#my only relationship was very situational and would’ve never happened if he didn’t do everything tbh

[033h]

I’ve always felt like my relationship with romantic love was so different from everyone else’s, in some ways I feel the same as when I was a teenager because it’s never felt like it could be fully real to me. I genuinely believe I have qualities of a loveable person but that I will never find someone compatible with me, like all the minimum conditions will never be met. And honestly the barrier of anxiety has always been higher than the reward of going on apps and dates after a month or so.

When I was in my one and only relationship years ago I really hoarded and treasured every little moment and nice thing because I thought I would never experience it again (and so far I’ve been right). Even though I don’t even miss that person and it was short, I’m happy that I treasured that little opportunity to experience what I feel like will never be real for the adult me. I want that kind of love but I never expect it to become real for me specifically.

[krashlite]

Anyways my hot take abt the cheater’s arc is that all four of them were in the wrong but it was mostly Grian’s fault things went so horrendously since man was the reason why the actual Cheating part of the cheater’s arc happened (characters, obviously)

But yeah here’s how they were all wrong yes

Grian was being incredibly controlling because he didn’t trust Scar to keep them safe. Man was scared of his own damn shadow for a lot of this, but his way of ensuring his own safety was basically to tell Scar to stand in one place and not move. He pretty much disregarded the fact that Scar is a grown man capable of making his own decisions And capable of keeping himself, and the both of them, alive. The fact that they were last on green doesn’t reassure him, only confirms that he is in the right for being so controlling. He thinks his behavior kept them alive. He only loosens up once they hit their red life since at that point danger is assumed. Grian DOES NOT learn to respect Scar here, just puts his paranoia on hold for another day. His conclusion is that he was right and Scar was unreasonable

Scar was pushing back against said control since he knew it was unfounded. Again, he’s a grown man capable of making his own decisions. He has a tendency to mock people to show when they’re being ridiculous, something he does here through being purposefully careless. It’s both to point out how ridiculous Grian’s being and a way to punish him for being so obsessive. Instead of having the intended effect, Scar just pushes Grian further away. He later winds up just following everything Grian says, which doesn’t address the root of the problem here. Except he has no way of knowing what’s wrong because Grian doesn’t tell him. From his perspective, the only thing that got Grian back at his side was murder- since the only times they actually stood on equal footing was when there was a plan for a kill or when that plan went well. Scar’s conclusion here isn’t that he was unsafe, but that he was boring. So it reaffirms that he’s in the right and Grian was being unreasonable

BigB is not and never was the mistress in this situation. Had Grian never approached him, he would’ve never left Ren. He was using his Secret Soulmate as an escape from normal relationship problems he was too scared to address. BigB mainly felt overlooked because he has a quieter personality than Ren, meaning Ren wound up making most decisions for the two of them. BigB did a lot to mirror Ren and to be Ren’s other half, but didn’t give himself space to be his own person in the relationship. This is something that’s brought up in couple’s counseling and something they at least started to address before dying. BigB never intended to hurt either of them, since he did love and value both Ren and Grian- something that’s affirmed by how he talks to them after dying. BigB and Ren talk about how they stayed together until the end and B takes the time to forgive Grian for murdering both him and his soulmate

Ren was doing his best to keep Box afloat but failed to meet BigB’s needs. Since B wouldn’t communicate what was wrong, Ren kept trying to course correct in ways that inadvertently made the situation worse. Ren’s instinct is to be protective- to find an enemy to defend against. That enemy was first Pearl and then Clockduo when Bdubs inadvertently got BigB killed. He also reacted to news of B cheating by distancing himself from BigB. Which, reasonable!! Ren wasn’t obligated to save them if B was the one who left. However, this action only pushed BigB away since Ren was so quick to assume they were over. Ren has a habit of isolating himself when something’s wrong, assuming the worst of a situation when things can be fixed. It worked out between him and BigB in the end but goddamn was that rough

Anyways the four of them are very!! Very messy, I love them dearly

[some-of-us-watch-the-sunset-too]

hii I don’t know if I’m supposed to give ya a prompt like said. But I’ve been feeling angstyyyy sooo if you can no bother my love, could ya do : all of the outsider boys reacting to you (s/o) death?

A/N: Hi anon! the post for the prompts thing is here but i’m taking requests too so dw! I’m feelin the angst rn so this was perfectly timed!

The boys if their S/O d!ed

———————————————————

⚠️ TW for death, implied suicidal thoughts ⚠️

Darry

He would go on living for the most part, not because he doesn’t care about the fact that you’re gone, but he just can’t afford to shut down. if he does, he risks losing Soda and Pony too.

He’d bring flowers to your grave once a week, on Wednesdays (don’t ask why i just decided this). Your favourite flowers. When the first bunch he put down dies, he gets someone he knows, (maybe Ponyboy, i feel like he’d dig arts and crafts) to either press the flowers or dry them so he always has them, even if they bring back painful memories.

To add to the whole getting flowers thing, he’d always take one out of each bunch, just like he did before your death to make sure that he replaces them as soon as they wilt.

He most likely got the call about your passing and had to tell the guys. He tried to stay calm while telling them but he broke down before he could finish.

Ponyboy

This hurts just to think about! He, unlike Darry would shut down completely. He’d be failing class, wouldn’t get out of bed and would hardly eat. If we count it as after Johnny and Dally die, that would be 3 people he cared about that died (other than his parents)

If you two watched the sunset together often i feel like he’d never watch it again. it would be too painful for him.

Whenever he gets into an argument with Darry he runs out of the house and straight to your grave. He’d sit there and vent to you and eventually fall asleep there. the guys probably put a bench by your grave so he’d sleep there.

I think that after he was functional again, he’d get very cold and bitter, kinda like Dally. He’d get into fights all the time and would start acting out. He just doesn’t know how to cope with you gone..

Sodapop

Sodapop would go to your grave everyday after work and just talk to you about his day. he would fill you in on everything going on with the guys, any rumbles or fights with socs, stuff like that.

I honestly think that if Soda was serious about your relationship he would have given you a promise ring. I think that even after you were gone he would keep wearing it and maybe even put yours on a chain and wear that under his t-shirt, right next to his heart.

If it was a violent death? He would completely stop fighting, he would only see it as a constant reminder of what happened to you, he would realise that it really didn’t do any good.

He wouldn’t fully shut down but i think he would stop hanging out with the guys so much and would get very quiet. He wouldn’t be his laughing, wild self anymore. He knows that isn’t what you would’ve wanted but how could he keep on joking when you were gone? how could he ignore it?

Dally

Dally would go on hating and fighting more than he ever did. The world took so much from him and now it took you too? Why should he care about anyone or anything if you weren’t there anymore.

He’d spend a lot of time at your grave. No talking, he’d just sit there and smoke a cigarette. Sometimes he’d silently cry, but he hates crying out in the open.

Dally would blame himself. It doesn’t matter how you passed away, he would look at every detail of the days leading up to your death and see if there was any moment where he could’ve done something to stop it. if it was a violent death, could he have stopped you from getting into that situation in the first place? if it was an accident, could he have stopped it from happening, could he have made it so that it was him instead?

Steve

Steve would be kind of like Dally. He’d hate and fight more than ever. How could the world be so cruel that he’d take you from him?

I feel like it could be his first proper experience with loss, which is different to the others that i’ve written about so far. He really wouldn’t know how to cope. he’d try to go on living, then he would shut down for a while, then he would probably just have to get out of town for a while.

I honestly think he’d do something drastic. Rob a gas station or snap and start a fight with his dad or something. He would get very reckless too. where he would be careful when competing in drag races, now he would speed up if anything.

He is so afraid of forgetting your face. He keeps a picture of you in his jacket pocket to make sure he doesn’t forget but he realises he’s starting to forget the smaller things like how you’d make this particular face when you’re being sarcastic, and how your face would light up when someone mentioned your favourite things.

Two-Bit

Two would start drinking even more, you were lucky to see him sober. He’d stop hanging out with the guys.

He would be angry for a while. Angry that you left him here alone. Of course he knows deep down that it’s not your fault but he can’t help it. Two probably went to your grave one day, drunker than ever. He started giving out that you left him and ended up throwing his bottle of beer at your headstone. That snapped him out of it. He picked everything up and cleaned the headstone best he could.

After the angry phase is gone he would start to write you letters filling you in on everything. He couldn’t bring himself to go to your gave so he just pretended you had moved far away. He puts them in a big box under his bed. He considered burning them, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it

He sometimes forgets you’re not there though. Say if he’s doing something he might yell “Y/N could you pass me the ___” then remember you’re not there and just sits down and cries, even a few years after.

Johnny

Johnny really can’t deal with it. With his parents being so bad and you being his main support, he couldn’t take it anymore.

I honestly think that he would run away, let everyone forget him. Sometimes he would consider the ways to see you again, but luckily someone always snaps him out of it.

He hangs out with the guys more than ever, it keeps him from shutting down completely. they become his main support, but he’s even more quiet, he sits a little outside of the group when in the curtis’ house.

After a few months of grieving he remembers a list you guys wrote about all your hopes and dreams. So he decides that he’s going to complete everything on it. He lives for the two of you.

[bigtreefest]

Chapter 1: Breakin’ Up With a Broken Heart

From: Bigger Houses Series

Pairing: (Future) Mountain Ranger! Ari Levinson x Reader, mentions of past ex x reader

Summary: A year after a breakup that left you shattered, you’re ready to start life anew in your secluded Colorado mountain cabin. Just when you swear off love is when a new beast crosses your path.

Word Count: 1,896

Content/Warnings: Mentions of heartbreak, in-depth description of a breakup and feelings regarding that, safe driving in juxtaposition to a reckless person, deep introspection, enjoyment of mountain cabin vibes, lmk if I missed any

Author’s Note: This serves as a lot of exposition for what I hope will be a very lovey story; everyone knows you’ll probably face some heartbreak first. Also, yes, this is heavily based on my first heartbreak. What about it? Anyway, please enjoy the start of this long-anticipated fic. Likes, comments, reblogs, and asks are appreciated more than you know. And in case you didn’t hear it yet today, I love you.

Dividers by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more

I STRONGLY suggest listening to this song, not just because it’ll help get across the vibes I’d like, but also because it’s a really good song.

Main Masterlist | Series Masterlist | Next >

Your break-up

It’s been months since you walked out on him and left town in a cloud of dust. It didn’t end well, but you’d be lying if you said you thought he was right for you.

One year ago

It ended in a text. Nine months gone in a text.

I’m done.

To which you responded: You mean our relationship? Ok.

It was honestly a relief. You had been looking for a way out, but couldn’t bring yourself to do it. Maybe a part of you wondered if someone would ever want you that much again, even though he only ever showed it in words and not action. Your head was okay with the situation, but it seemed your heart didn’t get the memo. Even though it ended by what you considered a mutual agreement (if that’s what you call him dumping you over you not visiting on a weekend you were spending with your family since he didn’t prioritize anyone’s time but his own), it still hurt. Three days later, he posted a pic with a new girl and a new car the same price as the ring you two had looked at.

He was a textbook narcissist with mommy issues, how’d they always find you? It was the kind of relationship where three months in, you should’ve ended it, but stuck around for another six. It was full of late-night calls, but not even the good ones. These were the ones that happened because he never seemed to have time for you during the day. The attention seemed good at first, but the calls would leave you tired the next morning, unable to get up as early as you wanted to so you could be productive. And you couldn’t talk to your mom and sister about it. They hated him. They saw through his selfish behavior before you and you wish you would’ve listened before giving him everything you could, which still wasn’t enough.

He said he wanted to get married hardly a month in because he loved everything about you. At first, you thought it was a joke, but the more he said it, the more you somehow convinced yourself that was what you wanted, too, but it could not have been more far from the truth. You wanted a happy life with a partner, but not like that and not that fast. Well, was it too fast? Or did it just feel that way because it was with the wrong person? Plus, it was less of a partnership, and more of a continuous compromise put on your part. Either way, as time went on, you realized that every small conversation was leading to a fight and your work and other relationships were suffering from the time he expected of you, but never returned. All he did was expect you to give, not holding himself to that same standard, but for some reason, you kept holding on. You had even looked at rings, not committing, though, because he knew you’d want him to speak to your mother first and she would never go for it. So, the relationship continued to drag on until he got upset since you said no to him one too many times.

But that was so long ago now. You did your time crying, listening to all the sad songs, wondering where you could have possibly gone wrong until you had enough. The only thing you really did wrong was not trust your instincts. You went too far following his heart and not far enough with your own mind. Love can be cerebral, right? It should be. There was no reason to feel sorry for yourself, you were better off and doing all the things you wanted that he’d held you back from before. He had very evidently moved on, and so could you. Sick of feeling down in a town that only reminded you of heartbreak, you found what you needed right now: a new job and an open Zillow posting you’d been watching for forever: your ticket out.

You were taking a vacation to your brand new start, tears long gone and dried with the wind that blew through your hair as you drove through the wooded mountainside. The sun was warm on your face, all loneliness was left in the darkness you left behind. Boxes and bags graciously organized by your mom filled the back of your SUV, and her’s sat just as full, driving behind you up the mountain passes. Before you’d gotten up here, the two of you had stopped at the last gas station, filling up your cars, getting a couple snacks, and stretching your legs before the final couple miles upward. Standing outside your cars gassing up, she looked over to you.

“Hey, just a reminder to be careful in the mountains. You don’t know what’s up there. Mountain lions, bears, snakes.”

“Oh my” you said giggling at your own Wizard of Oz reference.

She smiled and rolled her eyes at you “haha, very funny, but I’m serious. Not just about living there, but driving, too. You never know when a deer could jump out.”

You’d heard this a thousand times, being from wooded, albeit less dense, areas before. Plus, your mom was always concerned about you. Perks of growing up with a dad who was never really present. All of her focus could go to you. Never seeing a proper model relationship was probably half of the reason you had gotten into this mess, too, but you’d never blame that. She’d given you all she could and done a darn good job raising a driven, successful daughter (in every aspect except romance). You were eternally grateful for her support of moving where you had always wanted. It was honestly the perfect opportunity. Once the pumps clicked and the gas was finished, you both prepared to hop back into your cars.

“And remember, don’t talk to strangers.”

“Mom, we’re driving. I doubt we’ll run into anyone else up there.”

She shrugged and you responded with a small smirk, shaking your head as you put the keys in the ignition.

Back to driving higher and higher in elevation, you were drumming your fingers on the dashboard to the songs on the radio that you had blasting. Benefit of driving alone: no interrupted music. As you kept going, the road was becoming narrower and windier, pairing with the dimming afternoon sun. As you were rounding a big bend, you saw something step out into the road and you immediately swerved around it to avoid crashing, pulling over onto the side right after. What was that? A bear? A deer? No, not a deer, too tall. Your mom pulled over right behind you and rolled down her window as you got out of the car and walked back to hers to fill her in.

“What happened?”

“Something stepped out into the road. I’m not sure what it was.” A tall man with cascading brown hair and a full, fitting beard stepped into your vision through your mom’s passenger window. “Or should I say someone. I’m gonna go talk to him, make sure he’s okay.”

“Alright, kiddo. Be careful, though. I’ll be right here.”

You stood up from leaning against your mom’s driver side door and made your way around the front of the car, your eyes drifting upwards from the ground to a narrow waist and broad shoulders, chest rising and falling with deep breaths, eventually meeting with the most gorgeous pair of ocean blues. All these features belonged to the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen, but that didn’t excuse the fact that he ran out into the middle of the road and could’ve killed either of you.

Caught off guard by the whole situation, your brain defaulted to panic and defensive mode.

“Oh my gosh! I thought you were a bear! I almost hit you!”

The man looked at you with wide eyes and simply blinked, unable to form a response until he stuttered out

“I-it’s really my fault. I’m not sure what I was thinking.”

Even when evidently distracted and out of it, he was still insanely attractive, making you grow more anxious by the second under his intense stare and scrutinization as he continued to stand there, taking you in and then catching himself and looking anywhere else. You were self-conscious of your hair that was tucked under a beanie to combat the cold mountain air and likely disheveled from your long day. He was obviously in a state where arguing wouldn’t benefit either of you, and honestly, you were in the same boat, ready to get to your new home and start unpacking. The sun was starting to set already and you definitely didn’t want to be out after dark, plus you knew the exhaustion from the drive would be catching up soon.

“Um, it’s ok, I just think you need to be more careful next time. Listen, I don’t wanna be pulled over on this stretch of road for too long, God forbid a real bear, or someone without good reflexes comes around, but, I’m glad you’re not hurt. Take care.”

Wanting to avoid any more awkward interactions and the opportunity of embarrassing yourself in front of an adonis, you rushed back to your car and started back up the mountain. You could see the image of the man in your side mirror getting smaller, his gaze still fixed on your car, until you turned and lost sight of him.

Once you pulled into your new home, your mom met you with a suitcase, ready to take the stairs to the entrance.

“Well he was cute, albeit a little reckless. Wonder what was going on”

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ll ever see him again, though. Maybe that’s for the best. I don’t need to make a habit of almost hitting things when driving around up here.”

You unlocked the door and held it open for your mom as she walked in and turned back to look at you. “Well, by the looks of how small this town is, you might. And once you figure out whatever’s going on in his head, maybe he’ll be a nice new friend to have up here.”

“Um, yeah, I guess. Maybe. After all this time, I think I’ll need a friend. Someone to restore my hope for humanity.”

You tried to lighten the mood regarding your distaste for others that had grown from feeling so deeply betrayed and your mom gave a knowing glance in response. But it seemed there was something more to it. It was knowing in more ways than one, hardly noticeable, as you turned to go get another load to bring in from the trunk.

Your mind raced with thoughts of having to get all of this junk into the house. You stepped out into the crisp mountain air, admiring the deepening blue sky and unobstructed stars, the darkness in contrast to the way your mood had brightened slowly from something similarly dark over the past year, becoming more like the stars that glowed in the beautiful night ski. As you trotted down the stairs, your tried to convince yourself that being here was going to be everything you hoped for yourself and your future ticket to happiness. That the last thing on your mind was love.

Next >

[tobbesdiscordkitten]

if axl really loved erin why did he cheat on her? why did he beat her and abuse her? i know that she wasn’t a saint either but why did he pretend to love her and write songs about her when he clearly didn’t care

To answer your first question, I explained in-depth what kind of lifestyle rockstars lead => here.

As for the second question, there seems to be a misconception about their relationship. Axl loved Erin very much. Believe it or not, he had a heart of gold for her. Axl said he “suffered greatly” for loving Erin. I know he was physically and emotionally abusive towards her, but we have to remember that Axl’s upbringing was dysfunctional.

I’m not excusing his actions, nor am I justifying what he did to her, I’m only explaining why he was prone to being abusive. There’s a reason for everything and I try to find the why whenever I’m doing researching and analyzing these topics. It’s the inner historian in me lol.

Axl suffered through childhood abuse by both his fathers which had a detrimental effect on his mental health that only seemed to worsen as he got older. This is part of the reason why GNR fell apart in the ‘90s. Axl didn’t have a healthy outlet to cope or handle his emotions. Instead, he took it out on objects and people, such as Erin. Because of his upbringing, Axl also developed a certain point of view on how sex leaves people powerless.

If Axl didn’t care and only pretended to love Erin, like how you claim, then the songs Sweet Child O’ Mine, November Rain, and Estranged wouldn’t exist. But these songs do exist because Axl did care about Erin. The hardships in their relationship had a huge impact on him.

If you read the lyrics to the songs, you’ll know. It tore him apart, and after Erin left him, he was a wreck. He tried winning her back for a full year by writing her letters, sending her flowers, and caged birds. He wanted to make the relationship work, he didn’t want it to die. But it eventually did.

It didn’t help Erin provoked him during heated exchanges, some close spectators would argue she liked pushing his buttons, ultimately making the situation worse between them. Abuse is never the answer, and never should be the answer, regardless of any situation, but Axl was defending himself since it was the only way he knew how. Had he not grown up in an abusive household, he would’ve known better because it wouldn’t have been seen as “normal.”

I’ve made other elaborate posts about Axl and Erin’s relationship if you want to scroll through my blog and check them out.

Hopefully this made things more clear about their relationship. We weren’t flies on the wall to see how their relationship unfolded, and we won’t know certain things that happened behind closed doors, but we should keep an open mind and not put the blame on one individual. They both made mistakes and they’ve acknowledged how they should’ve treated each other better. Maybe next time they could get it right?

[eloeloanna]

Elton's pov

So, Elton won in the poll and this is the reading! I hope you enjoy it ❤️

This is for entertainment purposes only.

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Check my readings! part 1 here | part 2 here

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What did Elton think of John?

I think Elton felt a lot of empathy for John. It was like he thought that John wasn’t able to be himself - never could be himself, because of his fame and wealth. So he really tried to be very protective of him, and tried to do certain things for him as long as the time and relationship allowed. It was like…he could’ve done “more” (I really can’t think of what), but that thing took a lot of time to be decided, and it was like this “lateness” provoked that John “left” him. What Elton didn’t understand in the moment of his indecisiveness, was that John actually trusted in him.

So when John left was very heartbreaking for Elton. It was also like he couldn’t believe it. In that moment he also wondered what was the relationship that he had with John. It was like “did I do all of this because I loved him?“ and then it was like “oh, no. I just wanted to fuck him” 😭. So that calmed him down, and that helped him realise that however suddenly everything happened, it was what it was. John returned to this person and he had to be happy for him, I think Elton would’ve liked to talk more openly and honest about the situation, but he also knew that it would be difficult for that to happen. I think he tried to go on with his life, but time to time he would think about this.

What does Elton think about Paul?

The energy for this one was something 😭. At the end of this reading I thought “well, maybe I will understand when I do the JP one” 🤣.

At the beginning the cards were showing me that for him, Paul needed to enjoy more his life. Even when Paul showed everyone that he was this fun and easygoing character. It was like Elton couldn’t understand what the fuck was going on with Paul. So difficult to know, so difficult to dissect. This feeling made Elton to actually avoid any contact with Paul. He didn’t want to see him, and it wasn’t like because he hated Paul or something, it was like because of the lack of connection, it was unbearable to be around him.

I think Elton (in a later part of the timeline), took a lot of effort in trying to communicate with him, even when this discomfort him, but he did it anyways, he even thought about how to talk with him, but Paul still would be talking just the necessary stuff and acting basically like a cunt 😭. I think later Elton could understand that this was a self-defense mechanism.

I think probably Elton and Paul had like one “honest” conversation. This conversation obviously was encouraged by Elton (😭), and even when he could be very satisfied by the results, probably Paul later denied (or dismissed) what happened and for Elton was like GURRL 🫠🫠🫠, but he actually was very happy that at least Paul said something. I think Elton has been very patient actually, and very understanding of Paul, even when sometimes he would be kind of hurt because of Paul’s attitude.

What did Elton think of John and Paul’s relationship?

I think Elton intuitively believed that something between them happened. And he also thought that not just the people around them ruined the relationship, but also, themselves. It was like one of them tried to promise something (that he knew he couldn’t fulfill) and the other just rejected the idea (?.

He obviously thought also that they were a dream team when it comes to business and ideas, but for him all of this it was doomed because of the intense feelings that surrounded the relationship.

He thought that one of them was like “torturing” the other part. It was like this person was a cunt on purpose that liked to see the other suffer. And he really could feel how the other suffer. It was too much.

Also, the “cunt” (😭) was a person that for Elton did all because of his own interests, and even when Elton would know a more “tender” part of the “cunt”, he would still feel that the “cunt” was a cunt and didn’t trust him very much.

In some part of the timeline Elton knew that “the cunt” and the other part were probably reunited again and trying to repair the relationship but Elton really really couldn’t trust this. It was like Elton thought that the “cunt” needed some money and that was all. But he tried to remain in his place and don’t talk about this at all.

I don’t have much time 😔 but If you want me to dig more on this just tell me ❤️. I hope you liked this! I did! ❤️❤️❤️

[kylowritten]

If the Slipper Fits

Pairings: Kylo Ren x ForceSensitive!Reader

Summary: Nobody wants to be the woman whose foot fits that slipper.

Warnings: none that I can think of, but please let me know if you notice one

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: Kylo is back next chapter👀

Part Seven

Morning comes quicker than you would’ve liked.

With the lack of windows and sunlight, you could’ve slept forever, and you probably would’ve if not for the stream of admirers coming to congratulate you on escaping the castle and surviving the stonebadger attack. Word travels fast in the caves, apparently.

You’re not entirely sure that it didn’t have to do with Rey, though, who repeatedly retold the story of finding you cornered in the hot springs with gusto. The first few times you listened good-naturedly, but grew tired of reliving the moment after hearing it so many times. Especially because your thoughts focused rather traitorously on the moments preceding the one in her story, the ones that, gratefully, no one else was around to witness.

“I hope you’re not too tired for one more visitor,” came a voice, breaking you from your memories.

“Never,” you say, although you watch the former queen approach with an increasing sense of dread. Leia settles on the empty bed beside you.

In all honesty, she might’ve been the last person you wanted to speak with, besides maybe her son. If only she knew what transpired the night before. And if that wasn’t bad enough, you also were weary about following out her request to return to the castle and rescue Kylo, who you were mostly certain was incapable of being saved.

“How are you feeling?” Leia asks. “Rey is outside regaling a crowd with your heroics.”

You smile sheepishly. “I hardly did anything worth noting. Her and Poe were the ones to stop it, not me.”

“Either way, it’s clear that she thinks highly of you,” Leia says. A mask slips over her face then, replacing the expression of motherly concern to one of a diplomatic queen. “I’m not going to pretend that my motives for visiting you aren’t partially because I was hoping for your answer.”

“I know,” you reply. Frankly, you would be insulted if she believed you thought anything else.

“I realize you haven’t been able to give much thought to, with everything,” she says, waving her hand to encompass the events over the past day.

You wince. “No, not really.”

It’s a lie. In your waking moments, all you’ve thought about was your current situation.

“I sent a message to Luke on the off chance that you accept,” Leia says. “He hasn’t taught anyone…well, in a very long time. In fact, his last student was Ben.”

“Really? What happened?”

Leia’s lips purse. “It’s really not my place to say. Let’s just leave it that Ben and my brother do not get along.”

You frown but know not to press. This made you curious about the royal family, and about Kylo Ren himself. He killed his own father, banished his mother, and now you’ve been told that he had a poor relationship with his uncle. And you thought that your family life was messy.

“Do you think he’s even willing to help?” You ask.

“It’s hard to say,” Leia admits. “But he’s always had a tendency to do whatever I tell him.”

You think back to the stonebadger attack and, annoyingly enough, Kylo’s tough love training tactic. You hated to admit he was right. It wouldn’t have been a problem if you knew magic, if you could bend the Force to your will. You needed someone to teach you. And to have Luke Skywalker, one of the greatest magic-users of all time partake in that? You would be ridiculous to decline such an offer.

But you’re not sure you’re ready to accept yet.

Leia opens her mouth, but then closes it. Finally, she says, “I’m also not going to pretend that the information I’m about to present to you isn’t only for your benefit but also the benefit of my agenda.”

“I’m listening.”

At least she was being truthful. You could handle the truth, not hidden and distorted in lies like shadows in a mirror.

“The fourth district is…rebelling, I suppose, for lack of a word.” She pauses as if to let you process this information. You don’t tell her that you already know. “They aren’t letting anyone in, including us. I believe our ambitions are the same but…well, nevermind. What I’m trying to say is, it’s not happening peacefully. And I’m not sure how they plan to survive without anyone in, not even shipments.”

Leia referred to the rations that the First Order sent weekly to each district in a bid to share resources while also ensuring that one district never became too powerful. The First Order controlled food supplies, clothing, and other essentials.

You frown. You know that your district isn’t self sustainable, and that denying the shipments will be detrimental to its survival.

“Why would they do that?” You ask.

Leia shakes her head. “I’m not sure. Rumor has it that they’re rebelling for you, though.”

“For me?” Your frown deepens, brows pulling downwards. “I don’t understand.”

"Word caught about your stepmother hiding away your stepsisters, and how unfair your treatment was. I believe that, in combination with taking girls from each district, incited quite a bit of rage. They're angry about the whole system, calling for the First Order to step down."

“Isn't that what you want, too?"

"It is," Leia sighs. "But they seem to think that, since I'm leading, I would just perpetuate the system and no real changes would be made." Her face twists. "It's my own fault. I sat back and allowed too much to happen without interfering. But that's why I want to do better."

"But you need me," you add, giving voice to the words she left unsaid.

"I believe the first step is saving Ben from Palpatine, and then perhaps we can start to dismantle this terrible system." She looks at you in earnest. "But I didn't just tell you about your district for my own gain. If you go back to the castle and separate yourself from me, you might be able to reason with your district."

You pull the covers up tighter around you, as if they could protect you from your troubles. "But wouldn't I just be aligning myself with Kylo?"

"Yes, but you would be more sympathetic that way. Part of the reason they're rebelling is because he took you. I think you might have a shot," she says, lifting a shoulder. "At least more than you do here. They won't even listen to me."

"How long do I have to think on it?"

"I'm sending another patrol tomorrow afternoon to the castle to investigate how they're rebuilding after the surprise we gave them," Leia says. "I'll leave you until then."

You’re discharged later in the afternoon with instructions on how to properly care for your wound. Equipped with directions from the medic, you head to the barracks. It’s along the way that you overhear snippets of conversation from passing rebels, enough bits and pieces to form a singular focal point.

“—my sister lives in the fifth district, and she told me that nobody came for them today.”

“No more brides?”

“I heard that girl from the fourth district —”

You scurry away. Based on the tone of the last person, you didn’t want to hear what they had to say. Finally you hit the barracks, which is a series of connected rooms featuring several bunk beds. A familiar set of buns falls into your view, and you rush to Rey’s side.

“Is it true what they’re saying?”

Rey startles, then exclaims your name. “It’s you! I didn’t think they would let you out so early. With all of the blood —”

“Is it true? There hasn’t been another bride today?” You ask, slightly hysteric.

Rey frowns. “It’s true.” She studies you skeptically. “Are you sure you’re okay? Did the medics give you a psych eval? Because I can bring you back and —”

You shake your head. “No, no, I’m fine. Really. I just can’t believe it.”

“Crazy, huh?” Rey asks. “It’s the first time in over a year. I don’t think people know what to do with themselves.”

The thought elicits a myriad of emotions within you — delight, surprise, relief. You hadn’t thought about Kylo picking a new bride, but discover you’re glad he didn’t. Would you have been jealous? It’s not an avenue you particularly want to explore.

“Has he said why?”

“Kylo? No. He just hasn’t sent out any troopers with the slipper.” She shrugs. “We probably won’t ever figure out why, but I think I know why.”

When you look at her, bewildered, she laughs and adds, “C’mon, it’s because of you! Obviously he’s found whatever he’s looking for.”

“Why isn’t he coming looking for me then?” You ask in a hushed tone. This has bothered you. His words — you’ll be back — haunt you.

“Maybe he is and we just don’t know it. Whatever the reason, I just know that he wouldn’t let you go unless he had something planned. You saw how he is, he obviously just doesn’t let something go that he thinks is his.” She curses. “Bastard.”

His words strike you again. The smugness, the all-knowing tilt of his head. It makes your blood boil, relighting the flame inside you.

“He knows I’ll come back to him,” you mumble. Stiffening your spine, you tell Rey, “I don’t know if I have a choice not to. But the least I can do is make sure I do it on my own terms.”

Leia glances up at you from her desk. “I’ve been expecting you,” she says.

What was with this family and anticipating your movements?

You left Rey alone and rather confused, fleeing to hunt down the room that Leia used as her own personal office. Thankfully she was there, because your side was splitting with pain and you weren’t sure you could’ve traveled farther.

Resisting the urge to lean over with your hands on your knees and breathe in through your mouth, you plop down in one of the chairs across from the former queen.

“I want to do it.”

Leia perks up. “Really?”

“Yes.” You do your best to look confident. “But I’m going to do it on my terms. Not yours or Kylo’s. Mine.”

“Of course. Anything,” Leia says.

Emboldened, you make your first request: “I’m tired of always doing what I’m told. If I’m going to save Kylo, I’m going to do it independently of you or anyone else. I’m going to operate alone.”

Part Eight

[artemophobias]

A Very Merry Signmas

Merry Christmas to @ancestoroos! I’m so sorry for this being late, I had gotten pretty ill when I had began my project. It isn’t the best thing in the world, but I tried as best as possible.

@homestuckss

Word Count: 2.4k

TWs: Some very light sexual references, lots of swearing

Characters: All of the Ancestors (primarily mentioned that they are there, but most do not have lines) except for Dualscar and Condesce. Focus character is the Psiioniic.

Notes: I’m really not amazing at writing the Ancestors. I pretty much never do it, but I wanted to characterize this version of the Ancestors slightly off of their Dancestor selves, but since they were in a completely different situation they do act differently from the Dancestors. - Handmaid speaks more. - Ironically, the Signless doesn’t talk too much. - Some parts make a little more sense italicized, but as this is copy-pasted from Docs some of it disappeared, Sorry!

Maybe out there, there is a dream bubble where life is good, and everyone is living in peace. No matter what happened, they, perhaps, banded together whenever the time had come.

This dream bubble did not have that luxury. Truly, quite the opposite.

No one liked working together, because of course they didn’t. There was arguing, constantly trying to kill one another, all those sorts of things. Everyone was used to it, though, and perhaps that was what made everyone like family.

Even relationships bloomed from the bickering. Redglare and Mindfang certainly had some ideas for what a ‘relationship’ was. The constant vacillation could get annoying, though, especially for the Psiioniic (who did not want to be dealing with that shit, but he supposed he had to be subjected to it the same way everyone else was).

He would say that the Summoner was, somewhat, the only normal one. Even the Psiioniic’s girlfriend was a bit much in the head, though he was able to accept it with ease. Sometimes, he wondered what life would be like if the Summoner was able to keep everyone in control.

Though, yes, peace was simply just… not a thing that any of them dealt with. No matter how loud it got, how chaotic everything got, no one could stop arguing and fighting and bickering, and fuck was it endearing.

Maybe after everything that had happened with Alternia, with all of that past everyone, they simply rested on the choice of being enemies without being enemies. Again, something that the Psiioniic could live with.

Signmas was the worst, though. Almost every year, to no avail, Signmas was going to be the worst.

Signmas only became a thing when the Signless died, in which everyone would want to celebrate the cause that the Signless fought for on the day of his birth (though, no one was truly sure when he was born. It was only a vague guess). Yet, they all had to celebrate it, despite them having the Signless there! That was pretty crazy, right?

Not only that, the Psiioniic was hosting the party this year (to much of his discontent, but he had to for everyone else, he guessed).

He wasn’t good at decorations or everything, so he had to get the Handmaid to help, because, obviously. Mindfang would simply make fun of him, or something of the sort. The Summoner also, likely, could help, but he wouldn’t bother, since the Handmaid was his vacillatory partner.

“Why didn’t you get it started days before?” she asked. The very first thing she asked, in fact. Her tone wasn’t scolding, though, it was much more of making fun of him. “You don’t just start decorating for Signmas the day of. Even Signmas Eve would’ve been a damn better choice.”

The Psiioniic just scoffed at her, crossing his arms. They had both shed their old clothes from back in the days. The Psiioniic, though, supposed he had to be in the spirit, and was wearing a black shirt with red fluff and the Signless’ sign (ha) on it, and the Handmaid was wearing a black kimono with various black-colored designs, a red kanzashi in her hair. How fitting for the holiday.

“Seriously, ha! You couldn’t have chosen to do anything better than all this?”

Now that she said it though, the cardboard decorations were pretty drab. Shittily drawn fake .jpeg artifacts were pretty funny, though. A certain Knight of Time would agree with that.

“Look, I didn’t have anything on hand.”

She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose and then laughing drily. “I can’t believe I’m partnered with an idiot. You’re lucky, though.” She then waved her hand, and with a Variety of Time Bullshit, a bunch of Signmas decorations dropped in front of him. “Well? Learn how to decorate your damn hive.”

He let out a bit of a huff, red and blue eyes glaring at her white. “What if I don’t want to? What if you have to do it, huh?”

The Psiioniic always considered himself quite the fight-y type, even if some disagreed. He did know how to hold on his own, and he certainly didn’t want to decorate for Signmas! He knew the Signless, he was pretty sure that the guy would know how much he cared and loved for him or whatever the fuck he could be thinking about.

“Nawh, you have to,” she said. “How do you think he’d feel if his best friend didn’t even try and commemorate him?” She barked out laughter.

“Have you been thpending time with Mindfang or thomething?” he bit back, though, not out of any sort of malice or anger. It was just slight bantering.

“Maybe a little,” she snickered. “It’s okay though, right? Or, what, you’re getting jealous?” She walked over, bumping his hip with hers and walking to his meal block, grabbing a block of cheese and biting into it. He couldn’t remember why it was there. “Tell me when you’re done, yeah?”

“Thtupidathh,” the Psiioniic muttered, grabbing the Weird Time Bullshit Signmas decorations and starting to try and put them up.

The tree wasn’t even well-decorated, and that was easy to note. Honestly? It was just a pine tree with some video game bullshit thrown on it, plus some red and blue paint. He didn’t think he’d have to be hosting this year! What was he gonna do, plan ahead? No way.

“You should really have decorated the tree better!” the Handmaid laughed out, taking another bite out of the block of cheese.

The Psiioniic could only bring himself to scoff again, trying to put up all the window decor, the various lights, stuff like that. For someone who was well-versed in How Things Work, he was doing very badly at Making Things Work. Isn’t that funny?

“Stop whining!”

“Thhut up!” He put more of the decorations up, until his hive looked like a windstorm blew through it and ate everything, then barfing it up and throwing some red and blue on it.

“You know, thtuff thomething down your chitinouth windhole and live with it.”

She laughed slightly, finishing off the cheese (she was slowly eating it, mostly just preoccupying herself with watching the Psiioniic). “There’s many things I can imagine stuffing down there.”

His lip curled up in dissatisfaction.

…but, then, some of the decorations fell down from their place, and he groaned, checking the time. “Thhit! They’ll be here in like, ten fucking minuteth!”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t be taking so long to decorate, what about that? Ever thought of it, Psi, honey?” Her tone had become mean and condescending, just to fuck with him.

He groaned. “You’re the one with the weirdathh time powers, not me! Can’t you just turn it back?”

“It’s gonna fall down anyway.”

His groan rang out once more, this time louder, before he fumbled his way to the decorations and put them back up. Yet, suddenly, his door was thrown open.

“Weee’reee heeeeeeeere, losers!”

He could almost hear those stupid eights in the exclamatory statement. Oh, how he hated the holidays. It was so tiring.

Suddenly, the hoard of people pushed through. Mindfang, Summoner, Redglare, and Signless (obviously), barged into the Psiioniic’s house, in which he gave them an expression of pure dread. In the back, he also noticed Darkleer, the Discipline, and Dolorosa. There were too many fucking people in the house, but he guessed he would just have to live with it for the most part.

Yet, Redglare suddenly pushed through them all, running up to the Psiioniic and giving him a large hug. And fucking tight. The Psiioniic would never get a true understanding as to why Redglare’s hugs were so damn tight, but he would just have to live with that too.

Ugh, he hated having to live with it.

Plus, he was sure that everyone would get a damn kick out of the strange, gurgled noise that came out of his throat when he was practically lifted from the ground by her. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that lawyers were weak.

“Psiiiiii!!!!” she laughed, then pulling away from him and practically dropping him back onto the ground. “Oh, it’s been so long!”

“He’s been secluding his damn self again!” the Handmaid shouted from the meal block, seeming to be eating something else.

“Don’t eat all the food!”

“What are they going to do, eat a few morsels?”

He grimaced, then sneering at her. “You know, I thought that moirails were thuppothed to be thupportive,” he bit, his nose scrunching up.

“You’re forgetting the kismesis part, dear.”

He scoffed, stumbling away from everyone else before gesturing to all the decorations. “Look at all the thhit that I had to go through for this!”

Mindfang snorted, covering her mouth. “Mhmmmmmmmm, I bet the Handmaid got all that for you.”

Even after all the years of them knowing each other, it didn’t seem like any of them could call each other by their real names. The Psiioniic liked it better like this, though. No need to be called by a species of gillbeast. Fucking Tuna. They all even knew each others’ names.

“Okay, well, fuck all of you! Go put the prethentth under the tree.”

The barely decorated tree, that is.

“We’ll be opening prethentth fucking… uh, later. Remind me. Actually, thetting a timer might be good for thith too.”

He ran off to his respiteblock to get some freedom from the rest of the Ancestors, leaving them alone in the main block of the hive.

“Well, shit!!!!!!!! You know, we all might as well ransack the place,” Mindfang joked as they all put their presents near the tree. There was a whole fucking lot of presents, actually. No Condesce, though, so no one had to be too grand to appease the past queen.

“Why would we do that?” Darkleer asked, his voice sounding deeper than usual. It mostly sounded like he had just got dumped outside of the recuperacoon and got ready to come.

Yet, his simple inquiry had quickly triggered a large amount of bickering. An insurmountable bout of noise had flourished in the hive, enough to actually force the Psiioniic to come out with his timer.

Gog fucking dammit.

He glanced at Redglare, who was sitting near two wrapped presents which were suspiciously both long and large.

He quickly looked away.

The Handmaid seemed to only be witnessing, not partaking, a large grin on her face. She seemed to like all the bickering, and the Psiioniic didn’t want to say anything, so he just slid over to her.

“Too bad we can’t just leave them here to rot,” he said, leaning on the counter and squinting at all of them. Why did he have to be friends with his worst enemies? Why did he have to be close friends with them?

“Aww, wouldn’t that be fun? But don’t you think this is more fun?”

“Not particularly,” he said, huffing. Despite the two of them lacking similar interests in social discourse, they still were able to work in tandem. That is, they both could shittalk to Earth and back about some of the people in their group.

Out of love, of course.

He set his timer for about an hour and continued to let them argue for the time being. He supposed they weren’t going to be doing any activities (thank gog), and both him and the Handmaid could just sit and watch. Even if after an hour, it might get boring… and also really confusing. Everyone else was always very confusing.

…

Not everyone fit around the Signmas tree, which was unfortunate mostly for them, but gifts were sorted and gave to everyone. There was one of the Suspiciously Large Long Thing near both the Psiioniic and Darkleer, and other various shapes around everyone else.

What a merry bunch the Ancestors were. The Psiioniic was melting with fear on what could possibly be in the wrapped gift.

Yet, everyone dug in. Darkleer definitely seemed to be saving ‘best for last’ when it came to sizes, leaving the Suspiciously Large Long Thing wrapped and ready.

The Psiioniic himself got various gizmos from everyone else. Some new coding things, other machinations, the such. Mindfang got some, ugh, what was the stupid thing… oh, yeah, she got a new FLARP kit. Redglare got new glasses, as well as various clothes from Mindfang (with a very nicely written, “I h8 your t8ste in clothing,” written on it). Summoner got a multitude of stuffed animals, much to his surprise, but all of the presents were unmarked, only saying “TO SUMMONER” in various different handwritings….

….It was definitely a gag.

When Darkleer had gotten to his Suspiciously Large Long Thing, he practically screamed with glee. It was a sudden change from the usually stoic expression he had.

Yet, when the Psiioniic looked over….

….Oh no.

“PUT THAT OUTTHIDE!” the Psiioniic had to shout, quickly, and Darkleer was sad to comply.

He put his head on the table, though, as Redglare and Handmaid cackled together, the two of them fistbumping.

Actually, what was it that the Handmaid got?

He looked over from his place on the table. So, she also got some trinkets. Lighters, some new kanzashi, etc. How pleasant.

He had to open his Suspiciously Large Long Thing.

Though, when he did, he almost felt like Darkleer. He honestly might’ve reacted in the same way. Pure, unadulterated glee.

It was a new skateboard, black with red and blue highlights with his sign on it. And all of its parts seemed to be very high-quality.

Redglare grinned at him. “I knew you might like it.”

The Psiioniic could only stare and nod, though his lack of an expression told everyone how happy he was about this arrangement now.

Gog fucking dammit, he sure did love his group. Not that he’d tell them or anything.

…

They had spent most of the night simply talking amongst each other. He realized that some of them might have to just pass out at his hive— it was getting late, and despite them technically being allowed to go outside to the sun in the dream bubble, they still were all kind of scared to do so. He guess he wouldn’t mind having them.

Still, it was getting pretty late… the Psiioniic hadn’t noticed that he was starving. So, when a loud, loud grumble came from him, everyone paused in their discussions (and bickering).

“Psii,” Dolorosa said slowly, “did you prepare dinner?”

He paused.

“Fuck.”

[ratbubos]

🌹It’s time to have a very long chat with Salem over some much needed drinks

When I tell you it’s very long.. I’m not lying on this one.

Lucie has already been at Salem’s for a while. And while within that time she has shed a few tears of both��frustration and sadness while recounting the events of the last 24 hours, she has yet to sob. Not because she isn’t absolutely, devastatingly heartbroken over the whole ordeal, but because she is severely, utterly ???

Lucie: I’m just so confused about this whole situation. Cause him wanting to marry me all of a sudden is weird right? That would be weird for anyone. But especially Ben. He’s not like a spontaneous person and he has an image to keep up with and he was going to marry me after not even knowing me for a year? That does not make sense! And now that I’m not in it, I’m just questioning everything about him because what the hell? Salem: I mean, that’s a good point, but I didn’t know the guy. I don’t know what’s weird or off for him. Lucie: Isn’t that weird though? Like, he didn’t know any of my friends. He met you in passing and then the only reason he knows Romeo is because he lives across the hall from him. And he wanted to marry me? It just doesn’t make any sense. He wasn’t even a part of rest of my life. Like, he never even once hung out with any of you guys. Like, I don’t even know what I was gonna do when we got married. I would’ve moved in with him and then done what? Go out with him and his mediocre friends? I would’ve had Romeo, but what about everyone else here? I wouldn’t have had a life. God, I feel like I didn’t even think about it for a fucking second. Ugh, I was being so stupid. Salem: Lucie you didn’t do anything wrong. Lucie: Salem, I almost just fucked over my entire life. Salem: No you didn’t. You could’ve gotten out of it if you needed to. I just think you really loved Ben and you can’t blame yourself for getting caught up in your emotions because you can’t control them. Don’t put yourself at fault for shit you can’t control. Cause even if you did marry him, I know that you’re smart enough and you advocate for yourself enough to get out of something that’s fucking you over. I don’t know what the hell Ben was thinking, I don’t know if his intentions were good or not. But his actions are not your fault. Don’t waste your energy thinking about what would’ve happened if you would have gone through with it, cause you didn’t. And I’m telling you if you did, you would have ended up okay. Lucie: ... Salem: But I think you made the right call. After a second, Lucie smiles. Lucie: I think I did, too.. but we should definitely drink more.

From then the conversation continued, albeit a lot less serious. The more they drank, the more they poked fun at the situation and eventually they started talking about other random shit.

Lucie never went too into detail telling anyone about her fights with Ben. Salem just knew sometimes she’d be upset for while. Couples fight and sometimes they fight a bit more than others. Salem had never thought Lucie’s relationship with Ben was a real issue until today. He definitely had his doubts, but they were just dating. Marriage on the other hand, it might not feel serious to everyone, but it’s a lot harder of a trap to get out of and Salem knew that.

He didn’t lie when he told Lucie he knew she’d be okay if she had married Ben. But he didn’t know what other consequences could've come of it.

He’s just glad she walked away.

[thranduel]

you’re all good!! i like when people leave their thoughts, it helps me (and other people) think about it more

and it’s funny because now after reading your response, i’m back to thinking how i originally thought in the first place, which is basically everything you just wrote here. a couple hours ago when i checked out the scene after the first response, i believed that maybe he was actually excited, because it certainly looks that way. but now that i think about it again and you mentioned his mannerisms, i’m like I DON’T KNOW???? it does feel like there’s something more going on?! AHHHH. i’ve read several different interpretations that have very good points, and because many people may relate to astarion in different ways, that results in different perspectives about the whole thing, so that’s why my mind goes back and forth and i try to be careful before i state things as facts (does that make sense ahhhhh i’m not great with words sorry lol)

but honestly if i go back to what i originally thought myself when i played for the first time, BEFORE coming online and seeing other people’s thoughts and interpretations, it was definitely that he felt some sort of pressure to get involved and he struggled to say no (because the struggling to say no part is 100% canon… he says that in act 2. that scene literally hit me the hardest and stuck with me the most, so i certainly didn’t forget it). and obviously it’s possible for him to get better with that over time, but it’s definitely not something that just suddenly disappears that quickly. it would take a very long time to heal from that. and even though tav might not directly push him into it or pressure him in exact words, just being brought into that place in the first place would’ve automatically made him feel like he needs to get involved? and i feel like maybe he was trying to smile and laugh and convince himself he wanted it because that’s just what’s expected in those situations and he didn’t want to disappoint anyone?

but again, i don’t know. because when i say that i don’t wanna invalidate the possibility that he actually did want it? maybe a small part of him thought it would be fun and maybe he felt more ready and confident to try things like that again after finally getting rid of the person that was affecting him and holding him back for so long?? but i don’t know. because like you said he’s not the one that even wanted to go there. it’s tav/the player’s choice. he just responds once he gets there but he never asked to go there. i see so many different discussions about it. but yeah, like i said, when i first played on my own and didn’t hear anyone else’s interpretations, i thought the same way you did. like that was my honest initial reaction to the whole thing without anyone else’s input. i legitimately believed that scene was him struggling to say no and feeling pressured into it and then disassociating, and i think that’s one of the many reasons i stayed far away from it in my playthroughs

but either way whatever it is, i personally have no interest in that scene anyway in general, and i don’t plan on taking astarion there because i just simply don’t want to. people can roleplay however they want though, and some people are obviously going to interpret it a different way which is fine. i’m not here to tell anyone what to think or do, and i never want anyone to think i would do that. but that scene is just personally not my thing. he’s also happy and content being with my tav and they take things very slow. my character also only feels comfortable with sex when it’s with someone he has a strong emotional bond with that he’s fully in love with and in general he doesn’t really focus on it or feel like it needs to happen often. there’s absolutely no pressure when it comes to that in their relationship

some thoughts about astarion because i'm tired of the internet reducing him to one thing

when bg3 came out in early access, astarion was always seen as the extremely flirty, confident guy who enjoyed sex (or so we thought) and spoke about it like it was his favourite thing. he was also kinda marketed as the “sexy vampire”, so you can understand why many people saw him that way based on the little amount of content we had. even while playing act 1 and act 2, many players still might think of him like that because he does have a very charismatic personality and he asks to sleep with you very early on, so it just automatically makes you think he’s genuinely happy doing that and being totally serious.

BUT!!!!!!! we end up finding out later on that’s NOT the case and it was all part of a plan to seduce us in order for him to gain protection. he opens up about his past and his trauma and how he was forced to use his body to lure people back to cazador. he struggles with intimacy and relationships in general because of this. that’s why i really hope that people stop reducing him to “hot sexy vampire that loves flirting and having sex with everyone” when that is not who he is, he’s literally traumatised because of sex due to being forced into it and he’s slowly trying to heal. he’s also so much more than just “the hot vampire”, ya know? if you actually put in the effort to get to know him, you will see who he truly is underneath and he has many loveable traits to appreciate.

you may not see the “soft” side of him very often because he hides it, but it’s there!! one thing i noticed that really stood out to me was that when i gave food to an orphan in act 3 and he approved. back when you first met him, he probably would’ve done the opposite or had no reaction at all. i also saw a clip of someone trying to romance karlach and astarion and he literally told tav to choose karlach over him because he can see that karlach loves her. he said normally an arrangement would work for him but after everything karlach has been through, he doesn’t want to get in the way or see her hurt. letting tav go is also hard for him as well but he still thought about someone else. he could’ve whined or been possessive or jealous but he didn’t do that at all. where are all those people who reduce astarion to “the guy that flirts and sleeps with everyone” now? seriously. that’s not what he does, and when he was forced into it by cazador, he was trying to survive, he didn’t do it for his own pleasure. it’s not a “hot” personality trait of his, it’s literally trauma. and because he did it so much, he got used to it, and that resulted in him disassociating and feeling empty.

apparently if you ask him to join you and sleep with the drows at the brothel (something i will never make him do in my playthroughs), he only says yes because he struggles to say no. but he disassociates. and if you’re in a high approval relationship with him and he loves you, he will feel safe enough to express his feelings and say he’s not comfortable. this happens before you fight cazador. i’m not sure if he gives the same response after, but either way, if he joins in, he will always disassociate and it’s not something he wants to do despite what he may say.

that being said, it’s obviously still okay to appreciate his beauty and attractiveness, because he is very beautiful. he appreciates it and even likes being called beautiful. calling him “hot” and “sexy” isn’t a bad thing either, we know he can be and i'm sure he knows it too! it’s just annoying when people act like that’s ALL he is and they don’t even mention anything else about his character. the love scenes are beautifully done too (i personally prefer the second one after you’ve stopped him from doing the ritual, because that’s the one where he decided he truly wanted it and felt safe and comfortable because he genuinely loves you), and i actually would’ve been fine if they didn’t have any scenes like that at all because it’s totally understandable and valid if he didn’t feel comfortable, but i just hope that people don’t take things too far and over-sexualise him just because of how he appeared to be in the first half of the game and the way he’s often marketed on social media. and yes i know he’s fictional and nothing on the internet is going to hurt his feelings!!!! it’s more about the fact that he canonically has sexual trauma and many people still say really disturbing stuff even AFTER they find out about that, and it just makes me uncomfortable to think that people are okay with treating someone like a sexual object especially when they've said they're traumatised and it makes them uncomfortable. idk if this makes sense 😭

but yeah he doesn't want to flirt and sleep with everyone as i've seen people claim. and if in an alternate universe he did, and he did it on his OWN terms, and the other people he had relationships with enjoyed it too, then good for them! absolutely nothing wrong with that if there's consent, respect and honesty. however, that's not the case with what happened with astarion, because 1. he was forced into using his body WHEN HE DID NOT WANT TO and 2. he misled people and lured them to a miserable fate. it's so horrible and devastating for everyone involved. sex was never something fun for him, and it certainly isn't a "personality trait" of his. it was a survival tactic. he was forced to. he didn’t want to.

obviously when he becomes more comfortable, then it's totally understandable to get excited when he flirts and shows physical affection. he can be so charming, funny, sweet and romantic and i love that. it’s so beautiful to see him heal, genuinely find comfort in someone for the first time and experience intimacy that he feels ready and comfortable for. he deserves to love and be loved on his own terms instead of being forced. but again, he is so much more than the guy we were introduced to at the beginning. the internet just sees one thing and sticks with it but i really hope people start to actually appreciate him for who he is and the complexity of his character.

aaaaand i just had to leave this here <3

[homunculusalphonse]

The Cool Kids vs. The Crystal Gems, and Steven

This was also an old, shorter meta I wrote based on another post I made about the Cool Kids a long time ago. I never got around to it back then, and I was searching in my own drafts the other day when I found it again. So, I decided to finish this up, because I still really love the Cool Kids and their relationship with Steven.

It’s a known fact that the Cool Kids resemble the Crystal Gems. They’re not exactly subtle about it. However, like I stated in my other post, the Cool Kids still have their own thing going on. They’re human teenagers, not rebels fighting in an intergalactic war. Which is obvious on the surface, yet there’s another difference I find crucial, one that I believe to have implied in my previous post: the Cool Kids’ relationship with Steven vs. the Gems with Steven.

Quite a few people have pointed out that the Cool Kids treat Steven as an equal, and that’s very much true. While they do keep in mind that he’s a kid - especially when they stand up for him at the end of the episode -, they don’t treat him any differently due to his age. They include him in their antics, they’re friendly and supportive of him, and just want Steven to have a good time.

The gems, on the other hand… they don’t do that.

As much as the gems love Steven, they don’t treat him as an equal. Their grief for Rose is understandable, yet they have no idea how to actually recover from it without throwing all the responsibility on Steven’s back. They put him on such a pedestal that Steven constantly feels pressured to prove himself useful. While that’s already been proved in the very first episodes, I think An Indirect Kiss is one of the most notable instances where Steven is shown to be affected by their treatment of him.

Steven: Everyone expects me to be like my mom. What if I never get those powers?

Connie: Then you’ll be like me. That’s not so bad.

Steven: But if I don't have powers, then I can't hang out with Amethyst or Garnet or Pearl, and I-I can't go on missions!

He’s terrified by this possibility, and just now that I go back on it, I realize how heartbreaking it is - and how much sense Steven’s breakdown makes in Steven Universe Future. When he doesn’t meet the gems’ expectations, they leave Steven behind (whether metaphorically or literally) until he comes up with a solution - one that almost always involves destruction and life-threatening situations.

Steven: They're always leaving me behind, and... I guess I wanted to do it to them, too. (Rose’s Room)

The gems neglect Steven’s feelings all the time. That’s the whole opposite of the Cool Kids, who recognize when Steven is feeling pressured by all the things going on with him. They’re the first ones who call the gems out on their dismissive behavior, for that matter. It’s really too bad that, even after this, Steven is still neglected by the gems until it all piles up in Steven Universe Future, to the point of the kid becoming a monster.

And like I said in the other post, it’s a shame that we don’t see Steven interacting with the Cool Kids anymore after that. I firmly believe they would’ve been the first ones to go to Steven to help him out after what happened in Little Graduation. I know they didn’t seem to be as close as before since Steven spent two years in outer space to fix everything Homeworld did, but how come they don’t even console him? Lars was the only one who bothered to comfort Steven in the end, and even then, the guy still went all the way to space and never came back.

Personally, I will never forgive Future for downplaying Steven’s human relationships. It was one of the things I loved the most about the show. Feel free to disagree with me, of course, but please don’t be rude.

[ellana-ravenwood]

“Self-care is important, you IDIOT” - Batfam x Fem!Reader

Synopsis : It’s rare. You meddling with your family’s “vigilante activity”. It’s rare. On the contrary, you usually support them, and you understand why they do it. But sometimes...Sometimes, it really gets on your nerves how little they take care of themselves ! And you’re not afraid of telling them, ALL of them. Wether it’s Bruce aka “The idiot” (your idiot), your kids, or even Alfred !  

I had a dream about this, so I had to write it haha. Just a small compliation of ficlets/drabbles (some longer than other) on the same subject that I compiled together, while I still work on a bigger project that I’ll hopefully post soon ;). A bonus fic, if you will. I hope you’ll like it nonetheless ! Comments and reblogs are of course, as usual, always very welcomed :)  : 

My masterlists : @ella-ravenwood-archives

__________________________________________________

Bruce

Bruce knew that, when you called him an “idiot”, it was serious.

Your relationship was based on mutual respect, communication, healthy habits and, of course, a lot of love. So you calling him an “idiot”…It meant something.

It meant you were angry with him. And it only happened in one specific situation : When he didn’t properly take care of himself.

Bruce was a man of the extreme. Yes. “Was”. He was more temperate, now. Thanks to you, in a big part. Thanks to his children too. And to the constant love and support you all gave him.

Which sometimes lead to you calling him an idiot.

It was less frequent, nowadays. But at the beginning of your relationship ? Oh boy. The issue often came when he was “off duty”. Home. And when he’d work out up until he couldn’t anymore. And at first, it was source of “fights” between you two.

His work as Batman ? You understood it. You knew he was putting himself, every night, in danger. And why he was doing it. His work as CEO of Wayne Inc ? It was needed. He did so much good with his company. But when he was home. The rare moment of peace. He spend all of it training. And it couldn’t go on.

“I’m not saying to not work out, and you know that ! I’m saying being so intense is completely unsustainable, and you know it ! You’ll end up breaking your body before you’re even forty !!”

Bruce knew. He knew. And the truth was ? A part of him knew he would never be able to be Batman forever. Of course. So his idea was to push himself to his limits, to accomplish his work as fast as possible ! So what, if he sacrificed his body and mind for it ? As long as he achieved his goal : a safer place for children to grow in. So nobody will ever experience what he lived through.

Ah. But you disagreed. In part because you loved him, of course, but also because you believed in his cause. You believe in bringing Gotham back from the chaos it was in. And you were intimately CERTAIN that Bruce would break himself before finishing his goal if he continued like this.

You put things into perspective.

Showed him his self-destructive behavior.

There was a “before” and “after” you, when it came to Bruce’s work out. He still worked out a lot of course, but now, he also had “low intensity” work outs, and did yoga.

Which could sound ridiculous, to people who had a certain idea of the Batman. But it wasn’t.

It was a way of going the farthest in his goals, in his want and need to give Gotham a chance to get better. To give its inhabitants a better future.

Working out, keeping himself in shape (which arguably he did every time he went out as Batman), it was important. But what good would it do if his body couldn’t keep up ? He was, after all, just a man. He would for sure break, if everything was “all work and no play”.

And oh. Oh his life had been just that for so long. Training, training, and more training. Fighting, solving crimes, more fighting. Going home to sleep a few hours, and then go back to train.

It was as if he was a machine, going through life mechanically for the sole purpose of Justice.

And you were right, it wasn’t sustainable. He probably would’ve cracked before finishing his plans. Push himself right into the grave…

And then you came. You called him an idiot, yelled that self-care was important, and didn’t budge on the matter. You showed him he needed to take care of himself, in order to take care of others. You showed him…So much. Love has always been one of Bruce’s strength, no matter what certain people might think of him.

Love was his driving force.

And your love ? Is what made you so adamant he needed to take care of himself. And it changed…so much.

He couldn’t even list everything good it brought him, to finally think of himself. To put himself back in the “Batman” equation, not just as a mean to achieve a goal, but as an actual being. To view himself as a human again.

Bruce’s trauma ran deep. So deep he forgot sometimes he even existed. And there you were, calling him an “idiot” and making big speeches about how he needed to take care of himself.

For his own good. And in a way, for everyone’s good.

There you were, reminding him he had feelings. Grounding him in this world. Reminding him he was a person, with emotions and needs.

Oh and you’d never give up on him. Never. You were always there, reminding him all the good of being alive.

When his parents died, a part of him died too. Bruce thought he could never feel happy again. He buried himself in his work, in order to not feel. And there you were…

“Self-care is important, you idiot !”, simply because he was working too much, pushing his body and mind too much. “Simply” ? Ah. But the self-destructive tendency wasn’t even something he was aware of. This was far from simple. And without you, he might’ve never even realized it.

So. Yes. As silly as it could sound to some, self-care, knowing his limit and not trying to push them (too much), made him a better Batman.

All that thanks to self-care ? Yes. Even heroes, needed to take care of themselves, if they wanted to keep doing what they were doing. Something Bruce never really thought about. Not before you, for sure.

“Self-care is important, you idiot !” you’d yell at him, when he pushed himself too much. When he sacrificed his body and his mind for his cause. When he went too far, and pushed himself to the limits.

It would always happen. You knew it. This is how he was. Sometimes, he had to go to the extremes. And you loved him unconditionally. But hell if you weren’t going to get mad at him, and force him to take care of himself ! Subsequently, you took care of him a lot, too.

And maybe, his form of self-care was to let you be there for him ? Maybe. After all, he often said it best himself : “Life isn’t very long, and a man doesn’t have a lot of great moments. But you’ve given me many. All my best memories are with you.”

Bruce wasn’t the only one who would put taking care of himself as an afterthought, unfortunately for you. Your kids would do that to.

Of course, you’d never call them “idiots”, for many reasons. And to be honest only when he was really putting himself needlessly at risk would you call Bruce that, he just could act like such an idiot sometimes !! Just like you too, everyone could act like idiots at one points...Except your children, they were perfect. Buuuut, sometimes, they really wouldn’t take care of themselves.

And that made you “mad”.

Dick

"Richard, you ought to know that this was too high of a drop, even for you !”

Oooooh snap. You called him “Richard”. You were definitely not too happy with him. And your son knew better than to try and talk during moments such as this.

He had been with you and Bruce for just over two years now, and had recently celebrated his tenth birthday. He’d been calling you “mom” for a while now, and definitely saw you as the best thing that happened to him since he lost his parents. You and Bruce, you saved him.

Which is why he knew why you were calling him “Richard” right now.

See, Dick was one of the only one amongst your kids that always saw through your bluff. He knew, you weren’t angry. You were definitely not happy with him, but it wasn’t anger, that made you call him “Richard” instead of any other affectionate nickname you always gave him.

It was your worry for his safety. And how little he seemed to care, at times, for it.

Dick, amongst every member in your family, was the only one who truly got that. Of course, later on, all his siblings and his dad would understand you cared for them and wanted them to take care of themselves. But Dick ? Dick was the only one who knew you never got angry at them, you were just scared.

Probably a little frustrated too, let’s face it.

But mainly scared. Scared that they would forget to take care of themselves, and as a result, well…Things like what just happened would happen.

Dick, in pursuit of a thug, jumped from a point that he knew was too high, and broke his leg. But in the heat of the moment, all he thought was catching the bad guy. And he did. He caught him. By jumping on him from a little too high, injuring himself in the process.

And you were terrified.

If already, at ten years old, he started to have this kind of behavior…

You couldn’t help but remember a time during which Bruce would push himself too much. Would be more hurt than nowadays. The beginning of your relationship was far from easy, for the both of you. You didn’t want Dick to fall in the same habits.

“You have to be more careful, you know..”

“Yes mom, I know.”

Dick knew. He knew what you felt. He knew how you felt. Because he felt the same too. You and him had a lot in common,. And worrying about others’ wellbeing was one of said point in common. And so Dick knew what it was, to want someone to take care of themselves and watch them not do it.

After all, his dad was the Batman.

He was the only one in the family who ever truly got it. Who ever truly saw you were never angry at them, but scared. Dick knew. He knew.

He smiled at you, already so wise, for such a young kid.

Of course, you had no idea how much he understood how you felt. How much he knew already, that it was important to take care of himself. That self-care was vital. Especially in his line of work. And so you reminded him often.

Like right now, bringing him some food, as he was bed ridden because of his broken leg. You weren’t angry. You were scared. Scared they’d lose themselves.

“Mom ?”

“Yes, honey ?”

“I promise I’ll take more care of myself. So please, don’t be so worried, ok ?”

Wh-What ? Your son was ten. He was only ten. How was it, that he knew exactly what was on your mind ? That he knew what to say ? That he knew-

Ah. You looked at him, and he looked back at you. Giving you the purest smile you’ve ever seen. And you understood. Yes. You did.

You and Dick always had this link between the two of you, this way of understanding each other’s feelings. Mainly because your brain were wired the same on how you perceived life : as long as your loved ones were ok, you were ok. And as a result, you knew how important it was to take care of yourself, too. To be ok, for them.

It wasn’t always easy. And that’s exactly what family was for. So that during the hard times, like right now, as you were scared for your son who broke his leg as a lack of care for himself, together, you could pull through.

“Self-care is important, right ?”

He said, a light of mischievousness in his eyes. And oooh that boy. He’s always been clever. A little too much, maybe. You smiled back, and said :

“Yes it is my little one, yes it is. So please, be more careful…”

It was clear, in those moments, you were never angry at them. But scared. Scared they’d forget to take care of themselves, and get hurt (or worst) in the process.

When Dick started to live on his own, in Blüdhaven, one of the thing he constantly asked himself was : “Would mom be scared for me if I do that ?”, and it was honestly often a motivation to take care of himself. Take some “mental health days” off, so he could recenter himself and take care of his mind. Let his body rest too.

He always understood you. And as a result, of course, your constant remembrance of how important self-care was stuck with him, and will always stick with him.

Jason

Pre-Red Hood

“Jason, baby, you have to be more careful.”

“But did you see mom, did you see how I hit the ball so far that dad couldn’t even catch it ? Did you see it mom ? Did you ? That’d be a homerun right ? Right mom ? Right ?”

“Yes, yes I saw. And it’d be a homerun for sure. But you-“

“And then he ran to get it but I was already half-way around the field. I would’ve finished if I didn’t fall in the roses – I hope Alfred isn’t mad – But like, it was still good right ? Right ?”

“Yes, it was. But Jason, you need to-“

Your son jumped up on his feet, while you were in the middle of taking care of his injuries, which fortunately weren’t too bad. Small scratches there and there. A bruise on his little face. It wasn’t too bad, but it was such a recurrent thing.

“I hit it so far ! I never hit it that far ! Right mom, right ? That was so far ! I think it went to the back of the garden, and Wayne Manor’s garden is big ! Dad didn’t even got to it. Well, because he came to get me out of the roses, but he was so far from it ! Right mom ? I hit the ball super super far ! I bet I hold the record of hitting it the farthest right ? The record in the family ? Dick didn’t hit it that far, did he ? Oh wait, he doesn’t like baseball. Well I’m the one who hit it the most most most most farthest then right ? Right mom ? Right ?”

Yes. It was a recurrent thing.

Jason, often engrossed in what he was doing, wouldn’t pay much attention to his body. To himself, in general. Because even as he was just nine, he often took much more upon himself than such a young child should take on. And he would throw himself body and soul into everything he did. He was a very passionate kid, to say the least.

And he wanted to help. Oh, he wanted to help so much. Because he still thought he didn’t do enough to save his own parents…While they were the ones who failed him.

You see, Jason had to survive most his life. He grew up too fast, taking responsibilities that he should never have taken. His parents were the result of years of Gotham’s neighborhood rotting away in poverty and crime. And there was little hope, for a small child. Yet…Yet he pulled through. And took so much upon himself.

This habit stayed with him. He always wanted to be there for everyone, often to the detriment of himself, whether physically or mentally. He didn’t want to just help out, no, he HAD TO throw his entire being in everything he did.

Ok, in this instance, it wasn’t that deep. Your boy just got really excited playing baseball with his dad, and accidently got hurt in the process as he hit the ball really hard and as he got happy the ball went past Bruce, he ran and…fell right in one of Alfred’s rose garden (he wasn’t looking in front of him, as he waved at you excitedly repeating “did you see this mom ? Did you see ?”). The thorns made quite a number of him.

No wounds were too deep, but there were many of them. However, none tainted Jason’s excitement. And this was one of the core of the problem.

Your son would often get too much into something. And forget to take care of himself. Whether it was because he wanted to save someone, or because he won at a game against his dad…

In that way, he actually resembled Bruce a lot. Both of them had this inside them, this way of getting hyperfocused on something to the detriment of themselves.

“Jason.”

Your solemn voice stopped him as he was again describing what had just happened, and he turned to you, worried he did something wrong.

He was always worried he did something wrong. You quickly reassured him, and added :

“It’s just…You have to be more careful buddy.”

The question in his eyes told you everything. He didn’t even notice, himself, how he could get too caught up in something and sacrifice himself in everyway possible.

Again. This wasn’t that deep. It was just a baseball game, and he wasn’t that hurt. But it represented the root of the problem nonetheless.

“It is important, to take care of yourself, you know ? Self-care is, I would say, one of the most important thing I will ever teach you.”

“Self…care ?”

“Yes. The art of taking care of yourself. And it is, an art. You know, sometimes we have too much on our plate. Too many things are going on. And we need to take a few steps back, a good warm bath, read a good book…Just take care of ourselves. It’s important. It’s so important. I could write essays about how important it is. In fact, I’ll write one for you. Maybe it’ll make more sense. I know you can be a bit cartesian my boy.”

You smiled at him, and he smiled back, naturally.  

You could see Jason didn’t quite understand just yet. But you knew he would. You knew because you’d never stop reminding him how important self-care is. And just like everything Jason did, he started to indeed take care of himself, because he knew it made you and his dad happy..

************

Post-Red Hood

“Are you crazy ?”

“I don’t need your lessons, Dick.”

“Oh yeah ? You sure about that ? Because you almost just died ‘cause you were too engrossed in trying to-“

“I. Don’t. Need. Your. LESSONS !”

Your oldest son stopped himself from saying more. He knew his little brother enough to know it was useless. To know it’d only drive him further away.

Jason had almost died (again) after he chased after a group of thugs, and, too focused on that, didn’t notice a sniper. Or rather, he noticed, but his only goal was to stop the criminals. He didn’t care what happened to him in the process. “Too engrossed in what he was doing”.

“JASON PETER TODD !”

Jason’s blood froze. Oh no. Oh. No. You weren’t happy with him. Clearly.

“Oooh, you’re in troubleeee.”

Jason glared at his oldest brother, Dick, who just said those words. What ? They weren’t children anymore. So his mom was angry, and ? He died and came back to life, so nothing really got to him anymore, and certainly not some silly-

“Exactly what do you think you’re doing ?? You could’ve been killed ! So stupidly too ! You were brought back to us, we can’t watch you go again !”

Oh. Oh he was wrong. As he saw you approached, furious, he felt like a little eight year old child again. Which was an odd feeling, because he was certain he erased everything from that time from his heart, so why would he feel like that right now ?

“Haven’t I told you to take care of yourself ? Didn’t I taught you that ? Forget everything your dad ever taught you if your hatred really makes you do it. But not this, ok ? Not the way he, we, showed you you needed to take care of yourself ? Not, not that…”

Your voice slowly faded away, tears welling up in your eyes.

Jason had come back not so long ago. You and Bruce discovered it was him not so long ago. And he still hadn’t really talked to you. He had a big fight with your husband, you knew. And you understood where his anger came from. But you couldn’t…You couldn’t bear to see him die again !

“Just take care of yourself…hate us all you want, but please…take care of yourself…Don’t let yourself get hurt like that…”

Jason had to leave. He couldn’t handle seeing you like that, but his entire being was still too wrecked deep inside, to go to you and hug you. To comfort you, like you did when he was a child. To talk.

He couldn’t.

He didn’t…He didn’t hate you. And he certainly didn’t hate his dad either. He- He didn’t know who he was anymore.

He had recently reconnected with his siblings (goddamn Dick never was able to mind his business). And Bruce had, of course, ran after him as soon as he understood who the Red Hood really was…But now, now Bruce was giving him space.

And Jason. Jason understood why. He understood. And it tore him apart even more. Oh, it would’ve been so easy, to just hate you and Bruce. But he didn’t. No.

He was hurt. Deeply. And he didn’t understand why Bruce did the thing he did. And why-

He was hurt.

And he wasn’t ready yet to confront you. To just face you. He didn’t want to break again.

And so he left.

In a way, that in itself was an “act of self-care”. Protecting himself from feelings he knew he could not handle just yet. Leaving, so he could regroup. Clear his mind.

Take care of himself.

Everyone had to (re)start somewhere.

Tim

“MOM ! MOOOOM !!”

Damian’s erratic screams pierced you like a knife. That boy rarely succumbed to panic, so if he was calling you so desperately, it meant something grave was up !

You ran towards where his voice was coming, your mind running a thousand different scenarios as to what might’ve happened. You came in the living room your family used the most, and you felt your heart drop.

Right there, near the couch, was Damian, looking as he was about to cry he was sitting down on the floor, with Tim’s head in his lap.

“He just dropped mom, he just dropped !”

Your brain entered “automated pilot” mode as you dismissed all feelings of fear, and went right to your son, to check his vitals and…

“He’s sleeping.”

“Wh-What ?”

Damian was sobbing, scared to death for his brother. Contrary to popular belief, and even if they wouldn’t admit it themselves, Damian and Tim were very close. And so when Tim passed out all of a sudden, he downright panicked, and got extremely scared.  

“He’s sleeping. He’s ok. I bet he “forgot” to sleep again…”

Yes. This wasn’t the first time Tim sort of dropped out of nowhere. He once got dumped by a girlfriend because he fell asleep in a rollercoaster. It wasn’t really too out of character. Reassured, and after making sure he was really just asleep, you went to fetch your husband so he could help you get Tim to bed. As you left you heard Damian say :

“Just you wait, when you wake up, I’ll make you pay for this !”

A soft smile on your lips, you exited the room.

You always worried about your family, of course. Especially given their line of work. But Tim ? Oh, Tim was a CONSTANT worry even when you were right next to him. You didn’t want to be overbearing, so you’d let him do “his thing”. But oh boy...That child had the worst attitude when it came to his own self.

He’d forget to eat, if he was too focus on a project. Or to drink. Or, you know, to sleep. He’d put his needs last, if it meant solving a case. If it meant finishing something.

He was the worst, when it came to self-care. And no matter how much you’d remind him, get mad at him (you, or the rest of the family really), he would always dismiss his need for (what he thought was) a higher purpose. Unlike with your husband, your argument of him not being able to achieve his goal if he dropped first, never quite hit him.

Tim simply didn’t care what happened to him, as long as he got things done. And it was tragic. In multiple ways. First, because it showed how growing up to be invisible to his biological parents truly affected his psyche. Second because it was a source of constant worry for everyone. Third because it really was unhealthy, and he was just sixteen ! Fourth…Well, the list would be infinite, when you think about it.

Tim never taking care of himself was tragic, period.

And moments like this ? Damian panicking, you feeling awful, and him passing out of exhaustion ? Well, it was proof enough of that fact.

Tim woke up in his bedroom, and was greeted by a sight that warmed his heart. Damian was asleep in an armchair, curled up in a little ball. Oh, how far they went, since the first time they met...

His mom and dad were there too, in another armchair. His mom was sleeping, but his dad...

“Hello there chum, feeling better ?”

He nodded, and smiled.

“I’m ok, of course. It was just a little moment of weakness; no worries.”

“Don’t say that to your mom, she’s gonna lose her mind if she hears you say that again after you passed out…again.”

“I know, that’s why I’m telling you. I know you understand.”

“I do. To a certain extend. I do agree with your mom, you know ? It is important to take care of yourself.”

“I am taking care of myself.”

“You passed out on your way to watch a movie with Damian, because you were THAT tired.”

“Good point. But it’s not like, all the time. I just got caught up in…stuffs.”

“I know.”

There’s a small silence. Tim knew Bruce understood him, but he also knew he agreed with you on the self-care part. Which is something he just couldn’t understand. His biological parents never took care of him, like, at all, and it was deep rooted in him that he didn’t really matter. So, you know, it wasn’t such a big deal.

He knew, of course, his family loved him. He knew the extend of your love, you showed it many times. He just didn’t think taking care of himself was that important.

In any case, he was glad you were sleeping at the moment. He definitely didn’t want you to get mad at him right now, he hated it. Not because he was getting yelled at, but because he hated “disappointing” you. So yes. He was glad. And it was heartwarming, that you guys were waiting for him to wake up.

He loved you all so much. Which is why he had to work harder to-

“DRAKE !”

Tim turned his head towards Damian, who was now standing on the armchair, pointing a finger at him.

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUUU ?”

For a few seconds, Tim was lost. He looked at his brother, and then at his dad and you, who definitely woke up after Damian’s outburst.

And then Damian started to talk. Talk and talk. To sermon Tim like he never did before.

And it clicked.

It clicked in Tim’s head, that day. After years of you trying to tell him self-care was important, it finally clicked…because of his little brother.

Damian was more than mad, when he woke up. He lectured Tim for hours and hours. And the concern in his voice, in his face, in the very reason he was mad…It told everything Tim needed to know.

He was important to others. He knew it of course. He knew you and Bruce loved him, that he was your beloved son. But for some reason, he always dismissed your self-care words for being “worried parents”. But when Damian put himself in such a state because of Tim lack of self-care ?

Your son understood. Finally. FINALLY. This wasn’t just the worries of parents. This was an actual important thing. Not just for him, but for others, too. He had the same epiphany your husband had, all those years ago.

It just took him a little more time to get through his stubborn thick skull. Oh, and also, it took a loud short ball of nerve showing his utter worry for him, to finally get him to understand.

Finally. Tim understood years of you saying : “self-care is important”, because of the love his little brother held for him…

Cass

“This. Ok.”

She said, showing the wounds you were tended to.

“No Cassandra, no, it’s not ok !”

Your daughter was taken aback by the use of her full name. You only used her full name when you were angry...Or when she thought, you were angry. Usually, you calling her “Cassandra” was a translation of your worries (which granted, could appear as if you were angry).

Dick would tell her you weren’t angry, just worried.

Worried because Cass grew up with people who didn’t care about her, and only ever saw her body as a weapon (resembled Damian in that way). As a result, she viewed her own self as an expandable, and it drove you crazy.

Crazy with worries, and with pain.

Your precious little girl thought of herself as an expandable, while to you, she’d forever be irreplaceable. You hated those who gave her the idea. Hated her so called “father”.

How dare they make such a wonderful woman think she was nothing important. Think her existence was secondary.

“It’s not ok, it’s not.”

You repeated. And it broke your heart, to see your daughter not understanding why you were so upset. You were pretty sure she thought you were upset with her.

“I’m not angry at you…”

You had to reassure her on that, of course. But you couldn’t look at her. You didn’t want to cry, not in front of her. You weren’t sure you could explain to her why…

But you and Cass ? You never needed words, to understand each other. You never needed hours of conversations, long explanations, to know exactly how the other felt.  

You felt her hands softly settle on your cheeks, and she “forced” you to raise your head. For a long moment, she looked deep in your eyes, and you could see she was searching for the answers to her unasked questions.

Did she find it ?

You didn’t know. All you know is that she let you go, after a while. Looked at her wounds. And said :

“Alright. Important.”

************

It’s only ages later, that you realized she understood what you meant, in that moment you called her “Cassandra”. She understood why you were sad, and that it wasn’t her fault.

No. And that was the most important thing.

It wasn’t her fault.

It was a long road, to understanding truly was self-care is. But a long road she was willing to take. Because she knew you would take it with her, too. That you would be there, guiding her, not giving up on her, ever.

That you would be there, looking at her as if she was the most important thing in the world for you (and she was, along with the rest of the family). Giving her a sensation she never felt before.

Was she important ?

If she was, was taking care of herself important ?

A long road. That you’d accompany her on. Everything will be fine. She knew it. One day, one day she’d understand.

Self-care is important.

Damian

Damian was not used to have someone care for his need. So how could he know about “self-care ?”

When trained with the League of Assassins, he was fed, and had a roof over his head. But, he was being trained by the League of Assassins. He had been created for one purpose and one purpose only.

To one day rule the world.

There was no being nurtured, just being lead to be the ultimate survivor and weapon. Nobody ever asked him if he wanted ice-cream, for example, like you were, right now.

“Are you ok, my little buddy ?”

Ah. Another question he never heard before he started to live at Wayne Manor. “Are you ok ?”, oh, how three little words could mean so much.

Damian wasn’t ok. And he wasn’t even sure why. He just felt like everything was...Too much. Sometimes, things were just too much. And he didn’t quite knew why yet (he would discover along the way, get more in phase with his own feelings).

He shook his head, and slowly, you saw his face crumble, and tears gathering in his eyes and you didn’t need more prompting. You entered “mom mode”, an experience Damian only ever lived with you. Which is probably why he genuinely considered you to be his mom.

You sat down beside him, and enveloped him in your arms. And it felt so nice. He didn’t need to give you an explanation, to tell you why he wasn’t feeling well. You were there anyway. And it was nice.

A long time went by, when you finally said :

“You can always talk to me. And if it’s too hard, text me ? Write to me to explain, if you want. You don’t have to of course. But if you feel like it’ll make you feel better, do not hesitate. You will never bother me.”

You will never bother me, you tell him. In such stark contrast with what he was used to. His grandfather constantly reminded him that he was alive only because he let him be. That his life belonged to him, and that if he became too much of a nuisance, he’d-

“It’s ok my little buddy. Go ahead, cry all you need. It’s ok.”

All you need. You said need.

“You know, it’s ok to sometimes take some time, for yourself. It’s important, even.”

There’s a short silence. Damian clings to you, but he slowly calms down.

“You have to take care of yourself. Care for yourself, as much as I care for you.”

Silence again. Damian wasn’t crying anymore, but he wasn’t sure of what to say. Taking care of himself ? He didn’t know how that worked. Where to begin ? What did that entail ?

Taking care of himself, as much as you cared for him ?

Wouldn’t that be too much ? Too self-centered ? Going backward in his redemption, back to thinking he was “the best” and deserved to be put on a pedestal ?

Because you cared for him so much. So much. Like nobody ever cared for him before. Granted, it was easy, as nobody ever did. But you…You were such a great mom.

Damian didn’t want to be self-centered.

“It’s ok to take care of yourself. To have moment of self-care.”

You said, noticing your son didn’t seem convince. And it’s as if you could read his mind, as you added :

“It doesn’t mean you only care about yourself. There IS a difference between self-care and being self-centered.”

Yes. As if you read exactly what was in his mind.

“Damian. You are allowed to take time for yourself. Like right now. With me. It’s self-care. Opening up to someone, letting your emotion run free. It’s a form of self-care. And then, when you feel better, we can go eat all the junk food we can find, and binge watch all your favorite movies. That could also be self-care.”

“Eating ice-cream and movies are…self-care ?”

“Well, in a way, yes. It makes you feel good right ?”

“Right.”

“And relaxed ?”

“Yes, especially when with you.”

“Then it’s self-care. For me, it’s peace of mind. It’s feeling like things will be ok. It’s surrounding myself with those I love. Like you. I love you my little buddy.”

“I love you too…”

He never told anyone he loved them before. Because nobody ever loved him.

Self-care, huh ?

Damian never even knew it existed. He never saw simply doing something he liked, like drawing, as a part of “self-care”. Just like with his dad, you put things into a new perspective.

You made him understand, slowly but surely, what self-care was. And how important it is.

Duke

Duke had the bad habit of pressuring himself too much. He was a rather stress teenage boy, and it made it even worst that he always kept everything inside, like an actual pressure cooker.

He put in his head, early in his life, that he had to succeed at certain things in order for his loved one to be proud of him, and not worry for him. He’d stress over his studies, his future, sometimes he’d simply stress over not knowing what to eat for lunch !

It was simply the way he was, an overthinker to the core.

And he never spoke about it. Never. It wasn’t his style, and it wasn’t what he was used to.

A pressure cooker.

Holding everything cooking up inside, under high pressure.

You knew that. You knew, and it drove you crazy, because you also knew this kind of stress couldn’t just be cured overnight, if it could even be cured.

Duke was an anxious boy, and as a result he often got strung up on things and forgot himself. Forgot his own safety.

You made it your duty, to remind him that he needed to take care of himself. Just like you did with all your children.

But Duke was particular. All your children were different, and they all had to learn to take care of themselves in different ways. For Duke, who also had the added stress of discovering new powers which could turn dangerous if he didn’t learn to use them, it came under the form of a schedule.

Duke like the safety of knowing what was going to happen. Of planning things ahead, which is what made him such a great vigilante (and was closely related to his powers, when you thought about it).

He needed a structure, or his stress would go through the motherfu**ing roof. You discovered that the hard way. You were trying to explain to him he needed to take some self-care moments, to tell him taking care of himself was important…And it really didn’t work. In fact, it had the opposite effect.

He listened to you. He took a day off and…panicked. He hadn’t time to think what he was going to do, how he would use this day productively, how-

It just didn’t occur to him that Duke would react that way. And it was ok. Learning through trials and errors, right ? The next day, you showed him a blank schedule, saying he should try to fit a ��self-care day” at least once a month, to start with. And then incorporate one a week, if he could.

And this ? This was reassuring. He could work, with thinking of a schedule. With thinking of specific days, in which it was ok for him to not plan things. He just had to plan that in advance.

For many, it could sound contradictory. But for him, who had this anxiety he had to live with for so long, it wasn’t. If he knew he had that day to relax, to not think of anything. To put everything on a side, and just do his hobbies, hang with his family and friends without worries…Then he could genuinely let go.

It was maybe a little too cerebral for some people. But it’s how Duke worked. The very essence of his meta-human powers showed this was just who he was. Someone who needed to plan ahead. It didn’t mean he couldn’t improvise, oh no, on the contrary, he had quite the talent to improvise. He was a smart boy. But, it meant having a direction to go was reassuring, and nice. And knowing when he could turn this off, was also nice.

To Duke, self-care started with a piece of cardboard. A blank schedule you gave him. And it slowly took meaning from there. Slowly became an actual thing. To finally take its full place in his life.

Duke had his own way, to self-care. His own path. And as he introduced this in his life, he became less stressed, and truly understood what you meant.

Self-care was important.

Self-care was almost vital, in a way ?

It could help you function during days you felt like nothing would go right.

Self-care was important.

Duke had a tough few years, what with losing his parents to the Joker’s laughing poison, and discovering he was a meta-human. And you teaching him self-care ? Showing him the foundation of what it was ?

It helped. It really did.

Not only self-care became a part of his daily routine. But it’s also what made him feel like he had a family again. Because if you, Bruce, those he came to introduce as his siblings, wanted him to take care of himself…It meant you really cared for him. It meant you loved him.

It meant he had a family again.

Alfred

You would FORCE Alfred to take days off.

Out of everyone, he probably the one who took care the least of themselves. And with people like Tim or Bruce in your family, that was saying a LOT.

In a way, it seemed logical. After all, his very position, being a butler, meant everyone else’s need came before his. But in your way, it couldn’t always be like that !

Alfred too, needed time for himself. Needed time for some precious self-care.

And although he was quite a stubborn man, and held his ground in front of the Batman himself…He couldn’t beat your determination. And he had to admit, it was nice, to sometimes lay back.

Everyone needed some self-care days.

YOU !

Just like you’d get mad at them, they’d definitely get mad at you too...

Sometimes, they would say you took care of them TOO MUCH.

Of course, most of the time they wouldn’t complain. They loved being around you. But they loved you being healthy even more. And so the “you time” came in. “Me time”, for you. Every now and then, you’d have moments of pure self-care. All on your own. Which was…nice.

You loved your family, but those moments of calm wanted “loneliness” were good. It was part of your self-care. The other part was…To let yourself be utterly pampered by them.

By your Broosh. By your children. By Alfred.

Moments devoted to you, to your every need. Because your health was precious, to all of them. And you understood. You understood, because this was the exact reason you always “fought” them to take more care of themselves.

Yes.

Yes, self-care is important. And it was something that almost became a motto, in the Wayne family.

__________________________________________________

Just like last time, I haven’t written anything in a while (this time mainly because of lack of time though, and not my mental illnesses...yay ?). So I’m a little nervous about sharing this little thing, I wrote rather fast in a burst of inspiration (albeit I wrote this half-asleep so ya know). They’re just drabbles. Maybe too descriptive, but the theme was made for it aaah.

I really hope you liked it. And as usual, comments and/or reblogs are always welcomed, encouraging, and heart warming :). Thank you.

[mindofharry]

Stepdadrry pleaseeeee ❤️❤️❤️❤️

A small little angsty blurb of harry having to deal with a moody child for the first time! enjoy!

Being a dad is something harry has always wanted.

It’s something he’s dreamt about. So when he met you, it was like fate. You two had met at a museum, Y/N was doing the tours and harry was new to town. Harry had been looking for a home for quite a long time and finally found a good one. The only downside was it was in a small village — or maybe it was good. When Harry first moved, he realised everyone in the village knew everyone. So when Harry permanently moved in, he was the talk of the town.

It died down after a few weeks, but he felt like a proper celebrity.

After finding a job in a local café, Harry went exploring and came across Y/N’s small museum. It was nothing fancy, but it looked like the town came together and put this museum up with historical facts about the village. It was something super special, and harry was glad he got to be apart of this.

When he first saw Y/N, his heart practically burst out of his chest. Harry bit his lip and his eyes widened as she turned around from behind the desk. Her long hair was in neat braids, and she was wearing this beautiful yellow sun dress. Y/N had paint on her hands and arms and a flower tucked behind her ear. There was one word to describe Y/N and that word was; perfect.

“Are you new to town? I haven’t seen you around before” Y/N asked with a big smile, maybe because she was so excited a new person was here or because he was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen.

“Yeah, I moved here two weeks ago. You’re the first person to have an actual conversation with me” Harry said leaning against the wall. Y/N shook her head and took the flower out of her hair placing it on his harry coat pocket.

“Well, aren’t you lucky?”

And Harry was.

After asking her on a date he knew she was the one. Y/N is kind, selfless and so funny. He found is other match. On the third date, Y/N seemed nervous. Like she was itching to tell him something. Harry then started to get anxious, thinking this is it, this is the time she breaks up with me. So the night was tense, everyone felt it. When dinner was over, Harry drove you back to his and opened up a bottle of wine trying to ease the tension a little.

“I… I have to tell you something” Y/N said and put the glass of wine on the table. Harry nodded his head and took a deep breath in, preparing himself for the worst.

“I have a kid”

A kid?

Harry started to laugh.

“Baby, that’s what you were so afraid to tell me?” He giggled and Y/N nodded looking down at her feet. Harry sighed and placed his wine on the table, then lifting Y/N into his lap placing both of his hands on her cheeks.

“I do not care if you have children, Y/N. I like you and whatever comes with you. Tell me about them”

Y/N’s child is a boy, River, fours year old and a total sweetheart. He’s so smart and has the best manners. His dad is still in the picture, but he works a lot so he doesn’t get to see River as much as he’d like to. But there’s no bad blood between Y/N and River’s dad, the relationship just didn’t work out. But Y/N’s glad she’s gotten a second chance, because she’s found her soulmate. Some people aren’t ready to take on that role, and she’d never put anyone in that position unless they 110% ready for it. She knows River will absolutely love Harry.

Harry knew about River now, it was like a weight had lifted off of Y/N’s chest and she could fully relax now.

She wanted Harry to meet River as soon as possible, but she needed to wait it out a bit just in case something were to happen. She doesn’t want to introduce them and only for her and Harry to break up in a couple of weeks. It would be too confusing for everyone, so Harry and River didn’t meet until two months after Harry and Y/N made it official. Y/N had been dropping hints for those months, and River seems to like his dad’s girlfriend, so she thought now was the right time to do it.

“Hi buddy! I’m Harry” Harry introduced himself, giving River the teddy bear he picked up on the way here. Y/N smiled to herself as River hugged Harry. That surprised Harry a bit, but he quickly reciprocated the warm hug with a huge grin.

“You and mumma are together like daddy and Sandra?” River asked and Harry looked up to Y/N, she nodded.

“Yeah, we are together. Is that alright with you?”

River smiled and nodded, “Only if you watch Toy story with me.”

As time went on, River got more comfortable with Harry and vice versa. He didn’t call him dad or anything, nobody would force him to. But they do have special nicknames for each other and River once called Harry his best friend — which totally melted Y/N’s heart.

Harry is a such a great step dad. Y/N could ask for anyone better. He constantly supports Y/N and River in everything, and is just the best person to be around.

Harry and Y/N got married two years into their relationship when River turned six.

It’s been a tough year for River, since he just started school and is finding it hard to make friends. Y/N has talked to the school and they’ve said that this is very normal, and they’re going to encourage him and look after him every step of the way. Y/N has been looking for play therapists for days, but she’s still not sure on the idea.

But River has been acting out. Taking it out on Y/N and not being very nice to her. Harry hates it, he’s tried to tell him off in the nicest way possible, but he’s just not cut out for being bad cop. Usually Y/N says she can handle it, and she does.

But today was different.

After dropping River off at school Y/N and Harry decided to go out for brunch. Y/N hasn’t been herself with River in a mood, so Harry wanted to treat his wife to something nice. Something to cheer her up a little.

“Nice to see you smiling,” Harry said kissing her temple.

“Just worried about him. He’s never been like this before.”

“How about I talk to him? Tell him his behaviour is unacceptable. I hate seeing you so upset, baby.” Harry said and Y/N sighed pecking his lips.

“His dad is away on a work thing, so I guess me and you and can talk to him together? I just don’t want him to think this behaviour is ok, but I just wish his dad was here more often” Y/N stressed, Harry pulled her chair closer to his, placing both of his hands on her cheeks calming her slightly.

“We’ll talk to him after dinner. Together.”

And so dinner finally came and Harry was a little nervous, he’s not going to lie. Usually if Rivers being bold Y/N handles it, but he’s not usually like this — but they get it, going to big school is a huge change. River just needs to know his behaviour is not acceptable, but if he ever needs to talk about anything then they’ll be here.

“River, Harry and I need to talk to you.” Y/N said as River tried to disappear up to his room.

River shrugged and continued to walking.

“Buddy, your mums talking to you” Harry said placing a hand on Y/N’s hand. River pouted, but still stood in his spot. “Why don’t you come back over and sit with us?” Harry said and River shook his head. Y/N sighed placing a hand on her forehead, blinking away the tears.

“Fine, we’ll do this here then.”

“There’s something going on with you and we want to help. Your behaviour has been unacceptable the last couple of weeks. We just want to know what’s going on, ok? Mummy and Harry are here to help.”

River groaned and walked towards the table. “I don’t want to talk.” He said and Y/N nodded.

“That’s ok. You don’t have to talk to us right now. But you need to know that you can’t be cheeky with us like that anymore. It’s upsetting, River. If it keeps going on, they’ll be punishments and you don’t like them do you?” Y/N said trying to reason with him.

River was having absolutely none of this. Harry could tell. He didn’t want to get in the middle of Y/N’s parenting, but he didn’t want them to fight or end up saying something they’d regret.

“Riv, we just want to help-“

“Stop talking to me, you’re not even my real dad. You’ll be out of here in no time” River yelled, running out of the room.

It was quiet and Harry let out a little laugh, Y/N placed a hand on his and started to profusely apologise.

“I’m so sorry, Harry. I don’t know what’s gotten into him, you were just trying to help I get that. I’m so sorry”

Harry shook his head and sighed, “He’s right, i’m not his real dad. Was just trying to deescalate the situation. Bad move on my part” Harry said throwing the napkin on his plate.

“No, this is not on you. You did the same exact thing I would’ve.”

Y/N went to move, but harry put his hand in the air. “He’s angry, let’s just leave him for a bit. Let him calm down, then i’ll go talk to him.”

“You’re a good dad, Harry.” Y/N said kissing his forehead before bringing the plates over to the sink.

Harry let River calm down for about 30 minutes and then made Y/N a cup of tea. He didn’t like her being so anxious. After that, he made his way upstairs to Rivers room. The door had a note on it saying “Harry and mummy keep out”. He laughed to himself, before knocking on the door. There was a small grumble, so harry let himself in and leaned against the door frame. River was playing with his toys like nothing happened.

“Wanna play with me Harry?” River asked passing him a toy.

Harry sighed and sat down next to River.

“You know what you said really hurt my feelings?” Harry said and River pouted.

“And you’re behaviour has really upset mummy. Made her cry.” Harry said and River put down his car toy. “Just don’t like the school. Makes me nervous.” River said and Harry nodded placing the boy in his lap.

“And why does it make you nervous?”

“Because no one wants to be my friend, Harry.”

Harry sighed and kissed Rivers head.

“You know, me and mummy are going to go up to the school and yell so loud at the teachers” Harry joked and River giggled into harry’s chest.

“Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry i said you’re not my real dad. You are my dad.” River said and Harrys eyes filled up with tears.

“I love you, River”

“Love you too”

“Now let’s go give mumma a kiss before she gets jealous.”

[monodipita]

i love you, but i can’t tell you without wanting to hurt someone

pairing: mikey (manjiro sano) x gender neutral reader

word count: 1,128

warning(s): yandere content, general dark themes

       "You know, [Y/N].  I think this is the longest Mikey's ever dated anyone," Draken casually remarked, folding his elbows as he leaned back, resting them atop the park bench. The spring sun beat down on your skin, but the sea breeze felt nice. "You should be lucky."  He glanced up toward you, which, in turn, you merely laughed.  "Lucky?"  You shrugged your shoulders and looked away in the direction that Mikey walked away in.  You stared at his back dreamily while your hands went under your chin. "I'd hardly call it that. Maybe just... stupid."  You chuckled.

        Willingly getting into a relationship with someone who stalked you... yeah, it was so stupid.  You hardly understood what that meant for you.

        That day was a figment of your past.  Times were better, and people were happier.  Mikey wasn't the monster everyone would slowly know him to become.  Maybe you could've avoided these atrocities if you'd broken up with him earlier, but why, you didn't know how that would happen. You were too scared to openly talk to Mikey about anything now, even if he adoringly stared at you with those empty eyes, even if his lips spilled out words that said, "you can tell me anything," with such confidence that if you didn't know any better, you almost would've believed him.  You couldn't believe him.  Blood was on his hands because of you... no, you couldn't believe him.

        "You're harmful to [Y/N], Mikey,"  Draken glanced over to him.  It was fall, and yesterday marked your third month of being together.  The same park bench, the same people...except for Mikey.  Why no one could realize just how possessive his hold on you was would be a mystery to this very day.  It changed him into a desperate man who would do anything to maintain his hold on you - and everyone, even you, was powerless to stop it. "Stop treating them like an object.  And don't even get me started on what I caught you doing the other day,"

        "Don't tell me what I am and what I'm not.  You don't speak for [Y/N]."  Mikey calmly replied while his dead eyes wandered over to his best friend.  Oh, God, it was that look.  The same look he'd given that person who bumped into you by accident while the two of you were walking on the sidewalk just a few weeks ago... what was he going to do?  You opened your mouth to say something, but nothing could come out. All you could think...please, please, don't hurt Draken.

        Mikey's silence struck a nerve with both of you.

        You were afraid of what was going to happen if you spoke against either of them.  Mikey was... unpredictable, and Draken was a respectable man who would speak up for his beliefs, no matter what.  Draken noticed, and scoffed. "Tch!  Look at you.  They're too afraid to even say anything, Mikey."  He turned to face him. 

        Mikey stared at Draken for just a moment, before he turned his head to look at you. You could do nothing more but turn your head away from him and rub your arm. 

        The mistake you made was now the burden you'd bear for the rest of your life. 

        "I love you, but I don't know how to express it without wanting to hurt someone."  Mikey admitted.  It was spring again, reminiscent of the first ever date you'd gone on with him. You stared at him in silence, unsure of what to even say in response to that.  Were you supposed to be happy?  Happy?!  This past year, you'd been living in fear of your life and the lives of others!  It didn't even matter that he was gang-affiliated, he was dangerous!

        "Y-you hurt them anyway,"  you uttered after a moment, before you looked away from him. "You're hardly a boyfriend.  You're more like a monster who uses me to hurt others..."

        ...oh fuck... it slipped!

        "..."

        Mikey's feet shuffled, and in your peripheral vision, he'd completely disappeared.  It was only a moment later when you felt cold steel press to your temple, causing your heart to flutter with fear.  You wheezed out, feeling tears spring from your eyes and fall in tiny rivulets down your cheeks. "Mikey," you weakly called his name. "What are you doing?"

        "Are you trying to break up with me?"  He asked.

        "W-what does that have to do with this?!"  You snapped, "you're—you're holding a gun to my head!"

        "I'll kill you if you ever talk like that again."  He was so calm with his words that it shredded your nerves more than the gun pressed to your temple did.  "I'll kill you if you try to leave.  I'll kill the person you're talking to, and then I'll kill you.  Do you understand, [Y/N]?  You're mine."

        Two years after the disbanding of Toman, and two years into your relationship now in the present, you were now nothing more than his lapdog.  You couldn't speak to anyone without fear that they'd get hurt because of you.  If you had to liken your situation to something else, you'd compare yourself to a doll in a glass case. A prisoner who donned lavish clothing, and never moved from their spot. Everyone could look, but no one could touch, no one but Mikey. 

        And in this time of being forced to stay by his side, you came to realize that it wasn't all that bad.  He willingly took you from a terrible place, a terrible family, and gave you the attention you didn't want, or need.  You had all you could ever want, and all you had to do was just ask him.  He was your best friend, and you were his...even if you were blind to everything around you, and what he was doing to find the money to give you these expensive things.

        You could feel his hands sprawl over your sides to reach your back before he pulled you onto his lap.  The rain outside started to pick up, making you realize you'd been daydreaming this entire time.  His hold on you felt... nice.  His hands stroked down your back while you instinctively curled up to him.  His touch... it was so nice. 

        "It's nice, finally having someone who can watch your every move, isn't it?  Under my eye all the time, having nowhere to go because I'm the only place you can go,"  He asked, his tone cheerful, his words still anything but.  You simply nodded your head and curled closer to him with your arms wrapping around his smaller frame.  "But I shouldn't have to worry about you," he chuckled, "you'll never leave my side."

        "No, Mikey, I won't," you purred weakly. "I'll never leave your side."

[waka-chan-out]

Ok concept/request, you're riding Iwaizumi in the Aoba Johsai locker room and Oikawa walks in on you two and you feel like everything is about to get really awkward, but then Iwaizumi asks if he could join in?

(I ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ your stuff so much btw!!!!!!!)

Cool Down

i am OBSESSED with this idea. y’all know how much i like writing multiple characters, huh? 👀 sorry for taking so long on this but thank you for sending in a request! i’m flattered you like my content baby i hope you’re doing well

i exclusively write post-timeskip characters so i’m going to change this to argentina national team oikawa and athletic trainer iwaizumi if that’s alright :) but the concept shall remain the same.

word count: 2k

content warnings: she/her afab reader, established relationship, threesome, oral (m. receiving), double penetration, “sir,” “good girl,” LOTS of pet names, ass play, very low risk public sex, light teasing, light dacryphilia, creampie

You could still hear players shuffling out of the arena from the locker room. Tooru had told his team not to wait up, that he was going to stay and catch up with old friends. Instead, he had pulled you into his team’s deserted locker room and pushed you against the cool concrete wall, too hyped up from his game to even manage a shower.

Somehow that made it even hotter as you tangled your fingers in his lovely blue jersey, holding on as tight as you could as you shifted up and down in his lap.

His breath rushed heavy into your ear, face screwed up in pleasure and pressed into the crook of your neck. Both of you were so wrapped up in each other that the ability to speak was stripped away entirely, leaving behind pants and groans and the occasional high pitched moan.

Your brains and bodies were occupied, and that made it impossible to hear the locker room door clunk open and the heavy footsteps approach the back row of lockers.

“Oikawa.”

The voice fell like a bucket of cold water. You couldn’t run, so you clapped your hands over your face and buried into Tooru’s shoulder. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Tooru turned around, an exhausted smile on his face.

“Iwa-chan.” He let out a cough, unable to catch his breath. “Thought you would’ve gone home by now.”

“I figured you’d pull something like this.”

“But you won’t tell, will you? Because you’re our good little Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi’s face screwed up in disgust.

“I wasn’t going to tell as long as you were in a generous mood.”

You perked up.

“What?” you asked. Iwaizumi crossed his arms.

“Shitty-kawa needs to learn how to share if he’s going to make a mess in our locker rooms.”

Your eyes grew wide and Tooru laughed.

“I don’t know whether to take you seriously or not, Iwa-chan.”

“I could just report you.”

“I didn’t say no, but I’m not the one you have to ask.”

They both turned to face you and your mouth grew dry.

Scanning Iwaizumi’s body, you couldn’t say you’d never thought about it. The few times you had met Tooru’s Iwa-chan in person he had such a presence around him. No matter how out of control Tooru got, Iwaizumi held the reigns, able to shut situations down in only a few words. Not only that, he was almost infuriatingly good looking. His uniform polo looked uncomfortably tight around his chest and biceps, and that’s not even mentioning the way his legs fit into his dress pants.

You wanted his arms around you. Immediately.

“Does the door lock?” you asked. Tooru grinned.

“I knew you were fun,” he said, pressing kisses to your neck. Iwaizumi’s lips curled into a smile and he disappeared for a moment. You heard an echoey click and he returned, already pulling his belt out of its loops. Tooru laughed again.

“Cocky, Iwa-chan. At least get them warmed up first.”

Iwaizumi approached you, continuing to undo his slacks.

“I think you’ve already taken care of that,” he muttered, pushing down on Oikawa’s shoulder so he would laid down on the bench. Iwaizumi leaned down and pressed a gentle but warm kiss on your lips.

“You’ll be good for me, right?” he whispered as he pulled down the front of his briefs. You grinned and tugged him closer by the belt loop.

“Yes.” You punctuated the word by wrapping your lips around him. He was slightly shorter than Oikawa but significantly thicker. You looked up at him and took him as far into your mouth as you could.

“Shit,” he breathed, cupping your chin and running a thumb over your cheek. “What did you do to bag this one?”

Oikawa laughed and laced his fingers behind his head.

“I’m very charming, Iwa-chan. You should know that by now.”

You smiled as much as you could with Iwaizumi’s weight still in your mouth. He looked down at you and combed your hair out of your face.

“Wanna make him shut up for me?” he asked. You became keenly aware of the fact that Tooru was still inside of you and circled your hips. He hissed and tipped his head back against the bench.

“Mean, Iwa-chan,” he gasped. You continued a steady rock in his lap and he let out small, sharp breaths, trying to remain composed as he watched your eyes focus on Iwaizumi’s. “Don’t push her head,” he warned. “She doesn’t like that.”

“Yeah?” Iwaizumi said. His hand cupped your face, gently following your movement as your head dipped and pulled back. “You don’t like when he shows you what to do, huh? What if I show you what to do? Will you let me?”

He pulled you off of him, gently swiping at your lip to clean your face. He pushed his index and middle past into your lips, dragging them over your tongue. You closed your eyes at the feeling and you heard him let out a content laugh.

“That’s my girl. Why don’t you bend over for me?”

You quickly leaned forward so you were laying on Tooru’s chest.

“You really are an obedient little thing, aren’t you?” he said, running a hand through your hair. “Why don’t you behave this way with me, hm?”

“Because you don’t command any respect,” Iwaizumi grumbled. He ran his hands over your ass then down, circling your entrance. You gasped and held Tooru tighter.

“Don’t act so shy,” he said through a laugh. “You’ve done that before and you know you like it.”

“Oh? Is that true?” Iwaizumi asked. You nodded, but he ran his hand over the back of your neck and tugged your hair lightly. “Words, darling.”

“Yes,” you stammered. He chuckled and unceremoniously pushed a finger inside of you. You let out a choked moan and pressed your face further against Tooru’s chest.

“Aw, Iwa-chan, be nice.”

“I am being nice. Feels good, doesn’t it doll?”

“Y—” You paused as Tooru leaned up to your ear.

“Call him sir. He’ll lose it.”

Iwaizumi landed a quick smack on your ass and pushed in another finger.

“What did I say about your words? Does it feel good?”

“Yes, sir.” The words were rushed, nervous. You were sure Iwaizumi could hear the hesitation in your voice, but the low groan that left him was assurance enough.

“Oh, fuck. What a good girl.” You could hear him readjusting his pants and gasped when he pressed up against you from behind. “You gonna be good and take all of me? I know you can do it.” You hummed as he started pushing forward.

“Yes, sir.”

He laughed aloud and continued to slowly sheath himself inside of you. He was going agonizingly slow, and though you knew you needed time to adjust, all you wanted was more.

“That’s right, baby. Take him like you take me,” Tooru said, running his hands over your waist. “I’m still better, though. Right?” Iwaizumi finally bottomed out inside of you and you let out a short, strangled sound, pressing your forehead against Tooru’s. “See? You’ve sent her right back into my arms.”

“We’ll see about that.” Iwaizumi pulled back slowly, dragging a shocked gasp from your throat. “You can’t fill her up like this. Right, sweetheart? Tell me how full you are.”

“So full,” you groaned. As his hips pushed forward again you mumbled, “please.” His laugh was even louder this time.

“Please what? Come on.”

“Please fuck me, Iwa.”

“I think that’s what I’m doing right now. You asking for more?” He moved his hips quickly once and you moaned.

“Yes,” you breathed.

“Yes what?”

“Yes, sir.” You leaned up and looked Tooru in the eye. “Yes, Hajime. Please fuck me harder.” His eyebrow raised and a smirk pulled at his lips.

“Oh, fuck.” Iwaizumi’s voice rumbled in his chest as he gripped your hips, snapping them against you hard and fast.

“Look at you, doll.” Tooru purred. “Taking his cock when I’m still inside of you. You that desperate? You want me to fuck you too?”

You nodded, face screwed up in a wince as Iwaizumi found a perfect angle inside of you.

“No sir for me? Greedy little thing. I guess you can have my cock. Next time you’ll have to beg.” He joined Iwaizumi in holding your hips, lifting them slightly off of him so he could gain leverage. Then he began slowly moving, cock dragging inside of you and, oh fuck, did it feel good to have both of them pushing inside of you. Tooru quickly build up his pace to match Iwaizumi’s, each of them thrusting into you at the same time. The feeling was overwhelming and quickly brought a sob to your lips.

“Aw, baby don’t cry. You were so ready for us. What happened?”

“Don’t be mean, Oikawa. She’s taking it well.”

“Sure, Iwa-chan, but she doesn’t seem very grateful, does she?” He grabbed your chin and brought your face up to look at him. “Say thank you.”

You choked on a moan as Tooru halted mid-thrust, pushing right up against where you wanted him most.

“Thank you,” you murmured. Tooru laughed.

“Come on, princess, Iwa-chan couldn’t hear you. Say it so he can hear it.”

“Thank you, Hajime.”

Iwaizumi let out a strained laugh but said nothing, too focused on the rock of his hips.

“Now me,” Tooru purred. There was a delicious glint in his eye. You couldn’t decide whether it was frightening or devastatingly sexy. “Say thank you, Tooru. Thank you for fucking you so well and letting my Iwa-chan have his way with you.”

“Thank you, Tooru,” you gasped. “For everything. Please.” You leaned forward and captured his lips. His eyes widened before settling into a smug expression.

“Fuck I’m gonna cum soon,” Iwaizumi said. Tooru broke your kiss.

“Not inside,” he warned. Iwaizumi scoffed.

Tooru seemed to realize that he was close as well, face screwing up and hips moving more erratically.

“Are you going to cum with us, princess? Make a mess all over our cocks?” You whimpered and buried your face into his neck. “I think that’s a yes, Iwa-chan. Just wait. She’s so pretty when she cums.”

“Tooru, please,” you begged, but you didn’t know what for. You were climbing fast, body giving in completely to the feeling of the two men inside of you. You felt so good and so full you almost couldn’t stand it.

“Be nice, Oikawa. Let her cum first.” Iwaizumi’s voice was strained.

“Won’t be too long, Iwa-chan. Just look at her.”

You were so close. You could almost taste the orgasm about to rack your body, more overwhelming than ever due to the second man buried inside of you.

“Please,” you begged, but you didn’t know who you were begging to. “Please, let me cum.”

“Let go, baby. We’ve got you,” Tooru said, staring past you at Iwaizumi. Your body locked up and you let out a small sobbing noise, tightening your grip on Tooru’s jersey. Your body shook and the men seemed to follow soon after you. Tooru mumbled a small flurry of “that’s it”s before holding your hips tight and spilling inside of you. Iwaizumi let out a long groan, continuing a slow slide in and out of you. Despite Tooru’s warning, Iwaizumi’s hips remained flush against your ass as he groaned through his orgasm, making you feel lightheaded but forcing a scowl onto Tooru’s face.

You all lay there panting for a moment, unsure of how and when to move. Your entire body was buzzing. The slightest movement forced a gasp, and a long hiss left your lips as Iwaizumi withdrew.

“Iwa-chan, what did I tell you?” Tooru said, but there was no fight in his voice. He sounded exhausted. Iwaizumi didn’t respond. He tucked himself back into his pants and leaned down, pressing a kiss to the top of your head and rubbing your arm. He stared at you for a moment longer before smirking.

“Make sure you stretch before you leave, Oikawa. You missed the cool down at the end of the game.”

Then he turned on his heels and left the locker room, leaving you and Oikawa alone with the echoes of what you had just done.

———————————————————————

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[lonely-lost-soul]

Daddy's Little Girl

Request 10: Dad!Schlatt angst with the reader trying to protect Tubbo because the reader is his older sibling?

Requested By: Anonymous

TW: Abuse

Do you want angst? I’ll give you angst. Never challenge me again. /J

ily /p

(Hints of Wilbur and Techno x reader if you squint)

Growing up with Schlatt as your father had its ups and downs, on one hand, he was hilarious and let you get away with anything you wanted, but on the other hand, he had a drinking problem. When you were a little girl his drinking wasn’t too bad, some days were worse than others but most of the time he was semi cognizant. However, when your baby brother Tubbo came along everything changed, for a while he was sober. He was clear-headed, held a stable job on the SMP, and even helped you with your homework, but alas all good things come to an end. As soon as Tubbo started school, and your mom left he started up again, you weren’t happy. Your horns had begun to curl around your head around that time and your baby brother was enamored. He would wrap his chubby hands around them to pull and trace his fingers over the ridges, Tubbo would declare his horns were going to be just as magnificent as yours one day. You would flush at the praise and ruffle his hair, and told him you could already feel his little nubs growing in, he was overjoyed at the news.

Before Tubbo, Schlatt would never lay a hand on anyone, but something inside him crumbled. You had a few close calls, Tubbo bothering your father a little too much and Schlatt raised a hand to the boy. Luckily, you were always there to diffuse the situation and direct your father’s attention away from your baby brother. You were old enough to know just how impulsive and uncaring drinking made him, you tried to keep Tubbo as occupied as you could while keeping up with your work.

When Tubbo was ten years old he made his first friend.

Tubbo told you the kid’s name was Tommy, and he shared all the new information about his friend. He informed you he had two older brothers named Wilbur and Technoblade, who were about a year or two older than you. Tubbo desperately wanted to introduce you to him, but with your dad to keep an eye on you had to decline, at least for the time being. Tubbo pouted at your response and gave you, your biggest weakness puppy dog eyes, you relented. Promising to go with Tubbo to Tommy’s house in a few days to meet the brothers and supervise his play date with Tommy.

You just hoped your dad would be alright.

The day finally rolled around for you to meet the elusive Tommy and his brothers, you informed your dad that you and Tubbo would be gone for the rest of the day, he said it was alright. You think he just wanted to excuse to drink more while both of his children were gone.

“Come on (Y/n), let’s go already!” Tubbo called with a groan, you hushed him softly,

“Put your jacket on first.”

He reluctantly slipped on his jacket and grabbed his bag, you followed him out the door. Tubbo was buzzing with excitement holding his bee plush close to his chest, going on and on about how great Tommy was and how much he hoped you’d like Wilbur and Techno. Eventually, the both of you came upon a small cabin in the middle of a clearing, it was surrounded by lush pine trees and a little boy in a red and white shirt stood by the front gate.

“Tubbo!” The boy you assumed was Tommy shouted rushing over to the gate,

“Tommy!” Tubbo shouted with a laugh, he looked like he wanted to run towards him but first, he looked up at you. You smiled softly and gave your brother a nod, his face lit up and he charged towards Tommy. They met in the middle and Tommy immediately tackled Tubbo to the ground, a young man with glasses opened the window and began to shout at the blonde. He picked his head up and spotted you in the distance, his entire face flushed red, you sent him a little wave. The boy adjusted his glasses slamming the window shut, you titled your head to the side before seeing him and a taller boy with pink hair. While Tommy and Tubbo wrestled in the dirt the older boys walked up to you, they introduced themselves as Wilbur and Technoblade. They both were hybrids like yourself, you immediately felt at home, no wonder Tubbo liked it here so much.

Through the power of conversation you found out Technoblade was a piglin hybrid and Wilbur was half nymph, Tommy was just a plain human. Either their dad got around or some of them were adopted, you’d ask Tubbo later, figuring it was rude to blatantly ask that question. You found out the entire family thrived off of bulling one another it was quite funny to watch Technoblade roast the ever-loving shit out of Wilbur, unknown to you whenever you let a giggle or two slip past your lips Wilbur would flush and Technoblade would smirk. The end of the playdate rolled around and you found yourself not wanting to leave your new friends, Wilbur offered for you and Tubbo to sleep over but you politely declined. Technoblade shot Wilbur a concerned look when with a smile you said your dad would have your ass if you and Tubbo stayed over.

A few years went by since your first meeting, Tubbo and Tommy became inseparable and honestly, you and his brothers were in the same situation. Although you couldn’t see Technoblade and Wilbur as much as Tubbo could see Tommy the three of you were attached at the hip. Wilbur would constantly write you letters, sometimes the handwriting would switch and you noticed Techno put his blunt opinions into the conversation. Tubbo found one of the letters once and insisted that both boys must have a crush on you, you denied that with a soft laugh, just like your father you were under the impression you were unlovable.

Speaking of your dad, he was rarely ever sober at this point, rather being numb than feeling anything significant. Luckily he could be slightly functional, but mostly it was you raising Tubbo and protecting him from your dad’s off days. Speaking of an off day you had just gotten back from a trip of visiting your favorite boys, it was late and Tubbo was asleep in your arms. He was scratched up a bandaid was on his nose, and a bandage wrapped around his arm, he had taken a particularly nasty fall while wrestling with Tommy. Luckily both you and Wilbur were skilled in patching up rambunctious little brothers and he was fixed up in no time flat. You noticed the light on in the living room and grew concerned, your dad was always passed out in his bed by this time of night, was he alright?

Tubbo mumbled something in your arms and you pulled him close to your chest as to not wake the boy. “Dad?” You called softly wandering into the living room, much to your surprise he was very much awake. Your nose scrunched up in displeasure he reeked of whiskey and cigarettes, so tonight was a bad night.

Noted.

“You reek.” You commented adjusting the sleeping Tubbo in your arms, your father shot you a dirty look.

“Where the fuck have you been with the brat?” He hissed baring his teeth at you, “Do you know how late it is? Do you know how worried I was!” You hated the way your stomach churned with guilt and relief, at least he noticed his children were gone. He shouldn’t be praised for the bare minimum, Technoblade would’ve told you gruffly if he knew the full extent of your relationship.

“Out with Tommy, Wilbur, and Technoblade. Phil’s kids remember?” You responded with a soft sigh and he sent a dirty look your way standing up from his recliner. You backed up a few steps, the man towering over you eyeing Tubbo who was beginning to stir in your arms. Hesitantly you placed a hand over the back of his head, keeping it pressed tightly against your neck and shoulder. It only seemed to make Schlatt’s face scrunch up more,

“He looks so much like your mother.”

“I know dad.”

“Why’s he beat to shit?” He slurred reaching his hands out towards Tubbo, “You let him get hurt?”

“Tommy and he were just wrestling. Just being kids. I patched him up, he’s just sleepy.”

“So you let him get beat?”

“Dad no did you not hear me-” He grabbed one of your horns roughly yanking them down. You yelped in pain dropping Tubbo in the process, he hit the ground with a hard thud crying out from the rude awakening. “Dad you’re hurting me-”

“(Y/n)? Dad?” He murmured groggily barely processing the situation unfolding in front of him.

“Tubbo go to your room.” Your dad hissed at him, spit flying everywhere, Tubbo looked terrified. He looked at you and nodded the best you could with your dad’s iron-like grip on your horn, he scurried away and you felt your eyes fill with tears. If only he was a little older, he’d maybe be able to help you, but he was a child and didn’t need to see what was going to happen. “You’ve been running around without a care in the world, you’ve been going free for way too long. You’ve been a bad girl and now your getting punished.” Your blood turned to ice as the gip on your horn tightened,

“Dad, please I’m so sorry. I’ll make sure we get home on time from now on, you’re drunk. Please don’t do this you’ll regret it come the morning.”

“Shut the fuck up (Y/n)!” He spat his tobacco spit flying all over your face, you grimaced trying not to choke in disgust. “You think you know everything about the world but you don’t, you’re a stupid naive child!” He slammed the side of your head against the brick wall of your house. You yelped in pain feeling something crack against the wall, but it wasn’t your skull, it was your right horn.

“Dad- Dad please stop my horn-” You pleaded as he dragged you back by the hair and slammed you into the wall again. Your horn cracked once more and you screamed in pure agony, blood began to stain the wall where your head it, and your horn began to crack. “DAD!” You sobbed out as your horn broke off falling on the ground with a thud. Blood began to drip down the side of your head, your sobbing seemed to snap Schlatt back to his senses as he let out a soft call of your name.

“Fuck. Fuck baby I’m so sorry.” His voice cracked pulling you into his chest, he pressed his hands against the stub of your horn. You whimpered in pain and Schlatt shushed you softly, “I’m so sorry baby girl. My little girl, I didn’t mean it.” His head pressed into the crook of your neck, just where Tubbo’s was moments prior. “I’m such a fuck up. I’d never hurt you...I can’t do this…”

“It’s okay…” Your voice cracked eyes wide and glassy, it wasn’t okay but you weren’t about to tell him that. “Can I go to bed now…”

“Lemme patch you up first. You might bleed out...scare Tubs.” Schlatt grumbled and you nodded numbly. He helped you to your feet and you swayed, your dad haphazardly bandaged the side of your head and cauterized your horn. That might’ve hurt even more than losing the horn on its own, you held back your whimpers as your dad apologized even more for the pain he caused. “Get some rest alright…I love you.”

“Love you to dad,” You gave him a soft kiss on the cheek, you waited until he slipped into his room before you made your way into Tubbo’s. The boy was downright sobbing under his blankets, you pulled back the covers to find him desperately clinging to his bee plush.

“(Y/n)?” He whimpered looking up at you with wide eyes,

“Hey, Tubs…” Your smile was tense and he frowned, “Mr. Bumbles protect you okay? Just like we talked about?” Tubbo nodded lip trembling, he reached his hand up to touch your bandages. You flinched at his touch,

“Where’s your horn.”

“Unimportant. Just got into a little scuffle with dad, nothing your big sister can’t handle. Tubbo why don’t we go see Mr. Phil.”

“But it’s so late?”

“It’s okay. Go pack up a bag, you’ll be there for a while.”

“What about you?”

You sent him another tight-lipped smile, “I can’t stay there with you, unfortunately.”

“Then I don’t want to go!” He huffed defensively, your smile was wiped off your face.

“Not a suggestion-”

“NO! I’m not leaving you!” You grunted feeling him slam into your middle wrapping you in a tight hug. “Not with him...I need you. Who’s gonna protect me? Or read me bedtime stories? Or kiss me goodnight!” He began to cry through his protests and you knelt in front of him, you placed your hand on his cheek.

“Technoblade and Phil can protect you just fine. Wilbur would love to read you and Tommy’s bedtime stories. You’re too old for goodnight kisses-”

“Am not!”

“I can’t protect you anymore, not from dad.” Your voice shook a little before swallowing thickly, Tubbo’s eyes widened to the size of saucers. He’s never seen you look so scared, you were serious. “You deserve to grow up normally and happily, with a good dad and family.”

“You're good family.” Tubbo insisted grabbing your bigger hand with his own, you let out a wet laugh and held your other hand to your mouth. Swallowing again before responding to Tubbo’s heartfelt compliment,

“I’ll always be your family and I’ll always be your big sister. But for now, you’ll temporarily be part of Tommy’s family. Just until I’m old enough to take you away from all of this.”

“Promise?” He held out his pinky,

“Promise.” You responded interlocking your pinky with his own, he seemed much more satisfied and willing to listen to you now. “Now go pack up alright? We gotta go before the morning,” Tubbo nodded at you and began to gather his things in his bag. Eventually, he was all packed up and you both snuck out towards Tommy’s home, the side of your head was throbbing and you felt completely off balance stumbling over your feet a few times. Tubbo grew concerned but never actually voiced said concern, the two of you came up on Phil’s doorstep. You loudly began to knock at the door and Technoblade answered sword drawn, glasses were haphazardly thrown on his nose,

“(Y/n)? Tubbo?” He blinked blearily, “it’s like three am what-” Adjusting the glasses he finally got a good look at the both of you, Tubbo was still in his footie pajamas and you had officially bled through your bandages. “Who did it.”

“Technoblade please-”

“Who. Hurt. You.”

“I’m so tired, please just go get your dad.” You pleaded locking your eyes with his own, they softened considerably before muttering under his breath.

“Fine. But I’m getting Wilbur to look at your horn.” He demanded marching away from the door, you gently urged Tubbo inside and you both sat down on their couch. Tubbo yawned sleepily and leaned against your side,

“You can go to sleep. You’re safe now Bumblebee.”

“But you’ll be gone when I wake up…” He held Mr. Bumble closer to his chest and you brushed his hair out of his eyes. “I want you to have Mr. Bumble!” Tubbo held the toy out to you, your lips dipped into a little frown.

“Tubs he’s your favorite-

“He protected me from dad. So I’m sure he’ll protect you too.” You wanted to sob as you took the bee from his hands, you were going to say something else when Phil and Wilbur walked into the room. Phil gave you a pitying smile, before calling Tubbo over to him.

“Hey mate. Let’s get you settled into the guest room for now yeah?” The older man smiled at your brother and he nodded sleepily walking over to Phil. He gave you a look that said we’ll talk later as Wilbur walked over to you, the frown on his face was rock solid.

“You gonna explain yourself?” He scolded you like a parental figure would, you bit your lip and shook your head. Wilbur sighed the bags under his eyes were dark and you murmured a soft apology. He reached out and took your cheek in his palm, he leaned close and you felt his breath on his lips. You felt your cheeks turn pink and he leaned in...to take a better look at your horn.

God, you were so stupid why did you think he was going to kiss you just now?

“Jesus Christ…” He murmured as he unwrapped your wound gently. “They fucked you up honey,” Wilbur said softly, his voice dripping with pure concern, “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m alright...It’ll get better.” You smiled a tight-lipped smile that only caused Wilbur’s eyes to flash with pure rage, “Seriously Will. Please just let it go.”

“I’ll never understand you.” He muttered grumpily, much like his brother did when he greeted you at the door. “How can you not want justice for what they did to you? I don’t understand-” Wilbur blinked a few moments pulling away from you, you refused to meet his eyes. “-Did your dad do this to you?” He saw the fear spark in your eyes, “that fucking piece of shit! TECHNO!”

“Wilbur please no- no please he didn’t mean too he was drunk!” You slapped your hands over your mouth and he looked at you with horror. “Wilbur please don’t do anything he didn’t mean to do it, I have to look out for him!” Your breathing got short and rapid, immediately Wilbur felt bad for being so aggressive, “He’ll die without me.”

“It’s not your job to look after your father.” Wilbur looked at you with pity,

“Yes, it is. He’s my family.”

“Family doesn’t do this to you.” He motioned to your missing horn, the motion now made you feel wildly self-conscious, “they don’t hurt you.” You bit the bottom of your lip so hard it began to bleed,

“Just don’t tell Technoblade. He’ll kill him. You know he will, I don’t want that.” Wilbur didn’t look happy about the situation but he agreed reluctantly, but only if you stayed the night alongside Tubbo. You told him you would,

But you’re a liar.

Phil came back into the room a little later and asked to talk to you privately. He asked you what was going on and you explained the entire situation to him, practically pleading for him to take your baby brother in while you got Schlatt under control. Phil of course agreed, but he was not happy about you going back to your dad, especially since you were already injured. You assured him all would be okay, your dad meant well and with Tubbo out of the house, you can put all your energy into fixing him.

Phil let you go that night, and he’d regret it for the rest of his life.

No one in the Minecraft household heard from you again after that night. You seemed to slip out of everyone's memory, Wilbur met Sally and she and his son consumed his life. Technoblade moved out of the house to spread his wings, and the only person who even seemed to care that you were missing was Tubbo. Yet, even so, you began to slip out of his memory too, barely remembering your face. It broke him to pieces that he couldn’t remember his sister, and when he asked Wilbur about you the man's memory was just as fuzzy. The only thing he had was the letters the both of you sent back and forth to one another, he’d gifted them to Tubbo after he discovered them again under his childhood bed. Tubbo thought that maybe, just maybe, word of their new nation would cause you to come out of hiding.

It didn’t.

Eventually, he had to leave his memory of you behind and focus on helping Tommy and Wilbur. He hoped wherever you were you were proud of him, you wouldn’t want him to be miserable and dwell on you, you’d want him to live.

When he saw his father upon the podium the day of the election all he wanted to do was confront him about you, but there were other things to worry about like the fact that Wilbur and Tommy had just gotten exiled. Schlatt died before he got to ask about you, then right after that Wilbur died by Phil’s hand and everything was blown to shit, he had Tommy and that was all he needed.

Wilbur woke up to the soft chirping of birds and an angel sitting on a hillside. He couldn’t feel the grass under his palms or his heartbeat, but he felt something warm flood through him when he saw the angel. She turned towards him, his memory of her was fuzzy but her name wasn’t, “(Y/n)?”

“Hi Wilby, long time no see.” You smiled softly, both horns were missing but your soft ears twitched eagerly.

“Where...are we?” Wilbur whispered walking over to you to sit by your side, “What happened to you?”

“I lost another horn being stupid. Died from an infection while dad was away on a trip.” You pulled your legs close towards your chest, “you’re dead Will. We’re dead. It’s been quiet here for so long.”

“Dead…” He breathed out the negative memories flooding into his brain; he squeezed his eyes shut tight. “Are we ghosts?” You shrugged your shoulders,

“I don’t know, never tried to...go back,” Wilbur watched as you ran your hand through the grass even though Wilbur knew you couldn’t feel it. “Tubbo would be disappointed in me. So upset I died, I’d rather he not know. Makes it easier on everyone I think.” You turned to him, hair falling in your eyes, they were empty and your skin was so pale, he couldn’t imagine what he looked like in comparison. “Are you going to go back?” You spoke again after a few moments of silence, there was a tense atmosphere that filled the room, you didn’t want to be lonely.

“If you’re here, that’s where I’m going to stay. At least for a little while.” Wilbur looked at you, your eyes wide with shock, a brilliant smile spread across your cheeks.

“Promise?”

“With all my heart honey.”