#my mother loves to say ‘we’re going to see your brother and your nephew. i wish you would come but i’m not going to force you 🥺���🥺’

[lestatslestits]

Family members when you try to set a boundary:

[yougavemeyourheartyouknow]

Baby number two’s gender reveal (Baby Daddy Au: Husband Miguel sequels)

Baby daddy Masterlist

Little fyi, this is a time jump till after they got back together. Also it’s implied that reader is of Latino origin but it doesn’t outright say it so take that as you will. I’m being VERY self-indulgent with this one lol.

Not proofread.

Word count: 700

TAGLIST IS CLOSED!!

—

“Wow, Gabriel really went all out…” You mumbled to your husband as you finally found your way back to him after greeting some more family from your side, your hand subconsciously going to rest on the now noticeable baby bump that was sticking out from your dress.

Almost all of both yours and Miguel’s family crammed into his younger brother’s backyard. Children running around, tios drinking, tias gossiping, banda playing while your mother helped Conchata serve the food, and both your siblings running around trying to keep everything running. (Uncles, aunts)

“You know how my brother is. He’s just excited to have another nephew or niece running around when he visits.” Miguel joked, handing you a cup of agua Fresca, pineapple to be more specifical, his arm going around your waist, pulling you closer to him.

“Have you seen Gabriella?” You asked as you waved over to your sister, watching as she and her brother in law went up to the banda they hired for the party.

“She’s with Peter and Mj, she wanted to play with Mayday.” He replied, to which you only let out a hum and a nod, feeling your nerves start to bubble as you saw Gabriel motion to your sister, who had a white bag in her hand. Miguel must have noticed the way you tensed up a bit, because he turned you to face him instead. “What do you think it to be, amor?” (Love)

“I’m okay with whatever. You?” You raise a brow up to your husband, bring your cup up to finish your drink before pressing your lips together in a thin line in a half-ass attempt to fix your lipgloss.

“Same here, although I wouldn’t be upset to see another little girl as beautiful as her mother.” Voice dropping as his tone shifts to a bit of a mix with a tease and a flirt, making your cheeks flesh as you lightly hit his chest.

“Stop it, we’re in front of family.” You faux annoyance and he pulled you closer, knowing you were enjoying the teasing as much as he was. He knew too, by the way your hands went to hug his waist. The way his lips came up in a smirk before he placed gentle kisses on your cheek made your heart flutter.

“Con permiso, con permiso.” The air that was once filled with music was now taken over with Gabriel’s voice as he held one of the microphones in his hands. Everyone’s chattering quickly died down as they turned towards the younger O’Hara brother, excitement oozing from all the guests as he cleared his throat before continuing. “It's almost the time we’re all here for, my dear brother and sister-in-law, finally welcoming a new O’Hara in the world after twelve long years.” Some laughs and some whistles blew out as Gabriel motioned for you both and your daughter to go join him up in front next to the band. Your cheeks started to hurt from smiling so much, but you couldn’t bring yourself to stop. (Excuse me everyone/attention please)

“Are you excited to find out what your little sibling is gonna be?” Gabriel asked his niece as he put the microphone back on its stand, trying to help distract the buzzing preteen as she tried to peek around her uncle to see if she could get a peak under the drummer cymbal’s to see if she could see the color of the powder underneath it.

“Mhm! I can’t wait!”

It’s as if with perfect timing to her words, the Banda starts to play. Your hand grips Miguel’s tightly in anticipation, he gives you a reassuring squeeze of the hand and a quick forehand kiss before pulling Gabriella closer to him. The three of you silently wait for the cymbals to raise and crash together.

After a few more seconds, you finally see the drummer's arm raise up, and with a dramatic crash, pink dust begins to fill the air. Yells of excitement over took the music as the band kept playing, Miguel taking you and Gabriella in his arms as you felt tears begin to form.

“I’m gonna have a baby sister!”

“It’s a girl! Mig, It’s a girl!”

“Thank you so much baby, I’m gonna have another angel thanks to you.”

—

TAGLIST IS CLOSED!!

Taglist: @famouscattale @strawberryjuice9 @loser-alert @maomaimao @franceseca-the-1st @mcmiracles @mangoslushcrush @queerponcho @yournextbimbogf @tinybirdhideout @reader-1290 @laysmt @migueloharasoulmate @fruityfucker @pigeonmama @scaryplanetdestroyer @migueloharastruelove @krentkova19 @genny1019 @maiyart @stressed-cherry @scaleniusrm @ginnysculture @mishaglass @wusyanmee @bunnibitez @miguelzslvtz @dahehow @sinners-98-world @othersideoftheparadise @toyfortoji @yeshajane @yvesbi @hanjisgf @deljojeisbackagain @safixiovi @emmalandry @maxinemus3 @lauraolar14 @aaaaslaaaan @kenz-ee @esmedelacroix @whattheshock @syler-griffin @comeonatmebruh @xwonderlandresidentx @m4dyy @the-pan-liquid @lilbrababe99 @jxstanemo @badbitchhour @freehentai @sillysillygoofygoose @nj452896 @jadeloverxd @faretheeoscar @ce3stvu @scorpihoooe @blossomofbismuths @nxxav3rs3 @ilovespiderverseeee @ghost-lantern @saaaaaaaaaaaamiiiiiiiiiiiira @lavenderslemonade @rinnako @reirain @nommingonfood

[daisyblog]

Cousin Love

Our Story Masterlist Summary: Freddie meets Grace.

Based on this request.

With Freddie living in America with his Mum majority of the year, YN and Harry would try to fly out and visit as much as they could. But having a newborn and trying to find their path in parenthood, meant it wasn’t that easy to go and see their nephew as often.

They would love for Freddie to meet Grace, as FaceTime just wasn’t enough. But with Louis’ work schedule, it wasn’t possible. So YN accepted that weekly FaceTimes would have to do until they could fly out to the US.

The Styles family were having a quiet morning, allowing the time to slip by as they ate breakfast together, drank cups of tea and coffee, and importantly had lots of cuddles on the sofa.

The buzzer to the outside gate, caught their ears as they wondered who unexpectedly was dropping byHarry was surprised when he saw Louis’ face on the camera, not realising he was back in London.

“It’s Louis!” Harry called to YN letting her know her brother was here.

“Oh! It’s Uncle Louis”. Grace lovingly stared up at her mother, taking in everything she was saying.

Harry pressed the button to allow Louis in. Then opened the front door to wait for his arrival. But the sound of two voices, and a particular American accent caught his ears. Before he could ask any questions, Freddie ran towards him.

“Uncle Harry!”. He was quick to scoop the younger boy up into his arms and squeezing him tight to his chest.

“I’ve missed you little man!”. Freddie wrapped his arms around Harry’s shoulders, still hugging him tight. “But I know someone who’s missed you more”.

“Auntie YN!”.

Harry led Louis and Freddie to where YN and Grace were in the large cosy living area. “Auntie YN…guess who I’ve found!”.

YN’s eyes almost popped out at the sight of her oldest nephew in her husbands arms. She jumped up from her place and opened her arms wide for him. “Freddie!”.

Freddie ran towards her and almost tackled her as he wrapped his arms around her, YN’s arms doing the same. “I’ve missed you Auntie YN!”.

“Not as much as I’ve missed you my boy!”. She didn’t want to let go but there was someone else who YN wanted Freddie to meet. Grace was laying on a large Playmat, small toys surrounding her. “Freddie this is little Grace…and Grace this is your big cousin Freddie”.

Louis watched as he sat on the sofa, his son gently holding onto Grace’s hand as he softly spoke to her. Picking up some of the toys around her to play with her. Trying his best to make her smile as he made silly faces.

“Why does she look like you?”. Freddie asked YN who was still sat next to him. Harry let out a chuckle at the question, something they get told regularly is that Grace is the image of YN.

“The same reason you look like your Dad”. YN explained, as she glanced at Louis. “The Tomlinson genes are just too strong”.

“You can say that again”. Harry sent YN a cheeky smirk.

Freddie had spent most of the morning by Grace’s side, knowing he may not see her for a while again. He was laid to down next to her on the large blanket, his little finger rubbing down her nose gently as her eyes grew tired.

Harry had gone to the kitchen to prepare them all lunch. But YN was now sat next to Louis as he swung his arm around her shoulder for a sibling cuddle. They watched their babies together, watching in awe at how loving and gentle Freddie was being with Grace.

“Why do I feel like we’re having a glimpse of what we were like as kids?”. YN asked as her eyes saw Freddie gently place a small blanket back over Grace who had kicked it off.

Louis smiled finding the loving moment between the cousins sweet. “Because you are…I literally adored you as a baby…well I still do, you’re just a bit more annoying now”. Louis teased.

“Hey!”.

“I’m joking…I can’t wait to see all our kids grow up together like we did”. Louis smiled.

“Family full of love!”.

Tag List:

@pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @harrys-flower @platinumbarbie143 @frickin-bats@harrysbbyh0ney @chronicallybubbly @goldensunflowe-r  @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite@kaverichauhan @peterholland04 @panicattheuc @or-was-it-just-a-dream @hittiesontour@bunnyharold @fanfictioncafe @lilfreakjez @iamahallucinationnn @theekyliepage @indierockgirrl@buckybarnessimpp @ashleighsss @jerseygirlinca @fake-coolbeans @itsmytimetoodream@treehouse-mouse @mrs-anna-styles211994 @macy-tpwk

[squadmuse]

ONE DAY, Part I

A WILL HALSTEAD X READER FIC (FT. JAY HALSTEAD X READER; PLATONIC)

A/N: so I’m a huge fan of the Halsteads (who isn’t?) and love the idea of Jay’s wife or Will’s wife being close to their brother-in-law

You were bored, and you were uncomfortable, extremely so.

At nearly thirty-eight weeks pregnant, you felt like an overgrown watermelon. Everywhere was swollen and sore, and you had not been able to see your feet for the last eight weeks.

Sighing, you flicked through the television. But not even an episode of Property Brothers could pull you out of your stupor, and it made you glance around the living room hoping that something would appear to need to be done.

You hated being on medical leave from Chicago Med, even if it was because you were so close to welcoming your baby into the world. That hospital was more than just work to you. It was there one day that you had met your husband, Will.

Picking up your cellphone, you debated phoning Will but decided against it. He was still pulling shifts at Med so he could have some time off after Baby Halstead was born, and would be extremely busy as an Attending in the emergency department.

You couldn’t even phone your best friend Sylvie, as she was at work.

You were just about to throw the iPhone at your side when you realized that you did have someone to phone.

Your brother-in-law, Jay.

Humming, you knew that before Will had left for work that morning that he had mentioned his brother having a day off, and he hoped Jay would relax for once. You instantly clicked on his name and the ringing filled the silent room.

“Halstead?” said Jay curtly, as he answered his cellphone.

“Halstead here too, two in fact,” you giggled, knowing that the detective had not looked at the caller ID.

Jay chuckled, lighter than before. “Hey if it’s not my two favorite Halsteads!” he replied.

Now it was your time to chuckle.

“Don’t let Will hear that, Jay,” you said, thinking about your husband.

“Are you kidding me? Have you met my brother, your husband, he’d agree,” said Jay over the phone. You giggled again, that was actually very true. Will was smitten with you and ecstatic to be a dad.

Jay cleared his throat. “So I’m guessing you’re at home and bored?”

You couldn’t help the nod, even though he couldn’t see you. “Yup, wondered if you wanted to go get lunch?”

“Mama Garcias?” asked Jay. He knew that it had been a firm favorite during the pregnancy, it seemed his unborn niece or nephew had inherited his brother’s love of spicy food.

“Yeah, I’m ready to go,” you replied, pushing yourself up off the seat a bit. “How long will you be?”

“Stay comfy, sis,” answered Jay, as you heard him move around. “I won’t be long.”

————————————————————————

“Jay Halstead, I freaking love you,” you exclaimed, swallowing yet another spicy chicken tamale.

Jay chuckled from where he sat before you in the cozy restaurant. “Just wanted my sister and baby niece or nephew to be happy.”

“Well, we’re both very happy, so thank you,” you said seriously, smiling wide. You were so lucky that you and Jay were so close, he really had become a brother to you in all but blood.

He sipped at a cup of coffee, returning the smile. “So any idea what the newest Halstead is going to be?”

You shook your head. “Will and I decided not to know, but we’re thinking it’s another Halstead boy to be honest.

Jay chuckled again. “That’s funny, I’ve been saying to Kim and Antonio that it’s a little girl for sure,” he replied.

“Aww,” you said softly. It was so cute that Jay thought you and Will were going to have a daughter and him a niece. “Well, I’m sure they will love their Uncle Jay regardless!”

“Of course they will!” answered Jay as he finished a pupusa. “Uncle Jay is going to be tons of fun.”

You smiled, you knew that your baby would be so loved. “Don’t let Will hear you say that, he’s been such a mother hen lately, but it’s from a good place.”

Jay nodded. “I’ve figured so, from my calls and being with him and you both. It’s nice though, us just hanging out!”

You had just opened your mouth to reply, when shots rang out and cut through the windows and you felt yourself hit the ground.

“Stay down!” shouted Jay over the gunfight, his body shielding your own. He had his own gun outstretched, but you couldn’t help but scrunch your eyes shut in fear.

You were terrified for your unborn child, for the life you had lovingly conceived with your husband and couldn’t wait to meet.

Perhaps today should have been the day that you stayed home.

[probably-writing-x]

Bundle of Joy

Summary:

Warnings: Mentions of pregnancy, I think that is all

Author’s Note: Thank you for the support and your requests recently, I love you all <3

———

“I’m just saying, like, it’s a boy, it would be rude to not call it Drew, right?” Your boyfriend comments from beside you as he opens your door in the car, stepping back to let you get out.

“Please don’t suggest that they call him Drew,” You laugh, “Because then they’re going to be disappointed when they have to tell you his actual name.”

Drew scrunches his face in that way that makes him look pouty and adorable, “You’re crushing my dreams.”

The two of you were walking across the parking lot towards the hospital, on your way to see his sister. You’d got the call a few hours ago that she’d had the baby and Drew had been on the phone to the hospital straight away to find out when was the earliest time he could visit. You’d stopped at the mall on the way here and Drew now had a green stuffed dinosaur under his arm, a congratulations balloon bouquet floating up from one of his hands, and the biggest card he could find in the store. You had a bag filled with a grey blanket, the softest one in the shop, and a few outfits. Drew had picked out a pair of trainers too that matched a pair he owned - yes the baby wouldn’t care, but the look on Drew’s face was too priceless to turn down.

He’s keeping up with the pace of your steps beside him but you can tell he’s fighting off the urge to run off and find his sister’s room as soon as possible. Whenever the thought of what had just happened crossed his mind, a grin spilled onto his face.

“Are you excited?” You smile at him.

Drew turns around to you and grins brightly, “I get to be an uncle!”

You laugh at him and the two of you go through the double glass doors that lead onto the maternity ward.

“Okay she said they’re in room 215,” Drew mentions, tucking the dinosaur under his other arm so that he can lace his fingers with yours.

You lift your interlocked hands and point out a finger in the direction of a sign reading 201-250, “This way babe.”

When you two get to the right door, Drew pulls back on your hand a little as he stops in his tracks.

“What’s up?” You frown at him, “It’s this one.”

He lets out a breath, “Why am I nervous?” He laughs through it but you can see the slightest hint of worry in his eyes.

“Come on, Uncle Drew, you’ve got a nephew to meet,” You squeeze his hand, releasing it to knock gently on the door and open it.

His sister and her husband, are both in the bed, he is perched on the side with his arm around her. In her arms is a small bundle, all wrapped in blue with a tiny white hat just poking over the top. Drew is stood behind you and his face falls into the softest his features can become, his eyes bright like he is sure nothing can be more perfect.

“Hi!” Drew’s sister grins, looking insanely put together for a girl who had just given birth.

“Oh my god congratulations!” Drew beams and his brother in law gets up to give him a hug, “We bought you some bits.”

“Some is an understatement,” The man laughs, taking the balloons and the toy from Drew who goes over to his sister to give her a cautious hug.

“How is he? How are you?” Drew asks, speaking quietly like he’s terrified of being heard.

“He’s good, we’re both doing okay, just tired,” The new mother smiles, “Do you want to hold him?”

Drew looks at her like she’s just asked him to take on his worst fear, that worry returning to his eyes, all words slipping away from him.

“Here, sit down, I’ll pass him to you,” Her husband encourages him and waits as Drew sits in the visitor’s chair beside the bed.

He holds out his arms as his brother-in-law hands over the baby, careful and delicate like he’s the most fragile thing in the world, the most precious. You walk over and stand beside the chair, putting an arm around Drew’s shoulders so that you can lean over and see the little bundle in his arms.

Drew looks up at you with tears spilling over his eyes, threatening to fall, “He’s so small.”

You laugh lightly and look up to both of them, Drew’s sister’s expression matching that of his own.

“So have you guys thought of a name yet?”

“Yeah, we have, actually,” He smiles, “His name is Leo.”

“Oh my god it’s perfect,” You respond, “Leo Davila.”

“Leo Drew Davila,” The Mom comments, pursing her lips like she is preparing for the reaction already.

Drew looks up and his lips part like he has lost his ability to reply, “Wh-“ He looks back at you quickly like he’s making sure he hasn’t misheard, “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I mean, who better to name him after, right?” His sister laughs, “And… we actually have a question to ask you guys, if you don’t mind.”

You frown a little but there’s a weird fluttering in your chest like you’re certain of what’s about to be said. You knew how close Drew and his sister were, and how much he would care for this baby as if it were his own, but it is still a shock when you hear the words -

“We wanted to know whether you guys would be his godparents?” His brother-in-law smiles, looking between the two of you and then back to his wife.

“Us?” You croak out, sure that you’ll cry if you try to speak any more.

“Yeah, both of you. I know I couldn’t imagine anyone else being his godfather, and (Y/N) you’ve become like a sister to me, I couldn’t have anyone better,” She smiles, “Obviously you can say no but I just know that Leo would be in safe hands with you two.”

“Of course we will, we’d love to,” Drew stutters over his words, looking up at you again, “Godparents has a nice ring to it.”

“Thank you so much guys,” You say, going over to hug them both.

“Here, do you want to hold him, babe?” Drew offers, standing up cautiously and slowly from the chair.

You nod and take the baby from his arms, conscious as you rest his head over the crook of your elbow, his tiny form fitting into one of your arms as the other one draws around him to encase him in your hold. His eyes are closed and the hat on his head covers the majority of the dark strands of hair on his scalp. His lips are parted just slightly and there’s a little redness in his cheeks, like a warmth. You draw a hand up to his and tickle at his chest and arm. At the movement, his tiny hand moves just slightly and wraps around your finger. You can feel the tears in your eyes blurring your vision but you can’t bring your eyes to pull away from him.

“I think he likes you,” She grins, “Drew you might have some competition for favourite.”

Drew laughs, raspy like his voice is still laced with emotion, “I think I’ll accept the defeat to (Y/N).”

He steps over to you and wraps an arm around your waist. You settle your head on his shoulder and the both of you look down at Leo like he’s the most precious thing you’ve ever seen. Sure now more than ever that you would make certain he grew up knowing how much his auntie and uncle loved him - no matter what.

“You three look adorable,” His sister grins, “It has to be you two next, doing all of this.”

Drew looks down at you and you tilt your chin to look up at him as he says, “Yeah, maybe.”

You narrow your eyes at him, “You gotta put a ring on it first, Starkey.”

He laughs and it rumbles through his chest against your head, “Yeah, yeah, I’m working on it.”

In that moment, you can picture it all. Everything you’d seen from the sidelines for Drew’s sister and her husband, you could see it all for you and Drew. A lifetime forever that would be shared with your own versions of the little bundle of joy wrapped in your arms. You lean into Drew a little closer and he tightens his hold on your waist, like you’ve just confirmed your entire future together in no more than a few moments.

[raindrop-21]

Scarred Love - Chapter Eight: Do You Wanna Know?

a/n: Took a long bit of writer's block, but I got it done!

Word count: 1,359

Cw: Ghoap x f!reader, soulmates, Simon's family, small mention of murder, a bit of angst with comfort(Tell me if I missed any)

Ch1, Ch2, Ch3, Ch4, Ch5, Ch6, Ch7, Ch8 ~ Masterlist

You laugh at Simon’s chiding. Your friends might be a bit over-the-top sometimes, but you still love them and their protectiveness of you.

“So, uh, when will I be meeting your guys’ parents?” You say as a way to try and bring the conversation back to what it was originally, “We’re already here in England, so why wait?”

“Well… You were given two papers right?” Johnny Questions.

“Yeap, one for England and one for Scotland. Figured I'd at least meet whoever's parents that are in England while I'm here.”

Simon looks away for a second, “... My Ma's no longer with us…” You see the sadness in his eyes and the sympathy given from Johnny.

“Could I still visit her? Let her know her boy's in a second set of good hands?”

“That's a good idea, Luv.”

Some of Simon's sadness disappeared and is replaced by something softer, something sweeter.

~The next day~

You've been riding in Simon's car for two hours now. It's an older car, one with a full row of seating in the front seat. You're seated in between Simon and Johnny. You half expected both men to place a hand on your thigh during the ride, but to your surprise they've both been really respectful to you, unlike men in the past. The radio is softly playing and you think you hear Take On Me by a-ha playing and Johnny humming to it.

Johnny taps you on the knee to get your attention.

“Lass, we’ve got about another two hours before we get to the ferry, if ye want ye can take a wee nap.”

“Got it.”

You nod and lean in closer to him, your side closer pressed into his. Johnny’s quiet humming is quite relaxing, the reverberations of his voice against your side makes you somewhat sleepy. You don’t think you’ve fallen asleep, but you’re awoken by a gentle hand on your shoulder lightly shaking you awake.

“C’mon Luv, wake up, we’re here.”

Simon’s voice, gruff, opposite of his touch, wakes you up.

“Hm?” You hum as you rub your eyes.

Once you’re fully awake, you grab the flowers you wanted to bring and your other items that you need. Johnny offers to hold the flowers for you, but you decline. You hold the flowers in one hand, and the other hand, well more like your pinky on that hand, is being held by Simon. You can tell it means a lot to him.

You go on a nice hike up the mountain, to a beautiful clearing, bare except for a singular tree in the middle and some flowers in the grass. Under the tree are four gravestones, the tallest one says “Liliana Riley, Loving wife and mother.”, the next on says “Tomas “Tommy” Riley, loving son, husband, father and brother.”, the one next to it says “Beth Riley, loving wife and mother.”, the last one has small picture of toddler on it and says “Joseph Riley, loving son and grandson.”.

“S'my mom, brother, sister-in-law, and nephew.”

Your heart breaks for Simon. His whole family is here, but gone. You hug Simon, the raw emotion flooding off the two of you. Simon wraps both his arms around you, its gentle yet strong; like he doesn't want to hurt you, but thinks you're going to get taken away from him. 

It feels like forever goes by before the hug ends. When it does the two of you walk over to where Johnny has already set down the blanket you guys brought in front of the tree and graves. You divide the flowers and set some on each of the graves. Johnny places a little toy car on Joseph's grave, there's already around three there, it must be a tradition. You look at the dates on the gravestones, all on the same day.

The realization that they were most likely murdered saddens you even more. Tears prick at your waterline, threatening to spill over, to betray the calm facade you wanted to portray today. Your hands instinctively search for Johnny and Simon's, you grasp their hands in yours, not wanting to let go. 

“S'okay Bonnie,” Johnny coos at you, “I wasn't much calmer.”

You lean into Simon and the hand that was holding yours wraps around your shoulders and pulls you closer to him. You want to ask what exactly happened to all of them, but you don’t. You leave it to him to tell you. The three of you spend a while just enjoying the slight breeze and quietness of the mountain top. 

“I bet yer Ma’s happy tha ye brought us both, Si.” Simon nods in response to Johnny's comment.

~Simon’s POV~

I’m nervous. So, so nervous. Not even Johnny was this quick to ask to see my family, but then again he knew me before we knew we were soulmates. It took a while before I offered for him to ‘meet’ them. But now I’m driving to the ferry to let her meet them. It’s nerve-wracking, it truly is. What will she think when she sees the graves? Sees the date on the graves? Will she ask why my father isn’t there too?

I’m barely pulled from my thoughts when Johnny tells her to take a nap for the rest of the drive. I get fully pulled from them when I hear Johnny call for me.

“Si. Simon? Hon? Luv? Honey-boo-boo-bear?”

“Don’t call me that.” I say in annoyance, hating the overly sickly sweet way he said it just to annoy me.

“Whatcha thinking abou’?”

“I know he’s worried, I’ve been silent, more silent than usual, “Nothin’ hun.”

He clicks his tongue, “It’s not nothin’. Yer bein’ deadly silent over there. The only time you’re like that is if yer lost in yer own thoughts. So, what’s weighin’ on ye Si?”

I sigh knowing I can’t win when he’s onto me, “I’m just worried s’all.” I say as I reach for my pack of cigarettes.

Johnny’s hand stops me.

“Two things; We dinnae ken if she’s okay wit cigarettes, and just tell me, dinnae keep it do yourself.”

I groan and stop my movements of reaching for the cigarettes.

“Just what I thought when I brought you ta meet them, ya know? The date on the graves, the graves themselves, the absence of my father’s grave.”

“Oh Si.” He says as he reaches over and grabs my hand before placing a soft kiss on it, “If she asks, ye can answer or say yer not ready to, I’m sure she’d understand.”

She probably would. I think she would. I hope she does. Johnny’s made me at least somewhat calm.

~A bit later~

She’s still asleep… I should wake her up. I decide to wake her up by gently placing my hand on her shoulder and lightly shaking her awake.

“C’mon Luv, wake up, we’re here.”

My voice, a bit gruff, opposite of my touch, wakes her up.

“Hm?” She hums as she rubs her eyes.

She grabs the flowers she brought for them and we head to the ferry. The whole time I want to hold her hand, but we haven’t discussed boundaries yet, maybe just holding part of her hand will be okay. I link my pinkie in hers. I can feel her jolt in surprise, did I make a mistake? Then I feel her relax and curl her pinkie around mine… thank god. 

Once we get there she looks over the scenery… And the gravestones. After a minute or two, she turns around and faces me, there are… Tears in her eyes? What surprises me more than the tears is when she hugs me; it’s tight, and warm… And needed. So, so needed. I hug her back, just as tightly, but a bit gentler so as not to accidentally hurt her; one arm around her waist, and the other holding her head. I look at Johnny and he gives me a sweet smile and a thumbs up as he sets down the blanket, once the two of us are done hugging, we sit on the blanket and I explain a small bit to her, all the while she hasn’t let go of my hand.

Maybe everything will be alright.

Taglist:

@under-the-dirt @littlebluespoon @actuallyhiswife @cassiecasluciluce @darling006 @cdej6 @whynotbad @kaoyamamegami @oooof-ifellforyou @aldis-nuts @fanngirl19 @zealouspursecowboydeputy @inarabee

[sirianasims]

The fresh snow glittered in the cold sunshine and the only sound was the crunch under my boots. I followed the familiar path towards my favourite spot.

I wished I could feel as calm as the lake looked. The media frenzy and hate-mail had been exactly like Paul predicted. A few days after our photo went public I simply stopped trying to stem the tide of messages, good and bad, flooding in on every single social media account I had.

I was jolted back to the present when my phone finally went off.

“Hey, gorgeous. Happy Winterfest. How’s Copperdale?”

“Cold! It’s nice to be back, I haven’t seen my family in months. But I miss you.”

“I miss you too. Hopefully, we can celebrate Winterfest together next year. Maybe even in Copperdale. That is, if your family still wants to meet me after all of this.”

“My parents had a few questions, but they have no problem with you. They mostly worry about the media.”

Paul sighed wearily.

“Yeah, I’ve been worried about that too. I’ve sent my lawyers after a few people already. How are you holding up?”

“I’m fine, Paul. I’m used to getting a few nasty messages on occasion, it’s really not that different.”

“Are you sure, Julia? And I mean really sure? Some of these are pretty harsh.” His voice was filled with concern and I wished I could just fall apart in his arms. But despite what those articles were saying, I was not a child, and if Paul could handle this, so could I.

“Oh yeah, it’s fine. I try not to read anything, they’ll get bored eventually, right? For now, I’m just counting the days until you pick me up from the airport for New Year’s.”

“Me too. I can’t wait to see you, and you’ll finally get to meet some of my friends. I’ve already started outlining a pretty elaborate menu.”

“Sounds very fancy. I’m glad I made a new dress just for this party.”

“You made a dress?”

“I did. And it’s very sexy.”

He chuckled and lowered his voice.

“Please, Julia, don’t do this to me, I won’t see you for another week.”

“Sorry, not sorry. I spent hours getting it to fit juuust right.”

“… I’m changing the subject before I get in trouble. What are your plans for today, then?”

“My oldest sister is here with her husband and my nephew, my dad is picking up my other sister, and my brothers are up to their usual mischief somewhere. We’re having a big family dinner tonight.”

“Sounds cozy. I’ll be at my uncle’s, it’s a huge family thing every year. Tartosans will jump at any excuse to gather everyone around food. But I’d love to try a snowy Winterfest some day. Maybe you can teach me how to build a snowman.”

“Just be warned, I take my snowman building very seriously.”

I could hear the smile in his voice. “Noted. I… hold on, my mother is here.”

A woman’s voice said something in the background.

“My mother demands that I tell you that she looks forward to meeting you some day, but we have to go now so we won’t be late.” He lowered his voice to a stage whisper. “But really, she just wants to arrive first so she can snag her favourite chair…”

“Paul!” His mother sounded indignant, but then she laughed.

“Sorry, mum, but I’m on to you. Enjoy your Winterfest, Julia, I can’t wait to see you again. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

beginning / previous / next

[garbinge]

Backfired

Eddie Diaz & Diaz!F!Reader (Diaz Sister Reader) From these April Prompts: "Backfired" A/N: Did I project my own coming out situation here lowkey???? We love projection in this house!!! First 911 fic and I've decided to ease into writing for the show by writing a lowkey coming out story for an Eddie Sister Reader insert! Word Count: 1.5k Warnings: Coming out story, negative reactions to coming out, drinking. 

All Writing Taglist: @drabbles-mc @justreblogginfics

Staring at the house you grew up in back in Texas was overwhelming. It had been years since you’d been back and now that you were here for your father’s retirement party, you were reminded of every reason why you avoided it. The pressure, the judgment, the memories, the, well, everything. There was a car already in the driveway, not one you recognized so you assumed it was your brother or sister who beat you here. With a sigh you walked up the porch, bag over your shoulder and opened the front door. 

“Hello?!” You called out, closing the door behind you. You felt the nerves rise up from your stomach and into your throat now, but maybe that was bile. 

“We’re in the kitchen!” Your moms voice called out and you followed. 

Your mother was cooking, surrounded by tons of catering trays that were being filled as the seconds passed, the fact she wasn’t paying much attention to you caused the anxiety levels to lower. Your gaze moved and fell on your older brother who was a pillar to you, you might not have seen him often but you talked a lot. 

He had been talking to your father up until you walked in and he used you as a way to change conversations quickly. 

“Hermana!” He called out. While the action might have been Eddie’s way of avoidance, you knew his excitement wasn’t a rouse. “Look who's here, everyone!” He was making his way over to you to embrace you but unfortunately for him, your father beat him to it. You were being scooped up into his hug before you could even answer Eddie and once he placed a kiss on the crown of your head, your mother was replacing him with her own grip around you. 

“If I knew retiring was what was going to get you guys back home I would have retired years ago.” Your father teased which earned him a swat from your mother as she hugged you tight. 

“Best for last.” You stuck your tongue out at your brother who smiled and squeezed you tight, you were surprised the beer bottle in his hand didn’t spill all down your back from him embrace. 

“Suavecito, Edmundo.” Your mother spoke out with a frown on her face, “don’t suffocate her.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes and moved to the fridge to grab you a beer. “How are things?” His head turned to look at you. 

“They’re fine, where’s my nephew?” You grabbed the beer from him. 

“Asleep, it’s 1 in the morning.” He frowned at you with a smile. 

“Edmundo, don’t just assume she wants a drink, she could be…” Your mother raised her brows and pointed her head down. 

Your gaze immediately snapped to your big brother. He knew you were in a serious relationship right now, with a woman. Your parents knew… somethings, too. They knew you were bisexual. You had come out to them a few years ago, and while they were trying to be accepting of it all, it didn’t stop their blissful ignorance from shining through sometimes. 

Eddie passed you the beer and spoke up before you. “I talk to her like everyday, I’m updated on her life, Ma.” 

“Everyday? Why don’t you call us more like that? We want to be updated on your life, too!” Your mother spoke up. 

You took a deep breath and a big chug of your drink before you began to say what you were nervous about the whole drive here. 

“I actually have two pieces of news.” Now, the attention was on you which made you want to back track completely. “Uh, well first is, I’m seeing someone. It’s kind of serious.” There was a rumble in your stomach, probably the truck stop dinner you had coming back up your throat. 

“Oh that’s great honey!” Your mom clapped. “You should’ve brought him.”

It didn’t go past you that your father hadn’t spoken up in a while, he was generally the quiet one when the girls were around, but right now it made you extra nervous. 

“Um, her name is actually Lucy–Lucia. She’s a, she’s a teacher.” 

Your mother’s face brought you back to a few years back when you came out to your parents. 

“I’m bisexual.” The two words lifted off your shoulders like weights. Despite really knowing your whole life, you had come to the true realization not that long ago but the weight of hiding something that could affect your life moving forward never sat right with you. It was made easier that you didn’t live in Texas anymore, it made the secrecy fade to the back burner, sure. But it never went away completely. There were already people that knew, a few close friends, your brother, and your other sister, but not your parents. 

Your mother’s face dropped, the smile on her face from you telling her you had news to tell her immediately disappearing from her face as the words processed in her brain. 

“No, you’re not.” Her head went back down to washing the dishes in the sink, her way of dealing with anything.

Denial. Not the route you thought this was going to go. Your head twitched into a frown as you stepped closer, standing against the counter by the sink, forcing her to be close to you, not to deny and avoid this. 

“I like men and women, mom– I like everyone.” You softened your voice, like you needed to coddle her in this moment that was leaving you vulnerable. 

“What about the grandchildren?” She asked in a way that was uneasy, her voice was rocky. 

It pained you that that was her first thought after denying it. Not checking in, not accepting it, hell, not even asking questions. But you expected this, your parents were traditional, they might have said things in support of the community but once it was about their own kid, that mindset changed, you had read about it, but there was always some hope that maybe things would be different. 

“I can still have grandchildren.” You opted to go that route instead of the, ‘what if I don’t want kids’ path. “Plus, you have grandchildren, you have Christopher!” 

“It’s different and you know that! You’re not bi-whatever, mija, you like boys, you’ve always liked boys!” 

“Yes, ma, I have, but I also like people who aren’t boys!” You raised your voice, the anger rising through you.

“What’s with the yelling?” Eddie walked in, you had planned your visits accordingly with at least one of your siblings, things were better in pairs. 

“Your sister is breaking my heart!” She threw the kitchen towel on the ground before stomping out of the kitchen leaving you and your brother alone. 

“I’m guessing you told her.” He moved over to you, throwing his arm around you as you stood their, numb, doing nothing but nodding to answer your brothers question. “I thought you said you were gonna tell her with me in the room?” 

“It seemed like a good opportunity to tell her.” You pressed your head into his shoulder. 

He chuckled, hoping some comedic relief would make you feel better, “Well, that backfired.”

You were brought you back to the moment present with your mom. Her face still the same as that one from years ago. But soon, a smile appeared on her mouth. 

The tension that was around the room soon faded as your mom spoke up. “Why didn’t you bring her for your father’s retirement party?” The towel in her hand swatted you. 

“Ow! Sorry Ma, I–” She cut you off before you finished your sentence. 

“Call her! See if she can catch a last minute flight, there’s two days until the party.” Your mom was now leaving the room and your father smiled before following behind her. “Hope she’ll be able to make it.” 

You looked over at Eddie and raised your eyebrows in shock. 

He extended his hands out and bent down at the knees slightly. “Well, that went extremely well.” Standing back up tall he clapped his hands and walked over to you, still shocked and frozen from everything. 

“Yea, I was expecting it to backfire on me entirely.” You wrapped your arm behind him as he hugged you. 

“It’s because I was here. It always goes smoother when I’m in the room.” He had a shit eating grin on his face that earned him a shove. “Hey! I’m for real, but make sure I’m not in the room when you tell her you're both moving to Los Angeles in the apartment building across the street from mine.” He called out as he escaped the room to avoid your response.

“What happened to ‘it’s always smoother when you’re in the room’?” You called out to him.

You heard Eddie laugh from the hallway. “What? I can’t hear you?” 

[footballlover8]

Ben Chilwell x fem!Ødegaard!reader

Summary: It's Norway's national day and he sees her in her bunad for the first time. He's just like 'wow' because she looks breathtaking.

Warnings: Swearing?

Note: English is not my native language. This is unedited

____________________________________

"Are you ready love?" Ben's voice echoed through the house her family owned.

"Yeah two seconds" She yelled back, finishing off her Bunad

(That’s the one she’s wearing)

She looked at herself in the mirror and smiled, she loved wearing it. It was so unique and quite comfortable, the only thing she absolutely hated was the Bunad shoes. She always carried chafing patches in her purse just in case.

She walked downstairs where Ben was waiting for her, her family had already gone into the city to chat with friends and families, as well as watching the different parades that filled the streets.

Once she reached the bottom of the stairs Ben looked at his beautiful girlfriend. She looked absolutely stunning. How could one look like that.

"You look absolutely gorgeous darling" He spoke walking up to her smiling like a fool.

“Like actually sweetheart, You look so beautiful. I didn’t know you would look this good” He said shocked. He wasn’t lying, she looked ravishing.

"Thank you babe" "You look quite handsome too" She smiled back.

"Handsome enough to get a kiss?" He asked teasingly.

"Hmm, no" She answered simply but before he could say anything she spoke up again.

"You can get as many as you want" She giggled as he smiled.

Leaning in and placing a loving kiss on her soft chapped lips, deepening the kiss by pulling her in by her waist.

"Æsj Kan dokkar slutte å være så jwl cheesy?" (Eww can you guys stop being so fucking cheesy?)

The voice made her pull away and letting out a scream. She turned around to see her older brother laughing at her.

"Oh my days! Jwl dritt unge" Thé girl huffed. (Fucking dickhead)

"Ja enig" Ben nodded making the two Ødegaard siblings laugh. Ben had tried his best to learn a bit Norwegian. (Yes, I agree)

"What are you doing here mate?" Ben asked Martin knowing that he left with the others an hour ago.

"I had to pee" He answered chuckling, the couple laughed at him.

"Are you guys going now?" He asked them

"Yeah, should we wait for you?" His sister asked making him nod.

***

As the Ødegaard family got home again and had dinner outside.

"Ben!" The girl laughed loudly at her boyfriend who was currently trying to do a stand together with her nephews.

Note the word 'trying too' he was totally failing. It looked like he was dying, his hair was a mess and his white button up was green because of the grass he had been laying on.

She laughed hard with Martin's girlfriend helene as Ben and Martin fell over yet again.

"Jesus you two are gonna regret that one day" Lene, her and Martin's mother told the two older boys.

"Yeah your football career is gonna be long gone" Y/N teased.

"Hey, if you weren't wearing a Bunad you would definitely be doing that as well" Her mother told her making the small group laugh as she rolled her eyes.

"They're not wrong babes" Ben said walking over too her and kissing her head.

"Yeah right" She huffed playfully.

"Mamma vi går rett ned på bryggen" She told her mom standing up. (Mom we’re going right down to the shore)

"Oki, vær forsiktig" Lene responded with a soft smile. (Okey be careful)

Y/N grabbed onto ben's hands and dragged him along with her.

"Where are we going?" He questioned with a slight laugh.

"Secret" She replied laughing as she continued dragging him down to the little shore they had outside their house.

“Me and Martin used to play football here all the time, and if the ball got into the ocean the one who last touched it had to go in and get it” She explained smiling at the memory.

“Let me guess, that happened quite often eh?” He asked smiling

“Well yes…but to be fair it’s not the biggest place” She defended herself.

“Plus if storm was with us he would jump in and get it for us” She giggled remembering their German Shepard as a little puppy.

“Poor storm” He shook his head frowning jokingly.

“Oh shut up, he loved it” She smiled placing her hands on his chest.

He smiled down at her, he placed his arms around her waist pulling her into him. She looked up into his beautiful blue eyes.

“I love you” He whispered leaning down towards her lips.

“I love you too” She closed the gap between the two.

@y/n.ødegaard

Liked by erling,haaland, benchilwell, ødegaard.98 and 462.157 others

y/n.ødegaard:Gratulerer med dagen❤️🇳🇴

View comments…

benchilwell:Gratulerer med dagen! Jeg elsker deg❤️(Happy constitution day! I love you❤️)

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y/n.ødegaard: Jeg elsker deg å❤️ (I love you too❤️)

User62:Thé way he looks at her😻

Sophieamelia:I love you babe❤️

|

Kaihavertz29: I guess I’m just invisible?

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y/n.ødegaard: I love you too❤️ @kaihavertz29 stop acting like a baby

erling.haaland: Gratulerer med dagen🇳🇴

Liked by @y/nødegaard

User3:She’s so pretty😻

User7:I want to look like her!😫

User55:Ben is so luckyyyyyy

User35: I want a relationship like theirs😫

User:Awww he came to norway with her for the constitution day🥹

Masonmount:Missing my chilly😢

|

y/n.ødegaard: Suck it up🖕

User1:Poor mase and Kai😭

Odegaard.98: ❤️❤️❤️

[heymeowmao]

2023.02.09 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321324867349974221640

I’m here again~ Stream for a small, small while~~~

-- Fall in Love LYN: Hallo everybody, good evening. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. Welcome~! LYN: It feels like it’s been a long time, huh? It feels like it’s been a long, long time. And... there was a lot more work than I thought today; I thought I would be able to wrap up early and come to stream but then we ended up finishing the day at 9p. I was thinking if I didn’t stream today, I wouldn’t have the time to later because the schedule will be getting tighter. So I’m still going to stream today. I apologize- I’m going to delay your sleep. But I’m sure the first people to come into my stream are my fans- the people who are more familiar with me. Or, there’s maybe a group of passerby who have a passing interest in me. I’m glad I am able to meet up with you tonight. If you’re sleepy, then go to sleep. If you’re not, then stay up a bit longer.

C: I’m not sleepy. LYN: You’re not? Then, let’s play. We’ll chat. You all know that nowadays they’re saying that young people have social anxiety. Your Ning-ge, me, is one of those people. Wait- why did I use the laughter? Anyway- I have social anxiety- I don’t much like mingling with people at social gatherings. I get shy. I don’t know what to say or do. I’m that type of person. But apparently my reputation online is that of someone who’s a good drinker- the type who chats with directors and producers and shoots back glass after glass of baijiu. I don’t even know who spread that rumor. But really, I have a fear of social situations and am afraid of the gatherings where there are lots of bosses and directors. When I go, I rarely talk at all- I just sit there silently and... eat. A lot of you here might also have social anxiety- lots of young folk have this problem. You don’t like making friends and rarely go out with the ones you have. Just know that at this moment there’s a young fellow called Modern Brothers Liu Yuning on the internet- he is your friend. In the late night, he will chat with you. He will help you pass every lonely night.  LYN: That’s right. You are all my friends, and I hope you think of me as your friend, too. We’re penpals- we may never have met in real life, but we have always communicated online. For example, I’m talking to you now and you’re writing back. That is a type of communication. We’re the very best of friends. LYN: Of course, my stream has a certain style. If I start streaming early then it will be more music-based. But right now it’s- let me take a look at my (invisible) watch- it’s nearing 10p. So now we enter into the Late Night Radio segment. We’ll chat and have a heart-to-heart, and play some quiet music. I’ll play some gentle music for you all, and we can have a nice night.

C: Ning-ge, aren’t we “family”? LYN: Erm... eh... ( stream skips :| ) I said earlier, that many of you are my fans and yet many of you are just passerby. They just see that LYN has some mental illness and started a stream in the middle of the night, so they came to take a look. Some are my antis, squatting in my stream to see if I say anything they can take to use as material to ridicule me. There are a lot of different types of people in my stream, but I treat you all as my friends. At the very least, we’re friends. LYN: As for “family”- let me think, how can I phrase this so that my fans can’t hold it against me- ! Let’s do this. Friends- you’re all young, though I know some of you are older in age. Right? In the future you’re going to face marriage and children, or have children of your own or nieces and nephews. Let me tell you- the best way to communicate with your niece is not to tell her “I’m your senior!” or “I’m your father/mother/grandma!” It doesn’t work that way. I think the best way is to communicate as you would with a friend. They’re your family, but you can treat them as a friend. This will allow them to be more open with you, and feel more comfortable communicating with you and asking for advice from you when they reach the age they start having concerns. We’re like that. Remember this, it really works. C: Ning-ge, then what you’re trying to say is that you are our niece? LYN: ?__? It’s the middle of the night and I’m not sleeping and I’ve even come to stream for you, and you’re taking advantage of me?? What are you doing. What do you want. C: Ning-ge, you’re my husband. LYN: ... You must be new. My old batch of fans- the ones who have been with me from the start- I’ve already weaned them off the notion of calling me their husband. I already told them not to make our idol-fan relationship so superficial. Let’s go deeper than that- we... connect on a spiritual level or at the level of family- slightly more intimate. Don’t call me your husband, that’s too cliche. Also, when streaming I usually kick out the people who call me their husband. But on weibo I don’t have a shortcut to kick you out, otherwise I’d have done it.

C: You Highness, Wei Shao. [Zhe Yao/Prisoner of Beauty] LYN: My name isn’t Wei Shao, it’s Wei Xun. When this drama was announced, so many people were saying, “Hello, Wei Xun.” “I’m looking forward to Wei Xun.” Right, I’m the second son of the Wei family, Wei Xun. My big brother is called Wei Daxun. XD // My big brother is Wei Da Xun, and I’m called Wei Er Xun. But that doesn’t sound nice, so people just call me Wei Xun. It’s like.. this person really likes to drink- they like the feeling of being tipsy (微醺 - wēi xūn). So he gave himself the name of Wei Xun.

LYN: A lot of you are concerned for my foot, you’re asking me how it is. It’s just about fine. I did go to get a check-up recently and the doctor advised that I should remove the supporting boot and start to walk on it, slowly. I shouldn’t run or jump but I can start to walk on it slowly. So I’ve taken off the boot- I can wear my normal shoes now. But the doctor also suggested that I wear high-topped shoes and walk around so that I can help my leg regain its muscle. Actually, I’m recovering relatively quickly. It’s only been about two months now. I broke my foot on 12/9, now it’s 2/9. Two months exactly! I can stop wearing the supports, now. I’ll raffle off all that stuff in the next stream, we’ll skip it for today’s stream. LYN: It still hurts a little when I walk, though. There will still be some pain. When I’m at home it’s not like I will wear the brace all the time, and I’m not wearing it to sleep. At home you’re inevitably going to walk around on it to get stuff, and it hurts a little when I do. I asked the doctor about it, too. What happens if it hurts? They explained it well, and told me that as long as it’s a pain I can tolerate, I can still try to walk on it. If I can’t stand the pain anymore, I should stop immediately. Right now, it’s a little pain that I can handle so I’m walking on it like I normally would. The drama crew has already accommodated me enough- making it so that the scenes I have to shoot early don’t require a lot of movement. At the most I’m walking, but for the rest of the time I am standing still or sitting. All of the scenes that require big movement and the fight scenes are scheduled for later. They’re taking good care of me. But I’m the type of person who... feels sorry to be an inconvenience, so I want to get my leg/foot better quickly so I don’t delay filming any more than I already have.

C: Can you see me typing? LYN: I can see all of your comments, but I can’t reply to each and every one. You just have to pretend that I’m talking to you one-on-one. I know that I’m the only one in my room, but you have to set-up your phone or computer or tv for yourself. Just pretend we’re talking one-on-one.

C: What are the other actors like? LYN: They’re all just average. I’m kidding. I’m relatively more familiar with the crew and actors. There’s Zu’er- we did The Truth and a couple variety shows together so we’re pretty close. Xueqin is also there- she was also on our show (The Truth). Anyway, all the actors are great. We’ve eaten a few meals together already. They’re all great people and the work environment is relatively relaxed. It’s a happy situation!

C: Is there an ancient tower on your head? [t/n: ??] LYN: Friends, even jokes have a limit. Let’s be a little more civilized in my stream, okay? This isn’t any broadcasted variety show or anything, but let’s still be civilized. You can’t just say anything. This is a hat. LYN: My foot’s better now. If you keep making offensive remarks, watch out because I’m going to aim a flying kick at your face. My legs are 113cm long. If I just kick my leg out, I’m sure you’ll fly at least 3m. Watch yourself. Be careful.

- /explains that he’s wearing the wig out of respect to the viewers, because his hair has been in the drama’s wig all day he didn’t have time to freshen up before his stream so it looks bad./

C: You’ve gotten thinner again. LYN: I haven’t. I look the same, I’m just maintaining the weight. I’ll look the same no matter how thin I get, and I can’t gain enough fat anyway. I won’t let myself get fat. But I haven’t really gotten any skinnier.

- /before he came to stream he asked his fan group if they were sleepy in the chat, to see if they were sleepy or not and if he should stream. they all said they weren’t sleepy, so here he is./ LYN: I thought I would come stream a little. I’m afraid you are missing me too much. Also, I boldly told the group that I would stream like normal, and a lot of you were saying “This isn’t like normal!”

C: Ning-ge, have you never caught COVID? LYN: I have never. You don’t need to worry about me.

C: Will there be a concert this year? LYN: You’re very concerned with this issue. The other day- wasn’t there news that I was out eating with Jia Shikai (Yuekai Entertainment)? It was even trending. I’m guessing a lot of people saw that and were thinking, “Look at that. LYN still knows how to do it. He must be signing with Yuekai!” It was nothing. I had a meal with him because he happened to be in Hengdian. A few of his actors are here and some of his artists are in my drama; he happened to invite me to dinner. Since I was there, I could talk to him about my concert. Many of you might not know about my collaboration with Yuekai. My second album is being made with them. My first concert and next concert will also be in collaboration with Yuekai. We were discussing some concert logistics, but we’ll see. There’s no definite. There was also a chubby male there- that’s our Director Deng Ke. He was with us, too. C: The short-haired brother. LYN: XD Our director is very good.

C: Lao-da, you’re trending. LYN: Really? I don’t believe you. Am I worthy enough to be trending?

C: Ning-ge, turn on your blur tool higher. LYN: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!? Are you my fan?? Oh, you’re not? Then it’s fine. LYN: The blur is already on 100- it can’t get any higher! What do you mean “Turn on the beauty filter higher?” it’s already at 100. This is the max, there’s no getting better than this. If you still can’t take it- you’re watching my stream on your phone, right? Get another phone, turn on the BR1 or whatever it’s called- the beauty camera- and watch me through this secondary lens. Give me a double-filter. C: B621 [t/n: idk, it’s a type of camera??] LYN: Yes, I think that’s it. In any case, use it. /rolls his eyes/ LYN: Friends, I’ve just been cyber-bullied!

C: I came from the trending topic. LYN: Welcome. I welcome all of you who came because of the trending topic. I’m glad to be able to spend this late night with you.

--

C: Why won’t you sing? LYN: ... Do I OWE you? I stream just to sing for you, like it’s what you deserve? What do you mean, “Why won’t you sing?”? Why should I? Am I a live-streaming concert, right now? This is time for LYN’s Online Concert, is that it? But you didn’t buy a ticket. LYN: Ok, I’ll sing something. :) -- Be Earnest While You’re Young (意气趁年少) LYN: For that person who asked me why I won’t sing, I have now. This song is especially for you. Now that you’ve heard it you can go to sleep. Go. /makes shooing motions with his hands./ 

LYN: There was a new song released yesterday, too. It’s called 与子成说 (Yu Zi Cheng Shuo). This is the OST for The Starry Love (星落凝成糖). It’s my second time working with Sa DingDing-laoshi. Last time she made me a song, it was “When I Met You (当遇见你)” [Skate into Love OST]. Many friends also like that song. LYN: Actually, this is our third time working together. There’s another one that hasn’t been released yet. It was recorded more than a year ago, but it still hasn’t been released- because the drama hasn’t come out. But I got to work with her again, for which I am very happy. LYN: Also, the director for The Starry Love is Chu Yuibin. I’m sure all my fans are already familiar with him- I’ve already done two dramas with him! The first is my debut drama Hot-Blooded Youth, and the second is The Long Ballad. This is his most recent work, called The Starry Love. I hope you all can take a look when it’s out. Support it, alright? C: So it was Director Chu. LYN: Of course! LYN: There’ll probably be another song released tomorrow. It’s called 微世界 (Micro World). It’s also a drama OST- the drama called Under the Microscope. I think that’s what it’s called- if I remember correctly. It’s an iQIYI drama. That’ll come out tomorrow. The Starry Love, that I was talking about earlier will be out on Youku on 2/16. They’re on different platforms. I’m sure my fans are all wealthy enough to have subscriptions. On 2/14 there’ll be another song called “天光 (Sky Light)” for Chaoyue-meimei’s drama called (The Journey of) Chong Zi.  LYN: It’s soon. I might not have the time to announce it later, because I probably won’t stream then. There’ll be a song called 天光 out on 2/14. It’s another I really like. The opening theme for Chong Zi. This drama will be out on Tencent. Please check out these three dramas. They’re all very good. Thank you. I’m telling you now all three of these will be popular for sure. LYN: Support them all. There are so many good dramas lately, you can watch all of them together. Most of them only release two episodes a day, so when you finish these two, you can move on to those other two. Support them all.

C: Ning-ge, when are your dramas being released? LYN: I want to know, too. I hope they’re released soon and I can be over it. [t/n: over with people asking when they will air.] LYN: As far as I know, none of my dramas will air anytime soon. Watch other people’s dramas first. -- C: Ning-ge, is the hair not pricking your eyes? LYN: This type of 20RMB look is what I’m going for. It can prick my eyes a little, I can tolerate it. -- LYN: Anyway, don’t rush it. They’re all already filmed. It’s just a matter of time before they air. I’m sure it won’t be long now. They have to air, probably all within the year. We’ll just have to wait and see. Do I really have so many acting-fans? You just can’t wait for my works anymore? That makes me... happy. C: When will YNGS air? LYN: When I was talking to the producers they were saying at the end of the year. It’s already in editing now. After it’s finished they’ll make the music, do all the voice overs, and then it will air. I think it will air this year, at least. It’s a very good drama, we filmed a lot for it. C: What about Zi Chuan? LYN: I already told you, don’t ask about every single drama. I’m sure it’ll all air soon. “Soon” meaning in a month or two. I’m guessing after two months they could release at least SOME of it... 

C: What about Zhe Yao? Will you sing the OST for it? LYN: I’ll do my best. I actually did have some time these past few days to stream, but the problem is that I owe too many songs. I went to record one yesterday, and the day BEFORE the day before yesterday. I still owe a lot, so sometimes the reason I don’t stream is because I have other work to do. Tomorrow night I have a brand (L’oreal) livestream. So if you haven’t had enough of me tonight, go watch that stream tomorrow.

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C: How is the ZY crew? What do you feel when you’re on set? LYN: Um... it’s just a B-level drama, what’s there to say about it? (XD) There’s nothing to say! Right, friends?? LYN: I saw online that people were saying Zhe Yao is a B-level project. There are a few points. First is that it’s B-level. Second is that the ZY drama group is really poor. That there are only 15 outfits for the drama total. Also, a lot of you may know- the producer is Director Deng Ke’s wife. So there are rumors his wife takes other producers around to other drama groups and goes asking if they could borrow scenery and wardrobe, but no one will let them so they came right back. “We’re begging you!” Oh- uh. This voice I’m making is not in imitation of our producer’s. “I’m begging. Could you let us borrow this scenery for a few days? ZY doesn’t have any.”  LYN: /sigh/ First of all, I want to set it straight. The “B-level” project... I find that a lot of people- meaning the people who say nonsense online- they will pretend as if they are an insider in the industry. They speak as if they’re so sure of what’s going on and with a clear understanding. They either pretend that they are an insider or that they are able to access inside information. But the thing is everything they say is just on the side of excessive. It’s like this: they say ZY is a B-level project. If it were from my perspective, as LYN, that’s reasonable. Because LYN isn’t worthy of any better project. I said that myself first, alright?! I’m not worthy. BUT! The Director is Deng Ke and the Screenwriter is Nan Zhen.  LYN: Deng Ke- let’s look at this from an objective standpoint. What projects has he been part of? My Heroic Husband. I’m sure even if you’ve never seen it, you’ve heard of it. From an objective standpoint, he is a director with representative works. And, if I did not hear incorrectly, I heard that MHH had the highest ratings out of any other drama on iQIYI- before it was even aired. And then... as for what he’s been a part of after that I don’t quite remember and I’m not clear on it. But the most recent drama he just wrapped up on is Yu Feng Xing (The Legend of Shen Li). The main leads for that drama are Zhao Liying and Li Gengxin. First off, he’s a director with known projects and secondly, just think about what projects he’s currently working on. Do you really think that dramas that he’s worked on could be considered B-level dramas? Do you really think so? I’m not pandering- this is from an objective standpoint. There’s no way. Directors and Actors are alike, in that if one of their projects gets popular their later projects will only get better and better. He’s just finished with an S-level project and you really think he’ll go back and start another B-level one? In this industry, there’s no way. LYN: Oh? How come it’s lagging. Hold on. My computer has been having issues lately. LYN: So from that perspective only, the second two rumors are completely false. But since I’ve got nothing to do anyway, I will use this as my content for today’s stream and tell you about the fun things of this industry. So that you can better understand it. My fans think of me as their friend. I am only a friend who happened to make it in entertainment, so if I encounter fun/interesting stories, I’ll tell you all about it.

LYN: Let’s see.. the second thing was that our drama was going around to other dramas and asking to borrow wardrobe, but they didn’t give us any. The fact that they were able to say this at all means that the person who created this rumor is not a part of this industry at all. AT ALL. Do you know why? /sigh/ Guzhuang dramas are not the same as modern dramas. All of the guzhuang clothes need to be fitted. Or course, modern clothes also need to be fitted to certain standards- theres the S/M/L/XL conventions. Guzhuang clothing isn’t like that. Fittings are dependent of each individual’s height and proportions, including shoulder, waist, etc. There are MANY measurements that need to be taken. Because guzhuang clothes need to fit closely to the body, in order to look neat in the camera. There are so many layers of clothing that if just one of them doesn’t fit correctly, it’s going to look lumpy and off in the camera. Other than the background actors, most of the main and even supporting cast all have fitted clothing. They’re all custom made. There is no guzhuang drama that will borrow clothes from a different drama, except for if you’re borrowing background actor’s clothing. If you ask if the capital for making the clothing is high, it’s not very. The design part is more expensive. So saying, there is no drama crew that will be lacking the money for one or two outfits. With guzhuang clothing, especially for the leads but even for supporting characters, there is no way of borrowing. Because all the clothes are custom-made to fit. You’ll know later. Oh no- you won’t know, because you’re not a part of this industry. It just doesn’t happen. It’s not as if this article of clothing is a size “XL” and it will fit on someone who is 185, 187, or 189. The shoulder width, sleeve length, circumference of the waist, leg length- all of these are measured in thorough detail. There’s no way to borrow clothes because everyone’s heights are different, so how could they?! If I get a borrowed outfit the sleeves are going to be short. I’m acting as a general after all, how would that look good?? - /Zhu Xudan has entered the chat./ LYN: So that’s why the concept of borrowing clothes is a little unreasonable. People will pretend to know how this industry works but actually they’re just saying nonsense. LYN: Isn’t that right, ZXD?? Have you ever heard of one drama borrowing clothes from another drama?? No, right? ZXD is also a seasoned actress. Right?

LYN: What else was there- that our crew was begging to borrow scenery? Saying, “When you’re done with this set, could you let us borrow it to film for a day? We’re begging you. ZY is poor. Could you-” LYN: Oh, she (ZXD) left? It doesn’t matter. LYN: “ZY doesn’t have funding. Could you let us borrow your sets to film on?” Of course, I’m only saying it like that because I imagine that when you’re begging for something you’re going to make yourself seem lowly. That sounded pitiable, right? LYN: Let me tell you about this, because what they’re referring to is that we asked the Xiang Si Ling (相思令/Everlasting Longing) drama if we could borrow scenery. As far as I know, XSL is a xianxia drama. I think it borders on the line of fantasy. For example, if I were in that drama chatting with Xiao Qiao, I’d say,”Let’s go to chat near the gates of the zenith!” “I see the weather near the Southern Heavenly Gate is not bad. Let’s go take a walk.” “Marquis Wei will take you around. This is zuixiantai- many immortals often jump from here.” /sigh/ Do you think that would work?? Does it make sense? The two dramas aren’t even of the same genre, how could we ask to borrow scenery? Not even genre, it’s not even of the same era.  LYN: “This place is called zuixiantai. I’ve seen many immortals jump from here. Let’s try as well. I hear that after you jump it will turn back time and return your youth. Let’s meet again in our second lives, ok? What do you say?” “Every time we feel ill and that we will separate, let’s jump. We will definitely be together in our next life.” This drama will be called “Three Lives, Three Worlds: Bending at the Waist for You”. LYN: So there’s no way we could borrow scenery. It’s not even the same material, so how could we. This is total nonsense. I don’t even know- who did ZY offend? I don’t know why we’re being targeted like this. It’s not easy. Honestly, we’re not a big project- we’re just a crew that wants to focus on our filming and make a good product. We’re being dedicated and putting our all into it- stop messing with us. At least wait for the drama to air, first.

LYN: I’ve heard about the ZY novel or something, a long time ago. I heard that there would be this drama adaptation. It was a long time ago. But the problem is that.. I find this so mysterious. At the time there are always the rumors of who will be cast . At the time I... let me think... ok, I don’t have to make it about myself. At the time, it didn’t really seem like anyone CARED about this drama. Even though it’s a great drama, everyone was just sitting on the sidelines. No one wanted to be involved, and they were refuting the rumors of casting left and right.  LYN: It really is a good product, though. That’s why I chose it. I saw the script and I really liked it, so I accepted the role. When I was chatting with the director- before I had officially signed on- he had just introduced the character to me. I had never read the novel before, but as he was describing the role to me, I found myself really liking it. Then later when I received a copy of the script I thought to myself that I must accept it.

LYN: There’s something else- I saw the tabloid say that LYN wants to be the male lead of a certain drama and they didn’t want me. They decided to choose another outstanding actor. I don’t know if you saw that one? Uh.. I think it’s like this. It’s fine to mention me in association with a drama before it’s even started filming. That’s ok. It means you think highly of me. But there’s no need to mention me AFTER FILMING HAS STARTED, just to boost the drama’s publicity, don’t you think?? It’s like, “This drama’s casting has been settled already, and- just letting you know- LYN isn’t worthy.” /sigh/ LYN: It’s fine though. Because I really like the drama crew and its producers. They’re all familiar people and they treat me well. So it doesn’t really matter that I wasn’t chosen for the role. But the thing with these blogs is they like to string their own stories, putting it out there as if they have real insider information. There’s really no need to do this. It’s... forget it, I won’t comment. LYN: These blogs are making it out as if they’re insiders, which really makes me want to create my own blog. I’m not in it for the money. I just want people to know the truth behind the nonsense these tabloids are spouting. 

C: Ning-ge, you can. LYN: There’s no need. I have a drama to film, I’m not going to make a tabloid. LOL. Why is it that my life goal somehow changed into turning into a tabloid?? I’m not going to- there’s no need. People will always turn into the person they hate the most, is that it?

LYN: You know, there are also a lot of blogs that say “LYN is just internet famous, what right does he have to play a male lead?” There are a lot of those types, trying to create their own traffic. But the thing is... you’re just a little tabloid blog now, but later when you have enough fans, you’re also going to turn into an “internet famous” blog. Then we’ll be the same. So I just want to say... just don’t look down on yourself, later.

--

LYN: Oh? Why is it lagging again? What’s wrong with this?? Why is my computer glitching so much today. What’s happening... /checks that everything is working again/ Alright. - /fills the silence with laughter/ LYN: What- did the beauty filter drop for a second? It’s fine, it doesn’t matter. Is it okay now? But now MY screen is frozen.  C: The filter dropped. LYN: It’s okay! We’re all friends. You’ve already seen all my ugly photos online, that one second isn’t going to make a difference. LYN: What’s wrong with my computer today... C: It’s time for the computer to be raffled off. LYN: That’s not necessary. I guess it’s been too long since I streamed on it. This means that I should stream more often, is that it? “Ning-ge, it’s because you don’t stream regularly, so that’s why your computer is like this.” Alright. I’ll try my best. // I can do it. How about this. The next time I jump off of zuixiantai I’ll take my computer with me, in the hopes that it can be reborn.

LYN: But anyway, there are a lot of things on the internet that will try to sway your opinion.Don’t believe everything they say. It’s not like they know. I mean, how could a drama crew ask to borrow scenery... it’s weird, but whatever. For me as well, a lot of people say that I’m ugly, right? Okay, I admit I look just average. For me, my fans probably think that I’m handsome no matter what I do- you’ve got to understand them. It’s like if you have a baby- no matter how ugly they are, they’re still your baby. You’re going to think that your child looks the best. It’s that simple. My fans also think this way. But as for me, I don’t think I’ve ever gone around praising my own looks, have I? I’ve never said that I was handsome. I’ve never said that I was good-looking. Right? I haven’t said it! C: You’re very handsome! LYN: Thank you. It’s not important. What I wanted to say was that I know that I have faults. I know that in terms of appearances, I’m particularly outstanding. I guess “fault” is not the right word here- it’s not like I’m lacking anything. I have two eyes and a nose. But I have shortcomings when it comes to appearance and as an actor that’s one side. The other side is making the way for yourself, which is, to have a business mindset. I’m not good at that- because I’ve also never pushed for my own acting skills. But I do know that if I am lacking, then I have to put in that much more hard work to that my other merits can make up for where I lack. There’s not much more I can do to help my face, so I hope that I can improve my business mindset. I don’t want to say that I am hard working, only that I know what I should be doing. So it’s alright if people online are calling me ugly and whatnot- it’s nothing to get worked up over. Beauty is subjective. Ugly or not. Handsome or not. None of that matters. For actors... other factors are more important.

LYN: The thing I see most often is “LYN is too ugly. I can’t accept him playing in a gu-ou (guzhuang-idol) drama.” /laughs/ When I hear that, I just want to say: I’ve never acted in a gu-ou drama! Which one of my dramas has outright said that it was a gu-ou? When they gave me the script, they never told me. Like with YNGS- when I got that they told me it was guzhuang-fantasy. They didn’t tell me it was a gu-ou drama. ZY also- it’s just “a story adapted from a novel”. But why is it that after you find that I am a part of it you believe that it’s a gu-ou?? Why is that? LYN: YNGS, after experiencing it- I firmly believe it should be counted as a documentary. It documents the growth of a group of youngsters and records their encounters and relationships on their way to achieve a certain goal. That’s a documentary, it’s not a gu-ou. it’s a road film.   LYN: I don’t think any of the dramas I’ve signed with have outright labelled themselves as a guzhuang-idol drama. At least when I got the script, no one ever told me, “Yuning, the drama you’ll be coming to shoot is a guzhuang-idol drama.” They never said that. How about this- if a director, producer, or company comes to ask me about participating in a drama, as long as they mention the words “guzhuang-idol”, I promise you I won’t take part in that drama. I guarantee you. I’ll reject them on the spot. Alright? Because I’ve never said I was going to shoot a gu-ou, so why are you all saying that I have?? What I’ve filmed is a documentary! - /rants about it some more, because he’s been wrongly accused (for filming a gu-ou) AND insulted (called ugly)/ LYN: So the next time someone says, “LYN is so ugly, why is he playing in a gu-ou?” please ask them, “Which one of his dramas is a gu-ou?” Ask them for me. Then, if they reply, just baidu the name of the drama- each one has an introduction. Let’s see which one has “We are shooting a guzhuang-idol drama” in the description. None of them will. 

C: What about a modern-idol drama? LYN: ... I’ve never seen one. I haven’t seen one and I haven’t been a part of one. LYN: (bc the stream froze a little again) There’s something very wrong with this computer...  LYN: BYOL is a workplace drama; it talks about daily life things. But when I accepted the role in BYOL, no one told me it was a modern-idol drama. Those words never came out of the director or producers’ mouths. I’d like to guarantee to anyone who still can’t accept my look that if a director or producer comes to me with a drama and even slightly mentions the words “guzhuang, idol”, I will not accept that role. I will protect your eyes, alright. I’ll take care of your eyes and your emotions. If they mention it’s a “guzhuang-idol” drama I will reject them. I promise you. This is the last kindness LYN can give you. 

C: What about a youth-idol drama? LYN: That’s even harder. I’m not young anymore, friends. Didn’t I tell you that a drama came to look for me, asking me to act as a fresh college graduate and I hesitated? They wanted this old face to play a college graduate? It’s a little difficult. Even though in my heart I am childish enough to be a kindergartener, my face can’t hold up to a college graduate. LYN: Right now I can only play as a simple middle-aged man. But if you want me to play a real youth- I probably can’t participate.

C: Ning-ge you should get a facelift. LYN: /sigh/ The fact that you’re able to say such a thing means that you have a big sense of humor. You might THINK that you’re very funny. But because you said that- when I hear someone’s words I can infer certain details- the first thing I notice is that you must consider yourself to be funny. Secondly, you must not know very much about cosmetic surgery. If you still call it a “facelift” then that means that you still don’t understand how much cosmetic surgery has progressed. Nowadays it’s all about the Thermage. LYN: The other day I saw someone mention me in a comment, that they saw in one of their friend (who is a beauty blogger (?))’s videos that I was recommending people for the Thermage in my stream. I said, “I did not!” and they ended up sending me the video. I was chatting in my stream, saying I had done Thermage treatments- I was just sharing!- and apparently the people who offer these treatments have cut that part out of my video and are spreading it around to promote and find customers. It’s not as if Thermage has given me any payment for such a promotion, so how infuriating is that? I was speechless. But it’s fine. It... doesn’t really matter.

LYN: But anyway, if you see anyone ridiculing my looks or cursing at me, don’t get worked up. It doesn’t matter. It’s easy to curse at me, because I don’t have any representative works. I know that very clearly. Cursing at me is normal. They all say that I’m not worthy of doing this or doing that, and it’s all normal. In this industry, you need to have some representative project or work in order for people to acknowledge you. Or, when you want someone to acknowledge you, you have to have proof of your worth. But for me, as an actor, I don’t have such a thing. It’s not that I don’t have ANYTHING, it’s just that it’s not enough. Because I’ve never acted as the main lead before, so a lot of people don’t acknowledge me. That’s okay. LYN: Sometimes when people curse at me, I’m grateful. I’m going to explain this in a joking matter, to share with you. When people curse/yell at me I’m happy because there are a group of people who will stand up for me. They might not be my fans, but it’s possible that they’ve seen me act before. They will consider my acting in light of what they have seen of me in my dramas and comment, “Actually I’ve seen him act as OOO, and I think....” They will express their own opinions. The roles I’ve acted as can protect me and help those who want to stand up for me. The only problem is that these roles are all supporting roles. Hei Yanjing is a role many people like. Hao Du, as well, is a well-liked character and I’m thankful for them. Even Bai Choufei- there are people who like him, too. If you haven’t really grasped the character, it’s hard for people to defend you as an actor. I understand this, so I’m not in a hurry. I’m just going to silently film for my dramas and diligently do my own work. One day, I hope, I will gain the recognition from this group of people.

LYN: I’ve been very clear on my path from the start, so all of you can rest assured. I started off as a streamer on the side of the street, just singing. Everyone said I was just internet famous. I called myself a singer, and people refuted, “What type of singer are you? You’re just internet famous. You don’t share the same path as a singer does. There’s a barrier.” That’s what they told me, as if they knew the path well. I didn’t argue. It didn’t matter, because I had nothing to show for myself. I didn’t say anything, and just released song after song like crazy. I released OST after OST. Until now. Normally speaking, you won’t find anyone who says I am not a singer, now. You’ll rarely hear someone say that “LYN is not a singer”; and there are still those who say, “LYN? He’s not a singer, he’s just internet famous.” That’s okay. But the majority of people have acknowledged that I am a singer, by now. Why? Because I’ve sung too many drama OSTs, and I thank the drama for letting these OSTs be heard- so they KNOW I’m a singer. The only reason they acknowledge me as a singer is BECAUSE I have all these OSTs to prove it. LYN: When I first started off in this industry, people said “What? A singer? He sings so badly, he must be relying on his face.” XD “He can’t sing. He’s just an internet famous guy. There’s a barrier between the internet famous and singers. He must be here because of his face.” People really said that! I’m not giving myself a bias or calling myself handsome. That’s really what people were saying. They said my singing was no good and I got into this industry by relying on my face. Now I’ve started acting and they say my face is no good. It’s strange. But that’s not the important part. LYN: I’m a singer who’s jumped into another career path and have started acting. It’s normal that people won’t acknowledge me, but that’s not important. I’ve already had a successful experience. They said I was just internet famous so I released so many songs they had no choice but to acknowledge me as a singer. Now I’m a singer who wants to be an actor, so I should just keep acting until one day they’re forced to admit it. At this point, it’s enough for me to keep accepting roles and take each one of them seriously. I hope there will come a day people acknowledge me as an actor, too.

LYN: There are people who say “LYN, as a singer, why have you turned to acting? Just keep being a singer.” The people who say this are probably fans of actors. Their idols are probably actors, and they don’t want me- a singer- to enter the acting world and stir the waters. The problem is... aren’t there also a lot of actors SINGING at all these galas and events, too? Right? Everyone is the same. Actors sing at these events... which means they’re taking jobs away from singers. XD We’re all the same. It’s all the same industry. A lot of actors are turning into hosts, which mean that hosts are out of jobs, right? It’s the same. Don’t care too much. As long as someone likes the profession and has enough passion to take it seriously, I think that’s enough. LYN: I’m not saying that I’m so amazing; I still need to work hard. I just think it’s not necessary to differentiate in such a manner. If singers aren’t allowed to act, then why are actors allowed to sing? Why is that?? Also, aren’t a lot of actors and celebrities nowadays coming to try be internet famous? They’re all starting to stream and sell products, aren’t they? Isn’t it all the same?? If I were a Streamer, could I say, “What are all you celebrities up to, trying to steal our work? It took so much effort to be a famous streamer, so what are you celebrities doing just coming in as you please and taking over?? Can’t you just focus on your acting???” As a Streamer, that’s something I can say, right? That’s why, this (the hard lines people draw between professions) is nothing.

LYN: What people choose to do is their own choice, and whether you like to see it or not is your own problem. We’re actually all the same. // As long as you like something and are able to take it seriously, just do it. It’s just like going to college- you choose a major and then when you graduate, do you HAVE to go into a related profession? I believe that many of you are not currently working in a profession related to what you specifically studied in university. [//] It's your choice which path you take in order to make a living for yourself. As long as you can do it, it’s okay. Other people don’t have the necessity (right) to make a comment.

-- break #1

C: You can add the new video to your lineup. LYN: Yes, I saw that there was a new one. I just didn’t have the time to download it. Today’s stream was a little last-minute and I didn’t make any preparations or clean up my computer, so it’s acting up today. It’s fine. I’ll stream a lot more regularly later, because this drama is only 36 episodes so we probably won’t film too much. Unlike YNGS- where there was lots to shoot. There are less scenes for this drama. Also, there aren’t too many fight scenes. There are some, but not that many. YNGS had a lot of fight scenes, so the filming schedule was tight. This drama will be better on that front (less fight scenes).  LYN: It’s already late night, so if there’s anything you want to chat about we can chat. Let me sing you a song first, and then if you have anything you want to ask we can do a little interview. You can use this time to think about any questions you want to ask me, alright? / Let me sing a song. What should I sing... C: Micro World. LYN: It’s being released tomorrow. You want me to sing it live during my stream, so I leak the whole song? The platform hasn’t even released it yet, but I sing it first?? That’s strange. It’s like I go to monitor YNGS editing and secretly record a bit of it to post online. You want me to leak it?? C: Liu Yao. LYN: Oh, that song? Maybe next time. I don’t think I’m in the greatest condition to be able to pull off singing that song. Let me see if 笑红尘 is on here. I have the accompaniment, but not with me- I’ll have to get it on the usb. Looks like this doesn’t have it... - /hums a little without accompaniment/

C: I want to hear 危险派对 (Wei Xian Pai Dui - Dangerous Party). LYN: YOU’RE dangerous. How does this song go? /plays it/ Oh, it’s rap. I’m not very good at rap. // The only rap I know is (座右铭 - Motto)- “Laoban, are you there? Give me a glass of grape juice~ With ice.” - /starts in with (他在乎 - He Cares)/ “Hi- I’m God. For real, I’m not kidding. Your body’s already dead, sorry. ” LYN: I only know these types of rap. C: What the heck is that? LYN: Em.. it’s not important. If you haven’t heard it, that’s okay. 

LYN: Hm.. what should I sing? Oh! Let me see... -- 无问 (Don’t Ask) LYN: I heard this song a few days ago and thought it was nice. I’m not very familiar with it though, so I just hummed it for you. I put on these glasses so you all know this is a song from a familiar singer. (Mao Buyi)

C: How about a rap song? LYN: I’m really not any good at it. The type of music I like is more- /starts singing 爱如火/. C: Qilin (麒麟) LYN: I only know those few lines. Let’s try it, then. You all already know I only know those few lines, so. Let me wear some shades, to fit the look. /puts on some tinted shades/ How’s this? Do I look like a rapper? LYN: This is really suitable for sleeping. You can listen and go to sleep straight after. -- 麒麟 (Qilin) - /out of breath, his computer froze again and it’s bugging him/ C: It made me sleepy. LYN: Are all the songs you listen to before sleep so raucous? How much sleep are you lacking, that listening to this song would make you sleepy?

--

C: What time are you heading out tomorrow morning? LYN: I have a notice from the ZY crew, do you want to buy it from me? I also have reuters for LYN, do you want to buy them? If you’re willing to spend the money, then I’ll sell you a copy. If you need reuters, I’ll send you a selfie. It’ll even be a better picture than most leaked ones out there, too. As my fan, you don’t need to shop the pictures either. You don’t have to worry that I’ll send you an ugly picture- there’s no way I’d do that. How’s that sound? You still want to buy them? Add my WeChat later and we’ll talk. LYN: It’s just because people are worried that I’m staying up too late and I’ll be tired tomorrow. Tomorrow will be fine- we’re shooting a big scene. Not too many lines, I just need to be in a good condition. I already looked at tomorrow’s script.

LYN: Am I trending, friends? Really? /side-eye/ I don’t believe you. I don’t believe it, let me go take a look. // Oh, I am. I see it. #37. It’s my honor, to be able to be trending just for streaming. I’d like to thank everyone watching right now for flattering me. Of course, thank you to weibo as well. This is awesome. Normally, I’m not worthy of trending. I don’t deserve it!

C: Why am I not sleepy? Because it’s LYN! LYN: Just seeing me energizes you? :D

C: Sure enough, it’s all about the face. LYN: How strange. Don’t mention the word “face” to me. I’m seriously anxious about my looks. My name is Liu Jiao Lu. (焦虑)

LYN: I’m trying to find any comments with CONTENT.

C: I saw him today. He is still him. So happy. My upset feelings have once again been healed. Thank you, Liu Yuning. LYN: “upset feelings have once again been healed”...

C: I saw a bit of LYN’s stream. He’s too funny. I couldn’t even contain my teeth (?)- he has too many jokes. LYN: Hey- how’s my imitation of you? Is it similar?

C: I knew that LYN’s singing is very good, but is it only because of his appearance and height that I have good feelings for him? I saw so many full-body pictures of him before. That appearance and physique! Amazing~ LYN: Do I sound like you?

LYN: Let me find another one! :D Let me see if there are any that are more...

C: I always come to listen to the lullaby of Qilin late at night. This time it seems like he was able to follow along some more, so he’s improved. LYN: Does that sound like you??

LYN: /scrolling/ I’ll be done in a sec... /giggles/

C: Liu Yuning. It’s been five years and you are still you. You haven’t lost yourself, and that’s so nice. Our promise is still there. We sent you into this complicated entertainment industry, so we will be responsible for you until the end. We’ll always be here. We’ll always love you. Let’s fight together to make the things other people told us we weren’t capable of a reality!

LYN: This one. This sounds a little more elegant so I’ll pair it with some bgm. C: I love that LYN streams like this. Sing a song. Chat a little. We can ask him mundane questions, and LYN will share with us some happiness from the entertainment industry that we know little about. It’s just that simply. We can pass the time happily. Watching the time pass with LYN is a kind of happiness.

C: From refuting his rumors about himself at the start to telling us all about his experiences in getting to where he is today. In a moment I was reminded of Bai Choufei, who sat on the roof and proclaimed that he wanted to reach the sky. LYN, you’ll be popular for sure! LYN: Wait- why are you laughing? How could you laugh at my fans? Only I can do that! Only I am in control of everything and can laugh at my own fans. Who allowed you to laugh?? // Only I can laugh at my own fans. LYN: I didn’t read this comment because I wanted to make fun of it. I just wanted to say... I’m jealous of you. For being able to experience so many things while watching my stream. I feel like I’m Bai Choufei, standing on that roof. LYN: Hold on, I’m going to look up his lines. Let me see if I can find them. // There aren’t any (online). - /comments filled with BCF’s lines, because the fans remember/

--

LYN: Thank you for spending another new year with me. At this time I’d like to wish you healthy and happiness. Happy New Year!

C: Ning-ge, you’ll be hot this year for sure! LYN: Actually it’s not important if I’m hot or not. // Wait- I’ll be “hot this year for sure”... that means I’m not hot now, is that it? I’ll admit it. LYN: I don’t particularly mind if I’m popular or not. What’s more important is that I have work to do and am able say I did something with my life later on.

- /updates about the progress of his foot again, for those who’ve come in late. (he can start walking on it without the support in order to regain the muscle/function back.)/ LYN: Through this experience I’ve found out- you know how a lot of people say they wish their legs were thinner? Let me tell you, if you don’t walk and just lie on your bed all day your legs are definitely going to get thinner. Because all the muscles will have wasted away. So these days I have to wear more sensible/stable shoes and slowly walk. 

C: What about the interview? It hasn’t happened yet. LYN: Alright, let’s interview. I’ll chat with you a little longer before I sign off. I said earlier that there would be an interview segment, so if you have any questions that you want to ask me you can type them into the comments. We’ll move into the ~Late Night Live-stream Radio~.

LYN: Friends, I welcome you to the Modern Brothers Liu Yuning Radio. On this beautiful night you have me here to keep you company. --bgm: 都是夜归人 (Living by Night)

C: Ning-ge, have you settled on your next variety show? LYN: I have to set my varieties, too? "You’re just a singer, so just sing your songs. Why do you have to be on variety shows?” Right? // No. I haven’t decided on any, because I don’t actually have any resources on the variety show front. LYN: My makeup’s coming off.  LYN: But anyway, no variety has come to look for me. Probably because they haven’t started up just yet. When they do, I expect a couple will inquire. The other thing is in the previous years there have been quite a lot of variety shows that invited me to take part. Not because I’m popular, but it was out of politeness. They’re thinking “LYN is pretty sad, let’s give him some work to do.” Some have invited me, but I didn’t go because I was shooting the drama and I didn’t have time. There’s a limit to how many variety shows I can accept in a year. I’ve set it so that I can accept only one. This year I’m saving that spot for The Truth, the caveat being if there even will be a second season or not. If I have enough time, I will also save a spot for a music-variety show. C: Is there a second season of The Truth? LYN: I don’t know. I hope there will be. That is... it’s better if there is, isn’t it?

C: Do you have venues for your concert? - /sets it up so he’s interviewing himself./ LYN: Yes, I have been in talks about my concert. If I am able to hold on this year, there would be about 10 stops. LYN: (about the “interview” design) /laughs/ This is going to tire me to death. XD Forget it. LYN: /continues normally/ IF the album goes smoothly, I will probably hold a concert. Let’s not rush it. I do just want to say though, to all my fans. Please don’t create any false conceptions. All of you are typing in the comments, “When is LYN holding his concert???” You’re making it seem as if my tickets would even sell out. If you create this misconception and then later I’m not able to sell any tickets at all, I’ll be very sad. Please don’t do this to me. Just let things happen naturally. C: No way! We’re afraid we won’t even be able to GET a ticket. LYN: Normally I would hold my concert in a venue that can hold 10,000 people. But there’s no way to fill all the seats, right? So I’ll sell 7k-8k tickets. How can you not get a ticket? I’m not that popular. I have self-awareness, alright? There’s no way I can sell out all those tickets so you don’t have to worry. You’re making it seem like my concert is so hard to get tickets for. Please don’t create this misconception. LYN: Also, it’s not like I’ll only have one show, right? Because it costs a lot to rent a venue and using it only once seems like a waste. So... you can figure it out.

C: Ning-ge, when your dramas finish airing the tickets will be even harder to attain. LYN: What do you mean? That since I’m an actor and after a few dramas more people will get to know of me? They saw me in one of my acting roles and have accidentally started to like me, so then they will want to come to my concert and therefore tickets will be hard to buy? Stop trying to trick me. LYN: But each concert is held for a couple of rounds. The last time was six rounds. That’s around 60k seats- how could you not get one? Don’t make it seem like I am very welcome. Don’t give me that misconception. I’m going to start drifting. The only reason Ning-ge is able to keep afloat in this industry is because I am aware of my own limitations. Otherwise I would have entered this industry, shot my first two dramas and then started accepting male lead roles. But I didn’t. I did several supporting roles before I even tried. I have self-awareness.

C: Student-fans can’t come, LYN: You mean to my concert? It’s okay. You can come after you graduate. Wait until you’ve graduated and have a job and are making money. It’s alright if the student-fans can’t come. Later in life you’ll grow up to be an even better person and have a steady income. At that time you can come to see my concert. Because going to a concert isn’t cheap- honestly. I understand. First of all- buying the ticket itself is an expense. And then, if you’re working, you have to ask for a day off and that means you’re losing out on your pay for that day. Then whether you’re taking the bus, train, or plane here- it’s all ground expenses. And it’s not like when you come to the concert you’re coming in for the day and leaving that night- no, you’re going to have to live in a hotel or something. Those are all expenses; watching a concert costs a lot. Some people might think it’s only a matter of buying a ticket, but it’s not like that. People coming in from out of the area have travel, lodging, and meal expenses. That’s all money. So, if you can’t come it’s alright. Wait until school is over- I mean, until you graduate.

C: I’ve saved up enough money. Now I’m just waiting for you to hold it. LYN: That’s alright for you, but a lot of others haven’t saved up yet. So why doesn’t everyone go online tomorrow and buy a piggy bank. Start saving up now. Then when the time comes for ticket sales, you can just break the bank and you’ll have the money. C: Raffle and win a piggy bank. LYN: That’s not necessary. C: Do I have enough time if I start saving now? LYN: Yeah. I’m going to be shooting this drama for at least four months; it’s only just started. It’s enough time. Save up slowly. C: I have money. LYN: I told my friends that I was going to hold a concert and to start saving up money. Get a piggy bank to start saving up so that you’ll have the money to come see me after. And someone said, “I have money.” What did you say that for?? Are you trying to show off your wealth? If you’re going to be like that, then the next time you watch my stream should watch with your phone in one hand and your house deed, car license... and rv license (your assets) held tightly in the other. If you’re married you can watch my stream while wearing your dowry. Hold you phone in your left and and wear all your bracelets and gold from your grandmother’s house on your right. Golden necklace, gold bracelets and rings. You’ll have money. Really impressive.

C: Ning-ge, is there a discount for students? LYN: You think you’re amusing? Is there a discount for students... um I don’t think we have that business model. There’s nothing that says if your height isn’t over 1m that you get a ticket for half-price, either. There’s no such thing here.

C: Ning-ge, is the 5RMB coupon for your concert that you gave earlier still effective? LYN: Yeah. If you have that coupon and you want to go buy my concert ticket, you’ll all get a 5RMB discount. But you can’t stack them- you can only use one per transaction. But this coupon probably won’t be effective on the ticket sales website, so bring it with you to the concert. Then later you can pick up 5RMB on your way out, in cash. Alright? How does that sound? You’ll buy the ticket at original price first  and then after you’ve finished watching the concert we’ll reimburse you 5RMB. C: I don’t have one. LYN: If you don’t have one then sorry, you’re going to have to spend an extra 5RMB to watch my concert.

C: Can you come to Shandong? LYN: No problem. LYN: Last time did I have a stop in Shandong, in Qingdao? I don’t remember. I forgot where I went the last time. If I have enough stops I’ll probably definitely make it to Qingdao, Guangzhou, Shanghai, and Beijing. Maybe Chengdu or Chongqing. The cities where there denser populations. We;ll see. Xi’an will probably have one. But we’ll have to see. The topic of the concert has come to a head, let’s chat about something different now. If you keep asking me about the concert, later if there’s a very good project that comes to find me do you want me to accept it or not? There were people earlier who kept asking me if I had accepted any future projects yet or not. I’m not doing that well. I’m not strong enough to be working on one project and having the next one already lined up. Do you think I am- other people?

LYN: I really take picking dramas seriously, and I have a lot of other people help me look over the script and character. We’re picking through them thoroughly, and the ones I end up choosing are- in my opinion- the good ones. It’s hard to find a good one that’s also suitable for me. If I wanted to keep filming (continuously), I can. I’m able to do that, but my choices are... I’m pretty picky, I guess. It’s not that I can be picky because I think I’m amazing, but because I want to be respectful of the acting. I don’t want to exhaust myself or do anything that I don’t like or that doesn’t suit me. When choosing the script, role, and the group I’ll be working with I always take time to think about it. I don’t just take whatever comes. It’s not as if I’m in it for the money. This is the advantage of not being signed to a company- I can make my own choices. You can trust me- every role and drama I accept has gone through some deep thinking. I’m not just picking blind. LYN: I can also choose my own ranking, which is an advantage of having my own studio. I can make a lot of my own decisions.

LYN: I saw something... I always say that ranking doesn’t matter TO ME, and I’ve seen a lot of other people say “Don’t listen to LYN’s bs. He’s really something else, always acting shady I’d like to see if he REALLY doesn’t care about ranking or not.” Then ZY came out, right? And not to be full of myself, but even I thought I was amazing- second rank. [t/n: meaning they list SZE’s name first, then LYN, then.. etc. etc.] Then another group of people came out, “Alright. LYN’s a man, after all. He said he didn’t care about rankings and he’s shown it. Fine. He says he doesn’t care about rankings, so in the future let him always keep the second place. If there comes a day he’s listed first, then let’s curse at him.” This is... I said before that I really don’t think that ranking is important. It’s not important to me, in that it doesn’t change whether I choose to participate in a drama or not. It’s not something I consider when taking on a project. I only respect who I work with. Whatever they give me is what I get- it’s their opinion of me. If there really comes a day, say twenty years later, and some production company wants to give me first rank, do you think I’ll tell them I don’t want it? That’s not necessary, either. I just respect the drama’s decision. I’m okay with whatever they arrange. LYN: I’ve told my friends- it doesn’t matter if I’m acting as the lead role now. If there comes a good supporting role in the future, I will still accept it. All you have to do it watch. This isn’t a big deal. I used to not understand but lately I’ve come to understand it.

C: I support your every decision. LYN: You can. Trust me. I’m very clear on what I want and I’ve never hidden it. When I was little I always told people that my dream was to become a celebrity. That’s not shameful, is it? If you think it is then I won’t tell you. I’ve always wanted to be a celebrity. Now I’ve gotten to be an artist and am on my way to being a celebrity. XD In my heart, I will never put money first. I know if I say that, to a lot of you it sounds fake. But if you have a eyes and a brain and a working sense of critical thinking you will see that I never do things just to put money first. I still have dreams and goals, but it’s not convenient for me to share with you exactly what those goals are. My way of thinking and my actions might be vastly different from others, but that’s okay. I’m sure that one day all of my hard work and effort will pay off and you will be there to witness it with me.  LYN: I used to walk on the street and see the posters of celebrities and be so jealous. I’d think, “Wow, these people are so amazing. Look! Their photos are all over the street.” Also when I opened up my apps- you know how when you open it, it shows you an ad? I used to think the artists on those ads were so good-looking and cool, and I wondered when my time would come. Those were my thoughts, from before I became an artist.

LYN: My very first time participating in an event, I went to sing on the stage for the first time. I had only just debuted. When I saw other celebrities I was also excited, friends. There’s no use hiding it and it’s not shameful to say. I was starstruck, too. I also foolishly went up to take selfies with them. I went up to them and said, “Hello! Can I take a picture with you?” XD We’re all the same, I have also done this. A lot of you look down upon people who chase stars, but there’s nothing wrong with it. If you like someone, then let them know. I remember that event very clearly. That was where I saw DZW for the first time. I was so excited! Think about it- how long ago did he debut, and here I was only just debuting. Honestly a lot of us have listened to DZW’s songs growing up, haven’t we? When we go to the KTV, we all sing these people’s songs, right? So the first time I saw DZW I was SO excited. Since I was also one of the performers, and usually the program will book the same hotel, coincidentally I had finished my performance and was heading back to the hotel and so was he. He got off of the car in front of me, and I saw him from the back and I was thinking, “Wow, that’s DZW. Oh my goodness. Should I go up to him and ask to take a picture?” And my inner voice acted up and said, “What if he rejects you?” If he rejects me that would be embarrassing, right? Because I was also one of the performers of the day. So did I go up to him or decide to forget it?? In the end my excitement won over my logic and I ran up to him. When I ran up his assistant- because they’re usually the ones who are observing all sides- his assistant turned their head and saw me. I said, “Hello. I was also one of the performers today. Is it alright if I ask  DZW-laoshi for a picture?” I even introduced myself, like “I too sang at the event tonight. I’m not a stalker fan who followed you back to your hotel for a picture. That’s not what I mean. I’m also one of the performers, so could I get a picture with him?” Then DZW turned to look at me and said it was okay. So I grabbed my phone out and took a picture- it’s still saved on my phone. And then-- LYN: I remember I was able to get two selfies that day. One was at the hotel where I ran into DZW and the other- the other was with Mao Buyi. When I first debuted he was already very popular. Right? I went on “Singer” and I sang his song, even. How much do you think I admired Mao Buyi, this thing. I mean, not “this thing”! I meant, think about the fact that I liked MBY so much, and so when I saw him I was also very excited. I asked him if I could take a picture with him,l and explained that I was also one of the performers of the day. Because I couldn’t be sure if he knew who I was! Of course I knew who he was, as a big celebrity. But he said okay, no problem. So I was able to get a picture with him. I went to that event and came out of it with pictures with two celebs.

LYN: I have a very normal mindset. Even now, I still get excited when I see celebrities. It’s just like how I’m shooting a drama with SZE, now. Whenever I get to set I go, “Wow. A big celebrity.” It makes me happy. It makes you want to ask them for a picture, you know? But you don’t want to be an inconvenience, because.. that’s no good. C: Does Zu’er know? LYN: Of course she doesn’t. I don’t want to inconvenience her (by fan-boying over her). Maybe later, in another month? I can go up to her and say, “Hello, Song Zu’er-laoshi. I have also participated in this drama. We’re performing on the same stage. Do you think I could get a picture with you?” You have to tell her, right? Because it’s a given that I know her, but she might not necessarily know me. We’ll see in another month. I’ll let you know how it goes. LYN: Because it’s not like I can go straight up to her from the start. Because she’s a celebrity, after all. What would happen if I were stopped by her assistant and then escorted off the premises by the crew? Let’s wait until we’re more familiar with each other. I’ll introduce myself, “Nice to meet you. I am the male lead of this drama.” So now we’ve met. “Do you think I can get a picture with you? So I can save it as a souvenir.” I’ll share how it goes in a month. Then later I’ll ask her to sign it for me. “To: Liu Yuning”. We’re all just chasing stars.

C: Lao-da, I want a picture with you. LYN: Sure, no problem. Have we performed on the same stage before? LYN: I’m the same as all of you. If I see a celebrity I will also get excited. Don’t look at my old age, I debuted late. When I was a singer, I only debuted in 2018. Before that, whose songs were I listening to? Xue Zhiqian. Da Zhangwei. Mao Buyi. I was listening to their songs. But now I’m an artist and a singer and we’re technically part of the same industry- it’s a weird feeling. But when you meet them, you will still feel the excitement and you will still have that respect for them.  C: Wang Sulong. LYN: Right. The first time I met WSL I was so nervous. Because he was already popular all over the internet. He was an extremely popular singer. At that time I was still just singing for wedding celebrations on the streets- singing his songs, even. I don’t even know how many hundreds of dollars I made by singing WSL’s songs. At the time, when I was singing for people on the side of the street I could make 50RMB in a day. His songs made me a lot of money. XD Every time I see him I express my thanks. For giving me songs to sing while I was just a street singer.  C: Then you should share the copyright fees with him. LYN: That’s not necessary. They gave me 50RMB for the whole day, but I sang 6-7 different people’s songs. XZQ included. How do you think I should split it? There’s no way. Also, it’s not like the 3-5RMB would make a difference. There’s no need.

C: Ning-ge, how about you sing at my wedding? LYN: I said I used to sing wedding songs for people and this friend is like, “Ning-ge, don’t worry. Don’t be afraid that you’ll be out of work. I’m about to get married. Come sing for me and I can feed you 50RMB.” Is that what you mean? Erm. Sorry. I don’t accept outside business. LYN: Alright, it’s about time. I should get ready and wash up, look over the script and then get to sleep. I’m off to work tomorrow. I hope you had a relaxing, wonderful, and happy night. It was great to have you. I hope you had fun. C: “Feed” 50 RMB?? // Ning-ge, I’ll give you 5000RMB. Come sing at my wedding. LYN: ... LYN: Um... *w*! Friends, look at this. They’re throwing money at me. The meaning here is that, “You used to make 50RMB. Here, I’ll give you 5000RMB. 100x more. You’re not going to do it? You’re drifting?” I already said I don’t accept outside business. I won’t go. I wish you a happy marriage.

LYN: Okay. I hope you had a relaxing, wonderful, and happy night. It was great to have you. I hope you had fun. Let’s meet in the next stream. Goodnight, everyone. LYN: But I really want to wait until the viewers hits 30million before I sleep. But I think I might have to wait until 1am before that happens, and that’s not feasible... LYN: Alright, I’ll wait. I’ll chat with you a little longer. The sign-off failed, sorry. I have a strong sense of will. When I set my sights on something I don’t want to give up on it easily. LYN: Let’s continue talking about the wedding thing! XD. No, I’ll share more experiences of meeting celebrities with you. There’s not much more, though. It’s just that in the beginning you’ll still feel that excitement. I remember the first time I went to act- no, forget it.

C: Ning-ge, I’m in India participating in your stream. LYN: Look at this. They’re away from home and still have the mind to think of me. The second thing is, they used the word “participate”. They don’t just consider themselves a viewer, but a participant. It’s been hard on you. Thank you for your support, for tuning in when you’re in India. C: I’m on Earth. LYN: /sigh/ LYN: The friend earlier, though, has the right to take a picture with me. Because we are participating in this stream together. C: Ning-ge, I’m also participating! Could I get a picture with you? LYN: Uhm... no. 

C: Is it fun working with Zu’er? LYN: It’s pretty fun, because we’re familiar. We knew each other before this drama. She’s a fun person. I’ve been happy to work on each one of my dramas. Honestly. Because- because- I’ve been happy on each drama, because you’re together with this group of people for at least four months. If you’re not happy, then how do you expect to continue working? You have to be happy. It’s all very happy, very fun. There’s nothing to be unhappy about. Everything’s happy. If you’re unhappy then you can resolve it yourself. I’m an adult. I can take care of my own unhappiness. But there’s nothing to be unhappy about! Everything’s happy. Really. I’m not lying. This is the truth. - [t/n: he said (un-)happy about 16 times while trying to explain this. :p]

C: How’s the five song EP going? LYN: I found a music company to work with and they’re going to come over in the next few days to discuss things with my group. I really am working on the five song EP, and we’ll see how we can work together. As for the five artists, I’ve already got them in mind. I’ve decided on four already. I had this thought out of the blue and started thinking of which friends were around me. I thought about my friends- I only have so many. There are also the friends who are singers, but I wanted to find the ones who aren’t necessarily professional singers. I wanted to find the ones who are actors, but might have a singing ability. It’s just for fun. I don’t anticipate these songs being popular at all. I just want this EP to be meaningful to me when it’s done. I think that would be nice. I’ve set it for five songs, but if in the end I can only find four people then four songs is also okay.  C: HZT should be included. LYN: That’s a given. I already spoke with him about it and he’s agreed. I’ll just have to find a song and send it to him and we’ll be settled. LYN: I’ll try to release five songs. But it’ll be long time before you even hear them. Songs are so hard to find!

C: ZXD-laoshi is here. LYN: She was here earlier. Is she still here? No, right?

C: Ning-ge, then who pays for the songs? LYN: Now you’re asking the right questions. It’s also something I’ve been contemplating. It’s a headache... who will pay the money?? Well, not WHO WILL PAY, I think it’s alright to pay to create a song. But for example, if I wanted to release a song, I would first need to buy the resources. Like a three or five year copyright. Lyrics are an expense. Composition is an expense. Arrangement and production are expenses. Now the song is about finished and you have it in hand. There’s already one half of the cost- it’s no small amount. But the biggest expense comes from inviting an artist. I am the starter, so I should go out and find an artist to sing. First of all, I don’t need to pay myself. It’s not like I would ask myself for money. But as for my friend... honestly, I told them about the front part but haven’t discussed this second part with them.  LYN: I haven’t thought of how to bring it up. Many of them have agencies. It’s not like I can say, “Let’s work on a song together and I’ll feed you 50RMB.” “I’ll transfer you 50RMB. Let’s sing a song together.” XD Because the friends I have chosen all have pretty big rankings. If it really comes down to it there’s a possibility the song won’t be able to be released. We’ll have to see how it goes. But I don’t think it would be a problem with these particular friends. LYN: How about I pay for the song and production and then if there’s any revenue we’ll split 50/50. Does that sound acceptable, friends? I’ll pay for all the production costs and then later if there’s any revenue to be made we can split the profits evenly. Do you think if I present it to them that way, they would accept? I think that’s agreeable. C: It doesn’t matter what we think. LYN: But I’m just sharing with you, so you can give me an opinion! Aren’t we family? What do you say, friends? C: Ning-ge, I’ll sing with you. I can do it for free. // Your friends probably wouldn’t ask money from you. LYN: Of course, none of them would be in it to make a little money off of me. There’s no way. How could that be anyone’s starting point? For example, I went to find them and ask them if they want to work on a song together. Who would say, “Sure. How much money can I make from it?” There’s no way!! They’re doing it because of me, because I’m their friend. But as LYN, it’s not as if I could just take that at face value! That’s just being a decent human being. I can’t just drag them along with me to create a song just because they agreed to it- they’re not going to say anything out of politeness. But not giving someone a clear explanation is no way to be a person. LYN: When I found them to begin with none of them wanted all the details of how we would work together. It was just a matter of agreeing or not, and when I had the song I would just send it to them. They’re in it for the fun of it. But as LYN, I can’t just go into it blind. So this is what I’ve been thinking about for the past few days. They want to work with me not because they want to make any money off of me. The fact that I was able to make friends with them in the first place and that I am able to just ask them and have them agree means that we’re close enough friends (that money isn’t an issue). LYN: You all.. how could you think like that? Do you really think I would only transfer then 50RMB? At the least it would be 100RMB.

LYN: Alright. I hope you had a relaxing, wonderful, and happy night. It was great to have you. I hope you had fun. Excuse me, I’ve made you all stay up with me. It’s almost 1am. I hope anyone going to work tomorrow with have a smooth day at work. Any students going to school tomorrow will elevate their learning. Let’s meet in the next stream. If you haven’t subscribed to my weibo, please do so. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. See you next time, friends. Goodnight!

[simplynotcapable]

What would Baelons relationship be like with his family if he was in Silver and moonstone instead of Visenya considering he would be the heir and Aegon the spare and would he prefer his nephews or his brothers.

TW: mentions of SA

This got kind of long but if I missed anything you wanted, let me know :)

This is sort of a convoluted answer because if Baelon is heir and they’re in Westeros as we know it, I don’t think the Velaryon-Strong boys would exist.

Even if we say Rhaenyra still ends up betrothed to Laenor, I don’t think they’d actually end up married. Daemon at the time of the wedding would be in a much better place with Viserys because Baelon is alive: there’s no heir for the day, he never steals Baelon’s egg and posts up in Dragonstone, he doesn’t have the same initial anger for Viserys actively choosing Rhaenyra as heir over him. Rhaenyra, simultaneously, doesn’t have the same duties as she did as heir. There’s nothing really in it for her when marrying Laenor—she already knows he can’t love her like a husband—and she doesn’t really have a “position” she needs to secure.

So with all of these factors cut out of the way, Daemon just…doesn’t really have a reason not to take Nyra’s dare at the wedding. Viserys will be pissed, sure, but his brother running off with his daughter is still very different than his brother running off with the heir to the throne. He gets over it.

(The order of Baelon’s preference in this circumstance would go: Helaena, then a tie between Nyra and Daemon’s eldest three sons and Aemond, a tie between Maelor and Alyssa, the rest of Nyra’s kids, Daeron, Aegon.)

And even if she does marry Laenor, Rhaenyra’s not going to be in King’s Landing. She’s not heir. She has no reason to stay, and, unlike when she marries Daemon, her husband is heir to something. The expectation would be for her to go to Driftmark with Laenor. Harwin Strong wouldn’t be there to father her kids, and whatever (and whoever’s) kids she did end up having would grow up away from Baelon in Driftmark. Very much a “family member who likes your Facebook posts and you only see on Christmas” types vibes.

So the most accurate answer would be: Baelon prefers his brothers because the Velaryon-Strong boys do not exist.

But, we’re throwing all of that out of the window. Daemon didn’t just snatch Rhaenyra. She married Laenor and for some reason they stayed in King’s Landing and she has Harwin Strong’s babies.

(In this case, the preference goes: Helaena, Aemond, Joffrey, Jace and Luke, Daeron, Aegon)

Visenya loves the boys so much because they’re Nyra’s boys, and she sees them like her brothers. For a lot of her early years she avoids the Targtowers because of the weird tension between them and Nyra, and it means she spends most of that with them. A lot of it is entwined with Nyra and how she kind of sees her as a surrogate mother.

Rhaenyra is also the closest thing Baelon has to a mother, so the fundamental relationship is the same, but it’s more complicated because it’s Baelon. He has a lot of issues with losing Aemma and blaming himself about it, and it makes it hard for him to attach himself to any kind of mother figure.

And because there isn’t any weirdness with Rhaenyra and the Targtowers anyway (beyond the “your mom was my best friend/gay awakening and you were produced by her having sex with my father” of it all), he just doesn’t have reason to avoid them. He’s heir. They’re not. There’s nothing shaky about his claim.

He loves his nephews. He does. He’d do anything for them because they’re family and he loves his sister, he’d go to bat with anyone who called them bastards. But they aren’t really friends.

He and Jace and Luke aren’t really friends, but they have a kind of bond. Jace is very intensely family driven and duty bound, for the most part, and a lot of it comes from he and Luke feeling as if they have to kind of make up for being bastards. Baelon’s drive once he becomes king is entirely because he feels like he needs to make up for being the reason his mother died. They’re very different drives, but all three of them understand feeling like you have to meet a standard because of circumstances of birth out of your control. It makes him a lot more understanding towards them than his brothers are.

I think the age difference with him and Joffrey would make them not particularly close, but they both like dragons and fucking shit up so he’s probably his favorite nephew.

But, honestly, I think his relationship with the Green kids is the most interesting thing to think about.

Baelon loves Helaena. It is not possible to describe how much he likes having a little sister that is constantly making him catch spiders for her and going on rants about the mating rituals of beetles. He thinks she is the neatest thing to exist since people invented bread, and he would 100% murder absolutely any of the others for Helaena without any hesitation whatsoever. He calls her “butterfly” and he listens to her dreams, and every time Aegon messes with one of her collections as a joke he kicks him in the dick.

Baelon and Aemond would have the sort of relationship that is basically “i dream of murdering you dead but if anyone else touches you i am going to saute their pancreas and eat it in front of them”. Because there’s Aemond who likes to read and study, who wants to hear about Valyria, who daydreams about the Iron Throne because he thinks he is suited for it, and then there is Baelon. Who does and wants none of those things, and also he’s constantly a dick to Aemond’s mom because he has mommy issues and Alicent just does not have the ability to cultivate the “sister-friend-mom” concoction Laena manages in d&g. Throw all that together with Baelon just being a dick who has totally dangled Aemond off a staircase and glued his hand to his face while he slept and with Aemond just being a pompous little asshole who always thinks he’s right, and you get two dipshits who argue constantly and have broken each other’s noses four or five times each.

But also Baelon isn’t just going to let Aegon and the Strongs torment him about not having a dragon either. He remembers Visenya and he remembers Alyssa and how it twisted at them, and he’s not going to just let it skate by.

And most importantly, Baelon does not have the same “oh gods i don’t want to choose between them” as Visenya does on Driftmark. He’s with Aemond when he claims Vhagar just the same, and he is there for the fight just the same, but that’s where the similarities end. He’s older and bigger than all of them, and he will hit girls if necessary, so that shit gets put down well before the knife gets pulled.

He hits everyone mostly equally, including Aemond because he was very aggravated he picked up the rock, and everyone is bloody and bruised up but no one loses an eye. And without losing an eye, Aemond grows up way less angry and bitter.

They bicker! A lot! But they both like swordfighting and flying, and they love Helaena and talking shit about Aegon. Aemond remembers Baelon protecting him when they were kids. Baelon appreciates Aemond always looking out for Helaena. They love each other, and they both get annoyed when people tell them how much they look alike. It’s solid. Aemond is his favorite brother, he’d just rather die than admit it.

Baelon loves Daeron. But Daeron bores him. He’s too good. Daeron the Daring is just objectively one of the best people on team green or black (to be fair, when considering the others, this is not a high bar), and Baelon just doesn’t vibe with that! He has a very “morals are suggestions that can be bent to the left as needed” approach to life, which Daeron does not, and it makes their relationship very vaguely annoyed on both sides as Daeron gets older.

Baelon loves Aegon, but it’s to a point. He isn’t Visenya, who is willing to forgive him for all his bullshit just because they’re siblings. They fought a lot as kids and they fight a lot as adults. And once Aegon reaches a certain point of Fuck Around, Baelon lets him Find Out, and it’s always very volatile between them.

But how far that goes and a lot of his relationship with Aegon also depends on Aegon’s relationship with Helaena. There are two really solid interpretations of their relationship with what we have seen of the show so far, which is a) Aegon’s a piece of shit to everyone, including Helaena, but SA is turned to people outside of Helaena only or b) Aegon has SA’d Helaena.

Option A:

Baelon is eventually going to get pissed enough to send Aegon to the Wall, assuming he becomes king (whether or not the hightowers attempt to have him killed is debatable, as is whether they’d succeed). This is because 1) rapers go to the Wall, so he’s sending the raper to the Wall 2) he does not care enough about any of the people Aegon has hurt directly to do anything else.

He’s not going to make himself a kinslayer or mutilate his brother for some lady he doesn’t know. Baelon thinks women are on the same level as men, but the problem with that is he doesn’t really care about men that much either. He is largely apathetic to people as individuals, even though he wants to make things better for them as a whole. He’ll do what he can to help her because he is horrified by Aegon’s actions, but unhinged Baelon is not going to be surging out to commit acts of vengeance on behalf of the girl Aegon SA’d.

Option B:

Baelon cuts off Aegon’s dick and feeds it to him, after which there is no possible way to recover the relationship, and then he either sends him to the wall or kills him. Most likely kills him.

Both of these things would cause a lot of tension with the Hightowers, but like. What’s a Targaryen’s reign without a little kinslaying and provoking people who already wanted you to die?

[hashtag-anthems]

My current brainworm is that Astarion is a high elf so his family is probs still alive and I am starting to create my very self-indulgent headcanons for it and I’m putting them all under a read more bc it is Long

I think Astarion was the youngest of his siblings (he has youngest sibling energy), and the first grandchild in the family was born like a few months after him, so he was kind of in a hurry to grow up and be taken seriously. He definitely pulled the “I’m technically your uncle so you have to listen to me!” card with his siblings’ kids who were only a few months younger than him. From what I know of the lore, elves don’t really have accident babies, but I think Astarion was a very spur of the moment decision that happened quite a while after the second-youngest was born. He was the baby, and he hated it.

One of his siblings sees the papers after the nether brain happens and thinks huh that guy looks a lot like my baby brother that moved out to the city to go get an important law job what are the chances?

He’s super hesitant to reconnect for obvious reasons but the more he interacts with them the more he realizes that his family is just batshit insane and “baby of the family who died tragically young comes back as a vampire 200 years later” does not even make the top 10 list of craziest things that have happened this tenday and they just take it in stride and that’s almost worse? somehow?

I think there comes a point where they’re all treating this as so normal, as if he just came back from a very long vacation, he is so out of his depth and feeling smothered, no one is talking about what happened or taking it seriously, and he eventually can’t take it and snaps about how everyone is just pretending that nothing happened, he fucking died and clawed himself out of his own grave and spent two hundred years enslaved to a vampire lord that wanted to sacrifice him to an archdevil, and the most he’s gotten from any of these people is a chuckle and a handwave and a “you’re still our Astarion, we love you, we’re so happy you’re home, it’s not a big deal” but yes it is a big deal! He has not experienced unconditional positive regard very often and is very uncomfortable and feels like they’re hiding something from him.

He doesn’t remember that the day he left home for the last time, he had a big fight with his parents, and they hadn’t spoken in a couple of decades when he died. He doesn’t remember that the last time he saw his oldest brother, he pretended he didn’t recognize him, threatened to call the city watch on him if he didn’t stop with this harassment, and called him some very rude things. He’d been dead for months before any of them heard the news, because Astarion had done so much work to distance them, and he doesn’t even remember any of it.

No one was really going to bring it up, they’re just thrilled they have a second chance to reconnect and if he’s not going to say anything, why would we? We’re just all pretending that nothing happened and we are one big happy family, because that always works so well, right? Once they realize he isn’t bringing it up because he doesn’t remember it even happened, they all kind of settle down.

It takes a lot of work, they have at least one more explosive argument and he almost calls the whole thing a waste of time and vows to never come back, but… it isn’t entirely bad, and he certainly isn’t about to move back in with his parents any time soon, but maybe he can handle a few family dinners around the holidays if he already happens to be in the area…

I just want his family to be full of people you would expect to find in a news article about Fantasy Florida Man and Astarion is actually so normal comparatively

Also I am picturing in my mind that his mother has this beautiful garden and Astarion has a nephew who just joined a druid circle pretty recently and Lady Ancunín’s poor rose bushes will never be the same but she’s very proud of him regardless!

[simthorium]

“Look, Noah, I think Seven likes the fireflies!” Jordyn squealed as she played with her cat. Her older cousin scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Beat it, kid,” he said. “Can’t you see we’re busy?” Noah’s girlfriend Eliza nuzzled his shoulder as she looked on. “Aww, it’s kinda cute though,” Eliza said. “See, not everyone’s a grouch like you,” Jordyn said with a laugh.

Noah and Jordyn came inside the house a little while later. Oliver was lounging on the couch in the living room, as usual. Noah was getting sick of being forced to live with his deadbeat uncle and little cousin, and he wasn’t afraid to let it show. “You go to work today, or just get plastered while my dad pays all your bills?” Noah asked as he came inside.

Oliver scrambled to his feet and got all up in Noah’s face. “Say that shit to my face, tough guy,” Oliver said. Noah rolled his eyes. “That’s ok, I already got my answer,” he said. “Your breath smells like a goddamn distillery.” Noah walked away before Oliver could follow up.

Jordyn immediately went upstairs; she didn’t want to have to deal with her dad drunkenly fighting with the family. She’d had enough of that to last a lifetime. Instead, she took to her small corner of the upstairs hallway and played with her toys. Not having a bedroom wasn’t a big deal, she thought. She was grateful that she had this over nothing.

Downstairs, Oliver stumbled outside, trying to remember where he was going. Before he knew it, he’d tripped and fell in the middle of the pavement. He struggled to gather himself, holding his knees close to his chest. He couldn’t help but start to cry. He’d lost everything. His wife, the love of his life, was dead and she wasn’t coming back. He’d made enemies of his nephew and niece, and even his own daughter didn’t want to be around him anymore. He lost his job, and had nothing anymore. There was nothing left.

“Oliver.” He looked up when he heard his name to see his twin brother Isaac standing in front of him. Isaac helped him to his feet and Oliver wiped his tears, trying to gather himself. “I’m fine,” Oliver said. “I’m good.” “Dude, you are not fine,” Isaac said firmly. “I know shit’s been tough for you ever since Cara died. And I am so sorry, bro. I know you’re hurting. But you can’t stay in this place forever. You have a family that loves you. And most importantly, you have a daughter that needs you.”

Oliver nodded, thinking only about Jordyn. Sure, he’d lost his wife, but Jordyn also lost her mother. And with Oliver behaving the way he was, she’d practically lost her father too. Oliver burst into tears again and Isaac pulled him into a warm, comforting hug. “We’re gonna get you outta this, man,” Isaac said, holding his brother tight. “I promise you we are.”

[jonkentt]

I seem good on the surface

When Sam came home in the spring, he did everything he was supposed to: made a routine, spent time with loved ones, kept himself busy, and didn’t talk about it. Now it’s the end of summer, and Sam’s afraid he lost himself somewhere along the way.

3k, emotional hurt/comfort, no-powers AU, summer camp, childhood friends to lovers

on Ao3 for @yammz​

“Uncle Sam!!!” Even from across the field, the perturbed pitch of Cass’ voice is clear. “Bucky’s being weird!”

Cass drags Bucky by the hand towards the staff cabin where Sam is sitting on the low porch, watching the sky change color. As exhausted as he is, Sam still laughs when Bucky trips over his own feet trying to keep up with Cass’ short but determined strides. Some of Bucky’s dark hair falls from his bun and he tries to blow it out of his face when Cass finally halts them in front of Sam.

“Weirder than usual?”

Bucky makes an offended sound but Cass ignores him, launching into his bad-camper-Bucky report despite Bucky being the camp counselor.

“I asked him why he put cages around the trees we planted today, and he said because he didn’t want them to escape.” Cass scowls at Bucky before turning back to Sam. “And then he said they might sneak into the cabin and steal my socks while we’re all sleeping. I told him that was stupid cause trees don’t wear socks and he said—”

Sam glances up at Bucky, who’s already grinning at Sam and chewing on his lip to keep from laughing. His hair still hangs in his face tickling his nose.

“—they would if they knew how groovy my tie-dye socks were.”

Apparently that’s the end of Cass’ report.

“I see,” Sam says, making his ‘stern uncle’ face. “And you want me too…”

“Tell Bucky not to steal my socks,” Cass demands. He lets go of Bucky’s hand to cross his skinny arms and stick his chin out. “Stealing is against camp rules! And if my socks go missing, I’ll know it was him cause he’s making that stuff up about the trees.”

Sam hums and frowns at Bucky, who offers a sheepish smile, tucking his hair behind his ears. The little butterflies in Sam’s stomach remind him how adorable Bucky looks right now. Sam turns back to his nephew.

“Alright, I’ll talk to him.”

Cass is already running toward his friends as Bucky sits on the weathered deck beside Sam.

“It’s lights out soon, kiddo!” Sam calls. Cass throws an ‘okay!’ over his shoulder. Bucky laughs and shakes his head.

“Kids these days.”

Sam snorts. “Ah, he can’t help it. He’s got no-nonsense parents.”

“So I shouldn’t hang his socks from the trees tonight?”

“No!”

Bucky laughs at Sam’s elbow digging into his ribs. “Okay, okay!” he concedes. “Out of respect for your reputation as Cass’ badass uncle.”

“Sure,” Sam mumbles. 

“That kid adores you! It’s Uncle Sam this and Uncle Sam that. You’re all he talks about when he’s not telling me off for something.”

“Really? I thought…”

He wouldn’t recognize me when I came back. He wouldn’t think of me as family.

Sam was terrified that morning he arrived on Sarah’s doorstep, convinced he’d made a huge mistake not telling anyone he was coming home. He didn’t know if Sarah would forgive him for all the years he was gone. For not calling as much as he should have. For not meeting her new babies. Sam broke out in a cold sweat waiting for someone to answer the door. He almost turned back. But then his little sister was there, not little at all anymore, and her brown eyes were wide with shock. Sarah had a toddler balanced on her hip, AJ was asleep and drooling on her shoulder. Sam remembered thinking the pair were so beautiful, that Sarah reminded him so much of their mother, and felt his cheeks wet with tears before he’d even said hello.

You’re home? Sarah had asked like she couldn’t believe it.

Yeah, Sarah, I’m— and Sarah pulled Sam into a crushing hug. She cried all that day.

I just missed you so much, she would say every time Sam caught her eye. She talked about Cass’ science projects and how he was so excited to be a big brother for little AJ. And Sam was so glad he’d come home.

Now, in the warm summer twilight, Bucky has a softness in his eyes like he knows what Sam is thinking.

“He missed you.”

“He didn’t know me…”

Bucky hums like he doesn’t quite agree. “But Sarah missed you. So Cass did too.”

Sam’s chest tightens. He doesn’t know what to say, but Bucky doesn’t seem to mind. They both look out across the open field where the whole camp plays games each afternoon. Off to their right are the cabins, kids skittering from one to another. Ahead is the river, wide and glittering. Frogs are starting up their evening chorus all around them.

Sam takes a sip from his mug. Bucky leans closer and sniffs.

“Is that?”

“My dad’s cocoa mix? Yeah. I found a stash in the staff room.”

Bucky grins from ear to ear.

“You’re the only person I know, Sam Wilson, who will drink hot chocolate on a humid summer’s day.”

Sam raises his mug. “There’s no better cure for heartache.”

Sam regrets his choice of words immediately, seeing the smile slip off Bucky’s face. Bucky opens his mouth to reply but Sam clears his throat.

“There’s a secret ingredient to it,” Sam says quickly. “If my dad is to be believed. He used to make up all kinds of stories about where he got it.” Sam half-laughs and fixes his gaze on the lazy river in the distance. “Dad used to pretend he was a sailor that went on grand adventures instead’a just fishin’ in the local spot like everyone else. He’d come home and say he fought a pirate that day, one with a real talking parrot. Or that he found a chest buried on the beach, or a secret cave.”

Sam rubs his thumb over the still-warm ceramic of his mug.

“He loved chocolate. My dad. And he tried to pass that love to me but the cocoa was the only thing that stuck. He made it when I was unhappy. And he’d tell a story every time.” Sam recalls his memories like old photographs, worn and creased from travel. Bucky listens silently beside him. “Like, he met a woman who could talk to birds, and the seagulls gathered cocoa nibs that she traded for fish to eat. Or he won a game of dice against a man in a huge feathered hat.

“Sometimes the stories would get real bizarre. And by the time he was done tellin’ em I’d usually forgotten what had made me upset.”

Sam offers Bucky a smile that he returns warmly.

“He told one about an archeologist with gorilla arms,” Bucky muses. “She was a witch? Or maybe she got the gorilla arms from a witch?”

Sam and Bucky both laugh. Bucky scratches at the stubble on his chin.

“Yeah, your dad told stories at camp sometimes. You remember? When Sarah was too little to stay overnight, he’d come to get her and end up having every kid in the camp sitting around his feet listening to some tall tale or other. I guess he was probably giving those poor counselors a break from us for a while.”

“Yeah, I remember.” Sam grins at Bucky. “But I’m surprised you do. You were always convincing me to sneak around and cause trouble.”

Bucky gawks. “I was not! You and Steve were the trouble-makers but I always got blamed somehow.”

“Uh-huh, sure.”

Sam bumps Bucky’s shoulder with his. Bucky grins and bumps him back. They go back and forth, knocking shoulders, recounting the trouble they got into as kids and who started what. 

Bucky throws his head back and laughs. Sam wishes he felt as light as Bucky’s laughter. Then Bucky rests his head on Sam’s shoulder, and Sam is dealing with those pesky butterflies again.

“I’m glad you’re back,” Bucky murmurs.

“You’ve said that to me every day, Buck.”

“Yeah, well, it’s true.”

Bucky slips his hand into Sam’s. They lapse into silence. Sam’s eyes brim with tears that drip silently down his cheeks till he inhales a shaky breath.

“Sam?” Bucky looks up as Sam quickly wipes his face on his shirtsleeve. “Did I upset you?”

Sam can only shake his head. His throat is too full of emotion to let any words out. The harder he tries to tamp it down, the more the tears run, and Sam doesn’t look at Bucky cause he knows those gentle eyes will open the floodgates of everything Sam keeps trying not to think about. Bucky squeezes his hand and rests his head on Sam’s shoulder again, pressing against his side in an almost-hug. Sam grips Bucky’s hand so tight it probably hurts. He’s grateful for Bucky’s weight leaning on him. He’s grateful Bucky doesn’t ask as he shakes apart, trying so hard and failing to hide his pain.

Where did Sam go wrong? Was it in the leaving or the coming back? Or worse, was it always out of his control? Could he re-make every right choice and still end up feeling this way? Lost when he’s at home. Lonely when he’s not alone. It tears Sam up inside, feeling this way, afraid he’s not the Sam everyone remembers.

Sam inhales and counts to four, holds his breath for four. He exhales, one two three four, and holds, one two three four, inhales again. He slowly starts to settle. Only when Sam’s breathing steadily again does Bucky move from his shoulder.

“I gotta check on the kids for lights out,” Bucky says, reluctantly letting go of Sam’s hand. “But I’ll be right back.” Bucky leaves with a kiss on the top of Sam’s head. Such a soft comfort, it threatens to send Sam into tears again. Inhale, one two three four, hold, exhale.

“I got it tomorrow!” Sam calls after him. Bucky answers with a thumbs up and bright smile that Sam doesn’t feel he deserves after ruining Bucky’s perfectly good day. This stupid ache in his whole body that won’t go away. No matter how hard Sam pushes himself, no matter how many days he sleeps through, either way the ache doesn’t let up.

Sam’s so tired. He didn’t think that coming home would be all rainbows, but he thought it’d be a little better than this.

Sam tucks his empty mug under the porch steps and stands, stretching his arms high above his head. He waves at the other counselors coming towards their cabin as he walks out into the field. Sam lays back on the dry grass. He looks up at the open sky and stars.

The sights, sounds, and smells of home surround Sam like a blanket. Cricket chirps mix with laughter from the staff cabin behind him. The humidity sinks into his skin. Sweet cocoa lingers on his tongue.

Bucky collapses next to Sam with a ‘oof’.

“These kids wear you out, old man?” Sam teases.

“Oh, my bones,” Bucky laments with feeling.

Heat rolls off Bucky where he’s settled close to Sam, maybe too close for the hot summer but Sam doesn’t mind. It’s nice to know that Bucky still has no concept of personal space when it comes to Sam, that he treats Sam the same even after years apart. Sam used to tell Bucky everything. Maybe he can get back in the habit of that.

“It’s just— I don’t—” Sam starts and stops. Bucky waits. “It’s been five months and I still don’t know who I brought back. I feel like a different person, walking around my home town, and it’s almost weird when people recognize me. 

“I always knew who I was here. I was Paul and Darlene’s son. I was Sarah’s big brother. In the Air Force, nobody knew who my family was. They just cared was I fast enough, was I strong enough? Did I play nice with others? Now I’m home, my parents are gone, Sarah’s all grown up. I strolled back into her life like I have any right to it. And she leaves me alone with her kids—”

Sam chokes on the tears bubbling up in his throat. Sam sits up and pulls his knees to his chest. His body shakes with the effort of holding itself together. 

“I don’t know why she’s not treating me like a stranger! I don’t know why you’re not treating me like a stranger! I don’t know what anybody expects from me and I—!” Sam gestures helplessly. “Ya’ll are so happy I’m back, and I’m just waiting to disappoint you.”

Bucky’s hand settling on Sam’s back. His quiet plea that Sam doesn’t want to hear. “You’re not gonna disappoint us, Sam…”

“I will though!” Sam snaps too loud. “I knew exactly what the Air Force wanted from me and I still disappointed them! I—” I lost my partner and I couldn’t keep going without him. They had to shut down their super secret project cause I couldn’t do it anymore. And I couldn’t let Riley be replaced.

But Sam can’t say that. He can’t say any of it. The EXO-7 Falcon project was his whole life for the past few years, and he’s not allowed to talk about it.

Sam scowls and turns away from Bucky, his face hot with shame. Sam left even though no one wanted him to. He left and came back with nothing to show for it except a broken heart he can’t explain and stories he can’t tell.

Bucky’s hand is big and warm. Sam has the impulse to shrug it off but he doesn’t let himself push away the one person he can open up to.

“Sam…” Bucky’s voice is rough like he’s been crying too. “Sam, look at me.”

When Sam doesn’t move, Bucky sighs and drifts forward till his forehead is pressed to Sam’s back.

“I know what it’s like, feelin’ like everyone expects something from you. But, Sam, the people that love you… we’re just happy you’re here. Living, breathing, moving through Delacroix. And if you feel like you don’t know who you are? We’ll be here while you figure it out. Cause you’re Sam and that means you’re someone we love so much. And… whoever else you wanna be is up to you but it isn’t gonna change how loved you are.”

Sam lets that soak in. The way Bucky’s words fill up Sam’s heart, make the ache less intense there. Sam feels like he’s steeping in a hot kettle that’s maybe starting to cool, just a little, just enough. He sits with it for a long time.

Someone we love. Sam can be that. He can be loved, right? He just has to remember how. And maybe he doesn’t have to remember on his own.

“This is your home, Sam. You’ll never be a stranger here.”

And that. That hits the spot. Like the most perfect cup of cocoa.

Sam turns and lets himself sink into Bucky’s chest. Sam can have this. He can have people that will always love him.

Sam stops thinking. He stops giving voice to his grief and guilt for just a minute. Just this one minute he’s taking for himself. To bury his face in Bucky’s sweaty shirt and to feel the grass poking his bare legs.

One minute turns to two, then four, then stretches on. Sam starts thinking again, but that’s okay. He’s thinking about what crafts he’ll do with the kids tomorrow. It’s nice to think about tomorrow.

“You have really comfy shoulders, you know that?” Bucky says.

“Huh?”

“All this extra muscle mass,” Bucky explains, squeezing Sam’s pec. “Makes you soft and squishy.”

Sam gapes. Bucky’s cheeks drain of color.

“Was that inappropriate?” Bucky asks with a grimace. And Sam laughs.

He laughs and laughs. Bucky’s face goes from horrified to embarrassed to hesitantly amused. Sam laughs through Bucky’s stuttered apology. He topples back onto the grass and laughs till the tight coil of stress inside of him finally shakes loose. Sam opens his eyes to find Bucky peering down at him with a grin that Sam might know better than his own name.

“You haven’t changed one bit!” Sam tugs on a piece of Bucky’s hair that’d fallen into his face. Bucky shakes his head, loosing most of his hair from his bun and looking like a frazzled muppet. Sam tucks some of it behind Bucky’s ear. “I swear I came back,” Sam murmurs, “and everything was different but you.

“Watching Sarah be a mom was so surreal. And then I saw you at the restaurant that weekend. You stood up so fast you knocked your table over and made an absolute mess. And as that look of horror settled on your face, I thought, yeah I’ve come home.” Sam runs his thumb across Bucky’s jaw. “You’re exactly the same.”

Bucky blushes deep pink. “I think most people could tell you that I’m less of a klutz now.” Sam only has to raises his eyebrows for Bucky to admit, “Except around you.”

Sam grins. Bucky groans in embarrassment and hides his face on Sam’s chest. Sam tangles his fingers in Bucky’s soft hair. Bucky flips over to lay on his back and kisses Sam’s palm. They lay there, looking up at the stars, Sam tracing the curve of Bucky’s ear.

“This weekend,” Bucky starts carefully, “is a holiday. We don’t have work.” Sam hums. “I thought maybe we… if maybe you wanted to hang out? We could split a pizza or…”

“Not the most romantic dinner you could have chosen but yeah, I’d get a pizza with you, Buck.”

“It—it doesn’t have to be romantic,” Bucky stammers, propping himself on his elbow to look at Sam with wide eyes. “I mean it—this doesn’t have to be a date. It could just be pizza.”

And Sam knows it could just be pizza. Bucky, his best friend, who’s had a crush on him since they were teenagers. It took Sam years to see it and then he couldn’t unsee it, but he didn’t know what to do with it. Back then, Sam knew he was leaving, knew he had to get out of Louisiana for awhile and didn’t want to break Bucky’s heart. But now that he’s home…

“What if I want it to be a date?”

Bucky opens and closes his mouth. He stares. He whispers, “Are you sure?”

Sam heaves a deep sigh. “I’m not sure about a lot of things right now, Buck. I’m not sure about most things. But I’ve liked you for a really long time and, yeah, I am sure about this one.”

[vrishchikawrites]

There was an idea I had seen on crossdressingdeath's tumblr where JC & WWX were having an argument and then JC tells WWX that LWJ should've died in Xuanwu cave. WWX snaps at him by saying that he had wanted JZX to die as well to which JL overhears that and results in a fallout between the uncle and nephew.

I thought that idea was amazing and I needed to see it written.

(I hope crossdressingdeath or op don't mind me writing this. As always, this prompt goes in a little different direction)

"He should've died and saved all of us the trouble!"

Jin Ling stops and frowns at his Uncle's sharp words. Tentatively, he peers around the corner to see Jiujiu scowling at Wei Wuxian, his eyes flashing and posture stubborn.

And Wei Wuxian...

Jin Ling shivers, eyes going wide.

He has never seen Wei Wuxian angry. He didn't even know the man was capable of anger.

Jin Ling resists the urge to take a step back and run because Wei Wuxian looks ready to kill. His red-tinted gaze is focused on Jiujiu and his expression is almost cruel.

A sneering smile, teeth bared like a demon on the verge of devouring its meal.

"You know, Jiang Cheng, the way you talk about Lan Zhan makes one thing very clear. You've now switched to projecting your insecurities onto him." Jin Ling winces and his uncle snarls, "It would serve you better if you followed his example instead."

"You!-" Jiujiu steps forward threateningly, Zidian sparkling in response to his anger, "How dare you?!"

"How dare I?" Wei Wuxian's tongue goes razer sharp, "Unlike you, I don't stay silent when someone attacks the people I love."

Jiujiu seems to understand something from that because laughs coldly, "I never loved you! You were a bane since the very beginning!"

"Good to know!" Wei Wuxian snaps back, "Because that gives me the freedom to shove some hard truths down your throat." He takes a step forward and for the first time, Jin Ling sees ice-cold resolve on Wei Wuxian's face.

It looks remarkably like Hanguang-jun's expression.

"You forget Lan Zhan wasn't the only one I saved that day, Jiang Cheng. Where would Jin Ling be if I hadn't saved Jin Zixuan? Wen Chao ordered his men to kill both Lan Zhan and Jin Zixuan. Did you care for Shijie's heart at all?"

"Shijie would've moved on." Jiujiu snaps and Jin Ling grows cold, "She would've had children with someone -!"

"Jiang Wanyin!" Wei Wuxian sounds just as horrified as Jin Ling feels.

"You killed Jin Zixuan! You hated him before that. Don't act high and mighty now." Jiujiu says but Jin Ling is just numb. He knows his parents died under complicated circumstances.

While he isn't entirely comfortable with Wei Wuxian's role in their death, he has learned to move on. He hasn't forgiven the man, not entirely, but-

'You're a lot like your father, prickly and sensitive. You also have his heart. He was proud but he had a good heart.' Wei Wuxian had laughed, 'And there's your mother's kindness hidden there, too. You have her capacity for love. Her generosity of spirit.

You are good.'

Wei Wuxian had been the only one to say he was like his parents. Everyone said he was like Jiujiu.

To hear the same man casually dismiss his existence hurt.

"I fully acknowledge my part in it but you don't get to turn this around! Have you no care for Jin Ling?" Wei Wuxian demands, his voice is stern and concerned. "What are you doing, Jiang Cheng? I hope you haven't said anything like this to Jin Ling! That boy is your nephew!"

Jiujiu snarls, "Of course, I care about him! But what about my mother? My father? All the people who paid with their lives because you provoked and distracted the Wens! Are they less valuable than Jin Ling?"

"Jiang Cheng," Wei Wuxian breathes, "Mind your words, what are you saying?"

"I'm right!" Jiang Wanyin says and Jin Ling covers his mouth shakily, "Who cares if Jin Zixuan died then? Who cares if Lan Wangji died? What's so important about them that you were willing to risk it all? If you only had kept your head down-"

"You cruel, cowardly fool."

There's complete silence and Jin Ling swallows.

"The Wens would've attacked regardless. They wanted to setup a supervisory office. They did it already in Qinghe!" Wei Wuxian starts pacing, "Think. Think for once in your life! War was on the horizon and our response was 'let them come to us, we'll fight'. It was arrogance itself to presume we wouldn't fail. We should've prepared, we should have come up with backup plans or evacuation plans! Something. But we did nothing and we paid the price."

"You-!"

"Don't! I am ashamed of you!" Wei Wuxian's tone is sharp and grave, "It is good that we're no longer martial brothers."

Jin Ling sucks a sharp breath and watches as Wei Wuxian spins around and walks away.

"Jin Ling deserves much better than you."

Jin Ling is too shaken to react as Wei Wuxian rounds the corner and spots him. He just looks up blankly as the man's expression goes from cold disgust to horror.

"Jin Ling,"

He sounds heartbroken, somehow. Jin Ling looks beyond Wei Wuxian to see Jiang Wanyin. The man had followed Wei Wuxian to shout some more, he supposes.

He looks shocked and dismayed too. There's perhaps a touch of regret in his expression.

He doesn't care.

He stares at them wordlessly and Wei Wuxian crouches before him, placing both his hands on his shoulders, "Jin Ling- how much-?"

"I heard enough to know Jiujiu thinks I'm replaceable." He says, eerily calm.

"Don't be stupid," Jiang Wanyin says, "I didn't-"

"Just stop talking." Wei Wuxian interrupts, rubbing his hands down Jin Ling's arms comfortingly. "Jin Ling, what do you need?" He asks, raising his hands to cup his face, "How can I help?"

Jin Ling appreciates that his- his mother's shidi- doesn't ask any stupid questions or offer empty reassurance.

He appreciates that Wei Wuxian doesn't say, 'He didn't mean it,' or 'don't misunderstand.'

Jiang Wanyin absolutely meant it.

"Baba?"

They all look to see the Hanguang-jun and Lan Sizhui walking towards them. The younger Lan is clearly concerned. Even the Hanguang-jun seems a bit suspicious, glancing from Jin Ling's face to his husband's and then to Jiang Wanyin.

"Wei Ying?"

"A moment, xingan," Wei Wuxian studies Jin Ling, "What do you need, nephew?"

Jiang Wanyin hisses but Jin Ling grabs hold of that word and embraces it, holding it close to his soul.

He can choose to dismiss him. Or he can choose to reach for the hand that is offered in compassion.

"I need Jiujiu to leave." He takes a deep breath, "And I don't want to see him until I'm ready."

"Jin Ling!"

"Very well, Lan Zhan, can you drag Jiang Cheng away for me? He's being an absolute brat."

The Hanguang-jun doesn't hesitate and Jin Ling refuses to pay attention to Jiang Wanyin's protests. He just stares into compassionate silver eyes.

Eyes that haven't looked away for a single moment.

He takes a deep breath, absorbs all of that focus, and steps forward.

The scent of sandalwood incense envelopes him as his uncle hugs him back.

Even now, he isn't alone.

He needs to focus on that.

[theladyofdeath]

Life As We Know It {Chapter 22}

Summary: After the sudden deaths of Nesta’s sister and Cassian’s best friend, they gain guardianship of their nephew, Nyx.

Based on Life As We Know It (2010) and a prompt sent in by anonymous for our Nessian fanfic contest. This is a modern au.

Instead of doing a tag list for this story, we have decided to have a set posting schedule. Chapters will be posted weekly on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays. Occasional surprise chapters could be posted at miscellaneous times. Chapters will be posted on both my and Shelby’s blogs! >> @snelbz​​

Life As We Know It Masterlist

Shelby’s Masterlist

Tara’s Masterlist

Cassian was happier than he ever thought he’d be.

Over the past few weeks, he, Nesta, and Nyx had really become their own little family. It seemed that after all the heartache, after all the awkwardness, everything was falling into place. 

Since that night they had slept together, again, Cassian had spent every night with Nesta in her bed, and awoken to her face every morning. 

Cassian had been training his replacement at the bar, and the opening of his bar in Nesta’s restaurant was quickly approaching. 

Perfect.

Everything was going perfectly. 

It was a Saturday and both he and Nesta had off, which meant they got the rarity of spending the entire day together, just the three of them. 

And it was Halloween.

There was a little Halloween carnival going on downtown, just outside of the Rainbow along the Sidra. 

And although Cassian was happier than he ever thought he’d be, he did feel completely and utterly ridiculous as he looked in the mirror and saw his reflection, dressed in the Halloween costume that Nesta had bought for him. 

It could have been worse, he decided, donning the floppy hat it had come with. He didn’t have paint all over his face and he wasn’t dressed as a dog, like Rhys had been the year prior. Just a smidge of eyeliner Nesta had coerced him into letting her put on him. And he may only have one hand, thanks to the “hook” he had to wear, but at least he had a bad ass looking sword.

Even if it was plastic.

Nesta appeared in the doorway, wearing a green dress and matching slippers, complete with white balls of fluff adorning the toes. “You about ready to go, Captain Hook?”

He slowly turned to look at her. “Is it the hair? Hmm? Are you one of those girls where long hair automatically means pirate?”

Nesta raised a brow as she crossed her arms. “Are you complaining?”

Cassian blinked. “These leather pants are so tight that I don’t think my balls are going to survive the day.” 

Nesta’s grin was feral. “I promise to make it up to the boys once we’re back home.”

Cassian’s eyes narrowed. “Tease.” 

“Not a tease,” she crooned. “A promise.”

She gave him a wink before leaving the room and walking down the hall. After a curse about how turned on he now was, Cassian followed. 

At the bottom of the stairs in the living room, Nyx was standing up in his little Peter Pan costume. Cassian laughed, quietly. “You put the poor kid in tights.” 

“He looks adorable!” Nesta hollered, from where she had disappeared in the kitchen. 

Nyx looked at Cassian for a moment, slightly confused, but then recognition lit his eyes and he giggled, reaching up for his uncle. The second Cassian picked him up, Nyx was playing with his floppy hat. 

“Pretty damn cute, alright,” Cassian said, chuckling. “Ready, Nes? Bands start playing soon. A couple of local bands I know will be playing, I think you’ll like them.”

Nesta swept out of the kitchen with a tiny cooler bag full of water, juice, and snacks. “Then let’s get going.” 

After a short ride and a short walk, they entered the carnival and spotted Elain, Azriel, and Seph sitting in the grass, listening to the music. Azriel was dressed as Tigger, Elain was Pooh, and Seph was the cutest Piglet they had ever seen.

Cassian plopped down by Azriel and chuckled. “And I thought my costume was bad.”

Azriel looked over at him. “Shut up, Captain Jack.”

Cassian gasped indignantly. “I’m Captain Hook, you heathen.” He held up his left hand and shook the cheap, plastic hook in his face. “Get your pirates straight.”

The cousins were instantly squealing at each other, Seph having recently started crawling and Nesta couldn’t help but smile down at them as she sat next to Cassian. He slung an arm around her and pulled her into him, kissing the top of her head.

Nesta looked at Elain and caught her small smile, even though she tried to turn away before her older sister caught her. “What?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

Elain shook her head, but that smile was still on her face. “Nothing.”

“Tell me,” Nesta said, leaning forward to see her around Cassian and Azriel.

“It’s just…” Elain blinked and Nesta could’ve sworn she saw tears shimmering in her sister’s eyes. “It’s just nice to see you happy.”

Nesta stilled for a moment. Was she happy? She supposed she was. It had all happened so quickly that Nesta hadn’t hardly realized.

She was happy. 

Judging from his laughter with Azriel, and the way his fingers brushed along her skin, Nesta assumed that Cassian was happy, too.

“It’s a good thing, you know,” Elain whispered, when Nesta said nothing. “A very good thing.”

Nesta remained quiet, but she leaned into Cassian’s side with a little smile of her own.

The music began to play, and Nyx was having the time of his little life. He stood and danced, having no idea what was going on, but loving every second of it.

There were small tents set up around the carnival, passing out candy and other little toys and treats for the kids. Helion was there, at a tent sponsored by Nesta’s restaurant, handing out cookies and brownies she’d spent the past few days baking. Nesta had always loved Halloween, and having Nyx to enjoy it with made her love it all the more. They walked around while the bands continued to play, Nyx’s little bucket filling up with more candy and treats than the little boy could ever eat. Cassian ensured Nesta that it would not go to waste, but she just rolled her eyes.

“You know, I’ve always been a fan of Tinker Bell,” Cassian said, while they were eating candy apples.

Nesta looked at him, brow raised. “Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for Hook.”

Cassian chuckled, looking at Nyx while he nibbled on some goldfish that Nesta had packed in the cooler bag. “And what about Cassian?” Cassian asked. “Are you a fan of him?”

Nesta laughed, softly. “Are you asking me if I like you, Nazari?”

Cassian’s eyes lit with amusement. “I care about you, Nesta. That’s what I’m saying.”

The words she longed to say got stuck in her throat. The truth she’d wanted to tell him since his birthday over a month ago, when they’d finally succumbed to their desire for each other. But she wouldn’t. She couldn’t, not here, not right now, with strangers around them. Elain and Azriel weren’t far, but…

Something about those words. She wanted it just to be the two of them.

So Nesta chose to smirk instead, reaching over and rubbing caramel off his cheek. “You aren’t half bad, I guess.”

He sighed, dramatically, looking up into the sky. “I knew it, you’re only in it for the sex.”

“Cassian!” She blushed furiously, hoping no one had overheard him.

Grinning, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. Nyx threw a goldfish at them, hitting Cassian in the side of the face.

Nesta couldn’t stop her laughter as she pulled back.

Even after a month, Nyx didn’t like Cassian kissing her. The fit he threw the first time he’d seen them kiss on the couch while he was playing with his toys on the floor and they watched a movie would go down in history as the worst meltdown the two of them had seen.

Nesta thought his continued, but lessening, tantrums were hilarious. Cassian could only roll his eyes.

“Was that necessary?” Cassian asked.

“Da,” Nyx said, popping a goldfish into his mouth. It was the closest thing he’d come to yes thus far.

“He used to like me, you know,” Cassian said, looking at Nesta, “before the two of us were together.”

Nesta shrugged. “He’s protective, what can I say?”

“You can say, to him, that you like it when I kiss you,” Cassian replied.

Nesta laughed as Nyx threw another goldfish at Cassian. “He’s smart, Cass. He may be a baby, but he knows you’re talking smack over here.”

“I would never talk smack about a baby,” Cassian said, taking a bite of his caramel apple. “Even if it’s true.”

It wasn’t too much later that Nyx was falling asleep, his little, green cap long forgotten and tucked into the pocket of Cassian’s obnoxious coat. He gently rubbed Nyx’s back as he slept on the blanket they’d laid out on the lush grass. Footsteps and a groan alerted him to Azriel’s presence as he sat down next to Cassian. Seph, in a carrier strapped to his chest, had been asleep for nearly an hour already. Cassian couldn’t help but smile at his brother and niece.

“So you two are actually making this work, huh,” Azriel said, smiling down at Nyx.

Cassian’s laughter sounded as if even he had a hard time believing it. “I guess so. It’s just…so easy with her.”

“I get it. I completely get it,” Azriel said, looking at something over Cassian’s shoulder, and from the way his eyes softened, he knew his brother’s gaze had found Elain.

“I think she feels the same way,” Cassian said. “She’s hard to read, though. Easier than she used to be - thank the Mother - but sometimes… I just want to grab her by the shoulders and ask her what the hell is on her mind.” 

Azriel snorted. “Nesta is…”

When he didn’t complete his sentence, Cassian raised an amused brow.

“An interesting woman,” Azriel finished, at last.

Cassian laughed, quietly. “Yeah, she is. But, that’s what I like about her. She’s not a surface-level person, you know? She’s like an onion.”

Azriel blinked. “An onion?”

Cassian nodded. “A lot of layers.” 

Azriel laughed, quietly. “I would keep that one to yourself. Not sure how Nesta would feel about being called a vegetable that makes you cry.” 

Cassian chuckled, and shrugged. “I think it sounds nice.”

Azriel grinned and looked down at Seph. “Do you see it working out long term, then?”

“You make it sound like a legal document,” Cassian replied, snorting.

Azriel shook his head. “Fine. I’ll ask it simpler, then. Do you love her?”

He hesitated. “It’s only been a month.”

“And?” Azriel asked. “You’ve lived together for half a year. You've known her for over five years.”

Cassian was quiet. He contemplated Azriel’s question, watching the gentle rise and fall of Nyx’s breathing. “I don’t know.”

“You still think Rhys and Feyre didn’t know what they were doing when they set you up all those years ago?”

Looking up at Azriel, Cassian wasn’t expecting to find him smiling softly. “I still think they were bat shit insane,” he chuckled. “But… No. I get it now. They… They just wanted to give us the chance to be as happy as they were.”

“And are you?” Azriel asked, curiosity on his face.

Cassian looked around, finding Nesta laughing with Elain and Mor and Emerie and Gwyn. The smile as he watched her wasn’t faked. “Yeah. I am.”

Azriel’s smile was as genuine as his own. “Then I think you know.”

*

It had been a good day, and an even better night. 

Nyx fell asleep in his carseat on the way home, and Nesta had gotten him out of his costume and into a fresh diaper and pajamas without him hardly stirring. After that, when Nesta meandered into her bedroom, she found a half-dressed pirate with a mischievous glint in his eye. He had made a show of taking Nesta’s costume off with his hook, which had her unable to stop the wide smile, the giggling, that escaped her control. 

It was all sweet, adorable play until his lips found her skin, and then Nesta’s giddiness faded away as complete euphoria took control of her body. 

They laid together as Halloween faded away and November 1st approached. Nesta’s fingers danced over his bare chest. 

“Today was a fun day,” she said, quietly, as she watched her fingers move along his tattoos. 

“It was,” he murmured, already half asleep, his arm wrapped around her, tucking her into his side. He had spent most of his day chasing down Nyx, while Nesta had watched, a smile on her face, as Elain took picture after picture. She’d promised to email the best ones to Nesta as soon as she’d edited them.

She could tell Cassian was exhausted as she looked up into his handsome face, the eyeliner still smudged under his eyes. Sensing her gaze on him, he cracked an eye open and looked at her. “What?”

She shook her head, laying it back down on his chest. “You still have make-up on,” she chuckled.

“What?” He asked. “You don’t think I look pretty?”

Snorting, she nestled into his warm body, settling as his calloused fingers scraped over bare waist. She felt his lips press against the top of her head and in that moment, she realized that this was how it was supposed to be. Nothing had ever felt as…right as this did. As being with him did.

“Cass?”

He grunted in answer, and Nesta realized he was just about asleep.

She decided not to reveal the bit of truth she’d been about to, not when he very well might not remember it the next day.

Instead, she settled her head back on his chest, and said, “I had fun today.”

He mumbled something that sounded like me too, but within seconds, his breath had evened out, and he was asleep.

She wouldn’t reveal that bit of herself, not tonight. But tomorrow…

Tomorrow, she would tell him.

And she prayed he felt the same way.

*

It was hardly after eight when Nesta woke up and found Cassian beside her, in bed, with a sleeping Nyx on his chest. He was scrolling through his phone, his back propped up against the headboard, his sweatpants nearly blending into the navy blue comforter. 

Nesta blinked a few times before she yawned and said, “Good morning.”

Cassian’s eyes darted away from his phone, to her. He smiled. “Good morning. Little man woke up about an hour ago. Fell asleep again five minutes ago or so. Apparently he got worn out yesterday.”

Nesta chuckled. “I’d say so.”

“I was going to put him in his crib but he seems comfortable,” Cassian said. “I can, though, if you want me to make breakfast.”

Nesta shook her head as she propped herself up on her elbows. “That’s okay. I can make breakfast. I was in a french toast type of mood.” 

“Sounds good,” Cassian crooned, and Nesta reached up to kiss him, softly, before dragging herself out of bed. After slipping on some cozy shorts and one of Cassian’s oversized t-shirts, she was headed downstairs. 

Sunday mornings were her favorite, nowhere for either of them to be. Just time together and time with Nyx. She was humming quietly to herself after she’d made a pot of coffee, pulling what she needed to make French toast and bacon out of the fridge when there was a sudden knock on the front door.

Nesta froze, listening to ensure she had in fact heard—

Another knock, just as insistent as the first.

“Was that the door?” Cassian was carrying Nyx downstairs, the baby’s pacifier barely staying in his mouth as he sleepily leaned his head on his uncle’s bare shoulder.

“Yeah,” she replied, eyebrows furrowing as she reached the door and opened it.

Nesta froze as she found Alis Birch on the other side.

“Ms. Archeron, good morning,” she said, eyeing her choice of attire.

“Ms. Birch, good morning. What a surprise,” she said, trying not to panic.

“I hope it’s a good time,” she said, looking past Nesta to see what chaos she could find. “This is the last of my surprise visits.”

“I see,” Nesta said, then cleared her throat as she stepped aside. “Come in, please.”

Alis did not need to be told twice. She swept past Nesta and into the foyer, where Cassian caught sight of her. He stopped as their eyes met, and he hesitated.

“Ms. Birch,” he said, as if it were a pleasant surprise. “Nice to see you again.”

“You too,” she said, looking at Nyx. “Big Halloween, was it?”

“Fun Halloween,” Cassian corrected. “We were at the carnival downtown for most of the day. He had a blast.”

Alis nodded, but said no more.

“Have a seat,” Nesta said, gesturing to the living room furniture. “Please.”

Alis sat in a chair while Cassian carefully and slowly sat back on the couch, Nesta sitting beside him.

Before anyone could say anything else, Alis said, “The two of you have become intimate.” 

Nesta swallowed roughly while Cassian could only blink. After a moment, she collected herself. “I—We…”

“It’s fairly recent,” Cassian admitted, taking over when it was clear Nesta was floundering.

She wanted to demand how she could tell, but she was very clearly wearing his shirt while he wore nothing at all, aside from his sweats. They were cooking breakfast while the baby dozed. It was all so…domestic.

Alis would have been blind not to notice it.

She hummed once before opening her notebook and scribbling a few notes down. “The two of you have come a long way in a few months then, since you were barely even friends the last time I was here.” She threw Nesta’s own half-drunk words into their faces.

“Things have changed,” she breathed, yearning to reach over and take Cassian’s hand, but not wanting to look weak in front of the woman.

The woman who controlled whether or not they’d be keeping Nyx.

“So, this is not a fling, then?” Alis asked.

Cassian opened his mouth, but it was Nesta who politely said, “I’m sorry, but I’m not sure how our romantic life is an appropriate topic-.”

“Oh, it is most appropriate,” Alis assured them both. “If this is nothing but a fling, it could create a lot of drama in the home, which could in turn affect Nyx’s well being. However, if this is love, something that will become steadier day by day, then I could not be more overjoyed.”

You don’t sound overjoyed, Nesta wanted to say, but didn’t. 

“We are aware that everything we do affects Nyx,” Cassian said, not unkindly. “We thought it through before we decided to get together.”

Nesta almost wanted to laugh. Thought it through? They hooked up twice, and the second time it stuck. She wasn’t sure that was exactly thinking it through. In fact, there hadn’t been much thinking at all.

It just kind of...happened. 

Nyx had indeed lost his pacifier at some point and patted Cassian on the cheek.

“Babababa,” he chanted, which the two of them had learned meant he wanted his bottle and Cassian stood.

“Excuse me, I’ll be back,” he said, carrying Nyx into the kitchen.

Alis held Nesta’s stare, eventually asking, “Does Nyx have a support system, outside of the home?”

She blinked. “I’m afraid I don’t follow.”

Alis set down her pen and looked at Nesta as if she were the child in this situation. “Let’s say things don’t last. Let’s say whatever is between you and Mr. Nazari isn’t a love match and it falls apart. Aside from the two of you, does Nyx have other people who could step in to take care of him?”

“I don’t see why he would need it,” she replied, her voice cold. “Even if things don’t work out, Cassian and I will still take care of him. Nyx is our responsibility now. We love him.”

“And will you do that from one home?”

“We… I…” Nesta shook her head. “Ma’am, with all due respect, we haven’t even had time to figure out what exactly this is between us.”

Alis scooped up her bag and tucked her notebook against her chest as she stood. “That’s exactly what I’m afraid of. And I’d like the two of you to have that figured out before my next visit. I’ll reach out a few days before, so you can expect me. But I’d like this…” She gestured around her, “situation to be more straightforward before I return.”

She turned and headed for the door.

When Cassian came back, Alis was gone. He blinked, Nyx now awake, downing his milk. “Where’d she go?”

“She left,” Nesta said, quietly. “She’ll let us know when she’s coming next time.”

Cassian’s brows furrowed as he sat next to Nesta on the couch. “What’s wrong?”

Nesta hesitated, then said, “I think she thinks that us getting together is a mistake.”

Cassian looked at Nesta for a moment, then snorted. “She also thought that us living together, unromantically, and raising Nyx was a mistake.” 

Nesta said nothing as she watched her hands, quietly.

Cassian’s smile faded away. “What? You don’t think us getting together is a mistake, right?”

“No, of course not,” Nesta said, but it lacked passion.

Cassian watched her. “Nesta.”

“She brings up some good points, Cass,” Nesta breathed.

Cassian’s jaw ticked. “What does that mean?”

Nesta closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Well, what if we don’t work out? What will happen? We should at least have a plan.”

“You don’t think we’re going to work out?” Cassian asked. 

“I don’t even know what we are, Cassian,” she breathed, opening her eyes, but continued staring at her hands. “Am I your girlfriend? Are we exclusive? Is this just what’s convenient for us both?”

Cassian was staring at her, unable to think of anything to say, barely able to understand what had happened in the past thirty minutes since he’d gotten out of bed. “This sure as hell isn’t just about convenience, not for me. But if it is for you, I guess I’d like to know now.”

She still didn’t look at him. “I don’t know, Cass.”

He had no idea what to say, no idea what to do. He shook his head. “I’m going to take Nyx on my jog with me. When we get back, you let me know if this is still convenient for you.”

His voice was colder than she’d heard it in months, barely recognized it as he silently made his way up the stairs. She didn’t move, could hardly think as she heard him get changed and then dress Nyx as well. 

Her face fell into her hands.

This isn’t how she wanted the morning to go.

As she laid in bed with him the night before, listening to the steady beating of his heart after he fell asleep, she had a long list of things she wanted to say to him today, had a long list of emotions she wanted him to feel.

Pissed wasn’t one of them.

Unsure wasn’t one of them.

Nothing was going as planned.

It wasn’t until Cassian was carrying a babbling Nyx back down the stairs that Nesta looked up. Cassian wouldn’t meet her eyes.

“Cass-,” she began, but he strode through the living room and out the door, the door closing just a little too hard behind him.

No, this wasn’t how she wanted the day to go.

She didn’t get to tell Nyx goodbye.

She didn’t get to tell Cassian goodbye, or any of the other things she had planned.

But maybe it was for the best. Maybe things would continue to fall into place, just not the place that she had planned.

Nesta sat back on the couch, her face falling back into her hands.

As the first tear fell, she wondered if this was a part of Feyre’s plan.