#my mom brought up the fact that my other uncle paid for my freezer thats still on campus and i jsut
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#sso!!!!! we uh. went to see my grandmom. shes a really heavy smoker and her lungs uh#started filling up with water or somethin and this' been going on the past couple of weeks on top of the work schedule bs#and she had to go get her lungs drained cuz she was having trouble breathing and shes doing kemo or however its spelled and they#keep saying that shes got a year and a half to live deepending on how well shes doing when she goes in that day#and on the way back from that- we brought her some dinner and my one uncle already made her some already appartently-#my mom brought up the fact that my other uncle paid for my freezer thats still on campus and i jsut#i dunno!!!!! i dunno it set me off kidna cuz i ffeel like a disappointment for not being able to keep up with college#and for having to drop out of that/take a break and i know my mom said that shes not mad/sad/disapointed at me btu#theres this lingering bit in my head thats like 'ok but whaT IF SHE /IS/' andn tyhats branching over to what if my uncle finds out#and HES dissapointed in me too and then the whole goddamn family gets in on it and it spirals and hsdjkmdsgsd#my moms one of eight so our!!! family gatherings are A Lot.#we dont have many cousins our age either so its mostly just me n my sister and thats another bullshit for another time btu its#hjdskgmsd i dunno everything just kinda hit me while we were driving back and once we got in the house my mom was like#'yknow im feeling better now that we saw mammom' like!!!!!! ok good!!!!!! cool im glad one of us does!!!!!
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