back up into some semblance of normalcy to face the rest of the day, but he had to. He couldn’t afford to skip any more days.

He spared one last look at the guitar before leaving his room, closing the door quietly behind him as if not to disturb it, and headed back down the stairs, back to his car, and back to school.

taglist (let me know if you want to be added or taken off): @basilstorm@artistfromthestars@storytellerofuntoldlegends@romananalogicality@verymuchanidiot @istolelittleredshoodie @dont-cry-croft @speechless-angel@thefamouszombiebouquet @wolfwalker100 @datonerougecookeh@virgilient @virgil-is-verge@impatentpending@zaisling@trixie85592 @sillysandersides @hamster-corn @adventurousplatypus @unring-this-bell@mymiddlenameisunderscore @evilmuffin

[tumblunni]

Today's maddiman thought: Hans Full is a great example of environmental storytelling

Like i mean its just an arbitrary new yokai design they made to give him a second boss fight in the second game, but there's so much detail put into its design! The game says in words that this is maddiman's 'ultimate experiment' that he's been working on since he was human, that he was so obsessed with creating that it destroyed his marriage and caused his death and kept him trapped in limbo still working on it even as a corpse. But the design of this thing really hammers in all of that and gives it a subtle additional heartwrenching nature.

Cos, you see, Hans Full SUCKS at being an 'ultimate experiment'!

Even before we go into design details, just the fact that he cant control it and that its capable of being defeated by ordinary non experimental yokai and a random ten year old = maybe not exactly the ultimate weapon. And, yknow, the fact that all it really is is "a frankenstein but huge".

But seriously DAT DESIGN THO! The choice tp have it SO frankenstein that it looks more like a stuffed toy or a patchwork quilt. Really hammers in that its been a work in progress for so long and probably the extent of all these repairs have left it barely hanging together. And the lopsided googley eyes like maddiman just tried to give it a face out of affection but was already too far gone that he wasnt very good at it. And of course the fact that its fuckin ALL ARMS, lol! "Hmm what else does it need... Arms!" x50. Gives you the sense of some barely lucid spectre vainly repeating the last day when he died over and over again for a long time before he was able to even grasp that he was dead. Probably didnt remember adding all the arms and just assumed it was part of the original plan that he barely even remembers now. And totally forgot if legs were ever included in that. And i've mentioned before but the little green corner cut out of Maddiman's heart seems to imply that either it symbolises the heartbreak that killed him in the first place, or it means he cut out part of his own soul to use to animate this frankenbabby. Another really important note is that in japanese the voice for this thing is straight up baby noises! Possibly might have been changed just cos its super depressing, but the dub's 'cliche adorable cartoon simpleton voice' is still equally implying that this poor creature isnt remotely evil and is just out of control so youre forced to fight.

And okay a detail that i ONLY JUST REALIZED

The friggin flasks?? How it fights by swinging flasks and beakers and stuff to smash you, and for some reason its able to pull more of them out of its mouth

Holy shit that implies SO MUCH about the process of creating this thing! Like geez, maddiman just tried to make a goddamn son by stuffing a potato sack full of heart pieces. All the flasks have glowy energy stuff and spooky faces in them, and there seems to be a similar glow leaking out from the seams in the creature's stitching.

Jesus christ everything about this is SO MUCH of a not ultimate yokai, like man he was so far away from even remotely accomplishing his goal. And the mindset necessary to make all these bizarre choices implies a lot about how fuckin depressed and delirious he was. I bet he cant even figure out at what point he started forgetting all his actual plans and theories and just started sticking everything to everything in a desperate frenzy to make something work.

And also if this is how the thing works then theres literally no way he could have made it work as a human. He would have needed his yokai powers to even start bottling hearts in the first place! And it kinda also retroactively gives him a reason for why he seems more evil in the first game and attacks you. Like it was kinda unclear if he was actually working with mckraken or not...? If he'd been stealing hearts to make his ultimate weapon then that gives a reason why he'd be an antagonist there. Also itd kinda make the whole thing moderately more forgiveable cos the battle mechanics of his heart steal treat it as "removing emotions" rather than being fatal, and its something that seems to wear off over time. Still probably traumatized a bunch of people over the years tho, and rightfully caused the scary legends about his hospital if everyobe who ever visited it goes all weird and evil for a few days and then has no memory of what happened. But thats also depressing imagining this poor dude shoving hearts into his frankenson to get it to wake up, not even noticing that they keep fading away a short while after he collects them. Whats the name of that greek guy who pushes boulders up a hill...?

Anyway in summary Hans Full is totally the Graphic Design Is My Passion of yokai, and it says a lot about how tormented Maddiman was for all these years, and how much progress he's managed to make thanks to your friendship. Also a lot about how he's good at heart and very lonely, if he was so genuinely proud of an 'ultimate creation' that was completely terrible, its only success being that it finally came to life. Like.. By this point thats all he really wanted. I mean he says right after its finished that now he will absolutely never release it upon the world to destroy anything at all, and he will sit here forever to stop anyone from pressing the button to do that. He just wanted to be less lonelyyyyy....

Srsly nintendo plz bring back hans full in future game and give the poor babby a happy ending

[yarnzipangirl]

And now, from the rewatch of Batman Vs Superman: Dawn of Justice (Ultimate Edition because I love myself):

-I am reasonably certain that Clark’s emotional state during 98% of this movie is just ‘WHY THIS?’ with a dash of ‘CAN YOU NOT?’

-I can understand people who are annoyed we had to watch the Waynes die AGAIN, and yet, I cannot imagine this movie without this scene in it.  Because this movie is the very first time I feel like a Batman-having movie actually made Bruce’s motivation have any true meaning outside of kind of excusing why a man with that kind of resources would be Batman.  It makes it clear that the equation isn’t “boy loses parents, decides to fight crime”; it’s “boy loses his whole world, decides to fight LOSS” and that is a vital VITAL difference, especially for this movie.  

-also this is the most beautifully shot thing, and again I applaud Snyder’s tendency to reintroduce the importance of the mother in this situation.  Also that shell casing hitting the ground gets mirrored later and it kills me.

-and that Bruce’s father dies after curling his fist, dies in anger when he was a doctor, sworn to do no harm, feels like foreshadowing, like a warning; when a good man breaks his vows, goes darker, nothing good comes of it.  (And yes, I understand he was defending his family, totally reasonable, but we’re talking about this moment as metaphor, as how Bruce REMEMBERS it).

-oh god, I forgot Jimmy Olsen was Grant Gabriel on Smallville.  *FACEPALMS FOREVER*

-hey Bruce, when TEENAGE GIRLS are afraid of you, perhaps time to reconsider your life decisions.  The fact that he doesn’t even try to take care of them or comfort them says SO MUCH about where his head is.

-I feel like if there was justice in the world, every time someone described DCEU Superman as an ‘unfeeling god’ they would have to watch the 10 seconds where Clark comes in to see Lois bathing with his goobery little glasses and his grinny face like she hung the moon and his little bag of groceries to make her dinner and the flowers just for her and how he’s literally just so in love with her he can’t stand not stepping into the tub to kiss her Right Then.  Still didn’t get it?  Again.  Nope, you don’t get the abs.  You don’t DESERVE the abs.

-Alfred deserves all the scotch.  All of it.  And a raise, if only for dealing with this betta fish of a human being we call Batman.  I feel like Clark should have been able to hear Alfred screaming ‘fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck’ the entire movie at registers too high for others to hear because that is definitely how he feels.

-I will defend this Lex Luthor to my dying breath because this motherfucker scares me.  And he scares me because unlike the other kind, I’ve MET this motherfucker.  This motherfucker ran a company I worked for.  All douchbro and open door policy and casual workplace until you don’t give him what he wants and then the knives come out.  And I think the reason why he doesn’t work for a lot of people is that we’re still in the era where this kind of businessman villain hasn’t been villainized properly yet.  We have the mental templates for the oil tycoon or the 90s environmentally disastrous CEO, the 00s real estate-stealing asshole, and now the 10′s Wall Street wolf, but THIS kind of monster is the one we’re still getting a feel for.  The (I hate to make this comparison) Mark Zuckerbergs, the tech moguls who are increasing human suffering in less direct, less easy to define ways while always pretending to help us.  In ways that to some degree people still admire.  Lex Luthor as a competent-Donald-Trump analogy is easy and familiar in comparison.  This is one step forward and while I wouldn’t say it’s without it’s faults, it’s brave as hell and real as hell.  This is OUR monster, folks.  

-Following up on the ‘Perry totally knows’, I’m pretty sure Perry gave him the sports piece to try and take his mind off of All The Terrible and was fighting him because goddammit, son, you can’t take on the world, it is KILLING YOU.

-I was absolutely livid with the original cut, I’m gonna be honest, and the reason boils down to (well, the parts where the plot literally doesn’t make sense re: blaming Superman but mostly) the fact that without Clark investigating the Batman, meeting people who are scared, who feel cornered, who have lost a husband and a father to that brand... Clark would never actually fight him.  Clark doesn’t GET angry at personal slights or personal threats.  He gets angry because Innocent People Are Living In Fear From This Asshole, that innocent people are dying either because the Batman hasn’t noticed that his brand victims die or DOESN’T CARE.  Without these pieces, Clark’s rage makes literally no sense and even his ‘civil liberties’ argument makes so little sense since ‘how would he know?’

-Clark’s little smile as Lois is Lois at him, basically going ‘why yes, I’m going to throw myself into this pit of snakes to find a needle in the haystack UNDER these snakes’ mixed up with his concern and just UGH these two UGH

-the little sound clips of the world engine at various points, like when Bruce is going to the grave in his dream.  *SHAKES FIST TO THE SKY* AAAAAART

-and the angel in the stained glass with a blue tunic and a red cape.

-Okay, Bruce? Comparing Superman to the Joker is like... just flat unfair.

-Lex and Bruce both leave that little threeway meeting with purpose while Clark is just so clearly like ‘...what the fuck just happened?  What the- WHY ARE RICH PEOPLE LIKE THIS?”

-The amount of loathing Bruce has for the Bruce Wayne act conveyed purely through face acting is FABULOUS.  Bathroom excuse bathroom excuse OH MY GOD KILL ME I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS JACKASS I APPARENTLY AM.

-*insert me crying about How Unhappy Clark is re: all the people around him treating him like a savior and the whole reference to the skulls thing and just Clark, honey-*

-Clark needs to watch some cartoons.  Someone should just like... set his dial permanently to happy joyful things because the news is just Not Good.

-Once again, those people with the ‘unfeeling god’ nonsense, what with this unfeeling god calling his mother because he’s feeling lost and confused and he doesn’t know what’s the right thing to do.

-Bruce trying that Selina and Talia line on Diana: LOL.  Diana’s response: ALSO LOL.

-ngl, after certain things happened in GoT, I cannot imagine Clark standing in the flames at the capitol building without the subtitle of ‘...dammit Cersei’

-I will never understand how they ever thought cutting Clark bringing bodies/survivors out of the Capital Building was a scene they could cut.  It is So Vastly Important.  

-Alfred’s just... gonna stand here and watch Bruce become literally everything he hates, yup, up, this is great, this is Scotch scotch scotch scotch scotch scotch scotch and I Don’t Blame Him.

-Back to the ‘Perry White Totally Knows’ comment, that look at Lois while Lois begs for a helicopter?  Right after referencing that Superman is CLEARLY at the ship?  Hell yeah, Perry knows.  Also Perry is the man.

-I will also defend this fight to my dying goddamn day because Snyder knows how to do some beautiful things with cinematography and this is the ugliest, most brutal, painful fight to watch and it GODDAMN SHOULD BE.  Because heroes fighting heroes is ugly, because Bruce is ugly at this point, Clark is so lost and there is nothing really noble or ‘good’ in this fight.  Even Clark who’s fighting to try and save his mother is giving in to his frustration at everything, at the world, at this GUY who’s a giant douche to him in person and hurts people to make them do what he wants and doesn’t care when they die.  And I feel that’s a huge portion of this fight, that both of them feel the other one is apathetic to suffering and it makes them ANGRY.  

-...though I snerk every time at Bruce realizing the Kryptonite’s worn off.  Yeah.  Yeah, buddy.

-Also this most recent rewatch honestly completely changed my view on the Martha line.  I have, since the beginning, thought it was a good, meaningful scene that worked in the context of the movie, but I always thought it was clumsy.  It’s only now, watching it again, really taking in everything around it that I realize it DOES in fact make absolute sense, and it works perfectly.  Because Bruce has just been TALKING about Clark’s parents.  He doesn’t CARE that Clark has parents, doesn’t care that he has a mother and father.  Clark doesn’t say ‘save my mother’ because Bruce is That Far Gone.  But Clark called Bruce by name, KNOWS who he is: he doesn’t just say ‘Martha’ to save his own mother, he says ‘Martha’ because this is literally Clark’s last ditch effort to appeal to the human being named Bruce Wayne inside that batsuit.  He is trying to snap him out of this.  And he is trying to make his mother into a random bystander for Bruce to save so he WILL save her.  He is pointedly disassociating himself from his mother to try and save her; he is saying ‘fine, kill me, but you have to save this innocent woman’.  And it’s only the combination of these things that actually breaks through the 18 months of obsessive hatred.  Honestly, Lois telling him it’s his mother’s name is just icing on the cake, a quicker end.  Clark might have been on his back, with a spear in his face, but Clark Wins That Goddamn Fight because he pulled the play that made Batman into Batman again.

-you know, I’ve been looking forward to Clark coming back and seeing Martha see him and Lois and Bruce but DAMN if I can’t wait for Lex Luthor to see Clark returned to life.  *insert gif of Jason Momoa with the folding chair* 

-Martha waves to the Batwing flying away and that is adorable.

-You’d think the US government was dating Superman considering how many times they decide to fuck him.  FFS, guys.  Let him throw the monster into space without shooting him in the back just ONCE.

-Best. Enter. Player. 2. Moment. Ever.

-Watching Batman play ‘hoooooly shit, dodge dodge dodge dodge’ with Doomsday feels like a kind of karmic return like.  Look, asshole, THIS is what a Kryptonian monster who wants to raze the entire Earth is like and you are SO not even remotely prepared for that fight.

-...I forgot he actually pulls the spike in deeper so that he can stab Doomsday properly because I needed that heart, you know?

-Bruce trying to cover that hole in the suit as he bundles Clark up, totally not thinking about another suit in a glass case in his house, not thinking about the woman he just saved so she can bury her son.  Nope, nope, nope, Bruce Wayne is JUST FINE, thanks for asking.

-The Worst (read most painful) Look Ever between Lois and Diana and you know there’s a part of Diana that’s like ‘at least you get to bury him’.

-AND THERE GO THOSE SHELLS HITTING THE CONCRETE AGAIN, thanks symbolic things that hurt me down to my soul.

-you know, in the comics, Bruce REALLY REALLY hates Lex, like enough to be all right with helping to murder him (yeah, legit) but imagine, if you will, how much he’s gonna hate him NOW.

-Still a goddamn hopeful ending even if it breaks my heart.  ‘Men are still good’.  UGH.  UGH THIS UNIVERSE.

[wmshappen]

Sustainability trends in lockdown

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

From Billie Eilish sharing posts and talking about environmental issues in interviews to Jaden Smith promoting water bottle company JustWater and his Homeless Vegan food van, being in-tune with environmental issues has never been trendier. Whether it is because of celebrities and important figures such as Greta Thunberg spreading the message and inspiring millions to adopt a new eco-friendly lifestyle, or the many hours we have had during lockdown to educate ourselves on what we are doing to the planet, something has shifted in the demand for products, for events and for our lifestyles to be more environmentally friendly than ever.

One big change is the drastic uptake in veganism and especially Veganuary. Veganuary is the movement that encourages people to try to go vegan for the whole of January, with the idea of hopefully staying vegan thereafter. The campaign launched in 2014, and has grown from around 3000 participants in 2014 to over 500,000 participants in 2021. Their mission statement is to create a ‘vegan world’ by supporting people and businesses alike to move to a plant-based diet as a way of protecting the environment, preventing animal suffering, and improving health. They claim that by encouraging 1 million people to go vegan for 31 days, they have saved 103,840 tonnes of C02 equivalent gases from being produced, saved 6.2 million litres of water, and the equivalent of 1645 tonnes of sewage from entering the waterways. Not to mention that 72% of people who tried it for the month of January in 2020 claim to have stuck with veganism.

Read more about Veganuary here.

For a number of years, events have started to consider how they can be more environmentally friendly. Many UK festivals now go ‘plastic free’, discouraging or banning use of single use plastics. Carbon-off-setting of events is also popular, with Finsbury Park (a festival in North London), having gone as far committing to plant one tree for every ticket purchased to off-set the carbon emissions that the event produced. They also used HVO, a renewable form of diesel, and solar panels to power the whole event. Read more about it here.

Here at WMSH, we’ve been working on sustainability campaigns since 2014 and are constantly looking for ways to go greener. Last year might’ve been a quieter period for us, but we still managed to plant 206 trees for carbon-offsetting, and have been using the down time to work on finding sustainable suppliers to add to our database, with the aim of being able to offer a sustainable option on everything we do by the end of the year. As part of that, we’re working with our print suppliers on closed-loop systems (so printed materials and branding can be returned and recycled), and looking at the materials we use and how to align with the four pillars of sustainability (reduce, reuse, repurpose, recycle). Currently all our builds are, where possible, broken down to their core components to be reused or repurposed, with viable items donated to charities and good causes, and others recycled or sent for zero-to-landfill energy recovery.

Having more free time has allowed us to do more research and many of the team have started to implement certain things into our lives that we couldn’t find the time to do before. We asked the WMSH team what things they’d changed in their lives recently, with a view to living more eco-friendly lives.

Lewis (Intern)

Personally, after going vegan 2 years ago, I thought that was all I had to do and could do to for the environment, but during lockdown I wanted to find more ways to be environmentally friendly. One way I have achieved this is by shopping at a shop called “How It Should Be Done”, which allows you to bring your own containers to fill up with things such as cereal and washing up liquid from pumps to avoid single use plastics.

Stephen (Creative Designer)

I’ve ditched plastic bottles in the bathroom and instead opted for shampoo and conditioner bars along with soap bars. Also, in the bathroom I have swapped my toothbrush for a new bamboo one that stops single use plastics. To also stop using single use plastics I have stopped getting carrier bags in our fortnightly supermarket food delivery and I use the bags I have when I go to the corner shop every time instead of buying a new one. Cutting down on beef is another thing, I’d say I’ve cut down on it by 80%, and only have it on occasions now.  To save energy I have bought a new TV with A++ energy efficacy that also auto turns off, and I also use my car about 90% less than I was, and only make the rare trip when really needed.

Alice (Senior Event Producer)

I follow ‘The Sorry Girls’ on YouTube – they’re Canadian DIYers, who also have a passion for sustainability, and I’ve taken on some ideas from their channel. I've switched to re-usable cotton pads (they made their own from old towels, but I cheated and brought mine) and try and DIY various things from stuff I already have, to save buying new.

I've also taken to obtaining wood for my DIYs from the Glasgow Wood Recycling centre, not only is it generally cheaper than buying new, and means they aren’t cutting down more trees to sell it, the extra nicks give pieces a bit more character. I made my sister some shelves for Christmas from some reclaimed scaffolding boards.

I’ve also found a supplier that sells whisky barrels, straight from the distilleries, for a fraction of the price you’d buy them at a garden centre. It saves them going to waste, and I make a saving too! Also, my new favourite place to explore (when shops are open) is ‘Glasgow Architectural Salvage’ – they strip what they can from older buildings that are being taken down or repurposed, and sell it, to save them from the tip – there’s all sorts of treasures to be found there, from church pews to vintage lighting fixtures, door handles and stained glass windows. This again helps me to buy second hand instead of new.

JD (Co-founder)

I’ve made a couple of small changes: replaced cotton pads with reusable ones; started getting toilet roll and tissues from Who Gives A Crap? who make the paper with bamboo, use plastic-free (and super cool) packaging and donate profits to sanitation projects; started getting veg boxes from local farm surplus that would otherwise go to waste; also finally got a travel mug for taking on walks that, if anything, keeps my tea way too hot.

The sustainability in fashion projects we’ve worked on also inspired me to focus on buying clothes that are second-hand or made from recycled materials. Was a bit dubious about recycled polyester but it’s actually super soft and recycled wool is incredibly cosy. Re-fashion, Beyond Retro, and Oxfam’s online shop are great for picking up vintage stuff.

Lorna (Senior Creative Producer)

I am going veggie so I have started to cut meat out of my diet, although I seem to be failing when it comes to takeaways. Tips I would suggest would be to avoid takeaways (lol) and try to research what fruit and vegetables are in season. I am not a huge fan of meat substitutes so I plan on researching what fruits and vegetables are in season and finding nice recipes to make with them. I think this is a much more healthy and interesting way to eat when you’ve given up meat.

I do eventually plan to go vegan when I can let go of cheese and chocolate, I’m not there yet! 

Megan (Senior Creative Producer)

Like many people, we started a vegetable patch in the first lockdown, growing tomatoes, cucumber, lettuce, beans, cabbage, kale, courgette, peas, potatoes etc.  Have just started to dig it over again for planting this year, and the kids have got well into grow your own, which has made them eat more.

I’ve also had a massive clear out of toiletries and beauty products, which I seem to hoard, and have been trying to use everything up before buying anything new…let’s just say we’re only halfway through so far!

I’ve also only driven to the doctors surgery twice (which is about 5 mins away) since March 2020, so doing pretty well on reducing emissions so far! 

  If you’ve got a green campaign or event you’d like some help with, get in touch.

 Lewis Forster

[wesleyv21-blog]

Galapagos: Been there, done that(;

Hello once again!

Quito has never felt quite like home until now. After about 6 hours total of travel (including the hour I lost due to the time difference) from the Galápagos back to the Andes, I’m very glad to be back home-loosely speaking. There’s so much to tell yet so much that words can’t express, but I’ll give it my best shot to review everything that was our excursion to Guayaquil and the famous Galápagos Islands.

Last Wednesday we flew from Quito to Guayaquil, Ecuador’s largest city. Nicknamed the Pearl of the Pacific for its beauty and the pride of its inhabitants, Guayaquil is the financial hub of Ecuador and really always has been. It’s named after the legendary figures of Guayas and Quil, an indigenous couple who according to legend led the resistance against the Spanish in what is now the area around the city. It was damn beautiful—and hot as hell compared to Quito! Upper 80s with 100% humidity and no clouds! Our first stop was the centrally-located Parque Histórico, where we took a tour of the zoological/botanical gardens that featured animals and plants from all over Ecuador. Crocodiles, otters, parrots, mangroves, monkeys—it was pretty cool! After that, we ate lunch on the famous Malecón (Boardwalk) that sits right on the River Guayas. Then, we toured an art museum that housed an impressive collection of pre-Columbian art from all around Ecuador. Ecuador is home to the first culture in South America to make pottery (the Valdivia culture). The Ecuadorian coast can also boast to be the home of the Manta-Wantawillka culture, the best and only ocean navigators in the southeastern Pacific. In addition, the infamous Spondylus shells are found in the depths off the Ecuadorian coast. These shells were traded as far north as Baja California and as far south as Chile and formed an important part of the economies of various ancestral societies. Alas, our time in Guayaquil was limited to a day, but what a day we spent! It’s a beautiful city that doesn’t have a tradition of tourism interestingly enough, yet I couldn’t recommend it more.

Thursday was the big day, the one we were all looking forward to: the arrival in las Islas Encantadas, the Galápagos Islands. The word “Galápagos” comes from old Spanish and means a saddle; it originally referred to the various species of tortoises that inhabit the islands and then came to refer to the islands themselves. We spent Thursday and Friday in San Cristobal, the capital and home of the oldest human settlements on the islands. Unlike mainland Ecuador, there is no history of ancestral communities living on the islands. Even though the Manta-Wantawillka were the first to discover the islands, they didn’t settle them because they’re very inhospitable. Only 2 islands have natural sources of fresh water. Only 4 are inhabited. I never knew the meaning of “desert island” until I came here. Yet they’re a curious mix of tropical, desert, and high altitude. On the same island (such as San Cristobal or Santa Cruz), you can encounter 5 different micro-climates, each with their own vegetation, animal life, and weather. And then there are the islands that look like they’re otherworldly, such as Bartolomé or Baltra. Bartolomé is red and rocky with an occasional cactus sprouting out of the lava flows and this scraggly grey lichen sprawled out over the entire surface of the island. Baltra has completely red soil, like deep red soil, and the same grey lichen except in much vaster quantities. There are also ruined buildings all over the island—probably dating from the WWII U.S. military base—which give the island an Old West-type feel.

But anyway, Thursday we spent on San Cristobal. We checked into our hotel and chilled the rest of the day, heading down the boardwalk to the beach and swimming with sea lions (which are called lobos marinos in Spanish, or sea wolves, which to me makes a whole lot more sense than sea lions). Sea lions are literally everywhere on San Cristobal—on the benches, on the beaches, on the sidewalk, on the outdoor patios of the restaurants, sometimes on the street. They’ll chase you sometimes if you get too close—as some of the students found out! The way human settlements work on the Galápagos is that 97% of all the territory of the islands is reserved as the national park, leaving 3% for human development. San Cristobal boasts a population of about 8,000 people; Santa Cruz is the biggest in population with around 18,000. So yea, Thursday we spent exploring and swimming and trying to avoid sunburn (which would prove a losing battle the entire trip, as there was hardly ever a cloud in the sky all the days we were there. The sun would be roasting us from 8:00 a.m. until 7:00 p.m. every day).

On Friday we took a boat out to a tiny rock called León Dormido to go snorkeling! This was the first time I had ever gone snorkeling and it was amazinggggggg. We wore wetsuits, flippers, and masks—the whole outfit lol. The current around this rock was such that you could just float effortlessly while looking at all the wildlife literally right below you. We swam with schools of fish, sea lions, sharks, and even sea turtles! It was absolutely incredible to be only 10 feet from all these animals you see at the aquarium or on TV. One of the students brought a GoPro camera and got the whole experience—including the animals—on video! After eating lunch on the boat and taking a wonderful nap in the sun (which I later came to regret due to sunburn), we returned to San Cristobal to hear a talk by a local political activist about the tourism industry and local relations of power. This to me is far more interesting than the wildlife, although it’s never emphasized. The activist told us that some people come to the Galápagos not realizing that people actually live on the islands lol, which is indicative of the image projected to the rest of the world. There’s basically 4 entities that run the islands. There’s the Charles Darwin Research Station, which has the most funds of any of the entities I’ll discuss and enjoys the most privileged access to all of the islands—such unrestricted access that not even the local politicians or national park people have. Their agenda, which is ostensibly one of conservation and study, often prevails over the local interests of the people who inhabit and try to make a living on the islands. Second, there’s the Parque Nacional Galápagos, which is the administrative body of the national park aspect of the islands and is overseen principally by the Ministry of the Environment. Their agenda often meshes with that of the Charles Darwin Station, yet the key difference is the amount of money the two have. Whereas the Parque Nacional is funded by the state (meagerly), the Charles Darwin Station is an NGO affiliated with the Charles Darwin Foundation, which receives much more money from international donors. Third, there is the political system on the islands which includes local governments for each of the 4 inhabited islands as well as an overarching political body. Whereas the local governments are elected directly, the Minister of the Galápagos is appointed by the president and thus often a) is corrupt, b) is unpopular, c) does not govern with the interests of the local population in mind, or d) some combination of a, b, and c. Finally, there is the tourism industry, which really comprises two sets of individuals and companies: local and foreign. The foreigners are technically not allowed to operated in the islands by law, yet one always sees the fleets of international cruise ships circling the islands like vultures with their tourists on board. The corrupt politicians allow the international cruise lines to operate illegally, and the fucked up thing is that the conservationist agenda usually goes along with it because the rhetoric of tourism in the Galápagos is ostensibly to minimize the environmental impact of tourists by having them take up as little space as possible for as little time as possible. So, it’s very common for a trip to the Galápagos to be spent almost entirely on board a Royal Caribbean cruise ship or another similar one, which then lays anchor at various ports only long enough for tourists to disembark to take pictures, buy things, eat, etc.

We’re not taking this route obviously. In fact, this piece is important for yall to know in case you ever want to come to the Galápagos or have friends/family who do. It’s vital that visitors to the islands DO NOT rely on big-name, international travel agencies to visit the islands. In addition to the environmental impact these companies leave behind, they siphon money out of the local economy. Only 1/3 of the money spent in the Galápagos stays in the pockets of the local galapagueños. Even though the islands are the richest province in Ecuador, they should be a lot better off. Instead, their environment and their jobs get auctioned off to foreign companies because of corrupt politicians and because tourists don’t know any better and go with the household names over the local establishments and tours. The latter is wayyy more fun, trust me. And part of the fun lies in knowing that I’m contributing to a responsible tourist ethos. I came into this trip thinking that tourism was inherently exploitative. Now I understand that that’s not the case. However, when big transnational companies appropriate the livelihood of the local population, that’s when tourism becomes a problem. Now yall know and can plan a smart, eco-friendly, and relatively sustainable trip to these magical islands.

On Saturday we arrived on Santa Cruz, the biggest island population-wise and the tourism hub. We stayed on land and checked out the Center of Environmental Interpretation, a system of trails with cool information about the formation of the islands as well as sociological information about the human aspect of the islands. We hiked up breathtaking (literally and figuratively) trails and spied frigate birds, boobies, big spiders, marine iguanas, giant cactuses, etc. I found out that the colonists as the residents are called have their residency pretty much for life; the only way they can lose it is by failing to renew it once every 10 years or so. Yet obtaining residency in the first place is tricky: one must marry someone with residency or be born to parents who have residency. Living on the islands is so exclusive so as not to upset the delicate ecosystems or overburden the economy. This whole time we had been eating fabulously. I’ve never had seafood so fresh in my life. Lobsters, tuna, shrimp—out of this world delicious. At dinner some of us met this random U.S. dude touring the islands after having just graduated college. He rubbed me the wrong way from the beginning, but then he mentioned how he really wanted to try ayawaska recreationally. Ayawaska, or ayahuasca, is an entheogen that combines two vines found in the Amazon—one contains a neurotransmitter released at birth and at death, and the other contains an enzyme that allows for the metabolization of the neurotransmitter. This combination is distilled into a drink and taken by shamans (yachakuna in Kichwa, where the term ayawaska comes from) of various Amazonian nations in order to divine the future, receive instructions or warnings, or cope with loss or other powerful life events/emotions. It is a sacred plant, and partaking in an ayawaska ritual requires years of dedication, preparation, and for outsiders, trust and bonds of communion with a local population. It cannot be taken recreationally, and the fact that this tourist expressed an interest in doing so even after one of us pointed all the above out to him just really irritated me. However, it’s important I use him as an example and continuously strive to root out my own ignorance and prejudices toward cultures different than my own.

Sunday was the best snorkeling day by far. We took a boat from Santa Cruz to the little island of Bartolomé, which is home to perhaps the most iconic image of the islands (Google Galápagos and you’ll probably see it, or check out my Facebook as I posted a picture of it). Bartolomé is so inhospitable that it’s been used as a site to film movies that take place on Mars. There’s dried lava plumes, ridges, cliffs, and tunnels everywhere, and the sparse vegetation only adds to the merciless landscape. With no trees and no clouds to shade us, we were sizzling as we climbed up to the summit to look down on the bay. But it was all worth it once we jumped in the water! We snorkeled and swam with penguins! The second smallest species in the world. They were adorableeee! And they zoomed in the water right past us as we snorkeled! We also saw numerous sharks lurking on the seafloor, as well as seastars and tons of fish. There’s this giant fish called a parrotfish that is as brightly colored as its namesake. They are absolutely breathtaking. And the water was a bright turquoise—I’ve only ever seen water that beautiful in the movies haha. We also ate lunch on the boat (an incredible experience), and on the way back to Santa Cruz (about a 2 hour ride), I sat up top with the captain and jammed out to his playlist of reggeaton classics while the wind whipped my hair and the sun beat down on my back. Simply beautiful.

Monday was our last full day. We visited two sinkholes that are named Los Gemelos (the Twins) because they’re right next to each other. They were pretty cool but uneventful haha. Then we visited the famous Charles Darwin Research Center. We toured the tortoise breeding program and saw baby tortoises! They were absolutely the cutest things ever—only like the size of your hand, moving all around their enclosures exploring to their precious little hearts’ content, and eating leaves like you’ve never seen anything eat a leaf. The day passed far too quickly and left us all with sadness and nostalgia. We played classic group games like Hot Seat and the question game and games of that sort through the night. As we were leaving today, I couldn’t help but feel that this is an adios and not a chao—a goodbye forever and not an “until next time.” I certainly would love to return but I just don’t see how I’ll ever be able to for the rest of my life. Then again, I’m one of the 1% of the world population who has ever visited the islands. And what a fulfilling trip it was. Still though, returning to Quito has filled me with a profound sadness. It’s not just leaving behind such a paradise and knowing that I’ll never be able to recreate that experience in the same way. It’s also returning to the daily grind of classes and homework. But even more than that—being in an airport for the first time since January has filled me with homesickness for one of the really only times so far. I can’t really explain why beyond that just physically being in an airport made me recall the flight to the unknown that took place what feels like eons ago. The domestic and international arrivals share the same exit point, so I was literally back in the same place I was when everything was so new and I didn’t know anybody or anything. It was a weird feeling.

So, there ya have it—the Galápagos episode over and done with. These words fail to do justice to the sights, smells, sounds, emotions, and thoughts that comprised this trip. I encourage yall to go and see for yourselves, because the Enchanted Islands will certainly enchant you—as they have done me.  

[amandabct]

March 13 : Soundscape; The Creative Process

Anthropocene

"Relating to or denoting the current geological age, viewed as the period during which human activity has been the period during which human activity has been the dominant influence on climate and the environment”. 

The Anthropocene concept began on the first day with Pete. This was a very new and unknown topic to me (I hadn’t ever heard the word). After Pete’s presentation, I understood the concept and the negative effects it has on the environment, living species and our carbon footprint, a problem created by human dominance and ignorance. When I think of technology I automatically think of the positive effects this has on mankind, its ability to allow fast, efficient and convenient communication, connections and teachings. Even though the focus of the Anthropocene is majority focused on the negatives there are a lot of positive aspects of academic development within it. For example our increasing development of art, science, engineering and business processes. 

Personally, I never looked at my environmental impact and the consequences of my own use of technology. Ever since I was born technology has been apart of my life in what I thought was a positive way. As I grew up, technology has also grown and developed. It’s like it has been embedded in my brain subconsciously. What I failed to realize are the consequences it has on our generation and future generations to come. As well as technology creating carbon emissions, global warming, and destroying our environment it is also creating an obesity epidemic. Nowadays for lunch, if I am hungry I just order UberEats instead of walking down and back up Wakefield St hill, creating a lazy mentality within mankind. 

What I do find most ironic is that we spend so much time publicising the issues of technology through technology...

Teams 

The next two classes we spend in groups collecting, collating and sharing 30 second sound pieces. We had three categories: On Campus, Off Campus and Home to collate 10 different clips from each. It was very interesting to me how the different external and internal environments create such different sounds. My group ventured to many parks, arcades, streets, and busy, people - filled places of Auckland’s CBD as well as libraries, laundries and the kitchen to record a diverse range of sounds. At the end of each session, I imported all my sounds to my laptop and played them back. It was interesting to me just how different they sounded recorded than in reality. 

Editing 

Once they were all imported we then spent time cutting and editing the sounds to create the perfect audio. It’s pretty amazing how technology can change the original to something far from. Clint suggested to just play around with all the effects and so I did just that to create some very distorted and dystopian sounds while also creating some very utopian feeling sounds. Some tracks I edited I thought, sounded like crap because I felt they sounded too much like the original which is not what would be wanted for this assignment. I think this is a true sign of creative process when you are able to dabble with different effects and methods to create a love or hate relationship with a sound. 

The Masterpiece

I spent a long time adding and deleting different sound clips because I thought they all sounded too loud or too busy together. After a while, I decided to stop and just go with the 6 sound clips in front of me and to my surprise when I listened closely they actually mashed together pretty well. After many long hours, headaches and loss of hearing... lol I produced just over 2 minutes of a soundscape. I found it interesting just how different it sounded in the editing software programming and just as a music clip on a black screen. In the editing software, I became so aware of the timeline and what was next to be introduced into the sound. However, when listening to it, not in this environment it increased anticipation of whats to come. 

It wasn’t until after I’d finished it did I realize the theme behind it. My soundscape to me matched the idea that humanity’s entire life support system depends on the well being of all the species living on earth and the environment in which they co-exist in. Using this idea I specified it to the comparison between natures pure stillness vs the noise polluted, industrialized environment and the destructive impacts these events have caused to mankind.  However, alike my soundscape the theme was modified too. 

The End Result

Doing all my finishing touches and modifications today I turned my soundscape into a story of a character. Here is the story... a character begins in its natural environment, walking through the bush of Gondwana habitat. Then explorers discover the land and colonize and inhabit it. From here, they built up their culture and society they want through the use of tools and resources and expand this into the industrial revolution and invention of noise pollution and carbon dioxide pollution. With this came the beginning of the destruction of our world. This builds up to emphasize with the increase in new technologies the bigger environmental pollution it creates and the more destructive it becomes on people. This then slows down to show that in the future humans will not exist, they won’t be needed instead, we will have robots and other forms of technology in our place. To do jobs in improved methods with less noise pollution. We are walking into our future, our future a lifeless generation...

I wanted my soundscape to represent just how important our planet is and the importance of protecting its natural state of pureness and also emphasize the dangers of our own destruction. 

We are living on this planet as if we have another one to go to. 

(Here is the link to my soundscape).

https://soundcloud.com/user-952383566/final-soundscape

[nevertobeships]

Do you have any writing advice for someone who really struggles with writing body language? I have a hard time reading it in the real world and I'm lost on how to write it in my fics. I think my dialogue is fine it just seems like everything else is lacking. The transition from rp writing to fanfiction is really tough, and I can't seem to adapt to the now popular fanfiction trends of the way things are written. I'd be very grateful for any advice.

Anon, do not worry! Many people, including myself, strugglewith this. I’m going to make a couple of assumptions to get us started (if theyare incorrect just shoot me another ask and I can go in a different direction).I assume that if you are coming to me then you have read some of my writing andtherefore I also assume that you enjoy supercorp. With those two assumptions inmind I’m going to use that arena to give my advice. But please keep in mindthat this is only MY opinion. I’ve been writing pretty much my whole life andI’ve learned that there really is no right or wrong way to go about writing.Sure, there are preferred styles, grammatical rules, trends that may bepopular, etc…but essentially you have to find YOUR flow and style. Writing andwhat is considered the right way to write so subjective.

And just as a quick note I have never done rp writing sokeep that in mind.

Here is my advice (and I explain each point below):

1. Keep trying at the real life body language and understandthe pros and cons of having that information.

2. Use the resources you have (e.g., the show and gifs).

3. Find actors/actresses to use as muses and inspiration whoare really talented and who also put everything into their characters.

4. Read! 

Reading body language in the real world is hard. When youare interacting with another person there is so much else going on. Not onlyare you most likely participating in that interaction but you are trying toprocess what the other person is saying and doing on top of consideringenvironmental/situational variables, analyzing your own intentions while alsotrying to gauge the other person’s intentions – its crazy! This is why so fewpeople are good at this. Yet body language is crucial in many cases. Hell, in apersonal example of mine just recently – I was saying everything I could tosomeone, being EXPLICIT with my diction and my intentions and they just didn’tget it (or chose to ignore it for what it was :/) and…*sigh* well it’s a messlet me tell you. And I wonder if the interactions between us had happened inperson where there was body language (i.e., extra data) to process then perhapsthings wouldn’t have become so convoluted? There has been a lot of research thatshows we humans are not really good at conveying what we mean in simple text.If someone sends you a text that IS IN ALL CAPS you know something is going onout of the ordinary. They are excited, angry, etc… and are trying to getcertain information across in that way. That helps to a point. And its funnythat the rise of emojis was supposed to help us communicate better, beyond capsand punctuation, in written form but new research is showing that we evenmisinterpret those as well lol. So obviously body language can help us withthis problem but again for many of us that can be overwhelming to deal with inthe real world. That being said, writing body language still needs to berealistic and convey important information but in fiction we can process iteasier than if it was happening live in front of us.

Lucky for us, we are writing fanfiction and we have thosecharacters on our screen where we can watch them over and over in the privacyof our own homes with little distractions. If you are in the supercorp fandomthen even more lucky because we have some of the best gif makers in the entireSupergirl fandom and they are an absolute blessing. I think gifs are underratedwhen it comes to character analysis but they are so good for body languagestudy because you have a small amount of data input, three to ten seconds orso, and it automatically repeats so no pausing and rewinding back on Netflix oryour stream. So let us look at an example:

These gifs were created by @brielarsan and you can find the original post here.

Holy shit. This is a writer’s gold mine. I mean look atthis: we know Lena doesn’t have a lot of friends (really none at this point inS2, our poor precious baby *cries*). We know she only ever felt accepted by Lexand look what he did to the world and ultimately her. And we’ve seen the longgazes, the smiles, the lip bites between her and Kara/Supergirl. We alreadyknow all of this – we have this data! So in that mindset, what does this mean?What does that sudden breath mean for Lena when Kara finally opens the doorknowing what we know? She has found acceptance in someone else – Kara – someonewho knew she was a Luthor from the start but has put her belief in Lenaregardless. But even if you don’t know or don’t use all of this data look ather body! Look at her hands, for example. They are in a classic worry positionone that other characters have done (see Meredith Grey from Grey’s Anatomy asjust one example) and Lena has done this herself several times across many episodesbecause she is a soft precious baby who is really worried how others perceiveher. Now look at her facial expression. You can tell exactly when Kara openedthe door and realized it was Lena. Even though we can’t see Kara’s face we cantell from Lena’s face when Kara smiles because we see that relief on Lena’sface. And then in that second gif what does that little shy sway mean? What doyou pick up from her doing that? To me, she is not only relieved that Kara isletting her in her home and doesn’t seem at all freaked out that she is there butalso in a way she is in a giddy disbelief that she’s not being turned away akashe feels accepted (and of course these two fools love each other and we cansee that here). And look how we can see all of that in how her hands start torelax too! My biggest piece of advice is to study stuff like this and/or mimicit in your own fics. Also look at what people say about gifs in the tags! Its so frustrating when people don’t put anything in the tags and I can be guilty of it but some people do the type of interpretation I just did above in the tags of gif posts and you can learn a lot by seeing how others are interpreting a scene.

You really can’t do anything that I just mentioned above ifyou don’t have that talented person on your screen though. Lucky for us we havethe one and only Katie McGrath who conveys more character information in twoseconds of acting than some of the other characters on Supergirl do in anentire episode. I could probably write two pages of description based on thetwo short gifs above and that is all in thanks to Katie and her wonderfulness. Katieis also a perfect example at someone who puts her heart and soul into hercharacters. You can tell that by how she does her interviews and the in-depthanswers she provides. She really IS Lena on screen. Chyler is another greatexample on Supergirl. I mean, Chyler should be earning Emmys for her portrayalof Alex in both Season 1 and 2 but I’m biased (and Katie too for Lena’s character). Sasha Alexander as Maura Isleson the TNT’s now concluded show Rizzoli and Isles is yet another example thathas benefitted me. When you have amazing characters and actors/actresses behind them they can inspire you to write your best stuff and give you so much to workwith. 

Lastly one of the other things you can do is to read.Whether its published fiction or fanfiction just read and see how others are conveyingbody language. When you read a section and get that vivid imagery as a readerstop and evaluate that section. What did that author do to set up that scene foryou? How do they have the characters interacting with one another and theenvironment around them? If you ever get to beta for somebody take thatopportunity! It will give you the chance to read someone’s fic and be in themindset of editing where you are looking at how the story is coming togetherthrough dialogue and body language. Or you can even contact one of yourfavorite writers and just tell them about your favorite sections of their pieceand list the reasons why. Not only will you make that author’s day but that mayalso help get a conversation started where you can discuss the intricacies ofthe characters including body language. This is really how @stennnn06 and I gotstarted talking. We squealed about Katie (as we still do) but then we startedlooking at each other’s writing, beta-ing for one another, and collaborating. Ican’t speak for sten but I know that I write better after discussing Lena andour headcanons with her. You can try to get a beta for your stuff too! Whenyour beta starts analyzing your stuff and asking you questions it really putsit in perspective for you and you can learn so much. I can tell you right nowthat I learned more about one of MY OWN stories by having @mssirey beta it andgive me feedback.   

On another note, also check out some writing blogs for tips. @heywriters is a great source and would be a good start for you. You can alsogo to my blog on tumblr (not tumblr mobile) and I have a page on the right handside labeled ‘Writing References’ and you’ll find a bunch of sources. Just out ofcuriosity I searched ‘body language’ on the search function on my blog and itbrought up some good posts so maybe check those out too! 

I know this is long and probably not anything you wanted butthere is my advice :)

[soulcomposer]

~BTS Comeback ^o^

It’s finally here! 

So instead of writing out my thoughts on every song I’d like to focus on specific parts from each that I really love and that have really inspired me to possible write some pieces (of fic ;)) for them later on.

Intro: Serendipity: the initial mv release for this came out during a really stressful week for me. I was literally just feeling stress and exhaustion. But thanks to Namjoon’s amazing writing and Jimin’s sweet voice, combined with the beautiful color palettes it had me feeling eternally soft. “I am your calico cat” ...just wow I’m forever thankful.

DNA: So after the second break from 2:49-3:08 with V and the little sparkling electronic effects. This part really had me feeling some nostalgia for Utada Hikaru’s “Keep Trying” + gave off an espionage vibe that I’d have 0 idea how to write into a fic but damn I’d love to read it. 

Best of Me: despite all the controversy with the Chainsmokers collaborating for this song they really came out with an edm gem.

"you are like the entire world to me hold me so much tighter it hurts" these are my favorite lyrics out of the ones I’ve been able to read thus far. They just really resonate with me emotionally because of the loneliness I’ve personally been dealing with since moving to a new country ://

 It’s also probably the only way I’d ever remember “day by day” “summer winter” in Korean. 

dimple: 2:03-2:30 Tae, Jungkook, and I think Jin?? (don’t quote me on that I’m bad with pointing out line distributions @.@) really stole the show here. It’s so sweet and as the title implies it just has to be an ode to Namjoon (& probably Hoseok)

Pied Piper: SO this one along with Go Go are the 2 songs that really stood out to me outside from the intro/title track. Initially when Namjoon (being the tease that he is) posted a picture of all the files on twitter everyone was pretty curious to see that Pied Piper was a whole 9.3mb. BUT NOW I UNDERSTAND and you’ll really have to give it multiple listens to understand. There are so many BEAUTIFUL LAYERS OF SOUND in this song. From the very beginning chords and funky bass lines and the ethereal undertones. The bright background vocals ahhh these are the times I wish I had more musical terminologies under my belt because there is just so much going on and I LOVE IT. It could legit belong in a GOTG film from how funky it is. And I can already see Jungkook leading the gang as the Pied Piper. Even though its basically a callout to Army’s LOL. So savage. I love it. 

Skit: Billboard Music Awards Speech: Utterly destroyed when I saw this was a part of the tracklist. Was literally gross sobbing reliving these very moments on the videos I had taken with @defendkimseokjin that day because you know BTS included this for US (Army) because we were the ones that helped get them that award and it just makes me so...emotional and proud. I love them so much :’c 

MIC Drop: THIS SONG FRICKIN BANGS. As it should! Because rap line is back at it again to fuck. shit. up. The whole song is just an awesome build but it all amounts from 3:40 to the end that just sounds SO DAMN EPIC and makes me want to write/read a Fast&Furious AU starring rap line just having their way, ruling the world nbd. 

Outro: Her: Back to the roots and ofc Yoongi is revealed as the writer who said was written throughout their Chicago concert stop :’)  

“I don’t know what is my real self either, after meeting you, will you know that I’m like a book? If not will you become my bookshelf? damn” Damn is right Yoongi. You know how to thread thoughts that I feel so well. This is how I’m constantly reminded that you truly are my bias. You feel so many things that I do and I damn love you for it. 

Go Go: Okay here we are. I actually left this song to write about last because I had to have the song looping. That intro hits me so hard. And everyone probably knows by now, this song is probably the most lacking lyrically. But where it really shines to me is in the instrumentation; a loop of wooden flute and marimbas. When I first heard it I teared up and let some slip from my eyes because it just hit me straight in the Latin American feels. I’m pretty sure this was not BTS’ intention but instead to carry on with the ‘Caribbean’ feel that has become popular in music lately. So, I’m U.S. born but Nicaragua is as close to a second home as Japan will be because of my family. Despite the poverty and many social/environmental debate it’s a country I’m proud to have heritage. And it’s a heritage that despite knowing poverty really knows how to have a good time. So what is one of the traditional instruments they use in Nicaragua? It’s marimba and those marimba sounds are just dispersed throughout the song along with one of the repeating lyrics being “where the party yah” which honestly would be such a Nicaraguan thing to say and I LOVE IT SO MUCH. It just makes me want to write and imagine the possibility of BTS coming to tour or just adventure in Nicaragua (which I’ve already sort of written a BTS fic low key set in Nicaragua before so...it could def be done again) and again...the possibility makes me a damn emotional mess when I hear those marimba bits in the intro ;^; I’m so attached to instrumentation ugh I love BTS thank you so much for this song. It would be a dream to be able to attend one of your fanmeets and share these thoughts with you guys. This song truly means so much to me right now and you don’t even know how. Thank you thank you thank you for this gem. 

And with that, congratulations on yet another amazing release! It was worth the wait ! Your hard work really shines and I can’t wait to support you through all your comeback performances ! :)) <3 

[ahnmakes]

devlog # 6 // hex tilemaps and pathfinding, part 5 (refining pathfinding features)

so, if you can’t tell, i’m absolutely in love with development right now, been typing away for days and days. :’)

mainly, since the last devlog, i’ve spent my time doing two things:

- organising and backing up my development process

- refining the pathfinding system’s features

starting with that first point, once my project files and code started getting to be more than a few lines, i quickly realised that i would need to take some time to start keeping everything even more in order.

i came across trello, a tool where you can make and sort tasks to keep track of what’s going on in your project.  currently, this is all entered manually, but i did notice they have a thousand features and other apps and things to take your task-keeping further.  right now, i am satisfied and very much served by these simple lists.  instead of countless, nondescript notes and word documents on my computer - “rpg notes”, “rpg devlog”, “devlog notes”, “game design”, “game design b”, “design notes”, etc - i keep all of my to-dos in one place.

i also started using github (for unity) to keep changelogs and backups of all of my project files.  this is something i had been especially thinking of as the files grew larger and larger, given that if i lost my progress, even though i could definitely put things back together (and perhaps more neatly the second time?), it would definitely throw off my motivation.

it only took a few minutes to set up a github repository(?) and install the associated plugin for unity, though i do not feel at all that i understand how this all really works - for now, the point is that i’ve got a consistent, easy way of tracking changes in my files and making sure i don’t lose them.

okay, now for what we’re really here for: the game, and its pathfinding system(s).  what i’m not going to do in this devlog is explain every detail of how i’ve put things together; what i will do is explain (a) what i put together, (b) the patterns and resources i worked from, and (c) some of the challenges that came up throughout.  there’s going to be lots of pictures today!

last time, we got to pathfinding in the sense that the game was able to identify the quickest route from our source position to a target tile position, then draw debug lines along that route.  in the few days since then, i’ve complicated the system quite a lot.

firstly, i made changes so that the tiles actually have movement costs.  i did this by creating a method that would take in the coordinates of a tile, then return its cost.

next, we needed to actually put this cost into the algorithm, so instead of the dist, i put in the CostToEnterTile - this piece of pathfinding might look familiar!  (i actually ended up putting the distance back into the equation as well, not shown in this image.)

after manually defining the movement cost values for each tileType in the inspector, the game looked like this:

notice how the pathfinding is avoiding grey tiles, and somewhat the blue ones?  this is not the “shortest” path, but it is the one that costs the player the least movement (which is what we want)!

next, i put in a method i imagined would be helpful - something called upon Start that would take a unit’s position, figure out if there was a hex below (via raycast), and then take on that hex’s position and array coordinates.  for a reason i cannot explain, this works only on this exact player object - not even on copies - and it works about 85% of the time.  :’)  i don’t understand why at all, and i’ve pored over this code (and updated it) for hours.  if you see why this code isn’t working how i intend, please let me know!

this is what it looks like when it does work (player was originally just vaguely, randomly over a tile and is now centered on that tile, internally storing a reference to its coordinates):

and whoa!  the tiles are at different heights?

well, yes, because i created something for each tileType called the “height offset range”.  this data is used when first instantiating all the hexes.  brings a ton more depth into the level.  lesgoooo unity 3d!

with this, the tiles start to look more like environmental terrain.  it becomes more apparent that the pathfinding is very much avoiding certain tiles.

this is just one of many changes i want to implement that will allow the game to generate interesting levels, procedurally, with almost no effort.

check out this “randomly” generated level, which has a more island-y feel, with the increased water tiles.

this was created by altering only 3 or so values, representing the proportions of a given tileType’s likelihood to be the one chosen when a hex is instantiated. (i want to soon move all of these variables into something editable from the inspector, so everything can be easily adjusted from inside unity, not from digging in the code.)

if i alter these few values again (notice below that i only change the 10, 9, and 6), we start generating levels that have quite a different feeling to them, something more rocky.

i even created another tileType (called “null”) which cannot be targeted or walked on.  this creates an effect that looks like there are spaces cut out of the map.

it may seem like “well, of course, the pathfinding won’t go along these tiles if they don’t exist”, but they actually do exist; the pathfinding is recognising them and choosing against them.  here is the same image as above, but with the null hexes changed to a visible/glassy material.

then, it felt like time to jump more into the code again and figure out how to not just calculate paths, but to actually use them to move the character.  again, with insights from quill’s tutorial, i set up some code that would move the unit along the found path, guiding them to a specific “destination”, waiting for them to get close, then moving to the next piece as the next destination.  cool shit that i definitely didn’t figure out alone.

after putting in some debugs (thanks to my virgo), we get a very satisfying list of steps the pathfinding went through to move the player, and our first visual..

! ! !

there remains only one thing to be done, from the two goals i defined for the pathfinding system.  one was to be able to find a path and move a character there (which we just did), and the other was .. to highlight possible move spaces?  how the fu--

welp, long story short, i panicked a bit because the few guides/tutorials i was finding were v e r y math and big, conceptual engineering (at least that’s how they felt).  and when i found what felt like a more accessible tutorial that showed someone using pathfinding for this purpose (highlighting possible movement tiles), their implementation didn’t seem immediately like something i could integrate alongside what i had.  i watched a bit, got frustrated and overwhelmed, then decided to relax, ease my mind .. which led me to this video lol?  an mit talk about graph theory and breadth first search.

somehow, i found it comforting to just explore the concept without thinking of how to apply it immediately.  i was just seeking to understand.  and understand i did.  right before i went to bed, i decided to write out - from this understanding - what kind of lists, variables, states, methods i would need to get this working.  i set it aside, and went to sleep.  and when i woke up the next day, this morning, this is what i did.

i translated what i had understood directly into new lists, variables, and the like - things i understood.  and for the first time on this scale, i was doing this entirely freehand, without any tutorial.  and i wrote for the code to do this when the the player was clicked on:

not so impressive?  what about this?

that looks like what i asked for!

the only difference between the two is that, in the second implementation of this algorithm, rather than cycling through all of the hexes, i ask the search to stop at a certain point -- something i’m currently calling the movement buffer.

from the game’s movement rules, a player can not only attempt to move within a character’s movement range, but can also exert the player to try to push to a further tile; this has the consequence of the character hurting or overly fatiguing themself, if they do not make a high enough roll to move that amount.  that’s what this image shows: the light blue represents the player’s movement, and the darker blue represents those exert/can-try-but-it’s-risky tiles.

i also took care of some other helpful, necessary features (can only select within the highlighted tiles, deselecting the unit will return tiles to their original colors, etc), also free-hand, just by applying the little pieces i know into a greater whole.

i have never felt more confident in my own programming ability; i define goals for my work, i research, i think through them, and then am able to create and refine the code that follows.  with that massive update, i will temporarily be pausing on any pathfinding for a while (as both of the goals we defined have been completed!), and looking to other areas to explore.

thank you for joining me on this journey so far. <3 in the next days, i’ll mostly be looking into visuals - shader maths, animation, modeling - trying to get things looking pretty.  most likely will be implementing a character stats UI, as well.  see you in the next devlog (or find and chat with me on twitter.com/michaelinwords​)!

with love and an ever-growing to-do list,

ahn