#my relationship with cheerio kurt is something to be studied

[cryscendo]

absolutely sick and disgusted at the under-utilization of cheerio!kurt. ryan murphy got rid of him bc he knew he served too much cunt

[sugrmottas]

(this genuinely isn't judgey fodpsapid) but quinn, puck and santana having rachel's ambition is...a lot.

i mean, it is.

it also isn’t.

like, rachel definitely outpaces all of them, don’t get me wrong – rachel has lived her life being told she is going to be successful, and i think that changes things. quinn grew up believing she was doomed to live the life of her mother, puck grew up being told he was just like his father (which is mostly fan-canon but i feel like there’s enough Illusions in actual canon to back it up) and santana grows up in what qualifies for the Hood (adjacent) in lima, ohio – but like, rachel grew up with dads who worship her. who tell her she is going to be amazing because she has to be. her peers always say cruel things, but rachel trusts her fathers so much more than she does her peers, so girl grows up knowing she will be successful, if she works for it.

but then there’s puck, too. puck who is a young jewish kid in what is predominately a protestant state (on that line: i know quinn’s evangelical but what is mercedes actually? where we given anything more than just plain christian? also sam? why did glee never expand on anything??? ugh) so already feels like a fish out of water – but he (canonically, at least) only has two peers his age who share the same faith. jacob ben israel, who is disgusting, even from a young age (is it canon that puck’s always bullied him?) and rachel, who i truly do believe he grew up knowing, even if i don’t think they were the best friends fanon likes to paint them as. he grows up in a heavily jewish household but in a community that does not share his faith, or even respect it, and that’s hard. add to it a burning desire to not become his father (i’m not sure if it’s actually canon that his mother told him he was just like his father, but it’s a headcanon i hold very close to my heart) and a mother working her ass off to provide for him and his sister, and kid is fucking angry.

so puck has anger issues, which i feel is mostly backed up in canon anyway – which is his passion. his ambition blooms from this – a burning desire to prove everyone wrong, the need to get the fuck out of lima. i do think finn and puck have a very deep friendship, but it’s one that adds to both of their insecurities. finn is the Golden Boy, he is (seen as) kind and talented. puck is the Bad Boy, he is charming and capable. they spend their lives being compared and i think puck is mostly reserved to coming second (hence his anger at finn going off-book and joining glee) but he also maintains that he Wants to beat finn, wants to be the best. puck has selfish ambition (but really, what ambition isn’t at least a little selfish?), but he has so much of it.

remember his first Real line? i’m not like everyone else in this cow town, i got star potential. kid makes it very clear he’s getting the fuck out of lima, no matter what his peers think. i do hate how glee handled him in s4 (he got out of lima sure, but he didn’t do anything, which i feel was such a disservice to him – he struggled with school because he isn’t a learner, but he’s always been a doer, let’s not forget the kid had an actual business at 16) but i hate what they did with most characters in s4, so i tend to ignore it for everyone bar the newbies and finn. the unravelling of klaine was interesting too, if only because we saw how co-dependent they actually were. otherwise fuck s4. (santana and rachel both had Moments, now that i think about it.)

anyway, like – of the four, i think puck has the least ambition. i also think he has a lot more purpose than say, santana, so his ambition is a lot more Realised. 

and then there’s santana, who i think has the clearest ambition in the show, even if it’s constantly overshadowed by rachel’s. i believe santana’s family is religious (her abuela definitely is but we don’t know too much about her parents actual lives despite actually meeting her mother, it’s of my personal belief they are religious but non-practising) but santana fails to perceive any proper value to religion.

(this is going somewhere, i swear.)

santana also doesn’t have a Great Big Dream, she eventually settles on wanting to be famous but that feels so much like a cop-out that i fail to see any value to it. she doesn’t particularly live for cheerleading or glee club either. 

what i’m getting at here is that if santana has ambition (she does, i’ll get to it) she doesn’t have purpose to go with it. and ambition without purpose can be fucking dangerous and santana is such a good example of that.

onto her ambition: i do think it’s pretty clearly shown within the show, even from the beginning of her character, as underdeveloped as she was. of the three cheerleaders, she’s the one who wholeheartedly throws herself into sabotaging the glee club – we don’t see too much of her in the first half of s1, but i believe she was working away at some of the weaker characters (read: artie, because santana lopez genuinely does read super prejudiced, but i’m probably still salty about her biphobia) until the back half came along and girl turned it up, went after finn hudson and took his virginity (i have so many feelings about finntana, mostly in a platonic sense but there was a glee meta years ago on them sleeping together that still sticks with me) and took so much pleasure in quinn fabray losing her status (quinn and santana read weirdly similar to finn and puck, but i don’t think their friendship is anywhere near as deep so they have less reason to empathise with each other) and girl was fucking messy.

it was great. i lived for it.

then s2 happened and we met santana lopez, properly – the girl from the hood (adjacent) who was so angry and so scared and wanted so much. and the season was full of ambition from her, even if stupid little ways – wanting to win the duet competition and knowing her and mercedes would be the match-up, knowing she wants to keep sleeping with brittany so tricking her into thinking it’s not cheating (we can talk about who was the real bad guy of the two of them for that for days but the correct answer is both, because brittany pierce is not as dumb as she seems but santana lopez still had full intent to make b cheat on artie), rejoining the cheerios at the first opportunity because she wants to win, no matter the consequences (i’m not sure how i feel about the three of them ditching the competition because it’s just a weird situation but this isn’t a finn hudson meta). and she cares about glee club a lot, of course, for a lot of reasons, but you cannot tell me she’s so upset about finn and rachel losing them the competition solely because… what? they ruined it for the club? no, they lost it for her. fuck them for that.

s3 is really the season i point to to prove the girl lacks purpose, so we’ll skip over that to s4 – santana is on her own, for the first time. she’s on a scholarship to a big school relatively far from home and she doesn’t handle it well, of course. gets super untethered. and then visits home and remembers Santana Lopez, The Star. so she goes to new york and still lacks purpose, sure, but she has a stage. she just has to figure out what part she’s playing.

and this is where the danger comes in, because santana sees her friends succeeding – rachel mostly, but kurt too – and gets restless. does stupid shit like her yeast-i-stat commercial. but most importantly, decides her life’s mission is playing fanny brice. which isn’t stupid on its own, but like, for someone who cares so much about her friends it reads so strange that she would actively go after something that clearly matters so much to what we pretty much assume is her best friend. the deterioration of rachel and santana’s friendship was written awfully so i won’t go into it, but like. god. someone give this girl a purpose so she has something worthwhile to invest herself in and stops sabotaging all her relationships.

so santana has bucketloads of ambition (i’d rank her third of the four) but she has nowhere to put it and it fucks her over every single time.

and then quinn. oh, quinn. ohhhhhhhh quinn.

quinn has so much fucking ambition – she has a life planner from age six. she details every moment of middle school, every moment of high school, every moment of college, every moment of life. she’s going to go to an ivy league college (she thinks she’d like brown, her dad went there, but yale sounds nice and freeing) and she’s going to study law and she’s going to become a family lawyer. she’s going to help kids get away from abusive parents and she’s going to make sure everyone she comes into contact with is safe and happy.

on the flipside, lucy quinn fabray is already resigned to living her mother’s life. doing a short course in real estate and then becoming a realtor. she’ll marry a nice boy, maybe finn hudson, and they’ll buy a house with a white picket fence and have 2.5 children and a dog. 

quinn fabray’s ambition is fucking tragic, because it was killed before even getting the chance to thrive – and it’s still there, of course. in some ways. when she tells finn she’s pregnant, she says i really thought i had a shot at getting out of here. when she’s wondering whether to give up drizzle or not, she knows she shouldn’t – her religion doesn’t look on the act kindly and i’ll never forgive glee for overlooking quinn��s faith post-s1 – but it would allow her to move on with her life.

quinn fabray is tragic, because she loses her future-husband to rachel berry, who has all of her ambition and none of her fear (or all of it, but quinn doesn’t get to see that, nobody gets to see that). she loses her husband to everything quinn wanted to be, and it’s awful.

s2 sees quinn not gaining her ambition back, as she hoped. or maybe as i hoped. s2 sees quinn getting back with finn. s2 sees quinn telling rachel that she’s wasting her time with lima because she’s going to be successful and they aren’t (or rather, quinn isn’t). 

but it comes back, eventually.

i don’t know when. s3 fucked quinn over so bad. but it comes back.

and she writes so many fucking essays about her emotionally neglectful father and her child who she loves so fucking much but had to give up and her friends, her glee club, who helped her through fucking everything.

it comes back.

quinn gets accepted into yale.

quinn gets accepted into yale.

rachel and kurt are (eventually) accepted into a prestigious performing arts school, which is perfect for them, but let me reiterate – quinn (and mike actualy) gains admission into one of the most prestigious schools in america. 

quinn fabray is going to be fucking amazing, and she knows it – she’s going to live her own life, the one her mom wanted to life, but was always too scared to pursue. quinn knows how short life is, she also know she can’t let anyone drag her down – quinn is going to motherfucking yale and she is going to be fucking wonderful. 

there’s a quote i’ve always used for quinn – i can’t abandon the girl i used to be, so i carry her. and quinn carries lucy with her every single fucking day – and lucy gets to see her ambition realised, gets to see herself succeed and become everything she dreamed of.

and it’s amazing.

so maybe nobody has rachel’s ambition, not really. but a lot of glee club have their own wild ambitions (mike, mercedes and tina all come to mind).

but i do genuinely think puck, santana and quinn all come very close to the standard rachel set, in such different ways. 

and i think that’s wonderful. 

[fortroubledteensrpg]

carmichael, amelia has been granted admission to our program. please follow the necessary steps prior to your arrival.

{ o o c }

name: River

pronouns: she/her

timezone: central

age: 25+

rp experience: 10+ years

anything else?: rfp

{ i c }

character name: Amelia Brooklyn Carmichael

age: 17

reason for being sent to shuester’s boarding school: to preserve the ‘family name’ and get her out of the spotlight

extra curricular: astronomy club, book club, soccer, dance team (if there is one)

fc: melissa benoist

sexuality: heterosexual

ships/antiships: amelia/chemistry ;; amelia/forced

two tweets:

@caramelia: Melanie Martinez must have lived with my family, and I didn’t even notice… #dollhouse #iseethingsnobodyelsesees

@caramelia: To the girls I overheard talking about how ‘overrated’ all this Fantastic Beasts hype is… [ xxx ]

sample para:

[ I’m using this one because my brain doesn’t want to come up with an in-character sample para at this point in time xD. But I will eventually be applying for Kurt as well so…it works. >.> ]

Groaning softly as his back hit the cool metal of the lockers, Kurt offered a slight glare in Sam’s direction. “Will you be careful? If you rip my clothes, I’ll kill you,” he threatened, though his voice was breathy as he felt the other boy’s body pressed against his, pinning him to the locker. It was an empty threat in the moment, especially since Kurt’s mind was more focused on Sam’s hips grinding against his own, but they both knew he would carry it through. That knowledge alone spurred a murmured apology from Sam, but Kurt had already forgotten his own threat as he felt the other boy’s hands fumbling with the buckle of Kurt’s belt.

Six months ago, if someone had suggested that one day he would be involved in some kind of a relationship with none other than Sam fucking Evans, he would have thought that the person had lost their mind. Not only was Sam the quarterback of the football team, but he was also, as far as anyone else knew, one of the straightest guys in the school. Of course, his presence in the Glee club hadn’t really helped his reptuation too much, but he wasn’t the only member of the football team who was a member of the club.

Any rumors of Sam’s sexuality, though, had gone right out of the window when he started dating Quinn Fabray. Sam’s relationship with the blonde, head cheerleader alone should have been enough to tell Kurt that the other man wasn’t even remotely gay, but the day he caught Sam watching him - or spying on him rather - while showering in the locker room after Cheerios practice had told another story. It didn’t take much effort on Kurt’s part after that for him to realize that Sam’s relationship with Quinn was a complete farce. Quinn might have thought they were serious and had the perfect relationship, but Sam’s real interests were just a bit beyond what the girl could offer - unless she was very open minded and willing to use sex toys to give her boyfriend a real orgasm.

Quinn might have been the beard Sam needed to survive at this school, but Kurt was the one that Sam always came to when he needed a real release. Lately though, if he hadn’t known better, Kurt would have thought that Sam was starting to form some kind of romantic attachment to him, but the bottle-blonde had been very clear on what the terms of this semblence of a relationship were. That was part of why Kurt had been so surprised when Sam had approached him in the locker room after Cheerios practice; they weren’t supposed to be seen together at school - not like this at least. Regardless, Kurt wasn’t about to start complaining as he felt Sam pull him away from the lockers and settle down onto one of the benches, pulling Kurt into his lap. Straddling the other boy, Kurt chuckled softly before nodding in response as Sam asked whether or not this was better. “Much,” he remarked with a smirk before leaning in to capture Sam’s lips in another kiss while the blonde’s hands worked on trying to get through all the layers with slightly shaky hands as Kurt began grinding his hips down.

“Here, let me,” Kurt remarked after a few moments when Sam let out an aggravated groan, complaining about all of the layers that Kurt wore getting in the way of what he really wanted. Moments later, both Kurt’s vest and shirt was strewn across the bench beside them while Sam’s shirt had been tossed to the floor behind him. They were supposed to be alone in the school so their voices being overheard by someone else wasn’t something either of them had thought to consider; it was late enough that the football team had all gone home, and most of the Cheerios had done the same. They had not been expecting someone to come strolling into the locker room and interrupt them. Kurt yelped when he was shoved to the cold floor as Sam quickly stood up at the intrusion. Shifting to quickly zip up his own pants before Blaine could catch sight of anything, Kurt glared up at Blaine while Sam started rambling on, begging Blaine not to say anything. “Sam, stop begging,” he snapped a few seconds later, pulling himself up and grabbing his shirt off the bench. There was no way they’d be able to finish what they started now that they’d been caught, Sam would never go for it, which meant Kurt would be going home very turned on, and it was entirely Blaine’s fault. “For the record, I didn’t sleep with you because you’re an ass. And you dress like a wannabe member of the Sex Pistols or Generation X. I’m sorry if that hurt your delicate little feelings, but I’m not going to sleep with you just because you’re looking for a tight piece of ass. Life doesn’t work that way, Billy Idol.”

bio:

{ trigger warning: sexual abuse, drugs, alcohol }

Amelia was born the second twin to Margaret and Robert Rose, after her twin sister Marley. It wouldn’t be until over a decade later, though, that Amelia would really come to know that she could have had an entirely different life. Margaret and Robert had decided before Margaret had given birth that they would put the second twin up for adoption. They already had one child that they were struggling to take care of, and they knew that realistically they wouldn’t be able to take care of another. That was how Amelia grew up with Andrew and Emily Carmichael instead of with her biological family – a group of people who probably could have provided her a much better life than she ever had.

On the outside, the Carmichael family seemed to be the picture-perfect, old-money family. Successful and well-respected parents, obedient and intelligent children who were clearly going somewhere in their lives; their eldest was even at the top of his class in medical school, studying to be a neurosurgeon. Amelia’s father, Andrew, was a successful prosecutor with a cut-throat reputation, while her mother, Emily, was a caring and nurturing mother who chose to work from home, designing clothes for Manhattan’s elite; her parents seemed to have the perfect marriage with the perfect children – or at least that’s the image that the Carmichael family portrayed. Behind the walls of their expensive Upper East Side townhouse, away from the prying eye of the outside world, Emily spent most of her afternoons with a fresh drink in her hand ignoring whatever issues were going on in her household while Andrew spent his days at the office and his nights sneaking around with his secretary at various seedy motels. Emily knew about his infidelity, choosing to turn to alcohol instead of confronting the matter, but Amelia had been too young to really see the dysfunctionality of what was going on in her family; honestly, she thought the things going on in her family were completely normal.

Things were fine for a while until her father was given a major court case – the kind that could make or break a man’s career. Their townhouse soon filled with high-powered attorneys at all hours of the day, and, not long into the case, one particular lawyer started paying a little too much attention to her. In the beginning, it was just bringing presents or candy – always making sure to bring enough for all the children, but saving the best and most special for Amelia. Soon enough, though, Thomas’ thoughtfulness started escalating to more concerning behavior. Behavior that, even at a younger age, she knew was wrong. The day that the situation evolved to being forcibly robbed of her innocence in the upstairs bathroom while her father was distracted and her mother was too drunk to notice, Amelia had had enough. She tried to tell her mother about what her father’s partner had been doing, but the woman ignored her, and when she turned to her father for help, he called her a liar – accusing her of still trying to be the center of attention at eleven years old.

To make matters worse, Thomas quickly became one of Andrew’s best friends throughout the course of the case that rocketed both his and Andrew’s careers; soon enough, Amelia’s abuser was always around – she could never get away from him or his advances. She started running away when she was fourteen years old; a day or so at first, then extended periods where she would be gone for one or two weeks at a time. The first time that she disappeared for more than a few days – more than what could be excused as ‘spending a few nights at a friend’s house’ – her parents did seem worried, to their credit. Amelia had been gone for nearly a week, and no one had heard anything from her. When she finally came home a few days later, she thought things were going to be different. They were more attentive, Andrew even began to notice just how much attention his best friend was giving his daughter; her parents finally believed her about what had been going on for the last few years. Amelia thought things were finally going to start getting better. She had been wrong. A few months passed, and things slowly started going back to the way that they had been before. Granted, Thomas was no longer around, but that didn’t mean other problems hadn’t arisen in his place.

While Emily’s drinking problem seemed to have lessened considerably, she had now seemed to develop a new prescription problem as Andrew barely tried to hide his infidelity any longer. As she entered high school, Amelia fell in with a less-than-wholesome crowd who didn’t have the best influence on her. Mainly due to their influence, it seemed like the youngest Carmichael was always splashed on the front pages of the tabloids for some reason or another – underage drinking, partying a little too hard, dating men who were much too old for her. After nude photos of Amelia caught in flagrante delicto with her then-boyfriend (who also happened to be married, but Amelia hadn’t known this at the time) were leaked to the tabloids and oh-so-tastefully splashed all over the front pages, her parents had had enough. They shipped the youngest Carmichael off to Schuester’s Boarding School in an attempt to get Amelia away from the spotlight so they might be able to “repair the family name”.

Emily and Andrew told Amelia that she was adopted when she was twelve years old. They had a brief conversation in which they told Amelia that her mother had given birth to twins, inferring that she had a twin sister, but her biological family couldn’t afford to keep both so she was given up for adoption. They never spoke another word about it and refuse to do so even to this day.

In truth, Amelia is the exact opposite of the wild child that the tabloids make her out to be. While it’s true that she fell in with a bad crowd in high school, she was smart enough to know that they weren’t good for her. This didn’t stop her from still hanging out with them, though. At least while she was with them, she felt alive and truly cared for; she felt like she mattered, like her voice was actually heard for once. She wasn’t struggling to figure out where she fit into a family full of two-sided hypocrites. Behind closed doors, though, she’s almost a different person entirely. She loves dancing, music, photography, astronomy, and literature, whether it be classic novels or comic books, and she loves going to the movies or watching tv like most teenagers. If she’s being honest, she’s looking forward to her time at Schuester’s almost as much as her parents are; it’ll be a chance to get away from the cameras and the expectations. She longs for a place where she can really be herself.