#my mom was sad? upset? and talking about giving back our animals and filling in the pool and its just like

[falling-mist]

Somedays Im like im not that well adjusted but other times im like ok i actually am

[heliotropehotch]

as it was - a.h. x fem!reader

Request by @greenprisca​: Hi can I request a Hotch x reader fic! The reader is always there for hotch and jack (took care of them even when Haley was alive), but they both snap at her. Telling her she’s not Haley/his mom. (Y/N) takes a break from them and goes out with a brother or family member that’s a single parent, and the boys see it wrong.

a/n: i contacted tumblr a couple of days ago about my tag issues but i haven’t heard back. boosting this fic, if you like it, could really help tumblr fix whatever issue it’s having with my accounts. its very frustrating, and is making me not wanna post right now, so i might take a bit of time off while i wait for this issue to fix, and while i wait for more requests! ilysm thank you for your support!

Masterlist

author: abby <3

words: 1667

warning: fighting, yelling, mention of past character death

It shouldn’t have happened the way it did. 

The collapse of a perfect world was triggered by a caring act. The end of a long day, the whisper of words turned to shouts, love turned into regret. 

Aaron Hotchner had come back to his home late that night, the smell of dinner flooding through to his nostrils. He smiled, a gesture he missed when he was away on case. He called for Y/N, a presence he had hoped to see. Instead of the giggles of his son and her that usually met his eyes, he was met with quiet, so he headed to his son’s room.

She was moving to close Jack’s bedroom door, having just gotten him to sleep. Her eyes were tired, holding a sadness he had not seen in a long time. He quirked his eyebrow, moving to speak. She shook her head, a finger going to her mouth as she motioned him into the living room.

“How was your day, hun?” she sighed, stirring the pot of food she had made. 

“It was work,” he took his suit jacket off, draping it over a chair before hugging her body from behind. “Did something happen today?”

“I think you’ll need to talk to Jack tomorrow. He yelled at me tonight,” she said sadly, head swimming with thoughts.

“He did what?” he asked concerned, he hadn’t seen his son angry before. 

“I was just trying to put him to bed, but I guess he was having a hard time,” she spoke, recalling the hour before. “So I started humming that song Haley used to sing to get him to sleep, Hey Jude.”

“What?” His body tensed around hers as she continued speaking. 

“I don’t know.” She remained oblivious to his actions. “I thought it would help, but he just got more upset. He shouted saying I wasn’t his mom and started crying. I just held him until he fell asleep.” 

He retracted his arms from around her, hands curling into fists. “You’re not.”

She paused her movements to the dining room to set out plates for the both of them. She asked confused, “What?”

“You’re not his mom,” Aaron’s voice rang stern, anger boiling behind his steely eyes. “You’re not Haley. 

Y/N took a step back, scared of the tone, the implication of the words not said pushing against his lips. “Aaron,” her voice was confused, hurt. “I know that.”

“Then stop trying to act like you are.” He pulled his tie off, chucking it across the couch. “What made you think it was a good idea to do that? Stop trying to be more than what you are.”

“And what exactly am I?” Her voice became louder, not caring about the way it echoed through the hall. 

“A distraction,” he bit out, jaw clenched. “Nothing more than a sound to fill the silence.”

She huffed out a teary, dark chuckle, looking away from the man she’d give up everything for. She grabbed her things, keys jingling as her adrenaline began to wear. “Well, thank you, Hotch,” she bit out, a sarcastic smile on her face. “For having the decency to let me know now. Dinner’s on the fucking stove.”

The silence that was there before her hung in the air as he watched her shut the door, as she watched her leave.

The next morning, Jack Hotchner woke up rubbing sleep out of his eyes, clutching a stuffed animal Y/N had given him for his birthday. He frowned as he saw his father making breakfast in the kitchen.

“Daddy?” he pressed the fuzzy elephant to his chest. “Where’s Y/N?”

Aaron sighed at his son’s confused voice, setting the spatula he was using for pancakes down. He tried to mask his own emotions with the excitement of seeing his son. “Good morning, Buddy! Y/N went home for a bit, she had some other things to do.”

“But I thought this was her home.” Jack’s small little eyebrows furrowed with more confusion. 

“It is,” Hotch knelt down to get on his son’s level. “She just needed some alone time, bud.”

Jack’s eyes began to well up, striking his father’s heart. “Is it my fault?”

Aaron felt his stomach drop with guilt. “Of course not Jack.”

“But I yelled at her.” His lip quivered. “I said she wasn’t mommy.”

“I know buddy-”

“But I don’t care!” Jack was sobbing into his dad’s shoulder now. “I love Y/N, daddy.”

Aaron pressed his distressed son into his chest, shushing his cries against his casual shirt. His own heart ached with regret and words he wanted to take back. He admitted the words he had yet to say, as if to give himself some comfort. “I love her too, Jack. She’ll be back soon, I promise.”

After Jack had calmed down, Hotch decided to spend his day off trying to ease both of their minds. He took Jack to the zoo, carefully avoiding the elephants, and spent what felt like hours staring at the waddling penguins. Jack insisted on getting Y/N an apology stuffed penguin. Then he promised a trip to the park with what Jack called the ‘cool jungle gym.’ 

Jack ran towards the swings as Hotch reclined back into one of the park benches. He smiled to himself momentarily, as he watched his once sad son giggle with the other kids. His grin fell though, as he realized she should be enjoying the day with them. 

He wasn’t sure if Y/N would wait for him, and he honestly didn’t blame her if she didn’t. He had put her through so much, after having cared for both him and Jack when Haley died, and long before she passed as well. He loved Y/N but she couldn’t be blamed for being hurt at the things he had said, and would never mean. 

His eyes glazed over the park, letting out a solemn sigh at the peacefulness that contrasted the interior of his heart. And then he saw her.

Her arms were wrapped around a man, one Hotch hadn’t remembered seeing before, although it felt familiar. Around her own legs, a boy, about Jack’s age, had clung himself to Y/N’s knees, looking up pleadingly. The sweet smile he thought was reserved for his family had worked its way across her face. He almost missed his own son bounding up to where he had planted himself on the bench. 

“Daddy?” Jack called out. “What are you looking at?”

“Hmm?” Hotch said distractingly.

“Who are those people with Y/N? Doesn’t she wanna hang out with us?” Aaron was too preoccupied, watching Y/N pressed a kiss to the man’s cheek. 

“Can I go say hi to her?” he pleaded, tugging on his dad’s hand. 

“Not now, Jack,” he sighed, pulling his now pouting son into his lap. “I think she might be busy, bud.”

Days had passed, without a word from Y/N. Aaron had picked up the phone hundreds of times at that point, wanting to say anything to bring her back into their lives. He had been relying on Jess for help taking care of Jack when he was at work, and had therefore endured a lecture he knew he deserved. 

He got in his car to drive home, sighing at the empty passenger seat next to him. His eyes landed on the stuffed penguin he had bought to please Jack. He sighed once more, knowing he had to do something. 

The front door of Y/N’s apartment was daunting, unfamiliar. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been to her place before, but Jack was right when he said their place was her home. She had basically moved in with them, so the varnish that covered the wooden door only seemed threatening of the barrier he had been putting up. He raised his fist, and knocked on the door. 

Her eyes widened at the distraught man in front of her, promptly turning into a frown with the recognition of Hotch. She moved to close the door again. 

“Y/N, please,” he begged, stoic expression long gone. “I’m sorry.”

“Aaron-”

“I don’t expect you to forgive me. I hurt you, I know that. But I didn’t mean it.” She stood still, allowing him to speak, and he took a step closer to her, reaching for her hand. “I love you, Y/N. You were never a distraction, only a relief. There’s so much I couldn’t have done with you by our side. We both know you’re not Haley, but I like you better as you are, as someone who cares for my kid like her own, as someone who cares for me when I forget to do it myself.” 

Her hiccups of tears flooded the silence that came when he paused, his hand moving up to her cheek. “If I could take it all back, before I said those words, I would in an instant. Just as it was, just as you were. I just hope you still hold your love for me after what I’ve done.”

Her arms wrapped around his neck, pressing his nose into her neck as he breathed her in. She sighed, relieved to have one of the Hotchner’s back in her arms. “I love you, Aaron, even when you decide to act like a dick.”

He chuckled against her, squeezing her body against his before pulling back. Brushing away her tears again, he kissed her forehead, making a promise to himself that he wouldn’t let her go again. Her giggle, brought him out of his soft trance.

“Did you bring me a penguin?”

He smiled sheepishly, pressing the stuffed animal into her palm. “Jack got it as an apology gift to you.”

She pressed it against her chest, clutching it the same way his son had days before. “That’s one sweet kid you’ve got there.”’

“One who desperately wants to see you,” he chuckled again.

“Well,” she said, grabbing her purse and keys. “Let’s go home then.”

[sadachmesarthim]

towers for your honeycomb chap 2: more meany pants tony

part one

content: tony’s being a dick again, mention of Peter’s Family Problems, confined spaces, smoking, @carelessannie​ is a character and Has A Boyfriend That Is a Real Person I Know, tony calls peter a turtle, crying

word count: 1.5k  //   square filled: locked in a closet!

song for this chapter here -> that’s not a good excuse - eli. 

It was late, it was cold... mid-December nights were usually slow, but not no-car-in-sight-for-hours slow. Peter didn't handle any of those well on their own, but all three?

Working with Tony the entire time didn't do much to help, either.

They'd clocked on together, they'd be clocking off together - it was his worst nightmare. There wasn't anything to do, either - they'd already finished half of the closing list and every single chore. Annie had FaceTimed her boyfriend after finishing her chem homework - hell - the girls'd made a snowman outside the front of the stand, for fuck's sake!

Time was barely crawling. It made Peter irritable - apparently, it made Tony irritable, too.

⁘|||⁘

Annie hung up her FaceTime call with Sebastian, excited at the prospect of food. She turned, ready to take orders from the three that were now in front of her. "Okay - Panda Express - what is he bringing us?"

Courtney piped up first. "I'll just do another of what you're doing, A." She went back to her phone, more interested in her boy of the week than the rest of the conversation.

Annie typed it into her texts, looking back toward the boys. "You two - what is he getting you?" Tony spoke next. "I'll do the same thing. I'm easy." Peter scoffed a bit at that, covering it poorly with a cough. Annie shot him a look. Don't start shit. 

"Peter, anything?" She knew him too well to ask. "Nah babe, I'm gonna eat at home."

That suddenly got Tony's attention. "What, you're not eating? We still have two hours left, and you look like you're about to fall over." Perfect Parker timing, his stomach growled - audibly enough to justify Tony's comment.

Peter shoved past him, making his way toward the back. He didn't want to engage - he wanted to- to- to text Resa, pour himself into some chores, maybe dive into a snowdrift - literally anything but continue the conversation.

Tony on the other hand... he didn't know when to stop. "What's your deal, Parker? The man is bringing us food, on his own dime. You really gonna be rude enough to refuse?"

Peter closed his eyes, trying to steady his breathing. "It doesn't matter what my deal is, Tony - maybe I just don't like Panda. Maybe I don't want something that heavy on my stomach. Maybe my mom has food waiting for me at home. You don't know shit - so why don't you just leave it alone?" Mmm a bit harsh, Parker, take it down a notch.

Tony scoffed. "We both know you don’t have anything waiting for you, anywhere, Parker. Quit talkin' big and just accept the generosity."

Both Courtney and Annie gasped at that one. It was common knowledge around the stand that Peter's home life was off-limits. Hell, everyone's was - leave your shit at the door applied to everyone else's shit too. Apparently, Tony didn't get the memo.

"Okay, nope. I'm not listening to this conversation. Both of you, fridge!" Courtney - taller and stronger than both of them - grabbed the boys, practically tossing them into the walk-in. The door slammed behind them, something jamming it from the outside.

Her voice was muffled, but they both understood - they weren't getting out until they figured this out. They'd been fighting off and on for months, and it was causing serious issues in the stand. The girls were uncomfortable - sure, it was fine if they were separated during shifts, but that couldn't go on forever.

This just happened to be everyone’s final straw.

Peter pressed his forehead into the door, not wanting to face the other man. This wasn't exactly how he'd planned on spending his evening - and now that he found himself here, he was going to do everything he could to avoid avoid avoid any further confrontation. 

His mouth hadn’t caught the memo. 

“That’s two.” Shut the fuck up. 

He couldn’t see them, but he could practically hear Tony’s eyebrows hit his hairline. “Two what?” He was still seated, from what Peter could tell. At least he wasn’t about to get his ass beat.

“Two apologies you owe me. Me and the girls. For being rude, and talking shit in the stand.” God damn it Peter, shut your mouth!

Tony scoffed. “You’re still on about that? Come on, Parker, can’t you just let it go?” 

He tried. Peter tried really, really hard to hold himself back, he did. But it just... it wasn’t like him, to take shit like this. To allow someone like- like- like Tony Stark to make his life a living hell. Mob connections be damned, he wasn’t going to take it anymore. It was exhausting, and Peter was tired of coming to work every day dreading his shift. 

He got up, turning to face Tony. He might’ve been shorter than him normally, but with Tony sat on the foot-tall milk crate, there was quite a difference. It was childish, but it made him feel like he had the upper hand. 

“You- you- you can’t keep pushing me around like this, Tony. You’ve been a dick to me for months, and I’m sick of it. All I wanted was one stupid, little apology, and you can’t even give me that! 

“I left you alone! I tried to make our shifts together easy, I stayed out of your way! I begged Courtney to never schedule us or rotate us together. Do you know how difficult that is?? Especially in a stand this size, Tony, it’s nearly impossible.” He was near tears at this point, voice close to breaking. 

“And then you have the audacity to come here, in my stand, and talk about my- my family - which was not fucking okay, by the way. It just- it’s so cruel, Tony! I’m done!

“I tried to be nice, I really did. But you make it so fucking difficult. So forgive me for not being able to just let it go.” 

⁘|||⁘

Peter was always an ugly crier. Snotty, red eyes, uncontrollable shaking. 

He was also an angry crier. The two tended not to mesh well. 

It didn’t help that people tended to not take him seriously anyway. He was small, entirely not intimidating. Couldn’t hurt a fly. The second you get him even remotely upset, and he bursts into tears? 

He wasn’t expecting sympathy from Tony. 

⁘|||⁘

He was done sobbing by this point, but the damage was done. 

He’d thoroughly embarassed himself in front of the man he’d just... just demanded so much from. It wasn’t his lowest moment, but it was close. Nice going, P.

Peter was convinced he couldn’t be locked in the fridge with anyone wor-

There was a hand on his shoulder. 

His head shot up, grabbing Tony by the wrist. “Don’t touch me!” It came out louder than he’d intended, and the look of fear written on Tony’s face did make him feel a bit bad. Peter hadn’t let go. “Just- don’t- just ask first, fuck.” 

He released his grip, turning to dig his head back into his arms. He’d tucked himself into the far corner, drawing his knees up around him so he could get as far from the door as possible. He wanted to sink himself straight into the floor, mesh with the concrete, never show his face at work again - 

But there Tony was, looking down at him like he was a startled puppy. 

He plopped himself down next to Peter, facing in toward the center of the fridge. He tilted his head, making contact with Peter’s left knee. “Would you look at me?” Gentle.

Peter sniffled, trying to clear his nose. He knew he wasn’t the most presentable right now - wet spots soaking both of his sleeves, nose probably bright & cherry-tinged. He shifted, just barely peeking past his forearms. 

“There we go.” Peter sniffled again. 

Tony looked like there was a war going on inside him. Peter’d never spent this long looking at him - certainly never this long at his eyes. There was so much to them, so much hurt and understanding he’d never seen before. So much he recognized.

Tony was drawing circles into his shin, now, steady movement bringing him back to the present. “Come on, little turtle, come outta that shell for me.” 

Peter’s eyebrows drew together. “’m not a turtle.” 

Tony laughed. “What, then? Hermit crab? Clownfish? What else hides when it’s upset?” It was a sad attempt at breaking the tension, and he knew it. 

Peter wasn’t phased by it, either. His glare stuck. 

“Okay, fine. I’m sorry. No animal nicknames. I got it.” He smiled as his hands came away from Peter’s body, pulling up in a defensive position. “Plain ‘ole human insults, then, promise.” 

Peter let out a huff. “How hard was that?” 

“Was what?” 

“You said sorry.” Oh. 

“I... I guess I did.” Tony’s hands came down. He pushed himself to his feet, crossing toward the door. “Consider it an accident.” His entire demeanor had shifted - he was back to his normal, standoff-ish self. 

Whoever Peter’d spent the last couple of minutes with was gone. 

“N- Tony I-” 

“Forget it, Peter. Seriously.” He pushed at the handle of the fridge door, thankful it was free to open. He bypassed the girls, grabbing the rest of his shit and tearing out the door. The cigarette barely lit with how fast he made the trek to his truck, lighter burning the side of his thumb. 

When did he get so soft? 

Fuck.

tag list: @longlivestarker​ @bluestarker​ xoxo​

[claybefree]

Seeing as it's the twentieth anniversary, I guess I should post this again

September Third, Two Thousand and Nine

For years whenever anyone asked me when my son Henry was born I’d start to say September instead of August 25, 2001. Sunday he had his eighth birthday party at his mother’s house, and I stayed here. Most of his mother’s friends don’t care for me much. The feeling is mutual. Tonight coming home from work I started stitching what I’m about to write together in my mind and suddenly got very afraid. I thought for a moment that I was about to go get drunk, which might very likely be death for somebody like me. I was sure I was going to change direction of the truck, that I’d drive the same route I always did back then, that I would stand by the register and stare at the bottle in my hand without really knowing I where I was. I think it has to do with the weather finally changing and perhaps that Henry’s mom and I are no longer together. I sat on the porch of my little house and called a friend and told him all this. He listened and after a while I felt better, which is exactly how these things should go. When we decided we were done he told me I should go in and write all this down.

I worked on through that whole day. Most everybody else on the job had stopped and listened to each of the radios on the different floors or cried. The asshole Turks I was framing a bathroom for wouldn’t let me quit. They had tile to run. I found it made me feel better to keep going anyway. The laborers cussed me when I asked them to move so that I could use the table saw, a natural gathering spot on any job. They seemed to think I was calloused or hard-hearted and it was because I was from Tennessee. It just now occurred to me that maybe they were right.

That afternoon, when it was determined safe to walk across the bridges, most of the job, the other carpenters and trades-people, wandered home to Brooklyn or Queens. Me and the two left to close everything up had it different as we lived in Jersey. Anthony, the boss, was big and red-haired, red faced and lived in Hoboken. Duane was in charge of demolition and waste, was a little shorter and darker, and lived in Secaucus or maybe somewhere west of that I think. They squared off on each other frequently. It always reminded me of two walruses going at it on a beach.

Whenever we went out to the bar afterwards Anthony would have a Bud tall boy in each hand at all times, the waitress would come up with four for him whenever we sat down. On the job we liked to yell at each other, I once told him I was doing him a favor by giving him such an easy target, and he never missed an occasion to oblige me. Duane was a single dad, dark haired with deep sunken yet kind eyes that always seemed to have bags under them. One of the black laborers told him once he was the most Uncle Fester looking motherfucker he had ever seen. I tended to agree.

We locked the job up at four I think, humped it across the park through the smoke to the A-train. There was smoke forming a mist around the trees of central park that day. There were no flower children loitering at Yoko’s “Imagine” monument to barge through. Our thinking was to get downtown to the Path train. We had no idea that two of the stations had been destroyed. It didn’t matter, we were underground fifteen minutes before Anthony vetoed the idea. People were running wild through the stations, on the trains, everything was panic and Oh Fuck and Anthony had no intention of being underground. He had a funny look on his face that I couldn’t figure out. It wouldn't occur to me until later that the big man was very afraid.

In the years since I have always wondered why people have reacted so strongly from that day. Later we would go to war because of a something that happened one day in New York City and this has always seemed really strange to me. I guess what I mean is that I was there and never wanted to kill anybody because of it. Most of the time I just thought it was very strange and sad and mostly just very interesting. I only remember ever crying about it twice. The first time was a few months afterward, I had quit Anthony to stay home with Henry. Part of our routine was to watch Sesame Street. One day in the winter there was a skit where Elmo got very scared because of some smoke and noise that was never identified. I suppose in this case it was a nameless fear. A New York City fireman came on screen and hugged him, told him it was okay to be scared, Elmo, and that everything would be alright. I remember little red furry Elmo hugged the fireman tight. I held Henry in my lap and cried into his fine blonde hair.

It was the fireman that did it. I still get upset when I think about the firemen. I have had a lot of trouble with cops in different times in my life, but I never had a problem with any fireman I ever encountered, drunk or otherwise. They seem to me to be a different animal entirely.

Anthony, Duane and me ran into two firemen on the deck of the cruise boat that carried us across to Weehawken. They came in and collapsed on the painted metal floor, shedding boots and letting their helmets roll away. Some people applauded weakly, others asked questions, they just stared at us and said nothing. It didn’t occur to me until much later they were probably the only ones from their station who lived. Other men that for years they worked with, ate and fought with, got drunk with were dead. There was a bar I frequented in Jersey City a few blocks from our house where a couple of weeks later I saw three firemen in dress uniforms. One was between his partner on a stool and the third who was older and may have been a captain. The captain was clearly upset, swaggering and poking the other two in the chest. Everybody else was trying hard not to pay attention to what seemed about to develop into a fight. I think later I saw the old man leaning against the bar and weeping openly, he must have been sixty at least.

I got drunk in this bar Sept. 10th while my wife and kid slept back home. She’d start nursing and pass out with him and I’d head out to roam. The thing I liked about this place was the Sinatra on the jukebox, so that night I loaded it up and sat at the bar listening. I think it was the first time I’d ever heard “Summer Wind.” The tattooed brunette tending bar must have thought it was cute because she serenaded me, singing along with a couple of the songs. There was another man with a mustache further down the line who was putting the blast on her and didn’t seem to like me much so I got the fuck out early. By “early” I mean I didn’t close the place.

I won’t tell you what we saw on the boat ride across the Hudson, you’ve seen it already. We unloaded at Weehawken and everyone, thousands of high end refugees really, started walking south towards Hoboken where we had been told there were buses waiting to take us home. I noticed that even wearing boots, the three of us walked faster than the others. We were construction workers living and working around Manhattan and we were very good at walking. I remember being comforted by walking with them. Hundreds of buses lined the streets of Hoboken and the three of us walked the length of that town. Anthony broke off about halfway to head home. A couple of weeks later I showed up having laid out drunk for two days and told him I had come for my tools. He looked at me and didn’t say a word. He mailed me my check. I haven’t seen the man since.

Duane and me trudged the rest of Hoboken together. I heard that not soon after I left he was let go to cut costs and that not long after that he got into a bad time with a prostitute on rt. 1 & 9. The smoke in Hoboken was thicker than in the city and the fumes from streets filled with idling buses finally got my hangover to officially kick in. I told Duane about how I’d had “Summer Wind” playing as background music in my head all day. He laughed and began singing the song, each line perfectly. We got through the crowd easily, after hours of walking together we had finally hit a stride together. We were marching, really. There was the giant blue sky of the day broken intermittently by smoke and there was the roar of diesel noise and Hoboken and Duane singing Summer Wind to me; some punk kid from Tennessee who had no business being there.

The only other incident I remember having to cry because of some assholes who decided to fly planes into tall buildings was coming across the Manhattan bridge one night after carrying my sister-in-law home to Park Slope. She would come over most nights to hang out with the baby, and around eleven or so and in various states of sobriety I’d be asked to drive her back home. I never hated the terrorists for invoking a War of Terror, I hated them for causing enough terror that it fucked the roads up. Shit got closed for what seemed no fucking reason whatsoever. One day coming back from the pediatrician’s office, Henry got stuck howling in his car seat for four hours because the Holland Tunnel was handling too much traffic and we were too afraid to take him out of it because of the cops everywhere. My sister-in-law and I spent a lot of time in the Saturn together on the nights I drove her home. I can’t remember what we talked about, probably everything. I haven't spoken to my sister-in-law since I moved out last summer.

This particular night the Brooklyn Bridge was only operating east-bound into Brooklyn so after I dropped her off I was diverted back across the Manhattan Bridge in order to get back into the city and eventually home. The Manhattan Bridge back then was still under renovation and I guess has always been the ugly, cross-eyed cousin of the Brooklyn Bridge. I got stuck on it, moving slower than shit, and staring at trash and old faded plywood encasing the little bit of wrought iron and Neo-Classical elements that were left up by the arch. Off to the left t seemed as though the entirety of Downtown was illuminated from the work lights that were set up down by Ground Zero. Downtown glowed with lights that were set up to look for people that weren’t there anymore. The DJ on WFMU that night was playing a super slowed down cover of the B-52’s Song for a Future Generation. If you’ve heard it, you’ve probably laughed, it’s a ridiculously chirpy pop song. I’ve always loved it. The lyrics go a little like this:

Wanna be the ruler of the galaxy

Wanna be the king of the universe

Let`s meet and have a baby now

In between each stanza, the different members give spoken-word tidbits of information about themselves. For example Ricky, the original guitarist, was a Pisces and “loved computers and hot tamales.“ Ricky also died from AIDS back in 1985 when people still had no idea what the disease was.

The version I heard that night had slowed the tempo to that of a blues song. The dip-shit ironic hipster that sang it reflected this. Stuck on the bridge it felt as though I was listening to a lament. What reduced me to tears, smoking Winstons in my little Saturn station wagon, was the feeling that whatever was left of innocence had recently been or was about to be brutally murdered by pig-face, ignorant men. Wanna be the first lady of infinity. Wanna be the nicest guy on earth. Let's meet and have a baby now.

[bbyboybrock--archived]

You’re Home (Colby Brock Imagine)

Summary: Sequel to To Pluto and Back. After months back home in Bar Harbor, Maine during quarantine, you have had enough of the being away from Colby. You spend the next few driving across the country just to go home to him.

Written: 2020

Word Count: 2,754

Warnings: A lot of fluff, swearing (minor)

Masterlist

“Call me every day while you’re on the road.” My mother says as she squeezes me tight.

“I will, I promise. I should be back in La in five days, a week if I decided to take in the sights while I’m driving. Are you sure you don’t need me to stay? I can cancel everything right now.” I place my hands on either side of my mom’s face.

“I’m positive. Your brother and sister are nearby if your dad and I need help. Besides, I don’t think I can take any more of you moping around the house. Go home to your boyfriend and friends.” My mom kisses my forehead and goes to stand on the porch so my dad and I can talk in private.

“Got everything you need? Your clothes, GPS, snacks, full tank of gas?” My dad asks with his arms crossed over his chest.

“I packed up my bedroom. I have the ice chest in my car, I’m going to get snacks, gas, and ice right now. Mom packed me to lunch and a few snacks. I have all of my chargers, my spare tires, my overnight bags for when I have to spend the night in a motel. My location is on for you, mom, and my friend in LA. My wallet, phone, and all my little necessities are in the front seat along with chargers. I have the number for a tow company just in case. I also have my mace and whistle. I’m going to be okay.”

“I’m just making sure. I’m your dad, I’m allowed to worry. Here, take this.” My dad hands me a folded up bill.

“Dad, I don’t need money. Keep it.” I try to push his hand away, but he’s insistent.

“Just take it to ease an old man’s heart.” I hesitantly take the money and put it in my pocket.

“Fine. I love you guys and I’ll call you when I’m home.” I wrap my arms around my dad and kiss his cheek. He gives me a soft, yet tight hug back and kisses the top of my head. He lets go and my mom joins him as I grab my filming camera off of the top of my trunk and hop into my car.

****

I’ve been down in the dumps since I sent Colby that care package. He sent me one back after and I filmed that video last week. I’ve been moping around the house since then with the new stuffed animal he gave me. I knew that going back home to Maine to help my parents out with the quarantine would be hard, but it’s taking longer than I thought and it’s been taking a serious toll on my mental health. I only came home because my brother and sister are older with their own families, I knew they would help out our parents when they could, but I knew that they needed me to help too. The three hour time difference doesn’t help either. I’m just so used to being with Colby since I moved in with him two years ago. Being away from him truly feels like I’m missing a part of myself. My mom finally saw how sad I was being away and basically kicked me out of the house. After a few days of thinking, I finally packed all of my stuff to head home.

“Hey, guys, Y/N here! Today, I’m taking you guys with me on a road trip. To make a long story short, I’m going home to LA to surprise Colby and finally move into the house. The only one who knows is Sam, who is helping me make sure Colby doesn’t do anything rash like fly over to surprise me. Because of the virus and all, I’m trying my best to limit my human contact. Unfortunately for me, that means taking a 50-hour road trip across the country by myself. But it’ll be worth it in the end. I’m at the gas station to fill up my tank and get some provisions for the next few hours. When I get back I’ll give you guys a little car tour!” I turn off my camera and grab my bag before heading into the convince store.

I only told Sam because I figured he could be the only one to keep Colby in line while I drove. He’s been talking about coming down to Maine to stay with me for a bit, and knowing him he would actually do it. I would have told Jake and Corey, but I feel like they would let it slip that I’m coming. I told Sam that he could tell them when I’m 5 minutes from the house. I’ve worked really hard planning this perfectly so that Colby won’t suspect a thing. I pre-filmed and edited this week’s YouTube video. I made a whole bunch of TikToks all over my parent’s house so I could post a few while I’m on the road and he would think I’m still there. I took a lot of selfies and boomerangs to post Instagram and to send to Colby. I even drafted tweets in case I got too tired to think of something after a long day of driving.

The only issue is when Colby wants to FaceTime; which is every day. I could probably get away with texting and calling him for the next few days. Despite the time difference, we like to fall asleep and wake up together. Well, I’m always asleep and awake first because of the time, but you get the point. We were THAT couple for the past four months.

I get some shots of me getting gas and filling the ice chest with snacks. This is going to be a long trip, but I made sure to only get a few snacks. I did get a lot of iced coffees just in case the gas station I stop at every morning doesn’t have the brand or flavor I like. You only make that mistake once.

“Okay guys, It’s 8:30 in the morning on a Monday, and in all honesty, my goal is to be in LA by Friday. Unless I drive for 5 days straight, that’s not going to happen. I think I’ll barely make it out of Maine today. Realistically, I probably won’t be home until next Monday, maybe even later. I do want you to know that I’m going to try to be safe and smart. All of my travel clothes are light and comfortable. I’m not going to be driving more than 8 hours a day. I’m going to get to the motels around 5 pm so I can get dinner and relax. I’m going to take a break every two hours to stretch my legs, eat, go to the bathroom, etc. I have compression socks to prevent blood clots. I have no real plans for this trip. Honestly, I don’t care how this goes. All I care about is getting home to Colby. I know that I’ve been talking about how depressed and lonely I’ve been without him, but I know that he feels the same way, maybe even worse. So I’m mainly doing this for him. And bub, if you’re watching this, I love you.” I close the camera again and turn on my GoPros to get some shots of my driving.

****

“Did you hear they might extend the quarantine again?” Colby says on the other line. I’m eating breakfast in my car. I spent the night in Denver. I have two more states to drive through before I’m finally in California. The trip is taking a bit longer than I anticipated. It’s Friday and I’m a quarter of the way home. I’ve already driven through ten states, but the fact that I have about three to four more days until I can be in Colby’s arms again is what’s keeping me going.

“I didn’t hear about that. I’ve been trying to spend less time on the internet lately. That sucks. That means we’re not going to be able to see each other until like next year or something.” I can’t help by smile. Sometimes when I lie I have the urge to laugh. I’m generally good at hiding it, but I keep thinking about the look I’m going to see on Colby’s face when I see him.

“Don’t say that. This is the longest we’ve been apart since we started hanging out. It’s already been killing me the past few months. Maybe I could come down to visit you for a few weeks.” He’s been saying that so often, I’m afraid he’s going to sneak out of the house to surprise me in Maine.

“I would love that, babe, but we talked about this. I don’t want to risk you getting sick. I know it’s hard, but we need to wait this out, I promise everything will change soon. Very soon. Oh shoot, I got to get my laundry before my mom gets upset. I’ll call you tonight. I love you.”

“I love you too, princess.” I hang up and just stare at my phone for a bit. A picture of Colby that I took before I left is my lock screen. I didn’t technically lie about the laundry. I brought only a few days worth of clothes and I needed to wash them. So I grabbed breakfast near a laundry mat so I could kill two birds with one stone. I’ve also been texting Sam to keep him updated. We still don’t know how I’m going to surprise Colby. We agreed to talk about it when I’m closer to California so we don’t jinx anything. He’s had to stop Colby from buying a plane ticket a couple of times. I’m so glad that I told him or else this whole trip would have been for nothing.

By the time I get to a motel every night, I get so anxious that I want to start driving again. The only thing keeping me sane is editing parts of the video and stopping at gift shops in every state I drive through to get souvenirs for everyone. I get something specific for Colby and me and then a bunch of cute $1 items for everyone else so they can choose what they want. Our friend group is too big for me to buy bigger things for each of my friends. I’ve already spent close to $300 on gas on this trip so far.

****

“Hey, is anyone near you?” I ask Sam as I pack my stuff back into my overnight bag.

“I’m in my room and everyone is either asleep or getting breakfast, what’s up?” I hear Sam moving in the background.

“I’m definitely going to be in Los Angles today. I have four and a half hours left, give or take, until I’m at the house. Are the plans for today set?” I double-check that I have everything before heading out to my car. I load my stuff into my car and head to the front desk to check out. I pay and return my key before finally heading back to my car.

“Yeah, I mean there isn’t much we can do. Thank God the shops are finally, open. I can distract Colby by going to the mall or something. Jake and Corey are going to be home to let you in and help you get your stuff. I’m going to see where Colby is and tell them right now. Hopefully, they don’t let anything slip.” I hear a door open in the background.

“Yeah, I would definitely kill them myself if they did. Anyway, I have to start driving. I’ll text you when I’m about halfway there and then call you when I get there. Keep me updated on your end please!” I start the car and plug in the address into my GPS app.

“Will do. Drive safe and talk to you later.” Sam hangs up the phone as I readjust everything. I turn on my road trip music and get ready to get breakfast.

Last night when I was talking to Colby, I was texting Sam. We finally settled on how I was going to surprise Colby. Sam is going to get Colby out of the house while Jake and Corey sneak me into the house. They’re going to also help get my stuff out of my car. While Sam and Colby are out, I’m going to get a quick tour of the house and change out of my gross road trip clothes so I can look like a decent human. The three of us are going to hang out downstairs. When they get home we’re going to call them into whatever room we’re hanging out in and boom, surprised boyfriend.

****

Jake and Corey help me set up the last few cameras so I can get Colby’s reaction. They also helped me hide my car. Not that Colby would notice, but I didn’t want to take any chances. They showed me around the house a bit, and honestly, I almost didn’t recognize it from when I was looking at the house with them months ago. Seeing the house in person feels so different than seeing it in videos and FaceTime chats with Colby. Being here makes it real. Sam texted us saying that they were around the corner. That’s when we turned on the camera. I brought lunch for everyone so the three of us are just eating in the kitchen and catching up.

My heart is racing. I don’t even know why I’m so nervous to see my own boyfriend. Maybe it’s because I have no idea how he’ll react. I’ve been kind of giving him the cold shoulder the past few days because I’ve been driving. We haven’t talked as much as we have been for the past four months while I was in Maine. I don’t why, but part of me feels like he’ll be a different person.

“We’re home!” I hear Sam call out from the front of the house. My heart immediately drops to my stomach from nerves. I tightly grip the counter that I’m sitting on to keep myself from falling off.

“We’re in the kitchen. We have lunch for you guys.” Jake responds. I stop breathing for a second.

“I’ll be there in a second. I have to go put my things down.” Colby calls out. I’m so glad that we hid my stuff. I had a feeling Colby would go to his room first. Maybe he’s still the same Colby I left here four months ago.

Sam walks into the kitchen while putting his phone away. He walks over to me and gives me a quick hug. We all wait, whispering, for Colby to join us in the kitchen. The nerves don’t leave my body as he takes longer to come back. Eventually, we hear his footsteps on the stairs.

“Sorry I was… Y/N?” Colby stops dead in his tracks when he sees me. He blinks a few times before a huge grin creeps on his face.

“Hi,” is all I can manage to squeak out. I managed to lose my voice at the sight of Colby.

“Y/N, is that really you? What are you doing here?” Colby starts walking towards me. I hop off the counter and meet his halfway.

“I’m home,” I whisper as I hug Colby, “I missed you so I came home.”

Colby hugs me back for a second before letting go and placing both hands on either side of my face. He looks deep into my eyes and I can’t help but start to cry. I haven’t seen Colby in so long, I can’t believe that I’m standing right in front of him. He kisses my forehead and engulfs me in a hug. I squeeze him tight like he’ll disappear if I let go. I’ve been gone for so long that I forgot what it felt like to hold Colby in my arms.

“I can’t believe you’re here right now. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Colbs. I missed you so fucking much it hurt. I finally feel whole again.” For the first time in months, Colby leans in and kisses me softly. Everything feels right in my world again now that I’m here. Even though I’ve been back in LA for at least 20 minutes, I didn’t feel like I was home until this very second: in Colby’s arms.

[nolanhollogay]

you’ve unlocked nate’s tragic backstory congrats!! @juliesdahlias @richitozier @witchofinterest

cw: talk of sex in the beginning (nothing explicit and nothing happens but u know i dont want anyone to be uncomfy), talk of and descriptions of child abuse, blood and stabbing

-

"No," Dick grumbled, glaring down at him. He was sitting on Nate's thighs, his legs tucked underneath himself as he frowned in playful displeasure.

Nate whined. "Why not?" he asked, walking his fingers up the inseam of Dick's jeans. His nails were painted a pretty purple color at Rachel's request and they looked exceptionally lovely against the dark blue denim.

Dick grabbed his hand to stop it's wandering. His palm was warm around Nate’s cold fingers. "It's 3pm." 

"Time isn't real. It's a man made construct," Nate countered, tangling their fingers together. He didn't even really care all that much about having sex anymore, he just liked to argue.

"That doesn't mean we don't have to follow it," Dick said, rolling his eyes. 

"So what? We can only have sex after 8pm? We're not straight people, Richard."

Dick laughed, face lighting up in surprise and Nate's heart sang.

"No, we’re not, but like, calm down. Wait a bit. You're like a rabbit," he said, kissing Nate's forehead. Nate smiled and pulled him into a kiss with a hand on the back of his neck.

"I have a pair of bunny ears, if you're into the kind of thing," he joked against his mouth, just to hear him laugh again. 

Dick tried to keep the kiss calm and sweet but Nate didn't really have the patience for that. He slid his tongue between Dick's teeth, pulling him closer by his hair. Dick, for all of his protesting before, didn't seem too upset about it.

-

Nate had just gotten Dick's shirt off, throwing it to the floor, when his bedroom door opened.

He let out a loud annoyed groan at being interrupted. He couldn't handle any more robbers or people who wanted to beat him up. He really needed to invest in a better lock

He looked over Dick's shoulder and groaned again when he saw his father standing there. He was wearing a god awful trench-coat that was the color of olives and an unimpressed look. He looked older then when Nate had seen him last, around ten months ago over a Skype call. His hair was more gray than black and there were more wrinkles around his eyes and mouth. 

What was he even doing here?

Nate pushed Dick out of his lap causing him to grunt in surprise. "Hi Dad," he said, forcing a smile. It probably looked as fake as it felt.

"I guess I know why you weren't answering my text messages," Nate's father said with a hint of a smile. Dick went pink in the face and grabbed his shirt from the ground, pulling it back on.

Nate shrugged. He'd been ignoring his father's texts for months for a variety of reasons. He'd seen the texts about him visiting that morning but assumed it meant some time in the near future, not that day.

Nate's father cleared his throat, looking between him and Dick with a raised eyebrow. "Aren't you going to introduce us?"

Nate made a noise of annoyance in the back of his throat. He didn't want to introduce them. He wanted them to stay so far away from each other that they didn't know the other existed.

"Dick, this is my father. Dad, this is my boyfriend, Dick," he said, gesturing between them with his hand.

Dick smiled, charming but nervous and Nate’s heart turned into liquid despite his growing anger.

"Uh, nice to meet you sir," he said, reaching out to shake his hand. Nate's dad took it, looking less than enthusiastic. When they dropped hands, he looked Dick up and down, taking in his muscle and his messed up hair.

"I don't like him," he said in Mandarin, sending Nate a disapproving look.

Nate rolled his eyes. "I didn't think you would," he replied in English, just to piss him off.

"You could have at least told me you were seeing someone, Minjun," he said, once again in Mandarin.

Nate let out a humorless laugh. There was something dark and sad crawling inside his chest. He felt twitchy and ready to snap, like a caged animal. "Yeah, but then you would have gotten mad at me," he all but growled.

"Why would I be mad at you for dating someone?" his father asked, looking genuinely puzzled. Nate watched the realization hit him and he was given a look so pitying that it made rage dance under his skin. He wanted to bite someone.

"Minjun, I'm not your mother. I'm not going to hurt you or be mad at you for every little thing. You're an adult who's free to make his own decisions," he said. Then he quickly added, "Within reason." Nate scoffed. Of course he decided to switch back to English to say that. 

Nate rolled his eyes but didn't argue. Dick sent him a confused looked, mouth twisted down in a frown.

"Is there anything you needed?" Nate asked, trying not to curl his fists at his sides. Or did he just come over to ruin Nate's day and unearth his trauma for no reason?

His dad shook his head. "No, not right now. But we'll make dinner together tomorrow and talk. I'll call you."

"Okay," Nate replied briskly.

Nate watched him go, seething silently. Dick watched him, eyes locked on the clench of his jaw.

"What just happened?" he asked, voice flooded with concern.

Nate didn’t want to talk about it. "That was my dad," he said vaguely.

Dick rolled his eyes, but there was no heat behind it. "I gathered that, yeah. What was he saying? That stuff about your mom.. And what was he calling you?"

"Minjun. It's my name. My other name. And I don't want to talk about it. Not right now," Nate explained. He still felt caged. He was hit with the urge to break something, like the lamp on his desk.

"Okay. Fine with me," Dick said with a nod and a small smile. Then he asked, "Can I give you a hug?"

Nate laughed despite his rage. "Why are you asking? Freak."

Dick made an annoyed noise. "Because you're all tense. I don't want to touch you if it don't want to be touched."

"You're so soft. It's disgusting,” Nate said, sending him a smile. “Give me a stupid hug."

Dick wrapped his arms around his Nate’s waist, pulling him close. Nate buried his face in his neck, sighing. This was the one place he felt truly comfortable, wrapped in Dick’s strong arms.

-

It wasn’t until much later that Nate brought up his family again. They were lying in his bed, with Nate turned away from Dick, looking out of his window. The moon was full and bright, and he locked his stare onto it to give himself something to focus on as he told Dick his story.

"My mom is shitty,” Nate explained, unprompted. He knew Dick wouldn’t have brought it up again because he said he didn’t want to talk about it, but he needed to get it off his chest. it had been eating at him all day, like a parasite in his stomach. “She used to hit me and burn me with her cigarettes and she hated me. She's the reason I have the scar on my back." 

Dick ran his fingers over it, the raised pink skin that interrupted the smooth expanse of his back. It was a line that was just off center and it would have been perfectly straight if not for the jagged curve at the end.

"What happened?" Dick asked, voice soft. Something cracked in Nate’s chest, but he ignored it.

Nate cleared his throat as the vivid memories hit him. He just had to focus on the moon and ignore the phantom pains. Ignore the feeling of blood trickling down his back and the blade under his skin.

"She, uh, got mad at me for something. I don't remember what, but she pinned me to the kitchen floor and tried to kill me. Said she was gonna rip my heart out from the back so I didn't have to see it,” he said. He remembered the sweetness in her voice as she said. He’d never heard it before that moment and he didn’t like it all. ”She would've gotten farther than she did if my dad hadn't come home from work early. That's why it's crooked at the bottom. Because he yanked her away from me from the side."

Dick mumbled, "Jesus Christ," which made him laugh.

"After that he shipped me out here to the States to live with my uncle when I was like sixteen. To get me away from her and so he didn't have to deal with all my bullshit and trauma. It's why he was trying to be nice earlier. He feels guilty."

Dick kissed his shoulder, wrapping his arm around his waist. "That's so terrible. I'm sorry you had to live through that."

Nate shrugged. "Well, there's nothing we can do about it now. It doesn't really matter."

"Of course it matters," Dick argued. "That's something that you have to carry with you every day." 

Nate turned around to face him and Dick saw something on his face that made him kiss him, gentle and slow.

“Don’t get all soft on me,” Nate grumbled. “I’m not broken or something. I’m just traumatized and that’s my burden to live with.”

Dick’s eyebrows wrinkled as he thought of how to reply. Nate smoothed the lines out with his pointer finger.

“I love you,” he settled on. “I know we’re both weird about saying it cause we’re our own kinds of emotionally fucked up, but I do. Not just cause you told me about your family or cause you’re a good kisser. And I want you to know that someone loves you unconditionally.”

Nate’s face twisted as his eyes filled with tears. He huffed in anger and embarrassment at his body’s reaction. He wasn’t going to cry over this.

He buried his face in Dick’s chest as he tried to collect himself. “I hate you. You gross me out,” he croaked out.

Dick laughed, Nate feeling it from where his face was pressed against his bare skin. Dick ran his fingers through his hair making him sigh.

“Love you too,” he finally replied as he felt himself starting to drift into sleep.

There was a smile in Dick’s voice as he responded, “I know you do.”

[lipstickbisous]

the rei brown series (2/3)

OUR LOVE REMAINS.

notes: here’s the second part!! one more after this haha. not much of a plot to these just meant to put you in your feels. butttttt, i did write this from the experience my mom had in the icu when she was a nurse.

this one is your p.o.v. and is a little bit longer but not much

i DID NOT KNOW if anyone would get offended by “latino” or “hispanic” so i used both im sorry.

LISTEN for better understanding.

also u guys REALLY LIKED the din fic so i guess...more of those?

pairing: javier peña x reader

summary: while rethinking all of the choices you’ve made in your life, memories of a certain person begin to flood in.

warnings: MORE ANGST ahahaha, childhood nostalgia, fluff ending

word count: 3.3k (these are not long chapters)

masterlist

you weren’t sure what time it was (you knew it wasn’t too late) and you hadn’t bothered to check as you stumbled through your doorway, one arm holding grocery bags and the other, your purse and papers from work. your hair had been stuck in the ponytail you threw it up in since the morning, but now, it was pulling at your scalp and giving you a headache.

managing to balance on one foot, you flipped the light switch in your entryway and watched as the first floor of your house illuminated in the night. the tiny dog you’d adopted a few months ago came padding out on the wood floors from the dining room, his tongue stuck out with loud pants to relieve himself of the texas summer heat. 

with a small “hey, bub,” to your pet, you placed the groceries on the kitchen counter and slipped off your clogs, throwing them at the bottom of your stairs so that you could be reminded to take them to your room when you went upstairs. for now, you reached into the glass cabinet and grasped a dark bottle of wine. the label read a fancy word in french, but growing up in kingsville, you’d never bothered to learn the language of love. you grew up in that rich latino and hispanic culture. 

this house had memories threatening to let it crumble, you knew that, but even after your parents had moved into a smaller apartment due to medical reasons and the fact that they couldn’t afford the house, you couldn’t bring yourself to move out of this town and just ditch them there--now the house was in your name. you didn’t know why it was so hard to leave--you’d been able to leave for university, but when you came back the summer after you’d graduated, something stuck. now, it had been twenty years and you had made no attempts to even leave kingsville. 

you popped the cork of the wine bottle open and instantly met that musky historic smell of the red alcohol. you had seven wine glasses in your cupboards, but you never had any friends over. you might occasionally invite a few girls you knew in high school, but if you were to hang out with people, it would be at a bar on friday and saturday nights. you watched as the wine splashed around the glass and when it was filled to your satisfaction, you pushed the cork back into its place and left the bottle on the counter.

as you made your way into the living room and collapsed on the couch, the little dog you called yours jumped up onto the high furniture the best he could due to his tiny legs. you searched your couch for the remote, pulling over the cushions and pillows before finding it buried under the arm. you switched the tv on and and flipped through the channels before settling on fifty-one. your dog curled up next to your lap and closed his eyes to sleep.

you didn’t for what you were sure was the next two hours. the movie that had been playing before ended the beginning of a new one had started until you realized your glass was empty and dry and your eyelids were getting heavier. you leaned your head back before rethinking how the day had gone. you’d shown up to the hospital for work at the crack of dawn and spent the next twelve hours wheeling around patients, taking diagnostics, and carrying their dirty dishes.

it definitely had not been the job you imagined when you were ten. you’d played doctor with your stuffed animals and plushes before but in those scenarios, the patients had been obedient in kind. unfortunately, fate had not been so kind and, while sitting in front of the television with an empty wine glass in your hand, your fingers grazing over the sore spot on your wrist. it was sure to be bruised, the one on your calf had turned purple and yellow in the past few days. you hissed when you applied just a bit too much pressure.

i spent four years at a college i hated to have this. you’d put it all on the line to have this job. you thought that by being a nurse in the fucking icu, you’d be saving people everyday. instead, you were groped, spat out, and ignored by everyone there. you deserved a glass of wine every night.

you knew that this was not healthy at all and that you were intoxicating yourself with far too much alcohol but the way your back ached, your calf bruised, and your head pounded drowned out whatever warnings your brain sent you.

suddenly, you managed to catch sight of the atomic clock sitting on your kitchen counter. bright crimson letters read “1:30 am.”, and with a far too heavy sigh that awoke the small dog next to you, you set the glass on your coffee table (you’d grab it in the morning when you weren’t so sad) and flipped the tv off before sauntering up the stairs. even at your age, you had still been terrified of the dark--you could barely walk down to your basement without a flashlight and by yourself--but you found that you were perfectly fine walking in the pitch-black of your upstairs hallway. your dog was quick to follow behind you, jumping onto your bed and waiting for you as you emotionlessly entered your bathroom and looked at your reflection.

who the fuck were you? how much time had passed and yet here you were, in your fucking childhood home all alone? you’d found love with many men over the years, but you hadn’t expected them to last--and they hadn’t. what had you done? had you left some sort of imprint in the world at all? you were never one for kids, everyone you knew was well aware of that, but how were you supposed to live on even when you were dead? in reality, abandonment and loneliness was your worst fear along with--

oh god, you thought in a shriveled voice. you’re gonna be forgotten. 

one part that hurt the most was the news. you’d gotten better at keeping up to date with pop culture and politics, and the pablo escobar situation had you worried for one reason and one reason only--javier peña. you’d seen him on the news, the DEA agent who had made it his responsibility and top priority to catch the famous drug lord. it was nice to see that he had gotten somewhere while the only time you’d ever really traveled was to paris for a christmas and then LA to see an old friend who you didn’t even talk to anymore. 

this was your life now. mindlessly wandering around your house after work, eating microwaved leftovers and carry-out from the diner.

god, that diner. it had been one of your favorite locations in the shitty town you called home--had been. the first time you went, you were suspicious due to the fact that the actual building was a different restaurant owned by a criminal before it was a diner, but javier had practically begged you to have a late dinner with him after an afternoon spent skipping your last few periods and driving around the outskirts of town in his truck. the wind had been blowing through your hair and you hung your head out of his window, letting your arms wave around, and you could’ve sworn you had felt him looking at you. 

that was the moment you were in love with javier peña.

you knew that you had been lying to yourself up until that moment because since the first day you met javier when driving past their ranch and stopping to look at the horses, you’d been in love. you couldn’t even think about how many days were spent writing poetry about him that now seemed stupid and childish. you’d told yourself it was an outlet for your feelings, but you had really written it because you were too much of a bitch to come out and tell javi. maybe that hadn’t been your fault--you’d witnessed, first hand, javier rejecting a girl in sixth grade. you watched her nod and tell him “oh, that’s okay” but then run away into the bathrooms. javier had continued on to tell you about a new foal on their farm.

you remembered the horses. you missed them too. if it hadn’t been them roaming about in the pastures, or the great stallion that caught your attention while on that family car ride, you would’ve never met javier. you weren’t sure if he judged you for it or not, but every time chucho needed help around the farm, and javier was too much of a brat and a teenager to do it, you had gladly offered. so, chucho peña had put you in charge of the foals. there was one in particular, a small one with a white coat, that had piqued your interest. there was a day, one in the middle of the summer if you could remember correctly, where you and javi had just run out to the fields while the rest of the horses stayed in their stables. javi had been excited since his father had gifted him with a new camera, and he had spent all day taking pictures of--and to this day, you still didn’t notice it--only you. 

while brushing your teeth, carefully placing a small dot of paste on your toothbrush, you began to scrub in small circles. how long had it been since you and javi had last talked? even then, it had barely been a conversation. a simple exchanged of very few words, a goodbye that went misheard, and that was it. when you had called his home phone the next morning, instead of javi replying like he always did, it had been chucho’s voice instead, muffling an annoyed “hello?” but when he heard the exhaustion and lightness of your voice, he carefully explained that javi had already left.

you hadn’t felt heartbroken--not at first. in fact, there was barely any sadness in that tired head and upset stomach. you were infuriated. how could he? how dare he? he had been such a coward that he couldn’t even say goodbye and it angered you more than you thought it ever would--not that you had ever thought about javier leaving before because he said he wouldn’t even consider it. and now, he had left you alone your fucked up hometown that you’d always told him you hated so much. then, about three days alone without javier (which was something you weren’t used to) you’d realized that there was a large possibility this could’ve been your fault.

had you been a bad friend recent to his leaving? yes, you had been acting distant, but it was due to normal events, such as school and...the fact that you were hopelessly in love with him. it had been harder to talk with senior year ending and college coming up, but you hadn’t never thought he could just turn himself away like that. never.

and not once had javi tried to contact you. he, of course, knew your number by heart, but after all these years, he’d probably had hundreds of girls phone numbers--in fact, you were sure that if hadn’t been a DEA agent hooked with the most dangerous man on the earth, you would’ve expected him to be married already. you had gone to the wedding. you’d seen how the church was decorated, how each and every guest wore plastered smiles--just the idea of seeing javi made you giddy and you’d worn your best dress you could find. even after returning from university, javier didn’t visit or call. you also remembered hearing lorraine sobbing when her groom didn’t show.

javier was not the type of person to stand someone up. you didn’t know what he was like now, but as teenagers, if he ever had a date (which wasn’t often because even if you didn’t know it, he was hopelessly in love with you) he would arrive five minutes early. 

the one time javi did have a date, you stayed home and watched one of his favorite movies while crying. you hated to admit that the next day, when he admitted to you he didn’t like the girl that much, you were excited.

suddenly, you remembered how this was completely your fault. you had always blamed javier for never calling or writing, but then you realized that you had never made the attempt either.

“fuckin’ hell,” you whispered and washed off your toothbrush. as a nurse, you didn’t normally cake yourself with makeup, but you did wear the average concealer, mascara, and lipstick or gloss. you took one look at your reflection and noticed that your mascara was currently running. when did i cry? you asked yourself and exited the bathroom, not bothering to remove your makeup.

your room was next door and when you walked inside, your dog was patiently waiting next to your nightstand and- god, did i leave the fucking light on again? you felt like slapping yourself until your head was straight because it wasn’t right to think about someone you haven’t seen in twenty years.

you slipped off your pants, leaving you in expensive panties you’d gotten for no reason at all. you threw off your scrubs, discarding them onto the floor with a light air sound and replacing your shirt with a tank-top. your bed had been so perfectly made that it almost annoyed you. you threw yourself onto your bed and began to rub your eyes. it wouldn’t matter if you messed up the mascara because there was nothing to mess up. 

hoping the sleep would rid you of the horrible thoughts, you flipped the lamp next to your bed off and pressed a pillow to your cheek. the small dog at your feet curled up rested his eyes. you did the same.

it would’ve been physically best for your health if you had gone at least six hours of sleeping without any interruption, but one moment in the night, the phone on your nightstand began to blare its ringtone. your eyes shot open and began to burn slightly from a sudden awakening. the sound had scared your dog, who jumped to the ground in protection of whatever the source was until he realized it was the telephone. you groaned with heavy eyelids and looked to the clock. two-twenty five am. as soon as you went to answer the call, it went to dial tone. 

more frustrated than before because you really just wanted to sleep, you groaned and flung yourself back into bed. of course, now you were awake.

but then, the phone began to ring again. it had seemed louder this time and your dog barked in the most un-intimidating way possible before you threw a pillow at the spot next to him to get him quiet. you held the phone close to your ear and spoke a tired, “hello?” the line was silent and at first, you were terrified because you could’ve sworn you heard someone breathing. another one of these. “hello?”

part of this was exciting to you. while it was extremely frustrating to be awoken a few hours before you normally rose to get ready for work, your mind was racing during the silent pause between you and this stranger. who could it be? perhaps it was chucho telling you that javier could be coming home, but you cursed yourself for thinking of that man and dismissed the idea. maybe it was your mom calling to tell you how your father had gotten better and, for now at least, the cancer was gone. 

“(y/n)?”

―

while the reason behind it remained unclear, you had always loved airports. the cleaning-product smell, the diverse people, the small restaurants, even the feeling of the carpet--or the feeling of that when in an airport, you were going somewhere.

it had always been about going somewhere. javier knew this since fifth grade, that you had always wanted to just leave kingsville, texas. maybe you would move to new york, or philadelphia, or even go to london and paris. they had been silly daydreams due to reading too many of your mother’s travel books, but paris had always looked so nice. maybe even visit mexico--you’d already been well immersed in the culture.

but that wasn’t why you were here. you were here for something that was long overdue.

after the phone call that night, you javier had made sure to call each other every other day at ten o’clock pm. there had been some days where you had to stay late at the hospital or javi was chasing sicarios and didn’t get home until midnight--those nights, you would either fall asleep or just call the next day, but you both had made a good schedule. it definitely hadn’t been the same as when you were teenagers, and you didn’t expect it to be. his voice was much deeper and raspier (you knew it was because of the cigarettes, you could practically smell them through the phone) and his voice wasn’t as...lively anymore. you felt that you couldn’t say much, though, because the years had been rough to you as well.

he had told you everything. your thoughts on how he was living was wrong--he told you of the countless informants and prostitutes, how the colombian sun was definitely hotter than the texan sun and even to him it had made a difference. when you both had too much to drink and were passing back funny stories, his was that he had grown a mustache. you had laughed at that one because if you could imagine the clean-shaved, teenage boy that javier once was with a mustache, it was a hilarious thought.

all-in-all, it had still been painful to talk to someone you knew so well like they were a stranger. at first, you had asked yourself if he’d changed but you caught yourself in the stupid thought. of course, he had changed. it had been twenty fucking years and even you had noticed the faint lines starting to appear around your face. 

it had taken almost half a year of phone calls, missed and attended, happy and sad to be where you were now.

the airport bustling had also been one of your favorite things too. the countless and various voices all coming together to make a white noise that was so distinct. 

you were standing near the entrance, watching as families reunited, lovers embraced, and yet you stood alone. it had been over ten minutes since when javier was supposed to show. if you were being honest with yourself, what did you expect? he would just appear out of thin air in the middle of a crowd? you hoped the flight from bogotá had been peaceful and well. there hadn’t been any storms passing by, baggage loading problems, or anything that could possibly delay the plane, so there was no reason for javier not to be there.

unless...you began to think and it had been too late to stop yourself from completing the thought. maybe he just didn’t want to. 

like when he rejected that girl in sixth grade. like when he left you alone in kingsville. like when abandoned his bride at their own fucking wedding.

suddenly, you felt angry. your blood was boiling, your hands felt hot, the hair on your neck became irritating, and the winter heat of texas began to scorch, even in air conditioning. you ran a hand down your face, feeling two beads of sweat trickle down a path to your chin. your foot, which had been tapping for the past now fifteen minutes turned on its heel as you made your way to the glass doors.

your car was just outside. you wouldn’t even have to walk that far, and then you could drive home, cry yourself to sleep, and call javier about this some other time.

“(y/n)!”

tags: @pascalisthepunkest @javierpenaspinkshirt @gummiishark @cyarikaaa @larakasser @pedropasscals @honeyedspace @talesfromtheguild @absurdthirst

[dis-easedfairy]

Oink The Stuffed Pig

WARNINGS: Swearing | Mentions of Sex (a dirty joke or two) |

Pairings: Kim Seokjin x Single Dad!Male Reader

Genre: Parent!au, neighbor!au, some angst (just a lil), fluff, humor 

Word Count: 11,838

Summary: Due to complications, M/n moves to a new city with his son. Though struggling, the two grow to like their new lives and new neighborhood, especially Kim Seokjin, their neighbor across the hall who is more than kind. 

A/n: IM ALIVEEEE! I suck at endings so like... my bad. I tried to get this out because I know a few of you were excited for this. Turned out a little more angst than I plan but uh... surprise? Again sorry it took me so long to finish it! 💙☀

I sighed and looked out the window as the train I was in, drove down the tracks. I looked at my watch it was around 7 pm and I knew it was going to be a long night. I looked over to my son, he was happily playing a game on an old phone of mine. I let out a sigh as my eyes trailed down to look at our backpacks on the floor.

I’m sorry we have to go this far.

I leaned forward, opening the side pouch of my backpack to take out my phone. I had muted it days ago and didn’t bother to look at it.

I unlocked it and looked through my messages.

Mom: Okay, just be safe, okay? The both of you.

Dad: remember to secure the new home. it will give everyone a piece of mind

.

Unknown Number: you cant just take him! I said I wanted to work this out!

I rolled my eyes at the last one, deciding just to message my parents since we were more within the city.

M/n to Mom: I found a nice little neighborhood, close to his school and there are some good jobs I can get for the time being, just until I save up a bit. We’ll be safe. Don’t worry too much.

M/n to Dad: I had a security system kit sent with some of our stuff. I’m going to go to the store tomorrow to look for tougher screws for the doors. We have a balcony so I have to figure something out! Safety is my second priority!

“Who are you talking to?” I heard my son’s small voice ask.

I looked over to him, his eyes were big, full of curiosity as he lifted himself up in order to look at the screen. I only smiled.

“Your grandparents.” He gave me a small pout.

“Why the pout?” I asked with a sad chuckle, “…Expecting someone else?” I asked dejectedly.

I swore I saw his eyes twinkle, “Aunt Hyejin!” My heart dropped to my stomach.

I tore my eyes away from his, prepping myself to lie, “Ha… Aunt Hyejin… she…” Oh god, what would be a good lie to tell him?

I glanced back at his perfect brown orbs, stabbing into me for an answer.

“A… Aunt Hyejin is not herself right now. So… I can’t talk to her right now, okay?” I wasn’t lying, but it sure in the hell felt like I was.

I could see the sadness enter his eyes, as well as those same eyes water. My eyes widened as I quickly held my hands up as if he were now holding a weapon to me.

“But why?” He asked, his voice sounding very upset.

“Junseok-ah, it’s complicated. BUT you’re going to make new friends and have your own room!” I tried to sway my son.

“I don’t want new friends I want Aunt Hyejin!” He was now crying, I grimaced.

I looked around the empty train car almost frantically, as to search for something to get my son to stop crying. I let out a heavy sigh.

“Listen, Junseok-ah, stop crying. Some people aren’t going to be in your life for the rest of your life. Some people have their own lives to live, some care dearly about you, and some will care only for themselves. It has nothing to do with your personality or who you are as a person. Aunt Hyejin… I have a feeling she only cares for herself right now. And right now, I have to care about you, and you have to care about yourself right now too.” That probably made no sense to him.

Oddly enough my son only nodded his head, using his sleeve to wipe his tears, I offered him a small smile.

“Don’t worry, I got us a place to stay and you have your own room!” Which I have no Idea how I’m going to pay for it.

“We live near a school you’ll be going too!” Some of your new teachers think I’m irresponsible for moving so late in the year and hate me already.

“I’m getting a new job, so new cool things!” You might not get anything good for your birthday if it's a low-paying job.

“Our new home is in a nice neighborhood with lots of kids so you’ll make friends.” You’re more extroverted than me and the families will more than likely hate me.

“It’s a little far from grandpa and grandma, but this is a better life!” I’m scared.

“…Okay. Can we get something to eat before we go to our new house?” He asked softly.

I nodded, not wiping the smile off my face, “We’ll get whatever you want. Just don’t be sad or scared. Just know that I love you with all my heart. Forever.”

Junseok sniffled a bit and moved closer to wrap his arms around my neck. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him onto my lap to keep him closer. I could feel him relax in my hold as I moved my hand to rub his back.

“We have reached Hoehyeon Station.”

“So how have you settled in?” My friend Jeongguk asked, he was the one who convinced me to move to Seoul.

I could hear my son let out a scream as he ran around with a plushie pig toy and a Spider-Man toy, a throw blanket tied around his neck as a makeshift cape. I soon then heard a bump and something clatter to the floor. I was unpacking a box on the kitchen counter, taking out glasses and plates.

I let out a heavy sigh, “As settled as we can be I gue-,”

“NO! NO! NO! NO!” I could hear my son shout, making me snap into action as I threw everything I was holding down and ran to his voice.

He was in my bedroom, the window open and him half hanging out.

“Junseok! What are you doing!?” I demanded, running over to yank him away from the open window.

“I dropped Oink! I have to get him!” My son protested as I threw him over my shoulder to stop him from squirming out my grip.

“You won’t get anything besides a trip to the hospital hanging out the window like that!” I scolded, sitting him on my bed.

I pulled back to see his tear-filled eyes. I let out a deep sigh, “If I tell a friend of mine to look after you, will you behave while I look for Oink?” I can’t believe I was going to search in an ally for a stuffed pig.

Junseok quickly nodded his head, almost desperate to get his oldest friend back.

“Fineeee.” I groaned, walking back to the kitchen to get my phone.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I grumbled, moving a trash bag out the way as I tried to look for a bright pink stuffed pig.

I let out a growl of frustration, “Where are you, you little bitch?” I grumbled, trying to think of new places to look.

I looked at my watch and sighed, I was in a hoodie and jeans but it was only getting colder as the sun was no longer in the sky. It was close to 11 pm and I didn’t want to spend all night looking for a stuffed animal. My son cherished that stuffed pig since it was his first stuffed animal but was it really worth it?

Yes, it was. My son loved it so I will find it.

I groaned at myself, kicking a trash bag and going back to looking for the lost pig.

I was ready to give up thirty minutes later until I saw pink fuzz that looked familiar. I quickly moved whatever was in the way and yanked the pig up into my view.

“Fuck yesss!” I chuckled in satisfaction as I began to dust off and examine the pig.  

I frowned when I noticed how flat and lumpy it was, it was less to it being dropped out a window, and more about the years of washing, drying and laying on it.  

“Mmm, you need a good stuffing, huh?” I asked the pig, examining it more for rips or stains.

“…Uhhh…” I heard a voice draw out behind me.

I immediately spun around to face the person. A man, he was a little taller than me, wearing a white sweater, dark sweatpants, and white shoes. He had broad shoulders and had the most handsome face I’ve ever been blessed with ever seeing. His eyes were wide as he held onto a trash bag, his eyes dropped to see the flattened stuffed pig and he let out a breath of relief with a chuckle.

“I…” He let out a very unique laugh that tumbled from his rose-colored plush lips, bending over, “I thought… Oh my god…” He tried to speak but only laughter came out.

He looked fairly young but I had no idea how I was supposed to address him, “S-Sir? Is something funny?” I asked, praying he wasn’t some guy who lost his mind and planned to murder me in an ally after I spent an hour and a half looking for a stupid stuffed pig.

He held up one finger as he continued to laugh. I assumed it was to give him a minute so I did.

“You have to understand,” He began, trying to catch his breath, “I just heard your words and saw your back and nothing more!” I saw red begin to bloom in his cheeks.

I tilted my head slightly in confusion. He took my confusion as the go-ahead to explain which he only did in few words, with a smirk.

“Fuck yes? You need a good stuffing?”

It slowly clicked together as heat began to rush to my face and embarrassment washed through me.

“I-I was just talking about a stuffed animal!” I raced to explain, which only made him cackle more.

“Wait! No! I’m not fucking the stuffed animal! That sounded wrong!” The man was now leaning against the building, trying not to fall to the ground from laughing so hard.

“M-My son dropped this out the window, he can’t sleep without it.” I explained nervously.

The man straightened up, trying to gain his composure, “You’re a dad?” He asked breathlessly.

I know I’m ‘too young’.

“Yeah. He’s four… This is an awkward way to meet… We just moved in today.” I gave the man a small smile.

He looked surprised, “Really? Nice to meet you! I’m Kim Seokjin!” He introduced himself happily, moving to shake my hand.

“L/n M/n.” I informed, shaking his hand.

“Welcome to the neighborhood, hopefully, there are no more… misunderstandings.” He joked.

I felt a wave of heat travel to my face again, “I hope not.” I agreed with a nervous giggle.

Seokjin opened his mouth as if he was going to say more but as interrupted by my screeching friend.

“M/N! WHAT IS OUR SON’S FIXATION WITH THE TOILET!? HE TRIED TO FLUSH MY PHONE!” Jeongguk shouted out the window.

Well, that was a nice moment…

I let out a deep sigh, “Sorry, I have to head back up. I’ll talk to you soon, Seokjin?” I questioned.

He nodded, seeming at a lost for words. I frowned a bit. He was so open a few moments ago. I walked past him, giving him a small wave as I began to jog back into the building.

I ran to one of the two elevators and pushed my floor number. Using the time to think of what jobs I could apply to and how to make sure ‘Aunt Hyejin’ didn’t come to visit my son while he was in school.

The ding of the elevator broke me from my thoughts and I went to my apartment door. Before I could dig in my back pocket for my keys, my door flung open to reveal my friend Jeongguk.

“He keeps flushing things in the toilet. You lost a roll of toilet paper. ” My friend informed me, crossing his arms, looking upon me in judgment.

“He’s acting out because he wasn’t very excited about coming here…” I notified, rubbing the back of my neck with the hand that wasn’t gripping the stuffed animal.

Jeongguk sighed. I could hear another ‘ding’ but took it as the elevator I got off of closing it’s doors and going back down.

“I know he’ll like it here, you will too. Did…” Jeongguk looked down, biting his bottom lip as he chose his next words carefully.

“Did Hyejin know where you were going? I don’t think it’s a good idea if she knew where we live.” Jeongguk voiced apprehensively.

“Don’t worry about her. I just told her I was leaving town. She tried to tell Junseok that he could stay at her place if he didn’t want to go.” I stated bitterly.

“Are you fucking with me? She literally doesn’t quit does she!?” Jeongguk scoffed, anger beginning to radiate off of him.

I shook my head, “I was just wondering how we would get him to school without her finding him.”

Jeongguk’s eyes widened, “Do you think she’d go school hunting!?”

“I wouldn’t put it past her.” I grunted bitterly.

Jeongguk let out a frustrated sigh, leaning on the doorframe and pinching the bridge of his nose with two fingers. After a few moments, Jeongguk looked up, sadness and sympathy in his eyes. He reached out, grabbing the collar of my hoodie and pulled me into a hug. He wrapped one arm around my waist and his other hand was in the middle of my back. He let out a long exhale as he began to rub my back. I wrapped my arms around him, fully accepting the comfort in my friend’s embrace, even going as far as to bury my face in his shoulder.

“We’ll figure this out together, M/n. I’ll introduce you to some friends of mine, we’ll settle you in, get you a job and support you for as long as you need, okay?” Jeongguk promised.

I felt a weight lift off my shoulders, knowing I wouldn’t do this alone. I was prepared to do it alone, but I knew Jeongguk wouldn’t let me. He was my best friend. I really counted on him and he counted on me.

The comforting resolve was disrupted by the sound of a flushing toilet.

Jeongguk let out an irritated growl. Jeongguk yanked away to turn to look into the apartment.

“WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THE TOILET!?” Jeon demanded, grabbing my arm and dragging me into the apartment with him.

I made a wild grab to close the door behind us, trying to fight Jeongguk’s tight grip. I pushed the door closed and Jeongguk let me go, deeming me as the reason he couldn’t move fast enough to scold my son. I only chuckled, moving to the kitchen to throw the stuffed animal in the washing machine.

“YAH! NO SON OF MINE WILL FLUSH IRON MAN DOWN THE TOILET!” I rolled my eyes at Jeongguk’s words.

I could hear my son whine a response as I set the washer to quick wash. I heard footsteps and turned to see Jeongguk holding an armful of toys.

“Uncle Gukkie!” My son whined, trailing after him.

“No! You can’t have these back until you learn how to treat them right.” Jeongguk huffed, dropping the toys in an empty box and swiftly picking it up so Junseok couldn’t snag a toy back.

“Why all his toys?” I chortled.

They both looked over at me, my son with pleading eyes and my friend with the eyes of determination.

“Because our son needs to know what ‘stop’ and ‘don’t do that’ means.” He asserted.

“Stop calling him ‘our son’, people will get the wrong idea.” I giggled, moving to get the detergent.

“No! I’m helping you raise this brat, so he’s my son too!” I shrugged my shoulders. Fair enough.

“Any ideas for dinner?” I asked, starting the washer.

“Daddd!” Junseok whined in complaint of me not defending his toys.

I just knew Jeongguk made up his mind and I mostly agreed with him.

“We’ll order take out for now. Tomorrow we’ll have a better plan, we might be a little too busy for a sit-down meal though.” Jeongguk smiled, happy I wasn’t fighting him.

I nodded in understanding, “We’ll have to get some kind of ‘we are new to the neighborhood, don’t mind the screaming’ gift.”

“I think we’ll be fi-” Junseok cut Jeongguk off by jumping up and grabbing the edge of the box.

Junseok yanked down, causing the box to rip and toys spill out.

“JUST WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!? I said you don’t get these back until you learn how to treat them!!” Jeongguk began and ‘our son’ began to argue back.

“I’m thinking baked goods.” I sighed.

“Jeongguk, you…” I growled, holding one end of the entertainment center as Jeongguk held the other.

“You what!? Finish your sentence!” Jeongguk challenged, stopping in the middle of the entrance.

“You soggy piece of toast! Stop pushing me! You’re making me lose balance!” I snapped.

“You’re so fucking slow!” He clapped back.

“You’re so fucking impatient!” Thus the best friend bicker began.

Soon it wasn’t even about the stupid entertainment center, it wasn’t anything too harmful, just us venting out the stress of the day, per usual. We even set down the entertainment center to argue better.

“NO ONE EVEN LIKES THAT RAMEN SO WHY WAS THAT ONE ON SALE?”

“MAYBE BECAUSE NO ONE GOT IT SO IT WAS GOING TO EXPIRE!”

“THAT MUST HAVE BEEN IT!” After a few minutes of this, we finally drew some breath.

“Okay, now we can get back to work.” Jeongguk exhaled.

I have a quick glance around, “Uh… where is Junseok?” I asked blankly.

Jeongguk quickly spun around to face the living room, “He WAS on the couch!??”

Jeongguk and I slowly met eyes as the realization dawned on us. My best friend and I jumped into action.

“CALL THE POLICE!” Jeongguk shouted as he ran at the door.

As soon as the door opened I could see the door across the hall slightly ajar. This led me to think that my son got curious as to what the door was because he’s never lived in an apartment before.

I tried to grab onto my best friend’s shirt to stop him but he was already out the door and down the hall to the stairs before I could say anything. I heard him shove the door open to the stairway and take off. I sighed, wishing he would’ve saved me the effort of having to call him.

I hesitantly closed my apartment door and made my way to the door across the hall. I lightly pushed open the door, caution pulsing through my veins. I could hear bad playing of a guitar flood the nice-lit, comfy apartment.

“Don’t go too hard on the strings or they will break.” I heard a familiar male voice softly instruct.

The air smelled like muffins and I could hear the sound of a tv. I entered the apartment as quiet as I could, taking off my shoes and taking a deep breath. I raised my hand up and tapped my knuckles on the wall beside me.

“Come in!” A cheerful voice chimed, making the place seem even more inviting.

I stepped forward out the entryway to round the corner. My son was sitting on the floor, holding a guitar WAY too big for his body. His tongue was sticking out, his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to focus on the cords he was strumming.

The man I met in the ally, Seokjin, was sitting on the chair with the stuffed pig on his lap. The pig was plushier than before. I assumed Seokjin restuffed the animal since he had a sewing needle in hand, mid-tug of the thread. Seokjin’s eyes seemed to widen at my arrival.

“I’m sorry if he interrupted your afternoon. He was on the couch one moment then he was gone the next.” I apologized, bowing my head in remorse.

“That’s okay! He hasn’t caused me any trouble.” Seokjin assured me.

I lifted my head up, “Really!? He’s been bratty since we arrived.” I was dismayed. My son listened to a complete stranger more than me!?

Seokjin’s plush lips pulled into a smile, “Yes. Your son has been well behaved!” Seokjin grabbed the scissors and snipped off the extra thread from the pig. Seokjin stood up, a new aura around him that was ignored by my son as Seokjin seemed to strut up to me.

“If you feel that bad about interrupting my afternoon, you can treat me to a better one this week?” Seokjin implied, his eyes whirling with confidence.

I almost choked on air. Did my attractive neighbor just ask me out?

“I… Well…” I was at a loss for words.

Seokjin’s small smile turned into a bigger one, almost cocky, “How about tomorrow? Here. At six.” He tempted, one of his hands moving up to fix my shirt. I’m pretty sure he could feel my heart going faster than it’s ever gone before.

Seokjin’s eyes playfully cast up, awaiting my response.

“So what did you tell him?” Jeongguk asked, getting himself a glass of lemonade and leaning against the kitchen island I was currently sitting at. Head in my hands as my body burned with humiliation. Junseok was on the couch, too emersed in his game to understand how badly I ruined myself.

“I shouted ‘I’m gay’ and ran out.” I grumbled.

Lemonade shot out from Jeongguk’s nose, spraying out onto the countertop. My eyes widened and I jumped up to get him some paper towels, grabbing a few myself to catch the liquid that threatened to ruin the floor. Jeongguk grabbed the paper towels and held them up to his face as he began to cough and sputter. I swore I heard slight chuckling in the distress.

“I-I don’t… I don’t think that line works in THIS scenario…” Jeongguk coughed as he moved his cup to the sink, having no desire to have lemonade again any time soon.

“I panicked!” I tried to defend myself.

“Do you want to go on a date with him?” He inquired.

I threw my hands up, “I don’t know! I hardly even know the guy!”

My best friend rolled his eyes, “Well, you won’t know him anytime soon with you shouting ‘I’m gay’ while running out his apartment like he was asking you if you knew his lord and savior Jesus Christ.” Jeongguk smirked.

“I didn’t say ‘I’m gay’ while running out! I said it then ran out. Get your shit straight, Jeon.” I dropped back down to my seat with a pout. I leaned forward, dropping my head so my face was against the cold countertop, groaning in defeat and embarrassment.

“Okay, I’m sorry.” Jeon tried to refrain from smiling, but was failing horribly, “I shouldn’t tease you about this. Maybe go over, see if the offer stands and if he was serious. He came on a little strong. You never know, he might be as freaked out as you.”

My head lifted up and my eyes filled with hope. “Will it be that easy? You think so?” I asked in ease.

“No. He definitely thinks you’re weird and probably has another date set up in your spot. When you get there tomorrow, you’ll be interrupting his date.”

There were a few moments of silence as my expression fell and his lifted.

“I hope that lemonade burned your nose.” I muttered, laying my head back on the island.

"But Uncle Jeonnnn." My son whined from the kitchen island the next day, after a busy morning.

"No. I said we'd get ice cream AFTER you put away all your toys." Jeongguk asserted, lightly kicking the large box of toys that had been taped up from being ripped.

I only shook my head as I loaded the fridge with groceries.

"But I already cleaned my room, helped dad in the kitchen and helped you!" My son bargained.

"He has been helping a lot today, Jeon," I informed with a small smile.

Jeongguk's head snapped to face me, betrayal written in his eyes, "Who's side are you on!?"

I let out a sigh. I had two toddlers now.

"I'm not picking a side. Junseok, he said after you put your toys away. But Jeongguk, you can't discredit the work he's put in today without being a brat or complaining once. " I resolved.

My best friend pouted, deep in thought. He then turned to my son.

"How about we get junk food and play video games for an hour as your reward?" Jeon suggested, making my son's eyes light up.

"Good, because I don't want to go back on my word. You only get ice cream when you put away your toys. Go get ready." Jeon chuckled.

My son jumped up and rushed to his room quickly as if Jeon would change his mind in under thirty seconds. Jeongguk stood next to me to open the fridge for a bottle of soda.

"Are you sure you're okay with this? I know you said you wanted to help, but I don't want you to be doing all this because you feel obligated to." I frowned.

Jeongguk raised his eyebrow and swallowed, "M/n? I'm only taking him to the convenience store and back?"

"That's not it, " I rolled my eyes, "You've helped me mostly unpack, arrange the apartment and even took a week off from work to get us settled in. You've given a lot in the past few days."

It was then my best friend's turn to roll his eyes, "Seriously? Friends help friends move. And BEST friends arrange your fucking apartment for you because you don't have your shit together. If I didn't want to be here I wouldn't show up. You and your son deserve some happiness right now, so if I have to call another customer service line to help me set up a shelf, I fucking will."

I smiled at how much determination filled his eyes. "You didn't have the right tool, like a dumbass," I recalled, trying not to cackle.

"The manual said I didn't need a hammer!" He snapped.

"Your voice got a little offended there. Did I hit a nerve?" I teased.

"Know what? Fuck you, " Jeongguk stated dramatically as he put down his soda and began to stride out the kitchen, "I'm leaving you! I'm going to stay with my parents and I'm taking our son with me!" He ranted as he walked into the hall.

I chuckled, shaking my head as I moved back to stock up the kitchen. After I loaded the pantry I looked around for the box with the plates. I walked more into the living room to examine the stacked boxes by the door but didn't find any more boxes for the kitchen. I frowned.

"Hey, Jeongguk?" I called rotating boxes, hoping I read them wrong.

"Yes?" He called back from my room.

"Do you know where the last box for the kitchen is?"

"Check the hall! There are a few boxes out there that just got delivered!" In the hall!?

I shook my head in judgment and walked to the front door and out into the hall. Sure enough, to the left of my door were two stacks of boxes, four boxes high. I jogged back into the apartment to get my box cutter off the kitchen counter and ran back out to get to work on opening the last kitchen box that conveniently sat on the top of the first stack.

After I cut the tape open, I retract the blade in the box cutter and shoved it in my front hoodie pocket for easy access. I opened the box and took out a plate to examine it for any damages.

I could hear Jeongguk and my son talking as they entered the living room, then the entryway to pull on their shoes.

"Off to get junk?" I asked, checking other plates.

"Yes! He even dressed himself." My eyes widened at my best friend's words, making me spin around to face my mismatched son.

He had on red pants, a white T-shirt, green converse, a pink hat, and a yellow zip-up hoodie.

"...Junseok...Why?" I wasn't disappointed or judging, just confused.

Junseok shrugged, "It's comfortable."

"I mean, at least that's what matters." I gave him a warm smile.

Jeongguk reached in his back pocket, "He's adorable, I should take a picture." Jeon froze.

"Fuck! I forgot my phone. Wait here, Seok." Jeon gave my son two quick pats on the head and dashed inside.

My son and I gave each other and look then shifted our gazes to the apartment to give my best friend a judgemental look he couldn't see. Once Jeongguk came back, he took my son's hand and gave us both a big bunny smile.

"We're off!" He announced, puffing out his chest.

"To see the wizard?" I teased.

"Off what?" My son questioned.

Jeongguk deflated, "Let's just go." He grumbled as I held back a chuckle.

"Bye, Dad!" Junseok happily waved and began to drag my best friend down the hall.

"I'll grab you the usual!" Jeon quickly told me as my son dragged him to the elevators.

I giggled, shaking my head. I turned back to the boxes and lifted up the kitchen one. I took the box into the kitchen, setting it down on the island and made my way back out to the hall. I grabbed the top box on the second stack, turning it to get a better look at what I had written on the side of it.

As I was checking I could hear footsteps behind me. I smirked, figuring it was my friend forgetting something, "Forgot your wallet now, Jeon?" I teased, turning around.

I was met with someone who wasn't Jeongguk.

Seokjin was looking down at the floor. It looked like he had been biting at his lips and his hands were shoved in his pocket.

"Hello, M/n..." His voice was awkward and I didn't expect it from the man who was so confident and straightforward yesterday.

"Seokjin! Hi! How is your day so far?" I asked just as awkwardly.

There were a few moments of uncomfortable silence. Seokjin let out a groan of frustration as he pulled his hands out his pockets and lifted his gaze.

"I wanted to apologize!" He stated, his chest seeming to puff up.

I pressed my lips together in an effort to not smile, "Apologize for what?"

"I came on too strong yesterday." -Seokjin looked down at the floor again- "You had barely met me and I thought if I made an impression, you'd be as interested as me. I talked to my friend about it and he called me a dumbass. I understand why though. You and your boyfriend seem to be happy together and have a son an-" I raised one finger up as I let out a small giggle of disbelief.

I knew it was rude to interrupt but I just had to.

"Y-You... You think Jeongguk and I are boyfriends?" I held back laughter.

His eyes widened slightly, seeming even more embarrassed, "Are you not??"

"Jeongguk is my best friend, he has a habit of calling my son 'our son' because he's been around him since birth and helped me a lot with raising him. I feel nothing but platonic feelings for Jeongguk and he feels the same. We're like brothers." I explained, a smile on my face.

So Seokjin was a softie. I should've guessed.

"I... I could've sworn... Well, that makes sense!" Seokjin threw his hands up and groaned, turning around so his back was to me and put his face in his hands.

"Seokjin? If the offer still stands I would love to go on a date with you. I just don't know if I can do it tonight." I smirked, feeling bolder now that I knew he was as awkward as me.

"I'll admit you DID make an impression. You made me so flustered I told you I was gay and ran." I added light-heartedly.

I heard Seokjin let out a small laugh and saw his shoulders shake a bit.

I pressed my lips together, thinking of how to make this situation less awkward.

“Would you like to have a drink with me? I’m kinda tired and need a break.” I smiled.

Seokjin nodded, only moving when I began to walk into my apartment.

“Woww!” He exclaimed in awe.

“What is it?” I asked, spinning around, full of fear.

“Your apartment looks so clean!” I let out a breath of relief.

I thought he found something bad. Like my son leaving a half-eaten sandwich on the floor or even Jeongguk forgetting my underwear on the couch because he insisted that he do laundry today.

Glad it wasn’t anything bad, I strolled to the kitchen to serve us glasses of lemonade. Seokjin looked around a bit before making his way into the kitchen.

“So, who’s your friend with the blunt advice?” I giggled, lifting my glass to my lips.

Seokjin smiled, “Yoongi. He goes back and forth between staying at my apartment and our friend Hoseok’s apartment. The day I did that was the day he was at Hoseok’s. He said I was like a toddler who he couldn’t leave alone.”

“Jeongguk says the same thing. He teased me endlessly for what I did,” I chuckled.

“Well, now we’re having a conversation like adults.”

“More like teenagers, because we’re having lemonade awkwardly.”

“Adults awkwardly drink lemonade too!” I laughed, only shaking my head.

“How old are you anyway? I want to say you’re my hyung, but the way you act contradicts that.” Seokjin pressed his hand to his chest in fake offense.

“I’m 26!”  

“So you’re a goofy hyung.”

“And you’re a rude dongsaeng!” Now it was my turn to be offended.

“How so!?”

“You should’ve asked my age when we met!”

“Well, I’m sorry I was distracted!”

“I know I’m handsome but please have manners!” My face pretty much heated up the whole room.

“It’s because Jeongguk shouted out the window! Then the second time you cornered me!” I defended my honor as best as I could.

“Ahh, I knew my handsome face affected you.” He smiled playfully, shifting his hand to blow me a kiss.

“…I will kick you out of my apartment.”

Seokjin let out a laugh, “Why?”

“Because you’re backing me into a corner!”

“If it makes you feel any better, I think you’re handsome too.”

“…Where is Yoongi-hyung when you need him.”

“Yah! Why do you automatically call him hyung and not me!?”

“Because I learned my lesson!”

“Why didn’t you learn it before me!?”

“…I’m sorry, Hyung. I’ll do better next time.”

Seokjin smiled bigger, “Ah,” He clutched his chest, his face scrunching a bit like he was touched and proud, “what a respectful young man I’m raising you to be.”

“…I’m kicking you out.”

Over the next few days, Seokjin and I would wave to each other and sometimes he would knock at my door just to hang out. Jeongguk and Junseok seemed to really like him. It wasn’t long before I gave him my number so he could just text me when he would come over so I could just leave the door unlocked and so we could talk more.

If he wasn’t complimenting himself or me over text he would be giving me horribly good dad jokes.

I settled in easily and got a job working at Jeongguk’s ‘assistant’ since he worked as a camera operator. I was supposed to be as qualified as him, but what ends up happening is him teaching me how to work the camera and then him judging me when I fuck up. I am getting better, and I’m happy to have my best friend working with me.

After work is usually when Seokjin invites himself over. Since Jungkook and I are mostly attached to the hip, we pick up Junseok and all go home to my apartment together, so we make a ton of noise.

I needed to clean my apartment and go shopping one day, so Seokjin agreed to watch Junseok. I thought he would mind at first but he said he ‘would be honored to teach this young man his ways’ if I just promised that I would feed him dinner too… I wasn’t sure if I should’ve left him with Seokjin…

I had Seokjin stay at my now clean apartment while he watched Junseok since it would be easier. It was just Seokjin and Junseok since Jungkook had to go back to his own apartment to clean up.

I looked at the two bags of chips, one was ‘original’, meaning salt and a ton of grease and other one was octopus flavored. Since I haven’t tried the octopus flavored chip, I figured ‘what the hell’ and dropped them both in my basket.

“Old habits never die huh?” I heard making me freeze.

Please don’t be her.

I spun around and felt my blood boil, “Hyejin, what the actual fuck are you doing here?”

She gave me an awkward smile, “It’s nice to see you too.”

“Drop the crap, what do you want.”

“You just leaving was cruel. He’s my son too.” I narrowed my eyes at her, fighting every urge not to explode in a semi-busy store.

“You wanted nothing to do with him because it inconvenienced your ‘perfect life’. So you can fuck off with that. You literally delivered him, then handed him to me and never even visited until a few months ago. ”

“Because I regretted my decision.”

“Because the party was over. The people who ‘knew you better than me’ decided you were expendable.”

She sighed, “Stop being so mean!”

“Stop pretending like you came to this decision yourself and like you actually give a fuck.”

“What makes you think that I don’t!?”

“What’s the name of Junseok’s pig?”

There was silence. I sighed at her look of panic. Maybe I was too harsh, but I didn’t want MY son to be hurt by an unreliable person who only cared about themselves.

“Listen,” I began, looking down at my hands, trying to think over my words, “We used to have something and I didn’t plan on having a son so soon. You basically took matters into your own hands and forced this on the both of us. You had him, then handed him to me and never even looked his direction. I moved here to start over with him. So he wouldn’t hear stories of his mother at least for now. You left us both. You can see where I’m coming from can’t you?”

I looked up at the end of my rant to see her fuming.

I guess she couldn’t see where I was coming from.

“You can’t just pick up and start over without me! I’m his mother!”

“A mother doesn’t give her child up for partying and people who don’t care about anyone or anything.”

“Stop bringing my friends into this! It’s YOUR fault!”

I let out an annoyed sigh. This was going nowhere.

“You’re obviously not mature yet. Please leave me and MY son alone. I would consider you visiting my son if you grew up a little bit because you obviously haven’t learned anything. He starts school soon, and if I see or hear of you stalking him there or waiting at the fucking gates, so help me I will get every lawyer I can get my hands on to MAKE you stay away. So I’m politely telling you to go fuck yourself.” I grabbed another bag of chips and began to push past her.

“You can’t take my son from me!” She yelled as I walked away.

“I didn’t! You handed him over!” I called back, trying to walk away in fucking style.

I couldn’t stop thinking about Hyejin on the elevator ride up to my apartment.

Maybe I WAS too harsh.

Or maybe she was too stubborn to take a fucking hint.

I kept wondering if there was a compromise we could come to or if something was wrong with my logic.

I was afraid she’d get bored like before then leave again. Play nice for a few weeks then leave.

I didn’t want someone like that in my son’s life but she was right, she was his mother and she had rights.

What if I DID have to involve the law?

What if they decided that I shouldn’t get my son?

What if it all went downhill because I was too stubborn to just let her see him??

What if I DID let her see him and she took him from me??

I was so stuck in my thoughts that I didn’t notice that I got out the elevator and shoved open my front door.

I didn’t snap out of it until I heard a male scream. My head snapped up to see Seokjin leap from the couch and frantically look around for something to defend himself. After finding nothing he, for some reason, settled on Oink who was laying on the couch, cocking his arm back like he was going to throw it at me.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa it's just me!" I held my hands up in front of me- "Put. The. Pig. Down!"

"You don't just walk into a man's home!" Seokjin scolded, shaking the pink stuffed pig at me in a demonstration of dominance.

“It’s MY apartment!”

“It was MY territory before you entered!”

“Like hell it is! I pay the bills!”

“I babysit and grace this place with my looks! Now tell me who REALLY provides for this family!”

As much as I tried to fight it, that made me smile. Despite me being too stressed and worked up to focus when I walked in, Seokjin made it all melt away in a matter of moments.

It was like 10 tons was lifted from my shoulders.

I sighed, letting my body relax, “You, Seokjin.” I smiled tiredly as I walked over to him.

He looked a little shocked at my words, still holding his guard up as I threw my arms around him to pull him into a thankful hug.

“You provide for this family more than you know.” I spoke, letting the silence hang in the air.

Then too much silence. It was only a few seconds of silence but it seemed like minutes. I was considering apologizing and pulling away, but I felt Jin wrap his arms around my waist and pull me closer.

It was now peaceful, comfortable, and reassuring silence.

It wasn’t like a hug with Jeongukk. Though it was filled with love and comfort, it felt like that but so much more.

I could feel my emotions pool in my chest and threaten to spill out. All from a simple hug.

“…I’m lost.” I admitted, hiding my face into his well-built shoulder.

Seokjin let out a small sigh, his arms tightening around me, “I’ll always be here to guide you.” He seemed to promise in a soft tone.

Maybe I could be willing to let Seokjin into my life more than I already had.

It really wouldn’t be so bad to let Seokjin be the person he wanted to be to me… Would it?

“So…about that date.” I began.

“Remember not to put the glass pitcher in the front of the fridge!” I called to Jeongguk as he was sat on the floor with my son.

I could hear their loud game continue, letting me know that they were far from listening. Their bowls of noodles sat behind them on the coffee table, untouched as they numbed themselves to the gaming world,

“Yah! Eat your food!” I snapped, making Jeongguk roll his eyes with an annoyed groan.

“Fine, MOM. We’ll eat.” He sassed, tapping my son’s side to get him to turn to the table.

I could hear a soft knock on the door that made me rush over to it. I pulled open my door, ready to tell Jin to just come in because I needed to wait for my socks to get out the drawer but my jaw dropped at the sight of him.

Black leather jacket, black shirt, dark jeans, and dark boots. A beautiful earring dangled from one of his ears, giving just the right amount of flash to draw attention.

I couldn’t help but stare in awe of the man I happened to snatch up by chance. I was taken by surprise by the outfit. He usually went for a more softer look. So my dumbass was wearing an oversized sweater and jeans to match his soft look but now that wasn’t happening.

Seokjin began to smirk at my obvious staring but just like that, it was over. The moment ruined with a noodle flying across the room, sauce splattering a bit on his face and my son cackling like the tyrant he was growing up to be.

My eyes widened and I quickly ran to get paper towels as Jeongguk began to scold my son about wasting noodles.

I made a mental note to scold my son for not only wasting noodles but ruining a perfectly good leather jacket.

“Sorry, Hyung! I should’ve warned you not to wear anything nice.” I let out a small awkward laugh.

“After all I’ve done to save Oink and THIS is how I’m treated!?” Seokjin mocked offense, a smile blessing his face, making me let out a breath of relief.

Seokjin the ran over to my son to ‘tackle’ him to the floor and wiggle his finger’s against my son’s side, causing my son to squeal with laughter. Jeongguk quickly picked a side as he jumped on Seokjin’s back to annoy him, causing Seokjin to yell at Jeongguk, but not causing him to stop tickling my son.

I smiled as warmth spread throughout my chest. Despite Seokjin’s attire, he was too soft for his own good and I loved that about him. He didn’t prod at my personal life, he didn’t push his boundaries, or judge how young I was with a son. Or even judge my relationship with Jeongguk. He just took it as it was and didn’t try to change it, he just wanted to be involved. He wanted to know me. He wanted to be a part of my life and take care of us.

“Yah! You’re ruining my date!” I complained, causing Jeongguk to blow into Seokjin’s ear as a form of rebellion.

“Stop giving foreplay!” I snapped at Jeongguk, causing his eyes to widen and for him to freeze in place.

Seokjin used Jeongguk’s pause to his advantage, grabbing Jeongguk to have him on his back so Seokjin could tickle him relentlessly too. Jeongguk let out a loud laugh as he tried to squirm out of Seokjin’s grasp.

“M/N! GET YOUR BOYFRIEND!”

“I don’t know, man. The way you were teasing him makes me think he’s YOUR boyfriend…”

“LESS SHIT TALK, MORE HELP!”

The date was not what I expected, but in a good way. Seokjin said he had a reservation somewhere and I thought it was a restaurant but after a few minutes of walking, he bought two bags of chips and some drinks as we casually strolled, which was gradually making my sanity decrease.

“So… Is this the date?” I asked as Seokjin’s eyes were trained on looking in his bag for the perfect chip.

“Would it be terrible if it was?” He asked, not bothering to look up.

“Not really, I just don’t really understand why we took an hour train ride to walk around.”

Seokjin only smirked. A moment of silence.

“So what do you think of koalas?” He tested.

“WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING!?”

Seokjin let out a laugh and kept walking. I glared at the back of his head, wondering if it would be too cruel to trip him.

Words can never explain how much I felt like a child as I hastily pulled off my shoes and put them away. I practically vibrated with excitement as Seokjin led me into the empty place.

A trampoline park.

No one else but us and staff.  

I was frozen in place, taken by surprise at just how huge this place was, “How did you manage to do this!? Are you rich or something!?” I gasped, “Am I your sugar baby now?” I asked as Seokjin un-glued me from my spot by pulling me by the hand.

“As much as I want you to think I’m perfect, my friend Taehyung works here. He offered the night to us.” He explained, stepping on the boarders of the trampolines on the floor so he could walk easily.

“…Are all your friends cool?” I asked, causing Seokjin to stop in his tracks and whip his head around to face me.

“Yah! Why do you want to know? I’m the coolest out of them! I’m the only 10!” I pressed my lips together in attempts to not burst out laughing.

Seokjin shook his head, “Let’s play a game! There are a few balls around, I go on one side and you go on the other, it hits the wall behind me, you get a point, I hit it behind you, you get a point.”

I could feel my competitive spirit spur in my chest, “Oh you’re fucking on!” I smirked, playfully pushing him to the side and rushing to get to the other side of the room.

“WHY DID YOU PUSH ME!?”

“PLAY THE GAME HYUNG!”

Seokjin decided to set a timer, 20 minutes, whoever got the most points in those 20 minutes was the winner. The loser had to buy dinner and the tickets back home. A few minutes into the game and I was only pulling 2 points ahead.

Seokjin was more athletic then I gave him credit for. Soon it got way too hot in the sweater I decided to wear. I was so used to playing these kinds of games with Jeongguk that I didn’t question it when I yanked off my sweater and threw it to the side to quickly get back into the game before Seokjin attempted to score.

However, that didn’t happen. Seokjin was walking with the ball, eyes too focused on me to the point where he stepped wrong between two trampolines, causing him to slip and the brightly colored borders to go directly into his groin. My hand flew up to my mouth as I heard the wind get knocked out of him painfully. I could feel second-hand pain in my stomach as he fell to the side, his hands cupping the now extremely sensitive area, his eyes watered.

“Holy shit! Hyung!? Are you okay!?” I asked, trying to run over but ended up losing my balance. Which ended in me doing a useless belly flop in his direction.

Seokjin let out a pain-filled chuckle, “Stop being cute I’m dying!”

“I’m sorry, Hyung!” I apologized quickly, getting up as fast as I could and stepping on the border so I wouldn’t lose balance again.

Before I could race to him Seokjin’s words stopped me, “YAH! Put on your shirt first!!”

I nodded rapidly and rushed over to grab my sweater, yanking it on and turning to sprint to Jin. Which made my impatient ass slip.

Again.

I let out a frustrated groan as I belly-flopped again.

“Oh just fucking forget it!” Seokjin murmured breathlessly, rolling onto his back.  

“How about I just walk?” I suggested.

“That would be best considering this place is a death trap.”

I stood again, moving to walk carefully on the borders until I got to Seokjin. I kneeled down beside him, petting his head in attempts to comfort him.

“…Thank you.” He muttered, staring at the ceiling, looking like he was questioning every choice he’s ever made.

“…This means I win right?”

“Gloat all you want but I’m never bringing you here ever again and I’m telling Taehyung that he tried to kill me.”

“…No one had you staring.” I tried to hold back the laughter that was bubbling in my chest.

“SO NOW IT’S MY FAULT THAT YOU GOT NAKED IN FRONT OF ME!?” Seokjin suddenly popped off.

“I just took off my shirt. It was too hot.” I defended.

“TOO HOT IS RIGHT! YOU CHEATED! YOU KNEW THAT WOULD MAKE ME FLUSTERED! I WANT A REMATCH WHEN I CAN FEEL MY LEFT LEG AGAIN!” Seokjin ranted.

I giggled, “Hyung, just admit that you like my body and you lost.”

“I didn’t lose! You cheated! How would you feel if I took off my shirt during a game?”

“I would like it very much.” I teased.

I could see color bloom in Seokjin’s cheeks and ears.

I could feel adoration fill my chest, “You’re so cute.”

“I’m a 26-year-old man. I’m not cute.”

“If I get you dinner can I call you cute?”

“You get me dinner and I charge you for getting to have a meal with me.”

“You called me cute, this isn’t fair.”

“Don’t talk back to your hyung.”

“…My hyung just broke his balls…”

“And it demands respect!”

I half expected Seokjin to take me to a cafe or something, but instead, he was arguing on the phone as I‌ grabbed chips out of a vending machine.

“I set up that reservation three hours ago!”‌ My eyebrows shot up.

“How the fuck did you even do that in the first place??”‌ Seokjin pressed his hand to the phone as if to completely keep the person on the other line from hearing.

“Someone canceled and I booked it.”‌ He responded in a hushed tone.

The other person seemed to say something because Seokjin quickly removed his hand and snapped, “They DID cancel!”‌

I only shook my head as I looked around. There were a few small restaurants. One looked like it had some good looking noodles. Another one had shrimp wrapped in something that I first thought was noodles. It was more like a batter of sorts, it was all dipped in the deep fryer. I was more curious about what the hell that dough was than hungry for it.

I‌ did see one stall that stood out though. An older woman was making knife-cut noodles. She didn’t have many people since there was a constant battle of everyone one-upping each other.

I turned to Seokjin, who was still arguing with this person who wasn’t budging. I grabbed his hand and began to pull him towards the stall. He was too focused on bickering that he just let me drag him along. I pushed down on his shoulders to make him sit then turned to the surprised woman.

“Two bowls please!”‌ I‌ eagerly asked.

“Would you like chicken or pork in your bowl?”‌ She asked, mirroring my smile.

I frowned a bit looking over at Seokjin, still arguing. I wasn’t really sure what he would prefer.

“One bowl of each? He’s a little stubborn.”‌ I chuckled awkwardly.

She only nodded in understanding as she began to cook the noodles. I was excited, getting chopsticks and looking over the add-in options.

“Hyung, she has soybean paste!”‌ I exclaimed.

I didn’t hear a break in his stupid dispute.

“WHY TELL ME THERE WAS A CANCELLATION IF THERE WASNT!? THEY CALLED TO CANCEL THEY CAN'T JUST TAKE IT BACK!”

I let out a huff. Well at least I know he’s passionate about what he believes in.

I reached up and grabbed his phone, ignoring his appalled face as I ended the call.

“Yah!‌ I was winning! That was rude!” He scolded me.

“You weren’t winning!‌ You were arguing with a wall! Pay attention to me.”‌ I grumbled, moving to shove his phone in my pocket.

“Hey! Give me my phone!”‌ He tried to lunge for it but I held my arm out to just keep it out his reach.

“We came out to have a nice time!”‌ I whined.

“We are having a nice time!”‌

“You arguing about a table is not a nice time!”‌

Seokjin was about to retaliate but was cut off by the woman setting the bowls in front of us.

“Thank you!”‌ I smiled at her, successfully pocketing the phone.

“Pork or chicken?”‌ I asked, handing him chopsticks.

Seokjin wordlessly grabbed the chopsticks from me and slid the bowl with chicken closer to himself. A pout rested on his rose lips.

I‌ groaned, “Hyung, the reservation wasn’t THAT important to argue for twenty minutes.”‌

More silence.

I let out a sigh and pulled the pork bowl closer, mixing the noodles and beginning to eat. I looked over to the add-in options and got the hot pepper paste. I put a decent sized dab in my bowl and offered it to Seokjin, who just took it in more muteness. I only rolled my eyes and went back to eating. Who knew an argument could mean so much to him.

After about half a bowl of noodles, he finally spoke.

“I‌ wanted tonight to be perfect.”‌

I raised an eyebrow at him. He was only staring at his noodles in defeat.

“And it is so far… except for you arguing for twenty minutes then ignoring me for ten.”

Seokjin turned to me, sadness in his eyes, “But you finally said yes!‌”

His words slowly sunk in as he continued, “I didn’t get a lot of time to set this up, but I still wanted to blow you away.”‌ Oh great now I felt like a dick for not planning the date at a later time.

“I said yes because I wanted to know you more, not what you could offer me. I understand you want it to be perfect but I honestly feel more comfortable eating noodles at a stall than in a fancy restaurant that I have to get glares every time I laugh too loud. This IS perfect, Hyung.”‌

Seokjin looked back down at his bowl, “…If I would’ve known you were this cheap I would’ve had a picnic at the park.”‌ He grumbled.

“CAN WE!?”‌

Seokjin shook his head at me, a disapproving look on his face.

"I make a KILLER lemonade!"‌ I added with a proud smile.

I‌ saw Seokjin try to hold back a smile, "We'll have a picnic date next time."‌ He confirmed, lifting up a bundle of noodles.

We heard a clatter to the side of us. We whipped our heads to look towards the woman. She had dropped a spoon and looked a little... surprised?

"Ma'am, are you okay?"‌ I asked softly.

Seokjin only frowned, "Yes, we're on a date. I've even seen him without a shirt and I liked it."‌

My head snapped over to look at Seokjin, "Hyung!"

"We're planning on going home together,"‌ Seokjin added to my horror.

"OKAY!THANKYOUSOMUCHFORTHEMEALWE'REGOINGTOGONOW!" I yelled in one breath, frantically trying to pull my wallet out of my pocket.

"He even has a son so we don't need to adopt. We're going to raise a CHILD. TWO MEN."

"HYUNGSTOPTALKING!" I slammed the money on the table, just knowing I gave more money than was needed.

My face was way too hot and my brain was far too scattered to deal with what Seokjin just did.

I grabbed his hand and began to try to yank him away. It was useless. The man didn't budge.

"I'm going to use the belt tonight because he made me lose an argument."‌

World.

Just open up and take me now.

It wasn't just the woman who was staring now, it was others around the small market as well. I‌ wanted to melt into the floor.

“Hyung…”‌I‌ whispered, “If we leave now I’ll buy you cake.”

The ride and stroll home was by far my favorite part of the date. Even though I had to buy Seokjin a pretty expensive slice of cake –I’ve never seen someone shove a whole slice of strawberry cake in their mouth– we still talked the whole way home. Embarrassing stories of our childhoods, who our friends were and everything in between. It was amazing until the dreaded topic was brought up.

“What about Junseok? Does he talk to his mother?”‌

Fuck.

I looked down at my feet as we walked, thinking over my works. I tried to figure out how I was going to tell this story without being biased or have Seokjin thing badly of Hyejin.

Seokjin must have thought I didn’t want to tell him, “You don’t have to tell me if it’s too sore of a subject…”‌ He added, a little disappointed.

“It’s not that!”‌ I‌ quickly said, looking up as fast as I spoke.

I let out an awkward laugh from my outburst, “It’s just that I‌ don’t know how to really tell the story in a neutral or fair way. I only know one side of the story so it’s a little complicated.”‌

Seokjin let out a sigh. He reached over to grab my hand and dragged me over to some stairs close by. He sat down and patted beside him, “This sounds like it will take a while, so start from the beginning. We have the time.”‌

I looked down at him, shaking my head, “You just want to torture my best friend.”‌

“Looking after that well-behaved, future child of mine, is not torture.”‌ I raised an eyebrow.

“Future child of yours?”‌

“Just sit down and spill.”‌

I sighed, and plopped down next to him, this was going to be hard explaining this to someone who didn’t know Hyejin.

“I used to have two best friends. Jeongguk, and Hyejin. Hyejin was a girl and she kinda stuck around us,” I‌ began, trying to keep my eyes dead ahead so I wouldn’t have to look into his eyes. I‌ was almost afraid he would judge me.

“Jeongguk was in sports and had two other friends, Jimin and Taehyung. So sometimes Jeongguk and I couldn’t hang out. I‌ wasn’t mad about it, I mean I‌ didn’t expect him to not have other friends. But Hyejin made it seem like it was like he committed treason,”‌ I‌ scoffed at the ridiculousness, “She kept saying ‘if he’s having fun so should we’.”‌ I‌ mocked her stupid voice.

I could see Seokjin press his lips together to hold back laughter. I‌ sighed and began to rub my hands on my thighs nervously.

“I‌ was an art student. I‌ was trying to keep my grades above average and I didn’t care about having fun. But Hyejin kept going on and on and I knew that she wouldn’t stop until I gave in and went with her at least once. So I did. ” I‌ could feel my heart speed up at the thought of finishing the stupid story that seemed to affect me years later.

“Jimin had told me once that Hyejin was giving me heart eyes. I‌ told him she was our childhood friend, so he was wrong. Jeongguk and I talked about how she seemed to be the most unconvinced when I‌ came out, but I was too idiotic to think she would just let it go.”‌ I could feel anger begin to build and sting the back of my eyes.

“So sure enough, I‌ got black-out drunk and wandered upstairs. I just wanted to pass out and have someone drag me home in the morning. I‌ remember diving onto the bed and texting Jeongguk. I‌ remember Hyejin coming into the room and asking if I was plastered. I‌ remember saying something stupid like ‘I’m not plaster, I’m a person.’. I‌ remember her flipping me over and complaining about taking me home. I just remember her hovering over me. I‌ thought she was just going to complain more and take me home like a decent fucking human being would.”‌I nearly growled.

Seokjin scooted closer to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. He pulled me close but said nothing, allowing me to continue.

“The last thing I‌ remember was her stupid fucking face hovering over me. I‌ woke up next to her. Being the idiot I was, I‌ woke her up and told her we would keep it a secret. I‌ dumbly thought she was as wasted as me and we just happened to hook up. We didn’t talk about it and I told her that if she brought it up, we wouldn’t be friends anymore.”‌ Even the summarized version made my blood boil.

“A few weeks later, she called in sick to school. When Jeongguk and I called in to check up on her, we were yelled at by her mom. Well… I‌ was yelled at by her mom. I‌ was called a low-life player and a bunch of other stupid shit. When I asked her what the hell her problem was, she told me Hyejin was pregnant.”‌

“I had to explain to Jeongguk what happened. Of course, Jeongguk was pissed. My family wasn’t very stable financially. But Hyejin’s family was. I had to explain to my parents. They weren’t as hard on me as they could’ve been, but they were disappointed. Jeongguk was the first to say she did it on purpose.”

“I believe him.”‌ Seokjin’s voice was barely above a whisper.

“I‌ do too. I tried to get a job, I‌ mean I was going to have a kid. So I stopped taking school as seriously. I figured if I‌ passed just above the bar it would be enough for art school. Hyejin kept telling me that being a parent was a full-time thing. She wasn’t going to let me go to art school. I told her that I WAS going. There were plenty of fathers in college! I‌ tried damn hard to get above the bar while working. It’s was 8 months of hell with Hyejin. Jeongguk would invite me to hang out with him and his friends, only for Hyejin to somehow find us and tell off Jimin like he was trying to steal me away. I‌ told her to cut it out, only for her to tell me I was hers until the baby was born. Jeong–”‌

“Bitch.”‌ I choked on air.

Seokjin patted my back as I coughed and sputtered, “Are you okay!?”‌ He questioned, worry written all over his face. My choking turned into laughter as I leaned onto Seokjin’s lap.

“What!? I’m sorry, but that’s crazy stalker level bitchery!”‌ He defended, only causing me to laugh more. Literal tears.

I felt Seokjin’s fingers comb through my hair as he let out small laughs of his own, waiting for me to calm down.

It wasn’t so bad in Seokjin’s lap. It was warm and comforting. Just what I needed for the finale of the horror story. My laughter died down. He didn’t stop playing with my hair as my breath evened out.

“Jeongguk was going to move here. But he stayed until Junseok was born.” I‌ said softly.

I rubbed my face more against his thigh, “That was nice of him.”‌Seokjin’s voice was feather-light.

“She left us.”‌ I‌ stated.

Seokjin’s fingers froze.

“Her parents were insisting I should marry her. My parents would fight back. A few weeks before Junseok was born, her parents put us in an apartment to live together. My mother hated it. It was pretty high-end. A few days before Junseok was born, Hyejin and I got into a fight about us getting married. I wasn’t going to do it. I would support her and my child. I‌ would make sure he grew up right, but I wasn’t going to trap myself in a loveless marriage. So when Junseok was born. She ignored me almost the whole time. Only waking up to feed him then going back to bed. Jimin, Taehyung, and Jeongguk were more excited to see him than she was. It was no surprise that as soon as she was able to walk around, she packed her things, handed me Junseok and left everything to me.”‌

I felt wet hit my cheek.

After a moment of confusion, I looked up at Seokjin. His eyes were red, tears beginning to streak down his cheeks.

I‌ quickly sat up to cup his face, “Why are you crying?”‌ I asked, trying to wipe away as many tears as I would.

“He’s such a great son. Why wouldn’t she just give him a chance?‌!” I’ve never seen him so hurt and angry.

I let out a sigh, “She came back last year. She tried to act like nothing happened. She just kept coming over and saying I was the problem for not giving her a chance. He knows her as his aunt, which creeps me out. So I moved so she would leave us alone. She just knows I’m in Seoul.”‌ I sagged my shoulders and dropped my hands to his thighs.

“Well she can suck my ass he’s my son now.”‌

“WHY IS EVERYONE TRYING TO CLAIM MY SON??” I‌ demanded.

Seokjin chuckled, “I’m telling you, he’s a great boy. You did perfect.”‌ His voice was soft and comforting.

He placed his hand in my hair to ruffle it, “You and your son are perfect for me.”‌

He’s face was still blotched red. His eyes shined with the light and his nose was as red as his ears. He was beautiful. It hurt to see him cry, but I couldn’t help the fondness that built in my chest.

“You’re perfect for us too.”‌ I‌ whispered.

His eyes turned into crescents as his smile grew.

“You’re even handsome when you cry.”‌ I‌ smirked.

“Yah!”‌ The switch flipped.

Seokjin drew back to smack the back of my head, “I’m starting to think you only want me around for my looks!”‌

“That’s not true!” I rubbed the back of my head with a pout, “I keep you around because you cook and make dad jokes.”‌

“…Do you appreciate them?”‌

“Very much so.”‌

“…Then I will continue to stay.”‌

Seokjin and I walked into the apartment building hand-in-hand. I would occasionally swing our hands, being the idiot I‌ was. Seokjin had a thing for winking at people who stared, which I had to scold him for.

Upon exiting the elevator, Seokjin turned to me, “How about I hang out at your apar-”‌

A‌ loud shriek cut Seokjin off. Making us both jump and look down the hall.

“JUNSEOK GIVE ME THE BASKET OF TOWELS!!!”‌ I could hear Jeongguk’s muffled yelling from in the apartment.

“SECRET AGENT SEOK WILL USE THEM TO ESCAPE THE EVIL VILLAIN!”‌

“YOU USE THEM TO CLIMB OUT THE WINDOW AND I WILL GRAB SCIS- STOP TYING THEM TOGETHER YOUR FATHER WILL KILL ME!”‌

I let out a deep sigh, turning to Seokjin, “You still sure he’s a good son?”‌

Seokjin gave me a big smile, “He’s tormenting Jeongguk. He’s the best son.”‌

I‌ could hear Junseok scream.

“SCREAM ALL YOU WANT! YOU CAN’T GO OUT THE WINDOW!!!”‌

Seokjin let out a sigh of his own, his hand tightened around mine, “Let’s go handle our son, shall we?”‌

[jenni42085]

Nervous <One>

Chapter 1

 Evangeline “Lena” nervously shakes her leg and tries to let the music soothe her mind and soul.  Mentally she is thinking of how much people will be upset if she just decides to trade in her return ticket sooner to be closer with her daughter.  Her parents and his parents both agreed she needed a break and some “me time” but she wasn’t too sure if this was a smart idea.  She realizes her daughter is young and won’t fully remember her being gone for a week but guilt still plagues her.  She leans her head against the window and thinks of him.  

 Thinking of all the good things he is missing, not by choice but rather fate’s choice.  300 days since he was taken from her in a tragic car accident.  She can still remember the officers at her door looking sad and not sure what to tell her.  A wave of sadness washed over her as she felt the sadness that has slightly controlled her life the last 300 days.  Some days were better than others but a day like today where she is flying to see her best friend Marylea in California with out her precious Eevee makes her a little bit more on edge and more time to let her mind wander to different places and topics.

 Usually having the playful but shy 1 year old makes her mind focus on her instead of who isn’t with her anymore.  She is wondering if this week will help her or make her regret ever coming out.  It’s only a week she thinks to herself.  A small part of her thinks that she needs a little time away to completely heal but the rest of her feels guilty for letting her family watch her daughter.  Her greatest joy lately in life has been being a mom.  She thought being a wife was an amazing thing but since being a mom she has felt like her life was complete.  She leans her head back as the plane endures some turbulence, I pray this plane makes it, Eevee can’t lose another parent.  With those final thoughts she drifted into a well deserved nap.

 **************************************************************************************************************

 “No, no, no” Jeff yells as he frustratedly throws the next headshot back in the stack of the others “These girls aren’t what we needing for his image!  Does anyone ever listen to me?”  As he says this he looks around at a few people to have them acknowledge him and his question.  He sees yet another text from his client Chris going unanswered since he already knows what Chris is going to ask him. 

 “Maybe he could just not go because of a ‘medical problem’” he heard someone say.

 “Absolutely not!  This man is Captain America!  He has great health and it really great with the press AND his fans.  There is no way he is going to miss this premeire.”

 “Well, what exactly is he wanting?” Marylea asks as she quietly places his drink order in front of him.  She was still new to California and was looking for better work than being a runner.  She wanted to write but she knew she had to first pay her dues.  So until they thought she was ready to write, she’d be getting coffee.  

 For the first time in a long time he felt hopeless.  He knew Chris never had any crazy demands, so he was trying hard to please him.  It is not that often you get an actor who isn’t a complete douche bag, acts crazy in public,  or hasn’t made a bunch of unattainable goals.  Jeff runs this hands through his bleached blonde hair and grabs his coffee and looks at his new assistant.  She hasn’t been there long but he knows she always got his coffee right and she was always quiet.  Maybe the mouse is finally showing that she is more than a coffee runner.  “He wants a real woman.  Not a model, an actress, or anything like that.  He wants to take a person to the charity event and movie premiere who makes him happy.  Someone who looks like they go together.”

 “You know he is our client and we will do most everything for him but, we aren’t a dating site.”  Anna states flatly as she takes a sip of her water. 

“Not the point. Happy people make for better press.  The guy wants to go out a few times with someone who isn’t completely star struck.”  Jeff knows what would make his client happy, he just has to find it. 

Marylea stood quietly as she debated on letting Jeff know that she had a person who could possibly fill that position. She’s well aware that Lena hasn’t been seeing anyone since the death of her husband. And she had  met Chris a few times and sat in a few meetings with him and honestly he seemed like a good guy.  She thinks they would actually make a great couple since they are both so loving, giving, and most importantly selfless.

Jeff noticed that Marylea had gotten even more quiet and was silently debating something in her head. “Speak.”

Startled Marylea looks up at him like a deer caught in headlights. “I.... ummm ....”

“Well...”, Jeff stares at her slightly intimidating at her. 

“My friend is in town for a month or so.  She isn’t a model or anything like that.”

“Ok and ?” Anna replies with the look that Marylea shouldn’t have been talking. 

“Well, to be honest. She’s black and quite beautiful if you ask me. She is single and honestly needs a boost in confidence”

Anna rolls her eyes while Jeff looks intrigued, “ If she is so beautiful why isn’t she in a relationship now?”

 Marylea was really hoping no one would have asked that question but it would come out sooner or later. “Her husband died about a year ago. She has a one year daughter.  She’s been giving all her time and energy into raising her alone.  Even with that on her plate she still volunteers and fosters animals.”

 “So no crazy exes?” Jeff questions.  Marylea shakes her head quickly. “Why is she out here for a month?  Where is the baby?”

 By this point Marylea has decided to pull up a chair and sit down with the table of inquiring minds to the issue. “All of her friends and family think she needs a break. Her parents are watching her daughter for a week, then she is being flown out here. As her bestie, it is my job to get her back in society as a 34 year old mom. You know kind of get her groove back.”  

 Jeff slowly shakes his head. “This.  This might actually work”. He stands up and stretches as he is thinking that this will benefit everyone. “The press eats it up when people have kids and everyone knows how much Chris loves kids we could have them doing events for kids.  Depending how beautiful you say your friend is she might have a gig for a bit. But this is upon Chris’ approval though.”

 “That’s fine. Hold on I have a few good pictures of her and Eevee.”

 “She named her daughter after a Pokémon?” Anna replies with a smug smirk. 

 Marylea doesn’t appreciate anyone talking about her god-daughter like that.  “No, her name is Evelyn. Eevee is her nickname thank you very much.” 

 By this point Gary has joined the group at the table and smiles like he has won the lottery. It’s not very often Marylea even talks let alone sticks up for herself or anyone but here she goes. “Meow!  This little kitty is finally showing her claws.”

 Hearing that Marylea blushes and puts her head down slightly. “I wouldn’t have suggested her if I didn’t think she was a good choice or that you guys had anyone who would fill the requirements you are looking for.”

 “Good point. Well, she a beautiful girl and her daughter is adorable.”  Jeff says as he hands Marylea’s phone back to her. 

 She opted on the most recent picture she has of her bestie granted it wasn’t the happiest day. Ezra’s funeral. Lena was in a simple black dress with her wedge heels to give her some height. She had opted to pull her naturally curly hair into a sleek bun. Lena was never one for a lot of makeup but on that day she wanted to look her best for him so she did smoky eye makeup and wing tips. Eevee was in her arms in a black tutu. 

 “When does she get here?”  Jeff questions. 

 Marylea looks down at her phone. “She should be here in about an hour. Her flight from West Virginia left on time from the looks of things.”

 “So we can meet her soon?”  Gary perks up to hearing this news. He honestly was tired of looking through millions of head shots of females who didn’t fit the criteria that was asked. 

 “Yeah. I was going to have her meet me here to get my house key then get settled.”

 Jeff thought about things and looked at his phone and quickly sent a message out to Chris. “Have her come here and we will let Chris meet her directly to see what he thinks.  If he approves then you can tell her about a gig she has.  Deal?”

 “Deal!” Marylea replies excitedly.  

 ************************************************************************************************************************************************

 Lena rubs her eyes and stretches as she is one of the last ones to get off the plane. She didn’t think she needed sleep but apparently she did.  It felt to actually sleep soundly and not have to wake up every 45 minutes or so bc she was afraid something was happening with Eevee. 

 This will be the longest she has gone without her little girl and it is kind of uncomfortable. Only a week.  She continues to think of the benefits of having a week away and she isn’t really getting a lot of positives.

 Lena takes her cellphone out and messages everyone to let them know she made it safely and check on her daughter.  Once she knows everyone is ok, she breathes deeply and is enjoying the feel of the sun on her toasted almond skin.  She doesn’t need a tan but a little extra sun would be great for the full on J.Lo effect that she likes.  This is going to be a good trip.  I’m ready for new experiences and new friends.  Uber drops her off in front of a boring blue building, she texts Marylea to let her know she was outside and waiting for the key. 

 “Lena!!!  You finally made it here!”  Marylea shouts when she sees her bestie of ten plus years.  Marylea practically knocks Lena over in an embrace. “I’ve missed you soooo much!”

“I know!” Lena replies just as excited as her bestie. “I’m loving it out here already. It’s so much better than Charleston.”

“Now you see why I hate coming home sometimes.”

“I totally get it. So what time do you get off?”

Marylea thought about breaking the news to her or just letting her relax first. “Well I don’t get off for another few hours. You can hang here if you want. And ...”

“I don’t mind waiting for you and seeing how much of a big shot you are from a small town,” Lena replies. She wasn’t really tired the nap on the plane ride was plenty of sleep. At this point she was ready to explore. 

Hearing Lena say she has no problem with waiting for her made the stress in her chest relax. Might as well let her get her guard down then tell her, but it might be better to do it like a band aid.  “That’s great!  I may or may not have a project/favor to ask of you.”

“Shoot. Anything for you!” Lena replies with out thinking. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes of course.  This is vacation right. What’s the worse you could ask of me?”

Marylea looks at her feet as they ride up the elevator. “Funny you should say that.... so you know this is my new job.”  Lena nods and keeps smiling. “Well, I may or may not of gave your name to be a date for a celebrity.”

“Excuse me?”  Lena relaxed smile went straight into a deer in headlights look. “You are shitting me right?” 

Marylea shakes her. “I shit you not.  They want needed someone who would go to a few functions this month with a client.”

“Ok but they couldn’t find a model or another actress?”

“See that’s the thing he requested someone who wasn’t in the industry.  He didn’t want a white or ambiguously racial lady.  He wanted someone real.”

“So you thought I would be a great person to fill those shoes?!?”  The elevator comes to a halt and Lena feels her blood pressure raising.  “I mean have you looked at me?  And I have a daughter. Who would want to date me?!?  Even if it is fake.” 

Marylea can tell Lena is having a small manic episode due to the fact she was speed walking down a hall way in a place she has never been in. “Lena calm down please. Everyone can see you!” She squeaks out, even though the outside of the building looks horrible the inside has been renovated with all glass walls which everyone can see.

Lena turns around and stops in her tracks. She is feeling stressed but, she doesn’t want her best friend to lose her job that she has worked so hard to get. “Yes yes. I’m sorry but have you looked at me lately and thought to ask me first?”

“You were on the plane.”

“Not the point,” she replies with a grin. 

Marylea tilts her head to the side and grins back,” would you rather have a smoke signal?” 

“Yes.”

“Smart ass.” To that Lena flips her off then hangs her head down. “Look I know you aren’t thrilled about it but, I figure this is a good stepping stone for me to start writing and not being a coffee runner.  Plus when I was told what they wanted I couldn’t think of anyone else but you.”

Lena’s face soften with happiness to know her best friend thinks that much of her. “What about Eevee?  I can’t be away from her for a month to do a ‘gig’. I’m stressed out from being away from her after 13 hours.”

“They already know you have a child and etc., and it’s not even guaranteed that he is going to be cool with this whole idea my boss has thought up.”  

************************************************************************************************************************************************

Chris nervously sat on Jeff’s couch as he waited for this mystery lady to show up. He knows that he asked Jeff for something of a miracle but he was starting to realize while he is waiting maybe he could have done a dating site. But he couldn’t kid himself he has been trying on and off for 3 years and every time he would think the lady was into him for him, she would start asking for help to “break in” to the business.  At least with the girl being Jeff’s assistance friend maybe just maybe she has no interest is the business. 

“Lena calm down!  Everyone can hear and see you!”  He heard Marylea whisper scream at a short messy bun wearing beauty speed walking down the hall way.  Chris couldn’t see her facial features but her body type was that of someone he wouldn’t kick out of bed. She had on ripped Bermuda shorts with an oversized button down yellow shirt that made her skin glow. He noticed she has a few tattoos showing. 

“Jeff.” Chris asked standing up stretching. “Is your mystery girl here yet?”  

Jeff looks up from his desk looking at Marylea and the mystery tattooed girl walk into her office. “Yeah, I do believe she just walked in with Marylea. What do you think so far?” 

Chris walks closer to the glass wall to get a better look at the girl even though she is still pretty far away. “ I don’t know. Maybe we can try. I still need to see her face to face and not from a distance.”

Jeff noticed the way Chris was focusing on the short mess bun wearing girl who was pacing around in Marylea’s office that he might have found something he likes. Granted the picture he was shown of the girl she was quite beautiful, hell she’d be his type if he wasn’t already crushing on someone else. 

“Well, I’ll get Marylea and Evangeline to come meet you for a few minutes and tell me what you think.  You know I’ll never make you do anything of this nature unless you want to.”  

“Yes I know.”  Chris replies still not taking his eyes of the girl pacing. Her body language looked like she was on the brink of a panic attack. 

************************************************************************************************************************************************

“Marylea.” Jeff’s voice came over the intercom and made both the of females jump attention. “Is your friend here and ready to meet him?”

Marylea quickly glances at Lena with pleading eyes and her clasped together. She sees Lena nod her ok. “Yeah she’s here and I’ll bring her to your office.”

“Ok great hurry up. Time is of the essence.”  Jeff said as the line when dead. 

“You know you owe me right?”  Lena looks at her while her hands are slightly shaking as she looks into the mirror. “By the way. . . You never told me who this ‘big shot’ was.”

“Don’t freak out ok?”

“Yeah, see saying that makes me want to not only freak out but panic majorly.”

“Lena.”

“Spill it Marylea.”

Marylea takes a deep sigh, “ it’s Chris Evans.”

Lena stood there a moment and took in who she just said. “Like Captain America Chris Evans?”  Marylea looks silently at her and slowly nods. “ no way on God’s green precious earth. Have you looked at me and have you legit seen him?!? “

“Look, Jeff thinks you would be perfect for Chris. Just meet him first. Please??”

“Fine let’s go.... this won’t last long. He’ll meet me and see what I’m in and immediately turn me down.”  Lena says as she links her arm with Marylea. 

“Stop thinking the worst. Please. You and I could really use something awesome happening to us.  Plus you are a smoking hot momma with a cute booty”  

Lena sighs deeply and leans her head on Marylea. “I know we both do but how do you know that this is it?  Like couldn’t we just win the lottery or something easier?  Something less stressful?!?” 

By the tone of Lena’s voice she could hear her friend was close to having a minor panic attack. She started breathing deeper so Lena could hear and start unconsciously breathing deep also.  This trick has always worked and apparently still does now. 

The pair stand outside of Jeff’s door for a brief second knowing the two men could see them. Marylea squeezes Lena hand and Lena gives her a nod of approval. 

Even with the nod of approval Lena is wondering why me.  Part of her is nervous because it was Chris freaking Evans, then the other part of her worries about what Ezra’s family thinks of her leaving Eevee for a week while she goes out with a movie star. 

Chris can see the nervousness of the messy bun golden brown skin goddess as she is tightening her grip on Marylea’s arm. Good to know he wasn’t the only one who was nervous. He got a better look at her, she had dark brown eyes, an adorably small nose, plump lips that looked kissable, and a diamond stud lip ring on the right side of my mouth. 

“Hello I’m Evangeline.” She stuck her hand out to Chris then Jeff. She gave them a strong handshake and nervous smile. 

“I’m Jeff and this is of course Chris.”  Jeff introduced even though they all knew Chris didn’t need to be introduced. The silence in the room started to go deafening and Jeff realized he needed to leave them alone to test the waters. “umm Marylea follow me to the board room will you?”

Marylea looked confused as to why they had to leave but she followed him out the room. 

“So.....you just flew in?”  Chris asks slightly nervous. 

“Umm yeah. Just an hour or so ago.”

“Was it a good flight?” He asks as she walks away from him to the window. She is maybe 5’5 if that, which is adorable. From what he count on her body that is showing she has about ten tattoos. Never dated a woman with that many she must be a badass. 

Lena can feel his eyes on her and she isn’t sure how she feels about this. Sure she has been checked out before but right now she feels like he might want more than just a date. “Yeah it was good. I slept most of the way so I consider it a good flight.”

“That’s good. So....”. Chris isn’t sure why this petite girl is making him so nervous. 

Lena turns around to look at him; if she didn’t know any better she’d think she makes him nervous like he makes her nervous.  She slowly crosses the room feeling his eyes on her the whole time. “So what exactly are you wanting or needing?  I’m not a call girl. I’m a mom. And isn’t there a model or struggling actress you could have  decided on?” 

Her bluntness shocked him and herself. She was internally shaking even saying it but, she didn’t have a chance to ask Marylea any of these questions.  Once it was all out she realized how rude she kind of sounded and that honestly wasn’t her character. “I’m sorry to sound so blunt and rude. I didn’t mean it to come off that way. I’m just .... I just ....” She stops again hanging her head in defeat, while plopping her body down on the couch next to the still stunned actor. “I’m just not sure I can be what you are wanting. This last year took a man who I loved very much away from me, I’m raising an one year daughter alone, I’m doing a week away from her and I guess I’m just not fully ready to come out of my shell even though I really need to.”

Chris sits there slightly stunned by everything she said. Honestly he couldn’t imagine how she is holding it all together but he admires that. “Well, I’ll be honest with you. I don’t want or need a call girl, model, or actress.  I tried dating sites but let’s be honest they are. . . “

They both look at each and say in unison, “horrible.”  They chuckle together and he continues.  “I just want some one different to spend some time with. Maybe go with me to a few events. Not as a girlfriend or anything but just a friend.  But if things develop I wouldn’t be upset either.” 

“Ok. That I could possibly do. But I have a little girl who comes first.”  Lena replies as she is slowly relaxing after his admission. 

“Oh I understand that you have a child and want her always to come first and I’ll help you in any way that I can.  Jeff said this was your vacation and I want you enjoy your time out here.  Maybe we could go to Disney one day,”  The look he gives her is meaning that he is honest about what he means. He isn’t sure of her whole backstory but he knows he is a smitten kitten with her genuine smile that lights up her whole face. “Can I see a picture of your little girl?”

Hearing all of this is slightly overwhelming and shocking to hear a man want to not only help out but also spend time with her daughter and want to see her. She smiles at him as she pulls her phone from her back pocket. “Umm let me find the most recent one of Evelyn.”  She shows him a picture that she took of her right before she left. She was in a blue polka dotted onesies with her hair in pigtails. 

He took the phone out of her hand examine the small infant who looks a lot like her mother with the same small nose and genuine smile. Her eyes and skin were a few shades lighter than her mother making him wonder if the baby’s father was white. “She’s absolutely adorable. So she will be here in a week?  Is she flying alone or with someone?”

“My in-laws are flying to Japan so they are flying to Cali with her for the layover.  I hope she is a good flyer.” She replies with a hopeful smile. 

“In-laws?  I don’t mean to pry but did you get a divorce?”  Chris asked before his mind would stop him. 

She knew that it would be asked sooner if not later. “No, he died in a car wreck right after Eevee was born.  I want her to know who he was from me and his side of the family, I keep the connection always open.  She’s their first grand child.”

He nods his head feeling like a dumbass for asking because he could see the slight bit of sadness come across her face when she was replying. With out thinking he puts his arm around her shoulder and gives her a hug. At first he felt her body tense by the sudden physical contact but she slowly relaxed in his arms. 

“Thanks.”

“Thanks for telling me. And just being honest.  I think that is why I needed help from Jeff because I just want to hang out and know someone genuinely. You know?”

“Understood.  Just odd that you would need help.”

“Really? Why is that?”

Lena bit on her lip ring finding the words to say not realizing that he thought she was absolutely adorable. “Well, let’s see. You are very handsome, and from what I’ve seen in the media an all around good guy.”

Chris blushes at her comment. He’s never been good accepting them and wondering if the person who says them are genuine or not. “Thanks. I try.”

A small silence happens between them but not in an awkward way.  “So, how are you guys doing?  What do you think?  Will this work for you Chris?”  Jeff says. The way he said it makes Chris slump, since it makes him feel like he has to accept to be polite even though he wanted to be linked up to her. 

Lena shifts her attention to Marylea who is giving her a hopeful smile.  This is worse then being picked for a team. “We are good. I think we are meshing really well.”

“Ok great!  We just have some paperwork to go over and need you to see his schedule and compare it to yours.” Jeff says as he crosses the room to his desk. 

“Paperwork?”  Lena and Marylea reply in unison. “What kind of paperwork?”

Jeff stops searching for documents on his computer to look at the two females. “Yes, paperwork. NDA meaning you won’t go to the press about Chris or any of his personal business.  Nothing to crazy and he can fill one out for you since you have a daughter.”

Chris looks at her, her expression is unreadable. He doesn’t do anything to be exposed to the paparazzi but he knows Jeff wants to be safe. “I’d rather her not sign it.”

“Umm excuse me?  Ladies I need a word with him. I’ll call you back in a few.”  Jeff says with a slightly frustrated look. 

The women nod and leave the room looking confused like Jeff. “Dude what’s that about?”  Jeff asks. 

“I trust her.”

“Maybe so but I think you should have her sign it.”

“I’d rather she not.  What if I end up with her?  I don’t want that to be a reason why she isn’t with me.”

“But you don’t even know her yet.”

“Key word is yet. I think we might actually be good together. If I don’t feel like it’s ok we can revisit it in two weeks”

Jeff sighs deeply and looks at the hopeful look on Chris’ face. “Fine. But two weeks and that is all.”

***************************************************************************************************************************************************

Lena and Marylea walked down the long hall way to Marylea’s office. Before the two got all the way to her office they hear heavy foodstuff coming their way. 

“Hey Evangeline! Wait up!” Chris says. 

“You guys done so soon?”  Lena asks with a questioning expression. “Ready for me to sign the papers?”

“Yes and no.”  The two women gave him confused expression.  “Yes we are done and no you don’t have to do the NDA.  I trust you.”

“Thanks.  I guess.”  Lena replies.  “So how does this all work?”

Chris shoves his hands in his pockets looking a little unsure.  “Well, we could lunch or dinner today if you would like.  I know you just got into town and I know you and Marylea will want to catch up.  Just figure a meal together to know more about each other and the events I have to attend.”

Marylea can see Lena’s body slowly grow tense, she knew Lena was probably going to put off hanging out with Chris as long as she could.  Before Lena could open her mouth, “How about your guys do lunch since I don’t get off work for a few more hours then afterwards us girls can have girl’s night.”

Lena turns her head and looks at Marylea like she has lost her mind.  “Yeah sure we can do lunch.”

“Great!  Let me tell Jeff I’m leaving and we will be good to go.”  Chris says cheerfully.

As soon as the door shuts, “Seriously?  What have you signed me up for?”  Lena says as she pulls out her mirror to make sure she looks decent to be seen out in public.

“You’ve signed up for a good time.  I promise it will be ok.  Just trust that it will be ok.  I think you guys will get along just fine.”

“Yes yes, but you owe me big.”

“I know.  Drinks on me tonight.”

Chris comes back to the office, “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”  As the two leave Marylea’s office, Chris’ hand moves to Lena’s lower back to usher her out the room.  This will be ok.  This will be ok, she mentally chants to herself.

************************************

[pbandjesse]

I had a bit of a panic about work this afternoon. Alexi emailed us that they were almost ready to open back up and needed a bunch of paperwork and I was like. Okay chill. Except it wasnt chill!! There were forms and they needed like. So much information. And paperwork from others?? And transcripts?? From my highschool?? Excuse me?? So I sent some panicked emails. 

But I think most of it will be fine? Mom sent me scans of my diplomas. I just had to pull out my masters degree. Which is ugly as sin and does not look like a diploma but what are you gonna do.  And I have a phone meeting with Alexi tomorrow to try to sort everything else out. 

But man it was stressful. I feel a little overwhelmed. I like being home, but it has been hard to be like chill, because I feel so much guilt. But also I know I needed the break. But also now I might be going back to work but I dont know when? So that makes me stressed. But it seems like thats just the way things are at this camp, we gotta just be ready and try our best? 

The rest of the day was alright. I slept better last night. But I still felt kind of bad and off when I woke up. I took a dayquil and that helped shake off the feelings. James was getting home from his ride as I was getting dressed. He made us breakfast and we hung out for a little while. But soon we were off. 

We went out to the county to go to a thrift store that wasnt savers. We went to a goodwill and a 2nd Ave. We had alright luck. We were specifically looking for shoes for him. And while we didnt find sneakers he did find some really nice restaurant shoes and some hiking type shoes. So he did good. I got a fleece that turned out to be super ugly on me and will now just be used for fabric. And I got a sports bra and some awesome snow pants. They arent like actually snow pants but they are like that wind breaker material on the outside and fuzzy on the inside. They are great and I like them a lot. 

But being out was a little weird. James did a little better not projecting uncomfortability, but I knew he wasnt happy with all the people. So I didnt have as nice or as calm of a time when he was near, and I had to tell him to stop following me and to go look for his own things when we were at the first store. Also the toy aisle there was a nightmare because a sound toy was going off but wouldnt turn off?? Very scary. 

The 2nd ave was a little more busy. And was farther in the county and had more people not wearing masks properly. Like this one guy had the skinniest mask that was just covering his nose?? Like what? And no one was really giving people space. Like I get having to go past someone but being 4 deep in a tight aisle isnt it. I may go back out there because they had so much stuff, but being there when it was busy wasnt super fun. 

I am a little sad because there was an LL bean jacket I would have liked to try on but James was ready and I was feeling weird. So I will just be a little sad. 

I signed up for their rewards program. And we headed out. We decided to get burger king for lunch and there was a long line. And James messed up and drove past the screen and then he didnt get something I wanted and I was just not happy with him. And he was upset because someone honked at him. But I think I was just tired and hungry and a little upset because of the emotions I was getting from James being uncomfortable out in the world. It was just a lot all at once. 

But we are mature and a good couple and we talked about it when we got home. We had lunch and put things away. I went through the camping stuff to try to pack it a little better, a little tighter. I also pushed it all into the living room. So now the studio feels a lot more open. Maybe next week Ill reorganize the space. Well see. 

James left for work and I decided to watch a documentary that was so sad. Its on youtube, its called My Brother Jordan and I highly recommend it. But prepare to cry. 

I went to get up after that and I fell?? And I cut my elbow on the zipper of one of the duffle bags!! And I was upset and mad at myself. I went and played animal crossing and moved things around. And then I got the email from Alexi and had my panic about the forms. 

But I spent about an hour filling them out best I could. But its a lot. I am hoping that its actually not as big a deal and it will all just be easy peasy but trying to get things from other people makes me so anxious. 

Once I was done with those though I felt a little better. I made ramen. And I have been hanging out with sweetP and texting with Jess for a while. I am going to go wash my face and try to start winding down for sleep. 

James has off tomorrow and we are going to get some stuff from his parents and then probably pack the car?? Im not sure about that. James told me we could check into our campsite on friday at 1 but I checked the website and its actually 3pm. So Im not sure exactly what the plan is. I kind of hope we still leave around noon and we can like. Enjoy some of the nature before we set up the camp site. But I dont exactly know the rules. So I guess well see what happens. 

I hope you all have a good night tonight. Be safe and take care of eachother.  

[minxsara]

( ASTORIA TASK #3: GHOSTS )

you’re my spring ( self-para ) 

location: sara’s house

inspired by this song (technically it’s inspired by his whole album but shhh)

          --- The book that weighed on her chest and stirred her awake let her know that Sara had, once again, slept while reading... and it wasn’t a common thing anymore. Not ever since sleepless nights were all that she had to look forward to... not ever since empty nights spent on an empty bed meant he was never going to be there anymore. With a sigh, Sara closed the book and set it aside before sitting up on her bed and checking the time on her phone’s screen. She’s had the strangest dream... one that involved her late husband, and he was sitting by her bed, watching her sleep. It broke her heart to wake up, but now that she was awake, all of those feelings had no meaning anymore, right?

Running her hand over her face, Sara climbed out of bed and made her way to the bathroom to wash her face with cool water as the sun slowly rose outside her windows. God, she hated summer. From there, she could hear the faint sound of giggles, which, she had to admit: it was a weird sound to hear in the middle of the night. Her first instinct was to reach for the baby monitor to check in on Woobin’s nursery. Nothing, just a giggly baby moving on his crib... well, at least he wasn’t crying. Thankfully. 

She opened the nursery’s door and--well, if she could, she would’ve screamed, but shock kept her from doing anything except for reaching for a stuffed animal and throwing on the back of the figure that was standing by her son’s crib. When the baby Koala flew right through the man’s head, stealing a sound from Sara’s lips that she didn’t even know what it was, but it felt a lot like a yelp. 

“You’re awake.” 

That voice. She knew that voice. She had woken up to and fallen asleep to it for several years. But... No. It just wasn’t possible. What a cruel dream to have. 

“자기... he’s so beautiful. He looks so happy too.”

As he turned around and Sara finally recognized Moonbin’s features, shock finally allowed her to move, even if it meant her knees giving in and her dropping to the floor. She had missed him so much.

“Sara-ssi... please don’t be scared. I don’t have much time, and I really wanted to see you both one last time. Can---can you get up?”

Moonbin offered his hand, but for a while, Sara didn’t move. The sobs that escaped her lips kept her from saying anything as well. 

“H-how...?” She finally let out, her voice shaking with a mix of fear, shock, and definitely heartbreak. “Why? How--how are you here? Are you... are you real?”

He let out a soft chuckle, choosing to sit down on the floor, across from Sara. “The full moon.” Of course. She should’ve figured it out by now that no full moon would be a peaceful one in Astoria. “The veil between our worlds is thinner... we could step over to this side. I’m so happy you can see me,  자기.” Moonbin reached over, touching Sara’s hand and the smile that appeared on his lips made her heart stop for split second. Although there was something different in the way his touch felt, at this point, Sara didn’t care. Soon, her arms were around him and she was holding onto him as if she’d been holding onto her dear life.

“I miss you. I miss you so much. Please don’t leave me.”

 This might not have been the Moonbin she wanted--her warm, sandalwood-scented, soft Moonbin--but she would take any version of him she would get. His touch was colder, and it felt like at any second, he would vanish in her arms, but... but this was good. It made her feel something she hadn’t felt in months. Something Sara didn’t quite know what it was, but it was like it had thrown her out of her own body.

“I miss you too. But I can’t stay, baby.” At his words, Sara tightened her grip around him, her sobs echoing around the room and feeling his hand patting gently on her back, as if trying to soothe her. “I’m so proud of you, Sara-ssi.” Bin paused, gently pulling away from her embrace so he could wipe off her tears with his thumb, then cup her face. “I’m so sorry for leaving. You have no idea of how much I wanted this... to be in Astoria with you, with our baby, with my family... I can’t thank you enough for being here. For giving them something to hold onto and for holding onto them too.” His words, in a way, stung her and before Sara could avoid it, the tears rolled again down her cheeks.

“Don’t go.” She pleaded, shaking her head as she tried to hold onto him. "I can’t do this without you. Please... please, Bin.”

“You don’t have to do it alone.” There was serenity in his smile and Sara, for the life of her, couldn’t understand how he could be smiling when she was sitting there, falling apart because she’d missed him so much. “Come on. Let’s make Binnie’s formula. I want to enjoy my time with you before I stop to see my family. Can we do that? Can we have a day to ourselves?”

With that, Moonbin stood up from the floor and offered his hand to Sara once again. After some minor hesitation, she took his hand and then moved to Bin’s crib to pick him up and take him to the kitchen to make his food. Despite still not believing that Moonbin was there, Sara also knew that what he’d said was true: he couldn’t stay. So, since they didn’t have much time, she figured it would be the best to enjoy while it lasted. Now that the initial shock was over, she could actually try and do just that. 

Moonbin had questions about things that he already knew the answers to, but he loved how passionate Sara was when talking about things she loved. He asked about the webcomic, about the friends she had made here, about her plans for the future and it made him feel at peace to know that she was, indeed, trying to live one day at a time. Grief was all part of the process of letting him go, but--but it hurt him whenever she cried over him. If he could, he would’ve traded her tears for anything in the world... even if it meant having never met her. But if he hadn’t met her, half of the people Sara mentioned having met here in Astoria would also not have had the pleasure of meeting her--and he wouldn’t deprive them of that. He wouldn’t deprive anyone of that, because he knew how bright and special his wife was.

From sunlight to sundown, Moonbin stayed. It was more than she could have asked for. She didn’t know just how much it would influence Binnie or of he would even remember, but Sara was happy that her husband was able to meet the child they had wanted for so long. Sara told Moonbin about her fears and how she felt when it came to being a mother and she was surprised what Moonbin didn’t say much back at first. She feared she had upset him, but later on that day when he brought the subject again as they tucked Binnie in and said goodnight to the baby, Sara was actually surprised with the response she got from her husband.

“You know... I said it before, but I’m proud of you. Despite everything, despite how you feel about motherhood, you’re still trying. In the end, Sara, that is what’s going to matter.” Bin gently caressed her hair, before pressing a kiss on her forehead. “And you shouldn’t feel inadequate. You’re doing the best that you can with whatever life threw at you. He’s happy, he’s healthy... he has lots of uncles and aunts that care for him...” With that, he caressed her cheek again, prompting Sara to lean onto his cool touch. 

She knew it was useless to do so, but the petite brunette really felt like asking him to stay again, but, when Bin’s voice was heard again, it almost felt like he had read her mind. “You should let me go, Sara.” He was sporting that same serene smile from early that morning. “I came to say goodbye, you know? They said... they said if I said goodbye, I’d be able to move on, too. They said I’d be able to be reborn... so this is the last time you’ll see me.” Well, it was easier said than done. There was so much she still needed to figure out, before allowing someone occupy the same place Bin had held in her heart... “It’s time, Sara. It’s time to let me go and find your own happiness. Remember I said you didn’t have to do it alone? That’s because you don’t have to. You have friends, family, people who love you with all their hearts... and it’s okay to move on.”

Sara found herself wiping off tears once again as Moonbin went on. She wasn’t as desperate as before. She was just... sad. Goodbyes were always sad. “It’s okay to open your heart to someone else. What we had was beautiful. It was everything to the both of us... I know that. I’ll never doubt you loved me, but I’m not here anymore. The pain is just--pain. If you can, be your optimistic self. Look for spring. Try new things, live, laugh, love. Find someone to fill your heart with happiness again.” He cupped her face once again, thumbs wiping the tears that rolled down her cheeks. “Be happy, Sara. That’s all I ask. Be happy.” With that, Bin, placed a gentle kiss on her lips. “I love you so much. So, so much. Thank you for being my everything and thank you for being Binnie’s mom. I have to go and see my family now, but promise you’ll try and be happy?”

Sara couldn’t say anything because she was, once again, sobbing. So she just nodded as she tried to keep her nerves at bay. Right there, in front of her eyes, Moonbin dissipated, which brought her to the floor again and she allowed to cry her pain away because it was a chapter of her life that it was finally having an ending. It might not have been a happy ending, but at least, it was closure.

[puckinghell]

Flashlight | Jamie Benn

Summary: When life gets a little too dark, a certain someone is always there to light the way.  Words: 5k (i’m so sorry) Note: I wrote something with a similar plot line a long time ago and have been wanting to rewrite it so I can post, but it really wasn’t meant to become this long.... oops. 

You’re 5 years old and the light flashes twice.

Sitting in front of your bedroom window, your chin resting in your hands, you frown. You’d been watching the stars, but now you focus your gaze on your neighbor’s window. You know the room from where the light flashed; that’s Jamie’s room.

Jamie is your best friend. You’ve lived next to him your whole life and one day, you accidentally kicked your ball over the hedge. He came to bring it back but told you you’d only get it back if you would play with him. He prefers street hockey, but you’re a football fan, and he agreed to play your game.

Ever since then, you’ve been thick as thieves.

The light flashes once more, and then Jamie appears in front of his window. His is open, but yours is closed; he motions to you to open yours too, and you oblige.

“What are you doing?” you ask him, trying to keep your voice down but still reach him. “If mommy and daddy find out we’re awake, they’ll be super mad.”

It’s 11 pm and at that age, it feels like the middle of the night.

“I can’t sleep,” says Jamie, on the other hand. “And I’m bored. The light was to get your attention. I wanna talk.”

You sigh. You don’t like the possibility of getting into trouble, but even as young as you are, you find it hard to say no when Jamie looks at you with his big brown eyes, so you nod.

“Fine. But from now on, you can only flash the light when it’s an emergency.”

“Okay, but when I do, you have to promise to respond.” Jamie crosses his arms, a stubborn look on his face. “That’s what best friends do.”

-

You’re 6 years old and the light flashes twice.

You don’t notice it at first, cause you’re in your room, reading. It’s late at night and you should probably be asleep, but your book is just so much fun. Reading is one of your favorite things to do to pass the time, even if Jamie sometimes makes fun of you for it and tries to convince you to play street hockey with him, instead. But playing street hockey with Jamie isn’t very fun cause he always wins.

When you notice the light flashing, you walk to your window. You wonder if it’s an actual emergency or if Jamie is simply bored again.  But when you get to the window and open it, you’re met with Jamie’s face, his eyes filled with tears.

“What’s wrong?” you ask, worry flooding your veins. You rarely see Jamie cry; you cry all the time, when you fall or when you drop your ice cream or when you lose your favorite stuffed animal, but the only thing you’ve ever noticed on Jamie is a slight quiver of his lip.

“There’s a monster under my bed,” he whispers. He’s clutching a stuffed animal under his arm. You never even knew he had one. “I heard it.”

You frown. “I can’t help you with that, Jamie. You have to go tell your mommy and daddy. They can beat it up for you.” Cause at that age, there’s not a single problem your parents can’t fix.

Jamie sounds annoyed when he speaks next, which is unfair, cause it’s not your fault there’s a monster under his bed. “I already told them, but they don’t believe me. They say I just need to go to sleep and stop worrying. As if I can do that, when there’s a monster there!”

You sigh. “I’m sorry, but I don’t know what you want me to do.” You figure that’s the right thing to say because that’s what your mom always says to your dad when he’s complaining, but your dad always responds with a sigh and silence, whereas Jamie seems to have a different idea.

“I can come sleep in your room. You don’t have monsters, right?”

That idea brings fear into your eyes. “You can’t come here! Mommy and daddy can’t find out I’m awake!”

Now there’s a mischievous look in Jamie’s eyes. “I can climb over the garage.”

Technically, he could. Your garages are linked and if he climbs out of his window, he should be able to walk across the rooftops to your window, and climb inside. But when you watch him swing his leg over the window sill, you can’t help but feel scared for him.

“Please be careful,” you tell him, and he shoots you a look as if to say ‘duh’. When he reaches your window, you help him inside. “If our parents finds out, they’ll be so mad.”

“Don’t be scared,” he tells you, and you push against his shoulder.

“You’re the one that’s afraid of monsters!”

You watch as Jamie jumps up on your bed, crawling under the blankets right away. Your bed isn’t meant for two people and you awkwardly have to slide in beside him, pulling your pillow away from him.

“Hey!” he protests, and you frown.

“It’s my pillow! Get your own!” But when he pushes his head onto it, the top of his head against your cheek, you don’t tell him to go away. Instead, you close your eyes, ready to go to sleep.

“Thanks, Y/N.” Jamie’s voice is soft, a whisper almost. “I won’t forget this.”

You shrug. “That’s what best friends do.”

-

You’re 8 years old and the light flashes twice.

It’s the first time you’ve used the emergency call. In fact, before this, you thought it was kinda silly. What could ever be such a big emergency, that you would need Jamie right away?

But when he appears in his window, your heartbeat slows down for the first time in an hour, and you know you made the right decision.

“What’s wrong?” Jamie sounds panicked, the thought of anything being wrong with you scaring him more than he’d like to admit.

For a few seconds, you don’t respond. It’s hard to get the words out while hiding the fact that you’re on the verge of tears, and you don’t want him to know you’re crying.

“I think mom and dad are gonna kill each other,” you finally say, and your voice cracks, betraying your distress.

Jamie frowns. “Moms and dads don’t kill each other.”

“Yes, they do!” Tears are starting to roll, and you can’t stop them. “I saw it on TV once! They were yelling, and then the dad had a knife, and…” You stop yourself.

“And now your mom and dad are yelling at each other, too?” Jamie finishes for you. You can only nod.

“And I’m scared,” you whimper.

Instantly, Jamie’s protective instincts kick in; he’s barely aware of having them, all he knows is that you’re hurt and he would do anything to get that look off your face, so he jumps over his window sill and runs across the garage.

“You don’t have to do that,” you bring out, not wanting him to get into trouble with his parents, for coming out to your house at night, but he’s already climbing into your window.

He sits on your bed, cross-legged, and pats the space next to him. “Now you don’t have to be scared anymore,” he says triumphantly, and you frown.

“Why not?”

“Cause I’m here to protect you, obviously.” He rolls his eyes. “I’d never let anyone hurt you.” You lay back and close your eyes, and he quickly lays down next to you. For a while, you’re both quiet, although the muffled sounds of your parents’ angry voices still echo through the walls. “Hey, Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“If I married you, I’d never yell at you.”

You smile at that. You don���t really know what marriage means at this age but you know that if you’re ever gonna get married you’d want it to be Jamie, who plays with you and makes you laugh and never, ever makes fun of you the way some of the boys in your school do.

“Let’s get married when we’re older,” you say, and he smiles back.

“Yeah, okay.” Cause he’s pretty sure that’s what best friends do.

-

You’re 10 years old and the light flashes twice.

It’s only 5pm and it’s not dark yet, so it’s hard to see, and it takes a few more flashes before you finally notice it. You drop your diary and pen and walk to the window, opening it.

“It’s 5 pm,” you say, “you could just knock on the door.”

Jamie stands opposite you, hanging slightly over the edge of his window sill. He’s wearing his favorite hockey jersey and his hair is ruffled, and he looks upset.

“Why won’t you ever play hockey with me?” he asks, his voice forceful and a bit scruffy. You can’t tell if he’s angry or sad. Maybe he’s both.

“I, uhm…” You don’t know how to answer that question and he doesn’t give you much time to think about it, because he speaks again.

“Nobody in school wants to play 1 on 1 hockey with me anymore cause they say I’m too good and it’s not fun if they never win. I don’t understand what they want. Do they want me to pretend I’m bad at hockey? Let them win? Where’s the fun in that?” He crosses his arms. “Is that why you never wanna play with me?”

You don’t appreciate the insinuation, mimicking his position and crossing your arms, too. “I don’t wanna play hockey with you cause I don’t like sports,” you growl. “And you know that. I would never stop playing anything with you cause you win. Besides, I always beat you at Scrabble, and Monopoly, too, so it’d be even.”

“Oh,” he says, a bit sheepishly. “Sorry.” He seems genuinely sorry and your apprehension fades immediately. Instead, you feel sorry for your talented best friend, and sigh.

“Do you wanna play a game with me now?”

“I’ll just beat you,” he says miserably, and you almost laugh because you’ve never seen him upset about the prospect of winning.

“Yes, but it’ll make you feel better,” you tell him. “And if you feel bad for beating me we can play Scrabble after.”

“Okay.” Jamie’s face has lit up and his eyes are twinkling again, and even if you get your ass handed to you later, it’s worth it because he’s happy again.

And that’s what best friends do.

-

You’re 12 years old and the light flashes twice.

You almost mistake it for the lightning outside, but when you notice it, you walk towards the window, your duvet wrapped around your shoulders like a cape. It’s storming outside, rain and wind and thunder and lightning, and you have to yell at Jamie to get him to hear you over the noise of nature.

“What?”

“Are you okay?” he yells back. Despite everything, you smile. Jamie knows you’re scared of lightning and thunder, and as always, he’s right there to check up on you.

“Not really,” you admit, tugging the duvet closer to your body. “I can’t sleep with the noise. Do you think the house could burn down?”

“No,” says Jamie right away, as if that’s an obvious answer. You’re pretty sure he’s lying to you to make you feel better, but you decide to believe him because well, it does make you feel better. “Do you want me to come over?”

Your eyes widen. “No! No, you can’t do that! Jamie!”

He’s not listening to you. Instead, he’s climbing out of the window.

“Jamie, no! You can’t go outside in this weather, you could die!” Panic is starting to rise in your chest as you watch him run across the roof.

“Still alive,” he pants, as he climbs into your window. His clothes are wet from the rain now and so is his hair, flopping down his forehead. “Feel safer yet?”

He’s teasing, but you actually do. Your heart has been racing since the weather got worse but now, with him next to you, suddenly it has calmed down.

“I have an idea,” he proclaims proudly, grabbing a pillow from your bed. “We’re gonna make a blanket fort! A fort could protect you just as much as I can, and together, we’ll make sure you’re safe!”

You’re pretty sure a single boy and a bunch of pillows can’t protect you against lightning, but you don’t question him because you know he’s trying to make you feel better, as he always is, and for the next half hour you focus on creating the perfect fort out of pillows and blankets.

About 45 minutes later, you’re lying in your fort, your head against Jamie’s shoulder, both of you staring up.

“Better?” Jamie asks softly, and you smile at him.

As always, he made you feel loads better. That’s what best friends do.

-

You’re 15 years old and the light flashes twice.

“I have been informed of something I’m very unhappy with,” Jamie says as soon as you open your window. He’s wearing a white button up and has his hair combed back neatly, and you have a feeling you know what he’s gonna say.

“Why aren’t you going to the dance anymore?”

You sigh. You were hoping not to have this conversation with him, but you know him well enough to know he’s not going to let it go, so you defensively cross your arms.

“I just don’t wanna go.”

He rolls his eyes. “That’s a lie. You’ve been talking about this for like, weeks.”

It’s true. You were so excited about the school dance; it was going to be a magical night, wearing a beautiful dress, with your hair all curled. Instead you’re wearing sweatpants and your hair is up in a ponytail.

“My parents wouldn’t let me go,” you lie.

“Try again,” he says, narrowing his eyes at you. He’s always been able to tell when you’re lying and it’s never been as annoying as now, not even when you play cards.

“Fine,” you finally burst out, “I’m not going cause I don’t have a date, okay! All my friends are going with boys and I didn’t have a boy ask me, so I can’t go, because I can’t go alone.”

Confusion is written clear over Jamie’s face. “I didn’t know we had to go with girls,” he says warily, “I was gonna go with my friends.”

You shrug. “It’s whatever. I didn’t wanna go that badly.”

You really, really did. But going alone is pathetic and you can’t deal with everyone making fun of you for it.

Jamie straightens his back, a devilish smirk spreading across his face.

“Y/N,” he speaks slowly, “go put on your dress.” You wanna ask him why, but he’s already slammed the window shut. And because it’s Jamie and when he tells you to do something, you do it, you put on your dress and even your shoes, brush your hair out and put on some make up.

Half an hour later Jamie shows up on your doorstep with a bunch of flowers he’s clearly just pulled from his mom’s garden.

“Would you go to the dance with me?” he asks formally, and you frown.

“You were going with your friends.”

“You are my friend,” he says sternly, holding his arm out. You grab it. “My best friend, in fact. And this is what best friends do.”

-

You’re 16 years old and the light flashes twice.

It’s only the second time you’ve used the emergency light and Jamie hurries to the window, his heart sinking in his chest when he sees your tear-streaked face. He has an idea what’s going on, and he’s not liking it.

“What happened?” he asks, and you answer exactly as he was expecting.

“Sean broke up with me.” You sniffle away some tears. “He’s dating Abigail now.” 

“Asshole,” Jamie says whole-heartedly. He’s never liked Sean. Sean wasn’t good enough for you; you deserved someone so much better. He always knew that boy would break your heart, and it took everything in him to not punch him in the face the very first time he saw you together.

But you liked him. Maybe you were even in love with him. You weren’t completely sure, because love was such an abstract to you, and you didn’t know what it meant to be in love. But you knew you liked him, and the day he asked you to be his girlfriend had seemed to be the best day of your life.

Of course now, only three months later, you realized it had been the worst. And your so called friend Abigail could go to hell, as well.

“I really liked him, Jamie,” you whimper, and you hide your face in your hands to stop him from seeing the tears rolling down your cheeks. 

Jamie has never been dumped. He’s always the one doing the dumping, though he hasn’t done a lot of it; he’s quite popular with the girls in school, but he never seems very interested in them, only taking a handful of them out of a date and usually calling it off after a few weeks.

“I’m going to kill him.” The voice, familiar like your old favorite song, sounds a lot closer than you would expect it to, and you look up only to find Jamie’s chocolate brown eyes staring into your own.

“You can’t do that,” you mutter, “cause then you’ll end up in prison and I won’t have my best friend anymore.”

Something flashes between Jamie’s eyes, but it’s gone as soon as he jumps into your room. His jaw is clenched. He wishes there was something he could do to make sure you would never get hurt again. He hates seeing you with other boys. No matter who they are, they are never good enough for you. You deserve the world, and there’s only one person who he knows would do anything in his power to make that happen.

“You know we’ll always be best friends, right?” he asks carefully, wrapping his arm around your shoulder as you nestle into him. You hum appreciatively.

“Yeah.”

“But if you wanted us to be more, that would also be cool.” He mentally slaps himself as soon as the words leave his mouth. Way to go, Benn. That’s a very romantic way to tell your best friend you wanna be her boyfriend.

You look up, confusion clear on your face. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that Sean isn’t worth the attention of a crippled goldfish, let alone someone as amazing as you.” He takes a deep breath. “And if you ever wanna be with someone who won’t ever hurt you like that, you can always date me.”

You laugh, but it’s a light and loving laugh, not one meant to make fun of him. 

“Oh Jamie,” you sigh, “couldn’t you have said that a little earlier?”

And you press your lips to his cheeks.

-

You’re 17 years old and the light flashes twice.

After 12 years of being friends, that shouldn’t surprise you, but it does. Because the light hasn’t flashed in 6 months. Not since you and Jamie broke up.

Carefully, you make your way to the window. It’s nearly midnight, and you had just been getting ready for bed.

“Jamie?” you asks tentatively. “What’s up?”

“Hey!” he drawls, and you know what’s going on right away.

“You’re drunk,” you state, and Jamie grins at you, his eyes twinkly. It does funny things to your stomach and you know it’s not supposed to.

Not anymore.

“I might be a little drunk,” he slurs. “Have you ever been drunk, Y/N?” Then, he pauses. When he continues, his voice is sad. “I should know the answer to that. If we were still friends, I would know that.”

It hurts your heart, to hear him talk like that. Your relationship was great, for as long as it lasted, but it ended suddenly and with a lot of drama, as Jamie had seen you at a party with Sean and thought you’d been flirting with your ex.

You’d been telling Sean to leave you alone, but that didn’t really matter. What mattered was that after a big, stupid fight, Jamie had slammed the door and left.

“Why aren’t we together, anymore?” His voice brings you back from your thoughts and you tell him exactly that.

“You left. You told me you never wanted to see me again.”

He rolls his eyes and laughs, but it’s a bitter laugh, with no humor in it. It’s a weird sound to hear coming from Jamie, whose voice is always soft and whose laugh is always light.

“I obviously didn’t mean that, now, did I?” he says, and you know that.

You know that he wanted you to follow him. To fight for him. But your entire childhood, you watched your parents fight for each other, and eventually they would lose that fight. It took them years of unhappiness to give up on that fight, and only then did they become happy again.

You’d thought you would be like your parents, but you’d been wrong. Because you didn’t just lose a boyfriend, you lost your best friend, and you didn’t think you could be truly happy without him.

“I’m sorry, Jamie,” you tell him earnestly, because you are. If you could turn it all back, you would.

“Maybe…” He hesitates. His words are slurring a little less and you wonder if he’s sobering up. “Maybe we can go back to being friends?”

“I would like that.”

The next day you show up on his doorstep with food from your favorite breakfast place, and you get him painkillers and watch The Bachelor for hours, and at the end of the morning, you’re pretty sure you’ve both decided to erase the past 6 months from your memory.

Because sometimes, forgetting is what best friends do.

-

You’re 19 years old and the light flashes twice.

That’s weird, because there’s only 1 person who could be flashing the light, and he’s not supposed to be here.

You run to the window, nearly tripping over some stuff you left on the floor of your room, and sure enough, on the opposite side in Jamie, grinning from ear to ear, leaning on the window sill.

“Jamie?” you call out. “What are you doing here?” You nearly jump out of your window and run across the roofs, launching yourself through his window and into his arms. He catches you easily, his chuckle ringing in your ears as you bury your face in his neck and his arms wrap around your waist.

“Surprise,” he hums. “Happy birthday.”

A surprise, it is. It’s your birthday tomorrow but you weren’t expecting to see Jamie. You’ve not seen him much ever since he got drafted and started playing in the BCHL.

“I missed you,” you sigh as you finally let him go. You let your eyes travel over him; he’s changed, but he’s still the same, too. His jaw is starting to get scruffy and he looks more bulky than he ever has before. He’s tall, too, towering over you. But his eyes are still the same, looking at you with fondness, and you find nothing but love in his face.

“Missed you too,” he smiles. “Did you really think I was gonna miss your birthday?”

“I mean, I was a little worried,” you admit to him. “But I knew you’d find a way to make it special.”

He laughs and joins you, as you speak in unison. “That’s what best friends do.”

He reaches out then, brushes some hair out of your face, and his expression turns serious. “I need to ask you something,” he says.

Your skin burns where his fingers touched it, and you take a deep breath, trying to steady your fluttering heart. Sure, Jamie is your best friend, as he’s always been, but you would be lying if you said you don’t miss having him as a boyfriend, and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t still head over heels, unreasonably, undeniably in love with him.

“If I kissed you right now, would you be unhappy about that?”

Jamie has never been a man of many words, but this hits you so suddenly you nearly forget how to breath, bursting out in a fit of coughs instead, and he laughs lightly.

“Sorry. Too sudden?” He rubs your shoulder until you regain your posture and your oxygen, and then looks at you with a worried expression on his face. “If you don’t want that, that’s okay. I understand. We can just be best friends. I just thought… maybe I read it wrong.”

But he didn’t, he read it just right, and you can’t stand the idea of missing this opportunity; you’ve always known it’s him, it was always supposed to be him, and you reach up and kiss him.

“Wow,” he breathes out against your lips, and the situation is so ridiculous, standing in his childhood room in the dark with you in your pajamas, his lips still against yours, that you both start laughing.

Because that’s what best friends do.

-

You’re 20 years old and your phone buzzes.

You were already half asleep but when you feel the vibration, you shoot up in bed and grab your phone.

You got two texts. Two images of a flashlight. With a smile on your face, you call the familiar number.

“That’s lame,” you tell him, and Jamie’s laugh rings through the phone.

“I’m sorry I can’t be there to flash the light,” he says.

“So?” You’re too anxious, too impatient to banter with him. “Are you in?”

There’s a pause. A silence, that seems to last for hours, but most likely just lasted a few seconds.

“I got in.”

To your own annoyance, tears jump into your eyes, but it’s all from happiness.

“Oh, Jamie,” you mumble, “congratulations. I’m so happy for you.”

After being in the minors for a while, finally, he got the call, and finally, he’s gonna play in the NHL. His childhood dream, coming to life.

“Your dream is coming true,” you tell him, and you can almost hear the smile in his voice when he speaks.

“Yeah, and the best thing is that you’ll be there.”

You promised him that you’d be at his first NHL game, no matter where it ended up being. You’d never been to Dallas before, but you guessed it was about time, if there was a chance it was gonna be home some day.

“Yeah, well, that’s what best friends do,” you teased. “And girlfriends, too. So, can you get me a jersey?”

-

You’re 25 years old and there’s a million lights flashing around you.

It’s your anniversary and Jamie told you you’d go on a romantic boat trip. You hadn’t even known what that meant, but it turned out to be a rowboat, the moonlight, some great food in a picnic basket, and, well, the most important thing, Jamie.

Dallas was home now and you loved it, but most of all you loved being able to share in his dream with him. A dream that got even better when he was named captain, earlier this year. Him being an NHL captain meant you didn’t see him nearly as much as you liked, and sometimes road trips seemed to last forever, but every moment he was with you made it all worth it, and you knew this was it.

This was right.

You hadn’t expected much from your anniversary dinner, with Jamie being in the middle of a tough stretch and barely being able to even make an evening free, so you’d already been pleasantly surprised, and you hadn’t expected any other surprises.

Until Jamie pulls out a flashlight, and flicks it on and off, twice.

“What are you doing, James?” you giggle, taking the flashlight from him. “There’s not really an emergency, is there? Are we signaling aliens?”

“Something like that,” Jamie mutters, and that’s when seemingly a million lights - in reality, probably 20 or so - flash all around you.

You look around in wonder, and when your eyes travel back to your boyfriend, he’s sitting on the floor of the boat, awkwardly balancing on one knee.

That’s when the tears jump into your eyes.

“I had to call in a lot of favors, to get this many people waving around flashlights in the middle of a lake,” he says dryly. “Good thing the captain has some extra pull.”

“Jamie…” you start softly, but he interrupts you.

“Look, I’m not that good with words, we both know this, but I really wanna get this out, so can you let me talk for a bit?” He reaches up to take your hands in his and you nod, squeezing them.

“Ever since I was a little boy, whenever I felt scared, I just had to flash the light and you were there. I didn’t know many things, back then. I knew the sky was dark and you were afraid of thunder, I knew parents can love and fight, I knew sometimes the rain didn’t stop. And I knew that when I was lost or scared, you were there.

Like a flashlight, in the rain, or in the dark, you lit the way for me. You’re the reason I’m here today, and still to this day, you guide me through dark times, and you make the best times even better. And I know one thing, now.

I know I got all I need when I got you in my life, and I’m not willing to ever let that go. So will you please, stay forever, and become my wife?”

Tears are rolling down your cheeks now and you launch yourself forward into his arms. He catches you easily, but the boat rocks dangerously. You can’t bring yourself to care.

Whenever Jamie is around, you know you’re safe.

“Yes,” you whisper in his ear, “yes, yes, yes.”

Because he’s your flashlight, too, and you know he’ll be that forever.

That is, after all, what best friends do.

[tyrustrash]

Dance The Night Away

TJ flipped through the book he is reading. He already read it about twenty times, but he found this one interesting. As he turns as page, a paper ball was thrown towards him. He opens it and reads it. It says, “Will You?”. He turns his head and notices Cyrus over by the stack of overdue library books. TJ smirked at how adorable his boyfriend is. He remembers the first moment that he fell in love, and it all started because of a muffin. Cyrus skips over to the table TJ is sitting at. “Will you?” “Will I what?” TJ asked. He flipped another page in his book. Cyrus grabbed the book and closed it, pressing it onto the table. “You know, silly. Will you go to the prom with me?” “Now why would I do that?” Asked a now playful TJ. He took back the book and continued reading. “Because it’s our senior year and I want to do all the cliché couple things.” “But that would mean people would find out about us.” Cyrus sighed as he slumped into a chair across from TJ. He tried pouting, but TJ looked so precious in his glasses. Plus, the light coming in through the window made him glow. “Teej, please.” TJ huffed and placed his book down. He glared at Cyrus, knowing that he is upset. “Cy-Guy, we’ve discussed this. We promised we would wait until after graduation to tell others.” “But it’s now killing me inside. Why can’t we show up looking fierce at prom and stun all the haters? And why can’t we tell Andi or Buffy?” “We can’t tell them because they might let the secret out further than what I want it to be. And we can go to prom, but as friends, in a group.” “TJ, I told you this before and I’ll say it again. No one will care. People don’t care that I’m gay.” “But I’m not gay, I’m Bi.” “So.” “And I’m the star athlete. What will they all think when they find out the star basketball player is into dudes? And being Bi is seen as worse than guy and is treated differently.” “Stop being ridiculous.” “Cyrus, te amo. But I can’t. The risks are too high.” “Mi amor, what risks?” “Being kicked off the team, losing the male friends I have, and more that I can’t think of right now.” “I’ll give you time to think about the promposal, I expect you to make the right choice.” Cyrus got up and walked away, leaving TJ about to tear up. TJ looking at the piece of paper and flattened it out and placed it inside his binder. He looked up and saw a glimpse of Cyrus as he turned the corner of the library exit. Later that night, TJ arrived home and aggressively threw his bag across his living room. It caused one of the side table to wobble, and some magazine too fall off. He slammed the front door with his foot, the sound echoing through the house and causing his cat to jump. “TJ!” His mother shouted from the kitchen. “What do you think you’re doing!” “It doesn’t matter! Leave me alone!” He screamed back. He knows that it was a mistake, but he’s letting his emotions get the best of him. “You don’t know anything!” “Watch your mouth!” “Watch yours!” “TJ, don’t speak to me like that!” “Why not? You’re doing the same! Why is it that you can but I can’t?” “Don’t backtalk me.” “How about you talk to my back!” TJ growled as he walked up the stairs. He is too frustrated to think about the oncoming spanking he was about to endure. TJ entered his bedroom, also slamming the door shut. He begins to kick random objects that his feet were in radius of, including books, pizza boxes, pillows, and some briefs that he threw onto the floor that morning while getting dressed. His mind couldn’t think straight and now it’s suddenly changing. His anger didn’t last long. He soon became full of sadness as he realized what he had done. He yelled and disrespected his mom, made Cyrus upset, and now he’s thinking he ruined his relationship. He flops onto his bed as he starts sobbing into one of his stuffed animals, the flamingo that he won Cyrus but had to keep for himself because he forgot about Cyrus’ fear. God, he even forgets things like that. He starts crying harder as he further convinces himself that he ruined another good thing in his life, just like he always seems to do. A strong pounding at his door caught his attention. He knew it was his mother but didn’t want to leave his spot. Instead of speaking to let her know that she could come in, she barged in. She was in full parent mode to punish him, but she let that go when she saw her son. She walked up to his side and sat on the edge of the bed. The loud sobs made her rub his back and try to soothe him. “What’s the matter?” She asked while rubbing his back. “Everyone hates me.” His answer was barely audible since his face remained in the stuffed flamingo. “I don’t hate you. You’re my son, and I will always love you.” “You’re just saying that because you have to. It’s in the parent rulebook.” “Cariño, there is no parent rulebook. I still, and always will, love you, but when you are being hateful, you better be prepared to face the punishment.” “Just go ahead and spank me anyway. I don’t care. No pain that you can do will match what I’m feeling now.” “What’s wrong? Did you and Cyrus have a fight? Did the two of you break up?” That last sentence made TJ cry even harder. Even though the two of them are still dating, he thinks that if he doesn’t take Cyrus to the prom, as a couple, then he might ruin their relationship. His tears are now becoming more excessive that his bedsheets are getting soaked. “No.” TJ said faintly. “He wants us to go to prom together, as a couple, but I’m not sure. I don’t want to come out yet.” “What’s stopping you?” “Even though I told Cyrus that my basketball life will end, it’s mainly about Reed. I’ve heard him say some crappy things about gay people and him knowing I’m Bi will definitely end our friendship. He’ll even make my life a living hell until graduation. But he’s been my best friend since we were two.” “If he’s really your friend, he’ll accept you.” With that, she left the room knowing what TJ would do. After a few minutes have passed, TJ stopped crying. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened Snapchat. He messaged Reed to come over as soon as he could, and almost immediately Reed responded. TJ gulped as he read that Reed is on his way. An hour later, Reed walked into TJ’s room. Being himself, Reed brought along a joint. He walked in and noticed TJ bent over trying to reach something from under his bed. Reed went over and gave his backend a friendly smack. “What’s up, bro.” Reed laughed, clearly already on a high. TJ jolted up, now holding the stuffed flamingo. “Reed, we’ve talked about that.” “Bro, it doesn’t mean anything.” “It does, and it’s part of the reason I asked you to come. I have something very important to tell you.” “What, bro. It better not be no sissy thing. It’s already late and I don’t want to waste my time.” TJ inhaled as his mind became scrambled. A million thoughts are in his head and he’s wondering if he should let his heart keep listening. Is he crazy? Maybe if he thought they could happen. Will he still be with him when the truth comes out? Reed grew concerned by the silence. “Bro, you alright?” “I’m Bi.” TJ blurted out. “You’re leaving? Where” TJ facepalmed. “Not that type. I’m Bi, as in bisexual. I like both boys and girls.” Reed scrunched his face. “No no no. That’s not a thing. You either like boys or girls, not both.” “I can like both, and I do.” “No, you can’t. Choose one.” “I already decided. I like both.” “You’re just confused. It’s just a phase. I know you’ll go to the correct choice, which is chicks.” “I already told you what I am. If you can’t accept me, then just leave! I don’t want you as a friend anymore!” “Fine. I’ll leave, you freak.” Reed shoved TJ before he made his exit. Reed slammed the door and TJ stood in place for a few moments. He just lost his best friend. He knew Reed would tell the whole school, but he didn’t want him to receive the last laugh. TJ retrieved his phone and opened up the messages app. He created a mass group text and added everyone that he goes to school with. He kept it short and simple: I’M BI. TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME, I DON’T CARE. I HAVE MY BOYFRINED CYRUS BY MY SIDE. He hit send and waited to see what would happen. He suddenly received messages from a good portion of the school, on the group chat, DM’S on various social media, and even some calls that he ignored. He figured people would have questions, but he would get to those later. There is one question that he needs to answer. The next day, TJ walked down the hallways with all eyes on him. He overheard people talking about him and how they never would’ve guessed that he was into dudes. What made people talk even more was when he grabbed Cyrus and pulled him into a kiss. “What was that for?” Cyrus asked surprisingly. “For being the bestest boyfriend ever. And also as an acceptance to your promposal. Yes, I will go to prom with you. And as a couple and not in a group.” Cyrus jumped in joy and kissed TJ back. He didn’t know how to feel right now as so many emotions filled his head. He feels proud of TJ for coming out, but also fear that people wouldn’t accept him. But overall, he feels excited that he can now go suit shopping for prom. He grabbed TJ’s hand and lead him into study hall so they can start planning the itinerary for prom day. The following week, prom is finally here. The school had rented out the rec center and decorated it with all sorts of colorful decorations. A balloon arc stood in front of the entrance and a camera was next to it to take pictures of the couples as they walked in. Streamers and lights were strung across the rooms. The whole building looks spectacular. TJ and Cyrus, while holding hands, walked through the door. They posed for the camera and made there way further into the party. They noticed people looking at them. This time, it was looks of excitement and encouragement. People cheered them on as they walked throughout the area. After dancing for a few hours, the fast paced beat changed and now a slow song played. TJ looked at his boyfriend and grabbed his hands. He led him as they danced the night away.

[mxltifaves]

Taste for Danger Chapter 3

“So, before we do whatever we are going to do, I want to know who you really are. I mean I don’t really know anything about you. For all, I know you could be some psycho killer, here to murder us all.” Lizzie said looking at him.

“Well like I said my name is Sebastian and a vampire,” Sebastian said simply

“I know that obviously, but what else is there to know about you?” She asked

“Okay, I was turned in the 15th century when I was 17. You see that time was the golden age for vampirism. Feeding whenever we wanted to and killing all the time. A couple of years after I turned, I was desiccated for centuries, until I woke up in the 1900s. I was awake for a couple of years, that was when I met the Salvatore brothers, but I was desiccated again. I had just woken up about a month ago. I came to this school in hopes to see the Salvatore brothers, but to my surprise one of them is dead and the other is no longer a vampire. Now I sort of regret coming here. We are not allowed to feed on locals, which is not what a vampire’s nature. We have to feed straight from the vein, not out of bags and certainly not animal blood.” Sebastian explained. Lizzie had a look on her face, she was conflicted on what to do next, she knew she shouldn’t be attracted to him, but she couldn’t help it.

“Why don’t you just leave if you hate it so much here, I mean there is nothing holding you back?” Lizzie asked

“You’re right, there is nothing holding me back here, but I promised you I would help you and you will help me, so I’m not leaving until I accomplish that,” Sebastian said looking at her straight in the eye. Lizzie could feel herself getting closer to him and him to her, she wanted to stop herself from kissing him, but it was like she couldn’t control herself. Soon she was able to pull away before anything happened.

“Sorry. I think we should go back to school. It’s getting kind of late.” Lizzie said getting up and heading to the direction of the school. Sebastian got up and looked annoyed. His plan to charm her and have his way with her was not working. They made their way to the school, walking in silence. 

“So, I have to go talk to Josie about some things, I’ll see you later,” Lizzie said starting to turn around and walking to her room but was stopped by Sebastian. 

“How about 8 o’clock tonight? We can start our learning control session. The sooner the better. What do you say?” Sebastian asked

“8 o’clock it is. Where?” Lizzie asked 

“The old mills property.” He said, she just nodded in response and went up to her room. She needed to talk to Josie and ask her for advice on what to do with Sebastian. 

When she got to her room she saw Josie sitting at her desk doing homework. 

“Josie I need your help,” Lizzie said 

“With what?” Josie asked 

“Sebastian” Lizzie simply said this peaked Josie’s curiosity 

“The new kid? What about him?” Josie asked 

“Well we kinda ditched class today and we were hanging out at the old mills property, he offered to help me gain control, so I wouldn't have any more episodes. Then after we were talking about that he told me more about him, we sort of almost kissed. But I stopped him before anything happened. And now I’m talking to you about it. What should I do about him?” Lizzie rambled

“I thought weren’t going to get involved with anyone this year?” Josie asked

“I wasn’t, and I did not plan this. It sort of just happened. And now I don’t know what to do.” Lizzie said 

“Well, do you like him?” Josie asked 

“I mean yes,” Lizzie said simply

“Well, then I say go for it. Whatever happened last year is in the past. So if you think you two should be together then do it. 

“Okay, well I need you to cover me later today. Sebastian wanted me to meet him tonight at 8. So can you cover for me?” Lizzie asked hopefully  

“I’ll cover for you, don’t worry,” Josie said, Lizzie, hugged her sister and left the room in excitement.

Lizzie didn’t exactly know what they were going to do. All she knew was to meet him by the old mills property. She decided to take a nap before meeting Sebastian. She was so exhausted and didn’t know why. 

She woke up a couple of hours later and saw the time, it was 7:45. She only had 15 minutes until she had to meet Sebastian. She quickly got up and changed her clothes, she decided to wear a pair of leggings and a loose crop top, with a pair of black and white Adidas. Lizzie left her room and made her way to the old mills property. When she got there Sebastian was already there waiting for her. 

“Hey,” Lizzie said 

“Hey, Lizzie,” Sebastian said, “Are you ready?” 

“I guess, I mean what exactly are we going to do?’ Lizzie asked 

“I going to teach you to control your power when you get upset or angry. How to channel your energy.” Sebastian said 

“Again how are you going to do that I mean you are not even a witch, you’re a vampire,” Lizzie asked.

“If you’ve forgotten I have been alive for centuries, so I know a few things about witches. Just go along with it.” Sebastian said 

“Fine,” Lizzie simply said 

“First we are going to fight,” Sebastian said throwing Lizzie a wooden stick. 

“What the hell is this for?” Lizzie asked confused 

Before she received an answer from him he swung at her with the stick. She was able to dodge it. “What the hell Sebastian?” Lizzie said angrily “Stay focused. Come on take a swing at me, don’t be afraid, I heal quickly” Sebastian said cockily.  

“You do know I don’t have magic of my own right?” Lizzie asked 

“I did not, how do you get your magic if you don’t have any of your own?” Sebastian asked intrigued. 

“I have to siphon it out of anything that contains magic. Supernatural beings for example and/or the school. The walls are filled with magic so I can siphon out of that.” Lizzie explained 

“So you can siphon magic out of me, just don’t kill me. I like to be undead.” Sebastian said 

“Are you sure?” Lizzie asked worriedly 

“Yea I trust you. Do you just touch me and siphon the magic or something?” Sebastian asked. Lizzie smiled at him and nodded in response. She got closer to Sebastian and touched his hand siphoning the magic out of him. After a few seconds, she pulled away not wanting to hurt him. 

“Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you right?” Lizzie asked 

“No, I’m fine. Let’s finish our training session, then I have some questions.” Sebastian said, Lizzie, nodded in agreement. Lizzie took a shot at Sebastian but he was able to dodge it and dragged his stick on the floor making Lizzie trip and fall onto her back.  She got up and closed her eyes saying something under her breath, Sebastian went flying across and hit his back on one of the trees. Sebastian looked in pain, Lizzie went running towards him to check if he was okay.

“Oh my god, Sebastian are you okay?” Lizzie asked worriedly

“I’m fine, I’ll heal. But good job, you didn’t hold back.” Sebastian said getting up.

“Can we just call it for today? I need some time for my back to recuperate.” Lizzie said 

“Fine. I have a question for you, why don’t you have your own magic, I mean you are a witch?” Sebastian asked 

“My sister and I come from a coven of witches, the Gemini Coven. But our whole coven is dead, they all died before we were even born. My sister and I shouldn’t even be here when our bio mom was pregnant she was killed, but before they died they magically implanted Jo and me into our mom. The coven had to make sure the future of the Gemini Coven survived. We weren’t born with the magic of our own. Our coven is kinda screwed up, apparently, twins are the in line to be the leaders of the coven, but only the stronger twin. There's this thing called the merge, it happens when we turn 22, I don’t exactly know what happens but I know it ends with one of us dead. Essentially the stronger twin absorbs the other. Meaning when I turn 22 I will die.” Lizzie finished explaining. Sebastian looked at her with sad eyes, she provoked feelings in him, something he wasn’t used to.

“How are you sure, you’ll be the one who will lose?” Sebastian asked 

“Because I know I’m not as strong as her. All she does is learn how to improve her magic, learning complex spell, while me on the other hand, place all my attention to meaningless things.” Lizzie said trying to hold back tears, but her efforts failed. Sebastian wiped the tear that rolled down Lizzie's cheek. He slid his thumb down her face and caressed her face until he got to her chin and lifted her face so she would look at him. Sebastian got closer to her and so did she. Lizzie didn’t overthink it and closed the gap that was between their lips. After a few minutes passed she pulled away to get some air. 

“I’m sorry for doing that,” Lizzie said looking back down. 

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, I wanted you to do that,” Sebastian said giving her a smirk. Lizzie smiled at him. 

“It’s getting really late. I think we should get back to school.” Lizzie said 

“Sure, I’ll walk you to your room,” Sebastian said, Lizzie nodded in agreement. 

“You know I don’t think you’re weak, right? And if you want I’ll help you figure this thing about the merge. Maybe there is a way for you two not to do it.” Sebastian said 

“Thank you for believing in me,” Lizzie said. They arrived at her dorm but before she went inside she looked at Sebastian. 

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight.” Lizzie said. Before she turned around to open her dorm Sebastian grabbed her hand kissed her once again. Lizzie threw her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to him. He pulled away this time. 

“Goodnight Lizzie.” He said before he left.

Sebastian made his way to his room, for the first time in a long time he felt something towards someone else. He knew he couldn’t get emotionally involved with her, that wasn’t his goal. But she was different, she made him feel alive. 

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13391460/1/Taste-for-Danger

[sheusedtobesassier]

Day 10,158

Mm, it’s the final evening of the year and I think this may turn out to be a particularly sad one. New Year’s Eve is my favorite holiday, you know? Well maybe you don’t know actually. I cannot help but love the mix of being wildly sentimental and anxious/hopeful, feeling extra aware of the year that has gone and the anticipation of what could happen in the one beginning. Glitter and tiny dresses and sparkling grape juice and a big countdown chant and Midnight Kisses and feeling included in something huge almost the whole world is celebrating. Mm and it’s really such a soft celebration with no required fuss. You just gather with anybody you want to gather with and together enjoy the annual grand finale of the years passing by. It’s meaningful and meaningless, lol. A simple and sweet thing that can also be very sparkly. We do it over and over and over and over our whole lives long. Young and old. Mm. How could I resist?

Tonight’s will be sad but that’s okay. That’s another reason I’m fond of this one. It doesn’t deny sadness. It doesn’t expect or demand the way other holidays on the calendar do. It leaves room for being lonely and solemn, for regrets and grief. Mm and tonight I will get very comfortable in that space. I will wallow a little, not too deep, but far enough in that I can write honestly, get some of it out of me so it can be read in nice straight lines, in a way that’ll feel less chaotic, less tangled up. I decided I would let me do it tonight for two reasons. First, because of the magical way NYE makes me feel which I’ve already described to you. Second, because this morning I woke up from a painfully vivid dream that was so convincing it somehow dislodged whatever has been preventing me from being able to articulate these things. I let dreams get to me, maybe more than other people do and this one did the trick. I’ll tell you about it and I’ll tell you about two other ones that might help you understand even better.

There was a pile of us. Maybe eight or ten people sprawled all around on a white couch. The room we were in was white on white on white and one of the walls was just giant windows, like as if we were in a skyscraper. Everybody was wearing jewel tones and color blocking. There wasn’t anybody specific there, but there was the sense they were our friends and we were all getting snug for the sake of a group photo that was going to be taken. Cuddling in and little laughing at one another, you know what it’s like. Omar was further away than I thought he should be so I kind of tugged him in closer when I realized he was miserable crying. Like red eyes, in tears but clearly had been trying to keep it low key. I asked what was wrong and he didn’t want to say. Others noticed and it got quiet. Mm, I can’t quite remember this part but like, I started to get upset and said that we could go if he wanted to go. Ally was suddenly there and was saying she could give us a ride and buy him a ticket? I was angry and Omar was quietly resisting saying, “It’s fine. Let’s stay. You’re gonna be mad.” or something along those lines. I growl snapped back loud enough for everyone to hear. “No, I’ll be fine, because I actually have some control over how I feel!” I was so furious though. I do not remember anything past that.

Towards the beginning of the summer Omar came to camp, he was serving breakfast and I came through the line. He stopped me before I walked out and told me he’d had a nightmare about me the night before. We weren’t really buddies yet, so the comment caught me off guard, his admission in this public space that he dreamed about me. A very sudden intimacy. He said that in the dream I’d been extremely angry and refused to talk to him, how he kept begging me to tell him what was wrong or what he had done and I wouldn’t even look at him. While he told me he seemed so earnest, like it had really bothered him. I laughed and started walking away. I think I tried to say something charming about wondering what he could have possibly done. He stood there shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders, looking concerned.

One of the first times Omar went home after we knew we were into each other, I had one of the wildest/most specific dreams ever. It began with just me standing in the foyer of the Platteville church. I knew I was at a wedding. As I walked into the empty sanctuary I realized it was my own wedding. I promptly started to panic and, in the dream, had this feeling of like, “Wait? How did this happen so quickly? I don’t remember planning this or even deciding to do this? How do I stop this?” I went through a doorway which in real life leads into a very short hallway, but instead it was a large room full of all the women on both sides of our families. My mom and my aunts and a whole heck of a lot of Hispanic women I do not know. I got this sense that all these women had put the wedding together, not me, and that I needed to clear things up now because otherwise I was going to be stuck with a wedding I had nothing to do with. So I started explaining and trying to convince them I didn’t want it to be like that. Saying I was so grateful but this was not at all what I had imagined. I honestly do not remember the speech but do remember feeling like it wasn’t clicking. They were misunderstanding. I felt like I was freaking these people out AND like I was possibly still going to get bulldozed into this anyways. The women (both the white ladies and the Mexican ladies) were all yelling at each other, not ugly fighting, really just trying to organize a wedding. So I went over to a corner where (hahaha this is just accurate okay) Mama Coco was silently sitting in her wheelchair. Like, the animated great grandmother from Coco, more realistic looking but still very much that sweet old lady. I sat down in her lap and watched the discussion carry on without me, feeling like a child. Sat there tracing and picking at the beaded details on my wedding gown’s skirt while the women shouted. I looked up and discovered that from where we were sitting, I could see out onto the stage of the church. Omar and the pastor (I don’t know who the pastor was) were standing there in their suits chatting, looked like they were kidding around and having a nice time. I remember feeling just the BIGGEST sense of relief and thinking, “Omar won’t care that I don’t want to marry him today. Everybody else is gonna be upset at me, but he’s gonna be so nice to me about it.”

Three dreams that would be doozies for almost anybody but wham bam, y’all, lol, for a girl like me these seem an awful lot like prophecies. Oof. Can you see it in there? All the significance? Holy shmoly. It hits and then you get back up and then it hits again. Yikes.

Look. I want things from Omar that he could give me, but when he had to make that decision he chose not to. What I want does not seem like too much to me, but it is more than he is willing to give me. That which he did give me (he is still giving some) he gave soooo sincerely. He gives in the most honest way, which turns out is the only way I can receive anything. And so I’m soooo thankful for what he’s given, but it is not enough. He tried and he still tries and I am heavy with gratitude for the effort he made because I know it wasn’t easy, But It Is Not Enough. I wish it was, but deep down I know it isn’t.

I can remember a night we filled up my whole apartment with an explosion of tension that had gone unspoken. I lost my temper and began angrily expressing how painful it was to feel such deep uncertainty about us staying together. He calmly refuted parts of my attack, but I think was pretty disturbed by my escalating rage. He wasn’t leaving no matter how harsh I got. At one point I coldly told him there was no reason for him to stay and he stayed anyways. After what felt like hours, we were sitting far across the room from each other and I was staring at him waiting for him to finally fucking say something useful. I was so furious and he was so silent. I had stubbornly backed into my corner and decided I wasn’t going to come out of it until he gave me a reason to. He looked helpless. Staring at the floor. Every once in a while he would seem like he had something to say but then nothing would come out. I don’t know how long it took, but my heart softened. I realized I’d been cruel and took notice of how resilient he was being, so I crossed the room to be gentle with him, hoping that it would help him speak. He started crying which I could not have anticipated. I rubbed his back and kept prompting him, softly asking “What?” and “Tell me.” Finally, he choked something like this out. “I’m trying. I’m trying to sit here right now and just choose to be here and give you what you want. I’m trying to make the decision, to tell you I can give you what you’re asking for. But I can’t do it. I can’t make me do it. I’m sorry.” He said it so strained, so in pain. I tried to be comforting and made a few small speeches about how I never wanted him to force himself and I didn’t expect him to make the final decision that night and how even if he wanted to he probably couldn’t because life is so different than what we decide it should be. I apologized for the horrible things I’d said earlier. We both became more rational and began to have a reasonable discussion. We calmed each other down. We snuggled in. The anger and confusion passed so we could get so so close again.***

He tried so damn hard to be my someone. He was my someone for as long as he could be, before the whole rest of it became too unbearable for him. During the last real conversation we had about what him leaving would look like, he told me, “We’ve said all along that if you are the only reason I’m here then I shouldn’t be here.” And he’s right. We did say that. Fuck, I’m the one that said that first. I should have told him that no longer applied though. I should have stopped him and said, “Yeah but that was before we were in love. It’s all different now that we’re in love.” I didn’t say that though. I don’t think I said anything because I think he was still talking and it’s rude to interrupt. I didn’t think about how it’s all different until way later, until after he had already left. If I’d thought about it sooner than that, maybe we could have had another conversation, a better Last Real Conversation with an alternate ending, a better ending. But. I didn’t think about it sooner. We can’t really have a conversation about what him leaving would look like when he’s already left.

One of the most startling parts of breaking up has been being unable to escape the INCREDIBLY PERVASIVE MESSAGE that like, hm, how to put it, the message that IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY NOTHING ELSE MATTERS. Lol. Yeah that’s how to put it. That if you love somebody and they love you too than that it is the Purest, the Goodest, the Highest Endeavor in the known universe (hell in the unknown universe too). That love is STRONG AS FUCK and will make it through EVERY BAD THING. You cannot get rid of love even if you try. Love never ever gives up, no way, it won’t do it, just lasts and lasts. Oh and the relentless warning that if you give up on love then that is the Biggest Mistake Of Your Life. Like. Whew. Y’all. Look. Frankly, the widespread love gospel is working on me. I am not giving into my fearfulness that tells me to protect myself from him now that we’ve broken up. I do believe I should still keep my heart open to Omar and I do not fight the frequent urges to hold onto what’s left of us. I softly reach out. I don’t let the fire flicker out. (Wow. Damn. Getting campfires going together was kind of one of our things actually.) But if it turns out I’m being told a big fancy romantic lie that prevents me from participating in some reasonable big girl independent healing process that I should be seeking out, THAT’S PRETTY BOGUS OF Y’ALL. If I sort out that I need to fall out of love, will I be able to do so without being consumed by the worry that I’m turning off all the lights in my heart and might not ever be able to turn them back on again?

I need to talk to more people who loved somebody who loved them too and they didn’t pick each other forever and it didn’t ruin their lives. Because. I mean I’m not talking to anybody who’s life was actually ruined because of something like that. No, I’m talking to deeply married people who seem to believe that if they hadn’t married each other it would have ruined their lives. (Now I say this with a heart full of appreciation for the married people who have been attempting to take care of me by using the context of their love stories to provide advice regarding mine. Bunch of sweet baby angels. Thankful.) The overwhelming narrative, at least within my realm, is that I have lost something I should try to get back. That’s what it seems like to me at least. I’ll confess, maybe that’s what my own heart is drawn to so I’m perceiving it more than it’s actually out there. Maybe.

Either way though, the current strongest pulls I feel are to continue to amuse him and to secretly long for us to get back together. There are of course other pulls, to pour myself entirely into ministry, to push him away a little and see if he will fight for me, to cut him out completely and focus on healing, to flirt with the creeps on Tinder and Bumble, to tell my friends either the most hopeful version or the weepy saddest version or angry accusation version of how the last two years went, to disappear into my bed as frequently as possible and not let any part of anything touch me, to write him paragraphs every morning admitting everything, to squash the whole thing, to completely succumb to the horrible ways heartbreak feels and allow the loss to fuck up my life completely. And those are just what’s pulling at me tonight, lol. There are dozens of pulls to this. Hundreds. So many that it rips me up and won’t let me listen to music because none of it means anything to me and won’t let me eat or sleep (seriously, my appetite has dried up and this has pulverized my god given talent for being asleep) and has me googling words like “anesthetize” so I can accurately describe that which I currently crave. Yeah it’s fucked with my vocabulary.

Mm, today though. Today I couldn’t help but notice how much easier it is for me to be kind. I think I lost that with Omar for a while. Inadvertently. He’s so cool and so particular. I think I mimicked that some, toned down my enthusiasm or maybe more so I directed it mostly towards him. I think every kitchen shift was for flirting with him, whispering around corners and knocking into each other. Every afternoon break was for kissing or taking a nap together which of course turned into kissing. I’ve been a starry eyed girl for years, but I think I let him become the whole moon and forgot about the stars in everybody else’s eyes too. I can see them again and they can see mine. It’s nice to look at the stars again. Beautiful sight.

I miss how the sky mattered to him. The colors or the way the light would pass through trees. Oh it would thrill him. He’d call me up and tell me to come see. We’d both shriek on sunset drives. Cheering the spectacle on. Mm, we were the same in that. It mattered to him like it matters to me. We were suckers for the ways we reminded each other of ourselves. Reflection. It wasn’t even imitation. We were both so true, dammit. We had carefully cultivated who we were and what we cared about. I think we recognized that in each other. Mm. God, I love him and I miss him in a hungry way.

I wish I had been a good enough reason to stay, even if I was the only reason and it was stupid and it ended up being a huge mistake. I wish I had been. I was good enough until I wasn’t.

God, I miss him.

“Are you being fearful or loving?”

***Last minute addition. Thinking about how some might read that part and think, “Wait so why didn’t you just break up then? He couldn’t give you what you wanted.” I get how that could be your takeaway. It wasn’t mine. Nah. From then on, I felt like Omar truly wanted to give me what I wanted, but that he wasn’t going to do that until he was sure that it was the right thing. So. That’s the sincerity I mentioned. I love that Omar really really means the things he says and the things he does. He’s not interested in faking anything. I knew that I was waiting around for him to decide to be with me and stay OR to break up with me and go. And I was okay with that waiting, okay with either outcome, because I believed whatever he decided he’d do with resolution. His head AND his heart would be involved, two things I trusted more than almost anything. I didn’t trust them to automatically choose me. I trusted that they would get him to do what he thoroughly believed was right. Mm. So. That’s what hurts. That his head AND his heart told him the right thing was something other than the two of us together. (My own head and heart told me otherwise and I trust them a heck of a lot too, so the three of us are having a tough time.)

[pocket-luv101]

The Angel and The Witch || Chapter 5

Fandom: Servamp Relationships: KuroMahi, LawLicht Characters: Kuro, Mahiru, Hyde, Licht

Summary: Licht was a noble angel. Mahiru was a penniless witch. Their lives were different but they both longed for freedom. After circumstances, they switched places and found freedom where they least expect it.

Ch.1 || Ch.2 || Ch.3 || Ch.4 || (Ch.5) ||

“This should cure that hangover you have, Licht.” Misono handed him a mug of thick soup. He didn’t take it and moaned into the couch cushion instead. He sighed at his reaction and placed the mug on the table. After they met in the alley, they returned to the farm house Misono fled to. He didn’t know which of them was more surprised to see the other. He was certain that he would never see his bother again.

Misono lightly nudged Licht so he could sit on the couch as well. He missed his family but he felt mixed about the situation. “Dinner should be ready in half an hour. Hopefully, your headache will go away before then. Tetsu is making beef stew for us. It isn’t as elaborate as what the cooks make at the castle but it’s still delicious. We can talk more while we eat so rest for now.”

“Wait, I want to know everything now, Misono.” He stopped his brother from leaving. His head was pounding but he did his best to sit up. “I don’t even know where to start. We’ve been so worried about you since we couldn’t find you. Mom says you’re probably with Tetsu so you’re safe but… She makes this sad expression whenever she thinks no one’s watching.”

“I never wanted to hurt you or our parents, Licht. I wasn’t planning to run away at first. When Dad ordered Tetsu to leave, he wouldn’t let me say goodbye to him. I sneaked out to see him one last but then I realized I couldn’t leave him. I love Tetsu. You must think that was selfish and greedy of me. As a prince, it’s my duty to think of our people but everything was so overwhelming.”

Licht didn’t know how to respond. He felt the pressure of being the next king over the last three years. Misono experienced it for most if his life. He couldn’t imagine how difficult it was for him. He placed his arm over his eyes and let out a long sigh. “It’s lucky that you left when you did. You would’ve been the one forced into an arranged marriage. The engagement would be more difficult if you’re already in love with someone else. Are you happy with Tetsu?”

“Happier than I’ve ever been in my life.” Misono’s eyes were overflowing with love when he spoke. “But there has been difficult times. I miss you and everyone else. Even if I want to go home to see everyone, I doubt I can. At least we have this chance to talk one last time. Tell me everything that happened while I’ve been gone. It must be a crazy story for me to find you drunk in an alley.”

After dinner, Hyde went to the farm connected to the house to help tend to the horses. Since Misono was important to Licht, he decided to do a few chores around the farm. That would give them more privacy as well. The brothers haven’t spoken for years so Hyde wanted to give them a moment alone to talk. He was still wary about leaving Licht’s side with the danger and uncertainty in their situation.

Tetsu said they could borrow a horse and wagon to return to the castle quicker. He was grateful for the offer but he knew that the farm needed it. He would have to discretely return it to Tetsu after he returned to the castle. The wedding would be a good opportunity to do so. He mostly wanted to avoid attending the wedding and watching Licht marry someone else.

Hyde’s heart tightened painfully and he told himself to ignore his feelings. He decided it was best to go to sleep so he closed the stable’s door. He wondered if Licht was asleep yet and if he should check on him quickly. A part of him knew that it was best if he didn’t. The more time he spent with Licht, the more his feelings grew.

He noticed a white feather on the ground and Hyde easily recognized it as Licht’s. It carried his powerful magic and it had a subtle gleam. He glanced up and saw a pair of legs hanging over the ledge. He could guess that Licht was sitting on the upper floor of the barn. Hyde hadn’t noticed him enter the barn so he must’ve flown through a window.

He climbed the stairs to the second floor and saw that he was sitting alone. He thought he would be spending time with his brother. Licht had a trouble expression and Hyde hoped that he didn’t have a fight with his brother. It didn’t seem like Licht noticed that he was in the barn either. Hyde debated between leaving him alone or going to comfort him.

Without a word, Hyde sat next to him and gave him enough space between them. Licht didn’t acknowledge him though. Hyde waited for his response to decide what to do next. He wanted to be next to Licht so he could support him but he would leave if he told him to do so. Licht closed his eyes and leaned against his shoulder, drawn to him by with warmth.

“It’s getting late, Angel Cakes. Shouldn’t you be asleep so you’ll be refreshed for our long trip tomorrow? Misono said that you could use the guest room for the night. That beats sleeping in hay like I’m going to do.” Hyde thought it was best to not ask questions right away. He spent enough time with Licht to know that pushing him would only make him more upset.

“You’re planning to sleep in this smelly barn? That’s not fair you know?” Licht’s back straightened and he started to languidly swing his legs. He edged his hand closer to Hyde’s. “There’s a couch in the house so just use that, Shit Rat. Cute animals like those horses shouldn’t have to deal with your snoring. Hell, I could barely sleep last night because of you.”

Hyde chuckled softly and said, “You love animals a lot. When we get home, you can design a petting zoo and fill it with cute bunnies. We can have it next to that sunflower patch we were talking about earlier.”

“When we get home…” Licht echoed in a solemn voice. He laid his hand over Hyde’s and stroked his fingers lightly. “I was so happy to see Misono again. Honestly, I was hoping he would come back with us and I wouldn’t have to marry Sleepy Ash. In the end, I couldn’t ask him to do that or even bring it up. It’s my duty.”

“Your duty as the next king?”

“My duty as Misono’s brother. I love him and I want him to be happy. He found a wonderful life here and I can’t ask him to leave everything. I’m not going to run away from my responsibilities. I just want one night I don’t have to think about it.” Licht pushed Hyde and he fell into the hay pile below them. He flew down after him and stood in front of him.

Hyde swore as he tried to stand again but then Licht placed his hands on his shoulders. He sat on his lap and cupped his face. Licht leaned closer and whispered, “Kiss me. I want—”

“Wait, Licht!” Hyde interrupted him and grabbed his hands. He gave his fingers an affectionate squeeze before he lowered their hands. His blue eyes were filled with longing and he felt the same yet Hyde had to stop him. No matter how much he wanted to kiss Licht, he couldn’t. “I understand, Licht, I really do. You’re going through a lot of emotions right now. You’re looking for some sense control. Doing something impulsive won’t help though.”

“I’ve been thinking about this for two years!” Licht let go of his hands so he could grab Hyde’s shirt. “In a week, I am going to marry a man I do not know. I have already decided to go through with that. But, just for tonight, I want to be greedy. We forget that I’m an angel and you’re my advisor. Please, I Hyde, don’t want my first to be with a stranger.

Hyde wrapped his arms around his waist and turned them until Licht was beneath him. “A hay pile in a barn isn’t the most romantic place for this, especially for an angel. We can stop anytime.”

Licht trailed his hands down his neck to his chest. His fingers touched something cold and he realized that it was his royal brooch. He unfastened it and threw it in a random direction. He kissed him again and whispered, “Didn’t I say that we’re just us tonight? I want you, Hyde.”

He pulled him into a hard kiss. Licht responded to his kiss with fervor and pressed himself closer to him. He slid his hands into his blond hair and tugged onto it slightly. When he parted his lips, he slipped his tongue into his mouth. He groaned and Licht felt heat spread through his body. Everything around them became a hot haze. The only thing that kept him grounded was Hyde so he clung to him.

If only he could hold Hyde every night.

The first night Mahiru spent in the castle, he was nervous. Now that a night has passed, he was afraid and on the edge of panicking. Hyde promised him that he would return before sunset yet there was no sign of him. Where were they? Mahiru hoped that nothing had happened to Hyde and Licht. He couldn’t send a message to them either.

“What are we going to do, Ash?” Mahiru whispered to the cat in his arms. With so many thoughts running through his head, he couldn’t focus on maintaining his disguise. He decided to take a walk through the maze in the dark. He needed to avoid people until he felt calm enough to use his magic again. The walk would help clear his mind as well.

He carefully thought over the options before him but none of them were good. If he continued with the ruse, there was a chance he could be discovered and killed. Yet, fleeing the castle would lead to a panic. He was alone in the castle with no one to turn to for help. He wished he could contact Hyde and ask him where they were at least.

Hyde said that he suspected that someone in the castle planned the kidnapping and Mahiru wondered who it could be. An idea came to Mahiru and he whispered excitedly to the cat. “I can continue to pretend to be Licht and look for clues of who tried to kidnap him. That way, I can defend myself if they discover I’m just a witch. It’ll help Hyde and Licht once they return too. What do you think, Ash?”

He gasped when the cat jumped out of his arms and wandered deeper into the maze. Mahiru chased after it, afraid that the cat would become lost. Did something catch its attention for it to run off so suddenly? Ash stopped in front of a tall bush and pawed at the ground. He knelt beside the cat and petted it lightly. “You can’t run off, Ash.”

Hushed whispers caught his attention and Mahiru wondered who could be in the maze so late at night. He wasn’t the type to eavesdrop on other’s conversations but his instincts told him it might be related to Licht’s kidnapping. He parted the bushes so he could see the people on the other side. Mahiru was only able to see their feet so he strained to hear what they were discussing.

“How could Licht escape and return to the castle so quickly? It’s impossible.” Mahiru covered his mouth to stop himself from making a sound. He was careful not to draw attention to himself as he crawled deeper into the bushes. “He hasn’t told the king or queen that he has been captured. His behaviour has been odd ever since he returned. No matter, we will only try again and I can become king.”

“King?” Mahiru whispered.

“Did you hear that?” Mahiru stiffened when the feet began to walk towards him. He picked up Ash and scrambled backwards. He didn’t know what they would do if they discovered he overheard them so he ran to the exit. It was difficult to retrace his steps due to his fear and panic. He only hoped that he didn’t run into a dead end.

A hand grabbed his arm as he turned the corner and pulled him into the shadows. He couldn’t cry out before the hand clap over his mouth. Mahiru struggled against the man’s hold until he realized the voice was Kuro’s. “They’ll find us if we make too much noise.”

He recognized the invisibility spell Kuro whispered. Even though his spell was enough to keep them hidden, he also wrapped his cape around Mahiru to protect him further. Mahiru could feel his heart racing in his chest. He didn’t know if it was from the people he overheard or the fact that Kuro was holding him so close. They were pressed closely together. He knew that Kuro only intended to protect him but heat rose onto his cheeks.

Two people he didn’t recognize ran pass them but Mahiru didn’t relax until their footsteps faded away in the distance. He stepped away from Kuro. He was glad that he saved from being discovered but he had to ask why he was in the maze as well. After spending time with him, he didn’t think Kuro was a bad person but he had to be cautious. “What are you doing here, Kuro?”

“I saw two suspicious people walk into the maze and I decided to follow them. I only planned to negotiate an arranged marriage, not deal with a kidnapping conspiracy. It looks like you stumbled into it too. Can’t deal.” Kuro told him. “We should go to the king and queen so they’ll know that Licht is in danger. They can take steps to protect Licht.”

“We can’t!” Mahiru stopped him and hugged his arm. He saw the confusion on Kuro’s face but he couldn’t easily give him a reason. He bit his lip and let go of his arm. “I need to tell you something but you need to promise to keep it a secret. Is there somewhere we can talk privately so no one will overhear us? I don’t think this maze is safe.”

“We can talk in my room.” He offered and Mahiru nodded. “You work here so hopefully you know how to get out of here.”

“I only started working here recently. Ash should be able to lead us to the exit though.” Mahiru placed the cat on the ground. Ash sniffed the ground before it trotted forward. He wanted to explain why he was in the maze at night but he could only lie. In a small voice, he said: “I was giving him a walk. He might be a cat but he acts like a dog sometimes.”

“I thought Licht adopted Ash because you didn’t have time to take care of him. Royals often give these troublesome chores to their servants but he didn’t seem like that kind of person.” He was all too familiar of the politics of their situation yet he hoped that Licht would be different. Kuro thought of their trip to the farm and Licht’s behaviour seemed genuine at the time.

“Oh, I asked Licht for the chance to play with Ash. He was kind enough to let me.” Mahiru was still uncertain if he could tell Kuro that he was pretending to be Licht. At least the walk to his room gave him to chance to think of an explanation. He pulled his hood over his head when they walk into the castle so anyone passing by wouldn’t see his face.

Kuro noticed how closely Mahiru was walking to him. It was almost as if he was hiding behind him. He believed it was because Mahiru was afraid of the two men they saw earlier. He opened the door to his room and Mahiru hurried inside. After he closed the door, Kuro shut the curtains so people outside couldn’t see him. Mahiru was grateful that Kuro didn’t ask him his questions right away.

He sat down in a wooden chair and petted the cat on his lap. He had decided to tell Kuro a mixture of the truth and lies. First, he begged: “Nothing I tell you can leave this room. Promise me, Kuro.”

“I promise.” Kuro sat across from Mahiru.

Mahiru took a deep breath and explained as much as he could. “Licht was kidnapped the night before you arrived. Luckily, I ran into him in town so he was brought back safely. We don’t know who ordered the kidnapping. Hyde went to investigate and he was supposed to return tonight but… You said that you two used to be friends. Have you heard anything from him today?”

“No.” Kuro shook his head and his brown eyes lowered in disappointment. He remembered how Licht was so insistent that they return before dinner and it was likely because he was expecting Hyde’s return. He wondered if he was worried as well. “Maybe I should go and talk with Licht to see if he’s okay.”

“Licht said he wanted to be alone tonight.” Mahiru could see that Kuro was beginning to care for Licht. Would he still feel the same once he discovers that he was actually a poor witch? He pushed that thought aside. “The royal family believed it would be best not to tell you about the kidnapping or else you might break the engagement. I’ll be punished if they found out I told you. But I’m so worried for Licht and Hyde that I need to tell you.”

“I’ll keep your secret.” Kuro vowed. He could see how caring Mahiru was. He shared that trait with Licht and Kuro found he wanted to help them both. “I’ll see if I can send a magical familiar to find Hyde.”

“Thank you, Kuro.” He smiled brightly. He was happy he had the chance to talk with Kuro. Mahiru stood up and his shoulders feel lighter. “I should go return Ash to Licht.”

“Do you want me to walk you? Those men might be nearby and it could be dangerous.”

Mahiru wished he could accept his offer but he knew that it would be a risk. He patted his arm and reassured him. “Thanks for the thought but I can handle myself. Goodnight, Kuro.”

A light, rocking motion jostled Licht awake. He felt so warm and relaxed that he didn’t want to wake up. The last thing he remembered was laying in Hyde’s arms and he wanted to stay in that dream. The sunlight wouldn’t let him go back to sleep so he opened his eyes. He glanced around and saw that he was in a moving wagon. He remembered the night he was kidnapped and he sat up sharply.

“You’re finally awake, Lichtan. I thought you would be out a little longer.” Hyde’s voice silenced the worry he felt and Licht relaxed. He was driving the wagon down a dirt road. When he looked back, Licht couldn’t see the farm so they had likely been driving for a while. He rose to his feet and walked towards Hyde but his knees were a little weak.

Hyde stopped the carriage so he could find his footing easier. Licht placed his hands on his shoulders for balance. He turned slightly to face him and their eyes met. He placed the reins on his lap so he could slip his arms around Licht. “I hope you don’t mind that I changed your clothes and left without waking you. You looked exhausted after last night. Are you sore?”

“I’m fine. I’m an angel, after all.” He blushed when he remembered the previous night. “You should’ve woken me up earlier so I could say goodbye to my brother. I didn’t get to do that last time.”

“Misono said that saying goodbye would be too difficult for both of you. But he gave us some food for the journey and he said that they were your favourites. Your brother cares a lot about you.” Hyde wanted to comfort him when he saw sadness cross his face. “If you’re worried about him, I can check on them every once in a while. I’ll make sure they’re safe.”

“Thank you but you don’t need to do that since Tetsu is there to protect him. All this time, that has been the only reassurance I’ve had. I’m glad I could see him one last time before I become king.” Licht sank back down and sat on the wagon floor. He leaned his head on Hyde’s back and asked, “How far is the castle?”

“With this wagon, a few hours.” He answered and picked up the reins again. The horses trotted forward but they remained silent for the journey. They were both thinking of the night before but neither of them brought it up. It was for the best they didn’t talk about it. But Licht didn’t regret the night.