#my poor he/him never gets the validation. i neglect it so.

[bethiewhimsy]

there are very few things that make me feel he/him but walking around with my hands in my pockets is strangely one of them.

[archangeldyke-all]

I feel this is somewhat fitting for today,

So reader comforting sev after silco died (I feel she is the most sad out of everyone because she always saw him as some sort of father figure ngl and he sorta neglected her or never validated her)

-🫖

:( my poor baby. he's like her fucked up bestie/boss/dad

men and minors dni

they send lock or deckard to tell you if sevika's gonna be late getting home.

thieram if she's drunk and moping at the bar.

but ran only ever comes when something bad's happened.

and jinx has never accompanied any of silco's goons on one of these errands.

you assume the worst. your heart drops to your ass at the sight of ran and jinx on your doorstep, both looking haggard and scared.

jinx reaches out and grabs your arm before you can start weeping, shaking you a bit. "relax, would ya? it's not her, she's fine she's just..."

you gulp, looking to ran. they sigh. "silco's dead. she's... just sitting in his office... drinking."

jinx breaks into tears on the walk to the last drop, disappearing in an alleyway for the night. ran is solemn as they lead you to the bar.

"w-what happened?"

"dunno. jinx won't say. think she mighta killed him." ran shrugs. "think she did something bad in piltover too. shit's stirring and silco's dead and sevika's supposed to take over if this happens but--"

"take a breath." you say, patting your friend's back. "'s okay. she's gonna be fine."

this isn't true. but you know your wife wouldn't want you telling her troops any different. sevika's going to wake up sobbing for years to come, just another thing on the long list of losses that haunt her. you'll be there, though, like you are now-- to hold her and let her cry in your chest-- to remind her that she's got you. and you've got her.

she's slumped asleep on the couch when you enter silco's office. ran leaves you alone, closing the door behind themselves as the leave.

"sev." you whisper, gently nudging your wife. she snaps awake, taking a moment to drunkenly register her surroundings and your face, before she bursts into silent tears, leaning forward to bury herself against you. "fuck, honey." you coo, wrapping her up into a hug. "i'm so fuckin' sorry."

"i can't believe he fucking died. he's fucking invincible!" she cries. your heart shatters, and you kiss her scalp.

"sevika, baby. you know he isn't."

"but-- it's my fucking job to make him invincible and--"

"sev." you pull her face away from your chest, wiping up her tears and forcing her to look you in the eye. "it's your job to take over if shit goes south. that's your job. silco was not a god-- he was a man. and there is nothing you coulda done to save him, baby."

"i..." she trails off. you frown, already knowing what she was going to say, your heart breaking.

"you're gonna miss him."

she nods. "i fuckin' hate him, too." she says.

you chuckle, nodding. "i know, baby. that's the power of love."

sevika huffs and leans against you again. "how long do i have before shit gets real bad out there?"

"long enough to come home and get a proper sleep in." you say, dragging her toward the door.

sevika doesn't resist, letting you take her home. letting you care for her.

you kiss her before you leave the office, sweet and chaste but for long enough that you melt together. "thank you." you sigh.

"for what?"

"letting me take care of you before your big debut... sevika... the lioness of the lanes." you tease. sevika snorts at the nickname and rolls her eyes, and your heart flutters in your chest at the sound.

hi if u know who came up with the lioness of the lanes nickname pls lemme know so i can credit them!

taglist!

@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner

@shimtarofstupidity @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther

@sevikaspillowprincess @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai

@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @k3n-dyll @sevsdollette

@ellieslob @xayn-xd @keikuahh @maneskinwh0re @raphaellearp

@iamastar @sevikitty @mascdom @nhaaauyen

@mirconreadzztuff22 @veoomvroom @lushh-s3vik4s @katyawooga @lesbodietcoke

[snail-migraine]

hello !! please delete / ignore if this validates your rules !! ^ __ ^

Platonic Yandere Malleus & child [name] . .

and [name] may or may not be a brat . . and probably failing school ( it’s college so no wonder !!)

preferably he / him prns but you can do whatever :] thank you !! there’s just not enough platonic yanderes in twstfandom . .

Of course! I'd be more than happy to this. The platonic yandere is a trope thats very unexplored, so I'd love to do one! Thanks for the Ask!

-

Anon-Yan💌.‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

Platonic Yandere Malleus

So since there were no specifics on who reader might be [Just that reader is Malleus's Child] let's just say that reader is Malleus's adopted child, but is still Fae. Just not a draconic fae.

Malleus as Yandere father is super-overprotective. The phrase "Helicopter Parent" Doesn't even begin to describe this man.

Maybe it was due all of the neglect he suffered through as a child, but this man absolutely refuse to give you any sort of privacy or space. Even as a teenager.

He just hates the idea of you feeling lonely so he spends practically every second he can with you, even at you're own expense.

Malleus is also petrified of losing you, Lillia is closing in on his own death, Silver never had very long compared to Malleus, and Sebek is half human, meaning he will never live as long as Malleus.

You're the only other family he has aside from his grandmother, he's not letting you go easily.

Malleus is one of those people who can't help but spoil their children, he'd hate to start yelling at his precious baby.

Maybe all that spoiling is how you got the way you are. Entitled and bratty.

When you first started going to school Malleus would get complaints from teachers on just how terrible you would be to the other kids.

But he refused to believe his precious baby was so awful. Especially when you started [fake] crying, saying that the teachers and other students here were mean to you.

"How dare you accuse my child of such terrible acts! My child would never do such a thing. They are nothing but a sweetheart. If I ever hear such a blatant lie fall from your lips ever again, the consequences will result in your immediate execution. Understand?"

Those poor teachers man.

Malleus babies you so much it isn't until Lillia, Silver, Sebek, and his grandmother hold an intervention that he'll start being a little hard on you.

But even then, if you start crying he'll back down.

It's ironic that somebody so strong breaks so easily at the slightest little swell of your tear-ducts.

Life goes on like this for a long time, with you causing trouble and Malleus brushing it off like it's nothing.

It isn't until you're a teenager and enrolled in Night Raven College that you finally cross the line.

"Mr. Draconia, I don't what it is but your child seems hellbent on becoming one of the worst students this school has ever seen!", Crowley exclaims, "Just last week they destroyed on of Diasomnia's numerous gargoyles! Even with my genius expertise, I can't keep them under control."

You keep your arms crossed and blow a peice of hair out of your face. 'That crow is still yapping.' You think to yourself, annoyed about having to listen to some lousy headmaster blab on and on about how you were sooooo terrible. As if the guy really thought that the Malleus Draconia would ever listen to his bullshit.

Dad always took your side, any second now that crow would finally shut his mouth and your dad would finally get you out of this dump.

Crowley jumps in his seat when a strike of thunder hits outside. 'There it is.' Dad always hated it when people accused you. The frown on your face lightens to a devious smirk.

"Ehem.", Crowley tries to regain his composure, "I believe if they're behavior doesn't change I'll have to expel them."

Thats when Malleus finally snaps, but he doesn't make it clear to you, or Crowley. But God is he pissed. He's spent all this time babying and treating you like the little royal he knows you should be, but look at you! Nothing but a troublemaker with no respect for anyone or anything around you. Has he really failed as father this badly?

You know what? It doesn't matter anymore, cause guess what? He's no longer going to baby you, you're almost an adult for sevens sake! And you've got the intelligence of two year old.

"That's fine, Headmaster Crowley." He says, trying to keep his demeanor calm despite the now raging storm outside. "I think it's best that from now on I start home-schooling them anyways."

His curls his fists into his lap.

"Thank you for your time, we'll be getting Their things now and removing them from campus. Have a good day Crowley." And with that he grabs you by the wrist and yanks you out of the room.

He didn't even let you grab your things, he just pulled you to the mirror and sent both of you back to Briar Valley. Once there, he continues pulling you around by your arm until he gets to one of old dungeon cells put high up in a tower. There he finally lets you go by throwing you in. When you try to ask why he's doing this he shushes you with his glare. Pointed and sharp.

He may be father, but he's not going to play nice.

He takes a deep breathe, a crackle of green thunder booms from outside the old brick walls of the castle, before he speaks up.

"You disappoint me. I have given you nothing but love and generosity in the hopes that you would turn out as a kind, loving, and respectful person."

You're at a loss for words as you try to say something, anything, but he glares at you once more and shushes you.

"You are a member of the Draconia Family. There are rules and guidelines we must follow, we can not go around acting like brats and destroying anything we like. And until you adhere to those simple rules, you will no longer be treated as a royal.", His tone was sharper than the deadliest knife. And his words made you more scared of your father than you'd ever been before.

"Your time will be spent either studying or cleaning. In your down time you will be making your food and no servant will be tending to you. Do you understand?" You could only nod dumbly as actual tears welled in your eyes. The sight made him grimace.

"..I love you my dear, but you are a Draconia. And you need to start acting like it." He said, almost as though he was trying to comfort you. Before turning on his heel and walking down the winding steps out of the tower.

[mothwingwritings]

Idk if you’re into omega verse but omg I just thought of it being applied to Yujiro and poor omega reader goddamn 😭 (I think I may have gone a little bit too far on this one ngl, also I’m half asleep so sorry for any issues..)

Nasty nasty Alpha Yujiro who takes advantage of poor little you. Who would have thought he’d ever encounter such a rare beauty? Omegas were practically extinct in the baki universe, the world full of hardened alphas made no room for the sweet soft omegas. And yet here you were against all odds.

From the moment he met you, he’d made the promise that he would never spread his seed through out the world.

Nay, he was going to hammer in his children into your fertile womb as you cried out in overstimulation. You would carry all of his offspring for the rest of your life. That was a promise.

While many of his past devoted lovers would have been flattered by his devotion, you were anything but.

Sure Yujiro would disappear on some days but no longer than a week.

But on the days he were in your house. It’d be a constant running away and fighting off the lustful touches of Yujiro.

The dreadful “Honey~ I’m home!~” had you cringing so hard as thick muscular arms surrounded your waist.

Having to take showers with the Ogre that always ended with you pressed up against the glass mirror as Yujiro crowded you against it.

Having your favorite clothes torn to shreds as he tried to make “love to you”.

Waking up in the middle of the night to see the humongous man deep in your guts as he ruthlessly pounded into you.

And when you went in heat…oh boy.

You’re horny 24/7 and you won’t fight back at all? Just lil ol you whimpering about how much it hurts and that you need something inside? You’d let the older man kiss you and cling onto him needily. His poor little omega!

Yeah, Yujiro loves your heats.

This man keeps a track record of when your heats are around the corner. It doesn’t matter if he’s in another country or across the globe the globe away from you. If he sees you have started your heat, he’s running like a madman with the nastiest smirk that has people running away screaming. They all thought he was out to murder someone (ya ur lil meow meow)

Out of spite you decide to hook up with some random beta when your heat starts up. Which immediately back fires when Yujiro has said man tied up as he watches you get plowed down by your real alpha.

“My little omega, have I neglected you so much that you seeked out some limp dick beta to satisfy you? I guess I’ll have to you more attention to keep you satisfied, huh?”

You know Yujiro is going to show you off. I mean, who wouldn’t?

He’s pulling up to the tournaments with you sitting on his shoulder clad in a thin bikini. Your looking away from the many lustful looks directed at you, all while Yujiro basks in the jealous looks he receives.

They all look so angry at him, but yet…too intimidated to muster the courage to say anything to him. Yes this was a fine idea.

He’s got you wearing a pretty diamond collar with the letters “Property of Ogre.”

Every time you both return from such fights, it didn’t matter if he came back angry or happy both were valid reasons to fuck you in the entrance your home. After that he would ravage you on any surface in the house.

He was going to get so many babies out of you.

Me reading this ask loool

You must have read my mind anon, I was just musing the other day on how I want to some day take a stab at writing an ABO fic and the Bakiverse would be perfect fodder for it. 😌

But God... Yujiro would be the worst fucking Alpha. That man could track you down from miles away, knowing where you are at all times should he need you. And he has such intricate knowledge on basically every aspect of you and your life that it goes beyond concerning, it's downright invasive. It takes no time at all for him to claim fuck you, giving you no time to really sus him out or get to know him before you've become irrevocably his. He's now your bonded partner, and you are not at all thrilled with that.

When yujiro comes to claim you he attacks you with such a bestial, feral intensity that you are afraid one day your body won't be able to take the abuse he inflicts on it, giving you serious concerns over whether you will survive the mating process. You got lucky the first time, but what about in the future? How many pups does he plan to pump inside of you? The thought keeps you up at night. You don't even want to parent his offspring, let alone be demoted to his breeding stock to be fucked full again and again and again. You would have chosen ANY alpha other than Yujiro, but now this was your lot in life-forced to not only be his mate, but bear his children, creating new versions of this monster to roam the planet. Would they grow up to be like their father, or would you have any hope of raising them to be decent, loving people?

Also, I feel like your body will just constantly be marked up everywhere. His mating bites don't stop at the scent glands, and you usually end up looking like you just left a 12 round boxing match on the losing side instead of a mating session with your alpha. :(

And when you are in heat its the absolute fucking worst. Lusting after Yurjiro, your entire body aching for him to desecrate and destroy you, your insides burning white hot for his touch. Only your alpha can cure you of this all consuming sickness that plagues you, and you turn into a whiny blubbery mess when Yujiro is around, pleading and begging for him to claim you. It's absolutely dreadful how much you yearn for such a barbaric man, and each and every time you are disgusted with how easily you give in to him. You just roll over and become his docile little fuck mate, turned into a wanton, lusting mess from just catching his scent alone. You loath him as much as you need him, and words cannot describe the amount of hate you hold in your heart for the man that turned you into this pathetic shell of who you once were.

[inbarfink]

I mean, the thing about Zim is that despite what he might say, he is absolutely capable of love and affection. It’s just that he only expresses it to a very select assortment of people.

First and most obvious one is probably his relationship with the Tallests. Which tends to be a lot less just a ‘loyal soldier duty bound to serve his leaders” and is coded a lot more like…. “Child overeager to please his neglectful parents”. I mean, the entire emotional crux of ‘Enter the Florpus’ is built on this. 

Zim isn’t just motivated by a pure ideological belief in the Irken Empire’s conquest, or by the desire for the fame and accolades that come with being a successful Invader. I mean, those ARE factors. Zim is both a true believer in Irk’s imperialist ideology and very interested in feeding his ego. But he’s also looking for a more personal sort of emotional validation specifically from the Tallests. One that he’s desperate for, but we know that he’s never gonna get.

(And that’s not just because Zim sucks. Even if he could somehow stop being a walking disaster area and a giant millstone around the Empire’s neck, that desire for the Tallests’ love would still be a fool’s errand. We’ve all seen how they treat poor Skoodge.)

In addition to that doomed attempt at an emotional connection, Zim can sometimes be kinda affectionate with his various robotic minions, which obviously goes back to the whole…

Yeah, that.

And that same episode ends with him having a very similar sort of response to Robo-Dad and Robo-Mom picking him up.

And then there’s, of course, his M-Lab Robot Minions in 'Enter the Florpus'. All named - and all grieved by him. 

His extreme reaction to Lawrence specifically dying shows he did apparently see them as individuals.

But as far as we can tell both the Roboparents and the Robot Army are not, like, sapient? I mean, AIs like GIR or the Computer are characterized as basically Machine People - but these robots barely seem more sapient than my laptop. And as much as I love my laptop it’s not gonna, like, love me back.

Speaking of GIR, he’s another example of someone Zim shows genuine care for. I mean… he can absolutely be pretty mean to him at times…

But any sort of kindness from Zim has to be graded on a Curve because he’s so terrible. ‘Hobo 13’ demonstrated to us very well just how horrible Zim can be to his subordinates - rude, inconsiderate, pretty much deliberately sacrificing them not just for his personal gain but also just for his own petty amusement. 

And it’s notable that’s not how he treats GIR. Who he expresses actual concern for…

And he pretty easily acquiesces to GIR’s capricious desires even when he clearly sees them as Stupid and frivolous. 

This scene is especially notable. I mean, this is Zim actually feeling bad about the fact that he made someone cry and trying to de-escalate the situation. Maybe for other characters a moment like that would be no big deal, but this basically the softest Zim has been through… all official IZ media. And it was a scene with GIR.

 And meanwhile GIR himself… didn’t really register any of this - either Zim’s frustration or his attempts at sort-of comforting him, because he was only sad about having eaten his cupcake and not being able to eat it more. 

Because that’s the thing, while GIR does have some level of affection towards Zim at times…

He doesn’t really show that same level of care. I mean, in pretty much all of these examples, GIR puts his own desire to give Zim physical affection over Zim’s clear discomfort and disgust. And in general, while GIR vaguely acknowledges that Zim is his master - he often disregards or ignores Zim’s orders and requests. And not just when it comes to being ordered around in yet another evil scheme -

But also when the situation is just clearly basically hazardous to Zim’s very life. 

(Which is very much in contrast to Zim, who, again, is actually emotionally invested in GIR’s safety)

While some of GIR’s inability to fulfill Zim’s commands can be attributed to his lack of mental focus and general stupidity - his absolute lack of care and regret about these situations seem to imply that, like, GIR might follow some of Zim’s orders when they seem fun, and he might like Zim in the sense that GIR is generally incapable of genuine malice. But GIR is never going to care about Zim, as a ‘Master’ or as a friend, as much as he cares about his own hedonism.

And of course, we all know that if GIR was capable of actually focusing on anything and remaining grounded in reality - he would very quickly realize that he actually hates Zim quite a bit. 

And that’s, like, the whole Tragedy of Zim. He is a being capable of kindness and friendship - but he always ends up only caring about beings who will never care about him back.

Due to Irken indoctrination and also self-inflicted due to his own ego (like, it is no coincidence that the People Zim Actually Cares About are the two beings Irken ideology obliges him to acknowledge as his superiors and then a bunch of robotic minions who are supposed to be 100% obedient to him.) Zim only loves those who will not love him back.

Except for Minimoose. That relationship is 100% wholesome.

[knight-says-nanana]

An analysis on Ed’s comic childhood, how that impacted his OCD*, and how that translated to the Gotham TV show

Alternatively: GTV Ed’s Biography

*(and also how it very clearly gave him cptsd but they don’t explicitly Say that bc DC is full of cowards)

Normally I’d say comics don’t impact tv continuity, especially for a show like Gotham where so many things are changed, but the thing is? Cory Michael Smith specifically went out of his way to read the riddler comics when he accepted the role of Ed Nygma. He acted accordingly and did an amazing job trying to salvage the show’s poor writing. There are many tiny moments where he does things that reference Ed’s typical backstory despite the show, in all its 5 seasons, never bringing it up

Childhood wise there are typically two widely accepted routes

1 - his mom was around but neglectful and off her head with drugs n alcohol

2 - his mom left when he was a toddler due to not being able to handle his father anymore, which kinda kickstarted the abuse being focused onto Ed instead

I will be continuing this analysis with #2 because it is the most popular and explains his abandonment issues

Comic Based Childhood

So this guy basically grew up with Only his father. His father who is a dumbass, an alcoholic, blames Ed for his mother leaving, incredibly abusive physically, and couldn’t accept that 1) his kid is smarter than him or that 2) a kid so Weird cough traumatized and neurodivergent cough is anything but an idiot

A major sticking point was that he always thought Ed was lying, constantly, about everything. This will be important later.

And when Ed finally started going to school and getting A’s?? Yeah no Obviously he had to have been cheating so Mr Nashton just got More angry with him. Could Ed have dropped his grades on purpose to avoid this? Yeah. Did he? Absolutely not. Academic success was the one thing he could be proud of and the only thing that gave him any sort of praise or validation. He was clinging to it for dear life.

No matter the universe, this is a guy who craves attention.

There is difference between academic success and school life itself, because Ed is awkward n dorky n, especially at this point in time, anxious n quiet. So he didn’t have friends. In fact it’s usually written as either him having been bullied or being ignored entirely

The boy was not doing ok at all. So understandably he ran away as soon as possible and changed his name.

Now, this is the first point where Gotham’s canon ties into this in a Very interesting way

We know Ed’s official birth year from the ID card in the show. It’s canon. In season one he is 26. We know this. And it’s is insane for a few reasons!!

He is So Much Younger than his coworkers holy shit

Bullock is old enough to be his dad and he’s not nice, no wonder Ed doesn’t like him

He works in forensics. At 26. And he’s implied to have been working there a year or two before Jim joined the precinct.

Now, I had GENUINELY assumed that he was in his 30s like Jim. BECAUSE HE WORKS IN FORENSICS. But no he’s just actually a botched Spencer Reid because he’s 26 in season one.

A degree in forensic science takes 4 years.

If you want a masters it’s an extra 2 years.

Factoring in the time he would’ve needed to spend interning and working just to QUALIFY for a job at the GCPD???

If we assume he ran away n got into college at age 17 and got his bachelor's he’d be 21 by the time he graduated, 23 if he got his masters which of course he would, and then that leaves us only 3 or 1 year/s for internships and stuff before he joins the GCPD. What. What.

No wonder his apartment is so shitty!!! This is a man with hella student loans

But yeah! Hes only 26 and his 40 year old coworkers are bulling him for being weird. I’d hate my job too.

Bullock is 48 and I’m fully convinced he, like me, thinks Ed is at least 32 (Jim’s age) because. What.

So yeah that’s his general backstory, NOW the ways that plays into his mental state and how his actor managed to fit it into the show

So, you can reasonably assume he’s traumatized.

And!? There are so many subtle moments in the show where Cory acts his character accordingly for this. He flinches when people raise their voice, he’s visibly spooked when men in the GCPD get huffy (usually it’s Mr James Anger Issues Gordon). He’s skittish as a mouse. In the watermelon scene, when Gordon busts into the room, Ed immediately falls over himself to explain what he’s doing in there. The guy was terrified. Of James. Who’s never done a thing to him.

Beyond that? CPTSD -beyond the regular symptoms of flashbacks, triggers, and hyper awareness- also includes difficulty regulating emotions, feelings of shame/guilt, and trouble staying in relationships.

Ed Nygma is a damn textbook case. He has meltdowns, he falls into substances, he does ANYTHING but cope when he’s overwhelmed. He is constantly trying to prove he’s smart, there’s a gut deep shame when he doesn’t hold up to genius standards. And you’ve seen his relationships.

Basic info ab OCD: it’s an anxiety disorder and the two main things are obsessive compulsions and intrusive thoughts, both of which are present in Gotham but not handled nearly as well as they are in the comics

Compulsions first!

These tend to stem from subconscious thoughts and people won’t always know Why they have a compulsion but they’re generally a way of preventing a vague yet all consuming Bad Thing.

Now, with Ed one of his major sticking points in comics AND the show is he cannot tell blatant lies, especially not with yes/no answers.

This is part of why he compulsively leaves clues for absolutely everything and tries to be so vague when he is lying. He also jumps through hoops so that he won’t need to lie.

Lying = incredible all consuming dread and anxiety, so he just Doesn’t and uses his little hints and clues as a loophole. Very obviously from his father’s influence.

In the show this is shown multiple times but just for a few:

Lucious asking if Jim is at Ed’s house and when Ed tries to say no he seems almost forced to correct himself

The compulsive clue in “Tom’s” note, even when no one had asked him if he knew anything he still couldn’t keep it entirely to himself. The note is a loophole. Technically he told on himself. They just didn’t figure it out. (Well. Kristen kinda did but denying it aka lying sent him into an anxiety attack the moment she left. So.)

When Sofia Falcone was torturing him to find out where Oswald was, he told her. He just told her via a riddler he knew she didn’t understand! No need to lie!

In the car ride to the docks Oswald also calls him out directly by saying he’s so predictable because he’s driven by obsessive compulsion. This is the most the show acknowledges it.

Beyond his compulsions he’s got explicit intrusive thoughts regarding a few big things. (Should be noted that these tend to drive compulsions but not always.)

being viewed as stupid

Ergo his criminal history just being a big show to prove how smart he is. Again, his fathers influence.

being actually stupid

Not knowing things stresses him out So Bad and he takes it So Personally. He NEEDS to know everything. The world is a puzzle and he is Going to solve it.

Side note: That’s why I do LOVE that Gotham made him a forensics specialist!! He’s always had, to quote a DC podcast where he’s talking to Batgirl “-and you have that terrible all consuming pathology which comples you to find answers” “AnD i HaVe tHaT tErRiBlE aLL cOnsUmiNG PaThOLoGy wHiCh coMpELs mE tO FiNd AnSwErS- Yes.”

Biggest for last: being like his dad

This one is specifically fun because it was almost represented so well. ALMOST. His entire relationship with Kristen was downright molded by it, as shown in the file room anxiety attack. Yes that’s what I’m going to call it.

He is constantly fretting over being like Tom, even when he clearly isn’t because he is disgusted by Tom. No mysoginist is going to see someone with the same thoughts as gross. No guy who thinks women should be “put in their place” is going to have such a physical reaction to hearing that be said. No abusive pos is going to have that reaction at all. At least, not in the way that situation went down or in the way Ed’s afraid of being. We aren’t discussing emotional harm or Nygmobblepot today. But he frets anyway. And if we chose to interpret his riddler hallucination as a Really poor way of representing intrusive thoughts? Yeah. Yeah. His brain is making him panic about doing exactly what he hates so much.

*it should be noted that compulsions are often reinforced by intrusive thoughts. specific example: if he lies he will be saying something wrong, he can not be wrong, everyone is going to think he’s an idiot if he’s wrong. You can see how the two things connect. This applies to the majority of compilations in some way.

Now, a moment where I deviate from discussing what Did happened because I’ll forever mourn this particular writing fuck up:

His thing with Kristen could’ve been perfect. It could’ve been the best live action riddler origin to date. Because this is a guy with OCD who’s very traumatized and would have a strong personal reaction to finding out a friend is facing domestic abuse. That would make his relationships complicated too because of the thought loop it would create off the risk of “turning out to be the type of person he hates” or “what if I hurt her like I was hurt.” That would have been so compelling? AND? AND YKNOW WHAT? MY BIGGEST GRIPE? HIS FIRST PUSH INTO VIOLENT CRIME BEING STABBING AN ABUSER WOULD BE PERFECT. It would be on point. Exceptional foray into crime and murder. BUT THEY DIDNT PLAY IT LIKE THAT. No instead it’s highly tainted by “who gets the girl” and I just. N o. Ugh. They fumbled it!! They fumbled it So Hard. THEY MAKE HIM CREEPY AS FUCK TOWARDS KRISTEN. Like- physically blocking her into small spaces and imposing on her and talking over her when, if they HAD actually leaned into the OCD on purpose, he would probably be hyper aware of not doing.

[abla-soso]

"Alicent is not obligated to be a good mother to her rapist son"

Oh, please.

We're excusing parental abuse because 'the child deserved it', now? You're gonna fight misogyny by being an abuse apologist? LOL.

Keep in mind: I like the fact that Alicent was very harsh and furious and almost disowned Aegon once she found out about his sexual crime. I don't consider that reaction to be parental abuse. I don't claim that Alicent raised Aegon to be a rapist. I don't condemn Alicent for being a bad mom to Aegon, and I consider Visary as the parent who is ultimately responsible for how Aegon turned into a rapist.

All clear?

Now. Let's ignore the fact that making Aegon a rapist was a shitty and cheaply manipulative move on the writer's part to make him infinitely bad compared to Rhaenyra, a move they've now clearly regretted and trying to move away from, a move that they never had any intention of seriously examining or incorporating in the Alicent's dynamic with Aegon (she gets pissed at him for like a day then crowns him as king and acts more lovingly towards him than ever before: kissing him, hugging him, smiling fondly at him, admitting she loves him, and putting her life on the line to protect him).

I wish the writers had cared about making Aegon's sexual crimes part of his dynamic with Alicent and part of why she constantly mistreats him, but they didn't. It was only an issue between them for a day, and that was it. You can't force people to pretend like the writers cared. Your headcanon is valid (and I use it in my own fics when writing about Alicent's relationship with Aegon), but it's sadly not part of the show's text.

Let's ignore all that and focus on two facts:

First: Alicent was neglectful and abusive to Aegon way before he ever touched any woman inappropriately.

As a parent, you don't get to unburden yourself from parental obligation after you've already failed your child and contributed to their corruption. You don't get to neglect and emotionally abuse your child and then wash your hands from any responsibility or obligation when they turn into a monster. Even if the mistreatment was unintentional and you never raised the child to be a monster, you still hold some fucking responsibility because you are their fucking parent and you've already failed them. If you can't love that monstrous child anymore, the least you could do as a parent is try to make up for how you've failed them.

Second: Alicent's current emotional abuse towards Aegon has nothing to do with her disgust at his sexual crime. That clearly wasn't a deal breaker for her before.

No, she's being uncharacteristically cruel now because Aegon is resisting his role as a puppet king.

Alicent's only option to take some power for herself is through being the king's mother, and she sees Aegon resisting his role of puppet king as him being another man trying to cut her down. That's why she was deliberately cruel to him.

This is emotional abuse, folks.

So please cut this crap about Alicent being so morally superior that she'd only deliberately hurt her child for being a rapist.

Be for fucking real now.

For fuck's sake, she praised Viserys - her own rapist! - while bashing Aegon. She praised the man who showed Aegon that it's acceptable to use women as disposable sexual objects!

That poor woman's unhealed trauma is so deep and so repressed. She is not a righteous moralist willing to sacrifice her relationship with her rapist son to champion the bodily autonomy of lower-class women. She can't possibly be that.

[ensemblesongs]

Hello, I’m the anon who said I was disappointed and I’m here to apologize. When writing that comment I was going through a mental episode which (due to unrelated and personal issues) isn’t an excuse but definitely aided in the way I wrote that comment. I realize that it sounded very rude which was not my intention and makes me disappointed in myself. I was really sad to see one of my favorite enstars creators support the boycott because from the research I’ve done, by observing the reactions from both Japanese and Ryukyuan Enstars fans, they don’t seem to be very happy with the racial part of the boycott. Some are definitely still not happy that Akatsuki went from 3 to 4 but it has nothing to due with race for them. The reason I said the boycott itself seemed racist is because I’m seeing a lot of boycott supporters saying that BECAUSE of Ibuki’s Ryukyuan heritage he shouldn’t be in any unit at all and should remain by himself which makes me sad because he deserves a loving and supportive unit which Akatsuki definitely is. Again I’m very sorry for the way my previous comment came off and I still appreciate your work. I just hope that this informed you on the perspective of actual Japanese and Ryukyuan people.

Sweet thing! It's okay! Don't beat yourself up. I hope I didn't come off as aggressive, I can be emotional in the face of criticism but try my best to leave it out of my responses. I was explaining my motives!

He DOES deserve to be in a unit that will give him love. I felt a bit sad seeing him be neglected during the Esupuri debut, and I was personally hoping for him to be able to shine as a solo idol because that'd mean he would get to collab with all sorts of units like Madara does, and it felt like he was being set up to seek freedom and parallel him in some sort of way given his rejection of his role as a kid, but I would have also loved for him to belatedly join the rest of the new face idols in Esupuri, because I think his dynamic with Esu could have been interesting ♪ I even pondered the delusional combination of Ibuki and Kaname, though that would never happen, just because it's interesting to imagine.

I've definitely seen the people you're talking about, and also those who focus more on the AKATSUKI dilemma than Happy Element's mishandling of Ibuki. I only mentioned it because I think both are valid to be upset about and thought that maybe you didn't see anything wrong with the story at all. But one issue is so much larger than the other, especially when it's being done in a game with as big of an audience as Ansta, and I feel sad seeing people misdirect their hatred towards Ibuki — not just because he is a child and the victim here regardless of Keito's kindness (the traditional, Yamato Japanese character who is here to guide the proud, "indigenous demon" character down the right path. Do you see how that sounds? It's one thing for Keito to be his senior, drawn to him because of his experience with Kurou... ah, I don't know...), but because he is not real. The people who love him and feel connected to him are, though.

The "because" factor is less that because of his ethnicity he doesn't deserve to be in a unit, and more so that they are really doubtful that the writers will be able to pull it off inoffensively or that they already find it offensive due to the implications. At least, that's most of what I've seen. And again, the execution was just very poor. Ibuki and Esu are my favourite of the new kids, as I've mentioned. When it was revealed, I felt a sense of dread that still doesn't fade days after, cementing itself in my stomach as I watched the stream featuring the seiyuu via a third party. The way they're going for it is already rather reflective of history and not in a necessarily good way. I want to have hope that they will find a way to make this better, but I don't deserve to tell AKATSUKI-p to have that same faith, nor do I expect them to. It's sad that Happy Elements' official account is blocking people with genuine criticism, and very immature of them.

Anyway, I hope you'll feel better soon, Anon! And know that I, and many others, really do mean well. I've only seen two or so tweets in Japanese addressing the racism angle, honestly... even that much I was happy to see. Not that I think they're stupid or unaware. But there's a lot of work put into brushing Ryukyuan struggles under the rug.

[noridoorman]

Okay, but can we talk about this scene more?

(Credits to u/murderdronesfanatic for inspiration)

Despite Uzi's angsty and edgy personality, she has lots of love in her. I think that much is clear. She really cares about other people but due to the neglect and bullying she went through almost all her life, she closes herself off and acts defensive about being vulnerable. She doesn't trust anybody in her life, not even her own dad, and rightfully so. It was only through N and his unconditinal love towards her (be it platonic or more) that helped her slowly open up and accept help when she needs it.

So why am I talking about this?

We know that Khan was an absolute awful father figure to Uzi, either neglecting her or borderline (borderline said lightly) abusing her by comparing her to his doors, claiming those to be his greatest achivements. Even greater than Uzi, no matter how much she tried to prove herself.

Because, let's be honest, Uzi loves Khan. Through her edginess, through her rebellious nature, she craved for his approval and attention, for him to love her more than he loves his doors. And Khan does love her - but due to his trauma with having to put Nori down, he completely shut down as a father (btw, that's not a justification for what he has done!)

At this point in the story (EP2) Uzi had every right to hate Khan.

He neglected her and never payed any attention to her (I don't know about you but if I heard that my child was somehow involved in an explosion at school, I'd be there for her and check if she's okay)

He compared her to his doors, claiming they're better and calling Uzi a disappointment publicly.

He left her for dead when N had her pinned against the wall. You could make many (like, a lot) valid arguments why Khan left her for dead - which all make sense! However, Uzi doesn't think of it as we do, from the outside perspective. In Uzi's eyes, he betrayed her trust, proving once again (to her) that she most likely means nothing to him.

And yet, after seeing that hologram of Khan getting ripped into two and believing it was real, being tossed and thrown around by Eldritch J and having a hologram of her dead mother being shown to her and losing her friend, she hugged Khan. The last person she should believe does love her.

Because Uzi loves him.

And no matter what Uzi believes, Khan loves her too. And he tries his best to make up to her at least, to make things right after having almost lost her too.

Man, I remember when I watched that scene for the first time, it broke me to see. Poor Uzi, poor Khan.

[chaifootsteps]

[major spoilers for Netflix's Baby Reindeer]

so it's a show about a comedian Donny Dunn based autobiographically on the creator's experiences having been stalked and sexually harassed by a woman and in his past having been groomed and raped by a man

the show treats it with care and shows all the side effects of SA and rape - he questions the effect of his past assault on his sexuality, he ends up accepting the stalker's facebook invite and not reporting her for a while because despite how scared he is of her he feels validated by the attention, etc etc

my point here is if a show wants to talk about abuse, or about rape, it should actually do that. and if it wants to represent female on male abuse it should do that, too

but as it is, abuse or SA is just something that gets mentioned once in Helluva and then never again.

like, how have his experiences with Crimson shaped Moxxie? does he ever think about the murder of his mom? Crimson could come back in a future ep (probably) but is Moxxie at all concerned about that? idk, because the show doesn't bother giving characters a consistent emotional state except when it remembers to

same with Stolas and Stella. Fans leapt to claim Stella raped Stolas based on flimsy evidence, yet only cared if Stolas was slightly tipsy (and tied up) the first time he slept with Blitzo the moment they could use that information against Blitzo. and yet they're all for stol!tz despite how bad a person Blitzo supposedly is? We also see Blitzo and Stolas both have lousy dads but the effect of this on them is largely unknown. worse still, the show could have had a good lens on cycles of abuse by showing how Stolas was neglected and mistreated, but he still turned that treatment on someone with less power and made self-serving excuses for it, but nope. we can't have that

the closest the show has gotten to a realistic depiction of the effects of abuse is Blitzo himself. he's seemingly hypersexual in present day because of how his father made him feel like nothing by literally selling him off for an afternoon to a rich family and also because his trauma around the accident has left him with a deep seated fear of letting people in, in case he lets them down and them loses them. he behaves in contradictory ways that are frequently unheathly. he reads like someone who has compartmentalized the living daylights out of his poor treatment by Stolas because he maybe thinks he doesn't deserve better, and previously when he had someone better he self-sabotaged by stealing their car and maxxing out their credit cards so they would dump him

and how does the show treat him? victim blaming him for being sexually coerced by Stolas & being unable to give informed consent to Stolas' deal, then levelling every 'not a perfect victim!' excuse and 'not if he enjoyed it!' rationalizaion against him. it's honestly been morbid to watch the show do backbends to excuse Stolas and the fandom not only swallow it but say worse things about Blitzo on the regular

Morbid is an excellent word for it. I know that there's really no comparison, that Baby Reindeer is based on a true story (and basically one long therapy session for Gadd) and HB isn't, but if Baby Reindeer was about how how all of Donny's problems could be solved by marrying the man who abused him, you'd have HB.

[moonsorchid]

Rewatching ep.28 of Love Between Fairy and Devil

Part 2

(spoilers ahead)

So, where were we? Oh, yes, Xunfeng being Xunfeng

I love how DFQC simply smiles at Xiao Lanhua and they both go ahead and ignore Xunfeng

“Hatred is the foundation of the Moon Tribe.” *sigh* Xunfeng, my dear boy

“You made my brother indulge in love and neglect his duties” translation: Why no one loves me? Also, when did DFQC neglect his duties? Well, apart from the hellfire hiccup

“And you connected your lives through the One Heart Curse.” It’s not like she did it on purpose, dude. She doesn’t even know how she did it

Look at his face. Leave my babies alone, Xunfeng!

Xiao Lanhua has grown so much from that childish, carefree fairy. Even her voice is more mature. She states reasons why she has to go into the cave, using valid and logical arguments. And that is why I don’t understand people who refuse to watch it only due to her baby voice in the first episodes. It’s called character development

Their first fight as a couple. “No, I will sacrifice my life for you.” – “No, I will.” They sound as if they have already been married for 30000 years

So much angst. There is a fanfic waiting to be written here where he grabs her, kisses her and they have crazy make up s*x

Xiao Lanhua, as I am rewatching this, my respect for you has grown immensely. She never cowered in front of him, she offered well structured arguments that he couldn’t refute, and she proved to him and his people that she wants to be perceived as an equal to the Moon Supreme, and not a trophy or someone he has to break rules for in order to protect her

Earlier, DFQC took a step back in his character development, regressing to his villainous ways, issuing an order stating that those who will mention the rule about the cave will be killed. But her stance prevents him from becoming the evil, authoritative ruler he once was. (There is also probably a slight fear in the back of his mind that she might not make it out of the cave alive and that would mean that he would die too. However, that is a fear he has to face and trust her)

Paused to admire how beautiful this scene is  

You are the best, Xiao Lanhua, and I love you

“You made all the decisions yourself. You did whatever you wanted. You never asked me about my thoughts. But we are going to be husband and wife now. Then things should change. There is no hierarchy between a couple. No matter what happens, we have to face it together. Can you respect that?” I have no words, she is simply amazing

Side rant. Their love is so deep and transcendent because it is based on principles, respect, friendship, communication, not merely in physical attraction. There could never be a better partner for DFQC than Xiao Lanhua. She was the one who helped him heal his feelings, face his demons, get in touch with his authentic self and had the courage to face him as an equal. And in return, he was the one who challenged her to mature, to find her strength, and treat herself with the utmost respect and love she was never given. Side rant over

Xunfeng just happened to have on him the elixir that will prevent DFQC from feeling her suffering

And of course Xunfeng is feeling regrets: No, don’t go into the cave, I only said it so that you would give up. I don’t want you to suffer. I am not the bad guy here. I never meant to cause such trouble, I was just trying to scare you. My brother will never forgive me. I am laughing, Xunfeng, I am laughing so much

I can’t explain why, but I love this scene. Words fail me, I am just feeling emotional

Babieeeees

I won’t cry, I won’t cry

No, poor Xiao Lanhua :(

See you in ep. 29

[mxlfoydraco]

Unpopular hp opinion: snape is a good character and a terrible person. These opinions can and should coexist!

He serves to further the plot and serve as a mini antagonist that’s more relatable at school in the early years. I sincerely don’t understand the pro and anti snape tags because he may have had reasons to do things but it doesn’t excuse him (*jake Peralta voice* cool motive still murder bro). Similarly removing him from the story removes conflict necessary to drive the plot

My feelings about Snape are unpopular on both the pro and anti side. 😅

Snape was a terrible adult and there’s no excuse for his abhorrent treatment of already traumatized children, especially Neville

He was also an abused and neglected child living in poverty, literally no wonder he had anger and self-worth issues

Snape did at least trivialize his friends’ bullying of muggleborns and thought it was fun (e.g., Mulciber and Mary Macdonald)

BUT Lily also let him get away with that behavior and stuck by him knowing the crowd he was getting into, if I was a fellow muggleborn I’d resent that a lot

James took things way too far and incited the hostility between them, SWM was inexcusable. he went beyond the actual reasons Snape deserved to be criticized so much that those got glossed over

BUT Snape was actively trying to expose Remus as a werewolf, which he later did! that would not only get him kicked out but also registered to the ministry, yeah of course that’s agitating the friends who are breaking the law to protect him?? He went into the willow on a full moon while suspecting Remus was a werewolf. SIR

Also yes, I too would bully a racist classmate, sue me

Snape didn’t actually want to be a teacher and Dumbledore used his grief and regrets to keep him under his thumb until he was useful, he never had a life that was his own and maybe he could’ve become a better person if he had a chance to not get reminded of the worst moments/mistakes of his life daily yknow

He was willing to let Voldemort kill Lily’s husband and baby, the latter he went ahead and tormented knowing he was orphaned bc of his snitching for looking like his dead father also murdered bc of his snitching

That’s so cruel and petty, also disrespectful to Lily’s memory

He could have taken another path and exploring that in fanon can be fascinating! That can be done without excusing his fuck ups!! It is compelling to see such a hardened and closed off character find softness and empathy so yeah I get it!

One side ignores the circumstances that created such a bitter, resentful and lonely person and the other side acts like he’s a poor little defenseless baby who wasn’t giving it his best in return and acting a fool. like. can we find a middle ground please

I’ve been holding this in if you couldn’t tell lol bc I used to be so strict w my stance too. I find arguments from the both sides valid but the discussions get so polarized

[barzzal]

Be warned this is gonna be long i apologize in advance, but this is all just me giving a massive kudos to you and your work. I’m so happy to see this updated thank you for your hard work and talented writing.

*inhales*

*exhales*

After reading interlude ii for CMC and as usual I loved it to bits but also I AM SUDDENLY CONFLICTED? With BOTH SIDES????? The whole time I was like “Yeah Sidney take the fucking L” but now that we have the full detailed story of how it led up to that moment, suddenly the situation is so much more complicated. HE ACTUALLY WAS READY AT THE LAST MOMENT OH GOD HE WAS GOING TO DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING TO MAKE IT UP TO HER AND THE BABY HE WAS READY TO BE A PARTNER AND DAD-

And now my head is in my hands as I think: ‘Oh my god. Reader didn’t give him a chance to be a dad to Lucas for NEARLY SEVEN YEARS (even though she was justifiably pissed at him) AND HE THOUGHT HIS BABY WAS GONE’

And, please hear me out. The pregnancy and the actual birth of the baby are two different parts of the process. It’s different for everyone, but sometimes it takes a few weeks or months for the parents to feel a connection with their baby once they’re born; It’s actually quite common among parents. Same goes for the pregnancy term. It’s fucking scary, raising a child; You’re not just living your life for yourself, you’re living your life for the best interest of your child. And while there’s absolutely no excuse for Sid and his emotional distance/neglect (believe me when I say I still want to sock him in the face for his initial reaction), it does bring perspective at to why he reacted that way. Correct me if I’m wrong, but he was scared that his commitment to his career would end up hurting his kid, not being able to be there for them. Of course, dumbass man sucked at communicating that to Reader properly huh

But he did come back. He did return. He was ready to begin repenting. Lucas wasn’t even born yet and he was ready to do right by him and Reader both.

Suddenly I am now in full panic mode because once Lucas gets older enough to question why did his mom keep him away from his dad if both parents loved and wanted him from the start. And I know reader said in previous chapters that everything she did was for her son and his happiness and safety which is an absolute HELL YES THAT’S WHAT BEING A PARENT IS ABOUT, but did she ever consider the possibility that keeping them both hidden away from Sid would potentially hurt all of them more than it would help? Lucas never got to meet the other side of the family; Troy and Trina never got to be grandparents, Taylor never got to be an aunt. They weren’t able to see Lucas grow up, and I just know they would’ve loved him the moment they were told of his existence.

Am I allowed to feel angry at both Sid and Reader? I am so sorry I… just love this story so much, I’ve never felt so many emotions reading before. Please correct me if I’m wrong in any way.

first of all, ily oh gosh. i never expect a comment this long from anyone but omg thank you!! i appreciate you taking the time to lmk which part/s u like/impacted u most 🥺 not lying when i say i was smiling as i read it entirely it’s truly fulfilling to come across a reader as passionate as u so endless thanks my dear 🫶🏻

second, ALL FEELINGS ARE VALID! i honestly can’t wait for them to be happy why can’t they just sit together and talk things out it’s not that hard 😭 had enough of little lukey having to bear poor adult choices!!

to clarify tho, since i’ve been mia on here and on the updates, the series was supposed to be done in 2022 😫 so our timeline for cmc would be that it’s still 2021 going 2022 (refer to teaser #3).

for everyone to be on the same page, allow me to recapitulate:

april 2015

refer to teaser #1

sidney is 27 yrs. turning 28 yrs. in aug

reader is 26 yrs.

first month of summer, 2015

june: reader finds out she’s pregnant

july: miscarriage scare; sid and reader break up before kris’ wedding

post breakup, 2015-2016

sidney wins the cup, oct 2015 to june 2016

post breakup, 2016

january: luke is born on 6th of january (kind of like his dad’s bday 8.7.87 = 1.6.16)

post breakup, 2016-2017

sidney wins another cup, oct 2016 to april 2017

post breakup, 2019

reader moves back to pittsburgh; hides sid’s son

post break up, 2021 [we’ll go back to this timeline on ch. 6]

sidney is 33 yrs. going 34 yrs. (refer to teaser #2)

reader is 31 going 32

luke is 5 yrs. a few months older than geno’s son, nikita

minimum age requirement for sid’s little penguins hockey is 5 yrs.

luke enters hockey program, meets sidney; sidney meets luke and reader

timeline for ch. 6 until stated otherwise

ANYWAY, i’m so excited we’re now on the second half of the series!!! ✨and the plot thickens✨

[mostlikelytofangirl]

Look at this mess. The reason it's difficult to translate NMJ accurately to a modern au is because his actions would be just abusive. Honestly if I were NHS I'd never forgive NMJ for destroying my things. NHS is scared. Look at him, poor thing. As much as I love NMJ he needs a reality check

Let me just.

Aahhhh ok. Here's the thing.

Is this objectively abusive? Yes.

Is this happing in a vaccum? No.

Idk man. I'm thinking that maybe you haven't come across a good modern AU featuring NMJ bc I have enjoyed me plently a great and in-character and delightful modern!NMJ.

This happening right there is not a staple of his entire character. If anything it IS a way to show how much he had degraded and spiralled into qi deviation. He did need a reality check, you are right, but that's bc he is getting progressively disconnected from reality and wrapped in his own biased perception.

You know what this reads like to me? Triton and Ariel.

Dude was fed up with his daughter not only disobeying and neglecting responsibilities, but doing stuff he knew for a fact were dangerous. He was trying to protect her. What he did in the cave, destroying all her stuff, was awful and unexcusable, but can we really call it abusive? Or claim that he didn't love her and was a matter of time before he got violent?

In NMJ's case, dude knows he's dying, he's going to leave NHS alone and in charge of the sect in a world where JGS is pretty much unmatched and he had been trying for so long to get his brother and only heir to actually give a damn about that. Throughout the years, he had yelled and nagged, but how different is that from a strict parent? Dude had to be a parent after losing his and becoming a sect leader at what? 16? I think we can cut him some slack in terms of not being the most wholesome guardian. AND YET not once was he ever mentioned to get physical with his brother, neither would NHS be his happy-go-lucky, lazy self for all their life together if he knew there were actual weight to his brother's threats. Or was JC also abusive towards JL in this regard?

Mxtx herself confirmed in an interview that despite being only half-siblings, the Nie's relationship was good. This here is an outlier situation, an ooc moment for NMJ bc my guy was reaching the point of no return. And the fact that NHS not only forgave him, but enacted a ten years long revenge for him goes to show that he either came to understand the circunstances in which this happened, or the love and good moments he spent with his brother greatly outweighted this sad episode.

I'm sorry, but this is extremely realistic to me in terms of family and interpersonal relationships in general. No one can have a fully wholesome and unproblematic dynamic with another person, much less a close one. You are going to do shit to hurt each other, you are going to be pissed off or even scared when the other person blows up when they are in a very bad place. That doesn't mean that all your time together is now invalid or that that person is "toxic", especially when it's pretty obvious that this is not normal behavior for them.

You are fully valid in not liking this, of course, I just don't think it fully fair to pass judgment on how other characters should feel about him when NMJ is quite literally going through his worst moment right before he freaking dies a painful and untimely end.

[tc-stickerz]

Dear Amberlynne.

Amber. Misstall even. "Monarch" of her own life lolol. Bet ure surprised to see this aren't you? After all I put it really out of the way. There is a method yknow? I need a way to send a letter. But i don't want you to see it. I need you to have even the smallest chance of seeing it eventually. For my heart to have enough hope to manage. But i can't actually send it to you. The small amount of dignity I've scrounged together these last few years couldn't take it. So this is the solution I've come up with. You won't ever read this thank goodness. But the chance is literally greater then 0. So here we are lol

Another reason I don't want to send this to you is because I lied to you in my last message. At the time I was telling the truth mind you. But as you know, I can fall to arrogance on occasion. Even now. The majority of it is still true. But doesn't work that way. Resolving to do better and be better is good and all. But some days you have to acknowledge that it's going to be worse too. If that makes sense. That's what encouraged me to write this. I had a bad day

I used to write these alot more in the past. But not to you. Sometimes the feelings get to much and I need the outlet and I would write to a loved one that I miss the most. It was once islandmai. But once his email account started sending errors I stopped. I'm not sure if he is alive. If he blocked me. If his account is deleted. I admit I love the idea of him more then the memory. Because there isn't much of it left. That was 18 years ago when I fucked that one up.

Then I wrote them to Sam for a short while. But I remember even left. My poor grape. I can't remember if you are a figment of my imagination or not. But ive grown to love the image of you in my head regardless.

Then the whole Dave thing happened. I wrote him for a while. Up until I got news that he had killed himself. I'm going to be writing him a letter eventually. For all times sake. For the feelings that need out. But for now I hope you can read this in hell. And know that even now I can't stop loving you either. You utter piece of garbage.

And then I stopped. Kinda. I pursued different outlets. Went to therapy. I started having my own support structure. It was built on lies. And hatred. And most of all envy. But it was the path I chose. And I deserve the consequences. I don't argue that amber. But today was a bad day. And more then anyone else, I missed you. So I wrote you a letter. I hope you blocked my emails. But im not sending this one directly to you regardless. So it doesnt matter.

Remember when I promised to be there when dog died. I think about it sometimes. I wasn't there because you wouldn't have let me. But it was my fault for ending up in that situation anyways. I wish I was there for you at that time. And all the other times you needed support but I wasn't. Whether it was due to envy. Or hatred. Or cowardice. I wasn't there. And even worse, I was sometimes the person you needed support to deal with yourself. Instead of being the support for more important things.

Do you remember the abuse I handed down on you? Thankfully never physical or sexual abuse. But the emotional abuse is sometimes the worst of it all. And you put up with it from me. For years. Long enough to make me depend on it atleast. Why was I so angry? So hateful? I know the answer now. Through alot of reflection and therapy. But I doubt you care. Regardless of the reasons, they aren't valid excuses.

I'm not sure if you were aware. That week I stayed there with you. Inflicting my presence on you in person for a while. Neglecting you in person for a while. To change up the pace I guess. One morning your father pulled me to the side. And he said something to the effect of "I know you've been sneaking into my daughter's room at night. Don't lie to me. I'm not going to do anything about it yet. But stop" now this terrified me. And even more, I felt guilt. Because the truth of the matter is, I didn't once sneak in your room at night. Should I have? Even as teenagers I knew I was sexually neglecting you. Mostly because we weren't compatible in that context. I was to hateful and unstable to be attracted to you romantically. I still tried regardless. But it wasn't until that confrontation with your father came to pass that I saw it. And then I still pretended after that anyways. For a few different reasons. But again, reasons. Not excuses. They don't fucking matter. I think your father assumed and accused me. But I was to far out of his context I think. That makes sense right? Lol

I loved you. I love you still. Platonically. Not in a romantic sense. You were my best friend. Through some of my roughest times. We pivoted it into something romantic. But we were stupid unaware teenagers. Lessons learned right? You were my support for some of the roughest parts of my life. And I betrayed that. Did you feel guilty when you heard I attempted suicide? I genuinely don't remember the order of events of that Era that well. But I hope you didn't even hear about it. I hope you grew to hate me for the lesser stuff. I accept that I probably traumatized you with that if you did hear about it. Who knows how you feel about it now but I figured I would atleast say that it wasn't your fault. You weren't even the largest factor. I had been pretending to go to college for a while. I got away with one semester. But at the end of the second semester that was coming up I had completely skipped every class. And every assignment. Every quiz, test, homework assignment. Etc. The grades were going to be released soon. And I had hard labor that I was obligated to do the next morning. And I was to depressed. So I swallowed all the pills. And my fat ass survived as you can see. Genuinely, you were a contributing factor. But even if your support was there instead of gone, the result was probably going to be the same.

I resented you at first. The arrogance was still manifesting. I hate that past me so much. You weren't the only relationship I threw away. Amber is a name in a long list of others. People I've betrayed. Neglected. Abused. Till they turned away from me. All my fault of course. And it isn't until many years later that I could see the burnt bridges behind for miles and miles. Some worse then others. Yours being amongst the worst atrocities I committed. Maybe not morally. But it was one of the worst crimes I committed against myself. I've desperately missed you and your company for years now. Amongst others. I don't think you could compare to the memory of island. Or the trauma of David. But you are the most real. Because your still actually alive. I could message your grandparents, or your father, or even you right now.

But you made it clear. You want me to fuck off. And genuinely, good on you. It hurts. A whole lot. But you don't deserve my bullshit to be inflicted on you again. The strength required is enormous. But I do have enough dignity to not stalk you on the internet. And fall deeper into my own feelings on the matter. Which brings us to today.

You won't believe who I met today. You remember Matt? I'm actually still friends with the guy. And I was traveling to Atlanta to see a concert lol. And I had the opportunity to meet the guy irl for the first time. Weve been friends since 2008 lol! It was a cool opportunity. We sat around and chatted. Family to family. I got to handle his pet snakes. So adorable. And then we went to the concert. Carr (I'm a new fan). Royal the serpent (was kinda meh but I really appreciated her song about inclusion). Bring me the horizon (was the reason I wanted to go and was absolutely amazing to see). And fallout boy (the performance was amazing but I liked their music less the more I hear it. And I've heard them alot).

Now the concert was was in the plans for months. We got tickets as soon as I heard about. I went with mom, falon, and falons boyfriend. We were first going to take some psychedelics. Some shrooms to enjoy the experience. But we decided a couple of weeks ago that we were going to experiment with X instead. Ecstacy. Basically my first "hardcore" drug. I was looking forward to it. The other 3 reacted fine. Had fun. I had a bad reaction. And it caused me to backtrack for a while. Not terribly mind you. I maintained. But ill describe what I felt.

It started cool. The colors and sounds was a bit intense and I was enjoying that. Soon I was really enjoying breathing for a while. Idk why. Drugs are like that. Then it felt like I mentally regressed back to those years. Where I was playing pretend with you. Me before the therapy. And the medication management. And years of positive changes and adulthood. I was 18 again before I made any of the progress i made this last decade. I was dragged back to my youth in the worst way possible. I was hyper aware of anything and everything that triggered bad shit in me. Usually im fine. I internalize it and take it with me to therapy later that week. It was to intense this time. My coping skills were stripped away. And there was so much around me that triggered this evil shit in me again.

If I was still christian, I would think im the manifestation of envy on this planet. I look around and I can only see things I want. Aspects of people I am desperate for myself. Because I could never be happy with just myself. Everyone else always had it better. I outgrew alot of that with age. Making it to nearly 30 teaches you some things. Just because that's how time and consciousness works. (Sorry I'm still a little high. And very tired. I doubt any of this is coherent. And fuck proofreading) but at this moment when I looked around me and saw all the things I could want but never have. Everywhere. Times 100. The heartache returned. I could wax poetic for a while about the nature and feeling of heartache but I suspect it's either something you have felt before or haven't.

I couldn't talk. If I did I would sob. And ruining my families time was the last thing I wanted. They were already worried. But luckily they didn't understand the depth of the issues I was dealing with. But I maintained. I'm good at locking down like that. I can freeze with the best. Not show anything on my face. And just be quiet. Suffering quietly is a specialty of mine. Painstakingly earned. But another skill I learned more recently is to acknowledge when you need help and have a support structure in place if needed. My go to being my best friend (my mom and sister) were out of bounds. I couldn't talk at the time. And it was to important to not ruin their night. This crippling pain was temporary. My support system came to the rescue. Brittany distracted me with tales of her new mop. Naomi assured me of my validity and reminded me of my humanity. Matt assured me I wasn't alone. And trey stuck with me for a while and let me incoherently rant via text about how broken I was. The mvp. More then any of them tho I missed you Amber.

This crippling moment of weakness brought about by reckless drug experimentation and being in an environment with nothing but triggers. The friends I still have. The ones I managed to save from myself lol. They kept me grounded. And I recovered. Tired. Inspired. Self hatred at the highest its been in years. I wanted nothing more but for you to be supporting me again with them. I didn't deserve it at all. But its what I wanted. And so im here writing my first letter in many years. I hope you find it. And come back into my life. In this moment of weakness, its my greatest wish. And its not even one that I have the strength to voice. A display of how weak I am. I've always been. I'll be better in the morning. Emotionally. It'll be a new day. And I'll continue my march. As I'm forced to. I'll still hope for you. Just enough to protect myself. But thank goodness, realistically, you will be spared of my bullshit. Because how would you find this?

Remember when I mocked you for the control scheme you used in wow? I thought myself superior because I was an elite pvm player. Raiding nights with other friends never compared to the times you and I just chatted. I know why I acted like that. Therapy and self reflection. I know myself. But it doesn't matter anymore. Reasons can't be excuses in this context.

Remember how I mocked you for your music taste? I wish I had gotten to know it better. I listen to alot of different things these days. Alot of genres. But mostly still emo like I did back then. I wish I had the opportunity to discuss these things with you now. A friendly chat where we debate the pros and cons of our mutual playlists. I want to see what you listen to now so that I can learn more about you.

Remember how I mocked you for liking Shakespeare? I still don't like his stories. But I can't say I'm actually that familiar with him anyways. But why would a difference in opinion so minor lead to me mocking you? Why was I so angry and arrogant? I know those things about myself now. More then anything I wish we were close enough that you could ask me about it. And you genuinely cared. And we could talk about it. Discussions on psychology and philosophy. But that was a timeline carelessly dashed by a very unstable brat. The worst person on the planet. For me atleast. And I sincerely hope that I wasn't a large enough figure in your life for you to feel the same. Even if I deserve it.

Remember when we were in bed together that one night? In the hotel room? You put my arm around you. A clear invitation to cuddle. Which I was never good at during that period of time. In retrospect, you were obviously insecure. As was I. At the time tho, it was a bright enough message for me to even understand. I just valued my comfort over your ego. I knew there was nothing sexual about it. Human contact was something you craved. And was reasonably expected at that stage in our relationship. I still turned away. Why? If you read this far, you will know how ill respond to that.

One time during a Skype call we were discussing why I didn't make more of an effort to sexually pursue you. I don't remember alot of the conversation. I remember being severely annoyed at it. I pretended it was ignorance and insecurities that stopped me. Because even if it was ignorance and insecurity, it was of a completely different nature then you would think. Or maybe you would. You were always smart. But I doubt you would have guessed. I asked for you to take your clothes off on camera for me. It was something neither of us wanted but both of us assumed we were supposed to at that point. But im glad you had the maturity to say no. I was a good actor during those days. Just not good at playing the very long con. I lost my silver tongue since tho. Apathy gets in the way. Something I struggle with regularly. I only used it as a weapon for harm tho. So good riddance.

I bet if we walked past each other in public, we wouldn't recognize each other. It's been a decade after all. Hard to imagine. Atleast for me. A decade. And I still am capable of loving you so deeply. I know I look massively different these days though. I've left hints in the story above. But I doubt it's even comprehensible. I've worked on summing up my experiences to a short tldr: trans child (due to nature or nurture who knows? But both definitely contribute) struggles with growing up in a southern baptist community and a string of abusive masculine figures. Resorting to anger and privilege I actively worked to harm other peoples egos. Alot of it was motivated by envy. I knew that part. It wasn't until 25 when I started accepting those aspects of myself that I would even hear about things like gender dysphoria. Or that sexuality could be something more then straight, gay, or bi. And that all of it is valid despite the religious indoctrination I was raised in.

I did alot of evil shit. Some of it to you. Amber. And I regret it. Even more, I actively resent that portion of my life. And I miss you. Alot. And tbh that probably isn't even you now. It's the you of 2010. The you preserved in my memories. But the idea of you is still so fucking beautiful and tragic.

Do you remember the day you messaged me? Randomly? I was flying over deepwind gorge. I had no clue at the time that we would have such a tragic adventure together. I was in the air over deepwind gorge on the day we met. I was in the air flying to the timeless isle when you broke up with me. So many years apart.

Fml I hope you are doing well. You sounded resentful when you told me to fuck off in that email. I sincerely hope that it was aimed at me. I hope life has been kind to you. I hope you made it this far without being as broken and jaded as me. I hope you have a new dog that you love a whole lot and I hope they love you too. I hope your scary father and you still get along. I hope you still listen to old 70s music. And still play spore on occasion. Or other rpgs. I hope you are happy the majority of the time. I hope you found someone and you fell in love if thats what you want. I hope you are successful in your career. I hope you haven't experienced any pain since we talked last. I hope I get to talk to you again one day. I hope you will never have to deal with the bullshit or the memories I inflicted on you ever again. I hope that I was a much smaller part of your life then you ended up being in mine. I hope you read this and get in touch. I hope you never read this and it all stops here. I hope this monster of a letter is an incomprehensible mess to anyone who tries to read it. A drugged up speech on trauma and human nature that no one gets. I hope someone reads it and gets some sort of value from it, the distorted ramblings of an occasionally broken human.

Maybe ill write again to you here. But I hope the cracks don't grow enough for me want to. Regardless what the future holds though:

Love,

Stickerz

[thechronicchihuahua]

The Imperfect Proposal Review.

I will never understand a book that hasn't resolved the conflict on the Blurb by halfway.

What am I reading for?

Just to watch him get repeated reveange on her while her friends justify it with actions that were supposed to be moved on from?

This is why Chronic Pain is worse in women. This is why more women than men are on anti-depressants.

I just read a story where the main character establishes in the first chapter that he has had years and years od experience in keeping boundaries with his women. Literally ten years of it.

The second chapter establishes that he has enough comfort in his own boundaries that he's able to phone the police and move house and be open and honest with his family with said boundaries.

The triple kick is that he has enough knowledge of his own boundaries that he's able to neglect the apparent love of his life after shes been stabbed when he got himself involved in that situation to begin with.

SO the hero, Shay Green has boundaries.

Right?

No.

Midway through the book we need to make a "omg wouldn't my life look so boring and rather than show you this, I will show you what you are not" character in there.

Poor Polly.

He just couldn't say no to Polly.

What the hell?

For some reason, she's just so nice, he can't say no.

Why?

Why is there this unncessary addition?

Marriage Is Patriarchial.

The Patriarchy is the largest Sex Trafficking Method around.

The notion of marriage was used to abuse her.

Most of the way through this book we are still having constant purity and validation tests for the traumatised woman.

The make over doesn't work on the flighty non conformer unless she's very young, so that's a nice teenage fairytale, maybe don't make her in her 30s.

But yes, the social grouping is still socially tolerating and encouraging that he barter with the response to trauma she made in her youth.

He doesn't even have the excuse of youth when he pretends emotional recovery isn't a thing and centers himself on it when he committed to helping her then turned his back.

She wrote to him all the time, he chose to deliberately hide his life from Social Media so that if she did look, she wouldn't know.

Its the same kind of ex that blocks you until he hears your status updated.

The heroine completely changes character too. Instead of wanting somethinf new and fresh per the character that was created she settles for conforming to what he wanted way in the beginning, even though it made her sick and flighty to begin with.

She is watching friends blow up and hes sleeping around.

To hold that over her head when you disconnected from it enough as well is sick and misogynistic.

Would have been nice to see that he had long term commitments to not control her pain and his but instead hes still unregulated at the end of the book.

Because the Emotionally unskilled need something at the end to show you how bad her life wouldn't be instead of showing us how good it will be.

I don't think the author understood the conflict she was setting up. Issues of dysphoria, like Thea acted out are not cleared up by "getting even".

Typical patriarchial response and misrepresenting a harmful morality scale.

3/5 Patriarchial Parable

Landmines and destruction, "not even".

Fingering Another Woman and Many Other Women, "not even".

Stabbed, "not even".

Abandoned For Long Term Recovery, "not even".

Finally refused to say No...to another woman..."not even".

Makes sure he tests her responses to him at wedding before committing to ending things with another woman, "not even".

Seriously only even when she submits to him.

Melissa sure has Shay's back.

Culture needs to change.