#my rewrite of him knows shit is up in Hope's Peak and he is READY to set an example

[swampythesweetsketch]

i drew him too small on the canvas and i didn't fix proportions a lot and i gave him a weapon

[closer-stars]

Gut Feeling (7)

Member: San Genre: Fluff/Hopeful, bit of angst Word Count: 7.8k Content: bit of food mention, tables turning, nothing too heavy  Notes: Anyways. Nearing the end my dudes. I kept thinking of how to end this part but i think i like how this one went. Not really sure of how to talk about this part but yeh it’s nothing heavy. Links to be updated after 24 hours. Also anyone ready for Fireworks? :D Tag list: @barsformars @hwaberrykiwi @miniyeo @shinyddeonghwa @frankenstein852 @yeotlny @seoultraveller​

Part 6

You were grateful that Manager Hwang was back by the time the photo shoots were coming. It gives you the much needed air and space away from the boys. Don’t get it wrong, you love the boys dearly, but with everything that has happened, it was better to stay away for now. You already had sent in a letter to your higher ops requesting for a shift in your position: from being just a manager to the eight boys, you ask to work on externals. Your resume proved you to be able to do so they gave you the green light. The approval also means another schedule shift for you, less time with the boys, more time with the KQ staff and with people who are sending love calls to the company in regards to the boys. 

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“Hyung, you’re back!” Wooyoung squeaks, thus causing the other seven to look at the direction he’s looking at. They’re too exhausted to properly pester him on his return that they end up toppling over themselves on the floor, elated to have him back. 

Things were slowly going back to normal-- or at least, as normal as it can be. The same cycle starts, practice, eat, workout, guestings, sleep, repeat. Everyone’s relieved to have some sort of normalcy again, the schedule’s not as hectic as it was during their promotions. 

San feels the same, he’s just as happy to have a sense of normalcy back but a part of him nags. 

What about you? He’s noticed that he’s been seeing less of you now. Only when the managers need an extra pair of hands whenever they’re out for a schedule and when that happens, it’s usually when everyone’s too exhausted to pester you, even him. He remembers that you were going to be their manager until Hwang comes back. 

He doesn’t want you to slip through his fingers like this. 

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The past few weeks have been you in your work table or out and about with the boys. Even if you were with the boys, you were often on your phone, fixing emails and deals with other brands and press to get their name out there. You despised some of the interview questions some of the press would send you: too generic, too leading, nothing about how they work as a team or who they really are but that’s work. Sometimes you just gotta bite the bullet. 

On this particular day, you’re stuck in the office alone, working overtime as you fix an agreement with a brand. They were a horror story in your eyes, why were they so demanding? Understandable if it were in regards to the talent fee, the boys were a rising monster in the industry and with the noise their name makes, it was a must that their talent fee was equal to the work quality they gave, if not more. You’re tired, tufts of your hair sticking out as you rewrite an email, sending the draft to your co-workers as you try to get the other party to finally agree. If only you had a bigger influence in the industry this would’ve been easier. 

The previous brands ATEEZ worked with were lovely to work with, understanding how the industry works and its demands on those behind the scenes, even going beyond the agreement by lending some of their clothing lines for their performances. But this one in particular, as much as you wanted to drop the discussion, this would be an amazing opportunity for the boys. So you grit your teeth and work again, bending your back to this god forsaken brand without sacrificing the name of the company or the boys. 

Your phone rings, bringing you out of your exhausted stupor. You rub your eyes, and press green. “Hello?” You do your best to make yourself sound awake, as if you weren’t just minutes away from pulling at your hair. 

Yelling. That’s all you can understand from the other line. Another representative you assume is asking for updates but all you can understand is a middle aged man displeased to not have his way this time so he resorts to calling you names and airing his frustrations. You place him on speaker, your head buried in your hands as you let him run his mouth and his head. A small part of you hopes his head explodes from how he’s speaking but you keep the frustrations to yourself. You’re younger than him, what kind of junior would you be to talk back to a senior regardless of how illogical they were being? You carry the name of the company on you, a step out of line could pull the company back. By the time the other line quiets down, you take your pen and notepad. “Yes, I apologize for the inconveniences caused. I understand that things aren’t going the way we’ve expected, may I please have your name and company name? I will forward this to my higher op and have them take care of this issue as it is beyond my powers to do anything.” He gives his name and details gruffly, it was a miracle that you got everything down. “Is there anythi--” Click. 

How wonderful. 

You let out a groan as you lean against your seat. Eyes closed as you try your best to keep yourself from crying. Everything’s overwhelming. You could only imagine if you did this shift before the you and San made up, you would’ve bursted into tears in the middle of the call. You didn’t want to complain, if you were tired, everyone was as well. The boys are just as tired, stretched thin by all the packages and deals they need to do in order to make up for the cancelled tours while trying to keep themselves cemented in a fast paced industry. You’re juggling two types of demands. Your thoughts were tangled, what one word could lead to thought A turns into thought B. The white noise was deafening for you but you let it be, as you feel the tell tale signs of a breakdown looming over you. 

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San on the other hand had just finished his personal training. His towel hangs over his shoulders as he leaves the studio. At this hour, he’s usually the only one left, save for the trainees who still constantly work a floor below him. So why are the lights in the office still on? As he approaches the room, he hears someone yelling. Incoherent but it doesn’t take him much to know that the words being released weren’t nice. He peaks through the clear glass and he sees you. 

He sees how heavy your shoulders look as you listen to the voice. You don’t see him but he sees how your eyes look, lifeless and unreadable. He stays there for a moment and he doesn’t know why but he doesn’t leave. The male can’t seem to move from where he is after seeing how worn you look so he waits for you by the couch down the hall. He doesn’t mind waiting. 

He just wants to make sure you’re okay. 

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Thirty minutes pass until you’ve calmed down. 1:30AM. “Shit.” You mumble as you pack all your things up to head home. As you do so, you give your co-workers the notice that you’ll come in a little late as you need rest. You have a lot of reflecting to do. You’ve hit a wall and you need some sort of direction. 

You look back at the office, making sure everything is accounted for and well kept before switching the lights off. Even your footsteps sound heavy against the floor as you bring yourself to the elevator. Legs? Who else was here at this hour? Your grip on your phone tightens as you walk slowly. There’s no other way out of this place, the fire exit was beyond the elevator and that meant you had to get past through the stranger. 

Slowly, you see who the stranger is. Your muscles freeze at the familiar features. They’re features that are making your heart run for weird and rational reasons. “What are you doing here at this hour?” You ask, voice too hoarse to sound pointed. 

He suddenly looks up, shaken by your voice. Why were you doing this to yourself? “I was waiting for you.” He returns softly, standing up as you walk closer to him. 

Your feet keep you from approaching him, opting to stay near the elevator for distance. Being near him at your weakest makes your head spin. It’s too much. “You shouldn’t have waited for me, San.” You state as you jab your knuckle on the down button. 

The way his name rolls off your tongue should’ve made him happy but right now, it’s bitter to his ears and to your tongue. “I wanted to so I did.” He’s always been the stubborn one. Seonghwa is right: Wooyoung’s the one who’s been listening well nowadays. 

Ding!

The elevator doors slide open and you step in, with San following you quickly. He doesn’t give you the chance to close the doors on him. The ride was stuffy. It was quiet but it was the type of silence that makes you want to bolt out of the room once the chance arrives. 

The door opens and your feet already move to get out of there.

“Do you.. Want to talk about it?” San asks carefully, the change in his tone makes you stop on the hallway that leads you to the cool air. 

“Tell you what?” He knows you’re not playing dumb, the entire ride down, you’ve been out of it. 

“What happened in the office.” He states, standing in front of you. 

A sigh slips through your lips and you finally look at him in the eye. “San, you need to get home and sleep. I can deal with my problems.” Not entirely a lie, but what use was it for you to blow off steam at him? 

“You can but isn’t it better to share them or at least, voice them out?” He returns quietly, his hands in his pockets. He tries his best to be patient, he really does. It’s a lot coming from him, someone who keeps his issues to himself but after everything he’s learned his lesson. He’s going to make it a point to lead by example. 

You stay quiet, eyes feeling hot, your sight is blurring and for some fucked up reason, the way the lights from the convenience store that shines on him makes him look good. It’s unfair that your thoughts drift there in your state. You hate yourself for thinking like that. 

His fingertips reach up to the corners of your eyes, wiping the tears that have fallen down your cheeks. San never liked seeing his loved ones in pain, especially if he can’t take the pain from them.“I’ll buy us ice cream and we can eat it in the car.” He offers. Judging by how you look, you don’t like the idea of being in the open in this state. “Wait for me in the car, okay? I can get you coffee milk too.” He adds softly. While he looks at you with the utmost care, his tone gentle, his words don’t leave room for you to argue. You don’t want anyone to see you like this, so you nod, putting your hoodie over your head. You use the tips of your sleeves to wipe away the tears before heading into the car. 

He follows behind you then splits towards the convenience store. He takes the chance to get the two of you some snacks, water and ice cream. His schedule tomorrow starts in the afternoon so he wasn’t too concerned about missing out on sleep. 

As he goes through the assorted products on display, he wonders which ones you would like best. He still hasn’t figured out your favorite flavors and comfort food and he feels bad for it. He does know you love your coffee but at a time like this, your go-to isn’t recommended. He does make a point to grab a bottle of water as you’ve had a rough day and crying is usually a pain for the eyes. Eventually, he picks a few flavors that he and the members like that he thinks you might like as well. He couldn’t leave you alone in the car for too long. Eventually, he’ll know what you like and don’t like anyways. 

You sit on the driver’s seat, warming the car up as you wait for San to return. Deep breaths, you tell yourself. Crying too much would give you a headache, and it’s not a good idea to let everything out now. San didn’t even have his license yet. 

Two knocks against the window startles you out of your thoughts, but it’s a surprise needed to stop yourself from crying. You lean over to open the door for him and he climbs in with a small bag of snacks, drinks and on both hands were the ice cream.

“I got you the one in a cup since, you’re driving…” he trails off, the plastic bag rustling on his seat before hopping in.”...and a bunch of other snacks...” San explains as he settles down and buckles up for the ride. San connects his phone to the car’s sound system. You’re grateful for some sort of distraction from your thoughts as you make sure the two of you come home in one piece. 

The entire ride home, San sings to all the songs with his entire heart. You know how loud he can get but in an enclosed space like a car, it’s amplified. Some parts, he goes off key, some parts he mimics the singer perfectly, both times have gotten you laughing at how unexpected it becomes. The voice imitations he does that usually puts a pained look on your face, now brings out a smile. Yet, even in his goofy antics, his range as a singer shines, it’s really only a matter of time before he shows all of it to the world. 

San on the other hand, did all of those on purpose. While you can’t talk about what’s been bothering you, the least he can do is make you laugh and ease your heart with his antics. At red lights, you eat your ice cream, which he would often hold for you when the light turns green. 

The two of you arrive at the complex safe and sound; your ice cream already melted in its cup, not that you minded. “San?”

He stops his actions and looks at you, raising his eyebrows in confusion. “Yeah?” 

“Thank you.” You say simply with a tired smile. “Today has just been too much that I caved earlier.” You were about to talk about it when you saw the time. 

He sees how you’re about to close yourself up for his sake that he immediately butts in. “I got time.” He jabs the button that leads to the rooftop. At this hour, he assumes no one would be there. It’s far too late for a regular person to be out at this hour but should there be someone besides them, he wouldn’t judge. 

The small screen flashes the numbers going up as you head to the rooftop. For a moment, you frown at how he doesn’t relent to your wishes of him getting his rest but it only takes a few moments for it to melt away. It’s been too long since you properly shared your worries with someone. Hell, Jiwoo has been too busy dealing with rumors surrounding her own artists. 

That’s how the next few hours go. You share your worries and stresses in work with him. Admittedly, it was still rather filtered, since he’s been in the company longer than you have. He catches on to this. 

“I know you tell me to treat you like a friend, so treat me like one too. It’ll be easier on you.” He reasons gently, finding himself munching on a jelly pack the two of you were sharing. It’s his sharp intuition that also intimidates the living lights out of you sometimes. 

Maybe it’s the fact you’ve shouldered so much since your first day that you bare a lot of things to him. Your worries, apologies, and wishes. You don’t have it in you anymore to be private about yourself, you tell him stories that answer his questions about you. In exchange, he tells you his stories, though some of which you knew from the mouths of the other boys and staff but to hear it come from his mouth was an experience in itself. A lot of layers were revealed to each other and it made your heart squeeze a bit; remembering your conversation with the two oldest members. Would you have given him a chance if things had gone a little differently? 

The thought is cut short when the two of you notice that the sky has come to light purple shade, the sun peeking out of the horizon. With that, you stand up and San looks up at you in confusion. 

“You need to get some rest, today’s your rest day from all activities.”

“What about you?” He questions as he stands up as well. 

“I’m still going to work, d’uh.” Your answer causes him to look at you in alarm. You still haven’t slept, what do you mean you’re working still? “Just later in the day, I told my team I’m coming in late after working overtime.” Your quick explanation softens his features but doesn’t change the fact he’s concerned for your well being. He nods and has you walk back in first, bringing you to your floor first before him. 

“At least get five hours of sleep.” He chides. The shift in your relationship was a surprising one but you’re too tired to really give it any proper attention. At his concern, you nod, promising your best to do so. 

“You too. I’ll…” A yawn cuts through your words. “... see you whenever. Good night.” You greet, waving to him as you head inside your apartment. 

San doesn’t leave until he hears your door lock. He’s reassured in knowing that the two of you are in better terms even if he won’t see you as often anymore. 

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Several days have passed since that exchange and you seem a lot lighter. San has mellowed down too and while the boys can tell something has happened they can’t really place what it is.

The boys see you from time to time, but they notice the slight hints of exhaustion on you. You enjoy what you’re doing, yes, but having to deal with other brands that weren’t cooperative were the bane of your existence. You didn’t like this brand partnership but you grit your teeth. You can only imagine how hard it was for your boss who had to deal with immature leaders from more than just the brand deal. 

Now, it was you who was bringing them to the photoshoot venue. You were the point person for this deal and schedule, and considering that it was going to be a whole day one. At least, it’s Hwang was going to be the one in charge of the ride home. 

Upon arriving, you greet the stylists and photographers, letting the boys introduce themselves before everyone’s ushered to the dressing rooms. You keep watch of their personal belongings as the stylists did their work on them. You can tell San’s keeping an eye out for Mihyun, and you eventually do the same. The team did tell you they’ll respond accordingly but never gave you an update as to what the response would be. Half an hour passes, everyone’s already made up for the first concept and Mihyun’s nowhere to be seen. 

Now, what you didn’t expect was how well the stylists would work on the boys. They’re of age already to look mature, their performances and how they carry themselves tell you that. Yet those have a youthful vibe, the current look they have gives them a different air around them. Maybe it’s the clothes and make up but they carried themselves a little differently. The colors were the usual dark colors they’re most comfortable in, with a pop of bright colors here and there. The hair styled up, with makeup that made the boys appear more like men. Truthfully, you knew how this photoshoot would go, but seeing it in its entirety play out in front of you took a lot of wind from you. 

San looks at himself at the full body mirror away from the setup. “Manager-nim!” He never really got rid of that habit despite you not really being their manager anymore. “What do you think?” He asks as he fiddles with the stray strands of hair that fall over his forehead, barely grazing his eyebrows. The male shifts and looks at you, giving you a better view of what he wore: a purple polo with a few open buttons, a dark blazer with slacks. It looks normal but this is San, he somehow knows how to make it stand out. 

It takes a few blinks and a quick gathering of your slightly scattered brain to make an acceptable answer. “Purple fits you.” You say simply and it’s enough to make San beam at you, the youthful boy still peaking through the intimidating look. 

“What do you think of Jongho’s shoot so far?” He asks, and you tear your gaze away from him to look at the youngest pose through the flashes. 

They’ve grown so much. This photoshoot is a huge whiplash to you who often saw them as just young boys (even if they were roughly around your age) still living their life. A small part of you feels proud to see them mature. “Time really flies doesn’t it?” You muse. You remembered how this magazine was one of the first magazines ATEEZ worked with in their early days. 

San catches the references and flushes in embarrassment. “Oh my god, you saw the photos?” 

At his shock, you laugh softly and nod. “Yeah, while you guys got ready, some of the staff and I had a chat and they told me about your first photoshoot with them.” His ears are burning a bright red at your words but a smile graces his features. “Nothing to worry about, they have nothing but praise for you and your group.” The photographer calls for San’s name, thus cutting your conversation short. “Go, Mr. Kyungil is already calling for you.” 

“At least, monitor my work!” San pleads. 

“Wooyoung?” You offer, but he pouts, adamant in having you instead. 

“God, fine. Don’t want Mr. Kyungil to wait too long.” You relent, pushing him gently forward. 

At least, Wooyoung is the next one in line as he comes out of the dressing room in a sleeveless black top and leather pants. You raise an eyebrow at him, and he flashes a cheeky grin and wink at you. “I look good, don’t I?” You shake your head, tickling him immediately to console him from your joke. 

“Your fans aren’t ready for this photoshoot of yours.” You muse as the two of you look at San and at the computer screen as each photo is immediately uploaded.  Where you lack in volume, Wooyoung makes up for it. The two of you were clearly impressed with how the photos were coming out, though with some of them being San joking around with the photographer. Being born with good looks really gets a long way, you think. You take a quick glance at your phone to see how many concepts and clothes they’ll go through.

You’re in for a long day. 

He finds himself sulking inside when you talk and mess with Wooyoung for a moment but he doesn’t have enough energy to outwardly show it when a camera is a few feet away from him and he’s got spotlights bearing down on him. As he hears you and Wooyoung react to each of his photos, he feels his confidence grow. Admittedly, he’s alright with you and him being just friends, he also can’t deny his feelings for you still. He sees how impressed you are and how flustered you get when he looks at you with this kind of makeup. With how you react, he wonders if what you really want is someone mature and not someone as inexperienced as him. He catches himself in this thought process and shakes it away with a roll of his shoulders, shifting his heavy gaze to the camera. Focus, you’re at work. He reminds himself. 

The way you clap, how your eyes widen, and nod approvingly at his shots makes him proud. It doesn’t matter to him if that’s how you react to the other members too. If you were genuinely impressed with his work then that was enough for him. 

It’s the same cycle for the rest of the day: solo shots, unit shots, group shots, change then repeat. Halfway through the third cycle, you get up from your seat. The exhaustion starts to set in, from the emails you do as you watch over them. From time to time, the stylists would chat with you, keeping you company. 

[ Manager Hwang to You ] What do you and the boys want? I’m on my way and passing by a coffee shop. 

You look up from your phone and ask the boys what they want. They had enough time for a meal along with taking a breather from the constant changing, lights and everything in between. You can only imagine how difficult it is to be in front of hot spotlights. It eventually becomes four orders of tea latte, two orders of americano, three orders of mixed fruit juice. Once you get everyone’s, you relay the message to Hwang. Instead of going back to your spot, you take the chance to walk around for a bit, stretching your sore muscles. You’ll probably take a nap once Hwang arrives. 

When you settle back in your seat, you stretch once more before a yawn slips through you. “Please tell me you have your own jacket this time.” 

The voice startles you and it’s San again. This time in a grey sleeveless turtleneck. His makeup was different this time, less red and more natural tones. He drops himself next to you, as you massage your own shoulders. “I do, don’t worry about me too much.” You chide gently, pulling out your denim jacket. 

He notes the style and giggles. “I didn’t know you and Hongjoong have the same taste.” He teases. As you shrug on the jacket, you look at the sleeves: acid washed with bright colors over the bleached spots. It did kind of look like something Hongjoong would wear. 

“He has good taste then.” 

“I didn’t say anything about him having bad taste.” 

The two of you share a look, waiting for the other to cave but neither of you do and instead, the two of you break into a fit of laughter. A much needed wake me up as you wait for Manager Hwang. 

You hear the photographer call his name again and you nudge him to move. “Your turn, purple boy.” You tease. With a wave of your hand, you shoo him off. By the time none of them are in the room, some of the makeup artists even sneak a few minutes of shut eye. 

[ You to Manager Hwang ] I feel bad for the stylists, they’re so tired ;; 

[ Manager Hwang to You ] Leave it to me. 

[ You to Manager Hwang ] ???

He doesn’t reply to your confusion. You lean against the wall, resting your eyes from all the harsh lights you’ve been exposed to. 

When you open your eyes again, you’re leaning against someone’s shoulder. You push yourself up to sit up properly and you’re greeted by Manager Hwang on his phone. There were bags of coffee and some snacks rest on the table and your computer’s plugged to an outlet. That’s when you realize that you inevitably fell asleep. “What time did you get here?” You ask as you try to wake up. 

“Half an hour ago, your head was just a few inches above the seat.” He teases. It takes a lot out of you not punch his arm: even the managers take the chance to tease you. You peek out of the dressing room and see that the boys are in their fourth set of clothes. Some of them were being interviewed based on the small cameras around them as they wait for their turn. Judging from the food in the other room, it’s probably around dinner time already. You make the guess that you’ll finish past midnight. At least, Hwang got everyone something to eat and drink to last through the night.

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Everyone goes through the photos of the last cycle. Some of the boys hollering and cheering at certain photos. San takes a few photos of some shots of him and his members: if it’s for blackmail or for their birthday, no one knows. The staff reacts just as warmly as his members to some of the shots the photographer took. Once everyone is satisfied, a chorus of praises and thanks are thrown back and forth from ATEEZ and the staff as each party helps the other pack up after the long day.

As the members rustle about the photos before changing out of their clothes, he can’t help but look back at how far he has gone. Gone were the days of the scrawny kid with the high pitched voice who was chasing after a dream. Now, a toned man who is living his dream gazes back at him at the mirror. How fast does time fly? He glances at you through the mirror, you’ve been stretching a lot to push off the exhaustion. You seem to be getting used to the hectic, long days outside the office at least. Everyone’s saying their parting words for the day. After getting out of the dressy clothes and into something more casual, he’s excited to go home. 

He and the rest wait for you by the door as you discuss when you’ll be able to receive a copy of all the photos plus the final choices for their magazine. Without Seonghwa paying attention, he sneaks a bite out of his cream puff, before hiding it quickly with a sip from his tea. It’s 2AM, he’s not reckless enough to take coffee at this time. Wooyoung becomes a spectator of the event and tries to hide his snickers, only to fail and for Seonghwa to catch on. Hongjoong doesn’t even bother to control the bickering, already leaning against Yunho’s back as he waits. 

“Sorry to keep you guys waiting.” You say as you rush over to them. Your coffee was already finished by the time their photoshoot was finished. Once you catch up to them, the group walks towards the car. You hand the keys to Manager Hwang after a moment of rummaging through your bag. 

“Manager-nim, how are you going to sleep? You just had coffee..” Mingi wonders, San could hear the pout in his voice. It was a good question. 

You cast a glance at them and while you flash them a smile that’s meant to reassure, San catches the lines of exhaustion. He wonders what else do you have to do after this. “Don’t worry too much, I can flush it out with water.” 

At your words, the male says nothing but takes another sip from his tea. He’ll probably just walk you back to your apartment again, just to make sure you’re not faking it again. 

The ride back home was a lot quiet. You immediately fell asleep in the passenger’s seat and so did the other members. He started feeling sleepy in the middle of the trip. The only ones awake were Manager Hwang (d’uh) and Yunho. The two fill each other in on what has happened over the past few months. San’s head was lolling about in his spot, up until he lands on Jongho’s shoulder. 

He wakes up to the harsh lighting shining against his eyes. He looks around and realizes that he’s in the parking lot, some of the members trying to wake themselves up as they wait for the elevator. You were there with them too, blinking constantly to gain your bearings. Manager Hwang stays by the door. “Sounds like you had some good sleep.” 

That could only mean one thing. 

“Did I snore..” San mumbles as he hops out of the car while straightening his clothes. He shuts the door behind him and Hwang nods. 

“Yeah, it’s nothing new. You had a long day.” He hands the male the car keys. “Manager Yoon, tomorrow.” He says. 

There’s still that small part of him that wants to put his best foot forward for you but he knows better than to do that. He can’t help it, he just wants to show that he could be the man for you. Another part of him thinks that it’s normal, the managers and the rest of the group has seen and heard him snoring in the past, it’s about time you saw him without the spotlight and makeup. He follows the rest of the group to the elevator. He spots you leaning against the wall, clearly exhausted from today’s schedule. “Are you okay?” San asks softly. Even though you nod, he doesn’t really buy it. He drifts carefully to Hongjoong. “I’ll bring them to their apartment first.” 

Hongjoong glances over at you and catches you practically sleeping on your feet. It would be wise to make sure you get to your apartment safely and not pass out on the hallways. The leader nods at San’s idea. At his approval, San hands the car keys to him. “Manager Hwang said it’s Manager Yoon tomorrow.” Hongjoong hums again, a small grin on his lips. That’s the only thing that tells him there’s going to be a game night tomorrow. 

The elevator doors slide open and everyone inches in. From the size of the lift, you’re stuck next to San. He could already feel exhausted you are: since Day one, you never really liked leaning against someone to catch on shut eye. The only times he remembers you leaning on someone as you slept was during the first K-Con and earlier today when Manager Hwang had arrived. Right now, you lean your forehead against his back. He says nothing about it though, you need to rest soon. 

When the elevator rings of arriving on the designated floor, you lift your head up, thinking that it would be the boys first. Instead, the boys pile out and let you and San leave first. “Manager-nim, you need the rest more than we do right now. You’ve had a long day.” Seonghwa explains in the best way possible, hoping the words stick in your sleep fuddled head. You feel someone’s arm wrap around you to keep you up on your feet. You mumble something and wish them a good night as you’re guided to your apartment. 

It takes seconds for you to realize that it’s San who’s walking with you. Were things going back to normal? It’s a question that rings faintly in your head as it’s overpowered by San’s hushed worries and praises. “You’ve worked so hard lately..” He mutters while walking carefully. He doesn’t really think you’d respond as you shuffle your feet forward. “I worry about you a lot. It’s rare to hear you talk about your worries…” San has more thoughts he wants to express but the walk from the elevator to your apartment is a short one. He stops infront of your door and lets you punch in the lock code before letting go of you. Out of habit, he brushes his tiers against your temple. He’s always been openly affectionate, especially when he knows someone has had a long day. “Get some rest.” He mumbles softly before stepping back. 

“Good night, San.” You breathe out, tipping your head in thanks to his words and returning them to him. He catches your timid smile before the door closes on him. It takes a moment for him to gather his thoughts before heading to the elevator, waiting for the lift to bring him to his floor. 

He thinks back to the peck, and it only dawns on him then what he had done. 

[ San to You ] Hey okay, so I just realized I pecked you before you headed inside your apartment. I promise it doesn’t have any weight on it, it’s just something I tend to do with my members as well after they had a long day. 

He doesn’t hesitate and presses send.

[ You to San ] It’s okay. It’s been a long day working. Good night!

While your words bring a bit of reassurance, he can’t help but wonder: how much more will he fuck up what you guys have left? 

--------

“They didn’t tell you?” Manager Yoon asks, incredulous. He stares at the boys who had now stopped what they were doing to stare back at him with wide eyes.

“No?? They never told us anything.” Wooyoung returns with a sulk. His eyebrows furrowed together, concern lining his features. The same could be said for the rest of the boys. San on the other hand freezes in his spot. 

Why did you leave? 

Why was he even asking that question, he already had a few guesses.

This makes Yoon think for a moment, observing their reactions, then sighs. “Yeah, they left a few weeks back.” He continues, saying that you had to leave due to health reasons-- that was something San had a feeling about. He couldn’t help but think it was his fault but he keeps the guilt to himself. “Let’s continue this during lunch. We can’t get behind schedule.” Yoon reminds them carefully as he senses the drop in mood. They had a meeting with a production company after lunch, but right now they have rehearsals for an upcoming comeback. 

No one else knew of San’s feelings for you save for his members. The eldest ends up looking over at the male from time to time after each run of the choreography. The younger’s frustration isn’t seen in his movement. It’s in his features. What During downtime, he’s a lot quieter. A storm goes on in his head and Seonghwa carefully makes his way to his side. “Let’s talk about this later okay?” The ash haired male says softly and San who’s still in shock, merely nods. 

San stays in the studio a little later than usual today. He reasons that he wants to practice his vocals. Seonghwa sighs, knowing the truth, but he lets him be. He knows San needs his space before he lets himself open up. So here he is now, in the booth, looking for a song to sing. 

A certain song catches his attention, rather fitting for his position. He listens closely, eyes closed as he focuses on the lyrics. It was the song to let out frustrations he can’t properly express so he gets to it. He reads the lyrics a few times. It’s not that he needed to do this perfectly, he just needed some sort of release. What was supposed to be only an hour turns into three. What was supposed to become a cathartic release became him in his zone. He has ended up writing the lyrics down with small notes on where he should lengthen his breathing, when to project, what to emphasize and so on. Once he was satisfied, he gives it a go. 

The instrumentals ease in. He sings softly at first, breathy and unlike his usual style but it was a challenge he needs; something that didn’t have him physically exerting himself the way dance does. His voice raises and strains slightly at the change of notes and range. As he sings, memories he’s shared with you flash through his mind. 

He spots you coming out of the small room, trying to wake up after a nap. His hoodie hanging over your arms. “Good sleep?” He asks, putting his phone away. You were about to hand his hoodie back to him when he shakes his head. “You need it more than I do today, use it as much as you need.”  

--------

“Hey, monitor me please?” He pleads, doing his utmost best to get you to give in to him. He wants you to see him do his best because you bring the best out of him. You relent and he hops about in joy. You were the only one monitoring his scenes, Wooyoung wasn’t even with you. After four runs, he asks you how he does. 

“As expected from ATEEZ’s charm and Namhae’s pride, you don’t disappoint, San.” 

--------

The fleeting kiss. 

--------

As the song reaches its climax, he remembers the last conversation he had with you. He remembers how you looked so worn in front of him and how he couldn’t bring himself to give you a hug. He feels frustrated at how he couldn’t protect you from life’s troubles. He realizes his faults in this and for once he doesn’t feel angry. He just feels disappointed in himself for being selfish. Maybe if he didn’t think with his emotions this wouldn’t have happened. 

He doesn’t want anyone to see him like this, crying over someone who deserved better. He eventually sings from his heart; depths he didn’t think he could reach were reached from the emotions he’s experiencing. He doesn’t realize that his cheeks are wet but that doesn’t deter him from his singing.  

--------

He was looking outside the studio, expecting you to be there, instead he’s greeted by Manager Hwang. He covers the flash of disappointment with how exhausted he feels. When he asks if he’s done with practice, he nods. He wants nothing but rest at this point. 

--------

He catches himself pressing the button to your floor, even when it’s only him. Once he realizes his mistake, he shakes himself awake, pressing the button to his floor. 

--------

Another music video shoot and this was out of his comfort zone. ‘I’m scared.’ San thinks, and he realizes that you’re not there to reassure him. You’re working in another department this time, managing them wasn’t your job now. He’s back to being on his own. 

--------

When the song ends, his breathing is heavy. He never liked crying, even though he tells others that it’s okay to cry. He lets himself calm down, wiping his tears away. He couldn’t leave the booth looking like this. San takes all the time he needs to regain his composure. When he stepped out of the booth, he didn’t think Seonghwa would be a few feet away, busying himself with his phone. 

“Hey kiddo, I think we should talk.” He raises a plastic bag of some snacks and drinks. He wasn’t sure if he could see their dinner in the bag as well. “Let’s head up to the terrace yeah?” 

It’s going to be a long night. 

--------

Seonghwa listens as San recounts everything since you became their manager, since he started looking at you differently, since he confessed, since you started catching feelings, since things got worse up until you left. This has been the most unfiltered he has been in regards to his feelings about you. 

“They care about you.” Seonghwa says softly. “Now don’t quote me on this but I really think, if things went differently, the two of you would’ve worked.” San looks at him as he eats his dinner. 

He couldn’t go against that. 

“San, they like you enough to think about your situation first. They know how fans can be if they find out their idol is dating. They didn’t want you to go through that. They could’ve given the dating a shot but they did what they did. Maybe it wasn’t the best execution of the plan but it’s within good reason.” The elder explains. 

San looks away from him and shifts his gaze to his meal. He wants to apologize to you but he doesn’t know if that’s possible. “Do you think we’ll see them again?” He asks, voice barely above a whisper. 

The older looks over at the younger, and it’s times like this that reminds him that San’s still growing. “It’s really just a matter of time. If they’re really for you, you’ll meet each other again.” Seonghwa ruffles the younger’s hair much to his dismay.

San whines and tries to move away from his reach. “You really need to stop watching dramas with Jongho..” 

The complaint makes Seonghwa laugh, shooting the younger a sympathetic smile. “Hey, those dramas do have some notable thoughts.” He defends, gently bumping his forehead against San’s. “You’ll survive this, San. Maybe not now, but eventually.”

San’s thankful for the faith but in his heart, he has his doubts. 

--------

It’s been roughly over a year since you left the company and things have been back to normal now. San’s back to his usual antics-- well as normal as he can be. If he could compare the pain, it was like a scar. You’ve healed from the pain but sometimes you see the imprint of what was. There were times where things that remind him of you didn’t affect him and there were times were things that vaguely reminded him of you subdued him. Healing was never linear and for Choi San, a man who gave his everything into anything, it will take a long time before he has faith in himself to do it all over again for someone else. 

The entire group’s on the way to the shooting location for their next comeback. A month and a half from now, they’re dropping the next album. The past few surpassed their expectations but even then, they know where they needed to get better. They’ve matured: both as their respective selves and as musicians. There were times where some members were out going on secret dates with their respective interests but San hasn’t taken any chance at romance since you. 

They arrive at the production house’s venue, already the sets are prepared with some of the staff lugging around some of the cameras and lights, their stylists busy themselves with last minute alterations to their outfits. Everything was pretty much set for the next few days. 

Manager Bae looks around for their point person. They knew where they should be but for the sake of propriety and respect, they look for the point person who’ll introduce them to the director. “Hey!” He calls out and everyone directs their eyes at the direction their manager looks at. 

His heart jumps in his chest and he needs to hold on to Seonghwa’s shoulder. “Hyung.”

“Yeah.”

You’re the point person. 

Part 8

[justine-the-guillotine]

5 Otome/Romance Game Men I Adore

Thank you so much @pseudofaux for tagging me! Also, thank you for saying that your own list was not in order or an exhaustive list because I often feel pressured to make a perfect list in these types of situations lol but if pseu was chill I can also be chill (EDIT: no there’s actually a lot of screaming below and absolutely no chill, I’m sorry, I lied.) 

I always talk too much and break too many rules when I do these things but that's just how I am lmfao so I'm gonna start off by saying IkeSen's Nobunaga Oda is my absolute favorite otome game man of all time... but I'm not going to officially include him on this list because I talk about him too much as it is already and I feel like enough people love him anyway. However, if anyone is interested in hearing me talk about Nobunaga ad nauseam, I will gladly entertain you. 

On to my list ~

1. Caramia, OZMAFIA!! - Ozmafia!! is my favorite otome game (MC be damned) and I love this man sooooooo much. His wedding CG has actually been the background on my phone for ages now. You know the "that's where the trouble began, that damned smile" meme? THAT'S FUCKING FOR HIM THAT'S HIM!!!!!!!!! That smile ruined my entire life in the best possible way and I have not known peace since. I guess I have a bit of A Thing for loveable, charismatic leaders. I just love a man who is full of power but big of heart ... and a little bit of a dumbass. Caramia is just like the total package...  He protecc, but he also attacc, and he also a snacc. Oh, and he can cook!!!

2. Fenrir Godspeed, Ikemen Revolution - Fenrir is really, really special to me and I put him in his own category entirely. In reality, Fenrir and Ray are actually tied as my IkeRev biases (and honestly I prefer them together; Alice is optional). Fenrir is actually so close to my heart that I refuse to even look at almost all fanfiction with him in it, with few exceptions. The fear that someone could "ruin" him by writing him in a way that even slightly disagrees with the way I picture him in my head (and I have seen it) is really too much for me to handle. Is this unhealthy of me? Probably, but I tend to avoid the situation all together so it doesn't matter. Not only do I self-insert in my games but I'm also not one of those people who separate fiction from real-life really well, so all of my biases are people I'd actually fall for IRL. And Fenrir is really special to me because he is actually the most perfect, ideal boyfriend in my mind but he is someone I absolutely do not deserve IRL and would probably run from for fear of ruining things. :'] So while any otome game man is a fantasy, he's like... top tier fantasy for me. He's just so perfectly easy-going, such a Prince Charming, Knight in Shining Armor, easy to read, so ready to love you, SO MUCH FUN... he's a Good Boi without being naive and innocent... he's like a wild-yet-safe adventure ugh he's like   p e r f e c t    I cry

3. Raymond, Blood in Roses - I don't necessarily think Blood in Roses is a great game; it definitely has its hits and its misses BUT it did grant me this one amazing man and therefore I will never uninstall it. I mentioned that I like lovable leaders but I also thoroughly enjoy being able to break down a brick wall of a man. Raymond starts off by being pretty cold to MC, caring really only for his duty (I love a loyal man), but takes MC under his wing anyway... and slowly realizes he has feelings for her and then of course becomes someone who is willing to die for her. This is peak romance, don't @ me.

4. Zen, Mystic Messenger - Zen is actually not my favorite to romance (that honor belongs to Jumin) but he is my #2. More importantly than the romance though, he is such a fucking good guy in every single route... ignoring all of Chertiz's little homophobic undertones of course (man do I wish Chertiz would rewrite Mystic Messenger so it's not so conservative, pleaseeee). He is willing to stand up for and protect MC in every route, not just his own. In all routes, he offers himself to MC as a shoulder to lean on, someone to cry to. He is always helpful to everyone!! Even though he and Jumin don't see eye to eye on most things, Zen is still ultimately supportive of him and wants what's best for him. ZEN IS A TRUE BRO. He's also super chill like he's all about his acting and performing... but he just also wants to drink beer, eat street food, and smoke cigarettes all day. I know people get turned off by his narcissism but fucking look at him okay he has every (!!!) right to be narcissistic. Plus, he doesn't let his ego get in the way of love and friendship and that's very important !!! In this essay, I will -

5. Leonardo DaVinci, Ikemen Vampire - I just want to type his name and send like 150000 weary emojis after it and be done with it. Honestly, it is at the point where I think he is on Nobunaga level for me. I have fallen very, very hard for him. I have two IkeVamp accounts and between the two of them I think I have done his full route about six or seven times. Every time I get to the scene where Comte suggests that Leonardo breaks it off with MC, I want to scream at the top of my lungs "BUT DADDY I LOVE HIM" like Ariel does in The Little Mermaid (Leonardo has his own moment where he internally shouts "I LOVE HER!!!!" so we're even tbh). First of all, HE IS SO FUCKING KNOWLEDGEABLE HE KNOWS SO MUCH AND HE KEEPS LEARNING THAT SHIT IS HOT. Also, I have seen people disagree with me on this but I personally don't think he's patronizing to MC. His MC, unfortunately, is written in that way where "ugh he's so mature and I is babey" so, of course, there are moments where he plays off of that but he literally has SO MUCH KNOWLEDGE and he never is like "wow I can't believe you don't know that you idiot" to MC even though the opportunity to do that is plentiful. He will tease her, sure, but that's totally different than being mean about it. The best thing about him being so intelligent is the fact he's also a fucking dumbass (I love me a dumbass, as you all know). He loves MC so, so much even though he doesn't show that in the smartest of ways all the time... but... he fucking walked into a dress shop and designed a whole ass custom dress for her?? He even picked out the fabric??? And then he pretended like it was Comte who chose it??? HELLOOOOOOOOOOO I LOVE HIM I'M ACTUALLY SCREAMING RIGHT NOW THAT'S WHY I HAVE TO TYPE IN CAPS I LOVE HIS MIND I LOVE HIM 

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I'm gonna sneak in an extra number because I absolutely must.

6. Trash, Aloners - If you have never played Aloners, you really should because it is seriously an amazing visual novel (thank you @dear-mrs-otome  for casually mentioning this game like one time in a discord server otherwise I’m not sure that I would have found out about it). You can get it for free (or pay $5 for the redeux version), so there’s really no excuse unless you don’t have a computer. The love between MC and Trash is not the main plot of the story necessarily, but Trash is such a good man and he deserves the lovin'. Trash is like the perfect combination of sweet and snarky, respectful yet teasing, competent but dumb, has a good heart but doesn't always make the best decisions... in conclusion, what choice did I have but to fall helplessly in love??? 

This has been fun, I absolutely love screaming about 2D bois... I hope y’all don’t mind tags (also I haven’t really been around a lot so if you’ve been tagged already I’m sorry ;w;)  @luciens-one-and-only-sea-otter @lovingikesen @toonamifaithful @emeraldtawny @littlelady-blackwell @alloveroliver

[musicprincess655]

Hey Itsuki!

This warning isn’t going to work at all, because I’m not actually talking to you, but it’s the only contact information I have, so it’ll have to do.

I’m coming back to Japan.

And more importantly, I’m looking at baseball teams. Most importantly, I’m looking at the BayStars.

I’m also looking at the Giants, because they made an offer and I’d be stupid not to take them up on it, right? They’re one of the biggest names, and they offered the most money. On paper, I should definitely be trying to join that team.

But the BayStars. Obviously, you play for them. You’re not the only reason I’m considering the offer. Building a team from scratch in America was hard work, but more fun than I could’ve imagined. I wouldn’t even have to do that here. You’ve done a lot, and that new manager of yours seems to have some good ideas. But you’re on the rise, or at least I think you are, and that has more appeal than I would’ve ever believed.

So yeah. This is your heads up, I guess, even if you’re not going to read this. I have to get on a plane now, so we’ll pretend I’m not a little offended that the Swallows are so pleased with Kazuya and Sawamura that they didn’t even make an offer, because come on, Sawamura isn’t that good.

Mei

Mei closes his phone, sits back, and sighs. This whole triumphant return to Japan he planned out is getting off to a bit of a rough start. He managed to make it to California just fine, but his plane across the ocean is delayed again, and he’s been sitting in the airport for three hours now. Ueda went to Japan ahead of him to start laying the groundwork for a new contract, which means Mei is here on his own, trying to find a way to pass the time.

He’s spent at least two of those three hours writing and rewriting that email to Itsuki.

It doesn’t matter, or it shouldn’t. Itsuki never responds, has probably never even opened one of his emails. Mei could’ve just said hey coming to see ur team lol and it would make no difference.

But this is different, somehow, from Mei spilling everything he feels, everything he still wants to tell Itsuki. This time, he’s affecting Itsuki’s life, the one he’s built without any input from Mei. He deserves a warning, even if he’s not going to read it, and he deserves the nicest one Mei can send him.

“Japan Airlines flight number 67 is now boarding.”

With a sigh of relief, Mei climbs to his feet, stretching out his shoulders. He’s in for a long, boring flight, and though a part of him can’t wait to touch down with a goal of permanence, most of him is nervous.

It’s not just because of Itsuki, although that’s a big part of it. Whether Mei ends up choosing the BayStars or the Giants, or another team ends up making an offer, being back in Japan will mean Mei is a lot closer to Itsuki, and it will be impossible for him to not try to make things right. He doesn’t know if Itsuki will let him, and doesn’t know how he’ll convince Itsuki to let him try.

But it’s also that Mei has been gone for the better part of a decade, and although Japan is home and will always be home, America is too. This trip is the beginning of the end of his time there, and Mei is going to miss the country that he’s made his home for all these years, the teammates and friends that have earned places in his heart, the city that, despite all its flaws, is still one of the coolest places Mei has ever lived.

And of course, there’s that fear that the Japan in his memories won’t match up to what he’s returning to. That childish fear that without looking at something, it will shift into an entirely unrecognizable thing, foreign and unknowable. Or that his memories, full of nostalgia, brimming with the rosy glow of being a high school baseball star, will be warmer than the reality.

Mei almost feels like he’s passing through a portal when he walks down the hallway to board the plane. Like this is a save point, and he won’t be able to go back once he passes through. It’s ridiculous, of course, because if he does get cold feet, he’ll be able to turn back.

But he doesn’t think he will.

For once, Mei manages to sleep on the flight. He even went to the trouble of selecting a window seat just to make sure he would have something to look at the whole time, and it doesn’t end up mattering. Mei falls asleep halfway through the first inflight movie and doesn’t wake up until the plane jars from landing. He blinks sleep out of his eyes, groggy and confused, until he realizes what happened.

All that time he was supposed to be preparing for this, and he just slept it all away.

Ueda’s waiting for him when he makes it through the twisting hallways to the front, and he gives Mei an approving nod. All that walking woke Mei up, and after sleeping for so long, it feels like Mei has caffeine soaring through his veins. He’s so awake he’s almost jittery.

“Do you have a checked bag?” Ueda asks.

“Yeah,” Mei says. “How’s it looking over here?”

“Mostly good news, so far,” Ueda says. “Negotiating with Japanese is a lot different than negotiating with Americans.”

“Unrelenting politeness?”

“I never thought I would ask for American rudeness back,” Ueda complains. “All this indirect talking around each other is exhausting.”

“I believe in you,” Mei says.

“I did manage to find a new agent for you,” Ueda says. “She seemed a little too timid for you at first, but she won’t let you get away with shit.”

That is, perhaps, the hardest part of this whole endeavor. Mei will no longer have Ueda as his agent. Ueda will be staying in America, after all, with his whole life built there, and Mei will need someone in Japan. Ueda can’t do it from across the ocean, and Mei would never ask him to move just for this.

“Ready to have me out of your hair?” Mei asks, only a little teasing. Just about any player would’ve been less high maintenance than him, and he knows Ueda’s done a lot for him over the years.

“You know, when I first met you, I thought I would be,” Ueda says. “You were like breaking into this business on hard mode.”

“Harsh.”

“But I’m not,” Ueda continues. “I’m actually really going to miss you.”

“Aw,” Mei whines to hide how touched he really is. “I’ll miss you too.”

“Talia says you’re always welcome to visit,” Ueda says. “And what she means is, she expects you to visit every so often.”

“How else will I turn your child against you?”

“I will revoke your uncle status, don’t test me.”

They’re out of the airport now, heading for a car that’s waiting for them. They didn’t plan anything for today, expecting Mei to be entirely wiped out from not sleeping on the flight, so Mei has an unexpected stretch of hours to kill. Once Ueda gets him settled into the hotel, he spends it wandering the streets, looking for pieces of the Tokyo he remembers. He’s much farther into the center of the city than he spent time in before, but he sees a few places he went with friends. Snickering at the memories, Mei turns back to the hotel before it gets too dark. They have a meeting bright and early with the Giants.

It’s a standard boring business meeting, and Mei only sort of pays attention. The most interesting part is his new agent. He and Ueda didn’t arrive in time to do more than hurried introductions, so Mei isn’t quite sure what to think of her yet.

Konoe An doesn’t seem like much at first. She’s pretty enough, about the same age as Mei, and not all that remarkable. After introducing herself, she’s just been quietly taking notes, letting Ueda lead the conversation. Still, if Ueda recommends her, there must be something special about her.

The best part of the day is when they let him test out the Giant’s catcher. Abe is also the captain, and he’s more than competent. Mei doesn’t have a single complaint about how they work together, and he hopes it doesn’t show that he’s waiting for something more.

“Not bad,” Konoe tells him after they’re done talking it out. “I saw your performance in the Olympics, but still, having so many different usable pitches is impressive.”

“You know about baseball,” Mei says. He’s not sure why he’s so surprised. If she’s an agent, she should know something about the sport.

“My ex was a pitcher,” she says. “He was pretty into college ball, so I was pretty into college ball.”

“What happened to him?”

“Dumped him for a catcher.”

“I like your style.”

They spend another week in Tokyo letting Mei familiarize himself with the team and talking out contract details. Mei sees his family, and his dad and sisters are overjoyed at the possibility that he might be coming back. His mom is the best, though. She’d accepted, all those years ago, that he was leaving for good, and she never expected him to return.

Then, when Mei’s anticipation and anxiety starts to peak, they make the short trip down to Yokohama.

He’s not sure how Itsuki will respond to him, and at this point, that will make or break this trip. He’ll be coming into Itsuki’s team, unannounced, and trying to find a place for himself there. At the very least, he hopes Itsuki’s coach let him know what’s coming.

Mei’s heart jumps into his throat when he sees Itsuki for the first time like a teenager with a crush. He tries to prepare himself for the disappointment he’ll feel when Itsuki looks at him coldly, like he did when they first met for the Olympics.

But it doesn’t come.

“Hello, Mei-san.” Itsuki doesn’t look thrilled to see him, but he also doesn’t look upset, and Mei counts that as a victory. Itsuki’s coach must have warned him after all.

“Hey Its…Tadano,” Mei corrects himself quickly. He doesn’t know if their old deal is still in place, but he’s willing to respect it anyway for as long as he has to.

“Ready to pitch?” Itsuki asks, holding up his mitt. Mei grins.

“Always.”

Abe of the Giants was good enough that Mei had no complaints, but now, with Itsuki, Mei has only praise. It’s nothing like their first practice for the Olympics had been. If anything, it’s closer now to how pitching felt in high school than anything else has ever been. Mei is so pleased he must be glowing.

“Much more impressive,” Konoe tells him.

“I agree,” Ueda says. “I was worried you might have the same issues as last time, but they’ll have nothing to complain about for you here.”

Mei might be thrilled beyond words that he and Itsuki can still work together, but he needs to talk to Itsuki before he can really get into contract negotiations. Unfortunately, it’s not until nearly the end of his week in Yokohama that Mei even has a chance to speak to Itsuki alone, and it involves Mei dragging Itsuki away from a practice and Ueda distracting the coach for him.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

Itsuki doesn’t look all that upset about being dragged away from practice, just curious.

“I won’t sign if you don’t want me here,” Mei says, trying to get the biggest points out in a rush.

“What?”

“I’ll go to another team if you think you don’t want to work with me,” Mei says.

“You can do what you want, Mei-san. I’m not in charge of you.”

“No, that’s not…” Mei sighs in frustration. “It was your team first. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable here. If me being here would make you feel that way, I won’t.”

Itsuki considers him very carefully, and Mei thinks he’s about to be told to leave. It wouldn’t be so bad, he supposes. He can still sign with the Giants, and he’ll be back in Tokyo, and plenty of his old friends live there, and it’s familiar and good. He could be happy there.

“It’s fine,” Itsuki says. “You could join this team. I would be fine with that.”

Mei gapes at him.

“Really?”

“Yes, really.” Itsuki rolls his eyes, and it almost feels like high school again. “What are we, teenagers? We’re both professionals, we can be on the same team.”

“We almost couldn’t,” Mei points out. “We didn’t click at all when we started the Olympics.”

“I think that gold medal proves we can work together anyway.” Itsuki considers him again, and then, slowly, raises a fist to Mei’s chest. “See you at spring training?”

Mei grins, heart in his throat, but for all the best reasons this time.

“See you.”

Later, Ueda and Konoe will go over all his options, will show him the money he could make and the deals he could secure, but Mei’s mind is already made up. He knows where he belongs now.

[preternatural-fools]

idontevenknowhowmanyanonsivesenttoday but uH im just curious,, for all the boys,, how would you help your best friend/ s/o through an anxiety attack or just when they’re nervous/anxious in general,,? (( also pls don’t feel obligated to answer this right away or even at all if you don’t feel comfortable with answering smthn like this lol)) ,, — goodnight K and the boys, sleep well 😚😚 - chaotic anon🌌🖤🌌

((You can send in as many as you’d like!! No worries, hun!! And it’s morning now that I’m answering this so; Good Morning!! I hope you slept well and had a good day!! The boys say Good Morning 🖤))

I’m going to answer this a little bit differently~

((I think they’d all be relatively similar in the way that they handle it, so this sounds repetitive, but Imma write it out aNyWaY))

Psychic!Jimin: In my opinion, Jimin would be the best at this. Jimin can project calming thoughts and vibes to people, and so in a situation like this, if someone he was with or close with, was experiencing an anxiety attack or if they were nervous about something—he would sit (or stand, whatever the circumstances allow) with them, and let them know that he’s there with them. Maybe if the person doesn’t mind (because some people don’t like to be touched or hovered over when they’re having these moments) he’d hold their hand and while he’s sitting there with them, he would start projecting that calming energy to the person. He’d rub small circles on their hands, “Hey, look at me.”, and work on trying to calm them down from the inside out with the energy he’s sending. If they were just nervous or anxious about a situation or something coming up in general—that’s when I think he’d be more subtle; he’d pick up on their energy, give their hand a reassuring squeeze to let them know that he’s there and he’s with them. And sometimes that reassurance helps a lot in those situations. I think that he’d suggest talking about what triggered the anxiety—if there was a trigger—because he knows that sometimes attacks can come out of nowhere for no reason. 

Vamp!Tae: Vampires are good at picking up on emotions, so I think Tae would pick up on it pretty quickly and he would try to intervene (for lack of a better word) before the peak of the attack or before the nervousness/anxiousness jump starts overthinking, making way for more anxiety stemming from that overthinking. Like Jimin, he’d go for the soft, reassuring touch; take their hand, rub circles on their back, squeeze their knee. I think Tae would even go as far as to remove them from the situation if the circumstances call for that—step outside/away, to get away from the surrounding people or environment, and if they were getting overwhelmed by an action or task, he’d have them come sit down with him—somewhere quiet, “Hey, focus on me, just me.” He’d use that intensity he has; lock his gaze with theirs, maybe take a deep breath to get them to follow along and jump start that calming, coming down effect. Like Jimin, I think Tae would ask if they wanted to discuss what the anxiety stemmed from, if there was a root, and he’d talk to them about it and through it—try and rip it up from the root if possible. He’d let them know that he’s there for them—Tae would be more that willing to sit and ride it out with them, he wants them to know that he’s there for them no matter what and that they can lean on him if they need to. He understands anxiety is hard and hard to overcome at times, so there wouldn’t be any pressure to snap back to the present—he has all the time in the world to be there for them, no matter how long it takes.

Witch!Yoongi: Yoongi comes off pretty aloof and apathetic, but truth is—he’s really good at picking up on other people’s moods and emotions—it’s just the handling part that he struggles with—he get’s awkward. I feel like at first, he’d be a little stumped, like ‘shit what do I do’, but what can he do? Other than be there with them? And so that’s what he does; he’d encourage the person to come away from the situation, environment, task, or whatever—remove that external stimuli—and be with them while this rocks out. He’s a little awkward with comfort, but he gives me a hand on the knee/back vibe, occasionally taking his hands away because he’s afraid to add to the stress of the situation. He’d try to the best of his abilities to be there for some type of support, though he might struggle with what to say or do, “Hey, it’s okay, I’m here, we can do this, it’ll be okay.” Emphasis on the ‘we’ so they know he’s there with and for them. He’d definitely gives me the type of vibe that he would use and encourage the ‘take deep breaths with me’ technique, “Let’s talk about this, rationally, your anxiety isn’t in control here—you are, what’s going on?” And if there isn’t a specific trigger—he’d just be there with them and wait until they felt like that they’re down and coming back to the present. And if they were just nervous/anxious in general, I think he’d give them a reassuring smile, “Don’t worry, we got this, we have nothing to worry about.”

Fae!Kook: Fae Persuasion. Instantly, as soon as he catches on, he’d snap his gaze to theirs, reaching out to make skin to skin contact, and talk them down. “Hey, listen to me…” And he’d say whatever fits the situation best. “We’re here, now, grounded on this earth, me and you—just me and you.” And maybe he’d even use some of that telepathy to make it seem like they really are the only two people there; he’d change the environment, change the location—take them anywhere else, within the own loop of their own mind, and stand and talk with them until they came down. Suck them out of the situation until they’re ready to come back. He’s a little spotty with emotions sometimes, he’s not always sure how to approach them, but he’d be more than open—more than willing—to listen to them talk if they wanted to talk, even if they just ramble, and if they don’t—he’d leave it at that. Sometimes just listening helps a lot. He’d hold their hand through it, talk to them about positive things, talk them out of what they were feeling, and just rewrite the situation. When he says, “You’re okay, it’s okay.” They believe it, and it works great for pulling them out of it. Is that cheating a little? Sure. Does it work? Yeah.

Necromancer!Hoseok: He deals with anxiety himself, can he handle his own anxiety? Not entirely. Would he be more than willing to help them deal with theirs? Absolutely. What does he do? The things he likes when he’s struggling with his anxiety. He shifts all of his attention to them, careful to approach them physically—not wanting to crowd and overwhelm them with his presence. “Hey...” He talks softly, calmly, “Take a deep breath, breathe it out, let it out.” He rubs small circles into their hand, “I’m here, okay? I’m right here.” He reminds them that they’re not alone, they’re grounded—they’re in the now, and this will pass. He’s gentle in the way he approaches it, “What’s going on? What has you worried?” He asks, he knows better than anyone that anxiety doesn’t always have a source, but if it does—he’ll work it out with them. But in the instances it doesn’t have a source—sometimes anxiety just needs to run its course—yeah, that sucks—but sometimes that’s all you can do. Ride it out, and he’ll ride it with them. General anxiety can be more annoying to deal with, because it’s kind of displaced and it’s just there, and so he’s just there with it; rubbing soft circles into their hand, throwing them a soft smile and nudging them. Anxiety is there, but so is he. 

Werewolf!Namjoon: He gives me a mix between Tae and Hoseok; He knows anxiety, but he knows how to handle it relatively well. He’d catch on and direct their attention to him, “Hey, I’m here, focus on me.” He’d want to reach out and touch the person, asking before he did so, so that he doesn’t overload them. He’d put his hand on their back, staying by their side and riding it out with them, “Take a deep breath, come on, do it with me—we’re can do this together.” He doesn’t want to assume that he knows what they’re going through, so he doesn’t say much, but he wants them to know he’s there with them and so he stays there, rubbing circles into their skin. Like Hoseok, he knows that sometimes anxiety just has to run its course, and he lets it, making sure to stay with them while they work it through. When it’s over, he asks if they’re okay, if anything specific is bothering them, if there’s anything he can help with or do to ease the anxiety, if there’s anything they want to take about, just to get it out. He understands that he might not be able to do that—but he wants them to know he’s there and willing to help. He wants to be their support when they feel like they don’t have any.

I’m a little on the fence with this—just because I’m personally not someone who likes to be hovered over when I’m anxious, but at the same time all I want is that comfort jsfhsddskj but I think it worked out okay~~ Sorry it got kind of repetitive, but I wanted them to be able to be supportive while also incorporating their personalities/characters into it. 

[creative-frequency]

Ardyn x Fem!Reader: Sweet Disaster Ch. 4

Word count: 4223 Warnings: Eventual explicit content, Ardyn being a douche Notes: Romance, slight angst, broship banter. Includes game rewrite scenes, spoilers ahoy. Let me know if you want to be tagged in the future or not! Tagging: @valkyrieofardyn @poisonous-panda @tyncri @insomniacapples @lucisizunia @themissimmortal @bellab00p @arminartlert @sammy4417

Previous Chapter | Sweet Disaster -series Masterlist

On the second day of your stay at the Chocobo Post, you have thoroughly explained the guys what happened with the Chancellor – leaving out a few choice situations. You’re sitting inside the rented trailer as it’s raining heavily outside. The party’s mood has been slowly lifting back to its usual state.

Noctis and Prompto have been playing King’s Knight so much for the past twenty-four hours that they have grown bored of it for a while. Prompto is cleaning the lens of his faithful camera. Ignis is chopping vegetables at the table since the counters are full and Noctis keeps throwing narrow-eyed looks at his back from the bed. Gladio has put his book down for the moment, while you go through your journey with Ardyn once again.

“First he buys you sweets, then dinner. What’s that guy trying to do? Date you?” Gladio asks.

A high-pitched, nervous laugh escapes your mouth and you slap a hand to cover it. Ignis quirks a brow at you, looking up from his cooking. You respond with a sheepish gaze.

“Ah! Y/N is blushing!” Prompto informs everyone.

“Hell no! He’s a creep!” you protest and hide your hot face behind your hands in case Prompto decides to raise his camera. This is not a moment you want have immortalized in a photo.

“Don’t tease her, Prompto,” Ignis, your knight in shining white apron, comes to the rescue.

“Thanks, Iggy.” You sigh in relief and glare at Prompto who has the decency to look apologetic.

“Your taste in men has always been a peculiar one,” Ignis continues. Noctis and Prompto laugh. Gladio looks just as annoyed as you are.

“Remember that guy with red hair? Furia or something?” Noctis decides to pitch in to the conversation and remind everyone.

You drag your palms down your face and groan. “Noct, please…” There are certain things you don’t wish to be reminded of ever again. Tredd Furia is the first thing on that list.

“Yeah, he always looked at Y/N like she was something to eat,” Prompto laughs. Everyone else trades confused looks while you sink into the seat.

Something to eat… Well yeah. It happened.

“Think before you talk, Prompto,” Gladio says shaking his head, but he is amused too.

Forty-eight hours later Ignis chastises everyone to rest up before the nightfall. Cindy has finally located the Regalia – into an imperial base. Prompto keeps going on about “bust-a-base” while everyone else groans and tells him to please shut his mouth about it for just two minutes.

Everything goes scary-well according to the plan and when your group finally stands next to the Regalia, the destroyed base and pieces of Magitek Troopers scattered around you, the real problem arrives with silvery, white hair and a rapier.

Ravus Nox Fleuret closes in to your position with a murderous intent. Gladio takes a hit from trying to defend his liege, and you and Prompto hurry to his side to help him up. He just shakes both of you off while clenching his jaw.

Ravus and Noctis are ready to rip each other’s throats out when a familiar, oily voice makes your insides tingle and the hairs on your arms stand.

“I’d say that’s far enough.”

The armiger disappears instantly when Noctis turns his attention off Ravus.

The speaker is no other than your favorite, local asshole Ardyn Izunia. This time his attire is complete with a black fedora, resting on his dark auburn locks that float around as wildly as ever.

He looks utterly ridiculous – and as attractive as ever. You grit your teeth together.

“A hand, Highness?” he asks. Ravus lowers his sword. Ignis is ready to jump in front of Noctis should the Chancellor take one wrong step.

“Not from you,” Noctis spits out.

“Oh, but I’m here to help.” Ardyn spreads his arms nonchalantly in a conversing manner.

“And how is that?” Ignis asks in a clipped tone.

“By taking the army away.”

Ardyn turns away from Noctis and his amber gaze falls on you. You stare resolutely back at him from Gladio’s side.

“You expect us to believe that?” Gladio asks annoyed.

“When next we meet, it’ll be across the seas,” Ardyn says in a more hushed tone, searching eyes still locked into yours. Then he turns back to Noctis.

“Just so happens we have business of our own with the tutelary deity. Don’t we?” he asks from Ravus, who just stares back at him in silence. There is a meaning in his words, but you’re afraid to ask.

Ardyn steps in front of Noctis and with an elegant wave of his hand, says: “Fare thee well, Your Majesty, and safe travels.”

He then motions for Ravus to leave, who turns at the command and after one last glare, leaves the scene. Ardyn looks curiously at Noctis, flashes a grin and paces after Ravus.

“You guys know that guy?” Prompto asks tentatively, but your thoughts are elsewhere.

Your pulse has peaked and your tense posture relaxes a bit as the backs of the two men remove farther. You didn’t expect to run into Ardyn so soon. Hell, you didn’t expect to run into Ardyn ever again. You fan your flushed face before turning to ask is everyone okay.

Several days later, Ignis parks the Regalia as close to Vesperpool as you can get on wheels. You camp for the night in the nearby haven, crammed into the tent to take cover from the constant, annoying drizzle. Despite everything, including Gladio’s mysterious and sudden leave of absence, the rest of your group is in a good mood.

“Do you think we’ll run into Ardyn?” Prompto wonders. You’re eating a late supper of cup noodles in the honor of Gladio’s “business of his own to deal with”. You’re sure Noctis requested cup noodles just to spite him.

You wrinkle your nose in disgust at Prompto’s words. “I certainly hope not.”

“Jeez Y/N, you’ve been complaining about him for days now. Do you have a crush on the Dumpster Daddy?” Noctis asks and throws an amused glance at you.

You inhale sharply. Prompto hides behind his noodle cup to shield himself from the upcoming rage.

“I DON’T HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM, YOU INSOLENT LITTLE–“

“That’s enough,” Ignis quips strictly, shutting you down.

“–Shit,” you finish in a tiny voice. Ignis raises a warning brow at you.

“Relax, I was kidding,” Noctis says and lets out a nervous chuckle.

“Yeah. Why are you getting so worked up?” Prompto takes a squinty-eyed look at you and you have the decency to be embarrassed about your outburst.

“Sorry Noct,” you sigh, “He was just… super annoying. It’s his fault I sprained my ankle!”

All the guys turn to look up at you from their noodles. “Really? What makes you say that now?” Ignis inquires. He doesn’t sound surprised, though. More like you just confirmed his suspicions.

Your cheeks are burning. Too bad Gladio isn’t currently present to offer his insight as a witness.

“Nothing really… He was an asshole about it, so I guess it’s just a feeling I got…” you explain meekly, words trailing off.

“A feeling? Hmm?” Noctis teases you with a playful grin.

“Shut up,” you mutter and turn away to hide your burning face by diving into your sleeping bag.

“Y/N…” Ignis is acting as the mom again in that stern tone of his that makes everyone else roll their eyes or chuckle.

“Yeah, yeah…” You roll your eyes to the tent ceiling.

Ignis turns to talk to Noctis and Prompto. “Tomorrow’s a busy day and our main objective is to find the mithril for Cindy and Cid. So I suggest you try sleeping now.”

In the following morning you’re on your way to the site of the ruins, north of the lake. The clouds are hanging low as a depressing grey mass and the ground is soggy from the night’s unfaltering rain.  You follow the roads towards the ruins, as per your map suggests, and surprisingly run into a small group of imperial soldiers.

While Gladio is gone, you need to be extra careful in combat. Or at least you should be. Noctis is as reckless as ever and gets yelled at by Ignis, as usual. After the situation is handled, you continue your journey with extra caution along the dirt road.

After a while, you pass a certain red automobile with a pom-pom on its antenna, and as you close in to the location, you’re greeted by the familiar face of its owner.

You groan loudly at the sight. Ignis grabs your arm when you’re about to turn back on your heels.

“Gentlemen,”–Ardyn beams at the sight of you–“my lady, what a pleasant surprise.”

Imperial Chancellor or not, he is still tall, suspicious and handsome.

“Ugh! Told you he’d be waiting!” Prompto groans too.

“You jinxed it,” you mutter to him. Noctis crosses his arms defensively.

“With my imperial friends, no less,” Ardyn says and you can’t comprehend where that happy tone of his stems from. None of your group is glad to see him, that’s for sure. Or that’s what you tell to your wildly beating heart and nervously wavering breaths.

“Splendid,” Ignis quips. It’s the most irritated “splendid” you have ever heard in your life and you bite back a wry chuckle.

“But fear not – I’ll put in a good word,” Ardyn promises.

You roll your eyes and Noctis looks at your group with concern. Looks like you have no choice but to play Ardyn’s game again.

“Well, come along, then.” He begins to pace away.

The sight of Ardyn parading through the wetlands is… weird. Your shoes are quickly soaked, but hey, at least it’s not raining like on the day before. You stay a bit behind with Ignis, while Noctis and Prompto walk beside Ardyn.

“Don’t stray too far, lest you get left behind. And surely you’d rather avoid unnecessary scuffles, seeing as you’re a man down now.”

Your party glares at Ardyn in unison.

“Oh, dear. Touchy subject?” Ardyn wonders in a voice filled with that insincere sincerity of his.

“One we won’t discuss with you,” Ignis says decisively.

“Then let’s discuss why you’re here. Hmm… It can’t be archeology… Mythril, perhaps?” Ardyn wonders in a curious tone. As if he hadn’t been waiting for your appearance or knew exactly what you’re after.

“This guy’s reading our thoughts!” Prompto yelps while he jogs after Noctis.

Ardyn hums satisfied. “Mythril – it’s a precious resource, you see,” he says nonchalantly, “We can’t just let anyone get their hands on it.”

There’s a crumbling ruin ahead of you and the entrance is guarded by imperial soldiers. Your group becomes automatically more guarded in their steps, while Ardyn stomps forward eagerly.

“But you’ll help us to get ours on it, right?” Noctis says. He sounds like he is completely done with your tour guide.

Ardyn gasps in shock. “I never said that!” he claims.

“Of course you didn’t,” Prompto mocks and rolls his eyes.

Ardyn turns and throws a smirk at you. “Where’s the fun in that?” he asks in a low voice, “I thought you’d rather dig it up yourselves.”

You arrive at the edge of the small imperial camp and Ardyn motions you to wait. “Fear not – I’ll be but a moment,” he says reassuringly, but it only works to make you more guarded.

“A moment doing what?” Prompto wonders warily. Ignis’s posture tenses and he looks around cautiously. Noctis’s gaze is glued on the suspicious Chancellor.

“Beats me,” the prince quips.

Ardyn walks up to a silver line blonde woman wearing an impressive and quite… accentuating dark armor. Her lean form stands straight, arms crossed lightly over her chest. Her eyes are piercing and investigative as she skims over your group that hovers a short distance away.

“Doesn’t look like standard Niff military,” you note. There are no MTs in the camp. Each soldier is an actual human being and there is a different feeling to them than what you’re used to.

“What do you think is going on?” Prompto asks concerned, “Ignis?”

The spectacled man’s brows are furrowed as he closely examines the situation. “That’s the woman we fought in the imperial base,” Ignis says in a low tone.

Everyone shoots a bemused look at him before turning to stare at the woman. She is talking with Ardyn and she doesn’t look happy.

Wow. He’s right. It’s that bitch.

“You sure? It was dark,” Noctis says biting his lip.

“Positive.”

“We need to be careful,” you remark in a hushed tone just as Ardyn turns around, leaving the woman to slightly shake her head.

“All clear! Go ahead,” he hollers from the entrance.

You trade looks and walk closer.

“Alas, the ever-wary military – they’ll not abide visitors left unattended. I must prevail upon you to accept an escort. I’ve seen to everything,” Ardyn says apologetically.

“If we must,” Ignis replies sternly.

“But – there’s still a slight hiccup,” the Chancellor continues and you swallow as his eyes suddenly fixate on you. You can feel the warmth inside you rearing its head and you shudder involuntarily.

“And what’s that?” Noctis asks. You can hear the eye-roll in his voice.

“The ruins can only be entered after nightfall.”

“It’s barely midday.” You let the irritation ring loud and clear in your tone.

“Yes, I suggest you rest while you can,” Ardyn replies casually. Suddenly his face lights up and he lifts a finger in the air. “Oh, did I ever tell you I’m the chancellor?”

“We knew that.” Yup, Noctis sounds so done with Ardyn as he rests his hands on his hips.

“But did you know the army and I are unaffiliated?” Ardyn makes it sounds like his words are ultimately redeeming.

“Wha–“ Prompto yaps.

“It’s true. I have no authority whatsoever,” Ardyn explains happily, “But what I lack in authority, I make up for in friends.”

The smarmy grin on his face makes you sneer. You don’t like the way his eyes are glinting towards you. “While you rest, I have a matter to take care of. Would you care to assist me, Y/N?”

You stare at him incredulously and blink. “I’m gonna stay with the guys, thanks.”

“Yeah, she’s not going anywhere with you,” Noctis snaps.

Ardyn tuts unappreciatively. “Don’t you think it only fair? I help you, you help… me.” An almost devious grin spreads on his lips that doesn’t really inspire confidence. In fact, you would rather delve into the ruins filled with daemons alone than go with Ardyn.

No-one answers to him. The guys huddle closer to you protectively.

“I assure you, she will be perfectly safe with me. We’ll stay in the area and return before nightfall. How does that sound? Hmm?”

Your automatic reaction is to decline straight away, but a small part of you is still curious. It’s true that he has gone out of his way several times to help the prince and your crew. You can’t even begin to guess why Ardyn has done it, but you’re nevertheless thankful. Which means, you’re also kind of indebted to him.

Gritting your teeth, you walk over to the Chancellor. “Fine. I’ll go with you.”

“Y/N!” Prompto yelps.

“You sure about this?” Ignis asks.

You nod at him and inhale deeply. Ardyn’s heady scent fills your mind and your pulse fastens again.

Don’t think about the kiss…

“Splendid!” the Chancellor says as he looks over you standing next to him in a very defensive form.

“I’ll be fine,” you assure to your friends, who are still staring at you with concerned expressions.

“I trust you’ll be civil. Commodore Aranea Highwind, I leave them to you,” Ardyn says ceremoniously with a wave of his hand.

“I’ll catch you later guys. Get some rest,” you say dismayed and smile wryly.

“Alright then… See ya,” Noctis replies with a curt nod.

“Be careful, Y/N,” Ignis says and Prompto nods in agreement.

“Let us be off then, my dear.”

You reluctantly follow Ardyn, leaving the guys to rest and gather their strength for the long night to come. Ardyn leads you to the forest and soon you’re out of earshot from the camp.

“So what are we doing out here?” you ask, interested only on how to ditch Ardyn’s company as fast as possible.

He chuckles complacently and takes a glance at you. “I thought we might go for a stroll, since the last attempt was cut off unpleasantly.” His tone is softer again and you hate the tender sensation it makes you feel inside.

This guy is unbelievable.

“I hoped you’d be a man of your word,” you spite, trying to muster the exasperation to keep your senses and not give in to his charms.

Ardyn cocks an eyebrow at your hostility. “Whatever do you mean, my dear?”

“You said something along the lines ‘when we meet next time, it’ll be across the seas’. Too bad you didn’t keep that promise,” you say.

Ardyn hums in amusement. “I’m glad to see you too.”

“Let’s just get this over with. Preferably while you stay quiet,” you retaliate and Ardyn laughs merrily.

“So fiery. Very well, but first…” He stops suddenly and turns at you. He is still a few paces away, but his presence is compelling. You can’t take your eyes off his strong features while his low, gentle voice curls your insides. It was a bad idea to go alone with him.

“What?” you ask breathily.

“You didn’t thank me for the potion,” Ardyn reminds you, walking closer, “I only ask a little humane decency in return–“

REALLY? Your eyes widen in anger.

“You gotta be kidding me! After all the shit you’ve pulled–“ He quickly presses a finger on your lips, making you shut your mouth instantly.

“A-a-aah. You mustn’t interrupt,” Ardyn says and you can see how he enjoys this little game with you while you fume with rage.

You swat his hand away while a blush ravages your cheeks. “Don’t touch me.”

Ardyn looks extremely amused with your defiance and the evident reaction of your body sprayed along your skin.

“What am I to think about these mixed signals you’re sending?” he says mock-woefully and touches the spot on his chest where the heart would be if he had one. He is so close to you that your whole being wants to take a step back, but you’re not one to be walked over.

“’Don’t touch me’ and ‘don’t talk to me’ are not a mixed signals,” you snap back.

“Despite your proclaimed repulsion, you can’t deny there’s a connection between us.” His smile is infuriatingly knowing, smug and attractive. Your pulse peaks again, making your whole body tremble. His hand moves into the air and comes to brush your cheek. The touch shoots an electric jolt through you and you have taken the step away from him before you even realize.

Ardyn grins at your escape.

“Whatever,” you reply in a chilly tone. You can’t deny what he said. The thought is pausing and it would require the luxury of time to think over, which you don’t have. “Let’s just do what you wanted to do and get over with it.”

“Oh my dear, I’m afraid that’s not an option as of now. We have work to do.”

You shoot a glare at Ardyn and earn an amused chuckle.

And so you continue stomping forward in the wetlands towards the direction where you came from with the guys. You know Ardyn’s car is parked somewhere nearby and the road is not far. Still, the vegetation is so dense in patches that you have no business in trying to go through. Wet splorts echo in the forest with every step you take in the damp undergrowth. Your shoes and socks were already soaked from the trek to the ruins and you have given up hope on getting them dry any time soon.

Ardyn is humming a cheerful tone as you walk. You recognize it as the same tune Prompto likes to sing sometimes.

‘I want to ride my chocobo all day–‘ At least someone is having fun. Thanks for the ear-worm.

You clear your throat to set your mind straight. “Are you gonna tell me what we’re looking for?”

“Oh, I haven’t the foggiest idea,” Ardyn replies and spreads his arms. He sounds like a grandpa again.

“You don’t know?” you ask incredulously.

“I’ll know when I see it.” Ardyn continues inspecting the scattered pieces of ruins around you. You examine his motions while constantly taking glances around you. He keeps swiping the stones clean with his hand and by blowing at them. Some of the runes have carvings that he stops to stare for a few seconds before lightly shaking his head and continuing onwards to the next one. This goes on for what seems like hours and you listen to his idle chattering with half an ear only, mumbling and nodding in response. You’re more concerned about your safety than Ardyn finding what he is looking for.

“You’re funny,” you say after another moment of walking around.

“…Funny?” Ardyn muses, “Well, that is the first time anyone’s called me that.” He sounds baffled, if a tad moved by your sudden notion.

You scoff and roll your eyes. “I didn’t mean it as a compliment.”

Ardyn replies with flashing an infuriating, knowing smirk. He returns to his task, while you think the whole thing is starting to feel like a wild goose chase – and you still have no idea what the hell the Chancellor is looking for.

He suddenly halts next to another broken pillar and brushes away the foliage that has settled in during the long years. You peek to see the stone has some carvings on it, but they’re too blurry and worn out to be made any sense of.

“Do you know what this place is?” Ardyn asks suddenly in a solemn tone. His fingers trace over the stone surface and somehow the motion makes you shiver.

“No. But I’m guessing you’re about to tell me.”

Ardyn chuckles wryly. “I’ll tell you if you want to know.” His tone is almost husky and his amber eyes are fixated on the engravings. “There’s a warning carved in these ruins – a plea to the future generations from ancient times.”

You can’t help but develop a little curiosity to his story, so you walk closer to look at the stone, not really expecting to see anything special. Most of the runes you have seen around the Grove have been engraved with something that is totally illegible and incomprehensible.

“What does it say?” you ask quietly.

Ardyn takes a moment before answering. “It’s a variant of the saying: ‘You’ll get burnt if you fly too close to the sun,’ but in much more… ancient terms.”

“Uh-huh and why did you want to see this?” you ask, “And how on Eos can you decipher that? It’s illegible.”

Ardyn straightens his back and turns to you with a smirk on his face. “Bookish, I’m afraid. I just wanted to check if it’s still there.”

What?

“’Still there’? Does that mean you–“

Suddenly Ardyn yanks your arm and pushes you against the smooth stone in one swift motion that makes the air escape your lungs. You’re just about to kick him in the loins as he hushes you to keep quiet. His eyes are slightly widened and he is looking past you, listening closely.

So you freeze still and listen too. Your heart is pounding like a drum and you’re almost sure Ardyn can hear it. His hand is on your shoulder, pinning you against the surface. The stone feels cool against your bare calves.

Heavy, thumping steps break the cacophony of natural noises around you. You can’t see what the source is, but your best guess is that it’s something big. And it’s coming your way fast.

You swallow and look at Ardyn, trying convey a question with just your eyes, but he doesn’t let you go or move an inch. His face is so close to yours that you can see your breaths wave his hair strands.

You wait perfectly still while the heavy steps come closer and pass in a steady rhythm.

Ardyn sighs and his grip loosens. “Are you alright, my dear?” he asks. For once he sounds actually concerned without that mocking lilt.

“I’m fine,” you reply hastily, “Thanks.”

“You’re most welcome.”

You try to move away from Ardyn, but his hand stays on your shoulder, holding you still. His amber eyes bore into yours and a wave of nervousness washes over you. He is standing too close for comfort and you can’t help but to glance at his lips. You remember how they felt against yours.

“You can let go of me now,” you say as confidently as you can.

Ardyn’s mouth curls into a smirk that overshadows your meek confidence. “I just potentially saved your life. Don’t you think I deserve a little more than just ‘thanks’?”

With how he goes from being the perfect gentleman into something so insufferably annoying and smug, you can’t decide do you want to kiss or stab him.

You groan and push his hand off you shoulder, slipping from underneath his arm to stomp away in anger.

Next Chapter

[realityisoverrated-fic]

Are we gonna have a new installment of IL today?

Unfortunately, I didn’t have anything ready for posting today. I won’t be posting again until next Saturday.

To make up for it, here is a sneak peak from the upcoming season 2 rewrite.

2003

The late summer evening had grown chilly and Tommy was laying on a lounge chair beside the Bowen family pool beneath a fleece blanket. He had a half full bottle of tequila in his hand as he observed his former classmates have one last hurrah before everyone left for college. Oliver and Laurel were back on and had ditched the party hours ago. Malcolm was back in town, so Tommy had no desire to return home, but he wasn’t in the mood to socialize either.

“There you are,” Sara squeaked, “I’ve been looking all over for you.” She lifted the blanket, “Shove over, I’m freezing.”

Tommy moved over to make room for the petite blonde. She snuggled against his side and he covered her with the blanket, “Better?”

“Much,” she said through chattering teeth. She rested her head on his shoulder and reached for the bottle of tequila. “Where are Ollie and Laurel?”

“I’m guessing, fucking, back at Ollie’s.” Tommy passed her the bottle and watched her take a swig. She shivered as she swallowed. “Where have you been all night?”

She handed him back the bottle, “Having sex.”

He nearly dropped the bottle. He quickly put it on the ground and rolled onto his side. “With whom?”

Sara shrugged, “It doesn’t really matter. At least I’m not a virgin anymore.”

He pulled on a lock of her hair, “Are you okay?”

Sara’s eyes welled with tears, “You are wise beyond your years. You know that, right?”

Tommy sat up, “Did someone hurt you?”

Sara grabbed hold of Tommy and pulled him back down, “Relax. It was completely consensual. It was just bad sex, or, I hope it was bad sex because if it was what sex is supposed to be like, I’ve got to say, disappointing. At least it was in a bed and not in the sand.”

Tommy handed her the bottle and tried to reassure her, “It sounds like it was bad sex. It will get better.”

“You’re right, boys our age don’t know what they’re doing.” Sara took another swig of tequila. “Don’t make a big deal about this – okay?”

“I won’t tell you, I told you so,” he winked. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m sure.” Sara put the bottle back on the ground, “Will you do me a favor?”

“Sure, what do you need?” he asked.

“Will you kiss me?” she asked shyly.

“Why?” he spluttered.

Sara gripped his hand under the blanket, “I don’t want to go home and go to sleep with his fishy kisses on my mind. The rumor mill says that Tommy Merlyn knows how to curl a girl’s toes with one kiss.”

Tommy stared at her for a few moments before he made up his mind. “I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll kiss you, but it won’t be a toe curling kiss. I don’t want you having those kind of dreams about me,” he grinned. “I’ll give you a - thorough kissing.”

Sara rolled her eyes, “You’re an idiot.”

He arched a brow at her, “Really, you’re insulting me? It’s not much of an incentive to give you a thorough kissing.”

“Fine,” she shifted to get more comfortable and tucked her hair behind her ears, “you’re a total stud.”

“Better,” he said as he rearranged himself on the chair. He leaned in to kiss her and she giggled. “I’ll wait,” he said drolly, which only made her laugh harder.

Tommy went to move, but Sara grabbed onto his Harvard sweatshirt, “Wait, I’m sorry. I’ll stop. It’s just,” she wrinkled her nose, “you’re trying to kiss me.”

“You asked me to,” he reminded her.

“I know.” She bit her lip to regain her composure. “You’re totally doing me a solid. I’ll get my shit together.” She took a deep breath and shook out her limbs, “Okay, I’m ready.”

“Tongue or no tongue?” Tommy asked as he rolled onto his stomach beside her. Their pelvises wouldn’t be touching during the thorough kissing. He was going to keep it classy for Sara.

Sara tapped her finger against her lips, “I want the full Tommy Merlyn experience.”

“Well, you’re getting the partial Tommy Merlyn experience, but I’ll include tongue cause you’re a good kid who just had bad sex,” he teased.

“Less snark, more kissing,” Sara requested.

Tommy brushed the hair from her face and cupped her cheek. He softly brushed his lips against Sara’s. Her lips parted slightly and he sucked on her bottom lip. Sara responded and kissed him back. He licked into her mouth and stroked her tongue and she shivered beside him. His tongue slowly trailed along the roof of her mouth, causing Sara to moan. He gentled the kiss and left two lingering kisses on her lips before he pulled back.

Sara was looking at him with an expression of complete surprise. She pressed her wrist to her forehead. “Wow,” she said. “If that was the partial Tommy Merlyn experience, I can’t believe there isn’t a line of girls waiting for the full experience. You’re really good at that.”

Tommy’s cell pinged. He got up from the lounge and he held out his hand, “My driver is here. He’s going to take you home.”

Sara allowed Tommy to pull her to her feet, “What about you?”

“My car is here. I promised Laurel that my driver would take you home.” He pointed to the lounge chair, “Besides, I’m going to crash here.”

“Your dad’s home,” Sara said with understanding.

“Yeah,” he took her hand and led her towards the front of the house.

“You could just go to Ollie’s,” Sara reminded him. “I could keep you company.”“My room adjoins Ollie’s. It’s not exactly soundproof.” Tommy was not going to subject himself or Sara to listening to Laurel cry out Oliver’s name all night. “You are going home. I do not want to get shot by your father.”

Sara bit her lip, “I don’t like the idea of you sleeping outside. It’s cold.”

“I’ve got a blanket and if it gets too cold, I’ll sleep in my car.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, “Don’t worry about me. I’ve slept in far worse places.”

Sleeping outside was a far safer option than returning home where his father was waiting.

The Merlyn family driver opened the back door of the Bentley. Sara kissed Tommy’s cheek, “Thank you.”

Tommy smiled, “I should be thanking you - for the kiss.”

Sara smiled and shook her head, “You’re a charmer, Tommy Merlyn. Those Harvard girls better watch out.”

“Take Ms. Lance home,” he instructed the driver.

Tommy stood in the driveway and watched Sara drive away before he returned to his lounge chair by the pool.

[theleftoverurl]

.*.*. October 16, 2017 .*.*.

Facing the Music :(

So I’m going to do a double-post about yesterday and today because I didn’t have time last night.

Yesterday was a very, very bad day because I finally had to face the music and deal with the fact that my disorganization has meant that I haven’t completed one of the capabilities that I need for my degree. I have been in denial about it for a long time and pushing it back. In first year I was very nervous and had strong personalities in my hospital group, so I never felt able to speak out and I did not feel comfortable (especially as I was a first year) doing my SOCAs then. By the end of the year I was in a mild form of panic about it, but rationalized that I had to do 4 and there were 4 courses next year, so all I had to do was do one per course. Additionally, I already had one under my belt sans reflection, and I don’t think the importance of the reflection had made its impression on me.

Despite the fact that upon reflection I sort of knew about that being a key component as expressed during clinical skills, the fact that I was still settling into interstate life, being in college underage and not being able to rely heavily on my friends because they were new led to this negligence. I made a terrible mistake out of laziness in not checking the other requirements, such as what courses I had to do them in and that they were actually due after the 3rd course of second year. I have also always struggled with asking for help as I have never really had to do it and I think maybe it is pride to some extent or just being scared to ask. I was also too scared to ask my new friends about the requirements of SOCAs or how to submit a reflection because it was so late in the year and I was afraid of judgment. In hindsight, it’s sort of fitting that I’m going to fail the Effective Communications capability.

Unfortunately for me, this realization all came crashing down towards the end of the second course and then I didn’t contact anyone about it because I was in a state of homesickness and general misery for most of the end of Semester 2 and couldn’t get my act together. I don’t want to call it depression but it was the most prolonged state of helplessness, stasis and low-key just feeling down that I’ve ever experienced. Veronica had suffered a panic attack, Hadeel had tried to kill herself, Kate’s dad was really sick so her mum had to come up, I was in the process of breaking up with my boyfriend and then I had this to stress about too and I just couldn’t deal. I considered talking to the psych about it, Ute, but I’ve never approached a psych before and I didn’t want it to seem like a cop-out trying to get out of the fact that I dropped the ball sort of thing. Also I just couldn’t seem to motivate myself to do anything during this period. Luckily 2nd course ended so I got to go home and recuperate a bit.

Then when I got back ready to start 3rd course and deal with this I realized a terrible thing – I forgot to submit my hospital SOCA for the 2nd course amidst all that misery. I was very upset because I made super sure to get it done, but there is no fax machine in college and so my inherent lack of motivation kicked in and I brought it with me to Perth to scan it in during the holidays but by then it was too late. Then we had a weeklong break because it was university break even though we had just started so the med office was closed, and the week before that I went to Singapore (I arranged it so I only ended up missing one class and I am glad that I went).

Then last week I spoke to Katie, head of my floor about it because I wanted advice and anatomy help for pracs and she wasn’t very helpful, to be completely honest. Very lovely and encouraging, but I knew then that I had to go to MESO. I went that Friday but the Phase 1 coordinator was not in, so I sent an email. The reply came on yesterday.

My issues with communicating about this issue were sort of exacerbated by email because I had to keep it short and to the point. Also I know all of the above does not negate the fact that I just dropped the ball and was lazy and disorganized and it’s jeopardized by degree but I’m a university student and a teenager, so I wanted to sort of explain myself and realized that I just can’t. There’s no way I can summarize the above and frankly I don’t really think it makes a difference to my case either way. However my lack of being able to tell my account and the fact that my case bounced between different people in charge through a very long email chain meant that I spent the entire day being reprimanded by different people, and ruminating on my mistakes without really having an outlet to vent/let it out/explain myself. This made me very miserable and distracted so I probably didn’t do a very good job at all of tutoring that afternoon.

However, luckily my common sense kicked in enough to realize I still have to prepare for exams and I still have to try my best in anatomy and study really hard for the other components, so I had quite a productive day. Hospital was cancelled because our tutor forgot and my ethics teaching for peer teaching was today so I did a lot of work on that and got through some notes for the general med course. We had a group meeting and I had come up with some really interesting/controversial ethical issues and linked them to the main topic (euthanasia) so it was a really good group meeting. I really like Luke, he’s a top bloke and Kuheli and Hei Wai were good at expressing their opinions which gave me a lot of hope for my lesson.

Then after tutoring I missed the bus (probably because my mind was after other things) and so made it as far as Newmarket and then had to pay $15 to Uber home which was really annoying. In a very, very bad mood I went up to Floor 7 where Kate was starting to pre for El Topo and I figured that there wasn’t really much more I could do about my Effective Communications cap right now, so I might as well go out and have fun. I borrowed a really nice dress from her for pink party (to raise awareness for breast cancer) and we drank a bottle of bubbly. By then I was feeling a little better because I’m (too) good at compartmentalizing my problems. We joined Loz and Jaime and stuff for a floor crawl and Linley was absolutely trashed. Then we headed for the bus. I was feeling good cos I only had 3.5 standards in me so wasn’t drunk at all and it was the last time Baxter went out as a college and the last party bus too.

Linley vomited into a bin the whole bus ride, so Max took her home. Kate, Claudia and Nick were really triggered because she was being dramatic about it and wanting them to leave the club to see her and they didn’t want to. Kate and I had agreed as soon as the music was shit we would go home because I wanted an early night to do work in the morning and she had class but the music was so good. It was a really good night and we still left relatively early and Hamish tagged along. Kate went straight to bed when we got back and so I was left to my own devices. I added tuna to Mi Goreng and it was probably one of the best decisions of my life. A bit too salty but I love tuna and I love noods and I felt proteinated and a bit more healthy and a bit more full. Brilliant.

Hamish sent me the weirdest passive-aggressive texts about me ignoring him all night and never talking to him etc. etc. and it was just so awkward because like I do want us to be friends but I also don’t really care like I’m not really going to touch base a lot or anything. I want it to sort of be like low maintenance cos I ain’t got a lot of time but I feel like he and I are just on completely different pages now.

Finally, full and feeling marginally better, I took the 4h of sleep available to me.

 .*.*. October 17, 2017 .*.*.

Work, work, work, work, work, work :)

That title is fairly representative of my life anyway in the next 2 weeks with 55 lectures to catch up on.

Anyway, I was woken up at 7:00 to take the college picture which I didn’t really give a shit about but didn’t want judgment from Kate for not going. I then tried to go in my Baxter jumper and pyjama shorts but then saw that everyone bothered to put on nice clothes so rushed back to change. How ridiculous. We are wearing our academic gowns so you only see a strip of clothing and there are 210 people in Baxter, so you’re hardly gonna see you pinky fingernail-sized face let along your formal dinner gowns. I felt so dead but a little better after hot brekky.

Then I tried to get back to sleep to no avail and was just drifting off when I was woken by the cleaner. I took my book Peak and my laptop to the common room and had a nice peaceful morning reading and doing lots of med work. I skipped the tutorial we had (I think it was physiology?) because I got a follow-up email from the professor in charge of portfolios for my college and the time he gave me to ring him was during the tute. I gave him a call and it was really quick and basically he said he has no information about what I can do, he has to ask Dr. Taylor (who refused to tell me anything yesterday so good luck) and to get back to him tomorrow. He did say if I fail though it “sets you back to the end of February” which I think is wrong because we don’t start uni till then anyway? Anyway all you do is rewrite your portfolio and they “get you to do things like SOCAs” so I think it should be okay cos I can’t imagine being set back very far and my only concern now is doing the SOCAs when I’m in Perth for the holidays, but I can probably come back early anyway as I have settled accommodation here. So that was some relatively good news.

I ran my ethics tutorial and it wasn’t as good as I expected but it was also more interesting and in some ways better than I expected too. Karim said it was interesting which I thought was high praise. Steph was her usual self-absorbed whiny self and Pam looked like she was gonna kill me when I gave my argument for gay marriage. However, everyone participated and I think they at least appreciated what I was trying to do. No one in my group commented on it so I think it was okay. Then we had a last minute group meeting and I was allocated the Johari windows again RIP but I think I can bullshit it well enough (hopefully). It doesn’t really matter anyway.

Then I went to tutor Ella and mum rang me on the bus. I was running really late (30min!) which was embarrassing but mum and I had a good chat even though I feel kind of bad I’m not telling her about this portfolio fiasco but I also feel like that will just cause her unnecessary anger and stress when I’m handling it (finally). I love Ella she’s a beautiful girl and we are really going to work on her problem solving skills so that she’s a confident maths student by the time I’m done with her. Her dad Scott is really nice too.

Then I bussed back and tried to do anatomy but maybe it was the 4h sleep or maybe it was the sudden alleviation of stress from the day before or maybe because I only ate a salad all day but I fell asleep and had an hour-long nap. Then when I woke up I started reading Gray’s Anatomy because I think textbooks are helpful and the consequence is I have a lot of work left to do but I think the nap was a good idea anyway because my concentration was noticeably better.

Now it’s bedtime and tomorrow will be another chaotic day, full of group meetings and tutoring and lectures and follow-up for portfolio and also Tas has come and is staying the night?! So yeah lots of fun and I don’t really even mean that sarcastically, at least I’m busy and my life is sorting itself out and we will just deal with each day as it comes.