#my mom is always telling ppl how quiet I was as a kid and how I caused the least problems

[sailermoon]

I don’t know what mom needs to hear this but praising your child for being “so quiet” is not the compliment u think it is

[gottagetback2u]

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔 JOBS THAT WOULD FIT STRAY KIDS MEMBERS

these are all specific stores!!! most of these are american stores (i think?) so sorry if they are unfamiliar!! i may or may not have worked at these places before…

BATH AND BODY WORKS

-LEE KNOW!

-chan

-felix

-changbin

what do u mean when u tell me lee know has never stepped foot inside a bath and body works before?? HE IS MADE FOR IT OMG. the apron tied around his waist, his pretty visuals literally drawing customers in. people would actually take the scent testers from him. imagine asking for recommendations and him leading u around the store, calling out scents by name and their “floral, dark, clean” notes. his favorite scent is definitely a spring scent like book loft or a classic like crisp morning air. ALSO imagine his shy, working voice when asking people for their rewards number and then going to the back, rolling his eyes and immediately complaining. made for the job. he’s perfect.

chan and felix are also great fits! they would definitely be a lil too knowledgeable (thanks to sisters and genuine interest). imagine asking for recommendations for scents and felix whips out gingham gorgeous (aka one of the strongest, clean scent with floral). my wonderful body care men :’]

let’s be honest. changbin in an apron. that’s it.

BARNES & NOBLE

-hyunjin

-seungmin

u mean to tell me these nerds wouldn’t apply for barnes & noble at least four times? (honestly, it seems like they’re always hiring then never hire lmao)

hyunjin definitely likes the “quiet” vibe of the workplace. it’s definitely not always quiet, but being surrounded by books and drawing when he has no customers at the help desk is nice. he likes roaming around and looking at new journals, stationary, popular authors, etc. he doesn’t always read, but if the book seems popular enough he will get it to try it out! also, hyunjin dressed as a nerd with his eyebrow piercing and dyed hair. sHEEESSHH that’s the death of me.

ur probably wondering why seungmin isn’t the first name. he is literally the member that ppl said his room was “boring” bc of all the books and that he probably studies for fun. BUT, i don’t think he would necessarily like it as a job? he likes to keep his interests and hobbies to himself, so constantly recommending books or seeing others buy an author he absolutely hated might not be his favorite. although, some days he walks in and is GRATEFUL that he chose this over any other mall job. some days it’s his escape. bookworm 4L.

TARGET

-han

-jeongin

-changbin

han as a target worker is literally canon at this point. lets be honest, he would be a perfect fit. he would wear the same red zip up jacket ever shift, no matter is he’s doing shipment orders or register. mans just wants to be comfy and make money. but in all seriousness!! he likes the people he works with and enjoys how organized everything is. less to get confused and overwhelmed by.

u could find jeongin either at target or ur local grocery store. he just fits the grocery store worker vibe so well. don’t know how to explain.

changbin in a target is something i never thought about but it would work so well? imagine him at the customer service desk asking for ur card information for a refund. like how does it seem so normal???

BEST BUY

-CHANGBIN!!

-felix

first person i thought of for best buy. changbin. he just seems like such a lil dork when thinking about it?? ur telling me he wouldn’t giggle and act flustered when u thought the iphone 15 and 15 max were the same thing? he would. u know he would.

felix just works and we all know it. his mom definitely made him apply bc of his love for PCs and he kinda just got the job. loves doing tech things!! (but hates how rude some of the customers are :[)

TILLY’S

-chan

-jeongin

-han

for those who don’t know, tilly’s is kinda like an alternative skater/surfer clothing store! like beach clothes for skaters… if that makes sense…

from past experience of working here, chan just fits the manager role so well. diligent when working and so nice?? customers never feel overlooked when talking to him, all workers respect and like him, and he does amazing at his job! another thing that fits him so well is how tired he is :(( tillys puts their managers to workkk i am telling u.

jeongin would feel a lil outcasted when working here, cuz he never expected to work at a mall store??, but he likes it pretty much. he likes being on fitting room duty the most bc he could be on his phone most of the time. but he would DREAD if he was called to be on register bc he always forgets to take the security tags off.

han would fit right in. a lil… too good. he’s there for that employee discount and the limited nike clothes that get put out. would always want to be on register so time goes by faster. once again, he’s there for that check.

[assassinationclassroom-studyblr]

Thought I’d make a whole separate post for this question : @urmomsfavsidehoe

Nagisa on the rare occasion that he doesn’t get enough sleep, is more grouchy than usual for sure. Like it’s not really noticeable at first but he has less of a tolerance for things that annoy him. Terasaka’s being too loud? Nagisa might snap, depending on how much sleep he got. I think the people he sit around aren’t rlly ppl who get on his nerves though, so he’s pretty good for the most part. I think Nagisa is not that self aware tbh 💀 like he thinks he functions the same with or without enough sleep but everyone always notices how much more grouchy he gets and know that he didn’t sleep enough. When they point it out he’s like a 😦😦 no way how did you know 🤨🤨 bitch you just told karma to shut his mouth about delinquent season nO WAY you don’t notice how you act. He also usually knows when to shut his mouth around his mom, but when he’s sleepy he tends to lash out more at her - which he regrets like two seconds later.

Karma is always not running on sleep… which may explain why he’s a little menace. But when he’s truly lacking, like at Asano level, he’s also another grouch 😭 it’s less noticeable, like with Nagisa, but he’s just easier to aggravate as well. And he’s like right next to terasaka so he’s telling the kid to shut up more often, which makes terasaka yell at him more, which in turn annoys karma more. Karma’s usually pretty quiet so I think most people (besides terasaka and koro sensei maybe) would be pretty aware that he’s clearly grumpy, because he kinda wears his annoyed expression on his face, and they’d know not to converse with him too much that day. I think that he’ll skip class and nap by the trees - he will be sleepy in class as he drowns out Korosensei but karma will NOT sleep in class, he might act like he is but he would never sleep in a class filled with assassins. (He’s mainly afraid of nakamura taking pictures as blackmail AND terasaka and nakamura drawing on his face)

Kayano, my girl, my actor, gets by pretty well with little sleep. She was a child actor, and we know how sleep deprived they are despite child labour laws, so I think she knows how to act just fine even with little sleep. She’s kinda used to not sleeping well I think, so however she acts normally is just how she is when she’s sleep deprived. I think she has rlly high energy when she acts as kayano bc she’s like living off of sugar and coffee literally, so she’s rlly hyper with that diet. And then once she’s like stopped “acting” and gets her first like proper night of sleep after revealing her identity, she mellows down a lot more bc she gets enough sleep and eats better.

[theuniverseawakens347]

men in their toxic fem energy call it being masculine but you act how you think a bitch act on another nigga you deem less then and you or you cheat.

yal need to get in touch w a healthy feminine energy ( then you won’t hate ur girl or a good women automatically pick on their kindness to feed ur aggression - gay issues) and count out your masculine energy as always needing to drive the boat - you lost your yin and yang… you’re stuck in one energy but saying “ when it’s good w me n my girl or another softer masculine body built bitch then I’m adapting my energy flow” - no you’re stuck in one and found someone else who’s stuck in that same one but it look opposite now.

toxic fem male says he’s being masculine picks on or easy hangs with a toxic masculine woman who’s presenting fem in clothing but got a masculine built - WHATS the attitude like.

fucking chaos you choose to force to conquer instead of running towards that space that brought you peace - serenity.

and if your peace is chaos - “ it’s too quiet I need to provoke a fight” YOU HAVE FUCKING MENTAL ISSUES LIKE UNDERLINE PYSCHO NO LOGIC SOCIOPATH tendencies

“ what if I know the background story” - are YOU IN A POSITION TO HARASS.. WHATS THE LAW.. 10 commandments .. 12 spiritual laws… GOLDEN RULE.. kill em w kindness but anyways - “ mom taught me when they hit me hit back” … okay but you lick back for eye for an eye MAKE THE WORLD BLLIND - YOU LOST YO GOTDAMN REASON AND BECAME THE ABUSER CUSS YOU FINDING FUN N BRINGING YO ABUSER AGONGY.. YOU NOT HEALING DUMMBY YOU TURNING INTO A ASSWIPE … now you take that anywhere - baby serial killer in the makings. OR you walk away and think “ we even” but DONT PROCESS YO SHIT ACTIONS IN DEPTH.. NOW YOU MISERABLE AFTER 3 days of happiness and wondering why - YOU TOOK IT TOO FUCKING FAR AND LACK ACCOUNTABILITY

then yal mad when yal kids take it out on you.. or your good friend don’t want shit to do with you. 🫤🫤 vice versa on the parents too. .. kids you mad when mommy dad reprimand you then it becomes “ you can’t tell me shit when you do x y n z here” … but them different playing fields - U MAD YOU KNOW YOU DID SOME DUMB SHIT BUT DONT WANA TAKE ABOUT ITNBC YOU SPENT ALL THAT TIME THINKING “ it’s right if how or when I do it”

I like convo and my space to heal - SEEING ALL ANGLES TO GET A CLEAR VIEW ON WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE TO TAKE PRECAUTIONS MEASURE OF ACCOUNTABILITY IN NOT LETTING SHITTY SHIT LIKE THAT ON MY END HAPPY AGAIN - golden rule … if I wouldn’t like it done to me WHY WOULD I DO IT TO SOMEONE ELSE.

You played w my safety IM BEAT YO ASS TIL ITS RIGHT.. not til I’m satisfied I “won” - EQUAL EXCHANGE -… AGAIN A YR AND CHANGE OF MAKING ME HOMELESS TO MENTALLY HARASS ME SO YOU CAN SAY IM CRAZY …THEN PUT UNSAFE PPL AROUND ME TO HARASS MY SAFETY TO TEST “ the god in her” THEN DO MORE NEFARIOUS CRIMNAL ID FRAUD AS ME BC THE OTHER TWO POCKETS NOT GIVING THE PROOF YOU NEED TO DEEM ME UNFIT FOR MY LIVING AT AVA BEING 1000010% LEGIT LEGAL SAFE FUN N HAPPY ON MY END - YOU HATE SOMEONE ELSE TALENT DEPSITE THE GOD IN ME WAKING - THE DISCIPLINE YOU LACK TO FIND YOUR AUTHENTIC HAPPINESS THAT FEEDS YOUR MIND BODY AND SOUL - healing but you the “chosen one” and still spreading the curse 🫤 DDG you look duller and duller every fucking video since starting YouTube as a hit in college - abortion x 2 MURDER.

[unktto]

{life life life}

i love living here and i am so happy staying here i work i take care of cami i have my tio who is starting to be more in my life now and he says im like a daughter to him which is awesome cause idk where my dad is rn like i have his lo but he wont respond to me anymore and he doesn’t talk to me unless i text him to call and he still won’t answer

i have my tia who is mean sometimes but she’s just going through a lot always and she’s really funny so it’s okay

i have my grandma and we work together and at first it was stressful and shit but i am starting to get the hang of it and we are starting to be good again to the point we are chismeando at work now

cami is wonderful and i love watching her and talking with her and she’s a great kid

cesar is just there sometimes he’s cool and whatnot he’s just kinda there

AND AND ME

so i’ve been saving for my car recently and i am buying my car first since i want to get better at driving before i get my license cause i mean i don’t really need a license it’s good to have if i get pulled over tho

either way saving and i’m going to sm party with ally this weekend

my mom is cool idk she’s alr i don’t see her much anymore which is honestly good for me idk she’s cool people but we get along a lot lot more when we are far apart mostly since we don’t talk

she said “yeha sometimes you just need to leave your kid so they know you love them”

like cool yall both leave

but wtv honestly im grown im just trynna buy my car and then start saving for my apartment

i just want to have my own shit together and it’s starting to work out

i don’t have the best jobs but i’m working really hard to get to where i’m going

and it’s going to work out i just know it

like there’s no drama anymore and i am absolutely loving it

i like the mess sometimes because it’s eventful until it actually happens and i am just annoyed and want out of it

which thankfully i am

i like a quiet peaceful loving life and rn that’s my life

i am really happy where i am and i know it’s going to keep getting better because i am currently working on it to get better

as much as i talk about guys it’s just less embarrassing than talking about my life and accomplishments because if i talk about them then my ppl are gonna put them down and or tell me i could be doing more or everything different and honestly i am trying to not have them ruin it

yesterday my tia said i was boy crazy which cause all i talk about it guys because that’s the only shit they listen to they won’t sit there and listen to my actual day and what’s going on in my life unless it involves some dude because they just love shitting on everything

and she was telling me to focus on my life but my actual life is private they know what they see which is me coming from work and going to my moms for work and even then shit on me for having two jobs because “they are talk advantage of me” like how? i am working and getting good money it isn’t my jobs fault for me being bad at managing money (which im getting better at)

i am working very hard on it actually and i have money saved at both houses and separated and it’s going to work out soon

i am not tired yet i get tired from work obviously but i am doing so good

and i’m not letting anyone in and let them know what im working on unless i trust them like my til cause he’s going to help me get the car since he knows people

and my grandma since i’m hiding my money in her room

[chososcamgirl]

HIIIHIIHIII GOOD EVENING (i have a feeling you’re going to answer this at night so that’s why i said evening😋) BUT HOW ARE YOUUU

today i went out by myself cuz my mom was saying how i never leave the house and go out unless it’s school😡(she’s right tho..) so i decided to go to the dollar store and i got some yarn!! i feel like i’m probs saying this cuz i’m kinda new at knitting and crocheting since i started a few months ago but i genuinely can’t really tell the difference between dollar store yarn and like more expensive yarn?? idk if that’s just me tho.. IM ALSO STARTING TO SEE A DIFFERENCE IN MY SKIN!!! i have a love hate relationship with accutane.. ANYWAYS after i was walking home i saw one of my moms friends with her toddler AND OMG?? her daughter looks so grown now😭 i haven’t seen her in a year and now the little girl is already 4😞😞 and then once i actually got home i crocheted a star coaster and gave one to my mom!! and i also crocheted a green sqaure and gave it to my dad even tho it’s just a basic sqaure💔evb says how crocheting is harder than knitting but i find crocheting easier.. STILL LOVE KNITTING THO!!! i was wondering if you australians actually pronounce “no” and “so” as naurrr and saurrr😭 i am so sorry omg.. while i was halfway into typing about my day i was taking my pill and i choked on it😞

OKAY ENOUGB OF ME TALKINGN I HOPE YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL DAY/NIGHT

-🪼

UR CORRECT 🪼 ANON! it is currently 1:16 am and my eyes hurt like hell but WE BALL🔥 IM GOOD! was a chill day 2day so very relaxing🙂‍↕️ HBY!?

oh so real when i was in school i never went out besides work or going to school😭 i feel u 😓 also i still can’t get over that you knit and crochet that is SO COOL also THE YARN THING LMFAO maybe the quality? idk i’ve never knitted in my life don’t listen to me HELP. AW YAY FOR SKIN!!! so happy 4 u. i hope the side effects aren’t too bad <3 KIDS GROW UP SO FAST like 5 months could go by without you seeing them and suddenly they’re spitting fully formed sentences like what? excuse me who are you.. THE COASTERS ARE SO CUTE AND FUN OMG pls. i must learn to do either one day.. LMFAO i don’t think my accent is very strong bc ppl say i sound british (i just have a quiet voice) but yes we drag on the last syllable😭 THANK YEW! I ALWAYS ENJOY READING UR ASKS <33 YOU TOO ANGEL!!

[sincelastsession]

This Doctor I follow has a ton of really good information much I'm sure you know about.

This is like 99% relatable to what I experience.

Currently I'm in bed but I can't relax my muscles because I'm clearly in a weird mix hypervigiliant state.

I'm still too scared to leave my apartment and I'm still too afraid to come home to my apartment if I'm dragged places.

It's been quiet so far since the officer came out and took pictures of the damage.

I can't afford the camera and I was told I shouldn't need one by my dad and he has this bright idea to call my property management ppl and bother my ancient Indian landlord who is in Texas which I mean. I spoke to them once before and I just got asked if I wanted to terminate the lease.

I've found places to live in my parents budget. One place is just a shotgun with no heating or dishwasher or laundry but it's under 800 and big with a 500allowance to paint if I wish. It's on Lemonwood.

Then there's places on corporate that have a downstairs and upstairs bedroom that are a bit more but currently I have a friend trying to find a place.

She's looking at income restricted and I have too but the income restricted places are all worse than here for my mental and physical health. I read all the ratings and if I rented a small house in a area that my parents didn't like I could always foster a dog again and revolve my life with that for a reset. I could put cameras up. I could get a safe. I can but plug in heaters or something idfk.

The other places under 1k are scattered in areas that are 2hr drives to baton rouge.

I considered a place in Spanish Town that was perfect but my father was quick to say no to the area and had a massive tantrum abt the price.

The thing is I ofc want to be financially stable and I don't think it's impossible, I just don't know how I'll work from home and make enough on my own hours because that's the kind of job I need.

But first I know I have many things to work on before anything can happen.

It hurts so much having my parents promise to get me outta her by next end of July or August and then my dad laughing at me saying "MUCH LONGER THAN THAT"

I was told it wasn't bullshit this time.

They both promised me they care and want to move me asap. I have doctors notes just because of the stairs and c-PTSD.

My psychiatrist doesn't want me anywhere near here because he's apparently had other patients that are VA ppl that were having issues because of the bullshit that happens.

Like I'm considering bringing a dog from CAABR for a short term socialization rest from the pound so they get better kennel presence and training and are more likely to be adopted or taken on transport to a no kill.

It wouldn't be long term so I can literally just say I'm a foster and return the dog if there's an issue.

When I had my first foster Arlo I was on a schedule despite the fact I hated it but I was at the dog park and training and dropping off at dog daycare and the foster house like a mom with a kid. That was a good pain in the ass. I wish he had been a foster fail. I'd have kept him. I had him knowing 10 commands at 8 months. He was such a smart puppy and very protective of me. CAABR paid for mostly everything.

If I didn't have the stairs problem I'd go pull a dog tomorrow.

My cats don't alert as much.

I really am exhausted.

My partner has been having a hard time but it's upsetting me that I've had to lose sleep and care for him too and he hasn't given me a chance to tell him what's been happening to me.

He's just depressed and anxious and drinking and I can't do fuck about his pain other than to be loving and kind which we all need.

I'm dealing with the fucking Jerry Springer show, hitting nonverbal, having meltdowns and ptsd episodes. Not eating very well or at all. Scouring the internet for places to move. Having fucking heart issues that SUCK. Probably ye Ole broken heart syndrome or something like it Probably due to stress. Sat on the curb of the most dangerous wafflehouse parking lot to escape my mother who blamed me for her 600× sugars. My father is being a tyrant. My sister verbatim was screaming on the phone at my dad like an asshole and he was like "ok sweetie ill fix it when I get home LOVE YOUUUU" annnnd he says he sounds a certain way and won't change but he spoke to her like a princess then turned around and spoke to me like I was shit.

Like my partner has no fucking clue how stressed I am.

Oh no but his fee fees are hurt because no one that loves him checked on him. WHO AM I THEN WHO THE FUCK HAVE I BEEN FOR THE LAST 6 YEARS FUCKING ASSSSSSHOLE.

So it's easier to talk to me instead of the ppl he's putting on a charade for there...yet he can't be as vulnerable with me as he wants. Then he bitches about wanting to marry his other married partner and dude fuck him rn.

I've stuck with his ass a long time but absolutely fuck this shit. I'm not breaking it off but I'm mad as hell.

Like obviously till he gets over his shit I'll just fucking go back to how I used to be.

Little to no friends, stuck inside, zero help, only called when it benefits others. I'll just ROT here. Fuck em all tbh.

Like why did my ex send me a picture and video of his stand up routine and I just couldn't talk at that point in time and I asked him you know I wanna catch up soon I'm having non verbal issues and showed him a screen cap of the heart EKG results so he would understand that because his dad works in heart health care With all the heart doctors.

But like why. Yeah I still love him and I am totally available for a partner here And he's probably the only person I would allow to touch me at this point in time.

And then I was supposed to do things with Justin Because it was his birthday but he can't respect my boundaries of I'll message you when I'm feeling up to it he's just messaging me random shit and I don't want to look at it or respond. And I feel bad that I don't want to talk to him even if it is his birthday like I'm not ready to do that I have other things going on and he would trigger me and I'm not going to tell him that he's a trigger because he has wild fucking eyes and I know damn well that those eyes mean something bad. I've been in enough psychfacilities to understand what those eyes mean. There's lots of people that have dead eyes there's lots of people that have manic eyes there's lots of people that have drug users eyes but psychotic and psychosis and certain points in bipolar episode eyes are fucking terrifying and it's not just how his eyes look it's how they look now VS how they used to look when I was younger and there's something very off about him the way that he pushed all the blame on to me and the way that he said he was fine with polyamory and then he had a freak out at me because I forced him to read a book which I damn well did not he said he would be happy to read it and he was excited for us to read it together And he kept pushingToward sex and just fucking Gross.

And my ex-boyfriend who is now sober never once doesn't matter how drunk he was he never forced me or pushed me to have any sort of sexual contact with him if I was anxious or not feeling it. Hey would justRespond with do you want to cuddle let's just cuddle you didn't give me enthusiastic consent let's just sleep or Hey I'll sleep on the fucking floor even though I have a guest room he always would say that but he was drunk and forgot there was another room I suppose. Anyway I mean fuck I mean I would love to talk to him and see if he would be interested but he is doing lots of things with his life and I don't want to trigger him back into alcoholism.

The thing with Matt is I don't mind that he drinks and destroys his body that is his prerogative but when it's affecting my relationship with him that is what pisses me off and usually he keeps it under control and usually he keeps his shit together and goes to therapy and all that and this is just a non linear moment in my relationship because I don't want to give app on it and I don't know where it's going and I can't predict that and everybody questions me about it and Bitches about how long-term relationships are hard they're no harder than an in person relationship in fact I think in person is more difficult.

Then I have a constant influx of people in my Facebook friend request box and I've accepted all of them and I just keep getting creepy dudes messaging me and I'm like I'm not looking for another partner and they don't understand what no means the first time around until you start talking like their mother would yell at them.

And then you get a fuck you fat bitch blah blah blah but you don't have a partner anyway blah blah blah and then I have to block them and it's like I'm not really looking for another partner because Baton Rouge is not really quality material people that would work well with me that I'm aware of. Because the people that hit on me are much much younger than me like to a creepy degree that bothers me. Or it's very old creepy men that you could not pay me to give them sugar. And I'm not looking to just jump into a relationship and fuck somebody they're going to have to fucking wait. I don't work like everybody else mentally. I just don't I don't know how to explain it I try to explain it with information I find online and videos so like people get an idea of what I Go through because I Don't Know how Else to articulate any of it.

It's frustrating because I think that is what gets me misunderstood and then I obviously have a propensity to be hyperverbal and have a very hard time stopping and holding on to thoughts. And we can look at the diagnosis that I have and figure out what's causing what and I know that I mention those things and that is generally compulsive but I'm not trying to like fit the bill. Because I know that many of these conditions overlap and cause the same problems or a cluster fuck of issues and symptoms that could be misdiagnosed for something else which I'm fully aware of but that's what I have in my chart.

I don't like the way that I am so often misinterpreted and I'm tired of trying to adjust myself to please other people even though I understand that this world was not made for people like me and not everyone is going to respond well to just how I speak and I know that I need to work on things but I do not want to minimize the very little things about me That make me myself that I couldn't verbalize to tell you what that is and I still don't know how to explain. I mean it would be like making a gay person straight you can't do that with someone that's autistic you can't make an autistic person alistic. I mean you can send them to all sorts of horrible therapies that fuck them up. And then it's just more therapy they will need after that to function properly. I understand there is some therapy for autism that does not fuck people up and helps people like me learn t you learn cues and how to function in this hell hole.

I'm also fully aware that there are plenty of mostly mentally healthy people that are losing their fucking minds because of the state of the world and probably patients Many therapists all over Baton Rouge and the globe.

Sometimes it's super frustrating because certain things in my brain just don't click into place and I know they're supposed to but I'm just sitting there trying very hard to understand but not understanding and not seeing what other people are saying no matter how hard I try to be aware of it

And then sometimes I'm aware of it and I cannot make myself fucking stop.

It's not for lack of trying.

And then if I was on medication for AD HD that worked then I would probably be a lot easier to talk with. I would probably get more shit done I would probably be a lot more organized I mean I'm a completely different person on that medicine. But I've already explained all of this to you so you're aware that I'm just raw dogging reality aside from anxiety medication And medical marijuana at night for pain reasons or for whatever the fuck I need it for pain and other reasons.

And I do not think that the marijuana or the anxiety medicine is causing me any issues. I don't really feel any different than I did taking it when I was younger. I wish my dose was 4 mg a day and so 3 but obviously I don't want to fuck with my tolerance and I was on 2 mg and now my psychiatrist is making me take all 3 and I hate it because I do want to be more alert and I don't want to be this sedated because it feels really weird.

And when I say it feels weird I mean I know I'm sedated like I'm calmer. Outwardly I am cool as a cucumber.

Inside I'm screaming I'm pounding the fucking walls I am flipping out I am constantly checking my fucking windows like a paranoid person. I'm terrified I am still hyperventilate and not all the time does the medicine actually keep me sedated very long because I'm an ultra fast metabolizer my geneticist ran all those pharmacy genetics testing on me and I'm not just talking about gene site.

She thinks I have some sort of genetic mutation but I won't see her till next Spring likely.

I can't wait to have all of that fucking testing done and over with so I can know exactly what the hell is going on with me that they can read. And then I can take about 50 weights off my fucking back.

[egos]

losing the fucking plot

[moo-nstone]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS [part 5]

— people with jupiter in the 8th may experience an “abundance” of traumatic experiences throughout life, often relating to death; these are the people who truly feel like everyone they love ends up dying. at their worst, they can become desensitized to death— jupiter is ruled by sagittarius, a sign known for being in denial when in difficult situations in favor of optimism. these natives can pretend like nothing actually happened, or minimize the situation in their head so that they don’t have to face it.

— okay this might be a weird one... like, you know in asoiaf when arya was walking through the streets and was always like “i’m as quiet as a shadow”? that’s literally the energy of someone with planets in the 12th house/chart ruler in the 12th house. these people are so stealthy. they’re able to move so quietly and without anyone noticing, both literally and figuratively. on one hand, they’re very quiet about their plans and ambitions to the point where other people only find out when they’re achieving success over it; on the other hand, they just. don’t like making noise while walking idk bitch you’ll only see me coming when i’m right beside you, i even get paranoid that i’m breathing too loud and that other people will hear 

— people with moon aspecting mars can be incredibly impulsive when they feel hurt or triggered. yall need to be careful with doing things in the heat of the moment that you know you’ll regret later... but in the moment, you feel so hurt that it clouds your rational side. please be more self-aware about this because you may make decisions that will directly affect you for the worse in the future 

— people with leo mars ft. constantly asking you for pictures... about anything. they just wanna SEE LMFAO THEY DON’T CARE WHAT IT IS THEY’RE SEEING. you just got ready to go out? “send pics of your makeup and your full outfit”. you’re waiting in a long boring line to get the covid vaccine? “send pics of the line”. your mom baked cake? “send pics of the cake”. plus they send so many random pictures while texting, it’s their special love language

— having moon conjunct moon/venus in synastry feels insane. you tell them something you’ve been through, and they’re immediately like “that happened with me as well.” it doesn’t even have to be something grand, sometimes just very specific things you thought were particular about you. the amount of understanding that comes with this aspect in synastry can feel very new and intense especially if you’re used to seeing yourself as the “odd one out”, used to feeling isolated in your experiences 

— people with pluto in the 1st house often feel the need to erase “traces” of their existence, for example deleting messages that they sent people, deleting all of their social media posts. they can feel anxious and paranoid about other people having access to their past self, even if the past self in question is from, like. a week ago 

— people with chiron in the water houses (4th/8th/12th) might’ve suffered bullying to the point where they repress their memories. a lot of their memories of their school years may feel foggy if they were bullied in those years

— also. people with chiron in the 8th house may feel as though they’ve been punished for wanting to experience intimacy. it’s like, the people who were supposed to be the closest to them – for example, their sibling or something – were the ones who hurt them the most. 

— people with mercury-neptune aspects and strong pisces/neptune energy in their birth chart might struggle with only remembering things when they’re right in front of them. you should keep things in your peripheral vision to remind you of reality, especially when it comes to feelings— so that you won’t start getting lost inside your own head. like... keep the letters your friends wrote you by your bedside table so you can read them every time your brain starts convincing you that you’re not loved. keep the gifts you’ve been sent on display in your bedroom wall, or sentimental material things that remind you of past happy experiences.

— earth placements and their thing for asmr... omfg. it’s like they’re always looking for things to up their sensory experience/sensitivity. like, earth signs are the ones most connected to worldly experiences so they feel so soothed with the whole asmr experience: just hearing someone gently whispering or tapping on/scratching things calms them down and helps them fall asleep. they love the tingles it’s heaven for them

— moon-saturn aspects might hold and caress themselves while they sleep because their parents never did. yes i woke up and chose violence <3 your secret is NOT safe with me 💋

— while we’re on the topic of sleeping, a majority of the pisces moons i know need to sleep while hugging something, at least a pillow. they can’t just not hug something while they sleep, it’s very instinctive for them. anyways if any pisces moon needs a pillow to hold, i volunteer as tribute 💋

— virgo placements feel sososo soothed by hearing their cats purr. thinking about how my virgo placement friends are always the ones who send me videos of them petting their cats... and then i get soothed by how soothed they feel. it’s a win win situation, if you have virgo placements it’s hereby your duty to send me a video of you petting your cat while they purr. right now. GO

— people with gemini in the 3rd house might have shaky movements of the hands when other people look at them doing things. very specific i know but the third house rules hands and gemini is a sign that has somewhat of an anxious, twitchy quality to it. on the other hand, people with capricorn in the 3rd house (scorpio risings, using whole signs) have the steadiest hands i’ve ever seen lol their movements ooze confidence, these bitches know how to make you feel as thought they know exactly what they’re doing

— people with venus in the 1st house ft. altering their pics with photoshop and hating posting selfies without filters because they never feel like their appearance is good enough. stop it. you don’t need to always look your best and especially not if your ‘best’ isn’t even what you actually look like. also... don’t even think about making self-deprecative jokes about your appearance. next time i find one of yall saying “ahaha im not bad for a 5 without talent” i’m squishing your head between 2 pieces of toast and calling you an idiot sandwich. you’re BEAUTIFUL 

— having venus in the 3rd house in composite with someone? do you mean calling each other the absolute ugliest nicknames in the most endearing way? 

— leo deals with themes of the ego, and it seems that leo placements often struggle with attracting narcissistic people into their life... leo suns/mercuries can be raised by loud, overbearing, narcissistic parents who see their kid as an extension of themselves and who teach the kid to always be very supportive and caring towards them or else they’ll deny them of words of affirmation-- either by insulting them to shatter their self-esteem or simply never complimenting the kid back. leo moons/mars/venus tend to attract narcissistic partners who only care about serving their own emotional needs and ignore the ones of their partner, and who feed off of their supportive and giving nature. which is why leo placements really need to watch out for being gullible, naïve and dismissing the red flags because my god, you be falling for some shady people. 

— people with personal planets in the 12th house/chart ruler in the 12th house might feel like they can’t let go of their past life— they may dream of memories, people or places from another life. it’s like they can’t detach from it, and even if they can’t directly remember their past life, it’s like they feel it in their bones. also, they might’ve felt... estranged from their family ever since childhood; there may have been feelings of being unable to emotionally connect to their (often, distant) parents, and they might’ve even wondered if they were adopted because of how different they felt to the rest of the family. 

— okay so, a thing that people with saturn in the 3rd house need to look out for is mentally checking out of conversations while they’re still happening. these people can detect when they’re being manipulated really fast and their way of dealing with it can be to immediately shut down, to grow cold and silent and not even bother answering when you’re expected to respond. and, like, that’s great when someone starts screaming at you or being insulting/trying to coerce you into shit, but take notice if you find yourself shutting your loved ones out as soon as they say anything that triggers you. don’t simply detach from them, communicate what’s wrong

— aries placements, ESPECIALLY aries suns and moons, value generosity so much and they get so turned off by stingy ppl who don’t share with others, especially when others need it. like.. if you’re hanging out in a group with them and someone asks for a bite of your food because they have no money and you say no... espect them to never respect you. ever. 

— people with libra placements use soooo many adjectives to describe things. something can’t just be beautiful, it has to be DIVINE and CELESTIAL and INTOXICATING. they can be so expressive god it’s so fcking funny 

— capricorn placements HATE asking others for advice because they think no one knows better than them (and they’re not wrong, lol). when they truly care for someone, they might ask the person for advice simply as a sign that they respect, trust and value their judgement. even if they don’t plan on taking it LMFAO 

— people with mars in a water sign can have this terrible habit of expecting other people to guess what they want. and then they get passive agressive when you don’t instinctively feel what it is they want... and when you ask them “do you want this?”, they go like “FINALLY. i thought you’d never get there”. stop it. i know that you want people to understand you in a way that transcends words, but you can’t expect people to read your mind and then get disappointed when they don’t, thinking “oh if they loved me that much then they would’ve known that i really want chipotle for dinner :(” GIRL WHAT. COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS  

[raviosrupees]

Super Specific Linked Universe Headcanons Pt 1.

All of the Links are autistic but they all have wildly different ways of presenting it. Ask me about their special interests, please. Please.

Warriors is in his 20s. He is an Aquarius. I'm right.

Sky is the ultimate straight cis ally, but he has bi wife energy. He is best friends with Legend, and they're kind of inseparable.

Twilight is a taurus, he's cis and bisexual, but leans towards women and fem ppl (and too hung up to think about anyone but one woman)

Wild is taller than yall think, 17 or 117 whatever is more convenient for him, zelda told him his birthday is november 7th (scorpio, ofc) and he just accepts that.

Hyrule is pansexual (mostly cis but might be genderfluid, he likes to wear feminine clothes and makeup)

Four is like? 3'8, and he's 20 yo but most people don't believe him. He's a trans boy, and most of the colors are too besides vio, who I think is either genderfluid or pangender, uses all pronouns. Four is bisexual but leans towards guys, though he loves his Zelda.

Legend is 4'10, 17 yo, born december 14th at midnight. he is trans, any pronouns, and bisexual.

Ravio is same height and age as Legend, and they're both born on the same day but ravio was born at noon. This really bothers Legend, he wants his own birthday. Ravi loves it.

also ravio is gay, asian/latino, chubby and has the best smile <3

war is cis and bisexual but he leans towards women, I think he's aromantic but probably could be romantically involved with someone.

Times eyes are more gray than blue

Sky 9 times out of 10 has no clue whats going on. Stupid and confused, and its perfect.

Twilight always knows where all of them are, and I don't even know if it's just smell. He has mom instincts "where are my kids, what are they doing"

Wild got mad anger issues pls calm down babe. Kind of scary. He lets hyrule braid his hair sometimes.

Hyrules eyes are more green than blue, and he has freckles all over his face and body (jokes he ought to get a kiss for every freckle)

Whenever Wind gets mail from his little sister, he reads it to the group. He's very proud of her, and she's very proud of him. She has a bunch of big brothers now.

Four + the colors are white-asian mixed (or looks like it yk, bc he's hylian) his eyes are dark brown.

Legend goes non verbal a lot, esp when they're stressed, but when she talks, she talks. I mean, hand gestures, ranting, cussing, pointing, "and you a bitch, and you a bitch." favorite curse word is cunt.

warriors ruffle everyone's hair, and they all hate it (esp four and legend, who claims he's going to choke him with his own scarf)

Sky likes to sing and dance, and wishes more of them would dance with him.

Twilight has slept as a wolf so often that it's practically natural for him, he really prefers it. Also, he takes all of his nightwatch shifts as a wolf.

Wild will teach literally anyone about edible flora and mushrooms and such, and foraging around hyrule, if only they would listen. Sometimes talks random animals ears off about his favorite flavor combos. Sky loves to listen and ask questions.

Hyrule will hand his favorite people random stuff as "gifts" like feathers, flowers, rocks, dead bugs (he's obsessed with bugs, he loves them so so much and they're all his friends) his favorite animal is a bumblebee

i know we all agree wind swears likek a bloody sailor, bc thats what he is, but how about him using random shit for swears like, "crabs cankles," "bilge-sucking" or calling the others landlubbers. also feel like he'd be the type to say "bite me" when someone disagrees with him.

Four keeps a bunch of books in his bag, and if their reading is disturbed they all have different reactions. Blue pinches or glares, Vio ignores you unless she deems what youre saying important, red gets physically distressed, and green will actually tell you to be quiet. (blue pinches a lot actually)

Legend is a very picky eater, especially with textures, this pisses wild off (wdym you dont like it YOU HAVENT EVEN TRIED IT)

Sky's Zelda is a bisexual virgo, and she knows everything.

Malon makes very good bread. I want to shove that shit in my face ong. Also she insists on giving each of the boys big hugs when shes sees them.

[fayoftheforest]

hey hey!! random question but what do you think kyle's kids are like? or even cartman's kids. i've just been sitting in my little corner with my own little characterizations so i figured might as well break out of my shell a little and ask other ppl what their interpretations are, and ur rlly fun!! :D

Thank you so much for the ask!! I love all your art of Kyle and Cartmans' children very much, it's fantastic :D I thought long and hard, and have come up with these wildly unfounded headcanons for Kyle’s children, partially influenced by kidfics I have read by authors such as Hollycomb and Sekrit (credit to the latter for being the first to name Kyle’s kid Benji!)

Benjamin Bartholemew Broflovski: I’ve always headcanoned Kyle’s middle name as Benjamin. Likewise, I hc Bartholomew is a family name on Gerald’s side, so Kyle wanted to honour that too. Plus, he's a big fan of alliteration :D

Benji is an overachieving, do-no-wrong golden child. He plays a lot of soccer in his youth (watched over by Soccer Mom Kyle) but switches to basketball in high school after a generous growth spurt. He’s also academically gifted, getting great grades in all of his classes. His favourite subject is history, specifically early civilisation. Would you like to know how the ancient Egyptians mummified the dead? Or the process of constructing an ancient Roman road? Well, he’s going to tell you anyway, and the lecture will last no less than two hours, and no, you don’t get a break. The only time that Benji does not exude confidence is when it comes to dating when he's older, wherein he’s a flustered and stuttering mess. He’s got the Bitchless Broflovski curse, I’m afraid 😔

Despite his radiant childhood, he goes through a rebellious phase in his early teen years. He starts to worry that people see him as boring or stuck-up, and so acts out. I doubt he’d go full goth, but maybe he’d get busted for drinking on school property or something, camped out behind the bleachers with some of the Bad Kids. Kyle gets SO MAD that the full name is cracked out: "Benjamin Bartholemew Broflovski!" but Benji figures if it’s pissing his dad off, then he must be doing something right. This behaviour spirals out of control until he has a bit of a scare (someone gets hurt, but not seriously), and after Kyle comes to his rescue, the two have a good ol’ heart to heart and all is well once more :) 

During the brief moment we see him in Post Covid, Benji is shown wearing a kippah, which could indicate that he’s an orthodox Jew. However, Kyle’s lifestyle does not seem to adhere to orthodoxy on the show, and I imagine he’d raise Benji as a reform/liberal Jew, just like I think Kyle is. The kippah could be because they’re at a Denny’s Applebees Max, and some Jews choose to cover their heads when eating, but I believe that, like Gerald, he simply wears his all of the time. As the post-covid conclusion is a utopian vision, Benji has been raised without the same antisemitic bullying that his father experienced, and so has no shame or self-loathing about being Jewish. He’s proud and he’s passionate about his faith!

Ada-May Sheila Broflovski: Kyle strikes me as the kind of guy to name his daughter after a famous feminist figure. Ada is after Ada Lovelace, who’s widely considered to be the first computer programmer! The ‘May’ is a family name, double barreled because he likes the ring to it. Sheila is of course after his mother, who he may have his gripes with, but still loves very dearly.

Ada is a quiet child. Raised in her older brother’s shadow, she’s not as naturally gifted at sports, and despite her namesake struggles quite a lot with math. Kyle loves both his children equally of course, but sometimes he doesn’t know what to make of her, because she’s not very expressive and quite emotionally closed off at times. She really enjoys reading, particularly nonfiction, so Kyle finds ways to connect with her by talking to her about the books she enjoys, and reading her favourites with her.

Ada doesn’t have too many friends whilst growing up, which Kyle stresses over to no end, but she doesn’t mind too much, happy in her own little world. In high school she makes friends with Moisha, Cartman’s son, and they start the school paper together. This kickstarts her passion for photography, as she follows Moisha around with a camera whist he asks people invasive and leading questions. The pair get into a lot of trouble together, and many hijinks ensue. Kyle blames it on Moisha's upbringing by his inept father and secretly misses the days when Ada didn’t have so many friends.

Tzedakah (charity work) is one of the most important commandments that Jews are obligated to observe, and I can see Ada really connecting with this mitzvah. She loves helping people in need, and works on many, many charity drives and events throughout her youth. She inherits a strong sense of justice from her father, and I love the idea of them bonding over this! They volunteer every Wednesday night at a soup kitchen together, and Benji sometimes comes too, making it a family affair :D

So, those are my main headcanons for Benji and Ada at the moment! I’d love to hear anyone else’s thoughts if they’d like to share theirs as well. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to ramble!!

[bylertruther]

Thoughts on some unexplored pairings in s5? Would you want to see any of these?

El and Nancy

Will and Steve

Joyce and Lucas

Hopper and Robin

Dustin and Jonathan

el and nancy interacting would just be girlboss2girlboss communication. el paraded around in nancy's clothes in s1 and thought she was pretty so already i want them to interact so that el can see what a Woman Wanting Independence and Selfhood^tm looks like, but i know that they will undoubtedly at least in passing interact bc el's got her powers back, knows all about henry, and nancy's got to tell them about her vision and took the leadership role, too, while they were gone and i don't think she'll relinquish it and suddenly go quiet. but! i do think it'd be cool for them to be in a fight sequence together. nancy with her gun n el doing her jedi mind tricks. the usual, u kno.

will and steve aka mr steal yo girl + mr struggle <3 jk they are both mr struggle, but will very much less so bc at least the boy he wants wants him back and he's just too blind to see it unlike steve who doesn't realize his dream is nancy's nightmare n thought he somehow still had a chance jus cos they were talking again LMAOOOOO L sorry, steve. teehee. anyway i think it's kinda funny that steve got roped up into all of this bc of will and yet... they've never Once said anything 2 each other. like, at all. unless u count the group responding to him when they're sneaking through scoops ahoy's backdoor as an interaction, but i don't. i would like to see it jus bc i'm so curious how the duffers think they'd interact with each other but i doubt we'll get it. sadge</3

joyce and lucas ok. did mike call the byers when will wasn't at school and then weasel his way inside to stay by will's side even at the lab? yes. but lucas went to the gate BY HIMSELF with only a SLINGSHOT and some POCKET LINT! joyce is a mama bear ok she has enough love to go around n i feel like she can have scenes that aren't with hopper without her fucking dying or smth. let her interact with anyone else please for the love of byIer 🙄 and lucas is a sweetie so i think everyone should love n appreciate him always n forever all the time so. i'll take it<3 omg imagine them protecting n standing guard for the injured ppl in the monster war in s5... or joyce reassuring lucas about max in general since she has some experience when she almost lost will... i'd Ascend

hopper and robin. hmmmmmmm. see in my brain i could headcanon something between them but in canon? lol. i'm tired of the same people being paired up for the ENTIRE season so tbh i would welcome anything new and this would definitely be new!

dustin and jonathan give off the BIGGEST responsible big brother x annoying little brother vibes ever. their mini interaction in s2 when the junkyard crew meets up with j*ncy and dustin greets him + dustin literally sounding and acting like a little kid when he pushes jonathan out of the booth and says "LeT mE tRy, jOnAtHaN 😠😤" bc he wants to be the one to push the button is so funny to me lol. also, him calling their mom joyce instead of ms. byers is just... lmao. okay, dustin. clearly, they amuse me so yes i would love to see them!

in general, if it's a pairing that hasn't ever interacted before or has interacted only once for two seconds, my answer is always goign to be Yes I Want To See Them bc gah daMN all them characters in that ensemble and for WHAT? to show the same team up every time? cringe. (except for byIer i want them paired up 24/7 forever. or else.)

[modawg]

things to remember :)

(trigger warning mostly for things at the end)

charlie one of percys best friends died on a boat in the middle of the ocean while he was there and then had to go back to camp and tell everyone that charlie had died on a boat in the middle of the ocean while he the son of poseidon was there and he probably hates himself for it every single day

percy probably still has moments where he thinks “oh charlie would love this” or “yo this makeup is so cheap it would be a great gift for silena” or “wheres the dam water fountain” etc and then remembers they all died and is put in a sad mood for the rest of the day like when he thought tyson had died—sometimes it takes someone else to remind him that they have died to remember

percy thought tyson died before he could call him brother

percy watched his mother die then thought she was going to stay dead through out basically 3/4 of the first book

percy watched clarisse one of the strongest ppl he knew and looked up to break down crying after watching silena die

percy was abused mentally physically and emotionally for most of his childhood

percy also watched his mother be mentally physically and emotionally abused for most of his childhood (and she was probably sexually abused as well but he didn’t see that)

percy doesn’t know jason died yet and will probably think his death was his fault bc he didn’t go with apollo on his quest

percy blamed/still blames himself for biancas death

percy watched luke k*ll himself

percy probably beats himself up about not staying behind in tartarus to help

percy has been through tartarus

percy probably hates himself for what happened in nicos childhood

percy probably still feels guilty for leaving calypso on her island and for blowing up that valcano

percy was burned alive and i would be extremely suprised if he didn’t have at least one scar to show for it

after meeting reyna and her sister and hearing what happened he probably feels guilty about that too

percy probably heard/listened to reynas pegasus’s last words as they died

percy has ptsd and i mean every type of ptsd- he sometimes still feels the terrible burning sensation from when he was burned in a volcano he still smells beer from when he was younger he gets frozen in things that happened years ago and he still hears bobs last words when things get too quiet

percy 100000% has panic attacks flashbacks and nightmares about these things not just tartarus and they are 100000% worst at night

when percy does have really bad panic attacks/flashbacks he can be stuck in them for hours and if he doesn’t have certain ppl (his mom or annabeth) to help him out of it he can be stuck in them even longer

percy eats a lot bc he grew up with so little that he feels terrible for not eating everything and is always waiting for when he finds out there isn’t any food left

percy 100000% has depression and 100000% has anxiety/social anxiety he’s just learned how to put his needs aside and take care of other ppl first/instead

percy can be put out of commission for weeks when it gets bad and he’s just forced to lay in bed and cry and feel and not feel

percy feels worthless most times it’s not something he grows out of

percy hates public speaking/hates being the center of attention

percy wonders why he’s still alive and thinks it would have been better if he had just died like he was supposed to-why couldn’t he have just followed that one rule and died like he was supposed to-or that maybe to save some trouble for the future he should just end it now

percy wants to have kids but he’s terrified that he will end up like g*be

percy blames himself for what happened to sally while g*be was alive

percy was bullied for 80% of his life and probably doesn’t like/want/thinks he can make any mortal friends other than rachel

90% of these memories and feelings are probably repressed bc that’s how your brain usually handles big trauma like these and that’s why we don’t see him completely melting down like you think he would

percy has terrible memory bc his brain has cut out large chunks of his life bc they are full of trauma and as a side effect to what hera did

percy hates himself

that’s all just thought y’all needed the reminder :)

i might make a pt 2 for more sad things or some happy/cute things bc percy is my comfort character but idk yet when/if i do i’ll like link it idk

on the next episode of: things to remember :)

[turquoissesimmer]

It’s been a while

Let me tell y’all were I’ve been. Not that y’all care but let me tell y’all anyway. I hope y’all like a good storytime…

So I stopped playing choices bcus I kept falling asleep while reading those century long ass chapters. I just wanted to be able to sit down with a nice snack on a Friday night so I could really just read in peace & quiet. But I’m chaotic & unorganised so bcus of that I always have to catch up on schoolwork that I didn’t finish throughout the week, so after finishing my 2hr nightly routine I just fall right asleep.

Oh yeah I forgot, I went back to school in Sep. 2020 so I could no longer keep up with all of my hobbies, so obviously Choices & it’s drama ended up at the bottom of the list. Maybe that was a good thing bcus after the 2021/2 that I’ve had I don’t know what would’ve happened to me if I got myself involved in drama on top of the mess I’ve been going through.

So as it turns out…I’m actually not asexual/aroace….I was just traumatised😅. Nothing weird happened to me it’s just that I was a very scared & insecure child. Later on the development that I should’ve gone trough in my teens was stolen from me bcus I got bullied & maybe even discriminated (?) at the school I attended. Bcus of this I sort of developed this “I don’t care” mindset. Not even to defend myself, I literally didn’t care about any of the people who did this to me. In my eyes they were just miserable and had to blame somebody to make themselves feel better. It took me a while to realise that, just bcus I didn’t see it as bullying, that did not mean that I wasn’t getting bullied….bcus I was. And it affected me more than I was personally aware of.

This and the fact that, like I said I was a scared & insecure child, made it so that basically everything that involved deep feelings, some that I had never experienced myself, caused me to get resentful & disgusted. It’s not fun when you’re a kid, saying you’ll never kiss somebody & all your older cousins, aunts, uncles & even your mom come at you with “that’ll change when you get older” talk. And you just keep trying to make it clear to them that you’re not comfortable with these types of jokes but they just don’t listen bcus they don’t realise it’s not a joke to you.

So anyway what happened was, this guy from my class started talking to me. Our conversations were online bcus of COVID. Last school year he switched majors so we were no longer in the same classes so I met him in person twice & very briefly, which made it hard for me to figure him out. Now idk what happened I still don’t know how to explain but I caught feelings🤡. We were always just joking around & he used to send me flirty messages & stuff but I was aware that it was just jokes so it didn’t do nothing for me. I see people for who they really are, not for who they want ppl to think they are. Even trough text, I consider it one of my many talents. So I guess I caught feelings for this guy bcus I really saw HIM yk…?

It got to a point were I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I told him. Hoping he’d either bite or reject me. I was leaning more towards reject so I could leave these feelings behind and go about my life. But instead he did the worst thing someone’s ever done to me.

He told me he had those same feelings. Then over the course of a month (this was March/April 2022, we stopped talking in May/June). He continued to send mixed signals which really confused me & caused me to stress tf out. We’d been talking for nearly a year when I got these feelings & bcus of the fact that I never been trough something like this I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was crushing on this pile of 💩 like a 15y/o to put things into perspective.

I also have a bad habit of overthinking & over - analyzing things that don’t add up. So if I wasn’t in my head about my feelings, I was thinking about the things he told me or what his day was like or whatever. Now do y’all know what happens when you think about someone TOO much?

YOUR ENERGIES GET TWISTED. Me being the sensitive girl I am, can literally feel what someone next to me is feeling. It helps me behave accordingly, I don’t even do it on purpose. Basically, bcus of the fact that I was in this guys energy field & he was in mine….I fell into his depression….sort of.

I just woke up one day feeling like absolute shit. It’s a good thing I’m on top of my feelings and I knew that if I gave in to what I was feeling I’d get a depression fr. So I woke up & did what I had to do everyday no matter how hard it was. My mom noticed I wasn’t doing so great so I told her everything. With her help & the help of her friend I got out of it, sending that shit straight back to him. After that (it’s now late April/May 2022), I got the answers I was looking for which made a lot of shit that happened make sense…

This 🤡 was still in a relationship with the baby mama he said he broke up with. Now if that wasn’t enough the 2 of them were living together. So this piece of 💩 was basically only talking to me bcus my clean energy attracted his miserable ass. He had to feel better about himself so used me, the girl full of life & ambitions ( that I’ll actually be able to achieve bcus I’m not a broke 22 y/o with a kid, student debt, living independently & who’s not in a miserable relationship that’s holding me back in life ).

They say you attract the energy you give out, but don’t get it twisted. Bcus when you’re doing good in life, you know the 😈 comes lurking & you gotta be on edge, careful not to let him in.

After finding out about this I confronted him & he didn’t even bother to apologise. Instead he blocked me….on instagram. But I still had his number so I texted him & he was acting real fucking bold so I made sure to block him first this time. So yeah I blocked his number & all of his other SM accounts….just to unblock them and send him back to that hellhole he came from bcus I don’t even want to hold on to him trough a blocked contacts list. The whole situation was just so traumatising and disrespectful to all parties involved. Like bruh…she gave birth to your daughter & you’re out here embarrassing that girl lying about her existence? Nah that’s just…I can’t-

So these past 2 years have put me trough a lot. I basically found myself back again. Turns out I’ve always been perfect so I’m currently back to the sensitive 6y/o girl with the rose colored glasses, positive energy & the rich fantasy I used to be. Just with a little bit more spice to it. I liked her better than that girl I created to protect me from drama as a 13y/o anyway. I’m glowing up, happier then I’ve been in years & finally exploring my feelings & trying new things instead of only allowing myself to experience these things trough a screen. So I guess this whole situation definitely had it’s reasons. I needed that reality check so yeah…

I’m thinking about making my comeback, but I switched to an iPhone last month. So we’ll see if I can find a good mod for this app bcus Lord knows I’m not playing this game without any diamonds. It takes out all the fun, I’ll pass.

Now if you kept reading this far, I hope you enjoyed my story. I had to take out a lot of the details but you can ask me about things if you want. I just wanted to share my story so yeah uhmm…bye

[redxblueihateloveyou]

I'm surprised people see Tadashi as the victim in his relationship with Ainosuke, when it's Tadashi the one who time and time again takes away Ainosuke's agency, without being able to see that he is throwing him unto unhappiness. I can't help but think that if Tadashi was not working at Shindo's house, Ainosuke would have maybe left or broke with the family. But he can't do that if he wants the relationship with Tadashi going on, seing how Tadashi is set on enforcing the family rules...

Hmm.. I def agree with the fact that Tadashi is not what most fandom makes out of him, my man (I mean, Adam’s man) is a 100% Slytherin. But I disagree with blaming him for this, after all the revealed info. The environment they were both raised in made their situation complicated.

I like Tadashi a lot, he’s probably my fav thing about this anime, bc he’s a dark horse, and I’m once again surprised, that so little ppl see him for who he really is, portraying him as an innocent puppy, which he is definitely not.

Now to why I think both Tadashi and Adam are victims of the dad and aunties in this situation. 

We can of course say “if only they told each other how they really feel...”, but like we can say it about any love story really. Every author knows it’s no fun. The truth is that yes, they both hurt each other, and yes, if they were honest about their feelings things would’ve been different, but as I’ve already wrote under that “toxic” commentary on YT, lets look at the whole situation from both of their point of views:

We know that Adam when he was little always treated Tadashi as an equal, he never ever thought of him as someone lower than him and after their fall out, the only reason for this “harsh” treatment (well, besides their confirmed kink) was that Adam tried to get a reaction out of him, so Tadashi would stand up for himself, bc Ainosuke got mad about Tadashi caving to his dad’s wishes and abandoning him, when he needed him the most. 

But now, knowing the fact that Tadashi was his dad’s secretary and was under his control, let’s see it from his perspective: Tadashi wanted to stay by Adam’s side, Adam’s dad implied that if Tadashi did say smth, he’s gonna be.. well, dismissed and they won’t see each other ever again. That’s what caused Tadashi to stay silent in that moment. Ainosuke instead saw this as a “he’s not on my side” thing, well, because. Tadashi won’t tell him his problem, bc dad and aunties control everything, so even if he does tell him, what a teen would do really? He didn’t have any powers back then to make his dad do anything. 

And that’s when it all gone to shit, since they both were hurt for their own reasons. It’s easy to say leave the family, but 1stly nobody explained to Adam still that he’s physically and psychologically abused by his family, he sees it as them “loving him” and sadly also loves them, bc nobody told him, that love wasn’t supposed to be like that really. He definitely feels that smth is not right and feels emotionally exhausted there bc of this treatment, but did he ever consider leaving? I really don’t think so. He feels obligated to be worthy of a family, who “loves” him.

Do you think, for example, that Akashi Seijuro hates his dad for what he did to him? No. Does he understand that he wasn’t at fault for what happened to him and that his dad instead of comforting his child after his mother’s death, who was his only safe haven, made everything worse? I don’t think he does. Like his mom gave him basketball, an escape from all that family’s obligations and strictness. After her death, it was the only thing left that brought him joy, but his dad ruined even that, saying that if he’s gonna be bad at it/lose, he’d take it away from him too. Does Akashi see this as emotional abuse? No, he sees it like “well, I have to be the best bc I was born in such powerful family, so if my dad says that I must be best at everything, then I must.”

I personally hate such parents a lot. To me it doesn’t matter if Adam’s dad didn’t know about aunties hitting his child. Like if he was too busy to notice this and have no time for his kid and made his childhood miserable, it doesn’t make it any better really. 

Same as with Akashi’s dad. Some are like “he was probably also grieving about his wife”. Emm? He was like this from the beginning, bc he treated Akashi not as his son, but as his heir. And yes, that’s different things. Same with Endeavor and Todoroki. Your child is not your post production thing.

2ndly they were too young, even if they knew about each others feelings and he didn’t feel obligated and told everyone to fuck off, they’d be on the streets now, but also Adam’s dad doesn’t seem like a guy who’d leave them alone really. Also eloping seems very romantic, but I don’t think it is, esp when you’re teens. Did you want him to sell some expensive watch and go live on Hawaii or smth? Bc finding a decent job there would be difficult at this age, esp with everyone knowing who your dad is. Chen Ke from “Antidote” survived bc he was 27 and had connections and some great friends. Adam was in high school, where would he go exactly?

Now let’s go back to now. Obviously all this time it didn’t even cross Tadashi’s mind that for Ainosuke he comes first and that he would throw everyone under the bus to make Tadashi stay with him. As we see at the end, he legit believed that Adam was planning to send him to jail and didn’t get that he said it just to shaken he up and that he knew who he’d set up for this from the beginning. 

To Adam obviously it doesn’t matter whether they’re in a quarrel or not, he would never him go. Yes, he’s mad at him, he’s angry and hurt, but Tadashi’s still the person he needs the most, he’s still the person who brightens his days, even tho he deliberately behaves like he annoys him. He always looks at him and looks at him and looks at him, but then hisses smth to hurt him. Bc he knows that he needs him, but he also hates that he needs him, bc he thinks it’s unrequited.

And that’s how their classic romance goes in hellish circles. No one wants to talk as usual. Adam is mad Tadashi is like that bc his dad turned him into a slave with no opinion, while Tadashi is scared that Adam would be taken away from him bc of his ugly family. 

Now I still think that no one and I mean no one can take Tadashi from Adam now, he is his precious. So my plan is... if Tadashi made aunties do smth against him or to get rid of him, aunties will go for sure. The problem is Tadashi still doesn’t get that he comes first, so we’re stuck in this hell still.

So anyways, my point is Adam’s heart basically sings “you got a hold of me, don’t even know your power” to Tadashi, but he doesn’t hear it, bc of his insecurities, the way he was raised and his status. But yes, he holds all the power. He’s both Adam’s sanity and insanity. No matter how cheesy it sounds he was basically his only ray of sunshine in the darkness, if you take it away, that’s what it leads to, that’s why Ainosuke-sama needs more ppl who care for him. I don’t want anyone to die next time, just cause Tadashi and Adam fought about where to put their new couch lmao. I’m kidding, but you know what I mean. And kill the aunties, pls seriously, we need to be free.

Also ppl need to remember that like lots of animes/characters are parcially inspired by some other animes/characters, also the chosen seiyuus are also very important, there are lots of stuff like jokes and references, that creators use, from characters being fully inspired by smth like “Assassination classroom” characters based on KNB, to little stuff like Levi dressed in Akashi’s uniform in chibi AOT bc Hiroshi Kamiya. Utsumi already said before stuff like she sometimes think of a perfect voice for the character and then fully forms him, we also know her clear love for sports animes. So yes, I doubt Tadashi/Kuroko thing is a coincidence and even tho someone was like “zone? is this knb or smth?” I was like no, zone is actually a common thing in sports, even tho most associate it with KNB including me, it’s not like its their invention, but there were things inspired by this for sure, and from other sports animes too and no, I don’t mean the basic sports anime tropes, I mean, like way too specific things, some character designes, too. And yes, Langa appearence and personality wise is a rinharu child for real, I can literally split his scenes in “that’s Haru”, “that’s Rin”.

That’s why I’ve said that this situation in fandom reminds me of Kuroko/Akashi situation a lot, bc same as here in KNB ppl for some reason automatically thought that Kuroko is this innocent sheep and Akashi is the wolf (but also like it was Akashi who chose to dress as red riding hood, while Kuroko was a wolf lmao), not even seeing who is in reality more dangerous and who can easily control who. It just buffles me bc it’s not some deep analisys really. I mean once again there’s a reason for the saying that the sub holds all the power over the dom. 

And like just bc someone yells or threatens ppl constantly doesn’t necessarily mean he is a psycopatic killer, and just bc someone is quiet and doe-eyed, doesn’t mean he isn’t. I didn’t think we needed to explain this to someone, but aparently we do?

And it honestly kills me just how superficially ppl are watching things these days. It really gives me war flashbacks to stuff like the last mdzs s1 episode, where ppl started to comment things like “how LZ can be so heartless” lmao. Or that anonymous ask “do you think haru misses rin?”. Like you don’t see thing at all? Grey substance no needed, while watching things?

P.S. I also would die to see Adam vs Tadashi race just bc I for some reason can bet all my money, that it’s the same situation as with Akashi refusing to ankle break Kuroko, no matter how mad he is. I just can’t imagine Ainosuke hitting Tadashi in the face with a board. Like 100% sure he wouldn’t even try tbh.

[corvidsinatrenchcoat]

anxiety

i’m anxious so have some karasuno anxiety hcs

also this went kinda really long so i put it under a cut so ppl who are Not interested don’t have to scroll for years :) 

i really did not intend to write this much oops

we know from canon that daichi goes quiet when he gets anxious, but i think he also gets absent-minded in the strangest way. he doesn’t forget to care for himself - he eats, brushes his teeth, goes to bed on time, plays well, etc, but he forgets to tie his shoes, or to ask asahi how he’s feeling in the morning, or what he’s going to say after he calls the team together. suga is good at teasing him into talking about what’s on his mind, or if teasing doesn’t work, just being with him and easing his mind.

suga goes into mom-friend overdrive. when he’s not anxious, he’s a mischievous and playful friend, both on and off the court. but when he’s anxious, he loses his sense of humor in a lot of ways and focuses wholly on taking care of the people around him, even when they don’t want/need to be taken care of. once he asks asahi four times if he’s had enough to eat after lunch, asahi tells daichi and tanaka and they help talk to him.

asahi is Always Anxious, so it’s sometimes hard to tell when his anxiety’s got him a bit deeper in its claws, but it looks like neglect of self-care for him. he forgets to eat, brush his hair, put on his watch. he misbuttons his shirt. good thing nishinoya watches him like a hawk and keeps him healthy and safe. nishinoya packs protein bars and raisins in his backpack like a squirrel packs its cheeks.

nishinoya, like daichi, goes quiet. it happens so rarely that people usually catch on really quickly, but no one, and i mean no one, can jolt him out of his head faster than asahi. he doesn’t even have to do it well. any attempt, and nishinoya is able to draw back from his worries a bit, enough to feel better.

tanaka’s anxiety is clear in canon, but i just want to mention him because i respect him. i wish i could do what he does. i wish my head could shake depression like his does. i Wish. though if he can’t get himself out of his head, you know kinoshita and narita have his back. boys bully him into remembering he’s just one dude.

ennoshita gets snippy. really, really snippy. his friends, because they are not the greatest friends, just tease him until he’s too annoyed with them to be hyperfixated on his worries

kinoshita also shows his anxiety in canon (so many of the boys are nervous i feel seen) but i think suga and tanaka are the primary sources of relief for him. he doesn’t even have to ask. when suga and tanaka fail, though, nishinoya, as usual, comes through.

narita is the least anxious person on the team. mans has a Normal amount of anxiety, like a loser (i am 1000% kidding i’m just jealous of his StabilityTM), which means that when he does get properly anxious, it’s usually well deserved and it’s hard to calm him. ironically, the person that helps him most? asahi. mans can worry about Anything, which means that he catastrophizes like a Pro. narita ends up affectionately laughing and calming asahi down, and it Works.

kageyama takes ridiculously good care of his hands. this is canon, but i think it goes deeper than canon takes it. he lotions his hands like a man possessed. he picks up paper like it can and will bite him (papercuts are the worst tho i don’t entirely blame him). he won’t hit hinata, and even tsukishima has a hard time antagonizing him like this. he won’t do anything that put his hands at risk, because if he loses volleyball, he’s terrified he doesn’t have anything else. of course (also canon) hinata is the best one to help. oikawa ripping him to shreds also works in a weird sort of way - oikawa gives him different things to work on, and his focus shifts.

hinata’s anxiety is canon - it’s entirely physical manifestation. which means it’s not entirely a matter of talking him down some days, but helping him ride out the effects. if kageyama carries ginger tablets and makes yamaguchi give them to hinata so no one will know that he cares, well, shh

tsukishima shuts down. he stops being a human. mans canNOT deal. does not know how. yamaguchi pulls him together, and basically makes the boy take a nap. naps fix everything. if it’s particularly bad, it’s a nap and cuddling afternoon that helps get him back on his feet.

yamaguchi talks to people. he communicates what makes him nervous. because of this, he has lots of people who recognize the look on his face, and will come to his aid. except yachi. yachi is not allowed.

kiyoko makes stress-tea. like stress-baking, but tea. she makes so much tea. she gets so hydrated. the third years monitor her tea intake, and talk with her until she spills and relaxes. sometimes, it takes a good cry.

yachi is Always Anxious. Always. (girl same) this is canon. it mostly comes through in fear/nervousness, but her self-confidence tanks. good thing hinata does not have enough braincells for self-doubt, and infects her with his dumbass energy to overcome her fears.

ukai gets snappy, but he mostly just gets introspective. he does have a fairly good handle on his anxiety, and does a good job on not letting others know, but takeda and hinata can Always tell. takeda rarely brings it up, hinata always yells about it. they both help, because sometimes just knowing someone cares is enough. even if they care very loudly and very obnoxiously and care in such a way that results in a crowd of smelly, teenage boys trampling you in efforts to make you feel better.