#my mom stayed home the first few days + that weekend she works in education but once I wasn't a fall risk I could be left alone

[youngpettyqueen]

just finished rewatching Cowboy Bebop (was making my dad watch it) and honestly it felt like I was watching it with a whole different set of eyes because I wasn't watching it immediately post-hysterectomy

[timewasjustadream]

Feel free to skip.

Stress and anxiety rant below the cut. I feel like ranting might help me feel a little better. I don't expect many people to read this and that's okay. (thanks @sussexbound for the opportunity. also never played bg3, but love the Astarion posts)

Right now, not so great. Cried last night. Been in bed most of the day. But I didn't sleep well last night so I'm also really tired today. I did my grocery shopping and did some Pokemon Go (keeps me sane). But otherwise, just been in bed. I also got mad at my dad for forgetting about plans we had talked about for this Friday, my birthday. He has not apologized yet.

Last weekend, I got spoken to very rudely by a superintendent from the Home Arts building at a county fair I volunteer at (and have for the last 30 years, since I was 4). She doesn't like me because I'm smarter than her, I understand the building better than her, and I educated the public about the dangers of outdoor cats on an educational display about bats and cats in 2019. You would have thought I told the public to find her barn cat and shoot it. I just said the truth: they kill millions of birds and small mammals, they are less healthy and live shorter lives, and they spread diseases like toxoplasmosis.

She spoke me to rudely after I proposed a solution to a problem she was moving from one department to mine. I chair Children's and Teenage Crafts (and have for the last 15 years) and I use 4 display cases to display my entries. Baking (chaired by her daughter for the second year) will likely lose their only display case because it is falling apart. Her solution to the problem was take one of mine.

My mom, another superintendent, already told her no. But she said it anyway at the chairmen's meeting last weekend. I proposed we purchase a new one locally for about $1000 so that I'm not down a display case and she went off at me. Like "Don't you think we're not working on it?!" (referring to trying to repair the broken one) and a few rude sentences later "[My name], at some point, you're just gonna have to give!" I left that conversation, if you can even call it that, with a fight-or-flight response. I felt unsafe. I still feel unsafe around her. And I kinda have for years. When she talks to me and thinks no one else will hear, she treats me like this. She's all smiles to everyone else. No normal adult behaves like this. Gives me narcissist vibes. But there is some other type of mental pathology going on with her. This is not normal.

And then the third superintendent got involved a few days later and I had to have a call with the third one (a 93 year old) to defend myself since they say I'm uncooperative and other mean, untrue things about me.

The above may not make much sense. I'm leaving out some things for ease and to not make this a book. Overall, I'm treated very poorly by the mean one (60-ish year old). All my years of service seem to mean nothing. Many people have asked me why I have stayed as long as I have. I don't know.

Work stuff is really stressful right now. Can't talk specifics, of course. Generally, I'm trying to make some changes to some methods (I'm a chemist) and I have support from my supervisor. She really likes the changes and thinks they are improvements to the methods. But going through the change process, things just got a lot more complicated and I don't know what the path forward is, if there even is one. I know this doesn't make it sound stressful, just frustrating. If I could talk specifics, it would sound really stressful. Trust me.

My mom has pretty significant health issues right now. She had back surgery in November, fractured a vertebra, and had surgery again about a month ago. She's been in a nursing home since the second surgery and will be released this week. She also likely has diabetes since the incision from the first surgery had not fully healed by the time of the second. She has circulatory issues in her legs, which makes me concerned about heart failure, heart attack, and/or stroke in the future. Also pretty certain I'm seeing increasing signs of dementia (both her parents passed from it).

Going back to the fair drama, it brought back a lot of past trauma from past incidences at the fair where I was yelled at by various people and brought to tears. Both of these incidences occurred before I could drive (less than 16 years old). And how no one defended me. Had my dad been there, they wouldn't have tried. But they do it when my mom is there because they know she won't defend me. She has always had depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem so she can't even defend herself when they are rude to her. But she doesn't defend me. Her only child. So now I'm getting pretty strong feelings of anger at her for not being a protective parent. I used to have a therapist but he had a recent divorce and he moved out of state to be closer to his own aging parents. So I don't have a therapist right now. Thinking I should probably find another one.

I'm also single and pretty close to giving up on finding someone. Being grey ace makes online dating, which is already really hard, even more difficult. I don't have romantic attraction to people I've just met. It takes a WHILE to get those feelings.

Right now, there isn't a lot of hope or joy. Just taking things day by day. Trying to find small things to look forward to in the near term. Like on June 1st, a cemetery conservation group is doing a day-long workshop/demo/lecture-ish thing at a cemetery in my town. I'm into conservation and geology, so cemetery conservation is the perfect intersection.

Hoping that once the work stuff is resolved or at least a path forward is identified, things will be better. Not sure how the fair will work out this year. I might come back to this post in late July/August with updates.

I'm probably going to have to take time off work soon just to get a mental break. I have vacation planned in late September for Boston. I've never been, but have been wanting to go for years. I hope late September isn't too crowded. I know it isn't the best time to visit in the fall, but I don't want to deal with crowds. And I'll be driving up so I'll have my car to be able to get around. Currently planning to do things in Boston for one or two days, then see Salem, southern New Hampshire, and Rhode Island.

Hey All,

Honestly now - how are we all doing given, well--the state of everything.

Are we thriving? Surviving? Do we have passion or hope for the future? Or are we just working hard at making it through, one day at a time? Trying to find little joys where we can? Dissociating our way through life? Filled with joy? Making big plans for the future? Or, hey, I'm still here, so that's something--right?

Just taking the tumblr temperature. Looking for solidarity or something. Don't know.

Maybe I want to believe that people still manage to have hope and joy and reasons to get up in the morning. Or maybe I want the solidarity of knowing that there are others who are finding it as hard as I am.

Honest answers only. Can be in tags, comments or reblogs. I don't care. Just share! (and reblog for reach)

[atlafan]

Something New - One Shot

a/n: I’ve been working on this for a couple of weeks, rewrote half of it, and now I feel like it’s good enough to post. I guess you could call this enemies to friends to lovers??? they’re both idiots, honestly lmao, anyways, enjoy biology teacher!Harry (not proofread) reblogs and feedback are helpful!

Warnings: a little bit of angst, fluff, and smut

Words: 20K

Divorced, new home, new town, new job, and a new school district for the kids all within the same year. Y/N had been separated from her husband for a couple of years prior, but when he moved in with his girlfriend, she knew it was officially over. It sucked. She knew she’d look back on it someday and be grateful that they ended things, but right now she wasn’t too happy about it. He got to be a weekend dad with his young girlfriend by his side, and there she was looking like the crazy old hang. It wasn’t her fault for not taking the best care of herself. She was depressed, could you blame her. They lived in one of those towns where everyone knew every little thing about you, so it was time to get out.

Securing the new job was the first on the list. If she could do that then maybe the kids would be more understanding about leaving. Y/N was a database manager for a non-profit organization. She was behind the scenes, and that’s how she liked it. She didn’t have to be the one asking for money or on the front lines vising donors. It was a job she could do anywhere, and she’d get paid well because of the software she knew how to use like the back of her hand.

There was a private school she had seen a job opening for. Normally, she’d be more apt to work for a non-profit, and not just some school for snotty rich kids, but their website made it seem like it wasn’t like that. Their donors gave out scholarships for students all of the time, and staff/faculty could send their kids to the school for free. That was a no brainer. Giving her kids a good education was her dream. The school was a K-12, so that would mean an easy pick up and drop off. After thinking it over, and researching the surrounding towns, she sent in her application.

Two weeks later she got a call for a video interview. She accepted happily. A week after that she was asked on campus for a second interview. Y/N put on her best blazer and nicest blue dress, the school colors were red and blue after all. She even made sure to wear red heels. Y/N spoke eloquently during her interview. She had researched everyone in the development office so she already knew faces and names. They were impressed. She spoke about her experience with The Rasier’s edge, the database management system, and they were awe-struck. She was given a tour of the campus, and it was absolutely gorgeous. The elementary school was a separate building, and the middle school and high school were separate, but connected by two connectors to make one large building. The development office was set up in this cute white house. They shared it with the alumni office, and apparently it was one of the oldest buildings on campus. Although, it was taken of so you’d never know it was old. They even showed her where her potential new office would be. There was a pool and ice rink as well that Y/N got to see. She was impressed. She interviewed the people on the committee too, knowing it was a two way street. She liked what they had to say.

A week or so after that, she was given an offer, a really good offer. Now it was time to talk to her kids. She couldn’t just accept without speaking with them first. Her daughter, Riley, would be going into ninth grade, and her son, Ben, would be going into eighth. Y/N was only thirty-three, she was a young mother, thanks to her ex-husband who was about seven years older than her. A red flag she should have been more wise to, but she was young and naïve, and that’s all that needs to be said about that.

It was a difficult conversation with the kids, but after calming down they had become more open to it. They were upset with their father, and the idea of being a little farther away was sounding really nice. Living in a new home to make new memories in was sounding really nice. Making new friends and having a fresh start was sounding really nice.

So, Y/N accepted the position, and was given a moving allowance. She was able to find a home quickly that was perfect for them. A decent three bedroom about fifteen minutes from campus, so the commute would be easy enough. Riley and Ben took a liking to the uniforms, and since you did all of this over the summer, they’d be able to blend in easily on the first day of school. No awkward ‘walking in halfway through the term’ bullshit.

“When am I supposed to see them?” Your ex had asked you over the phone when you told him you were moving.

“Every other weekend, same as before.”

“So now I have to drive an hour out of my way to-“

“It’s not an hour, it’s forty-five minutes at best. Shouldn’t it be worth it? They’re your kids.”

“You’re taking them from me.”

“You did that to yourself, Joseph. The weekends will stay the same. Be happy our kids are getting a good education. Goodbye.”

She knew she was harsh, but after being cheated on, and left for a younger woman, she thought she earned the right. A week before school started, the kids had gotten their schedules in the mail.

“Who do you have, Riles?” Ben asks her.

“Someone named…Mr. Styles for homeroom, he’s the biology teacher too.”

“Thought you took bio sophomore year.” Y/N says to her.

“Nope, my grades were good, remember? I’m in the honors class.” She smiles.

“What about you, Ben?”

“Um…Mr. Horan. Looks like I’ll have him for pre-algebra.”

“No female teachers for that, huh?” Y/N asks.

“I have a woman for Geometry, Mum, see?” Riley shows her.

“Oh good. Got worried for a second there.” Y/N chuckles.

“Are you nervous to start your new job?” Ben asks her.

“No.” She shakes her head. “I’m actually really excited. The time off has been nice, but I’m eager to get back into it.”

//

Y/N drops off the kids on the first day before going over to the staff lot. The program support assistant, Millie, is waiting for her with a cup of coffee and a warm smile.

“Morning, Y/N.”

“Hi, Millie.”

“Cream no sugar, right?”

“That’s right, thank you so much.”

“Let me lead you upstairs to your office. You have a meeting with the director of development, John, in about half an hour, and then you’ll have a team meeting with the rest of the people on your specific team, the gift processors, customer service. Then at lunch the development team and the alumni team will get together to welcome you.”

“Oh my, well, alright.” She chuckles.

“I put everything on your calendar for you.”

“Thank you.”

Y/N was used to doing everything herself at work, this was already a breath of fresh air. She hoped Riley and Ben had a good morning just the same.

It takes Riley a moment to find her classroom. She stops short when she walks in when she sees Mr. Styles, and another student walks right into her.

“I’m so sorry.” She says to the boy that nearly knocked her over. “Um, I wasn’t sure if this was the right classroom.”

“it’s okay.” He says. “Are you new?”

“Yeah, I’m Riley.”

“I’m Chris.” He smiles. “Wanna sit next to me?”

“Sure!” She says and sits a few rows back with him.

“Where’d you move from?”

“Just form a few towns over. My mom just got a job in the development office here.”

“Oh, cool! My mom works grounds here.”

Riley noticed that Chris had a rainbow pin on his blazer. She smiles at it. He notices her looking at it.

“I…uh…like your pin.”

“Oh, thanks.” He mumbles.

“My best friend back home has a lot of rainbow stuff in her room.”

Chris nods in understanding. More kids come in and claim their seats. The second bell rings, and Mr. Styles closes the door.

“Good morning, everyone.” Riley’s jaw drops at his accent and deep voice.

“Get used to it.” Chris whispers to her. “A lot of the teachers here are from other countries.”

Riley nods and continues to listen to Mr. Styles.

“Welcome to another year at our fabulous school. You’re officially high schoolers!” He grabs the handbook. “Which means there’s even more rules to follow, so let’s get through this together, yeah?”

Mr. Styles was quirky. He cracked jokes and made Riley feel excited to have him for biology. She turned to look at all of the lab benches in the back. She loved science in general, so this was good.

“Lastly, open house for parents will be at the end of the month. They begin at 6PM, so hopefully I’ll be able to meet all your folks. We also have a really fun fall carnival on campus. There’s games, rides, and it also gives a chance for families to see where you go to school. It’s all a part of our homecoming weekend.” The bell rings and everyone stands up. “Riley, could we chat for a second?”

She nods and looks at Chris.

“I can wait outside for you.” He says to her and she feels grateful. Their schedules were just about the same.

“Um, hi.” She says shyly.

“Hi, dear, so I was informed you’re new, is that correct?”

“Yes.”

“Well, if there’s anything you need, don’t hesitate to ask. Usually we have new students stand up and introduce themselves, but I don’t like making people do that. It’s so forced. I can see you’re already making a friend.” He smiles. “Is it just you that’s new to us? Any siblings?”

“My younger brother is in eighth grade. He has Mr. Horan for homeroom.”

“You don’t say? That’s my best mate, believe it or not. He’s in good hands.”

“That’s good to know. I’m sure it’ll give my mom some peace of mind.”

“I don’t want to make you let, just wanted to give you a more friendly introduction.”

“Thank you, Mr. Styles. See you for bio.”

“See you later.”

Riley was making friends right away thanks to Chris. She had people to sit with at lunch, and she made sure Ben did too. He seemed to be sitting at a full table which was great. Her last class of the day was bio, which was perfect so she’d be near her locker.

“Welcome to honors biology.” Mr. Styles says. “This is a mixed class of ninth and tenth graders. Today we’re going to settle on lab partners, and we’re going to get lab safety out of the way. It’s the bane of my existence, but I need to know you all know how to be safe.”

Chris offers to be Riley’s lab partner even though he had other friends in the class. Mr. Styles writes down who is partnered with who. Then he essentially gives a tour of the classroom. He shows them where all of the lab coats and goggles are, the eyewash station, the sanitation shower, and the other equipment they’ll be using throughout the year.

“Now, in biology, we’ll be learning a lot about plants and animals, and we’ll also get into human anatomy. These subjects can be tough at times to grasp, so please, don’t be afraid to ask questions. I want to make sure I’m explaining things properly. I’m always will to meet after school for extra help as well, or put together a study group.” Mr. Styles explains.

Riley was finding that all of the teachers were really nice so far. She meets Ben after school and they walk over to the staff lot where Y/N was. She had asked to save her lunch hour for 2PM so she could scoot the kids home quick. Her supervisor had no problem with it.

“How was it?”

“Mr. Horan is hilarious, and he’s Irish!”

“Mr. Styles is British! And super nice. I think I’m gonna like it here, Mum. I already made a friend, so I had people to sit with at lunch.”

“Me too!”

It warmed Y/N’s heart to hear that the first day went well. It was all she could have hoped for. She gets them home, set up with a snack, and back out the door she goes. She had a couple of hours left of work anyways, so it was a nice break in the day. The lunch she had earlier with her new colleagues was fantastic. Everyone was welcoming and had no problem showing her the ropes.

When she’s walking to the parking lot around 5PM she notices other people making their way as well. She smiles at a few, and she gets some friendly nods back. She’s parked next to a black range rover, and she was hoping to get to her car before the other owner because she had parked a little too close to them on their driver’s side, but it wasn’t her fault. It was the only open spot when she got back.

“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

Shit, she thinks to herself as she approaches. Not a great first impression to make at all.

“Just crawl in on the other side, H.”

“It’s the principle of the thing! They could have scratched it, or-“

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Y/N yells as she hustles over. “I had to bring my kids home, and this was the only other open spot, and the person previously on the other side of me was parked over the line, so I had to squeeze in, and I know it looks like I’m the asshole, but I swear I’m not.” She panics as she gets her keys out of her purse.

“It’s fine, miss, Harry’s just a jerk when it comes to his fancy car.”

“You sure like riding in my fancy car, so I suggest you shut it.” Harry huffs and looks at Y/N, furrowing his brows. “Look, I’ve had to be nice all day, and I’m exhausted, could you just back out so we can leave?”

“I said I was sorry.” She mumbles. Her eyes widen, though. An Irish accent and a British accent. “Shit, I think you’re my kids’ teachers.” She sighs. “Do the names Riley and Ben ring a bell?”

Harry’s features soften and he runs a hand through his hair.

“You’re Riley’s mum?”

“Yes.”

“Seems like she had a good first day. What department are you working in?”

“I’m the new database manager for the development office.”

“Ben was a delight! Laughed at all my jokes.” Niall says and you smile.

“He said you were funny. Riley liked you too, although now I’m not sure why. Taking a long day out on me. I’m sure the first day is a lot, but it was my first day too, and I’m equally as tired.”

“Maybe you should get home then.” Harry says, and she rolls her eyes.

“Nice meeting you both…well, one of you. I’m sure I’ll see you again, but if not I’ll be at the open house.” She gets into her car and carefully backs out, not scratching Harry’s car.

“You were rude.” Niall says as they both get into the car.

“I paid a lot of money for this car. I park far away for a reason, and someone has to park that close to me?”

“She apologized.”

“Good for her.”

“Harry…”

“Ugh, Francie texted me today, and it just sent me into a fucking spiral, and I had to act like it didn’t all day.”

“What?! When did she text you?”

“After homeroom, she told me to have a good first day. I didn’t even respond.”

“You should just block her number.”

“I haven’t quite reached that point yet, but it’s coming for sure.”

“You still shouldn’t have taken it out on that woman.”

“I’m sure she’ll forget all about it. I’ll be nice next time I see her, alright? Can we please just go get a pint now?”

“You’re the one driving, find a place you wanna go to.”

//

Y/N had successfully avoided the rude Brit that had given her such a tough time on her first day. Riley still raved about him, though. She said he was one of the best teachers she ever had. Ben really enjoyed Mr. Horan as well. He made math fun, which Y/N was grateful for. Ben was never really a good student, but he was doing really well so far.

“I can’t wait for you to go to the open house. Make sure to be super nice.” Riley tells Y/N. “I don’t want my teachers suddenly being mean.”

“It’s not me you have to worry about.” Y/N scoffs.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing, honey. So, you’ll walk me around to all the classrooms, and you wait outside?”

“Mhm.” She beams.

“Mum, wait until you talk to Mr. Horan. He’s going to tell you the best things about me, I just know it.” Ben says.

“I’m looking forward to it, honey.”

Y/N had a draining day on the day of open house, and she just decided to stay on campus. She ended up taking the kid home at two, and told them she could figure out where the classrooms were herself. She got to have a one on one with Mr. Horan first.

“You can just call me Niall. We don’t need to be so formal.”

“Alright.” She smiles. “You can call me Y/N.”

“Ben’s doing really well so far. I was a little nervous at first, but he’s getting the hang of it.”

“Thank god.” She sighs. “So, he’ll be in ninth grade taking algebra one next year, is that okay?”

“Perfectly okay. A lot of students do that.”

“I just wanted to make sure because my daughter is in geometry.”

“Math isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. I was checking out his other grades, and he’s excelling in history.” She nods.

The conversation goes well. Y/N makes it through all of the meetings, and her last one is with Harry. She hears laughing from inside the classroom. The door swoops open, and a couple walks out chuckling with Harry.

“Ah, Mrs. Davidson, come on in.”

“It’s Miss Y/LN, or just Y/N if you want.” She says as she sits down on the chair near his desk. He sits down on his chair.

“My mistake, Riley’s last name is-“

“Her father’s last name. I’ve changed mine back. We’re divorced, didn’t really feel like keeping it.”

“I’m, um, sorry, I know how rough divorce can be.”

“Yeah? Been through it yourself, Mr. Styles?”

“Just call me Harry, and my parents were divorced, so I know enough about it from a child’s perspective.”

“They’re not too keen on their father right now. Classic situation of him cheating on me with a younger woman, which of course they found out about.”

“That’s weird.” He rests his cheek on his fist. “You seem pretty young yourself.”

She blushes slightly and clears her throat.

“Could say the same to you. I had them young, yeah, things happen. I don’t regret it though.”

“Riley’s been a real pleasure to have in class, and she’s fitting right in. She seems to like biology the best.”

“She loves science.” She smiles. “Think she gets that from me. I was really into math and science as a kid.”

“Guess you being a database manager makes sense then. New job treating you well?”

“Yeah.” She cocks her head to the side with a smirk. “Although, my almost perfect first day was just about sullied by a man you bullied me in the parking lot.”

“Okay, okay, I was an ass.” He sighs. “Thanks for bringing it up by the way.”

“Why were you so nasty to me anyways? I’ve been avoiding you.”

He frowns at that.

“My ex…fiancé texted me and wished me a good first day, so it just ruined my day and I had to keep it all bottled up. You parking that close just brought me over the edge. I apologize.”

“Yikes, I’m sorry. Well, at least you got out of it before you got married. You saved a lot of money and time.”

“It’s alright…” He looks away for a moment. “Are you bringing the kids to the carnival? It’s all part of homecoming weekend.”

“Yes, and they’re really excited. I have to work technically since a lot of donors come back. I mostly just need to be on the ball. Their father is coming too since it’s his weekend with them technically. I guess it’s good for him to see where they’re going to school.”

“If you need a break from him I’ll be working the candy apple booth.” He smiles.

“Good to know.” She yawns. “Jesus, sorry. I gotta say, I’m whipped.”

“Makes sense, it’s past eight.”

“That late?!” She stands up immediately, and so does he. “I need to get home to them. Um, well, this was a much better meeting.” She sticks her hand out for him to shake.

“I agree. Don’t be a stranger this weekend.”

She nods and leaves his classroom. Maybe he wasn’t as big of an asshole as she thought. Y/N’s had her fair share of bad days, he was allowed to have them too.

//

“It’s like a college campus, this place is huge!” Joseph says once they’re at the football field of the school.

“Yeah, and there’s a pool! I’m trying out for the winter swim team soon.” Riley tells her dad, in a better mood since he didn’t bring his girlfriend.

“It’s really all free for them?” He asks Y/N.

“Mhm.” She nods. “Okay, here all your meal tickets. I have to bee-bop around since I’m technically working. Have fun with Dad.” She smiles and they lead Joseph off towards some of the rides and games.

Y/N meets up with her colleagues and mingles with some of the donors she hasn’t been able to meet yet. She meets back up with the kids later to go on a few rides, and then goes to get food with them. She spots Harry at the candied apples tent, and she goes over there.

“I knew you’d find me.” He smirks.

“I’ve got a sweet tooth, what can I say?” She shrugs.

“You know, me too. Major sweet tooth.”

For whatever reason that makes her blush.

“Um, so I can I have it dipped in caramel and chocolate?”

“A woman after my own heart! I like mine the same way.” He picks up one of the apples from its stick and dips it in the chocolate first. “Any sprinkles or anything?”

“No, the sauces are fine, thank you.”

“So, where’s the-“

“Hi, Mr. Styles.” Riley says as she, Ben, and Joseph approach. “This is my dad.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Riley’s homeroom and biology teacher.” Harry hands you the apple once it’s done, and then shakes Joseph’s hand. “She’s a real pleasure to have in class.”

“So I’ve heard! Nice to hear it straight form the source, though.” There’s an awkward silence. “Um, well, kids do you want an apple?”

“Yeah!” Ben says and tells Harry what he wants.

Harry’s eyes catch Y/N biting into her apple, and how she licks around her lips. He looks a little too long because Joseph notices, and he clears his throat to snap Harry out of his trance.

“You two about ready to hit the road after this?” He asks them.

“Sure.” Riley shrugs. “Bye, Mr. Styles.”

“Have a good weekend, see you Monday.”

Y/N hugs both of the kids, and nods at Joseph.

“So…no kids this weekend?” Harry says to her.

“Nope. It’s funny, I always look forward to the little break, but by the time Sunday night hits I miss them.”

“Any plans?”

“Just relaxing. I’ll probably catch up on some sleep tomorrow. How about you?”

“A few of us are going to the pub after this…if you’d like to join, you’re welcome to.”

“Oh!” She says a little surprised. “Well, that would be great, actually. I haven’t really had time to explore some of the night life around here yet.”

“I could drive us from here if you like. I can always bring you back to your car.”

“You actually trust me to get into that fancy car of yours? I’m shocked.” She smirks, and he rolls his eyes.

“I apologized for that, didn’t I? Can we move on? Let me give you a ride later.”

“Alright.” She smiles. “Sounds like fun. It would be nice to get to know more people.”

“Great, I’ll find you later then?”

“Sounds good.” She walks away with her apple in hand, and he smiles.

After schmoozing with more alumni and donors, Y/N felt pooped. Did she really feel like going out and drinking? She could easily go home, draw herself a bath, and have a glass of fine all on her own. She had socially interacted so much today, and the thought of doing more was draining. Maybe she could go out with Harry another time. She tries looking around for him, but she’s not sure she spots him.

“Y/N!” She hears from behind her. “You ready?” Harry asks.

“About that…I think I’ve changed my mind…”

“How come?” He says with a slight frown.

“I was very social today, so I’m feeling a little tired. I don’t think I have enough pep in me for drinks tonight…but maybe another time?” She clasps her hands in front of her waist, feeling a little nervous all of a sudden.

“Oh, yeah, I definitely get that. Um, yeah, another time for sure.”

“Thanks, well, see you around, Harry.”

“See you…”

//

“Mum, we’re home!” Ben says Sunday evening as he and Riley come inside.

“Hey.” She smiles. “How was Dad’s?”

“Annoying.” Riley huffs. “I can’t stand Margaret. She, like, tries too hard to be our friends.”

“Mm, well, that’s what happens when a forty-year-old man decides to date a twenty-five-year-old woman. She probably knows how to babysit and be a pal.”

“Doesn’t it gross you out that he’s with someone so much younger?” Ben asks as he plops down on the couch.

“Of course it does. It won’t last long, unless she’s after his money.” She rolls her eyes. “I don’t know why, it’s not like we were living the high life before.”

“Ew, what if he gets her pregnant.” Riley says with disgust. “I don’t want another little sibling, one is plenty.”

“Yeah, and then we’d have to pretend like we’re happy for him. I’m glad we didn’t have to do two nights over there this weekend.”

“Me too.” Riley sighs. “Did you do anything this weekend?” She asks Y/N.

“I just relaxed. Caught up on some TV, nothing special.” She shrugs. “Did you get all your homework done?”

“Yes.” They say in unison.

“Alright, go get ready for bed then.”

Riley and Chris meet at their lockers the next day at school and talk about their weekends. They chat in homeroom about their upcoming biology test. Chris was feeling a little nervous, but Riley was feeling confident. She studied almost all day Sunday. When it was last period, and Harry gave out the tests, her eyes bugged out. She read all of the questions over, and it wasn’t at all what she thought. She looked up at Harry dumbfounded. He was typing away at his computer, answering emails. She walks up to his desk with the test.

“Done already?” He jokes with a whisper.

“Mr. Styles…I don’t know any of this.”

“What do you mean? I gave you a study guide.”

“I…I know you did, but I left it at my mom’s, and so I was going off memory…I think I studied the wrong chapters by accident or something.” Her eyes were about to well up with tears.

“Alright, step out into the hall with me. Did you take notes while you studied?”

“Yeah.”

“Grab them for me.”

He stands up and goes out to the hallway to wait for her. A few of the kids in class were watching, but they get back to their own tests. She hands him her notes, and he makes a few humming noises.

“Right, yeah, you studied the wrong chapters.”

“Ugh, I knew it! So…does this mean I fail?”

“No.” He sighs. “It was an honest mistake, you’ll have to take a makeup exam after school sometime this week, though.”

“I can do it tomorrow! I would just need tonight to study. I could study in class now.”

“Get the rest of your things, I can give you a pass to the library.”

“Thank you so much, Mr. Styles.”

“Don’t mention it.”

They both go back inside and she grabs the rest of her things. He writes her the pass and out the door she goes. Chris makes a motion for her to text him before she slips out, and she nods. Tuesday morning, just as Harry was sitting down at his desk with his coffee, he got an interoffice phone call from Y/N.

“Hello?” He answers, voice still deep from sleep.

“Hi, Harry, it’s Y/N.”

“I know…caller ID and all that.” He chuckles.

“Right, well, I wanted to say thank you for letting Riley take her test later this afternoon. She was a wreck last night when she got home.”

“It was an honest mistake. Plus, when I saw how much studying she did I knew I had to give her a chance to just take it later. Do you think she’s prepared enough for later?”

“Oh, definitely. She feels much better. Do you mind if Ben comes to sit in the classroom with her while she takes it? No sense in me zipping him home if she’s going to stay after.”

“Sure, I don’t mind.”

“You’re a life saver, thanks! Talk to you soon.”

“Bye-“ He’s cut off by the sound of the phone clicking on the other end.

Riley stays after class to take her test. Shortly after Ben shyly walks into the classroom and takes a seat. He does his own homework while she takes her test. Forty minutes later, Riley finishes her test, and hands it to Harry.

“I can grade it now if you like since it was all multiple choice.”

“That’d be great.” She smiles.

He looks at his answer key and checks off all her right answers. He writes 92% in big red ink and circles it.

“Well done. I can’t give it back to you until tomorrow, of course, but at least you can rest easy about it.”

“God, what a relief! Guess I’ll be a pro when we reach the chapters I already studied.”

“I bet you will be.”

“Do you mind if we hang out here until our mum’s done with work? She said she was just gonna pull up out front of the building.”

“Sure, I have some other grading to do anyways. In fact, would you like to help? It’s for another class, I could give you the answer key.”

“Yeah!”

Harry sets her up, and he even plays a little music for all of them.

“Mr. Styles?” A boy named Austin walks in. He was a sophomore in Riley’s class. “Thank god you’re still here.” He sighs.

“What’s up, Austin?”

“I was wondering if you graded my test yet? The football coach needs me to fill this progress report slip out. He’s making all of us do it.”

“Oh! Yeah, let me look. I can just tell you your overall grade. Have a seat, it’ll take me a minute.”

He nods and sits down, glancing at Riley briefly. She gives him a small smile and blushes.

“How come you’re here?” He asks her.

“Oh, I needed to make up the test from yesterday. I accidentally studied the wrong chapters.”

“Happens to the best of us.” He smirks. “You’re new to town, right?”

“Yeah.”

“You should come to the football game Friday, since it’s home.”

“Yeah, um, maybe I will.”

“Cool.”

“Alright, Austen, I’ve got your grade.”

He stands up and goes to Harry’s desk.

“Sick, a C+! That’s way better than I thought.”

“Let’s try to keep it that way, yeah?”

“I’ll do my best, thanks.” He walks out of the room and Riley puffs out some air.

“Don’t tell me you have a crush on that guy?” Ben chuckles.

“He’s so cute, I can’t help it. That’s the most he’s ever spoken to me, and now he wants me to go to the game. I have to go Friday, I need to text Chris.”

“If you go, can I go?”

“Sure.” She shrugs. “The more the merrier.”

Riley and Ben had always been close. They were practically best friends. They got a lot closer when their parents were going through the separation/divorce process, leaning on each other for a lot. Harry hear the sound of heels clacking on the floors outside the classroom, and there Y/N is appearing in the doorway looking lovelier than ever. She had a long coat on, synched at the waist, and her hair was down and wavy.

“Hi, kids, ready?” They both get up, and Harry stands as well. “Thanks for letting them hang out for a bit while I finished up.”

“It was no problem. Riley was pretty helpful to me with some grading.”

“How’d the test go?” She asks her daughter.

“Got a 92!”

“Amazing! I think that calls for takeout tonight.”

“You just don’t feel like cooking.” Ben chuckles.

“I’m sorry, are you complaining about getting Chinese food, or?”

“No! Just making an observation.”

“Mhm, okay, let’s go. Have a good night Mr. Styles.” She says to him.

“Same to you.”

On the ride home, Riley gets a text from Chris saying he’s down for the football game on Friday. She sighs with relief, and looks over her mother.

“So…can Ben and I meet up with Chris on Friday? We’d like to go to the football game.”

“A boy asked her to go!”

“Shut up, or you can’t come with me.”

“Hey!” Y/N says. “A boy asked you to go?”

“Well, sort of. He just said I should go if I wanted. I haven’t been to one yet, it could be fun. Chris said the snack bar is pretty stacked.”

“And you’ll keep an eye on your brother?”

“I’m only a year younger than her.” Ben scoffs.

“You’re in the eighth grade, that’s a big difference right now, even if it doesn’t feel like it. What time does the game start?”

“6:30, I think.”

“Sure, you can go. I think that’ll be good for you kids to go to.”

“Awesome, thanks Mum.”

//

“We’re gonna be there anyways, just ask her to tag along.” Niall says to Harry over lunch on Thursday.

“You make it seem like I wanna date her, I just think she’s cute.”

“Just ask her if she wants to go out with us after, would you?”

“Fine, I’ll give her a call right now.” Harry reaches for his phone, and looks up Y/N’s extension. She picks up on the second ring.

“Hey, Harry.”

“Hi, do you have a minute?”

“Sure! Is everything alright with Riley?”

“Yeah…this isn’t about her. It’s more of a personal matter.”

“Oh…what’s up?”

“Niall and I are chaperoning the football game tomorrow night. All of the faculty take turns doing it. We just walk around and make sure no one’s drinking underage. We were wondering if you’d like to join us. We’d be going to the pub after most likely too.”

“I don’t know if I should. Riley and Ben are going to the game, and I don’t want them to feel like I’m hovering around them, you know?”

Niall gestures for the phone and snatches it from Harry.

“Y/N? It’s Niall. Enough excuses, yeah? You’re coming out with us tomorrow night, and that’s final. You need to get more involved with student life.”

“I’m plenty involved!”

“You import and export donor data all day. I bet your kids won’t care.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Y/N did think about it, and then she asked Riley and Ben how they’d feel if she went. They said as long as she wasn’t up their butts they wouldn’t mind. It made things easier for her to drive them there at least. She watches as they meet up with Chris and essentially run off from her. She sighs and looks around for Niall and Harry, suddenly feeling like a loner.

“Oi, there she is!” Niall shouts, handing her a hot chocolate. “This should warm you up quick. You look cold.”

“I didn’t think it would be chilly enough for gloves.” She chuckles. “Thank you.”

“So, basically we just walk around, but we get to enjoy the game for the most part.” Harry explains.

“Is our team any good?”

“We’re decent, yeah. Think our lacrosse players are better to be honest, but they don’t get as much recognition.”

Y/N nods and takes a careful sip of her warm drink. She walks around with the guys, mostly listening to them talk in their accents. It was sort of fun to see all of the parents, staff, faculty, and students at the game cheering the team on.

“See that one, number 11?” Harry says to her, pointing towards the field. “That’s Austin, he asked Riley to come to the game. They’re in my bio class together. I think she likes him.”

“How can you tell?”

“I catch her looking at him from time to time. I might be wicked and assign them a project to work on together.”

“Teachers actually do that?!”

“Oh, sure.” Niall says. “I switch up the seating chart once a term just so I can pair people up. It’s pretty interesting to see what happens.”

“The students gossip to us all the time too.” Harry laughs. “They have no problem sharing personal information.”

“So…you think he might like Riley back?”

“I have no idea, he sits in front of her, and mostly just takes notes.”

“Is he nice?”

“He’s not a dolt if that’s what you’re asking. Definitely not your classic meathead, not to worry, Y/N.”

Y/N nods, and keeps walking around with the guys. The team wins, and everyone cheers. Riley, Ben, and Chris find her in the crowd of people near the exit.

“Mum, can we bowling?” Riley asks.

“With who?”

“Me, Miss Y/L/N.” Chris says and you raise your eyebrows. “Okay, and some of the cheerleaders and football players, but it’ll be fun! It’s cosmic bowling night. My dad said he could drive.”

“Please, Mum.” Ben pouts, and you roll your eyes.

“Alright.” She sighs, and takes her wallet out of her small sling bag. “Here’s some money, have fun. Home by ten, do you hear me? I’ll be out for a bit myself, just in case you get back before me.”

“Where are you going?” Riley asks.

“I’ve made some friends of my own.” She grins. “Go on, have fun.”

“Thank you!” They all say and head off.

“I can follow you both to the pub.” Y/N tells Niall and Harry, and they all walk to the parking lot.

She feels a little nervous going out with them. She had made a few friends so far, mostly her colleagues that she saw every day. There was this weird divide between faculty and staff, so she had noticed. So, Y/N wasn’t sure how welcomed she would be by the others they were meeting up with. She takes a deep breath before getting out of her car, and meeting Harry and Niall at entrance.

“You’re gonna love this place.” Harry says, putting a hand on her shoulder as they go inside. He leads her to a table where a few people were sitting already. “Oi, everyone, this is Y/N, she works in the development office.”

They all look at her and smile, saying hello. Niall takes his seat, and Harry has you sit between the two of them. Y/N learns the names of some other faculty members. Shane, Lora, and Jess. None of them had Y/N’s kids in class so she could rest easier. She found Harry and Niall to be hilarious, often almost choking on her drinks from laughter. She notices that Harry’s rolled his sleeves up, and can’t help but look at his tattoos. He explains a few of them to her. Around 10:05 she got a text from Riley.

Riley: just got in, thanks again for letting us go, it was amazing! When are you home??

Y/N: soon, baby, thanks for checking in

“Well, I should probably get going.” She says to Harry. “My kids just got home, and I don’t like leaving them alone too long when it’s late.”

“Fair enough, can I walk you to your car?” He says, leaning in a little bit. “Just so I know you left safely.”

“Sure, um, that’d be great.” She throws some bills on the table to take care of her tab. “Thank you all so much, I had a great time.”

“See ya, Y/N!” Niall says with a smile. She misses the wink he gives Harry, and Harry mouths ‘be cool’ at him.

“M’just gonna walk her to her car, I’ll be right back.” Harry says, addressing the group before heading out the door with Y/N. “You’re good to drive, right?” He says as they both walk outside.

“Of course, I only had, like, two drinks. You saw me nursing them.”

“Alright, just wanted to be sure.” He watches her fish for her keys out of her bag. “I’m glad you came out tonight.” He rubs the back of his neck. “You’re a lot of fun to be around.”

“Aw, thanks, you’re fun to be around too.” She smiles, biting her bottom lip. He can’t help but let his eyes drift to it.

“Are you in a rush to get home?”

“Well…I…”

“It’s not like they need you to tuck them in, right?”

“N-no…” She raises an eyebrow at him. “Are you…are you making a pass at me?” She was backed up against her car with him a comfortable foot away from her, but she was starting to feel warm.

“Maybe.” He shrugs, stepping a little closer. “Would you feel uncomfortable if I was?” She shakes her head no and swallows.

“Do you do this with all your students’ mums?” She smirks, gaining some confidence back.

“Well, considering that I was in a four year long relationship up until six months ago, I can confidentially say no.” She opens her mouth and smirks. “And no, I don’t usually do this with colleagues either.”

“So…why with me then?”

“You’re cute.” He grins.

“Harry, I…I’m not really looking for anything serious right now, I’ve just started a new job, I bought my own house, I’m juggling teenagers, I can’t start up a relationship.”

“I don’t think I asked you for that. In fact, I haven’t asked for anything, yet.” He says smugly. “M’not looking for anything serious either.”

“Alright, what do you want from me then?” He shifts his weight to his other hip, and just looks at her. Her eyes widen, and her mouth falls open. She looks around, and steps closer to him, barely any space between them now. “You…you want to have sex with me?”

“Why do you sound so surprised? I think you’ve really got it going on.”

“Seriously?”

“Sure, you really know how to fill out a pair of jeans. Your bum looked awfully cute at homecoming.”

“All this coming from the guy who was about ready to murder me for almost scratching his car.” She scoffs.

“I have apologized for that over and over, but clearly my words mean nothing to you…” He puts his hand on her shoulder. “Maybe there’s something else I could do to make it up to you.”

“You’re my kid’s teacher, Harry.”

“Not after 2PM I’m not. Right now I’m just a guy who wants to fuck you.”

“I can’t go back to your place with you right now.”

“My car’s got tinted windows and a spacious back seat.”

“How…how old are you, anyways? I mean, I’m thirty-three, Harry, and you’re a little baby faced. I’m not one of those people who-“

“I’m twenty-nine. Do you wanna go fuck in my car or not? It’s okay if you don’t, I’m not trying to pressure you, but it’s bloody cold out here and I wouldn’t mind warming up.”

Y/N hadn’t had sex with someone in since the last time her and Joseph had sex, which was a few years ago. She also couldn’t remember the last time she had sex in a car, probably when she was a teenager. Was she really about to do this with some she had just started to become decent friends with? Was this is the only reason he wanted to be friends with her?

“Is the only reason you’ve been wanting to invite me out? To get my pants off?”

“No! I genuinely think you’re nice to be around, but I also wouldn’t mind getting your pants off.” He smirks.

“Okay.” She nods. “Yeah, let’s do it.”

“Really?”

“Quickly, before I change my mind.” He grabs her by the wrist and tugs her towards his car. He unlocks his car and he lets her get in first. He reaches forward to turn the car on so the heat is on and there’s a little music playing. He goes to cup her cheek, and she backs away. “I’m a little nervous.”

“We don’t have to do anything crazy if you don’t want. We could just kiss if you like.”

“I just…it’s been a while for me, you know? Like, a long while, so…I want to, I’m just nervous.”

“How can I help you relax?”

“I guess…um…could I sit on your lap and maybe we could hug for a bit?”

“Sure.” He nods.

She moves to straddle him, and she wraps her arms around his neck. His go around her back, and he rubs her soothingly. He gets a good whiff of her perfume, and it makes him smile.

“Comfortable?” He asks softly. She hums her response and he holds her a little tighter. “I like whatever perfume you’re wearing.” He feels her giggle against him.

“It’s just apple spice.” She mutters into his neck, and moves to look at him. “Nothing special.”

“Well, I like it.” He tucks some hair behind her ear. “Would it be alright If I kissed you now?”

“Yeah.” She smiles.

He licks his lips and presses them to hers. Her eyes flutter closed and she tugs at his hair. His hands squeeze her hips as the kiss deepens. He sucks on her bottom lip, and it makes her whimper. She rolls her hips down on his and he grunts. He kisses sloppily from her mouth, to her jaw, and to her neck. He mouths at her neck, full well knowing he can’t leave a mark, but it doesn’t stop him from licking and sucking a little over the area. She tugs at his hair a little harder and continues grinding against him, feeling his bulge getting harder. His lips move back to hers as his hands roam up her front, hesitating before reaching her breasts. She takes his hands and puts them over her boobs, squeezing his hands over them. He takes over from there, kneading them as best he could over her coat.

She gets frustrated, and get shimmies her coat off. He’s happy to see her nipples peeking through her shirt. He moves to suck on it through the material and she gasps. Her chest was heaving when he came off and looked up at her. Her hands move to unbutton her jeans, and he wastes no time sticking his hand inside. Instead of smirking when he feels how wet she is, he presses his lips back to hers, loving knowing that he was turning her on this much. His fingers move along her folds, and he slips his middle finger inside her gently. He groans when he feels how tight she is.

“Christ, you weren’t kidding. Do you never use anything at home?”

“Who the fuck has the time?!” She huffs as he starts bringing his finger in and out. “M’too exhausted half the time, and even when they’re gone I just do something quick.” A moan leaves her lips when his thumb starts to circle around her clit. Her forehead presses against his, and her eyes pinch closed.

He gets his ring finger inside her as well, and he curls them both up. She moves back and forth on him, riding his fingers. She makes fists with his shirt, and she starts panting. He groans from watching her, and just from the way she feels. He pets against her g-spot, and his thumb works into her clit.

“Oh, oh my god.” She says, biting her bottom lip. “I…I think I’m gonna come.” He doesn’t let up on her, doing his best to get her there. Her whimpers and whines were just egging him on. “Oh, shit, oh, shit!” She cries out as she comes around his fingers. He works her through it, and then retracts his fingers, sucking on them while making eye contact with her.

“Well?” He smirks.

“Do you have any condoms?”

“Yeah, get your pants the rest of the way off.” He lifts her off of him and places her on the seat while he reaches forward into the console, and grabs a condom.

“Aren’t you a little old to be leaving condoms in your car?” She says as he slips her jeans and underwear off.

“Wouldn’t be able to fuck you if I didn’t, would I?” He winks, and undoes his belt and jeans. “Think you’ll be able to ride me reverse, or do you need to go missionary to ease you into it.”

“Don’t be an asshole, I know how to have sex, it’s just bene a while.”

“I wasn’t! I don’t wanna hurt you.” Her eyes widen as he pulls his hard dick from his boxers, rolling the condom on.

“You think you’re the first guy with a larger prick to fuck me? Think I can handle it.”

“Now who’s being the asshole?” He chuckles and grabs her to bring her back to his lap, her back pressed to his chest. He reaches around to rub on her to make sure she’s still wet. “You want this still?”

“Yeah.” She lifts her hips and he lines himself with her, pressing up into center. It’s a tight squeeze, like she thought it would be, but she does her best to relax around him. She nearly shrieks once she’s sat fully on him.

“I’m gonna make you feel so fucking good.” He says into her ear before nibbling on her earlobe.

She hooks an arm around his head while he grips her hips, and her head falls back to his shoulder. He thrusts up into her while rubbing on her clit, and her mouth falls open. She hadn’t felt this good in a long time, this was incredible. She tugs on his hair and helps herself move on him so he doesn’t have to do as much work. He frees up one of his hands to grip and squeeze one of her breasts. She looks up at him and yanks his head down to hers. She licks into his mouth and he moans into her. He sucks on her tongue and her eyes roll back. Between that, his fingers on her slit, and his dick fucking up into her, she was about ready to lose it again. She pants into his mouth as she comes again. He thrusts begin to get sloppy, and then he’s spilling into the condom. They sit there for a moment catching their breaths before she moves off him.

They both get dressed, and Harry throws the condom into a nearby trashcan as he walks her back to her car. Her face was flushed, and she for sure looked like a mess, but she felt good. He cups her cheeks and backs her up against the driver’s side door, kissing her tenderly.

“That was fun.” He says.

“Yeah.” She breathes and looks down at her watch. It was already 11:30. “Shit, I really need to get home. Ben gets worried when I’m out late.”

“Sweet kid.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Well, get home safe and all that.”

“You too.” She smiles and opens her car door. He closes it for her once she’s inside, and she starts the car.

As Y/N drives home it starts to hit her what she just did. She just fucked her child’s biology teacher, who she also happens to technically work with. Never in her life had she done something like this. Maybe in her younger days she would have done something this rebellious, but she had grown up a lot, and she was a professional now. She takes a deep breath before keying into her home. She sighs when she sees the light from the TV coming from the living room. Riley and Ben were passed out on the couch.

“Hey, kids.” She coos. “Wake up, I’m home.”

“Mum?” Ben says sleepily. “Where were you?”

“I…I was out with friends, remember? Um, let’s get you both into bed.”

She turns the TV off as they both slowly make their way upstairs to their bedrooms. Once they’re both in their beds, she goes into her own room, and gasps once she gets a good look at herself in the mirror. Her makeup was smeared, and her hair was a mess.

“Christ, Y/N, what did you do?” She says to herself and sighs.

//

The next day, Y/N was walking around like she had a stick up her ass. Maybe her body wasn’t quite ready for someone of Harry’s size. Nevertheless, she had to get up and start her day. She got some laundry going, did some dusting, and then made some breakfast for the kids. They both come into the kitchen around 10.

“Can you both put your sheets in the laundry room for me? I’m doing a linen load in a bit.” They both nod as she puts two plates of eggs in front of them. “How was bowling?”

“So much fun!” Riley says. “I actually got a strike, I couldn’t believe it.”

“You did?! How’d you manage that?”

“Um…Austin helped me, you know the one in my bio class? He’s really nice.”

“Riley, I’m happy for you and all, but I don’t know if I want you dating yet.”

“I’m not dating anyone! At least I wasn’t the one who stayed out until nearly midnight doing god knows what.”

“I’m an adult, I can do what I want, that’s one. Two, if you and this boy decide you really like each other, I think it’s only fair I get to meet him.”

“Just because he helped me bowl a ball doesn’t mean anything.” She rolls her eyes.

“What about you, did you have fun?” Y/N sighs as she asks Ben.

“Yeah, I hung out in the arcade, it was sick.”

Just as she was sipping on her coffee, Y/N’s phone goes off. It was in front of Riley and Ben, and Riley furrows her brows.

“Who is it?” Y/N asks.

“Um…Mr. Styles. Why is he calling you?”

“I…I have no idea.” She snatches her phone quickly. “H-hello?”

“Hey, Y/N! Just wanted to see how you were.”

“I’m alright, um, I’m in the kitchen with the kids, could you just give me a second?” She leaves the room and goes down the hall to her home office. “Okay…um, how are you?”

“Oh, I’m fine. I just didn’t wanna be a dick and not call.”

“Well, that’s nice of you.” She blinks a few times.

“So…you feel okay about everything?”

“Yeah! Wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t. Little sore, but other than I’m good.” She chuckles slightly and so does he.

“Well, next time I can be a little gentler…if you’d like there to be a next time, that is.”

“You…you don’t want last night to just have been a one-time thing?”

“Not necessarily, I had a good time with you, and I think you had a good time with me.”

“I just…I don’t know how smart it would be to start something up with my kid’s teacher.”

“Well, you already sort of did…”

“Yes, but I think to continue it would be stupid. I don’t want to do anything that could potentially embarrass her. Riley and Ben are really starting to make friends. They were cool about moving here for me, so I want to be-“

“It’s not like we’re dating, Y/N. No one has to know.”

“As if you haven’t told Niall yet.” She scoffs.

“I mean he was curious as to why I didn’t come back to the bar last night, but I didn’t give him the full details. He knows how to keep things to himself.” He pauses for a moment. “Look, I get it, you’re just trying to be a good mum, I can admire that. But after a certain point you need to remember that it’s okay to do things for yourself.”

“Like fuck a guy in a parking lot?”

“Exactly!” He laughs. “You’re still so young, why not let yourself have some fun?

“Harry…”

“All I’m saying is, if you’re ever lonely, or if you can’t sleep…you can call me.”

“I’ll…I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.”

“Well, I’ll let you get back to them. Probably wondering what we’re talking about.”

“Yeah.”

“Have a good rest of your weekend.”

“You too.”

She hangs up, completely shocked by the conversation she just had with Harry. She goes back out to the kitchen where the kids were waiting with raised eyebrows.

“What did Mr. Styles want?” Riley asks.

“Oh, um, someone left their wallet at the restaurant we all went to last night, that’s all. He was trying to figure out who it belongs to.”

“There was no ID in it?” Ben asks.

“Apparently not.” Y/N shrugs.

//

At first, Y/N wasn’t sure if she wanted to take Harry up on his offer. She genuinely didn’t want to make things difficult for Riley. When mid-November rolled around, it was time for parent-teacher conferences. These were the more serious one on one meetings before the holiday season to make sure students would be able to pass all of their classes. More often than not Y/N found herself meeting with Ben’s teachers than with Riley’s, but Y/N wanted to check in with everyone to make sure her kids were acclimating to the new school fine. What she wasn’t expecting was for Joseph to want to come to the conferences as well. She got away with blushing a little when they saw Niall. He didn’t make anything awkward, but it was when they made their way to Harry’s room that she was starting to feel like she wanted to vomit. The door swings open and two people walk out. Harry steps out and looks into the hallway, smiling when he sees you, then frowning when he sees Joseph.

“Mr. Davidson! How nice to see you again, please come in.” Harry says, gesturing to step inside. “Hi, Y/N.”

“Hi, Harry.”

“You can call me Joseph.” Joseph says as he sits down and Harry nods.

Harry and Y/N make eye contact briefly, and then he clears his throat.

“Well, I’m not sure why Riley signed you both up.” Harry chuckles. “She’s doing exceptionally well, and not just in my class. She’s a bright girl.” He takes out a few of her lab reports. “The first semester tends to be easier since we’re learning more about plants and those types of organism. Next semester we get into zoology and human anatomy. I always make it known there’s study groups and after school help. I try to make it as engaging and fun as I can. We even play a few rounds of operation.”

This makes you smile as Joseph furrows his brows at Riley’s lab reports. He nods along with what Harry is saying.

“I’m glad she’s doing so well. She was sort of a big fish in a small pond at her last school.” Joseph says. “I was a little worried she’d feel overwhelmed. This transition for them was really abrupt.”

“They had most of the summer to get used to things.” Y/N says, rolling her eyes. “This isn’t a snotty school either, the teacher’s actually help the students succeed.”

“I’m just saying-“

“Listen.” Harry cuts in. “Seems like you two might have some things to discuss that don’t really involve me. Riley’s doing great, and Niall tells me Ben’s doing just as great. Nothing really more to it.”

Joseph nearly had a decade on Harry, but Harry owned this room. Having Joseph be put in his place definitely did something for Y/N. She can’t help but smirk as Joseph sits up straight.

“Yes, well…thank you. We’ll make sure to relay the message to them.” He says and Harry nods. Joseph stands up, as does Y/N.

“Y/N, did you happen to drive separately? An alum emailed me today, and I have a couple of questions about our donation site.”

“Oh! Sure, I can stay a few moments.” She looks a Joseph. He stands there for a moment, looking between the two of them.

“Goodnight.” He says, and out the door he goes.

“So…what’s your question?”

“I didn’t actually have one.” Harry smirks at her and she blushes.

“Oh.”

“You seemed uncomfortable with him here.”

“I don’t exactly enjoy his company anymore.” She sits slightly on his desk.

“I know, shit like that is just awkward. Francie and I still have some mutual friends, and we’ve had to be at a few of the same parties since the breakup.”

“Can I ask…I mean, you said you were together for four years and engaged…what happened?”

“Why don’t we have this conversation over drinks?” He stands up, grabbing his keys and jacket.

“Harry…it’s a school night.”

“And? It’s only seven. Not like we’re gonna be out all night are we?”

“I have two kids at home.”

“You have two teenagers at home. Come on, just one drink and I’ll tell you everything.”

“And then what?”

“Whatever you want.” He winks and leads you out the door.

//

Y/N texted the kids to let them know she was just grabbing a quick bite, and that she was very proud of their hard work. She followed Harry to a pub, and they grab a booth inside. They each order a drink and munch on some popcorn.

“Alright.” He sighs. “So I was with Francie for four years, and we were engaged for all of five months. It was working out great, we were living together, had a couple of pets, you name it. She works for this tech company, right? So, she got promoted, which was great, but it would have involved her to start traveling a lot, and eventually moving to New York. I didn’t want to move, and she didn’t want to do long distance.”

“Why didn’t you want to move? You could have found another school to work at…”

“It was the principal of the thing! She didn’t even ask, she just expected it, like her job was more important than mine. We started arguing more and more, and when I asked her why we couldn’t just try long distance she said that would make things difficult to start a family, and I said we already had a family, and that opened up a can of worms. She wanted kids and I didn’t. After that we ended it. She took our dog and cat, and left.”

“She took the pets?!”

“Yup! Left me the ring though.” He scoffs.

“Wait…so you don’t want kids?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I love kids, I love babies especially. But…I just don’t see myself being a dad.” He shrugs. “It’s a lot of responsibility, a lot of money too. I don’t know if I could take care of someone else. And maybe…when she said it…I had this thought of if I did want kids I wasn’t sure if wanted her to be the mother of them.”

“It took you that long to have that kind of conversation?”

“What about you? Did you and your ex have a proper discussion about it?”

“No, he knocked me up, proposed later that year, and we got married in a courthouse while I was seven months pregnant.” She finishes her drink. “Just like a fairytale. Then when he promised we could have a real wedding, I got pregnant with Ben, and all that money went to him. S’alright, though, it would have been a waste of money.”

“Can I ask why you got divorced?”

“Well, the age difference was one thing. He’s seven years older than me, which may not seem like much, but it was. I felt like I couldn’t talk to him sometimes. Then he decided to cheat on me with some other young thing, so we went from separated to divorced real quick.”

“I’m so sorry.” He frowns slightly.

“Don’t be, it was a while ago. I think things worked out for the best. We’re all doing better now.”

“I think it’s admirable that you’ve turned your life around the way you have.”

“Thanks.” She smiles and he finishes off his drink. Once they pay their tab they head out. “I think it’s too cold to do what we did last time.”

“And I couldn’t persuade you to come back to my place for a bit?”

She looks down at her watch and sees it’s already 8:30. She sighs, biting her bottom lip.

“I…I want to, and if I didn’t have two kids at home waiting for me I would. Maybe…maybe you should find someone else to be your little fuck buddy. I’m not easy to be with.”

“Maybe that’s what I like about you.” He says, leaning forward so his lips brush yours, kissing you quickly before backing away. “Have a good night, Y/N.”

She groans once she’s in the car. When she gets home both Riley and Ben are in their rooms unwinding. She says hello and goes to her own room to get ready for bed. Y/N wonders what she would have done with Harry at his place. How he would have touched her and kissed her all over. She sighs and gets into bed, aggravated as fuck.

//

It was Thanksgiving weekend when Y/N took her next shot with Harry. The kids spent Thanksgiving day with her, and they had the rest of the weekend to be with Joseph. When Saturday night rolled around she was bored and lonely, so she called him.

“Hi, Harry.”

“Hi, Y/N. Did you have a nice Thanksgiving?”

“I did…although, I have way too many leftovers.”

“You don’t say?”

“Yeah! Um, you wouldn’t happen to be hungry, would you?”

“Starved.”

“Great, well, if you’d like to come over you can.”

“I can be there within the house. Just text me your address.”

He had assumed Riley and Ben weren’t home. He needed to take a quick shower before coming to see her, and she needed to do the same. She wanted to be as fresh as possible for him. When she heard the doorbell, she raced down the stairs to open it.

“So, I can heat up whatever-mph!” He had gripped her cheeks and pulled her into him, kissing her passionately.

“I didn’t actually come here to eat.” He breathes. “Well, I did…but not food.” He smirks and lifts her up. She wraps her legs around his waist and kisses on his neck as he carries her upstairs. “Where’s your bedroom?”

“Last door on the right.” She mumbles into his hot skin.

He gets her in the bedroom, and sets her down. He starts taking his clothes off, and she does the same. He knees onto the bed to hover over her, and he kisses her, sucking on her bottom lip.

“Glad you finally called me for this.” He says as he licks around her nipple.

“You could have called me.”

“Didn’t want to look any more desperate.”

He nips at her stomach as he works his way down, giving her little to no warning before he licks into her. She gasps, gripping onto his hair. She bites her bottom lip as she feels his warm tongue lapping away at her. He sucks on her clit and slips two fingers inside her.

“When was the last time someone made you feel this good, hm? When was the last time someone made you this wet?”

“Wh-whenever the first time we hooked up was.” She whimpers.

“And before that?” He kitten licks at her clit now.

“God, I have no idea!” She moans out as his fingers pet inside her against her g-spot. He struggles to get a third finger in, so he doesn’t bother.

“Tighter than a fucking finger trap you know that?”

“I told you, I don’t make time to-oh!”

He started sucking on her clit again, and pumping his fingers quickly. She was squirming underneath him, panting and moaning loudly. She cries out as she comes, and he pumps his fingers slowly as her hips move along with his motions.

“Condoms?” He asks when he pops up.

“You don’t me to, um…?”

“Another time, I don’t think I’d last very long if you sucked on me.” He had been rutting himself against the mattress. She nods and reaches into her bedside drawer for a condom she toss it to him and watches as he rolls it on. “Roll over.”

She does as he says, and gets on her elbows and knees for him. He grips her hips, and lines himself up with her, pushing inside. It’s a tight squeeze, but he gets in no problem. They both moan out from the feeling. He reaches around to rub her clit, and she collapses onto the bed.

“God, just do what you want with me, Harry.” She grunts, and he moans from behind her.

“You’re so fucking sexy, you have no idea. Come for me, Y/N, come on.”

She cries out into her pillow, and he spills into the condom. Somehow after they both got cleaned up they ended up back in bed together. Harry through his arm around Y/N and pulled her to his chest.

“What are you doing?” She giggles.

“Cuddling you.”

“Why?”

“Because I feel like it.”

She laughs, but doesn’t fight him on it. Then…they fell asleep. It was a total accident, Harry never intended to spend the night. He just wanted to cuddle for a bit before heading out. He was more tired than he thought, and so was she. She nudges him awake.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” He says, knuckling at his eyes.

“It’s okay. Would you like to take a shower with me?”

“I would.” He smiles and gets up with her.

It was the dirtiest shower she had ever taken. He had gotten on his knees to eat her out, and then he lifted her up, fucking her into the bathroom tile wall. She left many scratch marks on his back, and then he came on her stomach. They got cleaned up for real after that, and headed downstairs for some coffee. Just as she was about to offer him some breakfast, she heard the front door open.

“Oh my god!” She whisper screams. “They’re not supposed to be back until later!”

“Be cool, Y/N.” Harry says.

“But-“

“Mum, we’re…Mr. Styles?” Riley says as she comes in with Ben. “What…what’s going on?”

“I should ask you the same. Why’s your father bring you back so soon?”

“We asked if he could.” Ben says. “Can only handle so much of his girlfriend.”

“So…Mr. Styles, um, no offense, but what are you doing here?”

“Well, your mum just so happens to be one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. She had all these leftovers and asked me if I’d like any, and I said yes. I may be a Brit, but I love Thanksgiving dishes. So I came right over. Just got here a couple minutes before you did.”

“Yeah, I was just about to pull the food out. Why don’t you two go put your things away?”

Riley furrows her brows, but shrugs it off, and goes with Ben upstairs.

“You’re quick on your feet.”

“Wasn’t a total lie.” Harry says, finishing his coffee. “I better get going.” She walks him to the front door, and he gives her a sneaky kiss along with a bum squeeze. “See you soon, I hope.”

“Definitely.” She smiles. “Bye.” She opens the door for him and out he goes. She sighs happily, and goes into the kitchen to make a little breakfast.

//

Riley was a little suspicious after that morning. She spent most mornings in homeroom analyzing Harry’s features. He was his usual chipper self, but there was certainly an extra pep in his step. Then in biology it was the same thing.

“Riley?” Austin was standing in front of her desk, snapping her out of her thoughts.

“Oh, hey.” She smiles. “What’s up?”

“Are you free this Friday?”

“I…I think so.”

“Would you wanna go to the movies?” He runs a hand through his hair and she swallows.

“This is gonna sound really lame, but I need to ask my mom first.”

He chuckles slightly at that.

“No worries, let me know if she says yes.”

“I will.” Austin goes to his seat, and Riley looks at Chris who was giving her a thumbs up.

“Alright, if we could all settle down?” Harry says. “Today we’re going over fungi cells so I need all of your attention on me.”

Harry liked attention in general, probably one of the reasons he wanted to be a teacher in the first place. He just happened to also enjoy biology and he was good at explaining it to the youths. During class Riley felt her phone buzz, and saw she had a text from Ben.

Ben: reminder that I have a doctor’s appointment, so you have to wait after school for Mum to come get you

Riley: okay thanks, I’ll just go to the library to wait for her

“Riley!” She snaps her eyes up at the harsh tone from her teacher. “Is that your phone?”

“Y-yes…I’m sorry, Mr. Styles, my brother-“

“I don’t care.” He shakes his head. “You know the policy.” He gestures for her to give it to him.

“But he was just-“

“Is it an emergency?”

“No.”

“Alright then, give it here.” Everyone was looking at her, and it made her face flush. She gets up and walks towards him to hand over her phone. He takes it puts it in his desk drawer. “You can have it back after class.”

She nods, and goes back to her seat. After class she walks out, completely forgetting she had her phone taken away. She gets settled in the library, and gets some homework done. She was there for over an hour until Y/N showed up in a huff.

“Riley Davidson, I’ve been calling you for fifteen minutes!”

“Mum, be quiet!”

“If your brother hadn’t told me you were in the library I never would have found you. Where the hell is your phone?”

“It’s…oh shit.” She says as she packs up.

“What?”

“I forgot that Mr. Styles took it from me.”

“He what?!”

“Ben texted me while I was in class, and I texted back. He caught me, and took it away from me. It’s the policy.”

“I don’t give a fuck, that’s your property. Come on, hopefully he’s still here.”

He was. When they walk in, he was writing something on the whiteboard, furrowing his eyebrows. Looked like it was a chemistry equation. Y/N clears her throat to get his attention.

“Oh, hello ladies.”

“Where do you get off taking my daughter’s phone?”

“Oh! I completely forgot about that. You left right after class, Riley.” Harry goes into his desk and grabs the phone. “Here you are.”

“Thanks.” She says as she swipes through to check any notifications she may have missed.

“It’s the policy, Y/N.”

“What if I got in a car accident and someone needed to reach her? Then what?”

“Did that happen?” He crosses his arms.

“No, but it could have.”

“But it didn’t. There’s no texting in class, no phone use of any kind, actually.”

“Mum, it’s fine, we can-“

“Excuse me, but that’s her property. If I need to get in touch with her, or if her brother does, then she should be able to send a quick text. It’s not like she was scrolling through Instagram.”

“But she could have been.”

“But she wasn’t!”

“Maybe you should hover over a little less, hm? Kids rely on their phones so much because their parents are constantly trying to see what they’re up to.”

Y/N takes her keys out from her purse, and hands them to Riley.

“I’m parked out front, go start the car for me. I’ll be just be another minute.” Riley nods and leaves quickly, knowing how bad it can be to be scolded by her mother. She certainly didn’t want to watch her favorite teacher get bitched out. “You don’t have kids, so I wouldn’t expect you to understand-“

“I have dozens of kids, actually. Ones that come to see me to talk to me about their problems, I’m also always studying trends of the today’s students, so don’t stand there and-“

“Do not interrupt me when I’m speaking.” She says firmly, and he closes his mouth. “You may speak when I’m finished, Mr. Styles. I’m a single mom doing my best for my kids. I will not be lectured in front of my daughter about being a helicopter parents because I’m not. However, I’m doing the job of two while my ex gets to be a weekend dad, who my kids don’t even want to see. It’s my fault Ben texted her at the time he did, alright? I asked him to remind her that I wouldn’t be picking her up until later because I had to take him to a doctor’s appointment.”

“May I?” She gestures that he can speak. “She didn’t need to text him back right then. It’s the school policy to take a phone away if we see it out, I was just doing my job.”

“Well, you should have remembered you took it so you could have given it back to her! I was sitting in the car for nearly twenty minutes waiting for her, I was starting to get worried.” Y/N pouts, and even though this was a very serious matter, Harry couldn’t help notice the blood starting to flow right to his prick.

“I’m very sorry about that.” He puts his hand on her shoulder, and she glances at it before looking at him. “I take ownership for that mistake. I feel terrible that I even caused an ounce of worry. If there’s anything I can do to make it better, please let me know.” His tone was condescending and seductive all at the same time.

She places her hand on his and removes it from her shoulder.

“Have a nice evening.” She says.

“Same to you.” He smirks.

Y/N makes her way to her car, and sighs heavily once she’s in there with Riley.

“Please don’t tell me you just yelled at him. He’s my favorite teacher, Mum.”

“No, we had a very adult conversation, and he apologized for not giving you back your phone when he should have after class.”

“I guess I could’ve waited to text Ben back. I’m sorry I caused all this.”

“It’s not your fault, honey, it’s fine.” She smiles at her daughter and they make their way home.

“I…I was asked to the movies this Friday, can I go?”

“With who?”

“Austin.”

“I’d like him to come to the house first so I can meet him properly. You’ve been hanging out in groups with him. Would this be one on one?”

“I think so. I can ask him if he minds coming inside first before we go.”

“That would be great.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Are you…are you and Mr. Styles, like, seeing each other?”

“What would ever give you that idea?!”

“I just think it’s weird that he was at our house.”

“We’ve become friends, you know I hang out with him and Mr. Horan sometimes.”

“Yeah, but Mr. Horan wasn’t there. It was just you and Mr. Styles, and you both had wet hair.”

“I had showered before he swung by, he must have done the same.” Y/N shrugs. “We’re just friends, honey, nothing more.”

“Okay.”

Y/N could tell Riley didn’t quite believe her, but she knew her daughter wouldn’t press her on it more for now. Not if she wanted to go to the movies with Austin.

//

“It’s nice to meet you, uh-“

“You can just call me Miss Y/L/N, it’s nice to meet you too, Austin.” Y/N smiles. They were all standing in the front hall. “So…it’s just you two going to the movies?”

“That’s the plan.” He says with an innocent smile.

“Have her home by 10:30, please.”

“Can do.”

“Thanks, Mum.”

“Have fun.” She sighs and turns around to Ben. “What about you? No plans?”

“Not tonight. I was just gonna play video games.”

“Well, if you’d like to have a friend over-“ Her cell phone goes off and she furrows her brows. “One second, sweetie.” She goes into the kitchen for some more privacy. “Harry?”

“Hey, what are you up to tonight?”

“Hanging out with my son…why?”

“Oh, they’re not with their dad this weekend?”

“No, they were with him last weekend.” She sighs.

“Damn.”

“Why?”

“Well, Niall and a few other people were gonna go to this place where you can throw axes, and we thought you’d like to come.”

“That sounds like…fun? Um, but I can’t just leave Ben here alone. I’d feel terrible since Riley’s out.”

“Hey, Mum?”

“Honey, I’m on the phone.”

“I know, sorry, Kyle just texted me and asked me if I wanted to sleep over. I know it’s last minute, but-“

“You can go! You can definitely go, I’ll even drop you off.”

“You’re the best! I’m gonna go pack up my stuff.” Ben races out of the kitchen.

“Guess that just solved itself.” Harry says.

“Guess so.”

“Let me come pick you up. Text me when you get back from dropping him off, yeah?”

“Alright.”

Y/N gets herself ready, and then drives Ben to Kyle’s house for his sleepover.

“Why do you look so nice?” He asks on the way there.

“Well, I made plans with my own friends since you and Riley are out. Is that okay?” She chuckles.

“S’fine.” He shrugs. “Feel like you’ve been going out a lot lately. Are you, like, dating?”

“No, baby, I’m not dating. But I am making good friends, which has been nice. I didn’t have many friends back in our old town. Too many judgey moms.” She pulls up to Kyle’s house. “Have a great time, call me if you need me.”

“I will, thanks!”

She watches Ben go inside, and then she makes her way back home to wait for Harry. She liked his car a lot, and it would be nice to actually go for a drive in it, instead of just riding him in it. Y/N was shocked when she heard the doorbell.

“You didn’t have to come to the door.” She says as she steps outside.

“Sure I did. I may be just trying to fuck, but I’m a gentleman at the end of the day.” He smirks as he opens the car door for her. She rolls her eyes at him, and climbs in.

“This really is a nice car.” She says as she looks around.

“Saved up a long time for it.” He places his hand on her thigh as he backs out of the driveway, and he keeps it there.

“So, an axe throwing place?”

“It’s all the rage right now. You can drink and throw axes, it’s pretty cool. I’ve been once before it’s a hoot.” He chuckles and squeezes her thigh slightly. “I’m glad you were able to get out for a bit.”

“Me too.”

She lets him keep his hand on her leg for the entire ride as they chat over the music. He parks the car, and gets out, jogging around to the other side to open the door for her. She smiles at him, and they both head inside. He even gets them their drinks from the bar. It was starting to feel like a date, especially when she only saw Niall with one other person, some woman she had yet to meet.

“Y/N, this is my girlfriend Anna.” Niall says.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Y/N says to her. Harry comes over and hands her a drink. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. We all set?” He asks Niall.

“Yeah, we all just need to sign the release forms.”

They all sign and are brought over to the axe throwing area. They’re told how to do it, and they get going. Harry and Niall go first, and of course their axes stick. Y/N takes a deep breath, and throws her, but it doesn’t stick.

“That’s alright, give it another go.” Harry encourages her.

“I…I don’t think I threw it quite right.” She says to him.

“Would you like some help?” She nods yes at him and he steps closer to her, putting his hand on her back. “You need to release from this point, okay? Give it all you got.” He steps back and lets her throw it. It sticks and she squeals, turning to hug him. “I knew you could do it!”

Anna hits her target as well. The four of them were having a great time. Once their time is up, they all grab table for food. Y/N checks her phone, it was just about nine. No texts from the kids. She hoped Riley was having a nice time on her date, and that Austin was being respectful during their movie.

“Miss?” The waitress says to her.

“Huh? Oh, I’m sorry. Um…” She looks at the menu and then to Harry. Everyone else had clearly ordered.

“She’ll have the same as me, thanks, love.” Harry hands the waitress the menus and then looks at Y/N. “You like turkey burgers, right?”

“Yeah, sorry about that. My daughter’s on her first date, and I was just checking my phone to see if she had text me or anything.”

“You have a daughter that’s old enough to date?!” Anna says, shocked. “What’s your secret, girl? You look fantastic!” She laughs, and so does everyone else.

“I was a young mum, nothing more than that.” Y/N chuckles. “She’s only fourteen, a freshman out with a sophomore boy from her biology class. It’s cute, really, he’s on the football team and she’s been to a few of his games. They’ve been hanging out in groups, but tonight is the first one on one.” She takes a sip of her drink. “Listen to me, it sounds like I’m recapping an episode of The Bachelor.”

“Do you have any other kids, or just the one?” Anna asks.

“I have a son, Ben, he’s thirteen. Niall’s his teacher actually.”

“Yup, great kid. Harry has Y/N’s daughter in class too.” Niall tells her.

“Is that how you two met?” Anna asks, and you smirk.

“No, actually, the three of us met because I parked too close to Harry’s precious car in the staff lot. I work in our development office.” She sips her drink smirking at Harry who had slumped in the booth. “He yelled at me, it was quite the meet cute.”

“Yikes, I’ve never seen Harry yell before.” Anna says. “You’re usually so calm.”

“I’ve had that car for two years, not a scratch on it, and I’d like to keep it that way.” Harry says. “It’s all water under the bridge now.” He puts his arm around Y/N, smiling down at her.

There’s more talking during the meal. Y/N really liked the turkey burger Harry had ordered for her. Everyone was laughing and having a good time. It was about ten, and Y/N wanted to get home before Riley like a responsible adult. She tells Harry this, and he nods.

“It was really nice meeting you, Anna.” Y/N tells her again.

“Same to you, have a nice night.” They all part ways in the parking lot. “Oh, I like her so much better than Francie already.” She tells Niall.

“Me too.” Niall sighs. “But you know they’re not really dating.”

“I know, I know, but this was a very nice glimpse for them to see what a date could be like. They were so cute with each other.”

“I agree, I just think Harry’s still on the rebound. I also don’t think he’s mature enough to be dating a woman with two teenagers. Little kids maybe, but teenagers? That’s a lot to take on. Besides, what if he wants kids? Y/N’s in her early thirties, she probably wouldn’t want more.”

“Isn’t that what Harry and Francie broke up over? She wanted kids and he didn’t.” Anna shrugs. “Let them figure it out.”

Y/N and Harry were parked in her driveway making out. The damn console was in the way, but he was still able to get his tongue into her mouth. Her hands were in his hair, tugging him closer to her even though she knew she needed to get out of the car.

“Harry.” She breathes as he starts kissing on her neck. “I…I need to go inside. I can’t be out here like this when Riley gets home.” She gasps when she feels his teeth nip at her skin, and then he pulls away, almost glaring at her.

“Man, nothing to kill a hard on more than a mention of a student’s name.” He huffs.

“I told you…this might be easier for you if you wanted to fuck someone without kids.”

“Well, I’m kinda hooked on you now, so I can’t do that.” His thumb brushes her bottom lip as he cups her cheek. He leans in to kiss her again. “Do you think we could get together tomorrow since it seems like we can’t fool around tonight?”

“Sure, I have some errands I need to run anyways, so I can add you to the list.” She winks. “I’ll text you.”

“Alright, sounds good.” He chuckles. “I had a lot of fun tonight.”

“So did I, goodnight.” She smiles and hops out of the car. She quickly gets herself inside.

Harry backs out of the driveway just as Austin pulls up with Riley.

“Whoa, who do you know with a range rover?” Austin asks.

“That’s…Mr. Styles’ car.” She swallows as she watches him drive away. “He’s friends with my mom. She texted me saying she was seeing some friends tonight, I guess he drove her.”

“Cool.” Austin says. “I’ll walk you to your door.” He does so, and they linger there for a moment. They hug each other, and he gives her a kiss on the cheek. “Can we do this again sometime?”

“I’d like that.” She smiles.

“Great, well, have a good night.”

“You too. Thanks again.” Her heart soars as she goes inside. She finds Y/N sitting on the couch watching TV.

“How was the movie?”

“Really funny.” Riley plops down next to her. “Where’s Ben?”

“Sleeping at Kyle’s.”

“Oh, nice. So…where did you go tonight?”

“To this axe throwing place. It was fun, look.” She takes her phone and shows Riley a video of her throwing an axe and it sticking to the wooden target.

“Cool! You went there with Mr. Styles?”

“Mhm, and Mr. Horan and his girlfriend Anna.”

“Oh my god, Mum.” Riley gasps. “You went on a double date!”

“I did not.” Y/N scoffs.

“Did Mr. Styles pay for anything?”

“Well…yeah, he did, but he said it was just easier.” Riley gives her a look. “What?”

“Mum, he definitely was making a move!”

“And what do you know about moves, hm?”

“Apparently more than you. You two should go out one on one and see how it goes.”

“I’ve done that with him before.” Y/N shrugs. “We’re just friends, Riley.”

“He drove you tonight, right? I saw him pulling out of the driveway when I got home.”

“He offered to drive, yeah, and I accepted. He’s got a really nice car, thought it would be fun to go for a ride in it.” Y/N blushes slightly, annoyed at her own innuendo. “I’m not dating your teacher, don’t worry.”

“I wouldn’t hate it.” Riley shrugs. “You deserve to have someone, Mum. Dad’s out there with miss thing living what he perceives as his best life, you should do the same.”

“I don’t want to be in a relationship right now.” Y/N sighs. “I don’t have time for it. If Ben hadn’t gone to Kyle’s I wouldn’t have been able to go out tonight.”

“He can stay at home by himself.”

“But I would have felt bad about it. I like being home when you guys are home.”

“We’re not babies, that’s all I’m saying.” She twiddles her thumbs. “Plus, he’s super cute, so-“

“Riley!” Y/N chuckles and throws a pillow at her. “Don’t talk about your teacher like that.”

“He is! I don’t have a crush on him, but anyone with eyes can see how cute he is, Mum.”

“I’ll agree with that, he’s very cute.” She yawns. “Well, now that you’re home I’m gonna go up to bed. Was Austin respectful and all that tonight?”

“Very.” Riley smiles. “He asked me if I wanted to do it again sometime. I’m excited about him.”

“It’s a nice feeling, huh?”

“Yeah.”

Y/N hoped the feeling would never fade for her daughter because she knew all too well how it felt when it does.

//

The next day, after Ben got dropped off, Y/N told the kids she was going out to run some errands, and asked them to get some chores done while she was gone. She genuinely needed to get some things while she was out, so she did that before going over to Harry’s. It felt odd to be going over to his place in the middle of the day for a dick appointment, as the kids would say, but this was happening. She pulls up to a nice duplex, and she recognizes Niall’s car in the other driveway. She texts Harry that she’s down front, and she sees the front door open on one side. She gets out of her car and greets him.

“Find it alright?” He says to her as he lets her in.

“Mhm, this is a cool place.”

“Thanks, Niall and I bought it together, like, five or so years ago. We fixed up one side and then the other.”

“So he gets one side and you the other?”

“Yup, worked out well. I’ve redecorated recently, for, um, obvious reasons.”

“Right, trust me I know how hard it can be living in the same place where good and bad memories were made.”

“Is that why you came out here?”

“One of the reasons she sighs as she kicks her shoes off. “I needed a fresh start.”

He hums his response as he cups her jaw in his large hands, bringing his lips to hers.

“How long do you have?” He says against her lips.

“An hour at most. I have to go to the grocery store after this.”

“Oh.” He smirks. “You won’t be going to the store after this.”

“Wh-why not?” She swallows.

“Because you’re not gonna be able to walk when I’m done with you.” He bends down and lifts her up over his shoulder and she squeals.

“Harry!” She giggles as he brings upstairs to his room. Fuck, he was strong. “What will I tell my kids when I’m walking funny?”

“Tell them good old Mr. Styles cracked your spine in half, I’m sure that’ll go over well.” He drops her on his bed, and gets his shirt off. She looks up wide eyed at him. “Oh, love, I’m not actually gonna do that.”

“I know, I’ve just never seen your tattoos in the daylight like this. I mean when we showered I sort of did, but…they’re so pretty.”

His features soften and he picks her up again, getting himself on the bed and laying her down. He sucks on her bottom lip as she wraps her arms and legs around him. His hands work to undo her jeans, and he tugs them down past her bum. She kicks them off the rest of the way, and he pets her over her underwear. She moans into his mouth, and his dips his fingers inside, sliding along her slit. She could feel him growing hard against her hip.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Would you blow me for a bit?”

“Of course! Lay down.”

He gives her a relieved smile and lays back on the bed. She gets between his legs and does his pants. She gets them off and tugs his boxers down. She kisses his tip first, then gives his shaft kisses before licking him up and down. She looks up at him and sees he’s already watching her. She smirks and wraps her lips around his tip, sinking down on him as much as she could.

“Yeah, just like that.” He groans. “Fuck, you feel so good.”

She moans against him and bobs her head up and down. This wasn’t her favorite thing to do in the world, but she didn’t mind do it for it for Harry since he was so attentive with her. She gets him to the brink of coming, and then he pulls her off of him. He gets her naked, and opens her legs up, diving right in. The flat of his tongue sliding up her center to her clit. He sucks both of her lips, one at a time before focusing on her clit again. Two of his fingers slip inside her, and her eyes roll back. He has her crying out moments later, and before she knows it he’s getting a condom on.

“Can I go on top?” She asks.

“Sure.” He shrugs and lays down, his cock stiff and ready for her.

She swings her leg over him, and rubs his tip over her clit before sinking down on his. His hands grip her hips as she moves around in a circle to get comfortable. She moves herself on and off his cock, enjoying the stretch he’s giving her. When she gets a little tired she comes down to him chest to chest, and kisses him. His hands slide to her ass, and he moves her on him. He thrusts in and out of her, and she moans into his neck.

“Like the way I feel like this?” He grunts.

“Yes, fuck.” She mumbles. Her clit was rubbing against him perfectly, and she was trying to concentrate on that. “Don’t stop what you’re doing.” She tugs at his hair and he nearly growls.

He thrusts into her faster and faster, it has her panting and moaning. His tip was hitting her g-spot, so the whole thing was really overwhelming. She moans out his name loudly as she comes, and he fucks her through it. He lifts her off of him, and sets her down on her stomach. He gets behind her and pushes back inside. She gasps, but it feels good. He fucks her from behind until he comes, and collapses on top of her. He holds her for a moment before pulling out and getting rid of the condom. She uses the bathroom, and gets dressed. He throws on a pair of boxers and a sweatshirt.

“Thanks for adding me to your list of errands.” He says to her as they stand in his front hall. She giggles into his chest as he hugs her and kisses the top of her head.

“My legs are working just fine, by the way. But I’m too tired to go grocery shopping now.”

“Well, you only gave me a bloody hour, love, and you made me come really fast.” He pouts. “Can’t seem to last that long with you.”

“Maybe you should jerk off before I come over next time so you can handle it.” She grins and he rolls his eyes.

“You came twice didn’t you?” She nods yes. “Alright then, quit your complaining. Go on, get outta my house.” He pats her bum and kisses her one more time. “Enjoy the rest of your weekend.”

“You too.” Y/N drove home with a smile on her face the whole way.

//

Things were like this most weekends, especially when the kids were at Joseph’s. Harry would come over on Friday night instead of Saturday in case he fell asleep. Plus if he stayed the night that meant they could have sex most of the day Saturday, which was really nice. Y/N was having a lot of fun with Harry. Sometimes they’d meet up with Anna and Niall to go bowling, or catch a movie. In a way it felt like dating, but there was absolutely zero pressure. It was the exact companion ship she had hoped for.

When the holidays rolled around, she got the kids for Christmas, and Joseph got them for New Year’s, which meant Y/N could go to the party Harry was having. Apparently it was an annual thing. There were a lot of people from school there so she felt right at home. Y/N hadn’t had a New Year’s kiss in quite some time, so it wasn’t even on her mind until all of the couples migrated towards each other as it got closer to midnight.

Harry was wandering through his home trying to find her. She was in the kitchen refilling her drink. He lets out a sigh of relief. He could hear people starting the countdown.

“Christ, there you are!” He says to her, pulling her into him.

“You were looking for me?”

“Course I was, who else am I gonna kiss, hm?” They hear everyone yell ‘one’ and he plants one on her. She thought it would be a simple peck since there were people around, but no, Harry full on kissed her. “Happy New Year.” He breathes and then kisses her forehead.

“Happy New Year.” She says faintly as he walks away from her to continue being a good host. She was one of the last people there, feeling drained at nearly two in the morning. She was getting her coat, about ready to say goodbye when he looked at her funny. “What?”

“Where do you think you’re going at this hour?”

“Home.”

“Nope, sorry, m’afraid you’re staying with me tonight. Get that coat off, now.” He crosses his arms over his chest.

“Is that so?”

“it is.” He nods, and she smirks at him stepping closer to him.

“Make me.” She grins and his eyebrows raise.

“Right.”

Before she knows it she’s being picked up and carried to his room. They both giggle as he gets her in his room. He gets her jacket and boots off, and he tosses her one of his bed shirts.

“What’s this for?” She asks as she holds the shirt up.

“To sleep? Can’t fuck you right now, I’m knackered.”

“Oh.” She blushes. “Alright, well, thank you. Um…you wouldn’t happen to have a spare toothbrush and a washcloth then would you?”

“Sure, I’ll pull that out of the linen closet for you, one second.” He leaves the bedroom and comes back shortly and gives her what she asked for.

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.” He shrugs and starts taking his clothes. “Feel free to use the bathroom first.”

She nods and does so. She liked the way his shirt fit, how it hugged her thighs and just barely covered her bum. She washes up and shyly pads back into the bedroom. He smiles when he sees her, and watches as she crawls onto the bed.

“Well, don’t you look cute.” He pinches her thigh as she settled.

“Oh! Don’t do that.” She swats his hand away and he chuckles, getting up from the bed.

“Back in a tick.”

He shuts the lights off once he’s done in the bathroom, and gets into bed with her. She felt awkward until he yanked her onto his chest.

“You can be pretty forceful sometimes, you know that?”

“Does it bother you?”

“Not really, it’s not like I don’t feel safe.”

“You feel safe with me?” He asks softly.

“I do.” She feels him hold her a little closer.

“I just want what I want when I want it I guess.”

“So I’ve noticed. I like a man that knows what he wants, though, so it’s not like it’s a turn off.

“Aw, so you feel safe with me and you like me. A Happy New Year indeed.” She sucks her teeth at that and it makes him laugh. “What’s wrong, can’t take a bit of teasing?”

“I can, you’re just annoying.” She nudges him and he kisses the top of her head.

“You’re fun, Y/N.” He chuckles.

“Let’s get some sleep so you can fuck me in the morning, yeah?”

“I like the way you think.” He sighs and lets his eyes droop closed.

Y/N and Harry spent most of New Year’s day in his best, and neither of them would have had it any other way.

//

“Y/N?” One of her student workers comes into her office. “Mr. Horan from the math department is here to see you.”

“He is?” She raises an eyebrow. “Um, alright, he can come in.” The girl nods and lets Niall in. He closes the door behind him. “Is everything alright with Ben?”

“Yeah, this isn’t work related.”

“Oh…alright, would you like to have a seat?”

“No, it won’t take long…um…did you know Harry’s birthday is on the first of February?”

“I did not know that, no.”

“Right, well, I’m throwing him a party at this pub he really likes to go to. He’s turning thirty, you know? Wanted it to be a little more special for him.” She nods and he continues. “He’s shy about his birthday, and he’d never come right out and say it, but I know it would be mean the world to him if you came.”

“Well, of course I’ll go. It’s not like I haven’t been to a party with him before.”

“Yes, but instead of casually coming over to his New Year’s party…you’d sort of be showing up as his lady, you know?”

“What are you getting at here?”

“Come on, Y/N.” Niall scoffs. “He’s crazy about you, can’t you see that?”

“Niall…” She says in a hushed tone. “You know very well that he and I are nothing more than-“

“Fuck buddies, yeah, yeah.” He rolls his eyes. “This has been going on for months, you seriously don’t want more with the guy?”

“No.” She swallows. “I’m getting exactly what I need from him. He doesn’t want more either, what we’re doing works for both of us. Has…has he said something to you?”

“Not in so many words, but he talks about you enough. I think it’s silly to not go for it.”

“Look, if I didn’t have two kids maybe things could be different between him and I, but it’s not that simple. I don’t want more…at least not right now.”

“Alright.” He sighs. “I’ll text you the details for the party, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Oh, and keep it a secret. He thinks we’re going on a bar crawl.”

She nods and out the door he goes. She sighs heavily and shakes her head. Now there would be all this pressure for his birthday. Did she need to get him a gift? And what kind of gift should it be?

//

“Mum, you look so good.” Riley says sitting on Y/N’s bed when she comes out in a red dress.

“Thank you, honey.”

“And this is for a friend’s birthday party?”

“Yes.”

“Whose birthday?” Riley grins.

“Harry’s.” Y/N sighs.

“Did you get him anything good?”

“I…I got him, like, well, you know how he likes to wear all those rings? So I saw this ring at the store that I thought he might like.”

“You got him a ring?”

“Is it weird? It’s weird right? I just…I saw it and I thought of him, and I-“

“I bet he’ll love it, Mum.”

“Alright.” She nods. “Listen…you’ll be alright with Ben tonight? I…I could either be home really late, or I might not come back until the morning depending on how much I have to drink.”

“He’s setting up some movies and popcorn for us as we speak. We can handle it.”

“Good, okay, thank you.”

“Where would stay if you don’t come home?”

“Mr. Horan has offered me his guest room if need be.” It was a blatant lie but she couldn’t very well tell her fourteen-year-old that she was most likely going to have birthday sex with her teacher.

“Okay.” Riley shrugs and goes downstairs with Y/N. The doorbell rings. “I’ve got it.” She says as Y/N gets her coat on. “Hi, Mr. Styles.”

“Hello, Riley, is your mum ready to go?”

“Mhm, she’s just getting her coat on. Happy birthday, by the way.”

“Thank you.” He smiles and then uses all his willpower to not let his jaw drop when he sees Y/N. He couldn’t even see her dress, but he could tell she’d be a knockout tonight. “Ready?”

“Yes.” She smiles and turns to Riley and Ben. “Don’t be afraid to call if you need anything. I can be home in a flash. I’ll text you later to let you know what my, um, plans are.” She blushes and pushes Harry outside as the kids wave them off.

“She’s not subtle.” Ben says as he plops onto the couch.

“I know, I wish they’d just admit they’re in love and get on with it.” Riley says and starts the movie.

//

Harry opens the backseat of Niall’s car for her, and then he jogs around to the other side. Niall was driving, and Anna was in the passenger seat. Everyone greets one another and off they go. Harry keeps his hand on Y/N’s knee the whole way, and she puts her hand over his. They smile at each other, but nothing is said. Needless to say he was surprised by there being a party at the pub for him, but he was delighted.

Niall had done really well. Lots of drinks and appetizers going around, good music, and people mingling. There was even a cheesy slideshow of every single one of Harry’s school pictures throughout the years, and Y/N had to fight tears from laughing so hard at some of them. Harry couldn’t have asked for a better birthday, especially with Y/N around. He couldn’t keep his eyes off her all night, and eventually his arm didn’t leave from its place around her waist. No one really paid it any attention. Most people knew there was something going on between the two of them, but it was none of their concern. The single men in the room at the least knew not to hit on her. No one really wanted to get on Harry’s shit list.

There was a table for gifts, but Y/N kept hers in her purse, not wanting it to get lost. She also wanted to give it to him in private in case things got awkward. She had overthought the ring over and over. It was this nice topaz band that she thought he’d like. He said he was always looking for a pop of color in his wardrobe.

“Hey.” He says to her, pulling her into him. “Are you gonna come home with me?”

“Yeah.” She smiles. “Are you having a good time?”

“A great time. Couldn’t have asked to turn thirty with better people.” He tucks some hair behind her ear and she shivers. “Can’t to get you back to my place, though.” He leans in to speak in her ear. “M’gonna mess up all this pretty makeup you’re wearing.” He kisses her cheek and lets her go. She was suddenly counting down the moments until it was time to leave.

When it came time, she helped grab all of the gifts off the table and bring them to Niall’s car. She had texted Riley that she wouldn’t be coming home which she felt slightly guilty about. She didn’t like giving up her weekends with the kids like this. Niall and Anna help get everything inside, and then leave Harry and Y/N alone, drinking water in the kitchen. He comes over to her, putting his hands on her hips, and pulling her forward.

“Have I told you how fucking sexy you look tonight? I’ve had to hold my hand under my jaw all night just to keep it from dropping.”

“Idiot.” She chuckles. “Oh! Wait, I got you something.” She snatches her purse from the counter.

“So it’s not lingerie? Sort of thought you were my gift.” He smirks and she rolls her eyes.

“That wouldn’t be very original, and I don’t find lingerie to be particularly comfortable, sorry, Sport.” She fishes the ring box out of her purse. “Here we are. If it’s weird feel free to just kick me out…I saw it thought you’d like it, nothing more to it than that.”

He takes the box from her, furrowing his brows. His eyes widen as he opens it up. He looks between her and the topaz band several times.

“Are you serious?” He says.

“Y-yeah…do you like it?”

“Are you kidding? I love it! I just can’t decide what finger to put it on.”

“I guessed on the size. You have such fat fingers, so I went with a larger one.”

“Think that’s the first time I’ve heard you complain about my fingers. Better be the last.” He slips the ring onto his middle finger and holds it out. “It’s perfect, thank you so much. You really didn’t have to do this.”

“I know, but I wanted to. Like I said, I saw it and thought you’d like it.”

He hugs her and she hugs him back. He kisses her cheek and works his way to her lips. He sucks on her bottom lip, and she tugs at his shirt. His hands slide down to her ass and he squeezes.

“Fuck, I want you so bad.” He says against her lips, and lifts her up onto the counter.

“Mm-mm, just bring me upstairs, I don’t wanna have sex on the counter again.”

“But it’s my birthday.” He pouts.

“Yeah, and last time we did this my back hurt for, like, three days, so bring me upstairs.”

He sucks his teeth and lifts her back up, carrying her bridal style out to the staircase, and up to his room. He sets her down on the bed and takes her heels off, sliding his hands up her calves and thighs. He pulls her to her feet so he can lift the dress up over her head. He tugs her nylons off along with her underwear, and unclips her bra, leaving her naked in front of him. He licks his lips and kisses her. Running his hands all over her body. She works to get his shirt undone, and pushes it off his shoulders. She undoes his pants and lets them drop to the floor, he steps out of them, and they both fall back on the bed. He grinds his hard dick, still clothes by his boxers, right into her core, and she groans. He continues to grind against her, and she moves her hips along with his to get some extra friction.

“I want you to suck me off while I fuck you with my tongue.”

She nods and they switch positions so he can lay on his back. She gets situated over his face, and she lowers herself on his body. His tongue moves back and forth along her slit before entering her. She gasps just as she’s getting her lips wrapped around him. His hands grip her hips so he can lick into her in just the right way. She moans around his cock as she tries to bob up and down on him. He removes his tongue from her so he can finger her, and he licks up to her other hole, something they’ve done before. She chokes on his dick and pulls off, choosing to pump him instead.

“Shit, Harry, oh my god!”

He moans against her as she comes around his fingers. He pulls his fingers away and laps her up. He rolls her onto her stomach, and he grabs a condom quickly. He rolls it on and spreads her legs wide open. She lifts her hips up as he pushes inside her, and he grabs a pillow to put under her back. He rocks in and out of her as his hands knead her breasts. She wraps her arms around his neck to pull him down to her, and she licks into his mouth. He moans into her as their chests touch and sweat starts to form between their bellies.

“Y/N.” He moans into her ear, and it raises goosebumps all over skin. She wraps her legs around his waist to pull him even closer. He kisses on her neck and she runs her fingers through his hair. “I want you to come at the same time as me, think you can do that?”

“Y-yeah.”

He snakes a hand between them so he can rub her clit and her mouth falls open. They make eye contact the entire time, and they cry out as they come together. He collapses on top of her, and she holds him close, kissing his cheek multiple times. He keeps his head buried in her chest for a few moments. He looks up at her, about to say something, but her phone goes off.

“Shit, it could be the kids…”

“One second.” He pulls out of her with a grunt, and lets her up. She gets up and waddles over to his dresser and grabs her phone.

“Ben?”

“Hi, Mum, I’m sorry it’s so late, but Riley doesn’t feel well. I think it’s her period, but she’s on the floor, like, clutching at her stomach and I don’t know what to do for her…”

“Shit, okay, um, get her a glass of milk and two ibuprofen from the cabinet. I’ll be home soon, I’ll set up a warm compress for her. She gets really bad cramps like me sometimes.”

“Okay, thanks, sorry again.”

“No problem, I’ll see you soon.” She turns to Harry. “I…I’m sorry, I can get an uber or-“

“I’ll drive you, don’t be silly.” He says, already throwing some sweats on. “Do you want something to change into so you don’t have to put all that back on?”

“Yeah, if you don’t mind.”

He gets her a sweatshirt and some sweatpants. Once she’s cleaned herself up they’re out the door and into his car. This time around he holds her hand the whole way, their fingers intertwined and everything. When he turns the car off when he pulls in, she gives him a funny look.

“Don’t look at me like that, I’m coming in, obviously.”

“You don’t need to.”

“I know, now come on.”

They get inside, and poor rile is still laying on the floor sucking milk out of a straw. Ben was sitting on the ground neck to her rubbing her back.

“Mum?”

“Hi, sweetie.” Y/N gets on her knees next to her.

“Feels like someone’s squeezing my insides with a spiked glove.”

“I know, baby, the medicine will work soon, I promise.” She sighs. “Ben, in the bathroom cabinet is where the warm compresses are, could you get one for me please?”

“Yeah.” He stands up and looks at Harry, but doesn’t say anything. Riley sees Harry’s sneakers and turns to look at him.

“Hey, Mr. Styles…”

“Hey.” He smiles. “Not feeling great, huh?”

“Cramps.” She says bluntly.

“Ugh, that’s the worst.” He sits down next to her. “My older sister used to get them really bad, I felt terrible.”

Ben comes back with the warm compress, and Y/N snaps it to get it to warm up, and she presses it to Riley’s lower back. She sighs from the feeling.

“See? Better already.” Y/N says.

“I don’t know what happened. I was fine all night, and then I got up to get some more soda, and I basically fell to the ground.”

“The bad ones can creep up on you unfortunately. I need to get you up to your room.”

“I could carry her…if…if that’s alright with everyone.” Harry says.

“That would be okay.” Riley says. “No one else could do it anyways.”

He helps her up, double and triple checking it’s okay that he’s touching her, and he carries her up. Y.N has Ben clean up the living room before he goes to bed. Y/N goes into Riley’s room after Harry’s places her on her bed.

“All set?” Y/N says to her, brushing some hair away from her face.

“Yeah, thank you.” She yawns. “Goodnight.”

“Night, honey.”

Y/N tugs Harry into her room, and closes the door.

“I’m so sorry, thank you for coming in…I don’t know how I would’ve helped her upstairs, I would have had to make a bed for her on the couch.” Y/N starts tearing up. “There are so many things I can do for them on my own until I’m reminded that there are things that I just can’t.”

“Hey.” He puts his hands on her shoulders. “You’re a great mum and you’re doing what you can. I couldn’t imagine being so young and raising two teenagers. You make it look easy, honestly. You’re amazing, Y/N.”

“You really think so?”

“I do.” He nods.

“Would you…I mean…it’s late, um, would you want to just stay here?”

“It wouldn’t be weird for you?”

“No.” He smiles and starts taking his clothes off. They get into bed together and cuddle all night. He somehow was always exactly what she needed, and it scared her a little. “How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Put me at ease the way you do?”

“I don’t know.” He smiles down at her. “Didn’t realize I did that for you.”

“Well, you do. And I don’t know how I feel about it.”

“Christ, Y/N, just admit you like me as more than just a guy who fucks you good so we can date already.”

“What?” She sits up and so does he. “That’s not funny.”

“I’m not trying to be. You don’t wanna date? I mean we practically already are when you think about it. I’m not seeing anyone else, are you?”

“With your clingy ass? Who would have the time?!” She laughs.

“Oi, I resent that.”

“You ask me to hang out literally every weekend.”

“Yeah, cause I need to get to you before someone else does.”

“Harry…you realize if you get into a relationship with me you’re getting into a relationship with my kids, right?”

“I do.” He nods. “I know it’ll be a lot, but if it means I get to be with you…I think I could be all in with them. I can’t speak for Ben, but I know Riley likes me. I feel like we could make this work.”

“I don’t want more kids…I’m almost thirty-four, I would hate for you to end up wanting kids of your own. That’s not something I can give you, Harry.”

“You know what I’d really like?”

“What?”

“A dog. I’m great with pets, absolutely great. I miss having a pup around. If we get to a point where we feel like that’s the right move, that would definitely be enough for me.”

“I’ve always wanted a dog.” She bites her bottom lip. “Wow, okay, so…we’re doing this?”

“We fucking better be, I think Niall will explode if we don’t.”

They both giggle, and kiss each other. They settle back down to get some sleep, ready for whatever the morning brings.

a/n: if you liked what you’ve read, and are able/want to support me, please consider buying me a coffee. 

[hopespeak-hs-hostclub]

Dirty Little Secret- NSFW Yasuhiro Hagakure One Shot

TW:// NSFW! 18+ ONLY.

Word Count: 1,510

One shot and request below cut!

Can you write a oneshot featuring Yasuhiro Hagakure practicing self bondage please? you can decide how he'd tie himself and what toys he'd use. But I'd like it if he was butt naked, his mouth covered by a multilayered cloth gag, was orgasming non stop, and he was unable to escape his bonds. I guess I'd like this to take place before the Tragedy when everyone was living normally. What if he did this in a closet in an empty classroom at Hope's Peak. He do it thinking that no one would be there. So he gets stuck in bondage and hears some of his classmates of your choosing enter the room. They wouldn't discover him but it does put him in a panic as he tries desperately to stay quiet and not orgasm.

Hopes Peak. A school that traditionally doesn’t care if the students actually attend class, or even learn for that matter, but actually encourage the students to “practice their talent” rather than get an education. Yasuhiro Hagakure is no exception that that by any means. His favorite times of the day are the classes he skips. He loves just sitting in the dining hall, goofing off, scamming reading his friend’s fortunes. But today was a little different. Hiro skipped his first class, like always. He just couldn’t be bothered, because why learn when you can just hang, right? But Hiro, although older than most of his classmates, is still a young guy. He has hormones and gets horny. And every once in a while it happens at school. Could be because of a girl he saw, or, like today, a video he watched in an empty class room. But Hiro kind of planned for this. He typically gets himself off at home- before class. It’s why he’s late so often. But another thing about Yasuhiro is that he loves his mom. So of course, when his mom tells him she wants to have breakfast with him, and drive him to school, he eagerly agreed. Which means he didn’t have any time to himself in the morning, which in turn meant he knew he’d have to take care of it during one of his skipped classes. So he grabbed what he knew he’d need and shoved it in his pockets and backpack as he headed out the door this morning. And that’s where Hiro’s at now. He sat in an empty classroom by himself, in the back. He just watched the hottest video he’s ever seen, and he had to do something about it now. Luckily, the classroom he was in wasn’t an active one. Nobody’s taught, or participated in a class in that room in years, and Hiro knew he would be alone completely… but just to be safe he decided Hiro had to lock himself in the classrooms supply closet. You never know who might wander in or why, and Hiro had to be sure.

Once Hiro had made his way into the closet and locked the door up, he knew he was completely safe from being caught, so he made a risky choice. Hiro quickly dumped the contents of his pockets and bag revealing a rope, some handcuffs, a new toy he’d just purchased over the weekend that he’s been eager to play with, and a handful of cloth gags that he layered over one another, inside and covering his mouth completely, leaving him biting a few, and a few others to muffle himself out. Yasuhiro knew he couldn’t risk getting caught, even though he knew the chances of somebody coming into that classroom were incredibly unlikely, and let’s face it he’s right at least 30% of the time, he knew he has to be careful. Hiro decided to start with, since he planned on tying his hands up somehow, he needed to start by putting the new toy into action. Hiro had recently purchased a two in one toy. It’s a vibrating cock ring, that has a butt plug on the backside. So, as Hiro gently slides the cock ring part over his already hard dick, the other half of the toy goes right up his ass. “Mm.. fck..” he mumbled through the layers of mask, very muffled and quiet. The next step was to remove the rest of his clothing, leaving him totally exposed. He had decided the best position to put himself in was with his wrist tied around the legs of the tall shelf in the closet. He brought the cuffs as well, but was incredibly nervous about not being able to undo those, so he just placed those above his head on the shelf for now.

Now with everything in place and ready, Hiro was ready.

He had positioned the remote to the vibrating ring in a way that he could easily press it behind his back with his hands tied, and once he did he was ready to go.

Hiro quickly gets incredibly hard, with the cock ring buzzing around the base of his now fully erect cock, and the plug part shoved straight up his ass, hitting his prostate perfectly. He decided to leave one hand completely free, so he could play with himself, and he did just that. Hiro immediately started pumping his dick, with such force that he’s lucky he had the gags, or he’d have been screaming otherwise. “Hmmm… fffuck…” hiro muttered under the mask, barely audible. He lifted himself off the floor just a little, before slamming back down onto it, making the plug ram into his prostrate with a lot of force and power. “NNNNNG!” Hiro cried out, in pleasure. With just a few more tugs to his dick, he thrust up into his hands one more time and immediately started cumming, even though it’s only been 5 minutes. The pleasure just became too much, and he’d came all over his chest and hands. He started panting heavily. “Hnmmm…” he whimpered in bliss. But he didn’t have any time to recover, as his dick was still rock hard, and the plug on his prostrate was making him feel like he could orgasm again at any given moment. Hiro had began to lightly play with himself, making him orgasm and cum all over himself once again. “Ahh! Hnnng!!” He cried out as he came everywhere. This repeated a few more times. He couldn’t stop himself from cumming, he felt so amazing.

In total, Hiro came 5 times by now. He was so sensitive, over stimulated, and almost sore but he couldn’t stop. It felt so good. He decided to stop touching himself for a second and just let the vibrator and butt plug do their thing, but as he did that he heard a noise. A click? Then he heard his greatest fear.

“Makoto, thank you for helping me with the homework today. Are you sure this class room isn’t being used?” Asahina asked, assumingely Makoto.

“Well of course! I don’t mind at all Asahina! And no, there haven’t been any classes held in here all year!”

“God this is a nightmare” Hiro whimpered in his head. He felt so fucking good right now, but he should’ve known better. Not only is he totally naked and can’t stop cumming, but his friends are literally right outside the door. He knows he can’t get caught, but he can’t stop. Without even meaning to he cums again and has to literally bite the gag and his tongue to keep himself from screaming out. He wants to stop but it feels too good.

20 more minutes pass, and Hiro’s sweaty, absolutely covered in his cum, with tears running down his face from trying so hard not to make a single noise, when he hears the best thing he’s ever heard.

“Okay! Thanks Makoto! You’re really the best!” Hina said joyfully.

“Don’t even worry about it Hina! That’s what I’m here for!” Makoto responded.

“Ffnk god..” hiro mumbled to himself as he heard their voices get further away. At this point he was so worn out he had to stop, but couldn’t risk getting caught so he had to wait a little while longer.

Exhausted and overwhelmed Hiro took everything off, quickly put his clothes back onto his filthy body, shoved all his toys and Ropes back into his bag and pockets, and ran to the shower room to clean up. As he was leaving the room and walking down the hallway, he passed Makoto who was headed back to the empty room. “Oh, hey Hiro! Where have you been today?” Makoto asked innocently.

“Oh.. uh.. just, catching up on some school work.. I just.. I gotta go though, sorry,” he said in a panic, still out of breathe as he ran the opposite direction.

After Yasuhiro had showered and cleaned himself off to the best of his ability he decided it was best to try and join his classmates for the remainder of the day to attempt to blend in. The whole day went normal and fine, until Makoto walked up to Hiro and pulled him to the side.

“Hey, uh, Hiro, after I saw you in the hallway before? I had to run to an empty classroom to grab a spare notebook for a project. And I .. found this,” Makoto said awkwardly not looking Hiro in the eyes. “You don’t have to say anything, but I’m almost certain they’re yours..” he dropped a pair of handcuffs into Hiro’s hands. “They were just sitting on the shelf..”

A panicked Hiro just laughed and said “okay Makoto! I understand. I’ll use my powers to find the owner and return them as soon as I can!” But on the inside he was dying.

He quickly turned away from Makoto shoved the cuffs in his pocket, and ran out of the room heading home. At least he never officially got caught though.. right?

[vennilavee]

poisoned apples

pairing: levi x reader- grad school/boxer au summary: you tell your parents about levi and they aren’t too happy. so you do the logical thing and break up with him.  word count: 4039 warnings: blood, fighting, angst, oc’s family is very annoying (her family is against her and levi being together), levi is lowkey creepy for like 1% of this story, SMUT AT THE END (18+) a/n: another installment of perpendicular heavily inspired by the first gen experience and dating...enjoy. and ty to @bbygrgu​ for catching when i made dad a mafia boss by accident

The first time you had told Levi that your parents wouldn’t approve of him, he had shrugged it off. What did it matter, anyway? He’s never known you to care very much about what other people think.

But your parents’ approval was different.

You’ve always been the apple of their eye, their youngest princess who could and would do no wrong. Even when you kept your grades up in high school, when you were the picture perfect daughter- they didn’t know what you were up to. You had maintained your image of innocence until the moment you could move out for college.

They didn’t know what you were up to behind the scenes in college. And now, in graduate school.

They didn’t know that you smoked with your boyfriend, that your boyfriend had split knuckles from boxing more often than not. But they also don’t know that your boyfriend works two jobs to support his sick mother, that he’s in the top ten percent of his masters in computer science program and will surely have a job lined up after graduation.

They don’t know that you love him. They don’t know how much he loves you- how he’d walk the ends of the earth for you. How he’s your pillar, your person. They don’t know that despite the cold steel of his eyes, he has the biggest beating heart of anyone you know.

Because you haven’t told them. You know your parents better than anyone- that they’ll judge him before they know him. 

You’ve been together officially for the better part of nearly a year. And officially, it’s been a little longer. Levi can tell when something’s on your mind by this point- from how your pout turns a little thoughtful and your eyes are far away.

He wraps an arm around your shoulders and rubs your upper arm. “What is it?” Levi asks quietly.

“Huh?” You ask, breaking out of your reverie and turning your gaze towards him. A fading bruise sits on his jaw, and you thumb the area around it tenderly.

“You’re quiet today.”

“Maybe I’m just tired.”

Levi raises his eyebrow at you, as if to wordlessly say “really?”

You’re silent for a few moments before sighing and leaning into his chest. “I think I want to tell my parents about you.”

Levi will never pressure you about things like that- he knows where he stands with you and you know where you stand with him. But he won’t deny the small upturn of his lips.

“I’ve already met your mom and your uncle,” You continue softly, “I think I’ll tell them.”

You’ve told Levi about your parents before- about how you had to secretly and cleverly maneuver through the invisible rules they had you under. How you still find trouble spreading your wings. How most of your childhood was mainly you being told not to bring trouble, that your parents had it hard as it was-

“Always knew it.”

“What did you know?” You roll your eyes at him.

“You’re naughty,” Levi smirks, “You put up this pretty princess persona. But I know you. You’re smart and vicious and not afraid to get dirty.”

“You sure? You know it’s nothin’ to me if you wanna wait,” Levi murmurs, nose in your hair.

“Yeah,” You nod, “I think it’s about time. I… want them to know you.

“I love you,” You say almost shyly and Levi drops a slow kiss to your lips in response.

And that’s that.

Needless to say, the next time you saw your parents a few weeks later you were planning on telling them about Levi. Nerves seized you- despite your attempts at convincing yourself that they’d be happy for you- that you’d found someone who loves you wholly and completely…. You can’t help but think that something is about to go wrong.

It’s over dinner that you’re planning on telling them. Your older brother and older sister are in town as well, and are helping Mom with setting the table as you wash the pots and pans.

This is where you grew up, and yet you’ve never felt so uncomfortable.

Once there are five plates of hot food and glasses of water in front of your parents and your siblings, you take a deep breath.

“I have something to tell you,” You say clearly, resisting the urge to pick at the hem of your brown corduroy skirt.

Four pairs of eyes turn to you curiously and expectantly.

“I’m seeing someone,” You say, your voice a little less confident than before. Mom gasps excitedly, bringing a moment of relief to your senses. Your siblings stare at you unnervingly, as if they can see right through you. Dad only looks at you with wide eyes.

You don’t know what to think.

“Tell us about them!” Mom says eagerly.

“Umm… well,” You stammer with heated cheeks, “He treats me well. We go to the same school, he’s doing a masters in computer science…”

That makes Mom and Dad’s eyes light up. You roll your eyes. Still, your siblings say nothing.

“Show me a picture,” Mom demands, stretching her hand out for your phone. Desperation for her approval clings to your heart like a synapse that never stopped surging. 

“He looks oddly familiar…” Mom murmurs with narrowed eyes, “Do you know him? Where do I know him from...” She turns her head to your brother and sister. 

They’ve never been particularly good at lying. Or rather, this time- they just didn’t want to. 

“That’s the guy,” Your sister says, not meeting your eyes, “The one we saw her with. The one we told you is in a fight club-”

Your jaw drops, and no noise comes out of your throat. Horror lines your tongue and you have to squeeze your nails into your palms to stop panic from flooding your veins.

But your brother is shameless and always has been. He looks you dead in the face, something cruel spinning in his irises and says, “His name’s Levi. Ackerman. We saw-”

“So you’re spying on me now?” You hiss, the full weight of their actions not quite hitting you, “You both don’t have anything fuckin’ better to do?”

Mom gasps at your language. You scoff at her, throwing a nasty look her way. She deflates only slightly- because she’s never seen such a look on your face before.

“You’re our baby sister,” Your brother says, and you stand abruptly from the table, pointing an accusing finger at him. “We only want you safe.”

“I don’t need your concern!” You hiss at him, eyes narrowed to slits and flames licking your words.

“If it wasn’t for us, you’d be parading around with a washout who boxes illegally! You should be thanking us,” Your sister says, returning your fire.

“No,” You seethe as tears of frustration spring into your eyes, “He treats me well, he’s so good to me. He respects me, isn’t that what matters?”

Before anyone can counter you-

“Enough!” Dad bellows as he stands from his seat. The heat in your belly extinguishes, but only barely. You tear your blazing eyes away from your siblings and to your father, about to scream right back at him. 

“If this is true,” Dad continues, “If this Levi boxes illegally-”

“He doesn’t have money either, Dad,” Your sister supplies. 

“Oh my god,” You screech, “You’re such a-”

“If this is true, you won’t be seeing him anymore. I don’t want to hear about this again. And if you think about seeing him behind our backs… we’ll know. And you won’t be getting that tuition money for school anymore.”

You’ve never hated them as much as you did right at that moment.

Your heart hasn’t felt the same since you were home that weekend. It’s been a few days, and you haven’t reached out to Levi yet.

You need to break up with him, you know it. You won’t risk your education on him, no matter how awful it is for your parents to very much blackmail you with it.

It hurts that you don’t have their approval. 

You’re delaying the inevitable. So when Levi shows up to your apartment on the following Wednesday with your dinner from your favorite Thai restaurant, you feel your heart shattering already. 

“Hey, princess,” Levi says smoothly, dropping the food to the dining table and trying to pull you into his arms for a kiss. You turn your cheek at the last minute, not able to look him in the eye. 

Levi immediately knows something is wrong- you’re never this silent. Your hands are pressed against his chest, almost holding him away from you. 

In the last year and change that he’s known you, he’s never known you to reject his touch. Not like this.

“What’s wrong?” Levi asks, cradling your cheek. Your lips are parted, a shaky exhale expelling from them. Your eyes are a little red and puffy.

You’ve been crying. You’ve been crying and he had no idea.

“Levi,” You mumble in a small voice. As if you’re trying to memorize the way his name feels on your tongue.

“Princess,” Levi replies, worry beginning to creep into him.

“I told my parents about us,” You mumble, the confession adding to the tension of the room, “And my brother and sister.”

He stays quiet, waiting for you to continue.

“I can’t… they said I can’t be with you. They said they won’t help me with school if I’m with you,” You mutter, feeling foolish as the words slip from your lips, “They don’t want me to be with you.”

Levi steps back from you exactly two steps and it feels like he’s plunged a knife into your chest. The loss of his touch echoes in the emptiness of your hands. You cross your arms across your chest unsurely. He stares at you in silence for a few deafening moments. Your ears might bleed from the silence.

“So what are you saying?” He finally asks after a minute.

“That I can’t be with you. I-I’m… I’m breaking up with you, Levi,” You finally muster out. Unshed tears sit in your eyes and Levi is too in love with you to resist comforting you when you’re this distressed- even if you’re breaking up with him and breaking his heart.

Levi gathers you in his arms and thumbs away your falling tears. You broke up with him, and he’s comforting you- the thought makes you choke out another sob.

You both stand like that for a few minutes, your tears staining his black coat. The silence between you both is palpable and suffocating. 

The only viable option you see is letting him go. But you don’t want to, god, you don’t want to- not when this man is your other half. When he’s your best friend, your favorite person, not when he gives meaning to the word love. 

Levi finally speaks.

“I won’t tell you what to do. But just know I’ll treat you right and you’ll never feel caged with me,” Levi murmurs, tendrils of adoration tinting his words, “I love you.”

He presses a long kiss to your forehead before leaving your apartment. His kiss feels unfamiliar, and when your knees buckle and you’re on the floor, a sobbing mess, you realize why-

It tasted like goodbye.

One month. Two month. Then three.

You’ve never been the girl helplessly in love. You’ve never been the girl who wouldn’t be able to get by without the reciprocated love from your lover. You’ve never been the type to spiral recklessly. You’ve always been fine after breakups and dates that had gone sideways.

You can live without Levi, but you don’t want to.

But loving and losing Levi hurts worse than any kind of pain. You see him everywhere on campus- a tuft of silky, black hair here, a glance of a similar looking backpack there… You even think you see him at the coffee shop that you met him at. If you were stronger, you’d avoid that coffee shop altogether. But you don’t want to let go of the memory of your first time meeting him, and you don’t want to let go of the opportunity to watch you both in your mind’s eye.

Everything reminds you of him. Everything brings tears to your eyes. You’re just a stupid girl in love with a man you can’t have.

You haven’t spoken to your siblings since that day, despite their many attempts to reach out to you. Texts, claiming that they were just looking out for you and that they loved you, went unanswered by you.

You can’t bear to speak to them. You think if you’d ever muster the courage to reach out to him again… You wonder what you might do. A small part of you hates that your family still has this grip over you- that you’re in love with a man who respects and loves you and protects you, and because they don’t approve- you can’t be with him.

You hate it. You hate that you succumbed to it. You hate that you hurt him- the heartbroken kiss he had given you has been replaying in your mind every day. Every night.

It still hurts as if it’s fresh, as if three months haven’t gone by since you broke up with him. You often wonder what Levi is doing-

After all, he hadn’t put up any type of fight for you. But you don’t allow those thoughts to get very far. It’s not like you had positioned it as something to discuss. You had made the final call and pulled the trigger on your relationship. 

It was because of you. Was it worth it? To break up with him? For your family’s perceived happiness?

The questions leave a dull ache in your heart. You feel as if you’ve been spoiled with his love, and you had carelessly ripped his heart into shreds.

Today, you’re walking to one of your exams in your building and you swear you catch sight of Levi’s hair in the atrium of the building. But it’s gone as quick as it comes. And you head inside, putting thoughts of Levi behind you to focus on your exam.

Levi has been distracted for the last three months. Even if it doesn’t show- even if he’s doing spectacular in school, even if he’s on a new win streak in the boxing ring- his mind is almost always elsewhere.

His mind is always on you. What are you doing? Do you miss him? Is your relationship with your family improving? Is it worth it?

He’ll never tell you what to do, or what decisions to make. He only wants you to make a decision with no regrets, if that decision is truly what you want.

But damn, he wonders if you regret this decision. Levi has always been good at compartmentalizing- he lives by the same philosophy. Make a choice with no regrets. He’ll never regret following your lead and giving you what you want.

But what if you hadn’t wanted it? And what if… he hadn’t wanted it either?

Levi sees you more and more in the last month or so- showing up to places that you both used to frequent as a couple and places on campus. The coffee shop, some of your lecture hall buildings. He remains in the background, as a shadow. Only to catch a glimpse of you. Are you happy? 

Your eyes are sullen, your smile dimmed. But he’s sure nobody can tell. Because you’re good at that- being the perfect princess.

He feels like a ghost in his own life. Is this living?

Levi has to move on. He loves you, his love for you still burns as bright as it did months ago. But he has to move on.

Erwin tells you that there’s a boxing match tonight. It’s the finals of whatever the equivalent of playoffs in the boxing world is-

“He’d like it if you were there,” Erwin says, voice uncharacteristically soft.

“So he can tell me himself,” You say somewhat bitterly, “We’re not...together anymore.”

You choke.

“You and I both know he won’t tell you himself. Not when you broke up with him.”

“So it’s my fault then?” You exclaim. Erwin only watches you with wary, calm eyes.

“I’m only telling you what’s true. You don’t have to come, but he’d like it if you were there.”

Over the last few weeks, really since the first night without Levi, regret has been settling in your bones. Had you made the right decision? Was it worth it, to be this unhappy? Just to maintain harmony with your family? You think if you hadn’t rushed to break up with him, you could have talked about it. Levi has always been level-headed, almost too level-headed (like the way he had just accepted you breaking up with him). 

You think you could conquer anything with Levi standing next to you.

You can’t stay away. So you’re in the stands of the ring, watching Levi warily. He looks good- he’s bulked up a little. But you can see the lines of weariness beneath his eyes. 

You still ache for him. You are still his. Seeing him this close only solidifies what you already knew. 

You are undisputedly his. And he is yours.

Watching him, throw punch after punch, and sidestep jab after jab… All for his mother. To support his family. 

Tears well up in your eyes. You want to be part of his family. The epiphany hits you like a freight train- but it’s a welcome one. 

You want to love him the way you know how. You want him to love you.

You wait in the locker room for him, anticipation surging up your spine as you pace around the locker room.

Erwin looks like he’s got a stick up his ass, and Levi doesn’t hesitate to mention it. Levi rolls his eyes and walks into the men’s locker room.

But nothing prepares him for the sight he sees in front of him.

It’s you. 

It’s you, sitting on the bench, looking as pretty as ever. Gold hoops hang from your ears, a sunflower yellow blouse with the top three buttons unbuttoned and a plum colored skirt hugs your hips.

You bite your bottom lip, tearing through your skin mercilessly. Your heart slams right out of your ribcage. His eyes are narrowed at you, drinking you in. 

He’s a man dehydrated and you are his oasis.

Before you can whisper his name, he beats you to it. “Why are you here?” Levi asks sharply. His voice is flat, but you can hear the undercurrent of anger in his voice. Hurt masked by anger.

“Yeah, I missed you, too,” You mutter, standing up from the bench. You keep your distance from him, feeling the iciness in his glare. “Erwin told me you were fighting today. Somethin’ about the playoffs. Just...wanted to see you.”

He quirks a thin eyebrow at you. “Wanted to see me three months later?”

You immediately get defensive, “It’s not like you were dying to see me, either.”

A flicker of annoyance, “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“You just let me go- you could’ve… You could’ve fought for me! You just fuckin’ let me go,” You exclaim in frustration, tears pricking your eyes.

“Don’t- you picked your family,” Levi says harshly, “When we could’ve figured it out together, you chose to be alone. Don’t put that on me.”

“I didn’t know what else to do! I thought I was doing the right thing,” You hiss, tears falling down your cheeks openly now. You’ve never been good at hiding your feelings from Levi. “You just let me go. As if the last year meant nothing to you-”

“The last year meant nothing to me?” Levi asks, his voice perfectly level. He takes a few steps closer to you and your breath hitches.

Your head is spinning. He hasn’t been this close to you in months- and yet it feels like no time has passed. 

“I love you,” Levi says quietly, “We would’ve figured it out. If the last year meant nothing to me then, this,” Levi darts out, grabbing your hand and pressing it to his bare left pec, “Wouldn’t be yours. It’s always yours, princess. But damn, baby. It hurt.”

“Levi,” Your voice is strangled, in pain, “I’m sorry, my love-”

“You made a choice,” Levi says pointedly, “Do you regret it?”

“Yes,” You breathe, “But I’m scared for us, for you-”

“We’ll figure it out,” Levi promises, cradling your face in his rough hands. He catches your stray tears with his thumb and presses his forehead to yours.

“I missed you,” You choke out with a sob, “So fuckin’ much. I’m sorry, I hurt you. I hurt us. I love you, I love you, I love you. I know we have so much to work through. But I love you, and I believe in you.”

“Let’s go home,” Levi mumbles, resisting the urge to drop kisses to your forehead, your cheek, your lips.

“Will you let me love you,” Levi rasps, cupping your cheek as he rocks into you slowly. The head of his cock brushes against your walls prettily, as if no time has passed since the last time.

He belongs here, inside of you like this. You mold to him and he molds to you.

Levi squeezes your waist, dipping his head for a harsh kiss. He kisses you as if he’s loved you for a thousand years, and he’ll love you for a thousand more.  He peppers soft kisses to your face and you moan into his touch, notes of his name escaping your lips.

“I love you,” Levi grunts as he rolls his hips into yours in movements of honey.

He’s not usually this talkative. But he knows you both need it. Levi sucks a mark, then another, over your tits and you tug your hands through his hair.

“Baby,” You whine, “Wanna give you everything...Love you, I love you, fuck, I’m sorry I hurt you-”

“You are everything,” Levi says, his nose in your neck, “Gonna give you everything, princess. Fuck-”

Levi nearly loses his rhythm at the gush of wetness that floods his cock. He groans and looks between you both, at the way his cock pushes into your wet pussy. This is where he belongs, in between your soft thighs.

You take Levi’s hand in between yours and squeeze. You think you could stay like this forever, with him moving so unhurriedly above you. His hips melting with yours, the broad expanse of his back pliant under your nails.

“Be mine again,” You beg, “Please, baby, be mine again-”

“Will you let me love you,” Levi asks again, gazing deep into your eyes.

“Yes, yes,” You moan, “Like that, baby- fuck, o-oh- Levi…” You wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him even closer to you as your tits brush against his glistening chest. You see the moon gazing at you through his irises.

You want everything, and he is everything.

You’re boneless in his arms, tucked into his side with the sheets covering your bare body. A leg is thrown over his waist and you rub mindless circles over his chest as he holds you close. Not wanting to let you go. 

Your breaths are soft against his warmed skin. Your eyes are still puffy, from crying but Levi always thinks you’re pretty. 

And having you in his arms, in his bed, after three months is an added plus.

“I meant it,��� You mumble sleepily, “I love you.”

“What about your family?” Levi asks, squeezing the hand resting on his chest.

“I don’t know,” You say shakily, “I’m scared. But wanna figure it out with you. For you, it’s worth it. For you, everything is worth it.”

Levi only answers you with a soft kiss that makes your toes curl. He doesn’t know what tomorrow might bring, but he has you today. After this long, he has you for today. 

And tomorrow will come, the sun and moon will rise separately, but you’ll get through it together.

tags: @simpingmaize​ @captainchrisstan​ @bbygrgu​ @alrightberries​ 

[yandere-society]

The Devil in the ICU

Pairing:

Synopsis: You’ve rarely spoken to your neighbor Jimin, but he’s always been kind to you. When you get into an accident that lands you in the ER, you’re grateful to see who’s taking such good care of you. It isn’t until later that you start to wonder… will you ever be leaving the hospital?

Word Count: 6.6k

Warnings: Blood, murder/death, yandere themes, stalking themes, needles/IVs

Admin: @psycho-slytherin​

Request:

How did you wind up here? 

As you slump back into your bed, with him lying on the floor next to you, a hazy thought informs you that it must look like a scene straight out of Romeo and Juliet.

Although, you think ruefully, glancing down at the sharp shard of glass clenched in your fist, I don’t think Juliet would have done this.

“Merry fucking Christmas.”

~Three weeks earlier~

Taehyung, leaning against the doorframe with a steaming mug of coffee in his hand, looks as handsome as the day you married him. “Have a good day at work!”

You give him a quick kiss, shivering in the brisk morning air. “You too. Remember that we have that dinner tonight!”

Tae laughs. “Is that what we’re calling the awards ceremony? You know you’ve earned bragging rights.”

“Shush!” You boop him on the nose before turning and making for your car. On the other side of the fence, you can see your neighbor Jimin step out onto his porch. He catches your eye and, as Taehyung goes back inside, you smile amicably and nod at Jimin before getting into your car. You see him at his front door every morning, and he’s always friendly.

On your drive to the university campus, you think about tonight’s dinner. You’ll be presented with an awards for Arts Education despite being one of the youngest professors in the university’s faculty. You were thrilled when the dean of the school contacted you for the honor.

Once you park, you speedwalk to your first class of the day and burst through the door. You soon find yourself looking at twenty students, some bright-eyed, some more zombie-like.

“I’d apologize for being late,” you say, “But at this point I don’t think anyone is surprised.” The more awake students laugh, and you sling your bag onto your desk at the front of the room. “Let’s get started. Yoongi, you’re up first for workshop. Why don’t you stand up and read?”

Of all of your students, you think Yoongi is the most likely to pursue his career in creative writing. 

He nods and stands. You can see his hands trembling as he clutches the paper. 

When he sits back down after reading his poem, there’s a smattering of applause. “Very nice,” you say. “Now, who’d like to offer their feedback?”

~~~

Hours later, you dismiss your last class. You can’t wait to go home and tell Taehyung all about your day.

“So this one kid really decided the best move, instead of asking for an extension, was to plagiarize Twilight. Fucking Twilight!” 

Taehyung laughs as he buttons up his shirt. “What did you tell her?”

“Ugh, I hate to report anyone for plagiarism, I told her to write something new and turn it in for half credit.”

“No wonder your students love you. I think you’re personally responsible for all of the creative writing majors on campus.”

You finish zipping up your dress. “Probably. Let’s get going, yeah?” 

“Your wish, my command,” Taehyung says, gallantly bowing you out the door. You giggle as he opens the passenger side door for you. “For real, Y/n, want to get away for a weekend to celebrate? This is a nationally recognized award!”

“Hm…” you pretend to think. “Maybe we could go somewhere warm and sunny, with lots of beaches.”

Taehyung interlaces his fingers with yours, lifts your hand to his mouth, and kisses your palm. “Whatever you want. Christmas is coming up, maybe we can travel somewhere for the winter.”

You smile and look out of the window as Taehyung begins the drive. The ceremony is being held at a hotel twenty minutes away. And in a few weeks, you’ll be spending Christmas with the love of your life somewhere warm.

Under the twinkling night sky, everything feels so peaceful. Suddenly, you see a flash of light overhead. “Tae! A shooting star! Look-”

BANG. You hear the sound of crunching metal, feel a violent jerk, and everything goes dark.

~~~

“When she wakes up, start her on 20 milligrams of morphine. If her blood pressure is still low, go ahead and add saline to the IV. She shouldn’t need a transfusion unless anything opens up again.”

“Yes, Doctor.”

Doctor. Are you in the hospital, then? Was there an accident? “Ugh…” You blink hard in the blinding light. You’re woozy, and your mouth tastes like copper.

“Y/n! Doctor, she’s awake!” You hear a familiar voice, and feel a hand grip your own.

“M-Mom?”

“Y/n. Thank heavens, you’re awake.” Your mom’s voice is strained and thick, as though she’s been crying. When your eyes finally focus on her, she’s sniffling, and her eyes are bloodshot. She’s wearing a formal black dress – did she come straight from the ceremony?

“What happened?” You croak.

“You were in an accident,” your mom says, her voice breaking. “A bad one. We weren’t sure if you would make it.”

You wince. That doesn’t make sense, and the cost of a hospital stay isn’t in your budget. “Where’s Taehyung?” 

Your mother is silent for a moment too long, and you feel your chest grow tight. “Mom, where is Taehyung? He was in the car with me!”

“He… he didn’t make it. I’m so sorry,” your mom whispers. “The doctors did everything they could.”

No. “You’re lying.” Of course she is, she has to be, he’s your husband, he can’t be gone. “Don’t lie. He’s fine.” 

“Y/n, baby…” 

“No!” You weakly pull your hand from her grip. Angry tears form and begin to spill down your swollen, tender cheeks. “You’re lying!” Please, you beg inside your head, please be lying. Not Taehyung. He’s healthy, strong, smart, he has to be fine. 

You can see unshed tears shining in your mother’s eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“We weren’t going that fast,” you say desperately. “It can’t have been bad.”

“You broke a leg and a rib, fractured your collarbone, and punctured your lung,” Your mother says quietly. “They said you were lucky to have no brain damage.”

You sit back, stunned. It’s true, you’re wrapped in bandages and the parts of your skin that you can see are black and blue. When you lift the blanket, you can see a small clear tube protruding from your chest. Still, it’s impossible. You had only been driving for a few minutes. “What happened? The accident?”

“I-It was a hit-and-run,” your mother responds shakily. “They T-boned your car and drove away. There were witnesses, but no cameras and nobody got a license plate. They put out a notice for the car.”

You swallow. Despite your injuries, it seems like you’re unable to feel anything at all. Please, no… 

There’s a soft knock at the door. “Y/n?” You look up and through the dark fog in your head you feel a tinge of shock.

Standing in front of you, wearing blue scrubs and a mask, is… your neighbor.

“Jimin?”

Jimin nods. “I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I just need to adjust your IV – are you in pain?”

“No- yes.” As soon as the word escapes your mouth, feeling spills back into your body. Fuck. Suddenly you can’t breathe, your chest feels like it’s on fire, and your leg… “It hurts really badly.”

“Let me increase the morphine dosage.” He steps towards the machines and IV to which you’re hooked up and fiddles with some buttons.

Your heart feels as though it’s stopped on Taehyung. You refuse to believe it, and so you refuse to grieve. “I didn’t know you were a doctor,” you say to Jimin. Your voice sounds like a robotic copy of itself. Out of the corner of your eye, you see your mother glancing at you with worry.

“I’m not, I’m a nurse,” he replies. 

“You take good care of her, you hear?” Your mom says to Jimin, clearly understanding your silent signal not to bring up Taehyung. She was lying – he has to be fine.

Jimin nods firmly, the ghost of a smile on his face. “Yes, ma’am. She’ll be up and about soon, but for now she needs rest.”

As your mom rises slowly from her chair beside your bed, she grasps Jimin’s hand in hers. “Make sure she’s okay.”

“I will.”

Once your mom leaves, your eyelids feel heavy. Your brain is foggy with distorted thoughts of Taehyung. Why can’t you remember anything? “What time is it?”

“Three in the morning,” Jimin supplies.

That surprises you. “It’s been hours.” 

“It has.” “Do you know what happened to the awards ceremony?”

“The… what?”

Of course he doesn’t. Why should he? You sink as far as you can into your pillow, wishing only that it would suffocate you. It feels like there’s an all-consuming black hole in your chest, clawing at every part of you. Taehyung. Taehyung. Taehyung.

“I’m sorry about your husband,” Jimin says gravely. “I met him several times. He was a very kind man.”

“He’s not gone,” you reply stubbornly. He can’t be. “I just need to get better and get home.” Tae will be there.

Jimin pauses. “We’ll do our best.”

“Thank you.”

“The doctor will be back in soon,” Jimin adds. “I can give you something to help you sleep after.”

“Oh, you’re an angel.” After everything that’s happened, you don’t think you can ever sleep again. At least, not until you’re with Taehyung. Surely, the doctor will be able to tell you the truth. 

The doctor comes in, a middle-aged Black woman who introduces herself as Dr. Greene. She walks you through your injuries and the path to recovery. “Luckily, they could have been a lot worse,” she says, eyeing your chart appreciatively. “You should be discharged in two weeks, give or take. After that, it’ll be a while still with your leg in a cast. You’ll have to come back for more check-ups. And as soon as your lung heals, we want you to start physical therapy to counteract all the bed rest. Do you have any questions for me?”

“Where is my husband?” You ask desperately. Behind Dr. Greene, you see Jimin’s face has turned stony. “He was in the car with me, his name is Kim Taehyung–”

“Your husband has passed away,” the doctor says simply, quietly. “I’m sorry.”

At last, with this authority figure having sealed his fate, you allow yourself to cry for Taehyung. Loud, animalistic sobs tear from your chest until your abused ribs and lungs can’t support you anymore and you collapse, screaming silently into hands that hurt to lift. 

“Y/n…”

“It’s not fair. It’s not fair! It should have been me.” The two of you were only on your way to the dinner because of you. It’s your fault. Your fault. Your fault. “It should have been me!”

You feel fingertips lightly touch your aching shoulder. From his earlier position near the doorway, Jimin is suddenly right next to you. “No, it shouldn’t have. And it’s not your fault, Y/n,” he says. 

“Grief is natural and necessary, really, for the healing process,” Dr. Greene adds. “But Nurse Jimin is right, you shouldn’t blame yourself.” She looked back at her chart. “Jimin, you’re on call for the night, yes?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good. Keep an eye on her pain levels. Y/n, if you’re uncomfortable or need anything during the night, press this button and Jimin will come check in on you, alright?”

You nod numbly. You don’t care. You hope you do die during the night, so you can at least be with Taehyung. 

Jimin leaves and returns in what feels like both an hour and two seconds, holding a clear bag full of liquid and a bottle of pills.

“Take one of these to help you sleep. This is for your blood pressure – it’s still low – and we’ve added more morphine.”

You simply hold out your hand for the bottle, shake out a pill, and swallow it down without water. Why would you need water when the love of your life is gone?

“Remember, press the button if you need anything,” Jimin says. “I’ll be right here for you.”

“Mm.” You turn over as much as you comfortably can and almost immediately fall into a hopefully dreamless sleep.

If only you were so lucky.

The crash. The moment of the shooting star. Over and over and over again.

“Y/n! Come on, baby, wake up!” You can’t see anything, but you can hear his voice. “They’ll be here soon, you have to hang on for me, okay?”

7.

“Help! Somebody help! No, she’s worse than me, hurry up!”

H.

“Miss? Can you hear me?” 

“Shit, he’s coding!”

L.

“Y/n?” You feel yourself being gently shaken, and still half-dreaming, your body gives a great shudder from the accident. “I’m sorry to wake you. I just need to take your vitals.”

“Blue,” you reply, barely able to form the word. You saw it. “The car was blue.” 

When you look up, you realize that it’s not Jimin, but a nurse you’ve never seen before. She pauses for a moment, clearly perplexed, before she blinks.

“Oh! You were in a car accident?”

“The car was blue,” you continue, scared to lose the thought. You’re a professor of writing at a top university, you should be able to express yourself more fluently. But your words seem to escape you before you can capture them. “License 7-H-L.”

“Oh, my… the nurse looks around before grabbing a pen clipped to her scrubs and scribbling the numbers onto a notepad beside you. “You’re a regular detective!”

“Where’s Jimin?” You ask. You don’t know this new nurse, but at least you trust Jimin.

“Oh, his shift ended,” she replies. “He’ll be back tonight! In the meantime, can you tell me how you feel?”

“I’m… dizzy. My heart…” You can hear it pounding hard in your ears, far too quickly, and leaving you lightheaded. Your whole body hurts, centralized in your leg and chest, far worse than last night.

“Your blood pressure must have gone back to normal, let me get that saline off for you. How’s the pain? Your morphine should have worn off by now.”

You wince. “Bad.”

“Okay, I’ll adjust that.” The nurse fiddles with your IV before turning back to you. “I think your mother will be here soon. In the meantime, is there anything I can do for you?”

“Actually… can you tell her not to come?” A wave of guilt tries to wash over you, but it’s overpowered by the darkness already inside. “I just want to sleep today. She shouldn’t bother.” You pause. “I don’t want any visitors.” “Ah- sure thing, whatever you’d like,” the nurse chirps hesitantly. “Oh, and… what happened to your hair?”

“What do you mean?”

The nurse points. “You’re missing a chunk of hair, I’m guessing from the accident. Hey, maybe when you get out you can try a new style!”

“Yeah, maybe.” You lay back down and stare at the ceiling, wishing only that it would fall apart and crush you. What’s the point of anything without Taehyung? But… what about your students, your classes?

The day passes in a blur, and your intermittent napping keeps you barely aware of your surroundings. You don’t dream of the crash again – it’s a blessing, but at the same time you wish you could remember the rest of the license plate. You finally awaken for real once dusk has settled on the hospital.

You press the button, and immediately Jimin is in your room. “What can I do for you, Y/n?”

You take a deep breath. “Can you please bring me a pad of paper and a pencil?” You were a teenager when your father passed away, and writing was the only thing that saved you then. Perhaps it will be your healing salve now.

“Sure, there’s paper right-” Jimin pauses beside your bed before handing you the pad of paper. “Here, sorry. And you can use one of my pens. How are you feeling?”

“Groggy,” you reply. You’re surprised by how weak your grip on the pencil feels. “Numb. It hurts, but…”

“I’ll make a note for the doctor. Don’t worry, I promised your mom that I’d help you get better. Your lung should be healing soon,” Jimin says. “But I need to change the bandages on your chest tube, if that’s okay?” “Yeah.” You forgot it was there, the clear tube coming out of your chest. It’s held in place with bandages, which Jimin carefully removes before cleaning off your skin and placing new ones down. He’s wearing a silver locket that you’ve never noticed before. It suits him, shining against his skin.

“Thank you,” you say as he finishes taking your vitals. 

“I’m happy to help.”

The next week passes in a blur; between crying fits for Taehyung, assuring your mother that you’re alright, scribbling down everything on your mind, and forcing yourself to sleep simply to avoid the reality of waking hours, you barely have a second to consider your own healing process.

It isn’t until Dr. Greene beams at you that you register: physically, you’re feeling a lot better, and after a week of bed rest and god awful depression, you’re ready to try hobbling around. 

“Looks like you might actually get out a few days early,” Dr. Greene says. “We’ll be able to remove that chest tube tonight.” Beside you, your mother begins crying with relief. 

“Wonderful.” It’s still hard to smile, but you manage a weak attempt. Later that day, you hear a bit of commotion in the hallway, and soon the nurse brings in a huge basket of cards, flowers, and stuffed animals.

“Woah… what’s all this?” With effort, you sit up and take the offered basket. The sweet smell of the flowers is a welcome change to the cold sanitation of the hospital. 

“From your students!” The nurse says happily. “Some even sent you books!”

“Aww, they’re sweet.” You flip through one of the books and notice that all your advisees have signed the title page and scribbled well-wishes in the margins of the chapters. Their kindness and love sparks your first real smile since the accident.

You spend the day reading, counting down the hours until your chest tube is removed. When you’re finally wheeled to the OR and numbed up so they can sew the hole in your chest shut, you feel relief. Your leg is still in a cast, but at least your body is fighting for you. 

That night, you’re drifting off to sleep when you feel a painful tugging on your chest, right where your stitches are. “Mm?” You blink sleepily and see Jimin’s silhouette standing over you.

“Ah, Y/n. I’m sanitizing your wound so it heals well, don’t mind me. How are you feeling?”

“I’m a little sore,” you reply honestly. “It’s not too bad, though.” “Let me fix that for you.” You can see Jimin’s dark figure change something on your IV. “That’ll help you feel better.”

“Thanks,” you mumble, feeling sleep begin to overtake you.

“It’s my pleasure, Y/n.” That night, your dreams are choppy and chaotic. At one point, you dream that your body is on fire; at another, you’re back in the accident but instead of Taehyung, it’s Jimin. The sun has barely risen before you bolt upwards. “Gah!” Your throat is burning, dry, painful – it feels like you’ve swallowed sand.

It must be extra early, because Jimin is still there. He rushes to your bedside. “Y/n? What’s wrong?”

“I- who are you? I need… water…” you croak, your vision swimming before you. You don’t know who this man is, and you don’t know where you are. You can vaguely feel yourself falling backwards.

“Okay, let me get you some- wait, Y/n!”

~~~

You awaken with Jimin, Dr. Greene, and another nurse standing over you. Packed in bed beside you are several ice packs. Even so, you feel your body sweating. 

“What… happened?” You manage. Your tongue feels thick in your mouth.

“You woke up with a bad fever. It’s lucky Jimin thought fast and worked to cool you down.” Dr. Greene said. “We’ll have to keep you monitored for longer than we anticipated.”

“W-Why do I have a fever?”

Dr. Greene’s brows knit together. “I… I’m not sure. We’ll keep an eye on you for the next couple of days and see if anything changes.”

Your fever goes up and down throughout the day, occasionally spiking dangerously enough that the monitors around you begin to beep in alarm. Around noon, Jimin comes in with water and a bottle of pills. He’s wearing a lopsided Santa hat along with his scrubs.

“Merry almost-Christmas. Here, take two for the fever.”

“What are you doing here?” You ask weakly. Even in your fever-addled mind, you remember he only comes at night.

“My shift changed. You need more urgent care anyways, and I volunteered.”

You swallow down the pills and nod. “Thanks.”

“Your bruises have improved,” Jimin observes, lightly touching your face.

“I guess. Fuck.” You feel the sudden urge to douse yourself in cold water. “I just want to get out of here.”

Jimin is quiet for a moment. “Have they found the car that hit you?”

“How would I know?” You feel a wave of dizziness hit you, likely brought on by a heartbeat that never seems to slow down. “Jimin, please…” Save me.

“We’ll see how you’re doing tomorrow,” Jimin says. “For now, you should stay awake. What’s your favorite color?”

“Uh, green.”

“Favorite food?” You can barely think. “Sushi.”

Jimin grins. “Favorite neighbor?”

You try to summon a chuckle. “Whichever one is saving my life.”

“Fantastic. I’ll see you later tonight. Your mother should be in here soon – let me adjust your pain meds, we kept you off of them from the fever but they might just help.”

The night feels eternal; you can’t sleep a wink, and your mother stays with you the whole night. Your fever continues to climb and although at first your breathing is rapid to cool you down, by the time the sun rises it feels as though your lungs have stopped working entirely. You don’t know if that’s normal for a fever.

“Doctor!” Your mother calls for what feels like the thousandth time. 

Dr. Greene hurries into the room, Jimin right behind her. “Is it her fever?”

“No, it’s…” Your mother points wordlessly at your hands. You can’t see what she’s talking about, but when you raise your hands you see your fingertips are blue. You can’t think. You can’t breathe. You don’t care. Everything is fuzzy, so fuzzy… the monitors are beeping again, but you can barely hear them. You’re gasping for air now, choking on nothing. You can’t breathe.

“Doctor Greene,” Jimin says loudly, “I think she’s overdosing.”

“Lord, you may be right. Get the Narcan!”

Jimin darts out of the room and returns just as your eyes begin to flutter closed. Taehyung… 

~~~

There’s a cliff. Taehyung is there, you know it. You just need to jump. The moment you start walking, though, it’s almost as if you’re being pulled away from the edge. No! You open your eyes. Has it been minutes? Days?

“Dear god,” your mother says breathlessly. “She’s awake.”

“How on earth…?” Dr. Greene wonders, wiping her forehead. “Jimin, props to you for your quick thinking. But an overdose? How?”

“Doctor, it’s possible that with her weakness and weight loss, plus the fact that we held off the morphine for several days, an average dose might have caused her to OD.” Jimin suggests. His voice seems to carry more authority than even Dr. Greene’s.

“Yes, perhaps… but the fever?”

“Hm…” Jimin reaches forward and prods at the stitches on your chest. You immediately flinch, your raspy voice yelping in pain. “An infection. Possibly blood poisoning.”

“You know, you really might be right,” Dr. Greene says thoughtfully. “It’s not impossible. Okay, we’ll start you on an antibacterial and switch to lower-grade painkillers.” With this note, Dr. Greene and Jimin file out, leaving you with your mother.

“Momma, did you ever find the car?” You ask, gripping her hand urgently. The owner of that car killed your husband; you want them brought to justice.

“No, sweetie, I’m sorry.”

“What about the license plate?”

“Well, none of the witnesses saw it-”

“No,” you shake your head. “I- the nurse wrote it down. On…” you point to the notepad beside you. “The first page.”

Your mother picks up the abused pad of paper, filled with random journal entries and doodles, and flips to the front. “Y/n, there’s nothing here. It’s blank. Maybe you dreamed it?”

“What? No.” You’re sure that the nurse wrote it down for you. “Check on the floor.”

After a brief but thorough search, the paper doesn’t turn up. What had happened? You can’t possibly remember the partial plate now. Shit. And even so, it was a literal fever dream – you could have made the numbers up.

“Y/n, I’m going to go for an early Christmas dinner at Aunt Ella’s, but I’ll be back tomorrow morning, okay?” 

“Sure, mom.” She’s barely slept, after all. 

The next several days pass and you gradually begin to recover. The lab tests confirmed your blood poisoning, and you feel more grateful than ever that Jimin managed to catch it early – it could have killed you. It’s now been more than two weeks since the accident, and finally the doctor tells you that you’ll be ready to go home soon. As Christmas approaches, you’ve heard holiday music float through the air and bows and wreaths appear in your hospital room and down the hall. Even with the holiday cheer, the loss of the license plate weighs heavy on your mind.

“Merry Christmas Eve! Time to get up and try walking around!” The afternoon nurse says cheerfully as she helps you out of bed. With your heavy green cast making your leg feel detached, you clunk around while holding the nurse’s arm. You near the window, which overlooks a parking lot decorated with dirty snow, and gaze down onto the cars. Can you ever feel safe in a car again?

“Which one’s yours?” You ask the nurse absentmindedly, suddenly struck by another bolt of grief. Her life is normal. She has a car and goes to work.

“That white one right there next to the blue Prius,” she replies, pointing. You mindlessly follow her finger, when suddenly –

Blue. You clutch at your chest and stumble backwards, nearly falling if she hadn’t caught you. “That’s…” No, it can’t be. But in your heart and deep, deep in your memory… “Can you read the plate number on that blue car next to yours?”

“Uh, it’s a little too far away,” she replies, squinting. “I think it’s Jimin,’s though, I always see him pulling in just as my shift is over.”

Jimin. “Does it look dented at all?” You manage. “His car?”

“Ah… a little? I’m not sure.”

Jimin does have a blue Prius, you know that from seeing it in his driveway every day. So why, today, did the thought strike you so violently?

“You know, I think I’m tired. I’m going to lay down.”

“Oh, okay. Do you want some water or to go to the bathroom?”

“No. I just want to be alone.”

“Okay.” The nurse looks worried, but leaves you settled back in your bed. Night falls quickly and you hear a knock on the door. Jimin lets himself in, a bottle of pills in his hand.

“Hey, I heard you’ll be getting discharged soon,” he says cheerfully. He’s still wearing the Santa hat.

Blue. “Yeah, hopefully.”

“Awesome. Well, you need to take these,” he says, shaking two pills from the bottle in his hand and handing them to you.”

“What are they for?”

“They’ll help you sleep and let your blood vessels dilate to regulate your blood pressure.”

“Mm.” You wash them down with his offered water. Almost as soon as you swallow, you feel your body rebel against you – you lean over and vomit onto the floor. The smell makes you gag and you feel everything you’ve eaten come up a second time, the stomach acid burning your throat.

“What- what did you give-” you can’t finish your sentence as your stomach convulses again. Jimin rushes over to you with a bucket and you lean into it, retching. You continue dry heaving long after your body is completely emptied, while Jimin rubs your back reassuringly. “G-get the doctor,” you croak.

“Are you going to be okay alone-?” “Yes. Please, just…” your body shivers as he gets up and leaves. What did he give you? You’re doubtless that those pills caused your vomiting. Just the thought sends you back to your bucket, although you’ve no more left to give. 

“What on earth happened?” Dr. Greene says, rushing in. Jimin is close behind her.

“He gave me pills…” you gasp as your body tries to vomit again. The muscle contractions leave you feeling boneless. “They made me throw up.”

“You’ve got no known allergies on file…” Dr. Greene says, consulting a chart by your bed. “Jimin, what did you give her?”

Jimin produces a bottle clearly labelled DOXEPINE. “Just to help her sleep, she was asking for something earlier.”

Your heart drops. “That’s not-” you’re interrupted by another gagging fit. You want to scream at your body that there’s nothing left, but you can barely speak. “Not the same-” fuck.

“She must have a sensitivity to the Doxepine,” Dr. Greene says thoughtfully. “Jimin, make sure she stays hydrated. If she keeps throwing up we’ll need to keep her longer for observation.”

“Yes, Doctor.”

“Ngh… no…” Dr. Greene leaves before you can tell her that that wasn’t the same pill bottle.

“Here, drink this,” Jimin says, offering you a bottle of water.

“What did you give to me?” You ask, panting. As soon as the water touches your tongue you reach for the bucket, your body rejecting it immediately.

Jimin blinks innocently. “Sleeping pills.”

“Fuck off, that wasn’t the… same bottle.”

“Y/n, you’re sick and grieving, it’s understandable that your eyes are playing tricks on you-”

“No. You… poisoned me!” You summon what strength you have left and swipe at the nurse, who’s now leaning over you. Your fingers catch the silver chain around his neck, and the motion knocks the locket open.

Fluttering out of the locket and onto your bandaged chest is… hair?

No, not hair. Your hair. The color, and texture… it’s exactly the same.

You’re missing a chunk of hair, I’m guessing from the accident, the nurse had said.

Not from the accident. Almost in slow motion, your eyes travel up to meet Jimin’s. 

“Y/n, you’re acting erratic.” As if nothing happened, he plucks your hair from the bed, tucks it back into the locket, and straightens his Santa hat. “I’ll have to tell the doctor to consider sedatives. Merry Christmas, Y/n.”

“No-” Your stomach contracts once more and by the time you look up, gasping for breath, he’s gone.

You spend another sleepless night in the hospital, growing more paranoid by the minute. You refuse to eat or drink anything you’re given – you’re still nauseous, and what if it’s full of sedatives? 

When dawn breaks on Christmas Day, you’ve never felt less cheer. You’re concerned about Jimin; the car is surely a coincidence, but the hair? And the pills?

“Y/n?” Dr. Greene knocks on the door. “Merry Christmas. How are you feeling?”

“I want to get out of here,” you respond immediately.

Dr. Greene smiles. “We’ll see how you do moving around today. How’s your nausea?” 

“Better,” you lie. Anything to leave. You can handle nausea at home.

“Wonderful. Well, Nurse Jimin will be taking care of you today, since your other nurses are off duty. Press the button if you need anything.”

You nod, shivering. Should you tell Dr. Greene? Before you can consider it, though, she’s left the room.

Hours later, Jimin pops his head in, his Santa hat crooked. The locket is still swinging from his neck. 

“Hey! Dr. Greene said if you’re doing well by the end of the day, you might be discharged for tomorrow!”

You stare at him. Can he really pretend nothing is wrong? “Great.”

“Let’s get you up and walking around.” Jimin offers you his arm. At first you don’t want to take it, but your legs are too weak on your own. He slowly leads you out of your room and down the hall before circling back. You pass another window overlooking the parking lot and there, in the same spot, is the blue car. From this window, you can see much better.

“Which car’s yours?” you ask quietly.

“That blue Prius next to the white one,” he says cheerfully, pointing.

Finally, when you squint you can read the license plate: 7HLC946.

7HL. Your body stiffens. It’s the same car. Then, that means… you swivel slowly until you’re staring at Jimin, who’s still looking out of the window. He killed your husband.

He leads you back to your room. You feel frozen, and not from the wintertime. When you go inside, you hear a soft click. Your eyes widen. He locked the door.

“How are you feeling?” he asks softly from behind you.

“F-fine. Perfect,” you reply, your voice shaking.

“You know, you really have to stop getting yourself in trouble,” he says, strolling to the bed and smoothing down your sheets. Your eyes dart to the locked door. If you made a break for it with your cast, he could still beat you to it. “Every time you’re supposed to get discharged, something happens, and then who has to save you?”

“I’ve recovered,” you say firmly. Is it an ego thing? He wants credit for doing his job?

“Before, you always had your husband to save you,” Jimin says, standing. His eyes are drilling holes into you. “Do you know why he’d always see you off at the door?”

“Wh-what are you talking about?” “It’s so I couldn’t even look at you. He was always around, but not this time. And this time it was me that saved your life.” Jimin is advancing now, still smiling serenely. Your heart pounding, you back away, your cast clunking against the floor. 

“It was you,” you whisper when your back hits the window. “Your car. You hit us.”

“Almost gave me a heart attack when I saw you remembered my plate,” he says now, examining his nails. “Lucky I saw it before your mother did. How is she, by the way?”

“You… you killed my husband!” Your scream is more animal than human when it rips from your throat. You’re fully prepared to leap at Jimin and take the life he took from Taehyung when he pulls out a syringe.

“Shhh…” he says, stepping forward. “What did I say about sedation?”

Your blood runs cold. You don’t want to know what’s in the syringe, or what he’d do to you if he injected you with it.

Caught between him and the window, you freeze. You have to get away from him. You turn around and swing your heavy cast at the window. 

With a painful CRASH, the glass shatters. Shards fly everywhere, several of them catching and slicing your skin. You hear commotion outside and below as you shoot for the window and try to grab onto the windowsill. You nearly sob when the glass in your grip breaks off the windowsill. Almost… just like your dream of the cliff, though, you’re dragged back from the escape. Jimin locks one arm around your neck and pulls you away from the window.

You feel a sharp prick in your arm and, seconds later, your muscles seem to melt. If Jimin weren’t supporting your weight you would have fallen. Shit. What did he do to you?

“It’s for your own good, my love,” he says, carrying you to the bed and tucking the blankets in around you. Your tongue feels too heavy for your mouth; you can’t speak, and you can barely move your arms. 

There’s a loud banging on the door. “Y/n! Are you alright?”

“One second,”Jimin says to you before striding to the door and opening it.

“Jimin! What happened?” The voice belongs to a doctor you don’t recognize.

“Hey, Dr. Kim. Y/n started being combative and went for the window. Luckily, I got her calmed down and back into bed.”

Help. Your vocal chords won’t respond to you. “Hhe…”

“Goodness. We should get her moved out while the window is being repaired.” “I agree, but she did just fall asleep and she hasn’t slept in a while. I suggest giving her an hour.”

“Alright, well, please keep an eye on her.”

“Sure thing, Doctor.” Jimin shuts the door and locks eyes with you. 

“I’ve waited for you for a while, you know,” he says, sitting on the edge of the bed. His position pins down your left arm, but your right is still free. If only you could move it. “You never got sick, or hurt. I checked. You never even came to visit.” Jimin continues smiling, but his eyes are cold. “That wasn’t very nice. It’s your fault that I had to make you come visit.”

“Stuh… you,” you gasp, forcing your head to clear. “Psy…” Let me go, you want to scream. You’re straining with the effort just to lift your head.

“I know, I know, why didn’t I just talk to you at your house? Well, your guardian was always there. But here, I’m in control. And I’m the one that can save you.”

You can sense feeling returning to your arms. If he keeps talking, it might give you more time to recover from your paralysis. Luckily, Jimin seems so relieved that he can finally tell you everything that he doesn’t seem close to shutting up. 

“Do you know how many times your mother has thanked me for saving your life? How Dr. Greene said I was her favorite nurse?” Jimin caresses your cheek, becoming more animated as he speaks. “Even you, Y/n, you called me your angel.”

You try to bite him when his hand gets close, but your jaw muscles are slack. C’mon… 

“And you’re right, I am your angel. I’m your guardian angel, and I’ll always keep you safe.” You can almost lift your hand. At his words, he leans in to kiss your forehead and with enormous effort, you use the same moment to lift and swipe your bloody hand, still gripping the jagged glass from the window, at him. The glass catches Jimin right in the neck and he gasps and sputters, pressing a hand to his throat as bright red blood gushes from the wound, spattering you and staining the bed. Meanwhile, you collapse, your strength entirely spent.

Jimin staggers upright, hand outstretched towards you. When he tries to speak, his voice is a mere gurgle.

“Y/n- you… no…” with that, he falls to the floor. You see him try and fail to rise again before Jimin sighs and is still at last.

How did you wind up here? 

As you slump back into your bed, with him lying on the floor next to you, a hazy thought informs you that it must look like a scene straight out of Romeo and Juliet.

Although, you think ruefully, glancing down at the sharp shard of glass clenched in your fits, I don’t think Juliet would have done this.

“Merry fucking Christmas.”

[solastia]

The Dragon’s Lair - 7

- SEOKJIN’S POV -

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x F!Reader (although she’s kinda OC now huh?)

A/N: Kinda on the short side, I apologize. But I wanted us to get a quick peek into Jin’s side of things and where his mind is. Any guesses on who his mate might be? ;) 

*****

He wasn’t sure what had woken him up. The house was silent beyond Namjoon’s snores that he could hear coming through the old walls. He waited a few seconds to see if he could hear anything else or catch a scent, but it was all clear. There was just something pricking at his mind - something making his instincts go wild. He’d blame the fact that he was in a new house but this wasn’t a new feeling. 

It had begun when his ride here had traveled past the sea. He’d gotten a whiff of fresh ocean air and his fur had instantly bristled up. His claws had lengthened involuntarily and he’d had to exercise every scrap of self-control he possessed so he wouldn’t leap out of the moving vehicle and run full-shift towards whatever that scent had been. 

Seokjin groans and cracks open his eyes, still heavy with sleep. He might as well take a trip to the bathroom while he was already awake. He yawns and forces himself out of the comfy bed, scratching his belly sleepily. Even now, the scent was clear to him. There had been the smell of the ocean, yes, but...something else. Something other like him. 

The realistic part of Seokjin’s brain said maybe his exotic side had simply found a scent it liked and that’s that. But when he allowed himself to be more fanciful, like now when it was three am and he was still half asleep, he listened to the Sphinx screaming, “mate, mate, MATE!,” and he didn’t hate the idea. 

He’d been alone for so very long that it sounded like a dream. A fairytale ending for his Cinderella story. 

Not that Namjoon was any sort of evil stepsister, nor his mate that exuded naivety and goodness from every pore. If anything, he knew that he was particularly blessed to have Heechul hyung looking out for him and talking this human into taking him in. He would have dealt with having to be in the shelter again, but quite honestly he was too old to do well there. He was a grown Sphinx used to independence and being at the top of his hierarchy. 

He finishes in the bathroom and sighs heartily, deciding sleep was going to be impossible now. Might as well help himself to the kitchen. He shuffled quietly there and peeked inside the fridge, horrified once again by the contents. How have these two been keeping alive? The fridge only contained very basic ingredients like eggs and milk, a bottle of soy sauce, and not a single vegetable in sight. 

He settles for making a couple of fried eggs, using them to top off the bowl of instant rice he pilfered from the cupboards. He gives it all a splash of soy sauce so it’s not completely flavorless and sits at the kitchen table, eating his little meal slowly. 

It always seemed like nights were harder for some reason. Like the dark vastness of the sky reminded him of how empty his life had become - of how much he missed his parents. 

He’d seriously lucked out when the two had walked into the shelter all those years ago. He’d been a bit older than the usual desired age for hybrid adoptions so he hadn’t expected much when Heechul had escorted the couple towards the exotic section. He’d stayed in his corner of the room playing his video game, but he’d kept an eye on them as they smiled and shook hands with all the desperate little ones crowding them. They seemed genuinely nice, with smiles that lit up their eyes and the man always making his wife laugh. 

When they finally got close enough, Seokjin greedily scented the air, thinking if he ever had someone pick him he hoped they smelled as good as these two. The man - though obviously old for a human - smelled strong and healthy. Faint hints of cigar smoke and old books clung to him almost as much as his mate’s scent did. And his mate - the wife - smelled exactly how Seokjin had always thought a mother would. A light hint of expensive perfume couldn’t cloud the endorphins that were coming off of her in waves from being surrounded by the little ones. She was older too - perhaps younger than her husband by no more than a handful of years - but she too seemed to be in good health. She smelled so comforting to Seokjin that he stopped paying attention to his game and let his little avatar get killed three times in a row as he glued his eyes on the woman. 

Heechul actually herded the pair towards him and he set down his controller and bowed formally, wanting to make a good impression despite the fact that he knew they would never pick him. He’d thought they’d merely shake his hand and move on, but the man had kept asking him questions about his hobbies and what he wanted to do when he grew up. The woman kept staring at him with her hand held to her chest like she’d been shocked by something. 

It wasn’t until a half-hour later when Heechul had called him into his office with the pair that he realized she’d decided she wanted him. A mere few minutes and she’d decided she was his mother and no one else’s. “You’re so handsome I fell in love at first sight, my Jinnie,” she’d always say. 

He’d had nineteen wonderful years with them before pneumonia took them both within days of each other. Nineteen years filled with happiness and laughter with two of the most loving people he’d ever met. He missed his routines with them - the fishing every weekend with his dad, cooking with his mom, the Sundays all three of them would sit around with face masks and watch movies. 

When they’d passed away, his heart had broken. He’d known it was inevitable - they were both getting old and frail - but he’d thought he’d have just a little more time with them. After the funeral, he waited with bated breath for someone to storm in and drag him off to be put down somewhere. When nothing had happened, he’d grown steadily more careless, often forgetting he wasn’t supposed to be on his own with the big house and vast wealth. He’d carried on with his life like he knew his parents would have wanted him to. He kept going to med school since his dad had pulled so many strings to let him attend, he tried going on dates that never went anywhere, he hung out with his friends whenever he had the time. Life went on. 

Trying to stop the robber had been stupid of him - he knew that now. He should have just let the man get away and then never reported him so he’d be left alone...but once he spied his mother’s favorite pearls in the man’s hand he’d lost his shit. He’d fully shifted, letting his wings out and knocking over a couple of vases with their width, and his nails expanded until finally he’d roared and the robber had screamed and thrown the nearest item at his head in his rush to escape. Unfortunately, that item had been his mother’s bird statue that was made entirely of gold, so he’d been knocked out cold. His friend had found him after he hadn’t shown up to their gaming session and called the police and an ambulance, where they took his blood and found out that he was a hybrid with deceased owners and proceeded to shove him in the nearest pound while they contacted his mother’s very distant cousin. 

He’d never even gotten to meet this so-called cousin before the fat lawyer that smelled like fried chicken rushed him out of his own home, making him leave behind even the belongings that were his. He had no idea what use the cousin had for his manga or video game collection. Let alone the used sports jerseys or his hamper full of dirty clothes. 

Thankfully Heechul existed and he’d been able to contact his old caregiver before he was sent to the state center. He knew that place was a death sentence. And now here he was, in a strange home with barely anything besides his small suitcase. He missed his dad. He missed his mom. He missed feeling loved and hopeful for the future. He missed the way his dad always knew what to do. He missed the way his mom would brush his mane and groom his feathers while she sang. 

Seokjin cleared his throat and swiped at his suddenly wet cheek. He hadn’t even realized he’d been crying. He shook his head and went to the sink to wash his dishes, heading back to his room when he finished for another sleepless night. 

****

Life in the ‘Dragon’s Lair’ (as he’d taken to calling it, despite said dragon’s constant eye-rolling) began to take on a new normal the longer he was there. Days began to blend into each other as he struggled to adjust himself to his new reality, but Namjoon and his mate were a great help. 

Luckily, his tuition had been prepaid by his father and the cousin had no way of taking his education away from him, so he still took his classes - albeit mostly online because he wanted to stay in his room most of the time. 

Money was thankfully of no immediate issue. There was more money in the book than he’d felt comfortable sharing with anyone, enough that he could still go years without a job if he needed to. He also knew that if he needed it, he could always ask Heechul for help, although the other would make him work in the cafe for it. He might do it anyway just for something to do. 

Namjoon and his mate were simply wonderful. His old friend had grown up into a great person who was sweet and intelligent, good to the people he cared about, and strong in ways that he probably wasn’t even aware of. His mate Star was just as good. She was funny and kind, with just enough sass to be interesting. And they were both sickeningly in love with each other to the point that Seokjin had to leave the house quite often to get some peace. Not that it upset him - he was incredibly happy for Namjoon. It just sometimes emphasizes how alone he was. 

But yes, Star was great. There was just...something about her. Something that drew him to her. Not in a sexual or attraction kind of way...more like - primal. Like the animal side of him saw her as a protector. Which, he supposed she kinda was since she was housing exotic hybrids, but still. He couldn’t figure it out. He was certain she was completely human, but sometimes underneath the frankly nauseating amount of reptile musk that she was constantly covered with, he could catch hints of the forest in her natural scent. Sure, there was a forest nearby, but why would the scent cling to her like that? There was something there and luckily for him, there was nothing he enjoyed more than a good riddle. 

Beyond that, there was still one other pressing issue. His mate. 

He knew they were out there. He knew he’d caught their scent. When he’d passed the sea he’d been certain they were there. He just needed to find them. He didn’t want them to be alone too. 

“Jin, we’re about to head to the mall. Do you want to come shopping with us? The weather’s clearing up and I promised Namjoon we’d go to the ocean,” Star asked with a bright smile as he exited his room. 

“The ocean?” he responded, his brain halting for a second. Fate was working her magic, was she? 

“Yeah, he’s been wanting to go for a while but it’s been too cold. I thought we’d rent a small beach house and spend the weekend. So you’ll need swim trunks and towels, stuff like that. If you’d rather stay here, that’s fine too. It’s up to you.” 

“No,” he rushed, feeling his ears go red with embarrassment as he let his eagerness show. “It’s fine. I’d love to go.” 

“Great!” Star grinned, threading an arm with his as she leads him out to the yard. “We’ll have so much fun!” 

He nods silently, his nose trying in vain to catch that salty scent on the air again. 

I’m coming. Just wait for me. 

[starmieknight]

Gray Morning, Golden Home

Pairing: (poly) Jeongguk x Jimin x Taehyung x Original Character, [background OT7 implied]

Summary: (Indulgent fluff without much plot) Hari has a quiet morning with her magical boyfriends and their many, many familiars.

Contents: soft, magic!au, college/university!au, fluff without plot, jimin is a troll, jeongguk is a good boyfriend, taehyung is soft, oc is whipped, there are so many pets/familiars i had to make a sidenote to keep up with them all

The morning was cold and gray and damp.

Hari grumbled, still half-asleep as she buried her face in the folds of her comforter. The pale morning light was shining through the gap in her curtain, not warm, but piercing and cool. She was a fan of mornings like these, but still didn’t like to wake up any earlier than she had too. 

Fortunately, it was the weekend and she wasn’t forced from the comfort of her bed by any alarms or pressing arrangements to get to class or work on time.

Hari could hear Bass yelling in the kitchen, the little cat demanding her breakfast as the dogs ran around the linoleum. There was a pause from the cat and the sound of cat food being poured into a dish. She could hear Jeongguk quietly scolding Holly and shooing him away to his own bowl. 

Hari snorted. Rapmon was the one that needed looking after the most when it came to stealing cat food. He was one of the biggest of their bunch, but quite sneaky when he put his mind to it.

She sat up, taking a moment to just stretch and sit quietly while she continued to wake up. Kkanji was laying by her feet, the older cat snoozing quietly with her fluffy tail over her face. Hari smiled at her, amused that Taehyung’s familiar was sleeping with her instead of her own. But Bass was an unusual type and wasn’t one to wait around for Hari to drag herself out of bed when there was food to be had - or other coven members to bully.

Kkanji ‘murrrped’ at her as Hari ran a hand down her soft back, startling the cat awake. A soft purr filled the room as the sleepy witch lavished the familiar with affection before pulling herself out of bed.

The door next to Hari’s was still closed and she could hear Taehyung snoring inside. She cracked it open to take a peak. Three heads popped up from various points on the bed, Soonshim’s eyes glowing in the darkness for a moment before he recognized Hari’s scent. He opened his mouth to let his tongue loll out and his tail thumped against the bed. Yeontan and Sangdol scrambled out of Taehyung’s arms to jump up against her legs for her attention. Soonshim rose and stretched before leaping out of the bed and following the group at a more sedate pace.

“C’mon, guys.” Hari urged them into the kitchen. “Breakfast time.”

Jeongguk looked up at her as she and her entourage entered the kitchen, the dog’s nails clicking against the floor to announce them. He smiled sleepily at her and Hari felt her heart give its familiar jump at the sight. Even after months of exposure, she still had a hard time controlling her feelings.

Holly and Rapmon left his feet and their bowls for a moment to greet Hari and the other dogs before hurrying back. Bass only flicked her ears to acknowledge her witch, too concerned with her breakfast to do much more. Kkanji hurried into the kitchen behind the rest, quietly looking between Jeongguk and Hari to see who would feed her first.

Only Gureum, Mickey and Jjangu were missing from the bunch, the latter pair no doubt dogging Jimin as he got ready, the oldest of the familiars rather clingy to the temporary leader of the coven while the eldest members were away.

Hari was still nervous about how the atmosphere of the house would change when the rest of the boys returned home. Her joining of the coven hadn’t been planned and was an unusual one, given that she hadn’t even met everyone in it yet.

But the way that Jeongguk smiled so warmly at her and opened his arms to usher her in for a hug made her relax, stepping into his embrace like she was coming home. Her head was tucked under his chin and he smelled like a silly mix of Mountain Dew and faint sweet perfume and laundry detergent. She hummed contently.

“You were up all night binging that game again, weren’t you?” Hari asked in amusement, wondering where he found the energy to still pull all-nighters when she could barely make it through the day sometimes. Gureum’s mysterious absence hinted at a magical boost, the little dog likely recharging after helping Jeongguk stay up all night. “How are you awake still?”

“I’m gonna go take a nap after breakfast.” Jeongguk promised before she could scold him. “I figured I could go ahead and cook for you guys since I was already up. Jimin-hyung’s in the shower.”

“Tae’s still asleep.”

“I’ll wake him up when the food’s ready.” There was a vague, tingling feeling in the air that always preceded the use of magic, and the cabinets opened. Jeongguk’s eyes glowed slightly as he pulled plates and utensils out, four sets of tableware floating to the table.

Hari was slightly jealous of his ability, her own magic still too unrefined and imbalanced for her to feel safe with object manipulation like Jeongguk could. It was basic magic skills and her lack of magical upbringing made her own magical education somewhat lacking.

Hopefully Namjoon could teach her control and fundamentals when the rest of the boys returned home. Jimin said he’d offered to help her when they had their last phone call. It wouldn’t take much longer for their coven to be complete again now that the older coven members were no longer looking for the answer to their curse breaking.

There was a squeak from down the hall as the water shut off and Hari realized in the sudden silence that Jimin had been in the shower the entire time. She squeezed Jeongguk once more before letting him return to breakfast and she sat down on a barstool to watch him.

He was quiet and focused, having already set up several smaller side dishes while he cooked enough jeon for everyone. The smell of frying potatoes made Hari’s mouth water and reminded her of the hashbrowns her mom used to make for breakfast back home. Having grown up around her mom’s mostly white family in America and their set ideas of breakfast, the way the boys made their breakfast was still a bit odd to her, especially since most of the time it didn’t feel like breakfast to her.  Hari enjoyed it and was reminded of the few times she’d had breakfast with her paternal grandfather. Luckily for her, Jeongguk listened to her better than her grandfather and remembered her extreme dislike of fried eggs.

Set aside from the boys’ larger dish, was a nice little bowl of scrambled eggs, just for Hari.

Her chest felt warm and content.

Bass, finally finished with her breakfast, brushed up against Kkanji and Rapmon on her way to Hari, jumping into her witch’s lap. Bass’s funny, broken purr was loud in the kitchen as the young cat aggressively showered Hari with love, headbutting the witch’s chin so hard it seemed like she was trying to become one with her.

Hari laughed and scratched the scraggly cat under the chin, ducking down to give Bass better access to her face and receive love.

She nearly fell out of her chair when another head bumped into her own. Jimin caught her easily, laughing at her reaction and keeping her on top of her stool.

“Yah!” she scolded, slapping his shoulder. “You scared me half to death! And you’re dripping all over me!”

Jimin’s shoulders were shaking with mirth as he shoved his head into her neck, making her squeal as her neck was soaked by his wet hair. His silver locks were nearly gray when wet and left cold trails against her skin as he mimicked Bass. The feline familiar was only too delighted with his actions and redoubled her efforts, trying her best to headbutt them both at the same time.

Jimin only pulled back when the cat stuck her nose in his eye.

“Sorry, Hari-ah.” the silver haired man apologized, not looking the least bit remorseful. “I saw my chance and I had to take it.”

“He’ll be worse when you and Hobi-hyung are together.” Jeongguk warned, looking amused. “You guys are both the jumpy type and Jimin-hyung is a troll.”

“You say that like you’re any better,” Hari snorted, leaning back from Bass. The cat promptly lost interest in her and went to harass the dogs.

Mickey scuttered away from her to hide behind Jjangu and Rapmon, still wary of the excitable cat. Hari had to admit that Bass could be a bit of a bully to the smaller dogs if they let her. The witch scooped the Shi Tzu up into her arms for safety.

“I’m a selkie,” Jimin protested, whipping his towel at Jeongguk. “And the fact that you’d compare this face to a troll just proves that you need glasses.”

“Okay, Jin-hyung.” Jeongguk mocked, referencing some trait of the oldest coven member that Hari didn’t understand yet.

Jimin grinned at the joke and ducked down to kiss Hari so quickly that she barely had time to register it, her ears going red as he sauntered over to the stove. “Want me to finish this up? I’m not volunteering to wake Taetae up today.”

“I’ll get him.” Hari volunteered, carrying Mickey with her down the hall. “Gukkie’ll just roll him down the hall when he doesn’t wake up.”

“You just want to make out with Tae without us.” Jeongguk teased, fake-pouting with Jimin.

Hari lifted a hand to flip them off as she rounded the corner, the sound of their laughter trailing after her.

The room was still dark and the air conditioning was blowing a steady stream of cold air in, making it the ideal sleeping setting. It was no wonder why Taehyung slept so well and deeply. 

Hari made a mental note to take more naps with him in his room, the atmosphere just different from her own room in a cozy way. She used her own room for too many things besides sleeping, not having a playroom or art room like the other boys had. From what she understood of the unexplored rooms, the older members of the coven had private workrooms too - music studios and offices, Jimin had explained when she first started living with them.

Maybe in time, she’d ask them to add a room for her too. It would be fun to watch the magic they put into the house bloom.

Hari wondered how the house would sell one day if they ever wanted to move, having so much space inside when it looked so small on the outside. She loved it.

Taehyung snuffled and turned his face into the pillow as Hari pulled the covers back, sliding into the warm space between him and the edge of the bed. The smell of lavender and freshly washed sheets surrounded her, making Hari glad she and Jeongguk had finished the laundry recently. Taehyung procrastinated in changing his sheets too much for her taste, something she learned early on in their relationship.

He turned his head, still asleep but drawn to her warmth. Hari smiled and tucked herself into his side, kissing the edge of his jaw lightly. Taehyung’s lips twitched up into a slight smile, his eyelids fluttering a bit at the new sensation. Hari pressed another kiss to his jaw before starting a trail up to his cheek, his nose and finally his lips. She felt them curl beneath her own and had to pull back when her own smile grew too big to continue kissing him.

Taehyung hummed, trying to chase after her. Hari kissed him again quickly and rubbed a hand over his hair, massaging his scalp and tugging lightly at his hair like she knew he enjoyed. He sighed at the feeling, finally cracking his eyes open to look at her.

“Good morning.” Hari said simply, laying her head on the pillow next to his. She could spend every morning like this, lazy in love with her boys and exchanging hugs and kisses freely. 

It was harder to do outside the house where she was only openly dating Taehyung and left longing to hold hands with Jimin and Jeongguk. At least, in the realm of the non-magical. The boys assured her that things were more liberal in the magical communities.

“Morning,” Taehyung murmured, trailing his fingers over her arms and raising goosebumps from the ticklish sensation. His voice was even deeper than normal and rough from disuse and Hari could feel it reverberate in her chest. “Can I get a wake-up call like this every day?”

Hari pretended to think about it. “I dunno, I may have to rotate schedules with Gukkie and Jimin. I’d like to wake up like this too, y’know.”

Taehyung smiled fondly. “Then I’ll take a turn tomorrow.”

“I look forward to it.” Hari said genuinely, stroking her hand over his hair once more. “Jeongguk made breakfast. We’re just waiting on you.”

Taehyung leaned forward to kiss her one more time before sitting up, giving Hari a peekshow of his stomach as he stretched. She eyed the sliver of stomach she could see between his t-shirt and shorts appreciatively. She almost wished that Jeongguk and Jimin weren’t waiting for them so she could have some time to show her appreciation - or that they would come back to the bedroom and join her.

But the sheets were newly cleaned and breakfast was getting colder by the second.

Taehyung muttered something that she didn’t catch as he slid out of the bed, pausing a moment to greet Mickey where he was waiting on the floor, and headed out into the hallway.

Hari watched him go, lingering in his bed for a moment. She closed her eyes and laid back, soaking in the familiar smells of Taehyung. She could hear him join Jimin and Jeongguk in the kitchen, a cacophony of greetings from their many familiars almost drowning the boys out for a moment.

It felt like home.

Hari smiled contently, her heart feeling full.

“Hari-noona! Your breakfast will get cold if you don’t hurry!”

“Hari! Moon Hajoon! Did you get lost?”

“Maybe she went to the bathroom?”

Hari chuckled and called out. “Coming!”

[heresathreebee]

Brackish and Briny Waters (two)

[Ralph Lamont X Female Reader]

Summary: Settling into your new house Part 1 Masterlist Part 3

Tags: +17 | 1.7k words | just really fucking domestic stuff, one (1) bad attitude, presumptuous behavior, unprotected morning sex, more remodeling.

AN: I kind of know where I'm going with this. The conflict will be subtle at first but it's there I promise.

The first day goes by fast and for Ralph meeting every single person on staff in this prestigious school was like trying cheeses and wines in a vineyard– fun at first but you get a stomach ache because somebody forgot to tell you not to swallow and there are just so many of them each more rich than the last. By the time he crosses the threshold to his new home, he's exhausted and annoyed. 

"I told you not to unpack without me." 

You look at him from the kitchen and shrug. "I needed stuff, baby. I already wrote a list of things to work on in this 'bare bones' house you put us up in and I was bored." 

You don't care for his attitude but offer him the covered plate anyways. "I saved you some dinner." 

All at once, Ralphie's anger melted from his face. He shuffled his tired feet across the still empty living room and pulled you into his side. The plate was warm (still warm or recently warmed up, he couldn't tell) and his stomach growled. 

"M sorry," he said, "I don't mean to be an asshole." 

You smile your forgiveness. "Long day?" 

"Yes," he hisses. "I already can't wait for the weekend." 

You chuckle. "Oh come on, it can't be that bad. Give it a chance, baby!" 

"As you wish." 

After eating, Ralph is right to sleep despite his insistence you finish packing together tonight. A part of you thinks it's the climate here– fresh sea salt air and less artificial light to disrupt the body's natural sleep patterns. You took off his shoes and empty his pockets because he was just 'resting his eyes for a moment,' then slid in right next to him. He's fine without a blanket, but you pull the back of the quilt over your rear and curl into his side. Sleep comes easier tonight than last night and you dream of wallpaper and wood smoke cologne. 

DAY THREE

The rest of the week gets easier for the both of you. You arrived on Monday and unpack the bigger furniture together by Wednesday with the help of some locals. Ralph is getting to study the lesson plan for Ms. Lewis' math class and establishing a gentle authority with his temporary students. He is still excited for the weekend, intent to help you figure out what to do with the walls of the house. 

"Has anybody come to see you at the house yet?," he asks you Thursday night. 

You pause dicing onions to think. "Besides the neighbors to the north and those Vayle boys? No." 

Ralphie raises his eyebrows and drops them, an involuntary gesture made more for himself than you. 

You put a hand on your hip. "Why?" 

Ralphie waves you off and continues mixing the meat with the spices. "Nothing. It's just everybody and their fucking moms has been asking me about you." 

"What?" This was news to you. "Why?" 

"Because they're nosy," he replies, "asking me about my whole life story and I let slip I had a wife and then they just wouldn't shut up about it." 

You swat his shoulder. "Well don't sound so depressed about it. Do you not like having a wife?" 

"No!" Ralph huffs and turns to look at you as he says, "I just hate that every single one of them bugs me about a million personal things and then I mention you and it's the only thing they can talk about now." 

Ralph turns back to stirring the pan and grumbles to himself, "might tell them to fuck off and just hoard you forever…" 

It clicks in your head at least a bit. Ralph's a born and bred city kid. In the city nobody cares who you are, what you like, or where you're from. Strangers don't want to be anything more than strangers. Their eternal social motto is 'don't waste my time' and anyone who acts differently is probably scheming something. 

You chuckle and rest your chin on his shoulder. "You're forgetting these are a different breed of people. Rich and educated socialites more over but suburban, maybe even rural. We're probably the first new thing to happen to them in decades, and communities like this don't have a 'mind your business and I'll mind mine' attitude." 

Ralphie flicks you a look but you know he knows you're right. It doesn't mean he has to like it but at least he understands it's not malicious, at least not inherently. It's out of his element, a little out of yours too, but you'll have to adapt and play by their rules if you want to stay here for a while. 

The dining room table can seat six, but your Ralphie takes a seat right next to you at a corner so he can hold your hand while you eat. Homemade tacos ease your apprehensions a bit and you go over the remodeling plans with him until midnight. Getting ready to sleep, you wear your thinnest shift and wrap around him like an octopus, your warm core brushing over his barely clothed manhood in temptation. 

Ralphie hums, tucking a stray hair back into your bonnet. "We need to get up early tomorrow." 

It's a weak protest. The two of you keep rocking into each other and sighing at the feeling of friction but eventually fall asleep despite the delightful buzz of sexual energy surrounding you. You do wake up when Ralph flips you under him and sucks a few marks into your neck.

You spread your legs to accommodate his breadth, feeling him settle deliciously and glancing at the bedside clock. It's barely 5 o' clock and the sun is rising. You gasp as you feel Ralphie's cock slide into you and he's met with little resistance. You two have sex for the first time since you moved and it's been so long that the affair is short lived. 

Ralph already has an apology on his lips but you shush him and come a moment later with your fingers brushing your clit in tandem. He peppers you with a dozen more kisses as silent promises to make it up to you. 

You shower together, barely bumping elbows as this bathroom is way bigger than your New York City apartment ever was. You chat idly about the weekend and the town and when you're ready to leave, you grab the manila folder where you store the plans for the remodel. You've even got samples from the wallpaper, only taking the ones you like and want to replace. 

"I know we probably won't find exact replicas but I want to at least find something similar." 

Ralph squeezes your thigh. "Ok, ok. We'll try." 

While this town doesn't have a McDonald's (the town over does and it's fancy for some reason), it does have a Home Depot (also pretty fancy). You know you'll need wood and screws and glass panes to finish that solar room but that's not the goal for today. 

Ralph skips right over the green paint swatch section to the creams. He's rambling about paint brand pros and cons, he did his research on the way in since you were driving and he brought the book from the school library. You follow and half listen. 

"What?" 

Ralph finally catches on to your soft smile. You glance around to make sure no one is in earshot because god forbid these gossipers over hear your conversation right now. 

"I guess I got you pretty excited last night, huh," you say with a sense of pride. Ralph feels the opposite about his performance this morning. 

"I just… I think it's just been a while." He occupies his hands by grabbing every single free swatch sample on the shelf and says, "I promise I will make it up to you." 

You roll your eyes in a not unkind way. "It's fine, babe, really. I uh… it feels kind of good to know I still have that kind of effect on you…" 

Ralphie sports a smile of his own and puts you under his arm. "Of course you do, sugar." 

He leans down to plant a kiss on your lips when you're interrupted by a bright voice. It's so startling that your husband bounces away from you. He stares wide eyed at the woman who interrupted you and he gets that dark look in his eye that only you can see. 

"Jesus, Julie," he tries his best not to growl her name. "This is Julie, she's a teacher at the school. Julie this… is… my wife." 

Julie makes a noise like a whistle. "Oh my god you are so much more beautiful than I imagined! Ralph doesn't have a picture of you in his office!" 

"It's on my desk," he huffs, "it's the one turned towards me." 

"And why would you do that?" 

"...so I can look at it while I work…?" 

Julie's… a little too hands on for just meeting you. You're too reserved to say something about it so you sling a loose arm around her back and hope Ralph doesn't say something for you. 

"Hi Julie, it's nice to finally meet you," you tell her. "Ralph's been slowly but surely introducing me to the concept of his coworkers." 

"I can't believe we haven't met before now! Ralph keeping you all to himself, me and the other teachers are just so curious about you," she coos. It feels almost put on, like overindulging in sweet to play up her first impression. You let it slide though, maybe it's just your city lens. 

"Well, uh, once we've got the house fixed up a bit, we can plan a housewarming party," you suggest. "But not a day before and you may quote me on that, miss!" 

Julie laughed and gave you her phone number 'in case you need anything at all.' Ralph breathed easy once she finally left and you tug his ear gently. "She's veeerry friendly." 

Ralphie shoots you a glare like you'd made a joke he didn't find funny and you go back to debating the paint to use for your walls eagerly.

@escape-your-grape @hoodoo12 @softbeej @go-commander-kim @beetlesstuff @imma-fucking-nerd​ @werwulfy​

[mirismuffins-ovo]

Plant Palace pt 9.2🌿

(Second part of chapter nine)

Eddie sipped his morning coffee, Bitty and Leafy curled up in a little patch of sun. Spring was coming around the corner and Eddie couldn’t wait. He was about to release his band’s EP called ‘Calling”. Each member wrote a message to their future self to listen to about their past to remind them that this was one part in their lives. He was quite excited.

It had been a month and a half since John returned to his home, to the girls. Eddie finally convinced him to go home to care for the girls while he finished up. Well after this weekend, he would be able to see John and the girls. The previous day Eddie had gotten a letter.

It was addressed to him in gorgeous handwriting. Bitty rubbed up against it so he knew it was from John. He felt his heart swell with happiness when he began reading it. It wasn’t from John like he had originally thought, it was from John’s mother. She was inviting him to come to their location, with directions and a key. He was going to respond, but he thought a surprise would be better.

That Friday night after the EP release party, he returned home to grab his things as well as the cat carriers. Bitty was calm but Leafy was meowing up a storm. Eddie reached a small town outside of the camp and decided to stay the night, knowing it’ll be much better to see everyone in the sun. The cats slept with him on the bed and in the morning after a nice shower and wrangling the cats back into their carriers, he set off.

A dense forest of trees placed perfectly was perfect to throw off anyone traveling in this direction. John’s mother mentioned it was the work of another Abnormal to throw illusions at strangers who didn’t have an invite or a key. But soon he could see a gated area and a few people posted at the front.

He showed them the key and allowed them to pass through. Eddie followed the letter’s direction until he came to a parking patch. He parked the cars and got the cats out. Bitty was in her carrier scratching to be let out, smelling her cat dad everywhere.

“Bitty, calm down sweetheart. I’m excited to see him too.”

As he broke off from his car, a few other people, a few Abnormals, started to look at him weird, almost looking terrified. Carrying the cats, he started to make his way towards one of the small homes. She had written that this was John’s house in the camp. As he got closer, he could see three little girls running around in cute dresses and playing. He’d set Bittys carrier down and opened it,knowing she would stick close.Just then the door opened to the small house, John coming out with a tray of a type of nectar in glasses.

Right then, Bitty let out a huge cry, causing John to look up.

John looked up at the sound of his little cat darting towards him, her lovingly pressing up against his legs and churring. “Oh hello lil Bitty” he laughed softly and looked up, still holding the tray of glasses. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Eddie walking up carrying luggage,a smile grew on his face. Setting down the tray on a small glass patio table he took off his apron and ran over to Eddie. John threw himself on Eddie,lovingly embraced Eddie glad to see him again,giving him a sweet kiss while standing on his tiptoes.

Eddie chuckled as he pulled out of the kiss “hey luv” he smiled as his eyes met Johns. Holding him buy his little waist.

“I missed you!” He chirped happily “Oh! Are you ready to meet them?” John was practically vibrating with excitement as he looked up at Eddie with his green emerald eyes “they’ve been wanting to see you for so long” it was just then little Blossom ran up holding Bitty in her arms chirping happily. The two other girls running after her, wanting their turn to hold Bitty.

“Daddy! I found a kitty! Can we keep it??”

Juniper budded in “I’m the one who found her!”

Willow shyly listened to her sisters bicker over the cat. John laughed at the small girls who had been so caught up in Bitty they hadn’t realized they were standing in front of both their parents for the first time since they’d been born.

John scooped Bitty out of Blossoms arms “Be gentle with Bitty girls” he smiled and stepped to the side to show the taller man standing next to him “your all being awfully rude to your father” he teased when he saw the sudden excitement and shock on all of the small girls faces.

Eddie set down Leafy’s cat carrier as well as Bitty’s empty one. The girls, Blossom and Juniper, had run up to him, tackling him in a hug.He was shocked at how strong the two girls were. Willow stayed close to John, too shy unlike her sisters.

Eddie held the younger two close, giving them hugs. He cried and laughed and eventually Willow came over to give him a hug too but went right back to John after. He finally stood up and let Leafy out but on his harness. The girls went to play with him, Willow offering to take the leash while they played with grass.

The musician stood back up, smiling, happy to finally have this moment. “They’re perfect John.” He wondered though if they would be able to live among humans. John mentioned when he was expecting them that they might be more plant-like, but they didn’t seem so to Eddie. Despite their floral hair, they all looked human enough.

“They really are...I’m so glad you gotta meet them finally” John had to wipe his face,he’d been tearing up from the joy. He took a deep breath and smiled up at Eddie “come inside my luv” John took Eddies hand and walked him into the small house. Letting Eddie set his bag down,Bitty following them inside beginning to sniff everything. John showed Eddie around the house there wasn’t too much to see though. There was a small kitchen with clean dishes drying on the rack. Only one bedroom and a full size bed in the middle and a small closet with only a few articles of clothes hanging,each child having only a few articles and John having a sweater,one outfit hanging which were his pajamas,and he was wearing his only other outfit,his day clothes. Then there was just the living room,there wasn’t any couch, just a few pillows lying on the floor near the back porch and little wooden dolls that John hand made for the girls. “This is the house” John shrugged and led Eddie out back on the porch to sit on the steps,the girls sitting in the grass and playing with the cats.

John gave Eddie a side glance and a smirk as they sat down. “Oh and I’m pregnant again”

Eddie was caught up thinking. The house was cute, but way too small for his liking. He started to think about a house he could buy that could fit the two of them and their three little girls. He hoped they were well enough to be with humans. But the government was still passing laws to accept them into schools, live privately together, and be able to have private relationships. Each of the girls could have their own room to express who they are, be homeschooled if they needed to be since the right to an education wasn’t illegal, just attending a school was.

Distantly he heard Johns words.

“Oh.. I’m pregnant again-”

Eddie short circuited when he realized what he’d just heard, just staring at John with saucer sized eyes.

“WHAT!?” Eddie didn’t mean to shout. “What!? When? Who? How long!?” He was starting to panic, forget a house, He’d have to buy land and multiple houses! John could be pregnant again this time with 4!? “How many this time!?”

John shushed Eddie and placed a hand over Eddies mouth. “quietttttt they don’t know yet Eds” He looked at the girls who were now looking at them and John motioned for them to keep playing. John felt his face hot with blush “I guess I’ll answer those questions. When-,I started throwing up a bit after I got back from my visit” he cleared his throat “who-,it’s YOU got ME knocked up,I’m not sure how many this time but I think maybe 7 or 8 weeks?” he shrugged keeping his voice soft.John scooted over and leaned on Eddie. He was a tired dad,and waking up so early throwing up wasn’t helpful,cause they all slept in the same bed and each time John woke up it meant trying to get the girls to go back to sleep.

“I’m not sure what I’m gonna do,I’ve gotta see the doctor soon,plus I haven’t told my mom” He rested his eyes leaning on Eddie still. “It’ll get difficult to take care of the girls while i move forward with the pregnancy” John gave a soft smile and loving touch to Eddies leg “but all I care is that this is our first one together...it’s both of us this time”

[riddlegecko]

Hmm...

I think it would be interesting to flesh out Emma going to visit Jane (and see Tim, maybe for the first time if we’re staying in canon here) and learning that she’s gone. Maybe not terribly fluffy though, but fun dynamics with Tim and it could explain how she ended up staying with Tom and Tim for the borrowers AU?

In terms of fluff, sorry my brain doesn’t like fluff without some tinge of sadness, for HOHF, Emma and Paul fight [villain of your choice] and someone gets hurt and the aftermath of that. Alternatively, I’d love to know if Tim has the Nitro Gene and if so, if he joins his Aunt Emma and Uncle Paul in the field. That could be so cute! (Although, he could also join mission control or maybe make friends with another super if Hannah has powers as well? But that’s not Paulkins...) If you feel like picking up a family fluff piece, which is personally my favorite genre, lol, I’d love to see Paul and Emma as parents and if their child shows their powers early (since it’s not nitro gene specific from Paul, if it can be inherited, of course, and now I’m imaging Jack Jack from the incredible, lol) or for Harriet and Tex to come back and see their baby (oh that would be adorable because grandparent plants and you can imagine how proud they would be of Emma!) or to see how Slacky interacted with the baby. (I’m imagining a how a Golden Retriever interacts with babies now... 😂) Or, if you’d prefer to ignore children all together, Emma going back home and taking Paul to meet Harriet and Tex (meet the parents essentially). Well, I’m not sure if any of those ideas seem interesting, but if not, I hope they’re able to help get some fun ideas flowing. Have a lovely weekend! 😊

Okay, so... A lot of these are stuff that I want to explore in longer stories eventually, both the Borrowers AND the HoHF prompts. But you DID give me an idea for some HoHF family fluff between Emma and Tim!

"Here's that big project I was telling you about!"

Emma had been back in Hatchetfield for what, six, seven months now? And she'd long since made a name for herself as Wild Flower. She was respected, loved even, by the town that had once cast her aside. And what's more, she'd managed to connect with her nephew, who seemed to think she was cool despite her absence for most of his life! If it wasn't for the fact that Tim didn't know she was Wild Flower yet, she would've chalked it up to that.

After all, Tim loved superheroes. Understandable, considering his mother was one of the most revered supers in the country before she died. Being raised by someone like that was bound to give someone a deep respect for the career. And right now, Tim was showing Emma his most recent token of appreciation. A social studies project he'd done for school about superheroes around the world.

It was a large cardboard diagram, with a map of the world taped to it. Coming from a line pointing to each continent (barring Antarctica, because duh), was a photograph of a super that was native to said continent, accompanied by a short paragraph with information about them.

"Wooooow, you really know your supers, bud!" Emma mused as she scanned over the diagram, impressed.

Tim looked up at her with a bashful smile. "Thanks," he said, blushing. "Wanna hear more about each one?"

"Educate me!"

"Okay, so," Tim began excitedly, pointing to the super whose picture corresponded to Australia. A woman with long, blonde hair and a bright blue superhero getup. "That right there is Tidal Crash, she's an Australian super with the power to control water."

"Can she talk to sea creatures?" Emma asked, encouraging her nephew to continue.

"Yeah, telepathically," Tim replied. "She's like the cool version of Aquaman."

Emma snickered at Tim's snark. God, he was such a Perkins. He continued on, pointing to the picture next to Africa. A dark-skinned man with long dreadlocks and an award-winning smile, half his face covered by a deep purple mask.

"That's Radi ya Umeme," Tim continued to explain. "He's from Kenya, and his name is Swahili for 'Lightning Strike'. He can control the weather, but he's really good with lightning, hence the name. He's kinda like Madbolt in a way, only y'know, not evil."

Emma chuckled, remembering her most recent encounter with that old nutjob. Madbolt was a fascinating case, he'd been causing trouble for Hatchetfield since around the time Emma was born. Not even Jane had managed to land him behind bars. Tim continued, his finger landing on the South American picture. A man with dark, curly hair and deep brown eyes, clad in a black leather costume.

"That guy is Espalda con Púas, his name is Spanish for 'Spiked Back'," Tim said, talking as though he was still presenting the project to his teacher and classmates. "He's from Chile, and as his name would imply, he can grow spikes out of his back and sharpen his teeth and nails into fangs and claws!"

Emma nodded, urging him to continue. With an excited smile, Tim moved on to Asia, where a picture of a short-haired woman with a shining mask lay.

"That's Dá Quy, she's from South Vietnam," he continued. "Her name means 'Gemstone', and she can control different ores and minerals and stuff."

Tim moved on to Europe, where a picture of a woman with short brown hair and an elegant, but still practical costume lay.

"That's Lady Nighthawk, she's from England," he explained as Emma continued to listen intently. "She can talk to animals and harness their abilities to fight. She visits Hatchetfield once a year, too!"

"Right! I think I remember your mother telling me about meeting a 'Lady Nighthawk' before!" Emma exclaimed in recollection.

"Yeah, mom worked with a lot of supers," Tim mused fondly before moving on to the final picture, the one corresponding to North America. A grizzled man with long dirty-blonde hair and a decked-out suit. "And finally, there's Eagle Eye! He's an ex-military general who can shapeshift into a bald eagle! And he's got this awesome combat suit that he uses in human form! He's from Washington D.C., but just like Lady Nighthawk, he visits Hatchetfield sometimes!"

Emma smiled at the sight of the super who'd been acting as a mentor to her for the past week. During a rescue mission she'd nearly bungled, Eagle Eye- or John MacNamara as she'd learned his real name was, swooped in to lend a hand. He'd taken a shine to her, and offered to help coach her in the ways of being a superhero. Emma had been learning lots of valuable information off of John. But of course, there was no way Emma could tell Tim about-

"Speaking of, did you hear that he's been working with Wild Flower lately?"

Okay, nevermind! Emma froze, surprised by her nephew's casual mention of her alias. Was this a good time to tell him? Better test the waters to be sure...

"Oh yeah, Wild Flower!" she exclaimed, trying to play it cool. "I've, uh... been hearing lots about her lately!"

"Yeah, it's so weird!" Tim chuckled. "It's like she just came out of nowhere!"

Emma nervously drummed her fingers on the headboard of Tim's bed, where they'd been sitting for the past couple of minutes. Did he mean that in a good way or a bad way?

"She's awesome, though!" Tim continued, an excited sparkle in his eyes. Emma's heart began to race. "Her powers are so cool! I mean, she can summon that big flytrap thing! What was it's name again?"

"Slack-Jaw?" Emma replied, a barely-contained smile on her face.

"Right, Slack-Jaw!" Tim recalled. "And did you see her new costume? The green jacket with the cool logo on it?"

"Mhm!" Emma hummed in response, happily recalling the day she was presented that jacket at Town Hall. The mayor had recognized her feats of heroism, and had the jacket tailor-made for her to replace that ratty old, ill-fitting red leather jacket she'd bought from a Goodwill in a scrambled effort to make a good costume. It still needed some tweaks now, but the new jacket was an excellent start.

"And now that she's getting lessons from Eagle Eye, she's only gonna get better!" Tim gushed. "She's just so- Aunt Emma? What're you smiling so hard for?"

God, Emma couldn't keep this secret any longer. She had to tell him.

"I have a question for you, bud," she began, resisting the urge to just tell him outright. "Did your mom ever say anything about both her and me having the Nitro Gene?"

Tim's eyebrows shot up. "Oh yeah!" he exclaimed. "But she said that you didn't like talking about your powers, so she never told me what they were. I figured you still wouldn't wanna talk about them, so I never asked."

Emma's heart fluttered. What had she done to deserve such a considerate nephew? "You wanna take a guess?"

"O-okay, but why n-" Tim cut himself off, the gears clearly turning in his head. After a few moments, he turned to Emma with a look of awed realization on his face. "W-wait, Aunt Emma... Are you saying that you're...?"

"Wild Flower?" Emma finished, eyeing him cheekily. "You bet!"

A smile slowly blossomed onto Tim's face. "No way!" he exclaimed. "B-but mom always said you didn't wanna be a superhero!"

"Well, people change their minds sometimes!" Emma retorted. "And I decided to finally put my powers to good use once I came back home."

"Wow..." Tim gaped breathlessly.

"But I'm still your Aunt Emma, first and foremost!" Emma quickly clarified. "I'm still the same person, just y'know... with plant powers."

"O-of course!" Tim stammered, his mind looking certifiably blown. His face grew serious. "And don't worry, I won't tell anybody about your secret identity!"

Emma snickered, tousling her nephew's hair. "I appreciate it, bud," she said, pulling him into a hug. "...Want me to introduce you to Slack-Jaw?"

"...Maybe."

[annie-mit-ie]

Glimpses: Part 12 (Kathryn Hahn x Fem!Reader)

Part 1 // previous chapter <<< >>> next chapter

Summary: Will you be able to go with Kathryn?

Word Count: 2k

A/N: This is a little shorter, I know, but I hope all of you still enjoy it. Look at this little tag list we have going on now!! - I might actually get a little emotional that so many of you are still reading this little story. With all that being said, here we gooooo. xx

Tag List: @danvers97 @zafirosreverie @srtamercurio @wanatag @pulledbythestars17 @plantowl​

Don't forget to check out the new official Playlist! :)

_____________________________________________________________________________

“You can’t take her.” Jennifer is walking up and down in Kathryn’s office. She arrived here right after you had left, ready to plan to thrip to New York, as well as the upcoming project. Kathryn shifts her focus from her hand to her manager and huffs. 

“NO. Kathryn, no. You know it yourself. First of all, she is a distraction. Yes, you like her, I KNOW, but this is not you. This is not how you do your job.” Jennifer looks at her boss with pleading eyes.

Running her fingers through her long mane, Kathryn bites the insides of her cheek. “you’re right, I know you are, but at the same time…”

“NO BUTS, Kathryn.” Jennifer interrupts her, prompting Kathryn to shoot her a short glare. 

“…but at the same time I haven’t been this happy in years.” Thinking back at the time you spent with her, a small smile creeps onto her face.

Jennifer gets it. She understands Kathryn’s point, but as her manager it’s her job to secure the actress’ job, which is why she needs to make sure there are as few distractions from work as possible included in the trip.

Placing a hand on her arm, Jennifer looks at Kathryn with warm eyes. “Sweetie, I know you don’t like it. I don’t like it either, because I know how good the time with her is for your heart. But we can’t have this. Not now. Not during your shining moment. Yeah?”

Slowly but surely, Kathryn starts to nod as she can feel the sadness rise in her chest.

Meanwhile, you and Alex are having the same conversation back in your room. She tries to talk sense into you and talks animatedly to her phone, as you try to find a way to accompany Kathryn.

“Honey, you simply can’t. There is no way. It’s during the exam phase. You can’t be abroad for that.” She shakes her head.

Considering your options, you try to talk against her. “I could ask for online exams.”

“… there is a multiple hour time difference - you can’t be serious, Y/N.”

“I could postpone exams?” You raise an eyebrow.

Alex shakes her head harder now. “NO GIRL. No. Kathryn wouldn’t want you screwing up your education for this. You have leftover classes, exams to write and then you’ll have to write term papers you have to prepare for,” you take a visible breath. “Yes love, I am aware you could write those on set but we all know you wouldn’t. It’s better for you to stay.”

You want to argue. You really do. But there are a few things holding you back. First of all, you know Alex makes a valid point. Second of all, you don’t even know where you are standing with Kathryn. What are you to her? What is happening with her? The lines are so blurry that it’s hard for you to see, so you think it might be better not to assume and make a fuss about all of it.

Lastly, you don’t even know if she wants to have you by her side in the first place, because, again, it’s not like she is your girlfriend or anything. Not that you wouldn’t want her to be.

So, just like Kathryn does with Jennifer, you agree to what Alex says and make your decision to stay, even though it hurts your heart just as much as it hurts hers.

Given the fact, that she has to leave for New York right the next morning, it’s not possible for you to see her again. You think back at the soft kiss she planted on your lips as you left her house under yesterday’s hot afternoon sun. You feel so good with her and you can’t stop to think back at how beautiful her eyes look up close - even more beautiful than on all her pictures that Alex and you have been sending back and forth whenever Kathryn did a new promo shoot.

It’s late afternoon as you’re lying on your bed and stare at the ceiling, a random Marvel movie running in the background.  Alex has been trying to hype you up all day, but, given the fact that Kathryn is gone for an unforeseen time, you still feel sad.

You turn off the movie because you can’t seem to concentrate and connect your phone to the speakers to play some music. You remember that you can sit on your windowsill that’s facing the backyard and and decide to sit down and watch the birds in the tree outside your window as you open Spotify and it starts playing the last song you stopped on. “She” by dodie fills the room and you don’t think you related to a song like that ever before.

It really describes the feelings of uncertainty that you have right now. It doesn’t help that you never really took the chance to talk to her about all of not. Not properly, at least. This mistake leaves you with this endless feeling of emptiness that seems like it’s eating you up from the inside as you don’t even know if she feels the same in any way. 

Your phone chimes and you nearly fall off the windowsill as you shoot up to reach for it. It’s the group chat you thought had died a while ago that you joined right after Kathryn appeared on Wandavision. 

Apparently, news of Kathryn’s casting already sank through and everyone is screaming about it. Unwilling to share any knowledge, and also way too careful with it, you want to put your phone away as it chimes again and your eyes widen.

You immediately click the message.

“New York is wild! Haven’t had time to get to you yet. Seems like everyone and their mom wants to speak to me today. Just left my second meeting and now I have to leave for a work dinner in a few. How’s the day going back home? xxx K.”

A bright smile creeps onto your face as you realize she uses the “everyone and their mom” phrase that you use so much whenever you describe difficult situations to her. You decide not to reply immediately - you don’t want her to assume you are sitting on your phone just waiting for her. 

Instead you opt to create some art and grab your supplies. There is an empty canvas behind your bed and you feel like there are enough feelings trapped in you to create something cool on it.

Your mom works long on Mondays, so you haven't realized just how much time has passed as you perform the last of the night and call it a day. Your picture is colorful. Very much so. The acrylic paint hasn’t even dried yet, but there are already tons of ideas floating around in your head about what to do with the artwork from here on out. Maybe you should get some fine liners and work out the edges, maybe do some highlighting as well, you don't know yet.

Just as you want to put the brush aside your phone lights up on your bed. You can't pick it up just now because the slowly drying paint sticks to your fingers and you anxiously reach for the closest paper towel to white it off as best as you can. Not expecting anything, you finally reach for your phone and pick up the call before reading the name - an automatic reaction to late night calls from Alex.

You are greeted by a very familiar, yet unexpected, face. Kathryn smiles into the camera and adjusts the lights around her. She is clearly in her pjs, with no make up on, her hair open and messy, falling off her shoulder. You can see she is wearing a loose gray shirt and your whole body starts tingling as you realize it's the shirt she gave you to sleep in last weekend. Immediately, your brain runs wild and you try to figure out if she packed this exact shirt on purpose or just grabbed the one that was available easiest as she was probably in a rush.

Luckily, Kathryn interrupts your train of thought. “Hey! Hiya hon! I just wanted to check in. Make sure you’re alright because you haven’t replied to my message.”

For the first time you look at the clock. It’s 8.30pm and you haven’t had dinner yet.

“Shit.”, you mutter and your hand flies to cover your mouth immediately. 

Kathryn, who hasn’t heard your muttering, looks confused. “Sweetheart, is everything alright?”

You smile thankfully. “Yes! Yes it is. I guess I was just wrapped up in my art and you pulled me out of it and I always need a minute to adjust. I’m fine. It’s late though and I haven’t eaten yet. Thank you for reminding me.”

“Good. Do you want me to order you pizza or something. Because I totally would.” She reaches for a notepad.

“Alright Mom…” she looks at you for a moment and you can’t tell if she is shocked or amused or anything really because she stopped reacting completely and just stares at you. Right when you are about to start panicking about the situation she bursts into laughter.

“I mean I’M SORRY. How dare I offer pizza.” She continues laughing. You love this. This is easy and light and you realize once again just how much you enjoy her company. Gosh, you miss her already.

You remember her message as you make your way downstairs. “How was dinner, Kathryn? And the rest of your day? Tell me about it!”

For the next 10 minutes, as you prepare your own dinner, she tells you about her day and the plans for the next few weeks. The two of you laugh and make jokes and for a moment it seems like both of you have forgotten that you won’t see each other for a while. After she finishes talking, you fall into a comfortable silence and just look and smile at each other for a moment.

“I like you, you know?” She is the one to interrupt the silence. “Spending time with you makes me really happy and I’m sad you can’t come to Europe with me. I need you to know. I wish I could’ve taken you with me.”

Your heart melts and your hands start to shake as you realize Kathryn might indeed feel the same way. You put the knife, that’s in your hand from making dinner, aside. You’re unable to answer right away and fight for the right words, so she continues on with her short monologue.

“I just wanted to call tonight to check in and see how you are doing since I had to kick you out so abruptly last night and maybe we can do this from time to time, check in on each other? I would love that.”

Check in on each other? Why is she so vague all the time? For a moment you thought she’d confess her feelings for you but here you are again, uncertain of what she really thinks about you. You smile, though, and try to keep it calm because you don’t want her to get annoyed with you already.

You realize it’s getting close to 9pm, which means it should be about midnight at her place. Taking responsibility, you send her off to sleep and have a short dinner followed by some reading yourself.

Before Kathryn hangs up, she promises you to call again before leaving for Europe completely. She also wants to know if you want a souvenir from NYC (why is she so cute?) and tells you to call her anytime you need something or someone. With that, she shoots you the brightest smile and leaves you to it.

The ecstatic feeling you felt when you talked to her fades quickly as you come down from the call. Suddenly, your home feels all quiet and lonely and the silence is killing you. You walk back up to your room to sit on your bed and stare out of your window to enjoy the night sky. The tree right next to your room is slowly moving in the wind as its branches scratch the glasses surface.

You decide to call it a day as the week ahead is full of work and school and the weekend was eventful, so you change into comfy clothes and get ready for bed immediately. You fall onto your bed a few minutes later just as your phone lights up again.

"Good night, Sweetheart. It was great seeing your face. xxx K."

[thestorybrookeclocktower]

I’ve been abused. This is the first time I admit it to myself.

I’ve been abused several times, psychologically, mostly, but also phisically and sexually. It’s hard to admit it. It’s been harder to realize it.

I was an abused child. Before I dig into it, I’d like to point out that I’m managing to do this only thanks to She-Ra, to Catra, in particular, to Adora, and to this video: https://youtu.be/arsKPegw1Tg . So thank you, Noelle Stevenson, and thank you, whoever made that video.

I’m frightened, right now. I’m scared as fuck. I think I don’t know myself, I think I never did. But I must go on, I must find out who I really am. I owe it to myself. I’ve been hiding for too long.

I was an abused child, and I have to write it down because my mind keeps escaping that. It’s hard to stay focused, and that never happens to me, I’m a writer, when I write I’m concentrated, focused, but now... now it seems like my brain’s floating away. And I can’t let it do it.

My parents divorced when I was two or three years old, I’m not sure about it. I clearly remember the day my father went away, the door slamming, my mom crying and myself trying to reassure her, telling her I was there, she had notHing to worry about. I was always way older than my age.

After that, I guess (my memories are a bit confused in the timeline), my grandmother (so I was told) convinced my father to build a wall during the night in the middle of our house to split it in two. I remember waking up and finding this rough, grey wall. My mom lied and told me there had been a earthquake and that the wall fell down. I didn’t know how a collapsed wall would look like, and believed her. My father left us without a kitchen. As I said, I was two or three years old. Thinking about it now, it hurts me to think of how hard it must have been for my mother to face all of this. My father used to beat her, when they were together. She told me that he broke her cranium, once. I cant remember it, I don’t even know if I ever witnessed when it happened. But still.

Later, my mother fell in love with the man who became my step-father. He was our neighbor, they worked together so they already knew each other.

My father disappeared for two years. I spent one year living with my grandparents in another city, because my mother worked and wasn’t home for days, so che couldn’t leave me alone all that time. I remember missing her, and nothing more.

Then, I remember growing up with my mother’s partner trying to be a father. He couldn’t. He was mean to me. His idea of education was based on yells and threats. He continuously told me that I wasn’t his daughter, that I was nothing, that I was worth nothing.

I also remember that I wanted to be hurt. I wanted to hurt myself and, in my fantasies, when I played alone in my room or in the garden, I imagined my “enemies” kidnapping me and me sacrificing to save my friends. That thing lasted. I would always want to sacrifice to save someone I cared about, but who didn’t care about me as much as I did. I still have to understand why. I just need some time, I guess. After all, I just found out I have wounds.

We moved. My father came back, at some point. He started sending the police at our new home, accusing my mother of child abuse, I guess, and trying to claim me as if I was some kind of property. I guess I started feeling like an object when I spent my weekends and summer or winter vacations with him. He had the right to spend time with me, I didn’t have the right to choose. I don’t think he never treated me bad, he was simply unable to be a good father. He just left me with his friends’ children to play. I had fun with them, anyway. I always insisted to be the victim in our playtime, though. Something bad would always happen to my character. I often played the villain (they were happy with it, none ever wanted to be the villain but me), but my villain always had a reason, a past, a complicated story that led them to the dark side.

I guess I was never really happy. There was always this shadow, this weight on my soul. I still can’t name it. I only know it’s there, but it’s lighter today. Maybe because I see it for the first time.

When I went to middle school, I was depressed. I kept saying “we’ll die anyway, what changes if I do or I don’t do this?”. I also developed a passion for swords and daggers. I always read a lot, especially fantasy books, so I guess it was just natural that I started loving blade weapons.

I also felt guilty for continuously feeling sad. I thought I didn’t really have a reason. My family had money, I went to holiday four times per year instead than just twice, everything I asked they would just buy it to me. But my stepfather would always rub it in. He made me feel like I owed him everything I had, because he was the one who paid the bills. He is an alcoholic. He freaks out every time he gets drunk, and he starts drinking at ten a.m.. He would walk naked at home. I was way too young to see a naked man when it happened the first time. He also spied on me when I was in my room, so I was always anxious that he was watching me and could never relax.

I wasn’t good at school, I only liked mathematics but was terrible at all the rest. I just couldn’t concentrate, and now I know that I had locked myself in my fantasies, in another world, where I was strong, powerful, where I was happy. No, no, sorry. I’m lying to myself again. It didn’t go this way, actually. I locked myself in another world, it’s true, but that world was horrible. I was becoming a teenager and I started watching Buffy, so I was pretty obsessed by vampires at the time, and also I was starting to realize what sexual desire is. The thing is, in my fantasy I was powerful, yes, I was strong, but I was always defeated. I would get captured by this beautiful vampire woman who would torture me to death and then turn me into something different, with magic. I would become her sexual slave. I fell in love with her, in my mind, and I would submit to her. It’s embarrassing to admit it, yeah, it sucks, it’s rape, torture and Stockholm syndrome. But that’s the truth. As I said, I wanted to be hurt.

Also, despite this I never admitted to myself I liked girls. I didn’t even consider it as a possibility, I told myself I was in love with Angel (surprise, with the bad guy trying to redeem himself! Who would have thought that?).

At the same time, my mom got a bad self-immune disease and lost her job. Also, in the same years, one of the teacher at school started targeting me. I was shy and insecure and she would take advantage of it and humiliate me in front of everyone. She seriously damaged me, my self-confidence (as if I had any), and my stepfather made it only worse. I got bad grades from her (even when I was prepared I was so anxious that I couldn’t speak when she questioned me) and he got angry and yelled at me that I was stupid, that I was unable to do anything, that I was an imbecile and that I was worth nothing. Once he threw a school book at me and broke my lip.

My mother tried to comfort me, but I always hid what I was feeling. I was really, really depressed. So much that one day I grabbed one of my collectible daggers and aimed it at my stomach, and I pushed. I wanted to die. I wanted it to end. And I wanted a slow, painful death.

But I stopped. I didn’t even get a scratch, not because I changed my mind, not because I couldn’t find the “bravery” to kill myself, but because I didn’t want to hurt my mom. I knew she would be devastated if I died, and that is the only reason why I didn’t push harder. She still doesn’t know about all of this.

I guess I made myself a promise, that day: I’d be stronger. And it was a mistake, because I locked the doors of my heart doing so.

Years passed by. I learned Kung-Fu, I made some friends, just a few, lost others, this is not the point. They didn’t abuse me.

I started dating guys. Older boys, usually, and I convinced myself I was in love with them. One touched me without asking my permission, and I didn’t stop him. I was so stupid... gah. I wanted people to like me so much that I pretended to be like them. I told them I liked music I didn’t like, stuff like that. Silly, silly young me. I was lost and I didn’t know it.

Other years, more boys. I’m pretty, and I know it, and I used it to flirt with basically any guy I found. Shame on me, I know. I only kissed them. After all, I wasn’t even attracted by them. I liked girls, even if I didn’t want to accept it. I was already different, I didn’t want to be even more isolated.

I also spent a lot of time online chatting and gaming. I used to play to this online role play game by chat, I had found the perfect, fake, fantasy world there. My first character was an elf with positive alignment. I stopped playing her because she bored me. My second character was a sociopathic girl, a sadistic villain. I still have that character, even though I don’t play her anymore. I made her torture and try to kill innocent people several times. She was my dark side. I used her to take out my darkest instincts. I’m ashamed of who I was, now. I became a bully for a couple of years, a dangerous person, a mean person. I hate myself for that.

I was in high school and I was a little more equilibrated when this guy I knew since first grade asked me out. I knew he liked me since then, so I thought I had power on him (because that’s why I flirted with guys, I liked the power I had on them). He took me on his minicar and we found ourself in an isolated parking lot. He was never a healthy person. He was unstable since he was a kid, but he had always been kind with me. He was kind and pleasing even that night. And manipulative. And abusive. He used my ever-present sense of guilt, he told me I had to because he took me in his car and drove for me and waited all of those years, and he insisted for maybe half an hour until I gave in (I couldn’t leave the car, we were in a dangerous block and far from home). I had my first and only oral sex experience with a boy. It disgusted me so I stopped after like three seconds, but he forced me to masturbate him, he phisically did pushing my hand on his d*ck. When he came, he also said I wasn’t good at it. He then offered to give back the favour, I refused and asked him to take me home. Two day later I texted him saying it was over. God, this was hard to write. My heart is pumping in my chest. I need some water.

By the way, I was eighteen then and I still hadn’t had sex yet, and I was the only one in my class and between my friends in general. About them, I lost them all along the way. They simply let me down, not repaying everything I did or gave to them in terms of affection, or treating me like shit when I came out, or just disappearing slowly. I have trust issues for this, it’s hard for me to open up to someone now, but I’m trying.

I found this boy at a party, at that point I felt nothing, I was just curious about sex. We started dating. I didn’t like him, I approached him just because I thought his ass looked good. Yeah, how romantic of me. But, as I said, I felt nothing. I didn’t care about him. He fell in love with me, even though I told him many rimes I didn’t love him. I felt nothing for him, or with him, even in bed. Sex was a delusion to me, and I treated him like shit. But still, he would stay. Poor guy.

During those years (yes, we spent four years together somehow), I finally realized I liked girls. Fate brought me to a convention, where I met the love of my life. I ended the relationship with the boy and started my new life with her.

She changed me, a lot. I was a mess when we met. I was rough, selfish, the bad girl I always wanted to be, unable to love, to have a healthy relationship, unable to find the strenght to be vulnerable. She was patient with that broken, confused me, and I’ll never thank her enough for this. I don’t deserve her. She always supports me and shows me how much she loves me everyday. I’m so grateful for her.

I learned to be humble, I learned to be vulnerable, selfless, a decent humang being. I learned to love. I learned to protect her, not (only) myself. I dismantled almost all of my walls. I don’t know if this one I’m tearing down right now is the last one. I do hope so. I’m so tired of those cold walls. Today, I don’t want all these swords and daggers. I don’t need them anymore.

I wish I was strong as Catra and Adora, strong enough to face myself and let myself be happy. Thank you, Noelle, really. I always believed in the power of stories, but I never thought an animated show could give me so much, that I could relate so much to someone (let alone the importance of their relationship on screen for the LGBTQ+ community, it’s a true revolution). I was attracted to Catra since the beginning, I completely fell in love with her during the fifth season, and now I understand the reasons behind it. I just feel her, deeply. And I also deeply admire Adora, her pure soul, her strenght, her bright heart.

Sorry for the long post, sorry if there are any mistakes, English is not my first language. Thank you again.

[chimchimsauce]

Maniac: Stalker

Over the course of one week, Min Yoongi transitioned from YN’s sweet, lovable boyfriend into a complete nightmare - a maniac determined to make her life hell.

Rain patters down on the roof as YN taps the edge of her pencil against her five subject notebook, trying to think of what she should write next. This essay she’s working on isn’t due for another month, but if here’s something she hates, it’s the possibility of turning anything in late. She’d much rather stay up all night weeks early and be finished than to stress and cram last minute.

But for now, she’s sufficiently stuck, mind blanking on what she could possibly add to her essay about historical English literature. With a sigh, YN pushes away from her desk to massage her temples. As an art major, YN wishes she could just focus on her paintings instead of having to take general education classes, but sadly that is not the case.

She rolls her head around to loosen her stiff muscles and trots downstairs for a midnight snack. Thankfully, the college YN attends isn’t far from her childhood home, allowing her to save thousands by not living in the dorm. It also means that YN can work on her art projects without having to worry about creeping into her roommate’s personal space. YN downs a glass of water and looks at the clock, realizing that it’s already a little past one in the morning.

“That’s a good enough excuse to pick up that essay again this weekend,” she says to herself, drying her glass and placing it back into the cupboard.

Someone (most likely her Dad) left the TV on, so YN grabs the remote to turn it off, hesitating when she realizes the door to her art studio is slightly open. Frowning, YN leaves the TV on and goes to investigate. She knows that she hasn’t been in the studio today - hasn’t even been in there this week. Her parents know not to go in there because YN is very particular about not letting anyone see her work until it’s finished. So why . . .

The overhead lights buzz when she turns them on, humming lowly in a sound that is usually comforting to her. Her workspace is illuminated, a large drawing table taking up most of the space inside. Shelves full of paint, brushes, and other art supplies line the walls, as well as a gigantic mural her parents let her paint when it became apparent that art was her passion back in middle school. In the furthest corner, right next to the only and slightly opened window (did she do that?) is an easel holding a covered painting, one she hasn’t been able to work on for months.

With her throat suddenly feeling dry, YN places the TV remote on the table and makes her way to the window, being sure to close it tightly and lock it. For a moment, she stalls in front of the covered painting, almost wanting to reach out and reveal what’s hidden underneath. Just as her fingers brush across the cloth, lightning strikes, startling her so thoroughly that she trips over her own feet and grasps the cloth as a lifeline, ultimately landing firmly on her butt and revealing the half-finished painting in all of its glory. YN freezes as she is forced to come face to face with her creation, face to face with the portrait of the only man she’s ever loved - the only man she’s ever hated.

The memories come rushing in even though she tries not to think about it, tries not to let the past affect her. And yet . . .

The day is warm. It’s the middle of May and classes have just ended for the year. YN can barely believe that she’s successfully made it through her first year of college. All she wants to do now is head home and take a three-day-long nap. Before she can head to her car to begin making that dream a reality, something cold touches her forearm, causing her to jump slightly. When she turns, she is greeted by her happily smiling boyfriend.

“Yoongi!” she shouts, hitting his arm playfully, “What are you doing here?”

“I came to congratulate you on surviving her for a whole year,” he says, placing the beverage into her hand, “Oh, and to give you think. I know you probably haven’t had anything to drink all day.”

YN smiles sheepishly, looking bashful.

“You got me there,” she says, taking his gift and cracking it open.

The bubbles feel nice on her throat.

“But I know you’re up to something else,” she says, eyeing him somewhat warily.

The two of them have been dating since her junior year of high school. She knows Yoongi like the back of her hand by now.

“Just . . . stuff with my Dad again. He’s pissing me off.”

“Oh no,” YN says, reaching out with her free hand to touch his shoulder, “Is everything alright?”

Yoongi has always had a bit of a rocky relationship with his father. His mother passed away when he was just twelve years old, and his dad has taken up some toxic ways of handling stress. From gambling to drugs and alcohol, his dad has done and tried it all. It put Yoongi in a really rough place, so by the time he met YN, he was just about to go down that path his won self. But YN and her family reminded him of the good days, the days when his father made him feel safe and loved. She made him oh so desperately want to be a better person than his father had the ability to be, encouraging him to follow his dreams of becoming a producer and landing them both at the prestigious college they attend today.

Yoongi shrugs.

“Alright enough. He wants me to head home for a bit to talk about something important. I’m not sure what it is, but I wanted to let you know that I won’t be home for family dinner tonight.”

Yoongi is practically part of YN’s family at this point. Her parents adore him and her mother has been dropping some not so subtle hints about a wedding some time in the future.

“Okay. I’ll be sure to tell my mom,” she says.

Yoongi pulls her into a tight hug, one which betrays his true anxieties about his upcoming trip. YN isn’t sure what his dad told him, so all she can do is melt into his embrace and rub his back, being there for him.

“Thanks for the drink,” she says once he pulls away, “And I’ll see you soon, okay? I love you.”

“I love you more,” Yoomgi replies, kissing the top of her head and heading off, disappearing into the fray.

If only YN had known how much her life would change, she would have stopped him from going, screamed and kicked until he agreed to stay with her, to not go visit his despicable, scummy excuse for a dad. But hindsight is 20/20.

Yoongi didn’t call her when he returned from visiting his father. In fact, he was blatantly ignoring all of her calls. Paranoia began to build up inside of her, the young woman worrying that something had happened to her beloved boyfriend.

It wasn’t until she tried to visit him at his shared apartment to demand answers that she even began to understand what happened.

“He what?” YN asks, blinking at one of Yoongi’s roommates in confusion.

“Yoongi moved out a few days ago. Didn’t tell us why, just handed us a stack of hundreds, grabbed his stuff and left. He didn’t tell you?”

“I - no . . .” YN says, perplexed beyond belief.

What on Earth is happening?

“Sorry . . .” the other man (YN thinks his name is Jungkook) says, smiling apologetically at her.

“No, thank you for telling me,” she says, readjusting her purse on her shoulder and turning around, trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

She tries to call Yoongi again but is once more sent to voicemail. Determined to find him, YN embarks on a trip across town, checking all of Yoongi’s usual hang out spots. He isn’t in the coffee shop or the comic book store. She can’t find him at the independent recording studio or at the park where he likes to write songs.

Thoroughly exhausted and so nervous she’s almost shaking, YN steps into a small restaurant - the most expensive one in the area. She’d never be able to afford to eat there, but her friend Taehyung works as a waiter here and he usually takes his break around this time. She just really needs some comfort right now.

The waitstaff doesn’t look too disgusted by her casual attire and somewhat messy appearance - they’re used to her showing up to see Taehyung.

Thankfully he’s on his break, just like she predicted.

“Oh my gosh, Tae,” YN says as the two of them slide into a booth near the corner of the restaurant, “I think I’m losing my mind.”

“Why? What’s wrong?” her best friend asks, concerned.

YN doesn’t usually get this frazzled

“Yoongi’s basically shut me out and disappeared off the face of the planet,” YN says, clenching her fists together as if that will help anything at all.

“Did you guys have a fight or something?” Taehyung asks, frowning.

Yoongi and YN have always been a power couple. The two rarely got into a fight at all, and when they did they soon blew over completely.

“No. Last weekend he went to visit his dad and then radio silence. He was perfectly fine beforehand. I don’t know what’s wrong. And Tae . . .” YN says, leaning forward and widening her eyes, “He left his apartment! Pulled out of the lease and everything!”

“What?!” Taehyung says, this tone catching the attention of some of the other patrons who send him a dirty look, “Is he okay?! Did his dad do something?!”

“I don’t know!” YN says, glad not to be the only one freaking out, “Should I call the police?”

Before Taehyung can reply, the door opens and a small crowd of men enters. At first, YN doesn’t pay them any attention at all. They’re dressed just like everyone else - wearing outfits that probably cost a whole semester of tuition. They settle into the booth in the corner, one table between them and YN. Their chattering is obnoxious in a way that only rich brats can pull off. It’s as if they don’t even notice the other people in the restaurant.

The college town they’re in has a strange mix of really rich and not so rich people. It’s definitely a higher-end area with a great school that recently began to give out a ton of scholarships, pulling in a lot of different people from different backgrounds. You can definitely still tell who is who, though.

The group of men all take their seats and YN’s breath catches in her throat as she catches sight of her boyfriend. He’s almost unrecognizable. His dark hair has been bleached blonde, the color of white corn. He’s dressed to the nines too, wearing outfits YN knows for a fact he didn’t own last week.

“What the fuck,” she whispers, causing Taehyugn to turn around.

The other man’s eyebrows knit in confusion.

“What about that broad we see you hanging out with, Min Suga?” one of the boys asks loudly, leaning against the booth with a confidence that falls straight into the arrogant category.

“Hm?” Yoongi asks.

It’s clear that he hasn’t caught sight of YN yet. She’s just about to stand up and rush over to him, but Taehyung stops her.

“Maybe we should just watch for a bit,” he whispers, sinking low into the booth and peeping as conspicuously as possible.

“What? But . . .”

“Shh!” Taehyung hisses.

“Yeah, Suga, that arty girl. She your girlfriend? I see you hanging out all the time,” a different guy says.

“Oh please!” The third person says, “No way in hell. Everyone knows that art hoes are crazy.”

YN’s shoulders tense up and she has to fight the words springing up in her throat. Surely her Yoongi will -

“Nah, she’s just some weirdo who likes hanging around me. We went to the same high school and she’s used that as an excuse to cling onto me.

“Ah. So she’s a watcher,” Guy one says.

“A stalker!”

“A psychopath!”

All four of them cackle like a pack of hyenas. It’s then that Yoongi finally looks up and catches YN’s eye.

“She’s a fucking maniac,” he says, looking YN dead in the eye.

Her world comes to a screeching halt as Yoongi dismisses her so cruelly and completely without explanation.

“I’m leaving,” she tells Taehyung, standing up to leave as tears gather in her eyes.

“Isn’t that her now?” One of the others says, “Did she follow you here as well?”

“What a fucking creep!”

“Hey!” One of them shouts loudly, catching the attention of everyone in the venue, “Stop being such a psycho! Don’t you know that people like you aren’t anything to people like us? Stop bothering Suga and fuck off!”

Before YN can even move, something cold covers her skin and glass shatters on the floor, causing a few people to scream.

One of them had snatched a pitcher of water from one of the waiters and thrown it at her.

“The fuck is your problem, man!” Taehyung demands, no longer able to stand idly by.

“Don’t,” YN whispers to him, skin stinging from the glass that sliced her. Tears are falling down her face now, “You have to worry about your job,”

“Fuck this job!” Taehyung says, getting ready to snatch one of those arrogant assholes by the collar and wring his neck.

“Kim Taehyung!” A voice shouts.

It’s his manager.

“Hand over your badge right now! That is no way to treat a guest!”

“But!”

“Now!”

The two of them are then shoved out of the restaurant, Taehyung comforting a sobbing and trembling YN as best he can. It was the first day of her new life - the first day of hell.

YN rises to her feet and recovers the painting, shaking. Lightning flashes once more and she swears she sees a figure outside in her yard.

Hey there! I hope you guys enjoy this little miniseries I have planned for this month! If you want to be tagged, add yourself here.

Tag List:

@bartiertae @helperofthenight​ @knjkitten​ @coffeeismylife28​@childofmoonbeams​ @lizardthewizzard @jalexa83 @crackhead1-800 @kawaiimusiccollection​ @bibbykins​ @btsenchanting 

[bi-peanut]

Underneath The Stars Of 23rd Street

All parts

The truck spluttered to a stop, sighing and creaking. I pushed down on the excelorater hard. Nothing. “Come on” I groaned, hitting the steering wheel. The cold night air creeped into the truck like icy fingers wrapping around my body, the heating system had shut down with the rest of the car. I can hear the coyotes in the distance. Town is at least 75 miles away, and here I am. Stranded in the desert. The coyote's high pitched growl grows closer. My hands are sweating and suddenly the cold air seems to be the least of my worries. “START” I shout at the car, slamming my foot against the excelerator. But it's no use, the shreakes grow closer and closer I can hear their ragged breath. “shit” I whisper.

I frantically fumbled with they keys praying for the truck to start. But it stayed silent and still. "Think!" I shouted to myself. I thought back to a time where my dad and I took an trip to Chicago and our car broke down on the way. He had jump started it "for educational purposes only" my dad grinned as I watched him. "Yes!" I thought. I slid down under the steering wheel. It was dark. I got back up and grabbed a torch out of the glove compartment before sliding back down under the dashboard. They coyotes where right outside my truck now, I could hear them pacing around curiously pawing at the doors and wheels. My heart was pounding out of my chest. I pulled open the wireboard and shined the torch into it. I remembered he pulled the red wire or something. My pulled at the wire not really registering anything I'm doing. Suddenly the car purred to life. "Yes!" I cried pumping my fist in the air. I scrambled back up into my seat and placed my hands onto the steering wheel. My truck was surrounded by coyotes, and as much as I knew they would hurt me I couldnt hurt them. I reved my engine and they jumped back. I slammed down on the gas, rocketing straight ahead. I drove and drove and didnt stop untill I got too the outskirts of town. I checked my watch, 00:30. Shit, dad was expecting me home half an hour ago, its not as if I could let him know I had broke down. It took me about another 10 minutes to pull up to our house. I was expecting dad to be asleep by now and he would let me have it in the morning, but when I walked in the door, there he was sitting at the table, a notebook infront of him. "Oh, hey dad" I say nervously rubbing my hand through my hair. "Miles" my dad says sternly "I can explain ok," i say "my truck broke down and there were coyotes and i had to jump start it like you did in Chicago and i tried to get back as soon as i could and-" "Miles. It's ok, as long as you are safe now" My dad walked over and hugged me. He never really did that, it was nice. My dad was a nice person dont get me wrong and he would never hurt me but he was never really a touch person, well I guess that part of him died along with my mom. She died when I was 5. Cancer. It destroyed my dad and I. Especially my dad. When my mom died he spiraled. He drank. A lot. It became so much of a problem I was sent away to live with my Aunt Lydia for 8 months while he "sorted things out" I was five. I didnt know what was going on. When I moved back home for a couple months after that aunt lydia would would come come and check in on us to make sure dad wasnt drinking again."So, how was aunt lydia?" I was visiting her in New Mexico for the weekend before coming home for the last couple days of school before summer break. "She was pretty good, shaken about Uncle Jimmy but other than that shes good"Uncle Jimmy died a few weeks ago. My dad and u went to his funeral in Colorado two weeks ago."It was terrible what happened to Jimmy, we will all miss him for sure" my dad sighedUncle Jimmy and Aunt Lydia are my moms brothers and sisters. Aunt lydia is married to Uncle Michael and they have two kids, James and Rick. They are both grown up and finished college. Uncle Jimmy wasnt married and my grandparents died beofre I was born. My dad doesnt have any siblings and he never knew his Aunts and uncles. His parents were split up and I never met my grandad. Grandma is still around tho and we spend the holidays with her. She lives in New York. I have no siblings. It has been just my dad and I for the last 12 years. And I like it that way. I do wish my mom was still around though. I loved her so much.

My eyes would barely stay open as I sat stooping over my bowl of porridge at the dining room table. Shit! The time! I hadn't been paying attention and I was late. "Miles!" My dad called from down the hall"I'm going now!" I call. Lies. I'm not even dressed yet. I run up the stairs to my room. I grab my Jeans, red t shirt and black and white flannel. I have fifteen minutes untill I need to get to school. The next bus leaves in 7 minutes, it takes 8 minutes by bus if there is no traffic and then another two minutes to walk from the bus stop to school. No. Too long. I'll have to walk, well run. If I take a short cup through the park and if i go down past the library I cam get there in time. And that's what I do. I make it to school just as the bell rings. I join the stream of students heading down the hall. English, my favourite class, is first. When we get in I sit down in my usual seat in back right corner. I dont have much friends. Well I have people to talk to, but I wouldnt meet them outside of school. My only friend that I would do anything for is Regan. I've know her since middle school, she is the kindest but scary at times person in the entire world. I turn to the empty seat beside me, wher Regaan always sits beside me. I tap the girl infront of me, Marjorie, on the shoulder. "Hey Miles" she says "What's up?""Hey, I was just wondering if you've seen Regan around?" "Um, no I dont think so sorry."Marjorie turns back around to her seat and I lean back in mine. Mr. Honran, my english teacher walks into the room. "Good morning class" he calls cheerfully. Just then Regan runs in the door."Ms. Treece, you are late, again." Mr. Horan says, hands on his hips."Sorry" Regan groaned, slumping into her chair beside me."How come you were late?" I ask"Stupid Ben was late dropping me again"Ben is Regans step father, she hates him because her mother cheated on her dad with him and then they got caught when they discovered that Regans mom was pregnant. Now she has a little baby sister Fiona. Fiona is the only one in Regans family that she can actually be around with out yelling. She really does love her.The day dragged on the only hope was that tomorrow was the last day before sunner break. I was only home for about 10 minutes to change into my uniform before I had to head to work.I work in the icecream parlor Happy Swirls, beside the library on 23rd street.

When I got to work there was only five customers inside. My co worker Jamie was behind the counter."Hey, sorry I'm late" I say as I tie on my apron"Its fine" Jamie replied as he hung up his apron.That's the thing about Jamie, he never really talks. He just keeps to himself hiding near his shiny brown bangs and baggie hoodies. There was a time where I considered asking him out but soon changed my mind when I heard him talking to someone about a girl he liked. I'm over that now, i didnt really mind, it wasnt as if I was in love him or something. But he was the first guy that I didnt block out that I liked. "I'll see you tomorrow miles" Jamie called as he walked out the doo. I washed my scooper and brushed my hands off my apron as my first customer of my shift walked up to the counter. "Welcome" I say in a cheery voice. "What can I get for you" I look up to see the customer. I stop in my tracks. Shit, he is beautiful. He has soft brow black hair that falls in curtains over his brown eyes, framed by glasses and soft caramel skin. I almost miss what he says."Umm, could I have a mango frozen yogurt with strawberries on top, please" His voice is soft and sweet. I realise I'm staring and quickly snap back to what I'm supposed to be doing, getting his order. "Sure!" I scoop the the yoghurt into the tub and sprinkle the raspberries ontop. Say something! I think to myself. But I dont. I stay awkwardly silent as I get his order. "That would be $2.99 please" He hands over the money thanks me and walks out of the store. I curse myself for not even getting his name. I probably wont ever see him again. After all, Phoenix is a big place.

@creamybadshadows @melophilic-joon-koya7 @keya-123 @the-writing-avocado

[dustedmagazine]

Listed: His Name Is Alive

While Warren Defever’s name is perhaps less recognizable than that of his band His Name Is Alive, he’s also been connected with a seemingly endless array of other projects: Princess Dragon-Mom, Elvis Hitler, ESP Beetles, Control Panel, and far more. This doesn’t get into his recording and production credits for the likes of Michael Hurley, Iggy and the Stooges, and Mdou Moctar. Forever associated with Michigan’s weirdo-underground music scene, Defever has recently been issuing a series of long-buried recordings as His Name Is Alive. In February, the Disciples label released Hope Is a Candle, the third and final volume in the "Home Recordings" trilogy exploring Defever's teenage tape experimentation as well as A Silver Thread (Home Recordings 1979 - 1990), a four-volume collection of many of Defever’s solo home recordings prior to His Name Is Alive releasing their debut album Livonia on 4AD in 1990. In his review of A Silver Thread, Tim Clarke writes “For a collection of home recordings, what’s most striking about this music is how fully realized and carefully executed it sounds, comparable at times to contemporary artists such as Grouper, Benoît Pioulard and Tim Hecker. This is not the 1980s that I remember.”

Defever gives us his “What Else Is New” list, a set of personal snapshots, memories of a life spent in music, warning the reader that “the descriptions don’t always have an obvious correlation to the video, but welcome to my nightmare brain.”

In The Line of Fire

I started performing when I was five. My grandfather was a self-taught musician from Saskatchewan in Western Canada and he showed me and my brothers how to play banjo, guitar and fiddle. One of my earliest memories is having a full size 127 lb. accordion placed onto my lap and my grandmother voicing her disappointment when I refused to play. I did learn slide guitar from her later though. I have many, often terrible, memories of performing at square dances with his band and we would play old timey country music, folk songs, polkas and waltzes. There were also gigs at the trailer park, old folks homes and a convent. Although my grandfather believed that popular music died with Hank Williams in 1953, he still found room in his heart for Lawrence Welk and Slim Whitman.

Meet Me By The Water

By age ten I had a tape recorder and was using it to capture the sounds of nearby lakes, thunderstorms, and my older brothers LP collection played at the wrong speeds. I recently found the cassette, Echo Lake (1983) which features waves crashing onto the beach on the Canadian side of Lake St. Clair but it was recorded right after I got an echo pedal so it’s got a heavy dose of dreamy delay. Tape loops of the next door neighbor raking leaves and shoveling the driveway would be repurposed a few years later as rhythm tracks on the first His Name Is Alive LP, Livonia (4AD, 1990). Detroit in the late 70s and early 80s had totally insane radio and one of the highlights was Met-Ezzthetics, a late night show on WDET hosted by Faruq Z. Bey who also played saxophone in Griot Galaxy. Shortly before his death he played with His Name is Alive and we had a chance to formalize our student-teacher relationship.

Search For Higher Energies

In high school I was studying Bach Chorale harmonization and counterpoint during the day but recording and touring with the band Elvis Hitler at night. The other guys in band were older but at 16 I was a familiar sight at shitty Detroit punk clubs and Hamtramck dive bars, the nerdy teenager reading a book or doing homework sitting at the bar waiting ’til midnight or 1am for our slot to play our hellbilly hits, “It’s A Long Way From Berlin To Memphis,” and “Hot Rod To Hell.” I was still trying to make sense of the post 1953 music scene and when I met the guy with a giant afro and shiny super hero outfit complete with shiny cape I had no idea he was Rob Tyner of the MC5. We released three records before I was twenty one and played shows and toured with Devo, the Dwarves, the Dead Milkmen, Reverend Horton Heat, the Beat Farmers, Helios Creed, Babes In Toyland, the Cro-Mags, Corrosion of Conformity, the Frogs, the Gories, Pussy Galore, the Unsane and way more I can’t remember I was just a kid. It was some kind of education.

You Don’t Have To Go Home But You Can’t Stay Here

When I signed with 4AD I thought I was a composer and they let me write my own bio, so I called His Name Is Alive the work of a “fucked up, irresponsible teenage composer.” I had only been writing music for three years. When I heard “Tom Violence” by Sonic Youth I thought for the first time in my life, “I think I could do that.” In 1988 I made a mixtape with Tracy Chapman’s Fast Car, Leadbelly and some of Big Star’s third album and I tried to arrange it like it was an album, then I made my own album in that same shape, it was called I Had Sex With God and I sent it to 4AD. Our first album contained three of the first five pieces of music I had ever written. Within a few years I was playing festivals for contemporary classical composers and new age artists who were thirty or forty years older than me. His Name Is Alive played the Musicas Visuales Festival in Mexico with Harold Budd, Paul Horn and Jorge Reyes. The mayor of the city presented me with a guitar but then dramatically walked out of the theater during our performance realizing he had made a terrible mistake. I remember the surreal moment when from across the room Harold Budd walked in and greeted me as “Mr. Defever.” He had a cold and was sniffling during his set, the audience thought he was crying. I recorded his show and when I got back home to Livonia I added my own guitar to some of his songs and then edited the tapes, looping my favorite parts and editing out the parts I didn’t like, also adding additional layers of reverb and echo. More recently I did a concert in a five hundred year old temple in Japan where the unamplified meditation music never rose above a whisper and the monk had to turn off the furnace because the heat molecules were too loud. The show was recorded and released under the name Mountain Ocean Sun and features Ian Masters and Hitoko Sakai.

Energy Dealer

Both my parents were born in Canada, my mother in Saskatchewan, my father in Ontario. I have dual citizenship as my father was American and my mother had Canadian citizenship. I spent summers, holidays and weekends in a tiny cottage on Lake St. Clair that did not have a telephone and had curtains instead of doors separating the two rooms. Myrt Fortin who lived next door would receive phone calls for my mom, walk over to our place and yell into the window, “Hey wake up your ma, your dad’s on the phone.” My mom took a lot of naps, so she was always asleep when something important was happening. I remember always getting cut on broken glass while swimming in the lake or getting stabbed by one of the neighbors and having to go wake up my mom to take me to the hospital.

Lord I Don’t Believe You Exist

When I was ten my parents sat me down and told me it was time that I got a summer job. There were only two businesses in town, a gas station and a hardware store so I walked up to the hardware store and asked the owner for a job and immediately fell to the ground crying. Completely fell apart. He asked me why I wanted to work in hardware. I didn’t know what to say, I was only ten but I knew not to tell the owner that his store was stupid and I didn’t think he could handle the truth. It turned out he also owned the gas station so that didn’t really work out. Later that summer, I began working for the Pickseed Corporation as corn de-tasseling season was just beginning. All the moms would drop off their kids in the church parking lot in Tecumseh, just outside of Windsor, around 4:30am where an unmarked windowless cargo van was waiting that had cinderblocks and 2'x4' boards instead of benches so they could squeeze in the maximum amount of children. There were three job requirements to work in a cornfield, the child (it was only children, no adults) needed to show up with a baseball hat, a thermos with water and a large black plastic garbage bag. I think this was before sunglasses were invented. Upon arriving at the cornfield, we were separated into pickers and checkers, younger kids each taking a row of corn (a row could extend a mile or more) and a slightly older kid would organize and manage several of the younger kids. In the morning we were instructed to poke two arm holes and a head hole into our garbage bags and put it on like a raincoat because the corn was covered in dew and kids wearing wet clothes would walk slower than dry kids. So almost every day there was a point, usually around 11am when the dew would dry and we would be roasted alive from the summer sun coming down on our ridiculous shiny black plastic outfits. We worked from sun up until sun down. I received three dollars and thirty five cents an hour. For all you city folks, corn is planted in alternating rows of types of corn so that when the top part of the plant is removed, or “de-tasseled,” it can seed or cross-pollinate easily. It’s a terrible job with a high turnover rate and every day I would hear the sound of kids in nearby rows that had given up hope, sat down in the middle of the field and crying for hours. The following year, at age 11, I was promoted from picker to checker, and was put in charge of a group of about ten sixteen year old’s.

Sleep It Off

Mostly I like to record – His Name is Alive has over a hundred releases and I’ve done another fifty records under various names, Control Panel, Warren Michael Defever, ESP BEETLES, ESP SUMMER, Forest People, Infinity People, Jeepers Creepers, Layla al-Akhyaliyya, Mirror Dream, Princess Dragon-Mom, the Dirt Eaters, the Fishcats, the Whales, plus way more I can’t remember probably because the names were so dumb. I’ve recorded about four hundred records for other bands at my house or other studios. I’ve worked on records with Danny Kroha, Ida, Fred Thomas, Elizabeth Mitchell, Wild Belle, Michael Hurley, and when I was a teenager I helped record the first Gories album which was especially unique as I was the junior assistant engineer who helped move their equipment into the dirt floor garage next to the studio where it was decided the acoustics would be way worse. Also, I helped collage about a hundred Destroy All Monsters tapes from the 70s for a couple of their releases which led to remastering a bunch of tapes from the John Sinclair White Panther Party archives. I’ve done remixes for Thurston Moore and Yoko Ono and when Iggy and The Stooges started touring again I got a phone call from Ron Asheton seeing if I would help them record demos for their reunion album with Mike Watt on bass. They wrote the songs together while they were recording in Niagara’s basement sort of simultaneously. Iggy didn’t have a notebook with all his lyric ideas, instead he just sang about whatever happened that day – one song was about the airline losing his luggage, one about ATM machines and another was about reading in a newspaper that Ray Davies of the Kinks had been shot in New Orleans. In the end they weren’t terribly excited by my suggested song titles including “No Shirt” (you know because it’s like “No Fun” plus you know Iggy never wears a shirt) and they didn’t seem to love the mixes that I did that sounded kind of like those crappy Raw Power bootlegs.

Cost Of Living

Two summers ago I recorded an incredible concert by Mdou Moctar live at Third Man Records in Detroit. They’re wild hypnotic Hendrix style jammers who live in the desert. The band didn’t speak much english but I think I was able to communicate to them how excited I was about their amazing fingerpicking and hot guitar solos after the show by screaming and replaying the best solos over and over again and then screaming the word fuzz and pointing at their fingers. It’s insane and having seen them a few times since then with a different drummer and the addition of a bass player, I’m convinced it’s their best album. It’s wild but it’s still not Tchin-tabaraden wedding wild.

Licked By Lions

Jonathan Richman walks into Ethan and Gretchen's studio and asks if I can remove all the rugs, take the acoustic treatments off the walls and strike the baffles which normally separate the instruments, drums and amps, so the room will have the most echo possible, he has also invited about ten friends including Johnny Bee Badanjek the drummer from Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels and Mary Cobra from the Detroit Cobras to dance, sing and play percussion in the studio while he records. He has two vocal microphones set up at either end of the room and has brought his own microphones for the drums along with his own desired placement for them. He notices a tamboura near the control room and asks if I know how to play it or if I know how to tune it. Within seconds he’s tuned it and proceeds to sing Indian classical music accompanying himself on tamboura drone for about thirty five minutes. It’s beautiful and very surprising. He asks me if I recorded it, I lie and say no. Later he asks me not to play it for anyone. We record for hours. Some songs are quite long – ten and fifteen minutes, some are medleys of oldies or soft rock hits from the seventies segueing into new songs of his. It’s a confusing session as it’s not clear when songs are starting and ending and he often plays guitar and sings nowhere near a microphone. The distance between him and the microphone seems to have some meaning, there’s some formula to when he chooses to walk away in the middle of a verse but I am unable to determine the secret code. At the end of the session three or four songs are deemed usable, edited and mixed, although, sadly, an attempt at a completely insane and unexpected fuzz guitar solo is left unreleased. (The Harold Budd piece is at the opposite end of this spectrum.)

Calling All Believers

Shortly after Tecuciztecatl was released, I received an email from Dr. James Beacham at CERN inviting us to perform at a series of concerts that would combine experimental music with experimental science at the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva, Switzerland. He didn’t contact our booking agent, which would be how we generally receive offers for gigs, instead he sent an email to me, which would be how we generally receive crazy messages from our completely insane fans (murderous, delusional, poetic, threatening messages usually). I assumed the invitation was fake or a prank and replied that we would prefer to wait until they had successfully opened a pathway to interspatial dimensions and we’d play on the other side or that if that was unlikely to happen at a convenient time then perhaps we could set up our equipment right on the edge of a mini-black hole and perform as the Earth is being destroyed so we could release the concert film “Live At The End Of The World.” After a few messages back and forth, it was clear that he was legit and I apologized for being such a jerk. Soon I discovered poetry within the language of particle physics as well as a certain beauty in the idea that these scientists have devoted their lives to dreaming, searching and discovering basic principles that connect all things in existence. The song “Calling All Believers” refers to this devotion. “Energy Acceleration” compares the scientists to monastic life in medieval times and mystics trying to find and define the line between this world and the next and at the same time invoking the incredible amounts of energy needed to create the collisions experiments. The Patterns of Light LP was released in 2016 on London London Records and is about interpreting visions of light, trying to find universal truth with whatever tools available, it’s about the search for how everything works, why it works and how it got that way but also about being inspired on a basic level by the way a thing looks and how all your senses take in a thing. A thousand years ago Hildegard Von Bingen was writing about this same thing in letters, songs, medical texts, and had even developed her own language to use in her mystical writings, similar to Magma drummer Christian Vander using his own language for their concept albums or French black metalists Brenoritvrezorkre and Moëvöt.

The Light Inside You

We get a lot of letters from fans, mostly weirdos though. I think it started when we released Song of Schizophrenia, that sort of connected us to a certain demographic I suspect. Here’s a recent typical message we received. “Growing up in Panama City, Mouth By Mouth and Livonia were like passages to other realms. I drank a ton of cough syrup at the time but those albums helped make life more livable. I was about to go to art school for sculpture and graphic design and the textures I heard on those records had actual shapes to them. Most music I knew at that time was flat or linear. I got them on cassette via mail-order from an ad placed in a bmx magazine. Mouth By Mouth arrived just before going to work at the amusement park and I was able to listen to it twice on the way thanks to the never-ending beach traffic. As luck would have it, I worked on “The Abominable Snowman” ride, basically a tilt-a-whirl inside a dome with lots of fog machine action, blue lights, mirrors, and lots of air conditioning. It took about 10 listens that day before it wasn’t as weird as when I first put it on. Maybe it was my bubblegum flavor/robitussin combo slushie on top of no-doz that pulled it all together, but it was probably a weird ride for a lot of vacationing beach tourists and townies when all they really wanted to hear was “Naughty by Nature” by O.P.P. I had no business running those rides at the age of 17 but I really loved how disorienting that ride could be with all the mirrors, the fog, the cold and for the final 90 seconds the ride would go in reverse. I had a buddy named Kevin that did acid at work and would repeatedly run the mini-train off the tracks and all the riders had to walk back through the woods for about a half mile that summer.”