#my parents instilled a serious fear of the world and deep paranoia in me

[allhailthe70shousewife]

Sign up to be murdered today!!!

[automatismoateo]

[Serious] People who left the church - what were the attitudes/beliefs/fears/consequences that made it hard to leave? via /r/atheism

Submitted July 23, 2019 at 12:25PM by Gawkman (Via reddit https://ift.tt/2SwXNgf) [Serious] People who left the church - what were the attitudes/beliefs/fears/consequences that made it hard to leave?

First time poster here. I was recently talking with an atheist friend who didn't go to church growing up, and realized this might be a valuable discussion in this subreddit. His jaw hit the floor as I was giving some insight into how the conservative Christian thought process holds their belief system in place. I want to go deep here... partly to help give firepower in debates, and partly to help those in here approach religious people from a more empathetic and constructive perspective. Leaving the church was the hardest thing I've ever done for a lot of reasons, and everyone in here should know what happens to a Christian should you win the debate and make them question their religion. You may have already done so and not realized it... for me, it was ultimately a point about quantum mechanics in a religious debate in a forum back 2004 that made me start asking those hard questions.

My experience: I was raised Lutheran (protestant) Christian in West Texas, now I'm agnostic.

"My parents woudn't lie to me... would they?" - Imagine finding presents in your parents closet proving there is no Santa Claus. But when you confront them about it, they not only deny it, they shame you for even suggesting such a ridiculous thing... even as you hold the presents and show them. Not only is Santa not real, now you are a bad person for even thinking it. Multiply said feeling by a factor of 50.

"If you question what you are taught in church or the Bible, those doubts are Satan trying to get your soul." - If you only get one thing from this post, get this as well as you can... You'll never get a fundamentalist Christian to admit it, but it's primarily FEAR that keeps the belief in place, not truth or even love of God. Specifically, the fear of going to hell. It's a paranoia instilled at a young age... the "sinful world" is constantly trying to corrupt you. Scientists are under the influence of Satan, other religions are under the influence of Satan, LGBTQ and Prochoicers all under the influence of Satan. Doubts are Satan.

"I must trust the Bible more than my own reason." - Bible-thumping 101 (Similar to #2), Since we were taught humans are corrupt and fallible because of original sin, our thoughts, ideas, and opinions are likely tainted and all automatically invalid if a Bible verse contradicts it. Bible = unquestionable truth. Best weapon you can use in a debate in against a Christian are quotes from the Bible that contradict their position (and it's not hard because many Christians have never actually READ the Bible for themselves, only what they were told to read). An atheist that knows the Bible well is like an air strike in a religious debate. What most Christians don't realize is that the Bible was assembled by a political committee 325 years AFTER Jesus died (Council of Nicaea). For maximum damage, do your homework on the origins of the Bible, crazy verses, contradictions within the Bible (there are many), and ALWAYS look up Bible verses surrounding verses they quote to make sure they aren't distorting the context of that verse... or to find a useful "crazy verse" nearby

"Saving souls gives me the right to overstep boundaries." - This is why they are pushy. They view themselves as someone pushing a person out of the way of a car they don't see coming ("Watch out!")... accept it's to prevent you from experiencing from infinite suffering. As annoying or offensive it may be, try to keep in mind that they actually have your best interest at heart, and to them the ends justify the means (from their warped perspective).

Loss of family, Part 1 - The immediate effect of raising questions is the attitude that you have betrayed your family. You've let the family down. That connection is replaced by a consistent subtle agenda to "get you back to the church".

Loss of family, Part 2 - I was closer to people in my church growing up than some of my own extended family. When you see them every Sunday (and Wednesday in my case), church friends feel more like cousins, Aunts and Uncles. When you leave the church, the same shunning comes from these people, too. Do I need to even mention how painful exclusion from the group can be, and the lengths we will go to in order to avoid it?

"You mean... nobody loves the world?" *cue existential crisis\* - I'm not gonna lie, sometimes I miss believing in Jesus, just like I miss believing in Santa Claus. It was a beautiful thought that someone out there would love everyone no matter what. I comfort myself by knowing there's nothing wrong with believing in him as a symbol or a metaphor for unconditional love.

Afterlife = more important than living this life - Since all the emphasis was on what happens AFTER we die, the importance of living the ONE LIFE WE HAVE becomes a secondary concern. My older brother is a primary victim of this mindset. Why bother trying to be happy in this 60-100 years on this problem-filled planet when I have eternity to be happy? It can become an excuse to not strive in life. The longer you believe there's an afterlife, the more painful the realization that there may not be one because that means more years of life you've wasted.

"I was wrong, and I've been a fool." - Sunk cost fallacy. I used to be on the other side of the fence, arguing the case for Christ, like a good witnessing Christian should. Admitting I got duped for so long was no easy thing. Something I'm actually angry about is all the years I didn't believe in evolution... I now find evolution to be fascinating and beautiful. Also, for climate change deniers, realizing you've been contributing to destroying the planet and thus threatening ending all life in the universe as we know it is not a fun thing to admit.

Christmas will forever be awkward - I like the season of Christmas. Always have, despite the overplayed music and commercialism. I love Christmas lights, I love the food, I love the mood lift in loved ones. So the underlying fact of "We're celebrating the birth of Jesus! ... oh, you don't believe that anymore" is always a buzzkill. Also seeing reminders that everyone else continues on living the lie for a WHOLE MONTH every year just sucks.

What psychologically made it hard for YOU to challenge your religious beliefs and leave the church? What horror stories do you have? What did you have to go through? Family shaming? Gaslighting? What manipulative things were often said to you? Do you have religious beliefs that you know are false but still plague you anyway? What were you afraid might happen if you strayed too far from the "righteous path"?