#my mom has fully experienced the broad ranges of my restriction and purging and is like 'yeah ur just being annoying abt it' or something
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i typed a huge post and it went to drafts but basically even ppl that like me r fatphobic to me and how do i escape that
#kirbco brand cola#i really wish i didnt have a body sooo often#i want to love my body but god it is fucking hard#everything abt my body has been deemed faulty and ineefrctive and gross by outside sources from like the time i turned like 3#yanno. when you start realizing you even have a body#there was not a day on this earth that i was cognizant for where i was unaware that i was fat and people found that disgusting#they started me on diets when i was 6 man. and they never in 23 years figured out that#i never lose anyrhing significantly and i always gain back more hahaha#so yeah my eating disorder!!! my futile and stupid gestures of suffering that no one has ever even noticed#if youre fat enough then there is just no convincing anyone that you have ever missed a meal or anything#my mom has fully experienced the broad ranges of my restriction and purging and is like 'yeah ur just being annoying abt it' or something#dont even know. barely reacts.#i think in a 'if he wants attention im not giving him the satisfaction'way#the thing is i didnt want attention its just like. when someone puts u under a microscope. spesifically to watch and control what ur doing#well sometimes theyre gonna see u doing other shit#oh my god make the longest posts on earth and then add a bunch of tags why dont you#oh my god can they stop letting me be mentally ill online its so embarrassing#i make these posts and then forget abt them#and then ppl get to know thkngs abt me for free without any time and effort#why should they. why should they. people should have to suffer to get to know me as much as i have to suffer to let them
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