#my mind is smush... i must consolidate my thoughts ..... i must...

[gayspock]

also some more wishy washy thoughts bc like

btw i was kind of scared throughout my whole first playthrough, that kim was going to fuck me over. sam will vouce for my woes. like i was anticipating it... not emotionally bracing myself for it, but quite the contrary -i was getting ready, 100% prepared to fully let him gaslight me if he wanted to. it would be within his right, etc. and i will die by this mans side, etc.

but like... ALSO for real, tho. and this is not to knock the game, and it wasnt me assuming the worst of it per se despite what it sounds - bc it wasnt an instinct, specific to it, but like i think its kind of the natural expectation i had, that it might try to do some sort of "twist" at the end, as mysteries try to do. and honestly just... patterns in recent "media" (sweeps broadly). and regarding that kim would be the only viable candidate, really, except for the boring choice of "harry did it" (and i wanst expecting it to do that ofc). but otherwise- like just in a meta sense, yknow? intuition adjacent. bc it'd have to be someone youre invested it, outside of the main suspects, and also there's a lot of conveniences with kim that arent ever questioned, and could make it plausible. so i was like GENUINELY KIND OF LIKE.... ? did he fuckin DO something. bc for a lot of the back half .and i didnt kno how to feel- bc i am VERYYY invested in kim, so id be LIKE BWAAAA,

but also if that was the twist its, well, a twist in the very functional sense and not really a twist at all. bc other than shock, it rlly isnt the making for a good STORY - esp bc i dont think it would have rlly done much, since kims also an outsider to this setting (unless in this hypothetical he did have some motive, but ehhh even then tis off) and you know, martinaise is very much a main character in this game shes INVOLVED.. SHE ISSSS.... and idk- maybe theres a way to have made it work- which again, is what i was assuming, that it'd catch me off in that way somehow bc im open to that- and i thought more would be the case the closer to endgame bc we had dwindling characters and whilst, yes, DE isnt that much about the mystery in a who dunnit sense but more about the story of the world it still felt... wrong that they might bring in some new character last second to be the murderer

but godddd... they pulled it off so fucking well. and i was so RELIEVED tht kim was just my best fucking FRIEND KIM - thank god - and seriously sheriouslyy i loved the ending- i really did- bc of the relief that yknow... its like yeah fuck me. like my braisn mush, i seriouslyyy wanna replay just to digest it all more, but i thank everything hat they made the choice that they did. like is it the best fucking end to a mystery no but like... themeatically, speaking? fucking on par, perfect and in step with everything else in the game.

like everything.... [rotates it in my mind] i keep thinking abt the matchbox tower and how it stands perfectly for like 3 seconds, and then it topples over, its transient, and how the phasmid, too, exists only for a moment and its beautiful and then it leaves and how people dont remember or believe in it bu also how harry doesnt remember his past but hes consumed by it, reveres it, and how glad i am he never does fully remember how he never does go back bc he cantttt you cant and something something martinaise is filled with ghosts and this all started by soemone who was here long before any of them but also didnt know any of them, and he took a shot and it lead to a bloodbath in the middle of the street and wtf ... something something thr game is about and existing only in delicate moments but the importance of that momentary existence and of faith in it ... because you might literally find a huge bug . like seriously that cunt was massive