#my mum: for fucks sake get a grip it will be done in a couple days you'll be in by friday

[angelsarewatchingoveryou]

when your mother decides to decorate your room meaning you and your room full of stuff have been shoved in every space available but she hates mess so is being really insane. won't stop complaining at you, and once she starts on one thing she starts bringing up shit from 10 fucking years ago. main complaint is your sisters go back to school Monday and their room is 'full of your shit' so they can't move. you hate disruption and aren't coping well and you just started your period........

[dreamescapeswriting]

BTS Reaction || He Accidentally Hurts You [Request] [TW]

A/N: I Do not condone the hitting of a partner unless you know it’s play fighting but please know that there are mentions of slapping and hitting BY ACCIDENT within this reaction post. Love you All. Stay Safe.

PS: If there are some spelling errors I’m sorry, I wrote these while I was sitting in A&E with my mum lmao (Everythings chill she just had an xray)

Seokjin:

The fight all started over something so microscopic that it didn't even need to be a fight but it was being blown out of proportion. You'd gone out shopping with Jin, and Jimin for an upcoming event when you decided to go for lunch, everything was fine right up until the moment you had to pay. You wanted to treat them both so you took out your own card getting ready to pay when Jin decided to rush before you and do it. Something that would happen quite a lot but it was what he said when you got back to your shared apartment that bothered you and started the fight.

"I know how much you struggle with money." Those eight little words that made you feel like your heart had stopped, you and Jin didn't fight a lot but when you did it was always about money. He saw it as his right to pay for everything when you were out and about and maybe it was because of how he was brought up or he was just stuck in his ways but it annoyed you.

"I can pay for whatever I want, I work for a living I have a good job." You told him as you went to get changed thinking the subject would be dropped but it only continued and now you were standing in the bedroom yelling about how you didn't need his money,

"I looked after myself before you came along." You told him and he scoffed at you,

"Barely, you got kicked out of four apartments because of late payments." You hadn't even told him about them meaning he'd done a background check on you or had someone find out more about you.

"How did you know about them?" He fell silent and turned away from you not wanting to get into it but you wanted answers,

"Jin?" You questioned getting closer to him but he wasn't paying attention and turned around too fast catching your cheek with his hand and it connected making a loud slapping sound.

"Shit." You yelled stumbling backwards and sitting on the edge of your bed as you held your cheek, Jin was in front of you in a second holding your face and trying to see if you were okay,

"I'm so sorry! I didn't know- I wasn't- I-"

"Jin," You warned as he tripped over his words trying to talk to you, he frowned and turned your face towards the light. You had a giant red mark where his hand had come into contact with your skin, he began swearing in Korean as he studied your face before going to look for a cold flannel.

"Don't you dare say it's fine." He warned as he walked back into the bedroom and laid the wet cloth across your skin, you stared at him and he was tearing up it was the last thing Jin ever wanted to do.

"It was an accident Jin, I understand." He shook his head at you dramatically which made you giggle softly,

"You should be mad, you should make me sleep on the sofa." He told you as he held the cloth to your cheek but you could never do that to him, you placed your hand over the top of his and he relaxed a little more.

"I was too close, you didn't know. It was an accident." He groaned as you were being so understanding it was one of the many things he loved about you, you always tried to look on the brighter side of things rather than dealing with the negative.

"You sure you're okay?" He questioned you and you nodded at him,

"Positive." You whispered snuggling your face against the cloth and his hands trying to make him relax, you knew what he was like he would think about nothing but this for weeks to come.

"I love you." You whispered leaning up and giving him a kiss,

"Love you too." He kissed you back.

Yoongi:

"Fuck sake! You could have done anything but that was too much!" He yelled at you for what felt like the 100th time that day, you'd gone out together that morning for a breakfast date and the waitress was flirting with him. At first, it didn't really bother you because people would flirt with Yoongi all of the time but this time it annoyed you, whenever she would come over to the table she'd flirt with him and ignore you and it got to the point where it felt as though he was flirting back. Though it was something Yoongi would never do to you because he loved you a lot,

"She was flirting with you, what was I supposed to do?!" You yelled back at him, you'd been in the fight all day and it was starting to get late. All you wanted to do was go to sleep but he kept bringing up that ''accidentally'' pouring a glass of water over someone was wrong,

"Yoongi let's just go to bed, I'm tired." You told him but he didn't care, he was mid-rant and continued yelling at you, at that point you weren't even paying attention to the words he was saying. You'd been fighting all day about something that seemed so insignificant now but Yoongi wasn't going to drop it, he never could. He always knew how to hold a grudge but you didn't see why he was busy defending the waitress.

"I'm going to bed." You mumbled getting up from the sofa and walking past him, you'd just gotten to the door when his hand clasped around your wrist to stop you from moving, something he did a lot but this time it was tight.

"Yoongi?" You questioned but he began yelling again,

"We have to talk about this, you can't walk away just because you don't want to." He yelled at you but you were too busy trying to get his grasp off your wrist, it was starting to hurt and it was like he hadn't noticed that every time he yelled his grip would tighten on you.

"You're hurting me." You whimpered and that was all it took, the fight ended and he pulled you close to his body rubbing your wrist in a soothing motion and checking it over as you sat on the floor together.

"I'll get you some ice for it." He rushed off leaving you alone for a couple of seconds before returning with ice in a ziplock back and a tea towel to wrap it around.

"Yoongi it's fine." You told him as you moved your wrist around but it wasn't about that to Yoongi it was about the fact that he'd just hurt you,

"No it's not, I hurt you." He mumbled as he iced your wrist that wasn't even hurting anymore.

"You didn't mean to." You whispered and he let out a sniffle so you knew he was crying about it so you took his face in your hands and made him look at you.

"Yoongi, I'm fine, it's fine. It was an accident." He nodded at you and he pulled you into his arm looking at the small red mark where his hand had been. Your head rested on his shoulder and he kissed your nose,

"Can we go up to bed now? I'm tired." You whispered to him and he nodded letting you get up from his lap and walk up the stair first while he put the ice away.

When he came up the stairs you were laid in the bed in one of his basketball shirts and waiting for him to cuddle you to sleep, he smiled softly at you and went to get ready for bed happy that you weren't going to hold it again him and you weren't, you knew it was a genuine accident.

Hoseok:

"You don't even get it do you?!" He yelled as you walked through the front door of your apartment, you and Hoseok had gone out for a drink and you ended up dancing together but someone else came to dance with you. You were too busy having fun to notice that it wasn't Hoseok until you turned around to see Hoseok wasn't there anymore but was being pulled out of the club for punching the guy in the face.

"Hobi, I didn't know it wasn't you. I didn't even hear you hit him!" You yelled back at him, he'd been scolding you like you were some teenager that had snuck out in the night.

"He was all over you." He grumbled pushing past you angrily as he wanted to calm down but felt like he couldn't,

"His hands touching you and you just let it happen." You watched as he walked into the kitchen to get himself a drink of water to calm down with but you following him wanting him to face you and talk to you.

"You trust me though right? You trust me that I didn't know it wasn't you?" He shrugged your shoulders and you felt your heart shatter,

"You don't trust me?" He turned towards the sink ignoring your question and drinking from the glass in his hand,

"Hobi?" You questioned but he continued to ignore you,

"If you don't trust me then what's the point in us being together?! I trust you to be halfway across the world surrounded by beautiful women and yet-" You didn't get to to finish your sentence because the glass he was drinking from was thrown at the wall behind you smashing and sending glass shards around the floor and into the back of your leg. You didn't even notice that he'd hurt you until he was on the floor in front of you and trying to stop some blood trickling down your leg.

"Oh shit." You giggled because of the alcohol and sat on the kitchen chair but Hobi was rushing over to the sink and getting the first aid kit you kept under there.

"Hobi, it's nothing." You told him as you saw the tiniest cut on the back of your leg,

"It's not nothing, you're fucking bleeding." He was mad at himself for being able to throw something even in your direction, he didn't mean to but every emotion he had was heightened because of the drinks he'd been having all night,

"Hobi, I've done worse when I've been shaving." It was true, the cut was so microscopic it was nothing compared to leg shaving accidents you had one a week.

"I hurt you." He was crying now and you dropped onto the floor in front of him and cupped his face in your hands,

"We're both drunk, or tipsy. It was an accident and it doesn't hurt." You tried to tell him but he was never going to forgive himself as easily as you'd forgiven him.

"It's not an excuse Y/n, I could have seriously hurt you."

"But you didn't." You pleaded but he was moving away from you, you watched as he got the blankets and pillows out from storage and began putting them on the sofa.

"I'll sleep down here tonight," You raised an eyebrow at him,

"We don't fit on the sofa together, we tried remember?" He stared at you and shook his head,

"No, you're going upstairs."

"No I'm not. I won't sleep without you." You folded your arms across your chest and he stared at you, he knew how stubborn you were when it came to these types of things.

"Fine, but I won't cuddle you will." He said as he put the blankets back into storage,

"You will." You called out as you walked up the staircase to your bedroom.

Namjoon:

It felt like Namjoon had only just gotten back and now he was leaving again, you didn't want to spend the last day you had together fighting but that's exactly what was happening. He was standing in the bedroom trying to pack up his suitcase when you questioned him about when you'd see him again, an innocent enough question but he was stressed out enough without you questioning him more about something he didn't have the answers to,

"I don't know." He mumbled as he folded up clothes and put them into the huge suitcase, it was one that you'd had painted for him. It was a black suitcase with his album art on the front and back.

"Okay, well can I call you when you get to the hotel?" He groaned at you and you looked at the floor, you didn't want to annoy him but you wanted to know when you could talk to him again.

"Fuck I don't know Y/n! Will you just back off?!" He yelled and you stepped away from him going over to the desk in the room and going to study instead of getting on his nerves.

"Why do you have to go on so much?" He asked and you stared at him, you hadn't spoke since the last question and yet he kept talking, it was as if he wanted to start a fight.

"I was just asking when I'd seen you again, I feel like I haven't seen you much."

"You know how it was going to be when we first started dating." He mumbled to you and you nodded in agreement, you were over it now and you thought he was too.

"Do you want me to cook tonight or shall I order something?" The next thing you knew Koya was thrown in your direction and he hit you in the eye. He swore in Korean and sprinted to be in front of you, you held your hand over your eye and he slowly moved it away wanting to see if he'd hurt you,

"I can't open my eye." You groaned as he sat you down on the chair behind you and then left, he came back with a wet cloth and held it over your eye.

"I can't believe I just did that-"

"It was an accident, you're just clumsy." You giggled but he shook his head at you, you weren't supposed to just forgive him like this, you were supposed to get mad at him.

"But I hurt you," You took the cloth from your eye and opened it looking at him with a smile,

"It's fine. He probably just scratched it, it's okay." But your eye was already turning red and Namjoon felt terrible,

"He slipped from my hand, I just got annoyed...I've been stressed in the studio-" You kissed him to shut him up,

"Don't worry about it, take out it is though. I don't want to cook and you definitely aren't cooking for me." He stared up at you as you smiled down at him and he wondered how he ended up with someone so understanding,

"Joonie?" You called out and he was snapped from his daydream.

"Can we get pizza? Or do you fancy something else?" You questioned and he stared at you,

"We can have whatever you want, my treat." You nodded and went on the hunt for a menu while he continued packing up his bag.

Jimin:

Everyone knew how Jimin got when he was drunk, he was like a child who'd had too much sugar and was always jumping around the place which is why you were the sober one of the group that night. Namjoon helped you drag Jimin into your apartment and put him to bed where he promptly passed out,

"Thanks, Joon." You said as you looked up at him he sent you a smile and nodded, you and Namjoon had been friends for years, long before you and Jimin began dating and it was nice to have him as a friend still.

"Anytime," He told you bending down and wrapping his arms around you, as he left you noticed Jimin was awake and staring at you from the bed.

"You hug everyone like that?" He asked in a dramatic tone, he got out of the bed and looked out of the window to make sure Namjoon was gone.

"He's a friend Jimin, your friend." You reminded him but he didn't seem to care in his drunken state,

"Do you hug all of them like that?"

"Like what?" You questioned at what he was implying and he slurred over his words,

"Like you're long lost lovers." You raised an eyebrow at him and he nodded at you,

"That's what I thought!" He yelled and you shook your head at him walking away since he was acting like a child with you.

"Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you." He ordered grabbing your wrist and turning you around but he spun you around a little too quickly and you fell back into the wardrobe door hitting your back and crying out in pain. As soon as he heard your cry he sobered up and dropped to his knees in front of you,

"You okay?!" He panicked and you nodded at him and he reached to touch your back rubbing it gently and earning a hiss from you,

"You're not okay, you’re hurt.” He said in a rush as he realised just how hard he made you hit your back against the wooden door.

“Jimin, it was just a shock.” He helped you to your feet and you began walking towards the bed where he sat you down and lifted up the back of your shirt to see if there was any kind of mark from it,

“I’m such an idiot.” He grumbled but you pushed him to lay down so you could lay down beside him, it didn���t hurt you were just in shock from the impact and the door had brusied you the tiniest amount.

“You’re my idiot.” You whispered to him and he sighed at how easily you forgave him.

Taehyung:  

It didn’t take a genius to know that Taehyung was upset and mad about something but he wasn’t talking to you so you couldn’t determine what it was, he’d been like this all day. Whenever you’d ask him a question he would pass it off and ignore you or he would grumble something in reply and not explain anything.

“You have to talk to me sooner or later, we live together.” You reminded him but he kept his eyes locked on his screen as he type away at something, you were slowly starting to get more and more annoyed at him as time went on.

“Taehyung talk to me.” You pouted as you poked his cheek only for him to erupt into a rage,

“Why don’t you go and talk to Jin since he’s your best friend!” He yelled moving away from you on the sofa and going over to the kitchen, you stared at him wondering what he could have meant by that when it hit you.

“Tae, it was just a joke.” Jin had made a passing comment that morning about how close you and he were after spending the day cooking the day before but Taehyung didn’t like it.

“You’ve always found him better than me.” You rolled your eyes at how childish he was acting and that was all it took, he began yelling at you and you started yelling back, neither of you meant what you were yelling but it was just something that happened.

“Fuck off Tae! It was a passing comment, I love you not Jin.” But Taehyung brought up about the fact that Jin was your bias before you started dating and he kept talking about how much he knew you really wanted to be with Jin instead.

“Because you know I’m right, don’t you?” His hand swung backwards as he went to turn away from you and it came into contact with your cheek, the sound silenced the fight and both Tae and you stood there in shock. Your hand slowly went to your cheek and he panicked rushing over to you and checking you were okay,

“I didn’t mean to baby I’m sorry.” He forced you to look at him and you smiled softly at him, it didn’t hurt at all it was just the shock of him hitting you at all,

“It was an accident, I just swung out my arm and caught you.” He looked as though he was about to burst into tears so you shook your head at him reassuring him that you were fine and it was nothing but a little shock,

“I will never hit you again, ever.” He promised as he pulled your head against your chest rubbing the small of your back and kissing the top of your head over and over again.

“I’ll cook tonight, or we can order in. I’ll make this up to you.” You pushed him away when you felt a wet droplet roll down your back.

“Baby, it’s okay. I’m fine I promise.” He kissed you over and over again on the lips and he shook his head at you, he wasn’t going to let himself get away with it he felt terrible but you kissed him back and he relaxed a little more.

Jungkook:

Jungkook had been playing video games all morning and you were getting bored, it was supposed to be your anniversary and he’d clearly forgotten all about it which made you upset but you didn’t mind. You knew how busy he was and that this time was his break away from work and he didn’t need you weighing him down about it more so you forgot about it. Trying to push on with your day when you heard him screaming at the monitor, you looked up from the book you were reading.

“Stupid fucking game.” He grumbled before starting up another match and ignoring your looks from across the room, you were going back into the book when you heard him yelling again.

“Keep it down Kookie.” You giggled but he wasn’t in the mood, he turned to look at you and scoffed.

“Why don’t you make yourself useful and get me something to eat.” You stared at him from across the room book in your hand and your eyebrow cocked up to the side.

“Excuse me?” You questioned and he went back to ignoring you and concentrating on the game proceeding to yell about dying so much before you finally had enough and turned off the console.

“What the fuck?!” He yelled at you rushing to his feet and staring at you,

“What did you say to me?!” You questioned about before and he shook his head at how childish you were bing with him.

“I said to make me something to eat,” Then you began yelling back and forth at one another, you didn’t fight often which is why whenever you did eventually end up in a fight it was nothing but yelling and screaming before you finally both calmed down and talked about your problems instead of yelling about them.

“You’re such a child.” You yelled at him and he went to yell something back while flinging his arms in the air but the controller he was holding slipped from his hands and in your direction, hitting your wrist and making you curse loudly.

“Fuck Kook!” You yelled dropping your book and staring at the now red mark where the controller had hit you,

“Shit, I’m so sorry!” He yelled out, he’d calmed down from the fight and he rushed to your side turning your wrist over to make sure he hadn’t broken it or bruised you but it looked like it was just going to be red for a couple of hours,

“I didn’t mean to it just slipped” He told you as you held your wrist in your hand trying to ignore the throbbing pain that was coming from it.

“It’s fine,” You whispered back to him and he pulled you gently over to the sofa, both of you sitting there and talking about the problem, he was holding your hand the entire time and gently running his hands over your wrist in a soothing way to stop it from hurting so much.

Tagline: 

@yoongisdumplingcheeks @snowy-meowl @lynnthevirgo @kpopfanfictionhoes @yourguessisasgoodasminemate @btsiguess-kpop @lyoongx @mitzwinchester @rjsmochii @callingmyangel

[lookingthroughmirrors]

I’m Not A Serial Killer - Chapter 1

Alex Centric - Willex & Jukebox

His dad was never there to cheer him on, his Mum was never there to wipe away the tears. There’s always been something about him that was just never enough, he was never enough. Not for the perfect family, not for their image, not for anyone it seemed.

‘I’m sorry I can’t be perfect’

Everything had been going downhill since the second he woke up. It spiraled until he wound up barely coherent in an alley that looked like it had walked straight out of a horror movie. He doesn’t remember much except for the yelling, and the pain. HOMELESS seems to flash like a neon sign above his head, maybe luck is why Julie chose to walk home through there but he’s not about to jinx the only good that came from the day.

AO3 Link    

~~~~~~~ Chapter 1 ~~~~~~~~~~

Julie kicks a pebble and watches as it rolls along the pavement, the sun shining down harshly causing a bead of sweat to roll down her face. Normally she’d be in school but with the heat wave it was decided to have school break early so there isn’t a risk of heat stroke. Julie’s dad is stuck at a shoot and was unable to cancel when she called him to make sure he knew she wasn't skipping. Adorning sunglasses she strolls happily down the street despite the heat. Not paying attention she rams straight into somebody hitting the deck with a solid thud. “Shit, wait-er sorry?” the person she collided with rambles slightly frantic.

Looking up she met with a boy her own age grasping a helmet in one hand and an old, slightly dingy looking skateboard in the other. Dropping the helmet he extends his hand out and she takes it with an appreciative smile hoping she doesn’t look too pissed. His wrist is adorned with multiple cord bracelets complementing his darker skin tone, hair as long as her own cascading down his back as he effortlessly pulls her back up onto her feet. “Thanks um-” “Willie, I’m Willie” he introduces with a charming smile “Julie”  “Sorry for running into you” he mutters sheepishly through a mischief filled lopsided grin.

“Don’t worry about it-shit, Flynn is going to kill me” she breaks off into a grumble forgetting about the guy that just flattened her scrambling to pick up the trashed sunnies. “Oh for fucks sake” she grumbles looking at the cracked lenses, one side of the frame snapped in half, a chuckle breaks through her mutterings and she whips round with a piercing glare. “Hate to break it to you but you can’t make me melt” the asshole continues to chuckle at her misfortune “ See ya Sunglasses” he calls cheerful getting the bird flipped in his direction, his laugh echoing as he skates off down the streets.

“Chivalry isn’t dead my ass” she grumbles, turning down an empty street only a few minutes away from her house, stopping short when a groan sounds in the desolate open street. A shriek escapes her mouth as she stumbles upon a boy her age looking half dead blood and dirt caking his body. He flinches at the sound but that doesn’t stop her from slowly approaching him, his eyes flickering open his gaze following her movements nervously. “Are you okay?” he lets a low groan at her words, clutching his rib tightly and she puts her hands out infront of her as she gets closer. “Will you let me help you?” Julie holds her breath realizing it after a few seconds pass and he gives her a jerky nod. Sliding an arm under his Julie helps him up, barely stumbling along as she tries to support most of his weight. It takes 10 minutes for her to stumble and limp to her house, knees nearly buckling under the other teens weight. Julie glances at the barely conscious teen with a huff “Here’s to hoping you’re not a serial killer” she mumble managing to get them inside the studio ignoring the wave of emotions that crash over her deciding to focus on the injured guy slumped over her lounge.

Since mystery boy is decidedly not going anywhere she deems it safe to leave him for a minute to track down the first-aid kit stashed somewhere. The only sound is Julie’s quietly muttered curses and the groaning from the injured boy every few seconds. Finally digging it up, it’s pretty trashy looking, washed out paint and a thick layer of dust making up the cover. Putting the case down and checking that he’s not dead she goes to get a bowl of water and a face towel. Coming back into the room she barely manages to skid to the side, nearly sending the bowl flying , as mystery boy barrels past emptying his stomach contents into the bin.

‘Mental note, get new bin for the studio’

“What is it with people and body slamming today?” she mutters with a roll of her eyes before her expression softens once again as she turns to the boy, arms hugging the bin close to his chest as dry heaves sounding in utterly pathetic. placing a gentle hand on the boy's shoulder, he still flinches but not as bad as before. “ L-lu-” the boys mumbles his hands shaking, “ R-reg-” filing the names away for later she bites her lip staring helplessly as he gets more frantic mumbling unintelligibly. Making a split second decision she drags her fingers through his hair and the tenseness seems to melt away.

She’s not sure how long they end up sitting there in the silence, tension melting away from the boy as more time passes. As the golden hue of the afternoon light starts to shine through the window the beaten up teen starts to become coherent, eye’s not as unfocused and cloudy as before. He never quite passed out, almost vomiting every time he seemed to relax but he wasn’t really aware either.

His eyes flutter open and Julie only has a split second to register his eyes widening in panic before she stumbles backwards and the other teen darts to the other side of the studio eyes scanning the room frantically. “Hey, it’s okay” Julie says and the guys eyes dart to her still wringing his hands together nervously “I found you in an alleyway looking pretty beat up, I only brought you here to patch you up” while still radiating nervous energy he seems to calm down slightly at her words while still extremely wary, eyeing her suspiciously “How do I know you are telling the truth” without missing a beat she responds “How do I know you aren’t a serial killer?” eyeing her warily for a couple more seconds he finally lets his shoulders sag slowly walking towards her.

“Thanks” he stutters out “I mean-um for uh h-helping me and-and not leaving me in that alley” he rambles out through one breath bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet. “It’s okay, I’m Julie” she tries to give him what she hopes is a comforting smile, he returns it with a faint smile “Oh uh, I’m-I’m Alex” Julie puts her hand out and he grasps it with his much larger one, shaking it gently.

“Um d-do you want me to leave?” Alex's voice squeaks at the end of his sentence, looking like he wants to do anything but leave and her mind flashes to what he looked like when she found him and she can’t find it in herself to make him leave when he obviously isn’t in a good spot. “Nah, we can chill out here if you want to, we can watch T.V?” he looks at her incredulously, obviously not believing her.

“Seriously it’s fine, as long as you don’t want to leave you don’t have to” she gives him a kind smile flopping down onto the lounge flicking the T.V on, Alex, albeit hesitantly, follows her lead sitting on the other end of the lounge. About 30 minutes pass of them mindlessly watching T.V before he speaks up, face littered in prominent bruises “You’re oddly cool with a random person at your house” he comments looking at her in slight amusement and she replies with a smirk “Well I figure if you planned to do anything to me you would’ve done it by now” he huffs out a laugh, stopping short with a grimace of pain Julie wincing in sympathy “I don’t think your ribs are broken, I tried to check but i’m not the best with this stuff so i’m not sure but i think it’s only bad bruised” Alex nods and they both turn back to the T.V talking back and forth.

“Julie!” her dad’s voice echoes Alex freezing panic, sitting up ramrod straight as Julie flounders “In the studio!” she calls back shrugging at Alex’s glare. Her Dad freeze’s when he sees that she isn’t alone, his gaze melting to concern when he sees Alex’s state, Julie immediately shooting up beelining towards her dad “Dad please don’t be mad, Alex and I are partners for a school project and I told him we could work here. When I was walking home I found him like this and helped him get here, I think he could be seriously hurt and I didn’t know what to do, please don’t send him away” Ray makes a shushing motion, placing his hands on Julie’s shoulder “Calm down mija, I’m not mad. Alex? That’s your name?” that jolts Alex making him jump up from the lounge that he’d previously been trying to sink into “Um. yes s-sir. Alex Mercer”

“Call me Ray. Why don’t you come in for dinner, you look like you could use some food, we can discuss everything afterwards, assuming you don’t have to go home?” his words end in a question and Alex ducks his head, scuffing his shoe against the floor “Yeah, uh, my parents aren’t exactly happy. They told me not to come back, they’ve never really cared, I guess” Ray looks absolutely heartbroken while Julie can’t stop herself from linking his fingers with hers.

“Come on, dinner’s getting cold. Let’s just eat first and talk everything over later” Ray nods towards the house, leaving Julie and Alex to scramble after him towards the house. Alex grips her wrist, tugging slightly to get her attention “Why’d you lie?” he asks and she looks at him with a raised eyebrow “You think he’d let some random person I just met stay in our house?” Alex rubs his neck sheepishly “Yeah, good point. If it helps I have actually seen you around at school before, I’m in year 10” Julie smiles at that, she thought she recognized something about him “I’m in year 10 too, at least we know it wasn’t a full on lie, only a white lie” Alex seems to relax at the idea of outright lying to someone opening their home to him “Thanks, I mean uh, again, yeah uh, thanks again” he stumbles on his words Julie laughs as they continue into her house.

Dinner passes incident free with everyone getting to know Alex, Carlos barely took a second to breath while asking Alex question after question. Carlos heads off to play some ghost hunter video game that he hasn’t stopped talking about while Ray moves the conversation to the lounge. “Okay” he claps his hands together in front of him sitting on the coffee table as Alex and Julie take a spot on the lounge, Julie hugging one of the throw pillows to her chest. “Now mijo, I’m not going to send you away but the spare bedroom isn’t set up so I was thinking you could use the pull out couch in the studio until we work out everything. You are going to need to talk to your parents, I don’t know you well enough to say anything about it but you will need to talk to them, I won’t push as it’s not my place but you get it. Both of you have school tomorrow so don’t stay up too long, Julie you can only help set everything up out there before coming inside, both in rooms by 11, no later. Now I’ll leave you to watch a movie or something. I promise we will work everything out” with that Ray shakes Alex’s hand and placing a kiss on Julie’s head before going to his office to finish up some photo edits from a recent shoot.

“That went better than I thought” Julie mumbles and is immediately swooped up into a massive bear hug blonde hair flying in her face. “Thank you, thank you, thank you” he mumbles repeatedly into her hair, she doesn’t say anything letting him hug her tightly. “Sorry, ‘bout that” he mumbles pulling back sheepishly “I get it, today’s been all over the place” Julie reassures, she knows his emotional outbursts are just from whatever happened to him that’s ended with him having to sleep in the garage of a girl he’s never met before, not exactly what you would call normal.

An embarrassed blush taints his cheeks, though Julie just gives him a smile and flicks on ‘ Ghostbusters’. Slowly they build up a conversation and in the end the movie is forgotten as the two are immersed in a debate of whose better ‘ lady Gaga’ or ‘Ariana Grande’, Ray could barely make out what they were saying with how fast they’re talking. He watches from the kitchen, he stuck his head out to check and his brain nearly short circuited when he heard the music discussion. Since his wife’s passing 2 years ago Julie never touched the piano and would never even mention anything to do with music, she would just shut down. Now there she was sitting and talking about music, a bright smile on her face with the bruised and beaten looking blonde teen.

Speaking of the blonde haired teen, Alex seemed more carefree too like he’s in his element talking about music. It’s the first time he’s seen Julie look so genuinely happy in so long then surely the kid can’t be too bad. Despite his beat up, border lining on homeless appearance he can’t imagine the kid was out getting into fights or a laundry list of other things he could be doing. It’s nice to see that light return to Julie’s eyes, sparked with happiness.

[atlafan]

Can you do an imagine where harry wants a family extremely bad and hes to scared to tell you so instead he drops hints (lookin at baby clothes, prob even talkin bout a room being for a baby, always wanting to babysit your nephew just some ideas😂) like crazy crying to get you to realize what hes wanting?? Thank you love ❤

a/n: UM OKAY SURE

Baby Fever

Things typically moved quickly between you and Harry. You had said I love you to each other about a month in to your relationship, and moved in together about five months after that. Now two years in, you both had wanted to get a bigger place. Not that the place you shared wasn’t large, but you had moved into his home, and it was time you bought one together. 

House hunting was a lot of fun with Harry. You weren’t about price because he could afford pretty much whatever the two of you wanted. You weren’t with him for his money or anything, but being 24 and in grad school, you didn’t exactly have the funds on your own to buy a house. 

You tried to stick to the Malibu area of California. That was where the two of you spent the majority of your time. He would still keep his London home, and the apartment in New York, but the Malibu home would be yours together. Your realtor was very nice too. She would let the two of you explore the homes by yourselves at first, and not be up your butts like a lot of other realtors. 

“Oh, Harry, this place is huge! What would we even do with six bedrooms? I mean there are already rooms set aside for an office, so we wouldn’t need to double up. And it’s not like we would have that many friends or family visiting at once.” You say, weaving in and out of each bedroom.

“Well...think of it as a place to grow into.” He said, not looking at you, walking with his hands in his pockets. “We might need the extra space eventually.”

“That could be years from now though, these would just sit here collecting dust.” You sigh. “I don’t know. I don’t love the layout downstairs either. It’s a little closed off in the kitchen area don’t you think?”

“That’s because there’s a formal dining area. I think it would be nice to have that.”

“But it’s just the two of us. And when we have friends for dinner, it’s more fun to gather in the kitchen.” 

Harry was trying not to get annoyed. He wanted to have a dining room so one day you could have family dinners. He saw the extra bedrooms as kids rooms, but you just weren’t picking up on his hints. Well, you sort of were, but you were being dismissive, and not understanding his urgency. Sure, you had only been together for two years, but he knew he wanted to have kids with you. He told himself as soon as you bought a home, he would go out and find the most beautiful ring he could, and pop the question. 

“Just keep this place in mind, hm? I happen to really like it.”

“Alright, I won’t say no just yet...give me some time to think more on it. The commute is actually pretty good from my work and to your studio, so that’s a plus.”

“See, silver linings.”

//

The next week you two went to the mall to buy some packing supplies and bins. You knew you’d be moving eventually, never a bad time to get a jump on packing up the things you didn’t use every day. Harry typically didn’t go shopping with you just because of fans and such, but today he had another attempt up his sleeve.

He wanted to talk to you about having kids, he really did, but he was scared. It was your body, how could he bring up the toughest thing you’ll ever have to put it through? 

You were walking through a Macy’s to get to the other part of the mall when he stopped short. You were near the children’s shoes.

“Love?” You ask. He turns around holding two tiny baby shoes.

“Look at how cute these are! Imagine little feet in these things?” He says with a big smile, he looks like he could cry. 

“Baby shoes are such a waste of money. You know how fast a baby’s foot grows?” You laugh. Harry’s face falls. “It’s true! Just look at my nephew. He’s a big baby, he couldn’t even wear any of his newborn stuff because he was too big. That’s why I’m glad I got them bibs and rags, stuff he can’t really grow out of.” Harry puts the shoes back, and looks at them with a pout. 

“They’re still cute.”

“Most tiny things are cute.” You give him a half smile. You take his hand and walk into the mall. “I think the packing supply store is just down on the left.”

“Speaking of your nephew, when’s the next time we get to babysit. I love seein’ that little bugger.” 

“I don’t know. I can text my brother to see if we can go over for a visit this weekend?”

“Yeah!” Harry perked up completely. 

//

That weekend you go to your brother’s house. You take your nephew in your arms immediately, snuggling him to you. 

“Wow, he’s starting to hug now!” You laugh. 

“Yeah, watch your hair, he’s got a grip on him.” Your sister in law says. 

Harry gazed at you adoringly as you rocked the baby gently. You were so good with him. You were good with babies and kids in general. He knew you’d make a great mum. 

“Harry, want a turn holding him?”

“Please.” You hand the baby over, and you think Harry is going to cry he’s so happy. Anytime Harry held a baby, it looked like he had been doing it for years, like he was a mother of ten or something. “He’s so good.”

“Yeah, he’s the best baby.” You kiss his small forehead.Harry looked at you. “What?” He goes to speak, but stops himself.

“Nothin’.” 

//

A couple of weeks go by. Harry continues to drop small hints about wanting a baby, but you continue to be oblivious. You were looking at homes on realtor when an alarm went off on your phone. You sighed and got up to go to the bathroom. Harry had grown to hate that alarm. It was your birth control pill reminder. You were just starting a fresh pack, so your hormones were on edge, and you felt sick. 

“Ugh, I’m about ready to be done with this shit, it’s not worth it.” You say sitting back down. 

“What do you mean?”

“I know you hate condoms babe, but we might have to consider that being our form of birth control. I’ve been taking these pills for years, and this first week after my period never gets easier. Plus, they make me snap at you from the hormones, and I always feel bad.”

“So...you want to stop taking the pill?”

“Maybe. I’ll have to talk to my doctor. Maybe I can get that shot or something and see how that feels once this pack is done.”

“Or, like you said, we could just use the condoms.” 

“That won’t last. I can hear it now, C’mon babe, just let me feel ya, I promise t’pull out.” You mimic his accent. “God, and then with our luck we’d end up in trouble.”

“In trouble?”

“Hello? Pregnant.” You scoff.

“And that’s not somethin’ you want?” You look at him with wide eyes. 

“Um...not right now. I mean, I’d like to finish school before any of that.”

“But at some point.”

“At some point, maybe. I haven’t really thought about it.” You shrug, turning your attention back to the computer. “Oh! Look at this one, and it’s only down the road from here. Want me to call P-”

“What do you mean you haven’t thought about it?!” Harry had officially lost it. “I think about it all the bloody time!” You set your laptop down slowly and look at him. He’s absolutely fume. 

“What exactly are we talking about here?”

“For fuck’s sake, Y/N, are you that oblivious? I’ve been droppin’ hints like crazy for like an entire month.”

“Hints?”

“A home to grow into, the baby clothes, seeing your nephew all the time? Duh.”

“Harry, I know you aren’t seriously suggesting that we have a baby right now.”

“It wouldn’t be right now, it would be nine months from now.” He says very seriously. You stand up slowly, and start to pace around a bit.

“And you’ve been feeling this way for over a month?”

“Yes.”

“We’ve barely talked about marriage, and you want to have a baby?” Harry’s eyes start to well up with tears. 

“I want a life with you. I want you to have my children. I haven’t found a way to bring any of this up. You’d be such a great mum, and I’d like to think I’d be a good dad. We both love kids.” He stands up to get closer to you, but you back away. “Don’t be scared.”

“I’m terrified! I can barely take care of myself, how am I supposed to take care of another human? And you! You would leave to go on tour or something, and I would be left alone. I can’t do that, the thought of that freaks me out. Having little to know help with a child.”

“I’d be around to help. Do you really think I would jet off to leave you with an infant? Besides, once you’re done with school you’d have time to come with me more.”

“Right, because my career is meaningless compared to yours.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.” You grab your keys and slip your shoes on. 

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going for a drive, I need to get some air. This is all too much.”

“We’re literally about to buy a house together, where did you think all of this was going?”

“I don’t know! I figured we would take this one step at a time. I mean, you haven’t even proposed or anything. There’s zero security.”

“Buying a house together isn’t security?”

“I’m not buying it! You are! Because I’m not rich and famous, Harry! I’m just helping with the decision.” You take a deep breath. “I need to get outta here, I’ll be back later.” 

Before he could grab you, you were out the door and in your car, driving fast on the highway. You needed to think everything over. Harry would be a great dad. he looked so broken when you left. He really did want to have a baby with you. Would it be so bad? You only had one more semester of school, you could start trying once you finished this last pack of birth control. And that house you looked at would be perfect for raising kids in. It had a beautiful backyard, plenty of room for them to run around. You took a deep breath and turned around. 

You came back to Harry preparing dinner in the kitchen, eyes red from crying. 

“Hey.” You say quietly.

“Hi.” He says not looking at you. You sigh. 

“I think we should call Pam about that house we saw a couple weeks ago.” Harry’s eyes snap up to look at you.

“I thought it was too big.”

“Well, it was stupid of me to not be thinking ahead. It would be a perfect home to raise a family in.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Yes, I want a life with you too. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be doing this house thing with you. I’m sorry, I just got a little freaked out. I felt like my life flashed before my eyes. I’d need to finish up this last pack of birth control, and then go see my doctor...”

“We don’t have to start tryin’ right away.”

“I just need to get through this semester at school. Once I walk across that stage, and I have my diploma, we can start trying. But I can get off the pill next month to give us a better chance later.” 

He wraps his arms around you, and holds you tight to his chest. You put your hands on his narrow hips. You kiss each other tenderly. He starts laughing, breaking your kiss. 

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothin’, just, you realize this means you’ll have to start calling me daddy.” You break away from him and make a gagging noise.

“In your dreams.”

“C’mon, it’ll be great. C’mere, come give daddy a kiss.”

“Harry, I’m so serious stop it.” You start to run away from him, but he chases you around the kitchen playfully. 

“Don’t speak to daddy like that, s’not very nice.” You squeal when he catches you. You both laugh. “Okay, okay, I’m just kiddin’, I know ya don’t like that.”

//

You stayed true to your word. Once you walked across the stage at your graduation, you and Harry began trying for baby. You were all settled into your new place, and you loved it. You also loved Harry basically attacking you just about every day after you got home from work. You had never felt more wanted or sexy. You two already had a pretty active sex life, but there was something especially hot about him wanted to put a baby in you. 

Your first couple of goes at it, the tests came back negative. But you assured it was only because you had been on birth control for so long, your hormones were still adjusting. It just made Harry work harder at it. He would sweep you off on romantic weekends away. He’d get you while you were showering. Most mornings you were late to work because he couldn’t keep his hands off of you. 

You both cried tears of joy when the test eventually came back positive. You had your doctor confirm it as well. The first trimester absolutely sucked. You threw up all the time, but Harry was there to take care of you. You were starting to feel bloated and gross, but he never failed to tell you how beautiful you were. In fact, you were having more sex than you were having before, if that was even possible. 

Harry thought your growing stomach and all that came with it was sexy. He was amazed at the way your body transformed. You didn’t mind all the sex either. Your hormones were going crazy between food cravings and cravings for him. 

“I promise, you do not look fat. You’re not fat, you’re pregnant.”

“I look like a sausage casing.” You whine. “Maybe I should just stay home.” You were supposed to go with him to some award show. 

“You look stunning, as always. Please come with me. I promise, I’ll rub your feet when we get back.”

“Alright.” 

He was always doing nice things like that for you. He’d rub your feet, and lower back. He felt awful that you were in any sort of pain because of him. He would read to the baby inside your tummy, and talk to it. He would play music for it. He was already a doting father, and the baby hadn’t even come yet. He made things easier for you. You both had fun painting and decorating the nursery together, thankful you bought the house with the six bedrooms. 

You gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. Harry cried for what seemed like an hour after she was born, he was so happy. As the baby was resting, you two were chatting. Your body had been though a lot, but you were still under a lot of the pain meds. 

“I have a little something for you, by the way.” Harry reached into his pocket and took out a little box. “You said you didn’t want to be pregnant anymore when I did this, and technically you’re not pregnant anymore.” Tears welled up in your eyes. “I love you so much, Y/N, will you please marry me?” He opened the box and showed you the most beautiful, and elegant ring you had ever seen. 

“Oh, Harry, of course I will!” He slips the ring on your finger, and kisses you over and over. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” 

[probably-writing-x]

Admittance Pt.3

Guzmán x Reader

Request by @twoghostsandelowen : Admittance part 3 where maybe it’s something wrong with the baby or the reader and yk, drama drama. 😋

Warning: Mentions of complications in pregnancy (first trimester)

Telling your Mum was a lot easier than it was with Ander. She was shocked, of course. She questioned a lot about Guzmán and his intentions, your plans and your future, but overall she promised to be supportive- you were old enough to make your own decisions and she knew that.

You and Guzmán both went to the scan together where you watched Guzmán shed a few tears at the sound of the heartbeat. He’d asked a million questions to make sure you and the baby were both going to be healthy. And he’d listened to that heartbeat over and over. He stayed over that night and fell asleep with his hands on your stomach. You were getting better and better at this ‘being friends’ thing and were spending more time together now than you ever had done before - without the need for it to be anything more like it was during summer.

“What about... Miguel?” Guzmán smirks as the two of you walk towards the school doors.

You were only in your tenth week of pregnancy now and he’d already started thinking of names.

“We said we’d wait until later before we go through name ideas, nobody even knows I’m pregnant yet,” You roll your eyes, glancing around and silently thanking that there weren’t any people around.

“I like Miguel, I’m just putting it out there,” He comments, “What lesson are you in first?”

“Maths,” You tell him, knowing that meant he’d walk you to your locker and to the class without a second thought.

He’d barely let you out of his sight whenever he could. He’d either be there with you or texting you, sometimes even texting Ander to check up on you. Guzmán had made it a silent promise that he’d keep you safe at all times - for the baby’s sake and for your own.

“Okay,” He takes your books from you instinctively and carries everything for you as you make your way towards class, “What names do you like?”

“Guzmán!” You exclaim, “If you carry on, it won’t have a name.”

He laughs and glances down at your stomach, “Do you feel sick anymore?”

“No, not as much at least,” You smile with clear relief, “It should be completely gone within the next couple of weeks anyway.”

“Alright, text me if you need me,” He encourages, “See you later (Y/n).”

Ander is already sat down as you walk into class and sit beside him. He makes sure to pull out the chair for you like it had become second nature.

“What’s his latest idea for a name?” Ander comments quietly, glancing up to make sure nobody was listening in to your conversation.

“Miguel,” You roll your eyes, “I like the name but I don’t want to be thinking of stuff like that yet.”

“Give him a break,” Ander nudges you, “He’s just excited.”

You laugh, “Give him a break? You were practically ready to rip his head off a few weeks ago.”

“Things have changed since then, we talked through it.”

- - - - - -

The night after the scan, Guzmán woke up when the sky was still pitch black as the two of you had fallen asleep earlier than you should’ve done. It was only midnight so he found himself walking downstairs to the kitchen - more so thinking that you might need a drink or something to eat when you woke up rather than thinking about himself.

He stopped in his tracks when he saw Ander sat on one of the chairs in the back garden. The two of them hadn’t really spoken much since that evening when Ander first found out and Guzmán dreaded the thought of their first conversation since that point. But there would be no ‘good times to do it.

“Hey, man,” Guzmán says as he steps outside into the slight chill in the air, “Mind if I sit with you?”

Ander glances up and gestures to the empty seat, “What are you doing down here?”

“I came to get (Y/n) something to drink in case she needed it when she woke up, she’s still sleeping,” Guzmán explains, scratching at the back of his neck, “You?”

“Omar’s snoring,” Ander smirks a little, “I keep listening to the audio of the heartbeat.”

“Yeah, me too,” Guzmán smiles, sitting down in the chair and trying to treat this as simply a conversation with his best friend, “It’s crazy that it’s this whole little life inside of her.”

“Guzmán, I know I didn’t react brilliantly when you first told me,” Ander interjects, evidently wanting to get some things off his chest, “But I just need to know that you’ll do right by her and this baby.”

Guzmán takes a deep breath, “I was terrified when she first told me, it was like everything just stopped and everything I thought I was ready for just felt completely irrelevant. But I saw her and the look in her eyes and I knew she was feeling the same. And all I could think about was doing everything in my power to prove she wasn’t going to be alone. I might not be perfect for the job and I’m banking on myself making a lot of mistakes along the way. But I’ll do everything I can to be a Dad, not just the one written on the birth certificate but the one there every step of the way - for both of them.”

Ander can’t help but smile at hearing Guzmán say exactly that, words that had purely come from his heart, “Never thought I’d see you acting so mature.” They both laugh and it’s as if they can feel the tension ease between them with every passing moment from there on out.

- - - - - -

When you finish school that day, you’re quieter than usual and Ander has already noticed. There was a slight discomfort that was already making you cautious. You hadn’t mentioned anything to Guzmán when you’d seen him, you didn’t want to make any sort of big deal and it seemed silly to worry over something like discomfort in pregnancy- that was basically normal right?

Though, it was only later that evening when you first saw a few drops of blood that you started to worry more and more. Was that normal? Everything you’d read hadn’t ever mentioned blood when they spoke about healthy pregnancies. Or was it different for everyone? It seemed like there was no clear cut line of what needed to happen or what you should expect. So why did this feel so wrong?

“Fuck,” You mutter to yourself as tears start to fill up your vision a little.

Part of you had refused to believe that anything could be wrong but you couldn’t possibly continue that belief now.

You find yourself sat on the bathroom floor with trembling hands as you reach for your phone and go straight for Guzman’s number. Each ring until he replies makes you feel a little bit more nauseous, no longer caused by the early stages of your pregnancy but more for the fear of what had happened.

“Guzmán,” You half whisper, “Guzmán I need your help.”

“What? What? Why? What’s happened?” You can already hear him fumbling around on the other end of the phone, most likely stressing and rushing to get out of his house as quickly as possible.

“I don’t know but I think somethings wrong,” You explain, your voice shaking more than your hands as you continue to fall deeper and deeper into a terror fuelled panic.

“Okay, I’m on my way, is anybody home with you?”

“No, Anders out with Omar and Mum is... I don’t know,” You explain, trying with everything to get out each word.

“Okay, okay, don’t worry,” He’s even trying to calm his own voice down, “Just take some deep breaths, and I need you to stay on the phone with me until I’m there. You don’t have to say anything, I just need to keep you on the other end. I’m going to pick you up and we’ll go straight to the hospital.”

You gulp and try to breathe as calmly as possible, a million thoughts rushing through your brain far too quickly to be processed at all.

From that moment on, everything feels like a blur. The most you remember was Guzmán crouching in front of you in the bathroom and wiping away your tears amongst reassuring you constantly that you’d be fine, that they’d get things sorted. He calls the hospital on the way to make sure someone would be there and, luckily, the doctor from your scan was still on shift. Guzmán holds your hand the whole time as he walks you through the corridor until you’re met by the doctor.

You remember him for being comforting, polite, friendly - but tonight, you just need him to tell you that you were okay. No, that the baby was okay.

“You’re welcome to come in as well sir,” The nurse comments as you’re led into the curtain shielded room.

The pleading look in your eyes is only the second thing that makes him not question his actions when he follows closely behind. The first was the fact that he shared the same deep set fear that you did. He was terrified to his core of what news the doctor would give, he’d just been spending this whole time convincing both you and himself that he wasn’t.

They go through all of the necessary checks and the doctor quizzes you on what you’d experienced and asks you details that you have to think back on to remember at all.

“Okay, lets set up a little scan then just to have a listen for baby’s heartbeat,” The doctor nods, prepping everything up until the ultrasound machine begins rolling across your stomach.

Guzmán holds your hand from where he sat on the chair near to the bed and the other is gripping tightly onto the armrest beside him - praying for a noise he never knew he’d learn to rely on so much.

You barely hear it when he mutters under his breath, “We’re okay, we’ll be okay.”

You don’t know who we means. You and him? Or you, him and this baby that tied you together?

The doctor can’t even hold back a smile at the sight on the screen and the noise that echoes through the room as the heartbeat sounds through.

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding and rest your head back against the pillow like every muscle in you had just relieved it’s panic.

“It’s okay? And (Y/n)’s okay?” Guzmán asks, eyes never tearing away from the doctor.

“I think what you may have been experiencing was just a slight level of spotting due to this being your first pregnancy, it is generally quite common but I think you made the right decision to come in just to check,” The doctor smiles to the both of you, “If you would like, we can see baby on here.”

Guzmán stumbles as he pushes the chair as close to the bed as it can get, “You... I mean... you cou-could see the baby?”

With a chuckle, the doctor turns the screen to face both of you and you’re certain you’ve never seen a sight have such an effect. It’s like everything around you silences. Because there they are. Small and barely recognisable, is the tiny form of the growing body inside of you.

“I’ll give you two a moment,” The doctor nods, freezing the screen on the image of the baby before tidying everything away and leaving the two of you alone.

“See, you’re both okay,” Guzmán smiles, squeezing your hands in his as he presses a kiss to your knuckles.

“Thank you so much Guzmán, I don’t know what I would’ve done if you ha-“

“Hey,” He stops you, “I told you I’d be here and I meant it, for anything.”

You let out a shaky breath, “That’s the baby.”

Guzmán stands up and leans in to press a soft kiss to your forehead, lingering his lips there like he was thanking you a million times over for somehow keeping that baby safe inside of you. You glance up and his eyes drop to yours. And, just for a moment, everything melts away. He dips his head down and presses a soft kiss to your lips, stinging as both of you spill a few tears onto your connected cheeks.

- - - - - -

The next day, you decide to stay off from school and have to continuously force Ander, Omar and Guzmán to still go in. You’d be fine, of course you would be. And you’d reminded them multiple times that they were only one phone call away if you needed anything. Guzmán had already texted you five times this morning about different things, always finishing it with a half-innocent ‘how are you?’

You’d tried not to think too much into that kiss from last night. It still didn’t change anything, you were still just two friends going through the motions of this pregnancy together. Last night had just been a build up of emotion that came out in one moment of relief between you. That was all it was. Right?

Guzmán had been thinking the same all morning, running through the events of the evening right up to that instinctive kiss. He’d been so utterly terrified the the entire time, he couldn’t imagine how you felt. But when he’d kissed you, it felt like it all just eased. You’d seen your baby for the first time and all he could think of was how much adoration he had for you in that exact moment. Did that make things a lot more complicated?

“Hey, I don’t think anything comes out of that if you don’t put money in,” Ander clasps him on the shoulder and snaps Guzmán from his daze.

He hadn’t noticed how he’d been stood staring into the vending machine as his thoughts had taken priority over his actions.

When he turns to look at Ander, his eyes are nearly spilling with a few tears.

“What’s wrong?” Ander frowns, never seeing much of his best friend like this.

“God I was so scared last night man, I was terrified,” Guzmán half whispers, letting a tear slip through as he tries his best to not break down in the middle of the school.

“You said it yourself man, it’s okay. They both are, yeah?” Ander tries to reassure him, still taken aback by seeing Guzmán like this.

“The thought of anything happening... to either of them. God, it kills me,” He leans into Ander and sobs into him, just as Ander had done when he’d told him about tennis.

Ander holds him and lets him cry as though his whole world had come crashing down. And it made Ander realise one thing amongst the madness. That was how it felt for Guzmán. Having lost Marina, lost any relationship he had with his parents, Lu, then losing Polo - Guzmán felt pretty alone in his life. He’d lost a lot of hope. But piece by piece over the past few weeks, he’d been blessed with something that he’d have never expected to find such a blessing in. He’d been given a purpose, something to live and breathe for. And in this unconventional, unplanned situation - he’d found that little pocket of Earth that he could make into his whole world.

[smallcrystals]

SCIFLASH WITH PROMPT 37 SKSKDKD I NEED A GOOD OL CRY

cw / alcohol tw / mention of abuse

disclaimer: this is really personal to me. i won’t say which aspects but i just want you guys to know that.

———

He recognised the street where the party was at, he’d been here a couple of times before but he knew Twilight had never. His heart clogged his throat, stinging in fear, hands sweaty on his steering wheel. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Twilight didn’t know how to handle alcohol. She barely had any when she came over to meet his family. His grip tightened on the wheel when he reached the place, rushing to park the car somewhere and not bother about getting a ticket. He nearly kicked the door broken when he got out, slamming it shut and sprinting to the door, knocking his fist on it.

A girl he vaguely knew opened the door for him and she smiled, failing to hide her surprise.

“Oh! Hi, Flash!”

“Hey, sorry, love to say, I just need to find—”

“Twilight Sparkle? Over by the shot stand.”

“Fuck.” He looked over in that direction. “Thank you, see ya.” He patted the girl’s shoulder and then pushed past the crowd. He cringed when he stepped on someone’s foot, who yelled in pain but then turned to see it was him.

“Hey! Flash, my dude!”

He ignored them, furrowing his brows when he caught the girl giggling. Flash walked around the table, hand tipping over a red cup and spilling it on the floor.

“Twi,” he breathed out, touching her shoulder with his hand. Twilight turned around and holy fuck. If she wasn’t in a more unstable state, he would’ve gone nuts over this look – his hoodie, tight jeans that outlined her thighs well, hair out. But the way her eyes were dilated, how she was holding another shot in her hand – he couldn’t bring himself to be happy. “Fuck.”

“Oh, hi Flashie!” She giggled again, whirling her shot in her hand.

“Twilight, what are you doing here,” he asked in a soft tone. His hand slid down to her elbow.

She snorted. “Whaaat, I just wanted to have fun!” Twilight downed her shot, some of the alcohol missing her mouth and dripping down her jaw. She snickered and wiped it with her sleeve, shaking her head from how strong the shot was.

Flash sucked in a deep breath. “Twi, c’mon, let’s go home,” he said.

“To your home?” she slurred in a cheeky voice, grabbing onto Flash’s arm that was in contact with, pulling the boy closer to her. Their noses brushed, Twilight’s breath against his. The sultry song playing over wasn’t helping at all. Flash pulled away, Twilight’s tiny confused hm? chipped at his heart, his heart that he knew would drum itself out of his chest. Something’s wrong, she’s not herself. “Oh, okay, we don’t have to do that then.” 

Flash hated this. Hated this state she was in, hated the fact he didn’t check up on her. There was something off ever since noon but he just didn’t figure it out until Timber spammed his phone.

“Come outside with me.” His hand slipped into hers, fingers intertwining. Flash’s thumb caressed part of her backhand. She always liked that. Twilight glanced down – a movement he wished he could say was cute – feeling Flash’s hand in hers, and then closed her hand around his.

“Okayy,” she said and then choked back what he supposed was a hiccup from the alcohol. He sighed and took her out to the back garden, her head on his chest. He couldn’t help but be taken aback by the lack of people out here but it was more helpful than anything.

“Twi,” he began, turning Twilight to face him fully. She held onto his forearms to steady herself. Goddammit, she can’t even keep her balance. “What’s wrong?”

She gave him a puzzled look. “Nothing’s wrong, why are you asking that?” Twilight brushed it off with a laugh but Flash didn’t smile.

“Baby…”

“Come on, don’t start with that voice,” Twilight grumbled, removing her hands from Flash’s arms. “I’m fine! Don’t worry about me, I just came here to have fun!”

“But you’re not normally like this.”

“You party a lot, why can’t I?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“…Nevermind.” 

“Twi, jagiya, what’s wrong? I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on?”

Twilight muttered something under her breath. Where were you when I needed you?

“What?” He pulled his eyebrows together, wincing at the pain in his chest.

“Nothing, it’s fine.”

Flash expected her to take a step away from him when she began to move but instead, she wandered into Flash’s chest, wrapping fatigued arms around his middle and pressing her cheek against his shirt.

He wasn’t sure what to say. She was gonna keep denying him until she got irritated and that was definitely the last thing he wanted. His hands came up to hold her with him but the girl hissed before he could.

“Wait, what happened—” His hand reached up immediately to the spot on Twilight’s cheek and his thumb felt concealer. He pulled his hand away to check if he was correct and there was a smudge of makeup on his thumb. Flash caught Twilight’s eyes widening. “What happened to your cheek?”

Twilight flinched and shook her head immediately. “Something happened in the morning, it’s fine.”

“You hissed when it touched something, it’s not fine, Twilight.”

“I am!” Twilight giggled, pulling Flash by his arm and resting the other cheek on his chest. “It’s fine, I just want you here.”

Flash wrapped his arms around her shoulders, hand caressing up and down. He wasn’t sure if that was helpful in the moment but Twi always loved it when he did that.

“You care about me, right?” she suddenly asked, voice fragile as ever, looking up at him. Flash studied her eyes, glossy, and then looked down at how she bit her lip, but not in a sultry way, more as if she was trying to prevent something coming out of her mouth.

“Of course, you know the answer to that.”

“I know, it’s just…” Twilight tilted her head. “Thoughts.” She raised a wary hand to her head, poking it with a finger. “Doubts, especially after someone says something which shouldn’t hurt because you know they didn’t mean it,” she said in a mocking tone. “But it does…”

She tipped in Flash’s arms, helping a little at her unbalance. She cracked a smile, eyes closed. Before Flash could even think about what that meant, she continued.

“It’s Asian mothers, you know? I just hate them so much, sometimes. Unnecessary fights, anger outbursts, being judgemental, the entire package!” She rolled her eyes. The words coming out of her mouth weren’t what she’d normally use, they were raw, not thought through, spilling out with no visible end. 

“She didn’t even start with me like she normally does, she went onto Shining Armour and then decided, you know what, it’s time to scold Twilight now because why the fuck not?!” She snarled, glaring to the side.

Flash pressed his lips together, trying to hold back from saying anything.

“She started scolding me about stuff you wouldn’t think she’d scold me on, right? Studying, friends, being on my phone for too long, Asian parents always find something. And fuck, I was fine with her scolding me since I’m used to it but… b-but she mentioned you.”

He froze.

“You know how she said she was o-okay with the fact you and I-I slept with each other and that it’s my life and my body, I can do whatever I want with it? Yeah, that apparently was complete bullshit and she screamed at me…” She choked on her words. “She screamed at me for not staying with Timber because he’s Bangaldeshi and m-most Bangladeshi people are Muslim, so he could’ve possibly influenced me to obtain those values, even though Timber clearly told her, to her face when we were dating, that he’s agnostic. I’m so fucking done with her, I swear.”

Her hands climbed up to Flash’s chest, thumb rubbing over a spot where, when Flash looked down, Twilight’s concealer had rubbed off on.

“I just wanted her to shut up. This always happens, but she never brought up you. I thought I could suck it up like I always did and how others at CPA told me to do but I’m just tired. My Dad loves you and so does Shining! Shining wasn’t a huge fan of Timber at the time but he adores you so why the fuck can’t my Mum? I’m tired, Flash, I’m tired. I don’t even want to see it from her perspective because she had no right to tell me if I wanted to sleep with you or not! She’s always on her passive aggressiveness when you two cross paths and I don’t want us to keep tiptoeing around her, for fuck’s sake!”

She balled her hands into fists on Flash’s chest, scrunching bits of his t-shirt with them. Sobs broke out of Twilight’s mouth, tearing Flash apart. Even in the dim light outside , he could catch the tears falling from her face, fogging her lenses. Flash’s fingers reached up, lifting Twilight’s head so they’d meet eyes. He didn’t say anything when he wiped her tears away. He couldn’t find anything to say anyway, so he stayed silent.

“Shining defended me because of course, what she was saying was hypocritical and fucking s-stupid. And guess what, she decides to threaten to kick me out the house for talking back to her. Telling Shining to go back to Cadence, telling me to go to your house. She called you haram, she called you names, fuck—fucking hell. I couldn’t stay quiet about that, who does she think I am?!”

Flash clenched his jaw.

Chaos unravelled at such a painfully slow pace in front of him. He had never hated Velvet, always thought there was a reason she wasn’t a fan of him and that it’d take time for her to warm up to him. He respected women, parents, people who were older than him by a lot, but he felt his mind slipping places he didn’t want his anger to go. 

He wasn’t pissed at Velvet calling him haram, or her bertating him. He was pissed at what she was doing to Twilight, what she did to her because if he was right, that mark and Twilight getting into a fight with her Mum had a correlation. A correlation he wished hadn’t clicked in his head.

Even though he had Asian parents himself, they’ve never laid a hand on him, ever. He didn’t understand it either, just because their child did something wrong, what gave them the right to slap them?

But despite that, he knew this wasn’t the time and that he couldn’t just say something like that while not understanding consequences or Middle Eastern culture. He didn’t want to make that mistake, especially on Twilight.

“She literally d-dragged me by the arm when I spoke back to her, Flash, I—” Twilight tore off her glasses, wiping her eyes with the heel palm of her palm. “You can’t speak back to Asian parents when in a fight, it’s like either talking to a brick wall or a fucking lion. I pulled my hand away and she… s-she—”

She didn’t need to say anymore. Flash didn’t wanna force it out of her. It all made sense, why she wanted Flash to pick up on the hints. Something like this was hard to put into words, especially when it was so normalised in Asian culture. She probably didn’t want to blatantly say it aloud and Flash couldn’t bring himself to blame her at all.

Twilight wiped that side of her cheek with her backhand and whimpered at the burn. Flash instinctively reached up to try and stop the pain. His hands were cold, they should calm down the sting.

“It’s okay, Twi.” He looked at her, trying his best to form an expression that could at least tell her that he understood. That it was okay. Because it definitely wasn’t okay but she needed comfort, she needed someone to tell her it was okay.

“I can’t even move out, you know?” The words were slurred from being drunk and from crying but he could make them out. “Your house is so far away and I don’t even know the proper address to it. I just—Flash, I just hate her, I hate her so, so, so fucking much.” She tightened the grip on her fists as she let out more cries, collapsing onto him, forehead against his collarbone.

“Shhhh,” Flash said, running his hands through her hair, other arm around her shoulder, telling her it was okay to hold him. And she did, squeezing him tight, so tight he knew this wasn’t the first time something like this happened. This wasn’t the first time something like this happened, but now she had someone to cry to and hold.

He wanted to say he was sorry for not picking it up earlier, for how long she had been hurting for and he didn’t know. But those words weren’t necessary right now.

“I don’t know if I can even call that abuse, you know?” Her eyes fell to the side. “Like, it is but my Mum has conditioned me to think that it isn’t and that it’s useless to talk about it with someone because it’s not that big of a deal, it happens to all Asian kids and they don’t say shit but I know it’s wrong and—”

Flash rubbed her back as she cut herself off. She covered her mouth as she coughed, on the verge of a breakdown. He couldn’t admit he felt so helpless, this wasn’t about him but he just wanted to help. 

“I just want a different solution. The only one I can think of is going to take so much time. I just want it to stop.” Her words muffled against his chest, Flash wiped the tears that fell from his own eyes, cheeks already damp from the tears come before.

His mouth felt so dry but he felt he should say something, to give her something. “I may not have a different solution, but I can possibly help make the wait for the solution you’re thinking of easier to bear?” He lifted her head up, cupping her face with one hand. “Would that be okay?”

Twilight’s lips broke out into a tired smile, eyes slightly watery and sparkling with the alcohol she had. “I’m not sure,” she said, rubbing the water out of her eye. “I don’t wanna deal with it now, you know? I just want to ignore it since it’s too much at the moment.”

“Of course, Twi.” He gave her a warm smile.

Twilight tripped over herself in his arms, reminding herself that she was still heavily under the influence. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, no, I mean…” Her fingers made random, subconscious patterns on his back. “I’m sorry. I should’ve just told you this instead of making you try to read my mind.”

Flash shook his head a little, tilting his head. “Baby, this isn’t something that’s so easy to say, especially when you’re not sure how they’re gonna take it. I don’t blame you for trying to work your way around it.”

“But I got upset at you, that’s why I’m here, at this stupid-ass party.”

“That’s valid, though. Some emotions are irrational but they still happen,” he told her in a soft voice.

She drunkenly pouted but looked as if she accepted Flash’s reasoning. “Can we go to your house? Not for sex or anything, just…”

“But your Mum?”

“I told her I’m at Sunset’s, it’s fine. I just want you with me.” 

“Of course, baby.”

She stayed quiet in his arms, firmly holding onto him as if someone would try to tear them apart. Her cheeks were clammy, the makeup marking more of his shirt, but that didn’t matter. After moments of listening to the breeze, the faded out party music and lights flickering from drunk teenagers playing around with them.

“Flash?”

Flash glanced down at her, lips brushing against her head. “Yeah, bub?”

She looked up at him, holding her lip between her teeth to stop it from quivering.

“Tell me it’s going to be okay. Please.”

His heart finally cracked in half.

“It’s gonna be okay.”

I’ll be here when you need me.

[imaginejamesandsirius]

Hey just trying to send the prompt in again :) it was just miscommunication + touch starved!Sirius + happy ending please! Thank you so much

((A/N: Some mild sexual content and James being an oblivious dumbarse))

James was sitting on the couch pretending to read the assignment for History of Magic. When he'd opened the book, he had every intention of trying to read the passage, but the seat was so comfortable and the fire was all nice and warm, and they'd had a Quidditch game only two weeks ago-- he was still thinking about the good and bad of that game, instead of reading like he was supposed to. But anyways, there he was, minding his own business not doing his homework, and Sirius decided to interrupt that. 

It was a single armchair that he was sitting in, but Sirius had never let that stop him in the past couple years, and he wasn't going to start now. He wiggled between James and and the edge of the chair, sticking one leg between James's lap and the book. "What're you doing?" 

"I was doing my homework for Binns." 

Sirius snorted, shifting and scooting around until he could lay his head on James's shoulder. "You're a bloody liar, Prongs. What were you thinking about?" 

"The match against Ravenclaw," he admitted, because there was no point in really trying to lie to Sirius. 

"Mm. Let me guess, you have new ideas for practice." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"Just that you're trying to make us the best team ever," Sirius said lightly, pressing a kiss to James's jaw. 

See, if they were together, gestures like that would be perfectly normal. As it was, they were still commonplace, even if they weren't earned. What had James done to deserve a kiss? Absolutely nothing, but Sirius was kissing his skin anyways. James was accustomed to it enough that he didn't jump, but his heart beat louder in his chest, more insistent that James pay attention to what was going on-- as if there was any chance of him ignoring it. "Is that so? Cause it sounded like you were whinging." 

"I would never," Sirius lied, and James rolled his eyes before leaning to rest his cheek on top of Sirius's head; if it was there, he might as well use it. 

*

They had just graduated from Hogwarts, and James was eating oatmeal blindly as he read an article in The Prophet about the Harpies-- they'd been having a very good year, and they were pitched to go to the World Cup for Britain if things kept up the way they were-- and Sirius leaned down, kissed the corner of his mouth (currently devoid of food, thank Merlin), and sat down next to him. "You're about to get oatmeal on the table," he noted, so James put the spoon back in the bowl instead of letting it list from a numb grip. A five hundred point swing? That was just embarrassing. 

"Aw," Mum cooed, pinching Sirius's cheek lightly, "aren't you the sweetest? One of these days, James will have to make an honest man out of you." 

"There's a full time job," James muttered absently. 

"I'm not sure he'd be up for the challenge anyways, Mrs. Potter," Sirius said with a smirk. 

James flipped down the edge of the newspaper and glared at him. "I could do it." 

"Sure you could, Jamie," Sirius said, patting his hand. He scanned the table. "Are we out of brown sugar?" 

"I could've sworn we had some," Mrs. Potter said, getting to her feet to search the cupboards. "James, did you eat it all?" 

"No." He put the paper back up, blocking Sirius's smug face from view. 

"Be nice to your boyfriend," she chided. 

"He's not my boyfriend." 

"Mmhmm," she said, clearly not believing him. "Perhaps it was your father, he was up and down with breakfast before any of us made it to the table. And for heaven's sake Sirius, you really should call me Mum. 'Mrs. Potter' makes me feel so old." 

"You are rather old, Mum," James said, and Sirius swat the back of his head. 

"She feeds me, be nice to her." 

"Sorry Mum!" 

"I don't know why you boys insist on telling me you aren't when you'll kiss in front of me, but whatever makes you happy, I suppose." She sort of said it under her breath, and with James distracted as he was, he probably didn't hear her. Sirius did, and he was happy that James wasn't looking at him, otherwise he would have seen his blush and thought to question it. 

"Uh huh," James said, leaning closer to the paper and squinting like it would change the words. 

Sirius gave Mum a shrug when she looked at him for an explanation. James listened when he felt like it, and not a moment more. Most of the time, he listened when Sirius talked, but that was probably because Sirius had taken to sitting on him and tugging his hair when he didn't get proper responses; Mum wouldn't resort to that, but if she wanted to, she'd just ask Sirius to lend her a hand since it was easier that way. Besides, she hadn't said as much to her boys, but she thought there was nothing Sirius could ask that James would not immediately give. 

*

James definitely should have known that when Sirius locked the door, it meant that he didn't want anyone coming in. He also should have known that the reason he couldn't hear Sirius's music or voice or anything else was because there was a silencing charm up. Unfortunately, James was really hungry and needed to see if Sirius wanted anything for a late night snack, and he wanted that answer twenty minutes ago, so he wasn't thinking about the reason behind locked doors when he tried Sirius's room. 

He tried the knob, met with the resistance of a lock, and cast an unlocking spell automatically. "Hey Sirius, what do you-" he started to say as he was opening the door. Then the situation caught up with him and he froze. Because Sirius wasn't blasting his punk music. He wasn't practicing putting on makeup. He'd been wanking, and at the unexpected intrusion, all he'd been able to do was half pull the side of the duvet over his crotch. 

"What the- why would you-" Sirius stopped trying to put together words. The flush on his cheeks was rapidly turning into a full body blush, and it occurred to James that he now knew that Sirius blushed everywhere, not just his face. He didn't quite know why he noticed that, but he now had the information logged away. Sirius took a deep breath, not looking anywhere near him. "The door was bloody locked for a reason." 

"Yeah."

"I wanted a bit of privacy." 

"Yeah." 

"James?" Sirius asked, and his voice was a little rough sounding from- erm- what he'd been doing, and it made James feel a little lightheaded. 

"Yeah?" 

"This is the part where you leave, and we both pretend like this never happened." 

"I could erm, give you a hand?" James found himself saying. 

"Bloody hell, get out!" Sirius yelled, grabbing a random object from his nightstand and throwing it at the doorway. Sirius had been a beater, so his aim was good; James had been a Chaser, so he caught the object-- a candle, apparently-- without thinking about it. 

Leaving was rather the last thing James wanted to do, but he left because that's what Sirius wanted. He closed the door, then leaned up against it faintly, holding the candle tight against his chest like it could answer the questions he couldn't voice. Then again, maybe the candle could answer his questions, because he straightened, then turned on his heel and knocked on the door. 

It took several seconds-- and he was pretty sure he heard the thump of Sirius falling on the floor-- but the door opened to one very flustered Sirius with a blanket wrapped haphazardly around his middle. "What?" he snapped. 

"The offer was er genuine. If you were. Y'know. Concerned about that." 

"What?" 

"What what? You're the one always- always touching me and kissing me. I always thought it didn't mean anything, but it totally does, doesn't it? Mum thinks we're dating, and you don't do this with Moony or Wormtail, it's just me; that has to mean something. Erm, right? I mean, it does mean something to you?" 

"I- you- this is ridiculous! You can't interrupt me while I'm jerking off and then- bloody- confess your love or whatever the hell it is you're doing." 

"I mean, no, that's not really what I was doing, but I can start doing it if you want to hear it." 

Sirius looked at him like he wanted to punch him in the teeth. "You can't- you- for fuck's sake, James! Are you trying to drive me mad? Because this is how you do that," he said, then slammed the door shut. 

Well. Guess that was a no. He should probably leave, only he was frozen in place. He'd had a massive realisation, confessed, and been rejected, all in the span of about thirty seconds. That had to be some sort of record. 

Then the door opened and Sirius grabbed a fistful of shirt and yanked him in the room. The door closing again-- this time with both of them on the proper side-- was something of an afterthought. "You are so bloody stupid," he whispered, and then he was kissing James, and that was much better. If the kiss was a bit desperate and messy, well, James had interrupted him when his passions were high. "You had better mean it, James," he said quietly, both of them panting in the quiet air. "I've been arse over kettle for you for years, and I can't be a-" Sirius swallowed thickly, looking pained "-a mistake for you. I need for you to mean it." 

"How dare you assume I ever make mistakes," James said, and he was actually on his way to being offended when Sirius laughed-- relieved and giddy-- and kissed him again. Oh alright, he could always question Sirius about these supposed 'mistakes' later on. For now, he had more important business. Namely, finding out if Sirius's arse felt as good as it looked. 

It did. 

[idontliketalkingtoanybody]

The Pet Goldfish - Chapter 8

Honestly, no one’s more surprised than I am. 

Chpt 1 Chpt 2 Chpt 3 Chpt 4 Chpt 5 Chpt 6 Chpt 7

AO3

He patted his pockets down for his keys.

“Oi! Watch it, mate, yeah?” A voice had crept up from beside him. Another pub-goer pushed Liam off from where he had bumped into the man’s wife.

“Yeah, righ’, sorry just looking for me keys-” Liam trundled forward and shoved his way outside. He stumbled to his car and fiddled with the lock, it took him three tries to get the key in the door.

“Are you sure your alrigh’ to drive there, big man?” Came a voice from behind him, this time.

Liam waved him off, “Yeah, no problem! Place is only round the corner!” and he got behind the wheel.

Rae was fast asleep in their bed. She had told him she needed a break from him, yelled at him to get out of their house. She did everything but black bag him. He supposed he deserved it, he didn’t know though, he didn’t think his grip on her arm had been that hard.

His fingers definitely hadn’t been as tight on her as they were on the steering wheel that night as Liam struggled dealing with sitting behind the slowest driver in the world. An old woman, Liam assumed, although what she could possibly be doing up at this time at night, he had no idea.

He just wanted to get home, he could apologise to Rae and get all curled up beside her in bed. It was the middle of winter and his car heater was broken, he was fecking freezing and this 20mph-driving woman was making him-

“Ah, fuck this-” Liam pulled his car out to overtake.

The oncoming lorry scrapped the side of the car and spun Liam straight into a tree.  

---

Rae wondered what it might have felt like had Liam died that day. It was soothing for her to picture the crash and pretend that it was the end of Liam’s story.

What if? What if he had died that day? What if she had been free from him? What if she had been free from him when she had met Finn?

What if?

“Doesn’t matter.” Rae murmured to herself as she went over his football top with the iron. She can picture him sitting on the hospital bed, holding her hand.  All those years ago he had whispered, “I only drove like that so I could get home to you faster.”

It was the single most romantic thing anyone had ever said to her.

Rae took off her cardigan, the heat was especially oppressive that morning. So much so that she had not been playing any music, instead fantasising about that day, that night when Liam crashed and wrote-off their car.

If he had died though, if he had…

If she was free, free to work, free to learn, to love, to care. She would probably have not made the mistake of opening the door to Chloe, Linda Bouchtat and Mrs Greenshaw.

“Mum?” Rae choked.

“Hi, Rae.” Her mum said, and as if as an afterthought, she smiled.

Chloe took a step forward, “Rae, I thought it’d be a good idea to check in. Your mum really wanted to see you and … how you’re getting on and that.”

“I’m fine.”

“Right yeah but why don’t we have a catch up. Over a cuppa?”

“It’s a hundred degrees today.”

Chloe rolled her eyes, “Well, fine, we can catch up over lemonade or something, you know what I mean!”

“One little cup of tea wouldn’t hurt now would it, dear?” Mrs Greenshaw smiled very sweetly when she wanted to.

Rae let them in and moved the iron out of the way of the couch.

“Sorry, didn’t think you’d be busy.” Linda said, as she cautiously took a seat on the edge of the sofa.

“Just because I don’t work doesn’t mean I’m not busy.”

“No, of course not! That’s not what I meant-”

Rae huffed and stashed away the clothes still in the ‘to-iron’ pile. As she made the tea, Mrs Greenshaw swanned into the kitchen behind her. “Have you seen much more of Finn and his father lately?”

“Sometimes,” Rae replied.

Mrs Greenshaw hummed. “I’m not trying to gossip. I’m just curious. His father seems…” she paused to catch Rae’s eye. “Not well.”

“He isn’t.”

“Is there anything-”

“Maybe you should be asking Finn this, Mrs Greenshaw, I don’t know what you expect me to say. He’s not my father.”

Mrs Greenshaw stepped back from Rae. “Yes, I know. There’s hardly any need to be so-”

The kettle finished boiling and Rae turned away from Mrs Greenshaw to pour the water in the pot. “Rude, Mrs Greenshaw? Was that what you were going to say? Rude? Like… turning up unannounced in someone’s house with their mother they cannot stand. Is that rude, do you think?”

Mrs Greenshaw huffed but she only moved as far away as the couch in the livingroom and purposely sat herself down in the farthest part from the kitchen.

It was Chloe who broke the silence as they sipped their tea. “How’ve you been Rae?”

“Still fine, Chlo, the same as I was when I saw you the other day at the pub.”

“Righ’, yeah.”

Rae watched the three women sitting tightly on her couch. Each of them looking uncomfortable in their own way, but Rae herself could not work out why they had all decided to turn up together. Her mother of course, being the most surprising. She looked at her and spotted more grey hair than Rae was used to, but Linda still had the same large eyes, Rae remembered from her childhood.

“How’s Emma?” Rae asked. She thought of her little sister often after all.

Linda blinked at Rae. “Good, she’s just started college.” Linda nibbled around one of the biscuits Rae had laid out, before she continued. “She would like to see you.”

Rae smiled, “I doubt she remembers much about me.”

“She remembers a lot actually.”

Rae hummed, and dipped her own biscuit in the tea letting it sit for just a second too long than she should have and it dropped into the tea with a plop. “Shit,” she grumbled and slammed the mug down on the side table.

“Its alright,” her mum said, already moving to stand. “I’ll make another.”

But Rae stood up faster and put her hand out to stop. She looked at them all sitting tightly together on the couch and asked, “What are you lot doing here, anyway? Together? What is this? Has someone died?”

Mrs Greenshaw exclaimed “No, of course not!”, quite loudly.

“God, Rae! Don’t be so dramatic for once!” Chloe said, she placed her mug down delicately next to Rae’s. “We’re just worried about you, that’s all.”

“Why?”

Linda came to stand in front of Rae and took her hand. “Are you alright? Is everything okay between you and Liam?”

Rae shrugged, “Yeah? Yeah, we’re fine. Like always.”

Her mum held her hands tighter, “Look at me, Rae? You tell me the truth now. Is everything okay between you and Liam?”

Rae looked at her mum. “Yes.” She said.

Linda took a deep breath, “Would you tell me if there was something wrong between the both of you?”

Rae rolled her eyes. “You wouldn’t even care-”

“That’s not true, Rae! Of course, we care!” Chloe stood next to Linda, both stared at her.

Rae wondered if this is how Mani feels when she peers at him through the fish tank.

“Rae, alrigh’… we don’t want to pressure you. But Chloe says she’s got a spare room and I think it might be good-”

“I don’t need to move out! God, I’m fine!” Rae grabbed her mug and marched herself into the kitchen ready to clean it out.

“Just a little break, Rae!” Chloe called from the livingroom, “Maybe just to get away for a bit!” She followed Rae through to the kitchen and placed her hand on Rae’s back. “A little holiday, yeah? Every couple needs it!”

“What exactly are you saying? That my marriage is done? What the hell do you know about my marriage, Chloe?”

Linda came through “No, Rae, we’re not saying you and Liam have to split up! If you’re happy, we can… support that. How about we just chat more about Liam… away from here maybe?” She continued after a quiet pause when Rae scoffed. “You don’t need to be embarrassed Rae, talking about relationships is vital for marriages to improve you know.”

“Oh yeah? Look how well that’s doin’? You and Karim sleep in separate beds! Chloe told me!”

Linda only took a deep breath. “Yes, but we are discussing how things are going, and I’d like you to do the same with us and your relationship with Liam.”

“Oh, for god’s sake.” Rae walked over to stand beside Mani and found him cowering behind the little rock in the far-left corner of the tank. She wondered if Mani could hear the shouting, she hoped not.

“Rae, I think it’d be good for you to come with me,” Chloe said, “I’ll find help. I can help, you know?” She took a step toward Rae and reached out to her old friend.

Rae snatched her arm away, the tears had started to spill out as Linda and Chloe looked at her sympathetically.

Rae turned to Chloe and said, “Just because you could never find a guy to stay longer than a week’s bender doesn’t mean you need to ruin my marriage, Chloe.”

“Christ, Rae…” Chloe reached up and wiped away some of her own tears that had sprung up. “Alrigh’ look, it’s not just me, that’s worried about you. And I’ve got proof! Finn said the first time he saw ya you looked all alone, and you had a black eye! He told me that Rae, you know he’s worried too, and so is his da’, I think!”

Rae never saw Liam hitting that tree, she had never asked Liam what it had felt like to hit that tree. She had imagined it. The pain as the airbag punched through his entire body, as if every bone was about to shatter. She had imagined it. She didn’t have to imagine it then, as Chloe had looked at her and told Rae her worst fear.

Finn and Mr Nelson knew.

Rae stomped back to face her mum and Mrs Greenshaw in the livingroom. “Out! The lot of yous! You don’t get to turn up at my door whenever you want and tell me to leave my husband!”

Linda started to reach out, “Listen, Rae, we’re just trying-”

“Mum, I know you’re trying to ‘help’. Didn’t do much good when I was 16, won’t do much good now, will it? Get out of my house.”

Linda Bouchtat nodded and pulled Mrs Greenshaw as well as Chloe by the hands and walked out.

Linda turned around at the edge of the garden, “Rae!” She called, “You call me whenever you want, okay?”

Rae scoffed and closed the door. She didn’t watch them leave, instead she turned and stared at the records from Finn that had seemed to accumulate in the small space.

She pulled out the album that had brought them together. She almost put it on before she placed it back into the selection and ran out her front door.

Rae didn’t knock on their front door, she marched straight through, otherwise she would have lost her nerve.

She found him in the livingroom sitting next to his dad. “Finn!” She shouted, “Who the hell do you think you are, exactly?”

“What?” He blinked at her and spilled some of the tea onto his top. “Ah, shit!” He jumped up “What are ya talkin’ about, Rae?”.

Finn’s dad woke up quickly and exclaimed “Rae? Is everything alrigh’?”

Rae could not find it in herself to look Mr Nelson in the eye and simply replied, “No. I have to speak to Finn, Mr Nelson. It’s really important.”

Finn nodded, “Righ’, yeah. Into the kitchen, though, yeah? I need to clean this…” She followed him into their large kitchen.

He grabbed a towel and dabbed at the tea on his shirt, “Rae, look I don’t know what I’ve done but-“

“You told Chloe I’m a bloody battered wife is what you’ve done!” Rae attempted to keep her voice quiet for the sake of Finn’s father but her voice hitched a few times.

“Fuck, Rae no- that’s not what I tried to do!”

Rae shook her head, “I thought we were mates?”

“We are! I would never- It’s because we’re mates that I’m worried about you…”

Rae scoffed, “Then talk to me about it! Not with someone I barely know anymore! Don’t go around my back and talk about me.”

Finn nodded, “I know… Fuck, I’m so sorry...” Finn paused, as he stared down at the towel in his hand. He looked back as Rae struggled to keep control of the tears that were falling everywhere down her face. “Do you want my towel?”

Rae took it and dabbed at her tears. Her hands were shaking, so it wasn’t easy for her. Finn reached up and took the towel back and wiped the tears himself.

Rae sniffed and pulled away, but Finn kept trying until she stopped crying completely.

“It just…” Rae said, finally taking a step away. “It felt like an ambush.”

Finn frowned, “What d’ya mean?”

Rae shook her head. “Nothing. It doesn’t matter. I think we should stop being friends though, Finn.”

“What? Rae, c’mon, there’s no need to- Why don’t you just talk to me? Tell me what’s goin’ on?”

“Fuck sake,” Rae whispered, “I’ve done enough talking today.” She leaned against the kitchen counter, “I don’t like what you did, and Liam is my husband Finn. I love him. And you’ve interfered-”

“I didn’t mean to- I was just trying to help! Rae, c’mon,” Finn reached out and took Rae’s hand. She let him hold it. “You’re my mate, we can’t fight like that! Please, Rae, you’re so good with me da’ as well-”

“If Mr Nelson needs anything I’ll come over.” Rae sniffed and took her hand back, “I’ll send Liam round to take your records back.”

“Keep ‘em.” Finn said, staring at her with his head bent down to the towel again. “They’re yours anyway. Wouldn’t be righ’…”

Rae nodded, “Fine. Goodbye, Finn.”

“Rae, no, wait- Just let me-”

Rae walked out of Finn’s house.

---

Rae cried on the floor, as she leaned back against the cupboard door and Mani swam above her.

She cried remembering Finn’s face. She cried remembering shoving her own mother out of her house. She cried while going over that night with Liam again.

“I only drove that way to get home to you faster.” He had said.

They spoke more about that when he was finally able to come home. They were even able to make light of the crash over time. Liam would say, “I love you, Rae, I crashed a car for you.” And, “Who else would you find to ram their car into a bloody tree for you Rae, eh?”

However, Rae did not know whether Liam was aware of all the other things he had said that night, half drowsy on the hospital bed.

“There was a moment,” He had whispered. It clung in the air of the white silence in the hospital room, “Right before the ambulance came. Rae, I was sitting in the car, the bonnet was up in flames at this point. But there was so much fire… I didn’t know if it was just the bonnet or the whole world… and, fuck my head hurt like nothing else I’ve ever felt. My arm too…but obviously I know why that was now.

“But my head hurt, and I was sitting there thinking… ‘I don’t mind if this is it. If I’ve ruined my life… lost the car, if they had taken my licence and I lost my job… if I lost you’. Right then, I didn’t really care, I just… felt so angry at the car and that bitch driving in front of me and well probably, at myself… I didn’t care if it was just the car bonnet or the whole world on fire. I didn’t care if my life ended right then, Rae.

“But I’m so happy it didn’t. I know I’m a lot, but I’m so happy the world isn’t burning. And it’s not going to burn, not with you here, okay?”

“No, Liam,” she had promised that night, “I won’t let your world burn.”

She cried as her flames took hold of the entire kitchen, Rae's entire world.

Only few bubbles popped up as Mani continued to hide behind his rock.

[camimcndcs]

two tiny hands, a pair of eyes

TAGGING: KJ @itskjapa​, Cami.

LOCATION: Vancouver, BC.

TIMEFRAME: October 7th, 2020.

NOTES: Talia Lua Apa is born.

Cami: Today was going to the day, she could just feel it. Camila had reached her due date and woken up to KJ’s lips brushing against her cheek as he headed out for work. With her due date looming in the air, she’d stopped working mid-week last week and had been spending her time preparing for their daughter’s arrival. When Camila finally left the comfort of her bed an hour later to eat something she felt a tightness in her belly that seemed more painful than the Braxton Hicks she’d been experiencing for the last couple of days. Reaching for her phone, Camila called her mom, asking her to come upstairs to help her figure out what was going on. Another contraction hit about 10 minutes later when her mom and Tessa walked through the door of her apartment. Once she had finished her breakfast, Camila took a quick shower and then sat on an exercise ball after getting herself dressed. Just as she sat down on the exercise ball, she felt liquid trickling down her leg. “I think my water just broke,” she exclaimed, almost instantly feeling the pain stretching from her back to her stomach as a contraction took over her body. “Can one of you call Kaje?” she asked, closing her eyes and practicing her breathing as she carefully held her stomach. The look on Tessa’s face after she had tried his phone a few times told Camila everything she needed to know. It was likely he was filming a scene and didn’t have access to his cell which was unfortunate. Luckily, Timena and her girlfriend had joined him on set today, so there was someone else they could call with a direct line to KJ. Once they reached Timena, her contractions seemed to be getting closer and closer together and intensifying. The whole process seemed to be picking up speed. Once KJ’s mom explained everything to her daughter, she was off to find her brother and pull him off of the set. She promised they’d call so Camila could talk to him once they got to the car where they would be driven off of the set. It was going to take them at least an hour to get to the hospital, so Camila wasn’t really in much of a rush, but it seemed Talia had other plans. Another contraction ripped through her tiny body causing Camila to reach out for her mom, tears springing into her eyes due to the pain and her fiancé being an hour away from her. “Take a deep breath, meu amor, it’s all going to be okay,” her mother reassured her, rubbing her daughter’s lower back. “He’ll call once he’s on his way,” Tessa added, smiling softly at her future daughter-in-law. 

KJ: Despite everything he had read on the pregnancy, nothing had been able to prepare KJ regarding the tense days leading up to the arrival of their daughter. His efforts to make Camila feel better seemed to be in vain, no matter how much she tried to reassure him -- witnessing her being this uncomfortable had been taking its toll on him as well. He could only ponder on the way she actually felt herself, although it was quite clear the one thing she wanted was to reach that long awaited day. Like each morning, he had quietly gotten through his usual routine before softly kissing her goodbye; something she had insisted upon a long time ago. She was constantly tired these days, but always needed to be made aware when he left their home. Meeting up with his sister and her girlfriend in front of the studio, he took them on a quick tour of the new sets they had built for the season and directed them to his trailer when the time had come for him to get ready -- going through the usual makeup necessities before putting on the clothes he had done a fitting for the previous day. Never failing to be his joyful self and entertain the crew even under such grueling circumstances. A few takes later as a brand new Archie Andrews handling a fire station, he slowly made his way back to Timena only to see her rush toward him at full speed; phone in hand and an anxious expression crossing her features. "What's going on?" he questioned, halting his motions as fear gripped him -- a sensation deep inside of his being screaming that something had surely happened with Camila. The words his sister uttered were barely registered, though quite enough to realize he needed to leave right now. Which is what he did without looking back, the sound of steps following close and explaining the situation to the people they encountered. Timena had enough common sense to not allow him to drive, forcing his eager self to the passenger seat and throwing the phone in his lap. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." he muttered under his breath, fingers trembling as they brushed against the screen. They had talked about this moment so many times, but they had never expected it to happen this way. Even if the possibility had often been brought up. "It's me-- I, yes. Please, let me talk to her." KJ knew his fiancée was surely in a stressful state and he willed himself to calm down so he could comfort her -- even as they were so far away from one another. "Hey, baby. Looks like our little girl is ready to be with us, aye. Should have known she was going to be a pain like her mum." Making a joke was his default mode, though he also hoped this would perhaps be able to distract her.

Cami: When Tessa’s phone rang ten minutes later, Camila was breathing through another contraction from the front seat of the car. She’d had another one as they made their way down to the car and it had stopped her in the lobby. Both of their dads were going to meet them once she got checked in just so it wasn’t too overwhelming. She loved her parent and future in laws, but having all four of them worrying about her in close quarters with KJ forty minutes away would’ve stressed her out. Pressing the phone up to her ear, she willed herself not to cry as the sweet voice of her fiancé filled her ear. “Hi, babe,” she whispered, her free hand resting on her stomach in a protective way. “Yeah, a real pain,” she breathed out, giggling at his teasing remark. Normally she would make a stink about him teasing her, but right now she was thankful for the nice distraction. “We just got into the car and we’re on our way to the hospital, so you’ll just meet us there, right?” she asked, looking out the window to calm herself down. “I love you, I’m okay, it hurts, but I’ll be okay,” she whispered, watching the people and buildings that passed them by before another contraction hit. She could hear a hint of stress in KJ’s voice, but she needed him to remain calm for her and for his sister who was currently navigating the roads to bring him safely to her. “Don’t give Timena a hard time, you’ll be at the hospital before you know it and I need you in one piece,” she said sternly. She was about to say a quick goodbye when another contraction ripped through her body making it almost impossible for her to speak. Camila closed her eyes and practiced her breathing, feeling bad that KJ had to hear her in pain over the phone when he couldn’t get to her. “I love you, baby, I’ll see you soon,” she breathed out as the contraction ended. Camila made kissy noises into the phone before handing it back to his mom in the backseat who reassured her son that his future wife was in good hands and would be okay.

KJ: The sound of her voice appeased him and increased his anxiousness all at once. Simply being able to hear it was quite enough for relief to wash over his body, eyes fluttering closed as he imagined for a brief second that she was within distance -- giving him the strength to sit still and not urge his sister to press her foot harder on the pedal. She seemed to be going too slow for his liking, but KJ knew deep down Timena was doing her best. At the same time, he was unable to not take notice of the light tremor in her voice that she disguised as soon. Surely for his sake. Perharps for her own too. He was willing to play along, especially since they wouldn't be able to see one another for at least a good forty minutes. "Of course, baby. Right now I just gotta deal with being in this car." he uttered with a harsh chuckle following suit, the frustration present despite the playful tone of their conversation. But he was quick to brush it off. "Mine would totally be out there like the flash, aye." The redhead barked out a laugh when his fiancée still found it in herself to reprimand him regarding the comment he had made on his sister's driving skills; the first genuine smile ever since he had stepped into the vehicle painting itself on his lips. A short lived moment when he heard through the speaker the current pain filling her. How he wished time could be toyed with so he could be by her side right now. "I love you. Be there before you know it, I promise." After what had felt like a lifetime, and thus an empty promise, the hospital came into view -- the car hadn't even fully come to a stop that he had rushed in the direction of the sliding doors. The harsh beating of his heart thumping in his ears. He was caught off guard by his mother as he reached the front desk, dragging him in a tight embrace before she quickly led him toward Camila's room. At least she wasn't awkwardly waiting on some chair for someone to take care of her. "How is she? Good? What did I miss?"

Cami: Once they arrived at the hospital a nurse quickly checked Camila over and got her checked into a private birthing suite. She was making her way to the bathroom in the suite to change into the hospital gown they had given her when she heard KJ entering the room with his mom. “Baby! You’re here!” she exclaimed, reaching her arms out to him as he made his way over to hug her as tightly as he could with her belly getting in the way. “I’m so much better now that you’re here,” she whispered, pulling back from his embrace to grip his hands. “Would you help me get this hospital gown on?” she asked, dragging him towards the bathroom with her. Once they were inside she shut the door and lifted her arms so he could get his own t-shirt off of her body. She hadn’t even worn a bra because she hadn’t seen the point. Camila caught sight of herself in the mirror and smiled, “I can’t believe we’re going to get to meet her today,” she whispered, tears welling up in her eyes as she looked at KJ. He helped her out of her leggings and underwear, moving onto getting the gown on her when another contraction ripped through her body. “Fuck,” she cried out, gripping her fiancé’s shoulders as she bent over. His hands moved from her waist to her back as she did her best to breathe through it. This was the first real contraction he was experiencing in person and part of her wanted to assure him that she was okay, it just really hurt. After the minute-long contraction came to an end, she looked up at him with a smile. “They’re going to see how dilated I am and then someone should be by for the epidural,” she said, turning around so he could tie the gown in the back. They then exited the bathroom and the redhead helped her into the hospital bed. A few more minutes passed and a nurse arrived to see how dilated she was. "You're at 4 centimeters, only 6 more to go," she explained with a smile adding that she'd go get the anesthesiologist if Camila wanted an epidural which she nodded in response to.

KJ: A string of questions were thrown at his mother on their way to the room Camila had been checked into -- the worry making him act like an addict who was eager to get his fix. The little voice in the back of his mind finally gave him peace when his brown eyes settled on his fiancée, a content sigh tumbling from his mouth when they both found solace with one another. "I'm here." he repeated, his voice quiet but firm, to reassure her of that fact. He had been so scared to not make it in time, to not be present for her just like she had been needing him to; and not having the joy to witness his daughter making her big debut into this world. With a nod, he followed Camila to the bathroom and carefully helped her out of the t-shirt she had been wearing -- the one that was supposedly his but she wore more than he ever did -- trying not to stare too hard at the bump that would soon disappear. "Our little angel." The emotion filling her eyes was matched in his own, a small grin etched on his features as he stared at the woman who had changed his life. Still so in awe of her person and the strength she exuded on the daily. The brunette slowly resumed his motions, getting rid of the rest of the clothes and wrapping her into the gown -- the powerful contraction that followed urging him closer. There was not much he could do, despite the need to, but he stood by her side and forced himself to be the kind of support system she was seeking. Swallowing his own fears and concerns. Time had slowed down, or at least it felt as such for KJ as they waited in the room afterward, the nurse coming along explaining how things would unfold. "How long does that usually take?" he questioned when she announced how many centimeters were left in order for them to proceed. "I know not everyone's the same, aye. But you could probably like give us an idea." His hold on Camila's hand tightened slightly as he looked her way with a small smile, reassuring her once more of his presence.

Cami: Watching the nurse’s face as KJ questioned how long it would take for Camila to get to 10 centimeters, she knew there was no real answer. Not even an idea of an answer to appease the redhead. “I’m afraid it’s hard to tell, some women progress rather quickly and for some, it can take hours,” she explained. “The anesthesiologist will be by soon and then I’ll be back in to check on how you’re progressing, in the meantime, you could try walking around the room to maybe speed up the process” she added with a soft smile, leaving the couple and her mother alone again. KJ’s hand was wrapped tight around her own and she brought it up to her mouth to press a kiss to it. “She’ll get here when she gets here, baby, there’s not much we can do about it,” she whispered, feeling surprisingly calm for the first time since her water had broken. Another contraction came and her hands tightened around her stomach, once it passed through her she lay back in the bed, taking a few deep breaths. “Is Papi on his way?” she asked her mother, hoping to distract herself from the pain. Her mother nodded, explaining he was on his way with KJ’s father and once she got the epidural they could each visit her one by one if she wanted them to. “Let’s try walking around the room while we wait,” she suggested, pushing herself up and taking KJ’s hands to guide herself off the bed. She knew that there wouldn’t be much walking happening after the epidural and at that point, she might want to take a nap, so this was the time to get up and active. Holding on tight to KJ’s hand and arm they slowly began to walk around the room as Camila practiced her breathing in between contractions as well as during them. They walked around for a good 20 minutes or so, pausing only when she would experience a contraction. The anesthesiologist still hadn’t come for the epidural so her mom went to go get her some water to drink which left the couple alone for the first time since he’d kissed her goodbye this morning.

KJ: There was an obvious disappointed expression painting itself on his face as the doctor gave him the kind of answer he had clearly not been waiting for -- yet had expected in some way. KJ had been a dutiful pupil during the pregnancy, reading carefully through the one book Camila had gotten for him as a present and she had swore would be easy enough for him to retain the most important information. Right as always, of course. But he had hoped their doctor could give them an inkling of the time they might have to spend in this room; she knew them better than a book that was bound to generalize most situations. He simply nodded to acknowledge the words she had uttered before directing his attention toward his fiancée once more when she addressed him. "I know, babe. It was worth a try though, aye." he chuckled with a sheepish smile before helping her out when it became clear she needed to do more than just lay around -- at least until the anesthesiologist would come along for the epidural. Thankfully the room was spacious enough for them to make long strides and not feel as if they were lions trapped in a cage. As her mother left minutes later in order to get Camila a bottle of water, the redhead leaned his body against the nearest wall; allowing his fiancée to rest her heavy frame upon his strong one. They had been pacing this space for over twenty minutes now and with how stressful the morning had been, they both deserved a little break. "Remember sex is pretty damn efficient, babe. I'd take you right now-- like this. Ain't ever seen you this sexy." he teased with a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth, his fingers tucking a damp strand of hair behind her ear while his thumb grazed along the pink tint adorning her cheek. "Ask me to get you preggo again. I betcha you're gonna want me to avoid cumming inside of you for a while." A soft laugh flew past his lips as he tilted her head to look into her eyes. Needing to see her smile in this moment.

Cami: As KJ leaned his body against the nearest wall, allowing Camila the chance to lean into him. The laugh that flew from her lips at his words was a welcomed sound in the space that they occupied. It felt good to laugh after the stress of the morning. “Sorry to disappoint, babe, but I think that window of opportunity has been closed. I appreciate you calling me sexy though,” she whispered, closing her eyes as he tucked a damp strand of hair behind her ear and let his thumb graze against her cheek. “We’re not having any more babies anytime soon,” she giggled again this time the smile on her face grew as he tilted her head to look into his eyes. “You’re crazy, Keneti,” she breathed out, gasping slightly as another contraction had her almost doubling over in front of him. “Fuck,” she called out, moaning in pain in response to the tightening in her stomach. “I need that epidural,” she whined, burying her face in her fiancé’s neck as her mother reentered the room. “I just spoke with the anesthesiologist in the hall, he’ll be right in,” the older woman spoke in a calming tone which was just what Camila needed right now. “You should keep walking around until he’s here because you won’t really be allowed out of bed after they give you the epidural,” her mother added, flashing a sympathetic smile KJ’s way. Camila gripped his hand and continued to pace the floor of the birthing suite. 10 minutes and one contraction later, a middle-aged man entered the room ready to administer the epidural. Making her way to the bed with KJ’s help, she pressed a quick kiss to his lips before they wheeled her off to the labor and delivery room down the hall. KJ followed beside her and her mom was behind them carrying Camila’s hospital bag. Once they were settled in the new room, the raven-haired girl sat straight up so they could put the epidural into her spine. She winced at the feeling of the needle, but other than that it was mostly painless in her opinion. The doctor explained that it would take about 20 minutes for the full effect to set in, but she should be good to go. Camila thanked him before laying back in the bed to help herself relax. 

KJ: It was without a doubt the best view he had gotten to witness all day, aside from very early that same morning when he had kissed Camila goodbye and her tired self had mumbled the three words that never failed to make his heart skip a beat. Seeing her smile at him right now, along with the laugh she had graced him with, almost made him forget exactly why they were here in the first place. "Damn. Can't believe I passed right by that window and didn't jump in." he muttered with an exaggerated frown, unable to hide the amusement still etched on his features. But like a blink of an eye, the sweet moment was cut short when another contraction hit her like a bowling strike -- fast and sharp. He was quick to hold her closer than previously, the hand lingering on the small of her back gently massaging the naked flesh he was able to get in contact with through the gown she was wearing. "It's gonna be fine, babe. You've heard your mum, aye. He'll be there soon and then things will be so much better." It all seemed rather futile as the words tumbled from his mouth in a comforting manner, but his fiancée seemed to appreciate them nonetheless. As another person stepped into the room after a dozen more back and forth strides, KJ carefully watched the way he attended to Camila -- staying alert in case she needed him to intervene. It somehow made him feel useful, to know there was a possibility she might need him for something. Anything. "Do you want a magazine? I could like check if they've got Cosmo or whatever other girly shit you like to read." he suggested, having caught sight of a kiosk ealier in the hallway they had gone through. "I was thinking of getting something for myself and your mum will be right here-- plus I ain't going far. You'll see me come back running to see firsthand your drugged self." He chuckled softly, the sound too contagious for her to resist. Just as he had planned. "Or I can stay with you. Tell me what you need, baby and it's yours."

Cami: The epidural was already starting to slowly settle into her system as soon as the doctor left the room. Camila couldn’t help the lazy smile she sent KJ’s way at his suggestion to find a magazine to help occupy her time. She stifled a yawn as he chuckled. “I might end up taking a nap, since I sure as hell won’t be sleeping during delivery,” she giggled, reaching out her hand to give his a squeeze. “Go find yourself something to eat and check in with our family,” she added with a smile, even though they weren’t all officially family just yet it felt like they’d all been one big happy family since the moment he’d asked her to be his wife and they’d found out she was pregnant. Camila was hopeful that after a nap, she’d be farther along in dilation and they could get Rachel, Lili, and Cole over to the hospital before Talia’s arrival. Now that her contractions were less intense thanks to the epidural, she’d be able to sleep for at least a couple of hours. Camila pulled his hand to her mouth, pressing a kiss to his knuckles before sending him on his way to get some food in his system and to check in with their family. Her mom appeared in the seat he had occupied, running her fingers through her daughter's hair and singing to her in a whisper just like she had when the raven-haired girl was a child and she’d woken up from a bad dream. Camila drifted off, scooting closer to one side of the bed so KJ could slide in behind her when he got back. Before they knew it, Talia would be gracing them with her presence and their whole worlds would be turned completely upside down. In these final quiet moments of their world being mainly the two of them, she wanted him as close to her as possible. 

KJ: Two sandwiches and a couple of snacks later, KJ had made his way back to Camila as quietly as possible — sliding in the bed she was laying upon with his hand instinctively settling on her belly. The months had passed them by and everything had seemed more real during that time, but not as much as in this moment. They were going to have a baby. A little human being who would seek their attention in a way nothing else ever had before; someone who was going to count on them no matter what. “Did you see your dad? He was looking for you.“ Lifting his head as the words reached his ears, he smiled at Camila’s mom and nodded, having seen the older male previously while he had been devouring a sandwich. “They went home to get me a change of clothes— I’m just not sure I’ll have time for that.“ The redhead was after all still dressed as Archie Andrews, but it was the least of his worries. His primary focus was Camila and their daughter — not the fact that this could literally be a scene taken straight out of an episode of Riverdale. A knock on the door made him jump slightly and carefully extracting himself from the embrace he was in, KJ got on his feet only to be greeted by the nurse that had been assigned to them and was nice enough to allow him to properly wake his fiancée up from her nap. “Hey, baby. The nurse is back.“ he whispered softly as he hovered above the bed, gently massaging her scalp and smiling when her eyes fluttered open — meeting his own tiredly. As they waited while she checked how dilated Camila was by now, hands clasped together tightly, he raised his eyebrows when she looked back at them with a wide grin; keeping quiet for a handful of seconds that seemed ever lasting. “Ready to have this baby?“ He scoffed lightly at the words, more surprised than anything before a grin of his own found place on his features. Brown eyes skimming back to Camila in acknowledgement of what was currently happening. This was it. The moment they had been waiting for. “Ready.”

Cami: She’d slept for at least two hours and it was now mid-afternoon. Waking up to the gentle sound of KJ’s voice brought a tired smile to her face. Camila felt his fingers gently massaging her scalp which relaxed her even more, but she perked up a bit when his words reached her brain. Sitting up in the bed, Camila moved her legs so the nurse could see how dilated she was now that she had slept for a couple of hours, clutching KJ’s hand tightly in anticipation. What the nurse revealed to them wasn’t what she had been expecting. The raven-haired girl had assumed the laboring process would’ve last longer, but to her surprise the nurse was grinning at the both of them and asking if they were ready to have this baby. A look of panic washed over Camila’s face as she sought out her mom. “It’s now or never meu amor,” she whispered, joining them at her side. Her face found KJ’s in that moment — dressed head to toe like Archie Andrews which made her laugh, her eyes sought out his and she nodded her head. “Ready,” she breathed out at the same time as the word fell from his lips. The nurse paged the doctor and other team members that would be helping in the delivery process. Tears formed in Camila’s eyes as she looked from her mom to her fiancé, “We’re going to meet our baby girl,” she whispered as they transitioned the bed into a birthing bed by removing the end. The doctor explained that they would try some practice pushes before the real thing, stating that when it was time they’d count to 10 during each push so she knew when to stop and taken a break. Camila’s mom propped up one of her legs as a nurse took the other. KJ stood right up by her head, holding her hand next to the nurse who had a hold of her leg. After a few practice pushes the doctor informed them it was time to begin. “When you feel a contraction you need to push, Cami,” she explained with a smile. Camila nodded her head and focused in on her breathing, gripping the sheet of the bed as she felt a contraction, bearing down with all of her strength as they encouraged her to push.

KJ: The emotions surrounding them took the best of him, tears pooling in his eyes as he leaned forward to press his forehead against the side of her head -- breathing in the comforting scent of the perfume she hadn't failed to put on despite the events of the day. KJ couldn't help but chuckle softly as it invaded his nostrils, appeasing him better than any medicine or pep talk ever could. There were many things that he wanted to say, but most of the words were caught up in his throat and unable to come out. Which is why he settled for simply being quiet and listening intently to the new people that had stepped into the room. He watched anxiously as everything started to unfold before his gaze; regrettably letting go of Camila's hand when the nurse moved his way but quickly reaching out for her once more as soon as she was in place. The hold on her hand strong and firm -- giving her all the support and strength she needed to give birth to their daughter. First came what they had deemed as practice pushes, although he didn't truly understand the need for them in the first place. Still, he kept quiet regarding the matter and focused on his fiancée; gauging her reaction to every new command or motion. Acting like the bodyguard she clearly didn't need but would nonetheless do anything for her. The next contraction came along and it took everything in him to stay put by her side. She seemed to be in so much pain from one push that he couldn't imagine having to go through this a dozen more times in order for Talia's little frame to come out. "You're doing great, babe." he tentatively uttered in a shaky breath, being as lost as he looked on how to proceed. "She'll be there in no time, aye. Just a few more like this and that'll be it-- right?" The last word was directed at her mom as he seeked some kind of reassurance that would not only help Camila but himself. But all she offered him was a tilt of her head before she spoke to her daughter once more. Shit.

Cami: When preparing for this day, Camila had read that the pressure she’d feel building up down there would still be painful even with the epidural and that was for sure the case right now. Even after just one push, she felt completely exhausted. When the doctor had counted to ten she laid back on the bed, sweat already building up on her chest and forehead. Her mom wiped at her head with a damp washcloth, brushing her hair behind her ear to comfort her. KJ’s nervous tone almost made her cry, knowing how worried he was. But then she felt the overwhelming need to push again and she didn’t feel so bad for him anymore. Gripping the sheet again and squeezing her fiancé’s hand tight, Camila pushed as hard as she could, closing her eyes as if that would make it feel better. After ten minutes of pushing and laying back in the bed, exhausted, the doctor told her they were starting to see their daughters head. It felt like she’d been pushing forever, but it also seemed to be flying by. One of the nurses asked if she wanted a mirror to see her daughter coming out, they added that this might encourage her to push harder when it started to wear her out, as if it wasn’t wearing her out already. Camila nodded her head and they brought a full length mirror not a second later. When she felt the urge to push again, they were all cheering her on to start getting Talia’s head out, she could see exactly what was going on as she kept her eyes open through the pushing. “This sucks, this sucks, this sucks,” she cried out. “I just want to be done, I can’t do this...” she whined, looking from KJ to her mom. She laid back on the bed before they’d even gotten to ten, gripping KJ’s hand. When he tried to encourage her she just grumbled at him. “Fuck you, you did this to meeee...” she groaned.

KJ: The time spent in the room felt endless as they went through the same motions relentlessly in hopes of witnessing Talia's head making her way out. Soothing words and an iron grip were all KJ could offer currently -- his eyes venturing from the doctor to his fiancée each time there was another push. Hoping deep down this would be the one that would finally allow them to move forward. Unfortunately for Camila, the minutes passed them by without any break through. The exhaustion etched on her beautiful features breaking his heart. "It's okay, baby. It's okay, you can do this. I've got you." he whispered in a defeated tone despite his best efforts to appear hopeful regarding their situation. Though he mostly felt like a liar with each sentence that flew past his lips. After what had felt like an eternity, their daughter felt inclined to acknowledge the fact that people were awaiting her arrival and decided to grace them with the top of her head; something he was able to witness along with the rest when a mirror was placed before Camila's lower body; the sight leaving him speechless. The redhead was torn between being so amazed at being able to see this little bundle of joy on her way to them and the fact that he was actually looking at a baby coming out of a vagina. His baby though, and that alone made all the difference. "No, no-- you're too close, babe. You can't give up now, she's right here." he frantically told her when she felt like giving up, squeezing her hand tighter to share more of his strength. The answer he got regarding his encouraging words was not expected, but it left a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. With a sharp laugh, KJ leaned forward close to her ear in order to give them more privacy, even if he was quite aware anyone in the room could hear them anyway. "Fucking you won't help much right now, babe. But in six weeks..." he trailed off, pressing his lips against her cheek before seeking her gaze. "Let's welcome our daughter, aye."

Cami: The laugh that fell from her fiancé’s mouth after she had cursed at him almost had her shooting daggers his way before he was leaning down in an attempt to whisper something to her. “Keneti!” she exclaimed, glancing over to her mother who had definitely heard what he had to say. Camila couldn’t be mad at him though when he was pressing his lips against her cheek and laughing like an idiot. A quiet chuckle escaped her own lips before she got serious again, looking into his eyes with a look of determination on her face. “Yes, let’s welcome our daughter,” she repeated, taking a deep breath before bearing down once more with all of her might. “Almost there, Cami, one more big push and her head will be out,” the doctor explained. One look at the mirror was all the inspiration Camila needed to bear down once more when she felt the urge to push. Everyone was cheering her on and even though it hurt, she knew that there would only need to be about five more minutes of pain for a lifetime of happiness with their baby. As she fell back against the bed to catch her breath, she looked at KJ with the biggest smile on her face. “We’re going to meet our baby,” she whispered, squeezing his hand as he helped her take a sip from her cup of water. Just a few minutes later the doctor was explaining that she’d probably be able to get their baby out with one final push. Soon enough there would be a little tiny version of herself and KJ laying on her chest. The thought brought tears to her eyes as she leaned forward to push one last time. Letting out a groan as she felt and watched their baby emerge completely from her safe and warm home for the last nine months, into this bright new world. “Oh my god, oh my god,” she cried as the doctor pulled Talia up to show her off. “It’s a girl!” she exclaimed, handing the screaming baby to a nurse to place on Camila’s bare chest. “Kaje, it’s our baby…” she whispered, wrapping her arms around the tiny little human squirming around on her chest.

KJ: He couldn't explain where such bold words had come from when her mom was literally right next to them, but it had felt right in that moment -- as if it was exactly what he needed to say in order to bring Camila back onto the right track. The atmosphere surrounding them had been so heavy for too long, and they needed that little spark once more. It warmed his soul to see her chuckle once she had gotten over the fact that her mother was present and the determined look on her face was everything he had hoped for. A promise she wouldn't give up when their future was within reach. As he looked up and met his mother in law's gaze, a deep blush crept his neck and spread across his cheeks; the embarrassment finally getting to him. Though he rapidly directed his attention back to his fiancée and willed his mind to focus on the one thing that mattered the most. It was as if a new breath of life had surged through her as she pushed yet again; giving it her all until a powerful cry made the world stop altogether. The redhead could only look on as a tiny human being was held up, his heart hammering against his chest the way it usually did for the one person it was beating for. Never in his life had he seen such perfection -- seemingly so fragile and small as she was comfortably settled on Camila's chest. He was almost afraid of getting too close, of doing something that could hurt her in any way. "It's our baby." he finally breathed out as a tear came running down his cheek, others following suit before he wiped them away with a quiet laugh. "You've got one job, dad. Here-- take this." KJ was caught off guard by the nurse addressing him until he was holding the scissors in his hand, remembering what had to be done. Despite the nerves, the process was easy and quick -- soon enough all that was left was to properly greet their little girl. And he did just as such as he leaned forward and brushed his fingers over the dark hair on her head. "Welcome to the world, Talia Lua Apa."

Cami: Looking from KJ to the tiny human on her chest, Camila’s eyes flooded with tears as she watched one silent tear fall from the redhead's eyes, many more following suit. “Our baby…” she whispered, running her finger across their daughter's features, admiring everything about her. The look of pride on her fiancé’s face as he cut the cord made her heart swell and soon enough he was properly greeting their little angel. Hearing her full name out loud for the first time and watching as KJ brushed his fingers over the dark hair on her head, Camila felt completely on top of the world. Everything leading up to this moment had been worth it, it was truly the hardest thing Camila had ever done, but it had given her this precious life to take care of for the rest of her life. The raven-haired girl's mother had taken a step back to let the happy couple enjoy this special moment with their daughter, but she made her way back over once things seemed to have settled down. “Hey mama, meet your neta,” Camila whispered, using the Portuguese word for granddaughter to introduce the two. Watching her own mom reach out her hand to hold Talia’s little one made Camila’s heart soar even more. She could already tell that introducing Talia to their friends and family was going to be so exciting. A nurse reluctantly reappeared to interrupt the sweet moment, “The doctor needs to get your daughter cleaned up and you stitched up,” she explained to which Camila nodded her head and looked over at KJ as they took Talia from her chest. “I love you,” she whispered, puckering her lips so he would lean over for a kiss before following the nurses with Talia. Camila’s mother stayed by her side as the doctor checked for tearing and began to work on stitching her up explaining that the stitches would dissolve in one to two weeks.

KJ: There was nothing else in this world that mattered more as he kept on gently trailing his fingers along her scalp, marveling at just how soft and tiny she appeared to be. His hand almost as big as her little head. Love at first sight wasn't foreign to him -- it was only fitting that such event had happened with the two girls he was currently looking at. While Camila introduced Talia to her mother, he used his free hand to softly tuck the damp strands of hair behind her ear; the exhaustion still present on her features although there was an undeniable glow that widened the smile etched on his lips. Happiness had never looked so good on a person before. He was almost tempted to ask for more time together when the nurse came along to take Talia away, but held himself back from sounding too needy. They would get their moment soon enough, but that didn't mean he had to stay away altogether. Pulling back to follow them, he quickly looked back at his fiancée and gave her a firm nod -- a silent promise that he would make sure she was in good hands. "I love you." he whispered in kind, a lingering peck following suit before he left her side. It was with arms crossed, making his frame even more impressive, that the redhead kept watch over the numerous tasks the nurses were assigned to regarding his daughter; ignoring the teasing words thrown his way for taking this so seriously. Once he was certain she would find her way back to Camila, he swiftly walked out of the room and to the waiting area to find their loved ones either pacing or talking amongst themselves. "Waiting for someone?" he asked playfully, a deep chuckle rumbling in his throat as he was tackled from every side with so many questions. "Cami's good and the baby too. She's just-- beautiful, aye. So perfect." There was no shame in how smitten he already was and from the looks of it, despite not meeting her yet, they all felt the same way. "We're gonna take some time together first and then we'll come get you."

Cami: Watching as KJ followed the nurses, arms crossed, already being the most protective dad ever, Camila couldn’t help but smile. This was a role he was truly born to play and she was so thankful to have a part in it with him. The stitching up didn’t take too long and before she knew it, KJ had left to go announce Talia’s arrival to their friend and family in the waiting room while her mom also slipped out. The nurses placed Talia in a little baby bed and whisked both off them off to the birthing suite where Camila had been only a few hours before when her daughter was still inside of her and the world hadn’t looked as bright. Now there was this tiny little beaming light in her life that she swore to protect every day. Once they were settled in the room, a nurse placed Talia in Camila’s waiting arms letting her know that in an hour or so a lactation consultant would be in to help her nurse. The raven haired girl thanked her and then sat quietly with her daughter while they waited for KJ to return. She would’ve been lying if she’d said she wasn’t exhausted, but there was also this random burst of energy within her after that final push when their daughter had entered the world. Looking down at her daughter with tired eyes, she pressed a kiss to her smooth forehead, so thankful that she was finally here. When KJ entered the room, there was this look of pure love on his face that made her heart melt. “Look Tal, your daddy’s back,” she whispered, propping the baby up in her arms so her fiancé could get a good look at her. “I think it’s time he holds you in those big strong arms of his, what do you think baby girl?” she added with a smile, leaning forward to offer the little girl up into his arms and reaching for her phone at her bedside to take a video and some pictures.

KJ: After departing from the waiting area, KJ had stopped by the gift shop and gotten a small teddy bear that Talia could probably hold onto -- something that would watch over her just as much as her parents would. A souvenir of this memorable day that was her birth. Knuckles raking along the surface of the door when he reached the suite they had occupied earlier, he popped his head in with a bright grin; brown eyes settling on the heartfelt sight of Camila holding their daughter. "Missed me?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow playfully before slowly separating the distance between them. The bear hidden behind his back. Daddy. The word had been used in many different circumstances that were far from innocent, but right now it had another meaning altogether. This little human being that had been brought into the world would one day call him as such and he already couldn't wait to hear it from her. When his fiancée urged him to take Talia into his arms, the redhead finally revealed the present he had grabbed earlier -- chuckling softly as he let it plop down onto Camila's lap before reaching carefully for their daughter. Every motion was done in slow motion and for a brief moment, he held his breath; gauging her reaction while he held her close to his chest. Eyes full of wonder and joy. "She's really a mini you, aye. Look at her-- so beautiful. Am I doing okay? I ain't hurting her like that, right?" KJ couldn't help but be fearful of doing the wrong thing, though there was nonetheless an ease that washed over him as he kept her in his arms. Soon enough, it felt as if he had done this his entire life. As if his arms had been made for this precise moment. "If you scoot over a little bit, we could join you on the bed." he suggested, taking his eyes away from Talia for the first time ever since she had been placed in his arms. The expression crossing his features blatantly showing just how much love and gratitude he held for his fiancée. The mother of his child.

Cami: As KJ finally revealed whatever he was clutching behind his back, Camila couldn’t help the smile on her face as the teddy bear landed in her lap. “Daddy brought you your first present, baby girl,” she cooed, stroking Talia’s cheek as she placed the baby in the redhead's arms. As he gently took her in his arms with so much love and care, Camila could feel her heart bursting at the sight of her two favorite humans together for the first time. As he held their daughter close to his chest, Camila noticed he still had not changed out of his Archie Andrews clothes from being on set earlier in the day. “I hope you haven’t wreck Archie’s clothes,” she giggled, watching as he didn’t take his eyes off of Talia. It was so sweet to watch him look at their little girl who was already such a perfect mixture of the two of them. “A mini-me? You think so?” she whispered with as her cheeks turned rosy from blushing at his compliment. No matter how many times he told her she was beautiful it always reminded her of the first time and she always blushed. “You’re doing great, baby,” she replied when his voice turned just a little bit panicky. “She’s so safe in your arms,” she added, taking a few more pictures, reminding herself to share them with their family later on. At his next suggestion, Camila slowly moved over, taking her time because she was still sore from the events of the morning and afternoon. “You mean I get to cuddle my two babies?” she gasped, smiling as he finally looked up from Talia to glance at her. As KJ carefully sat down beside her, Camila leaned her head on his shoulder as Talia looked up at both of them, her eyes were moving all over because newborns weren’t really able to focus until they were at least 2 or 3 months old. She almost looked a little cross-eyed which made Camila giggle. “My cuties,” she breathed out, leaning forward to press a kiss to Talia’s cheek and then one to KJ’s. The raven-haired girl pulled out her phone again to take a few selfies of the three of them before putting it away to enjoy a moment of silence with her little family. “This is truly the best day of my life,” she whispered, looking at KJ with tears in her eyes.

KJ: As Camila shuffled on the bed where she was currently resting, allowing enough room for him to slip in, he did just as such — slowly sitting down on the mattress with Talia still fitting perfectly in his arms. She had been crying like a champion earlier but had been pretty quiet ever since; only soft sounds tumbling from her mouth as she got accustomed to the world surrounding her. “Already a legend, aye.” he whispered, eyes fluttering closed for a brief second as his fiancée’s lips found their way to his cheek. Never had he felt this content in life. With both of his loves as they shared the kind of moment they had talked about so many times during the pregnancy. When everything would finally fall into place and their little family would be complete — at least for the time being. KJ couldn’t help but chuckle to himself at the thought of bringing up the idea of more kids when the experience was still so fresh. Especially for Camila. Not that it would prevent him to joke about it at some point during the day. Though right now all he wanted to do was to bask in the most amazing thing that had ever happened to him. The words she spoke prompted his brown eyes to meet her own; filled with so much adoration amidst the dampness. “Mine too. But it’s only the beginning, babe.” Finding her lips, the redhead softly kissed her, brushing their lips in lazy motions before drawing her closer against his side as he wrapped his arm around her form. There was nowhere else he wished to be as the three of them embraced each other without a care in the world — turning a page in order to reach the next chapter of their lives together.

[bluesfortheredj]

The bed was starting to get on your nerves now; it was too soft, the springs squeaked constantly no matter how little you moved, and it wasn’t yours. Your bed was still being occupied by Gwilym in the house you’d got together before getting married and your heart ached to go back there, slide under those familiar covers and have him hold you close all night long, but you couldn’t let yourself give in just yet. It had all started with what was seemingly a simple conversation about having kids, but then had escalated into a row about the time, or lack of, that he spent at home. The argument had spiralled out of control very quickly, and ended with a scathing comment from Gwilym that he most definitely regretted as soon as you walked out of the front door.

“She still not home?” Ben asks as Gwilym answers the door to him.

“How did you know?” he sighs when Ben walks inside and heads into the lounge to make himself comfy.

“Two reasons, the first being her car isn’t out the front and the second being the depressing look on your face that hasn’t shifted in at least three days now,” Ben points out as he flops down onto the couch.

“How can I even begin to say sorry for what I said?” Gwil groans, “I was horrid.”

“But it was said in the heat of the moment, she knows that. (Y/N) loves you, one stupid comment in an argument isn’t going to change that, but you do need to be the one who reaches out first.”

“Really? Surely she’s bound to contact me first though, she needs to come home.”

“And you need to be the one who gets her home.”

“It’s not my fault she wound me up so much!”

“Gwilym, for goodness’ sake, who was the one to blurt out that maybe having kids together wasn’t such a good idea?!” Ben asks with an exasperated sigh.

He watches as Gwil lowers his head in shame at his reminder of the awful thing he said to you before you left, and Ben knows that no matter how angry you both were, these words meant nothing. Gwilym had said practically from the moment he met you that you were the one he wanted to settle down with; marriage, a house, the kids, he wanted everything with you, and Ben had heard it on countless occasions.

“Do you remember what you said when you first told me about (Y/N)?” Ben asks with a softened tone.

“Probably that I wanted to marry her straight away. I’m pretty sure I told everyone that,” Gwil half smiles in response.

“Well, yes, that was definitely in there somewhere, but it was more than that. You said that loving her had completely consumed you, and that a fire had been ignited inside you for her. Is that fire still burning?”

“Of course it is. There’s no doubt about how I feel for her. I want her back, Ben.”

“Well then set your pride aside and tell her.”

“But what if she doesn’t-”

“Stop thinking like that right now. Do you really think there’s any chance she’ll turn you down? That woman adores you just as much as you adore her. You just need to stop being silly and bloody talk to her.”

“Right,” Gwilym nods as he gets his phone out of his pocket.

“I’ll get you some water in case your mouth goes dry before she answers,” Ben chuckles as he gets up from the sofa and walks to the kitchen.

When he comes back Gwilym is listening to you on the other end of the phone, so Ben places the water down, gives him a reassuring thumbs up then walks out again to give him some privacy while he hopefully grovels until you agree to come back. It was a difficult position to be in as Ben loved you both equally, and he was never the best at tough love, but seeing how cut up Gwil was about you leaving because of something he’d said, he knew he had to be the bad guy to an extent, and get him to make the first move. Gwilym soon walks in to see Ben sipping on a can of coke and gives him a sigh as he looks down at his phone.

“So?” Ben asks, needing to know everything now.

“She’s coming back in a couple of hours.”

“Finally!” Ben exhales loudly.

“God I missed her voice so much,” Gwilym mumbles as he struggles to contain his emotions.

“So have I, it’s been really strange coming round here and not seeing or hearing her. I feel like I’ve done something wrong as well,” Ben laughs, trying to lighten the mood.

“Hmm, well it’s just me that’s fucked things up.”

“You haven’t fucked things up. Did she say that?”

“No...”

“Well then! Don’t say stupid stuff. I mean, I know most of the time you can’t help it, but try and make a conscious effort to avoid it when (Y/N) gets back, yeah?”

“I’ll try my best. I’d better get this place cleaned up.”

“I’ll help you.”

Ben gets up and gives Gwilym a tight hug before helping him sort the rubbish out, put the bags outside and then do a quick spot of hoovering before you got back. It was small things like this that cemented their friendship, and Gwilym was relieved that he lived nearby.

“Right, I’ll leave you to it mate. You good?” Ben asks as he picks his keys up from the table.

“I think so. Thanks for coming over.”

“Well someone needed to keep their eye on you,” he winks, “we all know how useless you are without (Y/N).”

“It’s true,” Gwil chuckles, “so painfully true.”

“I’ll see you both soon.”

“Yeah, we’ll see you soon.”

Ben heads out and only a matter of minutes later you’re at the door with your cases either side of you. When Gwilym answers the door neither of you are completely sure what to say first, so he takes the cases in silence as you follow him inside quietly. He puts them at the foot of the stairs as you go straight into the kitchen in need of a proper cup of tea, and you begin to make one for the both of you. Gwilym walks in behind you and doesn’t waste any time in beginning to apologise.

“I’m so sorry (Y/N), you know I didn’t mean what I said, it was stupid and I wasn’t thinking properly. By the time the words fell out of my mouth I regretted it. It was the worst thing I could have said and-”

“Gwil,” you sigh, “I know all this already. I just needed time to think.”

“About what?” he asks in a panic, his thoughts immediately going to the worst possible situation.

“About my own fears around having kids. I’m terrified that if you’re not here I wouldn’t be able to cope,” you admit as you put the kettle back down after pouring out the water.

Gwilym’s arms snake their way around your waist from behind and he presses himself against you tightly, which makes you both sigh with relief at the contact after what seemed like such a long time apart. You both stay like this for a while, just the two of you in silence with your bodies greeting one another again, and then he loosens his grip enough for you to turn around and face him.

“You were born to be a mum. Look how amazing you are with the kids in our families, they adore you. You’re a natural, and there’s no way you wouldn’t be able to cope. But I promise that when the time comes I will be here as much as I possibly can be,” he whispers, then presses his lips to yours in a much needed kiss.

“I’ve missed you,” you mutter against his mouth.

“I missed you more,” he sighs, then his tongue slips inside your mouth.

Could I request some angst to fluff with Gwil where his mum/brother/one of the boys/whoever tells him to stop being stubborn and admit he was wrong and his wife might come home because she’s been staying in a hotel for a week after a massive argument

@painthatiusedto @winnielinleigh @queenslandlover-93 @excellentbecca @ametaphorbrian @peachllobotomy @lovemarvelousfics @lovemelikeyou1997 @readinghorn @godohammers @timeandpixiedust @lv7867 @fuckyou-imspiderman @aynsleywalker @nina-sayerz @theborhapbois @wolfgirlxslytherin @the-baby-bookworm

[punkscowardschampions]

Grace & Janis

Grace: bitch you better have hidden all MY baby pics!!! Janis: obvs my number 1 priority Grace: mhmmmmmm don't be letting that boy see me looking like that Grace: as if our house isn't cringe enough Janis: what, a child? Janis: still got those chubby cheeks, cutie Grace: ew don't even Grace: I learned how to contour for good reason thank you Janis: mhmmmmmm Janis: curse this family and its DNA Janis: [sends her all the baby Grace pics we don't have] Grace: STOP Janis: 😂 Janis: n'awh Grace: you're so annoying it's no wonder you're their new fave Grace: so who's more 😍😍 for him, mum or dad? Janis: bit rude to their old fave Janis: giving you a place to bunk, have some manners Janis: 🤔 hmm, it's close Janis: probably the mother, chatting about some art project he has to do so Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: like if you're not gonna offer to do it for him, hush babes Janis: the idea of her coming at me with a 📷 got me like Janis: [suitably grumpy child pic] Grace: 😂😂😂😂 Grace: does he have to use 📷? she could just get one of her old 🎨 out Janis: oh yes, 'cos the idea of posing for a portrait thrills me more Janis: I think it can be any medium, it's his thing Grace: you only have to sit there tho Janis: not trying to spend any more time here with them tho Grace: 👌👌 true Janis: strictly dinner kinda deal Grace: I'm so sure dad made soooo many courses anyway Janis: I told him to be chill Janis: so naturally he hasn't Grace: ugh Grace: do not miss his dinner time check ins Janis: its only been a couple of days Janis: wouldn't get comfortable not missing anything Grace: UM can you not remind me that I have to come back Grace: so rude Janis: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: cute that you miss me tho hun 💜 Janis: like I'll be here hun Grace: you invited him there 🤞🤞 that you EVER see him again Janis: no I didn't Janis: I wanted them off my back, that's the plan Janis: now and I can leave and they won't freak Grace: he's still meeting them Janis: ? Janis: he'll get over it, it's one night Grace: !!! & 😱😱😱 Grace: it's mum & dad how long do they even need to make you wanna die Janis: it's more funny when you don't care Janis: worry about yourself Grace: I'm fine thanks so much Janis: were you waiting to talk about yourself Janis: 'cos go ahead Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: never stopped you before Grace: excuse you Janis: hm? Grace: really nice catching up, babes Janis: hm Grace: see you soon or not Janis: toodles Grace: 💜👋💜 Janis: call off your bitch, will you Grace: ??? Janis: who do you think Janis: why does she even watch my stories Grace: idk or why you think I haven't already told her to get over it Janis: fuck's sake Grace: why do you even care if she watches your stories? literally everyone is rn Janis: I don't care if she watches but tell her not to message me Grace: I obvs will but she obvs isn't gonna listen to me Janis: if she doesn't she's getting a slap Grace: LOL Grace: you know who her dad is, you can't Janis: no I don't Janis: though she'd like to think everyone does Grace: OMG just block her Grace: you wanted mum and dad OFF your back Grace: literally why bring him to dinner to start more drama Janis: they don't like her either Janis: it's not drama Grace: Duh she'll cause it if you hit her Janis: then she better shut up then hadn't she Grace: what's she even saying? Janis: does it matter Grace: if you want me to message her after days of not Grace: like I'm gonna just hit her up without knowing anything Grace: I'd look mental Janis: you know what Janis: forget it Janis: god forbid you inconvenience yourself however slightly Grace: OMG just tell me Janis: it shouldn't fucking matter Janis: let her tell you since you're so keen to side with her already Grace: I can't even take sides if I don't know anything Janis: I'll sort it myself Grace: by fighting her Grace: for god's sake Janis: and what Janis: your approach has worked so well? Grace: okay so it's all my fault Janis: thanks but that admission don't really help Grace: STOP Grace: & just talk to me Janis: why Janis: so you can act like she's not your best friend Janis: that you don't know that she's been like this to me for years Grace: you're my sister Grace: I can give you a million secrets you can use Grace: tell me how bad it is first Janis: I ain't interesting in playing your little games Grace: so what do you want me to do? Grace: I'm literally saying I'll be on your side Janis: You brought her, you get her to go away Grace: okay Janis: good Grace: for you, sure Janis: how do you always make yourself the victim Grace: how do you have the nerve to ask me to do something & still act like a bitch Grace: you said it, she's my best friend Grace: this isn't gonna backfire on you Janis: She's already fucking me over, it doesn't need to backfire Janis: and it's no one's fault but you're own that she's your friend Janis: don't expect sympathy Grace: you think she can't do worse than a few DM's Grace: oh honey Janis: I'm not scared of her, get a grip, for fuck's sake Grace: so happy for you Grace: you know what, handle it yourself Grace: hit her, do whatever Janis: yeah no shit Janis: you've not done anything about her a day in your life Grace: yeah cos it's so easy Janis: poor you Grace: don't talk to me Janis: make your mind up jesus Grace: go away Grace: I'm so done with you & this Janis: get the fuck over yourself Janis: you were buzzing at the chance for more petty mean girl bullshit with her Janis: do something with your life and she might give a shit again, you're not using me for your in Grace: I wanted to help you Grace: until you reminded me why that's THE WORST idea ever Janis: you never help anyone Janis: saying you're nice and helpful but then never doing it 'cos everyone else is THE WORST Janis: don't make it true Grace: oh please Grace: I've never said I'm nice or helpful Janis: oh please, you do constantly Janis: you can't take responsibility for shit, it's me, it's her, it's your shitty exes, yeah? Janis: maybe it's you, Grace, you're the common denominator Grace: okay thanks Grace: you're really helpful Janis: I don't want to help you Janis: let's be clear Grace: Great, so shut up Janis: no Janis: this is your fucking fault, you should get an nth of the bullshit I get Grace: me and Mia aren't the same person Grace: if I had any control over her I'd have used it way before now Janis: you think you're any better? Janis: at least she's upfront about it Janis: got some balls Grace: 👌👌👌 Janis: you really are pathetic Grace: wow Janis: what Grace: if that's the best you can do, it's obvs why you wanted me to deal with her Janis: working with the material I'm given Janis: which is fuck all really, isn't it Janis: but no, you're known for your acerbic wit and silversharp tongue Janis: my mistake, please tell her off like you've never managed before Grace: are you like done yet or not? Janis: nope Janis: you actually thought I would ever come to you for help Janis: when have I ever needed you Grace: well you actually did so Grace: how awks Janis: It's actually awkward that you think me venting to you so you know what you started is a genuine cry for help Janis: your thing, can't take that from you Grace: if it's my thing I know the difference between venting & asking surely but go off babes Janis: Diego has less miscommunication in his life than you Grace: 👏 Janis: Genuinely Janis: you should really get help at school Janis: some kind of delay there Grace: yay we're back to how stupid I am Grace: been a min Janis: N'awh, not stupid Janis: probably a syndrome Janis: bet it's got a name, have a google Grace: 💜 Janis: let us know, get everyone to start talking really slowly at you and all Grace: I'm fine with none of you talking to me Grace: thanks though Janis: yeah Janis: that's why the only place you have to go is your sisters Janis: you've got no one but them so I'd get back on the 💜 train Janis: who the fuck would have you that ain't bound by bloodties and duty Grace: way ahead of you, babes Janis: stop slagging them off then as if you and me have a thing in common Grace: stop policing what I say Janis: say something worth hearing Grace: to you, no thanks Janis: to who Janis: already pointed out you have no one if you ain't got Mia Grace: obvs to no one then duh Janis: obvious for two reasons then Grace: sure Janis: 💔 Grace: yeah Janis: kiss and make up because everyone is sick of it Grace: 👌👌👌 Janis: Serious Grace: Chill, I'm sure she'll be my date to the vow renewal Grace: are you done with dad I need a q & a? Janis: what Grace: it's a simple question, hun Grace: literally need to talk catering so like are you done or not Janis: what are you talking about Grace: Rio and Buster being the most extra couple ever Grace: like hello? did mum and dad not fill you in Janis: you better be fucking joking Grace: 🙄🙄 Janis: if you send one more emoji I'll shove that phone down your throat Janis: are you serious Grace: like I'd make up a 2nd wedding Grace: get a grip Janis: this is bullshit, obviously not Grace: they're already married, babes, they have a kid, you're kinda too late to object Janis: fuck off as if you support it Janis: no one does, no one wants to go to that that's why they had to do it alone Grace: exactly, they could care less if I do or not Janis: well no one cares what you think Janis: it's irrelevant Janis: the point is, why have another wedding no one wants Janis: this is the last thing anyone needs Grace: cos they are holding their breath waiting for your RSVP or opinion I'm sure Grace: he asked & she said yes, that's how it works Janis: shut the fuck up Janis: this is the most selfish thing I've ever Janis: she's so full of shit Janis: it won't be happening Grace: it literally is happening though Janis: no it isn't Janis: not when she gets called out on what a hypocritical lying cunt she is Janis: see how much you feel like celebrating then Grace: as much as this fam ever does Grace: one big party 24 7 Janis: nah, fat chance Janis: they've not destroyed enough they wanna rub everyone's face in it, don't think so Janis: 3 lives they utterly fucked, there's no celebrating that Grace: not the way they see it Grace: & it's how they see it that matters to them so Janis: It's easy enough to change their mind Janis: fuck's sake Grace: How? Janis: not going to be you that does it so what's it to you Janis: roll over quicker than anyone asks, you Grace: it won't be you either Grace: he'd have to tell her to call it off for her to listen Janis: like fuck it won't Janis: someone has to say it Janis: she was here last time and she ain't no more Grace: & what did it change? Grace: they did it then & they'll do it now Janis: You're a quitter, I'm not asking you to get on board Janis: she's gonna listen Grace: If any of us told you to stop seeing Jimmy, you wouldn't Grace: they love each other, get over it Janis: and she ain't me Janis: if she cares even a degree of what she fakes Janis: she won't want another death on her hands Janis: it's not hard when what they're doing is sick and wrong Grace: stop it Janis: nah, like fuck Janis: if you cared about those kids like you fake, you'd want them taken off them Janis: the shit they're going to get Janis: and you cry every day about your shit life Janis: he should know better, his parents being what they were Grace: None of us want any of this Grace: but it's too late Janis: it's always too late with you Janis: no you can't do anything 'cos you're fucking weak and you need them all Janis: I don't need any of you, you can all rot Grace: Janis, don't Janis: fuck this shit Janis: fuck you Janis: fucking catering are you out your fucking mind Janis: over my dead body Grace: Stop saying that Grace: OMG Janis: You act like she was the crazy one Janis: she did the only thing that made any sense Janis: getting away from this toxic fucking family anyway she could Janis: you aren't even a real person and it's their fault and you do nothing about it Grace: Please don't fucking go Janis: Why would I stay Janis: why would you Janis: they have no right to miss her, none of them Janis: they all gave her reasons to get so far out her head that she'd fucking Janis: fuck Rio, fuck mum and fuck dad Grace: I can't do this on my own Janis: We've never been together Janis: you'd pick them every time Janis: you'd help her plan her bullshit wedding that's about nothing but showing off how much she gives a fuck about no one but him Grace: Give me something to do that isn't leave or kill myself Grace: I'm going mental here Janis: you should hit up Ollie, see if he's about it Janis: can be just like her Janis: she's doing just fine Grace: There's worse things to be than like her Janis: there's nothing worse Grace: at least she's happy Janis: she will be until one of hers dies Janis: then she'll be broken and pathetic like mum and dad Janis: and she doesn't have the excuse of not knowing better Janis: she helped kill Edie and then thought of ways she could make that situation even worse Janis: she's worse than them and has the nerve to act like what, some kind of mother figure doing her best for all of us Grace: She cared about Edie & she cares about us Janis: not enough to do the right thing Janis: they never do Grace: it wouldn't have saved her Grace: you know that Janis: that makes it alright then Janis: if mum did it first Janis: break her some more Janis: damage already done Janis: too late Janis: you're so fucking brainwashed and what do you get from it Janis: are you happy Gracie Janis: 'cos you're fucking collateral Grace: of course I'm not Janis: then stop drinking the kool-aid and telling me how good it tastes Grace: Rio's trying to help me, she's the only one who is Janis: yeah her saviour complex done everyone real well Janis: Junior's life isn't fucked at all because she had to live it for him Grace: I'm just saying I'm not gonna walk away from her cos Edie would want me to Grace: Junior's life is fucked cos he has shit taste in men & goes along with what everyone else wants Janis: This family loved to surround itself with dead girls it was trying to help Janis: and you're happy to be one of 'em Janis: don't pretend you want other options Grace: I don't wanna die Janis: 🤞 she has a baby for you that she won't give you then Janis: you're never gonna be the one 'helping' Janis: you aren't her or mum Janis: that is your role if you don't get out the fucking show, Grace Grace: we've established I'm not helpful, babes Janis: we've established you aren't a person Janis: even this, you can't be real Janis: what the fuck will it take Grace: you don't want real from me Grace: you literally never have Janis: you've never offered Janis: and I ain't waiting around for you Grace: Every time I try & talk to you, you shut me down Grace: you obvs aren't waiting for anything from me Janis: When have you ever tried to talk about something that matters Janis: I'm not talking to you about hair when people are fucking dying Grace: when have you ever let me Grace: you're a bitch way before then Janis: why would I be nice to that Janis: You don't like me, I'm not begging you either Grace: nothing that matters to me matters to you Janis: the colour of your fucking lip doesn't matter period Grace: that isn't real Janis: You've never been real Janis: you don't give me a fucking chance Grace: I can't be real with you cos you just make fun of everything that I say or feel or do Janis: and you and your friend don't Janis: nah, everything I do hasn't been fucking wrong to you since before we got our periods Grace: I've never backed her up on anything she said Grace: I don't call you stupid or ugly or any of the shit you call me Janis: you just call be a bitch and annoying and weird Janis: so if all of that's fake, everything you roll your eyes at because I just don't get it, just admit, you don't want to be real with me Janis: never fucking have, pretending it's 'cos I don't wear heels has always been an excuse Grace: You are a bitch and I do find you annoying and weird Grace: & you don't get me or any of the things that are hard for me cos they aren't for you Janis: that makes it alright then, you can say whatever you like to me because you perceieve yourself as life's victim and it's all fine for me Grace: we have different problems Grace: I'm not saying your life is perfect, I'm not that stupid Janis: just better than yours so why should you even try to be nice Janis: landed you with a great crowd, that Grace: you think you're better than me Grace: you literally always have Janis: no, you think I'm better than you Janis: and I didn't tear myself down so you could use me to build yourself up Janis: you aren't her and I'm not you Janis: why do you think you fell into that kind of relationship Grace: you are better than me & it makes it really hard to be around you, okay Janis: thanks Grace: it's not like any of this is how I want it Janis: how can you sit here and expect sympathy Janis: when I'm the one who's left with no one Janis: you can deal with the shit and have friends and have them, I can't do that Grace: you think I'm dealing? LOL Janis: deal with theirs Janis: and they'll love you for it Janis: none of them are gonna call you a doormat, just me Janis: 'cos they need a yes man Grace: well maybe I wouldn't be here if they did call me out ever Grace: at least you tell me the truth Janis: well maybe it gets exhausting being the only one telling the truth Janis: do you think she liked having to have every conversation be a confrontation Janis: do you think I Grace: it's exhausting being fake too if you were thinking about swapping Janis: like I said, you've got plenty of company Janis: they all are Grace: Yeah but I'm the only one getting told to see a therapist Grace: like I'd know where to start Janis: told you Janis: love a dead girl Janis: breeding and 'fixing' people when they've got no business is this family's shared hobby Janis: reason they ain't try to section me, section her Janis: take your shoelaces, where's the fun in actually doing something Janis: say you will, fucking say you have, did Janis: but never actually do Grace: they couldn't section you, you're not mental Grace: her either Janis: give her a case when I say I'll top myself if she goes ahead with this wedding, won't I Grace: No Grace: if being angry was all it takes half this fam would be gone Grace: & the wedding wouldn't happen cos he's the worst for it Janis: they should be, that's the fucking problem Janis: seperate cells, all of 'em Janis: and yeah, he's a cunt Grace: You don't have long if you really wanna stop it Janis: yeah? Grace: they are rushing but obvs won't tell me why Grace: maybe they think people will try and stop them idk Janis: Brazil one probably wasn't even legal Janis: why should I care about their kids really Janis: why should I try and help any of them Grace: they're just babies, they didn't ask for any of this Janis: maybe not but maybe those two deserve for those kids to grow and turn 'round and tell them how much they hate them for doing this Janis: fuck it, I can't think straight Janis: maybe that's enough, maybe I just won't go, I'll be gone Grace: you'll come back though, right? Janis: can't think about that Janis: I should be happy right now Janis: but no Janis: can't Grace: you can be happy Janis: how can I Janis: it never stops it never goes away Grace: idk just worry about yourself like you always say to me Grace: forget about them Janis: can't do that when you're here Grace: forget about me Janis: no I mean Janis: I can't be here, I can't be anywhere near any of you and be happy Janis: and one reason to stay doesn't outweight all the reasons to go Grace: you're saying you're gonna leave him, aren't you Janis: this isn't fair on him Grace: it wouldn't be fair to do that Grace: on you either Janis: I know that, all he needs is someone who can stay Janis: I can't do it Grace: he loves you so he needs you Grace: you love him Janis: yes Grace: he'd go with you if you asked him Janis: the kids can't come Grace: why do they need to? he's got a dad, right? Janis: no Janis: they need him Janis: and he needs them Grace: oh Janis: it's not easy Janis: even if it feels easier than staying Janis: it's still so fucking hard Grace: I love you & if you only listen to one thing I ever say then Grace: you're really gonna regret it if you fuck things up with him Janis: I know Janis: but I should have never have let him in Grace: but you have now Grace: not to be that it's too late bitch again Grace: but like Janis: bad things happened to him too Janis: happen Grace: so don't hurt him Janis: that's all I ever do Grace: no Grace: that's faker than anything I've ever Grace: shut up Janis: I don't want to Janis: she didn't either, I don't think Janis: it's just Janis: seems like the only way to end it all, all the suffering Grace: nobody wants to, I don't think even Mia wants that, way deep down Janis: you can't end other people's, only your own Janis: but causing it means you're having some effect, right Grace: she had so much love in her, that's how she could do it, hurt people that deep Grace: so do you Grace: but you don't have to be like her Janis: I don't know what the alternative is Janis: like I said, it feels like someone HAS to be saying these things Grace: I think it's this Grace: trying Grace: being honest means being honest about like everything Janis: it's hard to do both Janis: that's the problem Janis: how can you tell Rio she's a hypocritical bitch that has ultimately put herself first and tell her she still held it down all those times we needed her to Grace: I know, babes, trust Grace: cos they can both be true Grace: I hate you & I love you Grace: nothing's just a or just b Janis: I guess the thing is, they get the rest from everyone else Janis: like you said Janis: you wouldn't be here if I didn't tell you the bad shit Janis: no one would Grace: you can still be the call out queen Grace: if he's the only person who sees the real you, maybe that's okay Grace: maybe its like that anyway Janis: it feels wrong Janis: we didn't always hate each other Janis: all of us Grace: I didn't always hate myself Grace: it's just Grace: things happen Janis: too many things have Janis: that shouldn't have Grace: Yeah exactly so don't make yourself unhappy Grace: there's been so much of it Janis: she died for nothing Janis: if more and more keeps happening Janis: just makes it more true Grace: she died for nothing anyway Grace: she was 16 Janis: and if I act like it, it's a problem Janis: but Rio gets to openly ruin more kids and we're meant to be happy Janis: I refuse, I won't do it Grace: she's just trying to be happy Grace: like you want to be Janis: no Janis: you don't get to try at the expense of a helpless fucking kid Janis: that you made Janis: that's not how it works, this is what I'm saying Janis: we aren't doing this again and pretending that that's alright Grace: I'm not saying don't tell her what you think Janis: how could she Janis: twice Grace: I don't know Grace: I don't know how she could fall in love with him or any of it Janis: it's not love Grace: she thinks it is, & she let it happen Grace: I don't understand that Janis: she's selfish or it's trauma-bonding Janis: she can have either Janis: but she won't admit it regardless Grace: of course she won't Grace: so just let it go Janis: no Janis: there's consequences to the shit you do Grace: they're her consequences to deal with Janis: and one of them is that I hate her and I'm not going to let her forget that Edie died hating her too Janis: it's not enough to yet again put it on some kids Janis: say hey, wait to see how bad the bullying gets and the doubt and all of it Janis: then turn around and say why the fuck did you two do this Janis: they hurt people Janis: and they still are Janis: they should care Grace: I think they do Grace: but idk if that's enough or not Grace: or what'll happen to those babies or any of us Janis: it isn't enough Janis: they aren't Grace: what I know is if you keep hating like Edie did it'll hurt you like it hurt her Grace: you have to stop Janis: we should be hurting Janis: she shouldn't be happy Janis: none of us should Grace: we are Grace: that doesn't mean you have to ruin everything for yourself Grace: that you can't ever be happy Janis: I'm not ruining anything Janis: it's ruined Janis: nothing has changed Janis: so no, we shouldn't be happy Grace: Edie literally wanted you to be Grace: & we were 12 so much has changed Janis: like what Grace: like you letting someone in Grace: being happy even if you think you shouldn't Grace: we're talking now that wouldn't have ever happened Grace: if you hate me more than you did 4 years ago that's still change, babes Grace: you can't stand still for her Janis: I'm not going to pretend we're blessed to live to make more mistakes Grace: do better like everyone says they are gonna but don't Janis: no thanks Janis: I'm not righting all this family has done wrong Janis: that's what they think they can do Janis: Rio and Buster, and they've already failed Grace: I'm not even talking about them though Grace: just do better for you Grace: stay with him, feel something idk Janis: I don't know if I can Grace: I can't answer that for you Grace: do you wanna try or not? Janis: It's not that simple Grace: with that attitude no Janis: no, it just isn't Janis: you haven't been in love, have you? Grace: no Janis: well it's like Janis: sometimes what you want, and even what they think they want, might not be what's right for them Janis: and if you really loved them Janis: you'd want what was best for them, wouldn't you Grace: you are what's best for him though Grace: I've seen you together, wayyyy more than I wanted to Grace: & I lowkey stalked him before that so Janis: lowkey is debatable Grace: thank you for focusing in on the right thing OMG Janis: I'm not trying to be a cunt for once right now but you know Janis: I don't think you can say what's best for him Janis: me either, really Janis: idk Janis: I wish I did know then I'd just do it Grace: so let him say it Grace: be there to give him the chance like Janis: that's not me Janis: I can't be the one getting left Grace: & he can? Janis: no Grace: so do you love him enough to let him really hurt you or not Janis: its all stupid anyway Janis: we only just met Grace: I don't think that's the point, babes Janis: it is, even some of yours lasted longer than this and you weren't in love with them Grace: hello I'm fake Grace: & a hoe Janis: I didn't intend to be real Grace: he can't do fake that's not your fault hun Grace: his face is a dead giveaway like literally always Janis: you can take hints then Janis: just ignore 'em Janis: good to know Grace: I'm not brain damaged Grace: you just wish I were Janis: why would I want that Janis: sounds dead irritating, if anything Grace: cos otherwise I'm just stupid Grace: no excusing that Janis: you're not you're just infuriating Grace: cute but yeah I am Janis: nothing cute about it Janis: it's ugly all the shit you pretend Grace: duh it suits me then Janis: yeah yeah Grace: yeah we can pretend that's why no one wants me instead of what the truth is Janis: what's the truth then Grace: that I am just ugly Grace: so my personality might as well be Janis: nah Janis: truth is, you don't wanna die, like you said Janis: if that's what it takes for you to survive Grace: I'm too scared, like I am of a lot of things Grace: but like I also said, things change Janis: it's scary Grace: if I ever do it get mum's old oujia board out & I'll let you know what happens next Grace: like a liveblog Janis: oh great Janis: here's me thinking I'd get some peace and quiet, like Grace: EW what if heaven's like a really amazing nightclub vibe & they don't let me in Janis: what do you wanna go to heaven for Janis: it's like here without all the interesting bits Janis: at least hell is offering a bit of something new Grace: UM cos I'm not into bdsm unless the boy's like really fit Janis: you'll be fine then Janis: Lucifer is famously too hot for heaven, like Grace: oh yeah I totally forgot Janis: grand scheme of bible teachings, probably encouraged to be a bit quiet on that one Janis: black nan be buzzing Grace: catch me sinning really hard from now until I kms so he's into me Grace: sorry nan Janis: really gonna try and be his favourite sinner Janis: 😏 Grace: You'll love it cos I promised Rio no boys & she'll be really 😠😠😠 Grace: 💜me perdoe, irmã eu tenho que pecar💜 Janis: 😂 Janis: gonna point out that there are 7 other sins Janis: and those are just the deadly ones, like Grace: yeah but like Grace: it's the one that'll get his attention easiest Grace: boys are so quick to get jealous Janis: the devil has and always will be a gentleman, babe Janis: not a fuckboy Janis: rethink the tactic probs Grace: excuse me that gluttony & sloth aren't moods for an attractive corpse Janis: hello it's your soul you're taking Janis: not a zombie fuckfest Grace: UM I still need all my exes devastated at my funeral thanks Grace: don't let anyone touch my hair though or I will haunt you Janis: ha your plastic weave gonna be there long after the rest of you is dust Janis: as for your exes Janis: got to think numbers Grace: RUDE Janis: alright for you to say, you won't be handing out sausage rolls to however many identical unimpressed looking white boys Grace: neither will you Grace: a glance to check I'm in there & you can go, babes Janis: oh please Janis: can't make me go to this farce of a wedding but doubt I'm getting out of a funeral that easy Grace: I'll literally write in my will so bye bitch Janis: cute you think the dead's wishes are getting honoured around here Janis: whether she wanted us to be miserable or happy, we're all doing shit regardless Janis: can't say she wanted us to muddle through ad infinitum Grace: she still died we can't just move on ASAP Janis: why it's better to be team miserable Janis: a case can be argued even if we aren't committing enough Grace: I'm sure your bf will be down his face is always 😒 Janis: you fancy him not me Grace: ew Janis: mhmm Grace: you can go ahead and put that wayyyyy into past tense thanks so much Janis: 😏 Janis: convincing Grace: I literally only wanted to hook up with him Grace: not gonna do that now so Janis: that's all you do with any boy so Grace: duh Grace: he's only special to you Grace: no boy is to me Janis: don't be gay Janis: x2 Grace: don't be homophobic Grace: it's gross & retro Janis: whatever Janis: every gay I know is a twat Janis: tell me it ain't related Grace: same tbh Grace: 🤔🤔 Janis: doesn't help they're related to me and all but when I'm right, I'm right Grace: you don't know any others? Janis: dunno anyone do I Janis: if you cunts are boring, not like the ones at school are any better craic Grace: idk who you hang with now bitch Janis: 🙄 Janis: yeah decided I want loads of mates Grace: you got a bf so who knows Janis: told you that was a mistake Janis: accident, whatever Janis: not a habit Grace: you could be making friends by mistake Grace: obvs so likeable Janis: I'd rather not Grace: 👌 Janis: every twat's the same 'round here Grace: true Janis: nah no more people Janis: undecided what I'm doing as is Grace: it's a mood Janis: bollock Janis: you hate being alone, famously Grace: duh but idk what I'm doing Janis: hiding at Rio's rn Grace: thanks Grace: not what I meant tho Janis: then you'll have to be more specific Grace: whatever Grace: how are there no parties tonight??! ugh Janis: probably for the best Grace: it's really not Grace: school's gonna start soon Janis: astute Janis: you check the calendar Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: do you know of any I don't? Janis: wouldn't tell you if I did Grace: that's so rude Janis: forgot why you've got a pity sofabed atm or what babe Grace: that wasn't a party & I wasn't gonna invite him to be my date tonight Janis: makes no odds, and dates a pretty loose term for 'you can frig me off in a random's lounge whilst their parents are out' as well Grace: it is shorter to type though so Janis: ha Janis: hilarious Grace: no just why I used it Janis: stick to babysitting Grace: I'm going out it'll just have to be somewhere else Janis: not doing this again Janis: got things i need to do now thanks to this awful fucking news Grace: not stopping you Janis: yeah right Grace: literally can't Janis: if you didn't want stopping, you wouldn't fucking tell me Janis: not after last time Janis: but I'm telling you, I ain't gonna be in any state so leave it out Grace: excuse me if for someone with no friends you have a lot of party invites Janis: called being likeable Janis: try it Grace: obvs & I obvs can't Janis: you don't try very hard Grace: LOL Grace: like I said, being fake is exhausting too babes Janis: well stop Janis: that's why no one likes you Janis: you're too much it weird everyone out Grace: I literally just said I can't Grace: but thanks Janis: how hard is it to shut your mouth for 5 minutes Grace: for you very Grace: so like idk why you're telling me to Janis: cos like idk I'm trying to help you! Grace: no you're not Grace: you're trying to get me to shut up cos you have so much to do Grace: you can just go Janis: sadly not Janis: waiting Grace: feel free to wait in silence Janis: why would I do that Grace: why not Grace: so easy Janis: nah Janis: I'm likeable, dying to hear what I've got to say Janis: too likeable to be off my phone rn so you'll have to deal with it Grace: 💜 Janis: I mean it, make sure one of them is sober Janis: I've got plans here Grace: I don't need you Grace: do what you want Janis: blatantly untrue Janis: made a massive twat of yourself last time Janis: which was, by the way, 2 days ago Janis: consider you have a problem Grace: & I'm so sure I will again but like it's my problem Janis: not though is it Janis: you checked out this entire convo Janis: affects all of us Grace: read back your own responses where everything is shit & we all deserve to suffer & nothing matters Janis: so sit and think about what you've done all alone Janis: that is suffering Grace: no thanks Janis: cool just ruin my night Janis: again Grace: it's not about you Janis: yeah it is Grace: no Janis: yep Janis: already ruined one plan so tah Janis: have to carry out this one after Grace: 👌👌 Janis: in a bit, cunt Grace: 👋 Janis: you really aren't subtle Janis: you know how easily I could forward this all to Rio, like Janis: think on Grace: then do it Grace: you love telling on me it's your thing now Janis: it is funny Janis: acting out doesn't really work if you keep telling before you do it Janis: not your thing by a long stretch Grace: I'm going out it's not a dramatic storm out Janis: yeah to get fingered 'cos you hate your ugly, stupid self, by your own admission Janis: so casual Janis: so not why the therapists are being booked Grace: literally so done talking to you now Grace: this convo has gone on forever Janis: it's cool it's forwarded Janis: 4G is amazing, idk where the fuck I am Janis: still, so fast Grace: wow Grace: I'll be impressed later like Janis: won't have the time Janis: though the drive back to mum and dad's is a fair while, yeah, you could use that time to really reflect Grace: I'll obvs make it for you, babes Janis: obvs Janis: fucking sad Grace: 💔 Janis: bet that felt like a moment Grace: mhmm Janis: n'awh Grace: yeah Janis: if you don't get some standards, honestly Grace: that's really working for you, yeah? Grace: it won't be any easier when he hates you than when he loves you, you know that Grace: get a grip Janis: like you'd know the first thing about it Grace: like you do either Grace: duh why you're terrified Janis: love a bit of projection Grace: okay sure Janis: not the one that freaks out when boys touch her Grace: so Grace: you're still gonna be alone anyway Janis: and? Grace: it doesn't matter if you push him away & if I'm getting pushed away by whatever lad Grace: even if you wanna use things I've said against me rn Janis: and you're the one that can't stand being alone Grace: oh sure keep pretending you love that but I'm so fake Janis: if I was fazed, I would've done something about it before now, what with how likeable I am to boys and girls Janis: no begging from my end Grace: you love him you literally admitted it Grace: stop Janis: and that matters because Grace: he loves you too Grace: you can't act like that doesn't matter Janis: sure can Janis: don't push me Grace: You're so stupid Janis: awh Janis: you are if you think there's any salvaging already Janis: like I could stick around with all that you threw at me Grace: me? Janis: yes, you Grace: how are you so delusional actually Janis: you couldn't want to tell me all about the stupid wedding Janis: you didn't have to Janis: mum and dad didn't for a fucking reason clearly Grace: you pushed me like you always do Janis: nah Janis: you dropped that like it was nothing Grace: you were being horrible for no reason like you always are Janis: the reason is you and your self-confessed shit personality but sure Janis: if it makes you feel better about the whole thing Grace: the reason was Mia but sure blame me again Janis: give a shit about Mia Janis: it was the wedding and you know it Janis: and you knew it and that's the only reason you said it Grace: I can't take it back now Janis: yeah well me either Grace: I didn't mean to just drop it on you like that Janis: whatever Janis: you want some attention, have at it 'cos I'm about to undo tonight Grace: why can't you stop Janis: why would I Grace: that's obvious Grace: undo whatever you've done to him instead Janis: how Janis: how the fuck do you reckon I can do that Grace: however he needs you to Grace: grow the fuck up & be sorry & try Janis: go to hell Janis: you're so fucked Janis: you care more about him than you do me what the hell is wrong with you Grace: I care about you Grace: for god's sake Janis: that's why you ain't once asked where I am or who I'm waiting for Janis: stop fucking talking about him Grace: cos I'm really scared what the answer is Grace: don't you understand that Janis: well it ain't Drew so my odds of leaving unmolested are slightly up Janis: though not his type, I don't reckon Grace: Every time you do this I freak out that it'll be the last time Grace: you won't come back cos either you don't want to or you can't Grace: if he's the only reason for you to stay then of course I want you to be with him Grace: I'm not sorry for that Janis: Well I can try for you but I don't think going catatonic and then bolting off is much of a turn-on Janis: 'specially not Janis: nah Janis: she kept this up for ages, good times, eh Grace: Talk to him Janis: gonna need to take this shit first Grace: Please don't Grace: I'm sorry for everything I've said and done literally ever okay Janis: yeah Janis: know you are Grace: Janis Janis: sorry alright Janis: and I never sent nothing to Rio so you can go Grace: I'll come to you Grace: wherever Grace: you don't have to Janis: I really meant it when I said idk where I am Grace: we can figure that out Grace: & I'll tell him it's all my fault, whatever you want Grace: he knows what a nightmare I am Janis: it's my fault Janis: this would've happened at some point yeah Grace: it's me, I'll fix it Grace: just give me a landmark to aim at first Janis: he was from Janis: Ballyfermot, yeah Janis: even worse than Tallaght, I remember she said Janis: don't come here I just need to Janis: aim back Grace: I can't just sit here like 🤞🤞 Grace: that's all this fam ever does Janis: shit Janis: this was really stupid he was horrible Grace: are you okay??? Janis: okay, I'll put my location on but I'll start moving, just meet me halfway Janis: one of Edie's old dealers/boyfriends Janis: said she had the right idea, yeah Grace: I can't even with that Grace: I'm in a car now so just move Janis: who is it Grace: just me obvs Grace: I'm not getting any of them involved Grace: I have an app for a reason like Janis: right no Janis: good Janis: just don't tell your uber driver I'm packing Grace: duh Grace: what are you gonna do with it though? Janis: can't just chuck it Janis: what if a dog eat it Janis: or a little kid Janis: kinda looked like some weird sour sweet you know Grace: find a really really gross bin Janis: or, could keep it and take it when he won't speak to me eh Grace: that's not funny Janis: I know Grace: I can't even breathe rn Janis: told you I couldn't pick you up Janis: tweaked driving is probably marginally better than drunk but still Grace: if he did something to you, you literally have to tell me Janis: he didn't, I swear Janis: he was just Janis: chatting about how he missed her and I wanted to ram his meth teeth down his throat Janis: bet he barely remembers her name Grace: that's horrible Grace: fuck Janis: he looked so old Janis: but I'm thinking it was just the drugs taking their toll, no way did she Janis: I hope not Grace: I don't wanna think about it but like Janis: I wanted to mug him, like Janis: show I ain't no hypocrite Janis: but I couldn't Grace: you can't do this again ever Janis: I don't wanna make promises I can't keep Janis: but like Janis: I don't even wanna take it, it smells and looks so Janis: toxic Grace: I will literally kill you if you die Janis: I don't know how much longer I can do this Janis: 4 years and I Grace: stop Grace: I'll help you Grace: I mean it, I'll do whatever you want Janis: I'm just so angry all the time Janis: and mean Grace: you can shout at me rn if you wanna, I'm already crying Grace: this driver has seen some shit Janis: people should be nice to you Janis: sorry your friends are dicks Grace: I should be nice to people Janis: fucking state of us Grace: idk how to be different Grace: it's been so long, before Edie even Grace: literally who am I? Janis: me either Janis: if I give up being angry Janis: give up her Janis: what have I got Grace: you never have to give her up Janis: I think I do a bit Janis: she couldn't make herself happy, I can't do it for myself and her Grace: she'd want you to be happy, I was so serious Grace: she was coming to see you Janis: us Grace: no Grace: she hated me & it was totally mutual Janis: but she loved you and that was too Janis: can't not Grace: if anything she was coming to ruin whatever tween celebrations I had planned cos that'd make you happy Janis: I can't remember anything about that day Grace: me either Grace: how can it not feel real when it's the realest thing that ever happened Janis: how did we find out Janis: who told us Janis: I don't know, genuinely Janis: not like when I pretend I've forgotten things Grace: I feel like it was dad but maybe I've made that up Grace: cos of after Grace: idk Grace: we should know that, shouldn't we? Janis: yeah Janis: that's the problem, right Janis: 9 kids, to tell Janis: sort of thing you want to do one on one but then some would know before ithers and how Janis: how would you do that 9 times Janis: he must've just, Janis: it must've just came out Grace: how would you even do it once Grace: I can't talk about anything ever Grace: literally not an exaggeration Janis: I told Jimmy she ran away for good Janis: not that she's dead, that we know where she's gone Grace: you don't owe him the story if you don't wanna tell it, babes Grace: everyone knows so much of our business Janis: their mum Janis: they don't know where she is Grace: like she just left? Janis: I think so Grace: how old was he? Grace: that's so sad Janis: I don't know, I don't ask he's just Janis: we've both said some stuff Janis: but Bobby is 6 so Grace: you wanna talk, can't relate but Janis: sometimes it feels almost right, like he'd get it Grace: yeah Grace: A lad once said to me 'you don't fuck like you've got a dead sister' like word for word that's what he said Grace: what does that even mean, you know Janis: people are so fucking weird Janis: does he mean you weren't sobbing at the time or that you weren't giving it your all like you've seen death so you know life now Grace: I didn't ask for clarification Grace: I just threw up and left Grace: but like it'd be nice if someone understood it, maybe Janis: nicer than that doesn't take much but Janis: maybe it's worse Janis: and maybe I'm a dick for comparing Grace: but maybe he wants someone to understand too Grace: it's really lonely getting left all the time Janis: Grace Grace: ?? Janis: are you sure you don't want him Grace: EW Janis: you'd be much nicer Grace: no I wouldn't Janis: well you wouldn't run Grace: yeah I would Grace: just not like physically cos 👠 Janis: if he fucks Mia I'll cry I think Janis: then kill her Grace: he would never!!! Grace: he hates her and she's livid about it Grace: like same but I'm relieved Janis: it's only been a few hours right Janis: maybe I can Janis: oh God, I'll have to explain the entire Buster and Rio saga if I even want to explain tonight Grace: I'll drop you off if I ever get there Janis: hope your driver isn't the kidnap kind Grace: Don't that would be the perfect end to my evening Grace: he lives by nan & grandad, right? maybe I'll go there Janis: k but you'll have to share the bed if he won't let me in Grace: lowkey would have to give you the bed cos it's my fault so 🤞🤞 he does Grace: so over sofas OMG Janis: should make Saint swap you Janis: he'd fall for it Grace: my back hurts so much okay I haven't done yoga since I was like 8 Janis: should join mother on the lawn Grace: 😱😱😱 Grace: mhmmm LIVING for any direct comparisons between me & her Janis: defs gonna slutshame her into dressing her age Grace: ughhhh Grace: how could you ever sit him down for dinner with them Janis: you know, take the piss out of them relentlessly behind their back Janis: feel him up a bit under the table, standard Grace: thanks for that mental 📷 I didn't want or need, hun Janis: soz Grace: he's hot but like you're also there so Grace: awks Janis: I won't take offense Janis: though my ego is wounded Grace: nbd I just haven't been a hoe for a while & that's obvs everything I am rn Janis: didn't you Janis: fair boy Grace: the one who left or the one who you kept blowing up my phone every sec I was with Grace: cos either way no Janis: oh Janis: well, doubt you're missing much on either score Grace: I know exactly what I'm missing with my ex thanks Grace: & I don't hook up with 19 year olds who lie to me Janis: not good Grace: like you said, this town is full of the same kind of people Janis: how is it so crap Janis: with some lads Janis: like Grace: they don't care Grace: I've spent hours memorising every clip they like but there's no getting any of the same back Janis: relatable but still Janis: felt more getting a checkup at the drs Grace: you have to put it in for most of them cos they don't even understand the layout but they'll still ask you if it was good Grace: imagine being that confident Janis: I am Janis: but not gay Janis: soz ladies Grace: 💔 Janis: don't you 💔 weirdo Grace: it's for the one hot white boy you stole by being hetero so Janis: I offered and you ew'd Janis: let the record show Grace: shut up Janis: he's probably so single now Grace: STOP Grace: it's been like a hour or something Janis: I ran away Janis: he's gonna be so Grace: Babe Grace: just make him understand Janis: no pressure Grace: well duh Grace: there's a reason I don't let boys that close to me Janis: you're saying it like I don't know Janis: not my first rodeo Janis: it just happened Grace: you know what you did, that's more than any ex I've ever had Janis: well Janis: done now Grace: Yeah Janis: should I wait or tell him I'm alright now on here Grace: I'd wanna know you were okay but you know him Grace: is it better to just show up? Janis: I think he'd wanna know too but like Janis: ugh fuck it Janis: wish me luck Grace: obvs

[chuffyfan87]

Hiding. Part 15a (NSFW)

Cowritten with @disastrousintention.

-x-

Luckily for Charlie and Duffy, they had no further issues with the baby whilst Duffy was on bed rest in the hospital. Charlie’s routine mostly consisted of the boys, work, visiting Duffy to ensure she was following the doctors' instructions and trying to find them a house. He’d found somewhere special in an ad a few days ago.

Duffy, on the other hand, had made it to the end of a third novel and was beginning to get really bored. The fact that the baby seemed to be doing well and staying put filled her with relief though.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in!" She called out, thankful of the distraction.

It was Charlie. He smiled brightly and stepped into the room, a bunch of flowers in his hands.

Casting an eye around the room Duffy giggled. "This place is starting to resemble a florist!"

He brought her flowers often, just as a small way to appreciate her. He glanced around the room and smiled shyly, “Sorry.”

"I'm not complaining."

He closed the door and stepped towards the bed, handing the flowers over. “How are you feeling?”

"Tired. I didn't sleep as well last night for some reason."

He bent down and kissed her tenderly, “You should catch some sleep. How’s trouble?” Trouble was his nickname for the baby.

"Its ok, I'll be alright. She's being a little monster, I don't think there's a single one of my internal organs that she hasn't kicked or punched this morning!"

“A little monster, hey?” He placed a kiss against her stomach. “Be nice to your mummy, monkey.”

The baby responded with a strong kick. "See what I mean!" Duffy remarked.

He smiled and rubbed her stomach, “She takes after her mum. Both a monkey and cheeky.” He grinned as he caught her eye.

"Rude!" She giggled sticking her tongue out.

“See? Exactly what I mean.” He perched on the edge of the bed.

"So what exciting world events are passing me by outside?" She asked sarcastically.

“Nothing remotely interesting. I may have found us a house though.” He smiled.

Duffy tried to keep the excitement off her face but failed. "Really?!"

He nodded, smiling brightly at the excitement on her face. “Yes I have.”

"Do you have pictures? I wish I could come see it with you." She remarked wistfully.

“The thing is, I need you come with me. So I'm going to talk to the doctors, convince them to let you out for a few hours. And then I’ll bring you back. After your day release has ended.” He laughed softly.

"You're breaking me out of jail?!"

“Hmm, I can try. What do I get in return?” He asked.

"My eternal gratitude..." She shifted her hand to squeeze his thigh. "...and you never know what else might happen..!" She purred.

“Oh you sexy minx.” He looked down at her hand and bit his lip.

"Just don't tell the doctor... You wouldn't want to get me in any trouble would you?" She giggled seductively.

“Of course not.” He lent forward and whispered in her ear, “I’ve missed you.”

"I've missed you too." She replied, wrapping her arms around his neck.

He began to kiss her neck. “You’re so sexy.”

"You really have missed me haven't you!" She giggled.

“Of course I have. It’s been a while... A long while.” He continued to kiss her neck.

"You're getting distracted Charlie... I want to go outside."

“In a minute.” He mumbled.

As Charlie snuggled closer he discovered that Duffy wasn't the only one keen to move around when he was rewarded with another couple of strong kicks.

He laughed gently. “The baby’s moving again.” Charlie moved his hands up her top, towards her breasts.

"Probably wondering what on earth you're up to." She giggled.

“You make me so hard with that giggle.” He whispered before groping her breasts.

"You are going to get us both in trouble." She gasped as she moved her hand to confirm his assertion.

“Oh God...” He muttered as he felt her hand on his groin. His hands moved further down and into her pyjama bottoms.

All thoughts of being sensible flew from Duffy's mind as she felt Charlie's fingers begin to gently caress her.

“You’re so naughty.”

"You started it!" She pouted playfully.

“Did not.” He licked his lips, “Fancy checking out the shower facilities?” She had an en-suite in the side room.

"I'm only supposed to leave my bed if I have a nurse with me to supervise."

“Is my nursing qualification not good enough?” He smiled.

"I suppose you'll have to do." She shrugged with a grin.

He moved his hands and got off the bed. He held his hand out for her.

She moved to reach out to grab his hands but found herself stuck awkwardly. "Oh for goodness sake!" She muttered. "Don't even think about laughing at me!" She glared.

“You’re stuck?” He laughed before quickly stopping when he saw her glare.

"I said don't laugh!" She complained, her voice laced with frustration.

“Sorry.” He apologised and helped her get out of bed.

"This is all your fault!" She accused.

“Mine? Why mine?”

"One of these days I'll learn to say no to you!" She muttered ignoring his question.

“Your sex drive matches mine sometimes you know.” He replied.

"Just sometimes?" Her eyebrow raised.

“All the time, actually.” He replied.

"Even now when you can no longer get your arms fully around me."

“Of course.” He smiled.

"I always knew you were strange." She giggled.

“You’re extremely sexy when you’re pregnant. Nothing changes.”

"So it seems." Her grin turned devilish. "I thought you promised to help me take a shower for my big trip out?"

“I did. Although I don’t think we’d get much showering done.” He smirked, taking her hand again and leading her into the en-suite.

Closing the door behind them Duffy slide the lock across. "Wouldn't want us to be disturbed." She explained with a grin.

“Of course not.” He switched on the shower. His hands began to roam Duffy’s body.

She reached her hands up to cup his face and pulled him closer for a searing kiss, her previous tiredness forgotten, replaced instead by a newfound confidence.

Her confidence and ability to take control was so sexy! He returned the kiss.

"You need to get undressed if you plan to join me." She remarked between kisses.

He began to undress her, before undressing himself.

Duffy allowed Charlie to walk her backwards towards the shower. She let out a gasping moan as the warm water began to cascade down her naked back.

Charlie moaned as the hot water ran over his body. His lips went to her neck again.

Minutes passed without either realising, so caught up were they both in each other.

“Turn around,” He whispered.

She quirked an eyebrow at him but followed his directions.

He began to kiss down her back and her spine. His hand ran up the back of her thigh and across her bottom before giving it a playful smack.

She lent forward and braced herself with her arms against the tiled wall, allowing them to take some of the strain as her legs weren't used to standing for so long after two weeks spent almost exclusively in bed.

“Do you want to have sex or a mutual masturbation session?” He asked, kissing her neck.

Duffy pondered the question for a few moments, a task that was increasingly difficult as Charlie's hands continued to wander.

“Hard one to answer, huh?” He smirked, “Face me?”

She slowly turned around amused at the cocky grin on his face.

He sucked two fingers and inserted them inside her.

She gasped and grabbed out to hold the shower rail, the much missed sensation instantly turning her legs to jelly.

“Fuck!” He muttered. “How does that feel gorgeous?”

"Don't. Stop." She mumbled, her breathing already becoming quicker. The enforced abstinence and raging hormones surging through her system heightened her arousal.

“I’ve not even started yet.” He laughed gently, his fingers moving in and out. His other hand grabbed her breast.

She reached out and took hold of his cock feeling how hard it was in her wet and slippery hands.

He moaned softly, feeling her hand. “Duffy...”

She gripped him more firmly as she ran her hand up and down his full length, circling her fingers around the tip.

“Baby...” His stomach was swimming. His hand moved faster, moving his other hand to her hip. “You’re so gorgeous!”

Her hand pumped faster as she fought to control her breathing.

“Baby.” He swallowed, his own breathing heavy. He added his thumb to his hand movements, circling her clit.

Their moans grew louder, reverberating off the tiled walls of the bathroom, neither of them caring if they could be heard outside.

It wasn’t long until they reached their climax. Charlie’s come getting everywhere. “Duffy, fuck.”

"Bloody hell!" She sighed. She cast her eyes over the two of them. "Don't even think about suggesting I clean that up!" She warned.

“I think you should.” He smiled.

She winced as she pushed herself up from against the wall.

“You alright?” He frowned.

"Yeh, just over-exerted myself a little. Don't fuss. We should get cleaned up so we can go see the house."

“You’re excited about the house, aren’t you?” He grinned as he began to clean her.

"It'll be nice to finally actually sleep in the same bed as you properly."

“Yeah it will.”

After they had cleaned up they moved back into the room and Duffy took the clothes that Charlie had brought with him for her.

Charlie got dressed himself. Glancing at her now and again as she got dressed.

She sat on the bed as she dressed attempting to ignore how winded she felt and convince herself that it would pass.

He frowned. “Duffy, darling, are you sure you’re ok?” He could read her like a book.

"I'm fine. Can you help me with my shoes?"

He nodded and crouched down to help her with her shoes.

"So where is the house?" She asked, hoping to keep his thoughts occupied on other topics.

“Not far, about twenty minutes from the hospital.” He replied.

"That'll be good when we're both back at work."

He nodded, “Yeah it will be.”

They finished getting ready and Duffy attempted to push herself back up from the bed.

He stood up and offered her his hand, to help her up.

She groaned as she got up. "I'll be pleased when this is all over!"

“What, when trouble is here?”

"Yes because then you can take a turn lugging her around for a change!"

He laughed gently, “Sorry.”

"Its alright for blokes - all the fun and none of the hard work. Bloody typical!" She continued to complain.

“You’re a bloody complainer!” He smiled.

"So would you be if you had to carry a whole other person around inside you all day and night!"

“I probably would be, yes.”

"Are we going then?"

[severedpenimagines]

A draft extract from a current fic I am working on:

1994

      Dean groggily blinked himself awake, trying to swallow past the dryness in his mouth. He sat up, yawning and stretching before he let his sock clad feet hit the floor. Dean would never admit to it, but he appreciated the night light’s presence as he shuffled down the hall in the dead of night. He made his way down stairs and to the kitchen, taking a cup from the dishrack. He was in the middle of drinking his water when he heard mother coming down the stairs. She was dressed fully, as if she was going to go outside. It was winter and probably snowing outside. Dean’s small face screwed up in confusion.

      “Where are you going Momma?” Mary Winchester jumped as if she was caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to. Dean padded up to Mary and she picked him up readily.

      “Just out to get a few things, honey. What are you doing up so late?” Dean snuggles into his mother’s shoulder.

      “I was thirsty.” He mumbled.

      Mary clicked her tongue, glancing at the half full cup. “I’m gonna take you back to bed, okay?”

      “Kay, Ma.” Dean was already falling asleep in the soft familiarity of his mother’s arms. Mary picked up Dean’s cup and took him to bed. Dean was asleep before Mary set him down.

      That was the last time Dean saw his mother. Three weeks later, she turned up dead in someone’s trash. They never found out who murdered her, whoever did it wasn’t a beginner. Not even John could find anything and he was the best detective around at the time. In the end, that killed Dean’s father. John Winchester couldn’t handle the fact that there was nothing to be done for Mary Winchester’s murder. And he took most of Sam with him.

*

      2012

      Dean and Sam had been living together in California so Sam could go to college there. It was his birthday and Dean had done so much pleading to try and get John up there to see Sam. Sam was convinced that John was drunk in a ditch somewhere and not coming. Sam never told Dean that all he wanted was for John to come and see him or prove him wrong. He didn’t have to; it was written all over the kid’s face. So Dean had called and pleaded over the course of a month until finally, John said yes. The thing was with John, he was an on and off again alcoholic. He didn’t take Mary’s murder well at all. The boys were too young to remember much of their mother but John had seen her body. The alcohol was his way of coping and Dean could understand why. If he had seen his mother’s body mutilated the way the reports said it was, he would never want to be sober ever again. That year, John had been in one of his recovery phases (Dean hated calling them that) so Dean had hoped it could be a nice family outing. They hadn’t had one of those since 2004 and Dean really wanted to see Sammy smile. Sammy was a cheerful kid in the face of most shit shows but since they moved there, his smiles and shit eating grins had been seldom around. Dean figured it was the stress of college and keeping the flat running. God knows Dean was.

      John showed up on the 2nd of May 2012. It was a warm, happy day and Sam couldn’t believe his eyes when John showed up. A small smile had played on his lips as if he was trying not to get his hopes up. By the time Sam and Dean had come down to meet John, they knew something wasn’t right. John was extremely intoxicated and yelling at everyone that came his way. When John saw his boys, he smiled. It was not a warm one. It was a wolfish smile, the kind that was all teeth and malice.

      “Hey Dad,” Sammy called warily. “How are you?”

      “Pretty good Sammy, this is some goooooood shit.” he waved a bottle around over the window, nearly falling out of the car. “Come on boys, let’s go get a good lunch, I know a place!”

      Dean couldn’t believe it. After all of his pleading and begging, John turned around and threw it in his face. And what was worse, he had let Sammy down again.

      “We’re not getting in the car with you.” Dean said, flatly.

      It was the wrong thing to say to an intoxicated John. His eyes immediately went stormy. “Why the fuck not? You’re the one who wanted me out here in the first place.”

      Dean growled, “I wanted you here for Sammy’s birthday,” He began, pointing at him “not so you could show up here drunk off of your ass and smash any faith he had left in you.” Sam was a quiet kid and it took a lot for him to get pissed off, but right now he was fuming. He was looking back and forth between his older brother and father in disgust. Sam spoke up before John could.

      “I can’t believe you two.” He snarled, “I had hoped you were here sober at least. Apparently, I can’t even expect that out of you. And you!” He barked, “I don’t need you to baby me or try and protect me from the piece of shit he is. He ruined our childhoods -”

      “It wasn’t him that took it from us-”

      “Oh, so you blame Mum for being murdered?” That was low for Sam. Very low.

      “How dare you?” Dean seethed, fighting the urge to smash something. John had been sitting silently and Dean chanced a look at him. He was even more stormy than before. It was terrifying and the inner child in Dean cringed away. John struggled out of the car and slammed the door shut. Both boys flinched at the noise and tried not to cringe as John approached them.

       “We are going to have this family lunch whether you two like it or not.” He fumed quietly. Both boys were frozen deer in headlights and they were powerless to escape. John may have been drunk, but he was a force to be reckoned with. He tugged at Sam’s sleeve and Sam chose that moment to struggle away. It was smart if he wanted to get away but also stupid of him for the mood that John was in. John shouted in surprise and stumbled. He recovered quickly with a grunt of frustration and Dean was galvanised into action. He tried to get a hold on John or Sam but he failed.

      “Get in the car, Dean.” John barked.

      “No, I’m not going with you.” Dean refused again. John was still struggling to get his hands on Sam and he eventually caught one of Sam’s arms and dragged him toward the car.

      “We’ll see about that.” He grunted, opening the car door.

      “Dad, stop!” Sam yelled, still trying to pull away. John wasn’t listening, his grip on Sam growing tighter.

      “Dad, let him go.” Dean was trying to be calm but he wasn’t having much luck. He was struggling to pull John off of Sam but it only resulted in Sam awkwardly clipping his head on the low roof of the Impala. He yelped in pain and ducked out of the way just in time for the door to slam a hair’s breadth away from his shoulder and foot.

      “Oh for fuck’s sake, Dean! Look at what you did!” John rounded on Dean and grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt, lifting him up.  

      Dean felt his body go limp at the same time he made his decision. “I’m not the one who is off his tits at the moment.” Dean clipped, his eyes dead and boring into John’s as if to challenge him. It was a desperate act and one that woke some old shit in Dean but if it worked and got his attention away from Sammy, then by all means, Dean would use it. John yells in frustration, throwing Dean backwards. Dean stumbles, trying to regain his balance but by the time he did, John was at the door and getting in the car. Dean rushed to stop John, fumbling with the door but he was already too late.

      “Dean!” Sammy yells out.

      “Sammy!” Dean yells back in pure instinct. “Dad, stop, you don’t have to-” but John had already locked the doors. He took off up the street like someone had stuck him with a poker. Dean turned around and screamed at his building. He stormed up to the wall and punched it as hard as he could. It hurt like a bitch and he swore his head off, nursing his bloodied hand.

      It wasn’t ten minutes later when an ambulance and a fire truck went screaming past him causing alarm bells to go off. Sammy! He got to his feet and ran, trying to follow the sound of the sirens. He wasn’t very successful with the sirens but he managed to follow the smell of burnt rubber well enough. And what he found when he got there made his stomach drop into his ass.

      “Holy fuck.” sitting there with its bonnet crunched into a small truck was John’s beloved Impala. “Holy fuck.” Dean repeated, his hands coming up to yank at his hair on their own accord. There was already tape up everywhere and firemen telling people to back off. Someone was screaming but it wasn’t Sam or John. Dean didn’t want to see what was there but his feet took him forward before he could stop them. “Let me through.” He yelled, “Let me through, that’s my brother and Dad! Let me through.” One asshole wouldn’t let him through so Dean socked him hard in the nose. “Sam!” His voice cracked. He scrambled over to the wreckage, already choking on sobs. He could see blood. His hand came up to cover his mouth “Oh fuck.” John was pinned in his seat by a huge-ass pole that had pierced his chest. He was staring out the window, his eyes wide and vacant. They seemed to be accusing Dean. ‘why would you let this happen?’ Sam was in the back, with the pole that had pinned John in his seat protruding out of his midsection. His head was lolled to the side and bleeding steadily. “Oh fuck, Sammy!” He yelled, “Fucking do something, that’s my brother!” He yelled at no one in particular, tears streaming down his face. A couple of paramedics came up to Dean and took him by the arms. Dean went willingly while begging them to help his brother.

*

      John died in that crash. Sam lost all movement in his legs and partially in one of his arms. He had suffered a traumatic brain injury that had him in a coma for a month and a half. Dean barely left his side. The only time he did was when he discovered that the insurance couldn’t cover the bills. So Dean had to leave Sam’s side and start to work. He worked as hard as he could, almost all of his pay going to Sam’s bills. At first, he worked three jobs. They nearly worked him into the ground and the pay from them didn’t even make a dent in Sam’s bills. So Dean gave up. He started to take dancing classes he never thought he would have to take. He learned how to pole dance and dirty dance. He was surprised to discover he was good at it. He made it into the stripping industry without a problem. The only problem he ever had was Lucifer. And that’s how he and Dean met.

      The day that Sammy had woken up was a bitter sweet moment. It was then they discovered the extent of Sam’s brain injury. The doctors had told Dean that it was a miracle that Sammy was alive. They also told Dean that TBI’s are often hard to recover from and that Sam may not ever go back to what he was like pre-injury. Dean had done his homework and knew to expect possible changes in thinking, sensations, language and emotions but he wasn’t prepared for the way that Sam teared up when he saw Dean.

      “De-” He slurred out, a small smile on his features.

      Dean’s heart dropped with heavy guilt. “hiya, Sammy, how you feeling?” Sam’s smile faltered. Before the doctors had let Dean in, they had told him that Sam’s speech was limited but they didn’t tell him how badly. “It’s okay, take it easy kid.” He rasped, his voice suddenly hoarse. “Great to have you back in the world of the – the awake.” He fumbled over the word ‘living.’ He had no idea if Sam knew yet. “D’you know about Dad?” He asked, gently. A frown appeared on Sam’s face slowly. And even slower, he shook his head.

      Dean braced himself and told Sam what happened.

      “You and Dad were in a car accident a month and a half ago. You’ve been in a coma since then and Dad, well…” Dean chanced a look in Sam’s direction. Sam’s face was crumpled in pain and streaked in tears.

      “’Orry.” He whispered. Dean’s head snapped up so fast, he gave himself whiplash.

      “No, don’t you dare say that. It’s not your fault Sammy, I-” Sam cut him off, taking a deep breath.

      “’Ot ‘ors… e’er.” He forced out. Dean stared in confusion, his mind taking a while to catch up with what Sam had said. When he caught on, his eyes filled with tears again. He didn’t know how much needed to hear that but he was relieved he had. He was worried that Sammy would be angry at him for the crash. For keeping him alive. God knows Dean would have wanted to die if he were in Sam’s position. Call it selfish, but Dean couldn’t bear to lose Sammy too.

*

[5ketchupsos]

The Pyramid- Chapter 3

Requested- Yes

Anon- I was wondering if you can do a smutty fanfic involving Luke and Ashton with a girl, any name will do.  Their daddy af, so it’s a smut full of bdsm, chocking kink, daddy kink, etc.

Pairing- Ashton irwin & Luke Hemmings & Sierra Larson

Words- 5407

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Sierra was in her element.  It was her turn to dominate her boys.  That was another great thing about both of them.  They loved being both dominant and submissive and they weren't shy about mixing it up.  She turned on Ashton first for no real reason other than that she'd missed him.  Luke moved aside as she stood up.  Ashton looked a tad worried as she shuffled him backwards across the room, her stiff nipples pressed to his chest.  When his back was firmly against his bedroom door she gave him a coy smile and her hands lifted.  One wrapped round his neck causing his eyes to turn to narrow, coal black slits.  The other gently worked its way down his body, her fingers tracing every indent across his six pack.  He tried to move and she tightened her grip on his neck and he stiffened.

"God," he groaned as she let her fingers dance along the top of his pubes.

"Here's how it's going to go," she informed them both, letting go of Ashton and turning to face Luke.

He was chilling in the armchair beside Ashton's bed, silently enjoying the show.

"Ashton's gonna fuck me against this door until I come again and not a second longer."

They were both watching her with the most lustful expressions on their handsome faces.  Ashton clenched his jaw and Luke bit down on his lip.

"When I'm done were gonna move to the bed.  Ashton can finish what he started."

She threw her head over her shoulder and looked at him.

"Doggy Style."

She saw his Adam's Apple bulge as he swallowed loudly.  It was no secret that Ashton was an ass guy.  Luke on the other hand was a boobs guy and that suited her perfectly.

She crossed the room to him and leaned over with her hands on the arm rests of the chair.  Her nipples brushed the light hair on Luke's chest and he sighed audibly.

"And while Ashton does that I'm gonna use my tongue to please you," she informed him.

His hands landed on hers and gripped tightly.

She tugged hers out from under his and walked backwards away from him shaking her head. Then she turned to Ashton before she had one final thought and looked back at Luke.

"Oh and baby? You don't get to touch yourself while Ashton pleases me," she grinned smugly.

She walked backwards again until her ass pressed up against Ashton's balls.

"Take your hair down and come here," she added to Luke.

He stood up and kept his eyes on her as he let his hair down from his bun.  She licked her lips, holding back the moan she wanted to let loose.  God he looked so good with his hair like that.  Ashton's hands found her hips and she could tell he was getting impatient.

"Sit on the bed," she demanded of Luke, "I'll get to you in a minute."

"Can't wait princess," he chuckled.

Ashton apparently couldn't wait any longer and Sierra happily relinquished a bit of her control as he spun her around and lifted her off her feet.  She wrapped her legs around his waist and linked her ankles together.  She was still wearing her stiletto heels and Ashton growled as they dug in to his back.

His face nuzzled in to the crook of her neck and she felt him line himself up at her entrance.

"Just day when baby girl," he murmured.

She was desperate for him.  She wanted that thick bulge inside her, hitting her in places only it could reach but she could hear the frustration in Ashton's voice and she wanted to tease him as him and Luke had done to her.

"Not yet baby."

She lifted her eyes up to watch Luke from over Ashton's shoulder.  He ran a hand through his messy curls and smiled at her.  God the two of them would be the death of her.  She kept her attention on Luke as she said "now."

Ashton slammed in to her with one fluid movement .  His hands were on her ass as he thrust furiously, knocking her haphazardly against the door.  She ran her nails down his back and felt him grown throatily in to her neck.  Luke was watching her face, watching her reaction as she watched him.  She could see his length twitch every couple of seconds and she smirked in content when he dropped his hands to either side of his thighs and gripped the sheets. She could tell he wanted to touch himself but she slowly shook her head.

Ashton grunted loudly as he pounded in to her.  The tip of his length was grazing against her g-spot and the top of his v-line rubbed against her clitoris, his hairs tickling it.

She rolled her eyes back as he lifted one of her hands above her head and licked fingers with her. He squeezed her palm roughly, a clear sign that he was close and trying to hold back.

She was close too. So precariously close and she loved it.  She craved that release again. She locked eyes with Luke again.

"Come," he mouthed.

It was her undoing.  Her core tightened around Ashton's erection as her free hand clawed at his back then went limp.  An indescribable sensation rushed through her body, exiting at her core and she could barely make a sound.  She was completely overcome by the feeling.  Luke appeared to be very chuffed with himself and Ashton was thumping the door in an attempt to hold himself back.  She knew it wouldn't be long before he came once they returned to the bed.

She gently pushed him back and lowered herself to her feet.  Her legs were like jelly and she stumbled a little.  Ashton caught her and lifted her up, carrying her to the bed where he deposited her on all fours in the centre,  her head above Luke's stiffness.  He climbed behind her and didn't bother to wait for permission before sliding in to her. He didn't hold back now and she winked at Luke then lowered her head, taking him in her mouth.

"Fuck," Luke hissed, his hands scrabbling at the sheets.

She took him as far back as she could manage while Ashton pushed as far in to her as he could reach.  She wanted them to come together.  All three of them.  It happened on a rare occasion but Ashton was already so close and she could feel herself building again.

Luke twisted her hair and gripped it, taking control as he used the makeshift bun to bob her head up and down on his length, occasionally lifting his hips to meet her mouth.

Ashton began to shudder and the jerky moves brought her climax closer.  She forced Luke to the back of her throat and heard him breathe in between clenched teeth.

"Shit I'm close," Ashton moaned.

"Me too," Luke surprised her by adding, "I've been waiting for this all day."

"I've been waiting two weeks you impatient- ugh.  Oh god yes!"

With that Ashton let loose inside her and she clenched around him her own euphoria erupting.  Luke took a second longer and she kept sucking him off even as she orgasmed.  He tugged her hair hard as he finally let go, his warm liquid sliding down her throat.  And then he fell back against the pillows as Ashton staggered back, pulling out of her.  She rolled over in to her back,  Ashton's cum dribbling down her thighs.  She couldn't remember a time she had ever felt this satisfied.  Ashton joined them on the bed, leaning back against the headrest.

"Damn," he whispered.

"Yeah," Luke agreed.

"Hmm," she mumbled starting to feel sleepy.

One of them was tiring enough but both of them was exhausting.

"No you don't," Luke scolded her as he caught her eyes start to shut, "you haven't had food yet."

He was always like this afterwards.  She nearly always started to dose off and he would always stop her and insist she eat something before she sleep.  In this case he was perfectly justified.  She hadn't had anything to eat since one o'clock.  She glanced at Ashton's alarm clock.  It was now nearly 9pm.

"Fine but I want pizza," she insisted as she sat up and looked at her boys.

"So healthy," Ashton rolled his eyes.

She glared at him and he held his hands up in surrender.

"Fine.  Pizza it is.  I'll order it but we're eating in the kitchen like civilised beings," he insisted.

Sierra looked at Luke and giggled.

"The boss is home," Luke teased.

"Just go and take a shower," Ashton sighed, punching his friend in the arm.

"Both of you," He added looking at her.

The giggled and got to their feet, headed for Ashton's ensuite.

"Not together," Ashton groaned, "honestly you're bloody sex addicts you two. Sierra go ahead and Luke for fucks sake man you can wash up in your own room."

Luke poked his tongue out at Ashton but followed his orders and left the room.

"Hurry up," Ashton smiled at her.

She was stood in the doorway to the bathroom watching him.

"I'm enjoying the view," she pouted.

He laughed.

"Go and shower.  The view will be here later.  Luke's right.  You need food.  You've probably had more coffee than meals today."

She mimicked Luke and stuck her tongue out at him before sashaying in to the ensuite and shutting the door.  She didn't lock it. Part of her hoped he would join her even though she knew he wouldn't.  Not just now.

He had showered when she returned, using her bathroom and he smelled like her lavender shower gel. A scent she certainly didn't mind on him.  She dried herself then exited his room naked just as Luke stepped in to the hall.

"Oh is it a naked pizza party?" He teased.

She simply brushed past him and in to her room.  She pulled on a pair of pyjamas and tied her damp hair back then made her way down to the kitchen.  They were waiting for her, sat at the booth by the window.

"Pizza's ordered," Ashton told her.

"Good," she smiled sliding in beside Luke.

She felt less tired now that she had washed.

"So how was Australia? How's your mum and Lauren and Harry? Did you see your friends?"

"Whoa slow down babe," Ashton laughed.

"Australia was good.  Cold.  My mum is great.  She joined a book club.  They meet every week.  Lauren is her usual bossy self and Harry has taken up swimming."

He said the last bit with pride. He'd once been a competitive swimmer.

"Maybe your Mum will get to the olympics after all," Sierra replied, "and how was the studio? Get much done?"

"Laid down a couple of tracks," Luke answered this time, "Michael got naked as usual and Calum managed to lock himself in the bathroom for half an hour."

"What?! How?!" She laughed.

"God knows.  The guys an idiot," Ashton giggled fondly.

She'd missed that giggle of his.  That little high pitched laugh.  It was like music to her ears.

"So what did you two get up to while I was gone? Besides the obvious," Ashton queried.

"Well let's see," she thought back, "I tried to teach Luke how to make pancakes and he managed to make a disgusting eggy soup."

Both boys laughed and she continued.

"Luke nearly bought a new car but I stopped him in time.  Michael and Calum came over for a movie night and the three of them didn't shut up all the way through it.  Oh and I drew up the design for my first tattoo."

"Nice," Ashton mused, "you'll need to show me it later."

He leaned forward on the table and rested his chin in his hands.

"So the first press trip is in five days."

"Don't remind me," she whinged.

"It's just for a week this time babe.  Then we'll both be home but we want you to stay here.  Not at the apartment."

"Why?"

She wasn't keen on the idea of staying in this huge house by herself. The housekeeper lived in but she barely saw her.

"Security is better here," Ashton explained.

"Security? Why would I need security?"

"Look Sierra it's not up for discussion okay? This is the first time we've both left you alone and we just want to make sure you're safe."

"I would be safe at my apartment."

Luke narrowed his eyes and she flopped back in her chair, crossed her arms over her chest and stuck her bottom lip out.

"Fine," she gave in, "but what am I supposed to do here by myself?"

"Bake, shop, watch that movie that Luke and Calum and Mike ruined," Ashton suggested and she giggled at the last one.

The door buzzed and Ashton got up to answer it.

She leaned her head on Luke's shoulder.

"Security.  The life of dating rockstars," she mused.

"We'll go over it all with you but it's for your safety S.  Remember the mall?"

She did remember.  Vividly.  Some nights she woke up covered in sweat at the memory of it.

They had both had the day off over her birthday and they wanted to take her out.  She picked the juice bar at the mall so she could get her favourite non alcoholic pina colada.  From the second they left the car it was bedlam.  Fans were everywhere and they were pushing and shoving against the three of them violently.  She lost her grip on both their hands and found herself surrounded by fans.  Out of the blue one of them had reached out and suddenly punched her square in the jaw.

If it had been mad before then it was wild now.  Ashton and Luke pushed their way back to her, the mall Security was called and the fan was charged with assault.  They never made it to the juice bar.

It wasn't so much the assault that scared her but how completely defenceless she felt in that crowd when she lost her grip on the boys.

After that they had hired her a self defence teacher, and a personal trainer who taught her kick boxing and karate.  She'd become pretty good at it but she still didn't want a repeat of that incident.

Ashton returned with the pizza and placed it on the table.  He got himself a knife and fork and plate.  He was about to offer the same to Sierra and Luke but they had already tucked in with their hands.

"I'm living with savages," he joked.

"Who the fuck eats pizza with a knife and fork?" She teased him.

He pulled a face at her and grabbed a slice.

They chatted more over the pizza, discussing what the last two weeks had been like then Ashton cleared everything away.

Luke glanced between his girlfriend and his friend then stood up.  Sierra got up and let him past.

"I'm going to go and chill on my laptop," Luke said, " I'll see you guys in the morning."

Ashton nodded not taking his eyes off Sierra.

"Goodnight babe," Sierra cooed, kissing Luke gently on the cheek.

He smiled and left the room and Sierra sat back down opposite Ashton.

"Finally I have you to myself," he smirked, reaching out and taking her hand across the table.

She couldn't help but glance down at his hands.  Those long fingers were so alluring.  When she looked up again his head was titled to the side, watching her with a curious expression.

"You're really tanned," she blurted out.

Ashton laughed.

"Yeah and you look pale.  I guess you didn't get out much in this weather?"

He gestured to the rain soaked windows beside them. She shook her head.

"It's meant to be warmer tomorrow," he explained.

"Are we really taking about the weather?" She giggled.

"Apparently so," he mused, "although I'd rather not be talking at all."

She flushed a little and bit her lip.

"Are you ever satisfied?" She teased him.

"Not when it comes to you, princess," he admitted.

Sierra had zero problems with that.  She could spend the whole day in naked bliss with either of her boys and still want more. She never tired of their naked bodies creating magic together.

She smiled as Ashton leaned further across the table and lifted one of his hands to her cheek.  His lips hovered just in front of hers for a second.  She could smell the pepperoni pizza on his breath. Then he gripped the back of her head and crushed her lips to his.

It was a forceful kiss.  Dominant and ever so slightly possessive.  She groaned in to his mouth, her tongue tangling with his.  When he pulled away she whispered "no" and he laughed lightly.

He stood up and exited the booth, extending his large palm to her.  Sierra took his hand and allowed him to lead her out the kitchen, up the stairs and back to his room.  They passed Luke's room on route and the door was open. Luke glanced up from his laptop and chuckled knowingly.

"Have fun," he called after them.

"Oh we will," Ashton assured him before pushing her in to his room and shutting the door.

She watched as he made his way to the bed.  At the end of it he took his t-shirt off and removed his jogging bottoms that he wore as loungewear. Now he was in just his boxers and her heart was already skipping along much quicker, her palms sweating and her breathing ragged.

He turned back to face her.

"Come here," he ordered, curling his index finger in a beckoning motion.

Sierra obeyed and slowly crossed the room to him.

He sat on the edge of the bed and she ran her hands across his muscular shoulders and down to his pecs.  She was still in her pyjamas.  A tank top with a pair of shorts.  It may have been rotten weather lately but it was still very warm.

She leaned down, her nose aligned with his and her lips quivering just in front of his.  She waited.  Part of her wanted to go fast but with Ashton she always waited for him to make the first move.  It was always much more satisfying that way.

Luke was quick.  Sex with him alone was fumbled and messy and extremely unplanned.  Kind of wild but very erotic.

Ashton was slow. He took his time pleasuring her and teasing her until her body was spent.

Both were good and when they got together, like earlier that evening, it was a tantalizing mix of both.

She didn't have to wait too long. Ashton caved and brought his lips to hers with a franticness that didn't happen often with him. His massive hands lifted up and gripped her face, pulling it as close to his as possible.  Then they lowered to her waist and hoisted her up, sitting her on his laps with her legs astride.

The kiss grew deeper and more longing. She could feel him growing under her ass. His length searching for release from his boxers.  She ground down on him and emitted a moan from his plump lips.

He pulled away for a second and looked at her.

"God I missed you."

She shrieked as he suddenly spun them around and trapped her beneath him on the bed.  He rolled his hips, pressing himself against her core and she gasped in arousal but it was when he took her hands and pinned them above her head that she really fell apart.  His strong jaw nudged hers aside and he left a trail of sloppy kisses down the side of her neck.

Ashton shifted his grip on her hands to her wrists and held them both in one hand, the other slithered up her top and found her left breast.  He pinched her nipple and she jolted slightly.  He scoffed at her.

"You are far too easy princess," he mused.

She scowled down at him.  He ignored her and she lifted her legs and dug her heels in to his upper back.

He laughed at her response and sat up, batting her legs away.

"Those two orgasms I gave you before not enough?" He taunted.

She shook her head.

"At least you're honest," Ashton chuckled.

Then his expression turned serious.

"I've waited two weeks to have you two myself.  I'm going to take my time and if you want a third orgasm  then you are going to stay perfectly still while I play with you a bit."

Sierra licked her lips.

"Now does daddy have to tie you up or will you stay still?"

"I'll stay still," she promised even though she knew that would be damn near impossible.

This was the Ashton she knew.  The one who loved to tease her before he pleased her.  The boy who took his sweet time, stretching out the pleasure for as long as possible just so he could keep watching her body react to him.

She arched her back as Ashton tugged her top up and let it rest over her eyes, stealing her sight.

He whistled looking down at her and she giggled.

"That's not staying still," he warned her, his voice stern now.

She bit her lip and forced all her energy in to staying extremely still.

"Now where's that whip I had earlier?" He mused and it took all her might not to wriggle at the thought.

She felt his weight shift off the bed and heard him fumble around in the room.  He didn't return to the bed and it suddenly became very quiet.

Then without warning she felt the end of the rider crop in between her breasts.  Damn was he about to tease her with this? She knew he wouldn't whip her.  Not without warning and never without checking the code word.  Ashton was strict about that.  Her safety always mattered the most to him.

The leather padding of the whip was dragged down her body, just barely touching her skin, tickling her and making it harder to stay still.  She whimpered and tried her damn hardest to think of something else, something to distract herself so she wouldn't suddenly jerk at the touch.

Ashton was breathing heavily and she could picture his face, filled with a carnal lust as he watched her body.

"You look so sexy like this."

She smiled to herself.  She loved hearing him compliment her.

"So fucking sexy," he emphasised.

Then.

"You want me to continue or do you want something more kinky?"

She gulped.

"Kinky," she replied.

"Remember the safe word?" He checked.

"Code red," she replied.

"Okay you asked for this."

She shrieked loudly as the crop lifted then came smacking down on her right nipple.  There was a slight sting then a tingling sensation that made her long to arch her back. Before the sensation died away he lifted the crop again and struck her other nipple this time.

This time she reacted naturally and her back curved off the bed.

"Stay still," Ashton growled.

"Sorry, daddy," she replied, slightly smugly.

She heard the rush of breath through his teeth.

"Are you trying to wind me up? Did Luke and I not teach you anything earlier? You call me that only when you are told to.  Got it?"

She gasped as the crop slapped down on her belly button this time.  The pleasure rippled down her lower stomach and in to her core.  She clenched her jaw, trying to stay still.  He yanked her top off, finally letting her see him and the sight of him nearly nude with a riding crop in his hand was so appetizing.

"Turn over, on to your front and lift your ass up," Ashton demanded.

She rolled her eyes as she turned over.  He couldn't get enough of her ass could he?

She still had her pyjama shorts on and he came round behind her to the foot of the bed, grabbed her ankles and dragged her down the duvet until she was close enough for him to remove them.  Then before she'd even heard them hit the floor he struck her ass.  Not with the whip this time but with his hand.  And then he struck her again.  This time he squeezed her cheek as his hand collided with it.  And then he moved to the other cheek and spanked it three times one after the other before catching her by surprise and slipping a finger between her thighs and inside her core.

She couldn't stay still this time and she cried out as her pelvis moved back to devour his finger.

"Are you disobeying me again?" Ashton asked, his tone dangerously angry.

She gulped.

"No," she lied.

"Hmm So first you don't follow orders and then you lie to me about not following orders.  Stand up."

She gasped as he gripped the back of her neck and used it to pull her to her feet, her backside pressed firm against his front.  Then he changed his act, behaving more gently.

"Can you feel me princess? Can you feel how hard I am for you?"

She nodded slowly.

"Do you want to taste me?"

She nodded again, breathless.

"You're so wet.  Did I do that baby? Did I make you soaking for me?"

"Yes."

Then his voice lowered to a mere whisper and he pressed his lips to her ear, kissing it gently before he spoke.

"I want to taste you too.  I want to lie on the bed while you ride my face until your coming down my chin."

She swallowed. Why was he so filthy? Why was she so turned on by it?

"Come on," he urged, taking her hand and stepping away from her.

He turned her to face him and kissed her passionately then he moved her aside and got on the bed, lying down.

"You gonna ride daddy's face princess? Ride it until I can barely breathe and you're screaming my name so even Luke can hear you in his room?"

He held a hand out to her again and she took it, nodding her head.  Ashton helped her climb on to the bed and sit with her thighs on either side of his head, pressed against his ears.  Then he raised his hands and clumsily found her waist, gripping it he shoved her down until her core was practically crushing his face.

"Ah!" Sierra cried out.

Ashton kept his grip on her waist and used his strength to wriggle her body, forcing her to grind down on his face.  He moaned up against her sex and his length twitched despite already being rock solid.

She followed his guide and started to rub herself off on his face.  His tongue lapped between her southern lips and his nose rubbed against her clit.  The stubble around his mouth offered excellent friction.  As she moved she leaned forward a little and brought her mouth down around his erection so they were in the sixty nine position.  One of Ashton's favorites.

He groaned audibly against her dampness.  A deep, guttural groan that vibrated against her. She bobbed her head, taking in as much of him as she could as one hand held him steady and the other massaged his balls in her palm.

This was how she liked her boys, completely sprawled out so she could watch their every reaction to her.  Not that doggy style wasn't fun too.  Ashton's toned legs tensed like they usually did when his high was rising.

She screamed his name as he inserted his long tongue in to her and she circled her hips, feeling that friction from his tongue, his nose and his stubble. She already felt close and then Ashton wrapped his arms right round her and pulled her closer to him so she was almost suffocating him with her core just as he removed his tongue from inside her and tilted his head back slightly to lick her sweet spot.  It was enough to make her fall apart and she came with jerking motions, her pleasure flowing across his mouth.  He lifted her up a second later so he could speak.

"I'm gonna stand now," he told her, "you can get on your knees and finish me."

She nodded, still pulsing slightly.  Her body felt like she had no control over it. She was weak but she moved off the bed and let Ashton stand before sinking to her knees.  He looked down at her and his head rolled back as she took him in her mouth again.  He lifted his arms above his head, holding the wooden roof of the four poster bed, arm muscles bulging.  She forced him back as far as she could while picking up the pace and Ashton showed his appreciation by moaning, louder and louder every second until his legs tightened and began to shake and his length shuddered in her mouth.

"Fuck!"

He stifled his yell by removing a hand from the top of the bed and biting his fist as he let loose in her mouth and allowed his cum to dribble down her throat.

"Holy shit," he mumbled, flopping back on the bed.

She stood up and climbed on beside him.  For a second she just watched his chest rise and drop rapidly then he pulled her down in to a hug.

"Damn it's good to be home," he chuckled.

"Hmm," She murmured, rubbing her finger tips across the hairs on his chest.

"I just wish you weren't leaving again in five days," she admitted.

He held her tighter.

"Me too babe but it will be over soon.  And besides we have five days.  The sun is meant to come back tomorrow so we can laze in the pool and drink beer on the loungers," he offered.

"Watch you and Luke play basketball in your trunks," she added.

He laughed.

"Come on.  Let's get some sleep. I'll get Lucinda to make us crepes in the morning."

He moved under the duvet and beckoned for her to join. She did without hesitation then he switched off the light and darkness engulfed them.

[mintyvan]

34

note Someone asked me to write a fic about what would happen if Van were so stressed/not okay that he tried to hurt himself. This one was a hard one to write, and I wrote it months ago. I hate that I have to come back on this note, but I’m so eager to post something, anything that this will have to do. However: happy ending!!

warnings self-harm, suicide mention, psychiatric hospitals

----

It’s better than seeing him hooked up to various tubes, looking half-dead, trapped in a hospital bed. Not much better. But at least he’s standing up and holding my hand as a staff member shows me around the building. It’s not that big and there’s not that much to see. A cafeteria. A visitor room. A few recreation rooms. A corridor of bedrooms. The staff member, a tall, bearded man with glasses, is chatting away cheerfully, as if Van hadn’t yesterday been sectioned under the Mental Health Act because he tried to off himself on Monday.

Van’s exhausted. One of the first things he told me when I arrived at 5pm, not wanting to get in the way of his family, who visited earlier in the 3-6:30pm visiting hours window, was that they made him get up at 7am this morning. 7 am. You’d think they’d cut you a bit of slack if you were so ill that there was a law meaning that you had to live in a hospital, for Christ’s sake.

By the time the bearded man has been talking and showing me things for a good fifteen minutes, me mostly nodding and saying “oh right,” “that’s interesting,” and “ah, that’s good,” Van is pretty much resting his whole body weight on my shoulder.

It’s hard to concentrate on anything the man is saying, even though I want to know everything. I want to know when Van has to wake up and fall asleep, I want to know whether they’re checking to make sure he eats and he’s not hurting himself in the middle of the night, I want to know what the other patients are like and whether they’d pick on him in his fragile state, whether they’d bully him for being a ‘rockstar.’ I want to know what the staff is like, whether they’ll restrain him, whether they’ll lock him in his room, I want to know if he’s scared, if he’s angry, if he’s lonely.

I want to know whether this is going to make him better.

Because I don’t know what to do anymore.

***

“Normally we keep visits in the visiting room but things are always a little busy on Fridays,” says the bearded guy as we make it back to Van’s bedroom. He addresses this mainly to me. “The doors stay open during the day, all right? It’s policy.”

I nod at him, resisting the urge to laugh. What does he expect? It’s not like we’re just going to start fucking in the middle of a psychiatric hospital.

The guy leaves and, finally, it’s just us.

Van’s steel-grip on my hand hasn’t loosened since I arrived, but as soon as we’re alone again, he drops it and wraps his arms round my waist, letting his forehead fall onto my shoulder. I bundle him into a hug. I hate how thin he is now, how bony he is. His jeans are supposed to be skinny but they just look baggy on him. His hair falls out. His eyes are sunken. His illnesses are eating him.

His bedroom looks like a university dorm room, and not a nice one; a grotty, city university one with sickly walls and a crusty carpet. He has his own tiny en-suite, which is a big relief --- Van hates shared and public bathrooms --- but the curtains are too thin and the walls are too empty. I brought some photos with me for him to decorate the walls with, photos of us hastily printed off from Facebook after I got home from school, and some flowers to put by his bed. Van asked me to bring flowers when we spoke on the phone earlier. He said it felt dead in here, and he was right. All that’s here is a pile of CDs on his bedside table that his parents brought earlier.

We cuddle for a minute or two before moving to the bed and sitting against the corner of the room, angled towards each other. Van leans onto my chest and I keep my arms tight around him.

The first thing he says is, “How was university today?”

Like he’s my fucking mum. Like it really matters how school was today.

“It was fine, Van,” I say, and can’t help but smile a little. Despite everything, Van’s still Van.

He raises his head to meet my eyes, and catches me smiling. He smiles back all crooked. It’s the best thing I’ve seen all week.

“So what did you do today?” I ask. “I heard that sometimes they bring puppies into places like this and you get to play with puppies. Animal therapy.”

This makes Van smile a little more. “No puppies today, unfortunately.”

He interlaces one of his hands with one of mine. His wrists have got these pads taped to them -- are they called gauzes? I don’t know, I should probably know -- to protect his stitches. He’s going to have severe scarring, according to the doctor back at the regular hospital. I cried when they told me that. Dumb. I wish I hadn’t done that. Crying doesn’t help him. More sadness doesn’t help him. Van didn’t cry. Van just looked straight ahead, like his soul wasn’t even inside his body.

“Well, there was this art teacher who came in…” Van starts talking about the art therapy session he’d had to suffer through. He can’t draw, he says, and people kept trying to talk to him, and he didn’t want to talk to anyone. He just wanted to write. Then he tells me about lunch, his eyes lowering a little, his body shifting. He couldn’t eat anything. It took two hours. He cried and shouted at the staff member who was trying to help him. Then they made him drink this high-calorie drink instead. He gets ‘points’ if he eats actual food, he says. He’s not really sure what the points are for. He doesn’t care.

He senses my pained expression before I even say anything.

“I am going to try,” he says.

I nod and realise I’ve teared up a little. “I know.”

A different staff member glances into the room so quickly I almost don’t notice it happen. She catches my eyes, gives me a little nod, and then speeds away.

“I want to try to get better. I want to get better. I want to try to eat and… I just want to be normal again.” Van shakes his head a little, brings his fist up to his forehead, and then he says, a little quieter, “I just want it to stop.”

I run my hand over his soft hair, wishing so badly I could make it stop. “I know.”

He sighs and rests his head back down on my shoulder. “That feels nice.”

I keep stroking his hair. “Are you tired?”

“I couldn’t... I didn’t sleep last night.”

My mind races. He didn’t sleep. What was he doing? Was he hurting himself? I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve Skyped him to stop him from hurting himself in the middle of the night, but I can’t do that while he’s here ---

“Don’t worry,” he says, reading my mind. “I didn’t do anythin’. I was just…” He chuckles. “I mean, I had a bit of a cry-fest, to be honest.”

My heart hurts. I squeeze him a little tighter and say, “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologising, you knob.”

I snort out a laugh, which makes him laugh too, and then we’re both laughing softly, and for a brief moment, it’s almost like it’s the summer again.

We sit calmly in silence for a minute or so. I make a mental note to bring him a radio when I visit tomorrow.

“It’s just... the people... everyone’s either in these clique-y friendship groups or they just don’t talk to anyone… I just.. it’s just proper lonely. Like I’m the only child, alone again.”

I glance down at Van again and this time it’s he who’s teary-eyed, his jaw clenching slightly.

“I felt like… the room was really bare and creepy and freezing, and… I’m just on my own without my guitar…” He brings up a hand to his face, his voice wobbling. “I just felt really alone.”

It’s because I can’t talk to him at night. I can’t text him. I can’t Facebook message him. I can’t Skype him. I can’t do any of the things I’ve been doing for the past couple of months he’s toured to help him.

And that’s when I get the idea.

I sit up abruptly, sliding away from Van, and pull my jumper, a navy sweatshirt with a tiny Adidas logo on the left of the chest, over my head. I hold it out to Van, and he looks at it, a little confused as to what I’m doing, not quite joining up the dots yet.

“If you wear this at night, it’ll be like I’m there as well,” I say.

Van takes it and looks up at me. “Y-yeah.”

“Sort of, anyway. Close enough.”

“Yeah.”

Van looks at the jumper once more, and then smiles, and then positively jumps on me, pushing us both down to the bed with him lying half on top of me. He kisses me, hands cupping my cheeks, and I wrap my arms around him, wishing I never had to let go.

“I love you,” he murmurs once he draws back, and then rests his forehead against my jaw. “I love you so much.” A tear drips onto my neck, I’m not sure if it’s his or mine, and he says it again. “I love you so much.”

I hold him close to me and say, “I love you too,” but it’s not enough, it never is, and we stay like that for ten minutes, before I say, “You know what did happen at school today...” and launch into a story about the fight that broke out in the food court between two girls over their crush on their French professor, and Van watches me and listens, and everything feels sort of normal and okay. Just for a little while.

[lokischocolatefountain]

An Act of Political Sacrifice

Part: (Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5)

Fandom: Hamilton (Modern AU)

Pairing: Alex x Eliza

Rating: PG for swearing

Word count: 3.2k words

Warning: Historical inaccuracies for the sake of convenience, Philip is a baby, adultery, angst, inappropriate language, therapy, infidelity, really angsty

Summary: Elizabeth Hamilton, with a wonderful career, loving husband, and a child, is satisfied in life. How does she handle it when her husband who could never be satisfied pulls the rug out from under her, destroying everything she held close to her heart?

Alexander Hamilton hadn't heard his wife's voice since the last time she was in their apartment over two months ago. Any conversation between them occurred only when there was a change of plans in picking up Philip from his daycare, and they took place only via text messages. Nothing more, nothing less. So, when the man heard the ringtone he had assigned only to her, he was afraid that it was bad news. Was Eliza alright? 

"Eliza?" he spoke into his phone. 

"Shit! Sorry, I- I don't know what I was thinking," she sounded nasal like she had a cold or was crying. He knew it was the latter, but he wished it was the former. 

"Are you okay?" He asked, getting off his bed and putting on his glasses. 

"I don't know," she said through sniffles. 

"Shall I come over?" Alex didn't bother waiting for her to reply as he grabbed his keys on his way to the front door, while still in his pajamas. 

When Eliza said, "If you're free, please?", the man was already in his car. 

"Be there in ten."

Eliza had moved temporarily into an empty apartment owned by her family as she didn't feel very comfortable surrounded by all the pity and advice from visiting relatives. Her father tried reasoning with her over concerns for her safety, but she was adamant in her decision as always. 

When he reached Eliza's new residence, she was picking up Philip's scattered toys off the floor and throwing them in a large white basket. He said nothing as he helped her with the remaining toys. When he shrieked as he stepped over a piece of lego, he caught the corners of her lips turn slightly upward in amusement. 

"Why does he even have legos?" They had agreed to get him legos for his third birthday, which was only a month away. 

"Well, the two Philips had gone out for grandfather- grandson bonding time and came back with everything they could fit inside the car," she chuckled, throwing in the last piece in the box that Alexander had handed her. 

"He spoils the kid too much," he said, wishing for a second that his father had gotten to know Philip, but rolling his eyes internally when he recalled that the man couldn't be bothered to attend his wedding. 

"Tell me about it," she said, stowing away the box in a mostly empty shelf. He followed her into the kitchen like a new puppy while she talked about her father's bond with their son. 

"It's eleven, and you're having dinner now?" he asked as she helped herself to some pasta. She always ate on time and made sure he did too, being the overly health conscious person she was. 

"I wasn't in the mood. You want some? I wasn't paying attention and made the usual quantity." 

They sat on the couch as they ate together in silence. He was thankful she made more for three reasons: he didn't have dinner, he missed how tasty her dishes were, and mostly because she said she cooked for him as well out of practice. It gave him hope. 

"I was sleepy and made coffee for you yesterday morning," he confessed. When he realized what he had done, he threw the contents down the sink, annoyed with himself, and left for work as quick as possible. She paused playing with her fork and looked up from her plate. 

"Philip knows something's going on," she sighed, putting down the fork. 

"What? How?" 

"Kids know such things, they're not stupid. We don't go out on the weekends anymore, dad or mom are here everyday to check on us, he lives in two separate houses on alternate days, he doesn't see the two of us together," she threw her hands up in the air in frustration and brought them back to the table with a thud. 

"He asked me why we were fighting when I was reading a story to him before bed and I didn't know what to say. I just told him to sleep. God, I'm such a bad mother." She rested her elbows on the table and buried her face in her palms. Alex hurried to her side and she hugged him while he caressed her hair. 

"I'm so scared. I don't know what I'm doing and I can't even talk to anyone because I feel so ashamed. Karen- you know, that asshole Karen- she was suddenly too friendly with mum, inviting herself over and shit. One day, she just brought her son over and began ranting about how much better my life would've been if I married him." 

"Who, John?" He released her from the hug and went back to his chair, recalling Eliza mentioning how the woman was pestering her parents to have her married to her son. She even dated the creature for a month before dumping him just so that she could get the woman off her case. Alex hated him and made it a habit to address him by the wrong name whenever they met at social gatherings. 

"It's Jeff," she pointed out, rolling her eyes. 

"Same thing, Eliza." 

She shook her head in disbelief and continued, "That's not the point. I just couldn't be there. I felt like a burden to mom and dad because they defend me against those people." 

"I'm sure they don't consider you a burden." Alex took her hand in hers and entwined his fingers with hers, just like he always did when she needed comfort.

"I know, but still. They all act so weird around me, or I was just overanalysing everything. Either way, I wasn't very comfortable there." 

They ate in silence and settled on the couch once they were done and watched Toy Story 3 for what felt like the hundredth time. The clock was ticking and he was drowsy. He knew he had to leave and get some sleep if he wanted to be functional the next day, but the way her fingers unconsciously played with his made him want to be there forever. He didn't even make a noise, afraid that she might stop if she realized what she was doing. 

"How have you been?" she asked, seemingly out of nowhere. She looked up from his shoulder with her beautiful round eyes, and god damn they looked so beautiful in the dim light of the television. 

"I'm okay," he answered, halfheartedly. He didn't know whether to pour out his heart to her or pretend everything was okay. All he knew was that he didn't want an argument. 

"Hercules doesn't think so." 

"When did you talk to him?" He should ask Mulligan to shut his mouth and not go around annoying wife about him. She probably didn't want to hear it anyway.

"Does it matter?" 

"I just don't want to whine to you about the problem I created for myself, especially when it hurt you the most," Alex confessed as he caressed her cheek with his thumb. 

"You shouldn't bottle it all up, it's not good," she said, giving his arm a little squeeze. His dear Betsey was the only one kind enough to sympathize with those who hurt her. 

"I know," he breathed, giving her a chaste kiss on her forehead. He didn't want to overstep his physical boundaries with her and it was especially difficult as he didn't know where it was. 

"Maybe we should try therapy. Together," she said playing with the strings of her pyjama pants. 

"For what?" 

"To get better. I read that couples therapy is good for this sort of thing." She was no longer looking at him, her lap seemed more interesting to her with the way she was staring at it. 

"This sort of thing? What do you even mean?" He demanded, his fingers guiding her chin to look at him. 

"Infidelity." 

"Eliza, there's nothing wrong with our marriage, it's just me. I'm a dick," he exclaimed. Her suggestion that something was so wrong with their marriage that they needed therapy was insulting. 

"Alexander," she tried to grab his attention, but he was busy trying to convince her that they didn't need any of that shrink crap. They just took money to make people talk to each other. He could do that on his own time with his wife without a fucking chaperone. 

"Alexander! I can't do this alone." 

"You're not going to do it alone. You have me. We'll work it out together. We're the experts at our own marriage, not some outsider." They had been fixing their problems by themselves perfectly well and didn't need someone else to do it for them. 

"Everytime I try to talk to you about it, I'm too furious to think rationally. We can't do this on our own. Maybe you can, but I can't!" she exclaimed, her eyes pleading with his own.��

"It's normal to get angry." And right, he thought. 

"Yeah, but it's very unhealthy and won't be good in the long run. Listen, I don't want to force you if it's something you don't want to do, but please give it a thought before outright rejecting it."

"I can't saw the elephants, daddy," Philip pouted as he tugged his father's pants to get his attention. In response, Alex carried the boy and sat him on his shoulder, wincing slightly as he gripped his hair in fear of falling off. 

"Can you, now?" 

"Yes!" He squealed playfully as he began narrating a story he heard from his friend about elephants. 

"Why does it have a tail in the front?" 

"It's called a trunk, honey," Eliza answered as she tried to suppress her laughter.

 "Why does it have that?" 

"We have our hands to eat and carry things. Elephants have a trunk instead."

"Then, it should have two trunks, not one. I can't do anything with one hand, like clap," he said, trying to clap with one hand as a way of proving that it wouldn't work. 

It was Philip's birthday and the first time the family was together since the news of the affair was published. Their son, being the animal enthusiast he was begged them to take him to the zoo when asked what he wanted for his birthday. The boy was full of questions about animals, including the monkeys who were having sex. He and Eliza answered his every question to the best of their knowledge and googled the ones they couldn't. 

After a while, they sat down on a bench in front of the meerkat exhibit as Eliza was too tired to walk, while Philip entertained himself watching the animals run back and forth. 

At eighteen weeks into her pregnancy, Alexander could notice Eliza's cute little baby bump that reminded him of the time they were expecting Philip. She was explaining to him the size of their baby (only the size of a can of cola, apparently), how it was punching and kicking and even yawning. It had distinct ears and started developing eyebrows. 

"When do you have to go to the doctor next?" he asked as he watched her rummage through their bag for snacks like a raccoon in the trash. This comparison had earned him a glare years before, which reminded him to keep the comment to himself this time. 

"Tomorrow. It's good that you asked. Can you take Phil home tonight because it's an early appointment and I won't have time to take him to the daycare," she said before biting into an apple. Their kid hated hospitals and he knew it wasn't an option for Eliza to take him along with her. But, it wasn't what he had in mind when he asked her about it. 

"Well- umm- okay," he tried to argue but agreed to her request. 

"You don't sound okay. You don't have to if you're busy. I could drop him off with Dad. He's been complaining about not seeing his grandson enough." 

"Betsey, I'm not busy at all. I just thought I could come with you." He was in fact very busy, but she didn't have to know that. He could think of an appointment that could be attended by his subordinates and wouldn't need his presence. If Eliza drifter farther away from him, he would lose her and his family entirely. 

She looked wide-eyed at him with her mouth full of apple, her surprise indicating how unusual he was being. He had gone with Eliza for only three of her appointments when she was previously pregnant. She signalled him to wait for a second before she hurriedly swallowed it. 

"Alexander, you don't have to," she trailed and continued once she found the perfect word, "overcompensate. You're probably very busy." 

"I'm never too busy for my family," he defended immediately. Eliza raised an eyebrow challengingly as she bit into the apple almost angrily. She then shook her head and looked back at him with a more neutral expression. 

"We're going to fight about this, aren't we?" she chuckled. 

"Seems like that's all we do these days," he said sorrowfully, hanging his head low. She moved closer to him on the bench and rested her head on his shoulder and he took her hand in his. 

"I wish it never happened," she whispered so quietly, he didn't know if he was meant to hear it. She didn't have to mention what it meant. 

"Me too, Betsey. Me too."

Eliza invited him into her apartment when Alex dropped her off after they left their son at the Schuyler mansion, and he gladly went in. The rest of the day went by well. They walked around the zoo slowly until Philip's legs gave out and began falling asleep on his dad's shoulder. They went to his favorite restaurant where he became full right after drinking a small bowl of tomato soup. The conversation had made things uncomfortable for the pair, but they ignored it in favor of putting up an act in front of their kid who seemed happy after a long time to be out with both of his parents. 

"You're too silent these days," she commented as she took his coat from him. 

"I could say the same about you," he countered as he fell back on the couch.

"Well, it's true, but I have the capability to remain silent and we know very well that you can't go more than a minute without speaking in detail about something or the other," she pointed out. 

She switched on the television before she walked to the kitchen to fetch them water. The television, unfortunately, opened on a news channel on which people seemed to be debating him and his affair in particular. Has she forgiven him? There was even a picture of them from today. His wife was elaborately discussed, angering him to no ends. Eliza didn't seem at all bothered by the subject of the program until she changed the channel to one that showed close up images of food. 

He hated her new apartment and everything that was in it. It was complete, just like their home that she hadn't stepped into for months. It was fully furnished with the best furniture, her clothes were kept in her wardrobe as though they belonged there, their son had a room and a new set of everything he had back home. It looked like she had moved in permanently. 

"It's dad. He didn't tell me anything, but I think he hates you," she said, taking a sip of water. 

"That's an understatement," he huffed, recalling the fire in his eyes not too long ago when they dropped Philip off. 

"Yeah, well. He's been buying things for the place I never asked for. It's nothing to worry about. He'll come around soon,”she shrugged.

"It's not really him that I'm worried about," he said, putting his legs up on the coffee table. He didn't like to do that usually, but the furniture here could get all muddy and ugly for all he cared. 

"Well, you should be, Hamilton. He might issue a reward for whomever beheads you. Whenever he comes home, he bitches about you like you bitch about Jefferson and Burr." 

"Have you moved on?" he asked, taking notice of a particular word. Home. This wasn’t her home.

"What? No, I haven't." 

"It looks like you have. You look so comfortable in this house- you called it home and I hate that. This is not- it can't be your home. You have your things lying around everywhere and this place is so lived in and it seems that you've decided to leave our home permanently." 

"I don't think I can come back there, Alexander." 

"What do you mean? It's our home!" 

"It was! Now that I know what you did there, it feels so, ugh," she grunted as she clenched her fists, "disgusting." 

"So you're never coming home. This is your decision," he deadpanned. He should've expected this. When Eliza finally met him after asking for time apart to think, he didn't think the duration was forever. She tried to interrupt him, but he put no effort into listening to her as he poured out his frustrations. 

"What about going to therapy? I thought you wanted us to get better. Have you changed your mind?" he asked, searching his memory for any instance in which he hurt her enough for her to stop considering repair. 

"Alexander!" Eliza's voice brought him back to reality from the depths of his mind. 

"Listen to me. My not coming there has nothing to do with my decision regarding the continuity of our marriage. I don't want to return, not because I want to be separated from you- legally or otherwise, but because it's no longer my home. Do you remember how long it took us to save up enough money to buy that place? The day we moved in? All our funds were locked up and we didn't have enough for groceries. We were hungry, but never happier. It was where we fought, made love, had our child," she paused to gasp. 

"I thought it was ours, I thought our home was as special to you as it was to me, but you willingly brought some girl to our home, our bed, and God knows where else." 

"So, you're not giving up on our marriage?" he asked hopefully, ignoring her words about their home. He understood why she felt the way she did. The fact that they would never live together in their home was painful, but her answer was more than enough for him to hope for a new beginning in a new home.

"How could I? I've loved you for so long that I can't recall myself before you or imagine myself in the future without you. You've been a good husband to me and a wonderful father to Phil, and I have no doubts that you'll be good to next one." There was a hint of a smile as she touched her belly endearingly. 

"You've done something truly horrifying and as much as I'm supposed to shun you from my life for it, I can't because you've been nothing but absolutely sincere in your apologies and actions. I'm terrified of being with you again, of giving you all the broken pieces of my heart because you still wield the power break them to a point of no return,” she said, her voice as vulnerable as it was when she vowed to stand by him for sickness and in health.

"I'll never hurt you ever again, I promise," he choked on his own voice as he buried his face in the crook of her neck as he selfishly took in the comfort of her presence yet again. She let him take her guest bedroom and before that, he kissed her belly and promised their daughter- he wished it was a girl- to be the father she deserved, and the husband her mother deserved.