#my plan is to actually play the stinking game for 2 weeks minimum

[nihilismtrcit]

evie, edeline, elodie ! cas edition

[wristic]

Now You’re a Real Criminal (Part 2)

Pairing: Edward x Reader Word Count: 2200 Warnings: none! Just a lovely unintended date between an excitable murderer and his hostage underling!

-Part 1- -Part 2- -Part 3- -Part 4-

@uoseok @ceridwenofwales @xxtaylorsingerxx @growingtwist @papill-on @someonexsomeone @jokerhastakenmeover @dark-as-love @fandomsfluffandstuff @bohemian-nygma @bookswillfindyouaway @geeksareunique

“So, you and Nygma huh?” Tandy took you back, a big smile growing like she pulled one over you. The truth of the matter was you knew this would happen eventually, just not so soon. But then again, persona wise, you and Ed were opposites. If anyone liked watching chemistry, the obvious favored choice would be between the people who have none.

Pushing out the sweetness you gave an innocent, “Me and Mr. Nygma?”

She slid in across your desk until she was up on it. “Don’t play innocent with me! I know whats going on behind closed doors!”

“We’re just friends!”

“Just friends, uh-huh, I got ya, wink wink.” Reaching back she pulled a piece of folded paper from her pocket and shoved it in your face. In it’s center was a simple question mark written in green highlighter. “Saw him leave this on your desk this morning.” Your brow knitted, reaching out to take it when Tandy yanked it back from you. Unfolded and read allowed, you overcame with embarrassment for the people standing by.

“You and I are bound by impish delights, The passions of violation ignites, One and one, Me without you would be half as fun.”

You sighed as the answer came to you. Tandy slapped the letter on your shoulder, “Impish delights? What’s that all about huh? Tell me these impish delights you two have been sharing!” She looked back at the words, “Sounds incredibly naughty.”

“Tandy.” It was a struggle to keep down the firmness in your tone. Trying to grab the letter again, she snapped it back out of reach again. “It’s not what you think it is!”

She used it to fan her face, feet swaying playfully, not caring for the people avoiding getting kicked as they skirted around her. “Sounds an awful lot like a sexy love letter to me.”

“Well it isn’t!” Finally able to rip it from her hand, you adjusted your glasses and read it over again. “Although… I can see why you might think that...” You slammed your fists on the table. “But it’s not!” Making her chortle at your theatric. “I happen to already know what this is about and it’s not at all as filthy as you want to imagine.” You hoped anyway.

Not even at the top step and you were grumbling and groaning. How could he dump you into his arsenal for a laugh? How could you let yourself get caught by him? Why were you standing in front of his door instead of running away? Letting out a long sigh, you knocked.

When the door swung open you were hit with the aroma of cooked and marinated meat, surprising you to say the least. “If you’re in the middle of dinner-”

“You got my letter!” Edward bristled with excitement. "What's the answer?"

You rolled your eyes, pulling the note from your coat pocket and landing it on his chest. “I sure did Partner in Crime. But next time you might want to avoid words like ‘passion ignites’ and being ‘bound’. My friend and now by extension everyone thinks we’re secretly dating and into some kinky stuff.”

“What?!” He took it and backed up to let you in, reading it over as he shut the door.

Unbuttoning the top of your coat, you slowed as you looked at the sight across the room, under a big window to the city. “Hey, Nygma… you meeting someone or was ‘Partner in Crime’ not the answer?”

“Oh course it was the answer! And,” He gave a frustrated shrug, “maybe I can see where it might be interpreted differently but-” Looking up he saw you pointing with a smirk to the small table set for two, complete with candles and wine glasses. The silverware was placed but no plates yet as the stove was still sizzling a small ways beside him.

Offended you would assume such a thing of him, Ed nearly stamped his foot, “I just thought we could celebrate!”

“Celebrate?”

“Yes! On our first job together!”

“Oh~” You chuckled, slipping off your coat. “Well it’s beautiful, I must say this is the nicest not-date anyone has set up for me.”

“Is that because all the guys you do date are nimrods you plan to steal from?” He snapped, red in his cheeks from the string of mishaps and assumptions.

Either he did some serious digging in your life or he was that good at guessing, either way, “Low blow, Nygma. Low blow.”

Ed got his snide half smile in before going back to his kitchen. You moseyed your way over, trying to hold back your pout. Yet he had to push a little further. “I’m only saying, maybe you wouldn’t be so surprised by some fine dining if you dated some decent guys.”

You peeked around his shoulder, him giving you an annoyed glance at the invasion of space. On the counter was a prepped bowl of salad already mixed with balsamic dressing and sprinkled in a kind of white cheese. The two stakes were crisped and browned deliciously in a wide skillet, the steam of them making your mouth water. “Who was it a decent guy like you killed that landed you in Arkham again?”

You quickly turned away with your prideful smile, not wanting to get cold feet and apologize under his glare.

“What would you know about that?” he growled.

“Enough.” You chimed, picking up a wooden ball with lines along it, seemingly at random. “After I realized my mistake in stealing money from a renown underworld crime lord, I looked into your past since you two seemed like buds.” You realized the lines were actually pieces, pulling one out. Suddenly very interested in the toy, you set it down and took it apart, your back trying to block his view. “Killer starts with a detective and co-worker, then the file manager, who happened to be dating said detective and co-worker? Sounds an awful lot like a good old fashion love triangle situation to me.”

“Yeah. I guess it wouldn’t be that hard to…” Ed pulled out a tray of tin foil wrapped baked potatoes from the oven when he caught you at work. Leaning over as far as he could with the tray still in his gloved hand, he spotted the puzzle already half finished and twisting around in your hands, pieces methodically placed and planned out before it was finished. “For curiosity's sake, do you know what your IQ is?”

You paused and gave a bit of a grump to the question, the memory of a certain private school for gifted children always leaving a bad taste in your mouth. “I don’t like numbers to those kinds of things. Always gives people an insufferable ego.” You pushed in the last piece and spun the wooden globe, walking away to the elegantly set up table to take a seat. “I like games that’s all, I don’t see why it has to be anything more than that.”

“And creating an overly complicated, near untraceable trail of theft is a game?”

“Heck yes!” You started balancing the silverware in what looked like an impossible balancing act on the empty wine glass. You never could stop yourself. Pushing back your real intelligence all day caused this build up of energy in your head and hands. When you got home, it all came spilling out with your boredom. You weren’t home, but your act was long lost on Edward anyway. “Even if anyone cared enough to look into a measly 500 hundred missing out of thousands: the numbers are split between five parties. Alluding to a non-existent ring. Concealing a motive far too simplistic for so many people and such great efforts. And of course different people picking up the checks every other week, further pushing that ‘crime ring’ idea. But~ it's not. It's only me. Havin' some fun.”

“Every answer is crafted to be the opposite of the equation.” Edward concluded with a smile as he finished a display on one of the plates.

“Speaking of which, I’ve been wanting to ask, how did you find me out exactly?”

As he walked over and set down two beautifully set dishes, he gave a curious glance to your use of the utensils before fixing his glasses, “Hm? Oh, your clothes.”

“My clothes?”

“On the banks cameras. You were wearing some of those articles for your disguises. Especially the shoes, you seem to favor them. Also they are rather expensive for someone who works only a hair above the minimum wage.”

You gave a small pout as you were wearing those exact shoes now. “They look good on me." You mumbled before asking, "Why did the banks let you view their cameras?”

“I’m the Chief of Staff.” He proudly exclaimed.

“Oh, that.” Being so far in the background you tended stay out of the events. Also every time you saw Eds face you tended to throw the paper across the room or change the channel. Giving him a bit of a stink eye you tried to defend yourself. “But you wouldn’t have been able to point that out and link it to me if we didn’t work together every day!”

“Wouldn’t have cared enough.” He corrected with a smile. Reserved to pouting again, you tapped a finger while he fetched a wine bottle and began pouring it. 

“You know, you don’t sound like you need a sidekick.”

“I don’t; but, you know, plenty of people have their partners and underlings. It looks like fun! Might as well make it someone who’s half as smart as me.”

Distracting your irritated air, you looked to the dinner before you. The hairs on your arms rose a little, your heart speeding up as he sat down on his side. It was such a nice dinner. It made you feel a little thrown off your feet taking it in. Yeah you conned your way through relationships, they were never the best people. Yet here Ed was, not exactly a prime example of virtuous character, and that didn’t stop him from making a lovely date for your blossoming ‘partnership’.

“What?”

Ed was already downing his meal when you hadn’t so much as touched yours, absorbed in your oddly jealous state. A bit startled, you fell back on distraction. Dismantling your silverware balancing act you concentrated hard on cutting the thick steak. “So what was it you wanted me to do? And I’ll say now,” You pointed with a block of stake at the end of your fork. “I won’t kill anyone for you, and I’ll never take a bullet for you.”

Placing the piece in your mouth, you were so glad he was more concentrated in his plate. You couldn’t stop the twist of delight as the savory taste melted on your tongue.

“We are going to find out who the Red Hood Gang is, dismantle them, and kill them!” He looked at you, your brows raised in defiance and he corrected with a roll of his eyes. “Okay, I’ll kill them, but you’re going to help me unmask them!”

“What have you found on them?”

“Absolutely nothing. And we’ll not have anything until we get into a forensics lab.”

“Good luck with that.” You snarked, forgetting your words in an uncontrollable moan. The creamy spuds stuffed inside its crispy shell was mixed perfectly with the sprinkled herbs. You took him more for a takeout kind of guy but damn, some of the restaurants you’d treated yourself to didn’t hold a candle to what he made. “Wow, and this literally pains me to put aside my spite and admit, you are a ridiculously good cook.” You tried a bit of the salad only to whisper is awe, “Oh my god.”

Basking in the flattery, Ed happily noted, “What is cooking if not a science. Anyway, I want you to forget any plans you have tomorrow and come to the GCPD precinct with me.”

The eating slowed as you took that in, Edward not noticing. “That would kind of conflict with my whole... persona thing.”

He scoffed, waving off your concern, “You don’t need it. It’s annoying anyway.”

“Okay, but, like,” His brow furrowed at your sudden nervousness, “I kind of, like, I do need it. I worked hard getting everyone to buy it and to suddenly just break out of character? I-I don’t like that.”

Sitting back and sipping his wine, Ed took his time considering you, “Why is it so important for you to do your 'stupid' act?”

“I think you meant wholesome and innocent,” You accused before shrugging, “And probably some psychological reason doing with some childhood trauma, I dunno.”

“You know that’s... probably the exact reason right?”

With a grimace you snidely pointed out, “Well I’m not going to get into it with you, tall murderous man who's taken my life hostage.”

He conceded with a tip of his glass. Sighing, Ed offered, “Well, a bunch of idiots might think we’re dating but it’s convenient at least. We’ll promote you to my personal secretary and no one should question it in the least.”

Tossing your head back you groaned, “Yeah except you won’t have to deal with TAAAAANDYYY.”

“I thought you two were friends.”

“We are! She's a wonderful friend! She's a wonderful person! But, she, sometimes she just, she-" You made a strangle gesture with a growl. "You know what I mean!?"

Ed thought a moment before a fond smile came to him. "Yeah, I know a few people like that."