#my mom could not drive past that church for five years

[devil-in-hiding]

i dunno what it is about twin paranormal, perhaps because they have caught shit on camera that even i, a believer, can not believe

and some of these spirits are MEAN and then some are so nice-

like when they go to the corn field and have been truing to talk to a native american woman who i swear is trying to protect them from whatever else is in that corn-

[the-witty-pen-name]

Deadbeat Pt. 7

Lee Bodecker x F!Reader

18+ ONLY

Warnings: age gap (reader is 21), fluff, angst, cursing, abandonment, toxic parent, violence, toxic siblings, infatuation, cheating/divorce, insecurity, mild housewife kink, mentions of prostitution, mentions of alcohol, corrupt official, fake relationship, jealousy

Word Count: 2.5k

Summary: You work at the bar at the edge of town, the Sheriff is going through a divorce and needs to rent a room.

A/N:

IMPORTANT UPDATE

I made a Google form to be added to my taglists, so if you want to be added, the link is in my bio. I’ll only be adding people to the list if they requested to be added by filling out the form! This way all of the requests are just in one place so I don’t miss requests! Thank you!!!

I’m sorry for this chapter being shorter than normal, but it is more of a transitional chapter to set up some new stuff! I’m trying a new writing style in this chapter and this is why the word count is shorter. I’m nervous about posting this chapter honestly, since I tried something different. The following chapters will be back up to 3.5-4k as usual! This story is not over! 

Thank you all so much for reading and sharing my work. Everyone whose reached out and told me how much they love the story really makes my day, oh my gosh!! I love you all so much, I’m so thankful.

Address mentioned is completely made up. 

This is unedited, and I missed anything I should include as a warning let me know! I hope you all enjoy!

Tags and Requests are OPEN

Part One // Part Two // Part Three // Part Four // Part Five // Part Six

Lee never stopped telling you how much he loved you. At first, you had thought it was a spur of the moment exclamation but you were mistaken. When you realized he meant it, you reciprocated telling him you loved him too, making him the happiest man in the world. It all happened so fast, and your relationship was evolving quickly.

Maybe living together played a factor in how quickly the relationship progressed. It’s hard to just be dating someone you already live with and can’t take out on proper dates. It made everything else happen faster. He wished he could spoil you and take you to restaurants and walk into a room with you on his arm, but he couldn’t yet.

But from that moment on, he never stopped telling you. He said the phrase probably every moment he could manage. Every time he called from his office; he wouldn’t hang up without muttering the phrase. He’d tell you that he loved you before he left the house, or he’d just announce it unprompted when you both were home together, like it was some epiphany or declaration. He’d love to whisper it to you, especially at night with you pulled tightly to his chest.

He made sure he’d tell you in nonverbal ways as well, always letting you know he was thinking about you. Somehow, you’d end up with flowers on your desk at work at least once a week as well, never with a card. He’d cook, and on his days off, he’d spend them with you or he would surprise you by fixing things on the house. Never in a million years had you ever expected Lee Bodecker to be such a romantic, and when you’d joke about it, he’d say,

“You give me a reason to be, doll.”

It was thrilling, having someone to love and to have those feelings reciprocated. The ability to just be able to give and receive love was something he was never able to manage, perhaps it was just never the right person, or perhaps he had always been too selfish.

Now for the first time in a very long time, he wasn’t thinking about himself.

You gave him purpose and something worth fighting for.

“When this whole thing is over and we’re out of this town, I’m gonna marry you,” he said rubbing your arm as you lay in bed cuddled up to his side. You lay your arm across his tummy and rest your head on his chest. You hum in agreement, resting your eyes, both of you waking up earlier than you needed and you were enjoying the peaceful moment of the morning together.

“I hate seeing you with that Russel kid,” he’ll mutter, possessively pulling you closer, you could feel the vulnerability in his voice.

The past weeks have been really hard on Lee. It bothered him more and more each day, knowing Arvin was the one who got to drive you home from work and just being out and about with you. He knew you were his, and he never didn’t trust you. But you were so blind to the boy’s obvious feelings for you. It was something that would eat at him at night.

He couldn’t even blame you, if Arvin was able to sweep you away from him. Arvin was a good kid- took care of his family, worked a decent job, went to Church, and he was your age. He was much better looking in the traditional sense than Lee as well. Plus, you had a history. The boy was your first love and no one forgets their first love.

He knew you didn’t look at Arvin the same way Arvin looked at you, but he was always worried that a shift could come. If that damned reporter wouldn’t leave town and the more time you spent with Arvin, the more you’d see how much you’d actually want to be with him instead. You always told Lee he was the one you wanted and he believed you, but he worried that you would change your mind. He was so insecure, and he felt guilt, and he knew that he didn’t deserve to be happy, that he didn’t deserve your affection.

Sometimes he couldn’t let himself relax. Scenarios of all the different reasons you could leave him for polluted his mind and he hated how it took him out of being in the moments he just wanted to enjoy. He’d see you in his mind, happy with Arvin, marrying him instead and creating all those experiences with Arvin instead of him.

“He’s just my friend,” you reiterate, probably now for the millionth time. You were patient, and it never seemed to bother you, that the two of you ending up having this same conversation over and over. He needed the constant reassurance, and he hated the fact that he did.

“I want you, Lee,” you’ll mumble affectionately, trying to shower him with compliments and praise, to lift him up when he got down like this. “I don’t want any other man,” you’d affirm.

“This town is poison,” Lee mutters, looking out the window, the blinds pulled back as the sun is steadily rising. “Everything feels like it’s tainted,” he observes.

“Except us,” you correct him. He nods, but he knows his statement especially applies to him.

“Except you,” he sighs, his fingertips tracing circles on your bare shoulder.

“You don’t think you’ve ruined me, Sheriff?” you tease, making him smile, gradually pulling him out of his state. You’d lean up and kiss him, and the sensation would help his thoughts fade away for a few minutes. The feeling of your lips and soft skin against his own just putting his mind at ease, using his other senses to just keep his mind at bay.

He’s not sure if you realize how much he means it when he talks about escaping away from the town and marrying you. He thought about it all the time and it was what he was working toward. He knew even if he managed to go straight, if when Curtis left town, if the case around your mom was resolved, the town would still eat you up. The image of you both would be sullied. Reputation was crucial for survival in a town like this. You’d already been subjected to it before your relationship started.

He knew the solution was simple. He needed to take you away from Ross County, move to a new town where no one knew you both. It would just be a Sheriff and his new bride looking for a place to settle down. No rumors, or peeping eyes, or reporters, or exes, no corruption- just the two of you. Get a house, maybe start a family if you wanted that too.

He hoped you did. He’d be content either way, but he wanted a big family. His growing up was much less than ideal and it was just him and his sister. He loved the idea of a bigger family. He loved the image of having a house that was loud in a different way than what he grew up in. He often worried if he’d be a good father, but he never once doubted how excellent of a mother you would be if you wanted.

The only thing he wanted in his future was you, and everything else would be a blissful bonus of things he also doesn’t deserve. But to him you deserved the world and he simultaneously wanted to give you everything but then at the same time he felt like he would hold you back. You were young and had so many good years ahead of you. He couldn’t imagine you’d want to waste the rest of your life or even the rest of your twenties with him.  

You could get a job doing anything you wanted and he could run for Sheriff in the new town maybe, or he could do something else. It didn’t matter to him anymore really. The time he’s been with you has really helped him see what is actually important. It was the only thing he wanted. He wanted to be able to give you that because he knew that you deserved it and more than he’d ever be able to give you.

Laying in bed with you on this lazy morning, reminded him of the last time he was there when you were still bartending. It was the first time that pesky day dream of his started. It was something a lot bigger now than it was then. He loved you, and he was relieved he could say it to you now, and he wanted to settle down. This backwards way the two of you got together was a mess but it was yours. He wouldn’t trade it for anything, but he knew he needed to make things right.

He had been so blind, for so long, and he finally started to feel like he could be someone he actually wanted to be.

All he needed was time and he could set it all straight.

***

Arrest of Pimp in Knockemstiff, Ohio Reveals Corruption of Town Sheriff

By: Henry Curtis

Sheriff of Ross County, Lee Bodecker, has been allegedly involved in the coverup of a local brothel, run by Leroy Brown. Brown and several of his associates were arrested on Wednesday night by local police for drug possession and possession of illegal firearms. As the group resisted arrest, there was a shoot out at a small bar in Meade, which was revealed to serve as a front for their operation. Seven men, including Brown, were arrested Wednesday night for questioning by the local police.

While giving his statement, Brown confessed to the charges and in hopes of a lesser sentence, cooperated with police and provided names of all involved in the underground prostitution ring. He provided the police with twelve names, including that of the local Sheriff Lee Bodecker and his sister Sandy Henderson, who has since also been apprehended by the local authorities.

Sandy Henderson was apprehended on Thursday morning, and made bail for $500 that Saturday. Henderson and her husband, both denied an opportunity to provide a statement. The pair only stated they will be promptly returning home and want to put this behind them.

Although there has been no release of his official statement as of yet regarding this alleged involvement, Bodecker was taken into custody the next morning, apprehended by his deputies from his home. Deputy Bill Thomas has since announced that the Sheriff will be subject to a trial in the near future, and for now faces an indefinite suspension from his post until his innocence has been proven. Deputy Thomas has also said that regardless of the outcome of the trial, Bodecker will be unable to run for reelection next term.

With this new development, it is also worth noting that the Sheriff is a tenant of (Y/N) (Y/L/N), the daughter of Estelle (Y/L/N)-Tucker who is currently wanted by law enforcement for embezzling thousands from her husband Harvey Tucker’s company, Tucker Brokerage, and then fleeing with her sixteen-year-old son. When police arrived at her home Thursday morning to apprehend the Sheriff, deputies on scene took an official statement from (Y/L/N), where she denied knowledge of the Sheriff’s involvement in any of the alleged criminal activities nor any knowledge regarding her mother or brother’s whereabouts.

Woman Wanted for Embezzling Funds from Tucker Brokerage Arrested in Indiana

By: Henry Curtis

Former resident of Knockemstiff, Ohio, Estelle (Y/L/N)-Tucker was arrested in South Bend, Indiana yesterday morning before dawn. Being able to identify her as a wanted person, Este and Harold Turner, owners of the Sunnyside Motel where (Y/L/N)-Tucker had been staying for about three days prior to the arrest, notified the local authorities she was staying in one of their rooms. She also was accompanied by her sixteen-year-old son.

The boy’s older sister has now become the boy’s sole guardian and he has since returned to his hometown. According to the police, the boy was completely cooperative and they believe he had no knowledge of his mother’s crimes. In a statement given the night of the arrest, the boy told police he believed they were running from his step-father, as his mother insinuated, she had been a victim of domestic abuse. There is no evidence yet as to whether her statement is true, but there will be an investigation of husband, Harvey Tucker, to discover if this claim is true.

Both children of Estelle (Y/L/N)-Tucker have not agreed to speak about their mother or the situation to anyone except police. Daughter, (Y/N) (Y/L/N), said when she arrived in Indiana to pick up her brother, seemed to only care about getting her brother home safely. Locals report she never asked to see her mother, and only focused on her brother.

As of now, (Y/L/N)-Tucker will remain in the custody of the South Bend Police until they are ready to transport her to Columbus, Ohio where she will face jail time and then eventually a trial.

Corruption in Knockemstiff High School Staff, Principal Arrested for Illegal Distilling- Sheriff Involved in Cover Up

By: Henry Curtis

Principal of local high school, Mark Cunningham, was arrested today after local police discover an illegal distillery on his residence. Police had retrieved a warrant to search Cunningham’s land after receiving an anonymous tip from a source close to the Principal.

Following his arrest, Cunningham admitted to the felony, but also claimed Ross County’s previous Sherriff, Lee Bodecker, had prior knowledge of the still, and in exchange for his silence, he demanded Cunningham offer a secretarial job at the high school to his landlord, (Y/N) (Y/L/N), who is the daughter of Estelle (Y/L/N)-Tucker, who recently was tried for embezzlement.

The vice-principal of the high school, Meredith Lively, has stepped forth as interim principal until the position can be filled, and ensured the press (Y/L/N) had been fired effective immediately, despite her claims of being unaware any such deal had conspired. Police have found no evidence to contradict (Y/L/N)’s statement, and in an official statement taken from Bodecker, he confirmed that it was part of the deal she not be made aware of the circumstances.

New Sheriff Elected to Ross County

By: Henry Curtis

Former Deputy Bill Thomas has been elected Sheriff of Ross County. Following the trial of former Sheriff Lee Bodecker, who had been found guilty of all charges, Bodecker was barred from office, and given a five-year sentence.

Deputy Thomas in an acceptance speech during a recent town hall meeting, ensured residents of Knockemstiff that “one bad apple doesn’t spoil the whole bunch” and the Sheriff’s department under new control will keep the town safe, and clean of crime and corruption. When asked by reporters how he felt about Bodecker, Thomas only described his situation as “unfortunate.”

There has been no other evidence of corruption within Ross County Sheriff’s Department although the investigation is still ongoing. When asked during his trial if he received any corroboration from any other law officials, Bodecker stated he never involved other members of the force with his wrongdoings.

REAL ESTATE  

Room Available for Rent in Knockemstiff, Ohio

$50 monthly rent (utilities included)

1 Bedroom (250 sq. ft.), furnished

Private bathroom with shower

4 Birch Street

Knockemstiff, Ohio

Please call the following number with serious offers. Price negotiable.

PART EIGHT

Taglist

@scar-is-bi @jiminlife2k18 @asylummaniac01 @rosalynshields @charmed-asylum @jamesbuchananbuckybarnes1917 @alexandrathegreat3 @hersilencedscreams @malar-region @purplerain85 @vesper852 @smilewolfdolan @softshell-taco @champagnebucky @lilacmeadows @mollygetssherlockcoffee

[collecting-stories]

Flowers on the Grave - c. 10 - JJ Maybank

Summary: Everything finally comes to a head. 

A/N: So...massive thanks for following this series all the way through to the end. Seriously, means so much to me cause I was so unsure of this when I started it. 

You Are Ok Masterlist | Outer Banks Masterlist

✞ I was on the verge of breaking down when you came around ✞

The phone rang, shrill in your ear, and you felt like a weight had settled on your chest as you waited for someone to answer.  

Timothy was talking about the same three things that he had overwhelmed you with at the Wreck. Getting his pilot’s license, becoming a missionary, and his strength in the Lord. When he said it you could almost feel your father’s gaze burning into you, your own strength barely a register on the scale. 

He had questioned you further the night before, after he had sent everyone home you had spent nearly the entire night sitting at the kitchen table with the two of them, demanding a repentance for your sins as you tried not to tell them everything that you had done to betray them. If they knew half of it...if only there were nunneries for Baptists. Your eyes had stayed on the clock, watching minutes turn to hours and knowing that JJ was waiting for you. That you wouldn’t make it.  

Now you sat in the living room, watching those same minutes tick away, an escape plan the only thing on your mind as you listened to all the voices around you mingling. All you could imagine was yourself with JJ in Charleston and you desperately wanted to be there, wished you could transport yourself there.  

You excused yourself from the couch beside Timothy, walking into the kitchen under the guise of needing something to drink. In actuality you just needed the moment to breathe. Everyone in the living room seemed fixated on the impending nuptials, regardless of the fact that Timothy had yet to propose to you. It didn’t seem to bother anyone, Timothy’s mom and your’s gushing about what sort of dress you would wear and your flowers. Every second spent with them felt like you were sinking further beneath the waves, unable to get your bearings, you imagined yourself drowning in all of this.  

You glanced over your shoulder to make sure no one was watching you before sneaking out the kitchen door, pulling it closed behind you so that it didn’t make any noise. The back patio had been cleaned off and all the kids were around the front of the house, playing between the church and the front porch.  

“Ace,” the familiar voice came from your left and you almost burst into tears at the sight of JJ stepping onto the patio, careful to stay out of view of the window.  

“JJ...I-”  

“It’s okay,” he said, cutting you off. His eyes looked bloodshot, more so than when he smoked too much and you realized that he looked like he had been crying. “It’s okay...I know your family is inside and all, I just wanted to stop by to, uh, to see you...” he trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.  

“What, I don’t-”

“I understand, I swear. I knew that you might not come, that wasn’t like...I get it.” He insisted.

“No, JJ...” you shook your head. Careful not to draw attention to yourself as you slipped passed the window to meet him at the edge of the patio, you placed your hands on either side of his face, heartbreaking at the way he turned his eyes away, “my parents found your vape pen in the house. I...my dad like freaked out on me, I’ve never seen him like that. I couldn’t come to see you, I wanted to, so badly...I still want to.” You swore. “I love you.”

The words processed a little slowly, giving you the opportunity to watch JJ’s face as realisation sunk in. You hadn’t left him waiting at the Phantom because you were choosing what your family wanted, you hadn’t been able to get there. “Seriously?”

“Yes, I swear. I told you I was coming and I was. I just-”

“Hey, it’s alright, I get it.” He promised. He knew how dependent on your family you felt. How dependent they made you feel.  

“Is it too late?” You asked, looking back to the screen door as if someone would walk through. The bruise on your arm was still there, stinging under the sleeve of your dress but somehow it didn’t feel as harsh as before, as much like a shackle as it had last night, “is it too late to leave?”

JJ looked surprised, “you still want to?”  

“Yes. But we have to go now.” You knew there was no way you could go back inside that house.

The renewed sense of optimism that gripped JJ was not without understanding that your window oy opportunity was limited. Leave now and you still had the chance to make it to Charleston before dark, wait and there was a chance someone would step outside and see you.  

“Okay.”

Your absence was becoming increasingly noticeable until finally your mother stood up, promising that she would be back in just a moment, she needed to find you first. “She has a tendency to wander off, probably playing with the children.” She explained as she walked into the kitchen, positive that she had just heard the screen door creak shut.  

Stepping out onto the porch, she looked quickly around the yard, a survey of the area within the trees, looking for you by the clothesline or the church or the old swings that had been set up nearly five children ago. You weren’t there though, the yard was empty. She pushed the door open again, walking back into the kitchen and catching sight of the refrigerator. A note, scrawled on the grocery pad that was kept by the door, had been tacked to the front of the fridge along with a delicate gold cross hanging from a chain.  

Mom + Dad,

Sorry, I told dad I wouldn’t marry Timmy and I meant it. Call you when I can.  

Ace

Your mother screamed so loud it was a wonder that you didn’t hear it, running through the trees with JJ, your hand in his. Once the woods parted to make way for the closest drive-way you saw JJ’s dirt bike. There were plenty of times that you had almost taken him up on the offer of riding on the back of the bike with him but you always backed out at the last second, far too terrified of falling off or getting hurt. Today you hardly thought twice of it, climbing on the rungs and wrapping your arms around his shoulders. You leaned forward, kissing JJ’s cheek before he kicked up the stand and took off, “I love you.”

“Love you.” JJ replied quickly before taking off, grinning at the feeling of your grip on his shoulders tightening.  

The middle of the afternoon was far different from midnight and Heyward’s was open, Pope and Kiara coming out when they heard the sound of the dirt bike, as if they’d been waiting. The moment you each dismounted Kiara was pulling you into a hug, swearing that she ‘knew it’, knew you weren’t standing him up. She passed you over to Pope, who hugged you and whispered in your ear that he was glad you came, knowing without having to tell you that you understood just how much this relationship meant to JJ.  

“Come on,” JJ grabbed your hand, pulling you away from them. “We gotta go.”

“You can take ten seconds to give me a hug JJ,” Kiara said, already pulling him into a hug.  

“Okay, okay,” he laughed, hugging her back and lifting her a little off the ground before letting her go, “we need to leave, I love you guys, I’ll see ya soon.”

“See ya man,” Pope hugged him, “call us.”

JJ was guiding you away from them again, over to where he had docked the Phantom. He had taken your duffel bag the day before and it was still sitting there under the bench along with his backpack. The last time you had been on a boat with JJ had been out on the Pogue, in the Marsh. This was a lot different, the outlet to the ocean just beyond your vision but getting closer as JJ steered the Phantom. Kiara and Pope shouted their goodbyes from the jetty and you waved, suddenly feeling like that weight that settled on your chest was gone.  

“Are you freaking out?” JJ asked, catching your attention.  

You got up from the bench, careful as you walked over to him. “No but I'm sure my mom is.” You replied, laughing a little when JJ wrapped his arm around your waist and guided you in front of him, putting you between him and the wheel. You turned your head, tilting back to kiss him.  

A police car rushed past Kiara and Pope as they stood outside of Heyward’s, heading in the direction of the church and your house. When Shoupe pulled in, the yard was quiet. Your siblings and their families were all inside, your oldest sister trying to do damage control with Timothy’s family while your mom and dad stood outside, your mom clutching the letter and the necklace.  

The cross was something that your mom had given you on your thirteenth birthday, a symbol of your devotion and love for the Lord, now it was tucked in her hand as she tried not to absolutely fall apart. Timothy’s mother was simply upset that you had seemingly skipped out on her son but your mom was dealing with the reality that you were gone and she had no idea where you would even go.  

“When was the last time you saw her?” Shoupe asked, skeptical as he took down your information. You were 18, according to your parents, 18-year-olds didn’t need permission to leave home without telling anyone. So far, he was unconvinced of a crime.  

“Hardly an hour ago.” Your mom replied, thrusting the note into his hand, “she left this...I know that boy she was sneaking around with put her up to it.”

“Do you know this boy’s name?” he asked, looking over the vague note you had left.

“JJ Maybank.” Your father said.

Shoupe frowned, if there was any name that immediately sparked his interest it was JJ’s. It didn’t matter whether JJ was guilty of something or not, nine times out of ten Shoupe was positive that any misconduct on the island could be traced back to JJ and his friends. “Look, usually in cases like this I would tell you that, your kid is 18, if you haven’t heard from her in 24 hours then I’ll file a missing persons. But I know that Maybank kid...I’ll talk to his friends, see if anyone knows anything. You hear from your daughter, you let me know.”  

“Thank you, deputy.” Your father said, his arms around your mom as she continued to cry. You were gone and he wasn’t sure if he was angrier that you had walked out on your family’s expectations of you or that you were embarrassing them in front of a potential future husband. Either way, the thought that something they did contributed to your disappearance never occured to them.  

-

Charleston wasn’t half-way between North Carolina and Florida. There wasn’t anything special about the place and even Pope had asked why JJ didn’t just take the Phantom down to Georgia for a stopover. JJ’s only explanation was that he knew a guy in Charleston and, technically, he did. When Luke had served an 18-month sentence for a petty misdemeanor his cellmate had been an in-the-process-of-reforming drug addict who took himself down to South Carolina to work in a program for recovering addicts. He kept in touch with JJ, making sure that Luke was treating the boy right and JJ always lied through his teeth that everything was great.  

“Nothing to worry about.”

But he’d called a few weeks before with an odd favor. One that Luke’s cellmate readily agreed to, no questions asked, but a strange request all the same. “Meet me at the courthouse in Charleston.”  

Now you stood outside, scuffing the toe of your converse against the pavement, JJ’s cellphone held in a vice grip against your ear. Independence didn’t exist in your family, at least not for you. You belonged to your father until you belonged to a husband and there was no other way around it. JJ was sitting on the hood of his friend’s car, talking about heading down to Flordia, watching you as you stood a few feet away, fiddling with the strings that tied the dress he’d bought you in Chapel Hill. You’d dug it out of a drawer in your mom’s room and wore it now, a small symbol of freedom.  

“Hello?” Your mother’s voice came through the phone, a little grainy.

“Mom?”

Suddenly she was shouting for your father and you could practically hear her switching the phone over to speaker so he could hear you too. His footsteps were heavy in the background and when you were sure he was in earshot you spoke again, not ready to hear whatever bible verse he had earmarked for this very specific occasion.  

“I just wanted you to know I’m okay, JJ and I are heading down south. We’ll be staying with a cousin of his until we can get our own place.” You told them, “but we’re safe. Kiara told me you called the police; you can tell them you made a mistake...I left on my own.”

JJ stood up, walking over to where you stood, nodding to you as if silently asking you to put the phone on speaker. You held it away from your ear and tapped the button on the screen, your father’s reprimanding voice pouring through the phone.

“Stop, stop,” your mother insisted, cutting into the conversation with the only thing you knew she cared about. “What am I supposed to tell Timothy’s parents?”

“Tell ‘em she’s already married.” JJ answered for you, winking at you when you smiled. Charleston wasn’t anything special, expect they let you get married the same day you applied for a license and you knew it was the only thing your parents would listen to. When you had told JJ he’d been more than onboard with the idea. Surprisingly okay, eager even.

“What?” Your father practically shouted through the phone. He had sat up the night, waiting for the call you promised them only for it to come through early in the afternoon the next day with this, news that you had married this kid.

“Ace-” your mom seemed like there was something more she wanted to say, something that she couldn’t say with your father hovering beside her.

“I’ll be in touch, love you.” You said, ending the call and realizing, as JJ pulled you into a hug, that you were crying. “I really hate them sometimes but I don’t...want them to hate me.”

“Trust me,” JJ reassured, “I know all about it.”  

-

Your shoes sat abandoned on the small front lawn, socks stuffed inside as you stood a few feet away, ankles deep in a plastic kiddie pool that was slowly filling with hose water. You still had your uniform on, a short sleeved, short-hemmed, yellow waitress dress that buttoned up the front. Balanced on your hip, your arms around her, was JJ’s cousin’s daughter, his niece for the sake of simplifying things. She wore a white bathing suit with rainbow flowers all over it, a frilly skirt around the waist. Her Elmo submarine bobbed in the water as it got higher.  

“Look, Daisy,” you cooed, drawing her attention to you and then pointing to the object of your interest. An older model Ford truck pulled into the driveway, JJ behind the wheel. “Whose that?”

“JJ!” Daisy clapped her hands with each syllable, thrilled at the sight of him.  

The car door slammed behind him, standing there with his coverall’s tied at his waist, white wife-beater dirty from work. His cousin had gotten him the job at the autobody shop that he’d been promised and JJ was enjoying it more than he thought he would. The smile on his face when he saw you was infectious.  

“Where’s Brett?” He asked, looking around the small yard of the trailer. It was nothing terribly special, a double-wide trailer that JJ’s cousin Brett had bought after his girlfriend got pregnant. Now he lent out the room that Daisy had been sleeping in to you and JJ, asking only that you pay for groceries every other week and babysit whenever need be.  

“Went to meet April for lunch.” You replied, “you’re early.”

“Don’t act so excited.” He teased, getting close enough that you could kiss him, Daisy reaching out for him and calling his name again. “As soon as I change Dais,” he promised, kissing the baby’s head.

“Kiara called, asked if we’ll be up for Pope’s birthday?” You mentioned, setting Daisy down in the kiddie pool and getting out to shut off the hose. “I said yes.”

“Yeah, definitely.” He nodded, pausing at the steps as if he wasn’t quite sure what he had intended to do next, finally turning to look back at you as you kneeled down on the outside of the pool in hopes of keeping your uniform clean. “You okay with going back for a weekend?”

“Now that I’ve fallen into like, total debauchery, definitely.” You joked, “my parents probably won’t even recognize me if I don’t, you know, get stuck down by lightening just walking onto the property.”  

JJ snorted, “slow your roll there Cheech, you still can’t smoke and you definitely can’t handle your liquor.”  

“Go get changed so I can...Brett basically handed me Daisy, threw a shirt on and left. I didn’t even get to change.” You mentioned, pointing to the dress, “I know it’s some weird turn-on for you but I’d like to put a bathing suit on.”

“Hey, I’m happy to oblige,” he called, the screen door clambering behind him as he disappeared into the trailer.  

You had tried to imagine a few times, what you would’ve been doing right now if you had stayed in the Outer Banks, if JJ had never asked you out to begin with. Probably packing for Tennessee, signing off on a life-sentence with someone who thought your greatest contribution to his life would be in how many children you could give him and how well you kept his house. Certainly not living in a trailer in a small town, saving dollars in a jar, with a future ahead of you that was as much yours to decide as JJ’s.  

“Alright, get your ass in there and change.” JJ said, coming out of the trailer. He’d left the white tank on but changed into an old pair of swim shorts, climbing into the kiddie pool as if it was intended solely for him.  

You stood up, brushing grass off your knees and leaning over to kiss JJ one more time, “be right back. Don’t have fun without me.”

“Oh we’re gonna have all the fun!” He called as the door shut behind you.  

As you passed the mirror on the door you stopped to look at your reflection. You looked the same as you had when you left for Florida four months ago but there was something there, something so different that you couldn’t recognize yourself sometimes. A good different though, the kind that settled over you like a warm sun in the summer, the kind that blossomed up in your chest and let you know that all these decisions that led to right now had been the right ones. 

-

Taglist: @outrbanks @mendesmaybank @thehomeiknow @minnie-bby @katiaw2 @2kayla64 @stevie-buck @bijleegiregi  @vitaminekabc @minigranger @teamnick @just-smile-darling @obxsummer @damonsalvawhore27 @isqbella @tomzfrog @fangirlvoice @phantompogues @98starkeys @ilovejjmaybank @lemur46 @khiaraaa-in-spacee @babygal-babygal @niya-savage @divvrx @princess-of-the-fandoms @thecaptainsgingersnap @jenjie @yourprincess-maybe @wowmaybankk @goldeng1rl8 @heavenlymama @vindictive-hearts @alexa-playafricabytoto @dontjinx-it @randomficsandshit @niamhobrien @strangerthanfanfiction713 @tovvaa @freckled-and-daydreaming @harleylynn @bibliophilewednesday @dpaccione @bolaurel @poguestyleskye @beautyandthebleh @under-a-canyon-moon @outerbankspreferences

[quentinbecks]

stillness in woe

Summary: Charlie left Hope County years ago hoping never to come back. But when she learns of her parents involvement with the local doomsday cult, she finds herself heading back to a life she thought she left behind. (Begins two years before the reaping/events of the game)

Pairing: Eventual John Seed x Non Dep OFC

Word Count: 1.9 k

Warnings: mentions of death and vomiting

A/N: I was a little nervous that introducing Charlie’s descent into the cult in the second chapter would be too soon, so I made a little filler chapter. Not the best, but the real meat of the story begins in the next chapter.

Chapter 2: Family Reunion

She hears footsteps coming up behind her. She pauses, thinking it’s only a figment of her overtired imagination. The noises don’t stop. Instead, they only increase in proximity. She’s barely turned around when she notices the red and white camo that signals Jacob’s hunters. The sight alone sends her into a panicked frenzy. Both the hunter and its prey raise their weapons at the same time. Luckily for Charlie she shoots first. Stomping over to the body she rips the red ski mask of their face. This time it’s not the usual boyish face that greets her; it’s her own.

“Charlie!”

The young woman awakens with a start. For a second she’s confused about her whereabouts, not used to sunlight first thing in the morning. After realizing that she’s in Mary May’s apartment she quickly relaxes, but that doesn’t last very long. Her nightmare combined with her current hangover causes bile to rise up in her throat. Charlie bolts upright and runs towards the bathroom, Mary May following right behind her.

She can only make it as far as the sink before her body retches into it. She feels Mary May rubbing circles on her back as she trembles, clutching the porcelain.

“You okay?”

“No” Charlie sniffs, wiping away the tears pooling down her face.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Charlie shakes her head no. She doesn’t need her friend knowing about what she was doing up in the Whitetails. She knows Mary May said things were bad in the valley, but she doubts John Seed is as much of a monster as his brother is. At least not yet. Instead of worrying her, Charlie chooses to tell a white lie.

“It’s nothing. I’m just worried about going to Joseph’s service. Can’t shake the feeling I’ll be held hostage at his compound.” It’s not completely untrue. Charlie is worried about losing herself to the Seeds. She’s heard and seen too much to not have that weigh heavy on her mind.

“Hey” Mary May says, forcing her friend to look at her. “I’m not gonna let him take you. Not when we just got you back.”

Good luck with that she thinks to herself

“My hero” Charlie says with a smile, choosing to forgo voicing her doubts. “I should shower and at least make an attempt to look decent. I wouldn’t want to show up to a Sunday service looking like a sewer rat.”

“Clearly you haven’t seen many peggies.”

In the shower she tries to wash away all of her fears, but the image of Mary May’s scar keeps flashing through her mind. How many other people in the county have been scarred by the youngest Seed? His handiwork looks painful and she doubts anyone would choose to have it done willingly. She wonders what sin will be chosen for her when the time comes. With her luck her whole body would adorned with all seven.

Charlie leaves the apartment to find Mary May helping Casey Fixman open up the bar. She gives a twirl as she hits the ground floor. “You think daddy Seed will like me in this dress?”

Mary May crinkles her nose in slight disgust. She had been gracious in Miami her friend a dress her, recently deceased, brother Drew had bought her for her graduation. On Charlie’s newly slimmed down body the white dress hangs a bit loose, the straps barely clinging to her shoulders.

“I’m sure Joseph will like a lot of things about you if you call him daddy.”

The blonde studies her friend’s appearance closely. The two of them know the importance of appearance to the cult. Due to the release of the documentary ousting the behavior of Eden’s Gate, the group has become more serious in trying to root out those that come with ill intent. And given by the knife holster strapped to Charlie’s thigh, the woman isn’t going in with good will.

“Come here” Mary May pulls on her pony tail once she’s close enough, letting her waves cascade over her shoulders. “There, see, now you look docile and sweet. Just the way the cult likes.”

Charlie wants to remind her friend no one has called her docile or sweet, not even when she was a child, but she can see something is bothering the younger woman. “You do know Nolan will there, right?” Mary May inquires before she can even ask what was wrong.

“No. No I didn’t fucking know that. I shouldn’t be surprised that he’s involved with something illegal, but I am.”

“Your ex husband is basically a glorified drug dealer. He’s helping turn the people in the Henbane into angels” Casey calls out from the kitchen.

“Angels? You know? No. I don’t want to know what that means.”

“Hey” Mary May calls out, bringing her hands to rest on Charlie’s shoulders. “Don’t think about him. Focus on what really matters. Like getting your family out of a cult.”

Charlie nods. She knows Mary May is right, but she can’t help how she feels. It’s been five years since they divorced and she left Hope County, but the wound still feels so fresh.

After promising to check in after the service, she decides to head out to the church. The warm, late summer sun and some classic rock helps Charlie relax on the ride over. Makes her realize there are bigger problems in the world than cheating exes.

The woman is shocked to see the throngs of cultists loitering around and inside the compound, making it almost impossible to find a spot to park her car.

After ditching her car at the end of the drive and doing a few sets of breathing exercises, Charlie makes her way inside. Before she can make her way past the gate she’s stopped by burly, bearded middle aged man.

“Sorry, ma’am I’m afraid I can’t let you past without searching you for any weapons.”

Choices quickly flood Charlie’s mind. She can run past this guard, try to hide amongst the crowd; the crowd wearing mostly uniformed clothing. Or, she can try her hand at improvisation; pretend she really is innocent and sweet. She chooses the latter option.

“I’m sorry” she says, lifting her dress a little to show the knife strapped to her thigh. “You can never be too safe as a woman.”

Charlie pulls the weapon out of its scabbard, holding it out to the man. “If you do me a small favor you can keep this.”

The cultist eyes her warily; unsure of whether she’s worthy of his trust or not. But, to her surprise, her charms worked on him. “What do you want?”

“Well,” Charlie bites her lip before getting as close as she can “I was just wondering if you could introduce me to John Seed. My mom works for him and I just wanted to meet the man she speaks so highly of.”

“I don’t know…” he trails off, looking back at the Seeds and the flock congregating around them.

“Please?” Charlie looks up at the man through her lashes. The man has a rancid odor to him and she wishes she had chosen to duck and run into the compound instead of flirting. “You don’t know how much it would mean to me.”

“Fine. But don’t try anything once you’re inside.”

Pathetic

Charlie flashes him a smile. “Thank you so much.”

The man leads her up the gravel path and through the crowds up to the front of the church. There stood three men and one young woman that everyone seems to gravitate towards.

The Seeds

Charlie’s blood runs cold at the realization that she’s finally in their presence. It dawns on her too late that they may know she was the one responsible for the death of the young chosen. Fortunately she doesn’t have time to dwell too long on that thought as the man pulls her gently towards John Seed.

“Brother John?”

The young man looks up and she’s struck by the fact that he’s actually handsome. He’s well dressed and equally well groomed with a lordly posture. She recognizes immediately that she can’t manipulate him with her feminine wiles, he’s clearly too worldly for that. The older man pushes past two young women who were waiting in line to speak to the herald.

“This lost soul has been looking for you.” Charlie tries not to roll her eyes at the descriptor, but she knows she can act the part if it brings her closer to her parents.

“Is that so?”

“Yes” Charlie answers for the cultist, a sudden surge of bravery overtaking her as she steps around him. “I haven’t heard from my family in years. I heard they were here and I wanted to see if they were okay. A wellness check, if you will.”

“That’s not what you…” John cuts the man off before he can continue on.

“Did you not recognize her?” he asks as his eyes light up with recognition. Charlie freezes.

How? He can’t possibly know.

“She’s clearly our accountant’s daughter” he says lightly spinning her around.

The other man studies her face for a moment. “Huh. You really do look exactly like Christine.”

“You know, there’s really nothing to worry about. Your family is doing well here, but, if you want to do your little ‘wellness check’, you best follow me, sweetheart” John suggests over her shoulder.

Charlie fights the urge to make a snarky retort, choosing to cast a smile over her shoulder instead. “Of course. After you.”

They head inside and Charlie is flanked on all sides by peggies. Two to her side, one behind her, and John in front of her. If she’s being honest she doesn’t understand why they need to guard a tiny, unarmed woman. Besides, who goes to reunite with their family just to attack them?

All of that goes out the window when she sees her mother. She barely registers John calling out to her mother before she’s shoving past him.

“Mama?”

Christine steps forward, her hands cupping her daughter’s cheeks. “Charlene? Baby, what are you doing here?”

Charlie blinks back the tears she can feel tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. “You haven’t returned any of my calls in almost three years. I was scared” she whispers, hoping none of the cultists can hear.

Unfortunately for her the youngest Seed does hear. “I told you there was nothing to worry about” he says, clasping both Berger women’s shoulders. “Your family is doing well here, even better, they’re thriving.”

Her mother nods and smiles at John. Charlie can tell her happiness is real and it pains her to see it. If it weren’t for the armed militia around the compound she would punch the smug look off of his face.

“Sweetheart, now that you’re back in Hope County; now that you’re home, why don’t you move back in with your dad and I?”

It sounds like a terrible idea. The last thing she wants is to be stuck in a house with two people who only want to talk about Eden’s Gate. She goes to protest when she realizes she hasn’t even seen her father yet.

“Oh, no I really couldn’t... Wait, where is daddy?”

Before her mother can explain a deep voice from behind her interrupts, stopping everyone in their tracks “Who’s this?”

Charlie turns around to see who intruded on their conversation. She recognizes Joseph almost immediately, his man bun and glasses giving him

Shit

[youresog0lden]

15 II Spencer Reid

Summary: It’s been 15 years since the murder of your mother so you take the day off, while back home your best friend is trying to find out what happened with the case completely forgetting that every day for the past 6 years he would come over and stay with you. 

WC: 3.2k 

Warnings: Angst, the mentions of death, panic attacks, the mentions of depression, ED (kinda), Murder, Stabbing, Violence, Crying, Vomit, The mentions of Heaven I think I could be wrong I might have said above. -But just in case-  I used y/n but used a last name so I could make the story easier just replace it. 

A/N: I definitely cried while writing this one. Please let me know what you think ! This is one of my favorites !  THIS IS NOT MY GIF

masterlist

Notes: Y/n/n = your nickname y/n = your name

Relationship: Spencer x Fem Reader (kinda)

"The song is ended, but the melody lingers on." ~ Irving Berlin

15 years ago. fif-teen. Today was the big day. I was 15 years ago. Since my mom was brutally murdered. They told us they never found the murderer. That they tried to find every piece of evidence that they could but, this person is a pro. Every year I take the night to try and help solve the case but nothing has come out of it.

"Hey Garcia." I chirped picking up the phone.

"Hey beautiful. I know it's your day off but we really need you on this case." she pleaded.

"I can't. I have to go." I say softly hanging up the phone. Every year on her death date I go to her grave to talk to her let her know that she's not alone. I tell her about everyone and everything. I tell her about Spencer. Even though if she was here now she would tell me to stop thinking about boys and that there a waster of time. I bring her her favorite flowers even though they take a week to get to me because there rainbow roses. Her favorite. She says there way to colorful reminding her of everyone of her kids, never a dull moment. So I take the day to thank her for having me for bringing me into this world. I made sure her grave was put in the Jane graveyard. I wanted her to feel at home with her mom and dad. I always leave crying but, knowing she's watching from above only makes me have hope that I will see her again. Right at the time I get up to get ready I get a call from a certain Doctor.

"Hello Dr. Reid." I joked.

"Hello Agent Jane." we laughed at the joke both of us made

"I'm waiting for you." at this point I almost immediately stopped laughing.

"Do you not know what today is?" I asked quietly.

"No. Am I supposed to?" he asked. Yes because I told you. I told you what happened. I told you the date. I told you how she was murdered but I guess you forgot.

"No never mind. Look Spencer I have to go." before he can say anything I hang up. I sit there looking at myself. Black jeans, boots, and a hoodie. I nod before grabbing my bag and the flowers leaving and a bag I packed since I was going home. I set my things down and make sure the flowers are secured. I back out of my parking lot and drive towards the highway. Hey sweetie I just wanted to let you know I love you. Please be careful tonight I love you more than anything. Her voice rang in my head like it did every year on her date. I remember getting the call in the morning after seeing it on the news. I took me months to finally get up and move around and it took me two years to finally go and see her. I was 18 when it happened. My brother was the only one home at the time.

He told me he came home from the football game to see her blood all over the house. Justin wasn't home at the time. Justin being my step-dad. He told me that she asked him to go get roses for there anniversary coming up so he did. I cried for weeks on end. I ended up being taken to the hospital because I stopped eating. I stopped taking care of myself. I couldn't physically do it anymore. I couldn't sit there in the house anymore. I ended up moving out and starting college like my mom would've wanted she was the whole reason I became a profiler I needed to find out what happened. I needed to catch this guy but, it was like he feel off the face of the earth. The case went cold and eventually everyone moved on. Even I did I was finally happy. I made family at work. Nothing could ever replace my original family but they were a close second. I made a best friend. Spencer Reid. Even though he didn't remember today I didn't blame him for it. He may have an eidetic memory but, work was one of the many things that flooded that pretty brain of his.

Eventually after being friends with him it's almost natural to develop a crush -if you will- on him. Almost like a wildfire I did. I couldn't help but love him and all of his quirks. He could make the moon smile if he tried. Hell even if he didn't try but when he did and he let out a laugh it was contagious. Everyone would laugh. He was the heart and soul of the team. His magic tricks, his lectures about why the girl and I can't have more than five shoots and three drinks when we go out. - I really think it's the dominance coming out in him - but he says he just cares about us and doesn't want us to complain to him about our raging headaches in the morning at work. Almost every year Reid would come over and help me through it. I would never actually take him to my moms grave he just stayed the night before and made sure I was okay every morning for almost six years. I hurt that he forgot but once again work probably effected that.

After what seemed to be about a three hour drive and two bathroom stops I pull into the graveyard surrounded by the Jane family church our great, great, great, great, great grandparents founded in. This is where our family was berried time after time. Taking a big breath I see the street lights surrounding the graveyard making it not look as deep and depressing. I grab the flowers and a water bottle moving out the car and into the graveyard. I take a deep breath walking and sitting down by my mom.

"Hey momma." I say softly looking down at her headstone. Cheryl Jane. Loving mother, Wife, and daughter. June 8th 1970- August 25th 2005. It's okay rest easy momma-bear you've done your work. Just at the read  of that my eyes start watering. "It's been a year. A lot has happened this year. Emily has been working our asses off. It seems like cereal killers never take the time off. I miss you more than ever. I know Brantly does to. He talks about you the most. It's really hard for me to. Even though you know that. Anyway I'm sure you want to know the constant loop of my life. Well here it goes. Mom I'm in love with my best friend and he's in love with his and I know that sounds confusing but here let me explain in. He may be mine but JJ is his. I can tell by the way his eyes get big when he hears her talk or how his smile is or how he blushes as she talks but I get why shes beautiful. He's so in love with her mom and, it hurt's so bad but sometimes you have to get through the pain. Derek left. He has a kid so he went to be daddy Derek with Savannah. We have a new team member. Luke Alvez he's cool. Emily is the new unit chief. Hotch had to leave for a while. Recently it's been hard mom. I've barley been wanting to go to work in the morning knowing he isn't mine. Mom, I know that if you were here right now you'd tell me." I take a deep breath tears running down my cheeks.

"Don't worry about boys Y/N. Life is way to short. Go out start loving yourself, not guys. Because if one thing is promised in life it's you'll always have yourself. That and, that no one ever makes it out of here alive. So stop wasting time on him and, trust me I'm trying. I really am. I just need you to be here to hold me while I cry in your arms. Mom I'm 33 and I still need to cry into your arms. Mom I thought I would have you until I'm old. I didn't picture you not being here to see me graduate college. I thought you would be here to see me have the kids you always wanted to see me have. You always talked about being a grandma. I thought you could walk me down the isle as I'm getting married in your dress with our family ring seeing your smile on your face. God I miss that smile so much and what I wouldn't do to see it again. Pictures aren't enough. I don't know how long it's been since Jasmine came out here to talk to you but she's married now. To this guy his names James. I really like him. I can tell he makes her happy. There expecting. I'm going to be a godmother and a aunt. I never thought I would be this achieved in my life. The only thing is-" I couldn't stop crying. It kept coming down in waves of sadness tears escaping like no other.

"Well there's quite a few only things but the first thing is I just expected you to be here when I tell everyone the news. I used to remember running into the living room telling you how much I wanted to move to London and meet a cute English boy and have a perfect life. Well the whole boy thing isn't working. -obviously- but I got offered a job for a secret agent task force that goes undercover all around the world and helps solves cold cases from all around. I have to let them know by next week all I could think about was my family, and how if I left how hurt they would feel we've already lost so many team members but at the same time this may be exactly what I need. I would still come and visit you every year. I promise. Pinky. But I don't know I have a lot to think about on my way home. I could sleep in a hotel tonight but I just don't think I want to do that. But anyways I love you lots momma-bear more than anything. See you next year." and with that I placed the roses on her headstone standing up noticing it was starting to get dark I quickly go to my car unlocking it and placing the keys into the ignition and looking at my phone seeing as I shut it off to be more with my mom today.

4 missed call for Spence

3 missed calls from Garica

2 text from Spence. Click to open it.

So that's exactly what I did I look at the texts.

"Y/N please answer me. I know what today is I'm so so sorry I forgot."

"I'm on my way. Please just tell me your safe." I text back with a quick "It's fine. I'm already on my way home. Just leave me alone for the night please." I turn off my phone once again before heading on my way home. Leaving the busy road to much calmer ones.

"Mommy." I called out walking around the house. There I stood in a blue Cinderella dress and her clear heals with this sassy attitude.

"Yes sweetie." she laughs looking at me taking out her clunky camera and snapping a picture of me.

"Mommy can you pwease help me talk this off." my four year old eyes flashed on her. She laughs nodding her head.  She helps me take off the dress leaving me in my hello kitty underwear and heals. She pulls out one of my pj sets and looks at me.

"Let's get you ready for bed. Yeah?" she says. I nod sticking my arms up. She picks me up taking me into the bathroom.

"Can we pwease use the hello kitty bubbles." I ask with puppy eyes.

"Of course my sweets." she kissed my forehead. She lets the bath fill up before putting me in there and bathing me. Kissing me on the head, the shoulder, the top of my back, the side of my head then, my nose. Every time a little laugh left my lips.

"Stop mommy it tickles." I laugh splashing the water. She gasps

"Mommy." I say sternly. She gives me a look before continuing

"Yes baby."

"I love you more than ice cream."

"Is that so?"

"Yes."

"Then I love you more than the sun and moon combined."

As the flashbacks come back so do the tears. I pull over to the side of the road before feeling my heart crack.

"Then I love you more than the sun and moon combined."

"Fuck." I yell sitting in my car all alone. My breathing increasing in seconds my hands shaking. I can feel the urge to get out of my car and puke. But I sit there trying to call myself. It wouldn't stop her voice, the memories. I grab my phone knowing only one person could even remotely help this but deciding against it I put the phone down. I bust my car door open before falling to my knees and puking whatever I ate this morning out. I didn't stop tho I couldn't but once, I finally do I stand up and go to my car looking for a bottle of water. Finding one a few seconds later I grab my to-go bag washing my mouth and and brushing my teeth with the water I had. I get back in my car which now my hands weren't shaking as much so I was good on driving. At a red light I turn my phone on waiting for it to start back up again. When it finally does I connect it to my speaker I quickly call Spencer. The phone rings for a second before hearing the uttermost thing.

"Hello." his voice sounded shakily.

"Spence." my voice broke. Fuck really.

"Y/n/n." he sighs realizing you.

"Spence I'm almost home do you think you could spend the night tonight I don't want to be alone." I whimpered out tears sliding down my face.

"I'll be there in ten with food ready for you." he almost said instantly. I nod knowing he can't see me before hanging up and making my way down the exit.

"Mom. Get out." I complained. I was 15 and I just wanted privacy.

"Come on sweetie talk to me." she sighs.

"No. Just leave me alone." I yell.

"Don't you dare yell at me I am your mother." she was now raising her voice. I stopped dead in my tracks.

"I wish you were never my mother. "

After saying those few words to her, I could see the heartbreak in her eyes. She did everything for me even when we didn't have money and it was just the two of us. Then at the time it was my mom, my sister, I and her husband Justin and his kid. I didn't mean to say it I was just mad and I always apologized for it still feeling bad for even saying it.

"I wish you were never my mother." The words were like ice. She stopped dead in her tracks. It still heart my heart when thinking about it. It still made me cry thinking about it. Which I already was but still it only increased it. I grab my bag walking into the apartment complex seeing Reid's car parked a few down from mine I knew he used the key I gave him to get into my apartment. God how much more obvious could I be. I walk to the elevator pressing the fourth floor taking my time up there. I open the door hearing his footsteps bring him into direct eye-contact. I drop my bad right by the door closing it as he held his arms open for me to walk into, so I did exactly that. I walk right into his arms. My arms latching around his neck his wrapping around my waist. I bring my head into his neck crying harder with each second the hug lasted. He doesn't say anything he just sways us back and forth letting us take in the moments. Enjoying having someones arms to cry in after a long day of crying by yourself. It felt nice knowing he was there if you needed him.

"Do you want to eat?" he asked. I nodded my head before sitting at my island. He hands me my bowl of Chinese food and takes his own setting it down on the side of me. I lay my head on his shoulder messing with my food with my fork. He notices it but doesn't say anything he just takes my hand way and holds it with his laying his head on top of mine. He took his head off mine and unlaced his hands before taking a deep breath.

"You need to go lay down you look exhausted." he says in a hushed tone.

"Can you come lay down with me." I say just as quietly.

"If you go get ready I'll clean up the kitchen then I'll come lay down with you." he says. I nod before walking a few steps forward before quickly turning around and turn into his embrace hugging him once again. I mumble a quick 'thank you.'  Into his stomach.

"I love you." I say once I finally let go.

"I love you pretty girl." he says softly using my nickname he gave me a while ago when I started using the nickname pretty boy because of Morgan. I walk into my room changing into a pair of shorts and his over sized Cal-tech t-shit. I brush me teeth once again and go into my room where he has changed from his normal dress pants into his flannel pants with a hoodie on. I smile at him smally but I could tell he noticed because once I did he flashed me an award winning smile holding up his tooth brush. I laugh lightly and walk to the bed letting him get in the bathroom. He walks out and get's on his side of the bed laying into it with me.

"Y/n?" he questioned.

"Yes love."

"I heard that they think the found the killer." he says. I sit up straight.

"What-" I questioned softly

"Emily said they found a note and a dead body confessing into killing your mom." he says just as softly.

"How do we know it's him?"

"He explained in the letter details only the person who did it would know his prints were found on a weapon that looks exactly like the weapon your mom was killed with and the blade matched and everything. Then we found a recording of him and your mom talking."

"When did you find this?"

"Today." I nod.

"So it's really him?"

"Yeah. It's really him." he says. I smile softly, our eyes finally meet. He grabs me pulling me closer to him. I take this as a sign and plant my lips on his. He doesn't kiss back so I pull away just as quickly.

"I'm-I-I'm so sor-" I was cut off by his lips on my once again finally feeling at peace.

"Our Life is made by the death of others."~ Leonardo da Vinci

[dailytomlinson]

In the spring of 2012, I spent a few entertaining days hanging out with the five young members of a British boy band who were just breaking big in the United States. The guys from One Direction were unjaded, unguarded, totally charming, and a puppy pile of optimism and energy. On April 8th, in a New York City hotel room, Harry Styles and Niall Horan, both 18, sat down with me for a joint interview, published here for the first time. (The reporting was intended for a Rolling Stone cover story that never ran.)

It was late morning, and they had both just rolled out of bed. Styles wore a hotel bathrobe; Horan, with braces still on his teeth, was in sweatpants, a T-shirt, and a Dallas Mavericks hat a fan had given him during a recent trip to Texas. The conversation was casual, full of laughs, and focused on their formative years.

What did you do at the gym last night? Harry: One of our security guys, his friend’s over, he’s a personal trainer, so I was working with him, and he ripped me to shreds.

In 12 hours, you have to do Saturday Night Live. Are you ready? Harry: Yeah, I think so. I think it’s going to be a fun day. It’s just really exciting, obviously. The show is so huge. For us to get the opportunity to be on it at all was just amazing, and to us, to be performing and just be involved with the show is amazing.

Have you seen whole episodes of it?

Harry: I’ve watched a lot of clips on YouTube. They don’t show it in the U.K.

Growing up, when did you realize you could sing or that you wanted to sing?Harry: I sang in primary school, like the school productions, plays and stuff.

What was your first one? Harry: The first one was … I was five, and there was a story about a mouse who lived in a church, and I was Barney, the mouse. I had to wear my sister’s tights, and a headband with ears on it, and I had to sing a song all by myself. I remember it was just like, whatever.… In the second, I was Buzz Lightyear in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. So you know when they run and hide in the toy shop? Buzz Lightyear was in the toy shop, so they just created my character. The last one, I was in ��� you know Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat? I was the pharaoh, but I was an Elvis pharaoh.

Did you have a sense that this is what you wanted to do in your life? Harry: I think in school I was OK, I wasn’t a bad student. I think I just knew I wanted to entertain people and stuff. I was a bit of an attention-seeker at school.

Niall: Me, too. I just talked too much, sang too much.

You were onstage as a kid and were like, “This is what I like”? Harry: I knew it was fun, I had a lot of fun doing it, and I stopped when I started high school, and then I didn’t really do anything, I just sang at home, in the shower, in your bedroom, that type of thing. I guess it started again when my friends were in a band and they wanted to do this battle of the bands competition that was at school, and they needed a singer, and one of my friends asked me.

What did you sing? Harry: We sang “Are You Gonna Be My Girl” by Jet, and “Summer of ’69.” We did it more towards the Bowling For Soup version.

How about you, Niall? Niall: I always knew I wanted to sing. I was academic…I was one of those people that if I’m not interested in something, I don’t really care. If I’m not interested in school, I would have never trained or done my homework or anything, I’d have just gone outside and played football or whatever.

Harry: [helpfully translating] Soccer.

Niall: So I always wanted to sing. I was singing here and there, not gigs or anything, but I always sang around the house or whatever, and I played Oliver in a school play. And then I just did that, and people told me I should do something…I was only 10, what could I do at 10? I just did a couple of gigs, and when I got to high school, they told me that I should just try out for The X-Factor.

Who told you? Niall: My French teacher. We used to do talent shows and stuff at school, she was like, “You should do it,” so I did it.

What did that entail? What were the steps from being a kid in high school to getting on the show? Niall: It was the final of The X-Factor the year before, and at the end credits of the final, it says, “If you want to apply for 2010, go online,” so a couple of weeks later, I said, “Right, I’m going to do it,” and I filled in the form online, we were sending emails back and forth, going to this place at this time. The first one is at a big stadium, then if you get through that, you come back the next day. Is that the way they did it with you?

Harry: I had to wait a little bit, I think.

Niall: I was there at five a.m., I got seen at 12, and I was out of there by quarter past 12, and the next day I came back at 10 in the morning. You get through the first round, then they do a round where they don’t tell you if you got through after that.

Harry: They film it.

Niall: The producer and someone from the label. They film it and show it to whoever. Then if you got through that, it takes about two or three weeks until you find out. I was in Spain. Then you just go through the audition.

Harry, how did you wind up on X-Factor? Harry: I basically said, the same as Niall, I was watching the year before, and I remember looking at the young guys on there, and I was kind of like, “I’d love to have a go at it just to see what happens,” and that was kind of it. My mum actually did the application, and then three weeks later, I walked upstairs and she said, “Oh, you’ve got your X-Factor audition Sunday,” and I was like, “OK.”

Niall: In England, it’s the biggest thing ever. It took a while to build.

Harry: The two or three years were steady, and third or fourth, it just blew up.

Niall: It works that one in three people in the UK watch it. There’s 60 million people in the UK, and 21 million people watched the final the year we were in it.

Harry, your band also played at least one wedding right? Harry: Yeah. We actually said that we’d do the wedding gig, and…

Niall: You get paid for it?

Harry: Yeah. 160 quid, between all four of us. 40 quid each…we said we’d do it, and then we found out it was the weekend coming up, and we hadn’t done anything for it, so we asked the bride what kind of stuff she wanted, and she said she didn’t mind, but she wanted some Bob Marley songs. Literally in three days, not even three, probably two days, we learned like 25 songs. We might have known like three of them before. I was 16, maybe 15, singing these Bob Marley songs. There was a girl a couple of years below us, and it was her mum, she said she wanted us to play.

Niall: Can you imagine you’re at a wedding and you have 16-year-old kids up on the stage?

Maybe you were really good! Harry: Yeah, the drummer is one of my best friends from school, he’s a sick drummer, he’s so good.

Did you think the band could be something? Harry: A bit. My friend’s mum was a radio presenter, and she did a radio show  for a bit, so she was trying to sort us out a little bit of studio time, we were going to go in and record.

What do your parents do? Harry: My mum is a PA.  My dad is a financial adviser.

How about you? Niall: My dad works at a supermarket, he’s the head manager, general manager of an area, not just one, and my mum is unemployed now, so I try to help them out whenever I can.

You probably can. That must be nice. Niall: Yeah, it’s nice, it’s good.

Plus, now you can tell them what to do. Harry: [laughs]  “Now you go to bed.”

Were you happy as kids? Did you have adolescent angst and stuff? Did you go through depressed periods? Harry: Not really. I think at one point, I started acting like I was…I had a phase of listening to really heavy music.

Niall: I never went through that.

Harry: Not stupid heavy, but a bit… just because I thought it was cool.

Like what? Harry: Like Nirvana T-shirts, wore black all the time, pretty much.

Were you pretty happy go-lucky? Niall: Yeah, I was always happy. I think me and Harry were lucky. Our parents got divorced quite early, didn’t they, when we were really young. I was four, I didn’t know much, so I was always a happy kid, always up for a laugh, very carefree, and I’m a bit like that now.

Did you both grow up in your moms’ houses? Harry: Yeah.

Niall: I went between both, my mum moved to the country and I didn’t have any interest in it. I always felt like the country is for when you’re older. I was with my mom for a while but got bored, all my friends were in town, I went to school in town and all that stuff. It was more like that.

Harry: I lived with both parents, and then moved with my mum, and we owned a pub for like five years. I remember the first night, it was like a night where a band was playing, and I just thought, “How am I going to get to sleep?” I was three stories up, I was like, “How am I going to get to sleep with this noise?” I was next to a road in Sussex in the middle of nowhere, and by the end, I could fall asleep next to the band, I was so used to the noise.

Was it imprinting your brain? Harry: Maybe. One of the guys who used to play every so often, he used to be in Deep Purple or something… He started teaching me guitar when I was like 10, I think 10, maybe nine.  I loved it. I was 10, 11, all of the regulars, I got on with them. I’d walk behind the bar and my head would barely go over the bar. It’s still going now. We sold it to my best friend, we go in all the time still.

People say you come off as more mature than your age, you come off wiser. Did hanging around all those people as a kid help you mature?

Harry: I don’t know, maybe.  I moved when I was seven or eight from Cheshire, and it was still Cheshire, but half an hour away, but in terms of not driving and stuff, all my friends lived near my school, so that was a bit further out. One of my friends there was my sister’s age, he was 16 when I was 10. It was so tiny, they were the only teenage boys…we’d ride our bikes and go to the driving range and stuff. It was good, it was fun.

You both wanted to entertain – if it hadn’t worked out, would you have been really unhappy? Harry: Yeah, I think it would be kind of like…one of the reasons you go for X-Factor in the first place is that you want to do this, and it kind of helps you get out of the life that you were doing before. I worked in a bakery for two years. Obviously, I didn’t want to do that for ages!

If you’d asked people at school, would they have said, “Yeah, they’re probably going to be famous,” or would they never have guessed that? Niall: My aunt, I was in the back of her car. We used to go across Ireland to go to the beach for a couple of weeks, and I remember we were in the car, I was singing, and she thought I was the radio, and she told me, I never forgot it, that she thought I was going to be famous since I was six, seven. She was the only person who told me that, so I always remembered that.

Harry: My dad said it. I used to listen to a lot of the music he was playing, he’d play Elvis Presley to death, the Stones, I’d sing along to that and he’d say, “You’re going to be famous,” or whatever. He came on tour with us for a few days out here, he came to the Radio City show. He just said, for him, it was so educational. Obviously, he hears about what happens when I call him, but to see it and see it actually happen and how everything works was so good for him, he really enjoyed it. So that was nice.

So you grew up on Elvis and the Stones? Harry: Yeah, pretty much. My dad was a massive Stones fan, so it was pretty much Beatles and Stones in terms of what my dad played.

People say you kind of look like Mick.

Niall: He gets that a lot.

Harry: I get it more here, probably, than I do at home. It’s because of the British thing.

What have you learned about life from the last few years, what didn’t you know? What advice would you give yourself? Niall: How much more independent we actually are – me, anyway. Your mum attends to your every need and does your food and washing and gives you somewhere to live. Then you go into the real world, as you’re told as a kid…

Harry: We’re living on our own now.

Niall: We just started living on our own in the last six months, really.

Harry: I’m moving when I get back.

Niall: We do our own washing, we make our own food, we rent places, we’re out on our own now. You mature so quick, you’re dealing with big businessmen every day, you’re not dealing with school, people your own age. It’s a bit different.

Harry: You seem to learn so many life lessons, but in such a short space of time. If I speak to my friends and they’re having problems with girls, whatever it is, now I seem to just have the answer. I don’t know, it’s just different. Or I think I have the answer. In terms of…one of my friends was trying to decide what to do with school, stuff like that, and I would have had no idea what to say to him before.

The last two years must feel like 10. Harry: Yeah, but at the same time, it feels like six months, it’s weird. X-Factor was two years ago, but it seems like five years ago, but at the same time, it’s gone so quick. It’s a really strange dynamic of how it feels.

Do you have a sense of how this is going to go? Does it matter if it’s two years, five years or forever? Harry: I think how much we all enjoy it, because we love what we do – if you have to call it a job, it’s an incredible job to have, and we love it. We’ll all want to do it for as long as possible. If we have the opportunity to have a Take That kind of career, I don’t see any reason why we wouldn’t want to do that. If we don’t, I don’t know…we’ve done some amazing things already, but we don’t want to stop there, we want to keep going. I guess if we didn’t, I think we’d probably want to still be involved in…I’d just write, I guess.

Do you want to act? It feels like you could have your own TV show. Harry: I think it would be more of a documentary, because obviously, we’re not actors.

People must want you to try. Niall: Watch tonight, tell us what you think. Watch SNL.

Will you all make solo albums? Is that inevitable? Harry: No, I don’t think so.

Niall: Let’s do a swing album!

Harry: [laughs] We’ll all do swing albums. We’re just so focused on this, we all feel so lucky just to be part of this opportunity that we’ve all been given, it’s incredible, we’re just loving it. It’s sick.

People make a lot of assumptions about people in your position. They think you’re puppets and do what you’re told. What do you do when people make those assumptions? Harry: When you look from the outside, especially if you’re a skeptic of groups made through TV shows, which is fair enough, people don’t see what we do on a daily basis, people don’t see…I think from the outside, it looks so glamorous, they see us do TV performances every now and again, see us doing an interview every now and again, but they don’t know that we work seven days a week.

Niall: If there was eight days, we’d fit it in.

Harry: It’s not as completely glamorous all the time, of course it’s not, it would be stupid to think that it would be, but it’s hard work.

Niall: You’ve got to remember that you’ve got people on your team that have been doing this for many years and have been through the mill. You have all that experience around you, even from our tour manager, who’s been doing this for 20 years, they know what’s right, but at the same time, we want to have creative control, because at the end of the day, it’s us stepping out onto the stage of SNL tonight and have to sing these songs. We want to be singing what we enjoy, as we said last night. The music we all listen to is what we try and blend together to make this One Direction sound.

Harry: We obviously want to make it authentic and have our say without going, “People say we don’t control it, so we need to take control.” We’re not…we haven’t been writing songs for 20 years, we’re not producers. We’ve got an incredible team around us. Luckily, we’ve been given a lot of freedom, so we don’t go, “OK, we just need more and more control,” because we have a lot of control already. I think we find a really good balance in the way we work with our record label and our management, and it’s just how we work together, I think.

In any case, it’s probably better than the bakery. Harry: Yeah. But I don’t get a nice bun on my break anymore, that’s the thing.

Did you wear an apron? Harry: Oh yeah, I wore a white polo shirt and a maroon apron with white stripes. “What would you like? 78 pence, thank you very much.”

Were you behind the counter? Harry: Yeah, I was behind the counter. It was good. It was Saturday morning, I started at five and finished at four in the afternoon and got like 30 quid, it was a joke.

Niall, did you have a job? Niall: No, never.

So this is your first job. Niall: Yeah, not bad at all. I was chilling, I was being a kid.

Harry: I had a paper route before that. It gave me a bad back, bad posture. It was a heavy bag.

I interviewed some fans downstairs, and asked if they knew who you were six months ago, and they all said yes, and a year ago…They were all early adopters, heard you from the Internet, watched X Factor on YouTube… Harry: It’s the internet. People have friends over here that might tell their friends and look on YouTube and show their friends. It’s insane how it’s blown up. We’ve had the opportunity to come over to America and do shows, and release our music over here, which is amazing. Through the power of social media, we already had a bit of a following before we’d ever been over here, we hadn’t done any shows. We had some fans out here, which was amazing, but weird, really strange. I don’t know, it’s gone crazy. We don’t really see loads of it. We do the shows, then we’re in hotels, then we fly somewhere else. We don’t see massive amounts of it, we just go with it. This whole thing has gone on, and it’s sick.

Do you ever feel anxious through all this? Harry: Yeah, I think, obviously, just naturally, you think about what’s going to happen in the future. We’re 18, 19, 20 years old, we’re young. I wouldn’t say anxious, we’re just excited most of the time, and having so much fun, that if stuff were to finish and you were to look back on your time and all you did the whole time throughout this amazing stuff was shitting yourself about what’s going to happen next, then it would just be…I think you have to enjoy it while it’s going on. I think you should be wary about the future, but not worrying about it all the time. We still enjoy it and have fun, but obviously, you do think, “What am I going to be doing in 20 years, 30 year?” I’ll have kids by then.

Harry, I saw a tabloid with pictures of everyone smiling, and you were looking thoughtful. Do you get down sometimes? While everyone else is having fun, do you start drifting off? Harry: No, I think I’m naturally…not everyone is happy all of the time. I think you always have times when…like when you’ve just landed off a really long flight or miss home or something. They got a picture of me where I wasn’t smiling. I usually smile, but they got one where I wasn’t smiling and used that, and then said I wasn’t happy. They did that for a few days, that’s when we were in L.A. last time. It goes with the morbid voice.

Ringo would say, “It’s just me face.” Niall: “Who’s that little old man?” [quoting Hard Day’s Night]

Harry: “That’s Paul’s grandfather. He’s very clean.”

Sometimes you can drift off, that’s just your thing. Harry: [laughs] I’m just soulful, man, I try.

Harry, do you mind when you’re singled out for attention? Harry: I don’t know. I don’t really…I don’t know. We’re a band. Everything we do is together. I don’t take much notice of it.

So you’re not the Justin. Harry: No.

Niall: J.C. was popular, too, wasn’t he?

It’s not like that for you guys. Harry: Not at all.

There was an imbalance in that group. Harry: I think we find it important that people get to know all of our individual personalities, because…

Niall: I think that’s what’s good about it, people see us as individuals as well as a band, we all have our own personality, and we all give something to a band. Previous bands, they go around and can never explain themselves, they can explain the band, but as individuals, what we bring to the band and stuff…

Harry: We all know that we all have our roles, and we all know that without one of us, it wouldn’t work.

[thatoneloser-kid]

Can I please request Ellie surprising Aster by showing up at Aster’s first big art showing for Art school please?

She and Aster hadn't talked much at all over the past two years. There was the odd message over the holidays, birthdays, but other than that there wasn't much. 

Aster never came home after her first summer, word quickly spread that she was dating a girl at college, and as much as that hurt, Ellie was proud of her, happy for her, even. 

She and Paul still talked every day, which is why it wasn't odd for him to call her at ten pm on a Wednesday. 

"Hey," Ellie murmured, her eyes not leaving her paper. 

"Hey," Paul greeted. "Okay, so I know I'm not good at romance or nothing like that, but I have an idea."

That got Ellie's full attention. "What?" 

"Aster has an art show in a small church thing for a project." Paul said. "You should go."

"Paul, I have papers to finish."

"I know you've finished them, and proof read them a million and two times." Paul shot back, and Ellie couldn't really argue, he knew her too well. "She is in Michigan, it isn't far, the train is a little under a day. Ten hours or something."

"I don't know, Paul." She said thoughtfully. 

"Bold, remember?" Ellie could hear the huge smile in his voice. "Come on, El. You've told me about soulmates and stuff, and the greeks, maybe Aster is your greek… or whatever."

"That's-" Ellie smoothed her fingers over her forehead, deciding against correcting him. "Close enough, well done, Paul."

"Thank you," Paul said. "So? Will you go?"

"I don't know," Ellie sighed. "What if she doesn't want to see me, Paul?" 

"You won't know for sure unless you go." Paul urged. "Come, El. Take the jump."

"Plunge," Ellie corrected absentmindedly. "Fine, okay. When is it?" 

"Yes," Paul cheered, Ellie knew he fist pumped, too. "I already emailed you the ticket, don't worry, it was free."

"Free?"

"Mm, I think they needed numbers or something, but you can buy paintings. It said on the Facebook page that the money goes to the art department at the school or whatever."

Paul sent her comforting and hype messages throughout the day she was traveling, which was surprisingly helpful, especially when she looked at herself in the mirror of the seedy motel she was staying in, dressed in a pair of black slacks and a black jacket to match, a simple white shirt underneath. 

"Is it too much?" 

"No, you look so good!" Paul assured. "Besides, I read that lesbians love girls that wear suits and stuff."

"You don't even know if she's gay or not."

"She's a little gay," Paul said, just before the phone tumbled from his hands and into the food he was making. Her curses as he scrambled to get it, and Ellie could hear his mother scold him for it. "Sorry mom." he called as he reappeared, that big smile still in place. "You look good, El. College has been good to you, you've gotten more attractive."

They had gotten over the awkwardness of Paul claiming he loved her. Turns out, he did, but not in the way he thought, having misinterpreted best friend love with romantic love. 

"Thanks, dude."

"Sure," He smiled. "Go sweep her off her feet, Princess Charming."

Ellie scoffed. "I'm not charming."

"Aster is certainly charmed by you." he disagreed, but before she could question him his mother was telling him to get a move on. "Gotta go, El. Let me know how it goes!" 

--

She had been there for half an hour and still hadn't seen Aster. 

It was busy, so she wasn't really surprised, she just spent the night strolling around the church, looking at the paintings, stopping at one of the larger paintings. 

She recognised it immediately, a painting of the graffiti she and Aster had made back home.

It was a little more abstract than the actual thing (Ellie would know, she had taken a picture of it when it was finished, it may or may not be her laptop background), and had the silhouette of two people standing in front of it. 

Ellie loved it more like this. 

"What do you think?" A voice asked somewhere to her left. 

"It's… amazing. They all are." Ellie said, her eyes not leaving the painting. 

"It's my favourite." they said, and Ellie turned to look at them, blinking in surprise when her eyes landed on Aster, who was wearing that stupidly charming half smile. "Brings back happy memories." 

"Uh, yeah." Ellie murmured, cursing herself because she practiced this, what she would say when they met again. 

"What're you doing here, Ellie?" Aster asked, no sense of malice in her voice, just curiosity. 

"I, uh- Your art show, I wanted to- Paul called and told me about it, said it would be romantic if I came, or whatever." Ellie could feel herself starting to blush, especially when Aster's smile grew mischievous. 

"Romantic, huh?" she took a few, slow steps toward Ellie, until she was stood directly in front of her, fingering the lapels of her jacket. "You look good, Ellie."

"So do you," And she did, dressed in a pretty green dress, her hair shorter than Ellie remembered. 

"Thank you," Aster smiled, dropping her hands but not moving out of Ellie's space. "How have you been, Ellie?" 

"Good, I have finished all of my school work, I think I'm ready for exams. I can't wait to get home for the summer." Ellie answered. "You?" 

"Really good, getting out of that town, I feeling I- I just -" 

"Like you can breathe." Ellie whispered, and Aster gave her that soft smile she had given her that day in the bathroom. 

"Yeah," Aster breathed. "Exactly."

They stared at each other, Aster with a soft smile and Ellie probably looking like a dumbstruck loser. 

"Aster," a hand clapped onto the girl's shoulder, and Ellie quickly looked away, taking a step back as she pushed her glasses up her nose. "Someone wants to speak to you before buying a painting."

"Of course, professor." Aster nodded, "I will be right there."

He nodded, eyeing Ellie briefly before leaving. 

"Hey," Aster reached out to take a hold of her hand, giving it a squeeze. "Will you stay? It is almost over."

"Of course."

Aster beamed at her, and Ellie swooned. "Great, have fun."

Aster disappeared, and Ellie quickly pulled out her phone to call Paul. 

"Hey, have you seen her yet?" 

"Dude, I was a mess." Ellie sighed. 

"You at your messiest is still so much better than me at my best, and she went on two days with me. You'll be fine." Paul assured. 

That was oddly comforting, in a way only Paul could be. 

Ellie strolled around the room until it started to empty, then Aster found her again.

"These are the keys to my car, you can go wait inside while I clean up." Aster offered her keys. 

"I can help," Ellie offered. 

"Oh, you don't have to."

"I don't mind," 

Aster looked somewhat surprised, but nodded. "Okay, all of the paintings sold, so the people here will take care of that, but we need to put away the tables and stuff."

Ellie nodded, and followed Aster's lead, slipping off her jacket and setting it over a railing, rolling up her sleeves messily before helping up stuff away. 

It was fine, until Ellie realised that Aster kept staring at her, or glancing over at her, and she felt herself getting a little flustered. 

It was a little over half an hour before they clambered into Aster's old car. "That was amazing. Your paintings were amazing."

"Thank you," Aster looked down at her hands for a few seconds, before looking at her. "So you want to get coffee?" 

"It's nine pm."

"Decaf," Aster offered. "I know a cute little place, it's open late 'cause it serves alcohol."

Ellie nodded. "Okay," 

Aster smiled. "Okay."

The cafe was small, but cosy, with sofas as well as tables, and a fireplace crackling in the corner. It was empty, it was nine pm on a Monday after all, so she and Aster settled on the safe sofa beside the fire. 

"So, tell me everything." Aster probed, turning to face Ellie, tucking her leg under herself, which caused her knee to press into Ellie's thigh. 

Ellie told her about college, about the small group of friends she had made, about Paul and his actually very promising future with is dumb good concoctions. 

Ellie relaxed into it, and come mid night they were laughing and giggling with ease, like it was how they had always been. 

Aster dropped Ellie off at the motel after they were kicked out of the cafe as it was closing. 

They sat in silence for a short while before Aster spoke up. "When do you head back?" 

"I'm getting the six am train tomorrow."

Aster looked disappointed, chewing the inside of her cheek as she nodded. "Can I take you to the station?" 

"You don't have to," 

"I want to." Aster promised. "Pick you up at five."

Ellie nodded, pushing her glasses up her nose. "Five."

"Goodnight, Ellie Chu."

"Night, Aster Flores."

Ellie clambered out of the car, only getting a few steps away before Aster was calling after her. "Ellie?" 

"Mm?" Ellie turned to her, and Aster grinned cheekily at her.

"Did you find something to believe in?" 

Ellie nodded, somewhat thoughtfully. "Yeah. Myself."

That seemed to be better than Aster had hoped for, if that beaming smile was anything to go by. "You're amazing, Ellie."

Ellie didn't know what to say to that, nodding once awkwardly before waving and disappearing inside. 

Ellie didn't sleep much that night, too restless, her mind running wild with the events of the day.

Aster was outside bang on five, giving Ellie the one over as she smiled. 

"What?" Ellie asked, pulling the sleeves of her hoodie down over her hands self-consciously. 

"You look cute." Aster shrugged simply before driving off. "I think I'm going to come home this summer. Dad asked me to, I don't know if he wants to try and fix things."

"That’s good, right?”

“I’m hoping so, but we will just have to wait and see.” Aster shrugged. “I’m excited to be back, it has been so long.”

“Everything is the exact same.” Ellie said. “I’m trying to convince Paul to go for a scholarship in culinary school, but he said he couldn’t leave his family like that.”

“He’s too loyal, that guy.” Aster shook her head.

“I have applied for a whole bunch of scholarships for him for the new school year, and I’m going to talk to his family when I get home, to see if they could convince him to go.” Ellie said. “He is wasted in that town.”

“He dropped off a little cooler to my place the first summer I came home, ding dong ditched.” Aster laughed fondly. “Left a note apologising about everything that happened. It was his famous sausage tacos, they are really good.”

“I know, right?” Ellie said, fiddling with the sleeves of her hoodie as they pulled up outside the station. “You know we never wanted to hurt you, right?”

Aster shut off the car, chewing the inside of her cheek as she nodded slowly.

“I know you probably don’t want to hear it, but I didn’t get the chance to explain myself.”

Aster glanced at the clock on her dash. “You have twenty minutes before you should go inside.”

Ellie nodded, taking that as a go ahead to continue.

“It was only supposed to be one letter, Paul asked me to help because he was convinced he loved you, and you should have heard the first letter, Aster, it was awful, he talked about his dead grandma.” Ellie laughed, and Aster grinned softly. “The real reason I did it was because I’m stubborn and he challenged me, but I didn’t have a clue about love either.”

“So, you plagiarised Wim Wenders?” Aster arched an eyebrow at her.

“Exactly,” Ellie laughed. “But then you wrote back, and now you were challenging me, so I said to myself it would just be one more. It was just so easy to talk to you, I felt like we just clicked, even thought you thought I was Paul, I still felt special, somehow? I had your attention, you wanted to speak to me, and that made me feel so incredibly special, and it was hard to stop. I enjoyed just sitting in my booth, texting back and forth about really personal shit or what our favourite hand soaps were, it didn’t matter. I just enjoyed getting to know you. But i’m sorry that I did it how it did, and that I lied to you.”

“You know, I probably would have been just as happy had those letters been signed off by you.”

“No, you wouldn’t have. Maybe now, but back then, you weren’t ready back then.”

“Maybe not. But now? I wouldn’t want to get a letter signed from anyone else.” Aster gave a little smile. “And the kiss?”

Ellie flushed. “I just- I couldn’t leave without kissing you.”

“Not our kiss,” Aster smiled, her Ellie felt like her face was on fire “Between you and Paul.”

“Oh,” Ellie nodded. “That was Paul thinking he loved me. And he did, just not the way he thought, we are best friends. But that was nothing, we were never, like, making fun of you or anything. Honestly, we were both just enamoured by you.”

Aster nodded. “You know, back then I convinced myself that I was so mad because I was so jealous of you.” She laughed softly. “I know now that’s not true, I was jealous of Paul.”

It took Ellie a stupid amount of time to realise what that meant, and when her head snapped to Aster, she was staring at her with a mischievous smirk.

“That I’m sure of now.”

“Yeah?” Ellie breathed.

“Yeah,” Aster’s smile softened. “But we still have two years of college left, we shouldn’t start anything when it is going to be long distance from the start.”

“That’s the only reason you wouldn’t want to start anything?” Ellie asked, peering up at Aster through her eyelashes as she pulled on her sleeve.

“Yeah,” Aster hummed, covering Ellie’s fidgeting hands. “If we were closer I would take you out tonight.”

“But we can’t?’

“No, not long distance, Ellie.” Aster said, and Ellie understood, agreed, even, but that didn’t make it suck any less. “Hey,” Aster whispered, bringing Ellie's eyes back to her. "What's a couple more years, right?" 

"Right," Ellie smiled. "I should go, you know it can take a while to get through the turnstiles."

"Of course." Aster agreed, leaning across the centre console to press a kiss to Ellie's cheek. "Text me when you get home?" 

"Sure," Ellie grabbed her hand and clambered out, trying and failing to hide how flustered she was. 

"Ellie?" Aster called, peering at her through the passenger side window. "Thank you, for coming. It was really good to see you."

"It was amazing." Ellie said. "Drive safe, Aster."

"Bye, Heathen."

Ellie found herself smiling at the nickname, giving a little wave as she headed inside. 

Paul called her just as she got on the train. "So? How was it?" he asked, and Ellie could tell his mouth was full of food. 

"It was really good, actually. She left me explain, and we hung out for a bit last night."

"Dope. So, are you guys, like, dating now?" 

"No, a couple more years."

Paul groaned loudly. "You guys are so weird."

[withabackpackandcamera]

July 4th, 2021 Day 9: Ending Our Last Full Day With A VERY Full Day Indeed

We arrived at the streetside parking lot for Geldingadalsgos (based on what I found out from Jeroen, the vent that I was taking photos of isn’t the volcano volcano, but more so a vent of a bigger volcano system; therefore, the vent itself doesn’t have a name, the eruption is called Geldingadalsgos, and the volcanic system is Fagradalsfjall Volcanic System. So, 60 Minutes named it wrong… lol) around 12:15am or so, at which time there were probably somewhere between 20-30 other cars parked. Yup, we didn’t even start hiking until after midnight. Indeed, we were a bit crazy and so was everyone else out there at an ungodly hour. Anyhow, because I got a little bit of rest in the car thanks to Minh’s driving, I was ready to go and see this volcano again.

Unlike the first trip to the volcano on our first day here in Iceland a week ago, this trip was much nicer despite the time of day we hiked. Instead of clear skies with heavy midday sunlight, we arrived as the sun was setting in the colorful orange and pink sky. The skies were darker than expected but the night itself teased us but never actually came in full force. The wind today was calm and collected compared to the violent winds the guys in the group endured last week. And the hike up the mountain was much smoother and easier than the first time up, likely because the authorities had done some fixing up, de-graveling, and repaving of different routes to make it safer for hikers. With conditions being great for hiking (and because I had emptied my camera bag of nonessentials), I made it up the mountainside in about 50 minutes or so, which was much faster than the first time. Cynthia and Minh slowly made their way up behind me since I was rushing to get to the top and they weren’t really into rushing.

Once at the top, I scurried across the ridge and to the same area that I had already hiked to last week, hoping for a good vantage point for some volcano photography. Most of the conditions were great for photography on this early, early morning. The skies were beautifully colored. The weather wasn’t too cold or windy. And the volcano was a little more active today compared to last Saturday. But the conditions weren’t perfect because we were still far from the volcano, the volcano wasn’t spewing out enough lava to make lava rivers that we could see from where we were, and the darkness of the lava field and volcano made it hard to take great landscape photos without the contrasting colors of lava rivers. But I guess that when you’re traveling on a tight schedule and you’re looking to photograph natural phenomena like erupting volcanoes and vents, you just have to make do with the photography conditions you’re presented with and live with the result.

So I just took out my camera and started taking photo after photo after photo of the vent spewing lava. I attempted to take portraits and action shots of the volcano and its activity as well as landscape shots of the volcano in relation to its beautiful surroundings and the gorgeously colorful sky above. I moved to a couple of different spots to try and find different perspectives from which to shoot from but ended up spending most of my time at one location where Cynthia had found a spot to sit and chill.

Throughout our time there, I tried my best to look for Jeroen, the photographer I was communicating with on Instagram. When I had contacted him earlier in the evening to help assess the volcano situation for the evening, he told me that he too was headed to the volcano and that if we spot each other, we should definitely say hi. But unfortunately, I never did catch him there. I later found out that he had hiked way past the point where I had stopped and had made his way over the mountain ridge and to the backside of the valley and lava field, where he discovered lava in action. He found a place to see lava (relatively) close up! So jealous! And that’s the problem with attempting landscape photography on a short schedule… You just don’t have enough time or energy to roam around and scope out areas after a packed trip full of sleep-deprived days. How I wish we could’ve had another whole week in Iceland just to hang out in Reykjavik and follow the volcano live stream until we found the opportunity to leisurely make our way over to photograph the volcano when its activity increases.

We stayed at Geldingadalsgos for quite some time and didn’t actually start heading back to the car until close to 4:00am. Minh and Cynthia went on ahead as I took some time for my last few shots. Once I finished, I ended up basically running down the mountainside and arriving at the split in the hiking route at around 4:15am, at which time I could see the heavy clouds and fog rolling in over the mountains, creating a beautiful, early morning scene. I caught up with Cynthia and Minh shortly after that and by the time we actually turned on the car to leave, it was around 5:00am or so. Yeah, really late and really early… I drove home as everyone crashed in the car and got us all home safely around 5:30-6:00am, at which time we all just crashed, knowing that there was little sleep to be had this morning. Because we had an appointment at 9:00am to get our COVID swabs completed for our flight back home, we slept for a measly 2.75 hours until 8:45am, at which time we had to wake up and jump into the car to drive to our testing site. Luckily, the line and swabs were quick and we were in and out in about 15-20 minutes.

We went home after the swab. The three of us who were out until early this morning were pretty exhausted and groggy. But because it was our last full day in Iceland, Cynthia was determined to make the most of it despite severe sleep deprivation. So instead of taking a nap like Minh did, Cynthia and I joined my parents on a morning walk to explore downtown Reykjavik. We started from our AirBnB located near Klambartun Park and slowly made our way toward Laugavegur, the main street lined with shops and stores that ran through downtown Reykjavik. As we strolled down the quiet street, we spotted a long line in front of a store and decided to take a closer look at what people were waiting for. And it was pastries and baked goods at Sandholt Reykjavik! So we joined the line (though mistakenly, since we waited in the dine-in line before realizing there was a faster, shorter line just for take-out from the bakery) and bought our delicious morning pastries to enjoy outside at a table nearby. And the pastries were delicious! Especially the almond croissant Cynthia bought! SO SO GOOD!

The family sat and enjoyed our pastries and coffee before continuing on our lovely morning stroll through town. We walked around downtown and checked out some stores here and there before turning around to head back toward Hallgrimskirkja to meet up with a rejuvenated Minh. Along the way, I took the family on a detour so that they could see my old flat on Bergstaðastræti. We briefly got lost along the way since I couldn’t remember exactly where it was but we eventually found it after some backtracking.

We met up with Minh at Hallgrimskirkja and took a brief look inside the church before splitting up from mom and dad to meet up with Thorsteinn and his girlfriend Thordis Erla on the other side of downtown at a cute brunch place called The CooCoo’s Nest near the Old Harbour. Along the way there, we stopped by to look in a couple of stores and even ran into an old Stanford buddy, Bryce Kam, and his wife walking around Laugavegur. What a coincidence! We chatted in the streets for a few minutes before we had to bid them farewell so that we could make it to brunch on time.

After a relatively short walk through town to get to the Old Harbour side, we finally arrived at The CooCoo’s Nest and found Thor and Thordis already there waiting for us and for a table to open up. After officially meeting Thordis, we sat outside and started catching up over all sorts of things until it was time to be seated at our table inside. We continued on with our great conversations inside as we ate our delicious brunch (Cynthia and I ordered their Breakfast Burrito and Eggs Florentine, both which were yummy). We had a wonderful two-hour long late brunch with the two of them and shared a ton of great stories and talked about all sorts of topics, from Thor’s and Thordis’ life updates (including buying a house together, Thor getting a new job managing assets and portfolios, Thordis going back to school to study industrial finance after briefly working, Thordis’s previous work life working for Icelandair as a flight attendant) to stories about our trip and our lives in the States during a pandemic. So much fun to catch up after almost five years!

Once we had taken our photos and said farewell to each other, Cynthia and I slowly walked through downtown and made a couple of stops along the way as we headed back to the house while Minh went off on his own to look for Icelandic sweaters to buy. By the time we arrived back at the apartment, there was only 1.5 hours left until our next social gathering with Sveinn Magnússon and Kristin Bragadottir at their house for dinner. OH. MY. GOODNESS. I was so full and so tired by the time we got home that I couldn’t even think about more talking and more eating. We helped do some laundry before Cynthia and I went to lie down and take a quick power nap. Unfortunately, we were woken up soon after we went to bed and rushed out of the house so that we could make it to dinner on time at Sveinn’s. We drove over there, and when we arrived, we were warmly greeted by Sveinn and Kristin before Minh and dad finally showed up after their souvenir-buying stroll. It was such a pleasure to see Sveinn and Kristin again after these busy last 4.5 years!

Sveinn and Kristin welcomed us with open arms into their warm home, one that I have visited every trip I’ve made to Iceland. While waiting for dinner to be prepared, I introduced Sveinn and Kristin to my parents and Cynthia, who they had never met, and we shared stories in the living room while sipping on white wine. It was great to finally introduce everyone to each other after they had all heard stories about each other over the years. We caught up for a while before we were seated at the dining table for a fabulous and delicious dinner spread that included an appetizer of shrimp and cheese salad, mains and sides of baked salmon with a puff pastry top, half-mashed potatoes, and salad, and rhubarb oatmeal pie with vanilla ice cream for dessert. What a yummy treat! Over dinner, we learned so much more about Iceland, past and present, from Sveinn and also learned about Kristin’s journey to her PhD in history and her authorship of several historical books as a result. Always so great to hear about the amazing things they are doing and the amazing knowledge they are always willing to share with us!

After dinner, we continued to sip on more wine while chatting more and looking through family photo books that Sveinn had collected over the years. I learned more specifics about Sveinn Magnusson as a physician. For example, before working at the ministry, he was a general practitioner in Sweden and Iceland and was boarded in Internal Medicine and Family Medicine. He then transitioned to working for the Icelandic government where he served primarily as director general, the second highest ranking civil, nonpolitical official in Iceland who reports directly to the prime minister. And while working at the ministry for 21 years, he served a total number of 16 prime ministers. These days, while not doing government work, Sveinn is primarily on call to do death exams on folks in the community. Every now and then, he is tasked with doing a little more than that. In one instance a few years ago, he was the physician who did the baseline intake physical exams for the group of Greenland boat guys who were involved in the murder of a young Icelandic woman. Crazy! After hearing all sorts of cool and crazy stuff and before we even knew it, it was 9:30pm and time for our exhausted family to bid Sveinn and Kristin farewell and a big thank you for hosting us at their lovely house on our short trip through Iceland.

Before driving home, we briefly stopped by the water so that everyone could check out Sun Voyager Sculpture and the Harpa Concert Hall. After some photos, we were pooped and drained, so we finally drove back home and started the task of packing and tidying up for our trip home. Minh’s energy tank was still holding some gas by this point (probably because of his effective power nap), so he decided to walk around downtown and check things out before hitting the sack. Cynthia decided to go with him to maximize her only full day in Reykjavik but because I was so tired, I stayed in to rest. I helped with laundry and hung out around the house until a bit past midnight, at which time I went to bed shortly before Cynthia and Minh returned home. What a ridiculously packed and exhausting last full day in Iceland! If only I had more time to just chill and do everything over a few days instead of over 36 hours… But at least there is one more half day left to enjoy tomorrow…

5 Things I Learned/Observed Today:

1. Today, tourism is the number one industry supporting the infrastructure and economy of Iceland, surpassing Iceland’s fishing industry. Therefore, when the pandemic hit and set the world on fire, tourism took a huge hit in Iceland and resulted in the crippling of Iceland’s economy. There were huge drops in revenue due to travel restrictions and mandates. But for some Icelanders, it was actually quite nice to have their country all to themselves once again after a decade-long boom in tourism. Local Icelanders got the chance to, once again, experience and enjoy Iceland’s beautiful nature the same way they used to enjoy it before tourists flocked to Iceland. It was now quieter and less crowded and locals could now go to tourist hotspots that they previously avoided due to tourist crowds (like the attractions along the South Ring Road). Icelanders got to travel locally with their families again and spent much of the pandemic just reconnecting with their families and friends. With tourism essentially on pause, it also gave nature time to rest and recover, something that was much needed in Iceland. Funny enough, though, despite everything I wrote above, when the country was open to tourists again, a lot of Icelanders, who are a social breed of people, actually appreciated and welcomed the tourists again. Not only did tourists bring money that was desperately needed into the country’s economy, but they also brought with them interesting conversation topics and new perspectives that helped break up the monotony of Icelanders keeping conversations afloat with people they’ve known their whole lives. During the pandemic, Icelanders actually missed seeing and talking to us tourists! Funny!

2. Thordis informed me that Icelandic weddings typically don’t have wedding parties to accompany the bride and groom to the altar but just have the bride and groom’s fathers present at the altar for their ceremony.

3. Supposedly, until 1974, the many rivers running through Iceland played a major role in travel and exploration in the country. Rivers were one of the major reasons that limited domestic traveling because, at the time, the country lacked a way to cross those rivers. However, around 1974, Iceland was gifted single-laned bridges to bridge them to broader horizons and to expand their previously-limited area for exploration.

4. When the latter half of the year arrives with its darkness, snow, and cold, windy weather, non-city-dwelling people in Iceland sometimes have to take up a secondary job or change the nature of their primary jobs because their work may be limited due to the challenging and harsh weather conditions. For example, if the farmers are growing crops, they can’t really do any of that in the winter. So they, along with other people from the countryside in need of something to do, sometimes volunteer to help in town. Sometimes they volunteer in civil roles and things like firefighting and teaching. Others will just take the down time to fix up their homes and do repairs they didn’t time to get to over the year. If you’re a farmer who raises animals or has animals to deal with, those farmers can continue working but maybe in a different way. Dairy farmers will continue their work with their cows. Sheep farmers will work to feed and breed their sheep after the sheep have been collected from the previously-green-but-now-yellow-and-brown fields where they roamed all summer. They can also start collecting the wool they shave off the sheep to get that side of the business going.

5. It isn’t that farmers don’t grow crops in Iceland because of the poor soil. Rather, they can’t grow successful crop fields because of the variation in the amount of sunlight and relative lack of sunlight during certain parts of the year. However, some manage to grow potatoes or other crops in very environmentally-controlled set-ups like greenhouses.

[inkribbon796]

The Marvelous Misadventures of One: S. Marvin Argentum Ch. 2: The Desert Sucks, So Says Marvin

Summary: Marvin comes with a plan, and trips over an adventure along the way.

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4

Marvin and Ghostbur went into Marvin’s childhood home and spent longer than he wanted to talking to his mom and promising to come back after the whole mess was over because he was already tired and just wanted a nap but it looked like he wasn’t going to get one.

She did insist Ghostbur come back with him because he’d already endeared himself and Friend to her.

With those promises and some tea, Marvin left the house with Ghostbur and they got back into the car and Marvin took it out of the driveway and about a mile away so he could pull over onto the road and the trio could plan.

“If I can win a duel against the Guildmaster, then I could take over and pull the Guild out of the alliance. If I time it right it will catch them off guard,” Taylor told him.

“Well that’s all good, but are the other hunters gonna[1] just let yeh[2] do that?” Marvin asked.

“No, unfortunately,” the hunter hummed in thought.

“Didn’t think so,” Marvin scoffed. “So we’ve got a group ‘a[3] mages that have had months ta[4] lick their wounds from the beat down Spade an’[5] Clubs gave ‘em[6]. We’re what? Two on several dozen?”

“Two? There’s three of us?” The hunter was clearly getting frustrated.

“Nah, he’s not gettin’ anywhere near ‘em,”[7] Marvin told them before Ghost could say a world, but he noticed that Ghostbur looked relieved. “Yeh[2] move the base yet?”

“No,” the hunter told him.

“Good, it’ll make ‘em[6] easier ta[4] find” Marvin grumbled in frustration, his messages weren’t getting through because when you live in the middle of nowhere cell service doesn’t exist. “I’ll try an’[5] get in contact with Chase when we pass through Egoton ta[4] get ta[4] Arizona. Maybe we can get back in time.”

“Why Egoton specifically?” The hunter demanded.

“Cause it’s a magical fookin’ town. We can wait until Egoton’s position shifts inta California an’ cut the drive in half.”[8] Marvin brought up a map of Egoton on his phone to show them.

“Yeah,” Taylor agreed. “When would that be?”

“Anywhere from right now ta[4] next month,” Marvin sighed.

“That’s too long,” Taylor told him.

“Would Marvin and his allies like to take a shortcut?”

Marvin actually jumped and Taylor was whipping out a staff to attack the Host but the Seer used his narrations to knock it to the side.

Ghostbur flickered back into visibility, smiling as he recognized the Host. “Oh, hello Host.”

“Fook, kid, are yeh tryin’ ta kill me?”[9] Marvin grabbed at his chest.

“The Host sensed that he was needed,” the seer grinned, Taylor was unsettled by the sharp smile but they didn’t say anything. “Would Marvin and his company like assistance? The Host could open up a portal right into Arizona.”

“Really?” Marvin looked back at him. “That’d be great actually.”

“If Marvin and his companions will get into their car, the Host will open up a portal for them,” the Host said and was already opening up a huge Void portal that visibly showed the “Entering Page” sign that was the trio’s destination.

Marvin sighed as he got into the car. “An’[5] here I wanted a break.”

The car started and Marvin drove them through the portal, the portal swirling shut in an instant as Marvin was racing towards the unfamiliar city. Ghostbur let out a delighted gasp, materializing halfway outside the roof of the car. “Shermy lives here.”

“Who’s that?” Marvin demanded

“Shermy! He can help us!” Ghostbur peeked back into the car. “He’s plenty strong.”

“Okay, neat, where does he live?” Marvin demanded.

“Let me—” Ghost said and possessed the car, taking it off in a terrifying way. With little regard for speed or other cars on the road.

“Ghostbur! Yer gonna kill us!”[10]

Marvin was able to get control of the car and Ghost helped with shouting directions and the blinker to warn Marvin when to turn. They stopped outside of a police station, Ghostbur an excited, jittery mess. While Marvin and Taylor were trying to calm their racing hearts.

“So, who are we here fer[11]?” Marvin groaned. “Not sure some police precinct I’ve ne’er[12] worked with are gonna[13] work with us.”

“Sherman,” Ghostbur smiled. “He’s Techno’s big brother.”

“Techno,” Marvin repeated. “The big pig brute has a big brother?”

Ghostbur nodded, still smiling. “I don’t remember him that well because I met him when I was Wilbur and younger. But I think he was nice.”

“You sure he’s not going to instantly attack us?” Taylor asked.

“I could go in and ask him?” Ghostbur offered.

“I don’t like the idea ‘a yeh walkin’ in there alone,”[14] Marvin protested.

Ghostbur frowned, but looked over and brightened up, “I don’t have to, he’s right there.”

And before Marvin could determine who Ghostbur was talking about, the young ghost demon shot out of the car and flew over to someone who had just stepped out of the police station. He was tall and built like a brick wall. And Marvin knew that was who Ghostbur had been looking for. He looked like Techno but had a nasty looking scar over his left eye and huge tusks jutting out of his mouth.

“Fook![15] Fook!” Marvin raced to get out of his car.

“Sherman!” Ghostbur smiled.

“Wilbur! Fuckin’[16] hell kid!” Sherman shouted. “Where the hell did yah[2] come from?”

“Oh, I’m with my friends,” Ghostbur smiled as Marvin raced over.

“You too, huh?” Sherman crossed his arms in front of himself.

“Hey, Shermy,” Ghostbur floated up a little bit.

“Nah, don’t think so,” the huge demon scoffed and pushed Ghostbur away. “It’s still Sheriff Thompson to you. An’[5] who the Sam-hell are you?”

Sheriff Thompson turned to glare at Marvin and the hunter.

“We’re with Ghostbur,” Marvin jabbed his thumb at Ghostbur.

“Ghost—” Sheriff Thompson scoffed. “Ain’t that hilarious. So I’m guessin’ yer join’ the Ol’ Man?”[17]

Ghostbur’s excitement seemed to, impossibly, go through the roof. “Phil’s here? He can help too.”

“Oh great,” Marvin hissed under his breath.

“Yeah, come on, junior, the Ol’[18] Man’s over at Church’s,” Thompson grabbed Ghostbur, seemingly, by the scruff of his jumper and dropped him away from him.

Thompson began walking away, his uniform changing into one that was a simple button-up and suspenders outfit.

“Where yeh goin’?”[19] Marvin asked.

“Over at Church’s there’s a club of sorts that may or may not be participatin’[20] in less than legal dealin’s.” Sheriff Thompson told them. “Tech an’[5] Philza are always there whenever they’re in town.”

“Aren’tcha[21] a cop?” Marvin glared at him.

“All the books check out,” Thompson shrugged. “Besides, humans aren’t allowed into the basement. USA loopholes only include humans. Besides, Techno needs an outlet when he comes to town. So we have the pit an’[5] any demon that wants a shot at his crown can get discorporated tryin’[22] to take it.”

“Laws about demons are always fooked,” Marvin hissed.

“Well that’s what happens when demons get to write state laws,” Thompson dismissed.

“So yer[23] Techno’s brother, how does that work?” Marvin asked.

“Look, normally Techno doesn’t talk ‘bout[24] his past, but I like ta[4] embarrass him so it’s fair game,” Thompson shrugged, Ghostbur floating next to him. The spectral demon was a good couple feet off the ground so he was at Thompson’s head height, almost scrunched up in a ball. “Tech an[5] I are a good fifty years apart. We come from another demon I killed a couple decades back ‘cause[25] he was causin’[26] too much trouble.”

“He had a name?” Taylor asked.

“Billiam,” Thompson answered. “He was obsessed with legates, you two know what those demons are?”

“I do,” Marvin said, the hunter giving them both odd looks.

“Right, so,” Sheriff Thompson. “I don’t quite know if he met one, or read about one, but he was obsessed with power and figured if he could get a legate reliant on him, then he could rule the world. At first he was experimenting on people lower class than him, but then he started working with his own when that failed. He only made two spawnlings by the time I got rid of him an’[5] his accomplice. The instant he realized I was just a normal demon he tossed me out on the street an[5] started trying to make a second one. Which was his mistake ‘cause[25] that was Techno.”

“So what type ‘a[3] demon is Techno?” Marvin asked.

“Don’t know, don’t really care,” Thompson shrugged as they reached a building that looked like some kind of library or a bar. There were people milling about.

All the patrons gave the Sheriff a quick nod or a brisk hello as Thompson led the trio down to a metal stairwell. Marvin could already hear the shouts and the loud cheers.

What Marvin saw as he came out to a spectator’s platform was a massive two-story hole in the ground where Techno was in there, fighting five other demons with an axe. All of them had various weapons.

With a slice of his axe one of the demons exploded into a puff of magic and the crowd screamed. The other four demons were discorporated just as quickly.

Marvin looked up to see a VIP stage where a young girl with long pink hair and a pink mask, standing next to the glass, pressing her face close to the glass as she bounced on her tiptoes. Philza was sitting in a huge armchair, watching the fight like a king watching knights in a jousting match. His fingers swirling and bobbing with some music in the room that he was listening to.

Marvin felt his magic coil around himself protectively, and that maybe stepping into this place was a mistake.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Accessibility Translations:

1. going to

2. you

3. of

4. to

5. and

6. them

7. Nah, he’s not getting anywhere near them

8. Because it’s a magical fucking town. We can wait until Egoton’s position shifts into California and cut the drive in half.

9. Fuck, kid, are you trying to kill me?

10. Ghostbur! You’re going to kill us!

11. for

12. never

13. gonna

14. I don’t like the idea of you walking in there alone

15. Fuck!

16. fucking

17. Isn’t that hilarious. So I’m guessing you’re joining the Old Man?

18. Old

19. Where are you going?

20. participating

21. Aren’t you

22. trying

23. you’re

24. about

25. Because

26. causing

[andeverythingelse]

Sometimes, I Think I Loved My Father

Part One: Bad Omens

My Father was born in Pilgrim’s Rest, South Africa in 1950. I don’t know the details of his birth – he claimed it was in one of the tin miner’s houses that his mother and father were supposed to have lived in.

I have always imagined a midwife on the way to his birth, a premature birth; hurrying along a rural backroad on a dark and windswept night; gathering her clothes to her against the cold; lifting her eyes briefly to watch ominous storm clouds rolling in across the mountains; sighing and shaking her head at these portents of ill to come. But he was born in November, summer in the southern hemisphere; no one has ever mentioned him coming too soon; and by all accounts, theirs was a happy little family, despite the fact that his mother had been married when she met and fell in love with his father. Then, in 1955, when he was five years old, his father succumbed to cancer of the stomach. His beloved mother was, understandably, devastated. And angry. This anger, according to my aunt, my father’s younger sister, is what killed her. The medical cause of her death two years later in 1957, however, was a brain aneurysm.

In the hot months, townsfolk would take day trips to the koppies and swim in the natural rock pools that form there. After my father died, my sister, my wonderful aunt and I visited Pilgrim’s Rest and on a day went up into these mountains. The area is beautiful: huge peaks suspended in a vast, purple sky; air so crisp you can almost touch it; rocky outcrops covered in foliage a palette of green; secret watering holes surrounded by lush shrubs; silent except for the breeze and the rustle of small animals moving through the vegetation. It is here that my grandmother died. Diving into one of the pools, at the request of my father, she hit the water and the damaged vessel ruptured, leaking blood into her brain. Again, I have very little information, but I imagine the perfect summer day.

The family and a few friends, locals, have swum, enjoyed a picnic together, and are lazing on the natural rock ledges, baking under the hot sun and waiting for the food to go down. Now my father, a little boy, energized after a nap, is shaking his mother awake, excitedly asking her to show him again how to dive. He adores her, and wants to do it exactly like she does. She, although drowsy, full on sandwiches and sunshine, smiles at him and acquiesces. She rises, demonstrates how to stand in the correct position, arms raised. Then she goes, graceful, arched, into the water. She does not come up. I can’t imagine past that.

After their mother died, my father and my aunt stayed for a while with their grandmother, their mother’s mother. Some familial politics came into play, and they were officially adopted two year later by their father’s sister, their aunt. They called her Mom and I called her Ganan, which is what she was known as by all her grandchildren. She was married to a farmer in Kwa-Zulu Natal Province, which is where my father and aunt went to live.

Ganan was fierce and strong. I do not call her husband, Louis, my grandfather, although I wish I could. He sounded like a good man. Once again, I have few details, but this is how it happens in my head. Driving home from church with his wife and my father at dusk one Sunday, near the exit for the long dirt track that leads to the farmstead, Louis rounds a bend on the tar road. He spots a bicycle lying on the curb on the other side and stops to investigate. Crossing the road, he discovers a man sleeping it off in the tall grass on the road’s edge. After standing up the bike, he turns to walk back to the car. It is that fae time between times: the moon is not yet up but the sun has already swung down low in the west. The other driver does not have his lights on.

My gran drove; Louis bled out on the backseat, his head resting on my father’s lap. My father was nine years old.

[lewlthea]

The Actual Thing Going On With Edelgard Von Hresvelg.

 Spoilers: It’s not fascism, nor racism (at least not in the way people think). Also, actual spoilers for the game.

If there has been a controversial character in Fire Emblem Three Houses, it’s Edelgard Von Hresvelg, one of the game’s main three lords, the house leader of the Black Eagles, the princess and sole heir of the Adrestian Empire, and an antagonist in every single route but hers. She has been a polarizing figure within the community: Some people think she’s an irredeemable monster, others think she’s a misunderstood leader. When it comes to Edelgard, theres hardly a grey opinion towards her; She’s either black or white. Today, I wanna talk about Edelgard’s actions towards the 4 routes, what they actually portray, and how and why the entire discourse towards her was caused deliberately by Intelligent System’s incredible mishandling and mistreatment of the character.

I remember Nintendo’s 2018 E3 conference quite well. I was at with a group of friends, watching at one of them’s house because he had a bigger TV. I remember making jokes about how “there was going to be a new Fire Emblem” because loving Fire Emblem when Intelligent Systems is Like That is a living nightmare.

And then this happens.

Words could not express the joy I felt when the trailer was over. It wasn’t just a new Fire Emblem game: We were going to have another lady lord, and an axe-wielding one at that - something the fanbase had been desperately craving since the recent surge in Hector’s popularity - and for once, it was like when I first found out that there would be a new female character in Shadows Of Valentia with Faye, and it was the tipping point for me to finally buy a Nintendo Switch.

Of course, just like Faye, things weren’t that simple.

Because some months before E3 2019, which promised to reveal more info on Fire Emblem 3 Houses, Reddit exploded. All because of someone who goes by the username Thanibomb, who claimed to have leaked info on the game, saying a lot of information about all the characters, some of them very questionable (With things such as Lysithea would die due to her crest complications, and it would cause the major 5-year war, and other things like Claude being the one who shot Dimitri’s eye off), while other info being oddly specific. A part of it that made me particularly chuckle was when such user said that Dimitri would have lost an eye, and would cover it with an eyepatch. I found it so silly and, along with some friends, claimed it to be fake and carried on.

And then E3 2019 happened.

And Dimitri had an eyepatch. 

And still, even after Thanibomb, things remained optimistic. All lords looked nice, they seemed to have their own ideals, their own paths, and no fights were breaking out within the fanbase yet. But then early copies were sent to reviewers. And then 4chan got a hold of one of those. And then the main leaks started. And by the time the game got released, it was too late. The amount of hate comments towards the character was so overwhelming; some calling Edelgard a fascist, others claiming that she was racist, others even saying that she gives racist remarks towards Claude ingame (a blatant lie). A personal favorite comment of mine was how Hubert and Edelgard looked like the perfect alt-right couple. 

(Should I remark that these kinds of comments stopped as soon as they found out that Hubert could A-support Ferdinand, and most of them moved on to fetishize the relationship between the two of them instead. Ironically, before that happened people despised Hubert in general solely because of his unusual appearance and shady behavior, but that was soon seen as ‘nuanced’ the moment he could be paired off with another man.)

And so, a fight between the fanbase begun: (Mostly) Blue Lion fans bashing Edelgard’s character, Black Eagle fans defending her vehemently, and Golden Deer fans between either on any of those sides or just making memes for Joe Zieja’s rally campaign for the GD. Mostly the latter. But that’s beside the point.

A (Kinda) Brief Summary of Edelgard’s Presence In Azure Moon, Verdant Wind, And Silver Snow.

Throughout the game’s second part, unless you’re playing the Crimson Flower Route, Edelgard will always be an antagonist who cannot be spared, and she cannot survive unless it’s in her own route. However, the way she is percieved changes depending on each route you are making, with each route leaving small fragments depicting Edelgard’s past and shaping her character in full scale. 

In Verdant Wind/Silver Snow, Edelgard isn’t the final boss. She is one of the bosses before the big fight. (Nemesis in Claude’s case, Rhea in Seteth’s). She’s one of the obstacles, but not the main one, therefore there is not much insight on her character; However, there is still one element present in those routes that is curiously omitted from Azure Moon that is the reason why she doesn’t really have too much focus, that being Hubert’s final letter.

In both routes, Hubert seems to highly respect Seteth/Claude’s prowess in the war and their cunning mind. (Especially Claude; Throughout both Verdant Wind and Crimson Flower, he commends Claude’s tactics and strategies multiple times). In the letter, he gives the location of where Rhea is confined and asks them to eliminate Those Who Slither in the Dark, the game’s true villains and the ones behind most, if not all the game’s tragic events. Even more curiously, though, is the fact that the letter does exist on the Crimson Flower route, and can be seen briefly on Hubert’s B support with Ferdinand, being the reason of their argument throughout the conversation. Not a single mention of the letter exists in the Azure Moon Route. (Of course it would not make sense for it to exist gameplay-wise due to the player having already murdered Arundel/Thales earlier in the game but. It’s still something to be accounted for).

Speaking of Azure Moon, this is a much more trickier route to talk about. Not only due to the fact that Edelgard is this route’s final boss, but also because all of the things we discover about Edelgard within it are never mentioned in any other route, only brief mentions about the time she spent in the Kingdom; nothing more. 

In here, her time spent on the Kingdom is expanded: Both Edelgard, her mom Patricia and Arundel were sent off to Faerghus due to exile, with Patricia being set off to marry King Lambert. There, she meets Dimitri, and they both become fast friends. By the time she has to leave, Dimitri gifts her with a dagger (Which, in Faeghus, are important gifts that mean ‘to cut a path towards a better future’), and she returns to Adrestia. Some time after she leaves the Tragedy of Duscurr happens, caused by Those Who Slither in the Dark. However, due to a misunderstanding caused by eavesdropping on a conversation between Thales and the Flame Emperor, Dimitri mistakenly believes that the Flame Emperor was behind it all, and once the Flame Emperor’s identity is finally revealed to be Edelgard, she is instantly demonized and called a ‘witch’, even though she openly declares how she had nothing to do with it. This goes on until Rodrigue’s death and Cornelia’s reveal that Patricia was the one behind the Duscurr Tragedy so she could return to the Empire and “reunite with her daughter”. (We never find out about what happened to her and she is not mentioned during the Crimson Flower). Dimitri tries to talk Edelgard off their final confrontation, but Edelgard insists that it is far too late for her to back down for their ideals are far too different, and she refuses to live in a world where the Church of Seiros exists. Dimitri then hands back her dagger (Which she accidentally dropped before the timeskip), and they both retreat to prepare for the final battle.

This route’s final boss is an Edelgard who was absorbed direct power from Those Who Slither in the Dark, and adquires a grotesque, corrupted form. No other character in the canon possess such a thing, and only Edelgard can assume such form. Once she is defeated, Dimitri tries once again to spare her, only for Edelgard to stab him with the dagger, making Dimitri realize that she would never give up on her dream, and finally kills her.

An Even More Brief Explanation of What Does All of This Means.

Okay, all of that info was nice, fun, good, yadda yadda. What does this mean and why was it needed.

Well, for starters, let’s ask ourselves a question: After reading the summary, can you say that you know what drives her to seek out the destruction of the church?

What is her reasoning behind the unification of Fodlan?

Do we get anything out of her other than “Scary dictator” or “An obstacle that had to be sadly removed” or “Under better circumstances... We could’ve been Allies (tm)”?

We don’t. Because Intelligent Systems did not bother to show Edelgard’s motivations, despite her being the villain in almost all the routes.

During Verdant Wind and Silver Snow, Edelgard herself does not matter: she’s solely important because she is threatening the church, she is your scary big bad dictator that you have to beat in order to rescue Rhea, only to find out that in reality she was just a stepping stone to the real villains, Those Who Slither in the Dark. (In game it is said that Hubert came up with this name. In my humble opinion Hubert can go fuck himself because this is the shittiest name I have ever seen and I am tired of having to type this five word long thing every paragraph or so). As soon as you read the letter, suddenly Edelgard, the Empire, and all the questions you had as to why she Did It dissappear because now you have another objective, another goal. 

This is even more offensive during Azure Moon because she is the focus, the final boss, but it doesn’t matter why she did all of this nor what her ideals actually are despite them being the reason why she cannot be spared. The game would rather focus on getting reactions out of the player when the intimidating big meanie does something that makes Dimitri go angry than actually focusing on the clashing of Dimitri and Edelgard’s ideals, why they cannot go back to what it once was, what happened to her to change this way, why did ‘El’ actually die. All you have is a dictator in red which does things for no reason other than “I will destroy the Church and unify Fodlan so I can govern over all of it”. Nothing more, nothing less.

....Of course, you do realize that I have avoided to talk about a certain thing.

So, About That Crimson Flower Route...

If there is a way to truly understand a villain, one must walk on such person’s footsteps. Most people criticizing Edelgard were the ones who hadn’t played her route yet, or had only played Azure Moon and was led to believe that all of Edelgard’s actions are unwarranted or pure nonsense. 

There is a reason why people sing their tune differently as soon as they experience the Crimson Flower.

For starters, to be able to fight for Edelgard, you have to first have her support up to C+, go with her to Enbarr once she asks of you, and then defend her from Rhea at the Holy Tomb. The reasoning behind that is so that you fully understand what Edelgard has gone through and the reason why she cannot agree with the existence of the Church.

The Azure Moon route tells you of Edelgard before she returned to the Empire.

It never tells you what caused her to change after she went back.

Edelgard was part of the crest experimentations caused by Those Who Slither in the Dark, alongside all her siblings. Her father, the emperor, was unable to do anything about it, as the real people in control of the Empire were Arundel/Thales and Duke Aegir. Being the sole survivor of such things to return to society and see how everything is defined by whether you have a crest or not and finding out that the Church, who instead of breaking down such system to favor equality would rather turn the creatures who run it into figures to be worshipped is. Something.

There’s another reason for Edelgard’s sudden betrayal, a more sinister one, and why she feels like everything needs to be done in a quick pace. In her C+ you find out she has a second crest, The Crest of Flames, just like the player. People who bear two crests have a shortened lifespam, however.

When Edelgard declares war against the Church, and to unite Fódlan, it’s not solely because ‘Church bad’: She declares war against the unfair crest system, against the hypocrisy of Rhea’s dragon entourage, and of course, to destroy Those Who Slither in the Dark later on the road.

  However.

Just because Edelgard’s behavior is justified, does not mean she is 100% in the right. She herself admits that the path she follows is one drenched in blood. But there are several times in the game that makes you stop and think for a second that she can still make bad decisions, and that sometimes her decisions might have horrible consequences. One of them is for example to never take away Brigid’s status as a vassal to the Empire and return it back to it’s former glory as an actual country, which shows how the entire Brigid kerfuffle is something akin to colonization. We should also point out that when she unifies Fodlan, in some endings she remains the Emperor, completely missing the point of what she fought for.

Another case that shows one of Edelgard’s biggest flaws is with the Silver Maiden incident.

Edelgard had just conquered Arianrhod, the Silver Maiden, and due to murdering Cornelia, enrages Ariandel/Thales, whom causes the situation above out of a show of power. She knows it was Those Who Slither in the Dark, but she needs to give explanations fast and she can’t reveal their identity or else they would slip away and it would be impossible to locate them and destroy them. So what does she do?

She says it was Rhea who did it, actively lying to her closest allies, one of them being the Prime Minister of the Empire.

For Edelgard, the ends justifies the means, and as long as she gets the results she wants, she will do what it takes. Even by alienation. And that’s a dangerous way to go on.

...So, where do I want to go from here? Who is to blame for the hatefest Edelgard is receiving?

Intelligent Systems Kind of Didn’t Know What To Do With Edelgard.

Now hold on. That sounds a bit too harsh, don’t you think? She was the first lord shown in the E3 2018 trailer, they have placed a very big emphasis on Edelgard everywhere hell the game’s main theme is about her, why would you claim that??

Well, first and foremost, I should start by saying that Crimson Flower is the game’s shortest route, with the total of 18 chapters. From those 18 chapters, there is only one cutscene, with most of the route’s major events being shown with either the game’s basic models or still images.

For comparison, Verdant Wind has the total of 8 cutscenes, counting the final one before the timeskip, with 3 of them being unique to its route.

Azure Moon has the total of 5 cutscenes, 3 of them being unique to its route. 

Silver Snow has 4 cutscenes, having 2 unique ones to its route.

The other two main lords have several support options with people outside of their respective houses; Edelgard only has one.

Remember when I said that one of Edelgard’s main enemies are Those Who Slither in the Dark? The game never lets her deal with them personally. You never truly fight them during Crimson Flower.

In a way, the game feels as if while Edelgard is the focus, you shouldn’t side with her. It really makes it feel as if someone at Intelligent Systems just snickered and said ‘Hey wouldn’t it be cool if we could let our players side with/date our villain?’ without even considering or respecting such villain’s motivations, her ideals, and what truly makes a character unique.

In the end, all they truly cared for was if Edelgard was romanceable enough for the player, not if she made sense or was appealing as a character, whether as a villain or a savior.

And considering how the fanbase is behaving towards Edelgard, they succeeded. 

[etraytin]

Quarantine, Day 263

November 30 Okay, trying to journal a little bit earlier than normal like a responsible adult person, but I'm distracted by my little Fallout Shelter people persistently failing to produce enough electricity for their subterranean home. And after all the nuclear power plants I've given them!  Another quiet day, though it started poorly with me waking up at 7:58 am when kiddo's school starts at 8am central. This was complicated further by the fact that he let the Chromebook die over the weekend, and it can be tetchy to wake up when it is plugged in but not charged, stupid thing. It was also also complicated by the fact that kiddo's login is his school email, which is a series of numbers followed by an @, followed by literally four or five modifiers separated by dots. It is impossible to memorize and a pain in the ass to use. So he was ten minutes late to school this morning, but technical difficulties are the virtual school equivalent of a late bus, they happen to everyone occasionally.  With the kiddo set up, I went with my mom to drop my dad's car at the shop so I could drive her home. On the way we dreamed of happy future days when we will drop casually by Starbucks in the morning, or have lunch at our favorite sushi place. We went right home instead, where I worked for awhile on fixing the Christmas wreath where two of the four hundred-light strings have gone bad. It was an extremely tetchy job to unwind them without hurting the wreath, and I have full confidence that winding the new lights on will be at least as annoying. The kiddo has been roping anybody who sits still long enough into playing Exploding Kittens with him. He's getting quite good at the strategy part, now I just need to teach him to shuffle cards.  In the evening, my mom got some bad news about her brother, my uncle, who took a nasty fall on Saturday and now has to go to the hospital and get a bunch of scary tests done. She was very upset, of course, so I cooked and cleaned for dinner. We had ham loaves from the freezer, made by the Methodist Womens' group at one of the local churches and extremely delicious. These were marked 2019, and we realized we didn't know if there'd been a ham loaf sale this year. A lot of those Methodist women are no spring chickens, so there may not have been any available to buy in 2020. Bummer! We also had a butternut squash soup, made with the largest butternut squash I have personally seen. Sliced in half, it covered basically all of a normal sized cookie sheet, and I didn't even have to scrape it to get six cups of squash meat from it. It was lorge. My mom didn't have bouillon cubes, so I had to punt with bougie bouillon paste and salt, but it turned out pretty well.  After supper, my folks went to my aunt's house to wish my other aunt a happy birthday and take her a present. The original offer was for all of us to go over and sing and eat cake, but while my "are they _crazy_?" response may not have been the most politic, it did appropriately frame the debate. The birthday aunt is a substitute teacher who was in school at least one day last week, and the other aunt and uncle just spent Thanksgiving with kids and grandkids, including an attorney, a teacher, and a police officer. So yeah, we're not talking safety podded here. Eventually my mom and dad went, wearing their N95 masks, did not eat cake, dropped off the present, and we all sang over the phone. My mom reported upon returning home that the birthday aunt was all set to blow out the candles over a pie that everybody else was then going to eat, before my mom was all "Really?" and they were all "Oh yeah...." Jeezy Creezy. I need there to be an emoji that combines equal parts “lol” and “yikes” and I need that emoji to be named 2020. My biggest news of the day was that I finally bought a new laptop! HP was having some very nice Cyber Monday deals on their website so I bought straight from them. It's nothing special, a very basic laptop with 8gb RAM, an Athlon Gold chip, a 15 inch screen and no CD drive. I did spring for an upgrade to 256GB solid state drive for storage because I am a digital packrat from small times, but even then the entire thing came out to just over 300 dollars which is not bad for a laptop that is not a dumbass Chromebook. It won't be here for a couple more weeks, but I'm looking forward to it!  We ended the evening by doing hot cocoa bombs, which was very fun. They're like bath bombs, but they are hollow chocolate balls decorated with sprinkles and filled with high-quality cocoa mix and marshmallows. You put the bomb in a cup and pour hot milk over it slowly, and the ball cracks open and spills cocoa and marshmallows everywhere. Very cool and very yummy. Expensive as hell, too, but not that much more than a Starbucks cocoa and at least we were supporting a local candymaker. My mom bought enough for everybody in the family to have one, so she was very happy they worked out. Feels like Christmas already! 

[totally-incorrect-theatre-quotes]

Festival of Lights (Fanfic)

With the help of several of my wonderful followers (including: @lgbt-fandom-fae @i-was-over-on-the-bench and anons) I was able to write a completely fluffy, angst-free, and hopefully accurately written short story about Lydia celebrating the first night of Hanukkah with Wendy, Wendy’s family, and BJ. 

I cannot thank my followers enough for teaching me about Hanukkah, as a non-Jewish person the last thing I would want to do is incorrectly write about the holiday!

______________________________________________________________

Lydia had met Wendy’s family before. She had gotten to know her parents and her two brothers pretty well in the past two and a half months and she didn’t know why she was so nervous about this particular evening, but when Wendy invited her over for the first night of Hanukkah she instantly worried she’d do something horribly wrong. She had an approximate idea of what Hanukkah was, her family celebrated Christmas when she was growing up but they taught her about other religions. She just wanted to make a good impression because this was the first major family event Lydia had been invited too and she didn’t want to ruin it with her ignorance of their traditions. 

“What can you tell me about Hanukkah?” Lydia asked BJ who was hanging upstairs in the attic with the Maitlands, “Wendy invited me over to her house to celebrate with her family and I have no clue what I’m doing, like I know it’s compared to Christmas but do I get her a gift? If I do what am I supposed to get her? If they pray do I join them or do I just respectfully stand there and listen because I’m not Jewish?”

“Kid you are making a way bigger deal out of this than it needs to be. It’s been a while since I’ve had a real Hanukkah but the worst thing you can do is this.” Beetlejuice gestured widely to her in general, “You freaking out about it is going to make everything so fucking awkward. Think about it, do you think this Wanda is overthinking what she’s gonna do when you invite her over to our humble abode for Christmas?”

Lydia shook her head, she hadn’t even considered Wendy mulling over the details of Christmas. It was just a casual thing in her family, they weren’t even super religious about it, when she was little they went to some church service with her grandparents but that was about it. Mainly it was just a bunch of fun little traditions and being with family. 

“Just follow her lead, and bring me home some latkes. I’d kill for some good ones, my mom was a shitty cook but damn could she make some good latkes.”

Lydia spent the rest of the afternoon casually scrolling through websites on Hanukkah traditions before quickly wrapping the presents she had gotten for Wendy and her family , with the help from Delia, and her dad drove her over to the Blackwood house. Wendy only lived about a ten-minute walk from her house but since it was the middle of December in Connecticut her dad insisted on driving her over. Lydia held the presents wrapped in blue paper anxiously in her hand when he rang the doorbell. Wendy greeted her excitedly with a big smile and pulled her into a welcoming hug. She grabbed her hand and pulled her into the kitchen where Lydia could instantly smell the pleasant scent of potatoes frying on the stove, Wendy’s father yelping when some of the hot oil splashed up from the pan and onto his hand. Her brother Silas was sitting at the table playing a board game with her other Levi who Lydia was surprised was home, Wendy had told her he was in Oregon for a job interview. 

“Mom, dad! Lydia’s here!” Wendy yelled

“Oh, hello Lydia! It’s so nice to have you here, Wendy’s been talking about it all day, she’s very excited you wanted to-”

Wendy gave her mom a look Lydia often gave her family members when they were embarrassing her. She couldn’t help but snicker a little now that she knew Wendy was just as nervous about tonight going well as Lydia was, “I’m excited to be here too!” Lydia set her present down on the table where a few other envelopes and small packages were being stashed. 

Wendy’s father gestured for them to all sit down at the table and handed Lydia and Wendy a bowl of potatoes and asked them if they’d be willing to help him peal some more because he wanted to be sure they had enough ready so that Lydia could take latkes home for her family to try.  Lydia enjoyed the process so much that she ended up helping Wendy’s father fry an entire batch of them, and while hers were more so burned than golden brown he still said they looked delicious. She helped set the table for dinner and everything looked and smelled amazing. For dinner, they had rosemary chicken, latkes, and challah bread which Lydia promptly decided was the best bread that she had ever tasted in her life. Lydia offered to help with the dishes but her parents insisted that Silas and Levi would be more than willing to clean up for them, but judging from the looks they gave their sister it was obvious she must have paid them to do the dishes that night. 

For a while, the family just sat around the table chatting about what was going on in their lives and making polite chatter with Lydia who was now a lot less anxious now that the evening had gone underway. Though Wendy’s family was completely supportive of their relationship Wendy and Lydia kept their physical contact to a minimum, but still managed to hold hands underneath the table. Silas would always groan whenever he saw them doing couples stuff like hugging or holding hands, often teasing them by claiming they were already an old married couple. For a nine-year-old Silas was incredibly sarcastic, it often made Lydia wonder what it would be like if she had siblings but it had gotten to the point where Silas was like an honorary little brother. Lydia didn’t interact with Levi enough to have any kind of relationship with him so any conversation they had that night was pretty awkward in comparison to the casualness Lydia had with the rest of the family. 

“Okay so this part is strange but my family likes to have a contest to see who can eat the most of this one doughnut called Sufganiyot in sixty seconds. They are like super dense and full of jelly, it’s really funny.” Wendy was already doubled over laughing while she was trying to explain the rules, “One time my dad tried to stuff three in his mouth at once and he just got jelly everywhere on the table. It was a sticky mess for like two weeks afterward.”

“Do you have to tell that story every year!” he defended, “You were like six years old I don’t even know how you remember it.”

“Dad how could I forget! I wish I had it on camera!”

Lydia lost the contest miserably, she was only able to eat about two and a half donuts before the timer went off. Silas was actually the winner eating a whole five and three quarters which was extremely impressive considering the next closest had only been able to eat four She probably could have done better but she loved the tasted of them and didn’t want to just swallow them down without enjoying the flavor. Besides the fun part was watching the rest of the family try. Wendy ended up with jelly all over the one side of her mouth. Wendy’s mom, much to her embarrassment, tried to wipe it off before Wendy ducked under her arm and wiped it off herself with a wet paper towel. Silas, feeling extremely confident from him recent victory, challenged everyone to a round of dreidle which later turned into six rounds where chocolate coins Lydia learned were called gelt and small trinkets were added to the pot and the rules seemed to constantly be changing. It didn’t really matter who was winning or losing, she was just enjoying spending time with Wendy’s family. Even Levi was warming up to Lydia, playfully teasing her when the dreidle would land on shin. 

Lydia hadn’t even noticed how quickly the time had been flying by but when she glanced outside the kitchen window it was pitch blackout and the stars were shining in the sky. Wendy stood next to Lydia while the family gathered around the Menorah. Silas, Levi, and Mr. Blackwood were all wearing blue and silver yarmulkes on their heads and bowing their heads respectfully while they began to say the blessing of the evening. Lydia bowed her head respectfully and watched observantly as Mrs. Blackwood took the middle candle that Wendy whispered was called the Shamash and used it to light the first candle. While the first candle was being lit the family sang a blessing in Hebrew by the third repetition Wendy was coaxing Lydia to join them, while she wasn’t perfect with the pronunciation she managed to finish the song along with the rest of the family,  “Baruch atah, Adonai Eloheinu, Melech haolam, asher kid'shanu b'mitzvotav v'tsivanu l'hadlik ner shel Hanukkah”

The Shamash had been placed back in the Menorah and Mr. Blackwood began to sing a blessing that Wendy explained quietly was called “hanerot halalu” which was customary to be recited after the candle of the evening had been kindled. The family smiled at the end of the blessing and Lydia couldn’t help but to feel to the volume of love in the household while they all stood around the now illuminated Menorah. While it was not a tradition she had grown up with it was a memory that she would forever cherish. She reached out fo Wendy’s hand and grabbed it in hers as her subtle way of thanking her for inviting her to join in the experience. After a few seconds, they all sat at the table again and exchanged presents. Levi and Wendy both got cards with a bit of money in the as well as a little bag of chocolates, Silas got a new video game and a dinosaur lego set. Lydia watched beaming as the family opened their presents from her, she even earned a smile from the hard to please Silas when he unwrapped a remote control car she had gotten him. She blushed when Wendy gushed over how pretty the necklace she had gotten her was. She immediately had her father help her put it on and was holding the blue pendant between her two fingers and grinning in glee. Lydia’s face turned even redder when she received a gift from Wendy’s parents, she and Wendy had already agreed to give each other presents on each other’s respective holidays so Lydia was thrown off guard to be getting a gift from the Blackwoods. She gently unwrapped the tissue paper and held the present close to her chest when she saw the little mason jar filled with gelt coins, her own dreidel, and a blessing written in fancy scrawl.

“I know you said you didn’t want a Hanukkah present because you’re not Jewish but my parents wanted to give you a memento to remember your first time celebrating.” Wendy smiled, Lydia rambled about how much she loved it and hugged everyone in the family. For another hour everyone sat around talking, laughing, and celebrating. It came too quickly when Lydia got the text saying he was in the driveway. The Blackwoods refused to send Lydia home empty-handed and they handed her a bag with leftover latkes and sufganiyot. Just like every time they had to say goodbye the two girls were incredibly dramatic, as if they weren’t planning on facetiming later that night, or had plans to hang out at Lydia’s house for Christmas. When they were sure none of the family members were lurking around the corner Lydia tugged on Wendy’s collar and planted a quick goodbye kiss on her lips and hugged her goodnight. 

The whole car ride home Lydia talked her father’s ear off about how wonderful the evening was and how much fun she had. When she got home she searched eagerly for Beetlejuice ready to tell him all about it, she found him in the kitchen ready to light his own menorah she and the Maitlands had gotten him when he mentioned how he missed celebrating Hanukkah. She was grateful that he hadn't finished celebrating for the night, she felt bad not being there on the first night with him but he told her that he honestly didn’t mind if she spent the night with “Williomehnia”, but she still wanted to be there for him too. Lydia joined them and surprised BJ when she sort of knew the words to the one blessing. She played dreidel with him and her family while they feasted on the food the Blackwood’s had sent home with her. She quickly ran upstairs to her room and returned with a silver-wrapped present and handed it to Beetlejuice who was pretending his heart wasn’t swelling with love when he opened it to find a stuffed bear wearing a Hanukkah sweater. 

Exhausted from a busy but amazing day Lydia went up to her room, snuggled up under the blankets with her cats and smiled as she thought about how a lot had changed for her in the past year of her life, and while for a long time she left like her entire family had fallen apart she was filled with pure love and joy when she thought about not only the family she had but the family she had found, and the family she had joined since she had met Wendy.

[angel-deux-writes]

50 questions

I was tagged by @agirlnamedkeith :)

What is the colour of your hairbrush? Orange

Name a food you never eat: Mushrooms. I just hate ‘em. Also don’t like seafood!

Are you typically too warm or too cold? Probably too cold, but that’s because being too warm bothers me more. So I’d rather keep my heat set at like 62 than risk being too warm. It’s much better for my eczema.

What were you doing 45 minutes ago? I think probably putting another load of laundry in? I’m trying to tidy up because my sister might be coming to work from home here later, and I have been living in a mild mess for weeks lmao.

What’s your favourite candy bar?  Reese’s. Does that count as a bar? Let’s say yes. The eggs in particular!

Have you ever been to a professional sports game? I used to go see the Red Sox sometimes as a kid, once in Tampa Bay while we were on vacation. I went to see FC Barcelona play while visiting a friend (real talk: I probably would not have gotten on that plane if not for the fact that I really, really loved FC Barcelona at the time lmao. it was great to see my friend again, but I was terrified of going on vacation alone in a country I’d never been to! I didn’t even speak spanish at all before that trip! When I hyperfixate I will do ANYTHING lmao). I’ve also been to DC to see Barcelona play (terrifying. tiny planes. would not recommend. It ruled, though, and I got to take my brothers, which was nice). And several times to see Brazil’s national team play at Gilette, which was much easier, because it was like 20 minutes away from my house.

What was the last thing you said out loud? some variation of “oh for fuck’s sake” because I thought the dudes doing my neighbor’s basement renovation had stopped drilling, and then they picked back up.

What is your favourite ice cream? cookie dough of some kind? though I’m also a big fan of anything black raspberry.

What was the last thing you had to drink? coffee!

Do you like your wallet? I do! It was a gift from my mother, like, five birthdays ago? So I probably need a new one, but it’s cute. 

What was the last thing you ate? .......i had a fruit roll-up. I’m turning 31 in a few days, and the last thing I ate was a fruit roll-up. 

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? I can’t remember if it was this weekend or last weekend but I DID order a shirt from Redbubble that says “anders was right” lmao

What’s the last sporting event you watched? it was probably a Red Sox game? I used to watch them with my dad back when I could, you know, hang out with him without fear of passing a deadly disease to him and my mom!

What is your favourite flavour of popcorn? butter, tho that caramel corn I always get at Christmas is nice too.

Who is the last person you sent a text message to? My sister to tell her that the dudes next door are STILL DRILLING and that she might want to rethink coming over.

Ever go camping? Nope! Hate even just the idea of it. My dad goes camping with his childhood friends every year, and every time they describe it, it makes me want to die. 

Do you take vitamins? Nope! I used to, but then i ran out, and I haven’t bought any since then. I used to take fish oil pills because my dermatologist thought it might help with my eczema, but it didn’t. 

Do you go to church every Sunday? Church? what’s that?

Do you have a tan? Never in my life. I am very pale, and turn red very easily. I’m slightly red right now because I spent maybe an hour hanging out on my parent’s deck over the weekend lmao. Also I’ve been going on a lot of walks lately, so I’ve got a lot more freckles on my face than I used to! 

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? Chinese food. Shouldn’t eat it, because I am allergic to soy, but I accept the stomach aches that come with it.

Do you drink your soda through a straw? Not anymore. I did when I had invisalign, though. I wasn’t supposed to drink ANY sort of soda or coffee with the invisalign in, so I was like “well, what if I use a straw”, and I never got yelled at by the orthodontist, so it must have worked. 

What colour socks do you usually wear? I almost exclusively wear socks from Sock it To Me, so they’re all sorts of patterns. I also have a lot of Star Wars socks, because one of my Christmas gifts for the past few years has been a sock advent calendar! 

Do you ever drive above the speed limit? I’m from Massachusetts, so...... yes.

What terrifies you? Everything? I’m gonna go with lava. I really hate lava.

Look to your left. What do you see? My phone.

What chore do you hate most? Washing dishes. It’s gross, first of all, and the eczema constantly on my fingers means that the extra hand-washing is literally painful.

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? lately? @slipsthrufingers lmao

What’s your favourite soda? Probably cherry coke?

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? Drive-thru whenever possible.

What’s your favourite number? 15

Who’s the last person you talked to? My sister and her boyfriend as I was leaving their house, probably?

Favourite cut of beef? idk man, I just eat whatever is put in front of me.

Last song you listened to? Something from my Outrun playlist.

Last book you read? GENUINELY cannot remember. Reading has not been fundamental these past few months. I started Michelle Visage’s book, let’s go with that.

Favourite day of the week? Friday, probably

Can you say the alphabet backwards? Probably if I think enough about it!

How do you like your coffee? with creamer in it! 

Favourite pair of shoes? A pair of converse with rainbow bottoms, I think. I also have a pair of gray boots from American Eagle that I love.

Time you normally get up? I used to get up at 4:40, but lately it’s been 7, because I don’t have to commute anymore lmao.

Sunrises or sunsets?  Sunsets!

How many blankets are on your bed? Currently none, because i’m washing my sheets. Usually 3-4

Describe your kitchen plates. Some of them have apples on them, some of them are plain with a green border, and some of them are easter plates with rabbits!

Describe your kitchen at the moment. Teal, small, and messy!

Do you have a favourite alcoholic drink? I love a mojito. Also just...whiskey? of any kind?

Do you play cards? I prefer not to!

What colour is your car? Teal-ish blue!

Do you know how to change a tire? I certainly do not

Your favourite state? probably Massachusetts? I haven’t ever lived anywhere else lmao

Favourite job you’ve had? One summer I worked for my dad’s friend putting stickers on envelops and folding them and counting them and putting them in bigger envelopes, and I fucking loved it. Just mindness nonsense. I guess this job is good too, because I actually get paid and have benefits, but editing tech reports is VERY boring.

How did you get your biggest scar? I had one on my knee for a while that finally went away a few years ago, but it was from falling off a jungle gym at school! There was a gap that was slightly too big for my elementary school body, and I fell probably like 6 feet and landed hard on the pebbles that were scattered beneath it! A few of them were embedded pretty deeply in my skin, and there was this gross flap that was hanging open. They ended up replacing the rocks with sand because of me lmao. But now I guess it’s probably just my biopsy scar from back when they were trying to figure out if my weird rash was eczema or something worse! It’s never really healed right!

I’m not sure who else has been tagged so i’m gonna hit @slipsthrufingers since I already tagged her in this for the accent question lmao

[goodlookingforagirl]

Oc-tober Day 14: Cornered

Today’s prompt is takes places in my main storyline, but it’s a conversation that’s only ever referred to. I decided to actually write it out for today! This takes place in 1980, right after Randy is released from prison. I did as much research as possible on the legal process so I hope everything I mention is accurate. No specific trigger warnings, just that there are some heavy things mentioned. Thanks to @oc-growth-and-development for making this list! 

Day 14: Cornered

Mom dropped me off at the church’s back door and waited until I went inside to drive away. The door led to a short flight of stairs down to the basement, where the only light came from a few hallway fluorescents, spaced far apart. It reminded me of an empty elementary school, except that instead of crayon drawings on the walls, there were solemn religious portraits. One of the fluorescents started buzzing, and I quickly walked down the hallway, searching for the door that read “Associate Pastor”.

    I finally found it — the last door on the left — and knocked. There was faint shuffling from inside, and I wished I could run back to the car and make Mom take me home. After all I’d been through, it was stupid to be afraid of one old pastor, but I was. He would probably tell me what a bad person I was, and how I needed to “get right with God” without offering any real help, like all the chaplain’s used to do.

    The door opened to reveal a well-dressed man, barely middle-aged and smiling broadly. “Good afternoon,” he said, extending his hand. “I’m Reverend Burke.”

    “Randy Nicholson.” I shook his hand and tried to smile back, but it came out as a grimace.

    “Please, come in.” He stepped back and gestured to a red leather chair in front of his desk. “Can I offer you anything to drink? I’m afraid all we have is water and tea — we cleaned out the coffee on Wednesday night.”

    “No, thank you,” I automatically answered, then immediately wished I hadn’t. I really could use some water. My mouth already felt like sandpaper, and we haven’t even started our meeting.

    He sat down in his desk chair, so I sat in the leather chair. He folded his hands, so I folded my hands. Finally, he spoke.

    “Your mother called me last month. She said you were in need of reintegration counseling.”

    “Yes, I am.”

    “I’ve worked with many ex-convicts before. Usually, the first meeting is for us to get to know each other. In subsequent meetings, we’ll focus on goal setting and progress.”

    “Okay,” I answered, having nothing else to say.

    He looked at me expectantly. “So, what should I know?”

    “I — I don’t know. What do you need to know?”

    He chuckled. “Well, I need to know your story. Your crimes, your arrest, your incarceration, and anything other pertinent information.”

    Pertinent information. What did that mean to him? Did he want my whole life’s story? He must have noticed my confusion, so he said, “How about we start with the arrest?”

    I leaned back and tried to detach myself from my words as much as possible. “I was walking downtown late one night — or, really early one morning — making a delivery for my dealer.”

    “What kind of dealer?”

    I cocked my head. Could he really be so stupid? “A drug dealer.”

    “I guessed that, but what kind of drugs?”

    “Oh. Well, he dealt a few different ones, but that night it was heroin.”

    “Were you using heroin at the time?”

    “Yes.”

    He nodded, and I continued.

    “So, I was carrying the heroin and a stolen gun. I didn’t steal it myself, but still, it was stolen. And then I ran into some guy, probably a bum, and got in a fight. Then the police rolled up.”

    “Why did you start fighting him?”

    “I don’t remember. I was high at the time, and he probably was, too. The police coming was just a coincidence. We weren’t going at it long enough for someone to have called.”

    “So you were arrested for fighting?”

    “Yeah, and it didn’t take long for them to go through my pockets, check the gun’s registration, all that. They charged me with unlawful possession of a firearm, unlawful possession of a controlled substance with intent to sell, and aggravated assault.” I winced at those words. “I mean, the other guy got charged with assault, too. We both hit each other pretty hard. But that doesn’t matter — it’s still on my record.”

    Reverend Burke nodded and wrote something down on a legal pad. “How did you plead?”

    “Guilty.”

    “On all charges?”

    “Yeah.”

    “Did they offer you a deal?”

    “They said they’d drop the firearm charge if I told them where I got it from, but I didn’t. I pleaded guilty because I didn’t want to lie. And I mean, they caught me in the act.”

    “And this was all how long ago?”

    “Five and a half years ago.” I still couldn’t believe it. All that time spent in a cell because the cops happened to drive by right at that moment. No, because I decided to break the law and I was rightfully caught. Okay, fine, maybe because of both reasons. And for what? So I could get a little extra smack for being a runner?

    “How did you cope in prison?” Reverend Burke asked so casually, like it was an everyday question.

    “I read a lot of the library books. Some religious ones, too. Those helped me a lot.”

    “Did you make friends?”

    “I was considerate, but I kept to myself. That’s the only way to stay safe, really, unless you get involved with all the prison politics, which I didn’t.”

    “A lot of the men I counsel tell me that,” he commented. “Did you keep in contact with family and friends on the outside? Did they visit you?”

    I subconsciously gripped the armrests of the chair, my knuckles turning white. We were getting close to the subject that I really didn’t want to talk about. My least favorite subject in the world.

    “My family in Texas wrote to me sometimes. That’s my mom, my grandparents, and aunts and uncles.”

    “Your father?”

    “I’ve never met him.”

     Reverend Burke looked sympathetic but not surprised. “Did he pass?”

    “Almost ten years ago, but I didn’t know him before he passed, either. He and my mom — it’s complicated. The last time they saw each other was when she was pregnant with me.”

    “I see,” he nodded. “Did your family ever visit you?”

    “Sometimes,” I said, my throat getting tight. “My brother did.”

    Reverend Burke raised his eyebrows. “You have a brother?”

    “Had a brother,” I corrected him. “He died three years ago.”

    His face fell. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. You were still incarcerated then?”

    “Yeah.” I stared at the floor and tried to ignore the pain that was rushing in. “He visited when he was still alive. Everyone else wrote, and I called them sometimes, too.”

    “I see,” he muttered, writing something else down. “So, you made it through prison without any major issues, it seems like. Relatively speaking, of course.”

    “I didn’t join a gang, if that’s what you mean.”

    He chuckled. “I guess that is what I mean. When were you released?”

    “My mom picked me up on Wednesday. You’re the first person I’ve talked to since, besides her.”

    “She’s the only one who came up?”

    “Well...yeah.” What did he expect, my extended family holding up banners, welcoming me home with open arms?

    “Are there any people in the area you could reconnect with? Old friends, co-workers, classmates?”

    I half-shrugged. “Maybe. I can’t think of anyone right now.”

    Reverend Burke tapped his pen on his legal pad a couple of times, then stood up. “I have some reading that might help you.” He grabbed three books off of his shelf. “I need to run by the copy room and Xerox some pages for you. Forgive me, but I learned long ago not to loan my books out. They have a habit of never coming back.”

   “No offense taken,” I replied with an awkward laugh. He excused himself and left me alone in the office, tense and nervous and itching for a cigarette, the only habit I hadn’t kicked yet. I resisted, smart enough to know that I shouldn’t smoke in a church. But I craved any kind of relief — anything to stop me from feeling like a frightened animal, cornered by my own past.

    People to reconnect with. There weren’t any. I didn’t have friends in high school — not real friends that would remember me. Most of my “friends” were other addicts, and I didn’t want to see them again. My family was in Texas, and I didn’t want to move there. And Roland — Roland was gone. The one person I actually wanted to reconnect with, and I couldn’t.

    Reverend Burke came back in and handed me a small stack of warm paper. “Fresh out of the copier,” he grinned.

    I flipped through the pages and read the headers: Finding God in Grief; Convict Turned Convert; The Road to Recovery. I didn’t even have to read them to know that I hated them. Life’s darkest chapters reduced to cute, alliterative phrases. Reverend Burke didn’t know what it was like. He had no clue what it felt like to be cornered by your past, every day of your life, only for someone to write a pat little paragraph about how easy it is to overcome. And I wasn’t mad at him for it — I was jealous. I wished it were that easy for me. 

[artisticestheticreads]

Off Script (3)

A/N: Haaaaiiii. Okay, sorry I have not been active on here.This chapter is really short but hopefully it would get better next chapter. So, this is the third chapter of the MBJ X OC series Off Script. I hope y’all enjoy it.

Warning: Super Short. Don’t judge me. I work management in retail and holiday season kicked my thick ass so yeah..

Disclaimer: I do not own rights to songs. Songs are from face claim’s own music.

Word Count: 2475

Today was the day that Candace was waiting for. The day everyone will know she was the new addition to Ryan Coogler’s new movie. She had to go to Comic Con to meet fans of Mortal Kombt with her old loved cast which made the whole thing less suspicious. She pulled out a sheer crop button down top with a pair of leather flare pants since she had to dress similar to her persona, Jade. She wore a long twenty four inch lace front with a part in the middle and tucked one side behind her ear. She showed of her right shoulder and stood in the mirror slipping into her heels. Her black bralette covered her chest nicely as always. She grabbed her backpack with water, a portable charger and her phone to make sure she was all covered. Geo walked up the steps in his usual get up and said “best friend, ready?”

“Yeah, my mom will be here taking care of the dogs since we gonna be all gone today.”

“That’s the plan. I’m real happy for you.”

“Thanks, G. Let’s get going. We needa beat traffic out there because muthafuckas don’t know how to drive.” They made their way down and Candace saw her parents on the couch. “Hey, y’all. I’m out. No parties while I’m gone, no boys, no drugs, alcoholic and no nonsense either.” Tanisha turned to her daughter and smiled. “Look at our baby, Tony. Just flourishing and what not.” Candace and Tanisha were like clones but just a huge age different. Tony turned to his women and laughed. Now, Tony could have past to be Terry Crews long lost brother due to his physique and bald head. She kissed her parents cheeks and said her goodbyes. They hopped into her cherry red 1949 Cadillac Series 62 Convertible Coupe with the top down, on their way to Comic Con. Candace asked for Geo to film like she did ever year. “Ok, guys. So today is Comic Con and the cast and I will have a real special announcement plus one for myself but y’all gotta wait for that. But let’s just say that I will be helping making history. I hope to see y’all there.” Geo made the camera pane to the sky as he cut the camera off. “Okay, now the filming crew will be there with us the whole time so you just gonna be guarding and what not”, she said to Geo and her nodded fixing his tie.

When they pulled up to the celebrity parking, she gave her key to valet as they both got out. “Alright, Terry just text me and told me they here already with Oliva and nem. We can get on the next elevator ride and meet them. After, we gotta meet with Ryan and talk about my entrance.” As she said that, Geo ran to the elevator door and held it open with his foot and left hand. “G, you are always so extra. I meant the next ride down beside it might be crowded”, she said with a laugh. When she finally made it over, she saw the cast of Black Panther II. She saw Ryan wink at her from the back as she stepped in. Lupita hugged her first before they began talking and then she turned to see Chadwick, Leticia and Danai smiling and waving with Michael standing to his Ryan’s left. “Y’all smell that? That’s that black magic”, said Leticia grinning and elbowing her on screen brother. Chadwick seemed happier since his lady Simone was no where around. Candy smiled as she laughed and said “I smell Oscars and then some.” Danai pointed to her and gave her a homegirl high five. Candy looked around and curiously asked “is Winnie not in the new movie?”

“No, he is. He is downstairs waiting for us. How come you’re here? Thought you were on vacation”, Lupita asked and Candy simply told them “well, Mortal Kombat is releasing a new project for the public. Well, I guess I can tell y’all. It’s a new video game with our faces in it. We basically are doing all the moves, voices and all. It’s pretty realistic. With me being a video gamer and anime fan, it was perfect to get involved in.” Chadwick dug his hands in the pockets of his black trousers and said “well, that sounds fun. I may have to come by the booth and check it out.”

“Please do. I would love that. Y’all can all come actually. If y’all like. Show some support, y’know?”

“I’m down”, Leticia said and so did the other except for Michael who just watched and nodded. Geo held his ear piece closed and spoke into it then to Candy. “Alright, baby girl. We arrive in five...” As he continued to countdown, Candace took a deep breath and smiled towards the door with her right leg out and hands on her hips. When the doors open, her camera crew was ready and her fans cheered her name behind the rope. She winked at her future cast and was off, doing her Jade model walk. She made it to her booth and began signing autographs. Ryan said that he would be ready at around 2:45pm and to wait by stage until he did the introduction; it was 12:39 pm, Chadwick came by around 1 pm and saw Candy. “Hey, there. Do you mind if I get a few autographs for my nephews. They’re fans of yours”, he asked handing them to her. She smiled and said “sure but I need yours for my god sons. Little boys been bugging me all week about it.” He knelt down as she signed the pictures and whispered. “Y’know, when I heard you know who got the part, I was upset.”

 Candace looked up to him and finally got what he was talking about; she looked up letting him continue. “I don’t see her like that. She can sing and dance but acting is not her thing at all. I heard it was a girl way better. She even came with her hair dyed and everything. To be honest, you would have been perfect. I’ve seen you as Jade and your videos of your African impression were spot on. And you look good in cat suit. But I’m glad you are taking time from all this to be with your family. Enjoy it while it lasts, baby girl. You have many of years to work hard. You’re still young, explore the world.”

“Thanks, Chad. I’ll be over there in a minute, okay”, she kissed his cheek as he placed the pictures in his bag and made his way. Candy smiled and bit her lip as she thought that maybe it was worth not taking a vacation for. Geo came to her side and whispered “let’s make our way. We got 45 minutes to get over there in time.” They made their way over, she stood by the stage waiting to watch them when she felt two strong hands on shoulders. She turned to see a familiar face. “Winnie”, she jumped into his arms as he swung her around. He wore a yellow sweatshirt with camouflage bottoms and yellow sneakers. He placed her down gently and asked “came to see me?”

“Of course I did, Sir Winston C. Duke.” They laughed as Angela Basset came by. “Look at my Delta baby. How are you doing, Miss Candace?” Angela gave her a big church mother hug and Candace replied with “I’m blessed.” Angela agreed with a smile and told Winston, “I’m sorry to interrupt but Ryan needs us backstage. We are about to start.” Winston nodded his hand before giving Candy one more bear hug. “Good luck, guys”, Candace waved and waited. Geo stood beside her, leaning into her ear. “They finna get a surprise on their hands, huh?”

“Sure are. Y’know Chad back there told me something at my booth a few minutes ago.”

“What he say?”

“He said I would have been perfect. But also said I have plenty of time to work.” Geo stood closer to her and asked “do you regret taking the part, now?” She looked at him and said “nah, but I am def taking a damn break after this one. A good year or so. Probably go back to Africa or something.” Geo nodded as they watched Ryan Coogler take stage. He wore black sweatershirt, jean, sneaker combination. “Hey, hey. How y’all doing”; the crowd cheered. “I wanna thank all of you for coming out to the Comic Con 2020. I am blessed to be back to direct for this new installment. We have an amazing cast for y’all and hope to top the first. Y’all ready?” The crowd cheered once again as Candace playfully covered her ears watching. “First off, we have the man himself. Give it up for Chadwick Boseman a.k.a T’Challa. KING OF WAKANDA!” The crowd went crazy as Chadwick strolled on stage being as smooth as always. He gave Ryan brotherly love and stood beside him. “Next up, we have the smartest princess of Wakanda. Give it up for Princess Shuri, LETICIA WRIGHT.” Leticia walked on stage doing a little dance that her and Chadwick did to make one another laugh and stood beside him. One by one, he called the others and lastly was everyone’s favorite villain. “Give it up for the prince himself, MICHAEL B. JORDAN.” Everyone went crazy when he approached the stage. He walked with a confident stride bowing to the crowd and do his signature hand pose.

  A woman with red hair came to Candace side and led Geo and herself to the backstage as Ryan spoke more. “Aight, so y’all must have heard what has been going on with the new member of the cast. Media been going crazy for the actress everyone thought we hired but I’m here to tell y’all none of that was true. The real actress is already here to make this announcement for you. Please give it up for one of the hardest working young ladies. Star of her own YouTube channel for fifteen years, Oscar and Tony winner, Angela Basset’s sorority daughter and her first role that got her where she is now. Give it up for Madam Slay herself… CANDACE ‘BABY GIRL’ MONROOOOOOOOE.” The crowd went crazy as Candace took stage, waving and smiling. Lupita and Angela were the first to run to her and give her so much love. Candace giggled as Lupita kept holding on to her and Letitia made her way to the group smiling and gave her a hug as well as Chadwick made his way over. He gave Candace a dap and a hug as they all made their way back in line. Candace stood next to Michael who paid her no mind. “Aight, aight. See y’all at the panel.” The cast all waved to the crowd and Chadwick was the first to step down, helping all the ladies down.

 An interviewer sat them down at a table where the women sat and the men stood. “Thank you guys for joining me”, the male said and they all nodded. “This looks a very well planned cast. Congratulations to the amazing Candace Monroe. How do you feel?” Candace smiled as she answered.

“Blessed. Blessed to be with such an amazing cast and blessed to just be here.” The man smiled with a nod and asked Chadwick. “Chadwick, how do you feel that you have a woman who does most of her own stunts like Miss Monroe here?” He stood behind her with his hands behind his back and said “feels great to have her on the team. I’ve been watching her since MK and I know she will bring a lot to the table.” Candace looked back and to the camera with her charming smile. The interviewer looked to Ryan and asked “Ryan, how was her audition?”

“She did really, really well. Madam Slay is the perfect character for her but it will also will be a challenge that I know she can handle.”

“How does everyone else feel?” Danai looked over to Candace then to the man and said “I am very happy. She is a talented individual that will do great,” Danai finished with wink to her. Angela hugged Candace’s shoulder and said “I couldn’t have said it any better.” Everyone agreed but Michael only nodded. After the questions ended, the group made their way to the panel and sat waiting for the Q and A portion. A woman dressed in a Jade costume stood at the microphone and asked “this is for Candace.” The crowded cheered and Candace leaned into her mic with a smile and said “yes, my sweet baby?”

“How do you think you would do in Black Panther?” Candace folded her hands and said “well, to be honest. I am a tad anxious. I always am when I take on a new role in anything I do. I’m nervous that I won’t bring anything to the table and let down everyone that believes in me. But, all I can do is try my hardest and do my absolute best.” The crowd clapped as she smiled small and Winston kissed her head. A man dressed as Killmonger in the museum scene said “this is for Mike. Michael, how you feel that you got a beautiful woman like Candace as your lady in the movie?” The group turned to him slightly before looking ahead. “I’m thankful. We might be a good pair but only time will tell. She got talent and she works hard so I’m a happy man.” Candace smiled a little as she sipped her water.

 Finally, the panel came to an end and the group got to just enjoy the rest of their time. Geo came to Candace’s side and asked “where to first, boss?” She looked up at him and flicked his ears. “Bwoy, you forget we friends huh?” Leticia laughed at the pair and said “well, I’m finna get out of here. I got a photoshoot tomorrow so I gotta take care of some stuff.”

“Okay, T. But don’t forget we start reading tomorrow and all month with training starting in two weeks”, Ryan said before she said her goodbyes. Candace played with her lanyard as she watched all the people pass her. She really was terrified on being Madam Slay but all she had to so was just hope for the better. “Well, I don’t know about you guys but I will be living my Comic Con fantasy and buy all the stuffies my little hands touch. Oh and get some food or what not.” They laughed expect for Michael who looked around. Ryan told her “I will text you the details in a few. Enjoy ya night, Madam.”

*𝕋𝔸𝔾𝔾𝔼𝔻 𝕃𝕆𝕍𝔼𝕊*

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