#my mom posed this question to me earlier and ive been thinking of it ever since lol

[angel-macabre]

oh yeah here's something i am very interested to know. what is your most ideal, most perfect low, middle, and high budget wedding meals? mine is low: breakfast food buffet (with a bagel bar if we're gonna splurge) with mimosas and a layered bundt wedding cake, middle: fettuccine aurora (with either grilled chicken or sauteed onions and mushrooms to choose from), side salad bar, and sundried tomato and pesto bruschetta with a small bar and a standard wedding cake, and high: either i choose my own full menu of saffron chicken/tandoori chicken with mint chutney, mussels in a white wine sauce, buttery herbed rice pilaf, roasted vegetables, locally foraged, seasonal slaw-style salad with all housemade dressings, spanakopita, garlic naan/crostinis with hummus, tzatziki, baba ganoush, spinach dip (not fancy but i want it), muhummara, crab dip, and every other dip known to mankind, tomato basil bisque or wild rice hungarian mushroom soup with oven fresh olive bread and herb butter, a (vodka soaked) watermelon/mint/feta fruit salad, rose water rice pudding with cinnamon, crushed pistachios, and orange slivers, a FULL bar (whatever you think of, it's there), and one of those wedding cakes that look like the most expensive chandelier in the world turned upside down lol. or instead of all that i just hire Gordon Ramsay and Mihály Csikszentmihályi to meet with me and have them conduct an interview where they psychoanalyze me then work together create for me the absolutely perfect wedding menu that i could possibly ever want.

[susiequaz12]

Carrot Top- 14: Afraid

Woooh! Another update! I didn’t expect this one to come so soon, but it did, so here yah go. Time to also meet some new people!

CW: Medical whump, restraints, blood/knives/torture mention, non con (nonsexual) touch mention, possessive/creepy whumper.

Tag list: @imagination1reality0, @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi, @thehopelessopus

Masterlist here.

The small girl burst into the Doctor’s office, dragging a boy behind her by the hand. 

“Dr. Tusik!” She called. “Tusik!” She threw out her arms, releasing the boy’s hand as the Doctor turned around from his stack of papers he was investigation. “It’s been far too long! We definitely have to do something.”

The doctor set a paper down and looked at the girl, speaking in a slow voice, with an accent long faded of his home country. “Slow down vnuchka, is this about what I think it is?”

“Andrew!” She cried. The doctor nodded. The boy standing in the doorway dropped into a seat behind them in the small office. 

“This is not like him.” She continued. “I mean, sometimes he’ll hold a grudge- and, and we’ve all argued before, but usually you just, give him a day, you give him some space and he’ll be fine. Dr.- It’s been five days.”

“Slow down now child, just breathe. We’ve sure to find an explanation.” The old man pushed his glasses up his nose. He adjusted the papers on his desk and took the stethoscope off from around his neck, placing it on the messy pile of paperwork and writings.

“An explanation for why Andrew’s been mia for almost a week?” The boy asked. “I’m sorry Dr Tusik, but what kind of good explanation could there possibly be for something like that?”

The girl spoke again. “Justin’s right, where could he have gone? He lives with us for goodness sake, he hasn’t answered his phone, his mom’s is too far away and he doesn’t have a car, there’s- I don’t know where else he could be! There isn’t anywhere else he could be!” 

“Ali, calm down, pozhaluysta, please.” Dr. Tusik stated gently. “It’d do good to remember you’re not the only ones with concerns for the boy.”

At the shouting and the noise, a figure had stood in the doorway behind the two. They turned around to find a young girl. Younger than Ali by a few years, but much taller and ganglier. She had beautiful curly auburn hair that tangled itself up no matter what you did, and freckles across her nose. You couldn’t mistake who she was related to- it was obvious. 

Andrew’s sister. 

Her eyes were red and she held a crumpled tissue in her fist. She sniffled and wiped her eyes, and then smiled. 

“Hey guys.” She stepped into the small office. 

“Mickie- hey.” Ali stated. She approached the younger girl and wrapped her arms around her in a hug.

They all sat down in chairs around the small office while Tusik explained.

“Mickie came in a few minutes earlier with the same concerns. She’s visited a few times now, and we’ve previously discussed some things. Possible explanations, and solutions.”

“I just can’t get it out of my head that he’s really mad at us.” Justin stated. “I mean, I feel like I kinda pushed him over the edge a little that night- it’s understandable if he’d want to ignore us.”

Mickie shook her head. “Andrew doesn’t ignore people. He’s too kind for that.” She sniffled. “We’ve literally gotten into some of the worst arguments you could imagine growing up. I mean, he shoved me in a suitcase once that ‘accidentally’ fell down the stairs, all because I’d broken his Star Wars Lego set. We didn’t talk for the rest of the day but after that we were fine.” She turned to Justin. “He doesn’t hold grudges. Andrew’s not mad at you, so don’t blame yourselves.”

Ali kept a hand on the girl’s shoulder. She changed the subject. “So have you heard from him? When was the last time you guys talked?” 

She shrugged her shoulders and got quiet, wringing the bottom of her t-shirt in between her hands. “Just that night. We were texting and I could tell he was getting frustrated with you guys-”

Justin interrupted. “I knew it, I knew he was mad at me, I should have given him that ride home, I shouldn’t have-”

“Justin shut up.” Mickie stated. Justin stopped abruptly. She brought a hand to her face. “Sorry, I- he wasn’t mad at you okay? Just frustrated- trust me.” She sighed and fiddled with the crumpled tissue in her hands. “He talked to me more than anyone. Sure, he lives with you guys, but put yourselves in his shoes. You have each other to hang out with. When you’re spending all your time making him feel like the third wheel it’s understandable for him to get a little frustrated. He wasn’t mad, I promise. Just tired. He was saying how he needed to clear his head, just walk, spend a bit by himself.”

Dr. Tusik began to speak, breaking the silence that had begun to fill the room. “Mickie and I have previously discussed where he could be- potential theories and such, as well as our ideas as to how to solve the problem.”

“Oh?” Ali asked.

“Andrew and I talked almost constantly. I mean he’s not just my big brother, but he- he’s my best friend. He’s not- he’s not ignoring anyone, he couldn’t be, so- he... he-” Mickie’s voice began to break. Ali rubbed her back as she began to cry.

Tusik finished for her. “He was taken.”

Mickie regained her composure quickly, dabbing at her eyes with the torn up tissue. “There’s no other explanation. Why else would he ignore us all for so long? He probably- he probably feels just as bad about it as we do.”

“But who? Who possibly could have taken him?” As Justin asked the question, silence filled the room once more. They all knew the answer immediately after the idea had been posed. The man had been looking for them for a while now, ever since they all discovered their abilities. 

No one wanted to admit that that was where he was right now. 

- - - 

Andrew twisted his own fingers in his hands as he sat. He twisted the bottom hem of his shirt up, wrinkling it between his fingers.

His ears popped as a yawn got trapped in his mouth. It was late at night, after dinner. He knew because he hadn’t been fed- his stomach growled ever so slightly. He had been left alone all day, and had fallen asleep only to be awoken roughly to be dragged down to another one of these rooms.

There were often times he’d be dragged down here, and spend all day in an endless misery. 

Those days were the worst.

They were the days he was taken in to be tested- to be poked, prodded, examined. Rough hands grabbing at him, stabbing him with things, treating him like a lab rat incapable of cohesive thought.

One day he was forced to run on a treadmill until he passed out or threw up. They were testing his heart rate apparently.

Another day they cut into his muscles. Poking at them to “see how they worked”. Other times they just sat and stared. 

So when Splice said that the doctors had a new drug they wanted to try, anything could have been possible.

He was placed in the medical chair as Splice sat on a stool next to him, waiting for the “Doctors” to come in. They were called Doctors, but for all intents and purposes, they were just people curious about how peculiari worked- hired to treat them like lab rats using whatever unconventional methods they saw fit. 

When they came into the room a wave of cold chills instantly ran over Andrew’s body. There were three people- all wearing medical masks in white coats and gloves. They didn’t acknowledge Andrew as they walked in and set a massive amount of supplies down on the counters. 

Splice stood up from his stool while one of the doctors spoke to him in regards as to what could be expected from this procedure. Andrew tried to pay attention, but it was difficult when the other two doctors were surrounding him where he sat. 

His wrists were grabbed and strapped down to the armrests of the chair- his ankles restrained in a similar fashion. He felt the mechanical humming of the chair through his muscles as it was lowered until Anrew was laying nearly flat on his back. Then a thick strap came to wrap across his forehead as well, keeping his head in place.

He tried to remember to breathe as he began lose track of what was happening around him. 

He felt something tight around his bicep, cutting off circulation, and then something cold and wet wiped across the crook of his arm. This was followed by the sharp sting of a needle before an iv was slid into his vein. 

The cuts on his other arm were quickly cleaned and bandaged without a second glance. 

He flinched, as cold gloved hands reached under his shirt, placing several small patches onto his chest. They connected to wires that stuck out of his shirt and tangled around him, leading to machines that surrounded the chair he was strapped to.

The third doctor quickly finished explaining things to Splice, and the man sat back on the stool, content with whatever was about to happen to the boy in front of him. 

A cart was rolled over with a massive amount of different knives, tools, vials, and bottles. Andrew shivered- thankful at least for the small protection of his shirt.

The actual administration of the drug went quickly. It was slid into the iv and Splice and the doctors sat with clipboards, simply waiting.

At first Andrew didn’t feel anything. 

And then all of a sudden everything was closing in on him. The world started spinning around his head- he felt cold chills up and down his spine and sweat started dripping down his face. His eyes couldn’t focus on any specific thing as shapes distorted, growing larger and smaller, spinning around and flying through the air. Any slight movement around the room seemed to fly at his head, causing him to flinch and recoil back at the foreign objects.

He thought he heard voices but they were muffled. Just sounds that echoed in his ears and throughout his brain. Undecipherable, but loud and invasive.

And then out of nowhere, his heart seemed to betray him.

Without a second warning, his heart sped up, pumping as fast as it could. He heard harsh, shrill beepings around him as it felt like his heart would explode out of his chest. His breathing got heavier and he felt a weight on his chest. Like all 350 pounds were suddenly on top of him again and he couldn’t breathe. 

And then he had a singular, prominent thought. It spoke so loudly, and so clearly in his mind.

I’m going to die.

The fear of that thought struck into him and he suddenly had the image of Splice coming towards him, knife in one hand, whip in the other. Then the man was on top of him, and his hands marked ownership- gripping at the collar, grabbing at his hair and face. He saw the whip crashing down over his body, the knife tearing through his skin. His limbs began to feel warm and sticky as he felt his blood pooling over his sides, washing down him in rivers, splashing onto his face as Splice began to beat him senseless.

And Andrew screamed.

Though he was muzzled, you could still hear his terrified cries as he truly believed that his tormentor was carving him open and beating him to death at that moment.

Though at that moment- Splice was still sitting on the stool next to the Doctors, watching Andrew thrash about on the bed. He smirked as the screams tore at Andrew’s throat, coming up empty behind the muzzle surrounding his face. 

“That’s genius.” The man stated. “You said it mimics fear?”

The doctor closest to Splice nodded. “The drug triggers the body’s natural responses to fear, making them actually think they’re in danger. We’re hoping with some alterations it will cause more extreme hallucinations and paranoia. Of course this is just a test run.”

“It’s brilliant.” Splice stated.

Andrew’s eyes were clenched shut tightly as tears and sweat poured down his blood-stained face. His body shook, knuckles white as he mumbled incoherently through the muzzle. 

He suddenly arched back as if in recoil from pain, his chest heaving in the air, legs scrambling to try and curl into himself. 

And he screamed once more. 

It was harsh, and loud, and guttural, and brutal. He choked on his own spit before bursting back into a series of sobs. The whole time his body continued to shake and thrash about, eyes occasionally shooting open, only to be clenched tightly once more.

They waited maybe an hour or two to try and see the full effects of the drug from beginning to end. Andrew didn’t know how long it had been, and Splice didn’t care to know himself. The boy had periods where he would flare up with terror, the shock and phantom pains taking over his face and body. And then for long stretches of time he would lie there, quietly sobbing to himself as tears streamed from his eyes. 

Sweat dripped from his forehead and chills wracked his body as his temperature spiked. His wrists and ankles were raw and red from where he’d struggled against the restraints.

His reactions were getting slower as the drug began to wear off.

They watched the boy suffer for a few more minutes before one of the doctors inserted new fluids into his iv. The fluids ran through and within a couple more minutes the drug had been completely flushed out of his system.

Andrew lay in a broken mess where he was restrained in the chair. The doctors pulled off his restraints, and Splice chuckled as the boy flinched at every hand that came near his face, and every jostled movement of his body.

After a couple more minutes, the iv was removed, the machines turned off, and Andrew was being pulled to his feet. Splice stood in front of him, hands bracing his shoulders to keep the boy from toppling over. 

Andrew fell forward, his head lolling into the man’s chest. Splice rested a hand on the back of his head, gently carding through the pale locks of hair. 

“I want full updates on the progress of this drug. I expect an updated version within the week.” Splice stated. He tilted the boy’s head up by the chin to look him in the eyes. They looked blurry and unfocused.

“How nice it will be to be able to hurt you without getting my hands dirty.”

He let Andrew’s head fall back to his chest.

Splice began to guide the boy towards the door when a guard burst into the room. The man look disheveled, clearly in pain, and a little confused.

“Sir!” He cried.

“What is it- what’s happened?” Splice asked.

“There’s been a break in. We have intruders in the building.”

A look of shock washed over Splice’s face, followed by a small smile. The man gripped Andrew by the shoulders and looked down at the boy. “Well, let’s go meet our guests, shall we?”

[cyndifferous]

Kind of a Neverender Story

On May 2nd I attended my 10th Coheed and Cambria show and every day that followed for a month or so since then was a storm of emotions and fuzzy feelings. Every time I try to write this down I get annoyed at my own self and trash it so please bear with me. 5 years ago, February 2012, I got an email about Coheed going on tour like the dozens of emails that came before it since I discovered them only this time, almost 10 years into being a fan I finally decided it was time to go. "I need to do this, babe, just once. I need to get it out of my system, I'll never ask again. Just once." That's what I said to my husband before buying our tickets. I've been living this lie for over five years now, and there's no signs of stopping because every moment since then has been like living in a surrealistic bubble of "how did I get from there to here?" Plus I've won him completely over to the Coheed side, he doesn't even try to fight it anymore. We went and I got my first taste of what it was truly like to be a Child of the Fence. There were people in line with guitars singing Coheed songs, no one was rude, it was like everyone knew everyone else and in a way they did because I learned that every Coheed fan has a home in other Coheed fans. I ran in terror every time a band member was coming or going from the bus, amazed that they were so approachable as other fans said hi or got autographs. My brother in law had a good laugh at my expense when he said, "isn't the lead singer the one with the big hair? He's right there," while I stood frozen in place and I'm sure all the color drained from my face. I literally could not force myself to move. The show was absolutely everything I'd dreamed about and so much more. I found myself square in the danger zone of the pit, the crowd was insanely rough, but my eyes did not waiver from that stage. I planted my feet and turned all my focus into not getting sucked backward so I wouldn't miss a single thing. Every memory of coming to love this band, every part of my past life and the people I shared it with, every painful experience in my life that their music carried me through flooded my mind and hit me in my soul. Watching these guys perform with such zest and energy, as if it would be their last show ever breathed life into me, and when Claudio sang Mother Superior, my favorite song at the time, I wept openly and unabashedly while my husband held me tight. (Ok he was actually holding me up because I was not prepared for how physically exhausted I would be) After the show tons of people were gathered on the corner by the tour bus and I talked my husband into letting us stay despite the 3 hour drive home ahead of us. I met so many COTF that I still know and attend shows with today, people I consider "staples" because I always expect to see them in my corner of the southern US and they're always there. The crowd thinned and suddenly Josh pops out of the building and yells, "WHERE IS DOUGIEFRIZZLE?" o.O This Dougie character skips up, vinyl sleeve in hand (an OG IKS pressing), gets it signed by Josh, gives him a huge hug, explains that he's been waiting forever for Josh to rejoin the band because he was missing only his signature. As it turned out, Doug had tweeted to him that he needed him to sign and Josh being the amazing human he is came out to make it happen. Josh hung out for a bit, talking to everyone, signing things and posing for pictures, even gave one guy a beer from the bus because he said that's all he wanted. I was still terrified and I'm pretty sure I didn't speak. Some time around 2 am, what was once a crowd of us had thinned to about 25 of us; venue security had gone home no doubt believing that we are all insane, and my brother in law had long since retreated to the car to sleep. Coheed's tour manager, Pete, came off the bus and in a very no-nonsense manner gave us the news we'd been waiting for, that the band was going to come out for a meet and greet. At 2 am. In downtown Birmingham. WHAT!! "Have your cameras out, I will take your pictures, if you want something signed have it ready. Any shenanigans and we're getting back on the bus." I didn't have any words for them, except that Zach didn't come out so I requested that. He came and said "I didn't think anyone would want me to," so humble and sweet that man is. I left after getting my pictures and my ticket signed (by all but Josh) and when we passed back by I yelled "I love you Claudio" out the car window and I still cringe when I think of that, hahaha! I didn't sleep that night, how do you just go to sleep when you can feel your life slowly pulling into focus? I love my husband and my children, but I'm a stay at home mom and it can really be the pits sometimes despite the fact that I know I'm extremely lucky to be able to be home with them. At this particular time in my life things were out of whack for me, not as badly as they would come to be, but enough that my own worth already felt unimportant and lost in the repetitiveness of my boring existence. I revitalized a twitter account I had created a few years before and never tweeted from and went on a follow frenzy. I filled the void left by being stuck at home all the time with Coheed fans. I finally had a place to let me be myself, not wife or mommy, just Cyndi. Not only that, but I found hundreds of people just like me: totally invested in Coheed and Cambria, excited about it all the time, where the conversation never ended. People from all over the world, different ages, and from every walk of life you could imagine. What I found was my second home. Thus Cyndifferous was born and I'm onto the meat of my story. In the Coheed community, 10 shows is a drop in the bucket for a lot more fans than you would think, so while I'm personally celebrating that accomplishment, what I came here to talk about isn't that at all. I want to talk about the fans, my friends, my people. I threw myself into the community, dubbing twitter my own personal Heedfeed. I'm always excited about Coheed and when other people are excited too it bleeds back into me and doubles it. I'm pretty sure that I have organs and a nervous system that keep me living, but I'm also pretty sure that without Coheed & the COTF it would all cease to function. I'm a people person and the COTF community welcomed me with open arms. I started using keyword searches to find new friends, and also to share excellent content that may have otherwise been missed. What's great about our community is that even when the band is taking time off, or there's a lull while waiting for movement, there's still ample things to talk about and no shortage of people to talk to. Over the last 5 years in all my personal ups and downs, no matter the distance, I always had my cotf friends for support. When I'm bored, they're there. When I'm sad, they're there. When I'm ecstatic or miserable or anywhere in between. We even get excited about each other's upcoming shows, merch scores, and personal victories. There is no room for jealousy in Heaven's Fence. No room for egos and competition, because we're all so busy looking out for one another and having each other's backs. As true and steady as the keywork that holds Heaven's Fence in place. I've never not felt like the COTF community is my place in the world, my little niche, a safe space for everyone who shares the love for this band that gave us so much just by existing. I mentioned earlier that I've been in a whirlwind of emotions since the show and it's time to clarify. Since the moment I came on board this community I have never felt unwelcome, not even when I would rack up 1,000 tweets in a day or live tweet lyrics to two or three albums in a night. Not even when I parted ways with one project after another, some with an uproar, others a silent exit. Not even when I was constantly asking questions because, let's face it, there's a lot to know about Coheed, it's counterparts, and it's members. People like Neesh who have been around the community seemingly since the beginning of time and who are still enthusiastic and completely on board with welcoming a new person and bestowing upon them what feels like all of their knowledge, but is probably just beginning to scratch the surface. I remember laaaaaaate nights in the RadioXenu chat room with Neesh learning little nuggets of band history, staying up literally all night the night she showed me The Mours and some SUPER old demos from Shabutie & Weerd Science. (Neesh's YouTube channel is a gold mine just by the way) After all this time she is still active and vocal in the community, and still just so damn nice to EVERYONE, that's impressive especially considering how many people I've seen wax and wane or come and go. My point is, Neesh inspired me to always be that person, to always be open and welcoming and a home for COTF, most especially the new ones just hopping on board our particular brand of crazy train, trying to find their place in our vast community. The least I can do after all of the unexpected kindness that has been shown to me over the years is continue to pass that on...forever. Seeing Good Apollo I'm Burning Star IV, Volume 1: From Fear Through the Eyes of Madness live in all of its glory was an experience I could relive every moment for the rest of my life and die happy. In fact, I hope when I'm about to embark on my next life and my life memories replay that this night is featured. Literally everything about the day was perfect, the weather, the friends, the food. And as the night began it took a huge leap into epic, beginning with witnessing one of the most beautiful moments I've ever witnessed at a show. (I'm looking at you, Yui. And also at you Ern, you amazing human, you.) I'm sparing details because I came here to talk about what happened post-show, I think I've told enough show stories for now, ha! For me, approximately 60% of a Coheed show is meeting people. Internet friends, old friends, new friends, there's no such thing as strangers. This particular show was a "homecoming" of sorts for me because Atlanta is usually where I see my Coheed shows and the previous two tours I skipped Atlanta in search of new places and faces. I got to see people I have missed so dearly since IKS Neverender, including Tim, the very first COTF to ever show me the kind nature of our community at my first show, and also the first I'd heard of people who travel around the country just to see these guys perform their miracle of musicianship. There are not many things in life that parallel the joy of recognizing someone and saying "I KNOW YOUR FACE," even when you've only ever seen it in a tiny profile box online. And so begins a series of happenings that have filled my heart to the bursting point. My bestest friends & I, Jim and James AKA The Awkward Team, met up for this because we are separated by so much distance (Mississippi, Iowa, Florida) that we try our hardest to come together for shows at least. We arrived in Atlanta the day before the show and it wasn't long before our friend Ian reached out to see what we were up to that night. Turns out he was just handed a shitty life card and needed some company! We all met up at Buckhead Pizza Co, my very first day-before-the-show hang, usually I'm a lump in my hotel room the day before haha! We had so much fun hanging out in that pizza place, and being there for Ian to take the burn out of a real bummer of a situation was awesome. Even Nina Uber'd over to hang out with us! Our pizza hangs turned into parking garage hangs and we all laughed so much our faces hurt. In short, thank you for messaging me Ian, you made our night probably 10x more fun and it was great to finally get the time to hang out with you! The show was....I can't even find the adjective to accurately convey that particular evening. The energy was high in the crowd as it always is in Atlanta, but this one was unlike any other. We had full-venue waves going on, it took us a few tries to get the whole floor and balcony involved but when it finally came together it was unforgettably amazing. I thought I would regret choosing to be in the all-seated balcony for this show, but as it turned out the entire balcony was on their feet for the whole show. Give Coheed fans at least one square foot of space to move and dance in and we will do it. And we did. I've been to a couple of shows with a very laid back crowd, this was the exact opposite and that energy conveyed to the band on stage as they powered through one of the most difficult albums in their discography. They moved and grooved right along with us, with the biggest smiles I think I've ever seen them play a show with. And when Final Cut came up, Claudio disappeared from the stage and reappeared ten feet to my left in the balcony shredding a solo and letting a fan play his guitar. Those moments, when the band is floating on the energy of the crowd, when every note they play slams more energy around, when you can tell they're happy to be where they are and loving what they do are next-level. If we could bottle up the energy from a show like that we could live forever on it. I may never experience another show quite like that one, but if not I won't be at a loss because it was immortalized on Coheed TV and I revisit it often. https://youtu.be/aLkoNo5f-r4 After the show I always hang around outside, its prime time to talk about the show, meet up with people you missed beforehand, and sometimes even catch an impromptu meet and greet. I was sitting down in the parking lot because even though I had a balcony seat I was on my feet dancing, jumping and moving around during the entire set. It wasn't long after the show that a gentleman approached me and introduced himself as someone from twitter and thanked me for....being me? I'm trying to stay clear of personal vanity, but he thanked me for being kind and and friendly online, told me I was the first COTF he followed, and it was truly awesome to meet him. He flew all the way from Kansas to come to the Atlanta show! I live and breathe for moments like that, when internet and real life collides unexpectedly and someone expresses their gratitude for me. I can dish out compliments all day long, but taking them is hard for me because I'm just a potato of a person who loves Coheed. What I do is not a special skill or talent, I just love to talk and I happen to have a ton of free time to do that with. So thank you, carnacolypse! I catch a fair amount of grief sometimes from my family for the amount of time I spend online, and those moments where someone tosses me appreciation for that, even though I'm just doing what I do, makes the sting of that grief go away. I'm just a girl in Mississippi, I've said it all along and I'll continue to say it forever. I am not special in any way, but my friends sure do make me feel that way. Not overshadowing all of the other COTF I got to meet for the first time that day, including Alison who came all the way from Canada and started her epic multi-date heedtrip at the Atlanta show! Coming home after a heedtrip is hard. Post-Coheed depression is a very real thing for a lot of fans. I love my kids, and I miss them like crazy when I'm away, but I see them every day of the year, my cotf friends get 2, 3 or 4 if I'm SUPER lucky and coheed busts out a secondary market tour. Sometimes it's not so bad, but this time I was missing my awkward team and sad that the Neverender I felt like I'd waited a lifetime was now officially behind me. A tough pill to swallow. I stayed horizontal pretty much all of Thursday. As always though I fell back into the swing my boring existence, empowered by the task of staying positive and continuing to share and discuss the events of Coheed's continuing tour. A new Tales From The Grail Arbor video drops every so often and this sounds silly, but it hypes me right back up again. Dirty Ern has a way with photos and videos, capturing moments that flood you with memories of your own adventures while enjoying clips of someone else's. I've teared up with joy during almost all of the 16 episodes that have come out so far. PLUG- if you haven't subscribed to Coheed's YouTube do that right now, CoheedTV is everything you love about Coheed DVDs but free and is also a comprehensive behind-the-scenes look into what tour life is like. There are still more episodes on the way. https://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialCoheed -ENDPLUG The reality is though, that the joy of being a COTF never really stops coming, even when the post-show sadness tries to sink into my soul. This community is everlasting. The connection is always there, no matter the distance. There's always something happening, someone talking, lives being lived under the precious veil of COTF life. (It's not just a band after all, it's a lifestyle) So while the post-Coheed funk comes hard and fast and devastating, it lifts quickly enough and you propel forward into the next big thing. For me, watching the next wave of excitement when the U.K. leg of the tour started was pretty epic. Following their heedtrips as they come together from so many different countries is amazing. But currently, that's excitement that Coheed is returning to the Amory Wars storyline with their next album (YAY!), the knowledge that Josh is hard at work on a couple of different and very exciting musical endeavors (one of which I was lucky enough to hear a sample of and you people should be over the moon excited for it), and of course the upcoming Chonny and Clyde project. Not to mention, we're still not quite halfway through the release of the long awaited Good Apollo comics, and each issue brings with it another wave of fun because this series is incredible and extremely well done. Truth be told there's always something around the next corner with this band and their members, and that's a big reason why I love being a fan of these people and their art. It's now been almost 3 months since Neverender in Atlanta. The tour has long since finished, SDCC has come and gone, and once more the quiet waiting has settled in. The lull. But today is my birthday, and I can't even put into words how incredible it is to wake up to a flood of birthday greetings from literally all over the world. Close friends and acquaintances the same took time out of their days and lives to wish me well on my birthday and the gratitude and love I feel every single year takes my breath away. It doesn't get old, it never fails to put the biggest smile on my face. In reality my birthday is just another day, but the hundreds of people that I've met, or will soon meet, or may never meet make this day special. It serves as a reminder that I have found my home in another place. I am a person with more to offer than the hundred jobs that fall under the stay-at-home-mom blanket title. It carries its own joy, but knowing that I still exist as a person apart from that is a gift because I have lost that before. There isn't another community in the entire universe I would rather be a part of than this one. I hold great pride in all of you, my friends who keep me going, who share my life with me and allow me to share in yours. Thank you with my whole heart, and thank you Coheed for doing what you do and caring about your fans and putting so much of your time and effort into making sure each move you make is bigger and better than the last. You boys are a rare gift, and your fans know that fully well with everything you do. **Disclaimer: I wrote this a little at a time so my apologies for any errant or incoherent parts, or anything I may have left out. "Words don't come with ease."