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diepower · 4 years

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THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Kaiman AGE: 27 CONTACT: IM, ask, discord

CHARACTER(S): Meninas McAllon, Orihime Inoue, Retsu Unohana, Mashiro Kuna, Tier Harribel, Charlotte Chuuhlhourne

CURRENT FANDOM(S): That I write in? It’s gonna be Bleach, OVW (super selectively im just here for one person), ASOIAF (barely- literally when the mood strikes and that one is private also). I have a lot of current interests in general though.

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR: While I don’t have anything fully established... I’ve been working with an ASOIAF au (for Harribel & Unohana specifically, though I’m considering it with other characters too), A Dorohedoro AU (for Unohana and Orihime), as well as a Persona AU (more specifically 2&3) for Orihime. I’ve also got a number of post-canon AUs or continuities for all my characters as well!

MY LANGUAGE(S): English, super basic Spanish, barest ASL, fairly good French

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / SCIENCE FICTION / HORROR / WESTERN / ROMANCE / THRILLER / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / EROTIC / CRIME / MYTHOLOGY / CLASSIC / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / ANCIENT / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / SPORT / MUSIC / SCIENCE / FIGHTS / ANGST / SMUT / DRAMA

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: ONE-LINER / 1 PARA / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA (2para is a sweet spot but it really doesn’t matter to me)

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?: YES / NO ONLY BY MUTUALS?: YES / NO

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / CASUAL NOTHING TOO DEEP / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK.

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?: YES / NO.

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?: YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. (i let them build up too often but some of yall are too quick to reply jkglfjdgsd)

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / MONTHS / YEARS / DEPENDS ON MOOD AND INSPIRATION, AND IF I’M BUSY

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / A RELATIVE OF MY CHARACTER (AN OC) / DUPLICATES / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / SELF-INSERTS / PEOPLE WITH NO AU VERSE FOR MY FANDOM / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS (italicized are okay, but under really specific circumstances)

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: I’m pretty anal about plotting in that I often refuse to RP unless it’s been plotted or I liked a starter call. And in the case of the latter, I’ll still hop into DMs to plot further depending on where the thread takes us. That said, the best way to reach me is through IMs or Discord (available on request). The only time I turn down plots is if I feel like it would put my character in an OOC situation, and I especially dislike my character being one-sidedly used as a tool to further another character’s development without anything being reciprocated (this happens often especially wrt my healer characters)

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER: Communication is really important to me, especially with regards to comfort regarding certain plot elements, and approaching other in-character situations that might have multiple different solutions. I think it’s important that both characters involved get the same amount of development out of writing a thread, and I really hate the idea of being imbalanced as far as that goes (more on that below). That said, I’m always perfectly down to spitball plot ideas and tweak/refine other concepts because I really do enjoy plotting, it’s just super important to me that things are communicated clearly. I get extremely distressed and frustrated IRL if people just kinda throw stuff at me, and it often kills my muse.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?: I make an active effort to come up with plots that are engaging and beneficial fairly equally to both parties. I mentioned this above, but especially in the case of writing my healer characters, I have a huge disdain for characters being used as tools to further development while getting nothing substantial in return. That said, I try to be very aware of this in terms of a potential writing partner being on the receiving end. IMO it feels like shit, but I definitely don’t want to make someone else feel that way either. That said, so long as stuff is plotted out clearly and me and the writer are both okay with it, then it’s fine. COMMUNICATION IS KEY, BASICALLY.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?: I kinda just like to throw spaghetti at the wall and whatever sticks, I’m down to fly with. I have a lot of ideas, but again, I like to give my partners the option of doing whatever they’re comfortable with, and h aving equal contribution opportunities.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

- AND WHY?: Everyone has their own circumstances, I really don’t mind. If it’s one I’ve been especially looking forward to, I might be bummed, but it’s no skin off my nose really.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: I don’t typically drop threads or abandon them during their writing. The only thing that would make me do so is offensive content, or huge plot elements being introduced that makes my character ooc and wasn’t previously discussed during plotting.

WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

-AND WHY?: I already feel like I need to take a lot of extra steps to understand others and be understood, and that isn’t something often reciprocated. In my experience, just honest communication is the quickest solution to issues that crop up during writing. For those who HAVE actually had me reach out to them in this way, I really do try to be polite and respectful while being straightforward so the situation can be resolved without any hurt feelings.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: As long as it’s constructive, and not merely negativity, I welcome it. After all, I can’t fix a huge flaw in my writing without having an alternative solution. I’m open to accepting feedback and critique, especially wrt Meninas since my portrayal is quite a large departure from popular fanon perception (from those who choose to pay attention to her, lol), but I also thrive on suggested remedies and solutions to issues in my writing.

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: I like to tell stories, and I like to tell narratives that take root in emotional expression and how those feelings can act as a vehicle to the storytelling. I want to move people through feeling, because it can be a powerful experience. I use a lot of inspiration from themes in my other favorite series, as well as inspiration from my own personal experiences as well. I tend to pick characters who have one or two traits in common with myself, whether those be negative or positive. I’m very excited to share all the things I have planned for Meninas, as she’s certainly my most ambitious project to date.

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS: For Meninas specifically, I want to interact with Squad 11 and Squad 9 during the CFYOW verse I have planned. Hisagi specifically would be interesting because of the clash of ideals, in addition to being the only other living person to be able to relate to the horror of being under Pepe’s thrall. I’d also like to steal Ikkaku’s bankai, and have more fight scenes. Lastly, Meninas doesn’t do much of anything in CFYOW, so more interactions with Mayuri and Squad 12 would be cool.

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE: I don’t mind briefly referencing darker themes in my writing, especially wrt my own personal experiences, but I want to be very clear that I refuse to write at length or romanticize these themes. I refuse to write anything involving rape, homophobia, transphobia, racism, pedophilia, etc, with this in mind.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: Unless previously discussed, I struggle with starters that have a character pushing mine away. If the situation is super OOC for my character to be in, or frankly too mundane. In Meninas’ case, most domestic stuff is a snoozefest for me (but I LOVE this for other characters).

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?: *saoirse ronan voice* Women. UHHH but no, for real... I like fleshing out female characters quite a bit. Personality types are varied, but I like characters who have some level of nuance to their emotional expression whether it’s an internal or external struggle. I like powerful women too, and the exploration of “strength” as a theme (esp at the intersection of the theme of “femininity” and its expressions) whether this is external strength or internal fortitude. I think I play a wide variety of characters who have vastly different thoughts, beliefs, and forms of expression, but I try to find something in common with who I portray to act as a touch stone. I also like characters who have themes of “justice” and nuanced morality.

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?: 99% of male characters. And I also hate tsunderes gjklsdjfd

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I really like my writing style especially wrt using emotion to set a cinematic scene and overall tone. I think I’m really strong with conveying emotion, especially with things that are often unspoken. I try to communicate with partners clearly and establish rapports. I love writing headcanons and have a TON of plot ideas as well.

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: Oh I’m the slowest replier on the planet and I’m apparently intimidating lol

DO YOU RP SMUT?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS (i prefer to go into detail about sensations, rather than the actual acts as it comes off stifled and weirdly technical)

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: Honestly I just do what Meninas tells me.

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?: Kink stuff is weird territory for me, absolutely gotta be discussed in private and comfort levels clearly established.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?: YES / NO. Relationships in general rule, and while I do have a romantic ship that plays a large part in Meninas’ plot, the romance comes secondary to the plot itself. I really enjoy writing and developing romances, but more than that I like establishing connections. I love the relationships I’ve got planned with Giselle, Candice, Liltotto, and Bambietta because there are going to be a LOT of drastically different things that inform my portrayal of Meninas coming from these relationships (both positive and negative, but ultimately places of growth).

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. Like I said, plot comes first. And especially in the case of Meninas, she has a lot of self exploration and reflection to do before she can engage in a healthy relationship or address any feelings of romance. I do place a large focus on the formation of her relationships and how they shape the way she relates to other people and grows as a person, but I am extremely sensitive to making sure I’m not writing a female character who’s entire development is dependent on a romance with a male character- perish the thought lol.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?: YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU: MULTI-SHIP / SINGLE-SHIP / DUAL-SHIP — MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: For Meninas, it’s a matter of her acknowledging, understanding, and accepting that she can be worth more than how useful she is to others. She had a series of traumatizing and character defining experiences regarding love, romance, and personal worth that strongly shaped the way she perceives her relationships to others and her emotional expression. Trust is another huge factor for me, Meninas needs to be around someone she believes in. Strength is another aspect. She likes someone who challenges her, keeps her on her toes, and is sturdy like physically. Because she’ll break you. THAT SAID- Meninas tends to be open wrt her body, but closed off when it comes to her heart. Hate to see it, love to write it.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. As long as the premise makes sense. I like relationships to have some matter of significance and planning, especially because of how I’ve written the way Meninas picks and chooses who to get close to in Silbern depending on what suits her interests. Genuine friendship is a weird thing for Meninas, as most of her relationships are formed out of convenience. If you aren’t useful to Meninas’ schemeing, then she has no interest in dealing with you beyond platitudes and keeping up appearances and will interact with you as such.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: WE LOVE DUPLICITOUS WOMEN! No, but at the core of my Meninas characterization, the sentiment is “Everything is not as it appears” even down to the relationships she has with others. Meninas’ entire personality is constructed as a survival tactic from an early age (in addition to being a way to make herself more useful as a tool to others, and thus seen as having more worth in general), and as a result, she hasn’t really allowed herself to live life as a fully realized person. Her plots generally offer silent rebellion, playing a role in regards to her self presentation, chaotic mean girl level bullshit, and cool fights/training. Also you get to interact with a big buff lady. That said about her personality, it depends on the verse. CFYOW Meninas will be more unhinged, while post-CFYOW Meninas will be more honest and rowdy.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?: Muses who are standoffish or disengage right at the start. Meninas doesn’t interact with people without a certain purpose, so if they aren’t interested, she’s not going to be either.

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?: Revenge, strength, redefining what “power” means in terms of how the world works. She wants to see the Shinigami dead for their role in her parents deaths, and feels the same about Yhwach.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?: Ability, potential threat, perceived strength, where loyalty lies; how potentially useful you can be to her.

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?: Strength both in a physical sense, but also in belief and convictions. Honesty, and understanding the flaws of the world they live in.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?: Fighting, beauty, freedom, abolishing Quincy classism based on blood purity, music, fashion, blacksmithing.

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?: Blind loyalty to Yhwach, talking about the horrors of war as if it doesn’t concern them, Bambietta, Quincy supremacy,

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?: Her parents were killed in the first Quincy war and she was left abandoned and grew up literally fighting for her life and living on the streets. She often likens fighting pits to the bowels of Hell (and I often play with the ironic theme of crawling out of hell to appear as an angel or something divine). She is consumed by a quest for revenge, and strongly believes her ends will justify the means taken to fulfill her ideal. As a direct result of these experiences, her emotional health and maturity is severely affected, and she doesn’t view herself as a person worthy or capable of feeling as much as a tool who, in the right hands, can be utilized to bring about the revenge she craves.

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?: (1) Men who feel non-consensually entitled to her body. That said, she’s done a fairly excellent job at maintaining control and an unassuming threatening nature despite the widely known understanding of her Schrift ability and how it augments. (2) Someone touching her Quincy cross, as it’s her most precious and private item. (3) Anyone who dares get in the way of her plans that can’t be manipulated in some other useful aspect.

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?: Meninas hates Yhwach, and the Shinigami most predominately, but she also harbors disgust for Hollows as an instinct. That said, her young life was spent detached from Quincy culture (in addition to being a Gemischt and the inherent isolation that comes with that status), so despite her early induction into the Wandenreich ranks, Meninas does not harbor the same Quincy nationalism and loyalty that others of her race do. They’re a means to an end, and just happen to help her become stronger.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?: She comes off as easy to approach, but if you want genuine Meninas I’m sorry the number you’re trying to reach has been disconnected. Goodbye!

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: Everything I’ve written about her is based in headcanon! I’ve got both a lengthy biography as well as headcanons gathered in the sidebar links on my blog.

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

TAGGED BY: @bazzardburner TAGGING: i think this has made its rounds so steal it!

#MEME / ANSWERED #HANDS OF THE DIVINE ; A SELF MADE CREATION / HEADCANON #ok take 2 dont delete all my bolded shit pls

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ouranking · 6 years

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I’m on mobile. Can I get a link to your rules?

Hello my dear! My Rules page is a pop up so let me go ahead and copy and paste them and put them under a read more for you.

RULES AND GUIDLINES

Hey there! My name is Luna! and you have managed to find my rules page. Please take the time to read over them. Most of my rules are the basic ‘don’t be a dick’ rules, so hopefully it won’t be too hard to get through. If you have any questions please feel free to ask me.

LAST UPDATED: 09/17/2018

ABOUT

This is a Tamaki Suoh blog from Ouran High School Host Club. My interpretation of him is based on the anime and manga so please expect me to incorporate things from both! I will also be throwing in the flare of my own headcanons into the mix, so please expect that.

I am SEMI-SELECTIVE blog. What this means is that I am reserving the right to decide who I want to roleplay with at any given time. I do this for my anxiety sake, and I don’t ever want to roleplay with someone out of guilt or obligation. All I am asking is that you please respect this, I have a hard time with confrontation, but I am not about to be bullied either.

My activity often varies day to day, there are some days that I’m on all day long, and other days where I don’t touch my computer at all. I’m a stay at home mom, and sometimes my children don’t exactly make it easy to actively be online. I also have other hobbies like video games, and sometimes I’m just in the mood to binge watch a show rather than trying to do drafts.

DRAFTS & MEMES & OPENS & VERSES

When it comes to DRAFTS, and replies I want it to be known that I am not fast most days. I have my good days and my bad days when it comes to writing, and even on my good days I’ve been known to queue things if I feel like I need a chance to get caught up. I ask nicely that you don’t harass me for a reply, though if it has been over two weeks you can kindly ask me if I’ve seen your reply because sometimes tumblr can be dumb, or I can be spacey.

Anyone is allowed to send in MEMES, however I reserve the right to decide not to answer it for whatever reason. You are totally allowed to turn any meme I answer into a thread, AS LONG AS YOU MAKE IT A NEW POST.

Along with memes, anyone is allowed to reply to one of my OPENS or like one of my STARTER CALLS. The only time this changes is if I specifically tag it as 'mutuals only’, and I ask that you please respect that. Though I do try to write everyone a starter or make sure I answer everyone’s reply to an open, I’m not perfect. I may miss one or two, or I may not be able to come up with something decent.

I am a multi-ship and multi-verse blog, and what this means is that any and all interactions I have with fellow rp partners are all in their own separate verses. Unless discussed ahead of time by all parties involved. I love all forms of AUS and CROSSOVERS and most of the time am more than willing to figure out something with my rp partner if their character isn’t from the Ouran canon. Especially since Ouran isn’t exactly an active fandom, i plan on making plenty of different possible Aus for Tamaki to make him more accessible for crossovers!

SHIPPING & PLOTTING & MAINS & NSFW

When it comes to shipping, I have been often times described as a shipping hoarder. I am also someone who can see a potential ship quite easily. However, I’m still a fan of chemistry between characters. I am of course always willing to hear someone out of they think there is a chance that a ship can be formed, however this does not give anyone the right to push their muse onto me or Tamaki. Please respect this. If I think the ship feels forced in any regard there is a good chance I will drop it.

Plotting is a team effort, no one person should be expected to come up with the entirety of any plot. With that being said, if you approach me for plotting, or like a plotting call, please be prepared to actively engage with me and work with me to try and come up with something for our characters. If it seems like you are unwilling to actively help me out then there is a good chance that I will lose interest and give up altogether.

If you are an ORIGINAL CHARACTER looking to interact with me I am totally game! The only thing I ask is that you have at least some sort of about page so I can read up on your character, or be willing to answer any and all questions I may have about your character.

When it comes to nsfw content such as roleplaying out a sex scene it goes without saying that I will only write such things with someone who is 18+, even then I rarely ever write out sex scenes. This is honestly because I feel uncomfortable and am never satisfied with my writing. However I do still write it from time to time with people I know ooc and am comfortable with and those threads will be tagged.

Another added note about NSFW content is that there will be no sex scenes happening within Tamaki’s main verse because he is still a minor by U.S. Standards and since that is where I live I’m going to abide by that law. HOWEVER. I have verses where Tamaki is over 18 and am more than willing to discuss such things in those verses, though like i said before I rarely ever write sex scenes to begin with.

I rarely do exclusives, the reason being that every time I was involved exclusively with someone it went to shit and only caused problems and unneeded drama. I will however take on mains and all that means is that muse permitting those people will have priority, along with having to deal with my ass sending them songs, feels, memes and writing them random starters from time to time.My current mains can be found in the next tab over titled 'mains’.OOC DRAMA

Alright here is the dealio my friends.

I am not a fan of OOC Drama, i’ve seen my fair share of it and i’m just not a fan. With that being said, I want to be left out of it. Whatever the drama is, just leave me out of it all. I’m not a fan of callout posts in almost every capacity. I think they are beyond childish, and scream ‘high school drama bullshit’, like it’ a goddamn burn book and no one needs that shit okay? Dragging your personal beef with someone like that is just.. -deep breath- my point is, I don’t like it.

Obviously i’m not a fan of anon hate, and I won’t tolerate it on this blog at all. You can expect them to be blocked immediately. I am here to have fun writing a character that I love with all my heart, and i’m not about to let tumblr’s toxic nature ruin that for me. So please if you have a problem with the way I run my blog then just unfollow me, or even block me if you have to. I’ll do what is good for me, and you do what is good for you.

Also, don’t warn me about people. I know you probably think you are just doing something nice and looking out for people. But more often than not, you are just putting me in a really uncomfortable position that I don’t want to be in. So do yourself a favor and just.. Don’t.

MISCELLANEOUS

For the most part I am a relatively laid back person, I love to chat with my roleplay partners OOC, because a lot of time that helps me get to know them and it just helps for world building and creating something truly amazing together. With that being said, if we are writing together, especially if we have a ship.. I can be a babbler. I tend to get excited about ships and the things we plan to do and i love talking headcanons and ‘what ifs’ situations that can be created into plots. If this is something that bothers you, or you aren’t a fan of it? Tell me up front. If it’s the case then I’ll refrain to a pace that you are more comfortable with. I say this because if you say you are okay with it, and then proceed to.. give me short answers and make me feel like you aren’t interested, I will probably drop the ship because my anxiety can’t handle that.

Another thing to keep in mind, I have anxieties myself. Sometimes I don’t click with people as easily as I do others and that’s okay! However please remember that I’m occasionally busy and I may not always be around and on my computer. Sometimes I am forgetful, especially with the tumblr IMs system. However please please don’t spam me there with questions of like ‘did i do something wrong?’ or ‘ am i annoying you?’ etc. this makes me extremely uncomfortable and make me more likely to just nore reply at all as horrible as it sounds, but anxiety is a bitch and no one is perfect.

When it comes to following blogs, I do my best to look over new followers in a timely manner and a lot goes into my decision on whether or not I’ll follow a blog back. Please keep in mind that I obviously can’t follow everyone back because that would make my blog way too fast pace and I can’t have that.

#🌹 → The Queen Behind The Scenes [ OOC ]#anonymous

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noctispostmortem-blog · 6 years

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PSA

I did one of these on my old blog and I’m bringing it back but revamping it a bit. This is to all my mutuals! Mainly this is what is in my rules but I thought I’d post it as well as a reminder and to clarify certain things. This did get pretty long so I placed it under the cut. Any questions, feel free to send me an ask.

First of all, if I follow you I want to RP with you.

If you want to drop something, whether it be a thread, a ship, an interaction, anything all, that’s perfectly fine no matter the reasoning. You’re not feeling that thread anymore? Alright, let’s do something else. You’re not feeling this ship anymore? Sure, I’m alright with that! These two muses just aren’t working out in their interaction? Got it! Let’s try something else! I’m perfectly fine with all of it!

My inbox is always open. Send that meme. Say hello. Ask any question that you have! Seriously, I won’t mind!

If I post a starter call, inbox call, or plotting call, do not be afraid to like it if that is what you want to do. Same thing for if I post an open RP’s for my muses, just jump right in if you want.

I love AU’s, I truly do. And they can vary from small little changes to the normal verse to my characters becoming something completely different. Either way, I’m up for it so come at me if you have an idea.

I’m a little shit when it comes to replies, seriously I am. Sometimes I can spew out reply after reply within minutes of each other, and sometimes I will go days without a single one. It’s called life. Sometimes I’m not feeling good, or my mood is too sour. Maybe I’m struggling to come up with a reply I find suitable and really want to take my time and make sure it’s right. Maybe my muse isn’t cooperating with me. There are so many reasons, it’s ridiculous and if you’re worried that I no longer want to reply, just ask. I won’t bite, I promise.

I do not mind having multiple threads with the same mun. Whether that be your muses RP’s with several of mine, several of mine RP with multiple of yours or even if you have more than one blog but want to RP with me on each one. I’m down for that.

I’m a huge lover of shipping. Seriously I am. Ship with me you cowards! But, there does have to be some chemistry between the muses, I have to be able to see that they can go down that path together. If I ship something, that doesn’t mean you have to and if you ship something doesn’t mean I will either. Don’t force anything on me but do tell me if you ship our muses. I probably do too. Plus, there isn’t just romantic ships! Platonic, familial, frienemies, all that good stuff. I love all of that and so much more!

I can do pre-established relationships (not romantically at all though (usually)) but we as muns have to discuss it first to see if the muses can even be on such terms with one another.

I am open to pretty much every kind of plot you can think of. Seriously, I am! So don’t be afraid to approach me on that either if you want a specific genre.

You are allowed to use memes as icebreakers.

You are allowed to turn asks into threads, just please repost it and if you can’t, tell me and I can do it for you.

Let your muse, be your muse. Don’t change them simply to suit the RP. If your muse is a jerk but you feel sorry for mine because they are sweet, don’t make them nicer so that you don’t feel guilty. If your muse is flirty, but mine isn’t having it, oh well. That’s how they are and my muse is more than capable of handling themselves.

I do not care if you take forever on your reply, I really don’t. As I already said, I’m bad with that myself. So don’t stress it, take your time!

You are NOT just a number in my follower count, I promise you that. So, if we’re mutuals, even if it takes me forever, eventually I will reach out to you. Most likely with a meme. However, I will say this much, I generally give a limit of three asks to start an interaction. This means I the first two icebreaker memes I send in that aren’t answered will be given the benefit of the doubt by thinking maybe you didn’t get them or the ask didn’t work or maybe the muse wasn’t good. Each one I send will likely contain a different muse and scenario to give you options. But after three asks are sent to try and break the ice between us and none are answered, I will assume you don’t have an interest in rping with me and will soft block because I don’t see a point in us being mutuals if you’re not interested in rping.

There will be times when I drop threads, there will be times that I don’t answer an ask you sent in, and times that I’m really not good at talking to others ooc. This is nothing against you. Generally, I really only don’t answer asks that just won’t work with anyone (rarely, is what I am saying). If I do these, we can always start a new thread, you can always send another ask which I will be more than likely to answer and if I don’t respond via chat or discord, just give me some time. I’m probably simply not up to it yet but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to talk with you.

Feel free to specify a muse if there really is one you’re interested in, I swear you won’t upset me because you like this particular muse. If anything, that makes it much easier for me. But, if you’re not sure who to use, let me know and I’ll try to help you.

My activity is sporadic like crazy, I ask that you have patience with me on this.

My page is hella disorganized but I’m chipping away at that bit by bit (ignore the fact that I’ve had this particular blog for eight months now and I’m still trying to get it together)

I do not care about that whole thing that’s going around about reblogging from the source, I truly don’t and it’s even in my rules that the likelihood of me actually doing that isn’t high.

I am private. I am selective. And I most certainly am mutuals only. If I haven’t followed you back yet, please do not jump into my IM’s asking about doing things. That will make me either want to block you or not even give your page a chance. If I don’t follow you back for whatever reason, it’s nothing against you, really. Could be a great deal many reasons as to why.

I am multiship (for the most part because some muses are selective few ship, it says it in their information if they are) but certain muses have their main verse and then they also have their canon verse which is not the same. If for any reason, you wish to be involved in their canon verse, it would have to be thoroughly discussed between us and then I’d have to discuss it with another mun who is involved with the canon verse muses.

I have a very broad range of muses from the most innocent and sweets ones to the worst of the worst. They also range from completely normal humans to vampires, lycanthropes and much much more. But having muses like this means there will likely be a lot of triggering content. I will try to tag it but if I’m being honest, I suck at it.

Will contain NSFW content as well (though certain parts of that NSFW I’m very picky about). Smut is something that will likely take place on here eventually, though not very often. I just generally prefer to do morning afters and all that good stuff.

I do crack/shit post, I do a have quite a bit of ooc posts, I do dash commentary at times too.

If you send your male muse at me, it will likely be responded with by a female muse. This is NOT for shipping purposes. This is because I’ve had a bad experience before where even though my muse was a heterosexual male and the one he was threading with was considered bisexual, they began to try and force a ship between them. Not only was the muse itself being extremely pushy but the mun was as well ooc. This also doesn’t mean that I won’t do it at all, if I know the mun isn’t like that or something along those lines then I will be okay with actually doing it.

You can bet your ass I play favorites. This means that there are certain threads I’m likely to respond to first, there are certain asks I will do quicker than others. Usually, this is because me and the other mun have that solid connection ooc and that the muses just really go well together. But don’t let that discourage you, please. That doesn’t mean I won’t rp with you, that doesn’t mean I’ll ignore you and that certainly doesn’t mean that with time you can’t become one as well.

I use icons, but that doesn’t mean that you have to. Yes, I also edit my text but that doesn’t mean you have to either in order to rp with me.

My biggest peeve is not cutting your posts. I really hate having to scroll so much just to get past one post. If you don’t cut your posts, I won’t follow or if I already do then I will unfollow once it becomes an issue.

When I unfollow, I do it through soft block because, as I’ve said, you are not just a number in my follower count and I think it’s only fair. So, if I unfollow you and didn’t use this method, that means I personally didn’t unfollow you. It must have been a glitch on tumblr or something and you’re welcome to say something to me.

I generally rp at any length but the longer the reply is the longer it takes for me to do it so I usually try to keep it at 2-3 paragraphs.

I do currently have 39 muses and more are going to come. That’s just how I am. The world in which my muses are in has a lot of possibilities and connections that I like to explore and develop more and as I do, muses come out and sometimes it will be just one and others it can be multiple. Really depends but if you don’t like blogs with too many muses that I wouldn’t follow me.

More will be added as I go and this will be reposted throughout my time here. Thank you for your patience and taking the time to read this! I truly do appreciate it!

#|| Speak Your Mind Even If Your Voice Shakes // PSA ||

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machiiavelliian · 7 years

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( ROMANTIC ) SHIPPING INFO answer the following for your muse so people know how shipping works on your blog. REPOST; don’t reblog!!

WHAT’S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSE? ginny and blaise. that’s mostly due to the relationship built between them via RP, but i always liked the idea of their rivalry turning into something more. especially with my portrayal of him and who he is, it definitely has a lot more foundation, and they’re just so alike it’s crazy. ginny’s the challenge he’s never really been faced with, and at some point, she pushes him so close to his limits that he stops caring about what others think and only cares about proving her wrong. that’s the kind of challenge blaise zabini needs, and ginny weasley delivers without fail but okay i dont wanna ramble forever because i could. i could.

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING? i’m honestly up to trying anything once. i like slow build, and i prefer having some sort of blueprint to at least the scenarios they find themselves in, but i mean whatever happens happens. i want it to be natural, and i think that’s most important especially with blaise who is so very hard to please, and for him, romance is an art that shouldn’t be tainted with mediocrity. but i mean anything can be discussed, and who knows. i’m really not picky

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE? definitely depends on the plot, but so long as both muses are of age, i don’t really mind any type of them. i mean i guess several decades is pushing it lmao but i wouldnt know. never been there so... no im lying because i also play original vampires, which is always an age gap of centuries or more, so i mean. yeah, so long as the muses are of age and it’s well fleshed out prior, age doesn’t much matter to me.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING? i can be. like i said, i like things to at least be plotted out at the basic levels, but i don’t really look at initial reactions and pass judgments on whether or not a ship is the goal. i let blaise do his thing, and sometimes it works. sometimes it doesn’t. sometimes writing styles don’t mesh, and so the character doesn’t matter, but honestly, i follow/write with people who i believe i would work well with for the most part, so i just go with the flow.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED NSFW? i mean...anything below the waste? idk lmao depends really.

WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH? ummm probably a lot more that im not yet aware of but some of the ones i write with now are luna. dominique. pansy. kara. uhhhh bellatrix yeah that’s right. hella. i could literally try anything and make it work eventually i bet, but you know. millicent if i was allowed probs. just a lot. everyone has different dynamics with blaise because a lot of his actions are reactions. he stays to himself, doesn’t speak much, doesn’t care enough, but when he’s engaged and someone can hold his attention in whatever way, it creates a unique dynamic, and that’s potent.

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU? i mean it’s really just like i want to plot first. if you end up shipping it and i end up shipping it, that’s what it is. i dont require getting expressed permission or anything lol just go with the flow. roll with it. i mean its okay to ask. i get some people like to but dont feel obligated.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP? it varies. sometimes im really in the mood. sometimes blaise feels romantic. sometimes blaise just wants to be an asshole or apathetic in some plotlines. it just depends. i can do with or without though

ARE YOU MULTISHIP? yep

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS? a little in the middle i suppose, but it depends on the day really

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM? i have so many fandoms you dont understand lmao i love all my ships. all of them because im pretty sure i RP all my faves. but i cant pick one really. it’s impossible

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU? you could literally just fling yo emotions into my IM #bet

#&. i am learning to sharpen my teeth and rule kingdoms instead「 hc. 」#&. in solitude i fear to become a monster. in company i fear to become its prey「 dev. 」

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erraticfairy · 6 years

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Podcast: How to Stay on Track to Make Lasting Change

When it comes to making big changes in our lives, most of us fail. Oh, the change might stick for a while, but eventually we go back to our unchanged selves. Why is that? Why can’t we maintain change for the long-term? In this episode, you’ll learn different reasons for this, but even better, how to make the long-term changes stick.

Subscribe to Our Show! And Remember to Review Us!

About Our Guest

Eric Zimmer is a dad, serial entrepreneur, podcast host, behavior coach, and author. He is endlessly inspired by the quest for a greater understanding of how our minds work and how to intentionally create the lives we want to live. At 24, Eric was homeless, addicted to heroin, and facing long jail sentences. In the years since, he has found a way to recover from addiction and build a life worth living for himself.

He currently hosts the award-winning podcast, The One You Feed, based on an old parable about two wolves at battle within us. With over 200 episodes and over 10 million downloads, the show features conversations with experts across many fields of study about how to create a life worth living. In addition to producing the show, Eric works as a behavior coach and has done so for the past 20 years. He has coached hundreds of people from around the world to make real, lasting change in their lives.

www.oneyoufeed.net

www.ericzimmer.coach

[email protected]

Twitter

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LASTING CHANGE SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Narrator 1: Welcome to the Psych Central show, where each episode presents an in-depth look at issues from the field of psychology and mental health – with host Gabe Howard and co-host Vincent M. Wales.

Gabe Howard: Hello everybody and welcome to this week’s episode of the Psych Central Show podcast. My name is Gabe Howard and with me as always is Vincent M. Wales. And this week we are going to be speaking with Eric Zimmer. He’s a dad a serial entrepreneur behavior coach and an author and he’s gonna tell us really about a lot of things and I don’t want to read your bio, Eric. Eric, welcome to the show.

Eric Zimmer: Thank you for having me on.

Gabe Howard: Eric, of course I have your entire bio in front of me but, rather than read it off, can you introduce yourself to our audience please?

Eric Zimmer: Well, what I do these days is I am the host of The One You Feed podcast which has been out for about five years and we we do you know kind of similar to you guys. We talk with lots of different people about what it means to live a good life. And so I’ve been doing that for about five years. We’ve been listened to I think something like 15 million times. And so that’s been good. And then I also do behavioral coaching with people. And before that, I’ve got a long history of various entrepreneurial things like a software startup company. I started a solar energy company. I’ve got a son who is 20 and is at college and as I mentioned to you guys sort of in the beginning, and I’ve also got a mother in law who has Alzheimer’s that we’re taking care of. So that’s a big big part of my life these days. But it’s kind of a brief overview.

Vincent M. Wales: I want to tell you I love the title of your podcast, The One You Feed. Can you share with our listeners where that came from because it’s one of my favorite stories?

Eric Zimmer: Sure. It’s an old parable. Nobody really knows where it comes from. Some people insist it’s an old Cherokee story, other people insist it’s not a Cherokee story, so I don’t I have not been able to find anybody who really can prove one way or the other. But yeah it’s an old parable and in the parable, there’s a grandfather who’s talking with his grandson. He says, in life there are two wolves inside of us that are always a battle. One is a good wolf, which represents things like kindness and bravery and love, and the other’s a bad wolf, which represents things like greed and hatred and fear. And the grandson stops and he thinks about it for a second. He looks up at his grandfather and says, Grandfather< which one wins? And the grandfather says, the one you feed.

Vincent M. Wales: That’s beautiful.

Eric Zimmer: So that’s the parable. And I use it to kick off every episode. I just you know I start off by asking my guests kind of what that parable means to them in their lives and in the work that they do.

Vincent M. Wales: I love that. Awesome.

Gabe Howard: And of course, you’re from Columbus, Ohio, which is awesome because I’m from Columbus, Ohio and usually we’re interviewing people from all over the country and not in my back door. But what’s really cool is many years ago, you had the band Watershed on your podcast and I love the band Watershed. And besides people who know me or who are from Columbus, they’ve never heard of them, so from one watershed fan to the other, it’s great talking to you.

Eric Zimmer: Yep. A local Columbus band that was great and still is when they play sometimes.

Gabe Howard: Yeah they don’t play a lot because they got old and had kids.

Eric Zimmer: Yup, yup, yup.

Gabe Howard: You know, when you say serial entrepreneur, you know I’m very interested in that because you know most people say, I’ve started a business or I’m an entrepreneur, but you say serial entrepreneur because, well you’ve started a lot of businesses. Can you explain what serial entrepreneur means to you?

Vincent M. Wales: It means he can make cereal.

Eric Zimmer: Exactly, yes. You know, off-brand Frosted Flakes and Cocoa Puffs and… No, I think by serial, it just means that yeah it’s I’ve been in one sort of startup business after the other for most of my career. So that’s where most of my career has been spent is in, you know very small startup companies that are very entrepreneurial by the nature of them being pretty new and small, although some of them got big, but they started small.

Gabe Howard: And that sort of… you like to do this. I mean that’s like the crux of your career. You like to take small things and help start them, make them bigger, you like to turn ideas into substance. This is what being a behavior coach is. I mean, actually explain that better because I’m just butchering it to hell.

Eric Zimmer: Well I do love, I do love the early stages of a company. You know I love sort of yeah like you said, they’re building something, taking an idea getting it out there. And I love that really, in early stage companies, you do a little bit of everything. So your job description is very broad and very wide. And so that’s always suited me well. I do a fair number of things pretty well. And so that always suited me. And so yeah, I would do one and then the company would get about to the size where it started needing specialization, where it was more operational than it was you know building, and then you know for both the company and me it wasn’t usually the best fit at that point and it would be better for me to go on and do something.

Vincent M. Wales: So, Eric, I understand that you had in your in your history some issues with alcohol and other substances could you talk about that for a bit?

Eric Zimmer: Sure. At the age of 24, I was essentially a homeless heroin addict. I was really sick. I had hepatitis C, I weighed about 100 pounds. I had a lot of potential jail time staring me in the face. And so, at the age of 24, I got sober, recovered from heroin. I stayed sober about eight years and then I drank again for a few years and now I’ve been back sober again for about 13 years, so I’ve got sort of two distinct stories of getting sober.

Gabe Howard: And you also struggled with depression, if I’m not mistaken.

Eric Zimmer: Yeah. And you know I never know whether to say I still struggle with it or not. I don’t really know. It is not the prominent factor of my life like it was for a long time. But you know it’s still sort of there. I think I manage it way way better than I did and it’s far less of a heavy thing in my life. But I think it’s still something that I work with. It’s a feature of my inner landscape.

Gabe Howard: This is a constant discussion in mental health circles. You know I live with bipolar disorder and I say I’m in recovery from bipolar disorder, but I still have bipolar disorder, I still have to manage it. I still spend some part of my day worried about it. So am I in recovery with? Am I in from? Some people are like well there’s no cure or so recovery is the wrong word.

Eric Zimmer: Yeah.

Gabe Howard: It is a difficult thing to try to manage because you don’t want to wander around and tell everybody that you’re depressed because then people might try to render care or aid and you’re just trying to live your life. But by the same token you don’t want to tell people that you’re fine because this is something that you… it’s impacted your life in many ways.

Eric Zimmer: Yeah you know I think for me with the show, you know I’m talking about these kind of topics all the time and I’m pretty open about it on the show and in other shows I go on to just because there’s lots of people out there that also struggle with it and and wrestle with it. And yeah I agree with you. I don’t know, like I said, I don’t know whether it’s am I recovered, am I in recovery, is it gone? And what’s remainder is sort of a natural melancholy temperament. I don’t know any of those answers. But I do know that the things that I’ve done to treat depression, most of them are things that I continue to do today, because they seem to keep depression at bay and they’re just kind of all around good for my mood state.

Gabe Howard: It is a common discussion that people have. Where does mental illness end and my personality begin? When is it a mental health issue versus a mental illness? When is it just an emotion? When is it… you know it’s why podcasts like ours can really exist, because there’s a lot of discussion and varying opinions on the subject. So thank you for lending your voice to the landscape. It’s very much important.

Eric Zimmer: You’re welcome.

Vincent M. Wales: So now Eric, how did your history with alcohol and drugs… how did that lead to what you do today? How did it impact your life and what was the process there?

Eric Zimmer: So like I said originally, I got sober at 24, stayed sober about eight years, got sober again, and I think that in my case, recovery from addiction and alcoholism took sort of a wholesale change in the way I viewed the world and how I moved in it. And it made me take my internal state much more seriously and really pay attention to what’s happening there and then also you know look at how am I interacting with others and connecting with others. And so I’ve kind of always had that. And that drove an interest in me in all things mental health related, spirituality related. And so that was kind of always there. And then about five years ago, five and a half years ago at this point, I had a solar energy company that I eventually just decided I didn’t… I was going to shut it down. And so I shut it down and I was doing some consulting work and I was just kind of bored. You know I didn’t really have like a thing that was, that I was really into and passionate about and love. And so the idea to do this podcast just kind of hit me. And it’s turned out to be wonderful. I started it for a couple reasons. Like I said, I started it because I was bored. I also started it because what I realized was that my mind, when it’s left to its own devices, heads towards less than optimal places. And so I wanted to sort of feed the good wolf in my own life. And I thought you know what if I interview people every week and then I read their book to prepare for the interview like I’ll be immersed in and swimming in these ideas, these concepts,these topics, and it’ll help me just overall do better. And that turned out to be totally true. And my best friend was an audio engineer and I thought that by doing it I get to spend more time with him, which turned out to be very true.

Vincent M. Wales: Well that’s convenient.

Gabe Howard: That is really cool. And you know it’s not unlike it’s not unlike the story of the Psych Central Show. On our hundredth episode, we sort of talked about how this show came to be and there’s a lot of similarities there. I ran my mouth. Next thing you know I thought hey I can spend more time with my good friend, which is Vin. And here we are. And we’re glad that we did because we definitely need to stay out of trouble for sure.

Eric Zimmer: I agree. I understand that that motivation.

Gabe Howard: We’re going to step away for 30 seconds to hear from our sponsor. We’ll be right back.

Narrator 2: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.com, secure, convenient and affordable online counselling. All counselors are licensed, accredited professionals. Anything you share is confidential. Schedule secure video or phone sessions, plus chat and text with your therapist whenever you feel it’s needed. A month of online therapy often costs less than a single traditional face-to-face session. Go to BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral and experience seven days of free therapy to see if online counselling is right for you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral.

Vincent M. Wales: Welcome back everyone. We’re here with Eric Zimmer talking about making lasting change in our lives. So Eric, tell us about how this became your coaching work. You say it’s a behavior coach. Is that correct?

Eric Zimmer: Yeah, you know it started a couple years into the podcast and I started having listeners ask me if I ever did any one-on-one work with people. And I originally you know I initially said no I don’t. You know it’s not really something I’ve done. But I kept getting people asking me and I thought you know what? Let me give this a try. Let me see what it’s like to coach people. And you know about partway through the first call, it hit me that I had done this hundreds of times in recovery by being the sponsor to people. You know I had done that over and over and over and so I really realized it was something that I really felt like I knew how to do. And by behavior coach, what I generally mean by that is that it’s very difficult to… We all know you can’t just change your emotion, you can’t just grab your emotion and move it where you want it to be. And we can certainly work with thoughts, but some thoughts are what they are. But the thing that we seem to have the most control over is our behavior. You know there’s an old line I heard early in my recovery time, which is, sometimes you can’t think your way into right action. You’ve got to act your way in the right thinking. And so I would say that that line sort of underlies the whole idea of behavior coaching, that there are behaviors that we can do. There are activities that we can do that move us in the direction of our goals and our dreams. And also, there are behaviors and actions we can do that help our emotional and mental states of mind also. So that’s really where I focus is on what what behaviors are we going to change and how do we change them? I think we all have some idea like, well you know what? I know exercise is good for my mental and emotional health and I hear that eating right is good and meditation might be good. But a lot of us struggle to make any kind of lasting change with those things or to really stick with them. So that’s a lot of what I focus on with people is how do you make the change in your life you want to make? From things like I just described exercise or eating right to people who are trying to finish a dissertation or I’ve helped people finish novels or people who are trying to start businesses. If there’s a behavior, if there’s something you want to change, that’s kind of what I think I’m an expert at.

Vincent M. Wales: Now a lot of us have experience with making changes, but just not being able to keep at it. You know this is… we’re recording this in late January so recently it was all, you know, New Year’s resolution times, right? People are going to make their insistence on eating better and exercising and yet, come March, they’re not doing it. So what is a way that we can make the change going over the long term?

Eric Zimmer: So one of the things that happens to a lot of us is we we have this narrative in our head that says you know what? I’m the kind of person that just can’t stick with anything or I’m the kind of person who can never finish anything. So we start to make a change and it’s going along well. And then like I mentioned something knocks this off track, our kids get sick, our dog needs to go to the vet, we get sick, and then all of a sudden that voice in our head starts to say again to us, see? I knew you couldn’t stick with it, I knew you wouldn’t stick with it. And then that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. So a lot of it is about really learning how to get back on track quickly. Some of it is learning how to adjust as your life changes. So you might have a routine that’s going really well, but you start traveling for work. So how do you keep the routine going while you travel for work, or you enter a busy season at work or it’s summer and the kids are out of school. It’s about being able to sort of adjust to what you’re doing, how much you’re doing, when you’re doing it, how you’re doing it. All of that to kind of adjust as life changes, because the same routine usually won’t work for people forever and ever and ever. It needs to be adjustable. But what happens is that when life starts to move around in ways we don’t expect, we get off track and we tend to give up. So that’s one really big one is to just get back on track as soon as possible. There’s another one that’s really important that I sort of call… the analogy I make is like don’t kill the plant, right? So if you think of your habit as like a plant, there are times that when you’re at home you can water the plant and you can take good care of it and you talk to it if that’s your thing, right? But then inevitably something happens. You go out of town for a week. When you go out of town for a week, all you’re really after you might ask your mom to come by and water the plant once a week. You just don’t want to kill the plant. And sometimes habits are this way. If you get a really busy week, what we want to do is not kill the habit. So if your routine is to go the gym every day for an hour, but the week just is really really busy, you’re better off to go to the gym every day for 10 minutes. You know reduce the scope, stick to the schedule is what well-known habits person says, because that keeps the habit alive. And that’s really the key is how do you just keep the habit alive so that when circumstances are better you can kind of get back to the full version of the habit? So those are just some of the ways to get through when things change a lot and how to really make a habit stick long term.

Gabe Howard: I really like all of that. I can relate to a lot of it even in my own life and in my own recovery and you know from personal goals to business goals, that all resonates and makes a lot of sense. So I’m about to throw a wrench in it and ask what happens when somebody like me gets off track? Because I know I’m going to get off track. So what are the strategies to get back on track?

Eric Zimmer: I think that the most important is just to almost expect that that’s going to happen. Right? Because if you expect that getting off track is part of the process, if you recognize that that’s going to happen to most everybody at some point or other, then it’s a lot easier to get back on track because you don’t assign a whole lot of moral judgment to it. You don’t think it says something about you. You don’t do what I said just a minute ago, which is you start telling yourself, see I knew I couldn’t do it. You just know like, oh yeah that happens sometimes. I’m going to get back on. The other thing you can do that can be really helpful is if you get off track, is it’s often important to start the habit smaller than it was. So let’s take exercise as an example. Maybe you’re used to exercising for an hour a day, right? And you get off track for a couple of weeks or you get off track even for a month. A lot of times we try and pick right back up where we were and often that is too difficult. And so a lot of times what can be helpful is to start doing something that’s a little bit easier. A smaller version of it and build up to it. And that’s often one of the key ways to start a good habit is start smaller than you think you need to do. Find something that you could do every day and succeed at to build a habit. And so the same thing can happen if you get off track. Often it’s helpful to sort of step back a little bit. So I like to meditate you know 20 to 40 minutes a day, but there have been some times over the last couple of years where I’ll get off track and I’ll miss some days of meditation and what I’ll find is that all of a sudden jumping back up to 40 minutes feels like a lot. So I’ll give myself permission to start back over at 10 minutes a day and build my way back up. So that can be a way to get back on track when it feels really hard to get started again.

Vincent M. Wales: So what if you’ve been off track for say, I dunno, 20 years? How small can I start?

Eric Zimmer: [laughs] Joking aside, as absolutely small as you need to. So let’s… I’ll use meditation again, right? I have been an on again off again meditator since I was 18 years old. That was a long time ago, right? And so I would try and meditate for 30 minutes a day. I pick up a book and it’d say you should meditate for 30 minutes a day. So I would try and meditate for 30 minutes a day. And in my particular case, sitting down to meditate is kind of like inviting the circus to come to town and 30 minutes was too long. It was too hard. So I would manage to gut it out for a few days or a few weeks, but eventually I would stop. And so finally about five years ago, I decided that I was going to meditate for three minutes a day, but I was going to do it every single day. That was the tradeoff. I’m not going to try and do 30 minutes; I’m going to do three, but I’m going to do it every day. And from there, I was able to build to four to five… you know finally up to 20, 30, 40 minutes by slowly slowly building up, but in the beginning you look at three minutes you go, that’s ridiculous. Nobody is going to get any benefit out of three minutes of meditation or you know if you’re trying to get in good shape you know say, well I’m not going to get any benefit out of taking a walk around the block. But what you’re doing is you’re building the habit, you’re beginning to put that structure in place you’re beginning to feel better about yourself and you’re beginning to build some momentum. So seriously, no amount is too small. When I work with a client, if they’re struggling, like if we if we try and build a habit and it’s not taking, we will just keep trying a smaller and smaller amount until they are able to do it. Consistently and frequently. And then we’ll build from there. If we go too far, too fast, it’s often difficult to do. And there’s a really good reason for all this. There’s actual a behavioral model out there that a Stanford professor B.J. Fogg developed, and I’m not going to go into it, but it lays it out in sort of a graphic where you can see very clearly why that principle works.

Gabe Howard: Eric, I like that you use conventional wisdom, facts, and just support in order to help people get to where they’re going. You know, so many people want to focus you know just on the goal or just on the science or just on the hugging and while all of those things are important, they often you know, we kind of need to put them all together. I mean I need somebody to tell me what to do just as much as I need somebody to tell me how I can do it when it comes to certain things in our lives and I think that’s one of the things that has made you a successful coach and no doubt why people listen to your podcast.

Eric Zimmer: Yeah I think you’re absolutely right. I love when I start to see modern science back up something that comes from you know more of an ancient tradition and you sort of see both those things agreeing. I always feel like that’s like… I like that because it’s so he gives me reinforcement from two sources. And I also agree with you, I think that all of us are told over and over and over and over what we need to do, but a lot of the problem is in actually doing it.

Vincent M. Wales: Yes indeed.

Gabe Howard: Hear hear. So Eric, please plug your podcast one more time. I am assuming that it can be found on every single podcast player imaginable, but does it have a web site?

Eric Zimmer: It does. The podcast is called The One You Feed. So like you said, search any podcast player or oneyoufeed.net.

Vincent M. Wales: Eric, thanks for being on the show. This was very informative and we really appreciate you taking the time to be with us.

Eric Zimmer: Thank you so much for having me on. I really enjoy talking with both of you.

Gabe Howard: You’re very welcome and Vin, I think I know what you might be getting for your birthday. Eric sells gift certificates.

Vincent M. Wales: Ahhhh…

Gabe Howard: Thank you Eric for being here and thank you everyone for tuning in. And remember you can get one week of free, convenient, affordable, private, online counselling anytime, anywhere by visiting betterhelp.com/psychcentral. We’ll see everybody next week.

Narrator 1: Thank you for listening to the Psych Central Show. Please rate, review, and subscribe on iTunes or wherever you found this podcast. We encourage you to share our show on social media and with friends and family. Previous episodes can be found at PsychCentral.com/show. PsychCentral.com is the internet’s oldest and largest independent mental health website. Psych Central is overseen by Dr. John Grohol, a mental health expert and one of the pioneering leaders in online mental health. Our host, Gabe Howard, is an award-winning writer and speaker who travels nationally. You can find more information on Gabe at GabeHoward.com. Our co-host, Vincent M. Wales, is a trained suicide prevention crisis counselor and author of several award-winning speculative fiction novels. You can learn more about Vincent at VincentMWales.com. If you have feedback about the show, please email [email protected].

About The Psych Central Show Podcast Hosts

Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar and anxiety disorders. He is also one of the co-hosts of the popular show, A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. As a speaker, he travels nationally and is available to make your event stand out. To work with Gabe, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.

Vincent M. Wales is a former suicide prevention counselor who lives with persistent depressive disorder. He is also the author of several award-winning novels and creator of the costumed hero, Dynamistress. Visit his websites at www.vincentmwales.com and www.dynamistress.com.

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