#my only gripe is that i don’t want to only have 1 type of pokemon ! i want conventionally beautiful pokemon of ALL types HAHAHHA

[silkjade]

pokemon gym leaders jade and alhaitham forced to split custody because my beautiful espeon and his mid leafeon went and had an egg </3

[katestrophic]

Unova is my favorite region. The reason for that is because this game is home to my favorite starter and pokemon of all time Oshawott. This is completely unrelated to the Champion Stadium, I just wanted to share a fun fact about myself.

Click “keep reading” to read more about my thoughts on my team comps and strategies I used.

First round: Shauntal

Parameters: Special Dmg. Reduction, Attack & Sp. Atk ↑ 1, No Status Conditions, Strength ↑ 1, Sync Buff ↑ 5, Attack & Sp. Atk ↑, No Stat Reduction, Ally Healing ↓ 5, Power ↑ on Hit 1, Gradual Healing at Start, Strength ↑ 2, Ally Move Gauge Max -2, Strength ↑ 6  

Team Comp: 3/5 BP Morty & Mismagius with Wide Awake, 3/5 Raihan (Anniversary 2022) & Flygon, 3/5 EX Cynthia & Garchomp with Surging Sand 3

Story time: I pulled Raihan as a meme pull on a Discord call with a friend because Raihan is her second favorite gym leader in SwSh (her first favorite is Bea, like me) and I got 3 COPIES OF THIS DUDE from just throwing 3K gems into his banner. I screamed so loud when I saw three flashes and they were all him. At the same moment my internet cut out so I had to wait a bit before I could start working on him, so even my internet couldn’t handle my excitement and nuked on me lol. My luck with this game is absolutely atrocious or unfathomably lucky and there is no in between.

His passives and stat buffs he provides during weather effects is INSANE. Just smack Sandstorm at start of battle, then his trainer move Can’t Be Tamed! and then Cynthia goes in for the kill. He’s insane, I can’t believe I planned on skipping him to save for Champion Iris. I mean, I still would’ve, but the Gacha gods blessed me at that moment.

Second round: Marshal

Parameters: Special Dmg. Reduction, Attack & Sp. Atk ↑ 1, No Status Conditions, Strength ↑ 1, Sync Buff ↑ 5, Attack  & Sp. Atk ↑ 3, Defense & Sp. Def ↑ 3, Ally Healing ↓ 5, Power ↑ on Hit 1, Gradual Healing at Start, Strength ↑ 2, Ally Move Gauge Max -2, Strength ↑ 6  

Team Comp: 5/5 EX Dawn & Torterra with Vigilance, 1/5 Skyla (Anniversary 2022) & Tornadus, 15 EX Steven (Anniversary 2021) & Shiny Mega Rayquaza with Critical Strike 2

9K Gems later 1 copy of Skyla came home. Which I’m fine with, I’m only using her to set up Flying Zone to boost Steven. I really wished they made the Flying Zone setter someone from Hoenn, like I don’t know...WINONA??? That way, it’d be easier to trigger Steven’s Hoenn Flag Pride passive. Whatever, Skyla’s anniversary outfit is hella cute anyways, so that gripe aside she’s a fine unit. Dawn was my first support that I EX-ed after I did all my strikers of each type (except Normal type).

Third round: Grimsley

Parameters: Physical Dmg. Reduction, Special Dmg. Reduction, Max Sync Countdown -1, No Status Conditions, Sync Buff ↑ 5, Attack & Sp. Atk ↑ 3, No Stat Reduction, Ally Healing ↓ 5, Power ↑ on Hit 1, Gradual Healing at Start, Attack & Sp. Atk ↑ 5, Max Sync Countdown -2, Power ↑ on Hit 2, Strength ↑ 3, Ally Move Gauge Max -2

Team Comp: 5/5 EX Sygna Suit Elesa & Rotom with Head Start 1, 2/5 Sygna Suit Erika & Leafeon with Critical Strike 2, 5/5 Gardenia & Roserade with Critical Strike 2

I have to thank Zinfogel for showing off this team comp with Gardenia as the main striker. He goes into detail all of Gardenia’s new grid and all the nodes in the description of the video so give that a read. I honestly forgot that she gotten a sync grid expansion and after seeing him run that team comp I was like “hey, I have those units! I can try this over my Horn Leech Xerneas” so I slapped together this team, copied the grids and team parameters, set them loose and oh my god this was so great. I no longer dread any grass-weak Champion Stadium teams. She’s going to be my main grass striker until I pull another copy of Brendon and 3/5 him.

Fourth round: Caitlin

Parameters: Special Dmg. Reduction, Attack & Sp. Atk ↑ 1, Strength ↑ 1, Sync Buff ↑ 5, Attack & Sp. Atk ↑ 3, No Stat Reduction, Ally Healing ↓ 5, Power ↑ on Hit 1, Gradual Healing at Start, Strength ↑ 2, Ally Move Gauge Max -2, Strength ↑ 6  

Team Comp: 3/5 Misty & Starmie with Vigilance, 3/5 Volkner & Luxray, 1/5 EX N & Zekrom with Critical Strike 2

Me vs my imposter lmfao The stage does rely on Caitlin using trainer moves and/or special attacks before she syncs because otherwise Starmie won’t stand a chance and will die at sync or before she syncs, so there were a few resets before I got a lucky run.

Final round: Iris

Parameters: Phsyical Dmg. Reduction, Attack & Sp. Atk ↑ 1, No Status Conditions, Strength ↑ 1, Sync Buff ↑ 5, Attack & Sp. Atk ↑ 3, No Stat Reduction, Ally Healing ↓ 5, Power ↑ on Hit 1, Gradual Healing at Start, Strength ↑ 2, Ally Move Gauge Max -2, Strength ↑ 6

Team Comp: 3/5 Sygna Suit Blue & Blastoise, 3/5 Lucas & Dialga with Critical Strike 2, 5/5 EX Cyrus & Palkia with Critical Strike 2

For my Victory Road sync pair, I choose SS Blue! It was a tough decision, as it was between him and SS Leaf. Leaf is nice because she can drop the Defense and/or Special Defense with her passive Sundering 9 and she can make for an excellent toxic stall unit. I ultimately went with SS Blue as he has utility in both Legendary Gauntlet and Champion Stadium. He’s such a good support in general, I’m gonna EX him after I finish up Ex-ing my SS Grimsley & Sharpedo. Hopefully the next time SS Leaf reruns I’ll be lucky enough to get her.

[epic-ash-and-sora-fan]

Alive Chap 1

Clemont thought that getting the chance to be an intern at a new facility would be a valuable learning experience. Little did he know this facility held a huge secret which could change the world as they knew it! (Diodeshipping)

Chapter 1: The Amazing Facility

No way…

Clemont stared at the letter in his hands. His breakfast cereal sat forgotten on the table. The teen couldn't even fathom how this was happening. Was Placebo Net seriously inviting him to work as a temporary intern?

Placebo Net was a relatively new facility, but they already made a name for themselves. They're dedicated to creating various tools and drugs that improve the quality of life for people and pokemon. They're close to curing several diseases and even stunned doctors by helping someone walk again. Placebo Net made the impossible possible. Why would they ask him to be an intern at his age?! What insane universe did he wake up in this morning?

"Clemont, you've been gawking at that letter for ages, what's it about?" asked a youthful voice beside him.

"Sorry, Bonnie. It's from Placebo Net. They… want me as an intern."

"Wow, really?!" cried Bonnie. "Cool! They made all those new medicines right?"

"Yeah, it's only a temporary thing, but I could learn a lot."

"You're gonna accept then?"

"Maybe…" said Clemont as he ran a hand through his hair. "I'm a little hesitant to leave the gym but… Clembot has been keen to go solo for a while, so I'm sure he wouldn't mind helping."

"Well keep an eye out for keepers because I won't be around to help with that," said Bonnie with a wink.

"Bonnie!" moaned Clemont. Then he smiled. "Okay, I'll do it. What harm could it do?"

The rest of the day consisted of calling Placebo Net to inform them of his decision. He also made certain all was in order for Clembot to run the gym in his absence. He is due to start tomorrow, and it would, for the most part, be an induction day. Placebo Net wasn't ridiculously far from Lumiose City. Just an hour's train ride to Kuro City so it wasn't like he would be miles and miles away. Still, the manager of Placebo Net suggested Clemont actually roomed at Placebo Net. Not only it would make things easier for them both it would also be more cost-effective for Clemont to not have to pay for train tickets every day. The teen couldn't argue with that logic so he agreed. Bonnie pouted upon hearing this.

"Can't I come with you Clemont?" she asked sadly.

"I wish you could Bonnie, but I'm going to be really busy. It isn't like at the gym where I could watch you during a lull in challengers, I'll likely be gone all day."

Plus, Clemont was sure the researchers wouldn't appreciate his sister getting under their feet all the time while they were trying to work.

----

Clothes, check. Toothbrush, check. Pokeballs, check.

"Clemont this is the eighth time you went through that list. You have everything already!" griped Bonnie as she watched from the doorway.

"One can't be too careful Bonnie," said Clemont as he got up from his cross-legged position on his bedroom floor. He picked up his backpack which was now several times heavier then went to give his sister a hug.

"You be good okay. I'll call when I get the chance."

"Okay. I love you Clemont."

"I love you too."

Meyer walked into the room with a lunch box

"A little something to eat on the train. It's not your mum's cooking, Arceus rest her soul, but it's filling I'd imagine."

"Thanks, Dad," said Clemont as he accepted the lunch box and was just able to fit it into his already crammed backpack.

"Well, good luck son. Work hard and keep us posted, and don't worry, Bonnie and I will hold down the fort."

Clemont nodded and after more goodbye hugs Clemont left the gym. He glanced back at the building for a moment, knowing he won't be back for a while.

"No turning back now," he said to himself and continued on.

----

Clemont was now getting off the train at Kuro Station. Kuro City was as the name implied. Everything was dark coloured. Even the pavement somehow. The flower baskets dangling from various homes were the only things with even an ounce of colour.

Clemont pulled out his map and was somewhat surprised to find Placebo Net was only a couple of blocks away. Along the way the blonde watched everyone go about their business. Children not much younger than Bonnie played hopscotch in a play area with a Skitty. There was a salon where a woman was reading a magazine while waiting for a man to finish grooming what Clemont presumed was her Furfrou. A pansear walked up to Clemont and handed him a leaflet that advertised a pastry shop. The teen placed the flyer into his pocket to review later. He also strolled by a flower stall where a young woman was making flower bracelets with the aid of her Floette.

"Here we are!"

The building was incredibly modest. It was about 30 stories tall and the walls were a dull grey. The windows were so clean, Clemont would forgive anyone for thinking there were no windows at all. The glass door slid open as he approached. Inside was a sharp contrast to the exterior. The walls and floor were pure white. There were tall plants in each corner of the lobby and there were light blue chairs by the windows. Clemont soon reached the desk where a brunette woman with a loose ponytail was typing something on the computer.

"Ahem… erm excuse me, I'm the new temp intern starting today." Clemont stuttered as he presented the badge he received for verification.

The woman peered up and smiled.

"Ah, yes let's see."

The woman accepted the badge and scanned it on a machine next to her computer. After it made a happy beep, she nodded and handed the card back.

"So you're Clemont. Well, everything seems in order. I'll let the boss know you're here. So if you'll take a seat."

"That won't be necessary, Heather. I'm already here." announced a new voice. Clemont turned to see a middle-aged man walking towards the desk. "Appreciate the sentiment though."

Heather nodded returning to her work. The man turned to Clemont. He had dark brown thinning hair, and he wore a lab coat over his mint green shirt.

"Wonderful to meet you Clemont," he said as he held out his hand which the inventor took. "Again, I'm delighted you accepted our invitation. My name is Brad. I believe we spoke on the phone."

Clemont nodded.

"Thank you for inviting me. It will be a valuable learning experience."

"That it will." laughed Brad. "Every day is a learning experience here. Now, why don't we start with a tour? Would you like anything to drink? A snack perhaps?"

"No thanks. I had something on the train."

"Well if you change your mind, let me know," said Brad as they headed towards the door he entered through which turned out to be an elevator. Brad pressed a button, and they ascended. They went up a few floors before the elevator beeped and the doors opened.

"This is the research floor," said Brad. "Self-explanatory. We learn everything we can about diseases and how they can affect the human body. Same thing with pokemon. We're now researching Pokerus and determining if there are any hidden adverse effects of contracting it. So far all we've found is that it can occasionally cause mild skin irritation, and that's only in very rare cases and is treatable with prescription cream."

Clemont looked around. There were many people either on computers or looking through microscopes. Someone jotted their findings on a tablet.

"As you can see they're very diligent," said Brad with a smile.

"This is fascinating!" cried Clemont. "I can't believe how efficient everything is."

"Haha, if you're impressed already, I can't wait to show you the rest of the building," laughed Brad.

The tour continued at a steady clip. Brad showed Clemont the computer room and another research room. There were several break rooms and rest areas for all-nighters.

"We'll this one up to be your room," said Brad. "Why don't you leave your backpack here. It looks heavy."

"It is. Thanks," said Clemont as he took off his backpack giving his shoulders some much needed relief, and placed it on the bed. Once that was done with they continued the tour.

"This is where the magic happens," said Brad as they entered a laboratory. "Once we've determined that the drug works and is safe to use, we send it to hospitals or pokemon centers depending on who needs it."

"Hello sir." said a blonde woman as she entered the room carrying a small case. "What brings you here if I may be so bold?"

"You may," said Brad. "I'm showing our new intern the ropes.

"Oh, of course! That was today." cried the woman. "I can be such an airhead sometimes. Nice to meet you. Clemont right?"

"That's right," said Clemont as he shook her hand.

"Well, I'll be looking forward to working with you." the blonde woman turned to Brad and whispered something to him. Brad smiled reassuringly.

"I'll tell him Freya, just getting the induction done with first."

"Sorry, tell me what?" asked Clemont. An uneasy feeling settled in his stomach. What was Placebo Net up to?

The researcher flinched as if he knew he let something slip. He sighed but smiled.

"Well I suppose it won't hurt to inform you now, but first I should explain a few things. I hope you'll listen before making any decisions."

Against his better judgement, Clemont nodded.

"Then let's head up a couple of floors," said Brad.

Clemont followed Brad to the elevator while clutching at his sleeves. He had expected a normal internship, but this was turning out to be something creepy and even a little shady. He stayed silent in the elevator wondering what Brad wanted to tell him.

"Now what I'm about to tell you is… let's say unusual, and we're not ready to go public with it yet. We'd be grateful if you keep what you're about to see under your hat for the time being."

Clemont nodded.

"Yes, of course."

The elevator door opened. The duo walked down the hallway and through a door that led to another laboratory. It had lots of glass tubes of varying sizes sat on top of a large table. The contents of the tubes made Clemont's stomach turn.

"Is…. is that…?"

"Yep," answered Brad. "That is a human heart."

In fact, each tube held a different organ. Lungs, kidneys, a liver, a stomach and even what appeared to be a human brain.

"Wha… what is this!?" he cried disgusted by what he saw in front of him. Brad let out a loud laugh.

"Had you going, didn't I? You can relax Clemont, we didn't gut anybody. These are artificial, surprise!"

"They're not real?"

"Technically, no," said Brad. "but they don't have to be. They work just like the real thing."

It took a few seconds for that sentence to sink in, but when they did they hit Clemont like a truck.

"What?!"

"You heard right," said Brad smirking as if he was enjoying this. "It took a lot of trial and error, but we have been able to create a working heart out of synthetic fibres. They are 100% eco-friendly. No plastic whatsoever. I remember the first breakthrough well. We created an artificial heart. Then we wired it to an artificial human brain. We gave the heart a little jolt, not much different from a defibrillator. The heart began to beat! Only for a few seconds but it was beating! I'm amazed Officer Jenny didn't come knocking from how loudly we celebrated. After countless failures, we finally created a heart that worked! Now we just had to keep it working. This is revolutionary! Transplant waiting lists will be a thing of the past if we can pull this off! If someone needs a new heart. We could build one and best of all it would be adaptable to that person's blood type so there will be no risk of rejection. We've even made artificial blood and blood cells. Yes, blood cells! In simpler terms, whatever the human body has. We've made a synthetic version."

Clemont could hardly believe what he heard. If what Brad was saying is true, then it truly was revolutionary. It could change lives! This was like something out of a sci-fi movie.

"So…. you…. you could even replace brains?" he asked.

Brad let out a nervous laugh.

"Well, I don't about that. They are just for research and testing other organs. It's the brain that tells them what to do after all."

"So… you've made an artificial version of everything? Could you even make skin? Hair? Bones?!"

Brad gave the inventor another smile.

"I think I'll let you be the judge of that. Come with me."

Clemont followed Brad back into the hallway still reeling from what he was being told. What could top artificial, working organs?

"Through here," said Brad as he led Clemont through another door. The long room was almost empty. Just a few tables with a computer on each one. There seemed to be a window in front of the desks but it showed what was in the room next to this one.

"We'll use this one-way mirror for the time being," said Brad. "We might scare him."

"Him?"

Brad said no more. He gestured to the one-way mirror so Clemont walked towards it and peered in. He saw an empty room with a single bed. On the bed, someone appeared to be asleep. It was a boy, not much older than Clemont. He had tanned skin and black messy hair. The blonde couldn't see much else though as the boy was under the bedsheets. At first, Clemont thought it might've been another intern and wondered why Brad was showing him this. Then another possibility crossed his mind, and it made him weak at the knees.

"That…. that's not…."

"It is," said Brad looking serious. "That boy…. is the first completely artificial human."

[atrainernamedradish]

Top 10 Favorite Pokemon

You’d think a top 10 for my favorite Pokemon of all times would be easy, but it has taken me quite a while with some soul searching to actually comprise this list together. While I feel as though most of this list is slightly unique compared to most top 10s, you will still find a few Pokemon in here on typical favorite lists.

Since this is a top 10 some Pokemon had unfortunately to be cut. So here are my Honorable Mentions: Slurpuff, Rowlet, Furret, Leafeon, Bulbasaur, Maractus, Appletun, Vanillite, Girafarig, and Braixen.

Top 10 Favorite Pokemon:

10) Cradily

I’m not normally one for fossil Pokemon. Don’t get me wrong, I think reviving fossils is a cool concept with Gen VIII expanding on the idea of creating abominations against what nature intended, but other than that… the concept falls flat for me after that. Not to mention most of the fossil Pokemon designs don’t do much for me. However, the Cradily line has come a long to be that exception towards my general distaste for them.

I’d like to think it was the typing of grass that gave this old fossil the charm to win me over. My Sun Wonderlocke is also a big metagaming factor with Cradily having survived on the winning team that beat the challenge.

It’s got a unique typing and a weird design being the oddball on this top list, but it deserves its spot nonetheless.

9) Gogoat

Sometimes you just need a Pokemon that has a good design, a favorite typing, a decent move pool, and fun to use on a team to become someone’s favorite, and that’s exactly what this Pokemon did to earn its spot on this list. Plus, whenever I play XY I always wanna use one lol!

8) Roserade

Some might disagree with me, but giving Roselia a pre-evolution and evolution was one of the best things to ever happen to it. Roserade is just so cool yet so elegant all in one design. (Budew is hands down my favorite baby Pokemon, if anyone is curious~) I also have this weird fixation on roses so that’s another reason why I adore its design~

Every time I play in the Sinnoh games I almost always want to use one on my team. (Playing a Torterra playthrough and fighting that urge haha!)

And not only is it a solid grass type, but a poison one to boot!~

7) Ampharos

...speaking of Pokemon that I almost always wanna use when I’m in their native region…

Three Pokemon on this list are here from my fondness of them as a child/pre-teen with Ampharos being one of them. Ampharos is definitely an odd one for its typing: slower and bulkier despite being a pure electric type, which had a niche of being faster and fragile. Not to mention it’s a sheep that sheds and grows into a llama! So I guess you could say its oddness is what I find so charming about it~

6) Breloom

...and also speaking of childhood favorites that are charmingly odd…

Breloom’s design and typing makes no sense, unless you wanna count the fact that it looks like it has some kangaroo in there for the fighting part… *shrugs* and I couldn’t care less. I have no idea (besides the mushroom part) what this Pokemon is supposed to be and I love that! It’s just so useful and good and it’s almost always on my Hoenn team.

5) Eevee

There are people probably rolling their eyes and groaning in dismay, but I will forever stick by this Pokemon. When I was a kid I was obsessed with this Pokemon! I had to have anything Eevee I could get my grimey little mitts on! My mom even made me an Eevee costume for Halloween that I remember fondly to this day!~

I know Eevee has reached overrated status, but honestly, and not saying this because it’s on my top list or anything, but uh… Eevee actually has a good reason for being popular besides being those who are the mascot (Pikachu) or nostalgia (Charizard). It’s cute and versatile. Do you need a certain type on your team? An Eeveelution can almost always fill that missing spot. Plus one of Pokemon’s biggest gimmicks in evolution, which Eevee sells pretty well since that’s its claim to fame!

But I will admit that Eevee is on here for nostalgia purposes and not putting it on here wouldn’t have felt right.

(If the Let’s Go games hadn’t have been a thing then this list would have been starterless… go figure.)

4) Sawsbuck

This Pokemon was originally lower on the list till I really sat down to explain why it was on here. Normally I have a hard time pinpointing what I like in a Pokemon design, and I was thinking of what I liked so much about it had I finally have a Pokemon to sort of show that in.

What I like about Sawsbuck’s design is that it’s not just a normal deer. It’s a deer mixed with a tree and its seasonal cycles. I like that it has forms that tie into an in-game mechanic instead of just bloating up the dex that fit its typing. Its name sneakily hints at the form changes too, which is brillant! You can clearly tell what its typings are just by looking at it. Some might argue that the Normal typing not so much, but, and myself included before, I have met a few people who have mistakenly slapped that typing onto the likes of Gogoat because Normal is usually associated with animals. Not to mention deer are a huge problem in the country in which the region is based off of so that was a smart decision in kaing one for those games. Sawsbuck is also quite handy at tanking a lot of physical damage, especially when you’ve got moves like Leech Seed and Horn Leech on it. So I thoroughly enjoyed using one the first and only time I have (though I plan to use it again at some point).

I hope I’ve made sense with why this particular Pokemon qualifies as the example of my choices in choosing Pokemon.

(Oh and if anyone is curious… the Autumn one is my favorite aesthetically out of the four forms.)

3) Ludicolo

This goofy looking thing puts a smile on my face. Its idle animation is charming, and it makes me giggle when it shimmies in its attack animation. I don’t know what it is about this thing that I simply adore, but finally having since used one in my first playthrough of Alpha Sapphire I almost cannot be in Hoenn and not use one. Not to mention I love the dual typing of water/grass. It’s so handy and such a good combination~ Overall Ludicolo is *chuckles* an odd duck that makes me feel joy every time I see or use one.

2) Alcremie

This was THE Pokemon I was the most excited to use in Galar upon its reveal!~ It was already so cute being a part of a theme of Pokemon I simply love: food-based Pokemon, and then what does it do? It can turn into a giant fucking cake! Like holy shit…! And then down the line in another reveal trailer what was the first thing I immediately noticed; an alternative colored one! What’s what Game Freak? Different flavors of this thing? Sign me up!

From its design, to its Gigantamax form, to its flavor forms, its shiny, and even the way you evolve it I just love everything about this Pokemon!~

(My only gripe is that if I want to Gigantamax one I have to go out of my fucking way to find one, and that irritates the fuck out of me! Not to mention two of its candy options are event exclusive, which is horse shit! But that’s just a personal gripe more than anything so don’t mind me…)

1) Aromatisse

This Pokemon is fat, pink and sassy, and I fucking LOVE it!~ It looks like someone tried to fuse a fuzzy perfume bottle with a cancan dancer, a flamingo, and a plague doctor mask, and we go this beautiful mess!~ I also love the fact that this thing is 50/50 on the gender scale so you could essentially have a drag queen on your team, which makes sense for its over-the-top design. I also love how it literally screams and whoops at you in its model cry. If it shows up you’ll see and hear it.

People talk about how cute its pre-evolution is and how they prefer it to Aromatisse, and honestly I’ve always felt the opposite of that. Spritzee is cute but Aromatisse is wonderful!~

It saddens me that my fandom will almost always put my favorite on the hated lists, but that’s how different opinions and tastes can be… *shrugs* 

(I’m sure many of you are cringing seeing this as #1 and that’s okay lol!)

[nautilusopus]

I wrote a whole fucking review for Pokemon Shield but google ate it so I'm putting it up here and making it longer.

Pokemon SwSh is bright and shiny, but has many small systemic problems that ultimately pile up into a larger Not Fun whole. I know the easy criticism is to bring up Dexit, which I'm not happy about for a variety of reasons, but I still think they could've made a fun game in spite of that. Instead I'm going to bring up other problems the game has in the hope of having some of the game's other issues actually recognised before fans and critics alike fall into the same trap that I did. Dexit is honestly just the tip of the iceberg.

First, the good:

Trainer customisation has improved, and I'm always a sucker for the little things. Clothes are affordable once more AND come in a variety of designs, something I felt was a problem with Gen 7, and the player character model actually has facial expressions. This makes the world just a bit more fun to interact with when you're no longer a blankly-staring robot child. I often find myself spinning/doing the Leon pose just for fun because it’s nice to watch your character do something quirky and expressive like that, in the same way people are endeared to Wind Waker or BOTW Link more than Twilight Princess or Majora’s Mask Link despite both of them ostensibly being blank slates.

The curry minigame is fun even if I don’t quite understand how fanning works yet (and also another opportunity to see said facial expressions). Just a tad heartbroken I can’t import my team from previous games to play with them in camp. 

Marnie's a neat concept for a rival, and one that I've personally wanted to see in the Pokemon series for a while. I'll avoid speaking about it too much for spoiler reasons, but I think most people will wind up liking her as well.

The game looks nice. Not like, astounding or anything, but the cities and towns have a lot of atmosphere baked into their design.

Lotta bangers in the soundtrack, and the presentation of gym battles as a World Cup-esque deal, complete with hyped up audience, brings a fresh, exciting take to the Pokemon League. I like the way the music changes as the battle progresses, and enjoy the little in-universe details, like the champion walking around with all his sponsors on his uniform. 

WOOLOO

MY BOY TOBY FOX OUT HERE DOING GOD’S WORK, THIS SHIT SLAPS BEST TRACK 10000/10

Now for the bad:

The game feels very small and unfinished. It constantly implies cool things are happening in the background, but you never get to participate yourself, or even see them. The closest you get is your rival showing up with a news article explaining that a fun thing happened and was resolved in the time it took you to walk 100 feet. It makes the main questline feel flat and tedious, and something tells me maybe we were supposed to get to participate in literally anything, but there just wasn't time and they had to get the game out for the holiday season.

This pairs very badly with the second thing, which is that there really isn't very much to do in Pokemon SwSh. Most of what you wind up doing is backtracking. The Wilds are a neat idea in theory, but in execution they're kind of the worst part of the game. They're also, unfortunately, the biggest. It feels like there's really only two areas in the entire game -- the empty cities/towns with nothing really in them, and the giant, open-world-esque Wilds. 

The Wilds themselves are nothing to write home about. Pokemon catching is gated off by level, but all areas of the wilds are available simultaneously. This means if you care about filling out the dex, you'll find yourself constantly walking back and forth between town and the same areas of the Wilds you've already been to, checking things off a list. There's less a sense of exploration, and more just a sense of wandering in circles occasionally checking the weather. And if you DON'T care about the dex, then there's literally no reason for you to constantly return to this gigantic, lovingly-modeled wasteland ever again, making the game feel even smaller as you hop from empty town to empty town, and there’s even less for you to do as a result.

The game is piss-easy, even for a Pokemon title. EXP share is always on because this game shares the same engine as Pokemon Let's Go, meaning you will be disgustingly overlevelled if you make the mistake of exploring the Wilds in between gyms the way I did, and remain that way for the entire game. I found myself throwing the fight against Opal a little bit just to hear all her dialogue. Otherwise you just oneshot everyone and everything, and all the fights start to feel samey very quickly. 

Also, barren postgame. Like 30 minutes tops.

Maybe I’m a fool for expecting writing from a Pokemon game, but after Lillie from Sumo/USUM I went and got my hopes up, and Hop absolutely does not deliver. I don’t hate him like some do (Hugh is still absolutely the most annoying rival and no one will ever unseat him), but he just feels like many many missed opportunities. He feels extra redundant given Marnie’s presence on top of that. 

Bad Pokemon designs. This one’s a personal gripe so it’s at the bottom of the list, but I feel like it’s still worth mentioning that I abandoned the shit out of my starter and am left with nothing to replace it with. Greedent is now my new least favourite Pokemon ever. Fuckin FNAF-ass lookin motherfucker.

As sort of a smoking gun exemplifying my point, I have 53 Revives just from wandering around in the Wilds forever. And I have 3 Hyper Potions in my entire bag and no other healing items, because the game has given me no reason to go back into town and buy anything because there’s nothing in the towns, and it’s never required me to heal because there’s really no significant battles to have either, in the story, or ones you would seek out for your own reasons. 

On a personal note, I’m 7 badges into this mess and I still haven’t finalised my team because I can’t even find 6 designs I like that also result in at least a somewhat decent type coverage (or at least flashy variety of colour). To those of you that know me and my True 100% Run, that’s fucking unheard of for me. 

Overall, disappointed. It's not terrible, but given how robust every other mainline title was, this is a big downgrade. Not worth $60. I've played more fleshed-out romhacks. This game reminds me more of Coliseum/XD than Gen 8's big debut. Mostly I just feel bad for the friend that bought me it. 

This would just be kind of a bummer on its own, but coupled with the fact that 1. half the damn Pokemon aren’t in it and Game Freak has openly stated they plan to keep doing this and 2. in spite of that the game still felt unfinished, making you wonder what the hell they spent all their time making (Gigantamax maybe? Why? You can’t even do it in-game for the most part. At least Mega Evolution was readily available. Not to mention it won’t even be available next game. Stop making up gimmicks just to discard them), it makes me seriously concerned for the future of the franchise. 

[fantasyresident]

The Complaints About Pokemon Sword and Shield Are Getting Ridiculous

For a while after the release of the first trailer introducing these new games, fans were actually pretty hyped and excited for the game’s release. Then we had the reveal of the Wild Area around the time of E3, which for whatever reason pissed some people off?? But then when it was announced that not every Pokemon would be in the game, that’s when the chaos began. Whiny fans who wanted all 1000-something Pokemon shoved compactly into this already busy and ambitious game took to the internet and created a storm of negativity about these games that in the eyes of a level-headed person are looking pretty damn promising and stunning. Sure, there are small things you can pick and choose to say “hey, that could be better”, but these so-called “fans” are completely destroying the once positive energy surrounding this game. They are misconstruing FACTS and spreading false information and in turn are spreading doubt among fans who would otherwise really like the games. What they don’t realize is (or maybe they do) that this is actually damaging the fanbase of Pokemon. When you spread false fears and get people to not buy these games for reasons that go beyond normal stupidity, you are being destructive. And yes, if you’re one of those over-the-top “fans” who says there’s nothing promising about these upcoming games, you are not only fooling yourself, but you’re being a fool. If you have criticisms, be fair and kind about them. When people work this damn hard on a game and they show that they are actually listening to the fans in many senses, you shouldn’t NITPICK small little things like the EXP. Share situation (if you’re not familiar with this, go look it up) or the National Dex “crisis”.

Game Freak has been super transparent when it comes to their reasons for doing these things and fans shouldn’t be this disrespectful towards them. They nearly doubled their original team size for a reason, and this shouldn’t go unnoticed. For those of you not buying the game because you can’t turn EXP Share off, or because you can’t have 1000 newly textured, newly animated, creatures that would have to be balanced with all the other ones they’re putting in the game, then go ahead, be my guest, miss out on the experience of a lifetime and bull about things they’ll likely fix in the future. When you finally have your way like you must always want, you’ll look like a total fool for sitting out Sword and Shield for these small little reasons. Now this isn’t to say that anyone with any form of complaints or grievances about the game are spoiled pests to the community. Not at all. If you have respectful criticisms for the game that are positive and if you’re providing other methods that they could use to fix a problem, then GOOD FOR YOU! Seriously, constructive criticism is welcome in any situation. But if you bomb a game before all the details even come out about it and not provide any better solution in a kind, understanding way, then the shame falls on you, not what you’re complaining about. You know who you are.

The truth is, this game already has many great features that improves upon past elements. While not much is known about the story, what we do know is sparking quite a lot of speculation and interest, and I believe that the story will not disappoint, because for me it never has thus far. The story has been constantly evolving with the gameplay. Sure, it’s been small steps sometimes, but Game Freak should be given credit for never going backwards like so many other games are doing these days. Game Freak understands the importance of multiple elements being good in a game, not just the graphics. So all of you griping about that infamous tree, you can calm down. It’s not final game footage and its not like that tree is going to be the center point of the game. I can’t believe I have to say that. When so many good advancements are being made to Pokemon like having the camping feature, advanced online cooperation between other players, far better customization of your character, 18 gyms (1 for each type), a huge cultural world, and yes, the graphics are  the best they’ve been in my opinion (ASIDE from the goddamn tree. -_-) then fans shouldn’t be nitpicking and basing whether or not they’re going to buy the game off of those things they nitpick about. If you’re going to complain about something the game has to offer (which is an increasing amount of things), then offer solutions, offer constructive criticism to Game Freak. A company working that honestly hard on something doesn’t need to come out of their sweat shop just to hear unruly fans whining about how they don’t like the way a tree looks out in the wild or how they don’t want multiple Pokemon getting experience (Oh no, the end of the world), or how they think they’re stupid for not including every Pokemon in the game. The game will likely not be perfect, but it sure as hell is looking really great to say the least and many aspects of it are breathtaking. From the good world building and cultural themes, to the changing weather patterns in the wild area, to the diversity of areas to explore, it all looks so damn promising. Like it or hate it, its an ambitious project that Game Freak is serious about making the best they can make it.

[pjnuzlockes]

EHED: Chapter 1

Remember when I said I was gonna update on Wednesdays? Me neither

They’d cover more ground if they split up. After asking pokemon along Route 1, Brinley reported that the Rockets had been last seen along Route 22, and Gary decided to push on ahead. 

Anything to distract him from the pain.

Route 1 was a very long path, a meadowy area that separated Pallet Town and Viridian City. It was dotted with tall trees that the Pidgey line nested in. Along the dirt path worn down by years of travel were holes dug out by Rattata. A few insects buzzed along and Pidgey swooped down to catch them. 

No clouds blocked the sun. Light breeze. Perfect weather for Finley to sunbathe. 

Oscar, on the other hand, was already sweating. About an hour into the walk, he needed a moment to rest. “Oh, Arceus, why does it have to be so hot?” he complained, sliding down the tree he leaned against.

“Oh, come on!” Finley said. He laughed. “It’s not that bad! Just get yourself an enormous plant on your back and you’ll feel great!”

“No!”

Finley pulled a vineful of grass and tossed it in Oscar’s general direction. It drifted uselessly in the opposite direction. “Hey, we should look for a teammate. Quit your griping and go catch something.”

“Can’t. Don’t have any pokeballs.”

As though summoned, several pokeballs materialized just above Oscar and bounced off his head. Mew appeared a second later, snickering.

Oscar tried to catch the balls as they rolled away.

Finley stopped one and laughed again. “So, were you just waiting for an opportunity to do that?”

“Yep,” Mew said. “Got these from Viridian. Figured you guys might want to expand your team a little. Also, here’s some potions.” She tossed them to Oscar, who actually managed to catch this time. “Don’t worry about how I got these.”

Finley and Oscar exchanged glances.

“I wasn’t worried until you said that,” Oscar said. “Did you do this to Gary too?”

Mew furrowed her brow. Then she gasped. “Oh, crap, I forgot! Go catch some pokemon, I should probably help Gary out.” And with that, she was gone.

“... ‘Kay.”

Getting bonked on the head by a pokegod that then vanished to go harass his best friend should have bothered Oscar more. Something about it should have, at some point, stopped him and told him “Hey, this whole situation is kind of messed up.” But, whatever Bullshit Alarm Oscar had ever been equipped with had long since been stamped out. Instead, he shoved all the items but one pokeball, did a series of dramatic poses holding it with Finley, and collected himself. 

“Okay,” Finley said. He cleared his throat. “Since you have the active researcher license, you can really catch whatever you want, but you’ll still only get one shot for each line. How do we wanna do this? Planning has never really been our strong suit.” And on top of that, they’d only really be able to catch one pokemon per area because of wildlife conservation laws. There were some exceptions, but Finley doubted they’d ever encounter them.

Like they’d ever run into a shiny with their luck.

“Well, since that is the case. I was thinking, I’ll really only aim for a Pikachu in Viridian Forest, other than that, I’ll just see what happens.”

“Okay, so we’re going to face the Rockets with whoever we happen to run into along the way. Great.”

Oscar shrugged. “You did say we suck at planning.”

“I did.”

“Not as bad as you suck at throwing grass. You’re literally a grass type!” Oscar grabbed some grass and tossed it at Finley. Just like before, it floated away on the wind.

“Oh god, you’re worse than I am.”

Oscar snorted. Some movement above them caught his attention.

A couple Pidgeys. They landed in the grass and pecked at the ground. One stopped, cocked his head at Oscar, then returned to pecking.

“Psst, Finley, go talk to them,” Oscar whispered. There was no telling if they were able to speak Kantonian- though that was relatively common on routes closer to towns. Best to have someone else do the talking, just in case.

Finley crept forward. “Uh, excuse me? Do either of you wanna join our team?” He asked, in perfect Kantonian and completely misunderstanding Oscar’s intentions.

One Pidgey flew away, but the one that had looked at Oscar stayed. He studied Finley for a moment. He looked tired. “What’s the team for?”

“Well, it’s, it’s pretty dangerous. We’re, uh. Going to take on the League and fight the Rockets.” That probably didn’t sound particularly inviting.

“Just the two of you?” The Pidgey gestured back to Oscar, who was watching while rubbing one arm.

“Uh. Hopefully not,” Finley admitted. “We haven’t really thought that hard about it.”

The Pidgey just stared back. He looked even more tired than before.

“We don’t really know what we’re going to do. But that’s why we’re asking. Better to ask then just lob a pokeball at you, right?”

The Pidgey took a deep breath. “I see.” He flew over to Oscar and landed on his shoulder. “Name’s Charlie. I’m joining the team. Someone’s gotta make sure y’all don’t get yourselves killed.”

Oscar tapped the pokeball on his forehead. Charlie didn’t resist.

“Welcome to the team, Charlie!” Oscar smiled. He sent the little bird back out. No use keeping him cooped up in the ball all day. Plus, it was more fun with a crowd. It made it feel less like Brinley and Gary were off somewhere far away.

The rest of the walk to Viridian went by quicker. Keeping up with Finley and Charlie’s well being in battle distracted Oscar enough from the heat that he almost celebrated when what had to have been the twentieth Rattata launched itself at them.

At least the team was getting good experience. Bit by bit.

Viridian City was a small haven before the twisting, winding roads of Viridian Forest. Named for the shade of the flora, the area was absolutely bursting with greenery. Every house had a garden and community buildings were packed with potted and hanging plants inside. Oscar couldn’t help but smile at a particularly vibrant pecha plant as he walked to the Pokemon Center counter.

After a quick rest (and restock at the Mart), Charlie spoke up. “We should head north to Route 2 first. Then come back for scoping out Route 22. We won’t be able to go far, but we should try to recruit as much as possible.”

Oscar nodded, done playing with a fern planted next to the road. “We may be able to meet up with Gary and Brinley soon, too.”

“Let’s not get too far into Route 2. Don’t really wanna run into any Weedles just yet,” Finley added. “We’re not quite ready for that. Even if I’m part poison type, I’m still not resistant to Weedle poison. And you and I both remember what happened last time we had a run in with a Kakuna nest.” He looked pointedly at Oscar.

Oscar laughed. “We were fine.”

“No Weedles for Oscar,” Charlie said. He had the feeling he would have to make a lot of rules like this.

“What about a Rattata?” Oscar pointed ahead where one sat, grooming herself. “Hey! Wanna join our team and help us beat up Team Rocket?” he called.

“Shh! Not so loud! What if a Rocket was nearby?” Charlie hissed, exasperated.

The Rattata ran to them. “You’re fighting Team Rocket?” Hopeful. Eager. “They took my friends. The whole nest hasn’t seen them since. We don’t even know if they’re okay.” She looked Oscar right in the eye. “Catch me. I wanna join your team.”

Oscar obliged, and let her back out. “Well that was easy. What’s your name?”

“Vivi.”

“Vivi, do you wanna help me destroy our best friends in battle?” 

“Absolutely.”

---

Route 22 was rather different than the previous areas. It was more rocky, the grasses scraggly where they once were lush. Not to say that the route was devoid of life, it was simply where the terrain became more mountainous. Plenty of pokemon made the area their home, mostly the more rugged lines that didn’t rely on grasses as much for cover. 

A lake had formed toward the center of the route, making what would have otherwise been a short walk to Victory Road more difficult. Old paved roads were cracked and in need of repair, but hadn’t been made a priority over the repairs needed in cities and towns. It was generally assumed that trainers that went out to Route 22 could handle themselves.

“We’ll go no further than this first patch of grass,” Oscar said. He ducked as a troop of Mankeys jumped from the tall rocks overhead. 

Charlie returned from his quick scouting. “Doesn’t look like Team Rocket’s here. Your friend must’ve chased them off.”

One of the Mankeys stopped. She watched for a moment, then grabbed a rock and launched it at Oscar, nailing him in the head. “HEY TRAINER!!”

Oscar yelped and Finley jumped into a defensive position.

“Leave him alone!” Finley growled.

“DO YOU GUYS NEED A MANKEY?” she shouted.

“Oh my god, we can hear you just fine,” Vivi muttered.

“If I catch you, will you agree not to throw another rock at my face?” Oscar rubbed his forehead. He made a face at the small smear of blood on his hand. 

“YEAH SURE.”

Oscar chucked a pokeball at her, which she promptly burst out of. “Hey!” 

The Mankey laughed. “OKAY, TRY AGAIN.” Another pokeball, which she burst out of again, laughing. “OKAY, OKAY, I’LL STOP. FOR REAL THIS TIME.” To her credit, she actually stayed put and allowed herself to be caught.

“Stop shouting,” Oscar said as he ignored the voice inside him saying to keep her in the ball.

“I do what I want,” she said, quieter now. “The name’s Reggie. What I want is- I wanna tag along.”

“Um, okay.”

“Hey, Oscar. I like the new style!” a familiar voice said.

“Gary!” Finley cheered.

Brinley smiled brightly. “I see you guys are getting quite the team. Did Mew give you supplies too?”

“Yeah, seriously, how’d you catch so many pokemon already?” Gary added. He pointed to the Pidgey on his shoulder. “I was only just able to catch Melody here like an hour ago.”

“She stopped by earlier this afternoon,” Oscar said. “Guess she got sidetracked.”

Vivi, Charlie, and Reggie exchanged confused looks.

“Maybe we just had bad luck. Wanna battle?” Gary asked. “We wanna see how well we’re doing with our training.”

“You’re on!”

The first round was bird versus bird. Charlie was faster and just a smidge stronger. Several well timed gusts later and Melody was defeated. 

Next up was Brinley. Reggie jumped at the opportunity to fight someone who didn’t have the advantage.

“Be careful Reggie. No throwing rocks,” Oscar chided. 

“You got it, boss!” she agreed, kicking Brinley in the legs and knocking her over. 

Brinley retaliated with a scratch across Reggie’s face. It hardly left a mark.

“Sorry, kiddo. We Mankeys have pretty tough skin,” Reggie said, kicking again.

This time, Brinley fell onto her back and held up one hand. “Alright, I give. You kick hard.” No need putting herself and Gary in danger when the outcome was clear.

“Well,” Gary said, tossing some coins to Oscar as though he’d been expecting this. “That was anticlimactic. Looks like you got yourself some pretty tough teammates!” He bent down and helped Brinley up. “We’ll totally get you later.”

“We look forward to it,” Oscar said. He and Gary fist bumped. “Next loser buys lunch?”

“Next loser buys lunch.”

[kira-the-cat]

So now that I’m feeling better after last night, lets talk about why I and a lot of other people are not happy with Pokemon Lets Go. Full disclosure, if you’re happy and excited that’s fine. Please respect that people aren’t. Don’t go yelling at people who aren’t. Same applies to people that aren’t happy about it. Don’t blast people that are. This got long while I was typing so its going under a cut.

With that out of the way the main reason I’m not personally happy about it is that its once again Kanto. I understand that this is a test game, however there were numerous other ways to test the Switch’s power with Pokemon. Even if they wouldn’t have been Sinnoh remakes we still haven’t gotten a new Mystery Dungeon game since Super (which I find a missed opporotunity since we could have had Ultra Mystery Dungeon to keep with the themes from USuMo and getting to pick some Gen 7 mons would have been neat), there’s the neglected Ranger series, since the game is less battle oriented than usual we could have gotten our first actual Contest themed game, there’s the highly neglected Orre region, etc. What I’m saying is there were a lot of ways to do this that weren’t just Gen 1 again.

That brings me to my next point; the fact that we are once again restricted to just the first 151 Pokemon (I’m not counting whatever the new one is because I’m of the opinion that its probably just Zeraora since it was never legitimately released for Gen 7 despite having code in USuMo) plus a handful of their Alolan forms to even the type chart out. I have absolutely no idea why they were doing this when it was completely hated in FRLG. And while I’m aware that Gen 5 essentially did the same thing the difference is that Gen 5 was all Unova Pokemon. You had to adjust to new Pokemon and moves and abilities instead of relying on the ones you knew how to work with. And then once you finished the main story you had the option to mix your party up besides the Unova mons. Everyone knows how good/bad the Gen 1 mons are. All this does is lead to people with the exact same teams because there’s barely any variety. There’s also the fact that PoGo has up to Gen 3 so there’s zero reason for such an arbitrary restriction except to pander to nostalgia.

This feels suspiciously like what happened with Sonic Forces and Sonic Mania and I already see the issues that those two games caused popping up in the main tag. Let’s Go is basically Mania in that its designed to mostly pander to the nostalgic crowd and “casual” PoGo players who either have no interest or find the newer games overwhelming. The 2019 game is Forces. A game with a lot of hyped up potential and very little information right now. Pretty much rumored to be designed with the more solid fanbase in mind. Now at first glance this doesn’t seem to be an issue, GF/Sega is playing to both sides, trying to keep everyone happy. On the surface that’s a great idea. In reality all it does is create a shit ton of tension between the people who are, justifiably, sick of all the spotlight treatment Gen 1/Classic Sonic gets especially in recent years and the people who think that that much spotlight focus is no big deal.

The removal of wild battles in favor of overworld encounters. While this has been confirmed to not carry over to the 2019 game this still leaves a sour taste in a lot of people mouths especially when trainer battles are kept and Exp gain seems to be linked to catching Pokemon which is another thing bothering people because of catching being exclusively motion control related. Now whether they will or will not be optional is another story entirely but given how skewed the RNG is in PoGo I don’t have high hopes for it in this game. Also I understand that this doesn’t exist in the GameCube games, however there’s a plausible reason for that. This is just copying PoGo.

The weird state its in. Apparently its a main title according to Game Freak, albeit one for casual fans, yet it feels like a side game with the gimmicky feel of it. And that’s not to say gimmicks are bad, just that this feels a lot more like a side game than a main one.

Speaking of casual, the assumption that Pokemon is a hard series to grasp that it needs a game like this baffles me. Pokemon is far from a hard series, and this is from someone that plays games that tend to be unforgiving and has been playing games with limited lives for years. Especially recently Pokemon has gotten much easier, going as far as to railroad the player via cutscenes in Gen 7 and the implimentation of the Exp All which is on by default. Sure there’s been some difficult puzzles, most of which are optional, but the answer can be nowadays found on the internet so most of the challenge is removed there. Even still, the series has remained one of the easiest to play as well access. Every game in the series, from Gen 1 to 7 can be accessed and played. You can work your way up through the games to learn how they work. The claim that Lets Go is designed to make the series even easier makes me feel like people underestimate just how easy the games truly are.

And my ultimate gripe with the game is that they brought back the one mechanic I, and a lot of other people, have been asking for since Gen 4 and its so far restricted to Gen 1. Every single Pokemon thus far has a walk/run animation as revealed by Dataminers last year when USuMo came out. Hell that game was the one that so heavily teased it by having interactable Pokemon in the overworld, showing the Pokemon outside their Pokeballs in cutscenes to the point that Hau’s starter will always follow him outside of it. 

I don’t like the insinuation that they brought back a highly requested feature only to dangle it behind the ever obnoxious presence that is Kanto and Gen 1. Now if its in the 2019 game that’s something different, but considering they’re marketing this at “casual” players I feel like it won’t be in the other game because its apparently not what the so called “hardcore” crowd would want. It really sucks that the one feature about this game I desperately want is tied to a region I have grown to really loathe since Gen 6. It hurts, because I missed following Pokemon so much and when I saw that there were Pokemon I could play with in the overworld for USuMo I had high hopes that it was in the full game only it wasn’t. I’m really bitter over that fact because it hurts that it was teased so damn much only to result in this. 

Honestly when this is all said and done I don’t want to hear another peep about Kanto for at least the next three Gens. You got what you wanted, let the rest of the series be free of this.

[moved-strabius-strawberry]

Who are the Top 10 worst villains you've ever seen in media?

Top 10 Worst villains I have ever seen? Hmm... I can certainly think of villain cliches that bother me. I guess I can narrow my dislike of those cliches down to certain villains. I won't do a Top 10, though, just 5. Also I won't list it from least-worst to most-worst, these don’t have an order because they all equally bug me.

1) Bellwether from Zootopia. The twist villain cliche started to bother me by this point with Zootopia. She wasn’t bad in the beginning, so we can feel neutral or even like her character at first, but towards the end we're expected by the film to no longer like her and be glad for her comeuppance. I wanted to put Hans from Frozen here because he was the first of the twist Disney villains, but then I remembered my jaw dropping when I first saw it happened in theatres, so it was kind of effective in what it did, thus I can't entirely fault it for succeeding. I also wanted to put Ernesto de la Cruz from Coco, because he was so obvious to me that I found it incredibly disappointing, but then again he killed a man, so I guess that's decent villainy, still it sucks that he has to be bad because his character seems fun. So that's why I listed Bellwether, since she is the most forgettable of the three. Also, while typing this, I asked my mom who likes Zootopia a lot if she remembered Bellwether's character, and she asked "who?"

2) The short corporate business man from The Lorax. I forgot his name, I'm looking it up right now... Ah, it's the mayor of Thneedville, O'Hare. Yeah, this evil corporate business man cliche is amazingly annoying to me. It just seems really cynical and lazy, especially since the animation studio who made this movie, Illumination Entertainment, basically is this villain. If I go into any more detail of my thoughts on this company, I'd be detouring from the topic in hand. Okay, so O'Hare, what do we know about him? He is short. He is greedy. He likes money because he is greedy. He hates trees because they make air for free, because he wants to charge people money for air, because he is greedy. I have so many gripes with this movie as a whole, but all I will say is O'Hare is every single evil corporate business man character ever made wrapped up into one. I hate every single one of them... Except Christopher Walken in Country Bears. That was.... Interesting.

3) Snoke from Star Wars: the Force Awakens. So in January, I finally saw all three original Star Wars films, and they were all good. Then I saw the Force Awakens for the first time, and it was a lot like A New Hope. There were tons of similarities, and at times they felt like a bit of an improvement, except for Snoke. Snoke is the Emperor Palpatine of these new Star Wars films, and he doesn't strike me as an interesting character. I'm willing to forgive Kylo Ren for being very much the Vader of these new films, but Snoke? Palpatine was already a weak villain to me, I didn't care for him at all, Vader was already a great villain, but then Palpatine showed up and was like "this guy is merely my puppet, I am the true villain", and I was none impressed because Vader was already really cool to me, there didn't need to be a "greater villain", cuz Vader was already a great villian. I don't care if it's accurate to the books. Lets pretend there were no prequels and the original films were their own trilogy: if something doesn't work in an adaption, you remove it. Palpatine, in my opinion, was not a necessary character, which makes Snoke an even more unnecessary character. I haven't seen The Last Jedi yet, but whatever they end up using his character for will most likely not change my mind about him. I probably could have put Palpatine here, but I'll still put him on reserve until I actually do see the prequels (which I'm looking forward to snortsnort). Also, what is up with this guy's name? Snoke. It doesn't look or sound threatening in the slightest, it sounds like the name of a Care Bears villain. Look out, Grumpy Bear, here comes Snoke!

4) Venom/MaloMyotismon from Digimon Adventure 01 & 02. Myotismon was a decent villain at first, he was definitely an improvement compared to the first villain Devimon, who was pretty generic run-of-the-mill bad guy. He might have even been better than the villains that show up towards the end of 01, more specifically Piedmon/Apocalyptomon. The inclusion of VenomMyotismon, though, was pretty unnecessary. It's like "YOU HAVEN’T DEFEATED ME YET, THIS ISN’T EVEN MY FINAL FORM" and it literally wasn't because then 02 happened with one of the worst Digimon villains: MaloMyotismon. There really isn't anything to add or say about him, he is exactly the cliche I just described, and it's pretty shit. He also doubles as a "twist villain", and it adds nothing new, it's just unexpectedly bad.

5) Lysandre from Pokemon X/Y, as well as Lusamine from Pokemon Sun/Moon. Lysandre was okay at first, kind of intimidating but I didn't suspect him as the Team Flare boss just yet. Then when I found out that he was the boss, I was like "okay, let's see where this goes", and it was all downhill from there. He does that "final form" cliche by you defeating him in battle, and then almost immediately he returns into the room with stupid glasses and robot arms and a slightly stronger team, and its like "wtf is happening?" And my team was so OP that I defeated him almost instantly, and he threw his glasses down like a child upset from losing a game. Overall, his character became very non-threatening towards the end. Then there is Lusamine. Like Lysandre, she was alright at first, but it only got worse. By the time you have your final face off with her, she fuses with the Ultra Beast and has a literal "final form". She started acting like a crazy person and it was the dumbest thing ever, I was laughing so hard. But uh, yeah, these were some pretty awful Pokemon Bosses. Oh, and Lusamine also falls under another cliche I can't stand, the "I'm crazy for no reason now" villains. They laugh whole-heartedly at their own wickedness even though they were nothing like this in the beginning... cuz they're crazy now. They start acting erratic and irrational even though they weren't like this at all in the beginning... cuz they're crazy now. The only time this kind of writing should ever be utilized is if the writer actually wants to have some kind of commentary on psychosis, which is a sad disorder, and thus should not be villainized and needs to be completely rewritten to fit the tone better. This kind of villain would need to be rewritten either way because it's terrible.

And those are all the characters that I personally think are bad villains. Again, it all stems from the villain cliches that I don't like: the twist villain, the evil corporate businessman, the "master of the puppet" villain, the "not even my final form" villain, and the "I'm crazy for no reason now" villain. There are definitely times where these cliches won't bother me too much, as I implied with Walken in Country Bears, and Hans and Ernesto, but for the most part I really don’t like these ones in particular: the generics. They are written to be a certain way without being much different from other villain characters that are like them, and are thus boring, which I see as a waste of my time as the consumer. Do I want to eat a box of generic unsalted crackers? No, I'm gonna eat Ritz crackers because they actually taste good!Be creative with your villains, think about their goals and quirks, ways to make them fun while still being despicable, or make them downright terrifying. Why are they terrifying? What do they say and do? How do they behave in certain situations? Think about how their presence on screen or in a chapter will be enough to send shivers down the viewer's spine. If you want to make an interesting villain, then think about why you enjoy certain villains. Take notes for yourself. What do you enjoy about them, or why do they intrigue you? Don't make a character that behaves exactly like them, just keep them in mind as inspiration.

Oh, by the way, thank you for asking me this! I never thought anyone would be interested in hearing my thoughts on subjects like this, so I really appreciate this. :D

[11jj11]

Upon Our Sea - Pokeshipping - Chapter 1

This story is going to be Pokeshipping (AshXMisty) along with BrockXLillie (Do these two have a ship name?).

Just to note-- the Vulpix Brock has in this story is not the same one from the original series! Brock's only had this little guy for a year now. Where this Vulpix came from will be said next chapter. And while this story is for Pokeshipping week, Brock will be a major character just like Misty and Ash, so his side of the story will be explored just as much.

Chapter One – Ten Years Gone

“A Ponyta, Brock!” Misty groaned. “He brought a freaking Ponyta to the gym battle! The poor thing couldn’t even stand on the floating islands provided for land Pokemon! It kept slipping on the pool edges– and the trainer kept it battling!”

Brock smiled slightly as Misty continued on with her rant, bringing his mug to his lips. The coffee was quite hot, and far from refreshing as they sat in the sun of the outdoor cafe. But with the long hours he worked at the Pokemon Center, coffee was at times the only thing that kept Brock going throughout the day. Working full time as a Pokemon doctor was something Brock had always dreamed of doing, but it was far from an easy job. Stress and pressure were a constant companion, with him performing much more complicated surgeries and procedures than the average nurse. And since he covered as the Pokemon doctor for three different cities, he often found himself rushing between Centers throughout the week.

So a lunch break listening to Misty’s gripes was something he honestly found relaxing.

Misty’s Marill was at her ankles, poking hopefully around at the ground for some crumbs– despite the bowl of Pokemon food in front of her that Misty had ordered. Brock’s Vulpix had turned his nose up at even the mention of Pokemon food that came from someone other than Brock, and so he was currently napping on his lap instead.

“Did they win the badge?” Brock asked as Misty paused to catch her breath.

Misty smirked. “Of course they didn’t– Golduck took care of them.”

“You used Golduck in a gym match?!” Brock cried, choking slightly as he took another sip of coffee. He coughed, quickly sitting up, earning a glare from Vulpix as his nap was disturbed. “You know that you’re only suppose to use certain Pokemon depending on how many badges the trainer has–”

Misty rolled her eyes. “Yeah, and we’re also supposed to judge and challenge a trainer’s skill. If they’re reckless enough to send a Pokemon like Ponyta against a water gym– and not even have the raw power or moves to back them up as reasoning– then I’m going to show them just how serious gym matches can be.”

Leave it to Misty to use some of her strongest Pokemon in a gym battle. Brock smiled to himself, personally glad that she hadn’t allowed a reckless trainer even a chance at the gym badge, even if the league probably wouldn’t agree with her action.

“...Has he come back to challenge you since?” Brock asked uncertainly.

Misty’s lips twisted. “Not yet, but it’s only been a week. If he’s training up Ponyta, or bringing a Pokemon that actually stands chance, then I’ll accept his challenge again. Fighting at a type disadvantage means that you have no idea what you’re doing, you’re backed into a corner with that battle, or you actually have power and strategy to accomplish a potential win.”

“Most Elites and gym leaders would fall into that last category,” Brock noted, looking down and stroking Vulpix.

“Yes– but not just any challenger,” Misty said. “Outside of those working for the league only a few people could actually consistently pull that off successfully and safely, you know? People like–”

She paused mid sentence, and Brock raised his head. He could see the name on her lips, the hesitancy in her eyes. She took in a breath, as if considering to say his name, before closing her mouth. She pressed her lips together, looking away. Her Marill quickly hopped up onto her shoulder, patting her head.

“Like Ash?” Brock finished, and Misty glared at him.

“Yeah, just like Ketchum,” She muttered, stroking her Marill as it attempted to comfort her.

Silence hung between them after she spoke, and Brock set his mug down, wondering if it would be worth breaking the silence. He could see the conflicting emotions on her face– bitterness, sorrow, longing. There was a bit of happiness too, unvoiced memories that always brought a smile to her face, but still there was pain. He knew that often it wasn’t the best idea to prod Misty when she was like this, but Brock truly wanted to know how she felt.

“Miss him?” Brock asked, deciding to keep the question short and simple.

Misty’s eyes narrowed. “I would say yes– though I’m quite sure he doesn’t miss us. It’s been what– over a year now since we’ve last seen him? And that was basically him just dropping in to say hi! How long has it been since we’ve last spent quality time with him Brock? The last time we’ve had a meaningful conversation– even one on the phone?! At least two full years!”

“You know how Ash is,” Brock said, trying to loosen the tension around them. “He just gets distracted, he’s probably out on some adventure right now doing... what Ash does. You know he thinks about us– he’s always happy to see us after a long time away!”

Misty gritted her teeth. “Sure– but I’m guessing that he won’t even realize what’s coming up.”

Brock frowned. “Coming... up?”

Misty froze. “Don’t tell me you don’t know either!”

Brock quickly racked his brain– it couldn’t be her birthday, that had long passed. One of her sister’s birthdays...? Why would she care if Ash remembered that? He gave Misty an uncertain glance.

“Um...”

Misty slapped her hand to her forehead, groaning. “Of course, leave it to you to forget as well! And if you don’t remember, then that means of course it’s going to be hopeless with Ash!” She gritted her teeth. “Honestly, I was hoping all three off us could do something to celebrate, but I might as well accept that’s not going to happen.”

“What’s coming up, Misty?” Brock asked, shifting under her glare. “Could you at least tell me? You know I have a very busy schedule.”

She sighed, though she was still tense. “It’s going to be the ten year anniversary of when we first met,” She muttered. “Something I was kind of excited for, but apparently that doesn’t really mean much to you guys.”

Brock paused, brow narrowing as he quickly did the math in his head– this year would indeed mark ten years since he had first met Ash and Misty. He glanced up at the twenty year old in front of him, hardly believe that so much time had passed since she and Ash had been ten year olds tromping around Kanto, with him tagging along.

A smile flickered up onto his face, of course this would mean a lot to Misty. He recalled all too well the five year anniversary– Misty forcing Brock to skip one of his college classes to come to the Cerulean Gym to celebrate with them. And now with ten years under their belts she’d of course want the entire old gang together.

“Heh, can’t believe it’s been that long already,” Brock muttered, and he sat up a bit, stroking Vulpix. “No Misty, I agree, that is actually pretty exciting. Sorry I didn’t realize what you meant until now.”

Unfortunately his words had done nothing to brighten her attitude. She moodily stared down at her lemonade, pushing the straw around the glass.

“At least that makes two of us,” She muttered. “And you’re the smart one– Ash isn’t going to remember.”

Brock hesitated. “You don’t give him enough credit– I’m sure he’ll call!”

Misty rolled her eyes. “Yay. One call, then he vanishes off to some remote part of the world for a decade– if we’re lucky.”

Brock looked down at his Vulpix helplessly, not sure of what to say. He didn’t want Misty to be feeling this way about Ash– but he also knew she had a good point. Ash wasn’t exactly the most reliable person. Yes, his heart was always in the right place, but Ash was one that was easily distracted. Unless someone was there to remind him, Brock highly doubted that Ash would even realize that it had been ten years since they met– or just how upsetting it would be to Misty for them not to all be together to celebrate.

Brock studied Misty, finding her anger almost interesting. Yes, she was mad at Ash– but it was because of how much she valued their friendship. She didn’t want to lose the bond they had all once held with each other, and was upset because of how distant Ash was being. But at the same time Brock knew that Ash never wanted to come off that way– he was simply an adventurous soul– and it would take an earth shattering event for something to ruin the friendships Ash always valued.

Brock opened his mouth, but he had no response. Ash saw time and distance as nothing that could hinder friendship, while to Misty it clearly meant everything. Brock understood how both of his friends thought and accepted that, but it seemed that they didn’t see things that way. He closed his eyes– only for the watch on his wrist to start vibrating.

“For Mew’s sake...” Brock muttered, quickly turning off the alarm. “...I hate to cut our conversation here, Misty,” Brock said, gently scooping up Vulpix. “But my lunch break is almost over– I need to get back to the Pokemon Center.”

“Yeah, I get it,” Misty muttered, unsurprised. “I should probably get back to the gym, I have a gym match at 1:00...”

Brock stood up, gently cradling Vulpix in his arms. “Does next Wednesday still work for you?”

Misty was recalling Marill to a Pokeball. “Yep.”

Brock gave her an uncertain smile. “I’ll see you around then.”

“See you,” Misty grunted, shouldering her purse.

Brock sighed as he turned, walking away from his friend. He honestly didn’t want to leave on such a note, but each had schedules to stick to. Brock was personally glad that Forrest was the official gym leader of Pewter now– there was no way that Brock would be able to stay on top of everything alongside his job as a Pokemon doctor.

“Hmm...” Brock muttered, reaching into his pocket, pulling out a blue Pokegear. He hesitated for a moment, pausing at the corner of the street. He pressed a few buttons on the device, hesitating once more before pressing ‘call’.

“The number you are trying to reach is currently unavailable. Either the number was dialed incorrectly, or their device is out of range. Please try again at another time,” Brock sighed as the robotic voice crackled through the speakers, and he stuffed the Pokegear back into his pocket.

“You know, Misty’s right,” Brock muttered. “It’d be nice if you’d call us once in awhile, Ash.”

With that Brock continued on his way, deciding that he’d need to speak to his boss once he got back to work. He’d need to schedule some time off if he was going to spend some time with Misty to celebrate their friendship of ten years.

And he most definitely was going to need time off if he was going to find Ash before then.

[loremonster]

My First Days In Guam

Pagebreak because TMI about periods and such.

Moving to a new place is pretty much always hard. This time, made harder by language barriers, culture barriers, and the fact that my vagina is bleeding like an arterial wound. The jetlag is pretty hardcore, but I’m beginning to come around to sleeping when it’s dark at least. The heat and humidity is vicious, though I am sure I’ll adjust to that, too. I have trouble picking what exactly I wanna vent about first, so let’s just take it from the top.

Arrival went as smoothly as could be expected; after 2 full days of flights, connections, passport checks, and a grand total of 22 hours in the air with small children screaming, in-flight wi-fi not working, and a toddler kicking my seat the whole way from Seattle to Japan, we completed a journey that started in Minneapolis on the 3rd of December, 8 PM and ended in Guam, the 5th of December, 10 Pm. I will notate here that we crossed the international dateline, and a total of 19 hours in time zone differences. Sleeping on the plane was nearly impossible for me, as certain issues at home had not been resolved; most prominent of which was the fact that our property manager had dropped the ball with our home back in Washington state, and our tenants who were supposed to be keeping that house’s mortgage paid had not yet been able to even SIGN the lease agreement because of multiple mis-communications and goof ups... and NO ONE at the office was returning calls. 

Now a world away with no international phone plan, I was not capable of brow beating the property manager into doing something, and worry kept me awake the majority of the travel time. What sleep I did grab was simply my body and brain succumbing to exhaustion for about 20 minutes at a time before I’d jerk awake, cursing the fact that I wanted to just sleep through the whole damn thing and missing my legal marijuana something hardcore. 

We had a friend awaiting us at arrival, but hopes for a hotel had fallen through. We spent our first hour on the island driving about aimlessly, searching for anyone who would have a room for a night. Our host was good-humored, and helped us get our bags up once we found a room. We were told that if we told the front desk by noon the next day that we wanted to stay longer, we could.

I showered, marveled at my thoroughly swollen ankles, and laid the fuck down to sleep at 1 AM, local time.

I awoke 4 AM, local time, unable to go back to sleep and accepting that after about half an hour of trying to pass out. I decided now was a good time to shave, put on the cute clothes I had bought in the states particularly for the hot weather here, and perchance go for a short walk before the sun came up to get my bearings and buy some sunscreen.

30 minutes later I returned to the hotel a shaken and angry young lady-- I had been whistled at while walking, and a man had pulled over his car to ask if I was okay, twice. My excitement at being in a place where it was socially acceptable for me to wear a skirt and a crop top because it’s always goddamn hot out had turned into a terrible sense of vulnerability. Even if the whistler had simply been a run-of-the-mill asshole, and the man in the car had been a good Samaritan making sure I wasn’t a runaway or a battered girlfriend in need of help, it didn’t change the fact that a moment of confidence for me had been turned into a moment of horror, fear, and anger that I didn’t feel safe on my own. My eagerness to embrace my new home had turned into reactionary terror, and I dove back to my hotel room and my husband simply for the familiar comfort. 

Oh, right, and hubby didn’t get house hunting leave right away, so he had to go to work. I felt terrified to be alone, and was informed I’d be spending our first days quite perfectly by myself.

Then I was informed that the hotel couldn’t keep us, despite us notifying them before noon that yes, we did want to keep the room. They were already booked up. Our room was promised to someone else. Now my hubby had to go and get familiar with his new command, and it was in MY hands to find us a new place to stay before I had to pack out the room and leave the free wifi that enabled me to get things done... and then, at noon, I would be on my own and would just have to kill time until both hubby and his ride were off of work and able to come get me. 

Finding a room was not as hard as I imagined, thankfully. I managed to find a decent booking for what was last night up until our next payday, the 15th, so we’ve got a room for a hot second here. After that, I decided to swallow the fear, pack out the room, leave our baggage with the front desk [they promised they’d look after it until we could pick it up to take to our next hotel], and walk down to the near-by K-mart; the biggest shopping center within a mile and, to me, the best way to kill time until I had a right elsewhere. 

82 degrees in nearly 100% humidity is something that makes short walks seem long. As someone who is an avid player of Pokemon Go, who tends to hatch a 10k egg at least once a day, I did not think a 1.2 KM walk was going to be any sort of difficult, even in the heat. I had water, i had obtained sunscreen, I figured it couldn’t be too bad, but the heat is just so heavy here. It lays on your limbs, the humidity soaks into your clothes and makes them leaden, and my poor sleep deprived body wasn’t exactly the most cooperative vehicle in the world. That said, I did make it. 

Arrival at K-mart had a specific task in mind. I had forgotten to pack one of my swimsuits when originally gathering the things I wanted with me before the move, and now I found myself on a tropical island without swimwear. Sacrilege, of course, so I needed to find something. And, here is where I get into the most minor of all my gripes, but I am beyond upset that there was not wider selection. You see, I will not describe myself as fat. Have I picked up a little pudge in recent months with all the stress eating before the move? Yes. Am I bloated from my period? Hardcore. Are my breasts engorged because of my period as well? Oh you fucking bet. But the point is that I am 5′4″ and weigh in at 150 at my heaviest, and that is by no means an unhealthy weight when you take into account the fact that I am a 32 DDD. A D-cup pair of breasts weigh about 20 pounds on their own, so I’m guessing my pair weigh about 25-ish. Why do I bring this up?

Because a tropical island that sees body types from America to Japan, anywhere from 90 pounds to 300, as well as the more muscular and stout builds I’ve been noticing of the native people, 90% of the swimsuit section was STILL made exclusively for size 0 women. According to the sizes at that sort, I am apparently an XL in the chest and a L in the ass. Oh, right, all bikinis. The one-pieces were all either black or one of those terrible eye-sore patterns, and all only for the people pushing 300 pounds. I WANTED a one-piece originally because, well, I have a pudge. I wanted to swim until I lost some of it before I went into full blown bikini time. Yeah, I’m human, I have feelings about my body. I don’t LIKE being self-conscious, but I am. But here I was, looking through one-piece suits and they’re all labeled either with numbers I don’t understand and clearly made for someone MUCH larger than myself [who I am certain doesn’t want to wear black or eye-melting pink with palm leaves either] or XXXL. 

Once I accepted that I was getting a bikini that day, my eyes were, of course, drawn to something brightly colored-- neon green with black lace, to be exact, but I knew there was no way in hell I’d fit in it. Skipping my ass, these are things my bone structure was simply too wide for. After that, I found another that looked close enough to try on; some army green color with silver accents that I liked. Off to the fitting room! ... for the bottoms to pop several stitches as I pull it on, and for the top to look obscene in the way that it offered my breasts zero support. Technically I could have worn it, I was covered by the strictest sense of the term... but I wouldn’t have felt good wearing it, and I don’t wear anything I don’t feel good in. Personal policy. 

Finally, of course, were the black and eye-melting bikinis. The ones they DO make for women with bodies like mine, with the wide hips and the knockers out of a playboy spread, only these bitches are natural. 

I own a grand total of 5 black swimsuits now, all simply because the brightly colored ones are not made for me. I really hate that. I love the design of the swimsuit I bought, I just wish I could have had it in a fun color. Purple, or green! Blue, or even bright orange! Something other than black. Black is the slimming color, the color that’s supposed to make you look smaller than you are. I’m not small. I’m okay with not being small. I like my breasts, I love my hips. I may not be in love with my pudge but I accept it as part of me right now, and later on after I get back into good food an walking every day that pudge is gonna fade, but the rest of my body type will not. I will never be small enough to fit into anything that is made with any sort of artistic eye, because the people making swimsuits don’t want to dress me. They wanna dress ‘bikini babes’ who have B to C-sized breasts that need minimal support because they’re still very young and perky, and slender bodies with thigh gaps... and I have no issue with gals who are that thin. All bodies are good bodies if you like living in them! I like my body, I like living in my body! I hate that no one who makes clothes seems to like me living in my body. THAT is my fucking problem with that.

And now that I’ve devoted several paragraphs to sheer petty mooing, let’s move on with the rest of the day... namely that I was stuck at that K mart for the next 6 hours because the guy giving us rides forgot that he had a dental appointment that day, and my property manager STILL had failed to get in contact with my tenants. They’d left messages, but no one had gotten back to them. 

To put this in mild perspective, we engaged the property manager back in November, at which point in time they stopped talking to us after we signed the contact between them, the property manager, and us, the owners of the property. Now my tenants needed to sign a lease before making their first payments, payments that cover my mortgage, my mortgage, which had already been automatically paid this month. That’s 1200+ dollars that I could really use in the process of moving for food and such, money NOT in my account because my property managers could be bothered to fucking talk to my people or return a phone call. Displeased was the fucking word. My tenants are literally waiting to pay me their rent, my property manager doesn’t get their cut until they do, and they just completely dropped the ball. 

And I’m doing laps around a K Mart, unable to make phone calls but watching my FB chat blow up about all this, edging up on exhaustion as my stupid circadian rhythm realizes it’s 11 PM back in Minnesota, so obviously I should be sleeping. 

I spend the last hour at K Mart at the Little Caesars pizza housed within, eating too-greasy junk food and finally dozing off on a table until my ride showed up, with 7% battery left when I was finally told SOMEONE was on their way. 

I now sit in the hotel room I booked, which is markedly shitter than advertised. There’s tiles broken apart in the bathroom, someone made the bed weird and put the extra blanket UNDER the fitted sheet. We have a fridge, but the ice tray in it is cracked to shit and leaks in most compartments. There is no ice machine in this building; I have to go down a giant fuck-off hill to fill a tiny ice bucket if I want ice from their machine, which I’m sure helps them save on that cost. 

Good news is that I fell asleep at 7 PM last night, and awoke at 3 AM. Despite this sounding outrageous, that does mean I got a full 8 hours of sleep, which is an improvement. Of course, I got up to use the restroom and found my underwear looking like someone tried to fuck me with a knife, so that was less happy... but hopefully that specific bodily event will be over soon if I’m bleeding that thoroughly. The last two flavors of instant ramen I’ve tried were too spicy for me to eat [it’s all in Japanese so I’m guessing based on the pictures on the boxes], but there’s a USO a block down the street that offers free meals to military members, so I might take a short walk down there today... and I won’t be getting booted out of this room.

Also, I told my property management company they were fired this morning, which got them to clean their act up right quick. My tenants have a lease, and I’ve heard no further complaints on that side thus far. 

And that, dear friends, has been my first two days in Guam. 

Granted, this one still has quite a few hours in it. Local time is only 9:48, but I already feel like it’s 3 in the afternoon... Damn jetlag. 

I want to love this place. It’s my new home. It just doesn’t feel like it yet. 

-Buttlord. 

[crystalelemental]

It’s been a while, but I think I’ve finally decided roughly where Gen 7 is going to fall for me in terms of the general Pokemon Game Rankings.  There’s still a chance for Ultra Sun/Moon or hypothetical remakes to chance this, but I’m gonna put it below Gen 5 and 4, but above Gen 2, leading to:

Gen 5 Gen 4 Gen 7 Gen 2 Gen 3 Gen 1 Gen 6

Explanations for Gen 7′s ranking below.

I’ll start positive.  Gen 7′s introduction of the Ultra Beasts is probably my favorite thing the series has ever done.  These weird alien horrors are fantastic, and I love them so very much.  Especially Nihilego, obviously, but they are all fantastic and I wish them the best.

The story and characters are also quite strong.  Story especially.  The emphasis on Lillie’s family was divine, and allowed for some great development for Lillie, Gladion, and to some extent Lusamine through the unraveling of her backstory.  I’m still a little salty about Mohn actually being alive and rendering a lot of this almost trivial, but oh well.

I’m a big fan of the island setup.  I think the different regions within the islands are cool, and the concept of their respective guardians and the different challenges in the games makes it fairly distinct from other entries.

Alolan Variants, while also going to be listed as a negative aspect later, are a cool idea.  I kinda like the concept of offering variants based on region, and the fandom has been offering those kinds of variations for ages now, so it’s cool to see a few show up in-game.

Changes to general Pokemon in the form of updates to moves or increases in base stats were also divine.  The changes this time were actually significant, with some Pokemon gaining like a cumulative total of 40 base points.  Compared to last gen’s pathetic attempt at altering stat totals by offering a mere 10 points, this actually felt significant, and it’s nice to know they’re trying some things to improve the status of certain Pokemon.  Also let’s not forget that EXP Share with the Gen 5 experience gain mechanics are a brilliant solution to the Gen 6 problem of over-leveling. 

Lastly, some of the mechanics changes were solid.  Most notably, no more HMs.  It’s all done through calling different Pokemon to serve as the HMs.  This is quite possibly the best mechanical change in the entire series, rivaled only by the changes to moves like Wrap and Rage from Gen 1 to Gen 2.

As for the negative aspects, let’s start with the most personal gripe: the Pokemon.  While there are some excellent stand-outs, I feel comfortable saying that this generation had the most disappointing batch for me thus far.  In some cases, it’s the stat allocations.  Pokemon like Tsareena and Lurantis should’ve been incredible, and the allocations of their stats pretty much damns them to removal from standard use.  For others, it’s a movepool that’s lacking needed tools, that better be fixed when move tutors arrive.  For some, like my dead Pikipek, it’s an evolution line that is neither required nor welcome.  I would’ve preferred to just keep a basic woodpecker.  I love woodpeckers.  But now the only woodpecker in the game, which is cute and has a great ability, evolves into some angry toucan thing whose speed tier is way too low to make any sort of use of Skill Link.  Even Pokemon that turned out well, like Tapu Lele, have been incredibly disappointing to me, just based on stat allocation and movepool.  Lele’s description talks about out-lasting opponents with status and the energy in its shell, yet it has no means of natural recovery and only the most basic of status options.  It’s a super strong offensive unit, but that’s not what was advertised, and frankly, not what I wanted.

Speaking of not what I wanted, Alolan Variants.  I feel like these were a neat idea, but kind of damning.  The Alolan Variant is either way better than the default version, and thus gives the player no reason to ever use the default version, or isn’t any better or even worse and thus served no purpose.  It’s the curse of competitive, I suppose; one of the two was definitely going to be worse than the other.  But it’s frustrating to know how few Alolan Variants actually...did anything for the Pokemon?  Not like megas did.  Speaking of...

The biggest negative of all: Z-moves.  I don’t like them.  They’re interesting, and I’ll pull this criticism back the instant we get back to having real game-changers like mega evolution.  A universal buff changes nothing for anyone.  Your bullshit mentality of “We wanted something to help all Pokemon!” fell flat on its ass because all you did was give Garchomp and Lando-T more tools to use.  Nothing changes.  Nothing is beneficial from this.  Just go back to making megas before you make a Gen 4 remake we’re all going to regret.

Also what do you mean Super Training only works with level 100s?  The solution to over-leveling was brilliant, but now you make it a massive pain in the ass to grind up to 100, then lock the IV improvements behind that progression wall?  Pokemon, when are you going to get rid of this arbitrary shit?  Just let people obtain items for dramatically fewer BP, re-introduce Super Training to make EVs easier, and remove the level requirement for IVs since it’s hard enough to just get bottlecaps.  Just make it easier to construct competitive teams in general.  There’s a reason so many people cheat in Pokemon, and it’s because we don’t have time for this shit.

Related: why are so many of the new Pokemon so hard to get?  So many exist only as like 1% or 5% encounter rates, while the common stuff is all from previous generations.  It makes it really hard to build a team of all new stuff when your Pokedex is small, and half the new things are absurdly rare, you know.

On a less competitive, more game-oriented note, I’d like to offer linearity as the first complaint.  You have all these islands that have massive, interconnected routes...and come up with the most asinine reasons we can’t just explore.  “Sorry, my Stoutland is sniffing for treasure and is REALLY INSISTENT that it finish before anyone crosses.”  Fuck off.  Let me go that way.  Honestly, we have a solution.  Pokemon Origins offered it; just let the trial captains get stronger depending on how many of them you’ve beaten.  If you do Water first, it’s the lowest level; if you do Water last, it’s the highest.  There was such great potential here for a more open experience and they wasted all of it by constantly railroading you along a specific path.  I might be more willing to go with it if the world were more of a straight line like in Unova, where there aren’t many opportunities to deviate from “go forward,” but the way islands are designed, it becomes super transparent how hard they’re forcing you to stay in line.

Another is trials, and how they impact the captains.  While an interesting concept, I feel that gym leaders are more effective as characters.  Trial captains are largely irrelevant for their trials, and you never get a sense for how they are in battle or what their tactics are.  You can battle them, but odds are you didn’t, because the conditions to battle them are so obscure.  I only ever battled Lana, and it was post-League.  Her team was all level 30.  That’s unacceptable.  If I get to battle them, at least have it be a situation where they’re a challenge.  I don’t dislike the concept of the trials, and think they’re definitely neat.  But I also feel like substantial battles with the captains should happen at some point as well.  Worse, because it’s only one real Pokemon in the form of the Totem, it’s hard to really...appreciate them when you have any form of type advantage.  Plenty of them are easily removed in one turn with a strong enough super-effective attack.  While the set-up for trials can be interesting, they’re only interesting if you get to see them.

Which brings me to the last one...the League.  Trials are interesting.  They’re a way to introduce a puzzle of some kind before a major battle against a single, super-strong Totem Pokemon.  I don’t dislike the idea.  I feel that Gym Leaders are more engaging characters most of the time, but it’s a fun variation for a region that’s meant to be distinct.  But then you learn about the League.  And the League opens up.  And suddenly you realize...oh god.  There were seven trials, with Mina being an eighth who just doesn’t do her job.  The same number of trials as there would be gyms.  And oh god, the grand trial was basically just this anyway.  And suddenly the cool variation crumbles apart as you realize nothing was all that distinct after all, they just gave up trying to hide it at the very end and just made a Pokemon League.  I honestly think that, if it had just stayed as the Grand Trial, I would’ve been happier.  But this breaks that illusion so hard.  I don’t like.

Oh, and they should’ve let me fight Mother Beast.  Cowards.

[teampogostix]

RATING THE GAMES

Having played all the PMD games, I thought I’d rate them all based on how I think they stack up to each other, for no reason other than I wanted to! (I actually started doing this in a chat with a friend but I think he was getting bored...) Anyway, I’m ranking them based on a few criteria: Writing/Story content (without going into too many spoilers), Post-credits content, Bonus content (if any exists), and Mechanics, pointing out particular gripes I have along the way. Keep in mind that this is my opinion; I’m allowed to post it, and you’re allowed to think it’s stupid. Without further ado...

RED RESCUE TEAM/BLUE RESCUE TEAM

Writing/Story Content: Compared to later generations of PMD games, the story feels a bit rushed and oddly paced. That said, it’s not entirely fair to compare it to the games that came after; this was the first go, the experimental first game, and they didn’t know if it would be a success or a flop, so they probably didn’t have as many writers and programmers on board. Nevertheless, it’s charming, and definitely worth a replay one of these days. This was the first game to bring me to tears with feels, something all the subsequent PMD games would inherit. Post-Credits Content: To be entirely fair, I’ve never gotten through all the post-cred stuff in this generation. Shame on me! I do remember that the one thing that made me kind of sad, is that your partner stops following you around through town :C Post-cred you get much more freedom, but very little guidance on what you’re supposed to do, which led a young Pogo into a bit of a dead-end before her game of RRT mysteriously vanished, never to be seen again... Bonus Content: To the best of my knowledge, Red/Blue Rescue Team have no bonus content. Mechanics: As stated earlier, this was the first generation of games, and it set all the major mechanics in place. That being said, there were definitely things that could’ve worked better: - Recruitment/Friend Areas. I was always running out of room to recruit Pokemon, and it was improbably hard to recruit certain Pokemon (Mew being the big offender here.) - Inventory Issues: You only get 2 “pages” of 8 items (for a total of 16 items) that you can hold in your bag... which is for some reason a Toolbox in this generation? I guess you could count one extra inventory slot for each team member, as this generation had each Pokemon have a separate 1 item inventory... Anyway, it was hardly enough sometimes. Another thing that could’ve been better: if you selected a consumable and chose “eat” or “ingest,” it would automatically be used by you/the player; the only way that I found to feed an Oran Berry to my partner was to literally throw it at him and hope he didn’t catch it instead. The graphics and sounds were a bit rudimentary compared to later games, but again, it gets a pass on this because it’s the first generation of games. Rescue mechanics left something to be desired; dual-slot communication between Red and Blue only worked half the time if memory serves, and it was a complicated and confusing process of sending/receiving mail. Overall Rating: ★★☆ The white star is a consolation star, because it’s the first generation of games and it’s not really fair to compare it to later games in that sense.

EXPLORERS OF TIME/DARKNESS

Story: The Explorers series has, by far, one of my favorite stories of the entire series. There’s Adventure! Betrayal! Escape! Laughter! Tears! It’s a wonderful sucker-punch to the feels, and remains one of my Top 10 games of all time. If you’re looking to get into PMD, I highly recommend these games, or even better, Explorers of Sky (which has so much extra crap it gets it’s own review).The pacing and dialogue are much improved, and the characters are much more memorable; even the ever obnoxious Chatot became lovable after enough time.  Post-Credits Content: The Explorers series has so much post-credit story that it’s basically an entire other storyline, every bit as good as the first. You’ve saved the world once, think you can do it again? Bonus Content: No bonus content for these games, alas! Sky more than makes up for that though... Mechanics: The major differences that I noticed was an over-all smoothing of the inventory system. Now you can choose who eats what, and as your team’s rank increases, your bag gets bigger. Minor inventory tweaks include the team’s held items now being counted in the main inventory, and a change to Kangaskahn storage; instead of being able to deposit up to 99 of one item, which were all collapsed into one stack, the storage system here acts more like a very, very large bag, with each item taking up 1 slot. Again, like the bag, it gets bigger as your team rank increases, but it is finite. About the only gripe here is I’m a notorious hoarder and kept running out of room. Another system they changed a bit was the recruitment system. Actually recruiting Pokemon works the same, you beat them and hope you get lucky, but you’re no longer restricted by Friend Areas. Further, you can send new recruits back to the guild, and they’ll stay in your team even if you fail the dungeon. The rescue system is much improved, taking full advantage of the DS system’s wireless functions; you can even send items and team members to other people. Lots of new mechanics were introduced in this generation: - Treasure Boxes: What’s inside? You won’t know until you open it, but there’s a good chance it’s going to be.... - Exclusive Items: A.k.a. those blue-worded ones you get from treasure boxes, named such things as “Pika-Hair” or “Char-Fang.” These are items that give a passive stat boost for their specific evolution line; they could be traded at the Swap Cauldron for upgraded versions, which is a fun little thing to play with if you’re a crazy completionist like I am. - Different types of missions: True to their names, Red and Blue Rescue Team are all about rescue missions; unfortunately they don’t have any other mission types, and it could get really boring, really quickly. The Explorers series adds lots of different types of missions, including taking down criminals and delivering/recovering items. You’re no longer just a rescue team, you’re an exploration team! - Eggs: Sometimes you receive an egg as a reward for a mission. Chancy will take care of it until it hatches, after which you can chose to have the newly hatched Pokemon join your team (although I find it kind of morbid that people are giving away unborn young as rewards...) - Sentry Duty: A fun little minigame, which can net you some nice rewards if you’re good at it. Some people find it annoying, since you have to play it for a few plot sequences, but I enjoy it! It gives me Reviver Seeds - More options for player/partner characters: Much wider selection of Pokemon you can play as, and choose for your partner.

Overall Rating: ★★★★

EXPLORERS OF SKY

Story: The core story of Explorers of Sky is identical to that of Time/Darkness, with some additional chapters that aren’t in the other two games, namely Sky Mountain and the Shaymin Village. Again, if you’re looking to get into the series, Explorers of Sky is the one I would recommend the most! Post-Credits Content: As with the main story, Sky is more-or-less identical to it’s predecessors. Bonus Content: Aside from additional chapters in the main storyline, Sky has additional “Bonus Episodes,” smaller, separate plot lines that explore the background of the other characters in the game. Most of them revolve around the other guild members, where you play as them and see events that occurred before, but are related to, your arrival at the guild. One episode, however, deals with with a certain grass-type Pokemon, far in the future, and offered some solace to my aching feels. All told, the Bonus Episodes add a significant chunk of extra plot for you to enjoy! Mechanics: Further small refinements to the inventory system; you can give items to a team member out of a dungeon now. Exclusive Items have had the rarity/swap system slightly reworked, so if you exchange an exclusive item via wireless from Time or Darkness to Sky, it might have more rarity stars. Now you can save your game at the small watering hole at the crossroads instead of having to trek all the way back to your bed, which is very nice. Sometimes you can find bottles washed up on the beach, with a rescue request tucked inside, which can help beef up your job list. The graphics are much better looking, and the soundtrack is one of my favorites from any game. The number-one big change, however, is the Spinda Juice Bar: - Juice/Reworked Gummi System: Instead of taking them into a dungeon and stuffing your face, you can take them to Spinda, who will turn them into a delicious beverage. This grants the same IQ boost as a gummi normally would, along with the occasional additional stat boost. If Spinda makes a particularly amazing drink, you could get more than one boost. You can make juice out of most any food item, although only gummies have effects. Word of Warning: Do not make juice from grimy food. It will only end in tears! - Random Juice Prizes: Sometimes you’ll find a piece of paper tapped to the bottom of your glass. These often reveal a new dungeon, which often have treasure boxes on the furthest floors. Other times a Pokemon from across the room will ask to join your team, or give you an egg. - Extra Missions: Sometimes you’ll find a Pokemon waiting near the entrance of the Juice Bar, who will give you a mission request personally. - Your extra team members will wait inside the Juice Bar instead of out by the watering hole. You can buy them drinks too. - Recycle Shop: If you have spare items hanging around in your storage that you’re never gonna use, you can trade them in for other items or prize tickets at the Recycle Shop. Prize tickets can be used in a raffle, and come in three tiers: Normal, Silver, and Gold. The higher the tier the more items you have to recycle to get the ticket, but the better the prizes are. There’s a rather special surprise if you get a Big Win... If enough items are recycled, eventually it will unlock new dungeons. - You can evolve! Hooray! Overall Rating: ★★★★★ Seriously one of my favorite games ever, cannot recommend enough.

GATES TO INFINITY

Story: The story for Gates to Infinity is solid and enjoyable, with many a good plot twist. One I saw coming, the others, I did not! It has just as much feels-punching goodness as the other games, however... Post-Credits Content: ... the story is rather short, particularly when compared to the Explorers series. There’s a brief bit of post-credit story, but it’s short and rather predictable. After it ends, you’re given free rein, but there’s no further achievements to go for; no rare treasure, not much for completionists to aspire to. I’m afraid it got boring rather quickly. There are only a few super-challenging dungeons, and the “hardest” dungeon was not worth it at all, loot-wise which I’m still a little bit salty about. Bonus Content: DLC exists for Gates to Infinity, but what I bought didn’t add much. It also takes space on your SD card, which is bad news if your card is small. Mechanics Here’s the good: - Fancy new 3D graphics! Ooh! - Storage is back to being unlimited - AR Dungeons: You can point the 3DS camera at a circular-looking thing and find a randomly generated dungeon there. - V Wave: Every day a different type of Pokemon will get stat and XP boosts in dungeons; i.e. when the V Wave is Fire, Fire Pokemon will get more XP. You can play a minigame to change the V Wave, but it costs Poke. - Shared Team XP: Everyone on your team roster, even the ones who aren’t in the dungeon, will get XP from each exploration. - Evolution: Evolution is now much easier, not requiring any specific area, but now your enemies can evolve too! - Move Levels: As you use a move, it will get better and better. Every time it levels, it gets more Power, Accuracy, or PP, or any combination of those things. Much like how XP is shared across all team members, move levels are shared as well; if you’re a Pikachu who knows Electro Ball IV, your Emolga team member will also know Electro Ball IV. - Glorious Gold: Occasionally you find a gold bar on your explorations. These are useless on their own, but you can trade them to Cofagrigus for money and rare items! GLORIOUS! SPARKLIES! - Paradise: You basically build half the town. Outside of the Kecleon Shop and a few other core stores, you can buy and clear land to build new facilities. Some of these are shops that specialize in one thing and will buy that at a higher price (For instance, you can open an Oodles of Orbs or a Berries and Seeds), some are Dojos where you can improve your moves (see Move Levels above), one shop is a recycle shop (now named the Swap Shop), and some are minigames. - You can now save from the menu anywhere in town. - You can pick which Pokemon you want to be from the get-go, no more resetting and taking the stupid quiz 24 times to get the one you want! - New recruitment method: You can give gifts, either found in dungeons or purchased from Cinccino in town, to a specific Pokemon to befriend them. Super useful with legendaries! - Dungeon Distortions: After the main game, dungeons will receive a level of Mysteriousness. The higher the level, the more likely something weird will happen. Sometimes you’ll find a floor that only has one kind of item or enemy, or is made entirely of corridors. Sometimes you’ll wind up in a completely different area for a bit, such as the Gilded Hall... - IQ skills are now party-wide, and can be found in treasure boxes, getting rid of the Gummi system. - Multiplayer Dungeons: I never experimented with this? I don’t know anyone else who owns the game. - Rampardos opens boxes by literally smashing them to pieces with his head. This isn’t actually a new feature but I think it’s funny. Here’s the bad: - Almost all Pokemon from anything but Gen 5 are conspicuously absent. - Kangaskahn and the Bank are gone, now both storage and banking are handled by a Deposit Box. - Purple Kecleon is also gone :C - No Exclusive Items And the ugly: - There are only 5 options for the Pokemon you play as and your partner. The 3 Gen 5 starters, Pikachu, and Axew. - They removed Job Stacking, which is the term I use for doing multiple missions in one dungeon run. Why they did this, I have no idea, but it drives me up the freaking wall. Biggest gripe right there. - Completely overhauled the rescue system, now it relies on Street Pass. You have to hope someone else has the game, and has a Reviver Seed in their Passerby Post. This worked well for me on campus but sucks if you don’t live in an area with many other Pokemon fans. Overall Rating: ★★★ Overall, I feel like this game was rushed; it had a lot of potential, but some critical mistakes were made. The only thing saving it from being worse than Red and Blue Rescue Team is the plot.

SUPER MYSTERY DUNGEON

Story: The storyline of Super is very reminiscent of the Explorers series, for reasons that are spoilery so I won’t get into them, you’ll just have to play it and see for yourself! And prepare to have your feels hit hard by the twist at the end! Definitely one of my favorite games of the series. Post-Credits Content: Super is also somewhat lacking in the post-credits storyline, but what there is is longer and put together much better than what Gates had to offer. Also, a certain legendary joins your team... After the storyline is over, there are plenty of achievements to strive for, such as map completion, and a list of rare treasures to collect. Bonus Content: As far as I know there’s no DLC for Super Mystery Dungeon. Mechanics: Things that are new/changed: - Party size: Decreased from 4 to 3. Not a super huge deal. Client Pokemon who accompany you are now additional and won’t take a party slot. - Completely overhauled mission/recruitment systems: The Connection Orb replaces the old mission system, and while it’s very similar, once a mission is completed, the client becomes Connected, meaning they are now in your team roster. You can get all 720 Pokemon this way. No more delving into a 99 floor dungeon to try and find that one legendary! As connections spread, more missions will be unlocked. Sadly this means missions are finite, as far as I can tell... - Kangaskahn now runs the Connection Cafe. Talk to her to receive any rewards you get from missions. - Job Stacking is back THANK ARCEUS! - Motivation: This replaces the V Wave system. Every day or so 3 random Pokemon on your team roster will become Motivated. Motivated Pokemon get triple XP for the day. If an Unown is Motivated, and you bring it along, it doubles everyone’s XP, motivated or not; this means Motivated Pokemon will get six times the normal XP, which, let’s be honest, is the only time you’d ever bring an Unown in the party. - Many, many more options for the player/partner characters: All starters from gen 1 to 6, along with Pikachu and Riolu. The quiz is back, but if you don’t like the result, you can just pick which one you want. - Lucha Tokens: After the credits roll you can take a Lucha Token to Hawlucha to change a Pokemon’s ability, assuming their species can know more than one. - Looplets and Emeras: These replace both the scarves and IQ system; Looplets are bracelets with notches for gems called Emeras. Emeras come in many varieties, and when placed in a Looplet, they give the holder certain effects. Some of these are immunity to traps or bad status conditions, some are like the IQ skills from older generations (finding the stairs, knowing where shops are, etc.) and some are passive stat buffs. One Emera, Awakening, is how Mega Evolution is used; placing an Awakening Emera into a looplet will either Mega-Evolve the holder, or give the holder the Awakened status, which greatly boosts attack power and makes you immune to attacks from the front. Sadly Awakening only lasts a short time and will burst afterwards. - Progress Device: Replaces the Quick Save function. It’s an item that can be placed on the ground in a dungeon, allowing you to save your game there. Unlike Quick Save, this save data won’t be cleared after reloading, so you can reload there multiple times. - World Map: In a radical new step, you can now travel to 5 different continents, each with their own towns and dungeons! After comparing many, many different maps from all the games, I can safely say that these continents (aside from the Water and Sand continents) are, in fact, the worlds from the previous games; the Air Continent is where Red/Blue Rescue Team take place, the Grass Continent is where the Explorers Series took place, and the Mist Continent is where Gates to Infinity took place. (no idea where the Sand Continent is from though, possibly those PMD games that were only in Japan?) In addition to that there are CAMEOS. CHARACTER CAMEOS, EVERYWHERE! Made my inner fan super happy! - Wonder Mail is back. In addition, you can now attempt to rescue yourself, using a team built from your roster. Things that are removed: - No more building of dojos and shops. Sadly this means no recycle shop, but most core shops are readily available. - No AR dungeons and no multiplayer dungeons (did anyone even use those...?) Overall Rating: ★★★★★ Right up there with Explorers of Sky. Another game I would reccomend if you’re looking to get into the series.

[atrainernamedradish]

Top 5 Least Favorite Rivals

5) Kalos Rivals [Pokemon X & Y]

Don’t get me wrong: I like the idea of having a group of friends setting out on their Pokemon journey together. That’s a wonderful idea! My issue is, however, the way it was executed… I have just moved to a new region and have four other kids already clambering at my doorstep to get to know me and befriend me. As someone is very introverted and socially awkward… that would not sit well with me. 

Not to mention there is clearly one that is romantically interested in me trying to be better at me at battling as well as with pretty much everything on my journey. Which, sorry neighbor, but not no, but hell no! I’ve got better things then hang out with someone who’s already sizing me up thinking that they’re better than me, and trying to make me feel bad for always kicking their ass! Fuck off Serena/Calem!

Then you have the other one who also has a crush on you, especially if you’re the male character: Shauna! The fireworks scene in the storyline wants to come off sweet and enduring when in reality it comes off creepy! Like… sweetie, we’ve only known each other for not that long, I am not interested in you. If they would have toned this back a little, I would have liked Shauna more, oh well.

Trevor annoyed me so much! I don’t care about the Pokedex, and stop crying every time I’ve seen more Pokemon then you in it! If you cared so much about the damn ‘dex then why haven’t you worked as hard on it as the game claims you have, for fuck sake! Every time you are on the screen I want you gone! Oy!

Tierno was the rival I actually liked the most. He actually had a personality that wasn’t creepy or annoying. My only gripe with him is that he talked about having a fucking dancing team, and had no members to speak of that looked to fit the part! I think in the anime he had a Ludicolo, which is something he should have had on his team, but as always in each new game they are trying to push the new Pokemon so hard that they fuck up a character’s team doing so…

4) May/Brendan [Ruby & Sapphire; Emerald; Omega Ruby & Alpha Sapphire] & Dawn/Lucas [Diamond & Pearl; Platinum]

You know what’s really annoying? Having a rival of the opposite gender who is pretentious and egotistical because they have a teeny bit experience over you, but is weaker than they realize pretty much being filler wasting your time in the game’s storyline.

These are the assholes that started that trope of the “nice” weak rival that has implied romantic interest in you. What a waste of character space in my opinion… As much shit as I gave the Kalos rivals, at least they had some personality compared to these boring carbon copies of each other these four are... 

3) Hop [Pokemon Sword & Shield]

Put away your pitchforks, and hear me out before you mob me! I don’t necessarily hate the character itself. I hate how he conflicts with the usual formula for Pokemon games.

He talks a lot about how he’ll follow in his brother’s footsteps and become the next champion. He thinks of you starting out as someone he has an edge over always acting surprised when you know even the basics of Pokemon and battling. He tries so hard not to let you know that always whooping his ass bothers him, but it does every single time.

The game tries to introduce this champion successor that has done as this research who already has a Pokemon when you first battle them. But even then the usual formula contradicts them. They choose the weaker starter allowing you to beat them so easily! And then have the audacity to be surprised by the results!

Then when Bede beats them, which how the fuck do you lost to a single type specialist who hasn’t been training that long Hop?! You can’t feel sorry for him because he was doomed to fial from the start! Game Freak already had him precoded to get his ass beat by you over and over again, despite the story claiming otherwise! There was no damned reason why Hop was in the finals with you! To be honest, it wouldn’t surprise me if his matches were rigged because he was related to the champion!

Hop had no business being cocky throwing around his brother’s title then feeling sorry for himself when he lost. I just can’t invest in this character. He is a knockoff Hau if Hau actually gave a shit, which they failed at doing in USUM. Even Hau was more of a challenge and someone I was more emotionally invested in…

Game Freak, if you’re going to try and spin this try hard rival that’s in the shadows of their better sibling then make it believable. Your own formula fucked up a perfectly good character arc and it shows. By this point in my second playthrough I was rooting Bede on to kick Hop’s ass again. That’s how little I care about him.

2) Cheren [Black & White; Black 2 & White 2]

I am about to get soooo much hate for this! Oh well…

You know what drives me crazy? Having to be stopped every 5 fucking seconds by my annoying childhood friend who doubles as my rival because we just beat the local gym leader, and he has to see who is the better trainer telling me how strong he is and how strong he wants to see how I’ve become since the last battle, and how he wants to be the champion of the region, and then when I beat him he will be surprised I won and how he needs to get stronger to beat me, and rinse and repeat. Every. Single. TIME! Like… Cheren… FUCK OFF! Let me having so fucking breathing room!

1) Hugh [Black 2 & White 2]

You know what’s worse than what Cheren was doing above? Take Cheren, make him angrier and jaded, give him an attitude problem and make him whiny, have him obsessed with Team Plasma, and you have Hugh.

I’ve got better things to do then be friends with a guy who thinks he can talk to me however he pleases who tries to boss me around and act like he’s better than me. Like, Hugh, honey, grow the fuck up and see a therapist. I hate when games give me friends/rivals like these because I don’t like them. I would never associate with people like this in real life. As much as I would want to whoop the shit out of someone like this, it takes less stress and time to just not be around them and save me the headache. He was the worst experience for me in Black 2 & White 2, and those are some of my favorite games in the series, to give you an idea. I hate this guy.