#my mom used to watch these shows all the time and the outcome was always the same. a house that looked like it had been bleached.

[nykloss]

My mom was watching one of those home renovation shows last night and I was like eugh they're gonna ruin this house and paint everything white or beige or Corporate Modern Grey scale etc etc but NO? This bitch was painting shit PURPLE! She dared to use WALLPAPER? folks there may be hope for the future of interior design trends.

[pablitogavii]

So... Gavi just got his surgery and thank god it's success. I think the reader is taking care of him after his surgery still at hospital and at home will be the major fluff <33

Hospital Bed

She was with me through it all, sleepless nights at home prior to surgery, anxiety about the outcome and now in the hospital bed awaiting my recovery.

My injury was hard on her most of all, because she was always scared of my way of playing and possibly getting hurt that way.

I would always tell her to be tranquilla and that I will be just fine..until now. She had to watch that on the tv screen and the rest of the night was awake until I arrived home.

It wasn't based on rules allowed for her to stay but when doctors saw her laying in my arms finally asleep after days of worrying about him.

"Tan monos..need to give you IV" nurse said smiling at your sleeping face while quietly renewing Gavi's port. Then Belen and Aurora came in placing the blanket on top of both of you.

"Pedri and Laporte wanted to come check on you today cariño.." Belen said and Pablo nodded kissing the top of your head making his mom smile.

"We'll leave you two to rest..want me to bring you anything from home later??" she asked and Pablo gave her a list of things he wanted feeling really scared in the whole hospital setting.

Another hour passed as my friends walked in and I showed them to be quiet cause she was still sleeping. They smiled at two of us nodding and speaking quietly. She moved a little and he placed my hand on her head playing with her her to lull her back to sleep.

"Y/N seems very tired..must of been terrified for you??" Pedri asked and he nodded explaining how she refused to sleep until my surgery was done.

You slowly woken up hearing other voices nuzzling your face into Pablo neck while yawning before rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

"H..hey guys..why didn't you wake me up?" you said and everyone said it was alright and that you slept very cutely in your boyfriend's arms. Made you blush.

"Did they come for your IV??" you ask little lost in time and Pablo giggled saying that was hours ago.

"How long did I slept??" you ask and he said making you shocked and sit up to stretch up a bit and drink some water.

"We will leave you two alone, lovebirds..see you soon Pablo" they said waving and leaving the room while the two of you stood there looking at each other with bright smiles.

"You did look so cute..sleeping in your boyfriends arms" he said and you blushed laying back down and kissing his cheeks lovingly.

"Hmm I love my boyfriend very much" you said and Pablo chuckled kissing the top of your head gently.

"How are you feeling Pablito??" you ask and he reassured you that everything is alright now.

"We're already leaving the hospital tomorrow" he said and you smiled looking up at him still with sad eyes wondering when will he really be alright again.

"Pablito..?" you said and he looked down at you with furrowed eyebrows.

"Promise me you won't try to speed up this recovery..that you will let yourself fully heal?" you say and he smiles knowing that you know him very well. If he could he would already be back on that pitch playing football. But he knew you and his family worried.

"I promise, mi amor..not until you give me okay?" he smiled and you as well leaning up and kissing his lips lovingly.

"Can I tell you something preciosa??" he said and you nodded

"I hate hospital beds..being here alone would have drove me crazy..thank you for not leaving me" he said and you pouted nodding your head.

"We're in this together Pablito..siempre" you said and he leaned down to capture another kiss from your soft lips.

"Siempre, mi amor.." he said and it really ended up being like that. Next eight months you were his biggest supporter..helping with his physical therapy..being there to listen when he got bored or annoyed..stayed home with him whenever school was out and allowed him to lean on you this time. Pablo really much appreciated having you in his corner..and recovered fully with your help.

[soft-for-them]

Palm readings and tulips - Roman Godfrey x plus size reader

Summary: You and Roman are close, best friends even. You think he doesn't love you despite everything pointing to him loving you.

Comments and reblogs are much appreciated and help more people read my works.

A/N: Before writing this I hadn't watched Hemlock Grove since I was like fourteen so at this point in time I've only re-watched the first few episodes so the characters are probably way ooc. Not proof read.

-

Since turning eighteen, aka a legal adult, you’ve realised that you still don’t have the power to do much at all. You’re still learning to drive despite knowing that you won’t be able to afford the cost of a car on your own. You’re working part time and you’re still somehow waking up every morning to go to school which seems to never end.

Then there’s Roman.

Best friends since your family moved to Hemlock Grove when you were twelve, the promise of a job at the steel mill shattered as soon as you arrived leaving you to play outside alone whilst your parent(s) worked over jobs. Roman's always been generous with his disposable wealth when it comes to you because of your family situation.

Roman Godfrey with his fancy little red car always filled with fuel, his house always open to you when you don’t feel safe at home, his disregard for the price of anything, him choosing to always pay for your shopping the rare time he stalks around a shop with you when he’s not busy bedding other people. With a flick of a wrist he can get anything he wants no fake ID or drop of his prestigious name needed, though he does the latter one regardless, Roman Godfrey has the world at his feet.

Maybe that’s why you’re forever thinking up reasons why he’s still friends with you.

As you bang you head on your dull green locker, no one around the hallways to stop you doing so for most if not all the students have been killed in gruesome bloody ways only leaving the younger students and the less than savoury upper-classmen left. To think, if you didn’t have someone like Roman following you around like a shadow then you’d probably be mauled to death and left in a ditch somewhere.

What a lovely thought indeed.

Raising your head you look down the hall, only small clumps of people mulling around, a larger group of tall teens clad in baggy clothes huddled around some lockers probably looking at something indecent catching you attention.

“I am an adult for crying out loud.” you mutter to yourself as you check you book bag filled with heavy textbooks and your large novelty pencil case, “I should be out of this fucking town.”

Then a loud obnoxious laugh, one that sounds more like some exclaiming ‘HA!’ rather than a proper laugh echoes down the hallway reminding you that nothing good ever comes from such fake sound.

So with a reluctant sigh you mosey over to the group of boys, not caring that you look half dead in your oversized baseball jersey and baggy mom jeans, your bag clutched in your hands ready to use it as a weapon if need be.

“Alright fuckers what you looking at now?” you holler as you squish in between two towering boys who smell like B.O and dress like nul metal band rejects.

The best outcome is that they’re all ogling at a magazine of scantily clad women or huddled around a small screen of a phone looking at social media but no, sitting against a locker looking horrified is none other than Shelley Godfrey.

Her long faux hair droops over her entire face as she tries to look as small as possible, her long grey cardigan pooling on the dirtied checked floor of the hallway, her arms holding onto her speaking tablet with an inhuman clutch.

Your face turns stern, tired eyes showing how pissed off you are, the very small amount of power you have in this supernatural town bubbling up.

Most all the boys huddled around you both are way taller, a couple of the shorter ones plus size like you, so really you are outnumbered in every way including size. However, somehow the remaining gaggle of teenage boys who roam the school have an odd resect for you. Much like how Roman, when he’s not fucking someone or completely gone like he was never alive, they follow you around school like lost puppies finding you entertaining, your straightforward and sarcastic wit making you ‘one of the boys’.

That and you’re one of the very few teens who Roman hasn’t bedded, some of your classmates almost seeing you like a challenge for surely soon enough Roman will fuck you too. You’ve overheard them talk about you like this many times, too many for your liking and you have mixed feeling about how they see you. On one hand some people see this pretty young woman who must be next on Roman’s conquest whilst others see you as just ‘the fat girl’ and nothing else.

For once in your life you’d like to be seen as more than a piece of meat but you digress, you’d much rather have the respect of these teenagers than have their ogling eyes look you up and down like your either their next fuck or next bullying target.

 “What? Her wig was falling off, it’s funny (y/n).” one smiles thinking that you’re going to happily chuckle alone with them.

Honestly you feel too much like a mother goose sometimes, these greasy teenagers your rebellious goslings who think you’d laugh along with them at such cruelty.

“Oh! FUNNY LIKE BREAKING YOUR DICK!” you shout at the top of your lungs, everyone is a five mile radius knowing it’s you shouting out your secret knowledge.

No one other than you and the gaggle of lanky teens surrounding you know who you’re exactly talking about however everyone else will have a fun time trying to guess who ‘broke’ their dick and hopefully the humiliation will hammer it into their head not to mess with Shelley Godfrey again.

“Come on (y/n)!” one scoffs whilst another gives you a “not cool bro.” to no avail.

“Where’s your brother?” you ask in you softest voice as you crouch down to Shelley’s height ignoring the scattering boys who try to do damage control now that everyone, which isn’t a lot compared to the beginning of the year, has heard what you shouted.

Speak of the devil Roman appears out of nowhere crouching down beside you as you talk softly to Shelley.

“Where the fuck have you been rich boy?” you scoff as you turn your head to look at your childhood befriend.

“How did you know Tyler broke his dick?” Roman retorts back with a handsome smile.

You ignore him, instead you help Shelley up.

“I’m not a blushing virgin Rom-“ you smile up to Shelley silently nodding asking is she’s ok which gets you a smile back before looking back to Roman, “- me and his brother was in the middle of some things when that idiot fell in the shower screaming bloody murder ‘My dick’s broken, my dick’s broken!’.”

You were having fun too, it’s not that often that a hot guy genuinely takes an interest in you let alone a hot college type who can take your wondering mind off Roman Godfrey, but then his idiot younger brother had slipped whilst belting out pop tunes in the shower making everyone in the house hold privy to the fact he hurt his member.

It was quite easy sneaking out whilst his family crowded around the bathroom, though your thoughts where quickly back of Roman.

As of late all you’ve been thinking about is Roman, that and escaping Pennsylvania but mostly of Roman’s stupidly handsome face.

Him looking at you now with eyes so filled with emotion, most of which you can’t decipher makes you almost blush and fumble. However before you can blurt out your feelings for the guy who used to follow you around town whilst you caught bugs or explored the library instead of going home you offer your arm to Shelley stating you’re going to take her to her class.

Shelley takes your arm with a small smile, a faint glow of blue like a firefly radiating from under her fringe. Roman follows closely behind you protectively, his heart filling up with an emotion he hasn’t properly felt in his life.

Love.

Roman Godfrey, the most powerful person in school, the man who is your shadow, in love with you.

“He’s not happy with you (y/n).” Peter says between puffs of his cigarette the two of you sat at the front of his static home.

He offers the cigarette to you but you refuse it.

“He’s never happy with me lately.” you say not believing a word that comes from your lips, you don’t think Roman has ever be properly angry or disappointed in you, not really.

“You know that’s a lie.” Peter says nudging your arm as you stare off into the distance to the house upon the hill.

“Peter, don’t contradict yourself.” you hit his arm back.

Ever since Peter Rumancek moved here you’ve been spending more and more time with him, well not as much as Roman has but you’ve been spending more time with the shaggy haired man then at home.

“What I mean is that he's annoyed at you.” as Peter talks you lean you head down on his shoulder, the late afternoon slowly fading into sunset, the air around going cold.

“How so?” you ask looking up at him.

“Something about a brother and you helping his sister.”

“Ah, that.”

Sighing, nuzzling your face into Peter’s bicep you try to figure out how to explain to him the situation that you hadn’t even realised was a situation until now.

So you explain it to him. In as little words as possible you recount the story of having a one night stand with a classmate’s older brother and the ensuing hilarity that you used as leverage to help Shelley.

“He really likes you.” Peter says bringing his hand up to pat your head as you slump down more into his arm like it was a pillow on your bed.

“Of course he does Peter, we’ve been friends since we were twelve.”

You don’t want to really explain anything more to Peter because you know exactly what he’s trying to get out of you.

Surely someone like Roman can’t like you back, right?

And from that conversation sometime later the next week you find yourself sat awkwardly on a throw covered blue sofa, a decorative pillow on your lap and Peter by your side fully relaxed.

Destiny has been kind to you the half an hour you’ve been here, she’s offered you tea, told you embarrassing stories about Peter and genuinely been hospitable and nice however as she breaches the subject of why you’re here you start to feel nervous.

It was Peter’s idea, he had been the one to bring up Destiny’s palm readings and curtsey of Peter you’re getting the palm reading for free. You’re not some naive little girl any more so you can take whatever Destiny gives you. Unlike the bigots of the town who think Destiny is scamming people out of their money because she is Romani you’re hopeful that she can give you a good reading and get Peter off you back to boot for he has been trying to tell you that Roman like likes you all week.

But still you’re nervous and jittery.

Destiny asks for your hands which you reluctantly hold out.

“I know you’re probably really good at this-“ you begin as she cradles your hands, your palm upward facing, Destiny leaning over to look at them, “-but I don’t need you tell me if I’m going to have kids or if I’m going to rich.”

Your eyes flicker between her and Peter.

“That’s no entirely how this works.” Destiny grins as Peter touches your arms to try to calm you down, “Anyway from what Peter has told me we may only need to look at your heart line.”

“Heart line?”

“Love.”

“Oh! Yeah, love…” your face scrunches up in worry, “Sorry, I’m not saying you’re a fake or anything but I, well, I already know who I love already, I just haven’t done anything about it so I don’t need a reading for that.”

She smiles, the dimpled lines either side of her mouth appearing as she does, her eye sparkling with curiosity.

“Peter you should have brought her over sooner.” she says eyes trained on you, “Shall we begin then?”

You nod a quick yes.

She begins tracing your palms, her fingers light but slow as she figures out both your past and your future form just the curved line of your hands.

“This hand-” Destiny begins cradling your non dominant hand, “- this one show your past.”

Her manicured finger traces a long line slightly jagged and curved.

“You’ve been through a lot.” she states, not trying to get anything out of you but allowing you to speak if you want to, “I assume it’s to do with your family.”

Two hours later Peter's leading you out of Destiny’s flat, a promise to visit again as a friend promised to her, tear soaked tissues stuffed up your sleeves and Peter holding your hand as he leads you onto the street now bathed in yellowing streetlamp light.

“That was a lot.” you try to upbeat but all that comes from you lips is a solemn exhale, “Promise you won’t tell anyone about all that?”

He bumps his shoulder into yours, his hand squeezing yours in a silent ‘yes’.

“Not even the bit about twelve year old you falling in love with Roman?”

“Shut up.” you laugh as you knock your shoulder into his back playfully, “Now walk me home.”

The next day after Destiny’s palm reading you’re overthinking too much so much so you get a headache that can only be cured by taking a long mid-morning nap.

Thankfully it’s the weekend and you don’t have work but unthankfully as you groggily wake up from your impromptu nap you hear the tell tell signs of one Roman Godfrey lowering himself down on top of your crowded double bed, his nicely dressed frame clashing with the teddy bears and old granny floral sheets of the bed.

“You climb through my window or something?” you ask as you drag yourself up into a sitting position, ignoring the fact your face comes dangerously close to Roman’s.

“No one’s here (y/n) so I used the key underneath the front door mat.”

“Liar-” you joke as your rearrange your twisted t-shirt on your plush body, “-the key is under the pot Rom, you know, the one with the dead tulips.”

You both maybe siting side by side, you under the covers and him fully clothed, but you can see his growing smile on his smug face from the side of his face, mischief soon to come.

“What, stop smiling like that and spit it out.”

His smile grows into a clown like grin as he lets out a deep chuckle. He bends down to the side to pick something off the floor. On hand latches onto your leg anchoring him down as he bends down hanging his other arm off the bed, warmth rising in your face at the rather forward action.

He rises bringing, what at first you think is a wad of paper, up but as you look closer you see the paper is combined with translucent pink plastic in a cone shape holding flowers in place.

Flowers.

Not just any flowers but blood red tulips, much more vivid and alive than the ones that used to live by your front door. And they’re not some supermarket type flowers either, there’s no barcode stuck to the plastic or creasing on the paper from where they’ve been sitting in a pot with other bouquets of flowers. No, they’re big, new and most certainly handmade, so perfectly arranged that they must have cost too much, well too much for you anyway.

For Roman it probably was nothing at all, his wallet still filled with too much money.

You must be frozen in place for Roman, one hand still on your leg, passes over the bouquet of tulips.

“Who you got these for?” you ask.

“I don’t like seeing you sad.” he says leaning closer so your noses almost touch.

“I’m not sad.” you try to smile, your eyes flickering between the blood petals and his sharp mesmerising eyes.

“I saw you yesterday with Peter, you were crying.”

Despite there being a thin blanket separating your bare legs from his hands you can feel him stroke patterns near your knee.

“Then why didn’t you come over then? You know I’ll always have you.”

Your words come out wrong for you were trying to say that he’s always welcome in your home though you guess the growing bubbling feeling of love has impaired your mind just a bit.

As your eyes look at the flowers you miss the hungry, almost monstrous look flash in Roman’s eyes, his pupils going large. It takes all his strength not to grab you and kiss you all over making you his.

He won’t even tell you either that last night another classmate died, that he was trying to investigate it.

“I’m taking you out.” he demands.

“Ok.” you say feeling that you can't decline, the thought of it being a date pushed out your mind for Roman always seems to be spending money on you, “Let me get dressed first Rom.”

[pimosworld]

Pairing-Joel Miller x reader

Summary-Joel conquers his fear to watch you walk across that stage.

CW-18+, No outbreak Joel Miller, unspecified age gap, reader is in college but can be any age, No description of reader other than they wear heels, Joel has agoraphobia, mentions of panic attack, mentions of large crowds and over coming that fear, reader is highly decorated, mentions of spicy times but no smut, angst, fluff, more fluff, Joel being obsessed with you.

WC-1.3k

A\N- This idea literally came to me in a dream so it’s just another procrastination for my other wips 😂. I write while I help my mom with chemo and It helps writing fluffy stuff so I hope you enjoy.

[Joel Miller Masterlist][Main Masterlist]

Not beta read

Collegiate

Joel’s not a fan of large crowds- well the crowds don’t have to be very large. More than ten people and he starts to sweat a little. Too many people to talk to. Too many chances at getting stuck in conversations he could care less about. 

  He’s starting to feel it now as he weaves his way through the sea of families. Groups of faces that look similar, matriarchs and patriarchs seated and gushing about their babies who aren’t really babies anymore at this high level of educational accomplishment. 

  One too many old ladies pointing him out as he finds an open seat hoping he can pretend not to hear the hushed whispers of ‘he must be married’ or ‘if i was a younger woman’. 

  He rubs his hand nervously along the back of his neck as he remembers those breathing techniques you told him about. You’d said the first time you noticed him gripping your hand a little tighter at the farmers market or the time at the movies when he wouldn’t stop checking the exits that maybe he had a little phobia. He can’t remember the name right now, maybe arachnophobia or somethin’. You are always so much better than him with words and explanations. 

  Right now though he breathes in through his nose and out through his mouth as the sound of the crowd dies down a little. 

  The announcements start for the English majors and his eyes are focused on the decorated caps. You’d kept it a secret all week while you were getting ready, promising to show him when it was all over. The ridiculous amount of gems and glue had him a bit worried of what the outcome would look like. 

  He’s trying to care about the other names but in reality there’s just one he wants to hear come over the loudspeaker. It drones on as each person smiles and shakes the hand of the men and women who selfishly collect money from them when they’ve yet to get their lives started. The woos from the families lull him into a sense of calmness and he nearly misses it when they announce you. 

  His ears perk up at the last name Miller and he’s not fully expecting to see you as you squeeze the hand of your friend next to you and head towards the stage. He’s still getting used to hearing his last name attached to yours and the pride swells in him as you cross the stage beaming from ear to ear as you accept your diploma. You don’t bother searching the crowd for family you know wouldn’t care and hasn’t cared in some time about your life and personal achievements. 

  He’s made it more than clear to you that he’s all the family you need. When he sees the way you are with his brother and Sarah he can’t help but think about what a loss it is for your estranged family. Their loss is his gain and he’d be a fool to let you slip away now that he’s got you branded with his name. 

  As you take your seat again he gets a good look at your cap, the sun catches it just right as the sparkles shine along the edges. The loud laugh that erupts from him startles the old woman next to him and he has to excuse himself as he covers his smile with his hand. Tommy will get a kick out of this later on when he sees it. He’s busy finishing up at the construction site so he can join the rest of them at the surprise party that Sarah and Maria insisted on throwing you at the last minute. 

  He steps out into the hallway with some of the other families as the ceremonies come to a close. He’s so excited and anxious to see you that he’s completely forgotten about his claustrophobia or whatever it’s called. Probably still the wrong name but he doesn’t really care as he starts to see the people filing out of the auditorium and running to greet their families. 

  You come out almost last walking hand in hand with one of your friends and your cap clutched between your fingers in the other. You give her a kiss on the cheek as you part ways and smile to yourself no doubt relieved and proud of yourself for finally finishing. He can finally get a good look at your ensemble, your shoulder adorned with all sorts of different color ropes and sashes. He listened to you explain what each one meant to Sarah the other night over dinner and he couldn’t have been more excited to think about her wearing them one day soon. 

  He can tell you didn’t expect him to be there as you make your way towards the exit, you stiffen as he gently places his hands on your shoulders. 

  “Where ya goin so fast darlin’?” You gasp before turning around as he cautiously kisses your neck, sending shivers down your spine. 

  He can smell your new perfume, the one he got you as an early graduation present. You were still so stubborn about asking for things you wanted and he saw you eyeing it in the mall and then he caught you smelling the page insert of that magazine you liked with the scent. 

  “Joel, what are you doing here?” You turn around leaping into his arms, squeezing the life out of him as he chuckles into your hair. 

  “Did ya think I was gonna miss this?” His southern accent comes out thicker and slurred when he’s in your presence, much more relaxed when he can touch and feel that you’re real. “It’s not everyday that my girl graduates from college.” He sets you down lightly on your heels, just about the only bit of skin he can see as the gown dwarfs the rest of you. He still doesn’t know how you walk in those things but he won’t complain when it’s all that you’re wearing at the end of the night. 

  You wipe the stray tears that have shed careful not to ruin your makeup. “I wouldn’t have been upset if you didn’t come.” You look around the hallway noticing most of the families have cleared. “That was a lot of people to handle with your agoraphobia, I’m proud of you.” 

  He snaps his fingers “agoraphobia.” 

  He closes the small space between you holding your face between his large palms. He kisses you like he’s been away at war, like it’s the last time he’ll kiss you or perhaps the first time and he can’t get enough. All the swell of emotions as you take in the fact that he wasn’t one for pda and now he’s got his tongue down your throat and you’re practically moaning at the way he consumes you. 

  He breaks the kiss momentarily as you catch your breath. You duck your head into his chest as he laughs quietly holding you close to him. 

  “What’s so funny Joel?” 

  “Oh nothin, I just find it funny that you’re proud of me. Figured it should be the other way around, don't you?” His eyebrows raise at you and then flit to the cap dangling in your hand. “Let’s see it then.” 

  You smile all innocently at him as you hand it over. A hint of mischief behind it and he can’t help but think about what’s usually happening when you look at him that way. 

  In large rhinestones reads Sponsored by Miller and Co. 

Comments and reblogs are much appreciated

[l3visthighs]

Hey lovely Alyssa ✨

I hope you're doing well!

The Leviana fanarts you post are always amazing & I wondered if you could tell us more about your OC Ilyana? I'm really curious about this cutie!

Smooches 😘

Val, hi! 💕 how’re you doing?

Thank you so much for your question about Ilyana. It makes my heart so happy when people show an interest in her.

I have a little story I’ve been working on for a while for her & Levi. It’s just never seen the light of day because I don’t have a lot of confidence in my writing/storytelling. So it’s been more of a project just for me. :’)

I’ll insert a few paragraphs of it here though just to give a little more insight about her (her background, her personality, etc) <3

Year 843: 

That day had finally come; the day that Ilyana Hoover dreaded every single day since her adopted brother, Bertolt, had told her that he wanted to become a warrior. Today was the day she watched him inherit the Colossal Titan.  She couldn't believe it, she didn't want to. Thirteen years. Thirteen years is all she had left with him. For years she had tried to talk him out of it. But here she is now. Watching him train for his upcoming mission in Paradis with the now Armored Titan and Female Titan. She's going with them on their mission. She had already decided that long ago; she told herself no matter what the outcome was today that she would be there for him. She knows her brother. He's emotional, sometimes weak, and anxious. No matter what role they decide to give her in the mission, she would do it, she would go. If only to protect him. 

"I really don't think you should come along, Ilyana. It's going to be dangerous. We don't know what these island devils are capable of. Stay here and look after mom. She needs you." He pleads with her that evening. 

"You're really lecturing me over it being dangerous? Bert, you're scared of your own shadow most of the time" She sighs. "If I don't go with you and something happens to you, I wouldn't be able to live with that. I already made up my mind. I don't trust Reiner to protect you, either. You and I both know how hot headed and emotional he can be at times. Mom will be just fine. She's got dad here to watch over her. You know he'd never let her roam the streets alone." 

He shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose. She's right. He knows she is; and he knows there's no convincing her otherwise. His sister has always been stubborn. A bit hot headed herself at times. He knows she just wants the best for him. She's always been protective of him. But he can't help but wish she'd believe in him, just this one time. He knows he can handle himself. He's been through the training, he knows what to expect; what he's getting himself into. 

Ilyana always knew she was different from the others of her kind. Born a Marleyan but adopted at a young age by an Eldian family; the Hoover family. They’d found her alone on the street one evening and decided to take her in; a few years later came Bertolt. She never knew her real parents, nor what had happened to them. Every Marleyan here was disgusted by the Eldians. She had watched her family be talked down to, pushed around and spit at walking down the streets. But growing up and living in an Eldian family made her feel much differently towards them. She had read the history books, heard all of the rumors; But she refused to believe they were all as bad as the people of Marley had made them out to be. She loved the Hoovers. They had always treated her like their own. The least she could do in return for everything they'd done for her is watch after their son, her brother; blood relation or not. She would protect him with her life. 

————————

TLDR: Ilyana Hoover is a Marleyan; she was adopted by the Hoovers at a young age. She’s extremely protective over her brother, Bertolt. She finds herself feeling super sympathetic towards all Eldians; including the ones on the island. Shes confident, not afraid to hold her own ground/speak up for herself; but can also be extremely hot headed & rash. (Which causes for some bickering with Levi later on in the story) she travels to the island with the Warriors as a spy.

(Also all artwork of them is done by the lovely @/catyypss)

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this week on megumi.fm ▸ coding and coffeeshops

📋 Tasks

💻 Internship ↳ lab meet!!! got to learn about the other projects in the lab ↳ got work from home approved!! ↳ optimize protein seq code // account for missing residues ✅ ↳ add on a binding site identifier function for code using 4.5A distance threshold ✅ ↳ optimize binding site code // reducing time complexity for large PDB file inputs ✅ ↳ download and extract alphafold human protein repository and analyze pdb file formats ↳ set up progress tracker and upload code on colab ✅ 🎓 Uni ↳ Final Project: update images quality according to changes mentioned ✅ ↳ renew uni email for extra credit classes ✅ ↳ extra credit classes started this week! 🩺Radiomics Projects ↳ call with teammates to discuss next steps ✅ 📧 Application-related ↳ finished masters application form for 1/1 Uni (waiting on my referee reports) ✅ ↳ finalize referee report from my profs ✅

📅 Daily-s

🛌 consistent sleep [7/7] 💧 good water intake [5/7] 👟 exercise [5/7]

Fun Stuff this week

🍻 met up with my bestie @muakrrr <3 it was a stressful tuesday so meeting him for lunch was super comforting! he bought this cute purple drink and I got myself some ginger ale and the waiter served us the wrong drinks (gender and expectations something something) and it was amusing to watch them get confused when we corrected them 🎂 mom's b'day this week!! went out for dinner with her!! 🛒 went shopping with relatives who I haven't seen in years. bought myself a book! (rip my bookshelf) ☕ went out for coffee and dinner with my girlies (the same besties who I exchanged mugs with). we're trying to spend as much time together as possible before we leave to different countries for our masters 🎮 continuing the beginner's guide 📺 ongoing: Marry my Husband, Cherry Magic Th, Last Twilight 📺 binged: KinnPorsche The Series

📻 This week's soundtrack

Love Wins All by IU (been crying over this music video for days now. it's beautiful) KinnPorsche theme by Slot Machine: Kinn's theme [aka Phiang Waichai; TH] | Porche's theme [aka Free Fall; Eng] (first of all this is one of the catchiest theme songs to exist second only to SPECIALZ aka the JJK s2 op i'm also particularly losing my mind over how the two themes are love letters to the main characters from each other... the narrative parallels of it all are driving me insane sldkhlaksjkshs) Dum Dum by Jeff Satur + the Live Unchained version where his vocals are heavenly (maybe im so drawn to this song because the chorus is similar to the melodic motifs of the KPTS themes/soundtrack, either way, the show introduced me to him and god. I've been voraciously consuming his discography.) Ghost by Jeff Satur (on repeat all week. thoroughly obsessed with this song- the lyricism, his voice, the storyline in the MV, his acting, everything. wow. truly.)

---

[Jan 22 to 28 ; week 4/52 || I. love. my. internship. like. I have been having the most fun time problem solving and troubleshooting. it's also super satisfying to see the outcome of my code. it's been a while since I used python (I've been coding on C) so I forget that python has a lot of inbuilt functions that would do the same tasks I inadvertently entrust my nested loops with, and finding out about them is always so joyous (although it means I have to scrap off several chunks of code). i am a bit annoyed though, because the other intern isn't really doing any work that we're entrusted with so I'm having to carry the team and it's taking me too much time. but oh well. I've suggested we split tasks from next week, hopefully that'll make things better.

I've also been procrastinating a lot when it comes to my masters applications and it really hit me this week when I had to run to uni several times to get things approved and completed. Now that I'll get to work from home I need to set up a proper schedule to get application work completed wayy in advance. also need to resume my GRE prep from next week.]

[arlana-likes-to-write]

Can you write another big sister part where it’s one of their firsts nights reunited after the red room (could be days before or the day after her birthday party btw) where yelena has a nightmare and woke up startled so she remembers reader is there this time and goes to her bedroom like she used to do when they were kids. Natasha heard her waking up bc she used to comfort yelena so she goes to reader’s room too and they have a heart to heart moment kinda have a sleepover 🥰 thank you

I hope you enjoy this!

What if I'm not needed?

Warning: nightmare, angst with fluff, hand to hand combat and injuries

Word Count: 2.1k

Yelena woke up with a silent scream. Her breathing was erratic and her heart was beating. A layer of sweat covered her body. She threw off the blanket and placed her bare feet on the ground. The cold floor sent a shiver up her spine. It grounded her. It told her mind that she was in her room and not back there. Nightmares were rare for the youngest Black Widow but with everything that happened in the past few months, it was triggering buried memories. Natasha told her it was a possibility that it would happen. Yelena was annoyed that she was right. With a sigh, she walked to the bathroom and splashed the cold water on her face. It felt good. She dried her face and stepped out of her bedroom. The idea of going back to sleep didn’t seem appealing, especially alone. She could go see Natasha but it was always a catch if she was going to be in her room with Maria or be in Maria’s room. As much as Yelena liked Maria, she didn’t want to deal with her. She sighed, feeling defeated until she remembered you were still in the compound. You were returning to St. Petersburg in a few days to continue freeing Widows. Yelena smiled and headed to your room. 

*

A knock woke you up. You sat up slowly rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. You kicked the blankets off and walked to the door. You were surprised to see Yelena. “Hi.” She whispered. “I had a nightmare. Can I sleep in here with you?” You held open your door without a second thought. Yelena walked into your room and straight for your bed. It took you back to Ohio when she would come to you at night because she was scared. You smiled after all these years she still trusted you. You closed the door and joined her in bed. She was playing with the blanket. 

“I know it’s been a while,” you said. “But you can tell me what your nightmare was about.” She didn’t answer. You lay on your back, looking up at the ceiling. You started laughing. “Do you remember when we pranked Natasha by pretending that she was invisible?” It was after a night Yelena snuck into your room because she caught a glimpse of a horror movie Melina and Alexei were watching. You caught a glimpse of Yelena smiling. “She was so mad at us. I’m pretty sure mom had to get involved for us to stop.” Yelena giggled. You looked at her. Her smile was gone but she didn’t look sad, just lost in thought. 

“I was at Target Practice,” Yelena said. “They brought me into the room and there were two people with bags over their heads. A gun was put in my hand and they told me to shoot. So I did.” Yelena whipped a tear that fell. “But when they took the bag off it was you and Nat.” You frowned. You were no stranger to your mind creating false scenarios. Yelena looked at you. “Why did my mind show me something that never happened?”

“Your mind is your best and most powerful weapon,” you told her. “It can be an ally when you need it most but also your enemy.” You smiled, sitting up and placing some loose hair behind her ear. “You went through something traumatic at a very young age completely against your will. Your mind is going to take the people you care about and hurt them.” 

“Does your mind do that to you?” You nodded. 

“Yes,” you admitted. “They have you and Nat in them. But I’m going to give you a little secret, you control the outcome of the nightmare.” She looked confused. “It’s your mind, malen'koye solnyshko (little sun). They are gone and can’t hurt us anymore.” She nodded. 

“Thank you.” You smiled. 

“Anytime. Come on, we need sleep.” You both got comfortable and Yelena rested her head on your shoulder. You waited till her breathing evened out and she was asleep but you closed your own eyes. Your advice was easier said than done as you were struggling to get control of your mind. 

*

Natasha was surprised to find Yelena’s room empty. Her sister was not a morning person. She had to drag Yelena out of bed for morning meetings or training. “FRIDAY, where is Yelena?” She asked the AI. 

“Miss. Belova is in the kitchen.” Odd. Natasha thanked the AI and headed to the kitchen. Yelena was in the kitchen making a protein smoothie. 

“Morning, sestra,” Yelena said with a smile. “Your smoothie is in the fridge. I wasn’t sure when you’d be up.” She walked over to the fridge and took a small sip before putting it back. She liked to have something in her stomach before a workout. 

“I went to your room and I was surprised you weren’t there.” Yelena put her smoothie in the fridge. 

“I had a nightmare and went to see Y/n.” She said simply. 

“Why didn’t you come to me?” Natasha asked. 

“I wasn’t sure if you were with Maria or not,” Yelena shrugged. “Come on, let’s go for our run.” It felt off at Yelena’s confession. For the longest time, Yelena came to her when a nightmare happened. That's how it’s always been. Natasha was jealous. After all this time apart, Yelena still came to you. It took Natasha a few years to gain Yelena’s trust when they arrived in America. She pushed the feeling down and followed her sister outside. 

*

You’ve had enough. For the past 24 hours, you’ve been walking on eggshells around Natasha. Every time you walked into a room and she was in it she walked out. You’ve tried to make conversation but she only gave one-word answers. Even Yelena didn’t know what was going on. You were leaving soon and you were not leaving until you figured out what the hell you did wrong. 

FRIDAY told you she was in the training room. You changed into a workout outfit and found your sister throwing punches at a sandbag. The metal chain that held the sandbag to the ceiling rattled from each punch. You’ve been on the receiving end of her punches. The instructors of the Red Room loved making the two of you fight. “We need to talk.” You said, standing next to her with your arms crossed. 

“I’m busy.” She said. You rolled your eyes. 

“Let’s spar then. It’s been a while since we’ve fought.” She made no move to indicate that she heard you. “Come on Natalia. You aren’t one to back down from a challenge.” You knew what buttons to press. You walked over to the training mats. The sandbag stopped moving and you heard her footsteps joining you on the mat. Hook, line, and sinker. 

“Do we have any hard limits?” She asked. 

“I promise I won’t send you to the med bay.” You smirked. Natasha huffed and got into her fighting stance. She was off. Her mind was not in it. You were landing easy punches and taking her down. It was further proof that something was wrong. You kicked your leg out and Natasha became off-balanced. You grabbed the collar of her shirt, bringing her down to the ground. “Are you ready to talk?” She wrapped her hands around your waist and threw you over her. You landed on your back. 

“There's nothing to talk about.” She said. You got back to your feet. You dogged her first punch, and the second punch made contact with your stomach but you caught the third and twisted her arm around her back. You kneed her and she crumbled to the ground. 

“Are you sure, Natalia?” You asked. “Because your fighting says otherwise.” She swung her head back and hit your nose. You stumbled backward and felt the blood on your nose. You looked at her stunned. She seemed as shocked as you were. Your jaw clenched. “Fine.” You said, whipping the blood with the back of your hand. “If you want to fight like that. We will.” The air in the training room grew tense as you began to not pull your punches. Natasha had you pinned to the ground. 

“Wield.” She said. You flipped her over. 

“Not a chance.” You said. 

“Enough you two.” Yelena entered the training room. She ran over to you and yanked you off of Natasha. Yelena stood between you two to prevent another fight. “Go to your rooms and calm down before you kill each other.” You whipped the sweat off of your forehead. You sighed and walked to your room. 

*

The shower calmed your nerves. Your nose wasn’t broken and the serum was healing your wounds. You wondered if you sat in your room and if Natasha would come to see you. But your sister was prideful. You sighed and opened your door. Natasha was standing in front of you. “Yelena said if I don’t come to talk to you she is never gonna talk to me again so here I am.” You stepped out of the way. She walked into your room and sat on your bed. You closed the door and leaned on it. “How’s your nose?”

“Fine,” you said. “It’s not broken. How’s your shoulder?” You almost dislocated it. 

“So, are you going to tell me what your deal is?” You asked. She didn’t respond. “Because I’m tired of walking on eggshells around you.” 

“I got jealous because Yelena went to you instead of me when she had her nightmare.” You blinked at her slowly, letting her words sit with you. 

“Are you serious?” You questioned in disbelief. 

“It took me years for her to open up to me.” You laughed, shaking your head. “What?”

“Exactly, it took you years for her to trust you but at least you had those years with her,” You sighed. “I had to use a memory from Ohio to cheer her up but I bet if she went to you, you would have years of memories to choose from.” 

“That doesn’t matter,” Natasha said. She looked at the floor. “If she easily went to you then she won’t need me anymore.” All the anger left your body as you stared at your sister. You sat down next to her. 

“What do you mean?” You looked at your door. 

“I haven’t been in her life in 20 years,” The last time you saw her was when was ripped out of your arms as soon as the shipping containers opened. “16 for you. I’ve learned about everything you’ve done through news reports and stories from your team because I wasn’t there. I’m not part of this world,” You played with the ring on your finger. “So she will always need you. Me being here won’t change that.” Natasha gave you a smile resting her head on your shoulder. 

“I’m sorry,” she said. “It was stupid that I let it get to me,” you shook your head. 

“Your feelings are valid. Just come talk to me instead of almost breaking my nose.” Natasha laughed. 

“You got yourself a deal.”

*

You were up so the knock on your door didn’t wake you up. You opened it expecting to see Yelena but you were surprised to see Natasha. She was shifting her weight from side to side. “I had a nightmare. Can I stay with you?” You smiled, letting her into your room. She immediately went to your bed and climbed underneath your covers. You laid down next to her. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” You asked. You knew it was a long shot but you figured it would be good to ask. She shook your head. 

“Not really.” 

“Okay. Just sleep and I’ll be here when you wake up.” 

*

The next knock woke you up. You felt Natasha shift next to you but made no move to get up. You sighed and opened the door. Yelena was staring back at you. “Natasha wasn’t in her room.” She said. You moved out of the way and pointed to Natasha’s sleeping form. 

“It seems like that kind of night. Come on.” You closed the door as Yelena climbed into bed. She was going to be in between you and Natasha. You climbed into bed, which barely had enough room for 3 grown adults. Yelena rested her head on Natasha’s chest. You made a mental note to tell Natasha that Yelena looked for her first thing in the morning. 

“I’m gonna miss you when you leave,” Yelena said, her voice laced with sleep. 

“Me too,” Natasha admitted. Her eyes were still closed. You smiled. 

“I’ll be around. You guys aren’t getting rid of me that easily.”      

[watchinglikeafangirl]

After putting out those rewievs of recent Thai BLs, I thought it would be fun to talk about my top 3 Thai BLs. I have watched each of them two or three times already and I'm still so invested even if I know what's about to happen.

So, the shows I would rate as 10/10 are:

Not me the series

Manner of death

I told sunset about you

And now I'm gonna tell you why, have fun

Not me

Not me is definetly a surprise for me because it's the best GMMTV show I have seen until now. There are always GMMTV projects that get a lot of attention and there are many famous pairings but for me there's always something underneath that's telling me most GMMTV shows are not that interesting or they start good but slowly become kinda boring.

Not me is the only GMMTV show that didn't bore me towards the end. It's so consistent and the story is a complicated net of characters who are all intertwined in their past. We are not told which characters are friends, we're shown. Black is a mysterious character because White doesn't know him as well but in the end we feel like we do because all the other characters know him. We get flashbacks of Black and Gram and we start learning about past relationships. We see how Sean is constantly expecting certain reactions White doesn't give him. It's very thought-through and we learn about each of them.

Of course, they are a rebellious group who are fighting for justice in their society. Not me is a lot about social criticism, corruption and oppression in more than one way. We learn about Yok's mom being deaf and getting fired because the factory closed down. There are consequences for the characters but they still believe in their cause, they still believe in each other. These characters are one of the strongest ones I've seen. And we learn so much about them through their dynamic as a group. Some take charge, some are aggressive, some are quiet.

What I like the most is, this show is not predictable. Todd's involvement is completely out of the blue and it's shocking. He had a few scenes to earn our trust and we didn't see it coming. There are flashbacks of the past but even those don't explain everything and I love how the outcome is not visible and still unclear even when the show ends.

Manner of death

At first, I wasn't that intrigued but once the story started to really kick off and the puzzle pieces were layed out, I desperatly waited each week. I like crime shows every once in a while (probably the german in me).

With this show, we get very mature adults in a balanced relationship. Bun and Tan work best when together and their relationship is there, they have some scenes, but it's not really part of the plot. This show is not about their love story, it's about solving a crime and to find justice for Jane.

The show shifts its tone throughout its run. There are drastic things happening and the culprit is someone I didn't suspect that much. The story they uncover is absolutly shocking and it could be triggering. But it's handled in a respectful way. The story progresses and is told calmly without labeling people or judging them before they even talk. The character's personas are not clear just when looking at them because the first approach is neutral.

Manner of death is a much more mature BL I didn't know I needed. There's no unnecessary action and the stakes aren't that high. It's just Bun and Tan and a few friends fighting in silence.

I told sunset about you

I watched this when I was 18, studying for my last exam in school and deciding what I'm going to do with my life. The show hit the right nerves at the right time. I was unsure who I wanted to become, I still don't know if I made the right choices.

This show had me on a chokehold for such a long time. I cannot say what big of an impact it had on me. I still think it's phenomenal. The way colors, songs, languages, flashbacks and silent scenes are used to express the sher struggle of finding one's identity will always be amazing to me. There are so many heartbreaking scenes and scenes I didn't get three years ago but now, three years later, I understand what the show wanted us to see.

But this show is not good because it has such a complicated story or because it had so many turning points but because it is so bittersweet. The calm scenes are the most heartbreaking and when they cry, they sob and when there's happiness, the sun shines and they wear some red shirts. It's a whole feeling and I still love the show for bringing me so much comfort in being unsure who I was because I felt so seen. I have never seen a show portray this transition so well. The best coming-off-age show for me personally

[taz-ma-raz-skylar]

Interview

<원피스> 실사판의 주인공, 타즈 스카일러(Taz Skylar)

BY. Camila Avella Córdoba

2024-04-29

“One Piece” of Taz

“I'm not someone who is okay with things having no meaning. I like everything that has a meaning as esoteric as the answer. I think that's the closest definition to who I am now because I think I'm always changing."

With a charm as overwhelming as his talent, Taz Skylar is positioned in the world as an icon of multiculturalism and an inspiring symbol of success for all generations who strive to take everything to the next level.

On the verge of making his dazzling entrance as a special guest at Milan Fashion Week, Taz has taken time out of his busy schedule to tell, through Rolling Stone Korea, the most exciting details of this path as an integral artist. Today it breaks all cultural barriers, capturing the gaze and admiration of millions of fans of anime and action sequences.

One Piece, the series that over the past few months has become one of the favorites of Netflix's global audience, is one of many spaces where Taz Skylar has demonstrated, once again, how discipline and innate talent balance each other to make each project a desired production for audiences of all ages. Is wonderful to enjoy a live action series that stands out for its professionalism and the appropriate intention of every detail. This makes it naturally accepted into the high expectations of fans of the popular anime. It gives us a perspective of what its essence means. I wanted to ask who Taz is?, but the fascinating mystery of his person can only be expressed by his spontaneity:

“I'm not really sure I know the answer to who I am, but I know the answer to the things I am and the things I am NOT. I'm not someone who lets fear take over me often. Sometimes it does, but not always. Most of the time it is not like that. “I'm not someone who does what you're told to do if you don't understand why you need to do it, or why you should do it, or why it's the right thing to do.”

1. [RSK] Taz, it is an honor for Rolling Stone Korea and for the Asian public in general to welcome you in this exclusive. You are genuinely talented. Through “One Piece” we were able to appreciate that discipline and hard work that fans of all ages and cultures fell in love with. It is interesting to see how, several months after the premiere of the series, it continues to rank in the top 10 on Netflix around the world. On the other hand, we realized that there were some mishaps during the premieres scheduled for release in some countries. However, all of you, as a cast, defied this situation and made it memorable on your own by premiering, in Japan, what an adventure! Your decision exceeded the expectations of many people who were expecting an outcome, certainly different.

I know, a lot of people were on the radar and watch list, but we all loved what we did. We were very firm in that, throughout the filming process and after filming we would go out or spend time together. We were aware of how proud we were of what we had done and believed in it. But there is pressure when the time of the premiere approaches. Sometimes it is difficult to stay firm in our beliefs. And I think all of us definitely feel that, but what if not everyone sees it that way? What happens if not everyone agrees? That thought accompanied us frequently. Despite everything, I decided to believe that if all I got out of this whole experience was a great experience, then that's enough. You know, experience is not what happens to us but what we do with what happens to us. After everything was canceled, we went to Japan as a group of friends, just to be together when the show launched.

“I definitely remember being at the airport leaving. My family accompanied me and, now, I was leaving them to go to Japan and be with the cast. I said goodbye to my dad and my mom. As they walked away, I was dealing with the details of my departure, I felt terrified: going to a country you don't know and have never been to. Watching the last two years of work you've done with your friends be released to the world for the world to have an opinion on is shocking.”

When I was looking down, scared, very scared, someone said Taz. I looked next to me and it was a girl that I had known for years on the island where I am from, in Tenerife, she approached me a little worried: what is happening? Are you OK? I thought, yeah, honestly, I'm really scared right now. Why?, She asked me. She didn't know about the program yet. She knew when I saw her again at the airport after it came out. I told her something very common: it's some work, I'm going to see what happens with it. She gave me a hug and said: I don't know what it is, but I'm sure you'll be fine. And I took that feeling with me on the plane, during the 14-hour trip to Japan. Then when the show came out, we all hugged each other, literally hugged each other in an apartment. And we all gave each other a group hug and said, really, we're going to be able to do this again because we're so lucky to have each other. When it came out, quite quickly and abruptly, all of our lives changed a lot.

2. [RSK] I appreciated this production having many details. There is dedication, commitment and responsibility in every detail including the art of the scenery, the combat sequences and everything in between. From your perspective. What is that plus that makes this series so unique, so special?

From my point of view, the success or failure of the program depends on what people expect. But, it's wonderful that they do it, they give credit to the cast and you feel their love. They like the dynamic between us, it shows that we complement each other, which is true and to that extent they give truth to what happens. But a great cast without Matt's backing wouldn't necessarily have had the platform or material to be great.

Because the thing about Matt is he is a “forensic.” Passionate fan, he seems to be writing the show and was the showrunner of the show. He's a big fan of it. He loves anime so much and he loves manga so much and everything he did was infused with that and it emanated through the show. And really, I think that's what people feel when they watch the show. I see Matt's love for the intellectual property emanating through everything, emanating through us, emanating through the set, the costumes, the details, the easter eggs, the way the stories were changed or altered regarding to the original in a way was like what for a fan of it is enough, as opposed to a person who would simply enter the IP to impose their will on it. Matt does not impose his will. Invite to work with him. (Taz)

3. [RSK] I have, like many others, enjoyed your martial arts skills. In my research process, I watched you prepare for this role. Despite being almost new on this , I was surprised by your level,it is fascinating. We would like to know about this process. It's surprising for me because I usually work with Asian artists and they study almost their entire lives to achieve a level that seems to flow naturally in you.

Thank you. I appreciate it! you know? Every time someone says it I think it is great, because there was a time when some videos leaked when I started training and it really wasn't very good. I had literally been doing it for two weeks at that point. I decided to go online and realized it wasn't very good.

“I remember taking it very seriously and thinking, okay, I've seen all these actors my whole life do incredible things, accomplish incredible feats to fit a role. I always felt in my heart that that was something I could do and now I literally had the opportunity in front of me. I did it and that effort was worth it.” I pushed my body to the limit. You have five moments in which you can go in search of something.

I started training two hours a day, then it was four, then six, then eight. There were days when we did 10, there were days when we lost count. Then this happened, I found a teacher there in South Africa who was the teacher of one of my coaches. I had like seven coaches. All the coaches didn't have enough time to train with me during the time I was trying to train.

Then they would tap, one would come in for two hours, tap, another would come in and train with me, I was running out of people. I found a teacher in Cape Town who invited me to his home and to his black belt sessions. I trained 7 days a week. I was really obsessed.

I remember telling Jacob I wasn't hanging out. I isolated myself from everyone. And I sent Iñaki a message, because I knew we hadn't spent much time together. I said, hey, buddy, look, I'm really sorry I haven't been around you guys much lately. It's only because I'm hell-bent on having this black belt before the show airs.

I wanted when the show came out, no one could debate that I did every trick and erase any doubt about it. The two of the weeks of the SAG-AFTRA Strike in Hollywood gave me a window to achieve my goal: to obtain a black belt. I called one of my coaches and told him: I have two weeks, my coach. And I said, man, I have two weeks. Do you want to come to where I am and train with me? I wanted to know if I was ready for a title

So he came and we trained four hours in the morning, four hours in the afternoon, every day for 13 days. And then on the 14th, he said, okay, let's pretend qualifying is today.

“It was just a whole day of kicking, kicking, punching and beating. And in the end, I take off the red belt that I twist tightly and the sweat drips endlessly and he comes out and hands me my black belt and the next day I flew to Japan with that in my hand. And that was three days before the show came out. “Everything is so amazing.”.

4. [RSK] Well, Taz, You are an icon of multiculturalism, that is really special because it is the spirit of my interviews. From your perspective, what are those strengths and those challenges that you have experienced being a multicultural person in this industry of stereotypes?

Intrinsically linked to who I am, I can see most things, or at least I think I can see most things from many perspectives. I grew up in a family made up of a Christian English woman and a Muslim man. That allowed me to empathize with characters or stories in a different way because I can always see what the other side is or what a different person would feel and think in those scenarios. There is a great quote that I love and have always thought:

“Anyone is a villain in history written by those who win and I think being able to see 360 ​​degrees of something and realize that someone could actually be described as a villain, by virtue of the fact that they didn't win that battle. ”

Someone can be a hero but they may have done very bad things to achieve it. You know what I'm talking about? I think that's something that being multicultural gives me. But I guess the difficulty is that I often feel like I'm struggling to find the place where I belong because I don't identify with anything.

I grew up in Spain. I am canarian. I went to a Canarian school. I learned to write Spanish before I learned to write English.

Sometimes I don't feel enough canarian. The same goes for being Arab. Half of my family is Arab. But I've never lived there, you know, I don't feel it, so I guess that's my problem sometimes, is figuring out where I really belong. Maybe the answer is that I don't necessarily belong anywhere specific and that's okay.

5. [RSK] Earlier this year, it was interesting to see your visit to Latin America through your posts of the adventures you had visiting the new continent, specifically Peru. From this experience, what memories do you keep in your heart?

Oh wow! If I talk about Latin America, I find similarities with the Canary Islands specifically. Some local culture, some native culture.

The majority of our population is actually made up of all the Latin American countries that emigrated to the Canary Islands. So I grew up surrounded by Peruvians, Mexicans, Venezuelans, Colombians, and it felt like an extension of my home. Especially in the way we treat each other socially speaking. We are very happy, enthusiastic and have a lot of physical contact,

I felt like I was getting to know Peru on a personal level, both everyone who lived there and the country itself, which was so beautiful. I'm going to Mexico soon and I'm really excited to tour Mexico and see what adventures I can find there too. All of Latin America is something that I am very excited to visit each of its countries.

“To be fair, I want to go to every country in the world, but Latin America is high on my list.”

6. [RSK] Have you had the opportunity to visit any other place in Asia apart from Japan?

I haven't, but funnily enough, when I was finishing filming One Piece, I was trying to figure out where in the world I wanted to go for real taekwondo training, I was considering looking for places in Seoul and I found a lot of schools.

There the taekwondo culture is great, although I am familiar with each technique and I can count the commands in Korean Hana, Dul, Set Net, every time we do an exercise in class we count the exercise in tens.

So I thought okay, at least I did know how to say all those kinds of specific things in Korean and I could go to Korea and just train. I didn't do it because I had to film something else, but I really want to go to South Korea. It's on my list,

7. [RSK] Do you know that they have a “One Piece” cafe in South Korea?

Oh yes, You can go and take photos with the characters with scale models. The place is incredible, it is as beautiful as it is popular. In fact, I started watching the series last year. I was visiting that place because I heard one of my friends said, that I am a big fan of One Piece and I should go. You need to enjoy those kinds of coffees in Korea. They are beautiful. You know, the aesthetics are unique in the world.

TAZ : Do you have the last phase with the characters' faces? They really wanted to get one of those.

8. [RSK] Let's talk about the current project in Top, Gassed Up, The movie, which had its premiere at the BFI London Film Festival in 2023, although the most attractive and at the same time fascinating thing is knowing that you have the participation in writing the script.

GASSED UP TRAILER

Gassed Up - Trailer Edit - Intro by Taz Skylar

Look! Gassed Up was my first screenplay. I've been writing for a long time, but I've only done my own work in the past.

This is the first film I produced and it was a really long process. Like I had been working on it for a year and a half before that. And actually, funnily enough, I finished the script. So I was revising and rewriting for a long time.

When I came to South Africa to film One Piece, before we stopped (Hollywood Strikes) we were in preparation, we had been there for two or three weeks and there was one night when everyone was gathering at Emily's apartment. I remember being thoughtful because I had to do another draft of the script and I remember I really wanted to go, so I took my laptop to Emily's apartment and wrote it on her couch.

I finished writing the new ending on her couch and everyone was doing their own thing. Then I sent the script and the film was given the green light to be made while I was there filming. Then we had to figure out how we could do it so that I could find a space and film in one piece to return to London to film “Gassed Up” and then come back to finish “One Piece”. I ended up flying from one set to another and then from one set to another again. It was a trip, it was a trip and a half. The movie aspires to do something really cool. A really cool movie that had young actors at the center, which is rare these days because it seems like everything has to be very bankable, which I also understand. I understand the financial capacity element of movies, but,

"I really wanted to be the creator of something that people my age could lead because it was a young team, a young cast with young people making this movie and I think it's also infused with youth, at least I hope so."

9. [RSK] We have seen you have discipline, hard work and focus. You are a young person but you have a life that you can share like a professional. Tell me, how does this enrich your personal and professional life?

Ah, great question. Well, I think one of the main lessons I've learned is that I have a lot less time than ever before, a lot less time on my hands than I used to, but somehow I manage to do it too.

many other things, both personally and professionally, than those that I have had before and I think that is what it is about,

“It has taught me that time is very valuable and that there are only two ways I really like to spend it: working incredibly hard or having an incredible amount of fun. I really don't like to spend time doing anything mediocre because that's the prism I put everything through."

I spent more time during half that year being Sanji than I did being Taz.

In the end everything is settled with you. You capture gestures of that character and then you have to consciously decide if you want to keep them or not. In Sanji's case, a lot of those gestures or ways of thinking or feeling were really useful and productive and great ways of being that really stuck with me and that I try to maintain.That definitely happens, it's horrible, you know?

What I was talking about before is definitely putting into perspective how much you can do with life if you are very strict with your time, which I have definitely become. Sometimes I try to make a conscious effort to be clear-headed with my time, which I almost always regret when I feel like I've wasted it. There are not many people our age in the world who have the opportunity to witness the world in such a special and intense way. I guess I'm overwhelmed by the fact that I need to make the most of it as much as I can and every character I play really stays with me.

“I started getting tattoos for each character, like I did recently for the first play I did. And I got a One Piece tattoo. I just did another movie where the character had tattoos, so I'm choosing which tattoo of his I want to get. “

Because what I'm finding in every character I play really changes the course of who I am for the rest of my life. I know that in some big or small way I will never be the same after playing a character. Because the level, not just like the depth of the investigation or the depth of figuring out who this character is that I have to go to, it's also that a year is 12 months. If I spent six months playing Sanji, 4 a.m. to 7 p.m., so I'll spend half of that year more, it definitely made me say, okay, well. What happens in a world where you can only make a certain number of characters per year and there are only a certain number of years? What characters do I really want? I bet that my career because it seems like everyone is is that now I do have maybe; 20 years, 28 now, 20 or 30 years playing characters. This is maybe 30 characters, maybe it's 40 characters, who knows, but it's not that many for a lifetime and I really want to make sure that each one of them means as much as the last ones to me.

10. [RSK] Wow! Being an artist who stands out for his multifaceted ability, we must ultimately talk about your passion for surfing that becomes as interesting as it is liberating for your audience. Let's talk about this adventure!

I was downright obsessed. I was around 10 or 12 years old. That's all I wanted to talk about, know, think about, watch or spend time doing was surfing and surfing related things. I would surf all day and then watch surf movies at night. I started making surfboards.

That was a very special moment because I used to be really scared by everything.

"I was very shy. Was very sensitive and I don't want to say delicate, but it was like a twig, like it would break on anything. And surfing really changed that for me because suddenly I was being dragged and drowned and getting hit by surfboards or fins or thrown out of the water by people who didn't want me there and it really strengthened me and generated that sense of adventure that I have.”

That feeling of let's see what happens here. Because that's how it is every time you get into the water you enter a world of the unknown and uncertainty. It also gave me misfit friends and they pushed me to do different things and try other things that were scary. Making surfboards taught me how to put myself in a situation. I always reference the factory because I made about six boards.

I was 15 or around 16 years old of pure daily handmade work. I was in workshops and then in factories, sanding, sanding, sanding, sanding, shaping, sculpting and sawing. I still have calluses on my hands, like I still have stones of skin under each of my fingers where they bled and then I taped them up and put them away.

11. [RSK] Well, Taz, it really has been a complete honor getting to know you through all these exciting and deep experiences. I hope all Rolling Stone Korea audiences enjoy this interview as much as I enjoyed doing it. Thank you.

Photographs by Taz Skylar

[bengiyo]

The Warp Effect Ep 12 (Finale) Stray Thoughts

The week of finales continues! I was forever changed by My School President. Will this show change me as well?

Last time, things finally came to a head at Jedi and Rose's wedding, which used prom as its theme. Jedi and Rose continued to make me believe in long term romance. See-ew committed the cardinal sin of proposing at someone's wedding. Mollie and Nim managed to reconcile a bit. Joe and Army danced in public, and are building their romance. Alex learned that the sex ed teacher was his bio dad and refused to forgive him for abandoning his mom. Alex tried to reconcile with Jean, but Jean refused. Kat is hanging out with Tony now. Alex learned that the camera came from his bio dad.

As always, so much happens on this show.

I do enjoy the sci-fi conceits of someone experiencing this huge period of time, and then returning to an earlier moment. Everyone else being so confused amuses me.

I also like Alex immediately going to reassure his little brother.

Clize and Sing are so funny together. I hope we see them paired again.

Alex getting ahead of the Mollie issue by kissing her himself is unexpected, but makes sense to keep it from becoming a rift between Nim and Mollie.

Oh, Alex, please don't out Army and Joe.

Yep, they're still closeted jocks, so yeah that's definitely the same outcome.

Jojo definitely likes Kill Bill, Vol. 2.

I love Jedi and Rose so much. Mark and Best look so comfortable together.

Have we not learned our lessons about drinking too much??

Jojo, why have you joined the ranks of people forcing me to witness vomit??

Ah, nice. Shielding the gays is the right move.

I swear if Jean gets expelled still because of these photos....

Fah is also so funny. She actually works really well with New. Cutting off the music when she passes out was fantastic comedic timing.

Alex is still a people pleaser, but I like him being confident about helping people.

I actually like the chemistry between New and Fah a lot.

I'm never getting over the BTS clip where Clize slaps Sing so hard that he walked away stunned.

This elevator make out competition is peak Jojo. Best, Clize, Mark, and Sing are so amazing.

It's a bit contrived, but I really like how far a little earnest validation is carrying all of these couples.

Even Sarran gets a nod.

Oh, I do love creating the intro at the end.

Absolutely comedic poses for Jean and Alex's consensual first time. Still, that was much nicer than what happened originally.

This friend group is honestly impressive if they all not only stayed in their pairs, they also remained friends for a decade.

Kinda hope Alex gets the memories of the better ten years and doesn't have to piece those together too.

Final Verdict: 10, Highly Recommended. This show was an absolute delight from start to finish. I cannot overstate how impressive it is that this show remained legible despite the sheer volume of threads it was managing. This show managed to be funny and sexy, while still continuing the mission to make people more comfortable with their bodies and aware of their own sexual health. It also managed to accomplish those educational goals without feeling like an after school special. It's also the queerest show we've gotten to enjoy in quite some time. I'd say in some ways it cared more about queer issues than some of the BLs we've watched. Please watch and enjoy this.

[dnightshade0]

Voltron: don’t fall asleep on the couch

Lance was taking a nap on the couch. His wife Elena walks in and sees him laying there and gets an evil idea.

She goes into the master bath and grabs her makeup kit, then returns to the living room and stands over Lance menacingly.

After about 15 minutes, she had successfully prettied up lances face. He was now wearing foundation, eye liner, eye shadow, powder, blush and lipstick. She giggles to herself and goes to put the makeup away. A minute later, Lance wakes up, yawns and stretches out his muscles. As he gets up, Elena comes in, acting innocent.

Elena: hay honey! Sleep well?

Lance: yep, most relaxing nap I’ve had in a while.

Elena then pulls out her phone and turns on the camera option.

Elena: strike a pose sweetie!

Lance makes a peace sign and winks as Elena takes the picture.

Snap!

Before Lance can ask to see the picture, the doorbell rings. Lance goes to answer the door to find hunk, Pidge, shiro and Keith. Lance and Elena were expecting them as they were hosting a football party to watch the game.

Lance: hay guys! About time you got here. I was going to start digging into the taco salad!

Hunk was about to retort but stops short when he takes in lance’s appearance. He gaps at him for a few seconds before replying.

Hunk: …haaaay… is the man of the house at home?

Lance: oh haha. Funny. Just get in here.

They all enter and start making vague teasing remarks.

Pidge: damn, I knew you had a skin care routine but I didn’t realize you were into that.

Lance: huh?

Keith: and here I thought you couldn’t get any prettier. lol

Lance: dude, I’m always beautiful!

Shiro: would you say your beauty rivals Elena now?

Lance: please, we’re the best looking couple on the block.

As they are talking, Elena comes in, setting a bowl of chips on the coffee table. Shiro turns to her.

Shiro: is this your handy work?

he asks pointing to lance.

Elena: (snickers) yep. >X3

They all start laughing and Lance just looks confused.

Lance: what’s so funny?

Elena: do you remember the picture I took a few minutes ago?

Lance: yeah?

She takes out her phone and shows him the picture.

Lance looks at it and his jaw drops.

Lance: !!! WTF?!?!

lance immediately tries to grab the phone but Elena holds it out of his reach.

Lance: DELETE THAT NOW?!

Elena: lol nope. :P

Lance: I’M SERIOUS! DELETE THAT PHOTO RIGHT NOW!

Elena: really Lance? Your worried about a picture I took when you have your friends standing right here and can take pictures with their own phones?

Lance freezes at that and slowly turns to look at his friends who are all smiling and are in fact taking out their phones.

Lance screeches, covers his face and runs out of the room and into the bathroom, slamming the door and locking it. Elena walks up to the bathroom and hears the sound of the sink running.

Elena: honey, thats high quality makeup. The only way you’re getting that off is with makeup remover.

Lance: … where’s your makeup remover?

Elena: in the master bathroom.

Lance: … Quiznak!

(Later)

Shiro: so are you gonna delete that photo?

Elena: nope.

Shiro: why not?… wait… your gonna use it as blackmail material aren’t you?

Elena: I’ve been trying to get lance to take us to this new hibachi restaurant by us for months now. If he doesn’t take us the next time I ask, I’ll threaten to send this picture to all his sisters.

——————————————————-

This idea came to me while I was enjoying an evening out at a hibachi restaurant called Fujiyama for my birthday. It’s only on rare occasions like this that I wear make up. Then I got to thinking about what kind of funny moment Lance and his wife could have and this idea came to mind somehow… I don’t even remember how it all lead to this outcome… oh… I think maybe I do.

There was a family sitting at the same hibachi table as my mom and I. A father, mother and three little girls. It was one of the little girl’s birthday. She was turning seven. They were having a fun little family moment. The cook at our table had thrown shrimp in our mouths. He got one in my mouth, missed the second time, got shrimp in the dad’s mouth at least five times but missed every time with the little girls. He shot a shrimp into the mom’s mouth so fast, she barely had time to realize he shot it in. Her reaction was so funny. We all had a good laugh with it.

Then while we were eating I started thinking about what kind of funny moments this family must have together. I wondered if the little girls would ever try to put make up on their dad like some girls did in the movie “daddy daycare”. Then all the pieces fell into place.

[softguarnere]

Miscellaneous Tag Game

Thank you for the tag @ronald-speirs 💕 Came at the perfect time, because I also needed a distraction

Favorite place in the world you’ve visited?

Absolutely loved going to Virginia as a kid, and I think all my best memories were made there

Something you’re proud of yourself for?

Finally taking the leap and submitting poetry to journals recently 😬 No matter the outcome, I'm proud of myself for trying

Favorite books?

PJO, TCON, THG. Also the book "The Kingdom of Matthias" is so freakin' wild, everyone should definitely read that at some point, because it totally proves the whole "people have always been people" thing.

Something that makes your heart happy when thinking about it?

My dogs!

Favorite thing about your culture?

That we're still here 💪Also I love the way the language works

When did you join the HBO War fandom? What was the first show you watched?

I watched BOB in high school, but I didn't join the fandom until about a year and a half ago

Have you read any of Easy Company’s books? If so, which ones were your favorite?

Heck yeah I have! Fierce Valor is definitely one of my favorites - so well written and really does a fantastic job of inspecting Speirs from all sides and giving him a fair depiction (which, as a historian, I love)

Favorite HBO War character and your favorite moment with them?

Guarnere (everybody act surprised). Idk, I think the moment in the back of the truck when Dick tells him that he's not actually a Quaker, lol, his laugh always cracks me up

Do you make content for any fandoms, if so; what sort of content?

I write fics! Mainly for BOB, but I've written for a few others recently

Favorite actor/actress and your favorite film of theirs?

Probably Ralph Macchio, just because I feel like my mom and I are always watching something that has him in it. My Cousin Vinny is definitely my favorite, and not a day goes by that I don't quote it as a form of communication

Favorite quote/s that you wish to share with others?

Laugh at me if you want, but the "You're going to have to be the bravest you've ever been!" line from Bluey has been getting me through it lately ("it" being scary senior year stuff and also an upcoming doctor appointment).

Random fact your mutuals/followers don’t know about you?

According to a color analysis thingy, I am a true/cool summer ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Do with that information what you will

If you’re a writer, do you need a beta reader (say yes so I can be your beta reader 🤭)?

I've never had a beta reader before, but if anyone ever wants to be, then hell yeah, come be my beta reader! (And I am also willing to read for anyone else!)

Three things that make you smile?

When the weather is good, when someone tells me that something made them think of me, and when I find little notes hidden in books that my late grandmother left me

Any nicknames you like?

Dove actually is my nickname hehe

List some people you love to see around on tumblr!

How do I tag the entire HBOWar fandom? Everyone plz consider yourselves tagged, because I genuinely love seeing all of y'all on my dash

What would you do during a zombie apocalypse?

Probably just stay in my house lol. Ummm, idk, if it came down to it, I would use my bow and arrows against the zombies and hope that it would work

Favorite movie?

The Outsiders will forever be so special to me🥺🫶🏽

Do you like horror movies?

No, because I love being able to sleep at night

Tagging: (but no pressure!) @mads-nixon @almost-a-class-act @dcyllom

[quinloki]

I have tried to share a self-insert and an OC three times now, but every time I write it out it looks like an essay. And I've rewritten this four times now and I can't seem to make it any shorter. This is my last-ditch effort to try this, with just the OC, the self-insert loses.

My OC is actually my mom-figure for my self-insert. Her name is Shura and she's 6'5 with long red hair kept in a high ponytail (the shade is similar to Kid's but less crimson and more fiery). Her bangs are parted in the middle technically but they sweep to each side and obscure her eyes: left bangs are platinum blonde & right bangs are mid-lavender. Her eyes, which she keeps obscured on purpose, are so pale grey they almost look clear—hence hiding them because her eyes creep EVERYONE out including herself if she looks in a mirror.

My favorite thing about her is she always has my back. Whether I need comfort or protection or wisdom, she never fails to show up and be there. She helps me work through things and also encourages me when all the other narratives in my head are negative, she shines like the sun and pushes them back.

Her worst trait is easily her temper. She's more of a grievously maim you first then interrogate you later if you survived kind of gal. I think it's a redhead thing. They're just feistier.

Don't know about her and foods.

I've had her since March 2021, so she actually predates One Piece for me. I didn't begin watching One Piece until March 2023. Shura came about during my Kuroko no Basuke (KnB) phase (which I'm still in, never left it) where she was still my mom-figure for that anime self-insert but there she was a normal human (and a badass basketball/volleyball coach). In One Piece she's not even human, she just masquerades as one.

Who do I ship her with? Four very different people yielding in four very different outcomes.

Sir Crocodile + Shura = Divorce. It's inevitable. Her temper just isn't made to jive with his ego or his desire to rule a freaking country. They definitely got divorced pre-Alabasta and while they definitely didn't work out as a couple, they remain tentatively amicable with one another and even remain allies once Crocodile sets up the Cross Guild. But she won't ally with him pre-Cross Guild. Wasn't even upset he got sent to Impel.

Doflamingo + Shura = Variations. Some days she's a one-night stand that yielded offspring and he couldn't care less or he wants to manipulate said offspring. Other days they are in love with each other, and sometimes it's an arranged deal that sours. It depends on what I'm feeling/need at the time.

Borsalino + Shura = Happily Married. He's laid-back enough to not be perturbed by her temper or morals. The government makes it hard for them to stay together so they go their separate ways but never divorce. Borsi uses his rank to keep his family hidden from the government and even hidden from Akainu (Kuzan knows but keeps his mouth shut—too lazy to snitch). If his family secret is ever exposed, he may or may not walk from his post as a Marine (don't know him well enough to make that call accurately at this time).

Sakazuki + Shura = Murder. Who didn't see this coming? The one time it worked as a loving marriage, I had a fever from Covid and so it was quite literally a fever dream. Sakazuki always murders Shura, every time without fail. They start off madly in love but as he devolves more and more into his Absolute Justice philosophy, she pushes back against it because his philosophy isn't hers. He has no tolerance for naysayers and ends up murdering her. Her sister Ayako hides the offspring from Sakazuki until the child is grown and capable of making her own decisions.

Shura does not have a devil fruit but she is fire-based in her own abilities. If she is stripped of her power, she relies on her sword which is lovingly named Firebird. Shura's nickname is Redbird.

Shura is heavily based off of my own Mom. Her nickname is from the real-life heroine of medieval China. Her appearance is heavily based on Shura Kirigakure (no, the name isn't from this Shura, that was one hell of a coincidence) of Blue Exorcist—obviously with modifications. While Kirigakure is snake-based my Shura is Phoenix-based and I pulled from mythologies as well as a TCG called Legend of the Five Rings. One of the clans in that game was the Phoenix clan and I've based Shura's lineage to the Dragon clan of the same game.

😳

Oh wow! You’ve really got thought into her - I love that! It’s definitely good to have a reliable mom figure who is fierce and supportive for you and your self-insert - especially in the One Piece where mothers are suspect at best and dead at most ^^;

Though to be fair, mother is a statistically dangerous vocation, so I can see why.

I love the design too, you describe her very well; and I love the eyes. Oh man the PAIRINGS are something else too, poor gal has a type and aside from, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, Borsalino her type is not kind to her.

Well, I guess the Croco pairing is also mostly good too, since they didn’t kill one another and were able to keep things amicable.

I LOVE the details though - thank you very much for sharing!

(Shura from Blue Exorcist is really cool too!)

[rotating-hyperfixations]

So, like everyone else in the world I watched The Last of Us Finale last night and have my own thoughts on Joel vs The Firefly’s and the ultimate impact it has on Ellie that I figured I’d might as well share with the world. It’s been interesting to be online in the wake of the episode because of peoples reactions to not only the actions of the characters, but how fans should discuss the ending. Ultimately, everyone interacts with media differently and if people want to make memes that’s perfectly normal and if people want to have deep discussions on characterization, motives,etc that’s fine too.

Now, my thoughts. Ultimately I agree with Joel’s decision to remove Ellie from the situation and take her back to Jackson. Was murdering a bunch of people ideal, no, however he will always ultimately be the lesser of two “evils” for me. Both Marlene & The Firefly’s and Joel take away Ellie’s agency, however Joel takes away her agency in an attempt to allow her to keep making choices for herself as a person. The fireflies flash banged the two of them and kept Ellie sedated while lying to her about the outcome of the surgery, Joel only is put in the position where he has to take away her agency because of the firefly’s unwillingness to have a conversation on the issue. And I think this because the firefly’s don’t have faith in their process and don’t have full faith that will consent if she has all of the information and is getting guidance from Joel.

Also, Ellie at this point of the show/game is a passively suicidal 14 year old with some pretty severe PTSD and survivors guilt. Teenagers and children, should always have agency over their own bodies, however they should not be required to choose between life and death (especially if there healthy). 14 is already too young to be able to give proper consent simply because their brains aren’t fully developed and they often can’t grapple with the scope of their decisions, but this is especially true for someone who is as traumatized as Ellie. An orphaned child whose lost everyone around them and survived the horrible event, needs there life to mean something to ease the guilt of surviving while others died. She knows this, firefly’s know this and Joel knows this. The firefly’s prey on this and use it as justification for killing a 14 year old without consent, Marlene especially who uses Riley to coerce her into this whole thing.

I watch the show every week with my mom, who was agreed with me that Joel did the right thing and she game me an interesting line. She said “as a parent, you’d rather make decisions that are in the best decision for your child and have them hate you then the alternative”. Now I was a teenager not long ago, and I think there’s limits to this and that once again children and teenagers need to make their own mistakes otherwise they’ll never really learn but that’s for stupid things like partying or skipping school, not ending your life. And I think this is the principle Joel is operating off of when he gets her out, he knows a time will come where Ellie will find out the truth and probably resent him for it but he can live with that possibility because she was alive to even find out that information.

I think the other key piece of the debate is Joel’s lie and the fact that he double down. Even in this instance, I still ultimately agree with Joel though not as much as I could see both sides. When he first lies to her in the truck, she’s still drugged up and fresh from the trauma of just getting to Salt Lake City. I think he lies here because he wants her to just get some rest and try to heal in some capacity, it was a long journey and neither of them are really in a state to work through all this (Joel is equally traumatized from all this shit which I think also is a huge factor in his decisions). Then when he doubles down on his lie before they get to Jackson, I really think this is to try and take some of the burden off her shoulders. Every since Ellie’s been bit she’s been told and believed that she could be the cure for humanity and she could end the pain and suffering of the world. This is a heavy load for anyone, let alone a 14 year old. In this instance, Joel does what I think any parent would and lie to try and protect the mental stability of their kids which again may not be right but again that goes back to doing things to protect your kids that might make you hate them.

Ultimately, I agree with the consensus that no one is “right” in this situation and both parties have their flaws. However, I think it’s disingenuous to put Joel on the same plane as the firefly’s. He made a selfish decision to save Ellie and committed some atrocities in the process, however it was for the betterment and well-being of Ellie. Who is ultimately the character and the most important part of this conflict, and the fireflies didn’t really care about her. We saw that from episode 1 when they had her chained to a radiator and dumped her in FEDRA school (looking at you Marlene). They had their own selfish reasons as to why they wanted to kill Ellie, it just happened to be under the guise of saving the world. They were the antithesis to FEDRA and really only cared about taking them down and being known as the people who saved the world. We can see this with they’re half throughout plan to kill Ellie to remove her brain with no additional testing or means to even assemble some kind of a cure let alone how to mass produce and distribute. They never saw her as a person, just a potential means to an end that may not even work. So yeah, I’ll always side with the guy who tried to do right by the little girl at the heart of this shitty situation then the organization who was using her for their own personal gain.

[unabashedly-faulty]

Stage: Infancy (0-18 months)

Basic Conflict: Trust vs Mistrust

Important Events: Feeding/Comfort

Key Questions to be Answered: Is my world safe?

Outcome: Children develop a sense of trust when caregivers provide reliability, care and affection. A lack of this will lead to mistrust.

—-

To the young mother within. You gave our son every bit of that. He was with us from birth till 4. We gave him enough love to help him develop better than we did. Know that you did not fail. You did not fail. None of you did. You were there when I was not. These flashbacks that feel more like memories than being walked into. I see the love you had despite the horrors. How you split into pieces who held the emotional responses to our environment so the parts that had the tools to love and make sure our baby was breathing every night. I honestly don’t know how you did it. How you stayed up and then went to work and cried and hurt and came home and did it all again. The fact that the best part of that time was having insomnia and holding and rocking our baby is crazyyyy. Because you were having ptsd. Panic attacks at work. Suicidal intrusive thoughts. I always wondered how I did it all and it’s because of all of you. Working in tandem with each other to make sure we have him joy. We gave him love. We gave everything. We loved grandly because there would be a time where we would not be able to with the flashbacks and our mental deteriorating. And you guys didn’t even know that was coming. And that’s what makes me move forward the way I do. Loving whenever I can. Being kind whenever I can. Imparting wisdom to him whenever I am mentally present. Don’t be sad. You had to send him away. You did it because you love him. You weren’t well

Fuckkkk this one is hitting hard.

You did the best you could. You made sure he was safe enough in the best next situation you had.

But I left alone. I wasn’t there to give him hugs. I wasn’t there to go on trips at school.

I know baby. But remember you were when you came home. When you left the service. You couldn’t be there all the time but you did show up to his school trip to battery park. He loved that. All of his friends. All of the kids that flocked to you and you gave them hugs and made sure they stayed in the group. You don’t just love him. You love period. Especially the babies. He got to see his classmates be affected by you and you got to put smiles on his face. I’ve got to tell you it makes up.

Look, bring that memory back. When mom came on one of our school trips. We got a hero from the deli. We hated cold sandwiches. But it got warm by the time lunch came around. She was there. We ran and played. And that is what we remember. Not the times she wasn’t. So listen to me when I tell you. You’ve done well. Even with mental illness. You’ve done well. I am proud of you. I have seen how hard you all have worked. I am here. I see you. I see youuuuu. You did so good. I’m so proud of the mothers that you all have been.

Thank Benoni for never allowing me to forget our little angel. All of the prayers you sent to him to watch over his little brother. Thank you. I know how much you loved him and how deeply you felt his loss. You were so young. You shouldn’t have had to go through that alone.

Thank you all for showing up. I mean it’s kinda comforting. Even crying and feeling all of your emotions and your thoughts. I missed you guys. And I’m glad you’re still here.

Sometimes I get panicked like I’m making it up when I don’t hear you guys and it’s just nice to know I’m not making it up. I can’t help how life developed my mind. I can just love us endlessly because we deserve that.

[hersheythecure]

While moving things to storage I had a couple panic attacks. Uncontrolled crying. Hyperventilating. Chest pains. Bent over ugly crying. It's so painful to watch. My body in so much pain and having to be a vessel for my traumatized parts yearly presentation.

My mind kind of absorbed the realization that it is real. Especially with the autism traits. It started going through our memories and showing me all the times we tried to rationalize concepts and wondered why someone else didn't see it that way.

How we'd try to figure out how a situation could've been prevented. How we'd observe the behaviors and place different behaviors with emotional and logical reasoning to make a situation have a better outcome.

My mind showed me. We are like an onion with our DID. How painful it is to be peeled by life. To have a disorder that hides me away until my brain is fully developed just to show me all of the horrible things my body went through. It's not by choice. It's by design. It's natural. Our brains natural response to mass trauma. Sometimes makes me wonder if autism is enviromental and trauma based or if I had an autistic brain that just got traumatized by life.

I never felt the gravity of "it's so much worse" as my mind revealed my trauma and parts to me. It's always going to get worse with this disorder because you're walking through yourself for the first time. You're seeing every crevice as your body builds resilience and your brain develops. It's like being born and having to mass absorb events that you were not even privy too. Of curse I had a shit ton of psychosis. That's a lot. For any brain. Especially one with multiple dissociative parts. I grieve for myself.

It's so heavy.

And not only am I coming to terms with actually seeing myself in a space in the world but also reliving my miscarriage in high-school. Seeing Chrissy have to go through something so traumatic with no one to speak to. Too afraid to tell her mom. The fear of being kicked out the house. It was so crushing. Knowing that I'd be discarded of for something I didn't even do. Didn't even fully understand. Guys sucked. They'd remove condoms and give us stds. I remember seeing why my teenage self gave up on condoms. If she was so responsible and still got stds and pregnant wtf was the point of using them.

It was not you. You didn't poke wholes in condoms. You didn't refuse to use condoms. You didn't refuse to take care of yourself and get tested. They did. They did not love themselves the way you loved yourself. They did not value their bodies the way you still did. Even if there are parts of us that didn't. They did not have the capacity to understand. We were switching so much we didn't even know. The MDD part was so numb and so dissociated from the world. She felt like a zombie waling around hoping someone would care about her. She'd be inside us crying and screaming and the part in the body would be looking for a male figure to protect hs and comfort us. But even then our brain must've known our dad was who made us this way. Or maybe didn't but now is piecing things together the more we learn about our past.

This world was not fit for me. I wonder if that is how people like me feel. Autistic humans. Disordered humans. I know it felt like I didn't belong here. It made me want to die. It made my little adolescent mind go to places that scared the trap out of us.

I am seeing the positive times though. When we had the dream about Nathan. The night he was conceived. I cried. It was so beautiful. I think it's on main somewhere. Back I'm 2010.

The significance of what we saw in our adolescent. The color of love we described as translucent iridescent water flowing all around us. Wow. Cool. Beautiful. Hallucinations be kinda lit sometimes. It's really just an overactive imagination. If your mind gets split up so many times your mental processes kinda get overused. Especially if different identities are present. You know how hard the brain is working to keep it's human safe while also not knowing wtf was going on. Sheesh. Stella you my dawg. You've always been keeping me safe. Thank you. I did my best.

Idk what kind of mind I have. I just know I don't want to cause people pain. I know I want to be kind to my mind because no one else is there to do so. No one. Just me.