#my mum knit a lot 40 years ago and you can see it was that eras fashion

[helloresumeme-blog]

It is no secret that bullying and social issues are problematic, at school, on social media, at home and in the workplace.

So why does it happen and how do you deal with it?

The workplace is like our second home, so we should respect it and those in it.

So why is it that people in the workplace are so mean?

It is no secret that bullying and social issue are problematic, at school, on social media, at home and in the workplace.

Given we spend so many hours of our life in our work space, we not only need social interaction to survive, we also need to be happy and to feel valued. When we experience social issues like bullying and exclusion for an extended time, this can lead to complex mental health issues amongst other things.

When you are placed in a work space, you don’t get to choose who you work with. So, you are spending almost 40 hours a week with people who you have to co-operate with.

There are varying reasons for why people at work can be mean, and underlying issues to explain their behaviour.

STAFF IN THE WORKPLACE

Social Comparison.

Cliques.

Territory.

Personality clash.

Many years ago, when I was 16 years old, I attended a school that catered to both adults and adolescents. I was enrolled into the adult section, repeating year 11. There was a 21 year old girl, who learned that I was working at her local Woolworths on the register. For reasons unknown to me, she would regularly come in and taunt me.

As a teen, I assumed that when you become an adult, you mature. But this is not our reality.

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SOCIAL COMPARISON

According to Psychologist Leon Festinger.“

Human beings have the drive to assess their opinions and to know more about their abilities and when they are incapable of evaluating their opinions and abilities, they tend to compare themselves with others.

Active downward comparison happens when a person compares himself with others by demeaning or causing harm to them. By derogating the target or causing harm to him, this person generates a situation in which the target is worse off than him, therefore giving him the chance to make a downward comparison.”

When someone says something cruel to bring another person down, their ultimate goal is to make that person feel insecure.

For the girl who would taunt me, she had decided that there was something about me that threatened her. She had her own insecurities to battle with, so it made her feel better believing she could break me down.

And in case you are wondering, it did not work.

Eventually, she gave up.

_____________________________

In the working environment, we have a lot to prove. When you look around, you see people doing things with what seems to be

‘complete ease.’

For example, a girl I used to work with was an extremely fast typer, so she was able to complete her admin work much faster than I. People have skills and qualities that you don’t have, but vice versa. So, what happens is, we tend to compare. And for some people, this can feel threatening.

When we compare, we do 1 of 3 things.

Accept that they have something we don’t and focus on our own skills.

Be inspired and try to improve upon that skill.

Resent them for having something we don’t.

Question

: What do you do when you can see someone else is progressing further along than you because they are stronger in this skill?

I want to leave you with something on this particular point. When my son and niece were both about 4 years old, my sister and I took them to a mums and Bubs music group.

As we were playing a game where a child would get chosen to “hold the puppets”, my niece desperately wanted to be chosen but wasn't. I saw my sister quietly say to her, “when someone else gets chosen, you should cheer them on”. Her message here was...

"Build others up and celebrate their successes as they happen."

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CLIQUES

A clique is a small close-knit group of people who do not readily allow others to join them.

To feel included and a part of something, requires social interaction.

A social group

is formed by fellow colleagues chatting in the workplace and everyone is welcome to join.

A clique

is a group of people who stick to that group and rarely, others receive invites or acknowledgement from those within the clique.

Usually, there is a leader and how this leader thinks and behaves will potentially influence the others in the clique. So, if the leader is somewhat of a mean girl, the others will generally follow.

The problem with cliques are, for those who are not in them may experience exclusion and isolation, and maybe some workplace bullying.

So what happens when the leader is your manager?

_________________________

Horrible bosses much?

I once witnessed a manager telling her team about a staff member who had called in sick. Our manager didn't believe the employee’s reason and discussed this opinion with her team, giving the girl a bad reputation.

Heres a thought, If she had said nothing, people within the team probably wouldn’t have given it a second thought.

Managers are to manage the team as a whole and individually. So when it comes to personal matters, this should stay between the manager and the individual. This was the moment where I lost confidence and trust in her.

My point here is, my manager was the leader of this clique and those who were not a part of it were gossiped about and spoken down to.

_________________________

So how do you manage people like this?

The issue is their behaviour and beliefs, not them as people.  Although it can be really hard to, separating the 2, may help you navigate this much more easily.

Another consideration is to not always assume the worst. Expect that people will let you down, but don’t assume they will.

Option #1

Why not try getting to know them individually. Separating one from the herd can open doors for change.

Option #2 

Step up and ask why they behave this way. Put them on the spot. Even if it’s your boss. Why this works is because they won't be expecting it. The element of surprise is quite effective.

Option #3 

Take it to the boss. They have a responsibility to ensure each staff member is treated with respect. Even if your boss is close friends with them, do it anyway. They are your boss first and foremost.

_________________________

TERRITORY

Those who welcome others are true role models.

I have a Labrador, she is very playful and great with kids and other dogs. I wanted to take her to my friends place, but decided against it because she has a Rottweiler, who is very territorial.

When we feel secure in a space, it can be confronting and intimidating to have someone else come into that space. I am not saying we are like dogs, but I am saying, there are some emotional and protective similarities.

With kids, its their toys or bedroom. With adults, it’s our work space or home. We like familiarity, and something unfamiliar can make us feel uncomfortable. Some people have the ability to embrace this, but others don’t.

So, when a new staff member enters a workplace, certain people may respond in a negative way toward that person. They may need for others to gain their trust before they let their guard down. This type of person is very territorial. They earned their place there and expect, like a rookie, others should to.

_________________________

So how do you manage people like this?

I believe it is important to allow them the time to get to know you. Don’t hold it against them that this is how they deal with change. Be exactly who you are and do your job well. Focus on your work and learning the ropes. Eventually, by doing this, you will potentially gain their trust and be accepted into friendship with them.

_________________________

PERSONALITY CLASH

Sometimes, it is simply because they just don’t like you. We can't be liked by everyone, even though it does seem as though there are people out there who are loved by all, this is not possible.

We all have annoying traits, and some more than others, so when people are irritated but someone, they may tend to be pretty obvious about this.

A close friend of mine, Hayley, has a very outgoing personality, a great sense of humour, beautiful heart and is very loud. She never hides who she is, so when you meet her, you know exactly who you are getting to know.

She worked with a girl who would say nasty things to her, not because Hayley had done anything in particular to intentionally upset her, but simply because she didn't like how loud she was.

_________________________

Why did this bother her so much?

I believe there was an element of envy here. When someone is drawing attention to themselves, others are likely to stay in the shadows. Also, it can be tough for someone who is introverted to be spontaneous and outgoing. These people may need to do some soul searching.

At the end of the day, we don’t change our personalities so as everyone likes us, we be who we are and if people can't accept this, then tough bickies, that's on them.

_________________________

So how do you manage people like this?

Honestly, you don’t. You can't change other people, but you can only control how you respond. Continue being who you are, so long as you are doing it with integrity. So, if you are loud, that's okay, but don’t do it so as to annoy that person. If you are talkative, don’t antagonise them by talking to them a lot. Say hello and make small talk, but keep it to the minimum.

Showing kindness despite whether or not someone likes you is the best approach. You are then not giving them reason not to like you.

_________________________

Why are bosses mean?

HORRIBLE BOSSES 

Lack of self awareness.

Denial & Culture.

Stress.

Misunderstanding.

Power.

_____________________________

LACK OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Emotional intelligence is a combination of self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy and social skill.

As leaders, It is our responsibility to set an example. When we behave badly, we are setting a tone for our team that certain behaviours are acceptable. So, the second I see my manager gossiping with their staff about other staff, or humiliating them in front of others, I instantly lose a level of trust and respect for them.

When I was working for a medical clinic many moons ago, The office practice manager was renowned for her gossip in the workplace across her team. Every staff member knew and expected no less from her.

One day, a colleague took offence to something I had said which was in no way intended to upset her. A patient had a voicemail left by someone from our clinic and when I listened to it, I recognised my colleagues’ voice. The patient did not understand why this message had been left as it only requested for her to call back.

So, I asked my colleague what she was needing to talk to them about. She became angry with me accusing me of being wrong. I explained that I had heard her voice on the message service and that the patient was on the phone waiting to speak with her as requested.

She raised her voice at me and behaved quite irrational, saying that it is not possible for me to know it is her. Clearly, I had struck a nerve. I decided to end the conversation and advised the patient it must have been an error.

A day later, our practice manager approached me about the matter. What I found to be odd was her message behind what she said. She was talking to me about conflict in the workplace.

I found this to be quite ironic, mainly because she was in no way an example of someone who had an ability to resolve conflict or nurture healthy relationships with those around her.

The point I am making here is, when Managers behave poorly, it makes it very hard for their staff to see them as a leader. Nothing she said resinated with me because my focus was on her hypocrisy.

My boss lacked all of the qualities that made up emotional intelligence. She didn't realise that many staff submitted to her out of intimidation, or that her team perceived her as a dishonest and disloyal manager.

Is your manager actually being mean by gossiping about you or publicly humiliating you by pointing out a mistake you made?

YES! Let’s turn the question around. Is it nice to spread gossip about someone? Is it nice to belittle someone in public?

_________________________

So how do you manage a manager who behaves this way? If I had my time again, I would do this.

Sit them down and let them know that what they are doing is not something you will accept. You are an individual who has a right to feel empowered in the workplace and free from bullying and slander.

If you are worried about making your work environment harder for yourself, then ask yourself, is it not hard already? Would you see yourself staying for the next 5–10 years being treated this way?

By standing up for yourself you could potentially make things better, maybe there could be a future for you there.

If you are worried about losing your job, and you decide not to address the issue because of this, then it may be worth looking for another job. In saying this, consider that it could be the same in the next joint. You can't predict this, neither can you predict whether or not good can come from addressing the issue where you currently are.

You may save yourself a lot of time and energy searching for a new job simply by giving it a crack and fronting up to your manager.

_________________________

DENIAL & CULTURE

Respect is never gained by pushing others around.

When I was 18 years old, I was working at a Gloria Jeans Cafe in Brisbane. The Manager there would yell and swear at her staff, me included.

She even received a complaint from a customer saying she frightened her and will never return again.

One day at work, I had just topped up the beans, both the normal and decaf. My manager didn't trust that I had done it correctly, so she took a handful of each and put her hands out in front of me. She then asked me which was which.

Now, this may seem like a normal and calm situation, but it wasn't. She was angry. I found this quite intimidating and therefore was unable to think clearly. So, I just kept staring at her hands. Finally someone outside the situation stepped in and answered the question. This ended it for me.

This form of behaviour is actually quite common across many work places. The biggest issue is that yelling and swearing in the workplace is not illegal, so unless Human Resources resolve the issue, there are not too many options available.

Did you know these behaviours have names?

Bullying, emotional abuse, psychological torture, verbal abuse in the workplace.

So, why do bosses behave this way?

I recall my manager saying to me one day that her bosses treated her this way when they managed the store. So, was this her way of excusing her behaviour and making it okay?

I believe she recognised that it was wrong, but I also believe she didn't know how not to do it. So, it was easier for her to live in denial and find excuses to make it acceptable.

The trouble is, her team one by one quit. Many of her staff were young girls who would tense up at the sound of her voice being raised. They would silently and subtly cry hoping she wouldn’t notice.

_________________________

STRESS

Work-related mental health conditions AKA psychological injuries, have become a major concern in Australian workplaces.

How much can one person really take on?

I have seen managers makes so many mistakes and absolutely lose it, simply because they are under a lot of pressure.

If your manager is under a lot of pressure and they are behaving terribly because of this, maybe it’s worth gently letting them know. I would not recommend talking to their superior about it unless you have already tried to address it with your direct manager and they were unwilling to listen.

It is not just you at risk, it is your manager, the company and the team who suffers.

Why it’s important to go to your manager first is, they may be the kindest person in the world when not stressed. They may just need to have it pointed out to them the impact on the team.

They may not be aware of the extent of the problem, or they may even have things going on in their personal life in addition. Who knows if your boss just had their husband or wife leave them that morning.

I am not saying their behaviour is acceptable, but there is a way around addressing it by bringing the issues to light and supporting them at the same time.

Sometimes managers too, need support. Yes, they are our leaders, but they are human beings who rarely get the recognition they deserve. In fact, they are more likely to be criticised than complimented.

_________________________

MISUNDERSTANDING

To be slow to react takes strength and wisdom.

Misunderstandings happen all the time, I would even be inclined to say nearly on the daily. The biggest issue with misunderstandings is, sometimes there are no opportunities to clear them up. Like a misunderstanding with a stranger who you never see again.

They can also lead to major problems, like mistakes at work or office conflict that never gets resolved.

When I began working for a company many years ago, my manager failed to train me on certain things. She ran the show quite differently to other managers. 6 months later, I was transferred to another site, and my new manager noticed that I didn't know as much as I should have.

I copped a lot of flack from her and other staff until finally, we had conversation that helped her realise I had not been told or taught certain things.

This was a defining moment for both of us. Not only did it improve our relationship but it also improved our work life. By learning this, she began to teach me things I didn't know and found that I was actually a pretty good employee. But had she not learned the underlying issue, I would have eventually left.

If you notice your boss is behaving unkind or frustrated toward you, maybe just ask them why. Who knows what information might come to light.

_________________________

POWER

Power is to be used for good, not evil.

I am going to share a little story again, this one i’ll never forget. Earlier I mentioned I was working at a Gloria Jeans Cafe. The Manager set the tone for the Shift Supervisors that they can behave just as poorly.

One shift supervisor, Hannah, was regularly on a power trip. Her issue was that she not only gained no respect from the team but she positioned herself in a place only to be made fun of.

It was getting late in the day and Hannah was checking in that everything was being completed for closing, so she turned to the team and yelled “That dishwasher had better be down by 3pm, OR ELSE!”

Now, if this had have been a big brawly man with a powerful voice, maybe the intimidation tactic may have worked. But not for Hannah.

My colleague Taylor responded with, “Or what Hannah, what are you going to do?”. Of course, the entire team burst out in laughter at poor Hannahs expense. Let’s face it though, she kind of asked for this.

My last manager on the other hand did use his

power and intimidation

to influence his staff to ‘

perform

’. The secret about people who try to use ‘

power & intimidation

’ as a means to getting results, they need to be challenged. Submitting to them is only reinforcing their behaviour.

I rang my boss one day and told him that I didn't appreciate something he had done, to my surprise, he accepted my request to change that behaviour. The issue still was, that although he changed toward me, he continued to behave poorly toward other staff. All but 2 staff eventually quit.

When it comes to finding a solution, I recommend trying to resolve the matter with the person rather than going straight above them. Give them an opportunity to work through it with you rather than making a complaint.

_________________________

Here are 15 steps you could follow to help you determine how to identify underlying issues and how to best approach someone or a group of people in the workplace.

Consider the motivation behind their behaviour.

How is this behaviour impacting on you and your ability to work?

What about their behaviour would you like to see changed?

If they were to make the changes, how could they go about this?

Do you feel comfortable talking to them about the issue?

If you do feel confident having a chat with them, ask them to meet with you for a coffee.

If not, maybe consider asking a third party to be present so you are able to.

Let them know that their behaviour is having an impact on you and your work and ask them why they are doing this.

Whether or not they respond with an answer, remind them that it is impacting you and let them know what you would like to see changed.

Then ask them if they feel this is a reasonable request.

If they disagree, let them know that it’s an expectation of yours to see something change. Ask them what they feel may be more reasonable.

If they can't give you anything. Then there is nothing more you should do here. Document it and take it to your superior or their superior.

If they respond well to your approach, then this is a great opportunity to build a new relationship with someone you possibly never thought you would.

NEVER try to approach more than 1 person at a time.

Make sure to document everything that happened in the conversation and the changes you both agreed to put in place.

[ancientbrit]

Natter # 12  12/06/2020

Subject: Re: MI MG Natter # 12 12/25/20 - The Christmas edition

On Wed, Dec 9, 2020 at 11:28 PM Gordon Polson <

ancientbrit2@gmail.com

> wrote:

Today, (Sunday 12/06/20) -  I was reminded of the course we ran at Shoreline a couple of years ago on 'Latin for Gardeners'. If you didn't see it, the Seattle Times ran a great article on the selfsame topic in their "At home in the NW"  Sunday supplement and it too makes great reading. It rather simplifies the subject and makes it very digestible, which is probably why our class went down so well. If you have never given much thought to horticultural Latin you should check this article out, it is very refreshing and understandable.Let's face it, the use and understanding of it is vital to really knowing what you are growing, and if you have any intent to raise plants from cuttings or divisions to be sold at the Plant Sales, it is essential. With positive ID you will have access to correct soil treatments, pruning, if it is poisonous or fragrant, has spines or flowers and so on. The article was based on a new book entitled "The Gardeners Botanical: An encyclopedia of Latin Plant Names" written by Ross Blayton who comes via the University of Reading (UK), Kew Gardens (UK) and Heronswood. The writer of the article proposes that a little botanical Latin self-study might make better use of some of your gardening off-season hours than re-watching that TV series that you already watched umpteen times already. 'Sounds reasonable. The book costs $30 - $40 or so at Amazon and I have ordered my copy already locally. Our veggies have not done quite so well this year and the outlook is not exactly encouraging either. Jean has a double row of 3 foot high pots along our southern exposure. Well, not exactly an exposure anymore. When we first lived here, we were able to grow a mass of all different veggies, fruit and flowers. Then after a few years another couple built a house next door to the south and erected a close-together row of evergreen trees right on the property line. I complained at the time to the husband that they would grow to be too big and he agreed that he would top the trees when they had knitted together. I wasn't going to tell him that topping was a bad idea - I wanted the trees gone. Two years or so on, they divorced and now the trees are higher than our roof and totally block any sun from reaching the pots until high noon on the longest day of the year. They have also bushed out into our garden, further reducing usable space. In addition, my Banana grove has now reached around 12 trees which effectively blank the western end so that the setting sun, which used to help out, is now totally blocked and it looks like this will be the last year we will be able to grow there. I can and will reduce the bananas but that will only allow a minimal amount of light in, unfortunately. In addition to this, the borrowed raised beds in which I used to grow tomatoes, onions. leeks, lettuce etc, have now been removed as the house has been sold. Right now I am trying to find out if the PeaPatch program will still be operating in 2021 at Luther Burbank and if so, will there be any going spare, 'Not having a deal of luck just yet, but we shall see. Now with Christmas just around the corner, I get a bit maudlin and my thoughts tend to dwell on the past a lot. All the wonderful Christmasses we had during the war, which somehow seems a contradiction in terms. My Dad was one of eight children and my Mum one of four sisters and thus our Christmasses were crowded, exuberant, noisy and memorable. Uncles, Aunts and cousins wherever you looked and the food was to die for.      I frequently threw up! Christmas Eve was always lovely. Walter next door would always take his daughter Mary, my sister Joan and me to the Watch Night Service at St Dunstan's church in the village, right at the top of the hill. Just across the road is ' Whitehall' - a large wooden house from Henry VIII time and still standing and in use today, It always seemed to be freezing cold on these nights and the footpath would sparkle with frost and would ring as you walked on it. It was about a mile and a half to the church I suppose, but we talked constantly on the way and it seemed to take no time at all to get there. These sort of night walks were pure magic during this early part of the war when nothing much was happening, The Blackout was total. No streetlights, not a trace of a chink of light from houses or pubs and only the occasional glow from a bus or commercial vehicle driving slowly behind headlamps that were about 90% covered over. The night was like black velvet studded with millions of stars.  There were so many to be seen, all twinkling away, from horizon to horizon. The number of shooting stars were legion - they would pop into view every few seconds. As I said, it was a magical time. This was before my Dad joined the Navy in 1942 and was sent to India, never to be seen again until 1947. Before he left we would frequently visit his sister Jessie and family. They lived about 45 minutes away by 213 bus down by the Beverly Brook. Uncle Jimmy had a large aviary in his back garden which I loved and of course, there was always my cousin Janet, for whom I always had a crush. Our visits always seemed to last for ages, which meant that when we left it would usually be in darkness. Leaving their house we would walk about half a mile to the bus stop and catch the 213 again which would drop us near the end of our road about 45 minutes later. Halfway along our road there was an intersecting alleyway that sort of crossed the road. It provided rear access to people's gardens and was okay during the day - everything could be seen. But this was now, and now was as black as the ace of spades with nothing in either alleyway visible - just a deep black void. 

I was seven, my sister ten. The only illumination would be by small penlight torch, supplied by a #8 battery - which were always in short supply, so you rarely switched it on so as to save the juice - not that the light was ever more than a sort of sickly, flickering, yellow light! My Dad would take our hands, one on each side and as we walked down the road, with Mum trailing, he would start telling a made-up story that we loved, even though it terrified. And so, in a very low, slow and deep voice, he would start talking, timing the tale to culminate at the alleyway. "In a  dark,   dark  town, there was a   dark,   dark  road. And in that   dark,  dark  road there was a  dark,   dark   alley.  And in that  dark,  dark  alley - THERE WAS A GHOST! This last bit almost yelled loudly and quickly and we would both jump - every time. It was great! At the top of the hill in Cheam Village proper was St Dunstan's -  my church and was intimately connected with the school I attended from 8 till 11 years old. All the Saints days were kept and the whole school would walk to the church in a crocodile. It wasn't a very 'high' church but it was special to me at any rate - I love it still. It is totally built of stone and although old it is not the ancient sort of building to be found in many other places. St Dunstans itself has been serving the community for over 1000 years, although this current building has only been there since 1864. Turning left off the main Malden Road up to the Lych Gate, through the graveyard, and through the main heavy oaken doors, deeply studded with large, square-headed iron nails, you would catch that delicious scent of pine and cedar, overlaid with an occasional whiff of incense as you walked to your pew, surrounded by candles, hundreds of candles, to the low muttering of the organ, as people talked in hushed tones. I love the feeling that these churches propagate in me. I always feel that my voice has to be low, quiet and reverent, as the history all around soaks in by osmosis.  For this service, it always seemed warmer than on other occasions, although I doubt that it would have kept people away if it had been as cool as it normally seemed. The Reverend Dr Hayman, was our resident vicar -  a very softly spoken, nice man whose large Vicarage is built next to the Whitehall, which was on the corner of Anne Boleyn's Walk. He preached great sermons and on these special occasions, it was a delight to hear him. There was always a Creche a little behind the.lecturn with bunches of chrysanthemums and greenery spread about. The service was liberally sprinkled with hymns and carols which I loved. My friend Ken Coleman was in the choir and he always looked out of character wearing his choirboy's surplice with it's high white collar. He was never able to convince me that he was as angelic as he appeared!I loved to sing but I could never summon the courage to apply to the choir, but I did sing descant to many of the carols and hymns for my own pleasure. The service always seemed to be over almost before it had started and then it was back down the hill to home. Goodnight to Walter and Mary, a mug of cocoa and so to bed, making sure that stockings were appropriately hung at the mantelpiece.

   Four of my good friends were married at St Dunstan's, but Jean and I were married at St Lawrence's (built in 1636) as this was Jean's parish church in Morden, but somehow I always felt a bit cheated that I hadn't been married at St Dunstan's.

My sister and I always managed to wake early on Christmas morning, just to make sure that the stockings had been filled. The house would be quite cold at this time as there was no insulation - I don't think the technology existed at this level then. Some heating was provided by a coke-fired boiler in the kitchen which supplied domestic hot water via a hot water tank inside an airing cupboard in the bathroom above, making the bathroom a favorite place to start the day. To even the temperatures throughout the house meant lighting coal fires in the individual rooms each day so that the morning took a little time to reach comfort level. My Dad also had a great habit of preparing Sunday breakfast, frying tomatoes in pork or bacon fat in a tart pan on top of the boiler. They would simmer for ages and reduce to a jam-like consistency which was wonderful spread warm over bread and butter. The windows were all single glazed and a glass of water left overnight on the bedside table would be solid ice come the morning. It all had the benefit of making one move with alacrity first thing. There were no turkeys -  I don't think anybody had even heard of them, I certainly hadn't, but there would be a chicken, a leg of roast Pork with the skin still on, which had been slashed through in parallel strips, - which went crispy when roasted and were delicious (Crackling) Plus the usual and expected, brussels sprouts, roast parsnips, pork chipolatas (thinnish delicious pork sausages)  roast and mashed potatoes, stuffing, Yorkshire pudding and gravy. Dessert was a flaming Christmas Pudding served hot with custard or Brandy Butter and containing lucky silver threepenny bits, so you had to watch out for your teeth This was served around 1- 2 pm, following which the adults would collapse about the place after the dishes had been washed and put away and the children were expected to go for a walk in the park taking Jock, our dog.Taking an extended walk through Cheam Park and into Nonsuch Park we would return a bit muddy and Jock would be carrying his usual gift of a tree branch or quite frequently a lump or two of horse manure in his mouth! He was something of a gourmet! Coming through the door we would find everybody sitting around drinking tea or other brown liquids from glasses, the men smoking cigars whilst they reminisced about Christmasses past, with frequent and not understood (by us) references to past indiscretions - always good for a laugh from them. After a while, there would be a slightly uncomfortable movement towards getting tea ready, which meal was usually served around 7 pm. The table would be set with the usual stiff white linen table cloth on which were placed all manner of great dishes, almost all of which were served cold. There was cold, sliced pork and ham, celery sticks in a special crystal vase. This was a wonderful, slightly pink celery which would be eaten out of hand, dipping one end into a pile of salt on the edge on the plate and eaten with bread & butter. Unfortunately, this variety of celery seems to have disappeared ever since the easier to grow 'Pascal' green celery was introduced. I have never been able to find it in seed catalogues either here or back home, but the flavor was far superior to the self-blanching types extant. Under EU rules if you wanted to keep a variety growing you had to pay some exorbitant fee to the EU government and since the Pascal variety was easier to grow and thus cheaper to produce, this is the one that was sold and so it was too expensive to maintain the pink line I suppose and it is probably lost to cultivation now. So short sighted and sad - just one victim of hundreds. Then there were fruit jellies (Jello here) containing little bits of the appropriate fruit, blancmanges in strawberry and lemon flavors - all of these would be made in fancy-shaped jelly moulds and then turned out upside down on a plate and served from there. And trifle, always trifle!  There would also be a bowl of Libby's fruit salad, plus hot Mince pies, sausage rolls and maybe slices of cold Christmas Pud and finally  - 'The Cake'.This is a very traditional cake with minor variations served at Christmasses, Weddings and sometimes Christenings. It is based on a Dundee fruit cake which is NOT, I hasten to add, anything like the much-maligned, so-called fruit cakes I have seen here thank goodness. The ones that I have seen look like a pile of dried fruit, bound together somehow into a block, which then seems as if it was varnished all over to a high gloss. No wonder they have a foul reputation.

The Dundee top has a pattern of almonds on it and the whole outside is given a layer of marzipan, which is then coated in Royal Icing. It is superb.  Well made, it is capable of lasting in edible condition for years if stored correctly. At weddings, where there are tiered cakes, any that remains is cut into slices, packed in special little boxes and sent to those friends and relatives who were unable to make the event. My brother-in-law Denis  used to take prizes for this cake when he entered it in the local Summer fair. One tradition in eating this cake is to accompany it with slices of a strong, nutty cheese. it cuts the richness and seems to enhance the flavor the same way it does if eaten with apple pie! When once we get back to some semblance of normality, I will have to make one for our traditional 'Bun Fight.'  This isn't an empty threat  - I made my sister's wedding cake and it went over very well -  a real labor of love. Do not imagine for one moment that I will take NO for an answer either! Along with delicious food, there of course, have to be Christmas Crackers and these are handed around, pulled and their contents worn, laughed over or played with. All this largesse was obviously not a daily event. Rationing was severe and continued long after the war was over, right into 1952 and became even more severe than it had been during the war. Ration coupons had to be saved for months just for this one special event. The Christmas puds were made a couple of months in advance and the whole family was expected to take a stir of the mixture (very stiff) as you made a silent wish. To get a true Christmas Pudding takes an awful lot of fruit and other goodies. It also takes about eight hours of steaming in a china basin. After it has cooled, the cloth covering needs to be changed for a clean one and the whole thing stored until needed. When that time arrives, it then has yet another cloth tied over the top of the basin and it is steamed for another four or five hours and served hot as I mentioned. I think it is a wonderful thing to eat, hot or cold but I cannot persuade our daughter in law to even try it. I have to admit that it is very rich but the flavor and mouthfeel are superb. I should also mention that the recipe was formulated when people actually worked physically most days, even if it was just walking to and from shops or whatever - nobody owned a car except our local MD Dr Kerr and so you could work the extra pounds off without even knowing that you were doing so. Then of course comes Boxing Day, a wonderful and most sensible institution. Christmas Day is so hectic and filled with - food, that you really need another day to recover. When you consider that in the States, people travel hundreds of miles to get home for just the one day and then struggle back, frequently battling snow and lousy weather to return the following day, it is positively savage. Boxing Day is all about relaxing. You wake up late-ish - if you want. Have a leisurely breakfast, maybe read the paper, then get dressed and walk around to visit friends. You are invited in and partake of maybe a glass of wine, sherry, beer or just tea/coffee, along with a few comestibles to nibble on as you talk about whatever. After an hour or so, you move on to another favorite friend's house, or not and repeat the process. This can go on all day, or you can return home and be visited in turn. Frequently a long bracing walk is called for after the previous day's excesses and so you are gradually allowed to return to normal.Of course one of the joys of the aftermath of Christmas is that there is always lots remaining, leading to cold meat sandwiches, eggs and bread fried in pork or chicken fat - absolutely delicious, toasted bread spread with both of those fats including the dark jelly at the bottom of the bowl.  And one of my personal delights - 'stealing' strips of cold meat from the leavings.This all has to carry you through until Springtime as New Year isn't celebrated the way it is here.

As I reached my teens New Year was celebrated by my friends and me by trooping up to Trafalgar Square in London, but that is a tale for another time, so I will say goodnight for now. Your fearless leader. Gordon

[sandy-sims]

100  questions nobody ever asks! ❓

I was tagged by @sim-bubble! (and a few more people but I can’t remember who, I’m sorry!)

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? I don’t have a closet! My bf does though, and we sleep with it closed.

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels? Yeah, if they’re from a fancy hotel!!

3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? I didn’t realise people tucked their sheets in? :o

4. Have you stolen a street sign before? Nope.

5. Do you like to use post-it notes? Sure!

6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? Noo, couponing isn’t really a thing here!

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees? A bear! Much easier to escape from. When we were in Florida we actually saw a wild bear right in front of our villa, we ran to the door and watched it from the window. 

8. Do you have freckles? Nopee. Freckle free since 98′

9. Do you always smile for pictures? Yep! If I know the picture is being taken!

10. What’s your biggest pet peeve? Oh boy, idk? I have so many petty pet peeves aha! It really annoys me when people don’t tip waitresses and waiters.

11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Not since I was little!

12. Have you peed in the woods? Yep! Me and my family go hiking and backpacking a lot! 

13. Have you ever pooped in the woods? Nope.

14. Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing? Umm no I don’t think so!

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils? Yes, all the time.

16. How many people have you slept with this week? 1.

17. What size is your bed? Double!

18. What is your song of the week? I’ve been weirdly obsessed with this song, it has a great message and an awesome rhythm.

19. Is it OK for guys to wear pink? Of course.

20. Do you still watch cartoons? Yeah, I watch scooby-doo all the time! I still watch the simpsons too, if that counts.

21. What is your least favorite movie? Umm! This is hard lmao, I rarely watch movies, and only do if it’s something I really want to see! Me and my boyfriend went on a double date with our two friends to see Me Before You and all agreed it was terrible.

22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? Umm in my back garden? Otherwise I’d probably forget where I’d buried it. 

23. What do you drink with dinner? Diet Coke or wine lmao.

24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in? I like them naked.

25. What is your favorite food? Sushie, roast potatoes or yorkshire puddings lmao

26. What movies could you watch over and over again and still love? Any Scooby-Doo animated movies, Saving Private Ryan, Lord of the Rings/Hobbitt movies.

27. Last person you kissed/kissed you? le boyfriend

28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout? I was a boy scout for years lmao. In the UK we have ‘scouts’ and ‘girl guides,’ boys generally go to scouts and girls generally go to girl guides, but I hated all the girls I knew when I was younger xD 

29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? Oh boy, idk? Never say never! 

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? Oh boy, probably the last time I wrote to my penpal, like, 3 years ago.

31. Can you change the oil on a car? No aha, I’m clueless. I can barely fuel up xD

32. Even gotten a speeding ticket? Nope, thank god omg. My parents would kill me. 

33. Even ran out of gas? Not yet!

34. What’s your favorite kind of sandwich? Plain ol’ cheese!

35. Best thing to eat for breakfast? Pancakes at weekends, I make great pancakes. Me and Kit make European pancakes every Sunday lmao. But during the week I like Bagels with cheese, because it’s quicker!

36. What is your usual bedtime? Around 2:00am.

37. Are you lazy? Yep!

38. When you were a kid, what did you dressed up as for Halloween? Witch pretty much every time lmao.

39. What is your Chinese astrological sign? Tiger!

40. How many languages can you speak? I speak conversational Russian and French.

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Nope.

42. Which are better: LEGOS or Lincoln Logs? What are Lincoln Logs? 

43. Are you stubborn? Yes aha!

44. Who is better: Leno or Letterman? I don’t know them I’m afraid.

45. Ever watch soap operas? I have, but not anymore.

46. Are you afraid of heights? Yes.

47. Do you sing in the car? Yes, all the timee.

48. Do you sing in the shower? Noo, weirdly enough. I prefer baths to showers tbh

49. Do you dance in the car? Not rlly.

50. Ever used a gun? Yeah, at a shooting range. I used to date a military maaaaaan who loved things like that. 

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? When I graduated Sixth Form in May! 

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Nope, I love them!

53. Is Christmas stressful? I love Christmas! I’m not really involved in organising anything, so no, not stressful for me! Finding gifts can be tough though! 

54. Ever eat pierogi? Nope.

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? ummmmm I swear the only fruit pies we have here are apple pies aha! And I don’t really like apple pie.

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? astronaut.

57. Do you believe in ghosts? Yeaah.

58. Ever have a deja-vu feeling? Yep!

59. Do you take vitamin daily? When I was a vegetarian I did.

60. Do you wear slippers? Yes, I love them omg. They’re big fluffy white dogs.

61. Do you wear a bath robe? Yep! But we call them dressing gowns not bath robes! 

62. What do you wear to be comfortable? My pajamas lol I live in them

63. What was your first concert? Blink 182 I think, or Greenday.

64. Walmart, Target or KMART? We don’t have any of these things in the UK lmao, but I’ve been to a walmart and a target once.

65. Nike or Adidas? Adidas.

66. Cheetos or Fritos? We don’t have these.

67. Peanuts or Sunflower Seeds? Peanuts!

68. Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? Nope.

69. Ever take dance lessons? Noo, I am the least graceful person ever.

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Ummm not really, no! 

71. Can you curl your tongue? Yep.

72. Ever won a spelling bee? We don’t really have spelling bees.

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yeah!

74. Own any record albums? A few.

75. Own a record player? Yeah.

76. Do you regularly burn incense? Not regularly.

77. Even been in love? Definitely.

78. Who would you like to see in concert? The Beatles would’ve been cool.

79. What was the last concert you saw? I went to see Take That last month with my boyfriends mum.

80. Hot Tea or Cold Tea? Cold, I don’t like hot tea.

81. Tea or Coffee? Coffee.

82. Sugar Cookies or Snickerdoodles? I don’t know aha.

83. Can you swim well? Yeah.

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes aha.

85. Are you patient? Definitely not.

86. DJ or Band at a Wedding? Band!

87. Ever won a contest? Yeaah, I won a writing contest when I was like 13 and won tickets for an Olympic football game between Canada and UK!

88. Have you ever had plastic surgery? Nope.

89. Which are better: Black or Green Olives? Neither omg 

90. Can you knit or crochet? I can knit, badly.

91. Best room for a fireplace? Living Room defo

92. Do you want to get married? Maybe, one day, idk

93. If married, how long have you been married? 0

94. Who was your high school crush? I liked/dated a whole bunch of people during highschool omg. But there was this one guy that had a crush on me for a while, and I was always secretly quite fond of him too but I never told him. He was a very gentle soul and had a wonderful accent.

95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? No aha

96. Do you have kids? Nope!

97. Do you want kids? Ummmm I really don’t know. Maybe.

98. What is your favorite color? Orange

99. Do you miss anyone right now? Some of my old friends.

100. Who are you going to tag to do this tag next? @simsomedia, @our-dazed-sims, @dreamteamsims, @tea-sims, @peonypyxels, @simssprout, @cinemasims, @noonicorn, @simwithsparkles, @scampsims, @nicotinc, @dank-owski, @zauglom, @theuniquepoutine, @vodkasims and @andromeda-sims! If you’ve done this already, or just don’t want to, no worries!

[salutethepig]

My Dad's pigs

Well, strictly, there weren’t his.

OK, I’d better give you some more background hadn’t I? There’s already some words on my Mum in this blog from earlier, so it seems only right that he also gets a fair crack of the narrative whip in my ongoing pig tales. And I’m actually more than a little surprised that I’ve not got around to talking that much about them — except in passing — until now, some years after the blog was started. So, sorry to you both! I love you; it wasn’t a deliberate slight 🙂

But first, here’s a shot of the (in-)Famous Five. Not sure where this was taken but I’m the one on the right in the back row. By the way, you will note that my pristine discriminate suss vis a vis clothes, hair-cuts and general hard-core posing, has always been with me…

Dad had an interesting, varied life. He’d been a merchant sailor on the Russian Convoys in WWII. He’d graduated from the Royal College of Music as a pianist and, initially at least, taught piano, but after he’d met my Mum (met up again that is; they’d split up and gone their separate ways, until Mum went down to Devon and, so her version goes, “dragged him back to Oxford and away from that other woman”), five children came along in rapid succession and it was soon apparent that the measly pay offered a music teacher wasn’t enough to support us all. Taking a cue from his own Dad, he re-trained as an accountant and started working for firms up & down the country. We moved. A lot. By the first 10 years of my life, I think we’d had 4 or 5 different places we called home.

And a couple of early shots of them attending someone elses’ wedding and, in the second, their own.

[I’ve even recently attempted to map some of the houses — it’s available here as The Bulow Clan homes for any of you stalkers out there — and, using Street-view, took a look at how they’re doing now. It’s quite surprising quite how much hasn’t changed from my memories of them, memories in some cases, from over 40 years ago]

Whilst it meant that we were forever making & then saying good-bye to short-lived friendships (at first those children next door, or just along the road, then later, those at primary school), it also resulted in us becoming a superbly well-tuned and tight-knit fighting unit, skilled at packing up one day and then efficiently moving these 7 people, their dog and their furniture to a new location, the very next day. I think I said before that my Mum could easily have organised the Normandy landings — her grasp of logistics was that good. We were the civvie equivalent of the Royal Engineers, moving men, vehicles & supplies through a devastated wasteland.

Here’s a later retirement shot — from the back garden in their nice, newly built, modern house. Finally, my Mum got to have a house that she didn’t have to look after all the time. Didn’t stop her still doing so, mind you…

And then, just like that, Dad gave up the life of an accountant and became a pig farmer. Well, in my memory, it was like that. In all likelihood, it took probably a few weeks or months — at least — to convince my Mum that this wasn’t the most insane idea he’d ever had. Dad was bright (and funny and kind), but sometimes you wouldn’t know it. He also could (and did) drink. And that was a problem at times. I recall being driven by him (in retrospect, a very pissed him) at high-speed around Bournemouth, where we were visiting his parents and after he’d had a row with Mum. He was often pretty useless with money; rather surprising for an accountant and I recall Mum keeping separate little pots for each bill and, once or twice we kids and Mum had to hide silently under the bed and pretend that we weren’t in, when the milkman (or similar dunned debtor) came a’ knockin’.

But become a pig farmer he did. There were, I’m sure, some sharply hissed, unkind words from behind the closed bedroom door or from the front-room, as they discussed it, but again, in my memory, we just effortlessly and calmly segued into our new lives on farms. Dad had always loved pigs, working with them in Devon, so, whilst an unexpected change of tack — at least to us — maybe not a total bombshell for my Mum. Who knows now? But there we were. Living in farm cottages as Dad never owned his own farm; he was always a tenant farmer. But one big advantage of this was that the job came complete with a large house. I’m sure the wages were pretty crap but at least they didn’t have to find rent money and were able to have separate bed-rooms for (most) of us!

Here’s the place at Kingsdown, in Kent. We moved here when I was just 11, from the previous farm in Essex. This was the last one he worked at and it specialised in careful, highly skilled breeding programmes. Now. this pristine, white house is divided into two properties but when we were there, it was all ours. Complete with nests of rats under the garden shed. An endless source of fun for us and the family and farm dogs. Corn fields behind. Bluebell woods on the horizon. And an old Royal Marine training ground  further along the farm road — dangerous as all hell, full of collapsing tunnels, hidden drops and unstable sandy banks, so therefore irresistible to us.

And here, the farm buildings that housed the pigs, now looking almost deserted (and a likely asbestos health & safety nightmare), but these were where Dad worked, where we all ‘helped’ him and, from the concrete jetties, where the animals were loaded and off-loaded. The grain store and chute, at the back, was another treasure trove of rats for hunting. Oh, and it also had a large oil-drum sized tub of black molasses given to the pigs to supplement their diet. Scooping a fistful out when no one was looking, was a treat for all of us kids.

And so, as I said therefore, not his pigs. But as far as the porkers and we were concerned, they may as well have been. He loved them. He cared for them. He bedded them down when they were ill, supervised their births, farrowing, feeding, growth and deaths.  As a breeding experimental site, we had quite tight access controls (for that time); and the occasional foot & mouth outbreaks nearby meant we often went into lock-down and once — luckily only the once — we had to watch as all the animals there had to be killed and burnt. An horrific sight, sounds and a smell that lingered in the air and clothes and even the hedgerows for days afterward. A lot of us cried that day. Including my Dad.

An earlier farm was also the cause of more than one or two nightmares for me. The pig manure was swept into huge underground pits (using what were, in effect, giant rubberised Squeegee mops) from where it was rather (to me) ingeniously pumped out, through a network of pipes either onto the nearby fields or into tankers for disposal elsewhere. Leaning over the manhole covers, seeing the churning, stinking dark, seething mass below, made me wake screaming in the night as I ‘watched’ Dad slip into it and get sucked away.

Gentle reader? Of course, it never happened. For which I for one am profoundly grateful. He went on to live for another 30 years or so.

But “what about the pigs”, I hear you cry? “Tell us more about them”?

Despite (or rather because of) the intensive breeding attempts, these weren’t anything special — certainly not rare breed types, just pink & large — except in their ability to grow quickly to weight, to be low in fat, to produce large litters. You know, the same as everyone else, the same as almost the entire rest of the world was looking for. We (Dad and his fellow pig-herds) were ‘guilty’ of the crimes I’ve previously excoriated the English farmer for. I suppose we could claim that this was a different time and that we “knew no better”, and in all honesty, I think that’s pretty much the case. I don’t recall anyone then extolling the benefits of the old style pigs — hardier, tastier, able to live outside — whilst calling for them to be retained. The dash for profit was headlong and Dad’s employers weren’t immune to that siren call. So these ones weren’t kept outside; they lived in inside sties. The floors were concrete (although they had huge quantities of fresh straw changed twice daily to move around on, root round in, dig for their food in). Food was generally high-energy pellets. They got given some fruit on occasions. But precisely because this was a breeding farm and the owner was paranoid about infections or diseases from outside, pigs weren’t allowed the scraps and swill from school canteens that we saw used on the earlier farms.

Ideal? No. Unfeeling? Yes, pretty much I guess. The sows had large-ish farrowing crates even then, so the natural bonding that should occur was less likely to happen. We docked tails. We de-tusked the boars. They didn’t get to run around outside, to root, to dig, to play in the way that this most sociable of animals needs to. And whilst I never saw anyone treating them cruelly or unkindly, still, this was a processing operation. I’m not happy looking back at the lives these animals led because of us.  I’m unsure how to end this piece. For the time and place, they had a better life than some and Dad was uniformly caring of them. I suppose that’s the best I can say. Somehow though, it doesn’t seem a fitting epitaph for all the work and care and effort that he put into his animals. We never really spoke about this or how welfare for animals had changed when we’d both got older. And I regret that. And I miss him. Of course. But I think he’d have approved of my coming back to write about these lovely creatures. Thanks Bernie. For everything.

Oh, and one last thing? As far as I know, we’re not related to this branch of the extended Bulow Clan. We visited there whilst living in Florida. A beautiful place, calm, green, verdant. And yet. And yet. The stench of slavery — like burning pork — doesn’t wash away, even in the torrential Florida rains…

In 1821, Major Charles Wilhelm Bulow acquired 4,675 acres of wilderness bordering a tidal creek that would later bear his name. Using slave labor, he cleared 2,200 acres and planted sugar cane, cotton, rice and indigo. Major Bulow died in 1823, leaving the newly established plantation to his seventeen year old son, John Joachim Bulow.

After completing his education in Paris, John Bulow returned to the Territory of Florida to manage the plantation. Young Bulow proved to be very capable. John James Audubon, the famous naturalist, was a guest at the plantation during Christmas week 1831. In a letter to a patron, Audubon wrote:

“Mr. J.J. Bulow, a rich planter, at whose home myself and party have been for a whole week under the most hospitable and welcome treatment is now erecting some extensive buildings for a sugar house.” Bulowville, Florida December 31, 1831.

Bulow’s sugar mill, constructed of local “coquina” rock, was the largest mill in East Florida. At the boat slips, flatboats were loaded with barrels of raw sugar and molasses and floated down Bulow Creek to be shipped north. This frontier industry came to an abrupt end at the outbreak of the Second Seminole War. In January 1836, a band of raiding Seminole Indians, resisting removal to the West, looted and burned the plantation. It would never recover. Bulow returned to Paris where he died the same year.

Today, the coquina walls and chimneys of the sugar mill remain standing as a monument to the rise and fall of the sugar plantations of East Florida.

  My Dad’s pigs was originally published on Salute The Pig

[promomagazine]

Gaby Bayona & Truvelle: The perfect bridal line for woman

"what kept me in it was the fulfillment I got from running a business which creates heirloom items that are among the most special in a woman’s wardrobe."  -- Gaby Bayona

 - What & who is Truvelle?

Truvelle is a bridal line specializing in refined, effortless, and unconventional wedding gowns. Founded in late 2013, we’ve grown from one girl in her living room to a 25+ person operation within a 9000 square foot HQ. Truvelle’s run by me - Gaby Bayona. I’m a 24 year old first-gen Canadian with a penchant for bleached locks, travel adventures, and getting creative in business.

- What is your typical day when running a brand like yours?

I’ll get to the office around 11, say hey to everybody, and check in with Truvelle’s department managers to see if they need help with anything. Then, I’ll tackle emails for a couple of hours. The rest of my day is pretty varied - lately I’ve been working a ton on product development, but usually I’m having meetings with the team to see where everybody’s at & provide input, planning hires & company growth, overseeing Truvelle’s creative direction, and making sure we don’t run out of money. I also launched another bridal dress brand (www.laudae.com) less than a year ago, which has taken up a lot of my headspace. If I don’t have plans after work, I typically work until midnight or later.

- How did you approach the business side of fashion when you first started?

I believe work is just a set of problems with solutions that need to be figured out. When starting Truvelle, I looked at all the problems I needed to solve - getting a business license, finding my suppliers, 

choosing a market, etc. Then, I figured them out. Though you need to have a big picture when you start a business, I think it’s important to simplify everything into decisions that you can tackle one by one. Or else, starting a business becomes daunting.

- When you cater to your consumers, do you look for a pattern within your analytics to better serve them? If so, how do you go about doing that?

I do - I love data! The best ways we get analytics is through sales, through asking our retailers / clients for their input, and through website / social media traffic. The data I like going through most is our spreadsheet of what gowns sell best and where most of our website traffic is going & coming from. The data that’s most valuable comes from our retailer / client input. Throughout the year, I’ll go through it and make revisions to our processes or write them as design notes.

- As the owner, do you see yourself more on the design side or more on the business side? Or is it pretty much balanced?

I prefer being on the business side, but need to be involved in design - especially since Truvelle is new and is solidifying its aesthetic. Right now, I’d say I’m 75% business and 25% design/content.

- Were there any setbacks to getting your label off the ground? How did you overcome that?

I was really fortunate because I had been perfecting/testing my designs for three years prior to starting Truvelle, through a custom dress shop I co-ran with my mum. There were two setbacks in getting my label off the ground - one was that I was 20 and didn’t have much credit history, so it was hard to get a loan. The other setback was the huge learning curve involved in starting a label from the ground up. For the loan, I ended up settling for a small amount & bootstrapping as much of my business as I could. I researched a ton to get around my learning curve, but what helped the most was to just start and figure it out along the way. There’s no way to anticipate all the problems a new business will face, so you may as well face those problems and get them out of the way as quick as possible.

- How would you describe yourself as a person & artist?

I’m somebody who loves doing things fast and efficiently, and I love innovating ideas and processes. I’m also very into my work; it’s a huge part of my lifestyle & when I have free time the first thing I think of doing is working. As an artist, I’m definitely a problem solver. I really enjoy finding things that are missing or not done well enough, and designing something that fills that gap.

- What made you so interested in becoming a fashion designer?

My mum was a seamstress-turned designer, so growing up I wasn’t interested in design because I didn’t want to be doing what my mum was doing! I also don’t enjoy being in the spotlight, and thought that the fashion industry would be too showy for my personality type. I fell into fashion design, but what kept me in it was the fulfillment I got from running a business which creates heirloom items that are among the most special in a woman’s wardrobe.

- Do you have a favourite designer who inspires you? Why is that?

I love Rachel Comey. I love how she’s made a highly obsessed brand slowly and deliberately, rather than spending all this money on marketing and flashy antics. I love how she believes that it isn’t about being in 200 stores or meeting the monthly sales goal, but about the environment she gets to work with, the people she works with, and the pieces she’s making.

- What story are you trying to covey through your designs?

Though I want each collection to convey refinement & effortlessness, I also want each piece to be a blank canvas for whatever story the wearer may have.

- Did you ever see yourself to be so successful in establishing a known brand?

I had goals when I started Truvelle, but I never started with expectations of where my business was heading. I’ve been extremely fortunate with how Truvelle’s unfolded throughout the years.

- Tell me about your latest collection. What was your vision when you created it?

Truvelle's 2017 collection was inspired by the textured streets of the neighbourhood Truvelle was conceived in : Gastown, Vancouver. It’s a heritage neighbourhood placed right by the water, so we took shimmer and neutral tones to heart when designing for the season. The neighbourhood is also filled with creatives, so we spent time asking ourselves what they would want to wear on their wedding day.

- To be a designer, you had to undergo a lot of struggles. What was the most difficult obstacle for you when putting together your collection?

Time is always a huge obstacle for me. I run the business, which takes up at least 40 hours of my week. So, design & creation ends up happening at night or on my weekends. When the collection’s due date starts approaching, it can be really socially isolating for me. It’s something that I know isn’t sustainable, so I’ve been moving towards a creative direction role & am looking at ways to narrow down my responsibilities.

- If you could showcase your designs anywhere in the world, where would you start and why?

It’s cliche, but I would say New York. Since it’s a city on the world’s stage, making it in New York means you’ve made it in the world. I also personally love the city - I go a couple of times a year & get so inspired by the hustle the inhabitants have.

- Who excites you the most (celebrity) & why?

I don’t keep up with celebrities too much, but I do love Alexa Chung. She’s always doing new things - let it be modelling, youtube channelling, book writing, fashion editing, tv hosting, or fashion designing.

She’s so much more than a pretty face.

- How is your brand different from any other designer brands?

Truvelle’s based in Vancouver, a city with very few bridal designers. I think being detached from the rest of the industry helps us have a fresh perspective. We’re not bombarded every day with what our peers are doing, so we’re able to focus on what we’re doing. I also think we stand out in how focused the brand is. We have an aesthetic & we strictly follow it. If a bride wants a beaded fit-and-flare gown, we’re happy to recommend another designer. But, if a bride wants a refined, effortless, and flowing dress with unconventional elements, then she’ll love the entire Truvelle collection.

- What are your world dominating goals for Truvelle?

Truvelle’s looking to be stocked in bridal boutiques around the world. However, we want to be strategic in our growth - we’re looking to focus on markets where we have no presence & shops which complement our brand & bride aesthetic. We never want to oversaturate any one market, so I know there’s a cap in how many retailers Truvelle can accept. Right now, I’m experimenting with launching another bridal line (Laudae Bride) to see if that’ll be a great way to build in a different direction, but I’m feeling things out. I love growing, but at the same time I love how tight knit and small(ish) the team is! It’s exciting because there are a few ways to expand, but that’s what makes it tricky too.

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Consumer Guide / No.40 /   Maggie K de Monde (Swans Way & Scarlet Fantastic) with Mark Watkins.

MW: Maggie, you wrote your first song - “Gloriana” - aged 14. Can you recall the first two lines? What's the story behind it?

MKDM : Mark, the first two lines were : “ Mrs Moffat’s done a bunk, the barbs she ate made her a punk. She flies higher, cooler higher, in her automatic Hotpoint spin drier.”

“Gloriana” is an imaginary state of grace/imaginary place where everything is calm and full of love, and there is no suffering, and everything and everyone is in perfect harmony. A Utopian fantasy. I think I was very influenced by the TV show Rock Follies at the time!

MW: How did Swans Way, then Scarlet Fantastic, come about?

MKDM: I met Rick P Jones at Kent uni where I was studying French and Drama. Rick was a guitarist. We formed our first band Playthings, and then we met Robert Shaw and decided to do something completely different - which to us, meant ditching our original instruments and starting afresh on something new. Hence me playing the drums!! We read a lot, and watched a lot of old '50s movies, and listened to many soundtracks (French and Italian). We were looking for some different influences. Marcel Proust wrote a novel, “Swann’s Way”. I think we may have chosen our name as a nod to this, although we spelt our name differently, as we didn’t want people to think that we were all about the book.

After the release of a critically acclaimed album, The Fugitive Kind, Rick and I became restless, and decided we wanted to take a different musical direction. We weren’t inspired by Swans Way any more. We bought our own studio gear and Rick learned to programme drum machines and synths etc and we came up with a glam/pop/electro/ kind of sound which seemed quite unique to us at the time. We were into larger than life imagery and big slogans: - “Energy Breeds Energy” , “Deconstruct the bad vibes” and many more. I think we felt we were on a bit of a mission, we were very much into the idea of spreading peace and love! We used to describe our sound and imagery as a mix of the REAL the SURREAL and the FANTASTIC. We needed a name that encompassed all this so we chose Scarlet Fantastic! Rick used to make a joke and say it was the colour of my lipstick!

MW: How did Swans Way and Scarlet Fantastic compare and contrast?

MKDM: I think there were similarities in the sense that we were out on our own, doing our own thing, writing songs from the heart, but sound wise there were definite differences as Swans Way had a very organic sound and Scarlet Fantastic was more electro. Lyrics were a very important part of both projects.

MW: Tell me about Duran Duran...

MKDM: Rick and I were in our first band Playthings before Swans Way. Duran Duran used to say that we were the other best band in Birmingham apart from themselves. Birmingham back in the '80s was a very close knit scene, everyone knew everyone. We toured with Duran Duran as they had their first hit “Planet Earth”. I was with Simon sound checking for a gig at Aston Uni when they received the news that “Planet Earth” had charted. Simon was a big, friendly, bouncy ex-drama student, always the flirt too!! Jon Taylor was the one who was always perceived as the cool one (I guess he was initially a little shy). My mum had a cup of tea with him once and said: “what a lovely boy he is!” . Nick Rhodes was the one who people would sometimes say had a tendency to be somewhat of a poseur, but I think he was genuinely into quite diverse and left field art projects etc. Andy Taylor the guitarist was the most down to earth, a salt of the earth Northern lad and Roger Taylor the drummer just always looked incredibly cool!!

MW: …careless memories of BBC Radio 1?

MKDM: I used to love doing Radio one sessions, going to the big studios in Maida Vale and then getting all excited when the sessions would air. Swans Way played live several times on Radio One sessions but I can’t remember whose show we were on. Janice Long was a great supporter of ours along with her producer Mike Hawkes.

MW: ...TV appearances?

MKDM: I think Top Of The Pops and The Tube were always my faves. Both shows were iconic for their time. I miss them both, and sadly there seems nothing like them today. The Tube made several really interesting films of Swans Way and Scarlet Fantastic ; it’s so great that those time were captured on celluloid and can now be see on YouTube all these years on!

MW: Maggie, tell me about your new album Reverie...

MKDM : Well Mark, I called my new album Reverie as I felt the word describes the sound. Reverie is released on Dirtbag Baby Records and it’s distributed by Right Track through Universal. It’s a gentle, dreamy alt-folk album. A journalist recently described it as ethereal folk. It’s a very song based album. I wanted the emphasis to be on my voice and my words. I had an idea for the overall sound and it was a joy to work with my husband and musical partner on it, Mark Leif Kahal, he produced it and played most of the instruments on it too. We really went for clarity and an uncluttered sound. The songs were very much influenced by dreams and nature. There are many similar themes to the original Scarlet Fantastic from 30 years ago but the sound on this new album is very different. It’s more in keeping with my previous album Union which was by Maggie and Martin, a collaboration I did with Marc Almond’s keyboard player.

MW: OK, let’s talk books...

MKDM: The most recent book I read was written by my friend Clayton Littlewood, “Dirty White Boy”. It’s about a shop he had on Old Compton St., and the daily goings on with all the Soho locals. It’s hysterical. It’s a real fun read and it’s in a diary form as Clayton started off by blogging but ended up turning it into a novel. I love his observations of people and places, he’s so insightful and so funny!

My next read will be a re-read, “Tender is the night”, by Scott Fitzgerald. It’s been on my mind often lately and definitely needs a revisit. I love the time it’s set in and I’ve been enjoying a lot of artists from this period recently too. I have also just bought “Testimony” by Robbie Robertson; I can’t wait to to get tucked into this! I’m a huge fan of his and the whole period with all his contemporaries, some legends. It’s meant to be a brilliant book.

MW: Which newspapers can’t you live without?

MKDM: I read The Guardian and The London Evening Standard. Simon Jenkins is one of my favourite journalists. On world news, I’m a big Christiane Amanpour fan.

MW: What are the best and worst aspects of social media?

MKDM: The best aspects are being able to spread the news about my work and to connect and reconnect with people/old friends/new friends/like minded people etc. I enjoy learning about new projects and hearing reactions to world situations etc. I feel the whole “community” aspect of it can be a positive thing. The worst aspects are the cruelty and bullying that can occur, especially amongst teens. I think people can also waste way too much time on social media and forget about/neglect real life. I do know that it does help socially isolated people and lonely people which is a very positive thing.

MW: List your Top 10 favourite EIGHTIES albums...

MKDM:

1 Joshua Tree - U2 (1987) 2 This is The Sea - Waterboys (1985) 3 Faith - George Michael (1987) 4 Kick - INXS (1987) 5 Purple Rain - Prince (1984) 6 Let’s Dance - Bowie (1983) 7 Sign o’ the Times - Prince (1987) 8 The Lion and the Cobra - Sinead O'Connor (1987) 9 Fisherman's Blues - The Waterboys (1988) 10 Hounds of Love - Kate Bush (1985)

Each album I’ve listed here reminds me of a very specific time in my life and a very specific feeling evoked when listening to the music. My life’s journey has been accompanied by some very poignant soundtracks. I spent a very special time in South Africa with my father before relocating to Dublin which was full of magic. Throughout my African experience then onto my Dublin experience, before, during and after, The Joshua Tree held a very special kind of magic for me as did the top 5 albums I’ve listed, all of them in fact! Very hard trying to pick the favourite. All sensational and played an important part in my life, helped me through a few things and celebrated with me too!

MW: Which BOWIE song is your favourite? How did you feel on hearing the sad news of his death?

MKDM: Mark - I was devastated when I heard of his death. It’s so difficult trying to pick one favourite song, I have many but one which never fails to move me is “Wild is the Wind”.

MW: You live in Eastbourne. What do you enjoy doing along the South Coast?

MKDM: I love the nature here. I walk and cycle often and spend a lot of time by the sea. I’m enjoying painting again. We have a fantastic modern art museum here, affiliated with the Tate, so I’m often there. We have some great record shops and cafes and some amazing restaurants too (I’m a real foodie!!). I often hop over to St. Leonards, Hastings or Brighton. London isn’t far either. I travel a lot around the South East as there is always a lots going on. Music, art shows etc. I have my own studio so I record a lot of stuff here too.

MW: … plans for 2017?

MKDM: I have a song “Heartbreak House” on Hifi Sean’s album Hifi Sean Ft. The video for the song will be released shortly. I filmed it in St Leonards, it’s turned out to be a rather neo-Gothic affair! Sean is ex-Soup Dragons, his album is doing very well, his track with Crystal Waters has just gone into the Top 40. There are some interesting artists on the album, Yoko Ono, Fred B52’s, David Mc Almont and many many more. As well as being a part of that I’m writing new material and I’m also painting a series of still lifes in oils. You can keep up with me on my Facebook musician pages, Maggie K de Monde, Scarlet Fantastic and Swans Way. There is also a website www.scarlet-fantastic.co.uk

© Mark Watkins / February 2017