#my mom is politely skeptical about whether i should be on anxiety meds and i don't even know why i even brought it up | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

iamnotlookingidonotseeit · 2 months ago

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sometimes I tell my parents things. often then i wonder why i even open my mouth. but when I keep it light I end up wondering why I can't seem to connect on any real kind of level. and I add another thing to the list for therapy

#my mom is politely skeptical about whether i should be on anxiety meds and i don't even know why i even brought it up #to the woman who says she 'just quit worrying' after she almost died in her 30s #not all of us can just. do that #she said her friend she's been taking care of has anxiety n depression and she 'gets it more now' so i think she was trying to be supportive #but i don't think she gets what i mean when i say i've been full of paralyzing dread pretty much every day since i became self aware #legit i do not know why i brought it up. getting different meds is a thought i've only entertained a little bit for a long while #not really substantial enough to bring up nor really anyone's business but mine #i think maybe i just want to know my family cares. like maybe she could ask 'why do you think different meds would help?'#but our family doesn't communicate like that or at least her part of it doesn't. and me and t learned it from her #we take a side immediately when we don't feel certain and express doubts like facts instead of asking questions #that has been a skill i've been trying to learn #to ask questions before taking a side or forming an opinion even #common sense but not to all #anyway we went back to talking about their upcoming trip #i think the thing we connected most genuinely on was she wanted to know how things are at work for me since it's been stressful #she formed a lot of her identity around being competent and respected at work #and i think she finds it easier to say 'i want you to be successful and secure in the world' than 'i want you to be happy'#i don't think she'd articulate it that way. but i think that's a kind of 'happy' that makes sense to her on a gut level. that she Gets more #she finds comfort and security there and she wants it for her kids too #and i know we can connect on some other things. music. cooking. science. but i don't think she gets me in certain ways i wish she would #i love my mom a lot i just sometimes want her to hug me for longer

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