#my sapphic relationships always leave me more fucked up than my guy ones so this is going to be a shitshow

[htylmg]

.

[wandaromanova]

Fun Guns

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Warnings: cussing, mention of sex, mentions of needles, blood

A/N: hello! i’m obviously not in the medical field, so everything described, i got from google haha. hope y’all enjoy! happy reading <3

anon requested: nat got shot in the arm during the mission so doc!r (her gf and has a strict and serious personality) has do the operation but the thing is nat keeps flirting and flexing her muscles even she's bleeding

Summary: Y/N helps her girlfriend, Natasha Romanoff, with an injury.

Word Count: 1.1K

| masterlist | request rules/guidelines | wips |

please do not repost or try and take ownership of my work. reblogs, likes, and comments are always welcome. <3

You looked up from the paper in your hand at the sound of commotion.

You got up from your stool and made your way over to the door. However, before you could make it there, it swung open and your girlfriend, Natasha, walked in with Steve and Tony trailing behind her.

Your eyes widened at the sight of the redhead clutching her left arm, blood pouring from beneath it.

“Hi, baby. I got shot in the arm and I need you to patch me up.” Natasha spoke so casually that you didn’t even register what she said at first. When you did, you stared at her like she had grown two heads.

You gave Steve a look and he nodded, grabbing Natasha’s other arm and walking her over to the medical table. You went over to a counter and placed on some gloves.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Natasha was laid out on the table and you nodded to the two men in the room.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“I can handle it from here. Did you guys need any help too?” Tony and Steve shook their heads.

“No, nothing some Tylenol can’t help.” Steve joked and you let out a small chuckle at that.

You watched as the two Avengers exited the room, leaving you alone with your girlfriend.

“I need to take your shirt off.” Natasha raised her eyebrows suggestively at you. You rolled your eyes at her and carefully helped her out of the material.

“I mean I don’t think having sex while I’m bleeding is a good idea, but I’m not against it.”

You softly grasped her arm and examined the injury, ignoring her flirting. The bullet wasn’t deep and there was no exit wound.

All you had to do was take the bullet out and close up the hole in her arm. Thankfully, it wasn’t anything serious.

You turned around and walked over to some shelves and drawers, retrieving the proper tools you’d need to extract the bullet and stitch up her arm.

You dragged your stool beside the bed and Natasha sent you a flirtatious smile.

“Doc, I think I’m hurt somewhere else, too.” Natasha grabbed your hand and placed it onto her abdomen, flexing her muscles.

You sent her a serious look and tore your hand out of her grip. You couldn’t believe she was flirting with you while she was literally bleeding.

“This is serious, Natasha. You’re lucky the bullet is in your arm and not somewhere fatal.”

You scolded your girlfriend, taking a needle and inserting it into her skin. It was an anesthetic that would numb the area, so Natasha wouldn’t feel a thing.

She was going to need it if you were going to shove some tweezers into her arm then stitch her skin back together.

“I’m fine, honey. You know I’ll always make it back to my favorite milf.”

You rolled your eyes at the title. Yeah, you had a five-year-old daughter. You were slightly older than Natasha.

She was 37 and you were 41. It was only a four-year gap, but Natasha never failed to tease you for the age difference.

You quickly went to work after a few minutes, just to be sure that the lidocaine had run its course.

You feared that the bullet would be hard to find, but luckily, it wasn’t. You had found it fairly easily and took it out, placing it onto a bedpan beside you.

Natasha was completely unfazed by the entire thing. This wasn’t her first time getting a bullet extracted. She was just completely entranced by you.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

She was basically gawking at you as you worked.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Natasha admired the way your eyebrows would scrunch up in concentration, your tongue poking through your teeth as you tried to keep your hand steady.

Also, she absolutely loved how good you were at what you did. You were the best doctor in New York, which is why you were hired to work for the Avengers.

They definitely needed the best they could get considering the massive battles they always find themselves in.

Natasha had pursued you for quite a while, but you never exactly gave in. You were a professional and you knew that having a romantic relationship with a patient wasn’t right.

But she was Natasha fucking Romanoff; no one could resist her. So, eventually, after months of the redhead’s persistency, you had agreed to a date with the redhead and the rest was history.

“You almost done, doc?” Natasha asked as you placed the last few stitches into her arm. You snipped off the excess suture.

“I just finished. You know the drill, don’t move your arm around too much. You need to come back in a week or so to get them removed.”

You gave Natasha instructions as you cleaned up after yourself. However, the redhead extended her arm slowly, grabbing your wrist in her hand.

“Thank you, milfy.” You let out a small laugh at her words and Natasha smiled at the sound.

“You’re welcome, foxy.” You uttered the nickname that Natasha absolutely hated.

One day in the earlier stages of your relationship, you had referred to Natasha as a fox, her red hair reminding you of the animal.

The Russian absolutely hated it and practically fought you every time you’d call her by that name.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“You’re suddenly not my favorite milf anymore.” Natasha mumbled, letting go of your wrist, allowing you to throw away the remaining trash.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Oh yeah? And who is your favorite milf now?” You teasingly asked, going to sit by her side once more.

“Wanda.” You let out a full-hearted laugh at her response. You shook your head frantically.

“Well, I don’t blame you. She’s my favorite milf too.” Natasha sent you a glare. You sharply raised your eyebrow at her.

“Don’t give me that look! You mentioned Wanda first!” Natasha pouted and you leaned forward, giving her a quick peck.

When you moved back, a wide smile was now spread across the assassin’s face.

“Seriously though, you need to be more careful. I know you have me to help you out, but that doesn’t mean you need to get hurt all the time.”

You frowned and Natasha stared into your eyes softly, her green irises shining with love.

“I promise I’ll be more careful, but you gotta admit that it’s fun being able to see these guns. Come on, admit it, it’s fun.”

Natasha flexed her good arm, showing off her toned muscles. She also clenched her stomach, accentuating her abs.

You let out a dramatic sigh, placing your hand on top of her stomach.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“It’s fun to see those guns.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“See! I knew it. I knew you liked them.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

───────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────────

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[babybluebex]

Hi! I'd like to request jealous smut of Beth Harmon x fem!reader. Both of them are switches and get jealous of Benny Watts flirting with the other; so Beth and the reader show each other who they belong to 💞

promises, promises [beth harmon x reader] 

pairing: beth harmon x reader (y/n)

summary: beth catches you flirting with benny, and she feels the need to remind you that you’re hers. 

word count: 1222

warnings: a little bit of smut (mentions of f!ngering), misplaced jealousy, me being a Yearning Sapphic ™ for too long

a/n: beth is a goddess. that is all. add yourself to my taglist!

tags: @simsiddy

“Ya know, I’ve always admired you,” Benny said. “You’re so… Cool.” 

“Thanks,” I said. “You’re pretty cool too.”

“Beth’s lucky to have you,” Benny mumbled, flicking ash off of his cigarette. Paris was cold at night, but Benny still needed a cigarette, and I, being the only one of our little group with any left in my pack, accompanied him out of the bar. “But.. Can I ask, why Beth?”

I titled my head in confusion. “I don’t understand,” I mumbled. “Like… Why am I dating Beth?”

“Yeah,” Benny said with a nod. “I mean, as opposed to anybody else.” 

I shrugged as I tried to come up with a solid answer. “I dunno,” I said finally. “She’s just… I like her. She’s easy to get along with most of the time, but, even when she’s grumpy and all, she’s… I can’t put it in words. I’m just in love with her, ya know? It’s hard to explain love.” 

“I get that,” Benny nodded. “And you’re fine with me always hanging around?” 

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I mean, Townes and Harry always hang around, so what’s one more?” 

“You understand what I mean, don’t you?” Benny asked. “You’re fine with me… And Harry… Always being around Beth?” 

“You can talk as slow as you want, you won’t be making anymore sense than before,” I told him. “Just spit it out.” 

“Do you know that Beth and I hooked up a few months ago?” Benny asked. “And she and Harry? And I think she and Townes, but I’ve never gotten a straight answer out of either of them about it.” 

I didn’t get jealous easily. I knew who I was dating; Beth was admired and adored in her world, and I was used to people pining over her left and right. I never gave it a second thought when we would wake up to flowers and dinner invitations. But something about Benny’s words made an uncomfortable heat bloom in my belly. “Oh,” I said, pushing my hair behind my ear in an act of nonchalance. “I didn’t know that, but I don’t mind. You guys are friends now, and any friend of Beth is a friend of mine.” 

“That’s good,” Benny said, and he dropped the cigarette butt on the ground. “I’d hate to screw up the whole dynamic of our friend group.” 

Just then, the door to the bar swung open, and Beth, Harry, and Townes emerged with laughter and snorts. Beth perked her eyebrow at me and wrapped an arm around my waist, and she pressed her thumb to my bottom lip. “Princess, you told me that you quit smoking,” she said to me. 

“I said no such thing,” I said quickly, taking my cigarette between my fingers. 

Beth took my cigarette for herself and took a drag, then blew a mouthful of smoke above my head. “No, I remember it,” she argued, as Beth was always so happy to. “I had my head between your thighs and--” 

“Christ!” I cried, my face screwing up in embarrassment, and Harry and Benny sputtered with tipsy laughter. “Bethy, you can’t just say that--” 

“Sure I can,” Beth said. “I mean, we’re adults, and Benny’s always going off about his conquests. But, regardless, you promised me that you would quit smoking.” 

“I don’t remember that,” I said. “But if you say so…” 

Beth discarded the cigarette on the sidewalk, and she pressed her warm hand against my cheek. “Come here, princess,” she said softly and tugged me close, and she brushed her lips past mine. I could taste the gin on her lips from her favorite drink, the same ones her mother used to drink, but it only made me want more. I pressed forward, putting my hands on her waist, and she slung her arms around my neck as she gently bit my bottom lip. 

Harry and Benny were content to continue to drink around Paris, but Beth and I suddenly had other plans that landed us in our hotel room. As quickly as we could manage, our dresses were tugged off, and she was laying between my quivering legs as her thin fingers teased my wet heat. Beth had magic in her fingers, I just knew it. She kissed my leg, leaving trace amounts of her favorite red lipstick, and she finally whispered, “What were you and Benny talking about?” 

“Jesus, Beth,” I huffed. “I don’t know. Just shooting the shit, ya know?” 

“Hmm,” Beth hummed lightly, and her thumb gently circled my clit. With her fingers inside me and the feeling of her warm breath on my core, I knew that there was no hope of me lasting much longer. Beth knew this too, however, because she pulled her fingers back and looked up at me through her gorgeous eyelashes. “What were you talking about?” She asked again. 

“Fuck, Beth,” I sighed, pushing myself onto my elbows and blowing a lock of hair from my eyes. “Why do you care?” 

“Because you were making those big eyes at him,” Beth answered. 

“Big eyes?” I repeated. 

“Yeah,” She said. “You know the ones, right?” When I had no answer, she laughed. “You gave them to me last night! I was studying a game, and you came and sat on my lap and kissed my neck, and you gave me those eyes.” 

“Oh,” I said, suddenly understanding her attitude. Was she jealous? We were really the perfect couple. I got jealous at the thought of her being with someone else, and she did the same. “Well, maybe I was making eyes at Benny. I mean, c’mon, Beth, it’s Benny. He’s so dreamy.” 

“You’ve never used the word dreamy in your life,” Beth said and raised an eyebrow. 

“Maybe I did wanna bed Benny,” I said. “What would you do about it?”

“I think,” Beth began. Her fingers curled in my panties and tugged them down my legs, kissing all the way down, and kissed back up to my cunt. “I oughta show you who you belong to.” 

“And who is that?” I asked. My tough demeanor was disintegrating by the second and, the second that Beth’s lovely mouth was on me, it would fall off completely. 

“Why, me, of course,” Beth hummed. “I thought you knew, princess.” 

“I know that,” I laughed. Quickly, I hooked a leg around her waist and pushed her to the bed, and I straddled her waist. “But I seem to remember that you neglected to tell me that you fucked Benny. Harry too, for that matter.”

“Oh, please,” Beth laughed. Her hair was splayed out on the creme pillow, the sounds of Paris outside our window. But it was warm in the hotel room and smelled like my girlfriend’s perfume, and the taste of her skin lingered in my mouth, and I knew that I could never wander far from her. “That was before I met you, princess. Before… Everything.” 

Everything. Her exploring her sexuality, coming out, the repercussions that came with that. Hiding our relationship, stealing kisses behind closed doors and blaming alcohol if we got too close in public. Before the ups and downs and backslides and… Everything. 

“I’m yours now, princess,” Beth said, pressing her hand to my heart. My hand captured hers and I took a deep breath as I squeezed her hand. 

“Just yours.” 

[communistsans]

Bi/pan lesbian is not a term you should use.

Let me be clear, I think the experience you're describing is real, but the term is offensive to bi, pan, and lesbian people. Bi, pan, and lesbian are separate sexualities. They cannot be put together because they are directly contradictory. And before you say "what about x sexuality and ace," that is different, because the terms bi, straight, pan, lesbian, and gay all define the romantic and sexual parts of attraction. Ace only describes a lack of sexual attraction, leaving the question of who they are romantically attracted to. So if someone says they are ace and bi, it works because from that you know that they are attracted to women/men, but only romantically. You wouldn't say, "I'm aromantic, asexual, and bi," because all those things overlap. You can't be attracted to no one romantically or sexually AND be attracted to men/women. Lesbian describes a sexuality that means women/fem aligned people who are EXCLUSIVELY attracted (romantically and/or sexually) to women/fem aligned people. Bisexual describes a sexuality that means someone attracted (romantically and/or sexually) to 2 or more genders. Pansexual describes a sexuality that means someone attracted to others (romantically and/or sexually) regardless of their sex/gender.

So that's why the term is nonsensical, but why is it offensive to lesbians and bisexuals/pansexuals? I'm bi woman, so take my lesbian commetary with a grain of salt.

I believe every sexuality has a bit of wiggle room, and also that that doesn't mean that a person can't use the term gay/lesbian. I don't think a straight man being attracted to one guy makes him gay/bi, I don't think being a lesbian and being attracted to one guy makes her bi/straight. I'm bisexual and people often ask me if they are bi because they are attracted to x obviously attracitve celebrity, and the answer is usually no. It takes more than being attracted to a couple of people of the opposite sex to be bi/pansexual. What makes you bi/pan is being able to be genuinely attracted to, date, fall in love with, and be intimate with people of the same and different sexes/genders. I think straight and gay people alike can have genuine attractions that do not align with their sexuality and still be that sexuality. However the key here is that those are exceptions. When 99% of your experiences are exclusive to one gender then yes, you are gay/lesbian. I don't think that genuinely liking your high school boyfriend because he was a sweet guy and you hadn't figured yourself out yet makes you not a lesbian. And I think to say that it does is also lesbophobic. Just to get the whole "sexuality is fluid" out of the way.

Relationships between women are so often devalued, and lesbians often suffer from people erasing their sexualities, or people assuming that somehow they must be attracted to men in some way. This is a fucked up and lesbophobic way of thinking, and it's stupid that they have to deal with that. Lesbians shouldn't be made to feel ashamed of personal experiences for fear of having their sexuality questioned/invalidated. Politically speaking, it is critical for lesbians to ensure the term lesbian means a sexuality of women exclusively being attracted to women, please do not interfere with this term. It is important to their communities that it stays that way. However I know what is politically convenient isn't always what is personally true. On a personal note, I think the distinction should be this: if you HAVE BEEN attracted to a couple of men in your life but could never see yourself being with a man and being happy, and can easily say that 95% or more of your attraction has been exclusively to women, you are a lesbian. If you ARE attracted to men and could see yourself being happy in a relationship with a man, you are bisexual or pansexual. As a bisexual person, I don't experience or see my attraction to either men or women as exceptions, they are both natural and part of my sexuality. I also want to note that it is unfair and lesbophobic to assume that because someone has liked one guy in their life it somehow discredits the rest of their experiences, especially when we dont hold gay men to the same standard. In fact, its usually the opposite! If a straight man has one experience with another guy everyone assumes he must be gay/bi, even though he has only ever been attracted to women. Ultimately, if someone says they are a lesbian, they like women and just women. End of story. Yes there could be different personal anecdotes, but lesbians are attracted to women alone. To say otherwise is lesbophobic. If you are attracted to men, you aren't a lesbian.

Implying that lesbians are attracted to men is lesbophobic, so why is the term "bi lesbian" also biphobic? Well because in addition to erasing the meaning of lesbian, it also erases the meaning of bi. Bisexuals are often believed to secretly be straight or gay. We are not gay or straight, we're bi. I get the term is trying to say that you have a strong preference for women; many bisexuals have a preference, however you are still bi. If this "preference" is that strong to the point where you basically are near exclusively attracted to women, then you are probably a lesbian. You are either a bi person with a preference for women, or you are a lesbian. You cannot be both bi and a lesbian. Substitute bi for pan here and the commentary is the same.

I've also seen people who say they call themselves bi/pan lesbians because they are attracted to women and also to nonbinary people. And okay, I see where you're coming from here, but that doesnt mean the term isn't offensive. Gender non-conforming and nonbinary lesbians are a thing and I'm not about to police nb lesbians; they have always existed and been important parts of the lesbian community. But if the only nb people you find yourself being attracted to are nb lesbians and other fem aligned people, you're still a lesbian. If you aren't comfortable with that because it erases some peoples identity, then use bi/pan, because those are the terms to describe attraction to 2 or more genders. Or use queer! I knew a couple in college who were a lesbian couple until one of them came out as trans masc. To not invalidate them, their partner said they were queer instead of lesbian.

Another person I have seen using this term is women who are basically bi/pan or even straight who for whatever reason have stopped dating men permanently, despite being attracted to them, and this actually has some historical precedent. During 2nd wave feminism these women called themselves "political lesbians," giving up dating men in order to free themselves from misogyny. If this is your experience, do what you want, but again, the term bi/pan lesbian is harmful to lesbians and bi/pansexuals and please call yourself something else. I think it's fine to call yourself a lesbian or gay for convenience sake if you really do never plan on dating men again. Please just understand that the lesbian/bi/pan communities need to have the integrity of these terms for political reasons. Lesbian is not an umbrella term the way gay or queer is. On a personal level, yes there is wiggle room, but on political level these terms need to have definitions.

Ultimately if you identify as a bi/pan lesbian, please stop using that term. It's problematic for lesbian, bi, and pan communities and frankly makes no sense. If you want a fluid term, you can always just say "queer" or "queer with a preference for women." Normally I don't care about what people identify as and I against gatekeeping, because in the end it doesn't hurt anyone. But this isn't about gatekeeping. The term bi lesbian is harmful, which is why I'm asking anyone defending that term to please reconsider. If you identify with this term, I'm not sending hate your way and I'm not trying to invalidate you. I'm just saying this term is harmful and there are plenty of other non problematic ways to describe your sexuality, like wlw, nblw, sapphic, or queer.

If I got something wrong here please tell me! I just think there is a lot of really hateful debate going on here and it's extremely unnecessary. But my final stance is that the term bi lesbian/pan lesbian is offensive, biphobic, and especially lesbophobic, and we should do better by the lesbian community, who are constantly being erased.

[daturanerium]

i’m finally all caught up with @thepenumbrapodcast​ ‘s juno steel stories! here are my discordant thoughts on the story and the characters.

(i did this with the magnus archives season one, too! check it out here.)

SPOILERS FOR JUNO STEEL from s1e1 to s3ep2

general plot stuff:

this show. THIS SHOW. is written so well. the characterization is top-notch. the characters are fleshed out and interesting and engaging and they all grow and change and are affected by people and environments and time and events. they’re not static in the slightest.

i haven’t come across a story that deals with depression and suicidal idealization so well. i’m thoroughly impressed with how the writers both portrayed them and how well they have (so far) portrayed the healing process. wowowow.

THE LGBT REPRESENTATION IS OFF THE CHARTS. QUEERS LISTEN TO THIS SHOW. they have a nonbinary politician?? mlm romance and kiss in the first episode???? main character is nb with he/him pronouns??? SO MANY BADASS SAPPHIC SPY/MAFIA COUPLES.....IT TUGS AT MY HEART. the big strong guy is asexual??? i could go on for days but spoilers! just know that genuinely, you will not be disappointed.

this show has two main focuses/themes: trust and the future. it’s been so fantastic to see how juno and the other characters view both themes and how they changed themselves and/or others while encountering those themes in their everyday life.

ramses o’flaherty and the entire plotline that came with him was absolutely top-notch. it blew me away. ramses is a true complicated character, a grey area that makes you question everything you believe in. the storyline tackles politics, morals, and values while keeping it exciting and entertaining. it’s definitely one of my favorite storylines ever.

the writers are truly incredible. i’m really in awe. they inspire me!  i wish i had the energy right now to give them the praise essay that they deserve but i’m really tired and i want to get this posted. someday!

the worldbuilding is the perfect balance between two extremes that a lot of scifi authors really struggle with. juno explains how a (sort of) functioning mars city works in a way that feels natural and easy to understand, and the world he describes is both familiar and fascinating. although the environment is different, the audience is all too familiar with corruption and capitalism and classism. they keep the world relatable while giving it some really new and funky details (do i want a cat with six eyes and a stinger? of course! do i want to step outside for more than five hours and get radiation poisoning? that’s up for interpretation). they also chose a great route in making this story take place in the aftermath of (what seems to be) a galactic war instead of taking the traditional Save The World, End The War scifi route. it’s refreshing, and again, relatable (especially to me: i was born after 9/11 and have lived through the entirety of the war in afghanistan so the underlining feeling that hyperion city has that Something is Going To Go Wrong....i feel that).

there is so much more i want to say but this has been sitting in my drafts for weeks and i want to get it posted!

tl;dr: juno steel is really a fantastic work of art. it’s engaging and relatable and teaches valuable lessons about healing, trusting, and moving on in ways i have never seen another piece of media do so successfully. please give it a listen if you have a chance!

some character/character arc thoughts under the cut :)

juno:

god so dumb. just so fucking stupid. i love him.

i’m going to be honest. s1 and the beginning of s2 Juno was really hard for me to listen to. the way he treated others obviously was, to put it lightly, not the best (the monitor incident with rita comes to mind; i really hated that). it almost got repetitive, and since i’m already not a big fan of the depressed-asshole trope i was kind of hanging by a thread by the time ramses came around.

god am i glad i stuck around. his character growth and maturity within the second half of season two and the beginning of season three has been so satisfying! it hasn’t been perfect, but that’s part of the reason why it’s so good--it’s realistic and believable. he’s realized where his faults lie and is making a physical and mental effort to better himself. he’s even doing it verbally, explaining to people he trusts (rita) that he’s trying to be better and then actually acting on it. too often we see the depressed-asshole say the “i’m trying to be better!” line but don’t see any actions following it that signify that effort--that was my fear going into this. but that’s really, truly not the case here, and it’s such a breath of fresh air. plus, in-canon-wise, i’m so happy for juno he’s come so far!

okay nonbinary king i see you

GET THIS LADY A CAT PLEASE.

that moment during the end of s2 when he found that baby rabbit in the sewers.....god.

juno appreciate rita challenge (accepted!)

his voice......is so soothing. except when he yells but he’s better now we’ve established that

i LOVE how as soon as he figures out that he likes you he sticks to you like glue. that’s super funny and cute and also fits him perfectly

miss dahlia rose if you’re out there.....

his complicated relationship with ramses was so fascinating and important. i loved listening to that storyline.

juno: “there’s no way in hell i’m doing this, fuck off” juno, five minutes later: [is doing it]

that’s pretty much the beginning plot of every episode lol ur so valid juno we love u

he’s ability to make the dumbest decisions continues to astound me. he likes to talk about how mick is always getting himself in trouble but god juno you’re really not one to talk

the fact that, in a world that literally runs on tech, he has no idea how a coms works. that’s so fucking funny. if you ignore the backstory that comes behind it.

did juno ever tell alessandra that he made it out of the desert alive or is she just out there in hyperion city somewhere mourning him with her wife?

i already sort of wrote on juno’s backstory but it’s so good. so good.

he’s so fucking soft. he loves so much!!!! and that scares him!!!! but he’s working on it!!!!!

rita:

is she the love of my life or do i just relate heavily to her? who knows

actually no we’re gonna talk about this

rita penumbrapodcast, queen of adhd. queen of oversharing. queen of tangents. queen of love. queen of excitement. queen of caring for her friends more than herself. queen of incredible intelligence shown in an unconventional way. queen of being underappreciated.

s1 and the beginning of s2 really stung me because i’ve been in rita’s positon--used as a punching bag by someone i care deeply about because it’s better me than someone else, because i’m willing to sacrifice my own health and safety for the sake of giving them an outlet. we put it under the guise of “helping”, but we don’t realize until later that it’s really not; we’re just letting them get away with hurting themselves and hurting us. the monitor incident comes to mind again. i actually had to pause and take a step away after hearing juno yell and the glass break--although my abusive friendships thankfully never got violent, that kind of unbridled anger was all too familiar and i was begging out loud for her to leave. she handles it like a champ, and i honestly can’t say whether or not that’s a good or bad thing: good because she knows he doesn’t mean it or bad because she’s used to it? because it’s later revealed that juno’s treated her poorly from the first day they met. i was really worried that their relationship was going to end up being static, “depressed-asshole bullies quirky female sidekick and she never fights back because she loves him” trope. but, thankfully, they’re not!

towards the end of s2 and the beginning of s3 we didn’t just see growth in juno, we saw growth in rita. she confronts juno through a thetabot down in the sewers, calling him out on his self-destructive tendencies and his habit of doing important things without anyone else’s help (in this case, disappearing for weeks without telling her where he was). she points out that maybe the only way for him to appreciate her is for her to do the same thing--disappear for weeks, forcing him to realize just how much he needs her. thankfully, this is after juno’s Big Realization, and he sincerely apologizes for his treatment of her and assures her that he’s trying to be better. (and, side note, but that apology was a good one. a really good one. he verbally acknowledges his many mistakes, including the one rita specifically mentioned, acknowledges that he does not deserve her forgiveness, tells her what he’s trying to do to be better, and then apologizes and asks for her help. that’s good. take notes, people.) later that season, she takes initiative for what seems to be the first time, coming up with a solid, well-thought-out plan, enacting it on her own, and saving both an entire city and her boss. you could probably hear my cheers from wherever you are on earth, because they were there and they were loud! rita saving the day mixed with juno breaking through the mind control with his overwhelming love and appreciation for her.....god. good stuff.

rita buying juno’s office as a surprise for him.......i Will cry

literally she’s just so wonderful i love her so much

every time she talks i’m like [one billion heart emojis mixed with like forty crying emojis]

RITA SPINOFF WHEN. i come from the critical role community so yall know for a fact i’ll back it on kickstarter

once her and juno’s relationship reaches a healthy balance (and they’re already well on their way which i’m so happy about!) they’re going to be so good together. so powerful. the Ultimate cheery vs broody relationship (although juno is less broody at this point and more....gentle asshole. we love growth). they were unstoppable before, but now? god help the galaxy lol

the fact that rita can just casually hack into literally any system in the galaxy is so.......impressive? hot? yeah.

please get this woman a girlfriend and a cat

rita x franny xoxo

RITA BACKSTORY WHEN. PLEASE KEVIN AND SOPHIE PLEASE AS A RITA STAN I AM POLITELY BEGGING YOU.

rita is now in space, which is an interesting development. i just.....”rita in space” is not something i would have ever guessed at a week ago

wait oh my god.

i was sitting here thinking rita has some sort of trust fund/is secretly rich and that’s how she bought juno’s office and kept it afloat, but with the most recent episode’s developments it’s probably equally if not more likely that she either hacked into the nearest bank to give herself the creds needed or hacked the person she was buying it from to make it seem like she had made the payments. i literally adore her whoops

the little rita episodes make me so happy and i hope we get more of them!

tldr: i love her and she deserves the world and more, i’m glad her relationship with juno has changed into something a lot healthier with juno’s Realization mid-season-two, i hope she realizes the hero she already is in season three

peter:

.........oh how the turntables.

peter, season one: juno come with me so we can be together forever and travel the galaxy! i think i love you! juno: aw babe i wish i could but i’m sad and the city needs me :( peter, season three, when handed the opportunity to travel with a healing juno through the galaxy on a silver platter: actually fuck this lol i have One Job and it is to Only Think About My Current Assignment. this is smart and healthy.

this man.....this man right here officer. stole my fucking heart.

i don’t really have an essay for him because we haven’t seen enough of him to really gauge his character development beyond an obsession with debts and his aging. i’m guessing that will change this season though

the debts....what are they

can rita hack in and pay them off

god wouldn’t that be so funny. he spends his entire life trying to pay off these impossible debts and it’s stressing him out to the point where he feels he can’t focus on anything else. and one day he comes to the fam and explains everything and rita’s like “oh shit that’s easy i’ll take care of that right now!!! why didn’t you say something sooner” and hes like “what�� and she’s like “yeah!” and he’s like “holy shit” and then he gets married to juno and they live happily ever after the end.

no but real talk

these debts. there’s a lot about them and the way he talks about them that really worries me. i feel like having them be simple money debt would be too easy, so maybe it’s something medical? that would explain both his obsession with his aging and his uncharacteristically excited reaction to the healing mother prime (i think that’s what it was whoops).

he also mentioned someone else before juno, someone that had some pretty strong romantic undertones. maybe they’re sick? but peter doesn’t seem like the type to throw away a relationship like that so quickly, so it doesn’t really match up that he would have someone sick and waiting for him but he’d still go after juno in season one. hmmm.

this one’s a real mystery lads. you think you have something figured out about peter nureyev but it just gives you more questions.

peter is the one mystery juno can’t solve. god, that’s good.

his voice is so good. i don’t remember who his voice actor is but they’re doing a fantastic job thank you!!!!

i actually don’t picture peter like how he’s portrayed in the official art and fanart? i wish i was an artist so i could draw him the way i see him but alas. (i still really like his official design tho!)

listen. you give me a mysterious thief that doesn’t exist and i am Forced to love him. i have a type.

thankfully peter seemed to come around during the most recent episode (s3e2 the man in glass) so i don’t think we’re going to get a repeat of season one. these debts, whatever they are, are definitely going to cause problems. i can’t wait to see what the writers do with this.

(my only fear is that it will end up fitting the “gay character has a sickness parallel to aids and it is incurable” trope. although the writers have so far done a fantastic job of writing queer characters and worlds as well as turning tropes on their heads, so even if it may seem like that’s the case in the beginning, i’ll most likely stick through it to see where they take it. i trust them).

peter i know you’ve never had a family in your life but. im gonna tell you a secret here. found family is cool and good and you’ll like it if you give it a chance.

i love him and as soon as i cut my hair short i’m gonna cosplay him. fashion king

peter nureyev makes me want to fall in love

watching (listening) to juno grow and mature was already fantastic, but to see it through the eyes of someone who respects him, cares for him, and loves him deeply? good lord.

the way peter talks about juno.....yeah.

and peter as an individual....WOW. master thief, yes wow impressive! but his growth is already focusing so much on trust and it’s been written so well. i can’t wait to see how much he continues to grow and learn to trust this season!!!

i would love to see him continue to narrate s3. i think it’s a really strong change of pace and it also puts some extra emphasis on juno’s growth while focusing on peter’s motivations and inner thoughts. i’m genuinely fine either way tho!

tl;dr: i love u emo boy i love u i love u

[sunriseskog]

Ours- William Nylander

Request: Can you do a William Nylander one where you’re tougher and you hide you’re pregnant from him. He finds out somehow. He gets really really mad but it all ends up ok in the end? 😘

Warnings: Angst, Cursing

Word Count: 2128 

Notes: Wow this became way longer than i anticipated sorry lmao. As always, I hope you like it! Let me know what you think :)

“FUCK YES!” You screamed, jumping up from the couch and wildly punching the air in celebration. The Toronto Maple Leafs had just won game 6 with a final score of 1-3, effectively forcing a game 7 and you couldn’t be prouder of your boyfriend and his team. You were a little disappointed that you weren't able to see this game in person, especially given that it was the last home game of the series, but you knew that what you had done instead was more important. You had spent the first period of the game watching from your phone, trying not to yell at the players in the middle of the OB/GYN’s office you were sitting in.

After about a week of anxiously peeing on every drug store pregnancy test you were able to sneak past your boyfriend, you were finally able to make an appointment to have an official test done by actual licensed medical professionals. Unfortunately, however, they weren’t able to get you in until about two weeks later. Which was exactly one day before the first game of the playoffs. It barely took any time at all for you to draw the conclusion that there was no fucking way you were telling William about this now, not during the playoffs. He had more than enough on his plate and, frankly, you were pretty terrified of how he would respond to the news. At least, if you waited until after the playoffs, you would be able to pack up your stuff and leave without it catching the eye of the public. It didn’t seem like a huge possibility that it would actually come to that, but throughout your life, you had learned fairly early to always expect the worst. At your first appointment, you had discovered that you were, in fact, pregnant and had been for almost 2 months. You were honestly blown away that it had taken you this long to notice, but you had missed periods due to stress before and it wasn’t like these past few months were particularly calm, so it kind of made sense. Because of the high-stress nature of your life and the unpredictability of your schedule, your doctor had asked you to schedule a follow-up appointment a couple weeks later in order to form a routine check-up schedule.

The nurse practitioner had given you a weird look when she noticed you watching a hockey game on your phone during the ultrasound, but you weren’t in a position to go around telling stranger that you were pregnant with William Nylander’s child, so all you could do was smile sheepishly and ask for 3 prints of the ultrasound pictures. After your appointment, you had immediately called your two best friends and asked them to meet you at your house to watch the remainder of the game together. During the second intermission, you casually reached into your pocket and nonchalantly laid one of the strips of photos on the coffee table in front of you.  It had taken the two a second to realize what exactly you had just placed in front of them, but once they did the pair were immediately jumping on you and screaming directly into your ear. You laughed loudly as the three of you began to roll around on the floor, shaking each other out of excitement.

“Why didn’t you tell us you had another appointment today? We would have come with you, bitch!” Brooklyn chirped, pushing your shoulder gently but with an ounce of genuine hurt in her eyes.

“I’m sorry! You know I love you guys but… if I cant have Willy there then I’d kind of just rather do it by myself, ya know?” You said with a shrug, looking down at the floor. “Plus, I didn’t want a repeat of last time,” you blushed, remembering the look on the Nurse’s face when the three of you showed up with your hands intertwined, asking for a pregnancy test. In retrospect, the conclusion she had drawn was justified, but the implication of the three of you being in a polyamorous sapphic relationship had become a running joke throughout the past few weeks. The three of you began to settle down as the game continued as you jumped back into your enthusiastic —and occasionally infuriated— commentary.

You smiled as you heard the front door open a few hours later, after the game has concluded and your excitement from the win died off, you and your girls had turned on some mindless reality show and began filling each other in on everything that had occurred in your lives since the last time you all were able to hang out alone together. You quickly untucked your feet from under the couch cushion and moved to get up, letting out an audible gasp as the room started spinning and your legs fell out from under you as soon as you stood.

“Babe!” William immediately rushed over to you, gripping both of your elbows and helping you to the couch with a worried look on his face. “Are you alright? He questioned, “What just happened?”

“I’m sure it was nothing, love, I just stood up too fast, that's all,” you lamented, brushing his hair out of his face and pressing a kiss to his forehead with a soft smile. He let out a sigh of relief and pressed his forehead to yours with a smile as he looked deeply into your eyes.

“Okay,” he breathed, letting his eyes fall shut for a moment before pulling back and pressing a kiss to your nose before turning to greet your guests. As he leaned over to hug Steph, Brooklyn leaned over to whisper in your ear. The issue was— Brooklyn had never really mastered the art of actually whispering anything, in fact, you were pretty sure her voice was louder whenever she tried to whisper.

“Are you sure it didn’t have anything to do with th-“

“Brooklyn!” You yelled, quickly cutting her off before she could ruin everything.

“shit,” Steph said from your other side, realizing the weight of what Brooklyn may have just done.

“Anything to do with what?” William questioned, furrowing his eyebrows as he turned towards you.

“The Chinese food we ordered!” You hurriedly supplied, gesturing to the leftover takeout containers on the coffee table. “We tried a new place and I was pretty sure the Crab Rangoon tasted funny,” you shrugged, hoping that he would believe your lie.

“What are you talking about?” He said, even more confused now. “We always get Wall of China,” he spoke, picking up the bag that was resting on the edge of the table. The second the bag left the table however, William froze and stopped speaking.

“…Willy?” You questioned, unsure of what would cause him to react in such a way. It took you a few more seconds until your eyes flickered down to where he was staring and you caught sight of the rope of pictures you had left sitting there, out in the open, in the middle of the living room. ‘Fuck,’ you thought, ‘fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck’, you repeated. There was no way you were going to be able to get out of this now. Your fucking name was on the top of the pictures, for fuck's sake.

“Will…don’t freak out,” you spoke gently, stepping closer to him and reaching out to lay your hand on his shoulder. As soon as your fingers got close enough to brush the fabric of his suit, however, he violently jerked away from you with a betrayed look in his eyes. You saw your friends discreetly move towards the front door out of the corner of your eye as William continued to back away from you.

“Don’t- Don’t freak out? Are you fucking kidding me?! That's all you have to say to me right now?” He questioned wildly, his features becoming contorted with anger. “You’re fucking pregnant. And you didn’t tell me. You’re fucking pregnant enough to have pictures and go to appointments and tell your fucking friends and you didn’t FUCKING TELL ME?” He screamed, spit flying from his mouth as he threw the pictures back down onto the coffee table, raking his hands through his hair violently while spinning around the room, trying to look at literally anything except for you right now.

“William I just didn’t think it was the right ti-“

“That's not your place to fucking decide, (Y/N). Its my fucking kid too and I had right to figure out the moment you did! I can't fucking believe you!!” He continued yelling, this time stalking closer to you until he was close enough to you that you could feel the air punctuating every word as he screamed into your face.

“This is exactly why I didn’t fucking tell you, you asshole!” You screamed right back, unwilling to let him try to demean you for doing what you thought was best. “I knew you were gonna fucking react like this and I didn’t want to have to deal with packing up all my shit while you were in the middle of fucking playoffs! I thought this was the goddamn last thing you needed on your plate right now but ex-fucking-scuse me for actually thinking about anyone other than myself for once! Maybe you should take notes, jackass.” You finished, punctuating the end of your argument by slamming your shoulder into his as you moved to the kitchen to grab your keys so you could go to a friends house for the night. You whirled around as you felt his hand encircle your wrist, immediately ready to stand your ground. The look on William’s face had you faltering and the fire immediately left your eyes as you noticed the tear running down his face.

“p-packing up…?” He questioned softly, “you- you’re leaving me?” His voice broke as he forced out the sentence, each word punctuated with a sob as additional tears streamed down his face.

“Baby,” you started, feeling the walls you had forced up start to cave as you watched your boyfriend try, in vain, to force himself to stop crying, only succeeding in working himself up further. “Only if that's what you want.” You finished lamely with a shrug, unsure of where this was going.

“Wh-Why would I want you to leave?” His tears ceased as confusion took over his soft features once again.

“Cause! You’re 21! You’re at the pinnacle of your career! You barely have time to breathe let alone for me and a fucking baby, William. It wouldn’t be fair to you, or to the kid, to force either of you into that,” You took a breath to calm yourself down. “I know what it feels like to have a dad that doesn’t wanna be there. And I know what it feels like to have a mom that doesn’t have time for you,” your voice thickened despite how hard you were trying to force back the tears you could feel approaching. You rolled your shoulders back and removed your wrist from his grip, you made eye contact with him and prepared yourself for what was to come. “I know what that feels like and I swear to god I will never put my kid through that. Ever. Regardless of what it costs me,” you said firmly, desperate to hold onto what little composure you had left.

“our,” William said, collecting your hands into his once more, despite your efforts to pull away.

“What?” You questioned, not understanding what he was trying to say.

“you said ‘my kid.’ It's not just your kid, its out kid. And I’m not going to put our baby through that either, regardless of what it costs me,” he insisted, pulling your hands to rest on his chest as he wrapped his arms around your waist. “I’d give up the Leafs. I’d give up hockey. I’d give up breathing. Fuck, (Y/N). I love you. And I love our baby. And no matter what happens or what comes, nothing is going to change that. Ever.” He insisted, pressing a kiss to your forehead as he used his thumb to wipe away the tears that had begun to slide down your face.

“I love you too,” you laughed through your tears, your heart filling with relief that you were lucky enough to have fallen in love with a human being as genuine and kind as the one standing before you.

“and we love you,” William spoke, moving your joint hands to rest just above your belly button.

“That we do,” you whispered quietly, stroking your hand through his hair as his thumb rubbed circles into your stomach.

[50shadesofmittens]

Completely fucking unfinished but I wanted something from this AU to make it online

<I have decided to call this the Headlockverse. Basically the idea is a group of Custodians used to sneak out of the palace in order to do the kind of work ALL Custodes in cannon have been doing, and Kitten was one of them. Then all bar Kitten died, and after a brief period of being mad and then being lost Kitten took over alltheir jobs. One of these tasks was keeping tabs on various fragments of Magnus who have sentience and were deemed unable to be kept safe in the palace for one reason or another, or who kept escaping the palace. As it happens, these interactions are sometimes unplanned and sometimes have unusual results. The song Headlockby Imogen Heap reflects the relationship Kitten has with the various Magnus-fragments he’s met over the years- with the Crimson King ie the guy on Sortarius being the only one who has not met Kitten over the years>

…/…/…/…/…/…|…\…\…\…\…\…

Millennium 42, unknown restaurant

…/…/…/…/…/…|…\…\…\…\…\…

There is something very pertinent about anticipation.

Some would think that minutes were nothing in the life of an eternal, but there are certain things that can only occur on small time scales. There’s a certain mix of terror, doubt, and a conviction one struggles to maintain, and this mixture can only be experienced in the handful of minutes that it lasts. Time seems to stretch out and the feeling weighs on a person even once the wait is over, but mere days later that terror is forgotten. People remember the way they botched their audition or stumbled during their interview, but no longer can they remember why.

I spotted her on the catwalk wearing a nice dress and a headscarf. Even her satchel looked like something a local woman would keep, and at a distance I wasn’t sure if she’d dressed up the bag she always kept at hand or splurged and got a new one from a local shop. It was certainly fancy enough for her to pass as someone who had access or gifts from my own funds, with my silk jacket and gold-woven cravat.

I flagged her down. She smiled at me and left to maneuver her way over. Ringing a bell summoned the waiter, and I gave the man a brief description of my ‘young lady friend.’ The server smiled and promised they’d send in the right girl.

Sure enough, when the knock came and the door opened, she was right behind the waiter. Before we were even alone she leapt onto the plush sofa to embrace me.

“Oh my darling, it’s been so long! Oh, we have so much to talk about, so much to do! Mwah!” She cried with all the drama of a rapturous preacher as she planted a kiss on my cheek.

The waiter bowed swiftly and closed the door, leaving the two occupants alone for our ‘reunion.’ She remained enthusiastic in her hugging, and so I told her;

“You know jumping on me disturbs the displacer field. The waiter might’ve noticed.”

“But he didn’t.” A snicker echoed through the small dining room, and she pulled back with a shit-eating grin. “A man like that knows full well to look the other way as soon as a young, pretty thing moves in to greet her host. You wouldn’t have picked this place without checking every security detail and privacy guarantee. You always read the fine print.”

“It’s still an unnecessary risk you created.”

“I know, darling.” She kissed me again, still leaning on my arm. “But if you’re going to go through all the trouble of setting me up as your quote-unquote mistress, it’s only polite that I give them a show. To respect the effort you’ve put in, I mean.”

“Ana-” I said, trying and failing to be annoyed by her antics.

“&#131;&#131;&#131;&#131;.” Ana said, finally leaning back and doing her best impression of my “Ana-be-serious” face. “Is there something I’ve done wrong?”

I didn’t answer, knowing this game all too well. “Is the planet about to be exterminatus’d? Is my better half about to find me?” Ana continued, “Is one of my brothers about to jump out from behind that curtain and drag me, kicking and screaming, all the way home so he can cut off my head in front of billions of onlookers?”

“No. None of those things are about to happen.”

“Then you can stop looking so dour and glum.” Ana flicked my nose, before settling a bit farther away on the couch. “Now, I’m sure you’ve got some terrible news about Angelos or Cadia or something, but it’s been too long and I want to mooch off your funding. Let’s get lunch first and catch up on the non-apocalyptic news- however scarce it may be these days- and then you can fill me in on who’s killing who.”

“Ana-” I sighed. “please keep it at a reasonable amount.”

“Perks of being my parole officer; every lunch meeting is a feast.”

“You know we’re supposed to be mortals.”

Ana grinned. “Ah, but what rich young man takes his mistress out and doesn’t spoil her with more than she needs?”

“They might notice when we order seven pounds of food and they get back empty plates.”

“So we order fourteen pounds and eat seven. It’s fiiine. You worry too much.” She grinned. “Besides. It really has been too long. You still seeing that one girl?”

She grimaced. “Urk, never mind. Y’know breaking the furniture like that is just as unusual as my appetite, right?”

I unclenched my hand from the edge of the table. Ana was right, there were handprint-shaped indents in the iron surface. Handprints that reflected the true size of my hands.

I pressed my elbow into the table, rolling it back and forth to conceal the pattern in a smoother dent. “I’m fine.” I said. “I’ve been studying lately, so there’s not much to report.”

“If you say so.” Ana said. “Alright then, I know what I want to order. Let’s get some food, and then I can tell you what I’ve been up to.”

“You haven’t even looked at the menu.”

“I got a glance of one open on a table I passed on my way to you.” With that she leaned over me and pulled the bell-string.

I didn’t pay much attention while Ana ordered. When the waiter turned to me I pasted on a smile and said, “I trust she’s got enough food for us to share.”

“I see, sir. Are you happy with Miss V’neer’s customizations?”

“Missus, actually. And it’s pronounced ‘veh-near,’ not ‘van-ear.’” Ana said.

“Apologies, Madame.” I was a little impressed the waiter didn’t even flinch, even though Ana’s clothes were nowhere near expensive enough for her to pass as my wife.

“I trust her taste.” I said.

The waiter left with a bow, and Ana turned back to me. “You feeling a little better?”

I opened my fists. Only a little bit of blood, and most of it dried by now. “Well enough.” I said.

“Remind me to never bang you.”

“Remind me to never get insensate around you.”

“HA!” Ana laughed. “Wouldn’t stop me from robbing you blind, kitty-cat. I don’t need to pick your pocket, all I gotta do is get you to buy me lunch.”

“So true.” I said. “Pity. I can only flinch so much before it starts gets noticed.”

“Bull. You’re the only one there who pays attention. Everyone else lives in their own little bubbles of their obsessions and duties.”

“The Ecclisiarchy is surprisingly rational, these days.” I said. “The ones who make it to the palace are all true believers, at least.”

“I sincerely doubt your perception isn’t skewed by all the madness in that place.” Ana sighed. “Well, the preachers are less crazy than the Inquisition, I’ll give you that.”

Our food arrived. I looked out the window as Ana cooed over the food and asked questions to the waiter. All the people in the city, each with their own lives and dreams and fears and aspirations. How pitifully beautiful.

Finally the waiter left, and Ana dug in. I’m not sure which of us was giving the other space, but I felt indebted to her all the same.

“That isn’t a promise.” Ana said, eyes glued to the reflection in her cup. “For all you know He just wants to kill me.”

“Nonetheless, there’s a good chance I’ll be hosting you. Ana. I need to know more about what I’m getting into. I need to know how much danger we’re going to be in.”

“Do I still confuse you?” She smirked. “It’s not that hard. I in the whole sense am a fractured being. Just because I in the personal sense have multiple aspects to myself doesn’t mean I’m any less than a fragment of a human.”

“Yet you still show traits outside of your base drives.”

“Mm.” She took another sip. “Humans weren’t made to be two-dimensional caricatures. If I have a thought that would better suit a me who isn’t me personally, then I simply won’t think that thought. It’ll be thought by that me.

”Kleptomania, Anima, self-analysis, insufferable love of gene-dad-jokes, love of the Sapphic-” She grinned, “obviously, and a few others- all those are mine and mine alone.”

“But how does it work.”

“Well, occasionally I start thinking very, very hard about two or more beautiful women and/or daemonettes flicking each other, so presumably the rest of me has no appreciation for yuri and the associated genres.”

“So it works like intrusive thoughts? If, say, you got into a barfight ‘cause you stole some bloke’s purse and banged his wife, and he said something dumb and you reallywanted to punch him, that desire to punch a man would go to the Crimson King?”

“You’re focusing very hard on this ‘guest’ thing.” Ana pouted. “I mean, what red-blooded pansexual doesn’tget distracted by the thought of two birds getting it on?”

“A) one who also has a healthy dose of self-control and self-restraint, and B) has that everworked on me?”

“Point. But seriously, you’re unusually on edge. Usually that would get you to crack a smile-”

“I’ve got an unstoppable daemon primarch about to arrive in the holiest place in the galaxy.”

“You need to calm down, Amon. You’re too wound up, you’re not thinking clearly-”

“Don’t tell me to calm down, Xanalyse. Damn fuckin right I’m tense, I’m about to be the only person standing between the Emperor and oblivion!And I’m all alone because everyone under my command either hates my guts or doesn’t listen to a word I say, and you won’t help me redeem yourself!” He stood, throwing his hands up in exasperation. They got caught under the edge of the table and overcame the strength of the bolts securing it to the floor, flipping the entire table over and spilling food across the room.

They both stared, neither one having expected such a reaction. For a moment the room was quiet but for Amon’s heavy breathing. Ana waited until his breath evened out, or he started up again. He did not.

“… It’s flattering that you think I could destroy Father.” She said, bitter smile on her face. “And… you’re right. I haven’t been very helpful. Maybe it’s time I learned to live with myself.”

“Ana…”

“Delusion. Self-hatred. Wrath. Whoever else you haven’t told me about.” “They may be me, yet I still fear them. And can you blame me? Delusion so powerful it bends reality itself and destroyed all rationality is insanity. If I am wrong, then I must be mad to fear being swallowed up in it.”

“Ana I didn’t-”

She continued. “Self-hatred so strong it lashes out into the warp, psyker powers no longer at the beck and call of the psyker but instead summoning daemons and incurring hatred. Self-fladgillation so extreme it destroys everything and everyone around the poor boy.”

“I didn’t mean to-”

“Wrath so powerful that the desire to destroy becomes the only known goal of the man. That pursuit of revenge becomes an obsession, stripping away all other goals. To the point that he’d rather be a slave to an uncaring god than let ancient war crimes be forgiven.”

She shook her head. “I must be the stupidest bitch in the galaxy if I’m not desperate to feel that! Tell me, Amon, have you faced down all the ugliest parts of your own heart?”

“…I’m sorry.” Amon said. “That was insensitive of me.” He sighed, and flopped down to the couch.

“…I know that there’s no avoiding myself forever.” She whispered. “But at the same time, I know I’m not strong enough to overcome myself. In the end, it’ll be Reveul’s partner and the King. Billy and me, we’re good as gone.”

She looked Amon head-on. “It’s a bitter loop of growth and despair. I go out, face some unimaginable horror, and I survive because I’m me. I stay unchanged, because either I turn my trauma into rage at the monster, or I lie to myself about how much danger I was in. Except I can’t think those thoughts, and they go to another me. Then that me gets a little stronger, ‘cause there’s more of me personally contributing to his identity.

“You want to know how to fight the King? Then know this; we’re still connected to each other. Every time I meet someone so monstrous I want to destroy that person completely, he feels it for me. And every time he wants to nick someone’s shit, I feel it for him. I am still one person, even if different parts of me control different aspects. If I start changing, if I become a more aggressive person, then that part of me gets stronger.

“That’s why I can give a damn about my sons. That part of me died ten thousand years ago, but that just means any thoughts about them aren’t limited to just one of me. I rebuilt that part of myself from the ground up over these millennia. I’ve changed, and…

“I don’t know how much of me is someone I want to be. If insanity overpowers honor, rage overpowers curiosity, and guilt overpowers innocence I just… I don’t know if I’m someone I can love anymore.”

Amon didn’t know what to say. Perhaps there was nothing to say. Nothing that would make the galaxy they lived in any less of the shit-storm it was.

“I have honor, but not personally.”

[sapphiclizziebennet]

ah ok so i wanted to discuss this a little bit and get some insight

some of you know i’ve had a lot of struggles with my sexuality recently, firstly dropping the label of pansexual for a number of reasons (if you’re curious you can ask) but also feeling weirdly between the label of bisexual and gay.

(beneath the cut i discuss my findings with myself and like, i am questioning things and if someone would discuss it with me it might help me get more insight on what i’m feeling. it’s some weird shit going down, guys. it’s pretty long tho so i understand if you don’t want to read.)

basically, what i’ve come to realize, is that i need the positive attention of men to cope with childhood trauma i experienced. not necessarily need, but it makes me feel something, idk. men giving me that positive attention, and me being able to shut it down or laugh at it or know that they’re attracted to me gives me a feeling of amusement and control that i didn’t have when i was a kid. i really like messing with them. which is why i think i’ve had such an interesting time with tinder - i swipe right, they match with me, i message them a couple times, then ghost them. or when men find me attractive or, in different terms, “get off on me,” it gives me a real sense of, yeah, both amusement and control. 

i think one of the more prominent recent examples of this was that i was set up with my roommate’s TA (odd situation, i know) and at first i flirted with him really well and everything and we went on a date and kissed and stuff but literally the next day, i felt nothing for him and i needed to get away from him. so i told him i was gay and i didn’t want to see him anymore, which is pretty much what started all this. because something broke in me, and for that short amount of time i was very very confused about my sexuality. and actually, i still am, but i felt such a great dissonance within myself that i had to address and ask the question - am i gay? 

i have an aversion to men. every time i have an experience with a man it at first mystifies me and excites me, but i think this is just the amusement i feel. a man finds me sexually attractive or romantically able, and then to take control back i drop them like a hot potato. all the time i think, men fucking suck. but i guess i could still imagine myself with a man if the right one came around. except, every time i have an experience with one, i laugh about it. it’s like my brain treats it like a joke and i have to take the control back, to get back at what my father did in relation to me and thought about my worth. like, it’s so fucking weird, and i don’t know how to process it. in sexual and romantic situations, it’s me being desirable to them that gets me excited, not a real need to be with one.

i know that i am more attracted to women than i am to men. but i worry constantly that i am faking my attraction to women or that i’m only feeling this way because of my upbringing, and i don’t know. i’m just in a very hard place. the word bisexual doesn’t feel right, the word gay feels right i guess and i’m okay with it but i feel so isolated from the community, and nobody knows what the word sapphic means, it’s not normalized. and i haven’t had any experiences yet with actual women which scares me so deeply to my core. what if i get there, and it happens, and it’s nothing. but at the same time, i know i’m not ace or aro, because i desire these sort of relationships with women specifically so badly, but i still have a lot of hurdles to get over in terms of forming relationships with other people.

for instance, a friend of mine who i met while here at college has only very recently come over those hurdles and she is 4 years older than me, and we have had some eerily similar life experiences. so i know that like, i need to get over these hurdles. 

and i don’t want to like, cut off falling in love with a man, but i wonder if that is just compulsory heterosexuality talking. of leaving that option open in the rare case it might happen. and i had crushes on boys up to right before i started questioning my sexuality, but then again these boys were always unavailable and idk. i haven’t had a crush in a long time but i feel like that’s because i’m just in such a place of despair in terms of my mental illness and yeah. who knows.

i feel such a sense of unease, and i’m feeling so unsure. i don’t know what to do about who i am, or who i want to date, and i just have so much i need to plow through in my head about sex and love and who i am as a person.

there are things relating to my abuse that are literally just coming up for me. i was such a small child i never got to process it. and this is very distressing for me. 

[wandaromanova]

warnings: cussing, sexual suggestion

A/N: hello! many people asked for a second part to my Natasha blurb; Cold. so, here it is!! this blurb continues where we left off in the first one <3

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•❅──────────────── ‎⧗ ────────────────❅•

You sat there in tears as you tried to control your breathing. After a few minutes, you finally regained your composure.

You and Natasha rarely got into fights. When you did, they never lasted long. You both would make up shortly after. You were the level-headed person in your relationship, so you were always the first to try and make amends.

An hour passed before you decided to go and find Natasha. You figured she would be at the Compound. It was the only place she could go.

So, you made your way there as your thoughts raced through your mind. All of them had to do with Natasha, how much you loved her, and how desperate you were to be okay with her again.

When you arrived, you made your way up to the living quarters. You walked through the hallway quietly, not wanting to disturb anyone.

You walked past a room and froze when you heard a familiar sound. A sound that only you were supposed to ever hear. A sound that you had evoked more nights than you could count.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

The sound of your girlfriend’s moans.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

You stood there in shock for awhile. The door her melodious moans were coming through belonged to your best friend; Bucky.

You refused to believe Natasha was cheating on you. She would never do that. There had to be some sort of rational explanation because you don’t know what you’d do if there wasn’t one.

You walked towards the door and shakily grabbed the handle before opening it. Your heart broke at the sight.

Two bodies, bundled up underneath the sheets as moans and grunts echoed throughout the room. At this point, you didn’t even have the energy nor strength to cry.

“So, do you do this every time we get into an argument or only when you feel like it?” The fast movements beneath the linen stopped instantly at your voice.

Natasha’s head popped up from the sheets and her eyes were laced with fear and regret. Bucky, who was below her, looked at you in shame. He was ashamed for betraying you, but you didn’t care.

“Y/N… I can explain.” Natasha frantically stood up and grabbed her clothing, hastily throwing them onto her body.

“There’s nothing to explain. You guys have been going behind my back for months. As far as I’m concerned, you guys can go to hell. I want you out of the apartment, we’re done.”

You turned around to walk out of the room, but Natasha ran and gripped your wrist tightly, preventing you from leaving.

“Please, I’m so sorry, baby. Please don’t leave me.” Your head whipped around to face the Russian. Her lips were swollen, she had hickeys on her neck, and her hair was a mess as tears fell from her eyes.

“Don’t call me that. You lost your place in my life the moment you betrayed my trust. Fuck you, Natasha. I’m sure aluminum foil over there won’t have a problem helping you out.”

You tore your wrist away from her and walked out of the room and down the hallway as fast as you could.

You were so embarrassed that the love of your life, the woman you thought was your forever, had cheated on you.

You felt used and disgusted with yourself. You should’ve figured it out sooner.

Natasha’s behavior changed when she came back from that mission; the mission she went on with Bucky.

The nights of love-making stopped for you, but not for Natasha. She just found someone else to bring her euphoria.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

While you were wishing for her arms to be around you, she was being held by your best friend instead.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

You never once saw Bucky as a threat; he was like a brother to you. You trusted him the most, after Natasha.

The two people you thought would never hurt you, ended up hurting you in the worst way possible and you’d never be able to forgive them for it.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

───────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────────

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