#my original idea was that tim lead the pirate crew

[ekat-fandom-blog]

Peter Pan AU

Danny and a handful of the kids of Amity Park have become Peter Pan and his lost boys and girls respectively. The adults and rest of the kids of Amity park became fairies, mermaids, and other denizens of Neverland. The Justice League have become the pirates.

Danny and his lost kids were having fun. They could visit their families if they wanted to and they didn't have to worry about school and homework or ghost attacks. There weren't even any dangerous animals or plants around their hideout.

The rest of Amity Park weren't as happy, but it wasn't bad. They had food and didn't have to work and everyone they cared about was here. It was nice, if not a bit annoying trying to avoid the lost kids pranks every once in a while.

Then came the Justice League. Neverland's designated pirates. They weren't happy. The pirates' cove had barely enough food for everyone. It was always drafty and bright - even in the middle of the night. The worst part for them was their friends and family weren't there. Not to mention Danny and his lost kids found them new and interesting.

The lost kids would steal food and tech and precious keepsakes while Danny made sure that their newest plan to leave Neverland was completely ruined. They fought using made-up rules that the League couldn't figure out and couldn't break unless it fit the narrative. The narrative of whatever game Danny and the lost kids were playing that day.

While it was confirmed early on that no one was actually born here, the League was growing more and more desperate to just leave and get back home. Luckily, Bruce and Barry remembered the story of Peter Pan from when they were kids. All they need to do is trick Danny into kidnapping the Young Justice like Peter did Wendy and her brothers in the story. The only way in and out of Neverland was for a kid to bring you in/out after all.

[graywritesoccasionally42]

So I wrote an entire essay comparing Loki from The Bifrost Incident to Loki from the Prose Edda for my Medieval Literature Class, and I figured I'd post it here in case anyone wanted to read my analysis on her character

Essay Under Cut--(my formatting got fucked up by the hellsite but what can you do?)

“Is this truly me? What have I left behind?”

A look into how The Bifrost Incident interacts with its source material

Title from “Losing Track” by The Mechanisms

In the early 1200s, Snorri Sturlson wrote his famous collection of Norse mythology called The Prose Edda. In this compilation, we met many gods, goddesses, and creatures, including one who is arguably the most popular Norse deity--Loki, the god of mischief and general shenanigans. The Prose Edda presents Loki as dishonest, violent, at times incompetent. Recently though, about 800 years later, Loki has attracted the interest of many modern writers who have adapted Loki’s story to explore contemporary problems. One particular adaptation, The Bifrost Incident by English steampunk band The Mechanisms, imagines her to be just,  intelligent, and loving. There are many striking differences between these two versions of Loki, the most significant being gender, mortality, and how their stories end. This is important because this album re-examines and redefines Loki’s identity, and how we view this Norse deity in a modern context.

To fully delve into how The Mechanisms’ adaptation works, I think some context for the band is necessary. The Mechanisms were an English steampunk band, self-described as “Storytelling Musical Cabaret'' that operated from 2010 until 2020. The Band members themselves were in character at all times as the immortal pirate crew of the Starship Aurora. They also took on the roles in the tales they told. So for example, Tim Ledsam was the guitarist for The Mechanisms, but when he was onstage he played Gunpowder Tim, Master at Arms on the Aurora, and when the band performed The Bifrost Incident, he voiced the character of Loki. The Mechanisms were best known for their clever reworking of mythologies, creating queer narratives and telling queer stories, and their love of tragedies. In their last concert (recorded as a live album), Death to The Mechanisms, Jonny D’ville--the band’s first mate/lead vocalist. played by Jonny Sims--and Ashes O'Reilly--the band’s quartermaster/bassist, played by Frank Voss--had a conversation that encapsulates the crew's relationship with unhappy endings: 

[Jonny]

"We happen to stumble across tragic situations where everyone dies. I mean, obviously there are stories where people live but we just choose not to tell them."

[Ashes]

"Yeah, 'cause they're boring."

[Jonny]

"Yeah…”

The fact that this conversation happened during some technical difficulties in the song “Terminus”, the finale of The Bifrost Incident where the entire star system is consumed by a Lovecraftian Cosmic Horror, only adds credence to their claims. 

With that bit of explanation out of the way, let’s discuss the similarities between Sturlson’s work and The Mechanisms’ adaptation of it. Loki from The Prose Edda and Loki from The Bifrost Incident share many important similarities. These similarities are important because they make the character recognizable, giving us a reference point and allowing the audience to connect the new version to the original. The Mechanisms play on the audience’s knowledge of Norse Mythology, creating an insider audience. Listeners feel like they are in on the joke, as they understand what myths or details are being referenced. The Mechanisms also use these similarities to create puns, as they often do in their albums. For example, in The Prose Edda Baldur is killed by Mistletoe, and in The Bifrost Incident Loki kills Baldur with Missile 2 (the second missile).  

Another thing The Mechanisms’ adaptation has in common with Sturlson’s work is how they develop ideas through music. The Bifrost Incident is a musical album, with each song continuing the story, much like the soundtrack to a musical. It alternates between spoken narration and songs, weaving music into the fabric of the tale. The Prose Edda does this as well! We have evidence that the original myths were probably put to music, connecting this modern work to its source. 

This being said, there are significant differences between the Loki of The Prose Edda and the Loki from The Bifrost Incident. I’ve selected just three to discuss at this time, the ones I think are the most important. The first is gender. In The Prose Edda Loki and Odin are firmly male, using exclusively male pronouns. There is a specific instance in the text where Loki turns into a mare and gives birth to Sleipnir, Odin’s eight-legged steed. This is seen in a negative context, as a way to shame or punish Loki. In The Bifrost Incident, however, Loki and Odin are gender-bent, using exclusively female pronouns. Loki’s gender expression in the album is further complicated by how her character is voiced. Gunpowder Tim, who as far as I can tell is a cisgender man, voices this specifically female character. The use of a more masculine-sounding voice actor for a character that not only uses feminine terms and pronouns but also is married to another woman in the album introduces a new, interesting layer of queerness to the narrative. Because of this casting decision, it’s a commonly held belief among fans that Loki is a trans woman in the album. These choices help the audience explore modern queer themes through the lens of Norse mythology. And it creates a contrast to how gender, sexuality, and queerness in general, were talked about in Snorri Sturlson’s time. 

The second difference I’d like to discuss is Loki’s mortality (or lack thereof). In The Prose Edda Loki is a god, an immortal being that could affect the world around him and cause problems on large scales. This allows many myths to happen, most strikingly the ones where Loki transforms into an animal to either cause problems or fix a problem he caused. Now this is complicated by the fact that Snorri Sturlson did not believe the characters in the myths he was compiling were gods. He lived in a Christianized world, trying to compile stories to save them for poets. Either way, Prose Edda Loki is an immortal deity. But in The Bifrost Incident, it is important that all our characters are mortal. It intensifies the tragedy of Loki and Sigyn, their sacrifice and Odin’s demise. It helps us relate to the characters in a way that we don’t get if they’re immortal. In the narration “Cold Case”, we learn that Loki was thought to be dead, and in the song “Sigyn” we get the heartbreaking reunion between Loki and her wife, Sigyn. But the reason I cry every time I listen to “Sigyn” is because of how heartrendingly happy Sigyn is to see her wife, alive and in front of her, and then see that relief ripped away as she realizes that Loki doesn’t recognize her. The humanity, the fear and permanence of death, of losing those you love, is one that we as an audience can easily relate to. 

My final difference, and possibly the most important difference, is the ending to Loki’s story. After killing Baldur in The Prose Edda, Loki is chased down by the Aesir and eternally punished: He is imprisoned below the earth, tied down with the entrails of his sons, and has a snake set above him to drip poison into his eyes. His wife, Sigyn, stays with him by choice, holding a cup above him to catch the venom, but the vessel can only hold so much before it must be emptied. So when Sigyn has to empty the cup the venom gets into his eyes, and his thrashing is the etiological myth for why earthquakes happen. Eventually, Loki is destined to escape and kick off Ragnarok (the end of the world), where he fights against the Aesir--sailing in on Naglfar and fatally injuring Heimdall before dying himself. These all add up to an ultimately evil view of Loki, even if he is a bit sympathetic. He turns against the gods and his children are the cause of much destruction. However, the Loki of The Bifrost Incident has a completely different characterization. After her memories are returned to her, she leaves Odin to her madness and goes to find Sigyn. She tells Sigyn what they must do to delay the eldritch train as long as possible, keeping the end of the world from happening for 80 years-- 

“They uncouple the [train] carriages behind [them] and Loki lays upon the altar. Sigyn pushes a single line into her wife's heart and holds it tight. All she lets through is a drip drip drip, flowing through the glyphs and gears. When Loki's heartsblood is gone, the train will arrive, but until then, they are together.”

Loki chooses to sacrifice herself to stop the end of all life in her star system. This is almost directly opposite of how Loki acts in The Prose Edda. She is noble, in contrast to his cowardice. 

I think it’s important to consider why these changes were made. Some are more obvious--The Mechanisms always committed to the bit at full throttle. It’s evident from their stage presences that they cared about the storytelling more than anything else. So many of the more minor changes are to keep to the aesthetic choices the band made--setting it in space, steampunk and cyberpunk imagery, and the puns we talked about earlier. Some choices were made to turn the original myths into queer stories. Making Loki and Sigyn a lesbian couple, as well as having Loki use feminine terms and pronouns while being voiced by a traditionally masculine voice actor, fall into The Mechanisms’ commitment to telling queer stories. Many of the band members themselves are queer, and the vast majority of their fanbase identifies as LGBTQ+. And finally, The Mechanisms only tell tragedies. We discussed this at a few earlier points, how the change from god to mortal fed into the tragedy of the story they were trying to tell. 

So why does this matter? Why should we care about a Steampunk concept album written in 2017 that no one has ever heard of? The Prose Edda was written to preserve poetry, religion, mythology, and meaning post-Christianization. Why was The Bifrost Incident written? I believe that it’s a commentary on corrupt government systems, as seen with Odin, as well as a cautionary tale about the dangers of pushing too far without the proper safety precautions. It’s also just a fun retelling of myths that most are fairly familiar with in a fun, new setting we never would have expected. The Bifrost Incident takes stories written hundreds of years ago and creates a modern narrative that is as enjoyable as it is thought-provoking. And I hope this paper, if nothing else, convinces you to listen to the Album.

[thedreadvampy]

Sam and I were inventorying some of his old Mechs merch (posters and CDs and Kickstarter perks) bc he's considering selling some to someone who'll get some use out of it instead of it sitting in a cupboard

and it inspired me to look at my own CDs and I'm just OVERWHELMED WITH NOSTALGIA looking at my signed OUAT CD

it makes me miss hanging out with them a BUNCH, I haven't had a proper conversation with Jonny in maybe years just because we don't tend to be in the same place at the same time, and that sucks because there was a good chunk of time where I think Jonny was the person in the band I spent the most time chatting with and firing ideas around with. Same with Tim and Frank, I love them but I haven't seen them in ages (I had plans to catch up with Frank in like March but alas, coronavirus)

anyway this is a blast from the past and a memory of a time when they really had some time to spare just goofing off while signing CDs, I think a lot of OUAT signed CDs have this level of goofy in-character annotation.

(images under the cut)

"reluctant thanks" rude bitch

[image description: the cover of the Mechanisms album Once Upon A Time (In Space), a red page with a bookcloth texture and the title, band and logo printed in black. Over the top, somebody has written in black marker "To Ruth, with reluctant thanks, The Mechanisms"]

Jonny has annotated throughout in green. I'm not sure who's making notes in red block capitals - from tone I'd guess probably Tim or possibly Ashes. The small red writing is Ivy.

[Image description: half of a double page spread with small portrait photographs of three of the seven band members (Jonny d'Ville, Gunpowder Tim and the Toy Soldier) facing the camera, accompanied by short bios. Each member has signed their character's name next to their photo in black marker.

Next to the photo of Jonny D'Ville, the rank of "first mate" has been crossed out in green ink, and over the top is scrawled in green the word "CAPTAIN," with arrows pointing to his photo. In small red cursive, Ivy has written "citation needed" next to it. Somebody else has written in red block capitals "still first mate, Jonny"]

[Image description: An image of the facing page, with photos and bios of Ashes O'Reilly Drumbot Brian, Ivy Alexandria, and Nastya Rasputina. Drumbot Brian is a young man wearing a top hat with goggles around it. Somebody has added dots to the lenses of the goggles to make them look like googly eyes. Over the photo is written "yum, head" with a line leading to the hat. Below that, there is a photo of Ivy Alexandria. Her role is listed as "archivist", but an arrow is pointing to that word, and somebody has written under it in block red capitals, "stuck-up know-it-all"]

these absolute dorks

(I think the Tetris blocks might be a reference to the video the complete history of the Soviet Union to the tune of Tetris, which Ben at least once demonstrated a party trick of picking up any instrument and playing)

[Image description: The left half of a double-page image, a painting of the characters from the album. A pale-skinned woman with long black hair in profile looks out to the left, superimposed over an image of a man in a long coat, arms spread towards a sky from which bright lights fall in steaks and explode around him. Somebody has drawn over each falling light in black marker, turning them into Tetris blocks. Along the side, Jonny has written in green block capitals "I'm so high!" and under that is written in red block capitals "Jackie in the sky of exploding diamonds"]

[Image description: the other half of the same image. A woman with tanned skin and short choppy bright red hair looks out to the right, superimposed over a loose impression of flames and a wizened old man in an ermine robe sitting in a white throne, bordered at the bottom by three black iron pig masks with glowing red eyes. In thick green marker, Jonny has drawn angry eyebrows onto the old man and put a blob of green pen over his mouth. He has a speech bubble extending from his mouth in green pen, saying "fear me, Ruth!" Underneath, in red capitals, another person has added "and my horrible taste in makeup!" There is another green arrow pointing to the pig masks, next to which is written in green "Angry Bacon". Under that, the red writing has added "also stabby"]

the context needed here is that I have SO MANY DISABILITIES and as my big brother, Morgan KNOWS I have so many disabilities and is also contractually obliged to bully me. hence "she has those?" under "healthy organs"

[Image description: A page of the album booklet, titled "About the music," which lists all the songs on the album, with notes on the songs' origins. Under the track "Rose Red", it says "sung to a tune of the folk song with the same name, probably C17." Jonny has crossed out "C17" and replaced it with "2028 AKC". Under "Laid In Black," the final track, is written "a lament to the 1901 tune of Fifteen Men On A Dead Man's Chest, a pirate sea song written by Robert Louis Stevenson". Jonny has annotated this so that it reads "a hilarious lament". At the bottom of the page there is a note reading "Lyrics and arrangements by The Mechanisms." Jonny has crossed out the words "The Mechanisms" and written underneath in green capitals "me." Alongside, someone has written in red block capitals "fuck off, Jonny"]

[Image description: a credits page from the album booklet. The first line reads "The crew of the Aurora would like to thank the following for their contributions." The word "thank" is crossed out in green ink and replaced with "maim". The next line thanks Curious Magpie Photography for photographs. The following line (referring to me) says "Ruth Wilkinson, for art." Jonny has crossed out "art" and written in, in big green capitals, "all her healthy organs." Under this, Ivy has written in small, smudged red cursive, "she has those?" The next line thanks Granny Flat Studios for music. The following line reads "Dr Camilla, for not killing us (permanently)." Jonny has crossed it "not killing us permanently" with a thick green line, and written in "fucking off!" In small red caps, someone has written next to it "shouting won't help, Jonny. Though it is fun." The page concludes with a list of Kickstarter contributors, and is signed off in print with "The Mechanisms". Jonny has crossed out "The Mechanisms" and written in "JDV"]

[meme-spren]

Hello everyone I've barely dipped a toe into the dark and mysterious waters of mechs fandom but I've already inflicted pictures on the discord to see what the squad thinks they do

[Image of Drumbot Brian, seated, looking off to the side]

S: Criminal S: I'm gonna guess morally repugnant P: Well it's a pirate band so that stands to reason S: One bad bad man P: I think this guy would be the captain because who else would wear a full suit and a rose on his hat O: Not captain, I'd think. Captain is for a lead person and drummer is not. O: I wanna say... the one that fires the cannons? P: Probably bard vibes S: It's a band P S: I bet they all have bard vibes R: He looks horny R: He looks like he flirts with everything that moves, that is

[Image of Nastya Rasputina playing her violin]

S: Assassin S: Was assigned to kill one of the band members and just S: Is REALLY into the cover story S: Maybe turned on the people who hired her? S: Maybe about to kill the dude? S: Who knows S: Not even she does

J: Geddy lee from rush realizes she's trans, switches from bass to violin haha classic rock jokes that everyone else here definitely understands

R: Bad luck on a ship is her deal M: I'm gonna tell you this because I hope it'll just raise more questions: she's romantically involved with the ship R: PILOT R: SHIP FUCKER PILOT R: Or engineer S: Yeah I'll still go with my idea

P: I will second pilot P: Also despite being romantically involve with the ship she's somehow the proverbial straight man of the group M: Love how you've drawn the conclusion that everyone else is ridiculous just from these two pictures and the fact that I'm the one presenting them to you

O: Uh, clearly Fiddle here is the Necromancer

[Image of Raphaella La Cognizi singing into a microphone, two other indistinct figures behind her]

J: dlc fenyx dionysus-themed armor and wing skin

O: Hmm, alright so, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say... she's the singer :V M: Why do you assume there's one(1) singer M: (also like: ah yes, the pirate job of... The Singer) O: If One Piece has taught me anything, then yes :V

P: I'm gonna say she's the lookout, because having wings is very handy for getting to or leaving the crow's nest P: She's also the best fighter of the group P: Maybe also the treasurer? or w/e the pirate equivalent is P: Which is why she has fancy velvety clothes with gold decoration P: Actually no scratch that P: Its because her backstory is she ran away from her rich parents

[Image of Ashes O’Reilly playing their bass]

O: Captain, obviously S: Yeah, with that hat

P: Gunner P: Because cigar

R: Lesbian S: If anyone in this crew is cishet I'll bake an edible hat and eat it

[Image of Gunpowder Tim, dimly lit, playing his guitar. His hand is motion blurred and his guitar is dramatically angled toward the viewer]

J: the token bastard warforged S: he has goggles he must be the engineer

M: His last name is Tim J: First name Tiny

O: Goggles on hat are aesthetic. Goggles on forehead means madlad. Either Engineer or something something chemistry, alchemy, whatever. Something that can explode.

[Image of Ivy Alexandria, holding a book in one hand and her flute in the other.]

P: I'm gonna say tough love mom friend P: Probably the smartest one because book P: Maybe the cartographer?

O: I'm gonna say she is smart, but NOT the "meek scholar" type. More like, brains and brawn. People that know how smart she is are surprised by how strong and brutal she can be, those that only have seen her fight are surprised that she is so intelligent

S: She's the quartermaster

[Image of Jonny D’ville, with a hand on his holstered gun]

R: Home of sexual S: Your fav S: He's got a scar and some weird tech on his chest S: I'm guessing he's another fighty boi S: Gunslinger extrordinaire xP P: Trigger happy loose cannon trash boy P: Commonly drunk P: Causes at least half the crew's problems S: Reminds me of [Spades] Slick R: Wait no R: Omnisexual R: Crew omnisexual

O: Stowaway who snuck aboard

[Image of Marius Von Raum, squatting and holding his little claw thing.]

J: Gremlin J: In the sense of gremlins in the works J: Ship gremlin

P: He gambles P: that's his entire job I think he'd also be like, a spymaster of sorts? P: Knows how to get into places or how to chat up the right people to get that juicy gossip

O: That weird head thing makes me think of a doctor, so, I'm gonna say he's the ship doc P: Counter-point: the doctor really should not be carrying live ammunition around O: Counter-Counterpoint 1: Should not? Sure. Doesn't mean wouldn't Counter-Counterpoint 2: Also, Pirates R: Counter counterpoint 3: gunpowder can be used in emergencies to cauterize a wound :mspa:

S: Oh he's definitely a sharpshooter S: That monocle thing looks like a fantasy rangefinder S: Smug bastard energies S: Like S: 17 rogue/2 bard energy

[Image of the Toy Soldier, saluting cheerfully]

S: Conductor? S: Waiter? S: Avatar of the ship? O: Season One antagonist who used to hunt the crew but got defeated and disgraced and joined them to take revenge on its original boss S: If u combine that with my idea of it being the avatar of the ship then that makes for one hell of a TV show P: It does have an aura of not-pirateness about it P: I'm gonna say this is a recurring "antagonist" and is in fact still hunting the crew, except it kind of sucks at its job and is basically no match for these pirates But it keeps up a chipper attitude regardless

[ourmanifestoisfun]

4x14 episode thoughts

We’re back from hiatus! And I was finally able to sit down and watch the episode and I AM SO EXCITED BY THINGS!!!

“The navy. it brings out the sparkle of justice in your eyes” is such a cute line

Marco, you are a terrible businessman

I feel that all of the reasons that Greg lists to be in West Covina for his thesis are legitimate, personally. Being near Rebecca is probably a nice bonus. 

I do like that he apparently asked Heather to help out, given that she is very competent and no-bullshit kind of person.

Actually, the parallel “I’m not in love with Rebecca” scenes were a bit much, but I think they showed something kind of interesting in the extent to which the guys’ feelings are influencing all of them in their actions. Like Greg’s priority is very much the restaurant and Rebecca being nearby is more of a really nice bonus, Nathaniel’s volunteer work and interest in Rebecca are about equal since he started out doing it for her but is doing it more because it is the right thing to do while still be interested, and Josh is doing theater tech directly because of Rebecca. I don’t know if it is meant to be scaled like that, but I feel like it is, which is interesting.

Estrella judging Josh was the best.

I do like the set of Il Cabino. Not entirely sure when they started to use it, but it’s pretty

What is a cold chamber, exactly? What’s its purpose?

I feel bad for Valencia feeling let down about Beth’s surprise, but given rent and housing these days, it is a very big deal that you need to sit down and talk about.

“Quite an engagement” - not how you drop a hint, Valencia. Though I have to say, in this case rather that Valencia being concerned about appearances the way she was in her relationship with Josh, it seems just like she is ready to be with Beth for good, and part of her romantic hopes still include a proposal. She still loves those things, and she wants them for herself.

I don’t like ultimatums in general, but I do understand Valencia’s point, in that she knows what she wants with Beth right now, and she wants to know that they are on the same page, because she has been in a relationship where she waited and the other person didn’t know what they wanted/were happy to stay where they were, and she doesn’t want that again.

It was left unresolved, but I hope that they do get engaged/married. I wanna see Rebecca helping out at their wedding and killing it!

Valencia speaking from experience is both good advice to be cautious but also :(

Josh doing theater tech actually makes me happy. Sure, he’s doing it to be near Rebecca, but he’s so good at making people look and feel good about the best parts of themselves, that being part of a stage crew might actually be a good fit for him.

…though I would still prefer having him as a choreographer in some capacity because canonically, he is such a good dancer.

…Tim really does look like he has chicken legs in that suit. oh dear. I blame the bloomers.

“Our bulwark, our stalwart, our Walmart.” - i just like this wordplay

Nathaniel volunteering (getting volunteered?) for the play had me cackling. While I find the idea that he’s done musical theater before needs a little mental adjustment, I could see him doing it with a mental justification that it looks good on college applications (especially if he got cast in a lead role) and I can definitely see it being something he wouldn’t mention because it does not fit the image he wanted to portray.

Also him singing the alphabet - what a little bastard

Also what’s with that brightly patterned tie, Nathaniel? It’s not bad, I quite like it, but it’s much brighter than what he usually wears

Love Connie’s scarf flinging. And the scarf just keeps getting bigger and bigger until it’s a long cardigan.

Rebecca’s wearing red nail polish!

I love Paula’s interview outfit, it makes her look really good.

Chris!!! He is so tall! And he has a palate!

I love Valencia, Josh and Nathaniel’s expressions at the lyrics to Etta Mae’s Lament

Aunt Myrna reference!

oh Tim, your character song was not forgetful, I promise you that.

I love Paula’s faces though!

Darryl also has quite the palate - and the penmanship!

…canonically, Valencia and Nathaniel have now officially hung out and we did not see any exchanges? RUDE!

They have so much they could talk about! They are both good-looking people with body issues, image issues, and have experienced dramatic shifts in their relationships with Rebecca due to her initiating severely inappropriate kisses. The possibilities are endless!

Josh asking Rebecca to sign the Camp Canyon Grove playbill was super sweet, but I’m glad that it was one he got on eBay, instead of one he actually kept, because it’s mostly giving me very strong “Dear Joshua Felix Chan” vibes and uh…that’s not entirely great.

Nathaniel singing about being a saloon madam is GREAT. Sacrifice your dignity at the altar of love, dude. 

Not that you have much of it left. Which is not a bad thing - it’s good to be willing to sacrifice your dignity, builds character.

I have been wondering for a while now if they would have Rebecca write musical theater songs, and the fact that they are hinting at this pathway is really really exciting to me. Having her actually write the songs in her head and create a musical would be really, genuinely exciting.

“Someone else is singing my song” - oh my GOD my heart fluttered at that. I hope we get a full thing.

I am sad for Darryl but yes, Paula, know your worth!

Mindy-who-is-April! Good to see you as Darryl’s date. Hope things are going swimmingly.

Valencia makes a beautiful pirate bride, but can she actually be the pirate, instead? Because yikes those lyrics!

Paula’s face was exactly right.

I am genuinely sad we missed all of the songs that directly applied to Darryl and Paula’s situation

God, Rebecca’s saloon girl outfit is so cute, even if her song is so terrible.

WHAT’LL IT BE REPRISE!!!!! Called it!

I have mixed feelings about Greg’s revelation that everything he hated about the town was more of a projection and that as a result, he’s going to stay and run his father’s restaurant. Not because I don’t think it makes sense with his character, but I just get tired of the trope that the hometown is always the place you’ll end up again if you change your attitude. Sometimes, hometowns just suck.

But for Greg, who I think has been specifically described as a character who tries to be a caretaker, which running a restaurant that people love would be something that would fulfill him, so I think I’m good with it.

Every time I think I have a grasp on where the love quadrangle stuff is going, it gets a good shake, because while when Rebecca discusses the three guys, she treats it as if they are on the same plane, but when we see their different interactions, they are treated differently.

New tweak to the old theory: given that Greg now has confirmed a dream that is not linked to Rebecca at all, the next two episodes will be showing us what Nathaniel and Josh’s respective paths will be, so that we know that even though the guys might not end up with her, they have something that takes up their time and attention and fulfills them and it’s a good ending for them.

Preferably in that order, because I do still consider Josh to be part of the original series trifecta (Rebecca-Paula-Josh) and given how recent his affection for Rebecca is, I think that will come into play when he finds out what makes him happy and their relationship should be given some extra weight.

Now that Paula is interviewing at other firms, I still kind of hope that her, Nathaniel, and Darryl choose to separate from MountainTop and start their own firm. That could be really interesting and work well with their arcs. Nathaniel and Paula will make it successful, while Darryl gives them heart and makes them less scary to prospective clients.

I will still be very surprised if it ends up being an actual choice rather than a fourth or fifth option being taken, but given how the “true love is theater” concept got called out in this episode, I really am not sure where it’s gonna go. Still excited to find out!

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #223 - Muppet Treasure Island

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: No.

Format: DVD

1) “Shiver My Timbers”

This is quite possible the strongest song in the entire film. The song written by Brian Mann and Cynthia Weil, combined with an arrangement by Hans Zimmer manes it fittingly epic. It creates an immediate sense of danger which is unique in a Muppet film, but it doesn’t go too far. It’s fun, filled with adventure & helps set up the stakes and tension of the film. I freaking love it.

2) Billy Connolly as Billy Bones.

Connolly’s role is brief yet important/memorable. He is able to blend Bones’ drunkenness and occasional frightfulness well with the Muppety fun which defines the film. A veteran comedian, Connolly fits the role like a glove.

3) Kevin Bishop as Jim Hawkins.

Bishop isn’t exactly groundbreaking in the role of Hawkins, but he isn’t bad by any means. His longing and sense of adventure are represented well by the child actor who fits almost as well with the Muppet characters as Tim Curry does (no one can match Tim Curry though). He’s a solid foundation the film is built off of.

4) “Something Better”

I don’t particularly LOVE this song, in fact I think it’s the weakest in the film. It’s not bad, I just find it incredibly cheesy. It tries a little too hard to be cute, acting as Jim’s “I Want” song. It does well to establish the different attitudes Jim, Gonzo, and Rizzo have towards the idea of adventure (as well as their brotherly relationship), but some of the moments just feel like they’re trying too hard to me. That may just be a personal thing though.

5) One of the most interesting things in this film is the brotherly dynamic Jim, Gonzo and Rizzo have with each other. Specifically: juxtaposing Gonzo’s enthusiasm against Rizzo’s fear leads to a lot of fun character interaction. Unfortunately it doesn’t get the focus I wish it did around the halfway point of the movie, but it provides for an interesting hook which explains a lot of the motivation for these characters. They’re looking out for each other.

6) I don’t know why I find this line so funny.

Blind Pew [stroking Jim's hair]: “Oh a pretty little girl is it? Yes, take me to Billy Bones, ma pet!”

Jim: “You've got it all wrong, there's no Billy Bones here, and I'm not a girl!”

7) I’m a sucker for fourth wall breaks and self aware humor.

Bill Connolly was actually the first actor to die in a Muppet movie (or play a character who did). He’s proud of this.

8) The pirate raid on the inn is fine. It’s a tad scatted and there’s better action later in the film, but it’s an important part of the story that gets in a few solid laughs through Gonzo & Rizzo antics.

9) Mr. Bimbo, the man that lives in Young Trelawney’s Finger, is a running gag in this film Frank Oz (the actor behind Fonzie Bear) initially hated. However, as filming went on it reportedly grew on him so much that it was one of his favorite jokes by production’s end.

10) Tim Curry as Long John Silver.

Without a doubt, Curry is the best part of this film. A Muppet fan for years, this is one of Curry’s favorite performances of his and it shows. The actor is just so totally committed to the part that he steals every scene he’s in. Wickedly charming and charmingly wicked, the actor is clearly having a ton of fun in the film which means we have a lot of fun watching him. Even if you catch him in the background of some scenes, he’s so freaking into it the entire movie is just elevated by his performance.

11)

Sam Eagle as Mr. Arrow [about the captain]: “Is he bad tempered!? The man is a raging volcano! Tormented by demons the likes of which mere mortals cannot fathom!”

This play with expectations versus reality, even if you know Kermit the Frog is coming, is actually remarkably funny and one of the best gags in the film.

12) Kermit as Captain Smollet is actually kind of interesting. From his initial introduction you get a sense that Mr. Arrow’s description of him may be a TAD more accurate than one might think considering he’s, you know, Kermit the Frog. This primarily comes through via his initial inspection of the ship and a seriousness he largely carries himself with until on the island. It’s kinda interesting.

13) “Sailing for Adventure”

This song is remarkably fun, even if it is no “Shiver My Timbers”. It captures the titular sense of adventure well in a charming way, giving each member of the crew a chance to shine and for Tim Curry to show off some of his vocal chops (more on that later). It’s a strong call to adventure which a film based on Treasure Island needs. I dig it.

14) Roll call.

This is a fun extended sequence that delights in playing with audience expectations (primarily with Big-Fat-Ugly-Bug-Face-Baby-Eating O’Brien and then Angel Marie). You kinda just have to watch it to understand.

15) The distance that grows between Jim and his brothers Gonzo/Rizzo is never really explored in the film, it just kinda happens. I wish we’d developed that more.

16) While no Treasure Planet (man, I love that movie), there are a number of nice moments of sympathy and compassion between Long John and Jim. You understand they’re almost always supported by ulterior motives, but the more invested you are in their relationship the harder Silver’s betrayal hurts.

17) I always found the scene where Gonzo ENJOYS his torture really funny. Not sure why.

Polly: “This won’t work, he likes it!”

18) “Cabin Fever”

Without a doubt the most pointless song in the entire film. “Cabin Fever” does nothing to serve the story but instead fulfills the movie’s 99 minute run time. Having said that, its randomness and fun energy mean the number is actually incredibly enjoyable. It’s really weird but simultaneously really entertaining.

19) Remember how I said I love fourth wall breaks?

Clueless [from the brig]: “Hey Polly? What was that song that just happened?…You know, ‘Cabin fever! Ah!’ That.”

20) Gonzo is so freaking weird I love it.

Gonzo: “And my pants are filled with starfish.”

Rizzo: “You and your hobbies.”

21) This is me whenever I like the villain of a movie.

Floyd Pepper: “Hey man, I can’t figure out what side we’re on.”

22) “Professional Pirate”

As observed by Long John himself, this is Tim Curry’s main song in the film. His performance propels the piece from incredibly entertaining to rip-roaring fun. Again supported by the original composition by Brian Mann and Cynthia Weil, along with Zimmer’s arrangement of the pice, the number is one of the most surprising treats of the film. It just pulls you in for a great ride.

23) Long John taking Jim’s compass, knowing how much it means to him (since it’s all Jim has of his late father), shows how his greed outranks anything else. He loves the treasure more than he loves Jim, which is what drives their relationship apart.

24) According to IMDb:

Hormel Foods Corporation, makers of Spam, sued the film production company for making the name of a warthog character "Spa'am". Their suit was defeated on September 22, 1995. The judge noted that "one might think Hormel would welcome the association with a genuine source of pork."

25) Guys, it takes Miss Piggy 66 minutes to show up in this movie. It’s 99 minutes WITH credits. She’s in less than 2/3s of the movie!

(GIF originally posted by @marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer)

26) Long John going off on the pirates about using a page of the bible for the black spot is actually an incredible showcase for Curry’s talents. He’s so over the top and fun it’s just…man, I love Tim Curry.

27) Ah, Piggy/Benjamina.

Miss Piggy as Benjamina: “You know, I’m starting to see a pattern in the men I date.”

28) “Love Led Us Here”

While a poignant and well composed number, it doesn’t really feel earned by the film. Piggy’s been in what, 15 minutes of the movie so far? And we’re getting a grand love song for her and Kermit’s character? And then it plays as the backdrop of the pirate finding the treasure? That doesn’t really fit. I don’t know. I like it on its own I just feel it doesn’t fit with where we are in the movie.

29) Kermit’s face here gets me every time.

30) The final fight is pretty solid. Muppets aren’t exactly designed for action scenes. But even though it’s not a moment of greatest tension, there is an incredible sense of fun to it along with nice gags and surprises. Especially Tim Curry’s fight with Kermit the Frog is a standout moment in the entire movie because, again, Curry is just SO into it it’s hard not to have fun!

31) The final goodbye between Jim and Silver actually has a nice amount of poignancy to it, especially when Silver can’t shoot Jim and then Jim can’t turn in Silver.

While not the strongest theatrical Muppet film, it’s hard to go wrong with the franchise. Muppet Treasure Island brings the series’ trademark fun & whimsy to the classic story, with good songs and an incredible performance by Tim Curry. It’s just a genuinely fun watch.

[ruffoverthinksthings]

Audrey and Harry are my otp and there nothing about them really if you have the tim can you do the ship meme with them please

AND NOW, I FALL DOWN AND REST.

1.Whois the most affectionate?:

Harry,surprisingly enough.

Nomatter how clingy Audrey gets, she still has limits to how much PDAshe is willing to do, what she will or won’t do given certaincircumstances and contexts, and also things she just flat-out willnot do, no matter how nicely you ask, how much you beg, and how muchyou butter her up.

Harryhas no such reservations. Getting touchy-feely with his girlfriend onthe bus, to the point of groping a breast? Whispering in her earbefore licking it? Carefully catching her clothes with his hook, justenough pressure to pull her back but never actually damage it?

Allfair game to him.

2.Bigspoon/Little spoon?:

Harryis big spoon, Audrey is little spoon. All she’s ever wanted issomeone to protect her and be by her side, and Harry will oblige her,even if he does end up inciting a lot of the incidents and adventuresthat necessitate her needing to be protected.

3.Mostcommon argument?:

Harry’snot getting to hook people. Even the ones that also annoy Audrey tothe point where she wants to sic him on them, too.

“Wehave rules here in Auradon!”, which is why Harry always carries adueling glove on him to slap people across the face, then get tofight them if they happen to accept.

Sometimesit doesn’t even fit his hand or his style, he just has one in hispocket specifically for formally, legally challenging people to afight.

4.Favoritenon-sexual activity?:

Personalgrooming, manicures especially.

Harryhas something of a fixation on hands ever since the incident thatcrippled his “hook” hand and necessitates its use from day today, and Audrey introduces him to the wonders and pleasures ofgetting a good mani-pedi—well, aside from his precious treasurebeing more radiant and beautiful than usual.

5.Whois most likely to carry the other?:

Harry,in spite of his hook hand.

Heknows how to use it well, so don’t worry about any sort ofaccidental hooking or impaling. When it really comes down to it,he’ll even willingly put it into his coat pocket, suffer the painof stretching and using stiff, damaged, never-healed-right tendons tocarry her with both hands.

6.Whatis their favorite feature of their partner’s?:

Audrey’shands. Harry loves being like a gentleman and kissing them, holdingthem and professing his ownership of her, nevermind the things shedoes that “makes you wonder if she was a fine mistress in a pastlife.”

Harry’seyes. There’s something wild, dangerous, and not quite right withthis boy, and it’s here that she sees them most—well, aside fromhis threatening to hook people, that is.

7.What’sthe first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings forthe other?:

Harryhas something of a minor crisis. He’s always treated Audrey aseither “that crazy lass who thinks she’s the queen ofeverything,” or as an amusing diversion that is fun to rile up orplay with the emotions if.

“Iactually care about her now. That’s new. And troubling.”

He gets over it soon enough, though, as his father has shown that doubt can lead to some form of honest love, that goes to passionate and violent break-ups, before it goes right back to doubt…

Audreyhas something that is most definitely not a minor crisis. She’s hadsome VERY strict, very narrow, very specific ideas about who she is,what she wants out of life, and what her future is going to be, andto fall in love with a VK who’s been an endless source of bothfascination and distress throws all of that for a loop, to say theleast.

Insteadof a quote, just imagine a never-ending stream of screaming, crying,and shoveling chocolate into her mouth as her world collapses aroundher yet again.

8.Nicknames?& if so, how did they originate?:

Audrey’sfor Harry are “Captain,” “My Psychotic Seadog,” and “YouJerk” with a capital J. All came about as a consequence of Harryjust being himself, and Audrey refusing to address him by name.“Captain” in particular is almost always said sarcastically.

Harry’sfor Audrey’s are “Princess,” “Milady,” “Queen of theUniverse,” “Loony Lass,” and “Crazy Bitch,” all withcapital letters also. The Royal titles are all from her “thinkin’everyone needs to bow down and kiss ‘er feet 24/7,” while thelatter two are from Audrey’s freak-outs.

9.Whoworries the most?:

Audrey.

Harryhas a very laissez-faire, come what may, take it as it comes attitudeas a pirate, and being taught that the sea does not give two shitsabout you, and you should always act according to that belief.

Audrey,however, has been raised to believe that EVERYTHING can be solved andmade perfect, because she has parents and peers that have theconnections to move mountains.

10.Whoremembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?:

Harry,though the thing is Audrey never really gets a chance. His orders arebased on his mood, availability, and how much effort he wants to putin that day, so it’s nearly impossible to predict.

Audrey,however, has a definite, constant list of things she will ingest aspart of her latest diet, current trends, or mood; she’s a girl ofrituals, tradition, and predictability, after all.

11.Whotops?:

Audrey.

“Anyself-respecting pirate either guns for the position o’ captain, orserving under a right ferocious one. Dear ol’ dad wants the first,but I have to admit: being a first mate has some seriousbenefits.”

12.Whoinitiates kisses?:

Harry,in line with number 1.

Kisseson the cheek out of nowhere, love bites on the neck as they’regetting steamy, suddenly pulling her aside and kissing her on thelips before he casually spins her right back on her way—he’sshameless about it.

13.Whoreaches for the other’s hand first?:

Audrey,except for when Harry is explicitly doing one of those kissingantics.

Forall his life, Harry has been told that love is a weakness, and tonever show that you care for any of your wenches more than a pirateshould, so it’s up to Audrey to slowly get him to unlearn that.

14.Whokisses the hardest?:

Harry—“Medad always said that whatever you do, always make sure that yourheart’s in it, and that you better damn well show it, too,and I love my precious treasure with most of my heart.

“What?Why not all of my heart? There’s treasure to be had and adventuresto be chased, and other pretty faces to admire—in a strictlyhands-and-hook-off manner—is why.”

15.Whowakes up first?:

Harry.

It’sa natural instinct for him to be up as early as possible, to get inon the spoils before they’re all stolen, get started on thenecessary chores of the day, and get the last of the night’scatches before daybreak drives them down too deep to be caught.

16.Whowants to stay in bed just a little longer?:

Audrey.

Shereally is really, really, really insistent thatshe gets her beauty sleep, the full whatever hours is recommended forher, and so help you if you interrupt that. It’s gotten to thepoint where Harry has an all new set of escape skills specificallyfor freeing himself from Audrey’s “tentacle-like grasp forbedtime snuggles.”

17.Whosays I love you first?:

Harry.It ends badly, as you’ll find out later.

18.Wholeaves little notes in the other’s one lunch? (Bonus: what does itusually say?):

Audrey.

They’refrequently reminders about things he needs to do, has not done thatshe has done for him to take his mind off, or notices that she’sfound out about whatever sweet/terrible/terribly sweet things he’sdone for her, such as casually sabotaged the car of a rival so shecould get to an appointment/event they were both gunning for.

“Captain,I love you, I appreciate the gesture and I am very happy to havegotten the job, but next time, let me compete for it on my ownmerits, okay?”

Onthe reverse side:

“Youcan kiss these hands goodbye for the next sixweeks if you don’t.”

19.Whotells their family/friends about their relationship first?:

Harry.

It’seasy since CJ regularly comes by and bugs him, and there’s noescaping their curiosity until he admits, and when Harriet sneaks herway onto Auradon she follows suit after CJ insists she has to “fishit out of his yellow belly.”

Pleasenote that CJ, Harriet and Harry were were not originally part of theprogram, and all snuck onto Auradon illegally, but you knowBen–”picks up every marooned soul and even the boarding partiesfor his own crew.”

20.Whatdo their family/friends think of their relationship?:

Hook’sunderstanding, but disappointed, as he feels that pining too much fora pretty face will lead to you forgetting the important things inlife, like raiding, looking after your crew and earning theirloyalty, and knowing when it’s time to cut the line and cast yourline again.

Hehonestly can’t really say much given his incredibly violenton-and-off again relationship with the three’s mother, whom heclaims “just keeps swimming back on my hook like a moth to aflame.”

Don’tmention that he has the option of throwing her back into the sea.

CJand Harriet are delighted, because it gives them all manner ofleverage and new forms of insults towards Harry. They really couldn’tcare less about his happiness, and never really move past the siblingrivalry, constant violence, and one-upmanship that dominates theirrelationship.

Auroraand Philip are barely fazed. Mal and Ben have already broken thetaboo of VK/AK relationships on a large scale, and though theyunderstand that the heart wants want it wants, and Philip respectsHarry’s determination and drive to win his lady’s hand like hedid so many years ago, they’re still ultimately conservativeparents, and demand that Harry wear a proper, non-leather coat andpolish his hook to mirror sheen in their home.

KingHubert is much more strict about it, constantly trying to be a“proper role model” for Harry in between haranguing him,terrorizing him, and making threats in case he ever “refuses tofollow through” on any of his “future commitments, written orunwritten” with Audrey, particularly that of getting her pregnantand refusing to marry her, or worse, abandoning her.

“Nogreat-grandchildren of mine will be born bastards, if I can help it!”

Flora,Fauna, and Merryweather constantly fuss over her and worry about hernew relationship, seeing as it’s their job as her fairy godmothers(though in a very mundane sense nowadays). While the former two findno pleasure in it and hope it’s all just a phase for Audrey,Merryweather sincerely wishes she was allowed to magic popcorn out ofnowhere.

“I’mreally starting to get the appeal of ‘Bad Boys’ now!”

21.Whois more likely to start dancing with the other?:

Both.

Harryhas a lot of excess energy and a desire to show off, Audrey lovesbeing at the center of attention, and what better way to do that thanbe the best dancer on the floor?

22.Whocooks more/who is better at cooking?:

Audrey.

Harryis far too used to getting free lunches by stealing them from others,and Auradon provides him plenty of opportunities to feed himselfwithout putting much effort.

23.Whocomes up with cheesy pick up lines?:

Harry.

WhileAudrey is outside of the room, and to someone else: “I think I needto see a doctor. I keep getting these spells where I get all woozy,dizzy, and my thoughts get all jumbled up, like I’m sea sick onlyworse.” Audrey enters, Harry overdramatically puts his hand on hisforehead. “Ah! Here it is again!”

24.Whowhispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear duringinappropriate times?:

Harry.

Theman is shameless, and he doesn’t hesitate to show it.

“Whata lovely dress you’re wearing, your highness; how I’mlooking forward to ripping it open later tonight…~”

25.Whoneeds more assurance?:

Audrey.

ThoughHarry has his own share of insecurities and problems, for Audrey, anyproblem is a problem, while he has a fairly decent set of coping mechanisms. They aren’t HEALTHY, but they work.

26.Whatwould be their theme song?:

“Hurricane”by Panic! At The Disco

Hey!Hey! We are a hurricaneDrop our anchors in a stormHey!They will never be the sameAfire in a flask to keep us warm‘Causethey know, I knowThat they don’t look like meOh, theyknow, I knowThat they don’t sound like me

Thisis not the peaceful, lovey-dovey, sweet and picturesque RomanceAudrey thought she would be having.

Andreally, she finds she’s caring less and less as the days roll by.

27.Whowould sing to their child back to sleep?:

Audrey.

It’sa tradition from her mother, though she laments she hasn’t beenmagically blessed with a fantastic singing voice.

“MyQueen, I could listen to you reading off the lines of a dictionary,and I’d still find myself getting swept away to sleep.”

28.Whatdo they do when they’re away from each other?:

Harrytries not to, and consistently does, get in trouble. He may or maynot be legitimately trying to improve, it’s really unclear, even tohim. That aside, his way of reconnecting with his friends andreminding himself of what kind of person he is is hanging out withthe much more volatile of the VKs like CJ and Zevon, sometimes evenroping Mal and Jay into it for “old time’s sake.”

29.oneheadcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart:

Audrey’sattraction to Harry first begins at his first formal event that Bendidn’t explicitly ban him from, after he and his sisters crashedthe last one by organizing three separate “boarding parties,” ofwhich ended up figuratively and literally crashing into each other todevastating results for everyone in attendance, and a few of thelocations immediately adjacent to the venue.

Surprisinglyenough, Harry and his sisters actually behaved—though somemay attribute that to Ben putting in no uncertain terms that theywould definitely be arrested if they raised hell once more, with avery visible presence of Royal Guards and two escorts per sibling toemphasize that point.

Harrymanaged to put on the more charming side of his scoundrel nature,awakening something in Audrey when she saw a proper silk suittailored to his muscular form with a shirt open to show off hischest, his ability to make smooth and amusing conversation withpeople, and of course, pepper it with some scandalous remarks thatget her more flustered than she really hopes to be.

Harrylikewise admits that, when Audrey is in her element of being “Queenof Everything,” she can be rather damn radiant, attractive, andoutright charming.

Atthe end of the night, when they’re all going their separateways—Audrey takes a motorized carriage, the Hook siblings share theback of a guard van, with the most capable of their escort withthem—Harry shares his newest impulse:

“Ithink I’m going to try and steal a princess’ heart.”

Harriethums. “Care to share her name, so I know which one to set my sightson, little brother?” she asks, CJ listening in intently.

“Audrey,the one who fancies herself a queen before she’s even got hercrown,” Harry replies.

Harrietand CJ’s eyes widen in surprise, before they both shake theirheads. “On second thought, little Hawthorne, you needn’t worryabout me stealing your wench!”

“You’vegot rather bigger problems to worry about than us,” CJ adds,chuckling.

Harryraises his eyebrows. “And what’s got you two backing off likecowards on the plank?”

“I’dask if you were being serious, but then I realized it’s you, so youreally are so stupid as to need it spelled out: Audrey is cursedtreasure, little Hawthorne, glitters and sparkles, but with a costgreater than her worth, however you cut it.”

Harryhuffs. “But there’s always a way to lift a curse…” he smiles“… you just have to know how to.”

CJgiggles. “I call dibs on your stuff when you die to do just that!”

“AndI’m going to be stealing your dibs shortly afterward!” Harrietchirps.

Harryrolls his eyes and ignores them, before he feels a tap on his otherside.

“I’dlisten to your sisters if I were you,” one of the guards says.

“Thanks,”Harry says flatly, before he starts thinking of how exactly he’sgoing to win Audrey over.

Ifhe’d ever listened to his sisters, he’d probably be long dead atthe bottom of the Strait of Ursula or some other terrible fate.

Meanwhile,in the carriage, Audrey and most of the girls are busy chatting awayabout the night’s events.

“… It’ssuch a shame that getting proper clothes and access to personal careproducts have only bloated the Twins’ egos, but I suppose there’sjust no changing that, no matter what you do,” Evie says.

“Noone has genes like Gaston, breeds numbskulls like Gaston, kids thatfail every class like Gaston’s! If you want handsome douchebags ofyour own, look no further than Gaston!” Mal sings, before she andeveryone else laugh.

“Goodthing we’ve got so many guys to pick and choose from, now,” Eviehums, smiling happily. “And speaking of guys, don’t think Ididn’t notice that you’ve got your sights set on Harry, Audrey.”

Audreyblinks, all the mirth draining from her face. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Youwere with him practically all night, getting all witty and flirtywith him,” Mal adds flatly. “Honestly, I was waiting for you tojump in his arms before he sweeps you away for some hot,bodice-ripping fucking.”

Audreystares at them, speechless.

Malreaches forward and puts a hand on Audrey’s knee. “Take it froman ex: the crazy is more often scary than it is fun, and in myopinion, the things he can do with his good hand are not worthit.”

Audreyscoffs and shirks away from her. “Ugh, Mal, thank you for theadvice, but to set the record straight with all of you, I am notinterested in Harry Hook, especially in a romantic sense.”

Everyoneelse, including Jane, just stares at her.

Shecrosses her arms as she sits up, dignified like a queen. “I haveplans for my life, girls—solid, meticulously made plans, years ifnot decades in the making. Sure, there have been aspects of it I’vehad to change or abandon thanks to unexpected circumstances andevents—no offense, Mal–”

“Nonetaken.”

“–ButI can assure you that none of it has ever involved, or will everinvolve dating a Villain Kid, especially someone like Harry Hook,”Audrey finishes, before she spends the rest of the trip in “dignifiedsilence.”

Maland Evie share looks, but decide not to comment on it. They knowbetter now.

Andso begins a weeks long campaign of Harry’s with flirting withAudrey, doing things like giving much more pointed and frequentcompliments to her, popping up out of nowhere with gifts or littlecourtesies and gestures like getting her usual order at a Jolly Juicedone and paid for just as she’s about to order, and of course, justmaking “treasure” eyes at her, and noticeably just on her.

Audreyis initially flattered and thankful for them, but as Harry’sefforts only strengthen than wane when he doesn’t get bored andmove on to someone else like she thought he would, she finds herselfthinking more and more of Harry, and especially when those thoughtsstart to stray to things she definitely shouldn’t be thinkingabout–

(“Iwonder if he’s ever used that hook of his to please a girl? Whatwould that even be like? What would it feel like if he did it onme…?”

–Shestarts to get panicky, jumpy, and outright ignoring Harry as her LifePlans begin to crumble right before her very eyes yet again.

Notone to be discouraged, Harry doesn’t really mind the fact thatshe’s politely (then not so politely) sending signals and wordsthat say she’d like him to stop, and considers her reactions to bea great sign that what he’s doing is working. Even herealizes that you can “only wrangle with a fish so long, until youpull it out of the water, or you go flying overboard,” so decidesto move in for the kill.

Soit is that one sunny Saturday afternoon, Harry invites Audrey to oneof the more isolated gardens in Auradon Prep, the one with thefountain that always looks on the verge of being overtaken by vinesand plants for how little attention the groundskeepers pay to it. Totheir mutual surprise, she agrees to go.

Audrey,out of sheer force of habit, dolls herself up for the occasion, usingone of her better (not best) dresses, spending only one and a halfhours on her make-up and hair this time. Harry does the same, fixinghis normally unruly hair, wearing one of the whole coats that Ben hadgiven him to look less “Villainous,” and even going through thetrouble of polishing his hook to a mirror sheen.

He’scalm as can be, Audrey is nervous as all hell, every single secondgrowing antsier and anstier on the inside like a spring slowly beingcoiled, the tension growing tighter as she notices that Harry’sgood hand is reaching inside his coat. Still, a princess keeps herpromises unless she has damn good reason not to, and unfortunately,she can’t find anything with Harry that isn’t too biased orprejudiced towards him.

Shesteps as close as she can get to Harry, about an arm and a quarter’slength. “Well…” she says as she tries not to clutch fistfuls ofher skirt (she’ll wrinkle the fabric), “I’m here! What it isyou wanted to say to me…?”

Fwoosh.

Withsleight of hand and dramatic flair he usually reserves for hisswords, Harry reveals a bouquet of silky, fragile, andbeautiful flowers that Audrey loves so much. He thrusts them out toher, bows like a proper gentleman except with a hook to his chest,and says:

“Audreyof Auroria, I’m really quite sure I’m in love with you, and wouldbe quite happy and honoured if you’ll give me more of your time totake you out on a date.”

Andjust like that, the tension finally gets too much, the spring breaksand releases all that energy, and out of impulse, the unease, and thefear that had been building up in her, Audrey automatically does thefirst thing that comes to mind.

Smack.

Theair is suddenly filled with flower petals as Harry finds himselfstaring off to the side without quite remembering wanting to move hishead in that direction. He turns back to Audrey, finds her in abizarre mix of angry fuming and ugly crying, and himself confused andhurting worse than two good gut punches from the Gaston Twins.

Blinking,and still struggling to figure out what the hell just happened, Harryasks, “W… was that a ‘No’…?”

Audreyhad a whole speech lined up, about how she didn’t want his love,how a relationship with them couldn’t work, about how she hadsuspicions that maybe this whole thing was just a sick game to Harry,after having heard about Harriet and CJ doing much the same thing toother girls…

… Butas she looks at the look of heartbreak and hurt on his face, shefinds herself at a loss for words, as the reality that he reallymight have not been joking hits.

Likethe damaged and ripped petals slowly falling to the floor andfloating on the water of the fountain, Audrey’s life plans shatterright before her eyes once again, and she does the one thing sheknows how to do, when life goes wrong, and you just don’t know whatto do:

Runand find someone who can make it all better.

Andas Harry stands there, holding the broken remains of the bouquet,watching her run and feeling that sick gut feeling grow worse andworse, he starts to realize that maybe he should have listened to hissisters, if only for just this one time.

30.oneheadcanon about this OTP that mends it:

Thenext day, Sunday morning.

Thenewfangled dishwasher hums in the kitchen, this year’s model wedgedin with wooden and stone counters decades older than it. A robotvacuum diligently patrols the stone floors in search of excess dustand debris to suck up, occasionally sparking and glowing when it runsinto Fairy Dust. With Flora and Fauna out shopping at a farmer’smarket or foraging (they don’t really trust the quality nor theprices you can get with modern grocers), Merryweather and Audrey arethe only ones in the cottage.

Merryweatherpours Audrey a cup of tea, brewed to perfection with the use ofscience, complex algorithms, and a fancy microchip that reduced allof her work to putting in water, a can of specially packed tealeaves, and pushing a button.

It’snever really quite good like the tea the Three Good Faeries couldmagic up for themselves back then—they should know, they’reimmortal faeries with infallible memories—but it comforts Audreyall the same, and that’s all that really matters at the moment.

“Moretea, dear?” she asks as she puts a hand on the pot—an antique,unlike most of the modern appliances that now fill the woodencottage.

Audreysighs. “No thank you, Auntie Merryweather,” she says as shepushes her cup away—the one with the cracked and glued back-handle,just a little bit off from perfect.

“Feelingbetter now?”

Audreyshrugs. “Kind of. Sort of.” She pauses. “Not really…”

“Wantto talk about it, dear?” Merryweather asks, reaching forward andputting a hand over Audrey’s. “Problems are sort of likeballoons—the more air you let out of them, the smaller they get.”

“Trustme, I would if I even knew what kind of problem it is, AuntieMerryweather,” Audrey replies.

Merryweathersmiles warmly. “Is it about a boy, Audrey? One with a swagger, ahook in his hand, and a penchant for trouble? It’s all the rage onyour school’s Storybook page for gossip, you know.”-

Audreyscowls. “It’s not about Harry!” Another pause. “Or at least,I think it’s not about him.” Yet another pause. “Is it abouthim…?”

Merryweatherpulls her hand back and places them on the table. “Well, why don’tyou tell me more about it, Audrey, and we’ll figure it outtogether? I’ve got a feeling most of those kids talking about itaren’t giving me the whole story.”

“Theynever do…” Audrey says, before she goes on to tell her the wholestory—sans a few details like what exactly she had been thinkingabout whenever Harry is involved, because she certainly doesn’tneed to know that!

“Ijust don’t get it,” Audrey says as she’s finally winding down.“He’s not the first boy I’ve ever rejected, it’s not even oneof the bad ones let alone the worst, and there wasn’t anyone aroundto talk about it as it went down or even put it up on YouTube.”

Shelooks back into her cup, now cold. “… So why do I feel so bad…?”

“Perhapsit’s because you didn’t really want to reject him in the firstplace?” Merryweather offers.

Audreygroans. “I’ve thought of that, but it can’t be it!”

“Andwhy’s that?”

“Because,marrying a VK, and getting used to bailing him out of jail, orgetting a lot of visits from the Royal Guard isn’t part of my LifePlan!” Audrey cries, throwing her hands up in exasparation.

“Isthis the same Life Plan you made when you were five?”

“Yes,”Audrey says, lowering her hands.

“Andyou’re still planning to follow it ALL to the letter…?”

“Well,no!” Audrey says. “I now know it’s not ecologically beneficial,economically wise, or socially acceptable to have a private zoo at mycastle filled with all the rare and exotic animals I love… theydeserve to run around, free, in the wild, where they belong.”

Merryweathernods. “So if you changed such a big part of your Life Plan, why notthis, too…?”

Audreylooks like she’s got a response all ready to fire, but instead, shefinds herself looking at Merryweather, her lips open but no wordscoming out, hesitation and embarrassment slowly replacing herconfident and fiery look.

“Audrey,I’ll be honest with you: I really don’t think you should try arelationship with this ‘Hawthorne Hook.’ He’s a VK, and asidefrom the fact that trouble and crime is literally all he’s everknown all his life, and he doesn’t seem to be intending to changeany time soon, I doubt he is, will be able to be, or ever be the kindof man you need in your life…”

Audreycloses her mouth and nods solemnly.

“… However,I also understand that you’re a teenager with a heart that’sstill a little too big for your head, these are very differenttimes we’re living in, and I’ve been wrong about these VKsbefore, there’s a good chance I’ll be wrong about them again.”

“Butwhat if everything goes wrong, and everything collapses like it didwith Ben…?” Audrey asks, tearing up again.

Merryweathersteps out of her seat, walks over, and pulls out a hanky. “Then youremind yourself you’re young, you’ve got time, and if you couldbounce back from Ben, you can bounce back from Harry,” she says asshe gently wipes Audrey’s eyes.

Audreysniffs. “Thank you, Auntie Merryweather… do you have any adviceabout how I can plan for the fallout, in case it doesn’t work out?”she asks, knocking on the wooden table.

Merryweathershrugs. “Harry’s a wildcard much like Beast, Audrey: the bestthing you really can do is to expect anything to come from them, andjust deal with them as they go. Did I ever tell you about what I andyour other Aunts intended to do after the Great Uniting, when theborders were finally cooling and stably fused together?”

“No,you didn’t. Why didn’t you?”

“Becauseit’s a really depressing story, is what,” Merryweather said. “Weoriginally intended to apply and consult for all the new magicalschools that were planning to go up, to teach the new generation ofFae children and all these people just learning about magic and thegift that was inside them.

“ThenBeast came along and instituted the Ban, and suddenly all ourplanning and hard work was for nothing.”

Faunaand Flora arrive just after that. Conversation stops, except forquestions about how to preserve and store a particular herb or plant,how to log Fauna’s purchases into their digital management system,and complaints about how much easier all of this could be if therewere just allowed to use magic, even if it is easier now that theyhave all this modern technology.

Floraand Fauna offer to help Audrey with her problem, but she excusesherself, saying Merryweather has helped enough, and it’s gettingrather late. They’re a little concerned, but Audrey reassures them,and is off, back in a private car back to Auradon City.

Midwaythrough the ride, when she’s traveling through forest roads andmassive agricultural fields being tended to largely by machines, shepulls out her phone, and starts drafting a message…

Backin Auradon City at around the same time, Harry is in one of theforgotten turrets of Auradon Prep, slumped against one side of awindow where the light doesn’t hit, a stolen six pack of beerbeside him, his hook being used to pop the tops off.

Hedoesn’t look up when he hears the familiar two-step sound of abooted foot and a mechanical leg climbing in through the window,glares at Harriet as she snatches a bottle right from his hands justas he’s about to drink it.

“Allbroken up because of a wench, are we, little Hawthorne?” Harrietasks, grinning as she takes a swig. Her smile disappears as she putsthe beer down, examines the label. “Ugh, couldn’t even bebothered to steal the GOOD brands, could you?”

“Fuckoff, Harriet,” Harry slurs. “And gimme back m’ beer.”

“No,”Harriet snaps, glaring at him, before she sighs. “You know,Hawthorne, I love seeing you fucked over and broken up, butthis is just sad—especially because I wasn’t the one that fuckedyou over and broke you.

“Throwthis wench back into the sea, Harry, and go hook yourself someonenew—Wickedness knows you’re spoiled for choice for spoiled royalbrats…” she says as she steals the rest of his six pack, climbsback out the window with it.

Harryfinds he doesn’t even have the drive to swipe at her, try to hookher prosthetic leg at its one weak hinge. He sighs as he slumpsagainst the wall again, resigning himself for a sorta buzzed,not-nearly-drunk-enough time floating about in his sorrows…

… Upuntil his phone rings.

He’ssurprised for two reasons: one, he still has it after Harriet’svisit, and two, it’s Audrey calling. He debates letting it ring,and ring until she gives up, or answers it, before Harriet’s advicerings in his mind, and he presses the green phone symbol.

Hewould never have gotten anywhere if he followed his sisters’advice, after all.

“Hello,Harry?” Audrey asks. “I didn’t catch you at a bad time, did I?”

“Notunless you count me being buzzed as bad, no,” Harry slurs.

There’sa noticeable pause in Audrey’s reply. Harry imagines her recoilingin disgust, hesitating and debating talking with him further. “…I want to apologize for what I did. Slapping you, and running awaylike that. Is there any place where we can meet up?”

Harrythinks it over for a few seconds. “Give me a moment,” he says,forcing himself up, leaning on the side, with his hook on the windowframe to keep from falling right out of it. He squints against theafternoon light, put’s his good hand over his eyes and scans thehorizon.

Hefeels a moment of regret and annoyance that he can’t hook Fate.

“How’sa’bout the same fountain as yesterday? It’s close, and I don’twant to drag me arse that far from here…”

“… Yousure about that?”

“Look,yer highness, you want to apologize in person or not? Because rightnow, I’m just drunk enough to listen to you and agree to this, andnot tell you to fuck off, or just hung up on you outright when yecalled.”

“… Okay,the fountain it is. What time’s good for you?”

“Six—I’llprobably be sober enough then,” he says, before he hangs up.

Audreylooks at her phone, not knowing whether to be annoyed or grateful,before she sighs, and starts rehearsing in her head.

SixPM. The sun’s already set, and darkness is creeping over AuradonPrep, only barely staved off by the dim, “atmospheric” lamps thatthese gardens use.

Audreyarrives, still wearing one of her simple “traveling” dresses andsensible shoes, the skirt and the sides of it still stained with mudand grass from the walk to the Three Good Faeries’ cottage. Shestops feeling self-conscious as she notices Harry slumped over thefountain, his hands on the edge and pushing him up.

He’sback to wearing his usual coat and outfit, except several of thebuttons are in the wrong hole, his hair is a wild mess again, and hemore so, he’s dripping wet.

“DidI catch you at a bad time…?” Audrey asks hesitantly.

“Wasn’tas sober as I thought I would be,” Harry replied, “tried dunkingmy head in the water. Didn’t work nearly as well as I thought itwould.” He grunts as he pushes himself up, spins to Audrey andholds his arms out to Audrey, then stumbles and nearly twists hisankle.

Audreyinstinctively catches him, but he’s heavy and she’s no weightlifter, so they both start falling until Harry catches on thefountain, rips a plant growing off the side from the statue and easesthem both on the edge, now sitting side by side.

“Thanks…”Audrey mutters, reflexively checking her dress for any stains orparticularly bad mussing up.

“Sowhat is it you wanted to tell me?” Harry said. “Aside fromapologizing to my face, because you Auradonians seem to like doingthings the hard way.”

Audreysits up, looks Harry in his red and mildly disdainful eyes, and findsher big speech fleeing her mind like rats on a sinking ship. Shehesitates for a moment, trying to think of a brand new ship, beforeshe just decides to grab a bucket and start bailing water right byher knees.

“Again,I’m sorry for slapping you and running away like that… you’rethe first VK that’s ever tried to flirt with me, and I didn’tknow how to handle that.”

“Yaseemed pretty damn sure when you hit me—haven’t ever felt a slaplike that where the one who gave it didn’t give it their all.”

Audreywinces. “Let me rephrase that: I didn’t know how to handle itproperly. And now, well, I’ve got some time to think it over, I’verealized some new things, and, well…” she trails off.

Harryraises an eyebrow. “’Well…’ what?”

Audreysucks in a breath, and says, “Well, I want to see if maybe we couldhappen!”

Harryblinks. “What.”

Audreysighs and looks away. “You can say ‘No,’ you know…”

Harrycoaxes Audrey back to look at him with his good hand. “Yourhighness—Audrey, are you seriously saying that after this wholemess which YOU caused, you’re the one asking ME if I want to tryand see if I can be your lover?”

“… Yes,yes I am…”

“Fuckin’hell, everyone was right: you really ARE a CrazyBitch!”  

Audreyrecoils, simultaneously offended and hurt.

Harrysighs as he runs his hand through his hair. “… And I suppose I’man even crazier bastard for saying yeah, yeah I want to tryand see if this’ll work out, too.”

Audreyblinks. “Are you… are you kidding me right now? Seriously asking,here, to clarify!”

Harrylets out a harsh laugh. “Princess, I’m a pirate: ‘healthy,loving, mature’ relationships isn’t my thing.”

Audreyfalls silent, and all is quiet for the burbling of the fountain.

“So…”Harry starts.

“So…”Audrey continues.

“Iguess this mean’s we’re a ‘Thing,’ for the time beinganyway?”

“… Yeah,I… I guess it is…”

“So,does this mean I can get an apology kiss on the cheek? You can’tlift for shit, but you sure can slap a man, I’ll tell you thatmuch.”

Audreyhesitates for a moment, before she does.

It’ssuch a minor gesture, and Harry’s skin isn’t exactly in the bestcondition after all he’s been through on the Isle and dunking it infountain water whose filters haven’t been changed in a while, butthey both can’t deny they felt a spark in that moment…

… Thestart of something bigger.